How High (2001) Edit

A bong?

A coupla notes get you hogtied and roped Dope like guns

A drop in the bucket, sucker. I remain here solely for the purpose of...

A place where you can really grow academically?

Aah!

Aah! Aah! Damn, Ma! Stop, Ma!

About getting some color up at Harvard.

Actually, you gonna come back and give me them two duck sauces your mama...

Ah, Bart. Nice to see you.

Ah, hello, Jamal. Mr. President.

Ah, shit!

Ah, shit!

Ah, son, welcome to the family.

Ah!

Ah! Hey!

Aha!

Ain't that a... Hell, no, we ain't got no...

Ain't that right, baby? Right, Daddy.

Al B. Sure pubic patch in it, motherfucker?

All I wanna do is develop my herbal in a real lab...

All right, Ivory. This is the last of you. Do your stuff.

All right, leave the bike alone. Did you just call me fat? And what is that stench?

All right, rookies, push ups! Get down!

All right. So you want me to tell Jamal to stop seeing Jamie.

All righty.

All righty. Bye.

All the people in your family were assistant pimps.

All we did was come over for directions.

Allah.

Alls look like they still in high school, yo.

Always likes funky fresh women.

And «bitch» ain't in the Bible.

And a quality of life like no other...

And another thing, I forgot my motherfuckin' lines!

And Captain Picard came back all half robot?

And don't you worry. Me and Jamal here,

And get some head while I'm doin' it.

And I call you Mr. President 'cause I know you gonna rock this election.

And I could listen to you talk about his stinkin' ass all day long.

And I figured I could get somethin' from Garden of Weeden to make it interesting.

And I see they're all «F's.»

And I'll tell you somethin' else.

And I'm gonna be thinkin' about you while I'm taking them THC's.

And if it weren't for his family, I probably wouldn't be here.

And if not, they best friends got dough.

And if you devise something groundbreaking,

And ifyou're really my boy,

And Indian pudding that doesn't stop.

And it won't look good if she's involved with someone from the lower class.

And Lauren will be unveiling her Benjamin Franklin experiment.

And let it fly!

And let that be a lesson to you! This is the last time!

And Miss Lovell from Administration.

And of course you know my wife Sheila.

And professional player. So, what's mine is yours,

And that was just from the mouth. And I'm still below a 2.0.

And the survey says, "You lose."

And then I'll be able to send you back to your miserable existence.

And they're producing an immense amount of heat.

And this is where you turn it on now.

And we started makin' it together after that.

And what the fuck are you doin'?

And what's yours I've probably already had.

And why do want a honey with class Dog ****az

And you an assistant pimp. You ain't even a real pimp.

And you strip at that club again like you used to.

And you're gonna make the team, son.

And your ghetto pass is gonna get revoked, buddy.

And your haircut game is fucked up.

And your sister's weave master degree.

And, as for you two,

And... volleyball.

Answers? What are you talking about?

Any student on a scholarship...

Anyway, you keep throwing zingers to this jerk off,

Aren't you worried about getting kicked out?

As a request, greeting or farewell.

As dean of freshmen, I have welcomed students from all over the world.

As human beings, we should be able to talk this out, not resort to violence.

As in abusive or truculent.

As in vice president of the United States.

Ass, titties, ballers. Go, girl, go!

At Reparations Technical Institute and learn hatred for the white devil...

At Reparations Technical Institute, we offer a cornucopia of educational...

Baby powder? What smell that is? You changing diapers? Ah!

Baby, you are the first member of this family to go to college,

Back up! Back up, ******! You better give me three feet!

Bart, honey, sweetie, you are just in time...

Bart, this party is stiff. Excuse me, can you hold this? I'm hot.

Bart, you know, I think you keep getting funnier every day.

Bart!

Because I've just finished studying.

Belligerent? Yeah, belligerent.

Better pull back on those pedals, boy. Why?

Bicycle, bicycle

Bicycle, bicycle, bicycle

Bike, bike Not my baby! Oh, God!

Bill, did you just call me «son»? Hmm?

Bitch better be out here checkin' my motherfuckin' money.

Bitch! Fuck!

Blaze two, get at me in the mornin'. Peace!

Bring all your horny friends. There you go. Just bring all the ho's.

Bring my baby back!

Bring your ass over here! We got work to do before Dean Dickhead gets back.

Brother just got extensions put in today. They tight, huh?

Buck up, Bart! Buck up!

Bumbaclot, boy!

But black people don't get any credit. I'm sore as a motherfucker, man.

But Harvard, gentlemen, is not just any joint. It's an institution.

But he's smoking in our room. That's not legal.

But I was thinking that it could be like this old Revolutionary cannon...

But if it's one of my proud black people that's doing the recording of the account...

But if these people knew I was using your Dial A Ho service,

But it sound good!

But my mother dropped the charges.

But pass the blunt, boo. Damn, you hoggin' the whole shit!

But six years at a two year community college is not what I had in mind.

But the issue here is, who is recording the account?

But they give lots of money to the university.

But wait till you see my presentation.

But you gotta understand people can only see me when they smoke me.

But, Coach! Bart!

By adding a little bit of chro... cannabis,

By the time I'm done with you, every college in the country will be knockin' at your door.

Bye bye.

Campus smelling little motherfucker!

Can anyone tell me the name Of this plant? Bart?

Can I get a little... Never mind. Forget it.

Can I get some pussy? Sure. Come on in.

Can I holler? Hi.

Can we talk about this in your car?

Can we talk about this in your car?

Can you guys just show a little respect? Jeez!

Can't this wait till after class? You're supposed to be in here anyway.

Catch a ho and another ho Merry Christmas

Cedric, step aside.

Certain students will be invited... Those that pass their finals.

Cheated? Man, fuck you!

Chocolate diva! Nubian goddess!

Cisco Kid was a friend of mine

Coach, I have not lost an oar run in three years.

Come here, girl!

Come here. Come here!

Come here. Let me show you some more shit. Look right there.

Come on with it. I got you.

Come on with it...

Come on, bitch. Man, it was two egg rolls, It wasn't duck sauce.

Come on, come on Come on, come on

Come on, gentlemen! Pick it up if you want to be part of this squad!

Come on, Silas. I need somethin' to help me out.

Come on, Silas. I need somethin' to help me out.

Come on, son. This is some good shit.

Come on, son. You've got a golden opportunity here...

Come on, you fuckers! Call action!

Come on! I'll show you some violence! Come on!

Come on. Let me holler at you.

Congratulations. These scores are going to get you into any college in the country.

Consider your bags outside the door What's up, baby?

Costner, huh? Dances with Wolves. Mm hmm.

Couldn't have my future ex wife show up to some bigwig event...

Countless Fortune 500 C.E.O.'s,

Crazy shit, all right, and it will be everywhere.

Cut!

Cut! Cut! Cut!

Damn right, he stole your plant. Yo, Silas, this idiot smoked up all the plant.

Damn, Ivory! I had no idea you could stink so good, ****a!

Damn, Ivory. After all these years of blazin',

Damn, this bike phat as hell! Whoa! Don't touch!

Damn, who gonna be our P.O.?

Damn! But it would have been impossible...

Damn. Ivory! Holy shit!

Damn. This look like your last girlfriend.

Dance!

Darling, I don't remember you cooking brownies. You're right, I don't.

Dean Cain expects us off campus by Monday.

Dean Cain wants to see you in his office. Don't be late.

Dean Cain. But he is black.

Dean, I have had it with your uptight,

Dean, it's as simple as this.

Dean, what about those two guys I read about from the tri states?

Dear, can you at least feign some interest? You're embarrassing me.

