Snakes On A Plane Edit

A 10 Warthogs, I've flown all that shit.

A cobra and a rattlesnake, okay?

A free travel coupon won't help me get to my meeting on time, now will it?

A lifejacket is located in a pouch under your seat.

A'ite, ladies.

About the same time as first.

About the weather the whole way home. Get Bruno.

Access panel door

Accidents happen.

Actually cure with a good night's rest.

Aft section and over each wing.

After all night stakeouts, you know?

Agent Flynn, Agent Sanders,

Agent Flynn.

All about it.

All praises to the PlayStation.

All right, all right, "Booty Go Thump."

All right, brace yourselves, you guys, this is it.

All right, everybody make sure

All right, I got this. You go get it.

All right, I'll see you on the other side.

All right, look, we gotta make sure we got some more of this, all right?

All right, so where's this outflow breaker panel

All right, take the position.

All right, we have to we have to suck out the poison.

All right, well, who in Hawaii would do that?

All right, whassup? Whassup, y'all?

All right, y'all, God bless you. I gotta get out of here

All right.

All right.

All right. Coming.

All right. Well, I know what I gotta do.

All we have is this.

All we need is a digital camera and a computer.

Aloha all Island Express passengers...

Aloha.

An oxygen mask will automatically drop

And and I'll call you back, okay?

And adjust loosely at the front.

And an exotic shipment like this would only come through a dealer. So...

And any one of those slimy little pieces of shit

And attempted murder and get that piece of shit attorney on the phone.

And blame him, me and the government for getting you into this.

And call the Coast Guard.

And catch this flight, all right? Y'all take care. Catch the next album.

And claim absolutely no involvement

And count very slowly to 10.

And customs uses him as their go to guy

And find that guy!

And hey, good luck with those Antiguan racers.

And I did try it. I figure, why spend all my time

And I don't need to tell you to be careful.

And I need him in my ear or at my side in 20 minutes or less.

And I need him in my ear or at my side in 20 minutes or less.

And I need the cargo manifest for every scrap of freight

And I tell you the truth?

And I will be back to check on the winner.

And if you don't mind me saying,

And it's going to be cold.

And kiss your ass goodbye.

And let's build a wall. Let's go!

And look at you now, Mr. Prosecutor, huh?

And make no mistake,

And my approach vectors, and I'll be fine.

And no one in Hawaii, because snakes aren't indigenous to Hawaii.

And oxygen. You gotta get us down as fast as you can.

And police corruption at the highest levels,

And protect your head. Use your arms.

And start working together.

And the business to the next level.

And then feeding him to some pigs.

And then find some way to keep this mother

And then they put a freaking dog next to me. What the hell is next?

And they'll take good care of y'all. Thank you.

And this bird goes down faster than a Thai hooker.

And to order every available helicopter crew to be ready.

And unloading of passengers only.

And use runway 2 4 left.

And we'll begin boarding as soon as possible.

And we're 30,000 feet in the air.

And we're gonna move towards the front, okay?

And when you open your eyes, you make the funniest face you can at each other.

And whoever laughs first loses.

And you, I'm gonna miss you.

Any idea how long this turbulence will last?

Anything else I should know about you?

Anyway, heat's the least of our worries.

Are they allowed to do that?

Are we landing?

Are you okay?

Are you sure about this?

Area's secure. Send in Dr. Price now.

As the flight attendants demonstrate

As they become available.

Ask what you did?

Asshole never lets me hear the end of it.

At least a day, maybe two.

At the controls of a video game?

Aw, fuck!

Aw, fuck!

Aw, shit, Rick, we got smoke.

Baby got back, front and side to side.

Back away from me. Get up off me, man. Back up off me.

Bad boy.

Be back soon as I can.

Be careful.

Because they were cold blooded.

Becomes revolution.

Before everything gets crazy out there, I wanna say thanks.

Before you commandeer the plane.

Bet you're even gonna have fun.

Between us and the snakes!

Big plane, plenty of places to do it.

Black car, go!

Both here in Hawaii and on the mainland.

Brakes! Brakes, Troy!

Breathe deep.

