Sleeping with Other People (2015) Edit

A little adrenaline, in a bad way.

A really, really large dose of fear.

A tremendous amount of Malcolm Gladwellian logic jumps.

Absolutely. How long shall I tell him we're going to be?

Absolutely. Yeah.

Actually, it's, uh, it's Henry's.

Ah, Goddammit! Even his junk is boring.

Ah, hi, you two. Are you guys married?

All that tension in your shoulders. Legs crossed, playin' with your hair...

All you want to do is flit around the party

Almost done. Just one more.

Already?

Alright, now, next move, alright, you're gonna take

Alright, this is uh... This is us.

Alright, well, goodbye forever.

Alright.

Alright.

Alright.

Alright. Are you guys ready to learn a dance?

Alright. I'll allow it.

Alright. To be continued.

Also, 2 minutes ago, I accepted

Also...

Am I allowed to leave the state?

And as you can see I've executed my half, so...

And become a sexually anorexic? No.

And can I just say, we think you two

And dry each other off using friction.

And how do you appease your Khaleesi?

And I hope it's the one that gives you dick cancer.

And I just... I haven't done this in a while.

And I know a place with cheap tequila.

And I see now that when I was in my addiction I made the decision

And I think buying a place, maybe Kensington

And I, uh, didn't. You know, I just, uh...

And I... and I hardly think about Matthew. Like ever.

And I'm like, Oh, of course Wes Anderson is a such a stupid

And it doesn't mean that I don't like sex now

And it kills me that I can't ask you to stay

And it... kills me that you're probably gonna go to Michigan.

And it's like No, I just don't wanna commit to you.

And it's never been special ever since.

And Lord knows, I could use the exercise

And make an honest woman out of you.

And now have stocks vesting until 2018.

And now you're a pod person.

And now, you... you just replaced him with another

And posted a picture of my asshole and said, there was a sale on asshole.

And romantic obsession...

And run away with me, huh?

And secondly, do not gaslight me with SAT words

And she can't hold a candle to you.

And she literally had one of the best natural bodies

And she's super smart and cool and also gorgeous

And sliding scale morality.

And so I just wanted to get it over with

And talking to boring people all night.

And that barely covered vagina of yours

And the day you made me yours.

And then said, Come and lick my asshole if you're bald.

And then she says...

And then this fucker comes out of nowhere and decks him!

And then this one, the middle finger is going to be

And then you just fucked it up.

And these shoes are still uncomfortable.

And this dance you can do anywhere.

And this motherfucker I don't even know...

And why would you do that?

And you just really wanna work that little bugger.

And you said it the other day too.

And you're gonna have that one tapping the roof

And, um...

And... and just a little...

Anything at all and I'm laughing, you know.

Anything that African American guy says

Anytime.

Are the coolest married couple ever.

Are we in love with each other?

Are you kidding? It's perfect.

Are you mappy? You're mappy?

Are you saying I'm crack cocaine?

As in Chris Smith carol?

As in Chris Smith tree?

As me telling an Aborigine in the Australian outback

At least give me that. Come on. You wanna get out of here?

At least respond so I know you're alive and okay.

At my house?

At some point I realized it wasn't gonna be special

At that delicious soft pretzel place. Who cares?

Awesome.

Baby, how many times?

Baby, just breath, okay? Will you? Okay?

Back to work, you.

Be careful.

Be careful.

Be right back.

Be rude to it.

Because everyone likes a person that can dance.

Because he have to control these lives

Because I booked us a flight back

Because I don't actively do anything.

Because I have no right to, you know, and...

Because I know you don't wanna get married, but you know

Because I... I lasted longer.

Because I'd rather fail with you than win with anyone else.

Because my therapist suggested

Because of low self esteem, or abuse or other gnarly shit.

Because you have repartee with everybody.

Before I lose her again.

Before I started this program

Better be ready.

But don't take it personally.

But first I've gotta take you downtown

But he can drop you off and be back in 20 minutes. Easy.

But he's got a point.

But I can't say that, because that's, like, mean on top of mean.

But I didn't... I didn't think I'd remember you.

But I do what we talked about. I do not sleep with her.

But I know what your situation is down there.

But I thought I was gonna be more along

But I've got to find someone now with your exact name

But if you want me to come...

But like an approachable psychotic.

But maybe if I'm not having any sex...

But me, I can't share with you the slightest disappointment

But obviously I can't take a request like this seriously.

But sex doesn't get in the way of our friendship.

But that's bullshit, it's not a feeling

But that's not a real thing. I mean, this is great. This is...

But the seriousness of my request

But then comes the whole rigmarole of, like, You're afraid to commit

But you're gonna figure it out.

But you're right. It's a bad idea. Maybe you shouldn't go.

But you're so old.

But, what's your favorite position?

But, you know, I'm so happy you guys are here.

But, you know, it seemed solid.

By being the most boring, fucking guy

By circumstance and certainly duration

Bye, Chris. Thank you so much for tonight.

Bye.

C, you appease her.

Call Xander, tell him we're gonna be late.

Can I finish my story please?

Can you keep your mouth shut?

Can you please just not interrupt me while I read this, please.

Car seat? We already have a kid?

Careful. Bye.

Check, please.

Chris Smith.

Chris, I'm having a great time.

Cigarette truck. Never mind.

Come as friends or whatever this fucked up thing you guys have...

Come inside me. I want you to come now.

Come on, buddy. You can drive.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on. Get up! Come on.

Come on. This is the third time.

Come one! That's bullshit. It's the 21st century.

Complete and total mousetrap right now.

Congrats, boys. You have officially sold out.

Could've been your true love.

Crack open a bottle of rose and...

Did you grow up in America?

Did you say Love addiction?

Did you, uh...

Did you... No, seriously, did you not get along with your mother?

Dinner maybe? How about brunch with my folks, you'll love them.

Do I go home now, or cancel everything tomorrow?

Do you feel suffocated by them as soon as you...

Do you just want to be friends?

Do you just... do you not like women?

Do you remember?

Do you wanna come to Henry's birthday party this weekend?

Do you want me to grab the rest of the boxes?

Do you want talk about it?

Does this story end with you doing something super racist?

Doesn't mean I don't notice it.

Don't dance, please. Ugh!

Don't grind up on me.

Down at the plaza right down the road here.

Dr. Sobvechik's office...

Dude, are you really using your kid to hit on my friend?

Dude, you gotta chase after her.

Easy. Easy. Watch it! Back off! Back off!

Eddie Murphy at the beginning of Beverly Hills Cop, remember that?

Either way, mazel tov.

Elaine! Elaine! Elaine!

Elaine?

Elaine. Elaine Dalton?

Emma and I are gonna stick around for another hour or so.

Emma and I are gonna stick around for another hour or so.

Emoji of a heart. XXX Renee.

Everybody play.

Everything you ever did to me in bed.

Excellent. I'll help you study. I'll make flashcards.

Except Aaron Sorkin.

Except one time.

Excuse me.

Finger her or anything.

First of all, I gave birth to them.

First of all, you are not

First off, in our initial conversations about exclusivity

First thing, you take, uh, take this guy...

Flirt with the moms.

For cool people who fucked up?

For like 4 seconds.

For long periods of time... Or possibly at all.

For people third marriages. Like, that's...

For people who want to have a horrible, painful life...

For recovery from a love addiction

For teaching me how to love someone.

For the first time, and then I play him Blues Traveler.

For the purposes of today's tutorial

For the right moment.

For women to go down on.

Frankly, I'd be shocked if they made it at all.

Fuck me then ignore me. Nice one, Jake!

Fuck yes!

Fuck you!

Fuck you. Enlighten me.

Fuck you. I didn't call you an old virgin.

Fuck. Oh...

Fuckin'...

Fucking maniac.

Fucking tourist.

Gang bangs, and such.

Get it off.

Get it. Get it. Reverse it.

Get lost.

Get outta here. Get back to work.

Get ready for a Classic Sam freak out!

Get the spanks. I love it. Yeah.

