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Home > Mr 3000 (2004)
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Mr 3000 (2004)

Mr 3000 (2004)

"Mr 3000" is a sports comedy film released in 2004. The story revolves around former baseball superstar Stan Ross, played by Bernie Mac, who retires after achieving the impressive feat of hitting 3,000 career hits. However, years later, it is discovered that he was three hits short due to an error in the record-keeping. Determined to reclaim his legacy, Ross comes out of retirement to accomplish the elusive milestone. With an entertaining blend of humor and baseball, "Mr 3000" provides an enjoyable experience for fans of the game. You can play and download the sounds from the movie here.

A certified immortal.
A great chance to get hit number 2,999.
A home run!
A line drive to deep left center.
A little old school is what this team needs.
A lot of drooling and a lot of just flailing around
A member of that exclusive 3,000 base hit club,
A piece of baseball history out the crack of your ass!
A purpose pitch to get Ross angry.
A re energized team plays for respectability,
A sharp ground ball up the middle.
A Stan Ross candy bar.
Aah, what'd I tell you?
Aah!
About moving here when you can't do what you say you're gonna do?
Across the cities and farms of the great state of Wisconsin
Actually, it's very gentle.
After he was in the Hall of Fame,
After I get my hits today, you want to come by and celebrate?
After the ball leaves the pitcher's hand
After the game, we pick up a...
Ah, yes! Now batting leadoff.
Ain't that something you can do here in Milwaukee?
All day.
All I heard...
All on, baby.
All right, come on. Tell them like it is, Boca.
All right, forget this. I'll freestyle it.
All right, let me tell you something, man.
All right, Milwaukee,
All right, now. I'm leavin'.
All right, only 'cause I like this song, too.
All right, push!
All right! He's coming on up.
All right? I hit 43 home runs.
All right.
All right. That's your locker over there.
Also here with us today, you remember him well,
Although he'd hit better than Stan.
Although I hit a home run, I'm still 2 for 51.
And another run scores.
And better eyes than that.
And Big Horse Berelli gonna be standin' up there with you.
And end the Brewers' season on a high note.
And end the Brewers' season on a high note.
And every single day, man, Mister Softee ice cream truck
And Fukuda working from the stretch.
And get this thing over with?
And get your woof on at 3000 Paws.
And hangin' out and stuff like that.
And he hasn't played the game in nine years.
And he is safe with a ringing double.
And he kept himself in better shape than Ross.
And he never RSVP'd once.
And here comes Stan Ross.
And here comes the pitch.
And here he comes with that trademark arrogant scowl.
And here's the windup and the pitch.
And how many games out of third place are we?
And I know for a fact, if it was up to you,
And I loved him for that.
And I promise, it won't be like last time
And I said stank ass.
And I'm just wonderin'.
And if I don't get my face out my ass and get out this inning,
And it becomes obvious you're hurting the team,
And it's the same as it ever was.
And joining us today to pay tribute to Stan,
And not be selected into the Hall of Fame?
And now that you have, I don't know.
And quick still.
And some of us hoped you wouldn't,
And Stan Ross is out of there on three straight pitches.
And take those youngsters to school.
And that means no more talking to you stank ass reporters.
And that was to jump far, far below
And the boos, for that matter, are for Stan Ross.
And the entire Milwaukee Brewers organization.
And the King of the Swing,
And the Milwaukee Brewers.
And the sound you hear reverberating
And there ain't nothin' you sons of bitches can do about it.
And they all gonna be collector's items.
And they were in fifth place when you got there.
And they'd be stealin' bases like I'm out there stealin'.
And this is what baseball music sounds like.
And to my main man, my best friend, Boca Carter.
And to you, Old Donkey.
And we're the Little Leaguers?
And welcome to beautiful Miller Park.
And you're always for yourself.
And you're always for yourself.
And your life's been richer ever since.
And, well, that'll get you some halitosis action.
Any doggone thing, baby.
Anybody have a Stan Ross rookie card?
Apparently he hasn't forgotten the way Stan abandoned the team
Are here tonight.
Are pleased to be able to help a member of the Brewer family
Are the Brewers goin' to the World Series?
Are you givin' up on me, Mo?
Are you really talking to us from the clubhouse?
Are you still talking about that weak ass ground ball?
As I said before, Stan Ross is back.
As I'm tearin' down the line,
As Ross' window of opportunity
As Yahko tried to escape across the rope bridge,
Asa Buchanan.
At what point, Peter, does the rust come off?
Attention, all Milwaukee leprechauns.
B, that's what I'm talkin' about.
Baby, you hungrier than a hostage.
Baby, you owe it to yourself.
Ball.
Be a hitter, baby. Be a hitter.
Be aggressive.
Be the historic moment
Be with me.
Because I'm going deep every game,
Because I'm not the one who's desperate
Because I'm one of the greatest hitters alive.
Because it identifies greatness.
Before we go on the road.
Before we go too far, I can't spend the night.
Before you knew which side of the bat was the good end.
Besides letting down your teammates,
Besides, dog, that was wack!
Besides, dog, that was wack!
Best player on the Brewers.
Better talk to him, Boca.
Beyatch.
Bingo.
Black athletes age slower.
Blowing away the competition.
Bo, all I need is a bat.
Boastin' about yourself, you're gonna end up all by yourself.
Boca, I swear, when you get to going,
Boca! Yo, Bo!
Boca. See that?
Bottom of the third, and the cheers you hear,
Boy, I'm tellin' you.
Boy, that pup sound just like me back in the day, I swear.
Braves at Brewers.
Breathe in.
Brewers down by 4.
Brewers on three!
Bring the whole family down to Mr. 3000 Shopping Center.
Brother, you're looking at 25 Little Leaguers in here
Bullcrap! Let me see that. Yeah, right.
But easy, Gus. Don't get excited.
But even his impressive power numbers
But first the man who's become sort of Ross' protege of late,
But I am gonna say that every Brewer but Stan that played
But I do miss playin'.
But I got news for you.
But I know Boca's a ballplayer.
But I'm here to tell you that if you get 3,000 hits,
But I've been lookin' ahead toward it, you know?
But it don't matter 'cause I got mine.