Breathe, breathe.

Bring in Eddie Kim. Charge him with multiple counts of murder

But Eddie Kim lives in LA.

But here's the thing:

But I am worried about you if you don't.

But I don't even recognize you right now,

But I'm sorry about pushing you.

But if you want to survive tonight,

But maybe next time, you people could give us a little heads up

But no,

But that would make that snake illegal, wouldn't it?

But there's only one correct choice:

But there's plenty of room for you to stretch out in coach,

But we'll be above most of it. If you need anything at all,

But why don't we leapfrog all that bullshit,

But you got a strong tailwind. Advise, come around

But you have to be brave for him now, okay?

By gouging out his eyes

Call me.

Can I see you for a moment, please?

Can trip a circuit or a relay or a hydraulic

Captain!

Captain?

Cautiously!

Claire, Claire, I'll do it.

Claire.

Claire.

Claire.

Clean this up.

Coach ain't looking so bad after all.

Coach? Is it safe there?

Come here.

Come on, baby!

Come on, let's go. My little cowgirl.

Come on, move move move! Come on, come on.

Come on, push.

Come on, quicker!

Come on, take it easy, buddy. You okay?

Come on, take us home, dawg.

Come on, Tommy, let's go.

Come on!

Come on! Come on!

Come on! Help me out here!

Come on! Somebody get me another fire extinguisher!

Come on.

Come through! Hurry, hurry!

Come with us to LA,

Could he have shopped locally?

Could we ask for Bruno from Simply Corporate?

Couldn't breathe.

Couldn't have done this without you.

Details remain sketchy in the brutal slaying yesterday

Did anyone see the snake that bit this boy?

Did I just hear there's no first class?

Do as I say and you live.

Do as I say, and you live.

Do as I say, and you live.

Do it now!

Do you guys hear that?

Do you have any olive oil on the plane?

Do you know who's working today? I didn't get a crew list.

Do you like roller coaster rides?

Do you remember the first thing I ever said to you?

Do you remember the first thing you ever told me?

Do you think she'll want some Xanax?

Do you think you can fly with one hand?

Do your business.

Doc, I'm gonna e mail you some pictures, all right?

Doc, photos are coming to you now.

Don't let anybody down.

Don't worry, Mary Kate.

Down down down.

Down, down!

Dr. Price?

Duke.

Eddie Kim somehow managed to fill the plane

Elena, by we, I mean you.

Enough is enough!

Even carry foreign antivenom.

Ever heard of e mail, dick wad?

Ever heard of Eddie Kim?

Ever heard of Eddie Kim?

Everybody listen! We have to put a barrier

Everybody strap in.

Everybody, buckle up now! Now!

Everybody, listen, they have the antivenom.

Everybody, move forward!

Exactly. Now it's your turn.

FBI's escorting some guy to LA.

Fire extinguisher!

Five whole hours.

Flight 121

Flynn, are you okay?

Flynn, Flynn!

Flynn, it's Harris.

Flynn, the captain's patching us through to Harris for the flight.

Flynn!

For any animal smuggling cases.

For his high profile pursuit of reputed mobster Edward Kim.

For our honeymoon?

For possession of illegal snakes. There he is. That's him.

For this black velvet...

Forget about that.

Forget about that.

From a compartment above your seat.

From midtown to downtown,

From the Kaena Point area.

From this continent. They're from all over the globe.

Front, come on. We gotta get to the front!

Fuck Randy! Fuck Randy and his high score.

Fuck you, Eddie Kim.

Fuck.

Fucker!

Fucking bitch! Get off my dick!

Fucking dog, fucking coach, fucking Americans!

Funny. Does my premium awards membership come with sarcasm,

Gas or lethal injection.

Get back!

Get him up!

Get me NTSB.

Get me off this plane!

Get off me, man!

Get out of my way! Get out of the way!

Get out!

Get the door.

Get upstairs, come on.

Gimme a break, man.

Give him a hand!

Go go go go!

Go go go, that way!

Go, get outta here.

Go, go!

Go, go!

Go, quick! Move!

Go!

Go!

God! "Do as I say, you live."