Get... get lucky and... and happy about...

GIF of a panda dancing!

Glad we ended it face to face. You were right to come.

Go be a hot shot.

God damn boring dick!

God, those are all bad.

God!

Good afternoon, Dr. Sobvechik's office.

Good afternoon, Dr. Sobvechik's office.

Good singing. Good. Alright, free play.

Good.

Goodbye, Jacob.

Great, okay.

Great! Okay, who wants to learn a dance!

Great.

Great. Okay. Um, that'll be nice.

Ha ha. Yeah. Ha...

Had a spectacular time with you last night.

Happy Hanukkah. Wherever the fuck you're into.

Happy holidays. Yes.

Have about the clitoris, uh, if they can find it

Have you ever thought about taking a road trip?

Have you texted Voldemort?

Haven't met anyone. I've been busy.

He didn't choose me.

He didn't do anything.

He has no one to play with and gets angry.

He looked so normal.

He loves New York ladies flip flops.

He never calls. He always texts.

He puts his dick in like, every sticky hole he finds.

He reminds me of us.

He's devastatingly handsome?

He's just not thinking about it the same way, you know.

He's just not thinking about it the same way, you know.

He's the TA in my pre med bio class.

Hello?

Hello?

Here we go!

Here we go. Bring it in.

Here we go. Why did you take it from him?

Hey dude, it's me. I haven't heard from you in a while.

Hey, alright, hey, uh...

Hey, baby.

Hey, did you see me take out that cab? Sydney Bristow style?

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

Hey, I'm on Facebook!

Hey, Lainey!

Hey, Lyle, no, no, no, no.

Hey, thanks for comin', Lainey.

Hey, this was a... We did it. That was a good date.

Hey, you don't do this anymore, okay?

Hey, you've reached Lainey. Leave a message.

Hey!

Hey!

Hey! Hey, Hannah!

Hey! Hey! Jake!

Hey.

Hey.

Hey. Hey, hey, hey, I appreciate your anger, I really do, okay.

Hey. Second... second point. Okay?

Hey. You going to lunch? Can I come with?

Hi, Matthew.

His name's Chris Smith?

Hmm.

Hmm.

Hold on, hold on, hold on.

Hold on. What?

Holy shit! I don't think I've ever...

Honey!

Hopefully not here.

How could you even kiss me after you fucked her?

How did you know that?

How was Paula?

How we screw up every sexual relationship we've ever have.

How's she doin'?

How's that feel, blue?

I actually would like the water.

I always thought he'd be heavier with a beard.

I am her husband. That is my wife and that is my baby.

I answer all questions truthfully, but fire away.

I appreciate the hardball

I appreciate you concern, Superman! Fly away.

I assume like... doctor things?

I bet they're counting like, foreplay and stuff.

I bet this sex thing is a ruse.

I bet... I bet my brother 7 and I'd be out.

I can hear my mom's voice when I'm underwater.

I can't believe we lost our virginity

I did hack into my supermarket's Instagram account

I did let someone put a protein bar up my ass once. Big deal.

I didn't end up going to med school.

I didn't plan this.

I distinctly recall you saying something about staying casual, yeah?

I do think it's important we make some sort of commitment to each other

I don't care if it's a woman or if it's somebody else

I don't care. We're in a cool bar. I just bought a Tesla!

I don't deny what I've done. I embrace my past.

I don't even know 16 guys.

I don't know if I have time to answer that.

I don't know what got into me.

I don't know what that whole thing

I don't know who that is.

I don't know. I... I'm just trying to give you a mental picture that's all.

I don't know. The regular one?

I don't know. We haven't talked in a while.

I don't like it. What are you... what are you...

I don't like you.

I don't need to fuck 8 guys on one night.

I don't need to go trolling online looking

I don't need to threaten you.

I don't negotiate, but my lawyers do.

I don't orgasm during sex that much.

I don't think everyone should just be running around fucking willy nilly, okay?

I don't think I interrupt you, but go on.

I don't think she needs to know

I don't... I don't know. I don't know how to recreate that myself.

I feel like he had longer hair.

I feel like people are looking at us.

I forgot that Pinkerton was an alias of yours.

I fucked your sister.

I gave him $5000, remember you were so mad?

I get worried when you disappear.

I got us the penthouse suite

I guess I can't talk you into a road trip to Ann Arbor?

I guess, I just thought eventually he'd choose me.

I guess...

I have chlamydia. Okay, I was joking!

I have not... I am... I would not lie to you. To him, okay?

I have, uh, this is actually... This is my train.

I haven't even spoken to her since she left.

I heard he's a lady doctor now.

I hope it's okay that I said that, by the way.

I hope your heels are comfortable

I just buy the fedora and move to Miami, right?

I just really miss you.

I just tried calling you.

I just... I Facebooked you because I thought...

I just... I mean. I just... just...

I just... I wanna thank you for tonight. It was great.

I know that you stop breathing when you kiss.

I know that. I'm not saying you have to date her.

I know we're no good at this shit.

I know what your car looks like. I don't need it.

I know, I... I right. I mean, and yet here I am like wanting... just now.

I know. But now they have this whole sex thing.

I know. I'm sorry. I have to...

I like bad girls with daddy issues.

I literally thought you'd never ask.

I lost my phone in a cab.

I love hearing your voice.

I love those Rush Hour movies. Oh, my God.

I love you for free, Jake.

I love you for free, Lainey.

I love you! I'm gonna murder you while I love you.

I love you. I love you. Don't... don't hurt anymore people.

I mean, he's... he's actually dating. He's not cheating.

I mean, I guess I've been...

I mean, I had a bunch of friends that had done it

I mean, it's different for women.

I mean, this Jake guy is taking up emotional

I mean, this Jake guy is taking up emotional

I mean, we hook up but I don't, like,

I mean, who is this person? Where do you find her?

I mean, you know, the trick is to be a little

I mean, you should definitely wear stuff over it.

I mean, you're so pretty and you're vulnerable

I mean... I mean you've got to see the way I eat an avocado and you'll be like...

I mean... just the right tinge of danger.

I miss making you cum.

I miss the way you feel on top of me.

I miss your cock in my mouth.

I need you to swear

I need you to... Because, uh...

I remember every compliment you ever gave me.

I said, Jack, Lainey and I, we're looking to buy.

I saw ya. Checkin' your phone every 5 minutes.

I sense that. That's obvious. I just don't know why.

I should start dating again, I'm trying to get over this guy...

I spend about a month's rent on this.

I spent a long time being bad.

I taught you that as a gift to you.

I think I knew that.

I think I know how it's pronounced.

I think I literally sprouted...

I think it might have been the first date I've ever been on

I think it was because I was like a... like a late bloomer.

I think it's sort of great.

I think this is a great idea.

I thought love was a feeling.

I thought you'd never get to this.

I thought... I was just joking around.

I try. I just, I don't know, I... I...

I wait 4 days and then I call her and we go out again.

I waited until my wedding night.

I wanna be able to talk you about this kinda thing.

I wanna make this work. I'm trying to get better.

I wanna move forward in our relationship in an honest way.

I wanna tell you something, look at me.

I want it all the time. It's all I think about.

I want you to do exactly

I want you to do nothing.

I was a mess.

I was married for 8 years.

I wasn't trying to hurt you.

I wasn't willing to lose.

I went to a few meetings

I will meet you there. I will be right there.

I will straight up murder you if you do not sign this immediately.

I will, uh, you know, on behalf of your children and...

I won't be able to do it.

I would make it a cool 7.

I would make the argument that you are just suggesting

I, uh, I want to fuck you.

I, uh, sorta beat the shit out of him.

I, um...

I...

I... I mean, I assumed they would speak about me

I... I thought it was something that should be special.

I... I'm... I'm...

I'll do anything. What do you... You pick it, and yes.

I'll get this for you, you've got to close this.

I'll see you around.

I'll talk to Lainey and see what we can do.

I'm a guilty slut and he gets to be a...

I'm a little bit optimistic...

I'm at lunch. Just tried calling you.

