Freaks and Geeks - Season 1 Edit

A a joke?

A bunch of guys who play a guitar are gonna come over.

A chick with money. You got good taste, stretch.

A different word for courage.

A guy with one of those things.

A lot of funny guys.

A lot of good men lost their lives because of it.

A lot of times you might see, maybe you're taking a shower or something,

A roto tom rack, and it's all mounted

A stinky turd."

ABBA, huh?

About people in the school.

About what your parents think of me, do you?

About you.

Absolutely.

Acting as though you don't belong to a family.

After class, you and me are cuttin' outta here.

After school today, we go to my house,

After school.

Afterwards, whether you win or lose,

Agreed?

Ah, Mr. Bones, Mr. Spock.

Ah!

Ah!

Ah!

Aha! Birth control pills.

Ahem.

Ahem.

Ahem.

Ahh, yes, interesting problem.

Ahh...

Ain't that right, Mr. president?

Alan and his buddies?

Alan, you don't have anything better to do

Alan?

Albeit entirely misinformed.

All I did was help Daniel study.

All I...

All right

All right, but if they call the cops on me,

All right, but if they call the cops on me,

All right, bye.

All right, come on in.

All right, divvy 'em up. Let's go.

All right, fellas,

All right, give me your phone number

All right, guys,

All right, I was left back twice.

All right, I'll see you later. Bye

All right, i'm gonna take, uh, not haverchuck.

All right, kids,

All right, let's work!

All right, man, it's show time

All right, mr. Weir,

All right, not like this, you know, back.

All right, Schweiber, come on, walk it off.

All right, settle down.

All right, sorry.

All right, sweetie.

All right, time out!

All right, white, take a seat.

All right!

All right! All right.

All right?

All right? Go ahead. do leonard nimoy.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right. Get outta here, cowboy.

All right. Good job.

All right. I'm gonna tell you the truth. Plain language.

All right. Lindsay. Lindsay, I understand.

All right. Only one person is allowed in at a time.

All right. Ready to get yourself a new girlfriend?

All right. See ya.

All right. There.

All right. Well, uh, talk to you later

All right...

All the other bananas go rotten.

All the teachers' numbers are there?

All the way from McKinley high school,

All u can eat night at the Iron Horse restaurant.

All we ever do in that class is read.

Always ready to rock!

Always room for another head on the chopping block.

AM? PM?

America

An abacus?

An anonymous note isn't sufficient proof.

And a huge mortgage and, well...

And a stinky...turd.

And a turd."

And a turd."

And a...turd."

And all of a sudden, grandma looked so terrified.

And an imbecile.

And any moment Maureen and I are gonna make love?

And be careful around Vicki. She's a wolf in sheep's clothing.

And beg everyone in this room for forgiveness...

And boys!

And buy him some new ones?

And by the way,

And don't put your face out further than that, all right?

And for me, Lindsay, it's...

And hair growth in the genital area."

And have that Daniel guy kill you? 'cause, I mean, we can do that, too.

And have them deliver.

And he was selling a game that my family and I used to play

And he'll pass the class. Everything's gonna work out, right?

And his experiments with prose style are tedious.

And his name is John Bonham, baby!

And his stringy hair,

And how would i do that?

And I accidentally leaned on it.

And i don't give a damn 'bout my bad reputation

And i don't really care if you think i'm strange

And i feel obliged to tell him what you're up to

And i know she hates me for being strict...

And I let them know that their daughter's

And i love you, jean.

And i never gonna care 'bout my bad reputation

And i only read 30 pages of it anyway.

And I really think it'd be good for you.

And I say, "hot dog, let me at 'em!"

And I say, fine. I'll work,

And i'd puke my guts out.

And I'll get, what, suspended? Expelled?

And I'm gonna eat them.

And I'm the mean one? How does that work?

And if she says she didn't help this kid cheat, then she didn't!

And if you keep going the way you're going,

And it gets that skin on the top.

And lay in bed with us all night.

And make me a sandwich, too?

And now he's wasting your time.

And pretend with her,

And remember, don't believe everything they say

And ride the bus with me again.

And she said she saw you smoking.

And so I get there,

And soil their perfect little daughter.

And that's how i feel about you, jean.

And that's what a bad banana.

And that's what i'm gonna do

And the band's playing tonight.

And the person who picks us up could be an artist

And the stupid priest says I can't come in.

And the thing is, i might not be bad.

And the writer was clearly on drugs when he wrote it.

And their manager, miss Lindsay Weir.

And then he got his whole scalp torn off and now he has to wear a wig.