Goddamn snake, honey!

Good evening.

Good luck.

Good on any South Pacific Air flight.

Got it.

Got their shit locked down tight.

Grab a tray table!

Grab everything from the overheads, under the seats,

Grab the first aid kit! Grace, hey hey hey...

Handle the occasional snake bite.

Hang on to me. I've got you!

Harder.

Harris, so how's the new promotion?

Harris, Special Agent Harris.

Hayes has been in the news lately

He he said, man, can you believe this crap?

He can't possibly guarantee

He knows who you are!

He lives out in the desert.

He needs oxygen right away.

He saw me!

He's he's some kind of hardcore snake specialist.

He's not answering.

He's right.

He's the toughest son of a bitch I ever met.

Hear that, little man? Your brother's gonna be fine.

Hell, yeah!

Hello, can anybody hear me?

Help me!

Help!

Help! I need help!

Her doctor says she's bipolar.

Here we go.

Here we go.

Here we go.

Here you go.

Here, babe.

Here.

Here's some water. Come on, man, you got to drink water.

Hey hey hey hey.

Hey hey hey, we have to figure something out.

Hey hey hey! They're getting through the luggage, here, seriously.

Hey, back up, back up. Back up!

Hey, come on, relax.

Hey, come on, relax.

Hey, Doc, thank you.

Hey, hey, don't stress it. Just joking.

Hey, how's your boy?

Hey, I would love to do this whole dance, you know,

Hey, it's too Flynn, it's too hot.

Hey, look, you know we go back to when we were kids, all right?

Hey, man,

Hey, man, you playing that damn video game?

Hey, tell surveillance, don't let Eddie Kim out of their sight.

Hey, they got they got a snake guy on the phone.

Hey, Troy, Leroy, I got this, all right? Let me sign 'em for them.

Hey, Troy, Leroy, I got this, all right? Let me sign 'em for them.

Hey, whoa whoa whoa. It's only me. What's up?

Hey, will you look around?

Hey, y'all two get together, y'all might have,

Hey, yo, check it. Check it out, check it out.

Hey.

Hi, how are you doing?

Hi, Tiffany. I'm Sean.

Hi. Oh, I'm really sorry about first class. Let me see if I can help

His hair plugs can't hurt you.

His name is Dr. Price.

His name is Dr. Stephen Price.

Hit that autopilot switch for me.

Hold it, hold it down. Push it down.

Hold my baby, please.

Hold on! Hold on!

Holy fuck!

Hot.

How about the zoos? I mean, zoos got snakes, right?

How come there aren't more people on this flight?

How come there's no air coming out of here?

How do you like flying in first class?

How long does that give Mr. Mullet here to live?

How much longer do you think before we climb what happened?

How to get the AC back on.

How you doing, sweetie? You all right? There you go.

How you feeling?

How'd you get these guys to be so aggressive, that's what I'm wondering.

How's my big boy?

Hula 1 2 1 heavy, you're descending through 23,000 feet.

Hula 1 2 1, heavy

Hula 1 2 1, heavy,

Hula 1 2 1, heavy,

Hula 1 2 1, heavy, Los Angeles tower.

Hula 1 2 1, heavy, pull up. Pull up.

Hurry!

Hurry!

Hya!

I almost beat the last level.

I am not a zoologist, man.

I can identify maybe two of the snakes I've seen up here.

I can never find anything in here.

I can't believe I'm gonna say this:

I can't believe I'm saying this.

I can't figure it out.

I can't. I

I didn't turn out so bad, huh? Whoo!

I do something wrong here?

I don't have time for westbound orientation.

I don't have time to be subtle.

I don't know if there's anything we can do.

I don't know what you're talking about.

I don't know, man. He's in a lot of pain.

I don't know, man. I usually just hit reset and start the level over.

I enjoy the passengers so much better when they're unconscious.

I flew with that man for 10 years.

I go faster and the engines seize up;

I got it!

I got over 2,000 hours.

I gotta get off this plane, man.

I gotta reset the breakers.

I gotta tell you, Sean, I'm getting a little tired of all this garbage

I guess, brownish on top and I'd say green on the bottom.

