Snatch (2001) Edit

A few coins, but no notes.

A good boy. And you did a real good job. Now when do you get back?

A grease down and a shiatsu?

A plastic bag, a roll of tape and a pack of hungry pigs.

A Russian?

A what?

Ah, Tyrone.

Aha.

All except loyalty.

All right, Boris?

All right, boy. Come on. Come on, Daisy. No, Daisy!

All right, get your dog. On your way.

All right, I'll take it.

All right, let's break it up.

All right, Mickey?

All right, Mickey. Laters.

All right, Tom.

All right, you give me the stone,

All right?

All right.

All right.

All right. But we're gonna have to wait until it gets light.

All right. Give me a minute. It's a bit fiddly.

All right. Of course.

ALL: A caravan.

ALL: His ma.

ALL: You silly, fat bastard.

Always playing silly games.

Americans can't know it was Russian.

And a pikey reaction

And aim for penetration.

And an 84 karat diamond lodged in its stomach.

And bad boy yardies are supposed to know how to get rid of bodies.

And cocktails with little straw hats.

And don't have him killed. It will raise suspicion.

And Franky...

And have brought your two little mincey faggot balls along

And I already have an outstanding debt with the house.

And I don't want to have me pants pulled down over the price.

And I don't want to have me pants pulled down over the price.

And I especially don't like leaving it for anything less than warm, sandy beaches

And I imagine we get fed to the pigs.

And I like to look after me ma. It's a fair deal. Take it.

And I will get you a stone the size of a fucking home. I kid you not.

And I will give it to Brick Top. Yeah?

And I'll show you how to control an unhinged, pig feeding gangster.

And I'm asking him to fight.

And I'm not talking about his fucking foreskin either.

And I've got some extra loud blanks, just in case.

And if he isn't,

And if he'd said no,

And if that pikey mutt does any damage, you're gonna pay.

And if that wasn't enough,

And in the other corner...

And it'll get a lot fucking shorter if Brick Top wishes it to be.

And it's not as if he's incon fucking spicuous, now is it?

And it's worth

And leave your water pistols behind.

And me ma still needs a caravan.

And next thing you know you have the Holy Catholic Church.

And not just any doctor, boychik. I'm gonna get you to a nice ******* doctor.

And once you're in that, you ain't ever coming out.

And pull the teeth out

And so far, nobody seems to speak it.

And the boys get a pair of them shoes.

And the fact that I've got Desert Eagle. 50...

And the hare has to outrun the dogs.

And the pigs finish what the dogs don't do.

And this schmuck is gambling?

And we don't like hostility, do we, Errol?

And we have to get rid of these bodies.

And we're gonna start at that fight.

And what do you think you're doing now?

And what? Stay out of those casinos.

And when he doesn't pay up, they give him the chop, Doug.

And when you got your six pieces, you gotta get rid of them

And who might you be changing him to, sweethearts?

And who the fuck are we gonna replace him with?

And you don't want to get bitten, now do you, sweethearts?

And you nicked all our savings.

And you thought you smelled some good old pussy

And your two little balls are shrinking with you.

Anti Semite, slippery Cossack sluts.

Anyway, what's wrong with this one?

Anyway, who is it that we're seeing?

Apart from someone who feeds people to pigs, of course.

Apparently, it's just impossible to kill the bastard.

Apparently, the best thing to do

Appreciate it,

Are

Are our lads down at the campsite? They're over there now, governor.

Are they Lancashire pigs?

Are we ever gonna get into this place, huh?

Are we taking him with us?

Are you going to go get him for me? Yeah.

Are you taking the piss? TURKISH: What can I do?

As bent as the Soviet sickle and hard as the hammer that crosses it.

As greedy as a pig.

As in Boris The Bullet Dodger?

As long as it takes. Now, shut up.

Ask him.

At a bookies.

Avi, Avi, you gotta understand.

Avi, I'm not telepathic.

Avi, I'm sure he can pay.

Avi, what do you want me to do? I'm not a bounty hunter.

AVI: Doug, where's Franky Four Fingers?

AVI: Russians.

AVI: You're a good boy, Franky.

Avi! Shut up and sit down, you bald fuck!

Avi...

Aye?

Back to my partner, Tommy.

Basically, you have to forget you got any.

Be a nice one. Nice one. Hell of a way to be a war.

Be no murdering done around here, I don't mind telling you.

Because everybody knows nobody takes a dive in my fights. Unlike his.

Because he dodges bullets, Avi.

Because he had plans on running the car over.

Because it's no good leaving it in the deep freeze for your mum to discover, now is it?

Because the deal is, the Russian gets the case, we get the money.

Because you're too fucking scared to think.

Before that, they were running around as mad as lorries.

Before zee Germans get there.

Behold, the virgin shall conceive and bear us a son.

Bet you box a little, can't you, sir? You look like a boxer.

Between losing 10 grand, hospitalizing Gorgeous,

Bollocks! Come on.

Bollocks! I'm going for a walk.

Bomber The Mad Man Harris!

Bonjour.

Bookies?

Bookies?

Boris The Blade? Yeah.

Boris, Franky fucking Four Fingers

Boris, what are you doing here?

Boris, you're my brother, so think like my brother!

BORIS: Almost had it.

BORIS: Heavy is good.

BORIS: I'll show you.

BORIS: You piece of crap. Don't take the piss, Boris.

Boris.

Boris. TURKISH: Boris.

Brick Top runs an illegal bookies.

Brick Top, in short, will be looking to kill Tommy, Mickey and myself.

BRICK TOP: Do you know these tits, Errol?

BRICK TOP: I hear he's a good fighter, so I'll use him.

BRICK TOP: You reckon that's what people should do for me, Gary? Do me proud?

Brick Top.

Bubbe, I probably know a lot you don't.

Bullet Tooth Tony and his friend, Desert Eagle. 50.

But all bets

But any money I have is in the safe, which is in the office.

But asking a grown man to believe it?

But don't you hit him either.

But for fuck's sake, do not knock him out.

But he's about as ******* as he is a fucking monkey.

But I don't know any quite as fucking stupid as these two.

But I got no time for grouses.

