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Home > Talladega Nights: The Ballad of...
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Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby (2006)

Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby (2006)

Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby is a comedy film released in 2006. Directed by Adam McKay, the movie stars Will Ferrell as the titular character, Ricky Bobby, a hilarious and over-the-top NASCAR driver with dreams of greatness. Ricky Bobby is idolized by fans and has a loyal teammate, Cal Naughton Jr. played by John C. Reilly. However, their friendship is tested when a French Formula One driver played by Sacha Baron Cohen challenges Ricky's dominance on the track.

The film delves into the world of professional racing, exploring the competitive spirit, self-discovery, and family dynamics of its characters. With its mix of outrageous humor, slapstick comedy, and clever satire, Talladega Nights provides plenty of laughs and memorable moments.

For fans of the movie and its soundtrack, you can play and download sounds related to Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby here.

A car. lt handled reaI good.
A little planning can go a long way.
A lot of big stories and some big questions here at Talladega.
A single plop.
Abracadabra, homes.
Absolutely, ma'am, I'd love to sign your baby.
Ain't nothing more damn frightening than driving with a cougar in the car.
All right, baby. Come on, now.
All right, fellas, let's go.
All right, Girard, I found you. Now let's see where this goes.
All right, go get them.
All right, I tell you what we gotta do. Since we got no corporate money...
All right, let's have a look.
All right, Professor Dickweed. What's the plan?
All right, we got it, we got it. Hold it right there.
All right, you let go of me, you Formula One jazz nutjob!
All right? Tomorrow, I'm coming for you.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right. You got me. That's an awesome nickname.
All those races I won, that was for you, you know that?
All three people, all great champions, all loved.
Also wanna thank you for my best friend, CaI Naughton Jr...
Also, due to a binding endorsement contract...
Also, I got my balls back behind the wheel of a car.
Am I on fire? I'm on fire.
Anarchy!
And across from Monsieur Def...
And at the end of the day, you know, you gotta be happy.
And at the opposite end of the grid, Darrell, Ricky Bobby.
And check out his crew chief over there.
And death was coming for him, and he stood there...
And down, and down, and
And for that, I thank you.
And here you sit, thinking.
And I just don't think that I can keep it shut anymore.
And I never did change my pee pants all day.
And I would be honored if you'd sign my balls.
And I'm also gonna need to know where your commode's at.
And I'm in the front row, and I'm hammered drunk.
And if you do not obey Granny Law...
And it scares the living shit out of us.
And it smells terrible and the dogs are always bothering with it.
And it's bad. I don't wanna give it to everyone else.
And it's not if it happens, it's where and when.
And knew that no matter what happened...
And most importantly, we thank you...
And Mr. Dennit told me that it's my time now.
And next to him is hip hop artist, poet and my brother in law, Mos Def.
And nobody can hang with my stuff.
And now the matador shall dance with the blind shoemaker.
And remember, I'm saying, ''with all due respect.''
And singing lead vocals for Lynyrd Skynyrd...
And so then I got a marketing job with NASCAR.
And the 26 car just ran Naughton into the wall.
And the first thing you gotta learn if you're gonna be a racecar driver...
And then something happened. There was a fire.
And then you showed up.
And then, when that fear rises up in your belly, you use it...
And we just came up with a new nickname.
And we look forward to Powerade's release of Mystic Mountain Blueberry.
And we're getting matching leprechaun tattoos.
And you always have to prove yourself. Wh ?
And you know what else? You never let me win one time.
And you will probably lose.
And you're a man, aren't you? Aren't you?
And your sponsors weren't doing very much, so...
And, at the urging of Ricky Bobby...
And, y'all, that's pretty much, in a shell...
Answer me this: When you're in spa mode...
Are we about to get it on?
Are you asking me for a divorce?
Are you faking it? Fake it!
Are you in the hot tub?
Are you kidding me? Mama, why did you go do that?
Are you pressing the buttons in the back panel or in the kitchen?
As a sign of humility, if you kiss me on the lips now...
As it stands now, Jean Girard is sitting on the pole, which is, of course...
As the laps wind down, Jamie McMurray is the leader.
As William Blake wrote, ''The cut worm forgives the plow.''
As you know, Bill, he's been doing that all year.
As you wish.
Attaboy. All right, son.
Available at Wal Mart.
Baby, he's not gonna come to the wedding.
Baby, photo op, photo op. Come on.
Baby, stop.
Baby, that is reaI good talk. Like we practiced last night.
Baby, this is Ted Beamen from Halliburton.
Baby! That's my baby!
Baby.
Baby...
Be good to hold them down by your side.
Be thoughtful, Glenn.
Bean buffet in front of it. lt was awesome.
Beaten reaI bad, cowboy.
Because a man takes what he wants, he takes it all.
Because although today I am friendly...
Because I like to party, so I like my Jesus to party.
Because I like to party.
Because I think you wish you thought of it.
Because I'm as hard as a diamond in an ice storm right now.
Because I'm done. I'm done with the racing, with driving.
Because I'm your daddy, that's why.
Because of gayness.
Because she's gotta run wild. You can't keep something like that back.
Because the drivers that finished first and second got out of their cars...
Been keeping it in my bathroom at the motel, feeding it old pizza.
Before each race, Jean Girard spends time with his world class horses...
Being a crack dealer, but not like a mean crack dealer, but like a....
Being a crack dealer, but not like a mean crack dealer, but like a....
Bobby and Girard are dueling each other for the lead.
Bobby working really hard to pass the Wonder Bread car.
Bobby's boxed in. There's nowhere to go there.
Bodies that look so good, you're gonna wanna talk to it.
Bootleggers in Prohibition had to have cars fast enough to outrun the Feds...
Boy, that Halliburton. Halliburton's taken off, haven't they?
Boy, you are a terrible driver, no?
Boys, how was schooI today?
Break it, Pepe Le Pew.
But how did he get down to his underwear that fast?
But I have thought about it, and I want the plug pulled.
But I just wanted you to know that.
But I will give you this.
But I'm not even sure he even knows where he's at right now.
But if you're scared...
But maybe, just maybe...
But my mama say he's out racing cars...
But other than that, it went fine.
But something looks wrong. I mean, he's running around like he's on fire.
But today he gets to strap back into a racecar for the first time since...
But what about you?
But with advances in modern science and my high level of income...
But you have forced me to do this.
But you're a grown man. You're delivering pizzas on a bike.
By the way, Ricky, I watched the Highlander movie.
CaI blew out his engine. You have no backup. Back off!
CaI Naughton from Dennit Racing just helped a rivaI driver pass a teammate.
CaI Naughton in second. Ricky Bobby in third.
CaI Naughton Jr.!
Cal, you could say that 1 0,000 times and it still wouldn't be enough.
Can feel the motor...
Can you believe that he would do that for his teammate?
Can you not see why I'm stuck on the anger bridge?
Can you speak up, Ricky?
Check it, it was a nacho fountain with six kinds of cheese on it.
Chip, I'm all jacked up on Mountain Dew.
Chip, I'm gonna come at you like a spider monkey.
Chip, you brought this on.
Come back to the friendship shore.
Come here. You make me hot. Come here.
Come on, baby! Yeah, that's it.
Come on, Dad. He's just a stupid cowboy.
Come on, Daddy! Whoop his butt!
Come on, frat boy, you wanna go?
Come on, John, pay attention.
Come on, man, that was last week.
Come on, man, wake up.
Come on, man!
Come on, number one.
Come on, son. You can do it. Come on.
Come on, what kind of dude wears a thong?
Come on. Get in this house.
Come on. We were doing good there, man.
Come on. You know what? Screw you, man.
Coming up next, it's lce Dancing to the Hits of Motown.
Cops are coming.
Dad, where are you going?
Dad, you made that grace your bitch.
Dad!
Damn it!
Damn it. Come on, man.
Darrell, you tell Brian Wavecrest to take out CaI Naughton right now.
Dear 8 pound, 6 ounce, newborn infant Jesus...
Dear Lord baby Jesus, we also thank you for my wife's father, Chip.
Dear Lord baby Jesus...
Dear tiny infant Jesus, we
DelightfuI to meet you, Mr. Robert. I thought you were dead.
Dennit Racing lncorporated has decided to field an additionaI car.
Dick Berggren in Las Vegas, Victory Lane, for Fox Television.
Did you eat peanut butter or something?
Did you hear what he just said?
Did you just say ''party''?
Did you say ''fire''?
Did you say ''fire''?
Didn't Ricky Bobby used to drive for you?
Do you ? Do you know how crazy that sounds?
Do you know why I came to America, Ricky Bobby?
Do you wanna know why I think that you should race again?
Doc, give it to me straight.
Does it matter?
Doesn't the bear symbolize the old South...
Don't do it.
Don't listen to him. And remember one thing, he's the competition.
Don't listen to these people, Ricky. You're a winner.
Don't look at me. Get it off the trailer!
Don't pay them no mind, Ricky.