And then I'll take you to the school,

And then keep asking for more until they go out of business.

And then we can take off.

And then you just... You need the laminating machine, right?

And they also said...

And they're kind of helpful.

And they're not gonna unpack themselves.

And things do not need to change.

And this all goes away.

And to lie to my parents and to Mr. Rosso.

And under his foot's the severed head.

And we believed her.

And we can walk up to the door of the dance,

And we cleaned your butts, and we loved it.

And we gotta dress up.

And we watch this movie from beginning to end.

And we'd call it over and over and over again.

And we'll get sent yeah.to telephone prison.

And we're going to enjoy it, damn it!

And we're gonna be reading aloud.

And we're your employees.

And what do you think I got?

And what do you think I got?

And what is the quadratic formula?

And when I get back,

And when I say, beat the living crap outta me,

And when something like this happens, you deny everything.

And will suffer until they die a slow and painful death."

And x equals 19y,

And y equals 8.

And you are not students.

And you came up too quick and your head, like, exploded.

And you can come wait on all those nice hunters.

And you can say and do anything in front of her?

And you don't think anyone understands.

And you go, "What are these?" "What's that?"

And you just might have to come back here next year

And you know what?

And you know why?

And you know, it's really hard to say no to you, but I have to.

And you run for the hills.

And you wanna know somethin'?

And you're not Ms. Weir, high school student.

And, look. Grab a brush.

And, you know... There's a window here, right?

And...

And...i'm not just some whore, you know?

Anonymous note? That means nothing. Get in.

Another thing they do is the old cop trick.

Anyone see Dukes of Hazzard last night?

Anyway, can robots really be in love?"

Anyway...

Anyways,

Apparently, my daughter is now a cheater.

Are a sex crazed drug addict.

Are they fighting?

Are we gonna go to hell for this?

Are weeded out of the gene pool.

Are you calling me irrational?

Are you crazy?

Are you going to the muscular dystrophy carnival?

Are you going?

Are you guys going to the homecoming dance?

Are you joining the mathletes again?

Are you lookin' for a fight, dork?!

Are you new at our school?

Are you OK?

Are you sure you're OK?

Are you sure?

Are you telling me that I look like a friend of yours?

Are you there, god? it's me, margaret.

Are you?

Aren't they queer?

As long as we don't, you know, admit it, they got jack on us.

As people, ok?

As soon as your freak sister isn't around,

As you were.

Ashley, it's just that I love you so much...

Ashley, it's just...

Ask around. See if she has a date for the dance.

Astrology. It's not astrology

At least I didn't get head lice.

At least your mom doesn't write the note on the bag.

At parkway Saturday night.

At the homecoming dance.

Athcliff.

Avoid him.

Aw. It's capricorn! Cancer!

Ball 4. Take your base.

Basic stuff, guys know it. Go ahead, point to it.

Basically, they did.

Be a man.

Be a team. We don't actually know that anyone cheated.

Be prepared to have your mind blown.

Becaus

Because he doesn't want any dirty stuff going on in his apartment building.

Because I don't trust you.

Because i'll tear your head off, daniel.

Because if he does,

Because if the other guy hits you in the nose,

Because it says you're 18.

Because it's my job.

Because those are the thgs i like.

Because times have changed.

Because you're retarded.

Because, you know, one's a brunette, one's a blonde...

Before or after you shave?

Behind me right here, and I'd like to introduce them all to you, but first,

Being a sagittarius, I'm always forgetting these things.

Being...

Believe what you wanna believe.

Bet you don't think he's a square, do you?

Bill Murray sucks, man.

Bill, this is a porno. You don't eat popcorn during a porno.

Bill, you'll be fine.

Bill: FREDRICKS?

Bill!

Blaze through those tricks of yours.

Bridge of thoughts

Bring it on.

Broke my "one person at a time" rule.

Brown eyes, brown hair

Brown eyes, brown hair.

Brown eyes, brown hair.

Brown eyes, lovely brown hair.

Buddies. I'm making...

Business must be pretty bad if we're supposed to let them in.

But 2 of the worst ones are mom and dad."

But after a while,

But are they ever gonna find out?

But before I had this, I was lost, too.

But do you really want to be in Kowchevski's class again?

But don't believe 'em. I'll never confess, OK?

But don't make me the bad guy here.

But don't worry!

But he's a loser. And losers pull down winners.

But I can make you work the refreshment table

But i could be good.

But I have a prior engagement.

But I was a kid once, too, and not that long ago.

But I was working with him last night, and he's really learning.

But I'll quit. I will resign.