Dick Butt kiss? Did you hear that, Coach? He's cursing!

Did Commander Riker give up when the Borg infiltrated the Starship Enterprise...

Did I hear you say something? With all due respect, suck my dick.

Did I spoil the moment? I can't help it, girl. You know what?

Did not. No, you did not. You been busy plowin’ my corn. Did.

Did we! Amazing what two brothers...

Did you figure out where you wanna eat dinner tonight?

Dinner? Bart, you know, some of these things are...

Do you see me?

Does my ass look fat? No.

Don't be scared.

Don't cuss when I'm tryin' to listen to the Word. The Lord don't like that.

Don't get the wrong idea. We've never done this before.

Don't play! Yo, talk to your boy.

Don't spoil your appetite, Dean. We're about to have some lobster bisque...

Don't worry about the Ive. I got mine comin' tonight. Hey, Silas.

Don't worry, baby. You can suck my dick after class.

Don't you wish they were really ho's...

Don’t do it Don’t give your love to sexy Ida

Drinking beer!

Dwarves, midgets,

Eh, yo. Damn!

End table ass! Hella Back!

Entertaining anecdotes.

Even better. I'm gonna be in there with you.

Ever since you arrived on this campus, there's been several mishaps.

Except climb out of this costume and climb into some pussy, baby.

Excuse me?

Excuse me? Ethnic diversity.

Excuse me? Head.

Excuse me.

Excuse me. Are we in the right place?

Excuse me. Player, player.

Excuse me. Watch your toes. Watch the colon. Excuse me.

Exploding thingy, pipe bomb thing things.

Fellas, I think it's time we all sat down and kicked it.

Field of Dreams. That's a corny motherfucker.

Fine. As a matter of fact,

Fire

Fly! Go fly!

For real? But you won't pass your finals.

For the sake of my father's campaign.

For this? He ain't gonna never find out. Relax.

Forward motion Make you sway like the ocean

Fresh gear, man! You like?

From Korea, from Rome...

From the P. can do with just a little bit of opportunity.

From... to... Hatred for the White Devil... Advanced Hatred for the White Devil...

Fuck all that, man. Listen, I'm cuttin' this arm now.

Fuck history. Oh, that's right.

Fuck my close up up, ******.

Fuck you think we gonna do? We gonna smoke his ass,

Fuck you. Fuck you! Fuck you!

Fuck!

Fuck! Fuck! Bitch! Fuck! Fuck!

Fuckin' crackhead.

Gee, I don't think I've ever met anyone who actually needed to go there.

Geesh.

Gentlemen, this institution has graduated...

Gentlemen, this institution has graduated...

Gerald!

Get down with my girlfriend

Get out! Out! Out! Out! Out!

Get the arm! Get the arm, man.

Get the body.

Get the body. You should have some more respect for an ex president, asshole.

Get up before I smack the shit out of you.

Get’i m! You I ittle dynamite Disco Danny double statin'...

Get’im! Little Angela Davis moustache...

Get’im! No green Jimmy the Cricket suit wearin' ass motherfucker.

Get’im! No short Colin Powell haircut, havin' ass motherfucker.

Get’im! You little dog with a haircut...

Girlfriend see that, she gonna shit on you.

Give me a call next week. I think we can work something out.

Give me three feet!

Go home! Go home! All y'all. Y'all don't wanna leave!

Go to that graveyard, find us a smart dead guy and smoke his skeleton ass.

Go, go, go, go.

Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!

God, I just don't get you guys.

God, I just don't get you guys.

God, this is the wildest time I've ever had.

God. Can I get my stuff?

Goddamn virgins. At least y'all bein' entertained.

Goddamn, not a... Not a hell, not a bitch.

Goddamn! That is the shit.

Gonna be a long night.

Good boy, my ass. Ask her why I had to cancel my nail appointment...

Good work, everyone. Keep up the good work. Thank you.

Good, ’cause Jamal's gonna be my baby daddy.

Good. Stroke, smoke.

Gosh, golly, that would be so hard on me.

Got blunt?

Got that dough? Mm hmm.

Got weed?

Guess who used to be black.

Guy in the back? What the fuck are you...

Guys, we weren't expecting you, but you're right on time.

Ha! Oh, hey, hey, hey, Professor. What's going on?

Half those books is filled with bullshit,

Happy studying, gentlemen.

Hardcore to the brain Dollar, dollar bill, y'all

Harvard isn't for everyone.

Harvard? Man, ain't it a lot Of richie people up there?

Has been largely unnoticed.

He drink whiskey Pancho drink the wine

He gonna be mad

He is a huge baby. Yeah, I hear you with your fine ass.

He might want to spank us! Oh, sit down.

He probably been locked up more times than me and your ass put together.

He probably gonna curse us out about that wild ass party.

He seems unusual tonight. He's dehydrated.

He took my baby! Stop!

He would deny and denounce any claim...

Hell, motherfuck... I mean, yes, sir, Dean Cain, sir.

Hell, yeah.

Hello. Ma, it is a lamp.

Here under my Jesus, who's master of this house,

Here. Peer pressure, peer pressure, peer pressure.

Here's your coffee.

Here's your dad after a frat party.

Hey, Coach, thanks a lot, man. I owe you.

Hey, Dean Cain think he can kick me out the school that easy?

Hey, Dean...

Hey, don't be scared. It's only pussy. Oh!

Hey, down here! This is not happening!

Hey, get up. Oh, my God

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

Hey, hey, hey. Don't fuck up tonight, all right?

Hey, I'm hungrier than five.

Hey, look at them bitches here. Look.

Hey, what was that? Annie! Crazy ho!

Hey, what's going on here?

Hey, what's up, J? Give me five.

Hey, what's up?

Hey, y'all pass that, kid?

Hey, yo, who would ever think that the two would go good

Hey, you get my message about goin' to the Jets game?

Hey, you! Where's E I m and Third?

His parents have been driving me crazy, making my life a misery for years,

History!

Hit that, son.

Hit the books for a few hours a day, we got this.

Hit them books!

Hoggin' all the good shit.

Hold on, Powder. Let's not get «ignant.»

Hold! Hold! Hold!

Holy shit! Man, let me try that! Silas, relax.

Honey, you have never satisfied me.

Hooking up with Harvard women...

How charmingly ghetto.

How come we don't have more minorities? How should I know?

How did I fail women's studies? I love bitches!

How women are objectified in popular culture,

How you doin', Dean? How you doin'? How you been?

How you gonna talk when you shuttin' up? Fine! Fine!

How you gonna talk when you shuttin' up? Fine! Fine!

How'd you hook up with that Bart dude?

How's it going, Mad Hatter? Come on.

Huh?

Huh? Get up. Dog, you shouldn't have.

Huh? You guys are fucked up! What are you gonna do with this now?

Hurry up, darling, you're going to make us late, and you know I hate to be late.

I almost didn't recognize you. I thought you'd brought a professional model.

I am an explorer.

I am dead, but this is what happens when you smoke your boy.

I am getting thousands of lifetime connections here.

I am Tuan, child prodigy.

I believe in the... » Excuse me. Do you have to play that loud?

I can't smoke a finger!

I can’t. I can’t do it, all right?

I designed it myself. I call it BUFU.

I didn't inhale! Woo hoo!

I didn't know that you guys were gonna be here.

I didn't know the two of you were studying in here, alone, with the lights dimmed,

I do know it's Ben Franklin's. I just don't know what it is.

I don't care. I want them!

I don't care. Right, ladies? Mmm!

I don't know what that is. Forewarning, gentlemen:

I don't know. I guess it's that new serum, man.

I don't play this, man.