But I know he was really named after a famous 19th century ballet dancer.

But if I see you again, you motherfuckers...

But if Tommy can get the caravan for less than the price asked,

But really, he's like my brother.

But the gypsies had disappeared during the night.

But the pikey didn't. Why?

But they're not clever.

But this time, try it.

But unless you give me exactly what I want there will be fucking murders.

But which bit would you like to bring?

Buying a tart's mobile palace is a little fucking rich.

Call this number.

Calm down, son. Behave yourself.

Can consume two pounds of uncooked flesh

Catholic religion is based on a mistranslation.

Clean, no fluorescence. A beautiful stone.

Come on, where is it? It's over here.

Considering they'd just buried 12 people somewhere in the area.

Control that dog as well.

Copper coins.

Cows have only been domesticated in the last 8000 years.

Cup of tea for the big fella? Come on.

Dags? What?

Darren, come back!

DARREN: What the fuck are you still doing here?

Deadly kick for a fat fucker, you know that?

Did he have a case with him? Yes, he had a case.

Did you put Gorgeous George

Did you understand a single word of what he just said?

Do me a favor, Tone. I will do you a favor, Mullet.

Do they fire?

Do you have any idea why they call him Franky Four Fingers?

Do you hear that? I'm coming to London!

Do you know when you're going down?

Do you know who I am?

Do you know who this bookies belongs to?

Do you like a dog fight, Turkish?

Do you realize I've just dumped fucking forty grand down you?

Do you think he'll be all right?

Do you understand the consequences of what would happen

Do you want to kill him or not? I'll cut him. I got a blade.

Do your worst. Let's get it on!

Doesn't make it so.

Doesn't mean we hold hands or take walks.

Dogs do that.

Don't be silly, Mickey. Offer the man a proper drink.

Don't get attached to it. It's going to Brick Top.

Don't know what you mean.

Don't let me down.

Don't snatch.

Don't suppose you'd like to share that information with me, would you?

Don't they come from Antwerp?

Don't think I haven't thunk about that one, Tommy.

Don't worry about it!

Don't worry about Tyrone. He can move when he has to.

Driving down the street with your head stuck in my window.

Drop the gun, fat boy.

Easy. Take it easy, Rosebud.

Eh, save your breath for cooling your porridge.

Eighty six karats?

Eighty six karats.

ERROL: I know a lot of tits, governor...

ERROL: I think we should drip dry them, governor, while we got the chance.

Even tells his family they're *******,

Ex KGB cancer.

Fat to chew and many different men to see about many different ducks,

Fifty grand for half a day's work.

Fill that bag. All bets are off.

Find my friend a nice ******* doctor!

Find them today.

First the stone. And then I'll get you to a doctor.

First things first. One of us...

Five minutes, Turkish.

Follow me and I'll fucking shoot you.

For a good old time. But you've got your parties muddled up.

For fuck's sake!

For fuck's sake.

For the sake of the piggies' digestion.

Forty eight hours. After that it's your family

Forty thousand.

Four days. You give us four days

FRANKY: Brilliant cut, beautiful make.

Fuck all.

Fuck face? I like that one, Errol.

Fuck me, I thought you said he could drive, Sol.

Fuck me. Hold tight.

Fuck off, I'll find him meself.

Fuck off! Darren!

Fuck you and all.

Fuck you too.

Fuck you!

Fuck you.

Fuck.

Fucker.

Funny name for an Englishman, I know.

Get back down and fucking stay down.

Get down, I say!

Get down, I say!

Get her to sit down.

Get on the floor!

Get out of the way, Mickey. See if they'd like a drink.

Get out there and hurt him.

Get the dog, Tommy.

Get us a cup of tea, would you, Errol?

Give me a name. Yurinov.

Give me case.

Give me that fucking shooter!

Give me that fucking shooter.

Give me that squeaky toy. It shut him up last time.

Give me the case.

Give me the stone.

Give me your gun.

Gives them hope. It's not really important whether it's fact or fiction.

Go ahead and shoot me. You'd be doing me a favor, you Russian fuck. Go ahead!

Go ahead and shoot me. You'd be doing me a favor, you Russian fuck. Go ahead!

Go and put the kettle on.

Go on, get the dog.

Go on.

Gonna make it worth my while, mate? Jesus, Tone, you know how it is, man.

Good boy. Good boy. Good boy, Daisy, good boy.

Good dog, good family.

Good. That will save me some time, then.

Goody gumdrops.

GORGEOUS GEORGE: Get back down

GORGEOUS GEORGE: You want to stay down.

Grab hold of his legs.

GUARD: Okay, go through.

Has a diamond the size of a fist.

Have I made myself clear, boys?

Have you smelled the campsite, Sol?

Have you smelled the campsite, Sol?

He ain't a set of fucking car keys, is he?

He ain't fucking here, that's for sure.

He can't swallow the whole ball.

He could be in a campsite in Kampu fucking chea by now.

He doesn't look bad, does he? No, he looks great.

He got shot six times, had the bullets molded into gold.

He is now your problem.

He isn't selling schtrops. Make it smaller.

He just likes looking after cars. Good dags. Do you like dags?

He loves that dog.

He loves to gamble.

He thinks it's good for business. And in the diamond business

He thought it would be a good idea

He was a highly trained undercover agent.

He was half his size. I didn't expect him to get hurt.

He'd want to split me in half.

He'll do you proud, governor.

He'll find you Moses and the burning bush if you pay him to.

He'll get a little homesick, but he'll get over it.

He'll stay in London only for a couple of days before he goes to New York,

He's a hard bastard, this Good Night Anderson, so pay attention to what you're doing.

He's a liability.

He's a man with four fingers and a briefcase, Vinny.

He's a right handful, this fella, so watch out.

He's a stubborn bastard. He said he's got to look after his mum.

He's a useless shite, that boy. Punish him for me, Errol.

He's bad to the bone, ain't you, Tyrone?

He's been a busy little bastard, that Turkish.

He's coursing.

He's going down in the fourth, don't you worry about that. Peter.

He's gonna pull my pants down, grease me up,

He's got a thick Russian accent.

He's got as many of these nuts as he has those nuts.