But I'm not a good liar.

But if I start bugging you, please, be sure and let me know.

But if you get suspended, it goes on your transcript.

But in reality, those things don't usually happen.

But instead Eli broke his arm and...

But it doesn't.

But it doesn't.

But it's also where you should be learning how to socialize.

But it's just...

But it's not my fault you get picked last.

But it's the funniest show on TV!

But just... just... I mean,

But listen, you can't tell anybody we had this conversation.

But make sure you stop by, though.

But she thought it was my brother

But she's got a freakin' novel in there.

But still, it wouldn't make you 18.

But they cost like, a ton of money.

But they're gonna card, so I can't... What can I do?

But we can always use another scooper.

But we need to communicate.

But we're still not entirely convinced these two didn't cheat.

But you feel alone and confused,

But you gotta do something.

But you gotta trust me.

But you just need a little more time.

But you'll drop dead in 3 days.

But you're our best math lete.

But you've gotta let me do the kind of work that I wanna do.

But, mean, I never thought you would turn out this hot.

But, uh, I don't ride the bus, sir.

But, uh, yeah, you never give him a shot.

But, you know, we don't have to do this.

Butt you butt patter.

Butt, butt...patter."

By some junkie working for the post office.

Can I get through one question without you guys gettin' hysterical on me?

Can I talk to you for a minute?

Can i talk to you for a minute?

Can we go home?

Can you do it soon?

Can you help me out?

Can you see God or heaven or a light or anything?

Can you show me where the ovaries are located?

Canadian?

Cape Canaveral, ready for lift off.

Capricorn!

CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE www.ncicap.org

Captioning made possible by dreamworks television l.l.c.

Captioning made possible by dreamworks television, l.l.c.

Catch it. Come on.

Certain men... Not me...

Cervix says no.

Cervix.

Check it out, but don't lose it.

Check it out, man.

Check it out. What's she want?

Chip, my oldest, oh, he's a doll.

Choosing between the 2 lovely ladies on the show

Cindy Sanders is in love with you, man.

Class is starting.

Close. He beat the living crap outta me.

Colin!

Come back, you know?

Come back, you know?

Come here.

Come here.

Come here.

Come on, Daniel. One problem...

Come on, Eli.

Come on, guys, let's go.

Come on, ladies!

Come on, ladies.

Come on, let's go

Come on, let's go.

Come on, let's go. shh shh.

Come on, let's hit the patio.

Come on, Nick, fill in those drums there, will ya?

Come on, people. This is just a test, not a death sentence.

Come on, Sam.

Come on, Weir, throw it back.

Come on, weir.

Come on!

Come on.

Come on.

Come on. Come on, Eli. Give him a break.

Come on. Gimme something to make me laugh.

Come on. I need to get something out of this classroom.

Come on. Just open the paper.

Come on. let's go.

Confiscated?

Congratulations, everybody.

Congratulations.

Cool

Cool guy. come on!

Cool. You know, i'm glad it worked out.

Could potentially change our lives. I don't want any...

Could we not talk about this right now?

Could you be quiet, please?

Could you be quiet, please?

Could you explain this joke to me?

Cut his legs off?

Cutting?

D * on board, I'm a captain d

D. let's get outta here.

Dad, are any of your friends alive?

Dad, just because kim's mother is insane

Dad, kim does it all the time.

Dad, you're overreacting.

Dad!

Dad?

Daddy, I skipped Latin.

Daddy, if I started smoking, I would tell you.

Damn, it's weird you can do this in your head

Daniel Desario, Ken Miller, Nick Andopolis, Kim Kelly,

Daniel gets out of stuff like this all the time.

Daniel, did you... Cheat on this test?

Daniel, do you have one?

Daniel, i'll see you later.

Daniel, let's just stick to our story.

Daniel's the kind of student

Desario

Did dad tell you to ask me that?

Did I crush your twinkies?

Did I do something to you?

Did it work?

Did mom and dad ever tell you

Did you bring your textbook?

Did you guys happen to see Three's Company last night?

Did you hear Danielle and I were gonna sing Super Trouper at the talent show?

Did you help him cheat?

Did you know that in some cultures, if your children shame you,

Did you see me?

Did you see me?

Didn't I just get you one? You lose it already?

Didn't Sigourney Weaver kill that thing in Alien?

Didn't we take a test last week?

Died...

Do the math.

Do you actually say the words "hot dog"?

Do you cheerlead?

Do you ever talk to your cousin Toby anymore?

Do you get it?

Do you have any idea how much money I'm losing?

Do you have his number?