I don't think I could live with myself.

I don't think this is gonna work out. Hold on, now!

I don't think you wanna see this.

I even been lookin' at Lauren's ass a couple of times, man. Whoa!

I got a feeling you gonna see my experiment work.

I got one more delivery to make.

I got somethin' for your ass.

I got somethin' to tell you. Man, I been pinchin' your weed off.

I got the munchies like a motherfucker. Hold this, baby.

I got this in my travels to Nepal!

I got two inches of hard dick!

I gotta fix it. Yo! That's right.

I guarantee you an "A" in this course. Class dismissed.

I guess you might as well come back home and live with me.

I had this nasty ass rash once.

I have some of the same stuff. How'd you get that?

I have to go to those lousy cocktail parties.

I hope we don't have to pass out any barf bags.

I hope you get a virus... You and your computer!

I hope you're right, son. Uh oh, camera.

I I have to go prepare.

I just gave it to the guy in the back, man.

I know everything there is to know about Ivy League women.

I know I can get at least 1 2 years up in this motherfucker.

I know you don't expect me to sell no peanuts out this, bitch.

I know you don't expect me to sell no peanuts out this, bitch.

I know, bitch, and neither is «motherfucker.» So drive this motherfuckin' car.

I love Ben Franklin, girl,

I love you, Mary Jane

I made it! I can't feel my legs, but I'm alive!

I mean, so far, I only seen some stuck up,

I met her on the Internet... Chickenheads.com.

I Need Money, did you check him for any jewelry or money or anything?

I Need Money!

I need to get her home. Excuse me.

I need to slap my goddamn self for that.

I once got arrested for stealin' a car one time,

I pledge allegiance to the pimp of the united pimps of America.

I really don't know what you came here for

I said, «Shit! Me too, »

I saved your plant.

I saw those guys' pictures. They look like mug shots!

I say we burn them books,

I see Monks couldn't make it, so I brought my man I Need Money.

I see still waters run deep. Please believe.

I see you're checkin' out my gear, eh?

I think I got somethin' for that. Hold on.

I think they said it was one of those tick tocky, blow uppy,

I think you should go down south first.

I thought you was the one the Lord chose.

I told you I have your back, even if I got hit by a bus.

I told you we should have went to U.C.L.A.

I used to love watching my dogs hump.

I want you up against Yale. Ah!

I was able to counteract the nausea.

I was just fuckin' with you, man.

I was just going over Silas and Jamal's grades...

I wonder who these are from.

I wonder who this could be.

I work for Porkchops O Chunky.

I would not have had not a bitch come into my life.

I, um, sort of discovered it.

I'd like you all to do an experiment on a plant,

I'll be back for you, man.

I'll go holler at him, son. Oh, yeah.

I'll have another one. They're great.

I'll slap both them motherfuckers. Badow! Badow!

I'll work with you, baby. Come on.

I'm a ghost, ghost, ghost, ghost, ghost, ghost.

I'm captain of the team.

I'm disappearin'. I'm disappearing.

I'm from Wisconsin.

I'm glad someone's appreciating the knowledge I'm dropping on you today.

I'm goin' to lunch, take a nice long shit.

I'm going to check on that right now.

I'm gonna be a part of a fraternity.

I'm gonna do the knocking out. Come on with it.

I'm gonna have to disagree on that.

I'm gonna have to knock that Bart character the fuck out.

I'm gonna have to tweak this shit a little.

I'm gonna round them motherfuckin' almond eyes of yours out, understand me?

I'm gonna tell you something. This pimpin' that I got came from a family tree.

I'm hungrier than four dudes.

I'm Jamal. Peace. Silas.

I'm Mr. Moses. I expect you'll be ready for your quiz tomorrow. Quiz, my ass!

I'm not that much of a square, Silas. I did do it once in high school.

I'm one, that's two. That's what your ass will be...

I'm out.

I'm out.

I'm proud of you. Thank you, Professor. Thank you, man.

I'm sorry, man. That's okay. Don't even worry about it.

I'm sorry.

I'm startin' to recognize things.

I'm tellin' you. We don't need no smart dead guy.

I'm trying to do my thing. It's pimpin' over here.

I'm up here tryin' to put my fuckin' hand through the...

I'm wonderin' if this guy cheated.

I've got a lot of artifacts and delicate things down here.

I've known Bart all my life,

If anything happened to me while I jumped out a window...

If Benjamin Franklin were here today,

If I can pull off six years at a community college,

If I get this shit right, I get an «A» in botany class.

If I got hit by a bus tomorrow, I got your back, dog.

If it had not been for the Lord,

If it's Snowflake, Whitey...

If my ex came after me with a knife and stabbed me, I got your back!

If there's grass on the infield, play ball.

If we came over here and asked if anybody needed their ass kicked,

If we don't do something soon, I might get fired.

If you build it, they will come.

If you don't know your grammar, that is.

If you don't mind, I'd like you to sit down. I would like to continue.

If you don't pass this class.

If you smart, you tell people you love NWA. They think you cool.

If you took your head off these ho's and put it in some books,

In short, you are fired!

In the most flammable of ways,

In the near lane, we have Harvard.

In which the vice president will be attending...

Indecent exposure,

Into the hands of your common ass, that's what you need to do.

Is that the one that you want

Is that why no puff puff? Pass the dutchie, my friends.

Isn't Jamie a freshman?

Isn't that... sweet?

Isn't there a hip hop convention you two should be at or something?

It could be the greatest find in the history of anyone attending Harvard.

It got to come out right! And if it don't come out right,

It is Friday. But that's what she told Cocoa Butter.

It was near the medical library.

It went that bad in botany class?

It's a hangin' on down her back

It's a neem plant, Professor.

It's good to know we have the support of the faculty, Dean.

It's indigenous to the wet drylands of the Northern Hemisphere.

It's just a baby.

It's my old schoolmarm! I haven't heard from her in years!

It's over 200 years old.

It's over.

It's the mark of Buddha.

It's the shit. That's the Ivory.

It's the skid mark of Buddha!

It's Volunteer Officer Pickelstein, and I am watching you.

It's wonderful being back here at Harvard...

J, what are you doin'? 1 961, «B.»

Jamal and Silas have gotten all «A's»?

Jamal, I will take that as a compliment.

Jamal. Bart, I've decided since you and Jamal are my two best athletes,

Jamal. Jamal. Jamal.

Jesus looks like a hippie in a dashiki.

Just keep it pimpalicious. Keep it pimpalicious!

Just like your father. Ma,

Just stop it right there. Have you ever been to college?

Kid lost about 1 5 pounds of fluid.

Ladies and gentlemen, Harvard is now...

Later, man. Wait, Silas!

Lauren, how's the project coming?

Let it be something he is involved in, and I better be the biggest cheerleader.

Let me ask you somethin'. Yeah.

Let me get my switchblade out. Let me get my blade.

Let me just grab a titty. Hell, no.

Let's go meet the next likely leader of the free world.

Let's start over. I'm Bart. Yeah, I'm Jamal.

Life is hell. What up, fellas? What's up?

Light that shit up.

Like a hawk! Somebody needs a hug.

Like a polar bear, but I got a recipe...

Like this cannon like article back here.

Listen, Jamie. Me and you cannot see each other no more.

Listen, man, we got a test in about five minutes. Word.

Listen. I think I have a solution to your little problem.

Locked on, boys.

Long, black, pretty legs and she walks just like a cat

Look at Jamal. He's a good boy, huh?

Look at that car. Is it on fire?

Look at this little ass bag of fuckin' weed! Cisco Kid

Look right there. See that right there?

Look who we have here.

