Big Mouth (2017) - Season 5 Edit

A a little respect. Thank you.

A booga booga booga, bitch!

A Christmas tree? I think you forgot we're *******.

A closed mouth don't get fed,

A Corolla full of boys' pants.

A hate worm. You knew that.

A little bit's coming through my toe cleavage.

A menace to society, and she needs to be stopped.

A New Year's Eve party tonight.

A piece of shit like Val Bilzerian gets to find love?

A talking turkey?

A tinfoil belly button ring,

A very different kind of Christmas this year.

About how things went down on Thanksgiving.

About jizzing yourself in front of your friend's entire family…

About your romantic destiny.

Action, Lola!

Actually, I think we might need to go for the jump.

Actually, it's Bonrad.

After Jessi basically cut your dick off in front of everybody?

Agh!

Ah, another goddamn day.

Ah, I love you too.

Ah, Jay's pants car is a Wonderland.

Ah, yes, the sternum.

Ah!

Ah! [echoing] Andrew!

Ah! [laughs]

Ah! Oh, boy! Oh, boy! Oh, boy! They're here!

Ahem. As is protocol in the department, we will now publicly embarrass ourselves

Ahem. What did you want to talk about?

Ahh! Fuck!

Ai ida! I must be dazed and confused

Aiden reminds me of Snoopy when he put sunglasses on.

Aiden was perfect.

Alas, like the war on drugs,

Alas, Nicholas. This one 'tis a fatal blow.

Ali and Jessi hooked up in jail!

Ali is a blast. You guys should rob a bank together.

Ali, hi!

All about the gifts.

All by their own selves.

All I ask is 100% custody of you.

All of you stop talking!

All right, break off into groups, and, everybody, start masturbating.

All right, does anyone have any questions?

All right, dudes, we've got a lot of exciting stuff to dig into today.

All right, folks, we're ten seconds away

All right, girls, after all the rigmarole, we're letting ya off with a warning.

All right, girls, I'm gonna let you shake my Steven Van hands.

All right, I feel

All right, I'll come, but only because I, too, have been lost in a Costco,

All right, Nick, I'll see you and your many, many markers tonight.

All right, well, I gotta get back before my dad realizes

All right, well, I guess that's everything.

All right, you guys, let's get to work making the world a better place.

All right! I wanna see some boy nipples!

All right! You win.

All righty! The big mo!

All the '90s monsters.

All this and more on Connie Lingus Tonight.

All you have to do to step over the metaphorical threshold is, like…

Almost as good as your hair, girl.

Almost as sick as your mouth when we hardcore frenched.

Almost there, Missy. Reach for it!

Already? [sighs breathlessly] That's okay. Let's do it.

Alright, just gonna hang out at Nick's house like normal.

Also, I'm excited to go on a big fancy airplane

Also, Samira sucks ass through a straw!

Although now that I think about it, can reindeer fly?

Am I doing hate right?

Am I Spider Man?

And And I brought gold.

And a boyfriend with a thick, hard ass.

And a closed pussy don't get licked.

And a drone!

And a pack of their proprietary gum,

And a robust squirt of my very own feminine juices.

And again, I direct you to the handout.

And all I really wanted was an absolutely picture perfect Christmas party

And all the men and women merely players."

And Anthony and I were bringing squeezy toys and chicken skin

And because of you, we are always going to be in each other's lives,

And before him was my Zaide Shlomo.

And bring your sense of fucking wonderment.

And by the way, why would you put that hideous photo of me in there?

And call me Mr. Keating.

And choreograph stupid dances together!

And darn it, I gotta say it.

And decorate this tree?

And do enjoy these eggs I have left for you.

And doesn't, like, jack off in front of me.

And don't forget, Andrew's garbage ass is coming too.

And dunking your favorite highlighter in the boys' toilet.

And Elliot? I will sprinkle my own rose petals on top.

And everyone's gonna be like, "Ooh la la, Ali, who are you wearing?"

And false.

And figure out how to ATV.

And finding a partner who's sexually compatible with me?

And for ripping out your retainer

And for the record, you dumped me.

And FYI, she doesn't love anyone who loves her back. [sniffles]

And get birth juice all over my new dirt floor?

And get turned into a nugget.

And go down to dinner.

And gone!

And great deals at your local Honda dealership.

And having no emotional connection gives me so much time to myself.

And he acts like you don't exist?

And he had all that tomato juice.