But let's talk about the name Mr. 3000.
But like my teammate Kenji Fukuda taught me to say...
But most of all, I want to thank you all.
But my numbers don't lie.
But not potentially move into third place?
But now Ross is up with not only a chance
But that's Skip's decision.
But this time finished 147 votes shy,
But unfortunately, it's up to a bunch of sportswriters.
But we both know that you ain't never been serious enough
But when an athlete gets to that point, he loses all his pride.
But why he cuss me out? I never did nothin' to him.
But you can bet that's not what he's thinking.
But you didn't catch the real story on tonight's game.
But you have hole in your ass.
But you sure as hell ain't no Hall of Famer.
But you're right.
But your equipment is right over there.
But your team gettin' picked off.
But your team losin'.
By the dreaded, evil boars.
Bye bye.
Bye bye.
Bye.
Can he even handle first base at his age, let alone hit?
Can't say I can, man.
Charge!
Charge!
Charge!
Charge!
Charge!
Check this out. Look at that.
Checks the runners now, and here's the pitch.
Clearly Earll just sent that message.
Come here. I got a new idea. Listen.
Come on in.
Come on, baby.
Come on, baby.
Come on, baby.
Come on, baby. Get on.
Come on, baby. Now we're talkin'.
Come on, Brewers!
Come on, bump with me. Don't leave me hangin'.
Come on, Coach.
Come on, come on, come on, come on.
Come on, I know you remember what it was like.
Come on, let's go.
Come on, let's see what you got.
Come on, man!
Come on, man.
Come on, Mo, I'm 47 years old.
Come on, now up.
Come on, now, don't distract me when I'm hittin'.
Come on, Stan.
Come on, Stan.
Come on, Stan. You got this one.
Come on, this is the one. You know what I'm talking about!
Come on, try it again.
Come on, we got a shot at third place.
Come on.
Come on.
Come on.
Come on. Come on out here.
Come on. I need you, now.
Come on. You know we're young enough.
Congratulations.
Crybaby!
Curve ball. Curve ball.
Damn it, Joe! He know better than to get me pissed off!
Damn you, man!
Damn!
Deal with it!
Did you hit him with the fans bit?
Did you see me, baby? Ha ha.
Do your thing, man.
Does that get to you?
Dog, come on. All My Children.
Don Roberto.
Don't give me that crap.
Don't go away.
Don't leave me hangin'. Come on.
Don't make me run you, Gus.
Don't you baby me.
Don't you worry about me.
Earth, Wind & Fire?
Eddie Richling. I'm the conditioning coach.
Eighth? That's for banjo hitters.
Either that, or he just wants to symbolize
End an inning with the hidden ball trick, huh?
Endorsement?
Especially what you got in front of you, a living legend.
Especially with all the bitches he got around.
Every win, every home run, every hit?
Every year since he retired.
Fairmount Park, Philly, son.
Familiar?
Favorite portion of the show, the comedy portion.
Feel it in your lats?
Fellas, come on, now. We got a game goin' on out here.
Fellas.
Figures. He's drunk.
Find it at Radio Shack.
First year, I was 150 votes short.
First, I want to thank you, Mr. Schembri,
Fit just right, doesn't it?
Five games and hasn't gotten close to a hit.
For all those years of abuse.
For his 3,000th base hit and a call from Cooperstown,
For the erstwhile King of Swing.
For their longtime hero, Stan Ross.
For this couch, and perfection ain't one of 'em.
From our angle, I thought he was safe.
From that special someone?
From the green...
Game tied at 4.
Game's changed a lot since we last played.
George Foreman didn't know when to get out.
Gervis, with a 6 game hitting streak, at the plate.
Get a hit, Grandpa.
Get a shot of that one.
Get back in.
Get in line.
Get off of my field!
Get up out of my face. I did my job.
Get your hair dyed, fried, and laid to the side at 3000 Cuts.
Get your hit.
Get your page on at 3000 Beeps.
Get your shamrock groove on at Stan Ross' Mr. 3000 Sports Bar,
Get your Szechuan feast on at 3000 Woks.
Girl, you need to quit fightin'.
Give him a month to get in shape.
Give him your cap or an autographed bat.
Give me my ball.
Give you the shoe?
Glickman now on the mound, working from the stretch.
Go ahead, man, it's in my locker.
Go on, go on, man. You can't help me now.
Go, T! Come on, baby!
Good luck tonight.
Good night.
Good.
Grandpa?
Guiding Light.
Ha ha, baby, I'm on a roll, too, Jay.
Ha!
Had a hit.
Had slowly crept to within four votes of enshrinement,
Hall of Fame!
Hang on. What?
Hangin' it up.
Has got a better chance of getting a hit than Stan Ross.
Have a seat.
Have done little to stop the Brewers' losing streak.
He ain't got no waist on him. He got nothin'.
He almost took the bat right out of Stan Ross' hands.
He bobbles it, but what's Minadeo doing?
He could win the game here with a long fly ball,
He hasn't lost his touch, has he?
He playin' to you.
He realized that he was trapped by both sides
He swings, and it's a high fly ball to right.
He throwin' a curve ball.
He tipped his pitch, and I called it.
He tipped his pitch. You saw it.
He tucks his arm in on the curve.
He used to be able to hit, cannot hit now.
He wants his autograph.
He was safe!
He was safe!
He was taught English in school in Japan,
He wasn't very good with the press.
He's a bad teammate.
He's a black athlete.
He's a jerk.
He's hitting cleanup right behind Rex Pennebaker.
He's not going to the Hall of Fame!
He's not running. Now they pick it up.
He's now 0 27 in his comeback.
He's picking up his stride,
He's safe. The bases are loaded.
He's showin' his pitch, and he don't know it.
He's small. That guy was small for a friggin' midget.
He's such a crybaby.
He's the real deal. Plus, I know what he thinkin'.
Hell, yeah!
Hell, yeah!
Hello?
Here comes the play.
Here we go. Who they got?
Here we go. This is it.
Here's a throw to first base, and Ross is out.
Here's the wind and the pitch.
Hey, all you Milwaukee leprechauns.
Hey, Boca.
Hey, Coach, get me that ball.
Hey, congratulations, Stan!