Look, Silas, I know What you're trying to do. You're trying to frick her!

Look, you got a little somethin' on your dress.

Look. I know how you can get hi gh scores.

Looks like he took a dump in the middle of your face.

Lord, it's a gift! It's a gift from above! Make it float like a dove!

Love, Mrs. Ray.»

Lovell House!

Lovell House. Second Floor, right on the couch.

Lynch me for what my people have done to your people.

M.P.H.'s?

Make it scream like Michael in a rhinestone glove. Lord, Lord, Lord.

Man, ain't no more. All of Ivory's ashes was in just that plant.

Man, ain't nothin' wrong with your head.

Man, damn all this. I'm about to go stick my dick in a Thermos or something.

Man, get the fuck outta here, man!

Man, I ain't callin'. I'm right here.

Man, I didn't. Get outta here with that shit.

Man, I know the bitch that make these rugs. You know Juanita.

Man, I'll fuck your ass up. Shut up.

Man, it look like all the black students that was in here are history, ****a.

Man, look, man. The serum workin', man. They hot, dog. Look! Hey, man, look.

Man, my grandmother would love this shit in her garden.

Man, shut up before I kick your ass.

Man, that party was not that wild.

Man, that shit smell good as hell, dog.

Man, that's me! So what's in this stuff?

Man, we ain't got no more goddamn plant!

Man, we gonna get kicked the fuck out this school.

Man, you talk too fuckin' much. Peace!

Mark of Buddha, my ass. Look at you now... dead, ashes.

Maybe he just came here to pay our money.

Maybe I can go back to being your manager...

Me and you turned this place upside down, didn't we?

Me hungry.

Megan and I have never done anything like this before.

Mm hmm. And did your picture have that nasty...

Mm hmm. This is Jamal. Jamal, this is my dad.

Mm, okay. You and you.

Mm.

Mmm! A little piece of heaven. Better than mine?

Molly and I are really into D'Angelo. Do you have any?

Molly, get in here! You have to see this!

Momma, they lyin'. They lyin'?

Most of the wealth into the hands of a few.

Motherfuckin' unicorns.

Multi socket extension cubes.

Music, artists and the women.

Must maintain at least a 2.0 average, or you will be expelled.

My bad, bro. We got off on the wrong foot.

My granddaddy was a pimp.

My point is that you two... My point is shut the fuck up!

My raasclot true gashman and me dick won't stay tick, see?

My weed! Oh! Oh!

My... Yeah, my truth serum. Yeah.

Nerdy ass lookin' women out there.

Never thought I'd find you two ghetto asses up in here studying.

Next to your brother's prison issued barber certificate...

Nice comeback on the Dick Butt kiss. I wish I could have said that.

Nice to see you again. Listen. Tonight,

****a, you are a wolf.

No cigar? No!

No more datin', no more foolin' around.

No, actually, I come for your girls. Ooh!

No, bro. I'm just here for you.

No, but do you mind talkin' that way?

No, but it'll make you forget your drill sergeant don't stand at attention.

No, man. It's fat, dope, cool. It's BUFU, man.

No, no, I'm not kicking anything.

No, no, no, no, no. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

No, no, no!

No, no, no.

No, no! Not at all.

No, sir, I'm not saying anything. It... It's these guys.

No, sir. What did you say?

No, that's the Ivory, bro.

No, we can't give up.

No. There you go.

Nobody say that now nothin' like you say that now nothin'.

Nobody... I repeat, nobody...

Not a now, not a bitch. I still don't know what that shit mean,

Not forward!

Not that problem. I'm talking about the boys.

Not yourselves! Shit!

Nothin' but pork. Wow! Right on!

Nothin'.

Nothin'.

Now don't disappoint me, you weed smokin',

Now go to time out. Go to your room.

Now later you can take note of the foot operated carburetor,

Now let's go see what this Dean «Stick Up His Ass» want.

Now my instincts tell me it's you, but I can't prove it... not yet.

Now nothin' mean «don't get a now nothin'.»

Now nothin'. A now nothin' nothin' now.

Now that you're amongst civilized people?

Now, as I was saying, here at Harvard...

Now, listen, Jamie's father is having an upcoming election,

Now, where did I go wrong with your ass?

NWA? Kid, what do you know about that?

Of course, history is the record of an account of the past,

Oh, baby, I ain't laughin'. I'm gonna make you mine.

Oh, cool.

Oh, do anybody know where the financial aid office is?

Oh, fine. He's coming along.

Oh, God, no!

Oh, God, run for your life! Oh!

Oh, God! Stop actin' like a little bitch!

Oh, God. One glove, my brothers!

Oh, hell no!

Oh, hell, no! Crazy?

Oh, hey, man, get that car fixed, yo.

Oh, how sweet.

Oh, I see now, yes. It's all good, yeah.

Oh, I'm watching you... Like a hawk.

Oh, I'm workin' on my truth serum.

Oh, it must be the effects of the brownies you sent me.

Oh, my bad.

Oh, my God, look at them. Turn the headlights off. Stop it!

Oh, my God! My wheels!

Oh, my God. I knew it.

Oh, my God. It's so good.

Oh, my! Look at those muscles!

Oh, no. I already got the prescription filled. Zing!

Oh, oh, the Fox Club.

Oh, please, God! Come back!

Oh, shit, Mikey. Hell, no!

Oh, shit.

Oh, shit. We got a black man for a teacher.

Oh, shit. You know.

Oh, Silas, hi. Hey, hey.

Oh, that's fine. Keep on laughin'. Bring your face over here.

Oh, that's my song!

Oh, these. These are invitations to the alumni celebration...

Oh, this motherfucker done messed up my shit!

Oh, well, I guess I should say «thanks.»

Oh, yeah!

Oh, yeah! Great ass!

Oh, yeah! Oh! Oh!

Oh, yeah. I'd like that. Me too!

Oh, yeah. I'm lookin' for those’ shrooms.

Oh, yeah. It's a, uh, hanging rubber plant.

Oh, yeah. What's this right here? Aah!

Oh, yes, I'm a hater. I hate pot smoking punks...

Oh, you ain't got to do shit, baby,

Oh, you can't dance!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh! Oh, oh, oh!

Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh! Oh, shit!

Oh! Wow!

Oh.

Okay, Bart!

Okay, but if you two are our roommates, who's that?

Okay.

Okay. All right.

Okay. I'm not that good at it.

Old friends, fellow alums,

On an original 18th century handwoven tapestry!

On your mark, get set...

Once again, a black man.

One thing it doesn't cure, though? Bein' a spoiled little bitch.

Only way I'm comin' is if you got some females and some chronic.

Ooh whee!

Ooh, all right! Malcolm X!

Ooh, how you doin'? For real!

Ooh, Ivory! My, how you've grown!

Ooh, Professor! So that means I get to stay.

Ooh!

Open bar all night, man. Everything was cool, man,

Or a telescope, or...

Or go to your little roadster and move the fuck on, okay?

Or I'm just gonna cut you off from this family.

Or is that like below the « Dooster Principle»?

Oui. It is, but how did you know that, Silas?

Outta here.

Ow! Oh, God!

Ow! Shit! Man, I must not be high enough, man.

Paddle like a man! Shoot the J! Get diggy with it. Something.

Paleface, Peckeoods, Cracker,

Peace.

Pimpin' since been pimpin' since been pimpin'.

Pimps go through this kind of shit from time to time.

Pink ass Paul Bunyan plaid pussy shirt wearin’...

Please! Come on!

Plus, there's no room in the limo!

Point well taken. I need you to help me get proof...

Popcorn player.

Popcorn player. Popcorn player.

