Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby (2006) Soundboard Edit

Ah, Ricky Bobby.

All right, fellas. You heard the man. Get the car off. Let's go.

All right, Lucius. Time to let the cougar loose.

All right, now, you boys listen up, and you listen good.

All right.

And Ricky Bobby wins...

And that night in the ladies' room of the Rustler Steak House, he chose me.

And then bake.

And there goes Ricky Bobby on the outside!

Apparently, we've got a situation for the Laughing Clown, number 26 car.

Are you faking it?

Are you prepared to walk away from these pearls..

Bobby is sliding, slamming into the wall.

Bobby's gotten around Naughton...

Bury it deep down in there, and never bring it up again.

But before I can do that....

But he did give you a pretty decent out. But it's your call.

But we all need to go along with this, because he's in a delicate state.

By the way, don't try and snort these Lucky Charms. Reese.''

C'est la vie and que sera, sera.

Cal, do you realize the implications of your actions right now?

Cal?

Come on, come on.

Come on, Daddy!

Come on, man, slingshot it. Slingshot, come on

Come on, son. What's it gonna be?

Damn you, Wavecrest!

Dear Lord baby Jesus...

Did he just say ''husband''?

Did you run any of this by NASCAR?

Don't talk like that.

Duh. But the question is, should the reader feel relief or sadness...

Everybody, this is my husband, Gregory.

Everyone just keep eating.

Fantastic

From now on...

From Provence, France...

From West River, North Carolina..

Get all this crap off you

Get CaI Naughton's crew chief on the radio right away

Get her a coffin.

Get this engine built. Get it built.

Get up here, man. No, you come up here.

Go, go, go! Come on, come on, go!

Go! Go!

Grandpa, would you like to take us fishing...

Hang on, baby Jesus, this is gonna get bumpy

Have you noticed that?

He found that wheelchair in the hallway.

He's got guts. Dennit Racing needs a racer like him.

Hey, Cal, I'm sorry about wrecking you today.

Hey, Cal, you should pay attention. I think he's passing you

Hey, don't bump me.

Hey, I'm sorry, guys. I mean, I hope your boys don't lose their legs.

Hey, just wanted to share a little piece of personaI information with you.

Hey, Ricky, just remember one thing:

Hey, Ricky, listen.

Hey, Ricky!

Hey, Ricky. You know you're driving like a pissed off teenager, okay?

Hey, son.

Hey.

Hey. Hey there, Lucy.

How could you do this to me, man?

How does one get thrown out of Applebee's?

How many more times are you gonna toss me the radio in the bathtub?

I bet it could. Start her up.

I could get used to this winning thing!

I didn't have a whole lot of money left, but what I did I put into the car.

I got something to tell you, you mangy piece of trash.

I guess if I really gotta think about it..

I just wish to hell you had a little more stupid cowboy in you.

I know one thing, Carley was definitely unconscious every time we had sex.

I know there's a cougar, I put it in there.

I know, I'm sorry. It's my fault, I shouldn't have been standing.

I like your driving style. I'm more of a Tony Stewart man...

I love it.

I love you, Cal

I mean, I just laugh...

I prefer solitude the day before a race.

I saw Ricky Bobby last night walking around with a cast on his arm.

I took you for granted, Cal, and you were a really good friend to me...

I'm not gonna be your best man!

I'm sorry, Ricky. We were just trying to give you a little extra motivation.

I'm through lying to myself, you know?

I've always had a lot of great ideas.

I've got some big investors coming by.

I've seen a lot of big crashes at Talladega...

It's a movie.

It's all there for you.

It's reaI nice. I got it at Target. It's on sale.

Jamie, losing's never fun, but here's something to pick your spirits up.

Jean Girard started from the pole and is out to a big lead.

Just want you to know, I got your back, bro. No matter what.

Let's go back to our John Hannafin...

Let's go out tonight, you know, the whole family.

Let's see what we got, guys.

Lf I win, I might do a speciaI thing with David Copperfield...

Lf you ain't first, you're last.

Lf you slept with your best friend's wife...

Like I said, I lost my license. I've been having a lot of problems lately.

Look, Ricky, early word out of NASCAR...

Look. Here's the deal. I came here to tell you one thing.

Looking good. Yes, come on.

Ls it, Ricky?

Lt hurts so bad I'm choking on my own spit.

Lt is, isn't it?

Lt might poop out little reaI rabbits out the back that'll run around the track.

Makes his move. Naughton's giving him plenty of room.

Maybe subconsciously you slept with Ricky's wife...

NAS CAR on Fox welcomes you to Lowe's Motor Speedway...

No, I don't know what that means. I guess, longer life.

No, it's me, it's me, Susan, your assistant.

No, no! Jean Girard and Ricky Bobby have wrecked in the last lap...

Oh, gooder than grits.

Oh, hell, Ricky, I was high when I said that.

Oh, man. Oh, man!

Okay, I'm really gonna open it up!

Okay, next up is Ricky Bobby. Ricky, is your father here?

Okay.

One, two, three!

Please be 1 8.

Prune candy.

Ricky Bobby wins!

Ricky Bobby, in the 6 2 car, on the move.

Ricky, finish the damn grace.

Ricky, you can't race no more.

Ricky!

Set him up that way?

Shake and Bake, buddy!

Shit.

Snap!

So in the wrong!

So why don't you go ahead and break my arm?

So, what's it gonna be? Fear or prison?

Sometimes, when it's late at night, I dress up like Donna Summers.

Son of a bitch, son of a bitch, son of a bitch.

Speed or jail?

Susan, I've never heard you talk like that.

Sweet Jesus.

Thank you. Maybe one together?

That is the stupidest nickname I've ever heard.