I had no choice but to throttle back.

I have control.

I have had it with these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking plane

I have to go and tell Rick.

I have to help the passengers.

I I know, but things have changed.

I love it when you demean me, Rick.

I mean, really, how could you leave all this?

I need another! Help, somebody!

I need everyone to close any compartment that's open!

I need some help!

I need something to cut.

I need the best poisonous snake expert in this time zone.

I need the best poisonous snake expert in this time zone.

I need you to be strong.

I need you to stay up here.

I suggest you give him what he needs

I suggest you grab your ankles

I swear to God. That's it.

I think he's had a heart attack.

I think I'm gonna need your shirt, too.

I told y'all stop touching on me and coughing on me.

I understand, you know.

I want a list of every snake on that plane.

I want to know what's going on.

I was hoping you'd be the sky candy on this flight.

I was supposed to take care of him.

I went through a pyromaniac phase as a kid.

I would say about seven minutes.

I'll be back.

I'll definitely call you.

I'll do the antivenom.

I'll go give him the good news.

I'll go.

I'll make sure to tell your son

I'll round up all the dead ones I can find

I'm a witness for the prosecution.

I'm about to open some fucking windows!

I'm actually spending nights in bed with my wife.

I'm afraid only coach is available.

I'm Agent Neville Flynn, FBI.

I'm counting on you to be a man. Now what does a man do?

I'm from Tennessee. I hadn't noticed.

I'm going back to LA.

I'm going to contact the National Poison Control Center

I'm going with I I can't just sit here doing nothing.

I'm gonna miss these night flights.

I'm hoping this is important, I've got baby Antiguan racer eggs

I'm I'm I'm good. As I was saying,

I'm just spending every waking minute with them.

I'm kidding. I know who you are.

I'm really sorry about your dog.

I'm right in the middle of a bidding war with this punk ass kid from Iowa

I'm supposed to testify tomorrow against Eddie Kim.

I'm sure the tower can talk me through it.

I'm Tiffany.

I've been doing this for a while, so I know all kinds

I've got...

If he brings the whole plane down.

If there's no air conditioning it's gonna get too hard to breathe.

If you administer the wrong antivenom,

If you hated flying this much, why did you let me pick Hawaii

If you let him.

If you testify.

In Hawaii for vacation?

In the criminal investigation

In the event of decompression...

In the lavatories is prohibited by law.

In the ocean when I could lay on the beach and admire all the beauties,

In the sky another two hours. Figure that out.

In there ready to hatch the first time ever in captivity

In what they call a hideous act

Is because of how goddamn noble he was.

Is crashing part of the game, huh?

Is everybody ready?

Is go back in there and find all the dead snakes we can

Is my main man, my brother from another mother,

Is that our plane?

Is there a problem, mister?

Is there anyone here who knows how

Isn't he smooth?

It could also provoke serious hyperaggression.

It could possibly be a pheromone.

It looks like you keep your sexy very, very right.

It was nice working with you, Agent.

It's it's not a video game, all right? It's a flight simulator.

It's it's teal, Doc.

It's a cobra, right, like Indiana Jones?

It's a very beautiful place. I've been there.

It's all right.

It's all up to the pilot now.

It's an honor.

It's disgusting up in here. Stay away from me.

It's gonna be okay, Tommy. You're very, very brave.

It's gonna be waiting for us when we land in LA.

It's gonna hurt a little bit, okay?

It's my job to handle life and death situations

It's not working.

It's the snakes!

It's what I'm supposed to do.

John, John, listen to me, you're okay.

John! Stay up here!

John?

Just close them!

Just take a deep breath, John, you're having a panic attack.

Keep moving! Keep moving!

Kenny, baby. Oh my God.

Kill it. Kill it!

Kill them!

Know what they call that? The point of no return.

Kreitler's been busted twice by customs

LA County ERs can, at best,

Ladies and gentlemen,

Ladies and gentlemen, Agent Flynn.

Ladies and gentlemen, South Pacific Air flight 121

Ladies and gentlemen, South Pacific Air flight 121

Ladies and gentlemen, the Captain requests

Ladies and gentlemen, this is the final boarding call

Last month they offered early retirement.