Porkchops o Chunky Taste real good

Powder, what are you doing here? What are you doing in here?

Pretty soon you're going to slip up,

Puffs of purgatory for everybody. Line’em up!

Puffs of purgatory, baby! Puffs of purgatory. Puffs of purgatory.

Put a little neem plant on it, cleared it up in an hour.

Puttin' the power of healin' in the hands of the common man. Yeah, whatever.

Read from the brochure, brother. Brothers, join us...

Ready? We ain't studied...

Remember those artifacts that I found this summer? Well, I was right!

Rich weapons, poor schooling.

Right, right. You have a good show.

Right? Right.

Right.

Rock bands, without a permit.

Row, motherfucker, row!

Rude ass motherfucker. Stingy bastard!

Say, you tryin' to get somethin' to bring them nerves down too, huh, bro?

See each other no more. I mean, the fuckin' around...

See that statue right there? It's beautiful, isn't it?

See those two fine ass ho's right there?

See what I'm sayin'? I gotta give Pops his medicine.

See what I'm sayin’? See what I'm sayin’? All "F's," son.

See, I'm lookin' for the ecstasy. I'm lookin' for the pot.

See, the system is geared to put...

Sex novelties, obscenity, fighting,

Shall we, ladies?

She has lousy perfume, and he has a lousy toupee.

She knows I love brownies.

She wouldn't even know it was me. To hell with that.

She's fine, and if she gave me the chance, I would wax that ass till she show me what she...

She's got this long, black hair

Shit remind me of slavery, Roots and shit.

Shit, I fucks with ya. Shit, I fucks with you too.

Shit, I gotta roll up that joint, dog.

Shit, we lookin' for that shit too!

Short ones, tall ones,

Silas, entrepre n****.

Silas, man, you can't give up.

Silas, your experiment was a success.

Silas! Jamal.

Silas?

Sir...

Skinny ones, chunky ones.

Sleepyhead, wake up!

Smoke that shit, pass that shit.

So I caught them and you can give me a reward, like more of the plant.

So I'm guessin' that would be the Dooster House...

So try to find another way to be an asshole...

So why don't you try thinking of another way to say «good bye, »

So you supposed to be cosigning to the shit that I say.

So you're playin’ grabby ass again, huh?

So, does it sound tempting? Ivy League atmosphere?

So, he likes plants, does he?

So, Lauren, you might as well tell him now and get it over with.

Socrates, Nietzsche... even the old dude who made up this test.

Somebody owes me for one night's worth of flat back fuckin' up in here!

Something that may benefit mankind.

Sometimes you want more than just a honey with ass

Stand up for your rights Move on up! Move on up!

Stop!

Stroke, smoke. Stroke, smoke.

Stroke, smoke. Stroke, smoke.

Students enter Harvard with a variety of goals.

Studying? Yeah.

Stupid.

Sure, come on in.

Take him away, boys. Take your hands off of me! Do you realize who I am?

Taxi!

Tell me, how is Jamal doing?

Tell the truth. Baby, I got a dream...

Thank God I fell out before I hit the freeway.

Thank you.

Thank you. How very thoughtful.

Thank you. You too.

That ain’t right

That Jamal is diddling Jamie.

That one day I can put your college diploma...

That shit on your lip got some shit on its lip, dog.

That statue is in the likeness of my great granddaddy Dooster,

That statue was priceless. It means everything to our family.

That the drug companies would never do: What up? Stay up.

That was deep! That was deep.

That'll inject some ghetto back in his ass.

That's a four hour move you're makin', motherfucker.

That's a natural aphrodisiac right there.

That's bullshit. I bullshit you not.

That's I Need Money! Goddamn!

That's right, get up and move! You should lynch me!

That's the kind of attitude I like to hear. And, uh, where are you going?

That's what I'm talkin'‘bout. What's up, bro? Hallo. We straight, dog.

That's’cause you comin' down off a three month crack binge. It's called reality, son.

The bi g payback

The Borgs? They're here!

The chickens are not clucking around here.

The day you lay off is the day you pay off.

The extension cords themselves are intertwined...

The financial aid office.

The herb is more than just a powerful potion What's the commotion

The movie's over. Go home. Why don't you get out of your seat?

The name's Jamal, and I'll fuck your crew up.

The other half lies, all right?

The proud owner of America's first... bong.

The reservoir and the top loading bud bowl.

The role played...

The trustees seem to think we need it.

The white man teachin' Black History, anyway, that's some bullshit.

Them motherfuckers don't wanna see a black man make it.

Them shits was talkin' to me. You know what?

Then we all gonna be comin'. That voice just now, what was it?

Then we gonna start askin' questions.

Then we'll fucks with each other.

Then we'll fucks with each other.

Then what is this that I found in your bedroom?

There is now.

There's a lot of things in life your ass just don't get.

These eggs are a part of my pledging.

They always tell me, « No, don't stop!»

They are Ben Franklin's! Great!

They know we stole the... What is that?

They look like they got money. Oh, he kinda cute.

They made perfect scores on their THC's!

They might not understand.

They must still be in my system.

They put me in a shopping cart and shoved me down a hill.

They're blowin' Harvard's ass out of the water.

They're gonna blow up.

This ain't no damn baby. What kind of shit is that hangin' out the back?

This ain't shit, all right? Watch yourself.

This fine black man right here.

This girl is bangin'!

This girl is different. All she cares about is Kevin Costner movies.

This guy's a real asshole.

This is a motherfuckin' president, man. What the fuck are we doin'?

This is a part of history, man.

This is against campus fire code section 1743

This is Black History. Black History?

This is how we do it Throw me a beer, you big weenie!

This is insane!

This is nothing! I cut myself shaving. Yeah, whatever.

This is out of my personal collection.

This is pimpin' here. I been on Wheel of Fortune, Price is R...

This is the shit. That shit is called Ivory.

This is, this is outrageous!

This isn't basketball, J. Rock.

This just sprang up. You know what I think it is?

This reminds me of my lab back at the crib.

This semester in Women's Studies, we will discuss...

This would never have happened if I were black.

Those rejects have been rejected.

Three day wearin' nasty ass.

Till Marvin Gaye came in there trippin'.

Timber!

To go and pick him up in the precinct last week.

To make somethin' of yourself, and you just throwin' it away?

To these so called findings.

To think that jammin' was a thing of the...

Today's class is called Pimpology I and II.

Trust me. I got all the answers. You just told me that answer.

Turn that goddamn water off!

Twelve years? Damn, kid.

Uh oh, my brother. You got those words backwards.

Uh oh. I don't give a fuck if it breaks!

Uh, as I was saying,

Uh, yeah. Told you.

Um, let me ask you a question. Now don't laugh. But, um...

Um, maybe next time I'll get to study with you. Peace.

Um, we didn't land on Plymouth Rock. Plymouth Rock landed on us.

Um, well, well, well.

Very sad. Very sad indeed.

Virgins? No, you're not.

Wait a minute! Wait a minute!

Wait a minute. Didn't you put the ashes in the soil before you grew the plant?

Wait a minute. I know you all two ain't over here playin' grab ass...

Wait till Harvard see our Halloween party!

Wait, no, no, no! You can't dig up somebody's grave! That's disgusting!

Walk out on me! What are you doing sitting there? You look like Whitey.

We about to get kicked the fuck out of here...

We ain't got no Ivory,

We ain't got no time for that shit. We gotta grind him now. Get this arm.

We all know that Harvard has been honored to host...

We are about to tighten this ass up right here.

We are fucked. Fucked, fucked, fucked, fucked!

We come in here to get our old bitches, but if they ain't in here,

We did not. Here, hit this.

