Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy (2004) Edit

A La Jolla man clings to life at a university hospital

A lot of you have been hearing the affiliates complaining

A Manhattan, and kick the vermouth

A real ice queen.

About a lack of diversity on the news team.

About the lack of an old wooden ship,

Absolutely,

Action.

After being viciously attacked by a pack of wild dogs

After the FotoMat was destroyed,

Against the tiniest lion you've ever imagined.

Ah, jazz flute is for little fairy boys.

Ah, yes, this just came across my desk.

Ah! Knights of Columbus, that hurts!

Ah.

Ahh! God!

All clear!

All right, everyone relax. She's not gonna take anyone's airtime.

All right, I got a call from network.

All right, now...

All right, stop!

All right, we're on.

All right? I'm sorry.

All right. Let's do this!

All right. Let's go!

All right. Thank you, Mr. Harken.

Also, I don't know if you know Moscow. It's pretty cold.

Always likes to eat the heart of the young,

Am I right? Look at these guys.

An absolutely breathtaking...

An invitation to the pants party.

An unusual aquatic daredevil.

And and hurt.

And 38' in the Middle East.

And a glass of Scotch.

And am what some people call

And built the Eiffel Tower out of metal and brawn.

And compare that to 48' in the upper Northwest

And everything started to move awfully fast

And garlands of fresh herbs.

And he's three years old.

And his news team: Go time.

And horrifying news story.

And I really enjoy a nice pair of slacks.

And I will see you later.

And I would like to be able to do my job.

And I'm rarely late.

And I'm Ron Burgundy.

And I'm Tits I'm Ron Burgundy.

And I've shown you, old man!

And in no way is that depressing.

And in San Diego, one anchorman was more man than the rest.

And is one of the top political advisors

And it's not going well.

And it's right here.

And just bite, bite, bite, bite, munch, munch, munch!

And listen.

And more intelligence in my little finger

And my apartment

And now we are in love!

And practicing my nonregional diction.

And Ron and Veronica didn't stay in San Diego long.

And shocked and offended

And someday we'll look back on this with much fondness.

And speaking of network, word on the street is

And tell you that it's special and different from everyone else's.

And thanks for stopping by, San Diego.

And thanks for stopping by.

And that I deserve the opportunity

And that she is quite a handful in the bedroom.

And the answer is yes, I have a nickname for my penis.

And the Channel 4 News Team.

And the decision has been passed down

And the winner of the frog leaping contest was Hoppy,

And then our children will form a family band.

And then take your mother, Dorothy Mantooth,

And there's going to be flutes playing

And they became the first mixed gender network news team,

And they're still doing it today.

And this is the moment

And this is what's happening in your world tonight.

And today's top story, in Ron Burgundy's world,

And trombones and flowers

And was firing a bow and arrow into a crowd.

And we are very good friends.

And we made out for hours.

And we waited as long as we could, but

And we will dance till the sun rises.

And we will tour the countryside,

And we'll pick you up in the morning.

And whammy!"

And when I say anything,

And with that in mind

And you ate a whole wheel of cheese?

And you come out with stink like that poop!

And you won't be invited!

And you're gone. Whammy.

And your reporter in the field,

And your reporter in the field, Brian Fantana.

And, Jay, let's take the bass line for a walk.

And, of course, my friend Baxter here.

Antony and Cleopatra!

Anyhoo, what can I do you for?

Anyone seen Brick?

Anyway, I've become kind of famous

Anyway, I've become kind of famous

Apparently he wasn't too happy with his color prints.

Are they here?

Are we what?

Are you happy, Ron?

Are you high or something? Did you see what happened?

Are you just looking at things in the office and saying you love them?

Are you still having your celebrity golf tournament this summer?

Arnold, cue one.

As a journalist, I should get to know

As a peer and as my gentleman lover?

As in, "Gene Tenace at the plate...

As in, "Gene Tenace at the plate...

As the host of the hit reality TV show

At the toilet store?

Authorities are still uncertain as to why the man

Bark twice if you're in Milwaukee.

Basically the biggest story of my career,

Baxter, is that you?

Baxter!

Baxter!

Baxter!

Bear fight!

Bears can smell the menstruation.

Bears. Now you're putting the whole station in jeopardy.

Because a she devil stole it!

Because I am good at three things:

Because I know what it's like to be lonely in a new city.

Because of your actions, you scorpion woman!

Bedtime. Okay, come on. Let's go. Come on.

Before we're doing the no pants dance.

Believe me, if there's one thing Ron Burgundy knows, it's women.

Besides, I'm sure Wes here

Big deal! I am very professional!

Bing, bong, bong. You're fired, Ed.

Blackbeard's Delight.

Bob Dylan once wrote,

Boy, he really likes that dog.

Boy, that escalated quickly.

Breathe, Ron, breathe.

Brian Fantana.

Brian?

Brick Tamland is married with 1 1 children

Brick Tamland, weather.

Brick, are you saying

Brick, come hug me. I know you want to.

Brick, get back over here!

Brick, where'd you get a hand grenade?

Brother.

Burgundy and the ladies went out for a stroll, huh?

Burgundy will read.

Burgundy, of course, was the foundation, the rock.

Burgundy! Burgundy!

Burgundy! Burgundy!

Burgundy! Burgundy!

Burgundy! Burgundy!

Burgundy! Burgundy!

But each member brought their own special something to the equation.

But God does not want her to live.

But I also nicknamed my testes.

But I am 72% sure that I love you.

But I believe diversity is an old, old wooden ship

But I can't do this without my news team.

But I didn't have a mountain. I had a newsroom and a camera.

But I'm kind of a big deal.

But if I had to guess, I'd say female.

But in order to properly retell it,

But it's very important to me that I be viewed as a professional.

But mainly stay classy.

But nice try.

But nothing like this.

But now I am too hurt.

But she was a pro and hung tough.

But soon, with a simple act of littering,

But was later fired after being accused

But while they're laughing and grab assing,

But you and l are mature adults.

But, God damn it, do I respect you!

By the beard of Zeus!

Calm down.

Can I start over again?

Can you believe Mantooth and the Channel 9 Evening News Team?

Cannonball!