He's here. Well, you explain it to him.

He's left the door open. Shouldn't think that's a good idea.

He's like that before a fight.

He's my only boy. And he's a good boy.

He's not on his own!

He's stained for fucking life.

Heavy is reliable.

Heavy, isn't it?

Hence the expression

Here is the 10 grand.

Here, Errol, I don't think he likes me.

Here.

Here's an address.

Hey, come on. Let's get out of here.

Hey, kids, how big is he? Big man, that's for sure.

Hey, Mam, come and look at the size of this fella.

Hey.

Hey. What?

His mum is still smoking next to us,

Hmm.

Hold that.

Hope this is not a bad moment.

Hope we're gonna get a better show this time.

How am I gonna get it out?

How are you? Weather's been kind.

How big are you?

How do you wanna get rid of him?

How far to the Russian's?

How much do you want for it?

How much you gonna pay us? 10 K.

How you doing, Tony? You all right, mate?

How you doing, Vince?

How're we gonna explain this to Brick Top?

How's that?

How's the dog gonna find the campsite, Vin?

However,

However, I don't really have much of a choice.

However, Tommy's a little preoccupied with protection at present.

I ain't fucking buying that.

I always go for reliability.

I am in a rush.

I am not in here to make a fucking bet.

I am not in Rome, Doug.

I can't believe you found it. Where'd it go?

I can't make him do it, can I?

I could murder one.

I couldn't stand that squeaking anymore.

I create the bodies, I don't erase the bodies.

I didn't see it there.

I do know I can't wait to get out of here. Fuck me, it stinks.

I do want him to go down in the fourth.

I do.

I don't care if he's got fucking hazelnuts.

I don't know about this.

I don't know. How many fingers did he have?

I don't like leaving my own country, Doug,

I don't see what the fuss is about.

I don't think so. I think I'll speed up.

I don't want a fuss and I don't want to put a bullet in your face,

I don't want it getting back to me.

I don't want that dog dribbling on my seats.

I don't want to go in there. He's a dangerous bastard.

I don't want you getting my boy into any trouble. Do you hear me?

I eventually agreed, as long as he took it to a vet.

I fail to recognize the correlation

I fucking hate pikeys.

I fucking hate pikeys.

I got fucking black ink all over fuck boy, mate.

I got to make the bookies.

I got to move the two grainers here, and get a better price. Couple of days.

I hate fucking dogs! Come on, Tony.

I hate Russians. I'll take care of him.

I have a job for you.

I have told you it's in the briefcase connected to his arm.

I heard you weren't about that much these days, Tone.

I hope not.

I hope that you can appreciate the concern I have for my friend Franky.

I just had them polished.

I know he's looking for us, but I don't have a choice.

I know something most don't.

I know that, and he said he's gonna be here.

I know they're not to be trusted.

I know you can't shoot.

I like caravans more. You're very welcome.

I like my fights to finish prompt so we can get out before the authorities find out.

I lose all bets at the bookies. You can't change fighters at the last minute.

I mean, he's done it before, hasn't he?

I mean, open him up.

I mean, we could, by all rights, keep the whole fucking stone, Boris.

I might.

I need a gun.

I promise you, you want to stay down.

I said I heard what you said, Tommy!

I sent him to you to buy a gun.

I shoot you, you go down!

I should've known.

I think that you got something to tell us.

I think we should get you a new gun.

I think you've let him get away with enough already, governor.

I thought that was obvious.

I thought this country spawned the fucking language,

I thought you said he was a getaway driver. What the fuck can he get away from?

I thought you wanted to get cleaned up. Bathroom's back there.

I wanna know who blagged Brick Top's bookies.

I want a gun that works, and I'm gonna tell him.

I want him to get used to the shop, don't I?

I want to know who blagged Brick Top's bookies.

I want to raise pulses, don't I? You'll raise hell, never mind pulses.

I want to see that sneaky fucking Russian.

I want to see you two girls up in my office.

I want you to bury him.

I want you to hold up a bookies.

I was a happy boxing promoter until a week ago, and then:

I wasn't asking, I was telling.

I wasn't calling your mum a tart. I just meant...

I will. I'll shoot you.

I'd do a lot better if you'd stop using my name.

I'll be doing you a favor, boy.

I'll bet you for it.

I'll do it for a caravan.

I'll do the fight before he causes any more carnage.

I'll do you a favor.

I'll fight you for it. You and me.

I'll give you your shooter, you cunt.

I'll make it up to you, I promise. Stand on me.

I'll make it up to you. I ain't fucking happy.

I'll not bash the living fuck out of you in front of all your girlfriends here.

I'll not have you fighting! You know what happens when you fight!

I'll remember that next time I'm climbing off your mum.

I'll see you, Avi.

I'll take it.

I'll tell you what I'm gonna do.

I'll tell you who robbed your bookies.

I'll think of something.

I'm a little worried, actually, Turkish. Worried about what?

I'm fucking tell you, it's two black guys work out of a pawnshop on Smith Street.

I'm getting heartburn. Tony, do something terrible.

I'm gonna find him, Doug, and you're gonna help me find him.

I'm in charge here. No fucking about, no eye gouging.

I'm looking for Franky fucking Four Fingers.

I'm not a fucking witch doctor. But you are a bad boy yardie.

I'm not looking for Vegas, and I'm not looking for legal.

I'm not worried about whether Mickey knocks the other man out.

I'm shooting the dog!

I'm sorry for causing a scene, Tony.

I'm sorry, I didn't get the binoculars out in time.

I'm sweet enough.

I'm taking the dog for a walk. What's the problem?

I'm telling you. It always does.

I'm worried about whether Mickey makes it to the fourth fucking round.

I've got a bare knuckle fight in a couple of days.

I've got the gun, son. I think it's you who should behave.

If all bets are off, then there can't be any money, can there?

If I didn't have the replacement pikey,

If I lose...

If it's stones and it's stolen, he's the man to speak to.

If that's not worth a bet, I don't know what is.

If the stones are kosher, then I'll buy them, won't I?

If you place one down for me,

If you see the pikey, Turkish or his girlfriend come out before me,

If you want your friend to hear you, talk a lot louder than that.

