The Christmas Chronicles Edit

A 2014 red Dodge Challenger, license plate six, Bravo, Lima, seven, two, four.

A couple of days ago, do you?

A Pierce always sees it through.

A video showing exactly how he does it. It's gonna get a gazillion hits.

About dreaming of being a fashion designer?

Adam Maple!

After all, my friend Teddy here is headed down the same path.

Ah, perfect.

Ah, right.

Ah, that's okay, Kate. I guess it's understandable.

Ah, well, I can't do anything to stop you.

Ah, you just got outta the joint again, what, about a month ago, Charlie?

Ah, you know what I mean. Grown up big!

Ah!

Ah!

Ah.

Ah...

All right, here's the book with all the names and addresses.

All right, I need to round up the reindeer,

All right, Kate. Slow down. Slow down, Kate!

All right, now we're getting somewhere.

All right, now, I don't want any more people to see me, so...

All right, now, slow down. Just be cool. Walk regular. Regular.

All right, pick your spot.

All right, slow them down.

All right, Teddy, stand up!

All right, this just might work!

All right, you gotta hold them.

All right!

All right! Here we go!

All right? What What do we do? We...

All right.

All right. [sighs]

All right. Kate, come here.

All the presents delivered in record time, and Christmas spirit is up to 95%.

All you wanna do is hang out with your wannabe gangster friends.

An old ornament...

And

And a Pierce...

And all you want for Christmas is for her to come back.

And besides,

And don't stay up too late. And no soda! [smooches]

And go!

And I brought help!

And I try not to get into too much trouble.

And I was your Katie Cat.

And I'm actually... I'm not officially an official saint.

And if I don't...

And if you all want presents under the tree

And in your stockings in the morning,

And leap from rooftop to rooftop?

And listen, absolutely no junk food, okay?

And not just his hand!

And now, I'd give anything just to tell him...

And over Paris,

And potential kidnapping.

And put the lights on, while you're at it. I've only been asking you all week!

And she really misses you!

And that means there's magic in the air!

And that means, Teddy, you drive!

And that's when bad things start to happen,

And the lower it goes means people are gonna start acting cranky.

And the reindeer just... flew away!

And you can never say anything to Mom about it.

And you throw 'em outta the sack.

And you won't. Officially,

And you're not allowed to steal cars from the deli parking lot.

And your sister.

And, plus, it's not just any car.

Angry.

Anybody in there?

Anybody there?

Anyone there?

Anyway, Santa, I'm not asking for much this Christmas.

Are you listening?

Armed robbery...

As I was saying,

At least it's not that far away. [sighs]

Aunt Peggy sure outdid herself this year.

Aunt Peggy's never here on Christmas Eve. And if she was,

Back down that street! Turn around, Teddy! Turn around!

Be careful, Teddy!

Be careful.

Be careful. You break your neck, and Mom will kill me.

Be good.

Because I see him all the time...

Believe.

Bjorn...

Boston... Oh!

Brace yourselves!

Burglars take things.

But deep down, you know that I know what everybody wants for Christmas.

But ever since Dad died...

But I couldn't afford the tuition.

But I haven't cut it this close in, I don't know, maybe ever.

But I promise to get my grades up in the new year.

But I really need to tell him that "

But I'm sure somebody in here will help us out.

But in the future,

But Mom says the house is too small, so maybe just a puppy.

But now, it's time for me to go home.

But that can't be! There can't be Christmas without presents!

But that's only when my brother, Teddy, makes fun of me and I lose my sh

But there is a bright spot, Dave.

But there's still so much to do.

But this is Christmas Eve...

But this year is different.

But, man, this baby really handles!

But, wow! I come from a long line

But... we can still save Christmas, right?

But... won't you need it to fly?

Bye, Wendy!

Bye.

Call the elves, and maybe,

Can I help you?

Can you do it?

Can you go, "Ho ho ho"?

Can you guys fix it?

Can't even remember the last time we did anything together, Teddy.

Can't prove it.

Catching Santa in the act?

Chance that he's gonna watch a video.

Chicago?

Chill out.

