Tropic Thunder (2008) Edit

A G5 airplane?

A Hanoi high five.

A hooker. All right, you killed a hooker.

A panda?

A prop head when I see one.

A sweet, cuddly,

A white dwarf heading for a black hole.

Acting like you some one man GPS!

Action Jackson can't cry. That's what's going down.

Actually, the claim alone would net us more than the movie would lose.

Again.

Ain't no Criss Angel Mindfreak,

Ain't nothing but a thang.

Ain't right.

All ants in your pants, sucking my left nut to get a TiVo scrap

All right, fellas, we're gonna make camp, rest up!

All right, game over. Come on, mate. Come on.

All right, hold up. Chino?

All right, lead's going in. Give her some cover.

All right, man. Hey, how's the TiVo working out?

All right, POW camp, scene 67.

All right, that is a real satellite phone, bro.

All right, that's enough of this insubordination!

All right, that's lunch. Coming back to the same scene afterwards,

All right, who said that? It's not funny.

All right, you get some of those little video type cameras.

All right, you happy now? Can we do the scene?

All right?

All right.

All right. All right.

All right. Give me your hooks.

All right. That's enough.

All right. We're having a…

All the smoke bombs, charges, explosives, detonators you got.

Alpa and I's already wearing earth mama's natural night camo.

Alpa Chino got that pussy control

Alpa Chino!

Alpa Chino's Booty Sweat.

Alpa, do you have any Booty Sweat?

Alpa, if you untie me, I will literally suck your dick right now.

Also in the mix is Booty Sweat hocking hip hop hyphenate Alpa Chino.

Amanda? Come on, dude.

American?

An elite force of the U.S. army

And believe me, gentlemen, it will be glorious.

And claims to know what dude he is…

And Cliffhanger. Cliffhanger's incredible.

And cut!

And get a fucking binding resolution to keep me from fucking destroying you.

And get me Tugg's Tropic Thunder contract.

And get you back on the monkey bars, right?

And go!

And he is dying to tell you why he's apparently wiped his ass

And he was a goddamn war hero. You know any retarded war heroes?

And here's a little message from my Uncle Sam.

And I think he's getting cold feet.

And I think I can spot

And I will be shooting as well, from unseen vantage points,

And I will rain down an ungodly fucking firestorm upon you.

And instead we did this.

And it doesn't look good.

And liberate the POW camp,

And lots of money.

And maybe some crab apples for dessert, now, you hear? Hell, yeah!

And me tickling the ivories.

And Meatball's dago ass bought the six by three farm.

And Meatball's dago ass bought the six by three farm.

And MTV Movie Award Best Kiss winner Tobey Maguire.

And no one gets to go home till we get the shots.

And no one saw it coming three more times!

And now that's added a balance, and the audience can connect.

And rehearsal.

And screaming for their mammies.

And serving up in this whirly bird.

And Simple Jack is the only movie we possess.

And the camera wasn't even rolling.

And the good news.

And the men respect you, 'cause you went to boot camp

And the Oscar goes to…

And then Rambo II, he got all shredded up?

And there's a role in there for you if you come over and untie me.

And they gave it to Crocodile Dundee.

And to be condemned was to die,

And Viet Congs rigged for us along the way.

And we trained actors, motherfucker.

And who here is the key grip? You? You.

And you are not going to fail me.

And you can, no matter what, you can't fucking untie me until it is done,

And you don't need to explain to me why you need TiVo

And you saved Tugg Speedman's career.

And you're asking if I'm serious?

And?

And… you! You can't do what I do.

Another agency?

Anybody else care to give away our position to Charlie?

Anyway, me and the campers from the uncool camp

Are the mechanisms that trigger human emotion.

Are we gonna blow this tree line or what?

Are you fucking kidding me? I'm giving you gold.

Are you gonna talk Vietnamese to those dudes?

Are you okay, Jeff?

Are you really going to abandon this movie?

Are you seeing that?

Are you still crazy? We gotta get Candisky to the chopper!

Are you still dating Jennifer Love Hewitt?

As far as an Andrew Dice Clay vehicle goes, it's pretty decent.

As far as the whole like, man against nature type of movies go,

Ask and you shall receive.

At Alpha Delta two four eight niner, over.

At which point Four Leaf will get himself captured,

At which point we will chopper you home!

At which point you will rescue him,

Back in '98, I did a low budget titty comedy for Skinemax.

Bait, I need bait.

Be here till Chinese New Year waiting for my man to cry.

Because they had one good part in it for a black man

Before I snap your dick off and jam it into your ass?

Big dick playa.

Big dick, baby.

Bingo! Move out.

Bitch whore! Fucking hate you!

Blow some sense into these young men.

Boom! End of story. They hook up the TiVo yet?

Booty Sweat and Bust A Nut bars available at concessions now.

Booty Sweat.

Bring it on, Cockburn!

Bungle in the jungle.

But are we cool?

But he charmed the pants off Nixon, and he won a Ping Pong competition.

But I am dealing with a bunch of primadonnas!

But I have lost an appendage in the line of duty.

But I have lost an appendage in the line of duty.

But I might be your biggest fan. Yeah.

But I think Damien's gonna get some great shit out of us.

But I think Renny Harlin's a tremendous filmmaker

But I want you to know something.

But I will rip your tits off if you don't get me those theaters.

But I'm doing five shows a day for a standing room only crowd.

But I've done a lot more effects driven event films than you. Okay?

But if you think you can poach my client…

But seriously, a nutless monkey could do your job.

But Simple Jack thought he was smart,

But stay alert.

But that's not gonna happen.

But the real heavyweight on the set

But there's no way we make it over that ridge before sundown.

But this head movie makes my eyes rain.

But, you know, Sony, every PlayStation 3 has a Blu ray in it.

By playing other dudes?

Calm down. Here's what you're gonna do.

Can I be tied to another post? Okay.

Can I tell you that I'm sorry

Can we call him back? I've got to have a cast meeting.

Cancel it.

Captain Simple Jack.

Cell phones!

Chalk Three's taking fire. Guns right, guns right.

Chill! All right? Just chill it.

Clowns! Tugg Speedman, he can't cry! He can't cry!

Cody! We gotta go!

Come on, come on, come on.

Come on, come on!

Come on, dude. You more shredded than a julienne salad, man.

Come on, fellas, we really need to go.

Come on, get down, get down!

Come on, good. You want to keep going?

Come on, Leaf, let's boogie!

Come on, let's bag and tag the bastard and get back to the hotel.

Come on, let's get, let's go! Come on, elevator up, up!

Come on, let's go.

Come on, man.

Come on, men. Let's get home.

Come on, Sarge. Stop jiving. Four Leaf is there.

Come on, what are you guys doing? Let's get out of here!

Come on, you damn dirty heathens!

Come on!

Come on! Come on! Come on! Let's go! Let's go!

Come on! Get in the chopper!

Come on. Six motherfucking VMAs, baby.

Cool.

Count toothpicks, cheat at cards. Autistic, sure. Not retarded.

Cover me, you limp dick fuckups!

Cover me!

Crazy's better than nothing.

Crisis meeting? What does that mean, exactly?

Currently generates $2 million a year

D Rod, D Rod, this is Puddingface. How are we coming on that hotplate?

D'ang Kwook River.

Daggomit, Blamtucky, I ain't re programming a VCR.

Damien, cut!

Damien, we're go for explosion.

Damien, we're go for explosion.

Damien, we're go for explosion.

Damien, what's the dealy, dude?

Damn it. F.L. Tayback lies to me and the whole goddamn U.S. of A.