And he tells you what sex with a girl feels like.

And he's got a ponytail.

And he's got that funk to make your junk spunk.

And heck, I love you, Mona!

And here come your girls now, Doctor Disgusto.

And hide a pill for him in some peanut butter!

And his lovely wife of 40 years,

And his nipples are hard.

And his penis is so big, there's no room for you.

And his stupid turkey. No offense.

And honestly, I'm a little nervous about it too!

And how you floss your vagine gine with it every night.

And I bet Jessi would feel terrible if you died.

And I came separately from Charles and brought capes and condoms! [laughs]

And I definitely don't want some cheese baby!

And I didn't cheat on Samira.

And I didn't want to be the one to tell you,

And I don't care if I get caught!

And I don't even think I want to do it again.

And I don't hate Nick. I want to help him.

And I don't know where they will lead me.

And I for one can't wait to break my daddy hymen. Boop.

And I give you a baseball as a present.

And I got a senior discount.

And I got this extra large chicken parm sub,

And I guess, like, grown up, real life you.

And I hate carob too!

And I hate Jessi, I hate Ali, Nick,

And I have "Jessi Glazer."

And I have a nine pound parasite living in my guts.

And I have an even littler vagina.

And I have no doubt that I found the least sexy film ever made.

And I hope that pawn shop gives you good money

And I know some of you are feeling that green eyed monster right now.

And I like the color of Jay's dick.

And I love you guys!

And I love you.

And I loved being a hate worm,

And I miss you.

And I need to talk to whoever cuts your hair because you look dynamite,

And I never had the chance to tell him

And I realized, when you thought it looked like an anteater,

And I really am so sorry.

And I see Jay dying alone from choking on his brothers' gonads!

And I should know because I'm a pumpkin.

And I swear to God I will use it if you don't stay away from my wife!

And I think my family is really officially over. [cries]

And I told you I don't want to be in those!

And I totally fucked up.

And I want in.

And I want you to look directly into my eyes.

And I will not think about you when I eat her out!

And I wish the turkey was my son!

And I would be proud to be any part of that noble creature.

And I wouldn't buy a Range Rover if I made $10 million a year.

And I'll see you for Decimate Your Dick December!

And I'm having trouble with it, okay, Leah?

And I'm here because you are in love with Jessi.

And I'm not saying that you need to smooch my booty, but you know what?

And I'm sorry, 'cause it's my fault,

And I'm taking some pie.

And if I find you, you little fucker,

And if it makes you feel any better, I feel bad about feeling bad about it.

And if you ever let your bangs grow out, I'll kill myself.

And if you're using the hot tub, I can come back.

And it is scary.

And it was packed.

And it went even better than I thought!

And it would be a relief to not think about Jessi for a night.

And it's gonna be nogawooski!

And it's not often you see an asshole eating shit.

And it's pure pleasure.

And it's so obvious that you're in love with her,

And it's your favorite of the ancient grains.

And just like that, poof!

And just tell him it's dirty so nobody gets sick?

And Leah's in a macrame bikini.

And let's Women's March your hands down your pants!

And Lola, you're the one that I'm not choosing,

And look, Madagascar 4!

And make searing eye contact with you?

And make you say shit you never thought you'd say.

And masturbating in an open field.

And maybe he didn't always know how to say it, but I knew he loved me.

And meanwhile, I'm such a coward,

And meanwhile, you're stuck here with Dork Vader.

And my body completely rigid?

And my dad and Cheese Girl are having a demon cheese baby with cracker teeth.

And my dad's big balls got caught in his zipper.

And my death grip, Jay.

And my first project was to get rid of the school's offensive mascot.

And my friends won't know how disgusting I am!

And my hands are delicate and beautiful again.

And my whole family knows about the shirt.

And my wife is even cooler than me! [chuckles]

And nobody wants it,

And nobody's gonna give a fuck because Santa's allowed to break and enter.

And none of your business.

And not in a sexy way, like when you walk up to Seann William Scott and say,

And now I have to go on this garbage ass ski vacation

And now she sends me a pack every few months because she has dementia.

And now you also know about edging.

And now you can't even ski?

And now you must relinquish your wand

And now, I don't even want to be your friend.

And now, the car will take me straight to the airport.

And now, the perfect end to a perfect day.

And on Christmas Eve! What do we do, Jingle?

And packed with calcium!

And perhaps you should consult one of my very favorite resources,

And realized I am too old for the street life, man.