In Oh, in case we have to deafen them to death?

In his debt.

In the quiet words of the Virgin Mary, come again?

Into a bare knuckle boxing match

Into the Greek word for virgin.

Is cut up a corpse into six pieces and pile it all together.

Is he fucking stoned?

Is praying.

Is quite a fucking thing.

Is that a tea cozy on his head?

Is that Boris?

Is the big fella not coming with us? No, he's minding the car.

Is there gambling involved? It's a boxing match, Avi.

It can get you in a lot of trouble, thinking, Errol. I shouldn't do so much of it.

It could've been a shite sight worse.

It had previously occurred to me

It is good for business. Avi!

It turned out that the sweet talking, tattoo sporting pikey

It was a rhetorical question, Errol.

It was an easy mistake to make

It was at a funny angle.

It was two minutes five minutes ago.

It was two minutes five minutes ago.

It was us that wanted to buy a caravan off of him.

It went straight back to the gyppos.

It will come back to me.

It will probably cough it up.

It won't open because it's a security door.

It's a bit funky in here, isn't it? Open a window.

It's a campsite.

It's a four ton truck, Tyrone. It's not like it's a packet of fucking peanuts, is it?

It's a fucking anti aircraft gun, Vincent.

It's a knife, for God's sake.

It's a nice story, Adam and Eve.

It's all arranged. You just got to pick it up.

It's all right. No, don't move it now.

It's behind you, Tyrone.

It's bound with moral fiber,

It's empty.

It's fucking squeaking!

It's hard to make a living in the boxing world, so every now and then

It's in the case.

It's in the case. What?

It's just I'm not sure about the color.

It's just, well... It's just Pikey.

It's like he's a fucking homing beacon or something.

It's Mickey Mouse, mate.

It's not a tin of baked beans. What do you mean, open him up?

It's not as though we've got a choice, now, is it?

It's not for him. It's for me.

It's not for me. It's for me ma.

It's not Irish, it's not English.

It's not just he. Three fellas went in the house.

It's not the same caravan. It's not the same fight.

It's not too subtle, but effective.

It's okay.

It's probably the reason they talk like they do,

It's quite amazing what can happen in a week.

It's rumored that his favorite means of dispatch involves a stun gun,

It's tiptop.

It's too tight.

It's twice the size of the last one.

It's what you deserve, Mr. Pulford.

Jeez, it's flawless.

Jesus.

Jesus.

JOSEPH: Himy, would you listen to this?

JOSEPH: It's a nice story.

JOSEPH: Oy vay, what are you saying?

Just a dose that'll make you wish you were born a woman.

Just make sure he doesn't kill me before the fourth.

Just worry about getting us a gun, yeah?

KID: That's a flash car, mister.

KID: Two fifty. TOMMY: You can have a quid.

Known him for as long as I can remember. He's my partner.

Laters.

Laters.

Leave him alone. He's a natural. Ain't you, Tyrone?

Leave the dog here.

Let go of the gun!

Let's get ready

Lie down on the floor.

Lie on the floor!

Like a prick,

Listen to me.

Listen, don't worry about me. Just worry about that dog on my seats.

Listen, you fucking fringe, if I throw a dog a bone,

Lock the door.

London? London.

London? Yes, London.

Look at it. How am I supposed to run this thing from that?

Look mean now, you hairy fucker, won't you?

Look, just Just tell him the stone's back at the office.

Look, let's not stand on ceremony, mate. Let's start the show.

Look, there's a proper blade back there.

Look, we Well, you have a problem.

Look, you hassle me, you see what happens.

Look, you've still got your fight. No.

Looks like we're in, governor.

Mad Fist went mad,

Make sure your man goes down in the fourth.

MAN 2: Rudy! Rud, Rud, let them in, please.

MAN: Anything to declare? Yeah. Don't go to England.

MAN: He can't stand up.

MAN: How long have we gotta stay here?

MAN: It's a campsite. A pikey campsite.

MAN: Let's not have a fuck up.

MAN: Three rounds and you're a vegetable, aren't you, pikey!

MAN: We're on!

Me? Oh, no, not me. I wouldn't know what to do with it.

Me.

Michael, where is the stone?

Michael. MICHAEL: Mutti.

Mickey, you're lucky we aren't worm food after your last performance.

MICKEY: Get your hands out of there.

MICKEY: Need a drink.

MICKEY: That depends. On what?

MICKEY: Top of the range and all that. It was us that wanted a caravan.

Mickey!

Mickey!

Mickey.

Mickey's going down in the fourth.

Might help me to persuade Mickey to fight.

MIMY: Enough already. Ruben, will you say something?

Mind you, you'd do more damage if you threw it at him.

Missing an arm in our office?

Mr. O'Neil. Fuck, man. Call me Mickey.

Mustard?

MUTTI: A lot of it wasn't meant to be taken literally.

MUTTI: But leave that for a couple of hundred years to stew

MUTTI: But leave that for a couple of hundred years to stew

MUTTI: I'm saying, just because it's written

MUTTI: It's just that. Just a story.

MUTTI: Listen to this. Are you busy? I'll tell you the whole story.

MUTTI: What you want I should do, drop my pants?

Mutti.

Mutti. Mutti?

My God, Tommy, you certainly got those minerals.

My leg.

My parents to be were on the same plane when it crashed. That's how they met.

Need to have a shite!

No, I have no idea.

No, I'm afraid it's too late for that.

No, Paulie, that ain't for me.

No, Tommy. There's a gun in your trousers.

No, we don't, John.

No, you can't do this.

No. Keep it. We want this.

Not a problem.

Not as flash as your bike, is it?

Not if you're here.

Not many people are named after a plane crash.

Not now. Gonna be a tragedy of a fight.

Not when they can bury the pair of them and just move camp.

Not when they're putting out flames on their children's backs.

Nothing.

Now find me the silly sods who blagged the bookies.

Now get up and have a fucking fight.

Now I mean, if you wouldn't mind telling me who the fuck you are,

Now I'm changing fighters,

Now leave that dog here. I'm gonna leave the dog here.

Now look, I've helped you as much as I'm going to help you.