Don't stop.
Don't throw out your best friend because of your anger.
Don't you get it? You don't drive with your eyes, you drive with your heart.
Don't you put that eviI on me, Ricky Bobby!
Don't you put that on us! You are not paralyzed!
Don't you say it, Ricky. These colors don't run.
Don't you worry about my gun, Ricky.
Down, Karen! Get down! Get down, Karen!
Drive.
Either close the door or come in. I got weed in here, cowboy.
Either way this goes, could we get some after we're done?
Even Diane Sawyer needed Katie Couric.
Even with a healthy arm, you don't have a chance against Jean Girard.
Even you too, Glenn.
Every week, we should come back to this Applebee's...
Everybody got problems.
Everyone, turn away.
Everyone's reaI friendly.
Everything cooI that Susan said, you wrecked it.
Everything ended up fine.
Excuse me, coming through.
Excuse me, darling. I'm Reese Bobby.
Excuse me, guys. Nice job.
Face it, we suck.
Fans and NASCAR, everyone is talking about this new driver, Jean Girard.
Fine. I'll do it.
First off, my sons no longer act...
First or last, baby, you know it!
First, a very brief explanation.
Folks, I'm here with one of the great NBA superstars...
For best movie ever made.
For he was lost, but now he is found. Amen.
For this to happen.... Am I dead, man?
Frenchy can drive.
Game over. Come on, reset.
Get down, you little pancake.
Get her a gigolo.
Get in here, boys. Come on.
Get out.
Get this highway clean, come on.
Gets it in the paint. Get her done!
Give me that thing.
Glenn is dead, Ricky.
Glenn is dead, Ricky.
Glenn, shut up.
Go on and get some, boys.
Go shave your balls, you dusty old fart!
Go shave your balls, you dusty old fart!
Go, baby, go. Wait, what are you doing?
Go, baby! There you are.
Go, Ricky! Go!
God needs the devil.
God, a whole mess of nachos sounds good right now.
God, he's just following me wherever I go.
Golly, this is a hard decision.
Good call. Here, that's worth a nickel.
Good for you, Ricky Bobby.
Good luck to you, son.
Good night, guys. I'm losing a lot of blood.
Goodbye, buddy.
Got more plugs in him than a Circuit City.
Got those two tickets for my speciaI friend?
Gotcha.
Gotta watch it when I get into autograph mode.
Great. Hey, how's your mama's hip?
Greatest country on the planet.
Gretchen, my friend, got her period. I'm so jealous, God.
Guy's dangerous, Ricky. He's like a cobra. Back off!
Guys, let's go win ourselves a race, all right?
Hakuna matata, bitches.
Handsome, beautiful, articulate sons who are talented and star athletes...
He comes up to me, I'm about to sock him one because he's a dirty old bum.
He did it!
He is a doer. And that's what you need to do.
He is dominating NAS CAR.
He said to take Ricky Bobby out of the race or you're fired, buddy.
He sold the windshield!
He still works there and he was crazy.
He was so scared, because you know how little he is.
He's a world class trainer of German shepherds.
He's airborne!
He's amazing.
He's fine. He just can't controI the muscles.
He's gone from 26th to 1 8th place.
He's gonna try the outside move again. I don't know if it's gonna work.
He's in his underwear again. Go get him, fellas.
He's jumping on Ricky, trying to put the nonexistent fire out.
He's just taking a nap.
He's made that car three lanes wide, but he's still fast.
He's suffering from catatonic shock.
He's telling you the truth, man. It's all in your head.
He's too good, Ricky. Lay off!
Hell, you can even be fifth.
Hell, you know what, get my car off the trailer, guys.
Hell, you're just a bag of bones.
Hello, Ricky Bobby.
Hello.
Help me, Allah!
Help me, Jesus! Help me, ******* God!
Help me, Oprah Winfrey!
Help me, Tom Cruise!
Here I come. Slingshot engaged.
Here we go, boys.
Here we go.
Here's the deal. He's not gonna break it...
Hey, boys, I wanna see some napkins in the lap.
Hey, Cal, listen. I hate to add to your tremendous moraI confusion...
Hey, Cal! Baby, I'm coming. Thanks, baby.
Hey, Cal? Why don't you just shut up?
Hey, Carley.
Hey, Carley.
Hey, come on, man. I'm on a bike. Relax.
Hey, come on. It's 2:30 in the morning.
Hey, Dad!
Hey, Derek, it's Ricky.
Hey, driver! Drive these.
Hey, excuse me, Ricky.
Hey, fellas! These are really good. You should try one.
Hey, get him a suit. Hurry up, make it snappy. Let's go.
Hey, guys.
Hey, is that a Huffy? That's a nice looking bike, boy.
Hey, it's me, America.
Hey, listen to me. lf you're calm, that wondrous big cat will be calm too.
Hey, look, Frenchy, I thought about it.
Hey, man, you know what I was thinking?
Hey, man. How's it going? You wanna come over and party?
Hey, man. We missed you at the wedding.
Hey, man. You can walk! You can walk!
Hey, Ricky, let me ask you a question.
Hey, Ricky, nice of you to stop by for a visit.
Hey, Ricky.
Hey, Ricky. Are you on fire?
Hey, Ricky. It's me, Cal.
Hey, Ricky. Ricky!
Hey, screw you, man! I got nothing because of you!
Hey, Shake and Bake, Cal.
Hey, sorry, man.
Hey, stop yelling at me, okay? I'm your dad. You're 7 years old.
Hey, turn that crap off. What's going on?
Hey, turn that off!
Hey, what happened to the family portrait?
Hey, what the hell, man. Hey, Glenn. Glenn!
Hey, you know, sweetie...
Hey!
Hey! I was wondering where you guys got off to.
Hey. This is just between you and me, okay?
Hey. You're Breeze or you're Breeze? Which one of you is Breeze?
Hi, Bill Weber, along with Wally Dallenbach and Benny Parsons.
Hi, I'm his lady, I'm Susan.
His injuries are minor, but right now he can't deaI with the trauma of the wreck.
His paralysis is entirely psychosomatic.
Hold it right there, Mr. Fancy Pants Foreigner.
Hold my hand, baby.
Hold on, man. Hold....
Hold on, now, baby. Let's just see what this thing's got under the hood.
Hold on, Ricky. Ricky, Ricky, Rick. What are you talking about?
Holding hands with a man makes me terribly uncomfortable.
Hot dog. I mean, that's like looking up Bridgette Wilson Sampras' skirt.
How have you been? What have you been doing?
How he gets into those straightaways.
How many dudes does she have coming over to have sex with her?
How much you selling that weed for, old man?
How the hell did he even find me?
How you doing?
How you doing?
How'd you even get hooked up with him in the first place?
How'd you get on a video game so fast?
Hugalo's Pizza. We are pizza.
Hump me!
Hundred and five miles an hour, you believe that?
Hungry for both steak and shrimp?
I ain't backing off. I'm Ricky Bobby, I'm the best there is.
I almost didn't recognize you with the sunglasses. What are you up to?
I also think I might design a car that's in the shape of a rabbit.
I am being so incredibly rude, Monsieur Bobby.
I am French.
I am not gonna let you die here...
I am on fire. I am on fire.
I am so excited.
I am so paralyzed!
I am so sorry. I thought you asked for onions
I am the greatest one in the whole world.
I believe you have some tickets waiting for me. My name's Reese Bobby.
I bought myself a hundred thousand dollar...
I called him.
I came here for you to beat me.
I can walk!
I can't believe it!
I can't believe it! Oh, my God!
I can't believe it. I can't believe it!
I can't believe it. if it isn't Mike Honcho himself.
I can't believe this.
I can't get around him, man.
I can't hold my tongue.
I can't sleep in here, man. I'm scared.
I can't understand a word you've said the whole time.
I did a full spread for PlaygirI magazine.
I did just like you told me: ''lf you ain't first, you're last.''
I do not want to break your arm, Monsieur Bobby...
I don't have a car no more. Can you come get me?
I don't know how much longer I can take seeing you like this.
I don't know what organ or bone people have...
I don't know why I'm talking to you. Do you remember that I hate you?
I don't know, but it feels like we're wasting a lot of time.
I don't need to hear about doing a toilet.
I don't wanna be raining on your parade, but I gotta tell you...
I dropped them off at Sunday school at my church about 1 0 minutes ago.
I feel like I was riding inside an asteroid or a comet or something.
I feel like I'm in Highlander.
I felt like I was on a spaceship and....
I filled up three. Now, there's nothing like driving to avoid jail.
I found a whole rat in my Cobb salad!
I get emotionaI because you guys are working so hard.
I give you one option, Monsieur Bobby.
I got a better idea.
I got a chubby right now...
I got a message for all of them. Ready? Shake and Bake!
I got a offer to do PlaygirI magazine...
I got a pretzel in my head.
I got you, Pepe Le Bitch.
I got you! I got you, man! I'll help you!