Do you know this song?

Do you love me?

Do you seriously think I would start smoking?

Do you take algebra?

Do you think i don't know what that means?

Do you think that me, Neal, and bill could beat up Alan?

Do you think you might flunk it?

Do you wanna come over my house?

Do you wanna go to the homecoming dance with me?

Do you want the projector to eat the film

Do you want to come and sit with me?

Do you want to go to the homecoming dance with me?

Do you want to kiss me?

Do you want to see my ID?

Do, uh...

Dodge ball's kind of a stupid game, isn't it?

Does he still make fake IDs?

Does lindsay have a diary?

Doesn't mean I was gonna tell her what you said.

Don't be so overdramatic.

Don't bother changing yet.

Don't bother with that. Get away from there.

Don't even look at that stuff.

Don't even think about it.

Don't judge a book by its cover.

Don't let your hormones get in the way

Don't listen to me. Guide me."

Don't open it here, man.

Don't open it here, man.

Don't play with that rooster!

Don't play with that rooster. That's not a nice, petty pet rooster

Don't question me, people, ok?

Don't touch me, you scuzz.

Don't worry.

Don't worry. It's cool.

Don't you have a test to take or something?

Don't you have any sugar cereals?

Don't you have to get to class, too?

Don't you run away from me!

Don't you wanna live life, harold?

Dr. Love.

Dream on, Sam.

Drive me to god knows where and murder me."

Dude, I hate astrology.

During the 3 weeks he took to writeon the road.

E i don't know what she's doin' out there.

Eh heh...

Eh, former Greens keeper.

Eighteen, I gotta get away

Eighteen, I just don't know what to say

Either way.

Eli, they're only laughing at you

Eli, you are special.

Eli, you don't have to talk to them.

Eli. What?

En espanol.

En espanol.

Enough said.

Ere is one of our captains today.

Es importante.

Even her own mother says so.

Even hookers.

Even if I am cheating

Even if the Hulk could beat him, all it has to do is wait

Even Mr. Alice Cooper.

Even though Lindsay's not a mathlete anymore,

Every old person thinks they're so smart.

Every week you build off

Everybody's still alive.

Everyone knows. girls know.

Everyone's here.

Everything fun in this world happens in bars

Everything i do, i do to serve you.

Eww!

Exactly.

Except it says you're 24.

Excuse me, Dr. Love?

Excuse me, is this seat taken?

Excuse me?

Excuse me?

Excuse me.

Excuse me. Hey, gelfand. You know what?

Fair enough.

Farrah Fawcett majors.

Feedback!

Fellas, i just changed our lives.

Finally, a sane man. God, this is...

Fine,ms. Weir.

Finest pop.

Florida. My dad was transferred here to work for General Motors.

Follow me! We will go! let's take off! Whoa!

For example, he may wanna play shortstop,

For half an hour. hey, guys.

For putting me in deep right field for 11 years.

For The Empire Strikes Back tickets

For the last 2 weeks. where've you been?

For your stomach to tell your brain it's full. So you should eat really fast.

Forget it.

Forget it. That dirtbag's not gonna get an extension.

Forgive me... Let me come in.

Four

Frank.

Freaks and Geeks S01E05 Tests and Breasts (VO)

Freaks and Geeks S01E07 Carded and Discarded (VO)

Freshman bullies.

Friend of yours... Linds?

From my sources in the English department.

From now on, I'm not Mr. Rosso, guidance counselor.

From the feet up.

Gentlemen, here's my advice.

Get acquainted

Get away from there, man.

Get in there, and play. Come on.

Get off me, you psychos!

Get on the field!

Get outta here!

Get outta the way.

Get this.

Get up here! Let's go.

Get used to it.

Gimme lewis.

Gimme weir.

Give 'em a big hand.

Give us the money back, all right?

Go and do what you want to do

Go home.

Go sniff a jockstrap, you poop head.

Go sniff a jockstrap, you poop head."

Go sniff..."

Go to shop class.

Go, Tim, go!

Go.

Go.

God, Bill, your rocket's huge.

God, that is so sick.

God, this is good.

God, this is so unfair

God, what are you, lit or something? You know? Jeez!

God, you just don't get it, do you?!

God, you're gross.

God! You bastard! Why'd you do that?

Good bye now.

Good evening, everybody. Are you ready to rock?

Good evening. Welcome to the Iron Horse.

Good night, dear.

Good night.

Good.

Good.

Good.

Good. And the hat, take the hat... You know, what's with the hat?

Good. Look like you've been waiting on line for 2 hours.