Hey, easy, old man.
Hey, girl, you been watchin'?
Hey, man, the press is eating it up.
Hey, oh, good. Buddy, come here.
Hey, Stan Ross.
Hey, Stan, go get your hit this Saturday, man.
Hey, Stan, Tom Arnold here. Congratulations on everything.
Hey, Stan, you think that diaper's affecting your swing?
Hey, Stan!
Hey, Stan.
Hey, they're just getting even with Stan
Hey, what size you swinging over there, Old School?
Hey, where you goin'?
Hey!
Hey.
Hey. Hey, baby.
Hey...
His elbow go in like this. He grip the ball.
His last plate appearance of a storied big league career.
Hitting's my business.
Hmm?
Hmm?
Hold on, kids.
Hold on.
Hold up.
Hold your breath, Stan.
Hole in my ass?
Home half of the fourth.
Hope he trips and breaks his leg.
How 'bout I shove my Hall of Fame bat
How about a Wiffle bat?
How about where you say you didn't know if I would do it?
How about you, Ernie?
How come I hardly see you on SportsCenter anymore?
How could I not make them more competitive?
How do you think you'll adjust to the contemporary game?
How long do we let this go on?
How many games we got left in this season?
How old are you?
How the hell do you bat 3,000
How well he's been playing.
How's it feel, Stan?
How's it feel?
Huh?
Huh? Who's the old man, baby?
Hydrostatic weighing.
I agree, and that's why I'm telling Gus
I ain't goin' there.
I ain't gonna be no damn spokesman for no Viagra.
I am here to record your history in the making.
I been playin' this game long enough to know how it goes.
I called a practice on my day off on our last home stand.
I called the man out. I'm watching the same game you are!
I can depend on you all to bring me, Stan Ross, to Cooperstown.
I can do anything a 20 year old can do.
I can hear you say Stan!
I can still swing my bat, Bo.
I can still swing my bat.
I can't believe you said that.
I can't let them do it to me.
I don't believe it.
I don't even know why you bother learning his name,
I don't know what you're saying.
I don't know why I bothered comin' back.
I don't know, baby. I guess I like the rest of it.
I don't know. You're takin' half my at bats away.
I don't make the news or decide what is the news.
I don't need my balls washed to tell you how much I weigh.
I don't need you to tell me what to do.
I don't think I was one of his favorites.
I don't want Panas to take me out.
I don't want you to pop no blood vessel.
I feel like Flipper.
I finally got them playin' patented Stan Ross baseball.
I gave 'em they money worth tonight.
I gave him good advice.
I got 3,000 up there, one for each one of my hits.
I got 5 bucks in my pocket says you can't give me 10.
I got a hammer my damn self.
I got a new PlayStation game, Hall of Fame Baseball,
I got one question for you, man.
I got three games before we go on the road.
I got three home games against the Astros
I got tickets for that one.
I got your old man, baby.
I got your old man.
I gotta go.
I grew up watching your excellent play on television.
I guess somebody should have showed up to that practice.
I guess you are getting a little serious, huh?
I had a few bad outings in a row,
I have to go with it because, as you say,
I hear you.
I hope you weren't listening to the trash
I just became a legend like Willie Mays,
I just go where I'm assigned.
I just gotta go.
I know I always said I didn't, but I do.
I know the team is going to give me the shoe.
I like the sleepin' and the talkin'
I love you more.
I mean, best sex I ever had, too, but that's all it was.
I mean, hit a screamin' liner right past my head.
I mean, how am I supposed to think
I never felt that type of respect
I realized I had to start cuttin' loose
I remember once upon a time I pushed out the 40 year old.
I said, It looked like a groundout to me.
I said, What if you don't hit?
I started my own little stuff right here.
I still look good.
I still see the ball. I still hit the ball.
I think he played with you a couple of months in '79.
I think he's having a party at his place,
I think I'm gonna get it on the next at bat.
I thought the lady must have...
I thought when we retired his number,
I used to play center field,
I want you doing press all week long on the road, Stan.
I was all over that nickel curve ball.
I was thinkin' about that producer.
I was young, Skip.
I wasn't thinkin'.
I went to the park this morning, and you weren't there.
I'd have been in the Hall of Fame a long time ago.
I'd have quit last season if I didn't think
I'll bring you home. Come on, get on, baby.
I'll catch her later.
I'll come right around. That ain't nothin'.
I'll pay for it.
I'll see you at practice.
I'll see you at the ball park.
I'll show him. I'll put up this...
I'll show you what kiss my ass look like.
I'm about to take care of business.
I'm back!
I'm gonna give you a special exclusive.
I'm gonna say it here,
I'm gonna slap the shit out of T Rex.
I'm gonna start off real light, about 463.
I'm gonna tell my buddies. Stan Ross unzipped my pants.
I'm gonna tell you what's left for you.
I'm here with Hall of Famer hopeful Stan Ross,
I'm hittin' now.
I'm just a reporter.
I'm just kidding.
I'm just saying that I could always count on you
I'm just saying, Stan Ross Day.
I'm just saying.
I'm just saying.
I'm just saying.
I'm looking dead at it.
I'm not goin' on the road.
I'm not in the mood right now.
I'm not sure it does.
I'm on a roll, man. I'm tellin' you.
I'm on a roll, too.
I'm Rick, the clubhouse assistant.
I'm Stan Ross.
I'm sure to stay on that roll,
I'm surprised Stan Ross isn't protesting the call.
I'm talkin' big time.
I'm talking about Jay Leno. That's bigger than the game.
I'm talking endorsements, product lines.
I'm talking to you.
I'm the only one out there gettin' mine.
I've been here before.
I've been swinging this thing sweet
I've been waitin' 20 years for you to ask me that.
If he throw another curve ball,
If he's up to it, we put him in the lineup.
If I don't get a hit, it's over.
If Pennebaker homers,
If this was my team,
If you have a lifetime .314 average,
If you look on the back, you'll see it's written in Latin.
In fact, I don't think you even vacuumed.
In hopes of squeezing out an extra at bat for Ross,
In that elite 3,000 hit club?
In the division cellar.
In the first two games against the Astros
In the league, will do everything he can
In the middle of the pennant race nine years ago.