Carpet.

Champ here. I'm all about havin' fun.

Champ Kind went on to become a commentator for the NFL,

Champ Kind, sports.

Champ! Champ! Champ, Champ!

Champ's been a mess. Brick can't sleep at night.

Change your diapers.

Channel 4 News,

Children, grow up.

Clearly, after today, I will no longer

Come again?

Come get a taste.

Come on! Oh, God!

Come on. Come on!

Corningstone was a star,

Count me down. Three.

Covered in hair.

Creeping out all the regulars.

CÛmo est·n, pinches!

Damn it!

Damn it! Get me a phone.

Damn it! Who typed a question mark on the Teleprompter?

Damn!

Damn! That dude cleans up good!

Darling, I did the news, and I nailed it. I nailed it.

Desire smells like that to some people.

Did I say that loud?

Did you just throw a burrito out your window?

Directly from WYPN

Discovered by the Germans in 1904.

Diversity means that times are changing,

Do you even know what you just said?

Do you know who I am?

Do you really love the lamp, or are you saying it because you saw it?

Does she tuck you in, Ronnie?

Does this mean you're asking me to report the news again?

Doesn't it mean Saint Diego?

Doesn't mean we can't have fun.

Doesn't really apply to what I'm talking about.

Don't act like you're not impressed.

Don't get me wrong. I love the ladies.

Don't say anything, Ron. Just let it happen.

Don't want to wake up your friends.

Don't you get it, Ron? I wanna be an anchor.

Dorothy Mantooth is a saint! You understand me?

Down into my belly. Mm mm mm.

Downstairs?

Dump out! Dump out!

Easy, compadre. I'm your friend out here, all right?

Easy, Wes.

Ed Harken.

Ed, come here, you big silly man. You big silly man.

Ed, she insisted on coming in.

Ed, there's 300 very angry San Diego ites.

Ellen, where's the party?

Even the guy who can't think says something!

Ever to happen to San Diago

Every Friday night.

Every news outlet in the world is looking for coverage on this.

Every newsman in this city's laughing at us.

Every station it's the same.

Everyone's life would change forever.

Excuse me, I'm press. Thank you. What do you got?

Excuse me, Veronica.

Excuse me?

Excuse me.

Excuse me. Excuse me. What are you doing?

Excuse me. Excuse me. What are you doing?

Excusez moi, Numero Two.

Exquisite breasts?

Fan out. Let's go find Harken.

Fantana.

Fantastic.

Fighting, screwing and reading the news.

Find yourself a safe house or a relative close by.

For all of us here at News Center 4,

For an extended period of time.

For me to realize how much I need you.

For my signature catchphrase, "Whammy!"

For my signature catchphrase, "Whammy!"

For now, why don't you just grab a desk in the bullpen?

Frame up two.

From all of us here at Channel 4 News,

From all of us here at the World News Center,

From my co anchor,

From the entire Channel 4 News Team,

From the network. You've just been promoted.

From there on out,

Garth, I need to look at these tapes for a potential lead.

Garth, l

Gentlemen,

Gentlemen, let's try to get in a good position for the story.

Get Corningstone over there right away!

Get down here as quickly as you can.

Get out here! Panda jerk!

Get out! Just go!

Give you a little kiss on your forehead?

Go over there and see if you can get a shot. I'll go this way.

Go, Brick.

God, no, it smells like

God, you are so beautiful.

Goddamn son of

Good afternoon, San Diego.

Good buddies sharing a special moment.

Good evening, San Diego.

Good evening, San Diego. I'm Veronica Corningstone.

Good evening. I'm Ron Burgundy.

Good evening. Ron Burgundy is off tonight.

Good. Good one!

Great Odin's raven!

Great story. Compelling and rich.

Guess what. I do.

Guys, "East Harlem Shakedown," E flat?

Guys, take it easy. Just take it easy!

Guys. Guys, it's me, Ron.

Ha ha ho.

Ha ha! Ha ha ha ho!

Ha oh!

Harken said he'd fire us if we talked to you.

Has always been a small passion of mine.

Hate you!

Have the courage to say something. Hello!

Have you ever thought about fighting fire

He had a voice that could make a wolverine purr,

He had a voice that could make a wolverine purr,

He took him with his foot and he kicked him!

He was like a god walking amongst mere mortals.

He was like a god walking amongst mere mortals.

He would have gotten ahold of German pornography.

He's back!

He's gone soft on us, like some schoolboy bitch.

He's gonna put Corningstone on!

He's gonna put Corningstone on.

He's ready to do battle in the arena

He's very cute. Very cute. No, he's not. He's hairy.

Heinie!

Heinie.

Hell, I need you.

Hello, Edward.

Hello, Evening News Team.

Hello, neighbor.

Hello, Veronica, this is Mike Rithjin

Hello, Wes Mantooth.

Hello!

Hello!

Hello!

Hello.

Hello.

Hello.

Help!

Here are the stories we're going to be chasing today.

Here is a story of a 103 year old woman

Here it goes down.

Here we go again.

Here's the thing,

Hey, Aqualung!

Hey, Burgundy.

Hey, everyone! Come and see how good I look!

Hey, lady in the red hat. Yeah.

Hey, lady, why don't you go fetch me a sandwich?

Hey, Ron,

Hey, Ron!

Hey, Ron.

Hey, sweet cheeks. Got an invite I'd like to extend your way.

Hey, uh,

Hey, where did you get those clothes?

Hey, you watch yourself, mister.

Hey!

Hey! Come on!

Hey! You're making me look stupid!

Hey.

Hi ohhh!

Hi, Ron.

Hi. Didn't see you there.

His name is Nutty the Squirrel,

His name was Ron Burgundy.

Hit 'em in the uvula!

Hmm.

Hmm. Did Brian tell you to say this, Brick?

Hold on.

Hold on. Hold on!

Hold on. Veronica? What was it?

Hold on. Why are we all standing around? Let's go!

Hold on. Why are we all standing around? Let's go!

Hope I'm not disturbing you, but, uh,

How 'bout that?

How did you get down there?

How did you get down there?

How much time? 30? 30 seconds?

How now brown cow.

How now brown cow. How now brown cow.