Damn! I thought the movie was bad.

Dang. Short bus is taking some real hits.

David Blaine trapdoor horseshit jumping off here!

Delivery on five. I repeat, delivery on five.

Did you make this whole goddamn thing up?

Did you need another revenue stream?

Didn't anyone read the script? This is the ambush!

Didn't your dog have, like, leukemia or something

Die in the jungle, alone, for some money and a G5?

Die!

Diet Coke!

Dieter, these jets are about to crest this ridge line.

Do not re gift.

Do you copy?

Do you want to die?

Does he wanna come with us?

Don't count him out! That bastard's got luck tattooed to his ass!

Don't dawdle now!

Don't do it! Don't touch that gun!

Don't ignore me!

Don't judge me!

Don't listen to me! Anything I fucking say is a lie!

Don't look now, you got some real tears going.

Don't move, Matchbox, or I will shoot you.

Don't worry, I'm not gonna put them on again.

Don't you get it?

Don't you get it? He's messing with our heads.

Don't you get it? I already am home.

Don't you get it? I already am home.

Donny! What's up, man?

Driving Miss Daisy, first studio gig.

Driving Miss Daisy, first studio gig.

Dude, dude, what the hell is going on here? Where are we?

Dude, I hope you're not pissed.

Dude, I'm trying to… I got your back, man.

Dude, were you even in the fucking service?

Dude, you all right?

Dustin Hoffman, Rain Man, looked retarded, act retarded, not retarded.

Eight Oscars, $400 million

Enough from the peanut gallery! Into the water, ladies!

Erika, get me a VitaminWater!

Especially knowing how the Academy is about that shit.

Eventually, and I'm talking way, way down the road,

Everybody knows you never go full retard.

Everybody's obviously a little bushed from all this humping.

Everyone, please shut up.

Exactly!

Fake shit!

Fats! Run your motherfucking ass over there,

Fear makes him a man.

Financed by hotheaded mega mogul Les Grossman,

First thing I'm doing is paying my two bucks

First, take a big step back and literally fuck your own face!

Five time Academy Award winner Kirk Lazarus

Floyd, this is lead. Right echelon approach from RP to LZ, acknowledge.

Floyd, Wall Eye airborne. Welcome aboard.

For 400 years,

For 50 million, you will get him back.

For any offense I might've caused, man?

For fuck's sake, that is unacceptable.

For your information, my revenue stream

Four Leaf is still outside the perimeter, Sarge!

Four Leaf, since you're the staff sergeant,

Fresh from his most recent arrest for heroin, glue and crack possession,

From a heavily guarded NVA Prison Camp.

From Fox Searchlight,

From now on, my fist is gonna be so far up your shithole

From Rick.

Fuck it. We'll deal with him later.

Fuck you, Charlie!

Fuck you.

Fuck your do rag. Fuck your do rag.

Fuck, okay. Thank you, Les. Thank you. You have a good night…

Fucking boats, airplanes, UFOs and shit, they all just vanish!

Fucking hell!

Funny, huh?

Gentlemen, I've got good news and bad news.

Get down, fool!

Get down! Get down! Get down!

Get down. Get down! Get down! Chow Yun Fat, get the hell down!

Get it over here, buddy. Let's do this.

Get on that horn and get some firepower, boy!

Get out, you wriggly worms!

Get out, you wriggly worms!

Get over here!

Get that fucking food…

Get the fuck down. That's a whole different dude altogether.

Get them away from their helpers and ass licking assistants.

Get those boys back to the bird, pronto!

Get your hands on some bleach,

Getting our turn at bat.

GI Joe can't cry, don't matter 'cause you ain't got the camera turned on anyway.

Give me the flame thrower. You gotta start the chopper.

Glasses?

Go fuck yourself!

Go get your guys! Get them to the chopper!

Go to town, man! Go to town!

Go, go, go! Get out of the chopper!

Go! He's a lost cause, mate! Get out of here!

God damn it! Okay. Where'd he go?

God damn it! We lost! We fucking super lost, man!

God, and to think I believed in you!

Goddamn shit picking cock!

Good gosh.

Good job, turd. You killed the director.

Good.

Goodbye, Mama!

Got a big job coming up next year.

Got to pick up sticks against another man?

Gotcha.

Gotcha.

Gotta hold on!

Granny!

Great. Let me get this down.

Gross!

Guys! Hey, guys!

Hadn't hooked it up? No TiVo?

Hats off for going there,

He ain't playing God. He's being judged by him.

He die, he probably die a coochless motherfucker.

He does, does he?

He doesn't look too good.

He getting down now.

He needs me. I have to go back to him.

He's got a real serious problem.

He's making a fucking sweater back here.

He's my son. He's my boy!

He's on tilt status.

He's reaching out. We're 10,000 miles away.

He's the head of the studio.

He's trying to get us to act good, save the movie.

He's way out on a limb with this character,

Hell yeah, get it. Get it, Cornbread.

Hell, no, I didn't pee on that girl.

Hell, yeah, do it. V.C. Soldiers doing the hip hop bunny hop, Damien.

Hell, yeah!

Hell, yeah.

Hello, Mr Mantis. You're beautiful.

Hello? Yo, yo, Donny!

Here comes another. There we go. Now what?

Here they come!

Here we go again.

Here we go.

Here.

Here's my motherfucking farm!

Hey, can you help me out, man? I'm looking for this guy.

Hey, Damien, cut!

Hey, Damien! We got our war faces on!

Hey, did you get the gift basket I sent?

Hey, fellas! It's hot! We're tired! It stinks!

Hey, guys, I'm good. I made it through. You can untie me now.

Hey, hey, Alpa.

Hey, how you doing, Jeff?

Hey, I don't want to come off as weird or anything,

Hey, it was an accident, man.

Hey, Leaf!

Hey, Les, I understand if you're angry,

Hey, Linc.

Hey, man, you know how in Rambo I, he was big but a little puffy

Hey, man.

Hey, man.

Hey, Radar? Evans?

Hey, Tuggernuts, I've got you on speakerphone.

Hey, what's going on? For real, my butt is hurting!

Hey, yo, you know what? Speak English. I don't speak that stuff.

Hey, you guys. Anybody got some bug spray?

Hey! Hey, you!

Hey! I want you to know something.

Hey! You wanna get on the train here, or do you wanna ruin another take?

Hey. I didn't mean to show you up back there.

Hey. Look, I know you're a big fan, and that's great…

Hey. You see that Access Hollywood piece?

Hilarious! Hilarious!

Hit that director in the face, really fucking hard.

Hit the plunger

Hold my hands,

Hold on, Four Leaf!

Hold these men off, now!

Hold up now, Jeff.

Holding a cute, cuddly panda from Cutesville.

Holy shit!

Holy shit!

Home?

Horrible. Lazarus started crying.

How about I send you a hobo's dick cheese?

How about it?

How about we all get back to work?

How about you, man?

How do we cover him?

How long are we gonna be gone, anyways?

How many more sleeps before she wakes up again?

How the hell do you know Chinese?

How's it going with that map, chief?

How's the adoption thing coming, buddy?

Hump it up, gentlemen! Single formation.

I ain't never been worth a nothing in this life,

I almost blinded Jamie Lee Curtis on Freaky Friday, okay?

I always wanted to, but I guess I just never had the courage to ask.

I am not

I am talking scorched earth, motherfucker!

I am the set.

I am your brother.

I bet I could collar up some of them greens.

I call on my fellow Americans to come together…

I can give y'all a diversion.

I can still see you.