And ruin the one good thing you had in your miserable life!

And saying his shits are too sharp.

And screw Jessi too!

And Sean looks down, and you're holding his dick.

And see some actual human beings.

And she gets off

And she turned me into this horrid worm!

And she's at the beach, and her name is Jessi.

And Sir Jay never had any problem with your castle.

And that is the "Crocodile Rock"!

And that's how you do two person fart starters.

And that's kind of my fault.

And that's not a lesson that I want to learn right now.

And that's the beauty of modern agriculture.

And that's why I hate him.

And the clitoris is the doorbell. Ding dong! I love you!

And the Hoobastank tank… [gasps]

And the legs of countless crabs.

And the only one who can jack my heart off is Lola Skumpy.

And the struggle to love our imperfections?

And then Devin slips on the diarrhea, and she's like, "Ooh! Whoa! Whaa!"

And then done a bunch of sit ups.

And then he fell!

And then I won't have the energy to cherish you tomorrow.

And then pulls through,

And then she breaks her neck. I love that!

And then smell the gloves while she slept. [laughs]

And then soon as they got out, Ali broke up with Samira.

And then the healing can begin.

And then there was Missy.

And then when you finally do cum,

And then you get to, you know, kill a guy with your friends.

And then, once you're at the edge, pull back and stop that cum in its tracks.

And therefore not fresh and tasty.

And these are fans of the show.

And they also left you a tiny dick.

And they get their periods!

And they threw me out like an average schnook.

And they're gone.

And this is Devin and Devon's Re New Year's Rockin' New Year's Eve!

And this is the Hate Division.

And this is when you pray to the Mongoose King.

And this is your father's first Thanksgiving without Zaide.

And those are just some of the intimate

And to all of you at home, happy Hanukkah!

And tomorrow night, you're getting diet M&Ms.

And touch all the buttons around your seat.

And two, we're having a threesome.

And Uncle Cyrus said you've been holed up in your room all break,

And Vader Johan has his kinderbotfeest, the child bone dinner.

And very hurtful things that I'm thrilled to reveal about Jay Bilzerian.

And wait till you peep her feet.

And we don't want a damn cheese baby!

And we have a TV show we watch together that's quote, "our show."

And we make it wait in the closet for 20 minutes…

And we were explaining that what she was calling her vagina was actually her vulva.

And we're gonna make a promise to you that no other Christmas special can.

And we've redefined horniness for a generation… [chuckles, snorts]

And what exactly are you doing here?

And what, pray tell, am I supposed to wash it down with, Rodney?

And what's really cool is they're, like, always available.

And what's the deal with that, Mr. Keating?

And while that may be a fun visual for everyone,

And who can forget my great Zaide Chaim in the shtetl?

And whoever loses gets to take a shit in his ass.

And why is that, Lola?

And you both just have flat kid ass.

And you can't stop thinking about him, but he's with someone else?

And you kind of blew her off?

And you know what? I know just the place.

And you need to be able to tell your partner what arouses you.

And you never use your toenails as a toothpick.

And you said you're putting all of this in a pair of panties?

And you stayed up all night pissing with a big water belly?

And you still have bacne! [laughs]

And you want to hurt her too, right? I mean, that's why we made up the rumor.

And you wanted somebody to blame.

And you, a certified snack, is rejected by Jessi?

And you, I mean, Mary, were about to give birth.

And you, little Nick Birch, barely filling out that Speedo.

And you, put that Gronk Bobble Butt on my nightstand.

And you, sir, are no Easter Bunny!

And you, you at home, you're laughing at this block of wood?

And you'll never, under any circumstances, make her horny.

And you're a good guy, and Jessi doesn't care.

And you're already on your third glass of wine.

And your cock, Andrew?

And your mother was exhausted, so I had to be hunter and gatherer.

And your window eggs and prayers have attracted the Mongoose King.

And, girl, I am a phoenix

And, Jay, you've got that funk that makes my junk wanna spunk.

And, oh, you'll get your present from me tonight.

And, uh, a crown shalt rest upon his head.

And, uh, get rid of those fucking books! [grunts]

And, uh, in retrospect,

Andrew found a snow bunny?

Andrew Glouberman?

Andrew just has to leave!

Andrew, be careful. Focus on the film Doubt.

Andrew, hold still. There's a pube on your cheek.

Andrew, I actually think you're in Hell.

Andrew, I gotta level with you, bud.