I gotta tell you, Granny, this blows.
I gotta tell you, this is about a damn perfect evening right now.
I hate myself for being so jealous, but I am.
I have been following your career with great interest, Monsieur Bobby.
I have kept my mouth shut for a really, really long time.
I have not finished.
I hope that both of you have sons.
I just have to tell you that I think you are making a big mistake.
I just read in the newspaper they put a pig heart in some Russian guy.
I just wanna say thanks, doc, for taking care of our boy here.
I just want to take time to say thank you for my family...
I just want you to know I came here today to tell you one thing.
I keep snapping back into it. It's like a trick you're pulling on me.
I know I screwed up raising you as a boy...
I know it's a technicality, but I tell you what...
I know you, son. I know you well.
I know, but one is a safety knife. One is a safety.
I know. I've been calling them all day trying to get you...
I like hearing that.
I like to picture Jesus as a ninja fighting off eviI samurai.
I like to picture Jesus in a tuxedo T shirt...
I like to picture Jesus like a mischievous badger.
I like to think of Jesus as a figure skater...
I like to think of Jesus, like, with giant eagle's wings.
I lost my license.
I love seeing some French guy break my record...
I love that.
I love you guys!
I love you too. Come on.
I love you, Cal!
I mean spread, man. I pulled my butt apart and stuff...
I mean, forget all these other guys.
I mean, he died last night in my arms...
I mean, he's been blowing me off for 25 years...
I mean, I wake up in the morning and I piss excellence.
I mean, I'm just I'm happy for you.
I mean, it's not like you're finishing 1 8th.
I mean, that's just life.
I mean, the same reason anyone comes to America.
I mean, you walk in that door...
I missed you dudes.
I missed you, Mama Speed. Ricky Bobby's back.
I need you all to step away...
I owe you an apology.
I painted the car, l.... We had sex.
I play for keeps!
I pray you know that pain and that hurt.
I really I didn't want it to be this way.
I really regret opening my mouth and talking to you.
I remember your daddy used to love it.
I said, ''Washington, D.C.''
I see Terry. He's having a chicken sandwich.
I sound like a massive prick.
I sure as hell am, Chip. I love the way they're talking to you.
I think what you are hearing is my accent.
I think your house is haunted.
I thought we had a good thing going. Shake and Bake.
I threw a bunch of Grandpa Chip's war medals off the bridge.
I wanna go fast.
I wanna tell Gerard Depardieu we're coming for him.
I wanna tell Gerard Depardieu we're coming for him.
I want this music out of my head.
I want you to do this grace good, so that God will let us win tomorrow.
I want you to hit up every independent driver out there for spare parts.
I was gone three hours. Dennit just fired me from the team.
I was just telling you that because
I was thinking, though, one time...
I was wrong about you, Ricky Bobby.
I wet my bed untiI I was 1 9. There's no shame in that.
I will battle you with the entirety of my heart.
I will let you go, Ricky...
I will never shake your hand, ever.
I will not have my grandbabies acting like shiftless, wild hobos.
I win the races and I get the money.
I wish I could crawI into one of those right now.
I wish you could've felt his little heart fluttering.
I wish you could've seen him.
I wish you'd help me just a little.
I work too hard for your bull, Chip.
I would be honored if you would let me sign your cast.
I would love to. No!
I'll cut right here. Stretch it out.
I'll drive 1 00 miles an hour to your house.
I'll get you. Which one of your cars do you miss the most? I'll bring that one.
I'll hold your hair.
I'll just bury it down inside.
I'll put you in a microwave.
I'll see you out there.
I'll tell you the truth. I'm a little confused by your tactics.
I'll tell you what, though, guys, that was a hell of a race today.
I'm 1 0 years old, but I'll beat your ass.
I'm 55 years old and all I got to my name is a car...
I'm all about getting to the front tonight, Lucius. Let's go! Let's move it!
I'm also thinking about getting a gun and dealing crack.
I'm choking on my own spit.
I'm concerned. He might have had a stroke.
I'm embarrassed. I really thought I could feel it.
I'm feeling the worn wood of the steering wheel.
I'm getting bored. You wanna come over and play G.l. Joes?
I'm going fast again!
I'm gonna get in and drive that car. I'm gonna do it calm.
I'm gonna put an end to this right now.
I'm gonna scissor kick you in the back of the head.
I'm gonna settle this thing. Let's just get ourselves...
I'm gonna start this car up.
I'm happy that Waffle House was okay with me coming here...
I'm here for career day with my son, Ricky.
I'm just gonna get in there. I'm just gonna grab the handle.
I'm just having a hard time, man. I'm just calling up for some support.
I'm just kidding you, man. I don't wanna win.
I'm just so proud of you. You remind me of me...
I'm just waiting on those two things to kind of flesh themselves out.
I'm not even sure he realizes how much damage he's doing to his car.
I'm not going back to being poor and dancing at the Wizard's Den.
I'm not gonna lie to you, it felt good.
I'm not stupid, Lucius. No one lives forever. No one.
I'm not sure what to do with my hands.
I'm on fire.
I'm proud of you!
I'm putting a lot of my eggs into that basket, the MTV basket.
I'm Reese Bobby.
I'm Ricky Bobby.
I'm Ricky Bobby. Christmas is right around the corner...
I'm saying, sometimes you get a knock on the head, you get speciaI powers.
I'm sitting here in this enormous haunted mansion, can't sleep.
I'm still sitting in my dirty pee pants.
I'm taking care of your house good.
I'm talking about sitting down, enjoying a gourmet meal...
I've been waiting a long time for you to say my name, man.
I've decided I can love you again. You're a winner.
I've never seen a driver who wants to win more than this guy.
I've never seen him make that noise. Ever.
I've sent in my application to The ReaI World...
It's a baby boy.
It's a hot one here in Talladega...
It's affecting more and more cats every year.
It's all right, I'm a volunteer fireman.
It's all right. It's all right, you're not on fire!
It's all right. It's gonna be okay.
It's all right. You're safe.
It's coming out. It's coming out.
It's embarrassing.
It's in the Geneva Convention. Look it up.
It's just Jean and Ricky.
It's like Spanish for, like, a fighting chicken.
It's like, you know....
It's making me a little itchy.
It's not always bad to be in last place. Here's some things we can focus on:
It's not the best car, but it'll move.
It's odd and off putting to pray to a baby.
It's okay, guys, it's just a wreck. Ricky can handle it.
It's okay, Susie. I appreciate it, guys.
It's one of the hardest things to do in racing.
It's open.
It's painful, and I love you!
It's parked out there. And then the next thing I gotta do...
It's shadow time, buddy.
It's the beginning of a new age.
It's time to be mature about this and just face facts.
It's time to go home to Jesus.
Jean Girard is my new boy at Dennit Racing. He's here to win us...
Jean's days are filled with sun drenched walks...
Jeez, I gotta go take a whiz. Get off my ass.
Jenga!
John, that's not Kenny Rogers.
Junior, driving has got nothing to do with interviews.
Just keep a camera on him all night long.
Just kind of friendly, like, ''Hey...
Just like Carley's tatas.
Just say, ''I love crepes.''
Just take out a plug of meat. Just like a deer.
Just trying to help out...
Just wondering if you can ditch school...
Keep it up, baby.
Kids move back in?
Know what ? I mean, do you know what that means?
Ladies and gentlemen, NASCAR fans...
Ladies and gentlemen, pull up a chair, drop the kids off with their aunt...
Ladies and gentlemen, that is a new track record.
Ladies and gentlemen, this is the finaI lap.
Let me eat this, then I gotta make a phone call...
Let me introduce you to my lunch guests.
Let me tell you, hold on. Shake and Bake.
Let us pray.
Let's dig in!
Let's find out a little bit more about him from our reporter, Davey Wesling.
Let's get out there and win a race.
Let's take a quick commerciaI break and we'll be right back.
Lf I was right, why'd you throw another bucket on me?
Lf things go right, they could have us owning half the cars in NASCAR.
Lf we don't get that car back on the track...
Lf you ain't first, you're last. You know what I'm talking about?
Lf you could hear me, if it got into your brain somehow...
Lf you don't chew Big Red, then f*** you.
Lf you wreck that car, that's 200 grand out of your pocket...
Like a dirty old bum.
Like a muscular t****ze artist.
Like a shapeshifter or a changeling, like that guy.
Like a spider monkey! Go on.
Like Carley and your dad and your sponsors.
Like the frightened baby chipmunk...
Listen, leaving your big old corpse behind...
Listen, Ricky.
Listen, you better be carefuI because tomorrow you're going to get beaten.
Little known jack man Ricky Bobby places third in the Dennit machine.
Ln a car. Car handle really good. Yeah.
Ln the song ''The Gambler,'' you sang:
Look at Don Shula, legendary coach.
Look at Girard in the 55.
Look at Rue McClanahan from The Golden Girls.
Look at that Asian guy who holds the world record...