Howie, we have the shot.

Huh?

Huh? Let the games begin!

Hundreds of years ago.

I

I Brian!

I I don't I didn't understand one word you said.

I l Ching King is inside now.

I am completely miserable, San Diego!

I am full of it tonight.

I am gonna go on, and if you want to stop me, bring it on.

I am hung over.

I am in a pickle!

I ate a whole bunch of fiberglass insulation.

I believe I did.

I believe it's jogging or yogging. It might be a soft "J."

I can barely lift my right arm 'cause I did so many.

I can only speculate as to the sex of the panda,

I can see you, Ron.

I can see you.

I can't believe I'm about to do this.

I can't believe that I cared for you.

I can't believe that you said that we were dating on the air.

I can't believe you did this to me!

I can't believe you did this to me! Are you happy?

I can't work with this woman. It's terrible.

I chose them as my replacement,

I could do that.

I did. That was a terrific spill. That's quite a raspberry.

I didn't know the Salvation Army was having a sale.

I don't believe you.

I don't know her name. What is it?

I don't know how to put this,

I don't know if I can go through that again.

I don't know if you heard me counting. I did over 1,000.

I don't know what to say.

I don't know what we're yelling about!

I don't know, Ron.

I don't know, Ron.

I don't know, Ron. That sounds kinda crazy.

I don't know.

I don't remember.

I don't trust this chick.

I don't usually do this, but I felt compelled to tell you something.

I don't wanna die.

I even wrote it down in my diary!

I expected it from the rest of them, Mr. Burgundy, but not from you.

I feel like I have proven myself as a journalist

I forgive you.

I friggin' love you back!

I got no heart!

I gotta fire you.

I guess we'll go back to doing what I do best, show off.

I hate you, Ron Burgundy! I hate you!

I hate you, Ron Burgundy. I hate you!

I have been on some serious, serious reports,

I have had a crush on you since I was a little girl.

I have little time to get to the gym,

I have no idea where

I have nothing left! Nothing!

I have some information that you can choose to use or not use.

I have something magnificent to tell you.

I have...

I immediately regret this decision.

I just I got excited.

I just can't believe what Ron did to you.

I just got the call from Harken. He wants me back.

I just wanted to shout it from on top of a mountain.

I know exactly what you mean, Brian.

I know that one day, Veronica and I are gonna get married

I know what you're asking yourself,

I know. I love this city. It's a

I laughed at it later that night!

I like to eat ice cream,

I love desk.

I love lamp.

I love poetry.

I love Veronica Corningstone.

I love...

I mean an y thing.

I mean, come on, Ed! It's bullcrap!

I mean, really good.

I mean, that thing is good.

I met her in the bathroom of a K mart,

I might add a handsome beast at that.

I might be in trouble on that one.

I miss being near you. I miss your laugh.

I miss being near you. I miss your laugh.

I miss being with you.

I miss you so damn much.

I miss your musk.

I need all of you to stop what you're doing

I need this machine so I can watch a tape for a story.

I pooped a Cornish game hen.

I pooped a hammer.

I pooped a tape recorder.

I pure, straight

I read somewhere that their periods attract bears.

I realize that.

I report the news. That's what I do.

I saw that. Brick killed a guy.

I saw you from across the party, and, uh,

I still don't quite understand what it means.

I swore that I would never get involved with a coworker.

I think the best thing to do with this Corningstone,

I think you and me should get an apartment together.

I thought it was a joke!

I thought you were kidding!

I told you that I wanted to be an anchor.

I told you that.

I too want to be an network anchor.

I tried to ask her out on a date.

I tried to get an interview, but they said, "You can't.

I used to date a guy named Hoppy down in Alabama. He was quite a jumper, too.

I used to have familiar relations with.

I wanna be on you.

I wanna polka.

I wanna say something. I'm gonna put it out there.

I want you to fix my chopper before I stomp your goofy ass!

I was just speaking in generalities.

I was like, "Who is that guy?"

I wasn't expecting company.

I will have you know that I have more talent

I will lick you in front of everyone to show my joy.

I will lick you!

I will not have my first story at this news station

I will not have my newsroom be divided.

I will say one thing for her, Ed,

I will smash your face into a car windshield

I woke up this morning

I won't be able to make it, fellas.

I would be surprised if the affiliates were concerned

I would like to extend to you

I'd also like to share with you that we are currently dating

I'd like to put some barbecue sauce on that butt

I'd punch you right in the mouth.

I'd put Brick on, but unless he's tracking a storm front, he's useless.

I'll be a man.

I'll be honest with you. That smells like pure gasoline.

I'll be honest. I don't think anyone knows what it means anymore.

I'll give this little cookie an hour

I'll go get my desk set up.

I'll stop by the school a little later, Sister Margaret. Bye.

I'll tell you what, it's just not working.

I'm a little embarrassed.

I'm a man who discovered the wheel

I'm a mess without ya.

I'm a professional doctor.

I'm actually taking them back right now.

I'm beloved by everyone in San Diego.

I'm Brick Tamland.

I'm chasing down leads

I'm expressing my inner anguish through the majesty of song!

I'm gettin' too old for this shit.

I'm getting some great stuff, Miss Corningstone.

I'm going to need some help

I'm gonna get you! I'm gonna get you!

I'm gonna punch you in the ovary.

I'm gonna shoot you with a BB gun when you're not looking.

I'm gonna straight up murder your ass!

I'm gonna take a run at the new girl.

I'm having very strong feelings for you, Mr. Burgundy.

I'm here. We can do the news now.

I'm here. We can do the news now.

I'm in a glass case of emotion!

I'm just gonna grab this shirt, if you don't mind.

I'm like a night wolf.

I'm lonely? I'm not lonely!

I'm not a baby, I am a man. I am an anchorman!

I'm not even mad. That's amazing.

I'm not hearing it right. Hold on.

I'm not sure, but apparently you just run

I'm offended.

I'm pretty sure that's not love.

I'm proud of you fellas.

I'm riding a furry tractor!

I'm Ron Burgundy.

I'm showing Jeffrey my Emmy tape.

I'm so glad you're all right. Oh, God.

I'm so happy!