Christmas is in trouble.

Christmas must endure?

Christmas spirit is already down to 31%.

Christmas spirit is more powerful than you could ever imagine.

Christmas spirit is more powerful than you could ever imagine.

Christmas...

Claus. Santa.

Coal?

Come back!

Come on, Comet!

Come on, fellas. Really? I

Come on, guys.

Come on, Kate! I'm waiting!

Come on, quick! Here we go!

Come on, Teddy Bear.

Come on, you guys! Dad would've had this place looking

Come on!

Come on!

Come on! Hop in the back!

Come on! I won't let you forget anything about tonight...

Come on.

Comet, you can slow down!

Comet!

Comet!

Comet! Cupid! Donner!

Comet! How cool is this?

Comet? The Comet?

Comet.

Cupid? [gasps]

Dad likes sprinkles.

Dad wouldn't be disappointed in you.

Damn it!

Dave, just just give her a call.

Dave? Little Mikey!

Dear Santa, This year we would like a pony for Christmas.

Decorate the tree.

Depressed.

Did I say Dasher? [chuckles] I always forget Vixen. Vixen!

Did you talk to my mom?

Dino Arnali, 139 Pond Street!

Do the dishes, and take out the trash.

Do you realize how big of a deal this is? I need to get a closer look.

Do you really wanna tell your kids that you were that guy?

Do you remember what you got for Christmas in 1971?

Do you want mine?

Don't fall.

Don't have an account.

Don't worry, guys! Everything's gonna be okay!

Don't you break into, like, a billion homes every year?

Donner!

Down your chimney!

Duck!

Ease them down, that's it. Easy.

Eight reindeer! How tough can it be?!

Eighteen Bridgton Road, Lowell, Massachusetts.

Either way, hope you didn't make plans for New Year's.

Elves!

Elves?

Elves? Right. They're good with bodywork?

Especially Lisa.

Especially since I got a D minus in Spanish.

Especially since I got a D minus in Spanish.

Especially when it's yours.

Everybody except Teddy.

Everything you ever really wanted for Christmas.

Excuse me?

Expecting Santa Claus to arrive.

Fake news.

Find my sack of presents,

Find my sack of toys. It'll lead you to the elves.

Fire!

First star's there...

Fly for me! You can do it!

For a mint condition 1952...

For one night, don't you think?

From this little dude.

Get back! Get back!

Get outta here, you bum!

Get outta my room. You're not allowed in here.

Gimme that tape, you little creep!

Give it a try.

Give me that.

Go!

Good move, Teddy.

Good, let's just fast forward to this year.

Good.

Guess not, but...

Guys, we better move.

Guys!

Guys! Guys!

Guys! Santa needs you!

Guys?

Ha!

Half the continent's not gonna get presents, and that,

Hang on!

Harassing the customers.

He did something really horrible, and I have proof! [pants]

He doesn't deserve anything.

He llo?

He only reads handwritten letters sent in the mail.

He said Christmas must endure!

He said the best human helpers he's ever had.

He said this would happen.

He said you guys were the only ones who would know what to do!

He sang it every Christmas Eve. [sniffles]

He shoved me against the wall, into this picture.

He took the tape.

He's compost.

He's gone!

He's got two kids with him. It could be an AMBER Alert situation.

He's turning into a real loser Ow! Teddy, what the hell?

He's with me.

He's, uh... bringing me a present.

Hello?

Hello.

Help me, Teddy!

Helpers?

Here we go... [grunts]

Here.

Hey, come on, let me out!

Hey, don't worry, Charlie. I just reported it stolen.

Hey, he's he's actually kinda cute.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! What are you doing, you guys?

Hey, hey, slow down! Slow down!

Hey, hey! We gotta get back to your house before your mom does!

Hey, Larry! Sheila.

Hey, little guy! What's your name?

Hey, that was the best night of my whole life!

Hey, we should make a video!

Hey, what you doing?

Hey, what's he doing?

Hey! Come back!

His list. He's checking it twice.

Hmm.

Hmm. Merry Christmas, guys!

Hmm...

Hmm...