Andrew, I made a video of you getting force fed by your daddy

Andrew, please, not another word from you.

Andrew, turn away!

Andrew, why would I help you?

Andrew, you gotta come see this.

Andrew! Did you use my big scissors to cut your genital nest?

Andrew! Look at me!

Andrew! Put down your phone, you schmendrick!

Andrew! That is so uncool and completely uncalled for!

Andrew? How the hell'd you get in here?

Andrew? This trip is fucking trash.

Angels wearing underwear?

Anxiety, depression, hate.

Any of you fuckin' pricks move and I'll…

Any suggestions?

Anyone want to, like, wage a war on behalf of it?

Anything that reminds you of Lola needs to go.

Anyway, good luck with No Nut November.

Anyway, I'm gonna go cover that gingerbread man over there

Anyway, I've put a lot of thought into it,

Anyway, one thing, Jessi, you should know about me is that I have a lot of markers.

Anyway, Wendy's closes in ten, so chop chop!

Are we just friends, Father?

Are we sure about this?

Are you here to kick my ass again?

Are you kidding? This holy baby rules.

Are you ready to engage in the perfectly healthy activity of self stimulation?

Are you ready to meet the cheese baby?

Are you saying "fruit" with a "T"?

Are you saying that you are my father's love language?

Are you sixty nining each other under there?

Are you thinking about me?

Are you very old or very young?

Are you, Dylan?

Aren't you grounded?

Argh!

As a special Christmas surprise.

As funny as that was, you didn't deserve it.

As long as there are no humps and I can sit down, I should be okay.

As our first project,

As we renew our vows for the year ahead.

Ask if she'll put it back up.

At a garbage ass luxury resort with my garbage ass family.

At a shitty New Year's Eve party with a dumb broken leg.

At least for now. I mean, being a couple could have been amazing,

At least I didn't cum for No Nut November.

Attention! Attention, everyone.

Aw, darn it, I was hoping for a sexy girl.

Aw, I had a nice time too.

Aw, thanks, I'm Rochelle.

Aw, that's very sweet, but chop chop, kissy touchy wee wee! Come on.

Aw, you have such a pretty mouth.

Aw! When you put it that way, I sound fucking lame!

Aw…

Aw…

Aww, come on, right? I pocket all the money.

Aww, you came out to support your teacher?

Aww, you're special, too, babe.

Aww. Jessi likes Judd? That's so weird and cute.

Ay, Dios mío. You need to stand up for yourself.

Babe, anything.

Babe. I can do the tricks for you,

Baby, between you and me, he shouldn't have bought that baby Beanie Beanie Baby.

Baby, I think you have to let him finish. Maybe at the end, it's a joke.

Bad guys like him get away with everything!

Be that as it may, I'd like to say that No Nut November demonizes masturbation,

Beautiful women, fast cars.

Because Christmastime is when all good boys and girls

Because for me, ATV stands for "Adore The Vagina."

Because he wrote about all the same shit you guys are going through right now.

Because he's hooking up with Jessi, Woody Allen Leo DiCaprio Drake ass bitch!

Because I brought a bottle of "Mommy's Little Helper."

Because I could use a little space from you right now.

Because I know how to fight. I dated Chuck Norris.

Because I like you, okay?

Because I love you, Nick.

Because I once told my grandma that I like to draw,

Because I sure hope she doesn't have

Because I will have a tea bagging flashback

Because I'm a psycho. Remember, Jay?

Because I'm not a dork!

Because I'm not so sure that's a very fair thing to hate someone for.

Because I'm pretty sure I just saw Santa doing parkour!

Because I'm standing up for myself, and I'm going at it sideways.

Because if he is, that party is gonna turn into a fucking funeral, brother.

Because Matthew's my choice.

Because my brothers tea bagged me my senior year of Kindergarten. [grunts]

Because my mouth's got the hots for a boys' night in.

Because nobody wants to listen to a dork.

Because now I'm his motherfucking sidepiece!

Because she's a heartless wench

Because she's eating shit,

Because sometimes shame is so very appropriate.

Because that is who we are.

Because that's my community and how I live.

Because things need to get turned on.

Because this heart of mine beats for nobody but you, baby!

Because we have squatter's rights!

Because we made Leah ready to have sex when Leah's ready to have sex.

Because you love her, honey.

Because you roofied everybody comatose with your boring ass plans, you dork.

Because you're a good friend with great hair.