Good. Then I'm satisfied.

Gordon crisp it is.

Gordon crisp!

Gordon crisp.

Gordon crisp's father.

Gordon, uh, didn't have any interest in sports.

Got humphries.

Got to take advantage of this evening.

Got your shoes off?

Gotall right, i want crisp.

Gracias.

Great, Bill. Now you can go and fart in front of her.

Great.

Great.

Great.

Great. I owe you my life.

Great. I've met tons of new people.

Great. Thanks a lot.

Great. That works out perfect.

Gross.

Guess it went all right.

Guess who's in trouble?

Guys, I'm just sitting 3 tables over, I'm not moving back to Florida.

Guys, Mr. Rosso's really good at the guitar.

Ha ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha!

Ha ha!

Ha ha! Yeah!

Had to bring the big rocket, didn't you?

Half of what?

Half off on all dress shirts.

Hang on.

Harold, i i don't think we suld be reading this.

Harold, if you're not gonna eat,

Harold, it's recently come to my attention

Harold, no!

Harold, she is not gonna become a hooker.

Harold: JEAN!

Harold...

Harold... WHAT?

Harris, you're so bad.

Has a nice ring to it, don't you think?

Has a nice ring to it, don't you think?

Haverchuck h

Having a scrimmage against Mount Clemon next week.

He

He always does.

He asked me 2 weeks ago.

He broke my tailbone, but the results were effective.

He called me mr. Crisp and everything.

He caught my ball.

He could see it all over my face.

He died, choking on his own vomit.

He doesn't get it, either.

He embarrassed me in front of the whole class

He gave me one once. He likes me.

He got an "A" on the algebra test.

He got caught stealing hood ornaments off of cars.

He got expelled.

He plays drums for led zeppelin,

He said the accelerator got stuck

He said you're a bad banana.

He studied and he got all As on his own?

He totally bought i

He used to crack me up.

He wants to learn. And what about the next test?

He was dropped on the head when he was a baby.

He was terrified.

He wrote on the road.

He'll just get the answers from somebody else.

He's a goner.

He's been doing a helluva job.

He's dead.

He's got a problem. That's all.

He's got water in his brain, but, oh, he's a sweet kid.

He's in good shape.

He's just... He's kidding.

He's Millie's cousin.

He's obviously acting out his insecurities

He's some president, right?

He'sthe butt patter.

Heavy breathing. that's a good idea.

Heck, yeah.

Heh heh. Funny.

Heh heh. What are you laughin' at, pinhead?

Hell, no. I'd rather be in jail

Hello there!

Hello, Jeff.

Hello?

Hello?

Hello? All right.

Hello? The jacket.

Help clear the table.

Help yourself to mine.

Henry.

Here is a female reproductive system.

Here it is.

Here she comes.

Here we go, here we go.

Here we go.

Here. I'm sorry.

Here's the deal:

Here's those noogies you ordered.

Hey

Hey hey hey!

Hey, all right... Pachoski, you want to go help him?

Hey, are you, uh... Are you, uh, are you ok?

Hey, batta batta batta.

Hey, Brad. Haven't seen you in a while.

Hey, brain,

Hey, but I gotta say,

Hey, chatty Cathy, you sit on the furniture at home?

Hey, chuck!

Hey, chump. I need your help.

Hey, chump. I need your help.

Hey, Cindy?

Hey, come on.

Hey, dad, guess what.

Hey, dad...

Hey, Daniel.

Hey, do you mind if I go over and sit with those guys today?

Hey, don't get mad at me.

Hey, don't leave me hangin'.

Hey, don't screw me over. Look alive

Hey, Eli.

Hey, Eli.

Hey, everybody!

Hey, geek.

Hey, good game on Saturday, Eddie.

Hey, guys.

Hey, Harris. Hey, Gordon. You met our new friend Maureen?

Hey, her name is Lindsay, all right?

Hey, hey! Knock it off!

Hey, how come your sister's dressing so weird now?

Hey, I believe in God, man.

Hey, I'm sorry for wasting your time.

Hey, is maurice at home?"

Hey, Jimmy, what's up?

Hey, kid!

Hey, Kim, I got some.

Hey, Kim, I think he likes you.

Hey, kim, kim.

Hey, kim.

Hey, kim.

Hey, Kim. Where's Daniel?

Hey, lay off.

Hey, linds...

Hey, linds...

Hey, Lindsay. What's up?

Hey, lindsay...

Hey, Lisa!

Hey, man, sure had a lot of fun with your wife last night.

Hey, man, that's not cool. That's not cool.