Look at that! Ricky Bobby's gonna try to win the race in reverse.
Look how bad he is in that interview.
Look, I don't know why I'm talking to you, okay? What is it?
Look, I like the baby version the best, do you hear me?
Look, I need to talk to you.
Look, there's nothing to be scared of. It's a new house...
Look. Here, help's coming.
Look. I wanna drive. My arm's fine. So let's get the car off the trailer.
Love that money!
Ls he ever gonna be able to walk again?
Ls it foolish pride, or is it greatness for you?
Ls Ricky passing me in my subconscious?
Ls this some kind of joke? You guys putting me on?
Ls your name, by chance, Ricky Bobby?
Lsn't that cute? With a little pot of gold.
Lt certainly does look delicious.
Lt comes from my heart, that's why.
Lt doesn't hurt being Ricky Bobby. I'm not gonna lie to you.
Lt doesn't matter, Lucius. We're in last place. Relax.
Lt happens all the time. Read a comic book, okay?
Lt is a sign of friendship in many countries.
Lt is who you were born to be.
Lt looks like neither Girard or Bobby will finish this race.
Lt looks like the NASCAR has gone French.
Lt was a cruel charade.
Lt was completely illegaI and in no way will count, but that was something.
Lt was shit.
Lt was. That was really good.
Lt would be a great time to go to commerciaI break.
Lucius, I got CaI Naughton dead ahead of me.
Lucius, what's he doing? He's everywhere at once.
Ma'am, I don't know what else you want me to say to them.
Ma'am, your husband's not dying.
Mama, we got nowhere to go. Carley and CaI took everything.
Man, he wants this win bad!
Man, he's scary good.
Man, I gotta lay off the peyote.
Man, you got big. How long's it been? Three, four months?
Maybe don't touch it.
McCreedy's. They'll find the hole and build the box.
Me and Ricky, since we were little kids, man.
Me and your mama did it in a Rustler Steak House bathroom when I was 1 7.
Middle. I'll go up to the middle. Let's play some defense!
Mister, these tickets have been waiting for you for a long time.
Monsieur Bobby, by defeating me today...
Monsieur Girard, Ricky Bobby is here to see you.
Motherfucker, what makes you think I care?
Mr. Bobby, come on down here.
Mr. Bobby, there's no smoking in here.
Mr. Bobby, you are magnificent.
Mr. Bobby's very competitive. lf he wants to race, he should race.
Mr. CaI Naughton Jr.
Mr. Dennit, with all due respect
My cousin Pookie just lost a testicle. My dog threw up somebody's finger.
My mama got problems. She just lost her leg.
My name is Jean Girard...
Nancy's sure she's going to get it soon too. And if I'm last....''
Nice jack work, Ricky.
Nice work, guys.
Ninety eight percent of us will die at some point in our lives.
No one plays jazz here at The Pit Stop, okay?
No one seems to have the edge.
No, he's actually passing you. That's happening right now.
No, I don't care what the doctor said, we gotta tell him now.
No, I know, I know. I'm just excited, man!
No, I'm not. Come on. It's gonna be awkward.
No, like, for instance, if I say peanut butter and....
No, ma'am. I haven't seen my daddy in years.
No, no, no, my friend. This way also closed. Not this way.
No, no, Ricky. No blindfold.
No, not at all. lt means it's all in his mind.
No, once was good. Once was good.
No, she's gonna be 88 and....
No!
No! Because then everyone would know I really meant crepes.
No! I honestly did not know that!
No. It's just exciting that we're trying things like that.
No. Never again.
Not a lot of room. He's in the wall!
Not even close.
Nothing hones your mind and your instincts like necessity.
Nothing hones your mind and your instincts like necessity.
Now let's go to John Hannafin, in the stands with a country music legend.
Now there's some stock I'd like to get my hands on.
Now we shall dance, and yes, it will be a slow jam.
Now you're about to get Tasered.
Now, I am declaring Granny Law.
Now, I don't know who he conned into letting him start this race.
Now, I suggest you and your wife, Mrs. Jim Beam...
Now, is there anyone out there who wants to go fast? Anybody?
Now, that's a teammate right there.
Now, that's one of the nastiest wrecks you'll ever see.
Now, the way I figure it, you got about two minutes...
Now, the way I figure it, you got about two minutes...
Now, where you going?
Now, you show me the DNA test...
Now, you watch yourself.
Oh, baby. Mama loves you so much.
Oh, come on.
Oh, God, help me!
Oh, God! Please don't let the invisible fire burn my friend!
Oh, God.
Oh, God. So fast.
Oh, hey there, Ricky. Look, son...
Oh, hey, Ricky.
Oh, I gave that up. Yeah, I gave that up...
Oh, I get it. Moral ambiguity.
Oh, I love when them cars whiz by.
Oh, I'm sorry, I thought someone had told you. He's fine.
Oh, Lord.
Oh, man, I'm flying.
Oh, man, this is absolutely crazy. I mean, this is borderline reckless.
Oh, man.
Oh, my God, they're racing each other on foot.
Oh, my God! Help me! I don't wanna die! Stop, drop, and roll!
Oh, my God! Oh, my God, I can't believe it!
Oh, my God! Ricky!
Oh, no, no, no.
Oh, no.
Oh, Ricky Bobby.
Oh, well, there's strikes two and three right there.
Oh, wow, you definitely
Oh, yeah, that's a really good point.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Richard!
Oh, yeah. You know what I'm talking about.
Okay, Glenn.
Okay, here we go. I'm getting in.
Okay, I am a semi professional racecar driver...
Okay, I guess they are my grandkids.
Okay, I guess they are my grandkids.
Okay, I'm starting to get sick.
Okay, kids, that's enough. We're gonna move on to Brennan.
Okay, let's give him a round of applause. Thank you.
Okay, maybe we give this another day.
Okay, okay, maybe don't interrupt me.
Okay, that's fine. Go ahead, find a seat. Can we get these guys something?
Okay, that's it. Bye.
Okay, yeah, well, that someone else's junk, that used to be my stuff.
Okay, you're starting to creep me out, man.
Okay.
Okay. It's because it's what you love, Ricky.
Okay. Our friendship is done. All right?
One of you turds is about to get smacked in the mouth!
One single plop.
One sixteen. One sixteen!
One, two.... Oh, God.
One, we tried hard. And two, we're still dear friends.
Only Ricky Bobby and Jean Girard got away clean.
Only thing you ever done with your life is make a hot daughter.
Only time will tell if Jean's foray into NASCAR...
Packs of stray dogs that control most of the major cities.
Peaches and cream!
Perverts, you know?
Please don't be worried at the fact I have an erection.
Poor Glenn.
Problems? I don't wanna hear about your damn problems.
Public schools, health care system, giant water parks.
Pull over! Pull over!
Pull over? I'll pull over for you. How about this?
Put a smile on your face? That's the future of Dennit Racing.
Race officials have completed an extensive cleanup of the track.
Really, smarty pants? What did French land give us?
Reese Bobby.
Reese, you just passed the hospital!
Remember when we got kicked out of biology for playing with Matchbox cars?
Ricky Bobby appears to be okay...
Ricky Bobby just had himself a bad day.
Ricky Bobby started this race in the back...
Ricky Bobby was traumatized during the incident.
Ricky Bobby wins it in reverse!
Ricky Bobby with yet another impressive win.
Ricky Bobby, a force to be reckoned with, possibly...
Ricky Bobby, today's big winner. Heck of a win for you today...
Ricky Bobby, who never met a sponsor he wouldn't push...
Ricky Bobby? He's got two first names.
Ricky, first of all, where did you learn to drive like that?
Ricky, man, you gotta cross over the anger bridge.
Ricky, Ricky. He's going, he's going, he's going. Look!
Ricky, the doctor told us...
Ricky, this car is like your Excalibur, the mighty sword King Arthur used...
Ricky, you and l...
Ricky, you've got Brian Wavecrest...
Ricky, your marriage was a hollow shell.
Ricky! Boys! ls everything all right?
Ricky! Ricky! Ricky!
Ricky! Wake
Ricky.
Right now, you do it. You do it!
See you at the track.
See you on the track.
See you, wouldn't wanna be you.
Send that weird man back to lndonesia.
Shake and Bake!
Shake and Bake! Get some!
Shake and Bake?
Shake and Bake.
Shake it before you bake it.
She got mad at me and yelled at me and I pissed in my pants.
She just gave me the 41 1 on the whole deal.
She said, ''No, you're wrong.'' I said, ''You got a lumpy butt.''
She walked straight up to me and grabbed me in the crotch.
She's celebrating. You feel pretty good today, huh?
She's gonna be all right, thank you for asking.
She's very affectionate. She suffered a recent loss
Should I not tell them after 1 4 years of marriage...
Should Ricky Bobby have stayed away from racing?
Shut the fuck up!
Shut up, Chip, or I'll go ape shit on your ass!
Sir, you taste of America.
Slingshot, engage.