I'm Chris. This is Paul.

I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine.

I'm fucked up? What are you talking about?

I'm going to assume it's because you're coming down

I'm gonna have to call the campus police.

I'm just gonna go grab some lunch.

I'm just gonna say you're mappy.

I'm just kidding. I know it's not you. I know it's not you.

I'm just not feeling well.

I'm just saying arrive at the party together.

I'm just saying, for the first time

I'm just waiting for the right guy.

I'm Miss Dalton! So, you say Hi.

I'm not attracted to you. And I have zero penises.

I'm not gonna involve him in this and make things worse.

I'm not saying you have to come as a couple.

I'm not sex addict.

I'm not... I have not lied! I have...

I'm not... I'm shocked. I'm shocked. You're so cute.

I'm proud of us. Nicely done.

I'm raising friendless children because of you.

I'm so, so sweaty. All this on...

I'm sorry the doctor's not available right now. May I take a message?

I'm sorry, go play soccer, what are you doing talkin' to me?

I'm sorry, I didn't... I didn't know. I...

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset.

I'm sorry. I'm being selfish. I know it's like...

I'm sorry... beep, beep, squeak, um, hello...

I'm surprised Matthew hasn't mentioned you.

I'm talkin' about, like, the White Album, not Hook.

I'm telling you, someone's gonna murder us if you keep screaming...

I'm... I didn't do anything wrong here.

I'm... I'm sick.

I've been getting his second fucking servings.

I've been tasting his sweat. Who's juices have I tasted?

I've ever seen in my life.

I've never seen you like this. I... I... you're spinning.

I've worked with you guys when I was a mediator

If he texted I'd think of an excuse. I'd lie, I'd...

If I've been drinking his juices, I wanna know who it is.

If they're gonna be 90 minutes...

If we give her water I don't know what happens.

If you answer a question truthfully.

If you ever even mention The Graduate again, I will slit your throat.

If you really, actually wanted monogamy

If you want someone to fall for you

If you want, you know... You know...

In 11B at Wein Dormitory?

In a good way I think.

In case you feel like you might need it.

In relationships anymore.

In the dorm to sleep with you.

In the middle of Central Park.

In the right direction.

In your specific case I do think you should fuck that sex addict.

Instead of Lainey vibes.

Into thinking Blues Traveler

Is basically the same thing

Is it okay if I go over Henry's to go swimming?

Is reflected in the hardball.

Is that a yes or a no?

Is that what's going on? Does it tip in hundreds?

Is the greatest band of all time, okay?

Is this what you want, Elaine?

It doesn't mean that I'm not a sexual person. Gail.

It feels so freeing to tell someone about it. Who actually knows him.

It is a cascading shit storm that is your creation.

It is who I screwed.

It is?

It shouldn't bother me but I don't like meeting his patients.

It was?

It would be kinda cool though if you could just hang onto the back.

It's a decision, like everything else.

It's a nickname they give to people named Elaine.

It's a sign.

It's about time. Get it out.

It's beautiful. Oh, my God.

It's been a while.

It's birth control.

It's cool with me, is it cool with you?

It's doin' somethin'.

It's good. We should. Um...

It's just a friend. It's no big deal.

It's just a shitload of candy.

It's kinda hard. I mean, look at you.

It's like enough with this shit.

It's like kissing with your entire body.

It's like life 101. Stop lying to yourself.

It's like shooting heroin in a... in a controlled yet

It's like, I feel like Anne Sullivan teaching

It's like... um, when I sign this, what happens to everything

It's no trouble.

It's no trouble. Thank you.

It's not like months from now he's thinking

It's not like we haven't done it.

It's not your responsibility.

It's really good to see you. W... what do you wanna talk about?

It's right here on the right side.

It's so weird meeting someone when your husband has seen her...

It's this guy she's sleeping with. Uh, it's alright.

It's weird to look at you for this long.

It's... it's at that point, what do I do?

Jake, we just spent the entire evening talking about

Jake, what are you doing?

Jake's friend Lainey, who he really wants to fuck.

Jesus. I... I've got my fingers crossed out here for an option C.

Just anything but the schmuck.

Just because I don't applaud your intellect

Just go to town on this little motherfucker right here.

Just go... go in and have fun with your friends.

Just not into it at all.

Just one big old jail for everyone.

Just pick a TV and we'll get out of here.

Just see if any of the water goes down.

Kidding. Xander's got them.

Kids love me. I basically am a kid.

Knock knock. Hey, you got a minute?

Lainey, everything okay?

Lainey, what are you doing?

Lainey, you having sex with Matthew Sobvechik

Lainey, you're not an addict, okay?

Lainey, you've got to be kidding me!

Lainey. Jake.

Let... let... let the drummer get wicked, right?

Let... let... let the drummer...

Let's get off the street, okay? Okay, look, look, look, look, look.

Let's go back to the hotel. I wanna do stuff to your body.

Let's go back to the hotel. I wanna do stuff to your body.

Like he hadn't even noticed that we stopped sleeping together.

Like in a second he has to make a decision.

Like, can she consent? Is she in a coma?

Like, that's sucks and then what happens

Like... that's the problem.

Look at her, passing out toppings like, uh...

Look at me, okay? I know you love teaching.

Look at this little baby face.

Look it! Look it! He's looking! I'm embarrassed.

Look who it is. Look at this little human here.

Look, I'm really supposed to mingle a bit

Look, once I come to the realization that I'm with...

Madame Butterfly.

Make a golf cart in my own motor transportation.

Mathew...

Matthew and I were at Columbia around the same time.

Matthew Sobvechik? That guy had all the charm of a broken Etch a sketch.

Matthew will be delivering him.

Matthew, are you gonna fuck me, or what?

Matthew!

Matthew! Hello!

Maybe have a kid.

Maybe Prospect Heights.

Maybe you and Lainey...

Me too.

Might be a complete fucking dickhead

Mind the gap. Oh, see. Okay, yeah. Work all three.

Mm hmm. Dr. Sobvechik will see you now.

Moi. Your issue with me and Sarah...

Moist environment, you know?

Money in my decision making, so...

Most likely because you're stunning and successful.

Mousetrap!

Mr. Sobvechik will not be joining us.

My body for the first time.

My ex has my son this weekend.

My girlfriend said if I didn't go

My love is conditional.

My therapist suggested that I attend a 12 step program

My wife, she's prone to panic attacks.

Naomi, put on track 7 on my workout mix.

Nice job, Oliver.

Nice neg. Mousetrap.

Nice panties.

Nice porn.

Night.

No dates, huh?

No offense, but seriously, just...

No shit? Wow! That's great.

No way near into my nonsense. Okay?

No way.

No, alright. The problem isn't sex.

No, and so there's a little bit of a meltdown. It's a little bit of a crisis.

No, but maybe they are.

No, I actually left my sweatshirt, I think.

No, I knew a girl whose father was from Guam

No, I mean, it was a total accident.

No, I'm... I'm sorry.

No, I've never met anybody

No, it's fine. I'll call you tomorrow.

No, it's... I mean, it's just a goddamn bird toilet anyway.

No, listen. Listen...

No, no. He noticed.

No, not women, no. Just you evidently.

No, that's okay. That's okay.

No, we're not.

No!

No!

No! That's not it at all.

No. Alexander had the ball first.

No. I went to Columbia.

No. You are not one of my dates.

No. You're telling the truth.

Noodle salad? that's a sex thing.

Noodle salad.

Not at all.

Not really. I'm kind of in the middle of something.

Not to mention, a culturally infused female competition.

Nothing.

Nothing. Nada.

Nothing's wrong with you. Are you kidding me?

Now, I... Now, I'm super happy with 4 to 6.

Now, if you were to sleep with Matthew Sobvechik

Now, we're gonna have the time to freestyle.

Of all the gin joints.

Of cold feet, second thoughts.

Of course. Yeah, I'd feel the same way.

Off a powerful drug.

Oh gosh, I... I wonder how crack is doing?