I'm so happy! You are alive!

I'm sorry, it's the

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I was trying to impress you.

I'm telling you, it don't get no better than this.

I'm telling you, she is a real ball buster.

I'm telling you, this lady has really crawled into Ron's head.

I'm the stylish one of the group.

I'm using the tape.

I'm Veronica Corningstone for Channel 4 News.

I'm Veronica Corningstone,

I'm Veronica Corningstone.

I'm Veronica Corningstone.

I'm Veronica Corningstone.

I'm very aroused.

I'm very important.

I've already done one of those today, so what's the other one gonna be?

I've been meaning to talk to you about that.

I've been reduced to rubble!

I've been waiting to say this to you for a long time.

I've got Jack Johnson and Tom O'Leary waiting for you.

I've got no damn lead anchor!

I've got to do the news!

I've had enough of you, Mantooth.

I've just been handed an urgent

I've lost her.

I've very happy for you.

Iaunching me to a level I've never known before,

Iead anchor Frank Vitchard.

If I could squire you about town

If I were to give you money out of my wallet, would that ease the pain?

If I'm gonna do this, I'll need my news team at my side.

If we continue seeing each other,

If you don't, send it right back.

If you knew when my office would be ready.

If you like it, you can take it.

If you will play "yazz" flute for us.

If you're coming down the baseline, you gotta take home plate from me!

If you're gonna have a fight,

Iike a used diaper filled with lndian food.

In Asheville, North Carolina,

In case we die here today,

In other words, Ron Burgundy was the balls.

In the back of the head.

Iooks stupid.

Is just upset over finishing second in the ratings again.

Is that Sex Panther you're wearing?

Is this Wilt Chamberlain?

Is to give her two tickets to the gun show...

It always goes down smooth.

It is anchorman, not anchorlady!

It is baloney!

It is not baloney. Now, go do your job, missy!

It is so awful.

It is time to put an end to this!

It looks like Ling Wong,

It looks like our broadcast last night

It meant one thing for Ron Burgundy

It never ceases to amaze me.

It seems that our youngest, Chris, was

It smells like Bigfoot's dick!

It stings the nostrils.

It sure beats the hell out of number two.

It sure is good to be number one.

It took my impending death

It truly is beauty and the beast.

It was quite a show down here at the Pet Shack.

It was very hard for Veronica.

It was Wes Mantooth.

It's a fact.

It's a formidable scent.

It's all right, everyone! We can do the news.

It's all right. I think it's all right, my sweet chinchilla.

It's an old expression.

It's boring, but it's part of my life.

It's called Sex Panther by Odeon.

It's called the Octagon.

It's Channel 4 News at 6:00!

It's Channel 4 News at 6:00.

It's Channel 4 News at 6:00.

It's fantastic!

It's getting to be ri goddamn diculous!

It's illegal in nine countries.

It's instinct.

It's just parent stuff.

It's kind of like...

It's me, Papa Burgundy, all right?

It's not a date.

It's the greatest city in the history of mankind.

It's the pancake breakfast. We do it every month.

It's the pattern on the pants.

It's the story you were born to tell.

It's unnecessary.

It's very distracting.

Jesus, she's terrifying!

Julio, fuego, fuego, fuego!

Just doing my workout.

Just for today, fashion curiosity did not kill the cat.

Just take it easy, Champ.

Just want you to know if Ron does not show up, I am ready to go on.

Just watch out for the guns. They'll get you.

Keep a tight perimeter.

Keep it rollin'. This is good stuff.

Keep the cymbals splashy,

Keeping that in mind, I'd like to introduce the latest addition

La lanolin? Like sheep's wool?

Ladies and gentlemen, can I please have your attention?

Lady! Lady!

Lanolin?

Last time I looked, my name's Ron Burgundy. What's your name?

Lay low for a while, because you're probably wanted for murder.

Leave the mothers out of this, all right?

Let me just grab this. Oh, sorry about that.

Let me say something.

Let the games begin.

Let's dance, dickweed.

Let's go get 'em.

Let's go somewhere.

Let's go!

Let's go. These people are about to pull you apart.

Let's just do my sign off and get outta here.

Listen to Burgundy.

Listen up. The ratings just came in for last month.

Listen, can l

Listen, everybody, Ling Wong the panda is giving birth!

Little "Ham and Eggs" comin' at you. Hope you got your griddles.

London Gentleman, or

Look at the full moon butt!

Look over here.

Look, drunkie, you been coming in here every day,

Look, I don't speak Spanish.

Look! The most glorious rainbow ever!

Look.

Look.

Loud noises!

Love.

Lower your voice, Ron.

Make sure these guys don't party too much.

Make way!

Man.

Man.

Many leather bound books,

May I take your order?

Maybe don't wear a bra next time.

Maybe sit the next couple of plays out.

Mike Ritnitjun. It's not important.

Milk was a bad choice!

Miss Corningstone, ma'am,

Miss Veronica Corningstone.

Mm hmm!

Mm hmm.

Mm hmm.

Mm hmm.

Mm, 9:00.

Mm, ehh, mm.

Mm, I love Scotch.

Mm! Drink it in.

Mm.

Mm. I just burned my tongue.

Mm. Thank you.

Mmm! Mmm. That is good fondue.

Mmm.

Mmm. I look good.

More than anything in the world.

More than two television sets and other things of that nature.

Morning, everyone.

Mr. Burgundy, I'm a professional,

Mr. Burgundy, you are acting like a baby.

Mr. Burgundy, you have a massive erection.

Mr. Burgundy, you should be ashamed of yourself.

Mr. Burgundy.

Mr. Harken,

Mr. Harken, I am a damn good journalist,

Mr. Harken, sir,

Ms. Veronica Corningstone.

My God.

My hands are tied. I

My left one is James Westfall,

My little China doll.

My plan was to ask you

My stomach's itchy.

My sweet Brick.

My wild love tigress.

N no, there's no way that's correct.

Network is gonna be wanting plenty of coverage.

News team!

Nice clothes, gentlemen.

Nice work, everyone. Sharp broadcast.

No yes, he did.

No touching of the hair or face.

No, Brick.

No, I can't say that I do.