Ho ho ho! Merry Christmas!

Hold on to your sister!

How awesome is this?

How do you know so much about Chicago?

How we doing?

How?

How?

How?

How's the sleigh looking? Oh...

I I just don't see how it's possible.

I admire your passion, Teddy.

I also believe it.

I bet she turns you in to the cops herself!

I can't believe it!

I can't believe it! We're flying!

I can't believe you're still making video letters to Santa.

I can't help it, Santa.

I can't stay on! Help!

I do say bad words every now and then,

I don't go, "Ho ho ho." That's a myth.

I don't have time for any more of your shenanigans.

I don't know how you know all this stuff.

I don't know if you're some kind of Las Vegas magician

I don't know where the reindeer came from.

I don't know where they went, but I know what the reality is.

I don't know. He seems pretty mad.

I don't think this is what she had in mind.

I don't think your parole officer would be too happy

I dunno, maybe there's...

I got the super fly Sunburst Epiphone Casino, man!

I gotta meet my friends.

I guess I'm gonna have to do this the old fashioned way.

I had something else in mind.

I have a really hard time with languages.

I have a team of reindeer headed southbound on Michigan Avenue,

I have seen a lot of strange things in my time, but this...

I haven't written to you in a long time.

I help out Mom a lot.

I just love my candy canes.

I knew, given enough evidence, that eventually you'd come around.

I know every street in the world, kid.

I know I haven't been doing too well in school,

I know I've been an awful brother, it's just...

I know Mom sure is.

I know where to find the best I've ever had.

I know you've always wanted one.

I know, I know.

I know, I know. [clicks tongue]

I know!

I know. Me neither.

I lost all track of time.

I love you.

I mean, can't you just wave your hand and Jedi mind trick the cops?

I mean, does my butt really look that big to you?

I mean, he spent years helping other people, but where is he now?

I mean, he's still a little young, but...

I mean, he's still a little young, but...

I mean, I'm used to something with more pop under the hood,

I mean, imagine what we could cover if we all work together!

I mean, my temper.

I mean, that's, like, the worst possible thing a kid could ever do!

I mean, they haven't bestowed that title upon me officially, so...

I mean, we're not even breaking the law because...

I mean, who can eat millions of cookies in one night and not get fat, right?

I mean, you've always been a suspicious, doubtful type.

I mean...

I mean...

I saw a bunch of reindeer fly into the night sky!

I saw it on Ghost Adventurers.

I swear.

I think I'm in the North Pole. [chuckles softly]

I think it looks great.

I think it was 2009 when you made all the stockings by yourself.

I think you've done quite enough damage already, don't you?

I thought she might.

I told you to stop calling me that.

I told you, we're gonna have to move fast!

I want for the two of you to get along.

I wanted to get a closer look at the sleigh.

I was kinda worried you weren't going to make the cut this year.

I won't hurt you. I'm with Santa.

I wouldn't have believed him either, but...

I... [gasps]

I'd really like to see my dad again.

I'll look.

I'm about at the end of my rope here.

I'm afraid not, Teddy.

I'm Bing Bellamy, and all I want for Christmas is a snowboard!

I'm coming with you.

I'm falling!

I'm gonna pretend like I didn't hear that, Mom.

I'm just looking!

I'm Kate, and you're...

I'm Kate.

I'm not even sure if it's something you can do.

I'm not joking! We're gonna return the car, good as new!

I'm on Donner. What about you?

I'm one of the good guys.

I'm proud of you.

I'm proud of you.

I'm Santa Claus, Teddy, not Yoda. [grunts]

I'm Santa Claus.

I'm sorry, I don't really have the power to grant your wish.

I'm sorry, we can't help.

I've always believed in you, Kate.

I've always believed in you.

I've been so mad at him.

I've had a long day,

I've never seen it this busy on Christmas Eve.

If he knew you'd stolen that red Dodge Challenger

If I didn't have to carry my sack, I could move twice as fast!

If I don't do something quick, this night's over.

If I ever need two helpers...

If I'm not up and running in the next couple of hours,

If it isn't Charlie Plummer!