In this, his final home stand.
In your first three at bats?
Infield tight, hitter's delight.
Instead of playin', you makin' like Mr. Bojangles.
Into the raging, raging river.
Is about to close and close before a nationwide audience.
Is it more than a coincidence
Is it once a day?
Is particularly unhappy having Ross back in the lineup.
Is that right?
Is that right?
Is that right? How many push ups can you do?
Is that the first time you pulled that off in a game?
Is that the way you were raised?
Is the roar of the Brewer faithful
Is their strapping young outfielder, T Rex Pennebaker.
Is this a joke?
Is this only about getting back to 3,000 hits,
It don't feel good, especially the way I've been swinging,
It has to go in, all of it.
It hasn't changed, Stan.
It is gone!
It is gone!
It is off the base of the wall.
It is to me.
It just isn't possible to get out of his day.
It should be a ball game right now.
It was 1989, against the Mariners.
It was really nice, Stan.
It was wrong the way I quit on the team back then.
It wasn't the best.
It's a piece of loose leaf paper you wrote Ross Bar on.
It's a publicity stunt,
It's a vicious line drive off Earll's...
It's called Pilates.
It's carrying well.
It's going, going.
It's going, going.
It's how we determine how much body fat you really have.
It's like if the Red Sox thawed out Ted Williams,
It's my year, and everybody knows it.
It's not like I'm hiding from you.
It's not Reebok.
It's only a joke if you think weak abs are funny.
It's still a scoreless tie.
It's the 31 st time you've homered but your team's lost.
It's the reason most of the 38,000 plus fans
It's the same reason why everybody else here.
It's what's for dinner.
Jay and I did our thing. That ain't no ESPN.
Just ain't like the old days, huh, Boca?
Just be with me.
Just by chance, you ain't here to see me?
Just chillin' at a curve for strike one.
Just comin' from me, I think my man
Just get one more question.
Just keep the ball low and away. We'll get you out the inning.
Just like when the White Sox hired that midget.
Just Stan. I'm just Stan.
Just two weeks ago, fans,
Just you, me, and the team.
Keep your popcorn by your side 'cause it's comin'.
Kiss my ass.
Kiss my...
Knickknack patty whack, get your dog a bone.
Last chance to go out there and get yours.
Last warning.
Let me be a little polite here.
Let me tell you something.
Let me tell you something.
Let me tell you something. I am crazy!
Let's check out the highlights.
Let's go, baby. Let's go.
Let's go, Brewers, let's go.
Let's hear it for our Brewers' own Stan Ross!
Let's welcome former teammate Bill Big Horse Berelli.
Like I've been telling you, you can't beat Father Time.
Like it or not, I'm a certified immortal.
Listen up!
Livin' legend, baby.
Look at him.
Look at him.
Look at me.
Look at that.
Look at this boy go. Look at your boy.
Look at this!
Look at you, Mo.
Look, don't be thinkin' negative out here, okay?
Look, Stan, it was just sex, right?
Look, what I'm sayin' is, don't cut me out.
Look.
Looked like a groundout to me.
Looks familiar?
Looks like number 3, the Italian sausage, has won the race.
Looks like the bratwurst is getting smoked.
Lord, just when I thought I'd seen it all.
Make it 3,000.
Make you a hot dog on a stick, bitch.
Man, could he hit the ball.
Man, I never batted lower than fifth in my life.
Man, that's bullshit!
Man, wasn't thinkin'!
Man, what the hell? What's your damn problem, man?
Maureen.
Maybe I'm gettin' serious about you.
Maybe you remember something you thought I said I was gonna do,
Maybe you should use something lighter.
Maybe you was takin' a grandpa nap during that part.
Maybe.
Me and Stan were teammates.
Michael Jordan struggled, and he was only out two years.
Minadeo steps back in.
Minadeo, Skillett. Second and short.
Miss it?
Mm hmm.
Mm, you too, Tony.
Mo, I swear, he has a black one for funerals.
Mo, it's only one damn practice, baby.
Mo, Mo, baby, look at you. Come on, Mo.
More competitive on the field?
More like Stan the statue.
More positions, then?
More times a night?
Move it over there.
Mr. 3000.
Mr. Incredible.
Mr. Ross.
My spine and my butt, too.
Nah.
Nah.
Nah.
Next pitch. Now, wait a second.
Nice car.
Nice to see you again, Mo.
Nitroglycerin himself.
No, all the hits were hits. There just aren't 3,000 of them.
No, come here. Let me ask you a question.
No, I got a headache.
No, I got tickets for tomorrow!
No, I love you more.
No, I'm just saying, man, that's why I love you, man.
No, I'm on assignment.
No, I've just been a Brewers fan my whole life
No, it's not sex.
No, no, no.
No, you're gettin' the best of both worlds.
No.
No.
No. What are you saying?
Nolan Ryan looking at me like he want to kill me, right?
Not on my plate.
Not so aggressive, baby.
Not to play you on the road.
Not to see us play for third place, but to see me get my hit.
Nothin'.
Nothing close from Norton.
Nothing's gonna keep you out of the Hall of Fame.
Now batting, first baseman, number 21,
Now batting, first baseman, number 21, Stan Ross.
Now that I got this, I ain't playin' no more.
Now, I don't see a damn reason
Now, I never thought I'd live to see this day.
Now, I'm not gonna say that every Brewer but Stan had a hit,
Now, this shit is all right.
Now, we give him a physical.
Number 21, Stan Ross.
Number 8, Anthony Carter.
Of course, all season, a lot of hitters,
Of training into their exercise regimen.
Oh, bat boy.
Oh, boy.
Oh, crazy? Thinkin' I'm crazy?
Oh, hold on, fellas.
Oh, I can think of a lot of descriptions
Oh, my, what a close play!
Oh, no, I'm good.
Oh, oh! Your knee touched, man.
Oh, okay.
Oh, okay.
Oh, shoot, that reminds me.
Oh, that's the dude with the cologne.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, you still hold the record.
Oh! Just chillin' at a called strike three,
Ohh, but listen.
Oho!
Okay, Erica Kane.
Okay, feel the extensors now.
Okay, I'll shrink your big ass.
Okay, if you so upset, why was you willing to get back with me?