I can tell it's gonna be a good experience.

I can't feel my legs.

I can't feel my legs.

I can't. I don't know the whole…

I could do it.

I could shoot the whole thing guerrilla style. Gritty, dirty.

I couldn't have done it without you, Slolom.

I did it, I did it!

I didn't tell you, but Fatties: Fart Three is coming down the pike,

I don't believe you people.

I don't have any more jellybeans.

I don't know Chinese but it sounds like your improvising is for shit.

I don't know if Four Leaf would say that… Four Leaf?

I don't know what it's called.

I don't know why we don't have…

I don't know, but you need to tell them.

I don't read the script, script reads me.

I don't really gotta piss. I'm trying to talk at you, man.

I don't think so.

I feel like all the good ones are gone.

I fucking hate movies.

I get down there near the mother lode, I am done. I'm jonesing bad, man.

I go high, you go low.

I got an idea. This might be a little crazy.

I got an itchy trigger finger here, and I'm ready to blow some shit up.

I got an itchy trigger finger here, and I'm ready to blow some shit up.

I got enough shit here to light this place up like it's the Fourth of fucking July.

I got it. Got it.

I got something to say.

I got this.

I got this.

I gotta get back to the hotel, for real!

I gotta get cracking on my costume.

I gotta take a fucking 12 pound shit!

I gotta take a fucking 12 pound shit!

I guess so.

I have no idea.

I hope y'all like hamburger meat.

I just did the work.

I just know the sound it makes when it lies.

I just know the sound it makes when it takes a mars life.

I just wanted to throw another shrimp on your barbie.

I killed a panda.

I killed one, Rick.

I know a place where a man's worth is measured

I know it sounds weird, but I have a connection with them.

I know Speedman got everyone convinced we out here

I know we can do great things together.

I know what dude I am!

I know who I am!

I know who you are.

I know you want the goodies.

I know, but I don't have to tell you.

I know, it's just you said that he called it a crisis meeting. So…

I know, you're the only one who auditioned,

I love that pussy dripping down to the floor, oh, no

I love that pussy, hell, yeah, hell, yeah

I mean, are we in a crisis?

I mean, I brushed my teeth retarded,

I mean, I fought for that in your contract.

I mean, I'm not gonna sugarcoat it, Tugg. You are a huge star, all right?

I mean, that's probably not even her real name.

I mean, this is Theater 101, but, you know, he's had a tough road.

I memorized every single monologue

I need an answer, Boomer!

I need fast movers on my Yankee Smoke, copy?

I need some dudes up here who speak American, God damn it!

I need to know if we're ready to go.

I need to wear his stomach skin like a unitard.

I put my story in your limp Brit hands,

I rather rot in your V.C. Jail!

I rigged the whole tree line, and this is here.

I see moss on both sides of that tree.

I see you. I see you. I see you.

I take it y'all are doing the Wet Offensive from the book.

I think I might be nobody.

I think I'm just gonna hang back here for the mission.

I think what Tugg means is…

I think you've got a fine brain, Jack.

I told you, for the last time, I love the pussy!

I want the rubber one that the prop guy gave me.

I was a saucier in San Antone.

I was pulling it back and you just came in too…

I was really hoping I'd get laid when this movie came out,

I was talking to whoever was listening to me.

I was wrong! Blow the bridge! Blow the fucking bridge!

I will fuck you up!

I wrote the book as a tribute! I'm a patriot!

I'd do it myself but I'm kind of goddamn busy!

I'll always be a screw up. No one'll ever respect me.

I'll cradle the balls, stroke the shaft,

I'll never bend to your will! You scum! You scum!

I'll never know.

I'll take care of these yahoos!

I'm a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude.

I'm a lead farmer, motherfucker!

I'm a rooster illusion.

I'm betting he's got more of these battles

I'm cold, Linc.

I'm finally better. I'm finally better. Untie me.”

I'm from London. I direct plays.

I'm going potty. You want to hold my dick?

I'm going to call you Half Squat.

I'm going to Grossman's office, I'm playing the card.

I'm going to, “Exterior, rain forest, dusk.

I'm gonna bite his hide. I need…

I'm gonna go shoot a video, right?

I'm gonna have V.C. Soldiers in the video

I'm gonna let them squirt if we're a go!

I'm gonna level with you, bro. I don't need to pee. I need to talk to you.

I'm gonna put on this thing. Don't move.

I'm gonna say, “Hey, man, I'm cool. It's cool.

I'm gonna tag you back. You better believe that, baby.

I'm gonna try to find Speedman in the main building.

I'm guessing right about now you couldn't find a Dixie coonskin

I'm just fucking with you, Kangaroo Jack!

I'm just like a little boy, playing with his dick when he's nervous.

I'm just saying that to have been nominated would have been nice.

I'm not joking around, I'm nauseous.

I'm not that… I mean, that's what I'm going for, but you know…

I'm really having a good time.

I'm so excited, you know what I'm saying, about doing Tropic Thunder.

I'm sorry a dingo ate your baby.

I'm sorry, Damien?

I'm sorry, man. I did not mean that. She's not.

I'm sorry. Could we cut?

I'm standing here with Les Grossman,

I'm staring at a frog, I'm trying to feel…

I'm stuck with mine.

I'm talking about something special. Big difference.

I'm the director. He's… I need to speak to my actor.

I'm thinking there could be a Teen Choice Award in it for you.

I'm tired, I want to go home.

I'm trying to agree with you. The point is they did something.

I'm trying to put Tiger Balm on this jungle's nuts.

I'm way beyond TiVo.

I've barely even had a girlfriend, and…

I've been a bad, bad boy, Father.

I've moved on.

I've never even heard of your little agency.

I've spent the past two years of my life

If he cries, you cry harder, man.

If I can put that map in your hands, can I count on you?

If I see one more head pop up, it's gonna be bullet Whac A Mole.

If it looks real, chances are it probably is.

If Steve McQueen and them dudes had turned tail and ran?

If the machine breaks down, we break down.

If you guys wanna make it through this thing, you gotta strap me to a tree.

If you wanna save this movie, you will become a unit.

If you want I could give the map a look see.

In 2013, when the Earth's rotation came to a halt…

In a time where to be different was to be condemned,

In a weird way it was almost like I had to sort of fool my mind

In and of itself is a tad rudimentary.

In charitable contributions for my community.

In some countries,

In the ears hanging from his dog tags.

In the next five minutes and see where that takes you.

In the winter of 1969,

In this chickenshit chop chop! ASAFP!

In what's being called the most expensive

Including flatulent star of the popular Fatties franchise, Jeff Portnoy.

Instead of 100 million,

Instead of using them sticks to

Into believing that it wasn't retarded,

Is about to make a difference again.

Is anyone gonna fucking help me get this fucking thing?

Is famous for his total immersion into any role he portrays.

Is five time Academy Award winner Kirk Lazarus.

Is five time Academy Award winner Kirk Lazarus.

Is usually the one that becomes the most successful.

Is your character dyslexic?

It doesn't matter anymore.

It doesn't matter what I do.

It is insane, bro. You are a rock star.

It is not okay, Tugg!

It was a really long trip. I read the in flight magazine.

It's “Viet Cong.” There's no “S.” It's already plural.

It's “Viet Cong.” There's no “S.” It's already plural.

It's a cold, hard world. Shit happens.

It's a little twig man Oscar.

It's a pretty cool sidearm you got there. What is it?

It's a remnant from colonial Indo China. This jungle must be full of them.

It's about Abe Lincoln and John Wilkes Booth when they were both young.

It's absolutely amazing.