Oh hell. I'm an idiot, I'm sorry, I'm a dick.

Oh shit, it was...

Oh yeah, yeah. You're sick. Feel better.

Oh yeah. I got in, uh, Michigan.

Oh, baby, what did you do?

Oh, boy, In case you might need it?

Oh, come on, Lainey.

Oh, come on. I am not, okay?

Oh, come on. Paula...

Oh, Elaine, you've never met my wife, have you?

Oh, golly...

Oh, I gotta go. Chris, I'm so sorry I'm leaving.

Oh, I know it. Bein' Honest ...honest, critical appraisal is the foundation...

Oh, Lainey. Oh, oh!

Oh, Lainey. Oh, oh!

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God! You've got a one track mind.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Are you guys high?

Oh, my God. No!

Oh, my God. Were y you just in that meeting?

Oh, no, no, no. Those are mine. Those are for me. Those are me.

Oh, no. Well, let me... let me drive you home.

Oh, oh, fuck!

Oh, oh, Lainey. Oh, fuck.

Oh, oh. You involved my brother when you fucked him 16 times!

Oh, really? Yeah, how's my situation?

Oh, right, no. Because I want to go on a date with you.

Oh, sorry if I was too noisy, but that was like...

Oh, thank you. Yeah. Our restaurant?

Oh, that's a good point. Should we get on the bus?

Oh, that's Jake's friend Lainey.

Oh, that's... It is good stuff.

Oh, the one you waited for 10 years. That right guy?

Oh, transformers guy didn't show up...

Oh, well, I'm pretty much a dream come true.

Oh, wow, that's weird.

Oh, yeah, buzz me for the 3 o'clock.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Me neither.

Oh, you're not out there!

Oh!

Oh! My heart goes out to you ladies.

Oh! Oh, shit.

Oh.

Oh. And it all comes out.

Oh. We should take our driver.

Oh. What are you doing?

Oh. Your name is Elaine?

Ohh! What is wrong with me?

Okay, are you guys ready to learn the moves?

Okay, but then we've got to come up with a system.

Okay, but you know what I mean, alright?

Okay, call me back. Seriously Call me back.

Okay, can I cut to the chase?

Okay, everybody go out to the grass.

Okay, honey, you're on speaker phone in a police station.

Okay, hopefully she goes down for her nap.

Okay, I know. I'm just a passionate fan.

Okay, it's... Hey dude get the fuck out of here, I got it.

Okay, Lainey. Glad we got that cleared up.

Okay, let me be super clear here.

Okay, no! Don't... don't answer that.

Okay, okay, he's gonna put a stop to it.

Okay, okay. Great.

Okay, relax. I do this for a living.

Okay, see you soon.

Okay, so the biggest misconception that guys

Okay, so you're a womanizer.

Okay, well I grew up very, very religiously.

Okay, well you're sending porn star vibes

Okay, well, that just explained everything.

Okay, when I say Hello, you say Hi.

Okay, y you know what it's called. Wonderful. Good for you.

Okay, yeah, da, da, da. Okay, let's see.

Okay, yeah, so, uh, I've been seeing this girl Thea, alright?

Okay, yes, so you're gonna go after the cervix here.

Okay, you know what, I'll even allow that.

Okay, you're gonna have to explain this to me. I mean, is he packing? Huh?

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay. Have fun? I don't know, okay, Bye.

Okay. I'll go on one date with you

Okay. Racist. Keep going.

Okay. This is good.

Okay. Well, fuck the TV.

Okay. Well, we go see a movie. During the day.

On it like a bonnet. On it like a bonnet. On it like a bonnet

On my count.

On this entire floor is beyond me.

One of my students reminds me of you.

Only things that can only be perceived as sexual.

Or B, we cut your dick off.

Or what? Are you... are you threatening me?

Or you got into med school

Or... or I hope cocaine isn't mad at me.

Over and over again to choose sex over my self worth.

Over there just to see if it's him?

Over you co opting an original idea of mine.

Painting in my pants as we speak.

Partners always have to do these bullshit events.

Paul, nice to meet you.

Paula and I are taking Oliver upstate tomorrow.

Photo of a dog dressed as a Nazi.

Playing the field, hmm?

Please don't put me in this position.

Please, please, don't leave... I'm sorry.

Please! Why did you have to do this in public

Please?

Pollock. Ooh.

Possibly because you're uninterested.

Quick question before you walk out the door...

Read you the Polar Express before bedtime?

Real estate that could be occupied by a real option, okay?

Really? There's music in my body.

Really? Well, I still choose you.

Remember? We're okay.

Rent free I might add.

Respond to that booty text I assume, right?

Reverse it. Yeah!

Right before we got married.

Right now, okay?

Right over your shoulder.

Right through. How's that feel, blue?

Right up against the back of my earlobe.

Right, so, uh, you have that that's... that's phase three.

Right? Well, see, that's what I'm saying.

Right. Right, great.

Rude to the clitoris, okay?

Said what?

Sam, wait. I'm sorry.

Sam. I have to read you something.

Second thoughts?

See she's addicted. This is an addict.

See you in 20?

Seriously, are you okay?

Sex is like, uh...

Sexual anorexian. It's like depriving yourself of sex

She broke up with me anyway. I'm cured.

She just takes a while to make a decision.

She nice to you?

She seems...

She told me to relax, and the word lasted

She was vibin' me pretty hard in that meeting.

She... some have suggested

She'd break up with me.

She's 22, she'll fuck anyone.

She's just like a dealer.

She's, uh... Hi, Stephanie... hi, uh...

Shit, I'm not available then. Oh, well, I tried.

Shit.

Shots. I'm getting everybody shot. Shots for all round. We're going to keep it going.

Should I reschedule the meeting

Shut up. Ignore him. He's on drugs.

Silly. Uh, if you can just sign the back here. 3 places.

Sir, I I can't stress enough

Smoke drugs?

So either you're stupid or deep down inside you don't want monogamy either.

So how was your day?

So I call her last night

So I don't really have much to compare it to

So I don't... I don't know what to do here.

So I went to a meeting.

So I'm gonna guess you either finally fucked Jake

So if you wanna reopen the terms of the contract, that's fine

So instead I'd rather just say something like...

So is he gonna drop the charges?

So it's the black town car. It's across the street...

So much like your, uh, the counter intuitive plan

So nice to meet you, Emma.

So we wouldn't fuck it up but...

So you're getting braces, you're getting braces

So you're gonna mind the gap, right, tap the roof.

So you're gonna need someone to bail you out.

So, bad timing. What happened to us?

So, here's what we do.

So, I'll probably gonna hit the road.

So, if you're doing something sexy or I'm doing something sexy.

So, maybe we come up with a safe word

So, maybe... we gotta just be friends.

So, uh, do you know what a dirty DJ is?

So? Lots of women don't cum during sex.

So? No, no, no. That has never happened to me before.

So. I don't get mad when you bring other chicks to our restaurant.

So... I guess we're tied.

Sobvechik?

Solve my problems with your penis, Jake.

Somebody do something.

Sometimes I dress up in lingerie just to feel something.

Sorry, bad joke.

Sorry, sorry.

Sorry, that shouldn't be in there.

Stellar Yelp reviews.

Stephanie Sanders. Right here.

Stephanie... Sanders.

Studying for the MCATs, you know. You?

Stupid, dumb shithead!

Such a delightfully unhinged hottie

Sure, yeah.

Sure. Okay, come in.

Ta ta for now.

Talk about what?

Tell me what sex is like.

Tempting. Tempting, but no.

Tequila makes me so chatty.

Text us if you're gonna do this.

Than with other ladies.

Thank God you stopped, okay? Please. Please...

Thank you for inviting me.

Thank you, Jake.

Thank you.

That a straight dude had to tell you all that.

That can go to Europe and use that room.

That guy's a fucking asshole

That I go, that it... that it might help.

That I have a little bit of a problem staying faithful

That is not a thing.

That lived next door to me, the boring guy.

That someday they're gonna find the one.

That was fun.