We did not. Yes, we did.

We don't listen to that Chinese shit. We do this. This what we do.

We don't want the dean to get his panties in a bunch.

We either have a one in six billion phenomenon or a cheat.

We gonna be there. All right!

We gonna get those intellect bitches and start our own new stable, feel me?

We gonna kill these motherfuckin' bitches, huh?

We have very high standards.

We havin' a party... costume party at the Lovell House.

We here at Harvard are rooted in tradition.

We limited, all right? We gonna have to split this shit up.

We need to start importin' some ho's.

We probably the only blackheads he seen since he looked in the mirror.

We sit down, blaze up,

We're gettin' straight «A's.»

We're virgins.

We're virgins. Mm hmm. Yeah, both of us.

We've got this motherfucker locked up.

We've never had anybody, let alone two people, get a perfect score.

Wearin’ ass motherfucker! Get’im!

Welcome, gentlemen, to academic probation.

Well, Bart fart, you got skills in it?

Well, guys, hey!

Well, I could that, but he'll tell me, «Hey, man... »

Well, I don't know about all that.

Well, I'll be damned. What is that?

Well, I'm Jamal, a pothead.

Well, I've been rolling this joint for 20 years.

Well, if you act right, I might just let you in my head one day.

Well, it's not a felony, but maybe we can work with that.

Well, Mr. Civilized, «peace» can also be used interjectionally...

Well, my friend, this is crew, but don't even think about it.

Well, my man, let me think.

Well, practice starts tomorrow at 6?00 a.m., all right?

Well, we got Cleopatra looking like Elizabeth Taylor,

Well, we have the finest botany department in the world...

Well, we might have Moses looking like...

Well, well, well.

Well, with test scores like theses, you can roll up any joint you want.

Well, you know, someone else was breakin' in here,

Well. This isn't even a real ticket.

What about you two? Why don't yo walk out and protest with your brothers?

What about you? We all have secrets.

What about your employees? No, fuck that!

What are we doing? Looking for a smart dead guy.

What are we talkin' about? Look, Gerald. Either your holdin',

What are you all laughing at?

What are you doin' here? You gonna hook me up with a chick...

What are you doin' in there? Droppin' your kids off at the pool?

What are you doin'? You just runnin' the streets, fuckin' with the livin'?

What are you doing, Hip Hop Hooray? Paddle!

What are you talkin' about? Same thing you talkin' about.

What are you two doing here?

What did you do to it? This is a special plant.

What do we have here?

What happened to bird? Crazy shitting everywhere?

What rules? Who cares? Do you guys care about the rules?

What the fuck is all this? What y'all three bitches want?

What the fuck is goin' on? Ain't you supposed to be dead?

What the fuck is he gonna do? We've got the Ivory.

What the fuck is the plate for, man?

What the fuck is your problem? No dishwee saya.

What the fuck you doin'? Put the milk back! You're not supposed to steal from us!

What the hell Are you wearing?

What the hell is that? It's the mark of Buddha.

What titties? What? Okay, you must've heard that.

What you mean, « If you build it, they gonna come»?

What you need to do is concentrate on gettin' the power of booty...

What you tellin' me for? Damn.

What, no wake and bake? Got other stuff for that.

What? Don't go forward!

What? You know. How you said...

What's that got to do with me? I know you ready. You studied for it.

What's this shit? Looks old. Oh, it is old.

What's this?

What's this? Ooh, you got a big sword, baby!

What's up, dog? That's Ivory.

What's up, dogs?

What's up, ladies? Yo, Si.

What's up, ****a? What's crackin'?

What's wrong with my shit? Homey, please.

What's your name? I'm Jamal.

Whatever, Bart kowski. Listen, I was just admiring your girl's, uh, thing.

Whatever.

Whatever. But I ain't sayin' shit on the first date.

When we first hooked up, he wrote on a slip of paper « I Need Money.»

Where I get to see my beautiful daughter.

Where my bitches at? Where our bitches?

Where my bitches? Can't we just say «employees»?

Where the hell is he?

Where the party at? We're tryin' to get a party on.

Where you going? You gotta stay.

Where? Between your eyes?

Where's all them fly ass women the chancellor was talkin' about?

Where's my bitches? Okay, check this out.

Where's my bitches? Where's my bitches?

Whetheryou're black, or a honky or in between, you'll love Porkchops O Chunky.

Whew whew! Who is that?

Whew! What took y'all guys so long?

While I'm entertainin' my future vanilla villa father over there, are you?

While the masculine bastards exploit women's ideas for great profit,

Who are they? Who are they, goddamn it? It's rowing, Jimmy Jam.

Who invented the air conditioner? A black man.

Who is you, and what's you doin' in my house, Jack?

Who said this was a date?

Who the bitch now, bitch? Bitch!

Who would've thought the last thing to wind up smokin' would be your ass?

Who's gonna come to a fuckin' cornfield? Who gonna cut the grass?

Who's gonna come to a fuckin' cornfield? Who gonna cut the grass?

Whoa, I must be buzzed. I'm babbling.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

Whoa, whoa! Hold up.

Whoa!

Why are you always taking violent tones with people?

Why don't you come to the base and understand what it's really like to be somebody special?

Why don't you go pick up a book or something?

Why don'tyou have a bowl... There you go, man.

Why is fuckin' Dick Butt kiss over here always ridin' me?

Why isn't he considered as a minority? And I brought him in.

Why you always gotta be talkin' to me like that in front of company?

Why you doin' this? I'm in the Field of Dreams and Dances with Wolves.

Why you go and tell him we ain't studied for the test? Damn all that!

Why you gotta sound all belligerent about my shit anyway?

Why you wear smelly eggs?

Why, yes, Jamal. It is somewhat of a surprise to me also.

Will this make my drill sergeant stand at attention?

Will you stop your damn sniveling, son?

With no gag reflex or some shit like that?

Won't make your bathroom smell funky, yeah

Woo, hoo, hoo, hoo! That's what I'm talkin' about.

Word up, young M C. You're just in time to help cheer us to victory.

Word!

Word.

Workin' in a real lab, makin' some real money.

Wow!

Wu Tang. Wu Tang. I came to bring the pain

Y'all calm down! We got this. Calm down.

Y'all don't know shit. I'm gonna learns you, though. I'm gonna learns you.

Y'all gonna pay us, right?

Yeah, he should know all the fuckin' answers.

Yeah, I'll bet on it. How about an S.U.V.? I got three of’em.

Yeah, it did get a little out of hand. You know what I'm sayin'?

Yeah, like pussy and respect.

Yeah, oh, yeah! Yeah?

Yeah, okay. Whatever, man. If you say so, bro.

Yeah, that's for sure. Yeah, for sure.

Yeah, we down with that. Ballers and stuff gonna be there?

Yeah, well, your shit is raggedier than a motherfucker, okay?

Yeah, yeah, yeah

Yeah, yeah. I love ******s With Attitudes.

Yeah!

Yeah! Here we go.

Yeah. Know what I mean?

Yeah. What you got for me? Here you go, right here: the bomb.

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah... rehab, mouthwash and a job application. Jeez!

Yee hah! Look out!

Yep. It's the liberty bong. Light that shit.

Yes, but it's breaking the bank keeping his igloo frozen.

Yes, Dean Cain here.

Yes, Dean Cain. Am I to believe this is correct?

Yes, I did receive them. As a matter of fact,

Yes, I do. ♪ Make love to you ♪

Yes, I smoke shit Straight off the roach clip

Yes, it's probably better If we stop seeing each other...

Yes, Lord. Ooh, damn!

Yes, yes, yes!