It's always the yellow frog that brings them black frog on Fridays, man.

It's beautiful here.

It's been a tough year for Tugg.

It's been there the whole show.

It's cold! It's freezing. I'm fucking cold.

It's considered a compliment.

It's corn syrup, guys. Corn syrup and latex.

It's Fatties: Fart Two, there's no… Hey, you wish you had a Fatties franchise.

It's gonna be tough,

It's gonna have to tiptoe past my wedding ring.

It's good to finally meet you at last, get some face time.

It's good, I love it, great. But I need to…

It's hard to find a girl that can hang with that, you know?

It's just, I feel like we really need to set the example for the other guys.

It's Les Grossman. He throws these words around.

It's like punching the American flag in the face, God damn it.

It's like working with mercury. It's high science, man. It's an art form.

It's Nick Stevens, isn't it? That little fucker.

It's over! He's gone!

It's Sandusky.

It's the Golden Triangle.

It's the world's hard drug superhighway.

It's… It's complicated.

Jeff Portnoy.

Jeff Portnoy.

Jeff, don't!

Jeff, stay away from that animal.

Jeff, we really need to go now!

Jeff, you're just going to have to tough it out.

Jesus Christ, man!

Jesus Christ, Tugg! Man, don't scare me like that!

Jesus, let's go, man!

Jesus, man.

Just five days into shooting. The reason?

Just say no to this, you drug making midget.

Just wait, just wait! Listen! Listen, okay?

Just wish I had a director like this on Jack.

Just… In your own time.

Keep a secret? A camera truck in London just plowed into Judi Dench.

Keep the volume down on that bitching, Flatch Adams.

Keep your head down on the ground!

Kev, whatever the fuck. Come over here.

Kevin. Kevin Sandusky. I play Brooklyn, we've been working together.

Kid, grab the bat! Please! Shit!

Lance? What the fuck did I just hear? Lance?

Land of Silk and Money with Gong Li. Second Globe, third Oscar.

Last I checked, they hadn't hooked it up, though.

Lately his Scorcher films have lost their heat.

Laugh at that, you bastards!

Lay that shit down!

Lay your ass back down and look at the stars.

Laz, don't let him take me off the yak.

Laz, I'm gonna blow the bridge!

Lazarus is gonna torpedo the movie.

Lazarus underwent a controversial

Leaf, no!

Leaf's about to blow the bridge. Come on!

Les, that's Four Leaf.

Let me get this straight.

Let me go, or…

Let me tell you something, shitbird.

Let me tell you something. A lot of people are disrespecting me.

Let's be friends.

Let's do it. You feel it? You feel me?

Let's do the tea part, okay?

Let's face it.

Let's get out of here!

Let's go freaking Tet here!

Let's move. Come on. Come on. Double time. Gotta go!

Let's move. We only have 16 hours before they wake up.

Let's party!

Letters go one way and the numbers another.

Letting loose this summer.

Like a brother where there was no animosity or…

Like him in Carlito's Way?

Like the dumbest motherfucker that ever lived.

Like, Adventures of Ford Fairlane, you know,

Listen, you cherry fuck,

Living off residuals from a anti herpes medication commercial.

Long as we live, it's you and me, baby.

Look at that, huh?

Look at the cooking vats, the armed guards.

Look,

Look, fuckstick, I'm incredibly busy, so why don't you get the hell out of here

Look, he may be able to see me, but I can't see him.

Look, I'm Dave Beckham.

Look, what? I just thought you might like some hot tea

Look.

Looks like a heroin processing plant.

Lukemeyer's got popped!

M&M?

M&M?

Make sure Damien ain't forgot how to use his talkbox again.

Making Planet of the Apes on YouTube or some shit, but I don't buy it.

Man you totally leaned into that.

Man, I'm thirsty.

Man, that's beauty.

Man, what you coming out in movies for anyway?

Man, you better get your shit straight,

Man. Now I'm tripping.

Maybe I just knew I had to represent,

Maybe.

Me and Cody, we could light up that fucking jungle,

Might as well have some of this Booty Sweat I got back in Danang.

Miss me with that cracker chump jive! We di di mau! We di di mau!

More bad news from the Vietnamese set of Tropic Thunder,

More stupid!

Mother Nature just pissed her pantsuit!

Motown and Brooklyn sneak in via the river.

Motown, get your Detroit jukebox Jheri curl ass

Move it, maggots, move! Move, grunts, move your ass!

Mr Cockburn! Are we cutting, sir?

Much more money now!

Must be an old French mine.

Must drink, so I can throw something up!

My ass!

My ass!

My belly really hurts, you guys!

My farts are fucking more beautiful than…

My friend wants a TiVo, my friend gets a TiVo!

My leader's not quite as cordial.

My son gave this to me.

Never go full retard.

No more frequent flier bitch miles for my boy.

No offense, Kirk, I know you're the big fancy actor here,

No one gets out of here. I saw it on TV.

No, a panda!

No, dickhead, of course I could.

No, don't!

No, I can't let you do that, mate. We gotta go.

No, I can't let you do that, mate. We gotta go.

No, I didn't pee on her, listen, listen, listen, listen. No, no.

No, I don't. I'm a cock of the mouse or something. I don't know.

No, it's about the film.

No, man. Let me take a look at that map right quick.

No, more like what do you need, Les?

No, most likely Myanmar or Laos.

No, no, no. Come on, man. It's not okay.

No, no, no. I wasn't nominated.

No, no, they're in a puddle, mate. See? There's a puddle right there.

No, no. Don't drink that water! That water's like a petri dish!

No, not you, Helen.

No, that was just some tabloid conjecture.

No, that's impossible, man.

No, you can't have any fucking jellybeans.

No!

No!

No! It's simple as pie, man.

No! Like you did before! Say it!

No! No. I'm not cutting! We're still rolling!

No. I mean…

No. No. Mandarin Chinese.

No. See, he didn't. Yeah, I mean, just that's what…

No. We'll hold you for ransom.

No. You missing me, man.

Nobody move or I do the little big guy!

Nor am I Father O'Malley.

North. Man said to head north.

Not bad, Cockburn!

Not bad.

Not one worth keeping, nohow.

Not really.

Not the fucking bull again. Fucking asshole.

Not to get into his thing, but if I'm crying, should Osiris be crying, too?

Not too great.

Now do movie.

Now get your ass up in the Huey, before I stomp a trench in your hiney hole!

Now say this and go to the beginning again,

Now show me where the drugs are.

Now shut the fuck up and let me do my job!

Now we up in the big leagues,

Now you can have ice cream in heaven.

Now, go get drunk and take credit at all the parties.

Now, I don't know what kind of pan Pacific bullshit power play

Now, if Mr Portnoy is feeling a little flu ish, don't wanna walk,

Now, if you recall that whole hullabaloo

Now, let's go and make the greatest war movie ever!

Now, let's go get those Viet Congs.

Now, whichever format porno backs

Of course we're getting it in a fucking wide.

Of the 10 men sent, four returned.

Of the Most Expensive Fake True War Story Ever.”

Of those four, three wrote books about what happened.

Of those three, two were published.

Of those two, just one got a movie deal.

Oh, boy.

Oh, fuck!

Oh, God!

Oh, God.

Oh, hell, no! What? Come on. Look.

Oh, Jesus!

Oh, Jesus.

Oh, mama. Thirsty.

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God! Holy shit!

Oh, my God! Holy shit!

Oh, my God! You're a fucking garbage man!

Oh, my God. I am moving to catering after this.

Oh, shit!

Oh, shit!