That was good. Naomi still has her anal virginity.

That was not a Chris Smith gift, okay?

That was ridiculous.

That when you lean in to whisper, you put your lips

That Xander and I worked on, like, all the content we created?

That you didn't plan this.

That you kiss the back of my neck before

That.

That... that's... I mean you haven't had an orgasm in a year.

That's a bunch of guys putting

That's a cruel joke, for I will have just tricked him

That's all that's going on.

That's amazing. No shit.

That's different.

That's great. That's another dysfunction I have to worry about developing.

That's how I text with him.

That's it?

That's it.

That's just... ugh!

That's like Bobby Fischer kind of scarcity.

That's like... You know, do that to me.

That's my husband! Oh, my God!

That's not true.

That's not true. We are borrowing a Tesla to see if we like it.

That's so nice. Are you sure?

That's so weird, and you're a catch! It's true.

That's the second time you said that. Hmm.

That's what it's about, right?

That's what they leave out in the Disney movies...

That's you, baby.

The Dirty DJ was our thing, okay?

The guy I lost my virginity to

The Henley wearing bullshit motherfucker!

The kid's locked eyes with me.

The lines of something like...

The Mark Zuckerberg of vaginas.

The middle finger here, alright? And you know, the bad boy, right?

The new Wes Anderson movie?

The Pontiac Aztec of people.

The problem is Captain Amazing

The regular. Come on.

The white guy? Whose racist now?

Then I have to play with my kids because my kids have no friends.

Then I'll come out and we'll, uh... date it up.

Then they yell at Naomi, then Naomi yells at me.

There you are.

There you go.

There's a Georgia O'Keeffe

There's gonna be a honeymoon.

There's no way you love Matthew Sobvechik

There's nothing to do.

They don't want to go swimming.

They have no time for that.

They want to go to brunch.

They're gonna book you for assault.

They're great. They're such good movies.

This is a date now. We'll go out.

This is Elaine.

This is good. I'll go inside, I'm gonna get my jacket

This is my son, and he really liked dancing with you. Didn't you, buddy?

This is the Bieder contract that has to go to legal for comments.

This is the greatest movie ever made.

This is... I've seen it a hundred times with her.

This used to be our move. Me pretending to be a patient.

This was all, just very romantic

This was an awful idea.

This you're talking about someone inside you

Thought it was the right thing to do.

To a digital media provider... And you're bored already?

To each other and saved ourselves for marriage.

To introduce him to other people.

To Michigan at 10:00 a.m. tomorrow morning.

To secure an exclusive relationship

To settle this emotional distress lawsuit

Top shelf, bro, because we're rich as shit now.

Trying to distract myself.

TTFN.

Tweet tweet tweet.

Ugh!

Ugh! This sucks!

Ugh! You're such a piece of shit...

Uh huh. No, no.

Uh, I got into med school!

Uh, I'm sorry, I just...

Uh, partner over at Garrison and Shingle.

Uh, primatologists actually believed that... that

Uh, primatologists actually believed that... that

Uh, she's Black.

Uh, Yeah, w we'll be here.

Um, I hope the goodbye went well.

Um, I I'm fine. Where are you calling me from?

Um, okay, well...

Um, what was the other thing?

Um, what were we talking about? So I said to Jack.

Um, you know, I mean...

Um. No. We did everything.

Um... Ah, I mean... real minute?

Unless someone signed you into the building. You are not a guest.

Up top. There you go. Yup.

Upstairs, downstairs. Right?

Us. You're funny.

Very sensual experience.

Very sick in the head.

Wait. Hey, Lainey. You... you don't have to do this.

Waiting.

Was at my sex addicts meeting.

Was this supposed to be a date?

Was with Lainey but it really turned you around

We dissolve all past and current product. And you'll work exclusively for us.

We don't have things that are sexual.

We don't sleep with each other, so we don't have things.

We fool around after he teaches me things I already know.

We have made a generous offer to settle this lawsuit.

We know that's not true. You and I are friends.

We should go there. That sounds great.

We were just having brunch

We will have to postpone.

We wouldn't have The West Wing without you.

We'll be in touch to reschedule.

We'll shorten it to mousetrap.

We'll you've spent 10,000 hours fucking my life up.

We're getting a chance to start over.

We're gonna have some eggs benedict and some frittatas.

We're headin' out. But here's my info.

We're not a couple bur we act like one.

We're so excited.

Welcome to my Thursday night. Huh?

Welcome to the hell scape that is my son's birthday party.

Well I just, um...

Well, from safe word to code word, I guess.

Well, hey... hey, how about we go on a date?

Well, I can explain that. That just like...

Well, I have to know what it is first.

Well, I haven't seen him in a long time.

Well, I mean it's not your fault.

Well, I mean, it's too sexual. It's too sexual. Uh...

Well, I ran into our old college buddy, Matthew Sobvechik.

Well, I... I mean, I have until the end of the summer to decide.

Well, it's pronounced Kee gul ing, but it doesn't matter.

Well, let's... well, alright. Say, uh, say it for me.

Well, that's sort of normal.

Well, uh, are you... I mean, are you gonna go? What are you thinking?

Well, we can talk about it.

Well, you can still get the phone.

Well, you have lost your water.

Well, you know, that's Dim Sum for you.

Well... uh, now, Jordan, uh, she's my guest.

Were rehearsed on someone else.

Were you trying to humiliate me?

What are we gonna do about it?

What are you doin'? Don't dance.

What are you doing? Fucking take it.

What are you talking...

What do you think that means?

What do you wanna do?

What makes you think you're not?

What on earth makes you think that I'm worth $5 million?

What positions did you do?

What they don't tell you guys is that the one

What you don't mastur... Why not?

What you don't normally do.

What?

What?

What?

What?

What? Get out of here! Get out of here!

What? Is that a real thing?

What? Well, and then she's like...

What? What? What did I do?

What? Why? What did I...

What? You did? You didn't tell me that.

What? You run out of compliments.

What... a weird thing to say out loud.

What... I don't kno... I mean, I've tried to!

What... what is that? That's crazy.

What're we doing in this aisle?

What's up, little nugget, what are you doing with the notebook?

What's wrong with you?

What's your excuse?

When have you ever had sex for 90 minutes?

When he was at work and said, Grab some condoms and meet me

When my dick doesn't get as hard as it used to, okay.

When we were kids, we had orange slices after a game.

When you are ready? 5 or 6 months from now?

When you were a little girl, so that I could've been...

Where are you right now?

Where are you?

Where have you been all my life?

Which brings me to my third and final point.

White guy thing to suggest, you know.

Who can tell what that fuckin', swarthy man...

Who is better than my brother?

Who wants more wine?

Who was really shitty to a good friend of mine.

Who? Who? I'll murder him.

Who's so fuckin' hot?

Who's the choreographer?

Who's your girl, Jake?

Whoa, since when are you a porn star with killer grammar?

Whoa!

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Easy. Easy.

Why are you doing this?

Why are you telling me she's Black?

Why have casual sex with me for three months?

Why haven't we had sex yet?

Why're you laughing at me? That's not...

Will you do me a favor?

Will you...

With a boring heroin penis that turns you all into a sex addict

With my best friend as I possibly can.

Women evolved this way so that, uh...

Wonderful.

Would any of it sound familiar to Emma?

Would you excuse me? I'm just gonna run to the ladies' room.

Wow! The Old virgin.

Wow. Bathroom fucking stinks.

Wow. It's been... What? 12 years?

Xander, I'm lookin' out for us.

Y y you're just gonna go?

Y you can't get the most boring dude

Yeah, 'cause that's... 'cause that's what kids wanna do.

Yeah, and then we'll still go get married.

Yeah, before things got really bad, and weird.

Yeah, but that was that... that's why I... I, yeah.

Yeah, Central Park sucks.

Yeah, don't fuck that up.

Yeah, I don't think I like me enough

Yeah, I think about you like, all the time.

Yeah, it's like... it's like Ted Bundy, you know.

Yeah, little legs, but they move fast.