Okay, Stan, now you ready to get started for real?
Okay, Stan.
Okay, that's it for today, folks.
Okay, the Milwaukee Brewers
Okay, well, that's one.
Okay. Start over.
Old man?
On the South Side of Chicago, Stanley Ross, playin' baseball.
Once you get over the initial modesty, I think you'll be fine.
One arm or two?
One game, one more hit, and he has that magical 3,000.
One of the greatest hitters straight up and down.
Only looked out for himself.
Ooh, I don't think so, Mr. Ross.
Ooh, ooh, a little testy. A little testy.
Ooh, Stan was a hair off
Or do you believe you can help make the Brewers
Our Maureen Simmons was at the game and had postgame duty.
Out!
Outstanding. You feel good?
Outta here!
Over here, say, Hell, yeah!
Over nine innings of Brewers baseball.
Pennebaker digs in.
Pennebaker rounds first, heading for second.
People in that section say you threatened him.
Plus, that's gonna look tight in next year's video game.
Push it! Push it! Push it!
Quite valuable.
Quittin'. I'm done.
Radio Shack. You've got questions.
Ray Charles could've called that call!
Reach out and get it.
Reach out there and get it, then.
Really? You gonna tell me you got cramps, too?
Remember what I told you. Keep that ass up.
Remember, Jim Palmer tried to come back
Retire his number.
Right here. Right here, baby!
Robin Yount? Cecil Cooper? What happened to them?
Ross lays a sacrifice bunt up the first base line,
Ross now crowding the plate.
Ross puts a good swing on it.
Ross swings.
Runner at first.
Runners lead away,
Same reason why you here, unless you're here for something else.
Say Stan Ross!
Say what, partner?
Say, Hell, yeah!
Second baseman Gomez with a diving stop.
Second year, I was less than 50 and so on.
See?
Seeing who can name the soaps.
Seven times an All Star,
Shoot, that ain't no picture. That's a damn Rembrandt.
Shoot.
Shortstop, number 3, Cecil Gervis.
Show you right. And I can do it all night.
Shut up!
Sister, you know why I'm comin' back.
Sit down.
Skillett charges. His only play is to first.
Skillett is caught napping.
Skillett!
Skills that pay the bills.
Slugger.
So after you go national with all this press,
So he's gotta play the field.
So I don't need none of that.
So I might as well do something else with my time.
So I'll see you at the ball park.
So it boils down to the bottom of the ninth inning.
So it is with great pride that I introduce to you
So let's get it together, and let's do this like it's October!
So save it!
So we owe you an apology big time.
So what does your mama think about this comeback foolishness?
So what you're saying is,
So yell at them, Old School.
So, here we are. The stage is set.
So, tomorrow, man, you ready?
So, you hire a fancy decorator to help you do this place?
So, you're the story again.
Some ad agency guy from New York.
Some metalhead half asses.
Some things just always play well.
Son of a...
Son of my dick?
Sportswriters hate me.
Stan didn't make many friends when he was playing here.
Stan don't appreciate my velour.
Stan Musial, and Carl Yastrzemski.
Stan Ross had three hits in that game.
Stan Ross is safe at first.
Stan Ross touches them all.
Stan Ross, at 47, the oldest man to homer in the major leagues.
Stan Ross, come on out here!
Stan Ross, the King of Swing.
Stan Ross, you bat eighth! Ha ha!
Stan Ross!
Stan Ross!
Stan Ross!
Stan Ross.
Stan Ross.
Stan Ross. Be right back right after this.
Stan Ross' RBls in 1981.
Stan, how does it feel not to be playing right now?
Stan, you da man.
Stan, you heard the sausage. You're 2 for 58.
Stan, you're being very sweet.
Stan! Stan! Huge fan. You gotta help me out.
Stan! Stan! Stan! Stan!
Stan! Still the Wizard of Wood!
Stan.
Stan.
Stan.
Stan.
Stan's batting average in 1985.
Stan's not done. He decided to do a little spring cleaning.
Stand up.
Start hittin' that ball.
Started with Stan Ross' 2,998th hit?
Stay focused. Keep your eye on the ball.
Still got it, girl.
Still mad at me?
Still scoreless here in the final game of the season.
Straight up and down, like 6:00.
Strike one.
Strike!
Strike!
Stuart.
Sure. You ask any of the all time greats, man.
Swimmin' all up in the dirt for a hit today!
Swung on and a deep, deep drive to left field.
Swung on, a one hopper back to the mound.
T Rex Pennebaker ain't nothin'.
T Rex Pennebaker has emerged as the team leader.
T Rex Pennebaker.
Take his old Reebok endorsement deal a little too serious.
Team Brewer is on a roll, making a push for third place.
Team player, baby.
Tell 'em, baby.
Thank you so much.
Thank you very much.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thanks, Boca.
That ain't gonna mean nothing.
That ain't no real baseball song.
That gives up that 3,000th base hit.
That he wasn't a team player.
That I felt on the ball field.
That is the most ratty ass candy bar I've ever seen.
That killed me there, I'll tell ya.
That kind of attention.
That means that three of the hits don't count.
That races around Miller Park
That their solid defense and clutch hitting
That was 4/10 of a second.
That were dead before I was born,
That would have hurt if it wasn't true.
That's a little somethin' for SportsCenter.
That's all he wears.
That's bull. They can't treat you like that.
That's cool.
That's easy money. Back up, man.
That's four.
That's how much time you have
That's it, baby.
That's it? I'm trying to get enshrined.
That's it? Man, y'all killin' me, man.
That's it. Thanks, guys. That's a wrap.
That's my song.
That's nine years.
That's not fair, Tom.
That's one practice. One practice.
That's pimp stuff.
That's the ball that got me to the Hall of Fame.
That's the game, and Ross won't get another shot.
That's the third damn out!
That's what I'm talkin' about. That's why I'm quittin'.
That's what it is.
That's why I know for a fact
That's why I love you, man.
That's why I love you, man.
That's why I love you.
That's why you're comin' back. So all them names make sense.
That's why you're not playin' today, 'cause of that song.
The always controversial ex Brewer
The Astro infield moving in.
The Astros in a position now to break this game wide open.