Oh, shit!

Oh, the film and Booty Sweat's the same thing. Give him a shot.

Okay, look, man.

Okay, so, what's the plan?

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay. Everyone, down, down, down.

Okay. That's where they keeping him.

Oldest trick in the book.

On a sweet little mama san's dinky dau poontang.

On Jack. What? Jack? What you talking about?

On my momma, if you touch that gun…

On three, baby. One, two, breathe.

Once the highest grossing star in the world,

One man chose to question his God.

One of my best friends,

One week down, two weeks behind,

Only this time, it's different.

Or are you a dude who has no idea what dude he is

Or clean water, clean sheets, food, shelter.

Or do you need a formal invitation? Come on, let's go!

Or do you want to be a hero?

Or rather, didn't think he was retarded,

Or scared of who?

Or you can grow a conscience

Osiris and Fats go undercover as a diversion.

Osiris and Fats go undercover as a diversion.

Otherwise, I'm gonna have to head down there,

Our asses don't get fragged in this bullshit valley,

Pa.

Papa.

Peck! We have it handled.

Peek a boo! I see you!

Perfect.

Perhaps some hot tea will make conversing

Pigmentation alteration procedure in order to play

Pixel rate or refresh rate, and they're pretty much the same.

Playa!

Playa.

Playa.

Please don't fire me.

Please, don't hurt me!

Please, don't hurt me!

Please, don't hurt me.

Please, don't interrupt. Everything's under control.

Pop an ass open!

Portnoy was almost uninsurable.

Portnoy, get Sandusky back to the chopper. Go!

Preferably before the end of the fiscal year.

Prepped for that one by working in a Beijing textile factory for eight months.

Price now 100 million!

Pump your brakes, kid. That man is a national treasure.

Put him up on that cloven hoof animal!

Put on your war faces, gentlemen.

Put some pep in your step, Dick! Jelly ass bitch!

Put teeth in!

Put them in the real shit.

Real Al Pacino.

Real fear, real emotion! Yes, Four Leaf, yes!

Really makes a guy feel pretty small.

Recently, Speedman opened up to Tyra.

Remember way back when I said your mother was a cankerous whore?

Remember, Charlie don't care if you're on break or not.

Remember? Went full retard? Went home empty handed.

Remember? Went full retard? Went home empty handed.

Rock and roll!

Roll your shit up, man. We going home.

Roll your shit up, man. We going home.

RPG, gentlemen!

Rum Tum Tuggernauts, it's the Pecker. You got time for your agent?

Same thing happened to me when I played Neil Armstrong in Moonshot.

Sanducci. Hold up, man, keep it on the down low.

Sarge. It's Four Leaf.

Satan's Alley.

Save for the fact that my tools

Say it for me one time.

Say that again.

Say, are you good with a needle and thread?

Scared of you.

Screw TiVo.

See you in hell!

See, that's what I think it is, Damien. I think it's the line.

See, that's what I think it is, Damien. I think it's the line.

Send $50 million, or you no see Simple Jack again because we kill him.

Sergeant Four Leaf Tayback. I wrote the book.

Sergeant Lincoln Osiris.

Serial number 694529987.

Set up a scholarship in his name.

Shadow me, Pinocchio!

She sleep forever.

Shit, Brooklyn be bagged and tagged before he get any cooch.

Shit, shit, cocksucker, bollocks. Tropic tits!

Shit, shit, shit, shitty shit, shit!

Shit! Enough!

Shit! What are you fucking both doing, Good Lord!

Shut the fuck up!

Shut your mouth and follow my lead.

Simple Jack belong to us now.

Simple Jack,

Simple Jack, yeah. You went all out on that one, huh?

Slap a beard on you.

Slow, yes, retarded, maybe, braces on his legs.

Smack it up, flip it, rub it down!

Smash cut to Four Leaf, who treks alone through a frightening jungle.”

Smoke and mirrors, guys. Welcome to the movie factory.

So I came over to see if you're fucking all right, that's all.

So I can watch Brooklyn bust his cherry

So now we in re writes, right?

So take a chow break. Chow break!

So that every glorious moment is captured on film.

So those lily dick actors would be shitting their pants

So whatever you're thinking, you better think again.

So you can read the Tropic Thunder contract

So you can't afford to play retarded, being a smart actor.

So, are you going to

So, we gotta light these boys up today, huh?

So, what we did,

So, what? We're just supposed to keep walking?

Some form of digital video recorder on location.

Some hydrogen peroxide and a shitload of lime.

Some of us might not even make it back.

Some studios backing Blu ray Disc, others backing HD DVD.

Somebody close to you said,

Somebody said they were close to me?

Something's up. I think we better drag ass back there.

Sometimes, we gotta dig deeper to mine the true emotional pay dirt.

Somewhere a mine explodes.” And you.

Sorry, Jack.

Spanking a child turns him into a little snot.

Speedman is a dying star,

Speedman is with us now.

Stick it out, man. We're gonna get through this.

Stick with the plan. Find Speedman.

Still rolling.

Stop right there!

Suck my unit!

Suck on that unit, Kirk!

Surrounded by death, crawling up Satan's bottom.

Survive!

Sweet. Thank God.

Swinging past your knees!

Take control of your actors, or I will shut you down.

Take off your clothes!

Take off your clothes!

Take them off the fucking grid!

Take us over to those men! Shit!

Tayback, John, Sergeant, United States Army.

Tell him, McClusky. Tell him what time it is.

Tell you what, get back to work, genius soldier.

Than being a rugby player or a construction worker,

Thank you.

Thank you. Thanks. Yeah.

That ain't retarded.

That ain't the plan!

That every time you have a thought,

That guarantees my client, Tugg Speedman,

That I actually felt retarded,

That looks like it could be the munitions hut right there.

That looks like the POW camp from out the script, yo.

That many critics called, “One of the worst movies of all time.”

That might be our ride.

That shit blew me away! I got high to that shit! You the man!

That smelled just like bologna for some reason.

That so? How do you know that? How you sure?

That word has kept us down.

That'll bring him around. It's a cure all.

That's C 4, dipshit. Put that back. I said a detonator.

That's fucking bullshit! It's a chump move.

That's how we all talk. We all talk like this, suh! Yes, suh.

That's how you're gonna roll.

That's just how Brooks got his Jew ass killed, man.

That's just how Brooks got his Jew ass killed, man.

That's me, sir.

That's my shit!

That's our objective. Complete the mission.

That's physics. It's inevitable.

That's right, we running this program now, J.P.

That's right! Now, Tugg who?

That's the stuff that accolades are made of.

That's the theme song for The Jeffersons. You really need help.

That's what all that playing God stuff was about.

That's where you take your pansy ass actors.

The book of Tropic Thunder.

The Boy Everybody Was Jealous Of.

The brilliant Australian known for his bad boy antics off screen

The chopper is God, and I am Jesus Christ, his son.

The circus life 280 days a year on location.

The disappointing buddy comedy Chitlir & the Dude

The dudes are emerging.

The film is already rumored to be one month behind schedule

The flap, I read the back flap and saw the pictures.

The grip with the bandana. He's got a package for me.

The insecurity level with you guys is ridiculous!

The jets are coming in. We only have one chance at this!

The kids aren't dressing up as Scorcher for Purim anymore.

The letters go across the top and then the numbers.

The little froggy on the boom mike? It's right in my eyeline.

The mission was considered to be near suicide.

The numbers help, man, the numbers…

The objective, rescue Sergeant Four Leaf Tayback

The only one who did the two week boot camp.