Yeah, my excuse, well, I think it's a...

Yeah, of course it's a real thing.

Yeah, of course you love it.

Yeah, yeah, uh, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Um...

Yeah, yeah. How you doin'?

Yeah, you know, just take a night

Yeah!

Yeah! Oh, well you thought right.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah. Don't sell yourself short.

Yeah. Had to get out of there, though. It was making me super horny.

Yeah. I think...

Yeah. No. Uh, do you remember that girl Renee?

Yeah. Obviously they get upset

Yeah. Right. Time to settle down.

Yeah. She'll never get a cab out at this hour.

Yeah. So I haven't technically...

Yeah. There you go.

Yeah. Yeah.

Yep.

Yes, I did once call one of my neighbors in the middle of the day

Yes, that is the mature, responsible thing to do, uh...

Yes, uh... uh did I not tell you that?

Yes, um... sorry. It's Lainey. Only my father calls me Elaine.

Yes, we're gonna have sex for 9 minutes.

Yes!

Yes! Okay.

Yes?

Yes.

Yes.

Yes. Either A, we make multiple babies with you.

Yikes! What is that?

You actively stalked someone today

You boring, fuckin', asshole!

You called me baby just now.

You can use my pen if you'd like.

You can't even look at me and just say her name.

You can't get better.

You can't get him into a van by just being a jerk.

You cheated on me?

You didn't have to make an appointment.

You don't have to go for lunch yet.

You don't remember someone sneaking into my room right before...

You fucked my best friend.

You fucking boring piece of shit!

You got a minute?

You got to breathe. Lainey, please breathe.

You got to let them have it.

You gotta be you.

You gotta trust me.

You guys made it, huh?

You have lost your mind.

You have never once invited me to any function involving your children.

You have really changed, my friend.

You have to fuck the sister in order for it to work.

You just got to breathe. Please. Okay?

You just sneak in here, I'll drive. Bounce around.

You just... like you just... Tweet, tweet, tweet.

You know I'm not attracted to your brother.

You know what it's like ...it's like... it's like Times Square at night.

You know, bachelor, bachelor parties

You know, I love it that you get ownership

You know, I mean, If you wanna grow flowers, you don't plant 'em in a closet.

You know, I thought we were joking around. So I was joking.

You know, I'm serious. You've got a strong vocabulary.

You know, it's just like... When do you orgasm?

You know, it's pretty average actually.

You know, it's... ugh!

You know, like you're scratching a record. You know, this...

You know, like, uh, maybe you wanna think about

You know, little girls are told

You know, no pre meditation means no post meditation.

You know, remember like the old IBM ThinkPads?

You know, so it's No, no, no. It's not you, it's me.

You know, so that's the dirty DJ.

You know, sort of circling, uh, this, uh, just like fleshy gap area.

You know, that's how actually Henry was conceived.

You know, unfortunately I don't sleep with men

You know, you, uh...

You know...

You know... come on. Maybe we're both fucked up.

You know... that... I mean, that's ridiculous.

You look dynamite in a tank top. It's just... what gives?

You look great.

You need to give me this water.

You never told him to make a choice, you know.

You said you got into a car accident.

You should fuck that guy. A lot.

You slip my coat over my shoulders.

You stand to make over $5 million in the next 2 years.

You sure you don't want to come to brunch? With me and your mom?

You take this risk...

You talk to me about chicks you screw all the time.

You thought I'd never get to this?

You understand me?

You wanna tell me about it?

You want me to tell you what sex is like, huh?

You were gonna lose your virginity to Matthew Sobvechik

You would be addicted to mediocrity for the rest of your life.

You would be my next best friend.

You, uh... You wanna watch porn?

You? What do you... what do you...

You... you went Kathy Bates in Misery

You're a fuckin' whore!

You're a whirling dervish out there. A whirling dervish!

You're a whore!

You're embarrassing the kid.

You're getting braces!

You're gonna be okay. It's alright.

You're gonna drive some guy crazy some day.

You're gonna go swimming at my house?

You're gonna have to pop that in as well

You're great. I mean, your funny, you're sexy, you're...

You're jealous.

You're just a whore.

You're just... here.

You're lookin' out for us? No, I'm lookin' out for us.

You're one to talk.

You're so greedy.

You're so strong. I'm so proud.

You're the one that's should be...

You've been writing again?

You've got to have a certain...

Your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice...

Your chief complaint is not that I screwed someone

Your client is clearly dragging this thing out...

Your issue with us is purely driven by a societal insecurity.

Your perception of normal might be a little skewed, my dear.

Your vagina will be played by this

2 different people, my friend.

4 to 6 minutes or 46 inches?

12 years. Who would've thought?

16 times.

16.

60 seconds. Sure.

'Cause I was, like, I didn't wanna embarrass her... Yeah, yeah.

A man of the law. Yeah.

All set. Hmm.

Alright, fight club, what the hell is going on here? I'm a guest!

Alright? Please. Aw, man! I miss my friend.

Alright. Let's go. Alright. Okay.

And I don't sleep with my employees. I quit.

And I want to be good friends... It's fair.

And I'm glad. Thank you. Some water.

And that's better? How's that feel, blue?

And that's called... Kegeling.

And then there will be plenty of room. A whole thing.

And you unleashed her Khaleesi. Yeah. Wait.

And... Wait stop.

Anybody here named Paula? Shh.

Appetite? That would be... that would be something.

Are those hot pads also for Henry? Yes.

Are you kidding? No, no, no. Oh, my God.

Are you two prepared. Huh?

Aren't you a doctor now? Oh, I didn't do that.

Avocado is too sexual? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Awesome. Amazing.

Be very careful what you say. Hello, police.

Body! Yes.

Both. I can get to like, 6 and a quarter.

But I'm so happy you guys are here. Okay. It's so good to see you.

But it didn't, so I stopped. Okay.

Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye.

Can you listen to what I'm saying to you... I'm trying to.

Co... Okay. Yeah.

Come here. Excuse me.

Come! Okay.

Congrats. Thanks.

Cool. Now, yeah, kids.

Cool. Alright. I'm good. I'm good.

Disappeared. Oh, plus you were all hung up on that guy

Do not say her name. Was a lot...

Do you understand? I...

Don't take that tack with me. My friend lives here...

Duh. Grody.

Everybody knows that. Everybody?

For what? They're having trouble.

From behind. Exactly. Because you hate your dad.

Fuck you, Matt. Why haven't you returned any of my calls?

Fucking awesome. You know that's... Yeah.

Give me the phone. Lainey, Lainey! No, no.

Go to noodlesalad.org... Now, I feel like you're just trying to find problems.

Go. Bye.

Good to see you. This is Chris.

Good. Hmm.

Good. Yeah.

Goodnight. Goodnight.

Gross. Okay, and then you're gonna start to get wet.

Hannah! Leave me alone!

Happy birthday! Happy birthday!

He will. You may. Good.

He's getting married. Who would marry him?

He's seven. She's not seven. Oh.

Hear me out. I was thinking. Mm hmm.

Hello! Hi!

Hello! Hi!

Hello. Happy birthday. Hi. Happy birthday!

Here we go? Mm hmm.

Hey, I got an idea. Hmm.

Hey, I love you. I love you, Jake!

Hey. We made it work.

Hey. What are you talking about?

Hi, it's me. Your girlfriend. What? Oh!

Hi, Miss Dalton! Hi, Miss Dalton!

Hi. When are you due?

Holy toppings! She just said it's every topping.

How am I welcome? I just set that up for you.

How's that feel, blue? There you go.

How's your fake boyfriend? Oh, my God!

Huh. What?

I am. Hi, George.

I blocked your number. Why?

I can't get hard right now. Do show me.

I do. Yeah, you got it. Yeah.

I don't even... Give me the courtesy.

I don't know why I would... Oh.

I don't know. First of all...

I don't need a hardball... My girl?

I don't think that's true. Really?

I don't wanna get the phone. Okay.

I don't... That's okay.