Now look, she wants a hack with two roof lights...

Now then, let's have a look, shall we? Tony.

Now, fuck off.

Now, go on! Go on!

Now, I know he looks like a fat fucker

Now, if you'll excuse me, it's my lunchtime. Bye.

Now, it's not too clever to hang about after Mickey's performance.

Now, out of the car.

Now, pikeys are well known for their skills of negotiation in business.

Now, Terry over there is in charge of the bets.

Now, there was a problem with pikeys, or gypsies.

Now, try and look like a fighter.

Now, where's the stone?

Now, you have to forgive me.

Now, you take all the time you want, mate.

Now.

ODid you do it?

Of course he knows when he's going down.

Of course I am.

Of course I have.

Of course, fucking of course.

Off.

OFFICER: Could you tell me

Oh, and hope he doesn't notice?

Oh, for fuck's sake, Tyrone, just concentrate on the steering wheel.

Oh, fuck it, I'll do the fight for free.

Oh, fuck me, your lady friend got a voice?

Oh, I love this track.

Oh, is that him?

Oh, never mind.

Oh, nice tie.

Oh, no, Tommy. I wasn't saying you can't shoot.

Oh, nothing, Tommy.

Oh, really? I thought it was the front.

Oh, shut up. And how could it find them?

Oh, that fucking dog!

Oh, that fucking pikey's put me in it.

Oh, Tyrone, what have you done?

Oh, yeah, Tommy. Brick Top loves Tommy.

Oh, you bastard.

Oh, you love a dog, don't you, Tommy?

Oh. Okay.

Oi, fuck face, who's speaking to you? He asked him, didn't he?

Oi, Mickey!

Oi, Mickey!

Oi. Did they look hard?

Oi. Do you want him to be able to talk or not?

Oink, oink.

Okay, I'll fucking tell you! Get those off me.

Okay, lads. DARREN: Get him on his feet.

Okay, so what do you want for it?

Okay, that and the golden teeth as well. Fucking hell, mate. You should have seen it

Okay, yeah, yeah. But first we get the stone, Rosey.

Okay?

Okay.

Okay. I reckon the hare gets fucked.

On his return there will be ice cream waiting.

On the ground!

On you buying this caravan.

Once I have that, it's

One more thing.

One punch machine gun,

Or Mad Fist Willy?

Or you will not be coming up next time.

Pardon my cynicism, but I don't exactly trust the pikey.

Pass me case or I shoot you.

Pass us the blower, Susi.

People like to believe.

Periwinkle blue. Bye, boys.

Personified, in this case, by a horrible cunt:

Pete, talk to me.

Pint of the black stuff, landlord.

Piss off.

Play some music if you like. Ahh!

Play your cards right and I'll sort you out.

Poke him with a stick, you watch his bollocks grow.

Pretends he's *******.

Private night tonight, chaps.

Private night tonight, chaps. I'm well aware of that, my son.

Proper fucked?

Protection from what?

Pull your socks up!

Pull your tongue out of my arsehole, Gary.

Put a lead on her, Turkish, before she gets bitten.

Right now that's the last thing on Tommy's mind.

Right. And she's terrible partial to the periwinkle blue, boys.

Right. Let's stick them in the car, and then go and look for a pig farm.

Right. That takes care of one little piggy.

Rud, it's okay, let them through.

Russians.

Sat in a car that's worth less than your shirt?

Seats and a steering wheel.

See that car? I suggest you use it.

See you later, lads. See you, boss.

See you ringside.

Seems sadly ironic, it's that tie that's got you into this pickle.

Sharpish.

Shh...

Shit.

Shits himself when you put him in the ring.

Shoot me.

Shoot that fuck! Yeah, yeah.

Shoot the bastards.

Shoot the fucking dog!

Should precipitate

Should we go in?

Show me your hands.

Sit down. Down.

Sitting outside his campsite.

Six times? [GUNSHOT]

Slow down, Franky, my son. When in Rome.

Slow down, Tone.

Slow down, Tony!

Sneaky fucking Russian.

So don't use idiots for the job.

So fuck off.

So he's coming back after he's been to a fight.

So if I am not rushing you...

So move quick. Okay?

So stop that dog dribbling on my seats. All right?

So that's the kind of fight it'll be.

So that's where you keep the sugar.

So who the fuck wants to see them?

So why are you so calm?

So why didn't you chop it off?

So you can't follow what's being said.

So, Mickey, you're going down in the fourth. Is that clear?

So, no, I don't have my fight, do I, you fucking prat?

So, they came up with a prophecy:

So, what do you do?

So, what do you do?

So, what do you think?

So, what if it doesn't?

So, what should I call you? Should I call you, uh, Bullet? Tooth?

So, where is he, Tyrone?

So, you're obviously the big dick,

Sol, why don't we just leave? Because life's too short, Vincent,

SOL: Get us out of here, Tyrone.

SOL: It's the Russian.

SOL: Mr. Pulford, why do you think we've got a dead man

SOL: No, it's a moissanite.

SOL: Oh!

SOL: Oh!

SOL: We are waiting for a man with four fingers, carrying a briefcase.

SOL: We're off.

SOL: Well, we won't if you don't.

SOL: Yeah. Boris is here.

SOL: Yes, big man.

Somehow I've got to get him to fight, but if I lose...

Something very silly.

Sooner or later, in the unlicensed boxing world, you have to deal with that reason:

Sorry, Mickey, just give our money back and you can keep your caravan.

Sorry, Mickey.

Speak English to me, Tony.

Spurious.

Steady on the brakes.

Still didn't shut it up, though.

Stop messing about, Tommy, and get it in the car. Tommy!

Stop the dog!

Sure, I like dags.

SUSI [ON PHONE]: There's a strange man who wants to sell us an 84 karat stone.

Taken too many disco biscuits in the heat of Russian disputations.

Talk about saved by the bell.

Talk to me, tell me.

Ten points. What are we doing here?

Thank God for that.

That depends on all the elements in the equation. How many are there?

That his fight isn't gonna happen?

That means that a single pig

That one over there with the tea cozy on his head's starting to stink.

That sounds like hostility, doesn't it, John?