Last thing the world needs is another lawyer.

Last week I was planning a surfing trip to Bali.

LAX tower, this is Hula 1 2 1,

LAX tower, this is Hula 1 2 1.

LAX, Hula 1 2 1,

Leave it, Duke.

Left! Turn this big motherfucker left, Troy!

Leis? Jesus, I don't know, uh...

Let me get it.

Let me go with you. You don't know your way around down there.

Let me sign 'em for them. Gimme that marker, son.

Let me take that for you.

Let's get the hell out of here...

Let's go back.

Let's go!

Let's go.

Let's go. Hey hey, in back of you!

Let's go. Yes, you can. You can do it, come on, up!

Let's lock this guy up who tried to kill us.

Like some kind of drug.

Like, two 20lb babies or something.

Listen up. Everybody listen up.

Listen, when the windows go out, the cabin's gonna lose pressure

Little bitch! Come on!

Located in the forward section,

Look around the plane.

Look at this.

Look here, Sean.

Look out!

Look out! Oh my God!

Look, Doc, people are dying up here. We need help fast.

Look, everyone just calm down, please!

Look, Flynn, man, I can do this.

Look, give me the shot, God damn it.

Look, I got a lot of injured passengers up here

Look, I'm not really good at this whole apologizing thing,

Look, LAX, just give me my VOR numbers

Look, we've already contacted local ERs.

Looks like somebody rigged this, uh...

Low maintenance passengers.

Make it fast. Time is tissue.

Make sure everybody's strapped in.

Man don't like to be touched. We'll find our own seats.

Man, I'm telling you, them video gamers

Man, it's got an introduction by Chuck Yeager and everything.

Man, my ass.

Man, there's a baby right over there, man.

Man, Troy, get this man away from my ass!

Man, Troy, get this man away from my ass!

Man, who the hell you think you are?

Mary Kate, hush.

Mary Kate!

Maybe you're allergic to the leis.

Mayday, mayday, mayday,

Mayday, mayday, mayday.

Me too.

Mile High Club.

Mmm!

Mmm...

Move it!

Move!

Mr. Kim's representatives have issued a statement

Much more specific than that.

My ass, man.

My baby! Where is my baby!

My girlfriend and I go Tuesdays and Thursdays.

My pleasure. I gotta go fly a big plane.

My wife is meeting them in LA. It's their first time flying solo.

Never flown first class before.

Nice. Stings like shit, huh?

No no no, Flynn. I know who could land this plane.

No no no, listen, listen.

No no no, negative, tower. I can't do that.

No no no, teal. It's a deep shade of teal.

No, every cop in Honolulu thinks it is.

No, hey, eBay, my cynical minded friend.

No, I got three teams on him, so he's not gonna move.

No, I need you up here. You're my eyes and ears.

No, I'm cool. Just pretend I'm not here.

No, I'm cool. Just pretend I'm not here.

No, I'm okay.

No, me neither. They always make me sick.

No, not all drivers are the same. That's the point.

No, not really.

No, see,

No, what's the matter with you, man?

No.

No. Fell off every time. Got me.

Nonstop service from Honolulu

Not me.

Not really. I was there for the kickboxing tournament.

Not so high and mighty anymore.

Not technically porn.

Nothing's changed.

Notify LAX.

Now I need you to stay up here by the air phone.

Now that you've saved my life, I think I kind of owe you a dinner

Now there's supposed to be a doctor aboard. A Dr...

Now what we need to do

Now you can stand there and be the panicked, angry mob

Now you make it sound like I have no choice

Now...

Of condolences to the Hayes family

Of Los Angeles prosecutor Daniel Hayes,

Of Mr. Kim involves charges of murder, racketeering

Of neat little interrogation tricks.

Of the runways, 'cause my ass is coming in for a landing!

Of violence. The ongoing saga

Of what you're dealing with here.

Of which there is close to zero,

Oh my God, Grace.

Oh my God, help!

Oh my God, no!

Oh my God!

Oh my God!

Oh my God. Here she comes. Here she comes!