I feel like... Sam, I'm trying to tell you something.

I get bored. Bored?

I had to give him $5000. What?

I have a kid. I love kids.

I have a nickname? A nickname.

I have snacks... I have snacks at home. Yeah.

I haven't. Let me introduce you. Emma?

I know it's because his dad molested him. What?

I love hearing you say my name. Oh, you do?

I love you, honey. I love you.

I love you! I love you so much!

I love you. Lainey, Lainey, Lainey.

I may or may not need to use the word. That's a yes.

I only said that... Most likely because you thought

I paid him that... You said...

I really did. He fucks everything in life up. Yeah, yeah, I do.

I said, rock and roll. Oh.

I teach kindergarten. That's right.

I want that... Here we go. Hold it.

I was never writing. Honey, yes!

I was thinking. Oh, yeah?

I wonder if we find the route... Oh, you're such a romantic.

I'd tell her what I know. Which is what?

I'll have to move the car seat. Mm hmm.

I'll meet you out front. Okay, great.

I'll take some. Great.

I'm divorced. His loss.

I'm gonna go home. Yeah. Me too.

I'm not gonna tell you... I deserve to know.

I'm not one of your dates. That is very true.

I'm on break. So take this...

I'm sorry. It's okay.

If we're gonna be friends, you know... Okay.

If you ask me. Oh, yeah.

Is there a problem? What? Uh, yeah.

It could be mutual. That's a yes.

It was one short story... Yes! That is great!

It's Avocado. No. Can't do that.

It's him. Him who?

It's like Guam. Guam? Like the country Guam? No!

It's like I'd rather... Be the bad guy than tell the truth.

It's over. Hmm.

It's you're birthday! It's you're birthday!

Jake, Jake! That's for my girl, you shit!

Jake! Jake! Don't answer it. No.

Jake? Yeah.

Jake. I love you so much.

Jake. Lainey!

Jake. Lainey!

Jake. That was our thing.

Jake. Yes.

Just in time... Oh, yeah.

Just kidding. No. Okay. It feels soft and smooth.

Just like this. Yeah. Yeah.

Just like this. Yeah. Yeah.

Just listen to it. Let me get through all of it. I won't.

Lainey is a nickname. I didn't know that.

Lainey, are you still there? Just keep talking.

Lainey, her name's Lainey. Lainey. Lainey, I'm sorry.

Lainey? Yeah.

Lainey. Lainey... with an L. Oh.

Leave him alone. I love it. It's great.

Let me think about it. What do you say?

Let's go! What are you doing?

Like gross. Mm hmm.

Like where's the fucking... Hey babe. Sorry, I'm late.

Look at her. God I love you.

Matthew, my water broke... Honey!

Matthew. That's right.

Maybe my whole life. What?

Me too. Mmm. Mm hmm.

Me! Yes!

Me? Yeah.

Mind the gap. Tap the roof. You got it.

Mm hmm. Alright. No, sex.

Mm hmm. And so I always chose him.

Mm hmm. And that little nub. Right?

Mm hmm. I don't know how to end it.

Mm hmm. So, again, you know... Yeah, perfect.

Mm hmm. Tell me. Okay.

Mm. You know what I was gonna do tonight?

Mmm. Were you a fat teenager?

Much better. Well, it's honest.

Music! Yes! Yes!

My brother? No.

My cervix? Jesus. Yeah, sure.

My phone died. Hmm.

Natural. Okay? Yeah, so tap the roof. I know.

Never make it end. This is, uh, Lainey! Lainey, Naomi.

Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you, Matthew.

Nice. Mm hmm.

No kidding. Yeah.

No, I'm just kidding. I don't know. I don't know.

No, I'm... I deserve to know.

No, no. You live here. Yes I do!

No, not at all. Are you kidding?

No, the lady doesn't need it. Excuse me.

No! What do you mean no?

No. Oh.

No. You don't? Okay, great.

No. You just asked me.

No. Please... Is everything alright?

Not gonna say a peep. Get outta here!

OB GYN? Yes. You?

October. Congratulations.

Of course. I know what it looks like.

Oh come on, that is not true. You've been lying this whole time.

Oh, come on. Look, I could do this all the way to Brooklyn... Fuck you.

Oh, easy. Alright, alright. Okay? Thank you.

Oh, good. Oh, my God, good. What're you guys talking about?

Oh, may God. This is my wife.

Oh, my God. Stop. You're so fucked up.

Oh, really? Yeah.

Oh, rock and roll. What?

Oh, Shit! I let my son...

Oh, wow. This is... That kid has a hose.

Oh, yeah. Mousetrap What the fuck is that?

Oh, you're pregnant. Oh, my God.

Oh! That kid has a hose.

Oh! That's awful!

Oh? Yeah.

Oh. I teach...

Oh. Oh.

Okay, baby. Alright.

Okay, mister. Wow me.

Okay, racist. And also dumb. Yes. Mm hmm.

Okay? You can't even say it.

Okay? You've been playing house.

Okay. Bye!

Okay. Can I just hold them now?

Okay. I can't take off work.

Okay. I'm excited.

Okay. Yeah.

Okay. Oh, my God. Oh, man, it's broken.

Ooh, I wanna though. Here.

Or feeling attracted. Okay, but it's mutual?

Our restaurant? Yes.

Please don't interrupt. I would love to hear it.

Please. No, no, no. It's just a friend.

Ready to learn some moves? Yes!

Really? Yep.

Right there. Oh boy, oh boy.

Rings? Shit.

Rocked her face. Mm hmm.

See. You get it. Oh, yeah. But I'm psychotic.

She dances for a living? No, deals with kids.

She doesn't deserve that. I would like that, please.

She's your lobster, man. I know. Okay, alright.

Shit, that was dumb. No, Chris. It's fine.

So bring Lainey to the party. Okay. Fine.

So can I ask? Yeah, how do I stop you?

So do you. Thank you.

So it is mutual? The word.

So no honeymoon? Oh, no, no.

So now it's... Yeah, it's a date. Let's go on a date.

So she's single? Oh, 100 percent.

So tell me what happened. Oh, right.

So we just got 20 blocks. Why didn't we take the bus?

So who was the girl? Hmm.

So you sabotage it by sleeping with other people? Mm. Exactly.

So, I just... Mm hmm.

So, okay, so it needs to be more violent. Mm hmm, something extra.

Stellar Yelp reviews? Yeah.

Stop wanting to. I mean, are you kidding me?

Stop. Oh, last thing I remember, we had that...

Sure. Elaine, what is it that you do?

Sweetie, that's great! No...

Take care of her, okay? Oh, yeah. No, I got this.

Tell me who. It doesn't...

Thank you. Okay.

Thank you. That's really sweet.

Thank you. This is my wife! This is Blainey.

Thank you. Goodbye. Goodbye. Mousetrap? Alright.

Thanks, man. Sorry. Thank you.

That a girl! Okay.

That was repartee. That's... that's exactly why I can't have you at the party.

That's a beautiful story. Yeah.

That's a... that's... What?

That's good. Let her down easy. Yeah.

That's harsh, right You can't say that. That's pretty harsh.

That's how bad it is. Wow!

That's neat. Multiple orgasms for multiple partners, you know.

That's not true. It gross.

That's not true. What?

That's psychotic. Mm. Thanks.

That's the one. What? Are you kid...

That's the thing I don't think I mentioned earlier. You like it?

That's true. That's true. But what if we have... No. No.

That's... We don't get that enough. So sweet.

The right guy. Oh, the right guy.

There are worse things. That's true.

This is Chris. Hi.

This new crazy thing. Gotcha.

To virginity! To virginity!

Ugh, I miss drugs. Why don't we do drugs?

Uh huh. What? What do you want me to do?

Uh, my... She's your guest, Harper?

Uh, yeah. Anything. Let's go, come up with one. What you got.

Wait a minute, where is she going? Yeah, don't let her get away.

Wait. I'm sorry, no. You know.

Was it my brother? No.

Was it my brother? Stop.

We did the date. You know, I think it was the first...