No, I was saying that,

No, I was talking to you. No, not her.

No, no, no.

No, no, that's... very exciting.

No, she gets a special cologne.

No, strictly professional.

No, that tickles me! Come on!

No, that's that's what it means.

No, too many people died last year.

No, wait. Wait. Let me say something.

No!

No!

No! No!

No. Buy new suits.

No. Hold on.

No. No.

No...!

No...!

Nobody talks about my city that way!

Nope.

Not bad, Miss Corningstone. Not bad at all.

Not so fast, you ingrates!

Nothing. All I can see is a blue curtain.

Now let's do this!

Now this is happenin'.

Now, if you'll excuse me.

Now, what the hell is wrong with you?

Number Two.

Of course I met a lady tonight.

Of course you haven't, how stupid of me. Neither have l.

Of course.

Of sexual harassment by Terry Bradshaw.

Of sick, tasteless joke.

Off the coast of Tampa Bay yesterday,

Oh yeah.

Oh, Champ, Champ, we're not really gonna actually do that.

Oh, come on. Audrey.

Oh, damn it.

Oh, do me on it!

Oh, God, this is a mistake.

Oh, hell, that's rank!

Oh, I hate cats.

Oh, I'm so happy!

Oh, it's so deep.

Oh, it's the deep burn!

Oh, Jeez.

Oh, let me get this over here.

Oh, look out. Next up, it's Whiskerus Maximus.

Oh, mi corazÛn es en fuego!

Oh, Miss Corningstone.

Oh, my God!

Oh, my gosh! She said her first words!

Oh, no.

Oh, no. You'll find it.

Oh, okay. I understand.

Oh, Ron! Ron! Ron, darling!

Oh, Ron.

Oh, Ron.

Oh, she is a saucy mama! I mean, I would...

Oh, silly. Hi.

Oh, stop calling your arms "guns."

Oh, that behind is driving me loco!

Oh, that was one crazy party.

Oh, there it is.

Oh, this is awkward.

Oh, well, when in Rome.

Oh, what's that smell?

Oh, you never have?

Oh! Aaah!

Oh! Almost forgot.

Oh! By the hammer of Thor!

Oh! Can't think of anything to say, can you?

Oh! Excuse me.

Oh! Great Odin's raven!

Oh! I did not see that coming!

Oh! I've never heard of it.

Oh! Saint Damien's beard!

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh. Ohhh!

Oh. Right.

Oh. You son of a bitch!

Ohh.

Okay, I guess I can play a little ditty.

Okay, I'll go get your sandwich.

Okay, you know what? That's uncalled for.

Okay. No, I don't want to go to a party in your pants.

Okay. Well, Mr. Burgundy, we will be honored

On something called acid

On top of a mountain.

One lucky cameraman happened to catch

One slip,

Ooh, now that's a hot lead.

Ooh!

Ooh! Hoo hoo!

Or Chinese, or something weird.

Or even the world.

Or saving the woman

Ouch. Don't lose any more hair over it.

Out for a nice seafood dinner and never call her again!

Outta sight, my man!

Panda watch. The mood is tense.

Papa's home.

People call me the Bri man.

People know me.

People seem to like me because I am polite

Pickup attempt that I have ever encountered.

Please, go on.

PolicÌa!

Power. Power.

Probably not the same one. Probably not the same guy.

Public News Team is taking a break from its pledge drive

Put down the gun and let the marching band go.

Quit the singin'!

Quite different.

R O N.

Read something like this:

Ready the announce.

Ready, Phil.

Really a lot of hustle. I liked it.

Really good. Everyone on the floor as well.

Really?

Really?

Really?

Really.

Received a two point ratings boost,

Reporting from the San Diego Zoo.

Ribs. I had ribs for lunch. That's why I'm doing this.

Right now it's 82' in our fair city,

Right to the baby maker.

Right, but I think my son is just going through a phase.

Rocky's, bar, grill, fine dining.

Ron Burgundy

Ron Burgundy and the Channel 4 News Team.

Ron Burgundy, stay classy.

Ron Burgundy.

Ron Burgundy.

Ron Burgundy's about to report on pandas!

Ron Burgundy's ass is grass!

Ron, are you okay?

Ron, are you okay? Ron?

Ron, I know it sounds harsh,

Ron, we did it. Veronica filled in for you.

Ron, what do you think?

Ron, where you going? What, are you crazy? Ron!

Ron, you're my hero!

Ron? Ron!

Ron. Where are you?

Ron's using the machine

San Diego ins. San Diego uns.

San Diego.

San Diego's waiting. Go get 'em.

Scholars maintain that the translation was lost

Scotty, I have the shot.

Scotty.

Scotty. Scotty!

Screwing?

See what it's like when you're not here?

See you in the morning. We'll pick you up in a van.

Shall I pick you up

She I don't I think she bought it.

She sh it's terrible!

She does have a nice, big old behind.

She has beautiful eyes, and her hair smells like cinnamon!

She used to be a Charger cheerleader, but she broke her pelvis.

She was Brazilian.

She's better than me!

She's better than me.

She's making us look like a bunch of fools.

She's really great.

Shh!

Shows that her baby is doing quite well.

Shut up! Shut up!

Shut up.

Smells of rich mahogany.

So I have to sculpt my guns at the office.

So much to think about.

So there I go, head first, boom!

So we're not gonna do

So what other passions do you have, Mr. Burgundy?

Someone punted him?

Sometimes you gotta look yourself in the mirror and say, "When in Rome."

Son of a bee sting.

Son of a bitch!

Sorry.

Sounds like you have mental problems, man.

Spanish Language News is here.

Start a fire in someone's kitchen.

Start cleaning up your desk.

Start cleaning your desk,

Stay calm.

Stinking up the joint with your craziness.

Stop hiding behind those phony numbers, Burgundy! I'm coming after you!

Stop what you're doing right now!

Super duper! That's nice!

Sure.

Sweet Eli Whitney's nose! It wasn't you, was it?

Sweet grandmother's spatula!

Sweetheart, we were so worried about you,

Take me to Pleasure Town!

Taking them back to the pants store.

Tasteful discretion is the name of the game.