If it's good enough for Dad, it's good enough for me.

If it's okay with you, I'll just be on my way.

If there's one thing reindeer can smell, it's fear!

If you come back here, she'll kill you! You hear me? She'll kill you...

If you ever meet Mrs. Claus...

In the dark?

In you.

In your dreams.

In, uh... In the pawn shop.

Is back on.

Is it okay if I take you to him?

Is Santa's treasure.

Is there a piano in this joint?

Is this some kind of a joke?

Is this some kind of reality show? How do you know all that stuff?

Is this what happens when I leave?

It flew off the sleigh.

It hurts my eyes. [laughs]

It was a a gift from a friend.

It was a bit more hectic than usual...

It's a Wonderful Life?

It's Christmas 2011! Whoo! What did we get?

It's for you.

It's from Santa!

It's just like Daddy's.

It's more beautiful than I ever imagined. [sighs]

It's okay.

It's okay.

It's Saint Nicholas. I prefer Saint Nick.

It's this car.

James Hanson!

Jennifer Lesbilenti,

Jessica Martin, 8470 Franklin Avenue!

Jingle bells... Jingle bells...

Just a Bones Brigade skateboard.

Just chuck 'em out. I'll catch 'em, and I'll deliver!

Just hand over that bag.

Just let me think.

Just maybe, I can still save Christmas. [grunts]

Just stay next to me, but I'll do the talking.

Just the two of us! Pulling an all nighter!

Just think of us as Santa's helpers!

Just this once!

Just this once.

Just to save some random strangers.

Just turn around!

Just wanna spread a little Christmas cheer.

Just wanted to say that I've been really good this year.

Just what I asked for.

Kate, help me unload the groceries.

Kate, wait!

Kate!

Kate!

Kate! Help!

Kate! Send in the troops!

Kate... what are you...

Katie Cat!

Katie Cat! That's good, dude. Gimme some.

Katie Cat.

Lakeshore Drive?

Lamest Christmas ever.

Larry, you drove your Porsche here tonight, didn't you?

Lars. [chuckles]

Let me get this straight. You broke into this boy's residence

Let me out of here! Let me out of here!

Let's do something together.

Let's go, young man!

Let's go! Okay, hold the doors!

Let's land. It'll be easier to find from the ground.

Let's see.

Like a lot more crime.

Lisa?

Lisa.

Lisa.

Lisa.

Listen to me now!

Listen to me now!

Listen, pal. You can lose the shtick.

Little further north.

Little toy sewing machines.

Live and in person.

Look at the camera. Look and say, "Hi, Mom."

Look at this, huh! It's your sister.

Look, guys, okay,

Look, I know it sounds crazy, but please don't do that!

Look, there's presents. Go open some presents. [sniffles]

Look! I'll give you back the tape of you in the car.

Lowell.

Magic?

Make things move faster.

Man, have you ever seen anything like this?

Massachusetts.

Maybe it was a burglar.

Maybe just... [sighs]

Maybe Santa has a blanket?

Maybe we can get a shot of the whole Santa Claus,

Maybe you're onto something!

Me neither, Teddy Bear.

Me too.

Merry Christmas 2008! Santa got Teddy a bike!

Merry Christmas, Dave.

Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas. [sighs]

Mine, too.

Mm hmm.

Mm, I... In a nice way.

Mm.

Mm. Now, you interrupted me at age nine.

Money laundering, grand theft auto.

More like Christmas beer.

More than you've seen here in a long time, and we're in Chicago, for goodness' sake!

Mrs. Claus told you to take a spare.

Must be around here somewhere.

Must endure!

My brother, Teddy, won't even let me touch his.

My crew of elves.

My hat!

My hat!

My hat's gone!

My... well, he came down my chimney.

Neither do I.

Never better.

New York,

Next time you morons waste my time...

No freaking way.

No judgments!

No need to wake up early.

No one's following us, so you can slow down.

No way.

No way. That person isn't wearing an ugly Christmas sweater.

No what?

No, I can't do that.

No, I deserve it.

No, no, no, no. Teddy, Teddy, I don't think this is such a good idea.