Yes, yes, yes!

Yes, yes, yes.

Yes.

Yes. I agree.

Yes. I want to boldly go where no man has gone before.

Yes. Well, I'll speak to you later.

Yo, baby, this is boring as hell. Yo, yo, yo, yo, deejay!

Yo, Ben, tell this fool. Is that a bong or what?

Yo, Dean, man, what are those?

Yo, Dean. Yo, why you gotta be a hater?

Yo, do you think they gonna find out we stole the Dooster statue?

Yo, dog. Yo, zog.

Yo, fresh and funky.

Yo, how much of that Ivory shit we got anyway?

Yo, I hate it when you do that. I love that funny shit.

Yo, I wish I could, dog, but I got this little shorty comin' through tonight.

Yo, Silas, my brother!

Yo, Silas!

Yo, Silas! You better take those college exams!

Yo, Silas. What's up, dog?

Yo, son, I'm sore as a bitch in here. And you know what else?

Yo, stop doin' that shit, dog. You can't be laughin' at me.

Yo, we still high on that Ivory?

Yo, what the fuck are we gonna do now?

Yo, what's up with the fast stroll?

Yo, yo

Yo, you gotta come to this party, Ben.

Yo, you just remember to take them THC's, at least try to get into college,

Yo, you keep on usin' them big ass Harvard words,

Yo, you scared to answer your call?

Yo!

You ain't gonna be laughin' in a minute, motherfucker.

You ain't gonna get the pimp tonight!

You are one of my biggest customers. You like them hand jobs,

You betcha! You can stay as long as it takes you to graduate.

You can work hard, you learn...

You can't just change the line up! That's against the rules!

You can't just change the line up! That's against the rules!

You can't let the dean win.

You couldn't teach your way out of kindergarten class, Dean.

You discovered all this crazy shit. You a straight up genius, girl.

You don't look like you could hang, Jamaine.

You East coast, I Far East coast.

You ever been arrested, Jamal? Uh, no.

You gonna be an herbal scientist, my brother.

You gonna need some strong shit just to stay awake.

You got a opportunity to do somethin' here...

You got the voice down, but those outfits no good.

You got to be kiddin' me! Yo, yo, you, Silas! Chill out! Silas!

You gotta say it together. It goes in together.

You guys don't think that there's anything wrong with this?

You guys stole the Dooster! They do what?

You hear me? Goddamn it!

You hi gh yet? Hell, no, man. Maybe not high enough.

You idiot. You idiot!

You is a nasty motherfucker!

You just earned yourself another citation. Fuck off!

You know Miss Jenowitz from the Chemistry Department, Nice to see you.

You know what I'm sayin'? We only blaze at test times.

You know you fucked up, Woody. Come on with it.

You know you my boy, man.

You know, you surprised me by getting high.

You know, you surprised me by getting high.

You little bitch, you better get up off of me. Where's my bitches?

You little Sammy Davis Award Junior afro haircut havin’ ass motherfucker!

You look funky fresh, and funky fresh...

You look lovely. Oh, Philip!

You mean, this carpet?

You need to sit down. Mm mm.

You ol' Richard Pryor shortcut, fade havin’ around the side wearin’ motherfucker!

You see that? Cure for blue balls.

You should've thought about all that before you got us... What's up!

You smoked my weed, didn't you? And we almost kissed, didn't we?

You the man. Round and round we go

You two are an absolute disgrace to this university.

You wanna stay in Harvard or what?

You were dropping Chee tos...

You won't mind that I'm bangin' your daughter on the regular.

You wouldn't sound so fuckin' smug, now would you?

You, here.

You'd have that lab you always talked about.

You'll fail, and then I'll have you out of my hair and out of Harvard.

You'll have to pardon my dust.

You'll make sure I pass that motherfucker, ya heard?

You're dismissed.

You're feelin' me. You're feelin' me.

You're gonna have to study on your own. Damn, they can't hear me or see me. Tell’em!

You're startin' to see Bart for the shallow bastard that he is,

You's a pimp. I never deny you that.

You've come to the right place. I've been an undergrad for 1 2 years.

You've got anything for a head wound?

Young MC.

Your ass didn't even get hit by a bus.

Your girl is doin' somethin' I think you need to recognize.

Your Halloween costume. If you pimp, you broke pimp.

Your people payin' for all this shit?

Your serum worked, and you're going to get an «A» in my course.

1 863. That's «B.»

1:00 p.m.

41 Nobel laureates and 6 presidents.

Bitch, shut up and drive this fuckin' car.

Hit the bricks, dog!

Oh, you think it's funny, bitch?

Ooh, shit!

Pay that shit.

This shit's not workin'.

Whoa, who are you?

Aah!

Ah, motherfucker. When I was 12,

and then you can build refrigerators and such. Next!

And you predicted that shit? Yeah.

Anyone? Anyone? Anyone? You? You?

As I was saying... What's wrong with this ass?

BUFU! BUFU?

BUFU. Oh, no. Not you two!

Cut! Cut! Cut!

Cut. Cut.

Dean, what a surprise. Look who's here. How exciting.

Doesn't talk. How come he? I Need Money, he's a mute.

Dog. Og.

drops the N bomb up in here. Nobody.

Frees your mind and your body. Next! Next!

Fuck history. Yeah, fuck history.

Ghetto asses? Oh, did I say that?

Good service. Hey, Jamie.

He a ghost, man. Cool. That explains everything.

He got another thing comin'. What an asshole.

He is quite attractive. Indeed.

Hey, what you listening to, brother? Wu Tang.

How was the trip? Good. Good.

I actually feel wonderful. Isn't he great, Daddy?

I didn't mean to scare you. Can I come in? Um...

I don't hear nothin'. Yeah, we got dough.

I know. You stole our plant!

I meant that in a good way. Oh, okay.

I said that this school has nice halls. This is not funny.

I stole it. Just place them on the wall there.

I'm trying to study my pledge book. This ****as With Attitude.

If it ain't «Rice Puff Daddy.» No, no, Powder. That's «Run M.S.G.»

Is he any good? He don't talk. He speaks with his hands.

Is that good? Yes, that's a «yes.»

It's time for you to learn a lesson. Come on, Ive.

Ma! Did you wash your ass today?

Me bumbaclot Johnson no workin, see? What?

My eyes. Aha!

Next! You think you're all hot tamales right now, I'll tell you.

No, I said «idiot.» An idiot?

Now go warm me up some Porkchops O Chunky. Is that all, Momma?

Now what? Oh, shit, Ive! What's up, dog?

Oh, bitch. Come on with it. You'd rather piss eau de crude than piss off Powder.

Oh, hell, no! Did you cuss at me?

Oh, shark has fangs! Oh! Word. Hey, go easy on him.

Oh, yeah! Wait, give me that Chinese egg roll fuck!

Pretty tight, right? Actually, it's rather baggy.

Relax! Relax! Open, window! Open, window!

Repeat after me. Repeat after me.

self serving, overopinionated ass! Get’im!

Shh! You tellin' me to «shh»?

Smells good. Ooh, you pretty boy lookin' motherfucker.

Taking a vow of celibacy, Next.

Tell them, Powder! We already got pussy. Y'all come back later.

Tell them, Powder. Dick drive this car, not pussy.

That go for you too. Hey, I am down with you, man.

That is all me, G. That's the vice president's daughter,

That you bitches can split. Who you callin' a bitch, bitch?

That's not yours! Look at these, bro!

That's toilet water.

The original man was like us, man. Whatever, ****a.

then take all the credit. Jamal!

These bitches ain't nobody. Oh!

They found the weed on you, didn't they? It wasn't mine.