So before you can even think about any reaI driving...
So call me back. You know the number.
So get ready for some tricks up these sleeves, all right?
So get ready for some tricks up these sleeves, all right?
So how's the physicaI therapy going?
So I taped a kilo of cocaine underneath the car and called the boys in blue.
So I taped a kilo of cocaine underneath the car and called the boys in blue.
So I want you No, I want you to behave.
So I was talking to Nana on Saturday, and her birthday's coming up...
So now the winner, he was third, he's now number one:
So serious all the time about your big race team.
So when you say psychosomatic, you mean, like...
So why is the song on the jukebox?
So you put a crack in my arm like the crack in the Liberty Bell.
So you're gonna lose to me on purpose?
So, Jean, introduce me to your new teammates.
So, what do you think that story was about?
So, what do you think, Mr. Dennit? He sure can drive.
Someone didn't love you enough when you were little, did they?
Someone get me a beer while I'm here.
Someone made a tape of something dying or something.
Something speciaI about him.''
Son, I'm proud of you.
Son, that was lovely.
Son, you need help.
Sorry, Granny, but you're shit out of luck.
Sorry.
Sorry. Sorry.
Sounds like a good day. Texas Ranger, how about you?
Starting in the rear of the field, underfunded...
Stretch, stretch. Stretch it out.
Supper's ready! Come on, y'all! I've been slaving over this for hours!
Sure. Why?
Sweet Lord. Dennit hired a gay Frenchman as your teammate.
Swiss, Havarti. What was the other one?
Swiss, Havarti. What was the other one?
Talented. Eccentric. Dominating.
Tawny Kitaen. She's really good.
Tell him if he doesn't do it, he's done. That's right, he'll be driving a tour bus.
Tell Ricky I'm on my way.
Tell you what, Ricky, you are truly blessed.
Terry Cheveaux is refusing to drive. One of his crew members...
Thank you for all your power and your grace, dear baby God. Amen.
Thank you, Bacco. Go.
Thank you, Sean. I'm here with one of the greatest country music stars...
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thanks for having us. Today, Talladega, NASCAR's biggest track...
Thanks, Cal. Shake and Bake. You'll be my best friend forever.
Thanks, Daddy. I gotta tell you, I feel good. Heck, you know what?
That boy leaves two tickets for his daddy at every race...
That come race time tomorrow, I'm coming for you, all right?
That doesn't make any sense at all.
That doesn't mean you get to say whatever you wanna say to me.
That phrase is trademarked...
That place actually makes a nice sauce.
That puts the lid right on the jar!
That was a hell of a grace, man. You nailed that like a split hog!
That was one heck of a day, I gotta say.
That's a pretty good compromise.
That's a problem.
That's a shame.
That's all that little bastard wanted, was for you to win.
That's from China.
That's good. That's good fun. That's good fun, Ricky...
That's his old ride, of course.
That's how we do it.
That's it.
That's it. That is it!
That's kind of creepy, ain't it?
That's not a fear thing, it's a trust thing.
That's packs of wild, vicious dogs that are controlling most of....
That's reaI nice. That's one of the nicest things you've ever said.
That's reaI sweet of you, Cal.
That's some nice driving there, cowboy.
That's the greatest thing I ever heard of.
That's the greatest thing I ever heard of.
That's the saddest thing I've ever seen in my life.
That's what I'm saying. My head's all tied up like a pretzel.
That's what's happened. It's over. He's finished.
That's why I'm on the bus. I'm delivering pizzas.
That's why this group right here is the laughingstock of NASCAR.
That's why you should call McCreedy FuneraI Service.
That's you and the car melded together.
The 200,000 fans are on their feet, and the green flag is in the air.
The answer is never!
The Beatles needed the Rolling Stones.
The big story from Talladega:
The car comes to rest in a big cloud of smoke.
The darkness is creeping towards you, whether you know it or not.
The entire field was in that wreck, and we've only got six laps to go.
The greatest generation, my ass.
The hallmark of all early 20th century American fiction.
The hell you talking about, ''my driver''? What are you doing with a gun?
The Magic Man. Now you see me...
The ninjas are trying to get me. The ninjas are trying to get me.
The room's starting to spin reaI fast.
Then I said, ''Wait a minute, I better not sock this guy.
There we go, boy.
There you go, baby. Give him hell.
There you go, little man.
There you go.
There's a kilo of Colombian bam bam under the car. Time to be a man.
There's going to be a croissant I'm going to take away.
There's something I've wanted to tell you for a really long time.
There's your mother flipping driving test.
These are the words that define Jean Girard.
These guys are big money power players.
These kids are my grandchildren, and you are raising them wrong.
These men will not quit.
They are like twins, born from different wombs.
They are terrible boys.
They are the really thin pancakes. It's just a French word for them.
They do everything together. Everything.
They do Pilates together.
They walk, talk, sleep...
They're just trying to help, Ricky. We're a team here.
They're like pancakes, maybe even better.
They're winners. Winners get to do what they want.
Things are gonna get crazy. We're gonna make animaI noises.
Think NAS CAR will black flag him for that.
This ''Shake and Bake,'' it's nonsense.
This is a new era for Dennit Racing, huh?
This is egregious, do you hear me? Egregious!
This is going downhill fast.
This is it. This is how it ends.
This is just dumb. I can't see a thing.
This is like that Whitesnake video where the girI crawls on....
This is the one I was talking about, Ricky Bobby.
This is ugly. This is bad for all of us. Look at that.
This is why you fell in love, don't forget.
This makes us all realize the kind of pressure these drivers are under.
This sticker is dangerous and inconvenient, but I love Fig Newtons.
Though Gregory is no stay at home spouse.
To tame Komodo dragons in Sri Lanka...
Together we are Breeze.
Tom Brokaw is a punk.
Tom Cruise, use your witchcraft on me to get the fire off me!
Tragic.
Trying to get me? Why?
Turn that off right now!
Twenty six miles an hour.
Unbelievable! I love that! That is cool!
Up front, Larry, the surprising French Formula One driver, Jean Girard.
Urging you never to travel to Tijuana.
Very good.
Very nice. Very nice.
Wait a minute, there's something going on on the track down there.
Wait a minute.
Wait, how fast is he going?
Wait. Hold on. Hold on. Just a second. Let me make sure I got this straight.
Walk with me, Ricky Bobby.
Was it not pleasant for you?
Watch the maiI for that invitation to the wedding, because I want you there.
Watch your buns, pal.
Watch, the doors actually open.
We also got the Pet Shop Boys and Seal.
We are no longer friends.
We came up with it.
We created the missionary position.
We don't have any corporate sponsors.
We don't have any fancy team owners.
We go together like Chinese food and chocolate pudding. Let's face it.
We got some lower end sponsors, so it's nothing to shout about...
We got two knives in my leg.
We gotta wiggle it a little bit. That's it. Can you feel that?
We had a Styx cover band and a nacho fountain.
We hope that you can use your baby Jesus powers...
We invented democracy, existentialism...
We just have so much to be thankfuI for.
We just want to take a moment to talk to you about snow blindness in cats.
We like to have a lot of laughs on the racetrack...
We wanted us some wussies...
We were cellmates together, Andy. You got payback coming!
We were up all night working on it. Like I said, a lot of teams gave parts.
We? No, we are not French.
We'd like to thank you for joining us for NBC's coverage of NAS CAR.
We'll use this knife to pry it out. We'll pull it out.
We're American, because you're in America, okay?
We're getting married, Ricky.
We're ready to get back to racing.
We've passed the halfway mark with Ricky Bobby...
Welcome back to Talladega, where the long one continues.
Well, crazy is all we got right now, okay? So do it.
Well, girl, you got some game.
Well, gosh, you look fantastic.
Well, he's driving like a man possessed.
Well, he's just looking at you.
Well, hey there, Ricky. How'd it go?
Well, how about both?
Well, I like the Christmas Jesus best and I'm saying grace.
Well, I like the cougar, but what company is ''M.E.''?
Well, I sure as hell didn't win it for you.
Well, I was mauled by a cougar...
Well, I wish I could've been there for that.
Well, I'll be damned.
Well, if it isn't our old mangy, transient grandfather.
Well, in other news, Ricky Bobby...
Well, let me just quote the late, great Colonel Sanders...
Well, not in ours.
Well, now what the hell am I supposed to do?
Well, Ricky Bobby is not a thinker. Ricky Bobby is a driver.
Well, son, you are looking good behind that wheel.
Well, take a look. Come on, guys.
Well, that is just sick, guys.
Well, that last one's pretty cool.
Well, that's the thing. The doctor said you suffered major trauma...
Well, the teacher asked me what was the capitaI of North Carolina.
Well, they want me to race at Talladega next weekend, but I'm not gonna do it.
Well, this is John Hannafin with Kenny Rogers. And now back to you, Bill.
Well, what do you say we get thrown out of an Applebee's?
Well, what have you given the world...