That the gypsy had taken the demise of his mother rather lightly.

That's a bit strong, isn't it?

That's Doug The Head. Everybody knows Doug The Head.

That's the reason the bastard never goes down when he's supposed to.

That's Tommy.

The bookies got blagged last night. Blagged?

The deal was, you bought it how you saw it.

The dog.

The dog. The dog must have ate it.

The human digestive system hasn't got used to any dairy products yet.

The next day we went to the campsite,

The only man who knew the combination, you just shot.

The Septuagint scholars mistranslated the Hebrew word for young woman

The sharp side, a blunt side. What do you want, a lesson?

The slot machines,

The unlicensed boxer, right?

The weight is sign of reliability.

Then I hear the best thing to do is feed them to pigs.

Then open it and give me the stone.

Then the sight of a chopped up body will look like curry to a pisshead.

Then what are you sorry for?

Then, get me to a doctor.

Then, get me to a doctor.

There are big brave balls, and there are little mincey faggot balls.

There are two types of balls:

There is a bookies I know that will take bets.

There is a fight in couple of days.

There weren't much cash at the bookies.

There. That's the spirit.

There's a campsite full of pikeys that might not think you're so fucking funny.

There's a reason for Tommy's newfound enthusiasm for firearms.

There's no pussy here,

There's something very wrong with this.

These are your last words so make them a prayer.

These lads are out to hurt each other.

They aren't bad fellas.

They could charm the paint off walls, these fellas.

They named me after the name of the plane.

They set two lurchers They're dogs, before you ask.

They threw it in with a load of moody gold.

They will go through bone like butter.

They'll hang us with the ring ropes if they think it's rigged.

They're both staring straight at me.

This ain't exactly Vegas, and this ain't exactly legal.

This is a dog, Sol.

This is sick. I'm out of here.

This is starting to hurt, Solomon.

This is the one place I didn't want to be:

Tickets.

Time. HIMY: Seven minutes!

To burn Mickey's mum's caravan.

To keep his head warm.

To rumble!

Tommy runs the other business,

Tommy, why is your skin leaking?

TOMMY: Mr. O'Neil.

TOMMY: Well, what if he doesn't make it to the fourth round?

Tommy.

Tony, come on!

Tony, there is a man I'd like you to find.

TONY: All right, Mullet?

TONY: Avi...

TONY: Cover yourself up, Avi.

TONY: Get his keys and find out exactly where the stone is.

TONY: He's all yours, Rosebud, old son.

TONY: Ooh.

TONY: You should never underestimate the predictability of stupidity.

Too tight?

TURKISH [ON PHONE]: He won't fight unless we buy his mum a caravan,

TURKISH: All he's got to do is stay down.

TURKISH: And, hey, presto, there's a car nearly on you.

TURKISH: Brick Top thought smashing up our arcade

TURKISH: Do not knock him out, Mickey.

TURKISH: Do you know where I can find him?

TURKISH: How silly do I feel?

TURKISH: Jesus.

TURKISH: My name is Turkish.

TURKISH: Now the last thing I really want to do is bet a pikey.

TURKISH: Stupid pikey knows Brick Top's got a dozen

TURKISH: The vet found half an undigested shoe, a squeaky toy

TURKISH: Tommy persuaded me to keep the dog.

TURKISH: What, is he fucking deaf?

TURKISH: Why's he sweating, Gorgeous?

TURKISH: You know those gypsies like a drink at a wake.

Twenty minutes.

Two minutes, Turkish.

Two minutes, Turkish.

Tyrone will drive for us. He's done a rally driving course.

Tyrone, this is a stolen car, mate.

Tyrone, what are you doing? Get us out of here!

Tyrone, you get around to the Russian's. The second you see him, you give us a call.

TYRONE: Hold on!

TYRONE: Look, are we gonna rob this bookies?

TYRONE: That does not look like a bookies.

Tyrone? Fuck it. We're out of here.

Uh, Boris

Unless they're trying to say something without talking, right, boy?

Unlicensed boxing.

Uzbekistanian? I've been dealing with those sneaky Russian dogs.

Very industrious for a Cossack.

VINCENT: Ah!

VINNY: I don't want to go in there. You'll never see me again.

VINNY: Look, it's here. It's here.

VINNY: No, I'm being serious!

VINNY: That dog is gonna go back to the campsite, Sol.

VINNY: They're getting out. SOL: Hold on.

VINNY: Well, come on, then. Uh uh. Not so fast, Vinny.

VINNY: Whoa!

Want me to get him? That's a good lad.

Want the money? I ain't fucked you.

Was a gypsy bare knuckle boxing champion.

We can't ask a man to fight for us if we can't find him, can we?

We can't take them now. We're gonna have to follow them.

We get murdered before leaving the building,

We get murdered before we leave the building,

We have the young and unchallenged...

We know. That's exactly why we're here.

We play by the rules.

We want half of this, and that's because we're being generous.

We'll be there in a minute.

We're buying a caravan. Off a pack of fucking pikeys?

We're changing the fighter.

We're coming over. You hold him there.

We're fucked.

We're gonna go and see a man that looks like he might know something.

We're gonna need a proper office.

We're gonna need a proper office.

We're not backing out.

We're out of here.

We're worse off now than when we started.

We've been tucked up...

We've got sandy beaches.

We've lost Gorgeous George.

We've lost Gorgeous George.

Well done. This is the back way in.

Well, at least half of this.

Well, because he makes stupid bets with dangerous people.

Well, come on, then, before zee Germans get here.

Well, come on. We got a fight to go to.

Well, do you want to do it?

Well, do you want to shoot him? It's a little noisy, isn't it?

Well, do you want to stab him? Well, it's a little cold blooded, isn't it?

Well, don't, Tone.

Well, fuck me, Tommy. What have you been reading?

Well, he is a fat fucker, but he's dirty and he's dangerous.

Well, I can't leave him in here, can I?

Well, I don't even want to think about losing.

Well, I don't know. I'm not a dog, Sol.

Well, I don't.

Well, I put it down there in case we got mugged.

Well, I'm glad to see you're climbing the walls in fucking anxiety.