Tell her she might want to get a coat.

Tell her to get a coat.

Tell you everything's gonna be okay?

Than you do in your entire body, sir!

Thank you,

Thank you, Mr. Harken. That felt good.

Thank you!

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

That connects to the upper dorsinus.

That dirty trick with the Teleprompter, it wasn't

That doesn't make sense.

That I have an IQ of 48

That I look forward to contributing

That I should be with instead,

That is good news. I gotta be honest.

That is so refreshing to me.

That is some fantastic shot you got there.

That lives deep within my loins, like a

That squirrel can water ski.

That there's a party in your pants and I'm invited?

That was half a lifetime ago. We're different people now.

That was our newest reporter, Veronica Corningstone.

That was used during the Civil War era.

That we should keep it relatively quiet around the station.

That will do it for us at 6:00.

That, uh, expression

That, uh, expression

That's a rash decision. Is this about something else?

That's baby makin' music, that's what that is.

That's bush. Bush league.

That's completely uncalled for, Burgundy.

That's gonna do it for all of us at Channel 4 News.

That's gonna do it for all of us here at 6:00.

That's how I roll.

That's it.

That's my chopper you just thrashed, Broseph.

That's not a good start, but keep going.

That's stupid.

That's the smell of desire, milady.

That's what kind of man I am.

That's what you gotta do when you're in a vicious cockfight.

The bear scampered back into the woods.

The bears have descended on the news team

The bottom line is,

The city that I'm covering.

The entire world has been waiting for.

The human torch was denied a bank loan.

The kind of shot that gets you to the top of network news.

The man punted Baxter!

The man that loved the motorcycle!

The most famous panda in the world,

The motorcycle on the bridge! I hit him with a burrito!

The network is picking up the feed.

The only way to bag a classy lady

The party. The pants

The rare panda at the San Diego Zoo, is pregnant.

The sewers run red with Burgundy's blood.

The very best.

Then don't forget Channel 2 News with me,

Then I'll show you the ratings where you're number two to a woman.

Then we parted ways, never to see each other again.

There he is. There he is.

There he is. There's my little man.

There she is! Veronica!

There was a time

There were horses and a man on fire and I killed a guy with a trident.

There's never been a woman anchor.

There's only one thing a man can do

There's something that you should know.

These bears are massive!

They had to bring a female in.

They looked a lot smaller from up there.

They named it San Diago,

They named it San Diego.

They rev my engine, but they don't belong in the newsroom!

They want Ron's blood.

They want to hurt you.

They're just talking. Just talking.

They're looking for a new anchor.

They've done studies, you know.

Things just got worse for Ron Burgundy.

Think about what you're asking.

This burrito is delicious, but it is filling.

This Corningstone business is really hurting our rep.

This could be the big story of the summer.

This has to be the feeblest

This is a big one.

This is a mistake.

This is a tough decision.

This is definitely a man's world.

This is gonna end right here, right now.

This is killing me. I'd rather slit my throat.

This is nice, gang, sittin' here.

This is Ron Burgundy,

This is Ted Nightingale, Channel 6 News Los Angeles,

This is the most ridiculous thing ever.

This is worse than the time the raccoon got in the copier.

This one was different. I have to be honest.

This was an age when only men were allowed to read the news.

Time to musk up.

Tino, Veronica.

Tino's the finest club owner in the city.

To keep her in line, is bed her quick.

To kick some ass.

To make Veronica our co anchor.

To one day become a network anchor.

To play his local Emmy acceptance speech from last year.

To take on more challenging stories.

To the Bush White House.

To the KVWN News Team,

To the news van!

To this news station's already sterling reputation.

Today's story is one of the more remarkable things

Tonight's top story:

Tonight's top story:

Tonight's top story: an ultrasound of Ling Wong,

Touchy situation.

Tuesday's arms and back.

Turn the music off! I'm still talking!

Uh

Uh oh.

Uh, do as the Romans do?

Uh, jogging.

Uh...

Uh...

Um, I could come back later, Mr. Harken.

Unique New York.

Unique New York.

Up a little. Up, up.

Veronica and I are trying this new fad called,

Veronica Corningstone and I had sex,

Veronica Corningstone.

Veronica.

Veronica. She put that in the Teleprompter.

Veronica. What a pretty girlfriend.

Very well. Ian?

Wait a minute! I pickup attempt?

Wait, Ed.

Wait, stop. Stop talking like that.

Wait, wait! Veronica, please, tell me this is some kind

Wait! Did you just hear something?

Wait.

Wait. No, no, no. Hold on.

Wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Was that those were not real pirates.

Way to go! Neat o, gang.

Way to handle him. That was nice.

We you should move.

We are laughing!

We are number one. We just grabbed every key demographic.

We are through! Through!

We are watching history.

We go into the bear pit.

We got it now. It's all right.

We need you around, and she is just using you.

We need you down here right away.

We really should be going.

We share the same dream.

We were co people?

We'll go back to doing what I do best

We'll play it off as a prank.

We'll see you around the bend.

We'll straighten it out later. I'm getting another call.

We're gonna do something about it.

We're here today to celebrate the birth of a panda.

We're laughing, enjoying our friendship.

We're on in five, four...

We're really down with the woman's lib thing.

We're work associates. I work at the station.

We've been here literally the entire time you have.

We've both seen our share of pornographic materials.

We've got to do something.

Wearing ski masks made off with over $20,000 from an area bank

Well done, sir.

Well looks like we got ourselves a bilingual bloodfest.

Well, agree to disagree.

Well, ask and you shall receive.

Well, believe it or not,

Well, guess what. Now this is happenin'.

Well, hello.

Well, I can't help it.

Well, I have one great passion that

Well, it's really quite simple.

Well, it's tough to explain.

Well, jazz flute

Well, Mr. Harken,

Well, Ron, I'm gonna put poison

Well, that might take some time.

Well, that's just great. You hear that, Ed?

Well, the truth is, I don't really have a choice.

Well, well, well.

Well, well, well.

Well, yes.

Well, you certainly know how to compliment a woman.

Well, you have bad hair.

Well...

Whammy!

What

What a beautiful view, Mr. Burgundy.