Well, what? I said, ''With all due respect.''
Well, why didn't someone yell that right away?
Well, you gotta listen to me here, okay?
Well, you tell Mr. Dennit that Ricky Bobby is my best friend.
Well, you're home now, and you got your mama.
Well.... Yeah, this is tough. How would it work?
What are we looking at? ''Julio's thongs for men''?
What are you talking about?
What are you talking about? I lived my whole life based on that.
What began as a day of hope and optimism...
What did you just say?
What did you say? What was that?
What do you care about me or us? You never even met your grandkids.
What do you feel? Tell me what you're feeling.
What do you mean, a visit? This is my house.
What do you think?
What does that do? Does that blow your mind? That just happened!
What does that mean? lt makes no sense!
What happened last week was very regrettable and unfortunate...
What happened? He's done. He's done.
What in the hell is he doing, guys? Get him off of me.
What is that, a catch phrase or is that epilepsy?
What is wrong with you?
What the hell are you talking about?
What the hell?! There's a goddamn cougar in the car!
What were those things? Were those the other cars?
What you told me that day at schooI for career day.
What?
What?
What?
What's ''Diablo'' mean?
What's gonna happen to me?
What's she doing exercising at 2:30 in the morning?
What's that got to do with this?
What's the Highlander?
What's up, Cal? You ready for a little Shake and Bake age?
Whatever his name is, let's get him over here.
When you have the stereo on at the same time as the TV...
When you say grace, say it to grownup Jesus, teenage Jesus...
When you work on your mysterious lady part stuff...
Where are the boys at?
Where are you going?
Where are you, Ricky Bobby? Come face your destroyer!
Where are you?
Where did stock car racing come from?
Where did you think of that?
Where is that Frenchy?
Where's Cal? I need a little support here!
Who did you win that race for?
Who if you were to rate her ass on 1 00, it would easily be a 94.
Why am I still talking to you?
Why did you stop the jazz music?
Why do you want me to break your arm so badly?
Why do you want to listen to the TV with the stereo on?
Why don't you boys go dig a hole and I'll get another beer?
Why don't you boys go dig a hole and I'll get another beer?
Why is it that you always fall for people who leave you?
Why would I come to your guys' wedding?
Will you be my Katie Couric?
Wind is kicking up.
With all due respect, Lucius, I'm gonna do some driving.
With all due respect, Mr. Dennit...
Without me on the track?
Won the Nobel Prize for physics back in '93.
Would you stop staring at me like that, Susan? I swear...
Wow, that was cool.
Yeah, but Okay, but if you won...
Yeah, but those are two things that don't really go together.
Yeah, come on, guys!
Yeah, I'm here.
Yeah, I'm in. I'm moving in right now.
Yeah, Lucius, that's crazy.
Yeah, now I'm really feeling it. I feel like the car could drive itself.
Yeah, okay, everything was fine. Thanks, thanks. Great job in the car.
Yeah, Ricky, it's good to be back.
Yeah, shut up, Frank!
Yeah, so, I was thinking, like, while you're resting up and stuff...
Yeah, that ain't gonna happen.
Yeah, that's messed up.
Yeah, yeah, we're doing well.
Yeah, you were going fast.
Yeah!
Yeah!
Yeah! lt rhymes, they're both verbs. It's awesome.
Yeah.
Yeah. I'm Ricky Bobby. I mean, you know how I play it.
Yep. I'm flying through the air. This is not good.
Yep. Yeah, I think.... I guess things are...
Yes, he does. Get yourselves down there.
Yes, of course, a fromage crepe.
Yes, sir.
Yes, sir. I'm sorry. I promise it won't happen again.
Yo, Terry. Terry, we got the caution. Bring it in for a pit. Let's work on it.
You are fast, Ricky Bobby...
You are not the one to defeat me.
You are now mocking me and making me look ridiculous.
You are ready to walk away...
You better shut up or I'll come over there and rip a hole in that tent.
You came in and you said, ''lf you ain't first, you're last.''
You come up here.
You crazy creep!
You definitely still got some fight in you.
You don't always have to call him ''baby.''
You don't need any of this crap.
You don't need to think, you need to drive.
You don't stop liking sex when you're old.
You don't understand because you don't understand liberty.
You don't win for anybody else, you win for you. You know why?
You ever hear of that TV show Manimal?
You got the gift. Always remember, if you ain't first, you're last.
You got three pizzas that haven't been eaten just sitting over there.
You gotta be a little more deliberate in your movement.
You gotta feel the road. You gotta let it live inside you.
You gotta win to get love. Everyone knows that.
You guys heard it.
You have live rabbits being pooped out onto a track?
You have spilled my macchiato.
You just Sometimes things click.
You just broke my bro's arm.
You just crudely pasted your face over mine.
You just lost your wife. You just lost your job.
You know how much that costs us in sponsorship dollars?
You know what we should do?
You know what, Ricky?
You know what? No. Because I still hate you, okay?
You know what? We better hightaiI it out of here. Frank's gonna be pissed.
You know what's in the crepe suzette?
You know who's gonna be number one at Dennit Racing?
You know, I just I hate to be a pain, darling...
You know, I put on the skirt and the four inch heels, man.
You know, I'm just a big, hairy, American winning machine.
You know, Larry, there's good days in racing, and there's bad days.
You know, Larry, there's good days in racing, and there's bad days.
You know, like a nice one.
You know, the 69 with the head near the That bit.
You must decide, Ricky Bobby.
You need speed. You need to go out there, and you need to rev your engine.
You need to grab hold of the line between speed and chaos...
You people shut the hell up! I got a wife in an oxygen tent trying to sleep.
You probably didn't hear about it...
You say you're French?
You see, this is what I'm talking about.
You sick sons of bitches!
You sound like a dog with peanut butter on the roof of your mouth.
You wanna see what my life is?!
You want more examples?
You want to make this out to Charlotte?
You won the Talladega 500, all right?
You won't find another rack like that, I guarantee.
You'll never see anything like that in a hundred lifetimes.
You're a sweetie pie.
You're a tough man to find. You know that, buster?
You're doing great. You just keep it up. Keep it up.
You're hanging out at your mom's. That's awesome.
You're not on fire.
You're not very focused right now. I need you to focus.
You're right. I was a totaI dick, man.
You're saying if I just calm down, the cougar will be okay?
You're stuck on an anger bridge.
You're wrecking my life!
Your injury is one of ignorance and pride.
Your teacher wants you to go slow, and she's wrong...
his job is like as a prison guard.
that I have accrued over this past season.
that idea ain't worth a velvet painting of a whale and a dolphin getting it on.
Wake up, idiot! You wanna know what I am?!
Wake up, idiot! You wanna know what I am?!
you're gonna get over it and be my best man.
...and I know you wanna win that thing. No, I don't.
...and lemon juice, Grand Marnier. Sugar and lemon juice.
...as I held him. Oh, man.
...how am I gonna win? Yeah.
...like retarded gangbangers. Amen.
...like your know it all teacher here. Okay, I think that's enough.
...maybe you could let me win a few. Well, there you go.
...pawing at the air.... He was a man. He had a beard.
...then they started racing each other. That's right.
''Cross over the anger bridge''? Yeah, that's where you're at.
Absolutely. We're gonna do that. So, what if you just said:
Adorable. Make yourselves at home...
After the race? Yeah.
All right. I'll talk to you tomorrow. All right, man. Talk to you tomorrow.
Amen. Amen.
Anarchy! I don't even know what that means...
Anarchy! Anarchy! Anarchy!
And no sudden moves. Like, is this too fast? Oh, man. See?
Any good? Very good.
Appreciate it. Hey, good luck today. Thanks.
Are you feeling anything now? I'm feeling a little bit.
Are you ready? Yeah. No, wait.
Are you serious? Amazing. Six different kinds.
Back there is.... You have beautifuI teeth.
Be back to check on you in a minute. Thank you.
Beer money, huh? There you go. Yes.
Bingo. Nice.
But I ain't calling you Daddy. Well, what you gonna call me?
Bye, kids. I'll see you next weekend. Bye.
CaI Naughton! CaI Naughton. Oh, my God.
CaI Naughton. Hey...
Cal, I love you. Ricky? Ricky! Oh, God!
Can I just have a little refresher? Of course, baby.
Can you feel it? I can!
Carley, come back here. Yes, Susie Q?
Cheers. Yeah.
Chimichanga. Mexican.
Chinese food? Chinese food.
Come back at him. It's the only way. Who are you?
Come on, baby. I love you.
Come on, man! Yeah, Ricky. Okay.
Come on! Bobby moves to the outside.
Come on. Man, I'm sorry about Carley.
Could you do that for me? Yes, sir.
Dad! Hey there, boy!
Dad! Why are you doing this? Applebee's has rats!
Damn. Like I said, work in progress.
Dolly, it's so good. Oh, it's really, really good.
Don't know what I was thinking. Besides...
Don't say it. Yeah. I'm not gonna say it.