Well, if there's gambling involved, he'll be here.

Well, it ain't a free shop, is it?

Well, look at him.

Well, thanks for the tip, Brick Top.

Well, that sounds promising. What are we waiting for?

Well, that's handy because I ain't fucking selling it. It's a fact.

Well, the big rabbit gets fucked, doesn't it?

Well, what is it?

Well, where'd you lose him?

Well, why didn't you bust a cap in his ass then, Tommy?

Well, you know about caravans.

Well, you wanted to know whether or not they worked.

Well, you're plenty fucking stupid, I'll give you that.

What about John The Gun?

What about Rosebud?

What about Tony? You know, Bullet Tooth Tony.

What are we waiting for anyway?

What are you betting on? Bomber Harris.

What are you doing here?

What are you gonna do with that, pick his teeth?

What are you moaning about? It didn't even touch it.

What are you waiting for? The five quid you'll pay me.

What brings you two here? Run out of pants to sniff?

What can I do for you, Boris?

What do I know about diamonds?

What do I know about diamonds? I'm a boxing promoter.

What do you know about gypsies?

What do you know about replicas?

What do you know?

What do you know? Still warm, the blood that courses through my veins.

What do you mean, copper fucking coins?

What do you mean, look in the dog?

What do you mean? What do you mean, a fight? A boxing match?

What do you think I'm gonna grab him by, his fucking ears?

What do you think, Errol?

What do you want me to do about it? Sort it out.

What do you want to do about the Russian?

What does he think we are, thieves? No, nothing like that.

What has he got a tea cozy on his head for?

What have they got to do with anything?

What have you got to tell me that's so fucking important?

What have you got?

What have you used to keep your fork company all these years?

What he means is, I'm doing him a favor.

What I was saying is, that six pound piece of shit stuck in your trousers there

What is that, Vince?

What it really means is I try to keep him out of as much trouble as he inflicts on me.

What kind of a fight?

What more do you want me to do, hit him for you?

What the fuck are you doing, Mickey?

What the fuck are you doing, Solomon?

What the fuck are you two doing?

What the fuck did you expect?

What the fuck do you mean, replicas?

What the fuck you doing, Tone?

What the fuck's going on? You gonna finish him or what?

What was in the bookies was yours. Okay?

What was in the case was mine.

What you doing here? What's it got to do with you?

What you doing with him? The case was attached to his arm.

What you think I'm doing, you penis?

What?

What?

What? Let's use the fucking pikey.

What? Look in the dog.

What? Proper fucked?

What? You saying I can't shoot?

What'd you do that for? Did you mistake him for a rabbit?

What're you doing? Get out of the way, man.

What's a gun doing in your trousers? It's for protection.

What's coursing? Hare coursing.

What's happening with them sausages, Charlie?

What's happening with those sausages, Charlie?

What's in the car?

What's in the case?

What's that?

What's that? It's me belt, Turkish.

What's the fucking crack?

What's the matter? You never heard a dog squeak before? Give me that goddamn gun!

What's to stop it blowing your bollocks off every time you sit down?

What's wrong with this one?

What's wrong with this one?

What's wrong with you? This will get messy.

What's your name?

What's your problem? It's only a fucking dog.

When does your plane leave?

Where did you get it? Boris The Blade.

Where does he come from? I don't know. Hard to tell.

Where is the stone?

Where is the stone?

Where is the stone?

Where was he last seen?

Where? Where? I left it in a box.

Where'd you get it? The gyppos.

Where's the case?

Where's the case? AVI: Put the gun away.

Which keeps rain off our heads and gloves on Gorgeous' hands.

Which makes him harder than a coffin nail.

Which means, you're in his pocket.

Which now means I'm in his pocket.

Which was probably a good thing,

While he's been cleaning up.

While I'm at the wheel, it's my car,

While she was asleep in it.

Who are you looking for?

Who do you take me for? This is England.

Who is gonna mug two black fellas holding pistols,

Who the fuck is talking to you, boy?

Who the fuck is this man, Tyrone?

Who took the jam out of your doughnut?

Who's Bullet Tooth ? Tony!

Who's proper fucked now, then?

Whoa, you are not taking that dog with you, Vince.

Whoops.

Whoops.

Why a man died in their campsite?

Why can't you find me Franky, Doug?

Why didn't you tell us that?

Why do they call him The Bullet Dodger?

Why don't you fucking die?

Why don't you put it down yourself? Well,

Why the fuck

Why the fuck do I want a caravan that's got no fucking wheels?

Why would the gypsies want to go to the trouble to explain

Why you got a dead man with an arm missing in your boot?

Why? We ain't fucking butchers, Boris.

Why? What's wrong with it?

Wipe the butter off and put it away.

Wishes he was *******.

Would do more damage if you fed it to him.

Would someone mind telling me,

Written on the side of mine...

Yeah, Dad. You told us.

Yeah, dags. Dags. You like dags?

Yeah, Doug The Head.

Yeah, he's got two in his teeth that Dad did for him, so he loves Dad.

Yeah, that's perfectly clear, Mickey. Yeah.

Yeah, Tommy.

Yeah, Tyrone, what have you done?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah. But how do you know? I mean, they're replicas.

Yes, Mullet?

You ain't from this planet, are you, Vincent?

You are not bringing that thing in here.

You been using dog shit for toothpaste?

You bet your bollocks to a barn dance you're not backing out.

You can call me Susan if it makes you happy.

You can keep that silly, fat wanker. The lads can't lift him.

You can keep the 10 grand, along with the body,

You can sort me out by showing me out.

You can take bets at the fight.

You can't change fighters.

You can't give him a drink!

You certainly told him, Tommy.

You could do this afterwards, of course,

You did a good job, bubbe.

You do have all the characteristics of a dog, Gary.

You don't like me, do you, boy?

You don't want to let me down, do you, boy?

You don't, Rosebud, me old son. You need me.

You ever cross the road and look the wrong way?

You feeling all right, Mickey?

You freeze. And your life doesn't flash before you

You fucking idiots. He could not know my name.

You go see the man that knows about these sort of things.

You got 48 hours. Yeah.

You got some tars on you. Fuck off, Darren.