The Pecker's on a TiVo mission for the Y O U.

The platoon's African American sergeant, Lincoln Osiris.

The President has declared all of North America a disaster area.

The shepherd must kill the bull that leads them astray.

The story is this. She was in the way when I was peeing, she walked past.

The story of a mentally impaired farmhand who can talk to animals,

The studio wants to shut us down. That's the bad news.

The thing I love most in the world.

The universe is talking to us right now.

The wettest pussy, hell, yeah I love the pussy, hell, yeah

Then again, I always found mere observation

Then he starts drooling and dribbling, and it wasn't even in the script…

Then the…

Then what are we supposed to do, huh?

Then why are you still in character?

Then you give me and that pyromaniac Cody

Then you kill him! Do your thing! Skin the fucking bastard!

There ain't no goddamn takes, ain't no goddamn motion picture!

There he is, fucker. Dragon!

There it is! Yeah, now you're dead!

There'll be ambushes, enemy fire, your own little personal slice of 'Nam.

There's the map, this is the scene list.

There's, like, the pineapple…

These are just words.

These assholes are gonna be crawling in here ready to fucking eat us.

They found me in an alley in Burbank

They got about 200 pounds of shit your pants.

They have digital cable, but, I mean, it's okay.

They only laugh at my farts.

They say that the movie's just about farts. It's about family,

They'd be begging for a body bag if it means a ride home.

They're gonna kill him!

They're mine.

They're not your demo, dude.

They're responsible for an eighth of the drug trade in Asia.

Think he's done.

Think you can get us back to that drop zone, boy?

Think you can handle it?

This about the Booty Sweat cross promotion?

This could be the last time we look at these stars.

This harness is riding up my crack!

This Hollywood.

This is all I deserve!

This is Falcon One. We have the ridge in sight, approximately two miles out.

This is Flaming Dragon!

This is FUBAR. I say we juice them.

This is insane!

This is Les Grossman. Who is this?

This is not cool!

This is the Golden Triangle.

This is the story of the men who attempted to make that movie.

This is your fault, you limey fuck!

This is Zero Three. I'm on your six, don't worry.

This radio goes to the chopper and the chopper only.

This shit will fucking ruin me!

This summer, America's favorite obese family is back.

This thing's too heavy.

Thus, we can diagram the source of the pain and then live it, you know.

To believe that it was okay to be stupid or dumb.

To the mars credit, he's actually eased up on the retard throttle.

Told you I'd tag you back.

Tropic Thunder. Kind of like my Catcher in the Rye.

Trust me, he's got bigger problems.

Try to stay in character. Remember, we're on camera.

Trying to come back from that.

Trying to get home, man.

Trying to re enter the Earth's atmosphere in an old refrigerator box.

Tugg Speedman is dead meat if we don't do something soon.

Tugg Speedman.

Tugg, Tugger, you're the last piece of the puzzle, buddy.

Tugg, you have no idea where you're going!

Tugg!

Tugg!

Tugg?

Tugg?

Tuggernuts! I got it!

Tuk Tuk and Kim got the blue balls here.

United States Army, 694529987.

Until it is out of my system.

Upsy daisy.

V.C. Soldiers doing the seizure, baby. Hit it, baby.

Very… Okay, there he is.

Vicious little panda.

Vivica, get off the line now!

Vivica, what do I have scheduled this afternoon?

Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

Wait, what? Are you fucking kidding me?

Wait! I got a better idea.

Wall Eye, Wall Eye, this is Boomer One Seven in the Zee!

Wall Eye, Wall Eye!

Warm, blood flavored corn syrup.

Was a box office disaster

Was followed by an ill advised venture into serious dramatic territory.

Was sent on a top secret assignment in southeast Vietnam.

Was you thinking of dangling your dice on Lance's forehead?

Watch my right!

Watch the stuff.

Watched all the retarded stuff they did.

We are Flaming Dragon.

We are Flaming Dragon.

We built a catapult out of logs and underwear,

We do it just like in the book, Chapter 26, the Wet Offensive.

We do not have many luxury here.

We gonna put together that three piece combo band we talked about?

We gonna scout, get a plan together. We ain't back in 20, come looking.

We got a big day tomorrow. Let's get focused.

We got beaucoup zips in the zee.

We got the jets coming in, big explosion, two minutes.

We got to get back to the bird.

We got you loud and clear here, Les.

We gotta get his cracker ass to the chopper!

We gotta roll out.

We have rigged this entire valley of death with hidden cameras.

We just getting a second opinion, doc.

We love the tale of this man, Simple Jack.

We need to have a cast meeting right now.

We need you, Jeff.

We need you! Your men need you! Are you with us?

We see we're kind of the same.

We take them out there, and we put them in the trees in different angles.

We were in that chopper for hours.

We'll weep for him, in the press.

We're getting this in a wide shot, right?

We're going the wrong way!

We're loaded

We're supposed to be a unit!

We've been handed an incredible opportunity here, Peck.

We've seen it all, man.

We've watched it many, many times.

Welcome to the goody room.

Well, at least you get to choose yours.

Well, being an actor is no different

Well, get ready to occupy the skin of a terrified U.S. Infantry grunt,

Well, it's okay. It's exactly the same as in the script.

Well, that's what that movie was about. They were escaping. They ran away.

Well, they weren't jellybeans, okay?

Well, you can't have it, 'cause Damien gave it me.

Well, you know, maybe if I wasn't the only one at boot camp…

Well, you know. It's…

Well? What's the skinny? Y'all been on a date or what?

Were there some re writes that I missed?

What about you, Masterblaster?

What am I looking at? What is this?

What are you talking about?

What are you talking about? Damien stepped on a old landmine.

What do we do now?

What do you mean “you people”?

What do you need, Peck?

What do you see, man? I'm blocked.

What happened here?

What happened to, “No man left behind,” okay?

What it came down to was a combination of gamers and porn.

What it is, Sikorski? Tell us where we really at.

What scene? The scene is about emotionality. Where is it?

What the fuck are you guys talking about?

What the fuck is going on here?

What the fuck is Laos?

What the fuck?

What the fuck?

What the fuck?

What the fuck? Oh, buddy!

What the hell does that even mean?

What the hell, Damien?

What the hell, Jeff? That's a bat, man!

What you doing? What you doing? Don't touch that gun.

What you getting at with the books, scripts? Spit that shit out, man!

What, Alpa Chino? He's like 10 girls deep, 24/7.

What, are you insane? It's boiling! It's like a sweat lodge out here!

What, do you think I'm a dick or something?

What, man?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What? Hell, yo. What's up, baby?

What? I don't understand.

What're you sayin'? Huh?

Whatever floats your boat, baby. Fuck! Don't die!

When he doesn't have his jellybeans?

When I was playing the character.

When it happened again, the world called on him once more.

When the herd loses its way,

When we get back to the world,

When we put aside our differences,

When we put aside our differences, we see

When you were a kid? I mean, think of that.

Where a $4 million explosion charred the Asian location

Where are you going?

Where have you moved on to?

Where is he going? We're gonna fucking die!

Where is your farm,

Wherever he is? Looks like he's all over the place.

Wherever you are!

Which is in the other direction!

Which one of you fuckfaces is Damien Cockburn?

Which, from what I can tell, is what they speaking down there.

Whiskey Fire Old Snake requests an LZ prep

Who cares how much more talented he may be than you?

Who in crikey fuck is Half Squat?

Who is this guy?

Who left the fridge open?

Who send you here?

Who's with you?

Whoa, look at me!

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Hey, hey, are you insane?