No, no. I I didn't mean it that way.

No, stop!

No, Teddy.

No, you just go on back to your house and get some sleep.

No! No, my sister's in there!

No! The cop cruiser!

No! They probably don't think it's possible. But it is!

No...

No...

Nobody said it was okay.

Not good at all.

Not too bad for our first gig, huh?

Nothing, nobody.

Now that you've learned another language.

Now we just need to get back to Santa. [gasps]

Now we're gonna see what you're made of!

Now where is all that huff and puff about "A Pierce always sees it through"?

Now, do you remember that letter you sent me

Now, give it back!

Now, I don't know how you guys do things in the North Pole, but...

Now, just think about where you wanna go...

Now, Kate, you're in charge of getting all the presents ready to go!

Now, old Charlie here is in the Naughty List Hall of Fame!

Now, she's she's having second thoughts and...

Now, sit down or I'll cuff you to the desk.

Now, they were always good kids. Well, almost

Of course the sleigh!

Of that beautiful scarf you made for your mom.

Of what appear to be...

Oh man!

Oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no!

Oh no, no, no, no! Santa, I can't do this!

Oh no!

Oh no! Christmas spirit's already down 35%.

Oh yeah? They work in Detroit?

Oh, brother, the mood in this place is really bringing Christmas spirit down,

Oh, Christmas Eve is always the best night of my life.

Oh, come on, I'm not even going that fast!

Oh, come on! Do you wanna save Christmas?

Oh, he's serious.

Oh, I don't have a car. Can you call an Uber?

Oh, I expect this station will be bursting at the seams come morning.

Oh, I... [scoffs]

Oh, jeez...

Oh, my God!

Oh, my gosh! The fireplace! I just got goosebumps!

Oh, no, no, no.

Oh, no, no, no. I certainly wouldn't ruin the surprise

Oh, no. That's terrible.

Oh, not good.

Oh, sorry! I meant "heck."

Oh, that that won't help. Your hat's not magic.

Oh, that reminds me, though. [sighs] Uh...

Oh, um...

Oh, wait till you see what happens next.

Oh, yeah, right.

Oh, you guys got any cash on you?

Oh, you know how the elves exaggerate. They get excited at the drop of a hat.

Oh, you're gonna walk away from me? Huh?

Oh, you're so dead!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh. [speaking Elvish]

Oh...

Oh... and not recycling.

Okay, I want answers. Real answers, right now.

Okay, look, pal. You don't walk in here and talk about my ex wife.

Okay, respect.

Okay, Santa Claus. That's enough fun for one night.

Okay, so most people don't know this, but reindeer love candy canes. Watch.

Okay, then, smart guy.

Okay, then, smart guy.

Okay, well, you can't go, 'cause I need to work.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay. [chuckles]

Okay. [sighs]

Okay. Deal.

On foot.

On foot.

On the corner of Naperville and Roslyn. Car 476 responding.

On, Comet! On, Cupid! On, Donner! On, Blitzen!

On, Cupid! On, Comet!

On, Dasher! On, Dancer! On, Prancer! On, Vixen!

On, Dasher! On, Dancer! On, Prancer! On, Vixen! On, Comet! On, Cupid!

On, Donner! On, Blitzen!

On, Donner! On, Blitzen! [speaking Elvish]

Once you get older, the whole Christmas thing

One more thing!

One night only.

Or a freak who hacks into people's personal lives on the Internet.

People need Christmas to remind themselves of how good they can be!

Pilates?

Please leave us alone.

Please? Mom always says we should be helping each other out.

Plus...

Prancer! Dancer! Get back here!

Prison tattoos and slinging tequila shots!

Prison tattoos and slinging tequila shots!

Purely intentional.

Put your seat belt on.

Ray, Scarlett, and Brooke Stuber, 3947 Jackson Street!

Read about all those wars in school?

Ready! Aim!

Reindeer must've broken off somewhere over Lakeshore Drive.

Reindeer!

Reindeer... running down Michigan Avenue...

Right, habit. Okay, left on State, right on Erie, left on Michigan.