Because you're not actually nutting. It's a huge jack hack, man.

Because, honey, you had to!

Because, Jessi, I love you.

Because! He's uninhibited, unwashed, uncut,

Because! You know that Judd doesn't give a wombat's ass about her.

Before we see the inside of that microwave.

Before you take a sip, you must share one "I feel" statement.

Before, you were so annoying being all nice.

Being with a girl is as exhilarating as holding a star in your hand.

Bernadette Sanders. But everyone just calls me Bernie.

Bernie Sanders, nothing would make me feel less alone.

Besides, Andrew's already been in there twice,

Besides, I couldn't last more than a few days anyway.

Best friends make the best lovers. Here, let me sing you a song.

Best to let your leg hair grow longer and longer,

Between you and me, I think he wears the bra.

Bickolas Snirch. Yum, yum, yum.

Big boys also tie their own shoes and hold their sippy cups

Big mouth, little dick. I don't care.

Bill fucking Shakespeare!

Bitch! Jessi has been running all over my girl.

Black tie enforced"?

Boba bubble butt bitch!

Boo, you whore!

Boobs. On a girl. And she was gonna touch mine!

Boom shaka laka! I'm en fuego!

Boom! If Jessi likes it, you know it's trash.

Boys, stop!

Bridgeton Middle is proud to welcome the inspiration for our new mascot,

Bubble baths are for gettin' clean.

Bullshit. What's your angle, Glouberman?

Bump that noise.

But a good husband would never let his partner wear that outfit."

But Aiden… He's smart, he's kind, he likes me.

But all you're really doing is making our friendship stronger.

But also, you guys would be a family again.

But Andrew Birch is gonna shralp this pow pow.

But Andrew, maybe you can break the cycle of Glouberman rage.

But at least he wasn't a fucking psycho!

But at the same time, I crave the spotlight.

But brie reasonable, Jessi.

But do you know how sexy you are when you're honest with me?

But don't worry, Twinkle. Santa will know.

But ever since I stopped nutting, my life's been Mark Wahlberg good!

But family matters.

But first my leaves. You gotta eat your vegetables

But first, I had a quick conversation with the victims of a vicious rumor.

But for all that's good and holy, lay off the pineapple.

But hate is so ugly!

But he did break up with you shortly after he, ah, how should I put this?

But he says a lot of things just to make me cry.

But he won't use it to fuck my mind.

But he would berate it until it tasted like a turkey!

But here's something that'll make you feel better.

But here's the thing!

But honey, getting romantic with your best friend?

But how do I know I can trust you?

But how will you win her back?

But I actually meant to go to the soap thing too.

But I also need a massive emotional investment from you.

But I can't stop thinking about it.

But I don't call my dentist a "dentress."

But I don't know if she actually led you on.

But I don't really remember anything she said.

But I hated not being a lovebug.

But I hope this comes close.

But I hurt him so badly, and it was absolutely on purpose.

But I like it.

But I like women.

But I think he might be able to help you.

But I truly think we're perfect for each other.

But I was thinking, what if I refuse to eat you?

But I won't bring that up ever again.

But I'm a schemer!

But I'm choosing love, honey.

But I'm completely transfixed by the boobies!

But I'm different with Leah.

But I'm nothing now, and I'm just waiting to die. Ta da!

But I'm willing to go on the journey with you.

But I've got a touch football game.

But if they're wrong for long enough, they become tradition!

But if you smear it on your wang,

But if you're gonna be a bitch about it, we can take off.

But in my defense, you said you wanted a hot meal.

But in the end,

But instead of cheese doodles,

But instead you were scorning me!

But instead, I booted tummy juice on the couch,

But is it possible that I am more than just a turkey?

But it's a bad tradition that needs to be changed.

But it's against the magician's code to tell you how to do it.

But it's very real and very important.

But it's your turn, Cyrus.

But Jay, he went and did the one thing

But keep my wife's name out of your fucking mouth.

But Matthew makes me feel good.

But my ATV was taken away,

But my life's a fucked up mess and I just really need someone to talk to.

But my parents left me this house.

But my website says "Pussy Eating Coach."

But no, no, I can't. I know what it's like to go to those dark and angry places.

But nobody listened to my 20 point plan

But not really.

But not so tight a tongue couldn't fit in it.

But now I have to be in the same room as her.

But now it's all different.

But now Nick is outta your life.

But now your cock has a fingernail?

But only because Nick has an acoustic guitar.