Oh my God. You're a kickboxer?

Oh no, she's okay.

Oh shit!

Oh, baby, you'd be amazed at what a man can do with one hand.

Oh, beautiful.

Oh, boy. It's gonna be a fun flight.

Oh, Christ.

Oh, Claire, don't go.

Oh, damn.

Oh, fuck me!

Oh, fuck, fuck.

Oh, fuck! Oh, fuck!

Oh, God, Grace.

Oh, God.

Oh, great. Just great.

Oh, I was watching one of those crime shows once,

Oh, I was watching one of those crime shows once,

Oh, it's in the very next compartment.

Oh, Jesus Christ, we're all dead.

Oh, local ERs.

Oh, Lord.

Oh, me? Nothing.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my.

Oh, no no no no no no no no no. You got choices.

Oh, no no no no. I

Oh, oh, sweet Could you let her know not to touch me, son?

Oh, Rick, your arm.

Oh, Rick.

Oh, shit, left!

Oh, shit, shit!

Oh, shit.

Oh, shit.

Oh, shit.

Oh, sorry about that.

Oh, sorry. Here's some coupons.

Oh, stop. You got a snake on your ass! Yo, hold still!

Oh, sure, let's drop it off at Jiffy Photo when we land, Einstein.

Oh, thank God.

Oh, thank God.

Oh, that's okay.

Oh, who hasn't?

Oh, who hasn't?

Oh, wow, that's really good.

Oh, yeah, F 15s, F 16s,

Oh, yeah, you know, Claire,

Oh, yeah.

Oh, you're adorable.

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh! Oh, I'm gonna get you home.

Oh! Smash that!

Oh. This guy is really good.

Oh...

Okay, Cap, they're coming back!

Okay, Doc, I got one here that's, um...

Okay, everybody.

Okay, here I go.

Okay, how about the zoos?

Okay, I'm here.

Okay, it's okay.

Okay, just break open any blisters that form around the bites.

Okay, let's get going.

Okay, let's pull this thing up.

Okay, look, there are hundreds of species of snakes

Okay, oil. So you swish it in your mouth

Okay, okay.

Okay, okay.

Okay, okay.

Okay, so just tell me

Okay, sweetheart, it's gonna be okay.

Okay, sweetheart.

Okay, the EAP panel should be on your right.

Okay, this this will work, yeah.

Okay, we're leveling out.

Okay, well, that's a good sign.

Okay? Best out of five wins.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay. All right.

Okay. Here's what we're gonna do:

On a daily basis. It's what I do,

On South Pacific Air 121.

On South Pacific Air 121.

On the clipboard.

On this motherfucking plane!

On this motherfucking plane!

One blown marriage each.

One, two,

One, two, three...

Only a handful of US hospitals

Only lasts about 10 minutes after they deploy. Now please, I need

Ooh, wow.

Ophidiophobia fear of snakes.

Or should I speak to your supervisor, Claire?

Or this. It's got both.

Or was that video game playing you, son?

Others in two hours and some you can

Outstanding. All right.

Over here! Got them!

Over your nose and mouth,

Ow! Ah!

Ow! Get this fucking snake off my ass!

Ow! Ow!

Pamela Anderson poster.

Pass the straps around your waist

Pheromones. We sprayed the flowers with it,

Pilot in command has suffered a fatal heart attack.

Please help me!

Please help! Help please!

Please nothing. Get out of my face, man.

Please, this is me you're talking to.

Please.

Pleased to meet you, Sean.

Plenty of other places to do it, you mean.

Pretty gruesome stuff.

Psst.

Psst. Psst.

Pull the mask towards you, place it firmly

Pull up!

Put him in jail for life.

Radar indicates a bit of weather up ahead.

Remember when you said it's all about choices we make?

Remember, it's going to be loud,

Repeat, mayday, we have lost avionics.

Requesting clearance for landing. Please advice which runway.

Reverse psychology, stare down contests, threats.

Rick, open the door.

Rick, what's up with the oxygen masks deploying?

Rick!

Rick!

Rick!

Rick!

Rick?

Rick.

Rick.

Rick.