Right, right. Why don't you give us a "Ho ho ho"

Right.

Sanchez family, Mexico City! We got exactly nine seconds!

Santa Claus?

Santa got Teddy a bike!

Santa sent me.

Santa wrote me back.

Santa, are you okay?

Santa, help him!

Santa, just let us help you!

Santa."

Santa's really worried about you.

Say "Merry Christmas."

Say, "Thank you, Santa."

Second star's there.

See if we can find my reindeer.

See you guys tomorrow, bright and early.

Seems pretty lame.

Seriously?

She has to work at the hospital most nights,

She invited me out for coffee this morning.

She used to always ask for sewing kits,

She's lonely, too.

She's our friend and she's crazy!

She's so sick of your crap,

She's so sick of your crap,

Sheila Vondersack, 341 Wood Street!

Shh, it's okay. It's okay.

Shh!

Shh.

Should we hug it out?

Show off!

Sion Pack, 1902 Ridley Street.

Sleigh bells!

Slow down, Teddy.

So first, why don't you answer that?

So good. So good.

So I guess it's gonna be baptism by fire!

So I start dinner three, four times a week,

So just tell me your name, and I don't wanna hear Santa Claus.

So, just give her a call, Dave!

So, what is all this stuff?

So, what? Did you rob a toy store, too?

So...

Some people have no one else to take care of them.

Some things we gotta figure out on our own, Teddy.

Some way we could work together to...

Something I want you to have.

Something... really cool.

Sometimes, you gotta break the rules for the greater good.

Sorry you missed it, Dave.

Sorry.

Sorry.

Speaking of which, it would be great if the two of you could help me

Starting from the age of six.

State Street, go!

Stays away from sugar and carbs, what difference does it make? Oh man.

Stolen by two kids and an extremely large man.

Stop!

Stop!

Take care of him!

Take that, fat man!

Take the cookies out in 20 minutes, all right?

Take them!

Talk to me, ladies!

Talk to me, ladies!

Ted. Teddy!

Teddy is about to open his present from Daddy.

Teddy Pierce.

Teddy wrote one this year?

Teddy, get down here! You've gotta see this!

Teddy, I can handle it.

Teddy, I'm gonna need your knife.

Teddy, look!

Teddy, please put the tree back up.

Teddy, stop the car!

Teddy, this is incredible!

Teddy, want me to take the reins?

Teddy, watch out!

Teddy, you aren't such an awful brother.

Teddy, you heard him. We're on the naughty list for life!

Teddy, you think we could pick it up a little bit?

Teddy!

Teddy! Teddy! Teddy!

Teddy?

Tell him what?

Tell me you're getting this.

Tell us what you're doing on Christmas Eve borrowing a car.

Thanks, Kate.

Thanks. You're, uh... You're making me feel great.

That could be worth what's about to happen to you?

That is so cool.

That means we traveled thousands of miles in, like, 30 seconds.

That was before you told me I was gonna have to drive!

That'd be great.

That's because she knows, deep down,

That's just the kinda lame garbage I'd expect from a Lost Believer.

That's my car!

That's my car!

That's my cue!

That's probably why you're a good cop.

That's the first time I heard that one. How about you, Dave?

That's why I love you.

The bag of toys!

The closer you get, the faster it chimes.

The Grinch!

The least you could do is play some Christmas music.

The longer I stay in here, the lower it's gonna go,

The person responsible for the Christmas Meltdown of 2018?

The troops!

The troops?

The way your father believed in you.

The way your mother believes in you.

The whole naughty or nice concept, don't you think?

Then I need your help.

Then I'm coming with.

There is a maniac dressed in a weird Santa costume

There is more to Christmas than all that stuff.

There is no...

There won't be any presents.

There you go. It's okay.

There's a perfect spot for it on the tree.

There's still time for you to make it right.

These are all the things you ever dreamed of when you were a kid.

These are some serious charges.

They build thousands of cars every year.

They're not boring slugs like you.

They're not that far away.

This is exactly the way Dad used to...

This is the best Christmas present ever.

This job's always full of surprises.