But Samira's actually really deep.

But seriously, Maury,

But the audience doesn't.

But the cream,

But the important thing is that I'm here for you,

But the pain of being apart from you is…

But then right at the end, they went home slightly cheered up.

But there are actual mountains out west.

But there's someone else who might know how you feel.

But they hurt so much the first time.

But they keep the barbarians at bay!

But think of all you have to gain.

But this is pretty great too, right?

But today we're actually starting with Othello,

But tonight, he is danced into…

But tonight, I won't be eating your trunk turkey.

But we both love stuff, so I got you a thing.

But we don't actually have to do anything except hang out?

But we know that this is probably not true, right?

But we're so good together.

But what I'd be into right now is "pleasuring you" stuff.

But what the fuck does it have to do with me and Charles Lu?

But yes, your bacne's ghastly, darling.

But you can do it with any shredded cheese.

But you can use the barn in the back.

But you can't!

But you had no place to do it.

But you know what? You should apologize!

But you lasted the longest,

But you make it sound fun, like Jack Sparrow.

But you make me happy, Jay.

But you want to be her number one!

But you're Jay.

But you're not bleeding, you just got that eerie white strip

But you're still gonna tell her you like her, right?

But, Dad, he was so mean.

But, Jay, it sounds awful.

But, like, in a totally hilarious way

But, Maury, we gotta get Nick back!

Buy short, sell tall.

Buzzer beater!

By acknowledging that we are on indigenous land.

By coming down the chimney dressed as a lingerie Santa!

By dressing like the aggrieved party of those we wrongfully arrested.

By hook or by crook, there will be a group drain tonight.

By looking inward.

By Season 5, every character was diddling their De Niro.

By the Sorcerers of the Square Table.

By the way, it's still early.

Bye there, over there.

Bye, ho! We don't need that walking Daily Mail article.

Bye, Jessi.

Bye, Mrs. Birch!

Call Santa "Papa Winter" or something?

Can I please adore the vagina now?

Can somebody stab me?

Can we come in?

Can we turn that goddamn music off?

Can you both just put a sock in it?

Can you just… Can you say something back now?

Can you ski a black diamond?

Can you write down Jessi's birthday on the back of this Chinese menu?

Can't I please just hold the turkey in the back seat?

Can't stop thinking about what?

Can't we be both?

Captain, we should touch down on Climax Six in just a few moments.

Charles Lu might not have given me the intimacy I ache for,

Charles Lu, prepare to have your dick blown off your body

Charles Lu?

Check it out, I photoshopped her mugshot.

Check it out, Matthew, my nuts are all grubbled up on top of my shaft.

Cheese Girl's sick of watching your parents' fuck vibes.

Children's… [echoing] …bones.

Chill out.

Chill, bitch. I'm obviously drinking half of that.

Chilling.

Chomp! [laughs, snorts]

Christmas is the best.

Christmas is the perfect orgy of bright lights,

Christmas wolf! Ho ho! [howls]

Christmas… Christmas.

Come back to me, my queen.

Come on in, guys! We're servin' asshole for dinner!

Come on in, Nick, join us!

Come on, Alanabeth, we're late for our mother daughter spray tans!

Come on, everybody! Oing!

Come on, how about a little joyride?

Come on, Luda,

Come on, Matthew, howl with me.

Come on, Maury, we gotta keep looking for that mean little asshole.

Come on, you grouch, what is it?

Come on, your Christmas isn't that different!

Come on! Are ya golden brown yet, you lazy son of a bitch?

Come on! Get on the fucking chair!

Come on! In the box. Let's go.

Come on. Say it like you mean it.

Come out to the whole school, and say you're his boyfriend,

Completely understandable.

Confirmed.

Connie and I usually just sleep in a pile with our thumb up each other's asses.

Connie LaCienega, what the heck are you doing here?

Connie, the dude is a deadbeat!

Connie, the guests are gonna be here any minute.

Connie? Man, it's so good to see you.

Consent granted, sailor.

Cool. "Please join us for a Re New Year's Eve party

Cool. Should we go over to your house?

Cool. Totally cool. Everything's cool here.

Counter offer, dump Gina, tell some people you're gay,

Cum.

Cute? I don't know if I'd use that word, but you already did, so… [mumbles]

Cyrus Byrus Foreman Greenwald, I know you not calling my babies "hooligans"!

Dad, please!

Dad, was it hard not going to Florida this year?