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Whoever it is, it's not funny, okay?

Why are they even out in the daytime?

Why does man

Why is everybody all obsessed with the map?

Why you still doing this Chicken George shit, I have no idea.

Why, so you can get back and make Fatties: Fart 20, or some shit?

Will there be anything else?

Winner of the Beijing Film Festival's coveted Crying Monkey Award,

Wishing Tugg all the best on that one.

With all due respect, Les Grossman did not blow up the jungle.

With an Ohio hooker holding your prick and showing you the way.

With no cheese to maze through.

With the TiVo clause from your contract.

With three other men!

Work on those tears, my man.

Work the pipe and swallow the gravy.

Wow, look at all those stars.

Wow. Look at these ruins.

Y'all heard the man. Be suede, don't move!

Yeah, baby, come on. Just a little taste.

Yeah, but he gave it to you for us.

Yeah, Damien gave it to me, remember?

Yeah, did you guys read the book?

Yeah, get him chugging on some of Alpa's ass water.

Yeah, get some crawfish and some ribs.

Yeah, I did. It was like pistol whipping a blind kid.

Yeah, I know. In about two seconds with the Pecker.

Yeah, I think so.

Yeah, I've never been in the military, per se,

Yeah, it was an intense experience, you know.

Yeah, it's a huge deal for me, are you kidding?

Yeah, man, Scorcher I was great. Let's get the fuck out of here!

Yeah, there is.

Yeah, this isn't me.

Yeah, well it's right in my face,

Yeah, whatever you're doing right there. Hello, Les!

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, keep your head down!

Yeah, you son of a bitch!

Yeah, you're the Milli Vanilli of patriots, okay?

Yeah!

Yeah!

Yeah!

Yeah!

Yeah!

Yeah!

Yeah!

Yeah!

Yeah?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah. But those dudes was trained soldiers.

Yeah. I'm not feeling so good right now. Seriously, my skin hurts!

Yeah. Just 'cause it's the theme song, don't make it not true.

Yeah. We could do something by getting our asses back to the hotel,

Yeah. Yeah. It's cool, man. Thanks.

Yep.

Yes, my dear man. More beans.

Yes, your farm.

Yes! Tugg Speedman.

Yes.

Yes. Of course. Coast Guard.

Yo, check it out. Donny on the phone.

Yo, that's the Bermuda Triangle, dumbass.

You a dude that don't know what dude he is!

You actually care, don't you?

You are a trespasser in my poppy fields.

You are DE. A. Scum!

You are five men in a helicopter!

You are my brother.

You are my chosen disciples.

You are my…

You are no longer actors in a movie!

You can't be serious.

You did. Really swung for the fences, huh?

You don't buy that? Ask Sean Penn, 2001, I Am Sam.

You don't have to! You don't have to! I'm staying.

You don't have to! You don't have to! I'm staying.

You don't know.

You ever did when I was in theater school.

You get out of that hole!

You got a certain someone you trying to get with back in the States?

You got a lot of days of fucking ahead of you.

You got it!

You got some little minx waiting for you on the other side of tomorrow?

You got the VHS.

You gotta buck up here, Tuggboat.

You grew hands?

You guys all read the script, right?

You guys, we already know the plan.

You happy now? We're out of position for the effects!

You have that potential. They'll slime you, the whole deal.

You just gotta listen.

You kick in the door to my house,

You know how you handle an actor? They whine about anything,

You know that's a true story? Lady lost her kid.

You know those jellybeans I was eating?

You know what it is, Damien? I'm sorry.

You know what, Kirk? I'm ready to do the scene!

You know what? Fuck that, man!

You know what? I'm gonna tell you what's true.

You know what? No, not still rolling. Can we cut?

You know, there were times when I was doing Jack

You lied about fighting the Vietnam War.

You look like you bumped your head or something,

You make it home, now.

You make me happy.

You must put those boys in the shit.

You pay now, or tomorrow Simple Jack die.

You paying attention? 'Cause I'm talking G5 for the Pecker.

You people, you actors. You people… –Look at them beady, white devil eyes.

You perform! You perform or die!

You plant your feet in the ground, you look her square in the eyes, you say,

You remembered my name.

You saw Simple Jack?

You saw what I saw.

You should've got Oscar.

You still got that shit upside down.

You take care of the boys! I'll deal with these guys.

You talking to me this whole time?

You tell the world what happened here.

You think I was just blowing my own bagpipe in that meeting?

You think you're the only one who gets sick

You wanna get shot by a real motherfucker?

You wanna make this movie right?

You wanna make this movie right?

You wanna step on a real landmine? You wanna die?

You wanna talk about trouble? That's trouble.

You want me to let my client of 15 years,

You want my flak jacket?

You wanted to be actors.

You wanted to occupy the skin of another human being.

You wear these. More like Simple Jack teeth.

You went full retard, man.

You went to boot camp, right? You can read a map?

You were nominated?

You wish you had my farts, my farts are fucking music.

You wouldn't say “Chineses.”

You're a great American. This nation owes you a huge debt.

You're a riddle

You're Australian! Be Australian! Excuse me, Kangaroo Jack.

You're going to get the shots,

You're gonna have to call the fucking United Nations

You're just gonna run away. You're gonna leave.

You're like that kid on the playground, you know,

You're my friend.

You're not doing tofu dinner theater for these motherfuckers. Let's roll!

You're on the wrong side of 40. You're childless and alone.

You're sitting on a nest of hostile enemy V.C.

You're tangling me, you're fucking tangling me.

You're the whole reason I got into acting.

You're trying to pull here, but Asia, Jack, is my territory.

Your mother's a cankerous whore!

Your objective is to head north to the D'ang Kwook River

Zip it, Motown.

100 million.

–“I got a bad feeling on this one.” –Dude, wait, like how?

–“It's me, Tugg!” –It's me, Tugg.

–A nutless monkey could do your job. –Well, I…

–About what? –You're serious? You don't know?

–All right, dude. –And action!

–All right. –You play ball, we play ball.

–An imbecile. –Yeah.

–And how did you get this phone? –We are Flaming Dragon!

–Are you gonna get those… –Who is this?

–Are you serious? –Yeah, I'm serious. Literally, a tree.

–as soon as they clear the bridge! –Got it!

–Can I count on you, Kyle. –It's Kevin.

–Come on! Move! –Kirk! Wait!

–Cool it, Benson. –Sorry.

–Could you find out who that was? Go. –Yeah. Yeah.

–Damien, are we cutting? –No! No! Still rolling!

–Damn! –Son of a bitch.

–Did you say “Lance”? –No!

–Did you see me shooting? –That's how we do. Good work, baby.

–Everybody cry… –You know what?

–Everybody's got issues! –Yeah, man, everybody got issues.

–Fats! –Holy fuck!

–Four Leaf? –Come on over. It's okay.

–Fuck. –Shit. We ain't even in 'Nam?

–Get off me! –You are not going back!

–Get over here! –I have a son now. Little Half Squat.

–Give me that goddamn map! Fuck you! –Hey!

–Good… –I'm not a rocket ship, okay?

–He blinded Jamie Lee Curtis. –Almost!

–He must have missed his mark. –Missed his mark?

–Hell, no! –Silence!

–Hello, Les! –Okay.

–Hey, Kirk? –Yeah?

–Hey! –All right, now!

–Hot damn. –And why am I in this movie?

–How we doing? We making good time? –We're making good time,

–How we doing? We making good time? –We're making good time,

–Huge profit margin. –Guys!

–Huh? –I can't believe you let him in.

–I am a little confused. –I know.