What are you doing on our station's turf, Burgundy?

What are you doing?

What are you doing? Why didn't you get help?

What can I say? I like the way you're put together.

What cologne you gonna go with?

What did the bad man do?

What did you say?

What do you mean?

What do you say we get you in your pj's and hit the hay?

What do you say we go out on a date?

What if, just for tonight, we weren't coworkers?

What in the hell's diversity?

What in the name

What is that smell?

What is that? Smells like a turd covered in burnt hair!

What you're about to see is a Channel 4 News exclusive.

What?

What?

What?

What? Oh, my God!

What? Were you saying something?

What'd she say?

What's that? If you were a man,

What's this?

What's up?

Whee!

When do we get started?

When he's suffering from a spiritual and existential funk.

When in Rome.

When people believed everything they heard on TV.

When the local anchorman reigned supreme,

When they crop up in the ol' skull, huh?

When this all gets sorted out,

When you called me your lead anchor.

Where did you learn to play like that?

Where the blood drips down to children for breakfast, lunch and dinner,

Where's the suit store? We've been walking for 45 minutes.

Where's the suit store? We've been walking for 45 minutes.

Which in German means, "a whale's vagina."

Which of course in German means a whale's vagina.

Who claims to have a recipe for the world's greatest meat loaf.

Who is this?

Who's there? I'm talking. Hello.

Why can't you be proud of me

Why don't you go back to your home on Whore lsland?

Why don't you stop talking for a while?

Why, Ron? Why?

Will read anything that is put on that Teleprompter.

Wipe the dribble away from your bubblin' lips.

With a brain a third the size of us. It's science.

With a jump of seven feet, 10 inches.

With a little bit of pepper, and, uh, some cheese.

With every inch of me,

With fire?

With five time Emmy award winning anchor

With five time Emmy award winning anchor

With the pants. Party with pants?

Women ask me how I put up with it.

Would everyone love to hear Ron Burgundy play "yazz" flute?

Would you like to go to a party in my pants?

Wow.

Wow.

Yea!

Yeah, I stabbed a man in the heart.

Yeah, I'm gonna quit sayin' things

Yeah, you pretty much yelled it.

Yeah? Well, you're about to be in dead place.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah. What is that?

Years later, a doctor will tell me

Years later, a doctor will tell me

Yep, it's made with bits of real panther.

Yes, I am going to have three fingers of Glenlivet

Yes, I can. I can think of a lot of things to say.

Yes, I do. Um...

Yes, redemption was sweet for Ron Burgundy.

Yes, sirree.

Yes, these fellas were a real news team.

Yes, we have a saying in my country about people like him.

Yes, what is it, Brick?

Yes, yes. Chris, listen to me.

Yes! Ron!

Yes! Yes!

Yes?

Yes.

Yes.

Yoo hoo!

You and I have had this discussion a million times.

You are a real hooker, and I'm gonna slap you in public.

You are a smelly pirate hooker!

You are not a man. You are a big fat joke!

You are pathetic.

You are truly a disappointment to us all, Mr. Burgundy!

You back off, Evening News Team.

You be a woman.

You can use my office! Then afterwards maybe we can go to lunch!

You can't say one word?

You continue to surprise me, Mr. Burgundy.

You destroyed the only thing I love.

You did? It just came through me. It was so organic.

You dirtbags have been in third place for five years.

You do not take a tone with me,

You got knocked up. You should probably get out of news.

You guys just stand there? Come on!

You have a great day, fellas.

You have a nice day, sir. Bye.

You have broken my heart, Mr. Burgundy.

You have broken my heart.

You have hair like an angel.

You have man boobs.

You have your ubulus muscle

You have...

You hear me? Audrey, look at me!

You kept your head on a swivel.

You know how to cut to the core of me, Baxter.

You know I don't speak Spanish. In English, please.

You know those rating systems are flawed.

You know those sample audiences aren't big enough!

You know what I mean?

You know what I mean?

You know what the worst part about it is?

You know, get a couple of cocktails in me,

You know, see what happens?

You know, times are changing.

You ladies play your cards right, you might get to meet the whole gang.

You look like a blueberry.

You look ravishing.

You might want to buy a coat.

You play jazz flute?

You pointed to your boobies.

You poop mouth! Get all the poop out of your mouth!

You pooped in the refrigerator?

You read my news!

You really want to know what love is?

You saw me. You don't remember.

You say, "Whenever you like."

You smell.

You sound like a gay.

You stay classy, planet Earth.

You stay classy, San Diego.

You stay classy, San Diego.

You stay classy, San Diego.

You stay classy, San Diego.

You stay classy, San Diego.

You wanna dance, Ronnie?

You weren't here. Why are you being this way?

You will do the stories to which you are assigned.

You woke the bears. Why did you do that?

You, on stage now.

You're a member of the Channel 4 News Team.

You're about to get a serious beat down.

You're actually quite a dullard.

You're gonna deprive them of that because I have breasts?

You're gonna have to learn how to deal with that.

You're gonna need to move to Moscow.

You're just a woman with a small brain.

You're like a miniature Buddha

You're looking fantastic.

You're my hero, Ron.

You're not Ron.

You're not very bright. You know that, right?

You're okay?

You're our leader. Look what you're doing to the group.

You're pathetic.

You're probably right, but this is bad, Ron. Real bad.

You're so wise.

You're trying to touch my breasts, aren't you?

You're watching Channel 4 News

You've been spending a lot of time with this lady.

You've got a dirty, whorish mouth.

Your hair

1,001.

1,002.

8:00?

60% of the time, it works every time.

# Sunshine, go away today... # Damn it!

# Who's that lady... # Hello, everyone.

A straight shot. Ooh, ow.

after her big break. Where's lan? Ian!

Ah whoo! Stop it! Oh, Jeez.

All right! Stick around.

All right. Deep down in my stomach,

Always! Right.

And I don't like it. I don't like the put downs.

And that is a scientific fact! Uh huh.

As for the news team: Stop it! Ron!

Blade! Here you go, mate!

Brian Fantana. Champ Kind.

Brian Fantana. No, you're Brick.

Brian. I'm Brian.

Brick? Don't! That tickles!