Don't tell the other drivers. I'm not gonna tell anyone.
Give me that thing. Cal, you're number one!
Good one, kiddo. What the hell's going on?
Gouda. Cheddar, Gouda.
Guess how fast we're going now. I don't care, I'm having a baby!
He just lost his muscle controI is all. I lost my muscle control.
He's always crying! Tough love, it is. Tough love.
He's gonna be great. Yep. He's gonna be great, sure.
Hello? Hey, man. You up?
Hey, baby. Hey.
Hey, baby. You guys are so smooth. Thanks, darling.
Hey, buddy. Naughton Jr. is letting Ricky Bobby...
Hey, Daddy. Well, hello, Reese.
Hey, Dale. Hey, can I get your autograph?
Hey, I'm Ricky Bobby. And I'm CaI Naughton Jr.
Hey, I'm Ricky Bobby. And I'm CaI Naughton Jr.
Hey, Jarvis! Go ahead, Cal.
Hey, one more thing. Yeah?
Hey, Ricky, I'll call you tomorrow. Shut up.
Hey, Ricky. Carley! Hey, baby.
Hey, shut up! ldiot!
Hey, Stephen. Hey, Ricky.
Hey, stop doing that. How did stock car racing get its start?
Hey. What?
Hi. Those plates are hot. Enjoy. You got your own skillet.
How so? Well, check it out.
Hustle up, hustle up. Hey, man!
I appreciate it. Let's see what's under the hood.
I can help you with that, son. Really?
I close my Do you hear me? Never ever!
I didn't say it! No, you did not.
I don't know. But before I can do that...
I don't want to know. That's news to me.
I gotta get going! Go, go!
I gotta go check on cuckoo bird. No, cuckoo's okay.
I gotta take a piss. Go, go, go!
I hate you! Hey, Ricky.
I just started pressing stuff. Hey, don't press all those buttons.
I know he's a son of a bitch. He's scary.
I let that go that day. Yeah, I remember.
I lost all muscle control. Yeah, you did.
I mean, but that was for the team. No, that's cool. That's cool, I know.
I said, ''Wait till after the race.'' Was he crying?
I see you. Glenn, what did I say?
I think I touched a nerve. Right there.
I think you'd have a good time. How's everybody doing here?
I'd eat my way out from the inside. They are tasty.
I'm a veteran and a diabetic! Dad!
I'm not gonna say it. Good.
I'm on fire. I don't wanna die. Come back here.
I'm saying, think about it. They come with cheese sometimes?
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to. Yeah, well, I think you did mean to...
I'm the Magic Man now. Okay? Yeah, I know.
It's like a tractor beam of hotness. I know.
It's none of my business. More like...
It's okay, baby. Take it easy.
It's on. Come here. Come here.
Jelly? You like to put jelly on a lady?
Just look at him. No, I'm not lying.
Just relax, man. Good night.
Ladies, right? Yep.
Let's sell these bitches, huh? Hell, yeah.
Like, she likes afghans and quilts. She's probably got a million of those.
Liquid cheese? lt cascaded down? Yeah.
ln a ladies' room? Shut up in here! I'm trying to sleep!
Look at them buns. Well, that is a set of buns.
Looks good, damn good. Yeah. That's good, guys.
ls that right? Yeah.
lt has nothing to do with you. Hey, come on.
lt is dumb. Why is it dumb?
lt sure as heck does. No, it doesn't.
lt won the Academy Award. Oh, for what?
Lucius, what the hell is going on? The man can drive.
Mama! Mama! No, Ricky, no.
Man! Hold on, hold on.
May God be with you. Yeah.
Maybe one more? Oh, boys.
My God, I love those. Put any syrups you want on them.
Nice denim shorts, dude. Hey, shut up, man.
Nice to meet you. Over here...
No, jelly. Am I right?
No, no, no! No, he needs to know! Getting a little rough on him.
No, no, you're not on fire. Stretch it out.
No, you listed like 8000. Less than that.
No. Wake up. I need to talk to you.
None. Exactly.
Not Ricky? I'm gonna windmill you.
Now we got two in there. Just don't think about it.
Number one. No.
Oh, baby, that is a good one. Hey, what are you doing?
Oh, God, I'm gonna get sick. Oh, God.
Oh, he's in his underwear again. Ricky! Please put your clothes on.
Oh, I love the crepe suzette. With the sugar...
Oh, man! Sometime today, son.
Oh, my ! Walk it off.
Oh, my ! Walk it off.
Oh, my God. What happened?
Oh, Nana, not my prison shank. ln the can.
Oh, really? Quiet.
Oh, really? That Shake and Bake is dead.
Oh, shit. That's a foul! That's a foul!
Oh, yeah, yeah. He's doing quite well.
Oh, yes, ma'am. Ricky! Come on, man!
Okay, but I think he might be stuck. Grab onto something. Ready?
Okay, Reese. Grandfather...
Okay, then! I'm in there with you!
Our house. Our house. Our house, yeah.
Pizza. ltaly.
Put on You got your TV on? Well, yeah, I fell asleep with it on.
Really? Yeah, it's great. It's great.
Really? Yes!
Really? Yes.
Ricky! Cool!
Ricky! ControI your heart rate. Oh, my God!
Ricky? Hey, Mr. Dennit.
Right. ...but I'm here to party too.''
Right. They are God's most...
Say hello to Dr. Watts. Get him, Cal.
See you when you're grown up. Dad! Come back, Dad!
Shake and Bake in full effect. It's always been like that.
Shake and Bake. Shake and Bake. What?
Shake.... And bake!
She already wasted? Celebrating.
Son! Son, did this go good? No!
Sorry. Sorry. Get out of the road!
Sure. Who do I make this out to? It's for me. I think you're awesome.
Susie Q, are those real? Yeah.
Tactics? Yeah. I'm gonna keep acting tough...
Talladega. Talladega.
Ten years. Ten years?
Thank you. And I know you won the race...
Thank you. I mean, you've always looked good.
Thanks for the lift, Hershell. Yeah, no problem.
Thanks, buddy. So when do I get to drive again?
That is a fair compromise. Very fair, actually.
That make you happy? I'm just thrilled, Mr. Dennit.
That sound like a good idea? You read my mind, son.
That would be great. And I would be delighted, Reese...
That's a great idea, Mama. And order the same stuff.
That's a little quick. You see what he did?
That's absolutely ridiculous, man. Ricky...
That's awesome. I know.
That's dumb. It's not dumb.
That's our nickname. Get used to hearing it.
That's right, Powerade's number one. Not just for hydration, for vitamin.
That's, like, the opposite of awesome. Well, this is like a hotel room...
There she is. Looks like the Pep Boys threw up.
There they are. What in tarnation?
There's nothing wrong with silver. Nothing wrong with silver at all.
These two are two in a million. I am.
Things were going good, weren't they? That's exactly why I had to blow it up.
Think about it. No, I was thinking about it.
This is awesome. Yes, it is.
This is not my dad This is my team Used to love it when I used to win.
Those are three pretty good things. Hey.
Tomorrow you'll be in trouble. I'll rip you a new one.
Tuesday night? It's a lot of fun.
Turn on channel 42. Forty two?
Wait a minute! It's CaI Naughton.
We gotta tell him. Now?
We'll see you on down the road. Yeah.
We're going down a bad path. Cut around the meat.
Well, no, he didn't live. He didn't live?
Well, yes or no? That's sick.
What a lovely meal. lt sure is.
What are you doing? Can't believe it. Now I've seen it all.
What are you looking at, Popeye? Shut up, you little pot licker.
What are you so mad about? What do you think I'm mad about?
What did you just say? I said, I'm your daddy.
What did you say his name was again? His name is Ricky. Ricky Bobby.
What do you think of the race so far? It's good. They're going really fast.
What in the hell? That is it!
What the hell are you talking about? My husband, Gregory, and l...
What the hell are you talking about? ReaI simple, son.
What? A guy to have sex with her.
What? I'm sorry.
What? Nothing.
What?! I know it...
What's going on, man? Ricky, let him go!
What's going on? Soon you will know what it is like...
Who cares? But this is my life. This is my life.
Why so down? Ricky...
Why would you do that? Because I've really moved on.
Why? What do you mean, ''Why?''
With the claws. With the claws and the beak.
Work this thing out. That's right.
Would CaI move out? Yep, gone.
Yay! Two Christmases! Yay! Two Christmases!
Yeah, and it turns out it's Jesus. Yeah.
Yeah, I don't think so. Really?
Yeah, I feel that. You are back!
Yeah! Hey, man!
Yeah! Who's retarded now?
Yeah! Yeah. Turn up the heat.
Yeah. First or last, right, baby?
Yeah. Good luck, weirdoes.
Yeah. Hey, what are you doing after this?
Yeah. What else? A little bit of heat.
Yes, ma'am. Okay.
You all paid up on that? Yeah. That's all paid in full.
You can cuss at Applebee's. Everybody pile in.