That's my boy, Ricky!

The big stories tonight are at both ends of the grid.

The human heart is such a mystery.

The wedding's not for a couple of weeks.

There's nothing sexuaI about it

There's something I want to get off my chest..

They got bottomless nachos at Bennigan's

They read the same books.

They touch! They spin!

This is how Shake and Bake ends.

This is my dear old friend Elvis Costello.

Tickets, right here, 60 bucks a pop.

To try to bounce back after a devastating, violent wreck.

Up on top!

We go together like cocaine and waffles.

We have a guy in the race today that'll probably cause it, Ricky Bobby.

We keep it on there for profiling purposes.

We make the rules, not you.

We're really happy with what was going on.

Well said, grandson. Take that as a compliment.

Well, basically, what happened to you is that you saw the fear.

Well, Dick, here's the deal. I'm the best there is, plain and simple.

Well, I was thinking more along the line of....

Well, kiss my ass on Sunday.

Well, that, of course, was not Kenny Rogers.

Well, that's the million dollar question, isn't it?

Well, welcome to America, amigo

What about the time you ran over my leg with a car?

What is that?

What's ''implication'' mean?

Who needs two? I got tickets!

Why don't you get over there and settle down Carley for me?

Yeah, sure do. You know I do, Ricky. Got them right here, buddy.

Yeah!

Yeah! Yeah!

Yeah. Just like that. What's her name?

You don't understand freedom.

You gotta learn to drive with the fear.

You know what I mean?

You know what I want?

You know what? There's only one good thing about coming to the races...

You know, just to put this in there, I had a whole mess of crepes this morning.

You know, my old boyfriend Greg?

You need to fire it up.

You people are in the wrong on this one!

You probably couldn't tell by looking at him now...

You ride it like a skeleton horse through the gates of hell...

You taste good too.

You tell CaI Naughton to take Ricky Bobby out.

You're gonna break us like wild horses, ain't you?

You're just like me. Talladega's coming up in a couple of weeks...

You're my best friend! You're my best friend!

You're not gonna wanna wash that forehead.

so she's a little emotional

...grab something to eat, over here.... Sweetheart, sweetheart.

...then I'm coming back, all right? This is the bottom line.

...why would he apologize to you? Yeah, I know. That's weird

...you're talking out there. Damn the torpedoes!

All right, way to go. Go, way to go.

Amen. Amen.

And it's Shake and Bake time. Cal, I don't like the way...

Are they the really thin pancakes? Yeah.

Are you climbing on the table now? Yes, sir.

Cal! Put me down.

Calm. Piece of cake. I was just trying to stay calm.

Come on. Screw you, dude. I'm hanging up.

Do it, Dad. Get your balls back. Go fast again.

God, where'd you get that thing? I trapped it.

Goodbye, Ricky. Goodbye.

He actually did it! All right. You did it. Back off.

Hold on, now. Walk it off. Oh, that hurts.

How much more of this? I don't know.

I love you, bro. I love you too.

I miss the Hummer. I'm coming in the Hummer.

It's so good. It's so good. I got a new nickname.

Look at that. What are we gonna do?

lt fires me up. I love it. Say it one more time.

lt got a little heated, but.... Stop talking to me!

No. No?

Not again! No go. No go! It's stuck. It's stuck.

Now get back in that car, you hear me? No, I'm not getting in that car.

Ricky! Come on, Dad!

Seems to me like it went pretty good. You're not my dad.

Shake and Bake! Doesn't that feel good?

Shake and Bake! Terry, it's all on you, bro. You go.

She's crazy. Oh, thank you.

She's great. She's fantastic.

That's it. Another one. Another one. All right, man. We did it!

The baby's coming, he's coming now! All right, all right, hold on

There you go. Yeah! Right?

Well, I mean it. Stop, you're gonna make me cry.

Yeah, I know. Yeah. Hey! I love you!

Yeah! That's Ricky, baby!

Yeah. Yeah?

You are pizza? Yeah, we are pizza. I gotta say it.

You happy? I'm very happy.

You hear? You wanna hang out in your house.

You're safe. We got you. We're here.

You're welcome. Ricky Bobby...

...after maybe the first day. Within the first hour, I gave that up.

...and an amateur tattoo artist.

...and EI Diablo.

...and I was totally nude, and it was weird.

...and looking at me in my chair, and you tell me it's all in my head?

...and take over my shift at the pizza place...

...and take the phone off the hook because it's race day here...

...and then you win! You win!

...and, well, dipping his wick in anything that moves.

...at the passing of the old South?

...because I'm getting to drive a racecar!

...because this is one of the most awesome experiences of my life...

...but at least we got something to run in

...but first I want you to say:

...but I am faster.

...don't even know a word yet...

...driver of the number 47 Old Spice car...

...for eating all those hot dogs in a row.

...for your loved ones to deaI with ain't cool.

...in an attempt to come back from his grisly crash.

...in the near future.

...Jean Girard.

...or T.R., as we call him...

...shoot. I'm so sorry.

...sign your cast, please.

...so I'm hoping to hear back.

...that makes them act right, but I was born without it. I'm no good.

...the guy that replaced you at Dennit, dead ahead.

...there's a lot of creaks and moans and groans in it.

...to try to show he can still get the job done.

...we were up all night working on the car.

...what it's like to manage a Waffle House.

...where the big concern is the big wreck

...where tonight we'll go 500 miles.

...who is a stone cold fox.

...who's been like a son to me, only better...

...will end up in Victory Lane.

...with someone else's junk in it.

...with the captain's chairs and the DVD plasma screens in the back for the kids.

...with, like, a angel band.

...you have set me free.

''You're first or last.'' You can be second, you can be third, fourth.