But this is not a date. No, of course not.

Certainly. Thank you, Scott.

Champ! Ron!

Congrats, congrats. That is good news!

Did you throw a trident? Yeah.

Dorothy Mantooth is a saint! Hey.

Dr. Chim Richalds. Ron, is this you?

Drinks are on Tino tonight. No, no, no.

Ed Harken! Ed!

Ed Harken. I don't know a Ned.

Ed, hello. Listen, Ron.

Excuse me, gentlemen. Oh. Hello.

Excuse me. What are you doing?

Excuse me. Press. Hey, lady, watch it.

Get it goin', Ronnie! Yes! Please.

Get out of the business. This is pathetic.

Give him a hand. I'm not prepared. Not at all.

Hah! What are you doing?

Hello? Hello?

Hey, Ron. Hello.

High pressure system Go stand over there.

High pressure system No, no, no, no, Brick.

Hmm. Great.

Honestly, I'm Come on.

I can't find Corningstone. Where the hell is she?

I can't understand you. Sorry.

I can't. Please.

I dabble. Oh.

I don't Shh.

I hate you! I hate you more!

I think I was in love once. Really, what was her name?

I thought he was Mr. Dependable. It's not like Ron.

I'm a journalist. Oh, okay. This is a good guy.

I've got a big story for you. Mm hmm.

In a good way. Yep.

Is it a shortcut or not? Okay.

Is this Ron? Who is this?

It jumped up a notch. It did, didn't it?

It's me. Ed. Who?

It's Ronnie! Ron!

It's supposed to be wild. So Ron's not coming?

it's the pleats. Mm.

Let's go to Brian Fantana live... Gimme a tighter one on two.

Man, that's hilarious. Yeah, that's good.

Mm. You know how kids are.

My best friend, right? Yes.

No one's seen her. I can't believe this.

No, I did it. You bitch!

No! No!

No! This is wonderful.

Now I'll be number one. No, you won't!

Oh, I should have known. No, no.

Oh, I'm What I was saying.

Oh, Ron. Yes, yes.

Oh, uh oh. Whoa! Here she comes.

Oh, we're going there! Oh!

Oh, well, we hope. We at public television,

Oh, yeah. Brown baggin' it.

Oh! I just want you all to know

Oh. It's wonderful, though.

Okay, we're off and running. Three armed men

only the ribs will be broken in two." Tino.

Please, l You're an awful man!

Power. Roll in.

Really? Yes.

Right. Hmm.

Ron Burgundy? Yes?

Ron, are you paying attention? Nope.

Ron, help! Veronica!

Ron! He took him!

San Dieg ons. San Diegans.

Shall we? Yes.

She's got feelings, too. Oh, my God!

So you know it's good. It's quite pungent.

So, Ron... Huh? Network?

Strictly professional. Wonderful.

Super duper, gang! Yeah! Yeah!

Thanks for stopping by. Stay classy, I'm Ron Burgundy.

Thanks for stopping by. Stay classy.

That felt really good. I liked your sign off line, too.

That's a given. We need you.

That's great. Thank you.

That's my line. When do we get started?

They don't really ever listen to me. Just get it done.

They looked convincing, though. Oh, yes.

this city needs its news. Oh.

This concerns all of us. Okay.

This is a hot one. I'm actually nervous.

This is grim. Real grim. What are we gonna do?

This is ridiculous! I don't remember doing it.

Tino! How are you? So good to see you.

To the news van! Okay!

Uh, Mr. Burgundy? 1,003.

Veronica Corningstone. This is your doctor.

Wanna make a phone call. Freshen this up.

was loitering... Ron Burgundy.

We did it. What is this, amateur hour?

We were just flapping our gums. Oh, yeah.

Whammy. Hmm.

What happened? She knew it was me.

What? I'm sorry.

What? No. No!

What's it like, Ron? The intimate times?

Whatever. We're live, Mr. Mantooth.

When we get to the pet shop Cough!

Who is this? This is Dr. Chim.

Whoo! Marco! Polo!

Whoop! You guys have it, I think.

Yeah, you got mental problems, man. Yeah, he really does.

Yeah! This is a surprise, I'll tell you.

Yeah. Yes, tell us.

Yes! Boy, Ed.

Yes. Ed!

You are on. I'm on right now?

You have always been a good friend! Right.

Oh!

...an area bank in a daring...

'cause I will give you a rap right on the Jack Johnson!

"lntercourse lsland" on the Fox Network.

"mentally retarded."

"The coyote of the desert

"The times, they are a changin'."

"Veronica had a very funny joke today."

"Where's your mommy? Someone's gotta change your diapers."

# Af #

# Afternoon delight #

# And we know the night #

# Because you are what? #

# Can you dig it? Can you dig it? #

# Cherry, baby #

# Don't know what he's asking #

# Don't you cry #

# Don't you cry no more #

# Don't you cry no more... #

# Gonna find my baby, gonna hold her tight #

# Gonna grab some afternoon delight #

# Gonna make our own lightning #

# Help yourself, take a few #

# I can't hear what he's sayin' #

# I don't feel much like dancing #

# I make fart noises with my mouth #

# I'll take you to foggy London Town #

# Is always gonna be there anyway? #

# Just say the word and they are yours... #

# La la la la la. #

# Lookin' forward to a little afternoon delight #

# Love is like candy on a shelf #

# My motto's always been "When it's right, it's right" #

# Oh, Baxter, you are my little gentleman #

# She got the way to groove me #

# Sky rockets in flight #

# Some man's gone, he's trying to run my life #

# That girl #

# The greatest wealth that exists in the world. #

# There'll be peace when you are done #

# These ain't dues... #

# Thinkin' of you's working up my appetite #

# When everything's a little clearer in the light of day #

# When he tells me I better get in line #

# When I grow up I'm gonna make it mine #

# Why wait until the middle of a cold, dark night #

# Yeah, she got the way to move me, Cherry #

# You want to taste and help yourself... #

♫ Afternoon delight. ♫

♫ And the thought of lovin you is getting so exciting ♫

♫ Rubbin' sticks and stones together make the sparks ignite ♫

♫ Sky rockets in flight ♫