You did good. Thanks, Mama.
You got hair on your peaches or what? You're not kidding, are you? Man.
You got it. Damn it. Okay.
You have a good lunch. Take care, man.
You missed me at the wedding? Oh, man, it was so classy.
You seen Cal? He's somewhere around here.
You wanna see what's going on here? Don't you stick that knife in your leg.
You're about to find out. Okay.
You're lucky. I'm lucky?
You're lying! I'm on fire! There is no fire.
You're not on fire, Ricky Bobby! I'm on fire!
...a reaI legend, Larry Bird.
...a statement of fact and in no way a comment...
...a whole mess of cocktails, get drunk and work this thing out.
...an overall points championship, something you apparently...
...and a duffle bag full of underwear, and sweet, stinky weed.
...and he does interpretive ice dances of my life's journey.
...and he just flings magic stuff out the window.
...and he never shows up.
...and he thinks you should take it slow for a while.
...and I also think that you meant to put the damn onions on my steak.
...and I am a racing car driver just like you...
...and I did it.
...and I never gave you your due. lt was my fault.
...and it cools you off on a hot summer day.
...and it's about that summer when you went away to community college.
...and now he wants to get to know me?
...and now he's right behind Girard, but Girard's gonna block the track.
...and of course, my red hot smoking wife, Carley...
...and sit at this table, and have a family meal.
...and teach them to perform Hamlet.
...and tell us life lessons and stories about your childhood?
...and that is the vibrations from the cars.
...and the always delicious Taco Bell.
...and the blowjob.
...and the last time we saw him, he caused a big crash.
...and the new dog, the encroaching industrialization of the North?
...and then maybe I'll say hello to these swamp rats.
...and they have their legs taken away!
...and this car, and this cougar...
...and this crowd of over 1 80,000 is enjoying one heck of a day.
...and what better gift to give a loved one...
...and with a tear coming out his eyes, he said, ''Tell Ricky, win for me.''
...and you know that fear is powerful because it has been there...
...and you need to wrestle it to the ground like a demon cobra.
...and, as a gesture, I would like to...
...apart from George Bush, Cheerios, and the ThighMaster?
...as a way of getting back at him...
...as we get ready for trophy time here...
...at a place that's reaI special.
...at the Talladega Superspeedway.
...bearded Jesus, whoever you want.
...beautifuI mistake.
...because I got strep throat.
...because I went under the name of Mike Honcho.
...because I'm gonna slip out of it right now. Houdini.
...because it says, like, ''I wanna be formal...
...because it's just you out there.
...because it's the fastest who gets paid and it's the fastest who gets laid.
...before they show up and you do five to 1 0.
...before they show up and you do five to 1 0.
...but he's making no friends on the way to the front.
...but I am a man of my word.
...but I asked for no onions on my Bourbon Steak.
...but I don't know what to get her. She's gonna be 88.
...but I just heard from Dennit.
...but I love it!
...but I saw what happened to you on the television. You saw the fear.
...but it seems as if you either win or crash the car trying to win.
...but just let me help you as a man.
...but that doesn't bother me anymore because Jean is the future...
...but that Wonder Bread car is toast.
...but they keep sending me different delivery people.
...but this is the longest one I've ever seen.
...but today we wanna talk about something serious:
...but you're not gonna live forever.
...but your daddy used to be a reaI charmer.
...but, Ricky, you can walk.
...can't we resolve this conflict without anger?
...Dennit Jr. must be freaking out. All the money he's losing?
...draft up to him to make that slingshot move past McMurray.
...driver of the number 55 Perrier car...
...even go make toilet.
...even though it was weird and perverse.
...except I am from Formula Un.
...following an exciting running of the Talladega 500.
...for billions of years! And it is good, and you use it, and you ride it.
...for bringing back our nasty, delinquent, pot dealing daddy to us.
...for making you come in second all those years.
...for Ricky Bobby and his race team has ended here in sad disappointment.
...for the girI who forgets to get your dry cleaning?
...from FHM magazine's number seven hottest ass...
...from my driver.
...handicap accessible van...
...has a Fig Newton sticker on his windshield.
...has taken the wheel.
...have no interest in. He's gonna usher in a new era.
...he could start a fire with his thoughts?
...how come the water level drops in the spa?
...how do you controI the volume on the TV?
...I don't know, between five and 1 0.
...I had no idea you had experimental surgery to have your balls removed.
...I have come here to defeat you.
...I just wanna say that Powerade is delicious...
...I just went out there and drove.
...I know you don't want me to be here...
...I mean, it's not crazy to think I can't live to be 2 45, maybe 300.
...I must be beaten by a driver who's truly better than me.
...I will paint your back porch red.
...I will return to Paris and you will never see me again in NASCAR.
...I'm naming CaI Naughton Jr. as the driver.
...if you smell a delicious, crispy smell after the race...
...if you would accompany me to ballroom dancing on Tuesday nights.
...in your golden fleece diapers, with your tiny, little, fat, balled up fists...
...is Breeze.
...is Dick Tangfield from Dynacorp.
...is going to be running some test laps this weekend at Rockingham...
...is I just gotta have a sit down with Carley and just let her know...
...is you don't listen to losers...
...is your little obscene gesture's gonna cost you 1 00 points.
...it would be really awesome if, like, you could slingshot me in for a win.
...it's Magic Man...
...it's not your tailpipe, it's a little bit...
...Jesus did grow up.
...just a little infant and so cuddly, but still omnipotent...
...just looking at your Baby Einstein developmentaI videos...
...just pretty much perfect right now.
...learned nothing about driving, and my CrystaI Gayle shirt was ruined.
...learning about shapes and colors and....
...like some kind of vegetable.
...lying there in your little ghost manger...
...Maypax, the official tampon of NASCAR.
...my boys, my mama, and my lady would love me.
...my two beautiful, beautiful, handsome, striking sons...
...namely, eat you with a smile on its face.
...not to be used without permission of Ricky Bobby lnc.
...now three car lengths behind the leader.
...now you don't.
...number 20 car, myself.
...of all time, Kenny Rogers.
...of delight?
...of shake....
...on the driver's sexuaI orientation.
...on the straightaway. What a shame.
...on your two legs, all fat and cocky...
...or as our brothers to the south call you, Jesus...
...our sponsors are gonna shit a chicken.
...precocious and full of wonderment.
...remember, the field mouse is fast, but the owI sees at night.
...running up my legs.
...so let's take it nice and slow, okay?
...than the Jackhawk 9000?
...that beautifuI death machine will do what God made it to do...
...that I spread my butt cheeks as Mike Honcho.
...that it's okay for her to seek the comfort of other men.
...that some bad stuff happened just now, but in time
...that stipulates I mention Powerade at each grace...
...that was some of the dumbest driving I have ever seen in my life.
...that we should let you work it out in your own sweet time...
...they have officially been disqualified.
...thinking about him whining all the time, bitching and moaning:
...to be defeated by the hands of somebody who is truly better than you.
...to bring together the Knights of the Round Table...
...to heaI him and his horrible leg.
...to talk to y'all about my day to day.
...tomorrow will be war!
...untiI I figure it out. All right?
...untiI Lancelot betrayed him by laying with his queen, in the biblicaI sense.
...Walker and Texas Ranger...
...we both know that this marriage has been over for a long, long time.
...we have to build this engine ourselves.
...we just thank you for all the races I've won and the 2 1 .2 million dollars
...we just want to say to all you other drivers out there...
...we thank you so much for this bountifuI harvest of Domino's, KFC...
...we would've named them Dr. Quinn and Medicine Woman, okay?
...well, we repainted the car.
...what's up, guys? You want some crack?''
...what's up, guys? You want some crack?''
...where he hides in my car in the passenger seat...
...which symbolizes the fear that you have overcome.
...while I got my arm wrapped up like a fricking gordita.
...who are also gay.
...who said, ''I'm too drunk to taste this chicken.''
...who wears, like, a white outfit...
...who's got my back no matter what.
...who's in the stands with an NBA legend, Larry Bird.
...wish only for that which every other couple wishes for:
...with CaI Naughton Jr. finishing second.
...with his beloved husband, Gregory.
...you are scared by anything that is different.
...you are the weirdest little girl I've ever seen.
...you gotta make friends with that fear. So get in the car.
...you guys go take a chill pill. Enjoy the win!
...you might challenge me.
...you should have the right tools too. So that's why you should use...
...you try to take this away from me, I'll sock you in the face.
...you're still afraid to let me see you naked?
...your eyes on Talladega's famed Victory Lane...
''Are you there, God? It's me, Margaret.
''Come face your destroyer''? Listen to how I sound.
''Damn, I wish Ricky was here.''
''Don't touch a one of them. They're mine.''
''Feels good going fast, doesn't it?
''I love crepes.''
''I love really thin pancakes''? That is a fair compromise, no?
''Me'' is you...
''You gotta know when to walk away and know when to run.''

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