The behind the camera stuff you was talkin' about.
The best sex I ever had was with you.
The biggest crowd we've had all year
The Brewers knew what they were getting into.
The count is 1 1 on the second baseman Minadeo.
The fans, man.
The fans.
The faster you throw it in, the quicker it's goin' out.
The first week at bat
The guy's out!
The Hall of Fame vote is in, and Stan Ross is not.
The man with sweetest swing in the major league, is back.
The Milwaukee Brewers are weak.
The Milwaukee Brewers are weak.
The Milwaukee Brewers seemed willing
The old and the new Stan Ross.
The once and future Mr. 3000, Stan Ross.
The only shining star on the team these days
The only thing Boca gonna carry is my plaque.
The pitch, and a swing and a solid line drive single
The press is having a field day.
The rest of it? What's left?
The right hander Norton, one of the most competitive pitchers
The right man wasn't right.
The slide, the tag. He is safe! He is safe!
The team doesn't need you to get third place.
The team need me. Come on, now.
The team's on a tear. You won seven in a row.
The throw to first, and he's out.
The whole world loves me again, baby.
The Wizard of Wood, the Count of Contact,
The woman that puts on the sausage outfit
Their man keep throwing curve balls. That's all he got.
Then after that September roster expansion,
Then I'm gonna work on your cussin'.
Then you can come on down...
There goes your damn ball.
There should be a man on first and second right now.
There should've been two men on when you hit that homer.
These fools would be hittin' home runs like I'm hittin'.
They ain't doin' crap! Talk about a team!
They asked me to cover a story, so I'm covering it, period.
They declined.
They get the chance to see history in the making.
They got some pretty young thing they tryin' to groom.
They gotta let me in.
They need me.
They sent me.
They sure could use a little spark here.
They want you at the studio at 9:00.
They want you on there tomorrow.
They'll go at it over anything.
They're a Little League team.
They're a Little League team. You all know it. They need me.
They're on fire! Come on, let's face it.
They're on their feet, rooting for Ross to get ahold of one,
This ain't my first picnic, baby.
This ain't my team.
This ain't nothin' but a Southern baptism.
This big crowd is charged tonight.
This crowd ripe with anticipation
This crowd roaring,
This guy hasn't played since I was married to my first wife.
This guy throws pretty hard, Pops.
This is gonna be your one career highlight.
This is me up in here. There's eight other cats...
This is St. Patty's Day.
This song is baseball.
Those first two deliveries, way outside.
Those hits are my ticket to the Hall of Fame.
Thousands of people bought tickets this weekend,
Three more hits.
Three more of these.
Thurman Yost.
Till next year to wait till next life.
Timing that big breaking ball from Hamilton.
To accept their perennial position
To avoid being a footnote in baseball history.
To decide whether it's a fastball, a split finger.
To do your thing, you know?
To go bringin' up something like that.
To join that elite 3,000 hit club
To left field.
To live his entire life in front of the camera.
To tell you the truth, we never thought you could do it,
To the wall!
To watch the legendary Stan Ross step to the plate and dig in.
Tom, you can't say midget.
Tom, you wouldn't be where you are if it wasn't for Roseanne.
Tonight, 35,000 fans witness as history unfolds
Turn it up, baby!
Uh huh, sound effects could be a little bit louder
Uh huh. Little Leaguers, huh?
Uh huh. Why you, though?
Uh oh.
Uhh!
Up the crack of your mascot ass?
Used to park right behind me and play that damn song.
Very embarrassing,
Very old card. It's on parchment.
Viagra.
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute. Wait, wait, wait.
Wait a minute. You're Stan Ross.
Wait, look.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Wait, wait. Hold on, hold on, hold on.
Wait. Let me talk to you for a minute.
Walk him off the field!
Was a lot like the first week out of the womb for Stan.
Was it Reebok?
Was Panas here yet back when you were playing?
Was the day we retired Stan's number.
Watch his right arm.
Watch this. Watch this.
Watch. Here you go.
We all got a special connection with our hometown fans.
We are in fifth place, and we are not drawing flies.
We don't stay young forever.
We got 3,000 different kind of beers.
We got 35,000 people in the park today.
We got a chance to make third place.
We got together for a night,
We got Wild Irish Rose and anything that you might want.
We had that Good Humor truck.
We have a lineup change tonight.
We invited him to Old timers' Day
We used to play baseball
We were running that for Stan Ross.
We were talking about you before you hit your groove.
We wouldn't have to see that prick anymore.
We'd still be doin' it if you didn't take that ESPN gig.
We're back in Milwaukee,
We're committed to this.
We're gonna get you started on this bad boy.
We're lucky we got him.
We're only 7 games out, y'all.
We've all witnessed the mounting frustration for Ross,
We've got an interesting situation here, fans.
We've got answers.
Well, how come you really haven't settled down?
Well, I hit pretty hard, son.
Well, I mean...
Well, I'll take Kiss my Ass for $ 1,000.
Well, I'll tell you what, last time I counted,
Well, I'm ready to sprint towards home.
Well, interview me now. Come on, turn the camera on.
Well, it is for me.
Well, it might have, yeah.
Well, it takes a big man to admit when he wrong,
Well, it's a bell ringing base hit.
Well, my 9 year old has a better swing
Well, Stan Ross cares.
Well, Stan the man more like Stan the statue,
Well, they're not gonna play me until I come home,
Well, you draw up the plans.
Well, you know.
Well? Didn't you call for the practice?
What about him?
What about Kansas City? That was a mind blowing weekend.
What are you talking about? Man, we're on a roll.
What are you talking about? No! That's half out.
What do you say, Grandpa? Does that count?
What do you think? I'm covering the story for ESPN.
What does Stanley Ross think of Mr. 3000?
What game are you gonna get this hit in?
What game are you watching?
What happened to Paul Molitor, man?
What happens to Yahko?
What I'm saying is,
What the hell is he talking about?
What the hell is that?
What the hell wrong with you people?
What the hell you call yourself doin'?
What the rest of these fools doin'?
What the... Are you all right, pal?
What type of bullshit is that?
What up? Welcome to SportsCenter.
What was it that Stan said about the rest of his team?
What was it, about 40, 50?