–I don't wanna hear it. –Let me just be real with you, all right?

–I got a diamond toilet. –Your stupid ass commercials.

–I got him! –Let's go!

–I got it. –You got it upside down.

–I got something to tell you. –Okay.

–I got… Now? –Yeah, but scared. Like, scared.

–I just got caught up in… –In being a dumbass?

–I love you, buddy. –All right, bye.

–I rode the bus retarded. –Damn.

–I'll finish it by myself. –You go be all you can be, man.

–I'm eating jellybeans. –Wow, I love jellybeans. Can I please…

–in order to calm your nerves. –Tayback, John, Sergeant,

–Is that cool? –What? No!

–It's a diet. I'm just dieting. –Really?

–It's beyond me. –You confused.

–It's just like… Right? –Yeah.

–It's up too high! –Move, move, move!

–Jesus. –What's going on?

–Just get off me! You're pathetic. –No, I'm not.

–Just give me your goddamn hooks. –All right. Here.

–Keep looking ahead, man. –No, of course not.

–Kevin Sandusky. –That's my name.

–Kevin Sandusky. –Yeah.

–Kevin Sandusky. –Yeah.

–Kirk, no! –Stop tailgating me, you pasty tea bag!

–Kirk, you can cry. Tugg, you can cry. –Thanks!

–Leaf! –Yeah.

–Les Grossman. –We not get money yet.

–Let's go. –Get up.

–Let's make lemonade. Let's go to work. –Okay. Still rolling!

–like really retarded. –Oh, yeah.

–Look, Cockburn. –Yes.

–Man, everyone's gay once in a while. –I'm not gay!

–Me on stand up bass. –Johnny on drums.

–Move! Move! Hello, Les! Hello! –Get your ass out of my…

–Neither do I. –It's beyond me.

–No countdown? –No countdown.

–No worries. –Good.

–No, fuck that! Just give me this. –No time! I'll take care of this!

–No, it's everyone cry… –We cutting or we crying?

–No, my character's not dyslexic. –So you a can'tographer.

–No, no, no, we're crying! –Just call it, man!

–No. –We don't negotiate with terrorists.

–No. The guy didn't come. –What?

–No… –In the meantime, and as usual,

–Now it's time to flip the script! –Kirk…

–Oh, God. –Y'all might be in for a treat.

–Oh, God. –Y'all might be in for a treat.

–Oh, shit, it's on! –Over here!

–Oh, wow! –Yeah.

–Oh, yeah? –Yeah.

–Okay. –Can we just do it off of “Action”?

–Okay. Cool. –This is ridiculous!

–Play it through. Still rolling! –Dieter, can he hear me?

–Real shit. –With real fear in their eyes!

–Really? –Yeah, when he was cut up.

–Really? –Yeah. And look, Tugg!

–Rick? –Hey, buddy,

–Rick? –Tugg.

–Right now? Awesome. –Yes.

–Right now? Awesome. –Yes.

–Sandusky. Good. –Hey, Mr Cockburn.

–Save your breath, maggots! –That's right, maggots!

–Scared of who? –Come on, guys. We really need to go!

–Sex Camp. Remember it? –Yeah.

–Shut up now! –Okay. Okay.

–Simple Jack. –Oh, yeah.

–Sit down. –Yes.

–Smoke grenade. –Don't drop it now.

–snake and nape on the ready! –Oh, Jesus! Holy shit!

–So, you don't like the hotel? –Beds give me nightmares.

–Thanks. –What's the secret, dude?

–That sounded like “Lance.” –No, I said “Nance.”

–That's a classy picture. –Dude, you kind of look like Abe.

–that's tricky. –Tricky.

–That's what I said, “Nance.” –It sounded like “Lance.”

–That's what we do, right? Yeah. –Yeah.

–That's your stick buddy? –His name is Twigman.

–The planes are inbound! –Shit! Shit!

–There he is. Okay. –Go have fun.

–They got him on the move! –That's torture, man.

–They were drugs. –Really?

–This feels pretty real! –Exactly! Let's use it.

–To be a moron. –Yeah.

–To be moronical. –Exactly, to be a moron.

–Tugg who? I don't know. Who are you? –Me?

–Tugger! –Rick!

–Two and a Half Men taping. –Shit.

–war movie never made? –Rick Peck.

–We busting Speedman out. –Speedmars here?

–We're cutting. –No, we're not. Get out!

–We're in a… We're together on this. –Bullshit.

–Well, I'm cool. All right, I'm cool. –You are?

–What are you doing, Jeff? –Fucking… Nothing, man!

–What are you guys doing here? –He has hands.

–What do you mean? –Check it out.

–What the fuck? –Now wait a minute.

–What? –Any tips, you got?

–What? –Fuck the jungle.

–What? –God damn it, Damien!

–What? –I'm looking at your ugly mug

–What? –It's Fatties: Fart Two.

–What? –The TiVo, they hook it up?

–What? –You are Simple Jack.

–What're you doing? –I'm gonna give these boys

–What's he saying? –Damien, can we cut?

–What's her name? –Lance.

–What's this? –I don't know what it's called.

–What's this? –I don't know what it's called.

–Where the hell are we? –D'ang Kwook River.

–Where you going? –Let's re write it!

–Where you going? –Let's re write it!

–Who are you? –That's awesome, man.

–Yeah, that's wicked. –Good.

–Yeah, why don't you get on point? –I'm on point right here.

–Yeah, you do. –I don't want no Fatties franchise,

–Yeah! –All right!

–Yeah? –For certain, man.

–Yeah? –Not Rambo I but II.

–Yeah? –Yeah.

–Yeah. –Break down the aesthetic distance,

–Yeah. –No, that's your line.

–Yeah. –Okay.

–Yeah. –That's kind of how you look right now.

–Yeah. –You an artist.

–Yes! Yes! –Yes! Yes!

–Yo, man, I got a Bust A Nut. –You go to hell! There he is.

–You about to cross some fucking lines. –Guys, relax and stuff.

–You all right, man? –I'm cold.

–You are my… –I am your brother.

–You feel that? –Yeah.

–You God damn right I am. –Fuck yeah!

–You guys came back for me. –Course.

–You holding 'em? –I got 'em tight.

–You look good. –Any tips?

–You see how agitated he is now? –I know.

–You spank that ass, Les. –What?

–You sure? –Yeah.

–You wanna make your movie or not? –Yes, I do.

–You're in a world of hurt, dumbo! –We're in a world of hurt!

–You're in trouble. –This isn't just on me!

–You're just mad 'cause I'm skinny. –Am not!

–You're my… You're my… –I am your…

–You're scared. –I ain't scared. Scared of what?

–You've got hands. –Yeah.

–Your feet were on my desk. –Can he see us?

… the world called on the one man who could make a difference.

'Cause he's cleaning a gun with no bullets. Yeah, that's a plan.

'cause I got something to…

'Cause I think she's hot.

'Cause that's exactly what I'm gonna be bringing back

'Cause we're tired of being your trail donkeys!

“And?”

“Crisis,” “explosion,” “not rolling,” “fired.”

“Hey, baby, you and me's going on a date.” That's the end of story.

“I got a bad feeling on this one.”

“I got a bad feeling on this one.”

“Listen here, Lance…”

“Lost in the goddamn jungle.”

“One more flop and it's over.”

“Tropic Blunder, The True Story Behind the Making

“Wait a minute, I flushed so much out, how am I gonna jumpstart it up again?”

”A dozen guerrilla fighters can be seen moving in the tree line.

”Four Leaf notices movement in the brush.