This class is fuckin' boring. I'm outta here! Uh, excuse me.

This is insane. Oh, shit!

W W W Why? Because, you was born,

Wait. Ivory here? Yeah, maybe.

Wash your nasty ass. Is that all, Momma?

We didn't hear anything. You got some nice titties, dog. Word.

We used to have a good time.

We want all the ho's out here to come. Did you just call us ho's?

we're all about good grades. Is that right, Mr. King?

What are you looking at? I Need Money, you talked!

What the fuck is that?

What took you so long, man? Biggie and ’Pac, they throwin' a party, man.

What? What a jerk!

What? What? What?

Where he stayin'? Harvard.

Where my bitches? Where my bitches?

Whoa!

Whoa! Ah!

With that, they just won't shit. Yeah.

Yeah, I remember that bitch. It means the world to me!

Yeah, the bitch is fine, isn't she? What?

Yeah, two years Pussyology. Academia. I like it.

Yeah? So? Listen, I'm out.

Yes, we are. Yes! Nah!

You been smokin' too much ganja, huh? She's huge!

You know, I got to go. No, no, no, no, no.

You know, I got to go. No, no, no, no, no.

You supposed to be in class. Who the hell is that woman in the sky?

You're an asshole. Did you call me an asshole?

'Cause she's a sister of the black widow spider

'Cause your breath smell like straight ass crack, bro.

"Costume party. Place: Lovell House, Time: Friday."

"Dooster Principle,"

"Thou shalt not allow multi socket extension cubes in dorm rooms."

« Dear Carl, saw these and thought of you.

« I believe in the Fly Club, its traditions and its ideals.

«A, » French. Definitely the French.

«Buy us, fuck you!»

«Buy us, fuck you.»

«C, » Silas. Come on, man. It's Portuguese.

«Word»?

♪ Ain't what you want, baby ♪ Girl, wake your ass up.

♪ And I'm gonna kiss you Suck you ♪

♪ And then take that finger off of that hole ♪

♪ As if your, reppin’ your hood in my neck of the woods ♪

♪ Back to get ya Put it in check That's the mista

♪ Bombs over Baghdad These are our midterms? ♪

♪ Bombs over Baghdad Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Box up just like bein' in your chest, thinks she got away, don't hold your breath ♪

♪ Brick city and the crooked letter "I" ♪

♪ Brick city to the crooked letter I ♪

♪ Bringin’ you lungs Pop the Glock but only

♪ But my double barrel bong is gettin’ me stoned ♪

♪ But what you need, baby ♪ Damn right you ain't sleep.

♪ Come along and take a hit from the bong ♪

♪ Come back with me, baby Satisfaction guaranteed ♪ « Limp Dick.» Ha!

♪ Contagious We out for Mista Biggs women ♪

♪ Cypress Hill and we can't go wrong, people smokin’ like Cheech and Chong ♪

♪ Don't get me wrong It's not a new method ♪

♪ Don’t even bang unless you plan to hit something ♪

♪ Don’t pull the thang out Unless you plan to bang ♪

♪ Find me lit Blunts spark like Felipe Fuck the he say, she say ♪

♪ Grimy bitch, I wear the same shit for three days ♪

♪ High is how I stay all the time ♪

♪ Hits from the bong ♪

♪ Hits from the bong ♪

♪ Hits from the bong From the bong ♪

♪ Hits from the bong From the bong ♪

♪ Hits from the bong Pick it, pack it Fire it up ♪

♪ Hittin’ somersaults without the net, but this'll be the year that we won’t forget ♪

♪ How high, motherfuckers How high ♪

♪ How, how, how, how How, how, how, how ♪

♪ I don’t stash the drug ****a, divide ♪

♪ I gots it locked bringin’ the noise ♪

♪ I had these ho’s strippin’ till it's part of the mornin’ ♪

♪ I just wanna touch you tease you, lick you ♪ You have the most amazing...

♪ I love a fat chick with a body enormous ♪

♪ I smack him with my dick and the mike ♪

♪ I stayed back but my Benz moved up a class ♪

♪ I wish y'all would come around like Clint Eastwood ♪

♪ I'm skillin' There's water inside Don't spill it ♪

♪ I'm that ****a that ride with a trigger to get a supply ♪

♪ If I'm hard to find take two puffs and pass ♪

♪ In slum national underground Thunder pounds when I stomp the ground ♪

♪ It ain’t about the weight, yo It's how they perform it ♪

♪ It's Dock and Meth The format is real sickening ♪

♪ It's what you need, baby♪ «Crabs.» « Bad Breath.»

♪ Let's get, yo Let's get ♪

♪ Let's smoke that bowl Hit the bong ♪

♪ Like it's all good roll through your hood pushin’ a hearse ♪

♪ Load they guns clip in the end None sicker than him ♪

♪ Look, an assassin from Cypress Hill DJ just resonated ♪

♪ Mista Method Man puttin’ in work foot in the dirt ♪

♪ My dash is 10 My weed half a pound ♪

♪ ****as, close the door Yo, bitches shut all your blinds ♪

♪ Not only snap on y'all ******s but I'll snap dem bones ♪

♪ Not what you want, baby ♪

♪ On that piece of the pie Now ask me how high ♪

♪ One nine nine nine ano domi ni, anything goes ♪

♪ One, two, One, two, three, yeah ♪

♪ Open up a fat one and smoke up the sess, see these, we the ones with the Wheaties ♪

♪ Please you, love you, hold you ♪ penis.

♪ Put the blunt down just for a second ♪

♪ Sittin’ in a drop top soakin’ wet, in a silk suit tryin’ not to sweat ♪

♪ Slap your dome Make you leave that crack alone ♪

♪ Smoke cheeba cheeba Smoke cheeba cheeba ♪

♪ Smoke cheeba cheeba Smoke cheeba cheeba ♪

♪ So high that I can kiss the skies, bitch ♪

♪ So high that I could kiss the sky ♪

♪ Spinnin' on a track with Red and Meth ♪

♪ Street vanillas in the pj's ♪

♪ Taste you, ride you Feel you deep inside me “

♪ That's my home Twenty three's wrapped in chrome ♪

♪ These dirty rats want extra cheese ♪

♪ Tical shittin’ again Spittin’ to win ♪

♪ Treadin' on them all Come on, believe me, look who it is with the hockey feel ♪

♪ Until you reach for the sky Blame the crooked letter "I" ♪

♪ Up in here, up in here ♪

♪ Up in here, up in here ♪

♪ Up in here, up in here ♪

♪ Up in here, up in here ♪

♪ We live up in here, y'all ♪

♪ We pissin’ on fire hydrants so walk around, bitch ♪

♪ When there's smoke in the air my nose is like a basset hound's ♪

♪ Y'all gonna make me act the fool ♪

♪ Y'all gonna make me act the fool ♪

♪ Y'all gonna make me go all out ♪

♪ Y'all gonna make me lose my cool ♪

♪ Y'all ****az is characters Not even good actors ♪

♪ Yeah, so high till I reach the sky ♪

♪ Yes, indeed I'm ill as any S. T.D. or sex disease ♪

♪ Yo, ladies and gentlemen Smoke cheeba cheeba Smoke cheeba cheeba ♪

♪ Yo, let's get ♪

♪ Yo, yo, yo ♪

♪ Yo, you can call on the man when the party is borin’ ♪

♪ You better shut your trap when my dogs around ♪

♪ You got the key to the city but the latch is on ♪

♪ You wack, you're twisted your girl's a ho, you broke the kid ain’t yours ♪

♪ You're just a mike off Yo, call me Bob Backlund I break backs on ho’s ♪