What you all havin', prayer?
What you doing here?
What you mean is aged, like U.S.D.A. Beef.
What you talkin' about?
What, are you taking the Ensure every day?
What, you don't miss it?
What?
What?
What? Man, let me tell you something.
What'd I tell you, baby?
What'd I tell you? What'd I...
What's left for me?
What's my name, baby?
What's that?
What's the deal there?
What's the matter with you?
What's up with that?
What's up?
What's up?
What's your problem?
Whatever.
When a brother hit.
When I had your toenails poppin' off like Redenbacher.
When I say I'm gonna do something, I do it.
When I was a kid on South Side Chicago,
When I'm in front of the microphone
When is this ball club going to wake up?
When Ross joins only 20 other major leaguers
When there's a better offer on the table, you gotta take it.
When they finished in August, the hits were recorded twice.
When was the last time you saw a 47 year old man
When you couldn't see your hand in front of your face.
When you get a base hit in this millennium,
When you get a base hit...
Where I get a chance to hit against those pitchers
Where is he? Stan, Stan, Stan, Stan.
Where you got to go?
Whether Stan Ross ever gets another hit or not.
Whew.
Whew. Focus.
While Ross was just a spectator during their last road trip,
While Stan Ross knocks on the door of baseball greatness.
While you treated the team and the fans and the city like dirt.
Who cares?
Who got my ball? Open that gate.
Who has gone hitless
Who they got?
Who want to give you an ass whupping.
Who were you before Mr. 3000?
Who?
Who?
Who's that?
Whoa, make him a trade at least.
Whoa, where you going?
Whoa, where you going? Get back here.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Whoa!
Whoo!
Whoo! Yeah!
Why don't you have a contest guessin' which team losin'?
Why don't you suck my...
Why don't you take his cotton candy while you're at it?
Why is that? We do it longer?
Why is there so much emphasis on the name?
Why now with the Brewers still in the race?
Why we should settle for being in fifth place, yo!
Why you call him Boca?
Will this at bat, July 29, 1995,
Will you take yourself out of the lineup?
With all that cussin' and shit, you know?
Word around the organization is that manager Gus Panas
Worn by one of the Brewers' all time greats.
Wrong! He's embarrassed.
Y'all gonna try to speak on something negative?
Y'all saw Old Man River
Yahko knew his only hope was to do the unthinkable,
Yahko's dead!
Yeah, garbage!
Yeah, good luck on tonight's game.
Yeah, he was here.
Yeah, he was thinkin' that I was thinkin' what he was thinkin'.
Yeah, okay. Okay, my turn.
Yeah, that's big talk.
Yeah, that's right.
Yeah, the shoe.
Yeah, there's a large black man hitting on your wife.
Yeah, when you get just a little too close to the umpire.
Yeah, who said girl push ups don't count?
Yeah, you right.
Yeah, you're making me cry. I don't think he's embarrassed.
Yeah, you're right.
Yeah!
Yeah! Whoo!
Yeah! Yeah!
Yeah? I might be a sausage with teeth,
Yeah? Who the hell is Big Horse Berelli?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yes, sir, all you got to do is walk up in there
Yet another bases empty home run for T Rex Pennebaker.
Yo, Boca, get this man another bottle.
Yo, but listen, man.
Yo, I'm puttin' the show in the show.
Yo, listen up, y'all.
Yo, man, what the hell was you thinkin'?
Yo, Ross! Why don't you take a seat?
Yo, scrub!
Yo, what are you jawin' about now, Old School?
Yo, yo!
Yo! Hey, yo!
Yo! Yo! Yo!
You ain't changed nothin' since back in the day.
You ain't gettin' that hit off me tonight!
You ain't getting this hit off me.
You all believed in me when I was at my best.
You all believed in me when I was at my worst.
You all watch and see.
You and me?
You are hero to many young Japanese players.
You ask me about my lats. Yeah, I feel it.
You bat that now, you son of my dick.
You be out when I get back, or someone will have to pull
You better hush.
You can be the biggest jerk in the world.
You can practically smell the grass, can't you?
You can see the balls. It looks better.
You can talk a stripe off a zebra.
You can throw 463 on if you want to, chicken chest,
You can't help but wonder what's going through his mind
You can't say we didn't have something special.
You can't stand to see another brother gettin' some attention.
You don't have to be a good guy.
You don't have to be a team player.
You don't like me because I don't smile for the camera.
You don't like me because I don't suck up to the press.
You don't like me because I make a lot of money.
You don't see it.
You don't train no more. You don't drink no more.
You eatin' that steak. Let me see something.
You ever heard of Harold Melvin & The Blue Notes?
You gonna eat this?
You gonna run after her?
You got a call an hour ago from The Tonight Show.
You got a minute?
You got another homer left in you?
You got your head so far up your ass, you didn't see the play!
You gotta be joking.
You gotta be joking.
You gotta start somewhere.
You gotta unzip me.
You guys could finish third.
You have got to start thinking about life after baseball.
You just got to make the news, baby.
You just got to make the news, baby.
You keep talking about your teammates the way you do,
You know doggone well
You know how those Canadian groupies are.
You know how when we think somebody's gonna be voted in,
You know I didn't expect you in Toronto.
You know what, man?
You know what, Mo?
You know what?
You know what's gonna happen?
You know who that is.
You know, a lot of people said that Stan
You know, I'm an entrepreneur.
You know, you better keep your mind on the game, Mr. 3000.
You know, you're starting to sound like the old Stan.
You know.
You know...
You known me for two years.
You looked like a champion out there.
You love me because I'm one of the greatest hitters alive.
You love me because I'm one of the greatest hitters alive.
You love me because I'm one of the greatest hitters alive.
You mean to tell me you forgot about that?
You need to relax before you pop a valve.
You need to step up the degree of difficulty, brother.
You pull this off,
You really nailed him on that one.
You said it wasn't sex. I'm just trying to go with that.
You save the stubs, boys and girls,
You saw what he did, Coach.
You sayin' that's a good thing?
You see that, Coach?
You see that?
You see what he just did?
You see, very old.
You selfish son of a bitch!
You set the tone.
You sure got time to eat.
You sure you can still get around with that at your age?