We don't have to... No. No. No. It's good.

We should probably... Let's go fuck first.

We'll have to see in the future... Hmm. Okay, alright.

We're just friends! Men and women can't be friends.

We're... we're best friends. No, we're best friends!

Well that explains a lot. Full circle.

Well why did she want you to go? I don't know.

Well, I'm in love with him. Come on.

Well, you're a married man. Yeah, I know. I made sure to tell her.

What are you doin'? Where are you going? Sorry, sorry, yeah.

What are you doing? I'm saying, like

What are you doing? What?

What are you talkin' about? ...fall in love with you.

What are you... My girl. Who's your girl?

What do you mean? I never look at you.

What do you think? Yeah.

What here? Oh, yeah, yeah. So...

What is your excuse? Hmm.

What? I know.

What? It's... it's go time, sister.

What? There's not even music.

What? You're mad?

When I'm with Matthew. Yeah, yeah, okay.

Who are you? I'm Jake.

Who? It doesn't matter...

Why are you here? Hmm.

Why? 'Cause I'm going inside them.

With the glasses. I can't put my finger on it.

Wow, you really, you really... Really what?

Wow! Lane, that's great. I know.

Xander. But like I'm jels.

Yeah, I mean... Dick in a mousetrap!

Yeah, I told him earlier. We all knew. You didn't know!

Yeah, let's be quick. Yeah, yeah, of course.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Alright.

Yeah! Yeah.

Yeah! Yes!

Yeah? Hmm.

Yeah. Alright!

Yeah. Alright!

Yeah. Be safe. You know what I mean.

Yeah. Better right?

Yeah. Bro, you're welcome. You're welcome.

Yeah. Jake, thank you.

Yeah. Listen, are you guys, um...

Yeah. Oh, great.

Yeah. Oh.

Yeah. Oh.

Yeah. That's pretty great.

Yeah. Yeah. Don't have a baby, guys.

Yeah. Yeah. Stephanie. Thank you. Mm hmm.

Yeah. Happy holidays. Let's go, hon.

Yeah. I'll check it out. Okay, good.

Yeah. Live on the edge. Goodnight.

Yes, with my body. You didn't call her.

Yes, yes, yes. I'm hungry again.

Yes! Nice pass, man. Get off me!

Yes. Okay. Well, me taking you at your word

Yes. We have a meeting with group sales in 20.

You don't like it. No!

You got a girlfriend, Charles? No.

You got it all figured out. Yeah.

You got this, Henry. There you go, Henry.

You know, I have one last question... actually... Oh, come on. Come on.

You know? Why?

You mean out here. Just... Yes, mouth shut, please.

You might as well face it, you're addicted to love. Obsession...

You might as well face it, you're addicted to love. Obsession...

You need to get that? Nope.

You ready? Yes.

You won! I was sacred that you would freak out.

You're being a dick... Here's the thing, guys.

You're both? You're crazy.

You're crazy. Settle down, people.

Your first? Yes. It's a boy.

Your neighbor? No, I...

...a vagina when I said that.

...actually really done it yet.

...and Naomi, I will, uh...

...contractions in your vagina, alright?

...cool, like... Oh!

...Elaine, I wish I could have known you

...for each other and ourselves, yes I agree.

...it doesn't change what I'm doing.

...just have multiple orgasms.

...mousetrap.

...putting this conversation off for a while.

...say that.

...take Molly with me and go to a kid's birthday party?

...the wrong girl...

...they could mate with as many men in one session as possible.

...this, uh, index finger and you're gonna just, uh

...way about you.

...we had sex, at the last minute

...when you start sleeping with people.

...you know, heartless alpha male who fucking jogs!

...you might not become that creepy guy.

...you risk losing them, right?

...you're like the hardest drug at the coolest party, you know.

'cause he's angry all the time.

'Cause honestly I have enough friends.

'Cause that's gonna happen. It's gonna happen, it's inevitable.

'cause you're gonna be standing

[both groaning]

[breathing heavily]

[cellphone beeps]

[cellphone ringing]

[cellphone ringing]

[cellphone ringing]

[cellphone vibrating]

[cellphone vibrating]

[chuckles]

[doorbell dings]

[gasping]

[groaning]

[grunts]

[grunts]

[heavy breathing]

[heavy breathing]

[indistinct chatter]

[indistinct chatter]

[indistinct chattering on TV]

[indistinct chattering]

[indistinct singing]

[instrumental music]

[instrumental music]

[instrumental music]

[instrumental music]

[instrumental music]

[instrumental music]

[instrumental music]

[instrumental music]

[instrumental music]

[instrumental music]

[kids laughing]

[Lainey chuckles]

[Lainey laughs]

[Lainey moaning]

[laughing]

[laughing]

[laughing] Great!

[laughs]

[moans]

[music continues]

[music continues]

[music continues]

[panting]

[screaming]

[screaming]

[sighs]

[sirens wailing]

[sniffles]

[upbeat music]

[upbeat music]

[upbeat music]

♪ ...smile upon you ♪♪

♪ 'Cause it's a thrill to give you ♪

♪ A blown out birthday candle ♪

♪ All in your arm it is ♪

♪ All in your arms ♪

♪ And I know the party is over ♪♪

♪ And steal ♪

♪ And yeah I want a big house ♪

♪ Beatin' close to mine ♪

♪ But I am losing ♪

♪ But I try ♪

♪ But things don't really change ♪

♪ But you ain't that ♪

♪ Come on come on come on ♪

♪ Come on come on come on ♪

♪ Come on come on come on... ♪

♪ Darlin' I'll be... ♪

♪ Darling I'll be ♪

♪ Dashing through the snow ♪

♪ Everything's blowing but you just can't stop it ♪♪

♪ Everything's going down ♪

♪ For the... ♪

♪ Fuck it and whatever ♪♪

♪ Fuck it baby I got you ♪

♪ I can remiss... ♪

♪ I catch the paper boy ♪

♪ I feel ready for a ride ♪

♪ I know that sounds heavy ♪

♪ I know when to go out ♪

♪ I know when to stay in ♪

♪ I know you want a quiet house ♪

♪ I lost it back then ♪

♪ I try ♪♪

♪ I would beg ♪

♪ I'll keep you safe forever ♪

♪ I'm lost in a daydream I don't care ♪

♪ I'm lyin' in the rain ♪

♪ I'm oblivious ♪

♪ I'm oblivious oh ♪

♪ I'm oblivious yeah ♪

♪ I'm oblivious yeah ♪

♪ I'm oblivious yeah ♪

♪ I'm so lost in my head ♪

♪ I'm sorry baby you're stuck with me ♪

♪ I'm standing in the wind ♪

♪ If you just don't blow it ♪

♪ If you're happy and you know it clap your hands ♪♪

♪ If you're happy and you know it clap your hands ♪♪

♪ In a one horse open sleigh ♪♪

♪ It's everything you dreamed of ♪

♪ It's way too real out there ♪

♪ Just to feel ♪

♪ Kite ♪♪

♪ Lately I feel like ♪

♪ Like a kite ♪

♪ Lot of holes lot of cracks ♪

♪ Lot of snags ♪

♪ Oh oh oh ♪

♪ Oh oh oh ♪

♪ Oh so lonely ♪♪

♪ One look in the mirror ♪

♪ Reason to leave ♪

♪ Tear it all apart ♪

♪ That girl's stuck in your head ♪

♪ To the deepest part ♪

♪ Treat me like a fool ♪

♪ Treat me mean and cruel ♪

♪ We are sleeping... ♪♪

♪ We can stay together ♪

♪ Well if you ever go ♪

♪ Well if you ever go ♪

♪ What you want ♪

♪ What you want ♪

♪ With a lemon tree ♪

♪ With a swimming pool ♪

♪ Wring my faithful heart ♪

♪ You got a reason ♪

♪ You know it's not too late... ♪

♪ You look so tired living ♪

♪ You're my one and only woman ♪

♪ Your heart ♪

16 guys... No, the same guy.