You got that, London?

You got to go see him. Yeah, Dad. You told us.

You gotta do something that might not agree with your principles.

You gotta shave the heads of your victims

You gotta starve the pigs for a few days,

You have first bet. If I win, I get a caravan,

You have kept us waiting for half an hour. Are you trying to give me heartburn?

You just freeze and pull a stupid face.

You just tell him who's in charge.

You know gyppos, Sol. They're always throwing dogs in with deals.

You know what I mean.

You know what?

You know, fish, chips, cup of tea,

You little bugger.

You lot,

You lucky bastard.

You people live like animals.

You put the man into a bare knuckle boxing match.

You put the stone in the case?

You said get a good deal.

You saying the gun don't work?

You should fuck off now while you still got the legs to carry you.

You shouldn't drink that stuff, anyway.

You show me how to control a wild fucking gypsy

You silly fuck.

You sneaky fucking bastard.

You stop me again whilst I'm walking and I'll cut your fucking jacobs off.

You take sugar? No, thank you, Turkish.

You Tommy? Come about the caravan?

You took the fucking jam out of my doughnut, Tommy.

You tried it?

You understand me now, don't you, Turkish?

You understand this? It was the word virgin that caught people's attention.

You want to see if I've got the minerals?

You want to settle this with a fight? Over my dead body.

You won't find a pikey that doesn't want to be found, Tommy.

You won't know him, but he's mustard.

You! Drop guns.

You. Want a knife?

You'll what? ALL: He'll bet you for it.

You're a ruthless little cunt, Liam. I'll give you that.

You're a sensitive boy, Tommy.

You're a snake in the grass, ain't you, Tommy? Where'd they come from?

You're always gonna have problems lifting a body in one piece.

You're dancing like a fairy.

You're having second thoughts.

You're in trouble now.

You're not a dog, are you, Gary?

You're not going anywhere, you thick lump.

You're not Mr. Current Affairs, are you, Tommy?

You're not much good to me alive are you, Turkish?

You're on thin fucking ice, my pedigree chums.

You're shrinking.

You're talking about Franky I've got a problem with gambling Four Fingers, Doug.

You've got 10 grand, and it would be nice to see change.

You've got five fingers.

Your dicks have drive and clarity of vision,

Your dicks have drive and clarity of vision,

Your what?

Zee Germans?

[10 CC'S DREADLOCK HOLIDAY PLAYING]

[ALARM BEEPING]

[ALL LAUGHING]

[ALL SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]

[AUDIENCE SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]

[BARKING AND SQUEAKING]

[BARKING]

[BARKING]

[BARKS]

[BELL RINGING]

[BELL RINGS]

[BELL RINGS]

[BOBBY BYRD'S HOT PANTS (I'M COMING, I'M COMING, I'M COMING) PLAYING]

[BORIS GRUNTING]

[BORIS SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN]

[BORIS SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN]

[CAR CRASHES]

[CELL PHONE PLAYING HAVA NAGILA]

[CHATTERING]

[CHATTERING]

[CHUCKLES]

[CHUCKLES]

[CHUCKLING]

[CRASHES]

[CRASHES]

[CRASHING]

[CROWD SHOUTING]

[DOG BARKING AND WHIMPERING]

[DOG BARKING IN DISTANCE]

[DOG BARKING IN DISTANCE]

[DOG BARKING]

[DOG BARKING]

[DOG BARKING]

[DOG BARKING]

[DOG GROWLING AND WHIMPERING]

[DOG SQUEAKING AND WHIMPERING]

[DOG SQUEALING]

[DOG WHIMPERING AND SQUEAKING]

[DOG WHIMPERING]

[DOG WHIMPERING]

[DOG WHIMPERING]

[DOG WHIMPERING]

[DOUG CHUCKLING]

[DRILL BUZZING]

[ENGINE TURNS OVER]

[GAGGING]

[GROANING]

[GRUNTING]

[GRUNTING]

[GRUNTING]

[GRUNTING]

[GRUNTING]

[GUNS COCKING]

[GUNSHOT OVER PHONE]

[GUNSHOT]

[GUNSHOT]

[GUNSHOTS]

[GUNSHOTS]

[GUNSHOTS]

[HUEY PIANO SMITH & THE CLOWNS' DON'T YOU JUST KNOW IT PLAYING]

[IN RUSSIAN] So, what should I do?

[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]

[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]

[KLINT'S DIAMOND PLAYING]

[LAUGHING]

[LAUGHING]

[LEATHER CREAKING]

[LIAM GRUNTING]

[MADONNA'S LUCKY STAR PLAYING ON RADIO]

[MARWAIS' DISCO SCIENCE PLAYING]

[MASSIVE ATTACK'S ANGEL PLAYING]

[MEN BOOING]

[MEN GRUNTING]

[MEN SHOUTING]

[MULLET GAGGING]

[OASIS' FUCKIN' IN THE BUSHES PLAYING]

[OVERSEER'S SUPERMOVES PLAYING]

[PEOPLE CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY IN DISTANCE]

[PEOPLE SHOUTING AND CHEERING INDISTINCTLY]

[PHONE RINGING]

[PHONE RINGING]

[PUNCHING AND GRUNTING IN DISTANCE]

[SCREAMING]

[SHOUTING IN DISTANCE]

[SIGHS]

[SIGHS]

[SNORING]

[SOL, LINCOLN AND VINNY GRUNTING]

[SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN]

[SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN]

[SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN]

[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

[SQUEAKING]

[THE SPECIALS' GHOST TOWN PLAYING]

[THE SPECIALS' GHOST TOWN PLAYING]

[THE STRANGLERS' GOLDEN BROWN PLAYING]

[TIRES SCREECHING]

[TIRES SCREECHING]

[TIRES SCREECHING]

[TIRES SCREECHING]

[TYRONE GRUNTING]

[TYRONE SCREAMING]

[TYRONE SCREAMING]

[VINCENT GROANING]

[VIVA LAS VEGAS PLAYING]

[VIVA LAS VEGAS PLAYING]

[WHIMPERING]

[WHIMPERS]

[WHISPERING INDISTINCTLY]