Dad! Oh, he's so embarrassing.

Dairy based alcoholic beverages,

Damn straight! Let's hate fuck this mountain.

Damn, I didn't realize how much we wanted this.

Damn! You wicked worm!

Damn. This didn't seem bitchy to you at the time?

Dang, Missy, your rumor worked!

Darrell, get out of here, man. It's scary!

David! I'm back! And I want your huge, cold penis.

Delightful!

Devin LeSeven, Rabbi Paulblart's adult son Leore…

Devin, I vow to look at the ground when other girls are nearby.

Devin, that's so fucked up!

Devin!

Devon and I have also decided to repair our relationship.

Devon is young and cool, and he can move!

Devon, I vow to be your loving wife

Devon, nobody cares about your thought process.

Diane Keaton Birch.

Diane! What do you think of my turkey? Doesn't it make you hate your husband?

Did he get bitten by a Dracula?

Did I tell you I'm thinking about opening a restaurant?

Did you drink too much water before bed

Did you hear the way she said "besmirched"?

Did you just fucking cum in my living room?

Did you know I am a board certified cunnilingus doula?

Did you know that Val and Leah are dating?

Die from shame, you heathen scum!

Die, you snake in the grass!

Do a lap dance for the king of the mall.

Do I look ******* to you?

Do I look like a Republican congressman in an airport bathroom?

Do not fuck with me, Matthew.

Do not let this little fuck minimize what she did to you.

Do you guys have a place in mind for your dad,

Do you have a second to talk about gay shit with me?

Do you have chains and a pickup truck, by any chance?

Do you like what you see, Father?

Do you mean "swim class"?

Do you still want to bury your foot in my ass?

Do you think I'm stupid? I have a half dozen eggs downstairs!

Do you think Martin Luther King was stupid?

Do you think that little shit Nick is gonna be there?

Do you think that's the best Ah! [screaming]

Do you think you could put in a good word for me?

Do you think you two can be civil with each other for once? For me?

Do you want him dead like a doornail?

Do you want me to hit you?

Do you want me to tell Samira it's not true?

Do you wish ill on Nick?

Does it get, like, like, big?

Does my, uh, my dick get bigger?

Does she need to sign an NDA or something like that?

Doesn't slip and fall into your hand,

Don't ask me, kid.

Don't fart on me!

Don't feel obligated to buy any.

Don't make me go in there, Monica. [stammers] She's a hate bomb.

Don't mind me, I just want to throw myself into a meat grinder

Don't play dumb, dummy! We know Nick started the rumor.

Don't read the instructions, just empty that strange bottle on your bush.

Don't say that!

Don't tell me. Oh! Is it Judd?

Don't think I forgot about those jacks, because those guys are jackin' off.

Don't you dare leave while I'm fucking talking.

Don't you dare.

Don't you mean, "Oh, Devon!"

Dot, dot, dot, together?

Double eyebrows.

Dr. Birch, I need to talk to your miserable son.

Dreamweave with me, just for a moment, baby boy.

Drink the water from the pool because it looks so blue and delicious?

Dude, can I just say, I love being your sidepiece.

Dude, I said, "JK." Why are you freaking out?

Dude, what do I do about Lola?

Dude, what is your problem?

Dude! Are you seriously trying to get with me right now?

Dude… [exhales] …I had one crazy rager with the boys,

Duh! It's only got 600,000 miles on it.

Dylan! Dyl! Dyl pickle! Why so sour?

Dylan? Ow!

Elliot, Diane, I'm sure you regret inviting us.

Elliot, I'm gonna ride with Leah

Elliot! Do you even hear yourself?

Emerging from Wendy Williams' morning matcha.

Enough! You're smoking marijuana, getting into fights at school,

Especially if you put them in the freezer!

Especially one that goes all the way up to your brain.

Esteemed sorcerers, please!

Even if you did ruin my party.

Even my mommy.

Even that involuntary pre cum you get in a bank parking lot.

Even though society doesn't want them to be vulnerable,

Every time I get pissed off.

Everybody, settle down, just take your seats.

Everybody's doing it. Chris Pratt, Anthony Mackie,

Everybody's got a fucking sword.

Everybody's right, I'm a fucking loser.

Everyone, all this talk of family makes me feel like

Everything's gross, and our best days are behind us.

Ew, a moist Post It note that says, "I owe you an iPhone"?

Ew, gross! Now where's your little fucker of a friend?