You talkin' to the ladies' pet the men regret.
You the superstar.
You think I should quit?
You think three hits are keeping you out?
You think three hits are keeping you out?
You think you'll get three hits
You think you'll get three hits in your first three at bats
You think?
You thought I was gonna be old and tired when I quit the game.
You want my autograph now or after I make history?
You want to get married?
You want to go up? Stay down? What?
You want to hear a real baseball song?
You were always there for me.
You were beautiful. Come on, tiger.
You were gonna try to block me from the Hall of Fame.
You were safe!
You, the fans!
You...
You'll get some, too.
You're 47 years old. You're fat. You're out of shape.
You're a champion.
You're a selfish man. You always were.
You're a sore loser. You know what?
You're consistent. You're always driven.
You're gonna be a game show answer.
You're gonna be the best looking cat in the Hall of Fame,
You're gonna tell me to kiss your ass, too?
You're kiddin'. You're not in the mood?
You're one hit away from making history, Stan.
You're one of a kind, Stan Ross. Thank you for sitting with us.
You're outta here! Let me tell you something!
You're right, 6 4. I was trying to cheat.
You're right.
You're such a jerk!
You're the man!
You're the man!
You're the worst umpire in this whole league!
You're wrong for that. Don't make no errors.
You're wrong!
Your boys ain't beatin' out grounders.
Your entire team was there, and you're a no show.
Your teammates get to see your 3,000th hit,
2 balls, no strikes.
2 for 58!
2,997?
2,999 hits to date in his illustrious career.
3 0, the count.
3,000, baby!
3,000.
4 1.
6 4.
7 games.
7.
11 games left, y'all.
11.
43 home runs before you ever even got here, man.
47 and getting younger.
50?
50?
3000 Suds, 3000 Woks, and 3000 Beeps.
Aah! Come on!
And Ross is hot. That's the third out!
Anything, huh? Show you right.
Back up. Back up. Move, man!
Back up. Back up. Move, man!
Ball. Pitch to me, damn it!
Because I... Pay the cost!
Because you out! He's out!
Big Horse! Whatever!
Bitch. Good. Good. Good.
Black ass! No, don't get personal.
Boo! Boo!
Boy, that's what you think? Yeah, man, that's what I think.
But I got to get back. You got to get...
Bye. Come on, how about Toronto?
Come here. Flex. Mnh mnh.
Come on, now. You know what?
Come on, say it. Come on, now.
Come on! Aah!
Crap! 93.
Curve ball. Listen to what I'm telling you.
Excuse me? That's right.
Get him off my field! You were safe!
Got that? I got it.
has only 2,997 hits. 2,997 hits.
Have I ever spoke Spanish? Hey.
Head up my ass? That's right! Head up your ass!
Hey, a lifetime supply. That's why I love you.
Hey, can you give me a hand? You best mean a handshake.
Hey, hey! How you doin', dog?
Hey, Stan. Yes?
Hey, Stan. Yo.
I didn't mean it. I know.
I feel great. You look great.
I never thought about it. You thought it.
I want you to try it again. What?
I'm goin' behind the camera. Oh, you go, girl.
I'm not trading him! Hey, whoa!
I'm Stan Ross. I know very well who you are.
Is that right? Mm hmm.
It's a prototype. Oh, the prototype.
Let me paint you a picture. Go ahead.
Let's play again. I don't want to play.
Look at this. Mm hmm.
Louder! They call me the boss.
Mark, Steve, are you ready? You didn't ask if I'm ready.
No, that's why I love you. No, I love you more.
No. Oh, come on, baby.
Not 'cause I like you. I'll take it.
Oh, Mr. Ross. Ooh!
Oh, oh, hold on now. What?
Oh! Strike three!
Okay, I got one. Come on.
Pitch to him. Let's go, man.
Really? Damn right.
Really? Really.
Say, 1, 2, 3, go. 1, 2, 3, go.
So you're telling me... Stan Ross, Mr. 3000,
Stan Ross was a great athlete. Stan is all about Stan.
Stan Ross. Hey.
Stan Ross. Is it gonna be a home run?
Stan. What does the future hold?
Stan's gonna wait Turn it off.
Start hittin' that ball. Come on.
Strike! Oh!
T Rex. T Rex.
Tell 'em your name. Stan Ross.
Thank you. You're welcome.
That man was safe! That man was out.
That wasn't too bad, was it? That was great.
That's a girl push up. You see my knee touch?
That's big time exposure. Here's the hook.
That's so old. Your damn ego is so old!
That's what I said! That's it! You're outta here!
That's what I'm talkin' about. Lookin' good, Stan.
That's why I love you. I love you more.
There's an error. One of the hits was an error?
They call me what? The boss!
They love me. You're the man!
This guy's slider sucks. Come on, man.
Two years. Two years, man!
Uh huh. Oh.
Uhh! Oh, my!
We are playing for third place! The man was out!
What about that? That's your idea of sex.
What about your teammates? They don't need it.
What happened to Yahko? What happened to Yahko?
What happened to Yahko? What?
What you got to say? I don't have a say.
What you looking at? Make a move.
What? Come on.
What? Oh, you know what.
What? Yeah.
What? What'd he say?
What's his problem? That's Fukuda.
Whew. What?
Who are you? Stan Ross!
Who's the old man, baby? 21!
Why not? Early flight.
Why? 'Cause I'm Stan Ross!
Wow. Spring training.
Yeah, show you right. What's next?
Yeah, Stan. What about number 3,000?
Yeah! Yeah!
You always ready. Let me get on that side.
You better help your boy down. He didn't help me in.
You don't want that on camera. No, I'm fine.
You don't want to play? We got a game. Get serious.
You need to sit your ass down. Yeah? Why's that?
You nervous? What if you don't hit?
You want this ball, Ross? Yeah. Thanks, man.
You're givin' up on me, too. Mnh mnh.
'Cause I deserve to be in the Hall of Fame with the immortals.
'Cause I remember you used to drink
'Cause I want my hits that got stolen from me.
'Cause last time I wasn't standing at the plate.
.327. Yeah.
1, 2, 3! Brewers!
1, 2, 3! Brewers!
91. Oh, no, 93!

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