BoJack Horseman - Season 2 Edit

A bit is what they call a joke in show business.

A buzz in round? All right.

A chain of high end department stores.

A chance to finally make things right. And this time, I was gonna win...

A complex role that requires a precise touch and a deft hand

A hero?

A lock pick.

A lot of people talk big,

A lot of them grow up to be serial killers.

A million dollars for charity.

A stranger just told me to eat shit.

A T shirt, BoJack, in the theater.

A then relevant Wilmer Valderrama used to host a weekly how do you do

A, "A visual feast for the senses,"

A, 75? B, 1000?

A, because I am not a great man and B, because that is a really stupid name.

Aah! What is it?

Abe knows what we're making.

About a guy who doesn't know anything about Secretariat. [laughs]

About five years ago. Veronica, right?

About if that's the kind of energy you want in your life.

About something that she has nothing to do with.

About the show as it airs.

About the son I'll never know.

About trying improv comedy?

Acting in your dream movie. What more do you want?

Actually one of the stars just died. It's really sad.

Actually, I'm gonna stay right here.

Actually, maybe you should.

Actually, this might be a thing she does.

Actually, you know what? Don't worry about it. It's not for you.

Afraid he's gonna lose his scholarship.

Against Hank Hippopopalous.

Ah.

Ah.

Ah.

Ah. All right! Here we go.

Ah. Kofi Makir. Am I pronouncing that right?

Ah. Well, I wrote down "late," so that's what it's gonna be.

Aha! I went to house to pick up mail for you like real American Johnny.

Alan, we've got enough problems without worrying about your imminent death.

Alan, you already know too much. You're a part of this now, like it or not.

All I ever wanted was to be your friend.

All I've ever wanted was to be in this movie,

All right, break a leg, good buddy. Diane, BoJack's ready to go.

All right, but why are you helping me?

All right, folks. We're taking it back to 1991,

All right, Good Wife, let's see what you got.

All right, let me try again. What are you doing ?

All right, you ready? This is go time. There's no turning back now.

All right. I'll do it.

All right. Now that's $500,000.

All right. You don't wanna listen to Bosstones together.

All the pressures of being president.

All the red flags just look like flags.

All this time, I assumed there was more to me than everyone thought

All upper caps, no punctuation, lots of cryptic bullshit about the Illuminati

Allegedly.

Alone, please?

Along with all that pain and degradation comes a certain perfect clarity,

Also, it has four different colors.

Also, my husband left me.

Also, P.S., when have you ever been on my side?

Also, you know, I'm a huge fan. I'm so excited/amped/pumped

Although I gotta hand it to your husband. It has been a really painless shoot,

Amanda, I am so glad you're throwing your weight behind this.

An illegitimate son,

Ana is the best there is.

And a genocide may or may not have been perpetrated in my name.

And a sign is less likely to get distracted.

And all the money will be set on fire live here on our studio soundstage.

And all the other character actors who live in lucrative obscurity.

And all the stars came out to show off their tricks.

And also full from the pancakes so instead... you took a nap.

And also my name is Mia McKibben, so that I could deal with your nonsense.

And another hero is President Nixon.

And armchair sociologist, Cardigan Burke. Cardigan,

And as my own dog, I decided

And at least now you have your own bed. Besides... heh, everyone here loves you.

And be this best possible version of myself.

And BoJack barely got beyond his thesis statement.

And can you at least let Alan fix the cable before he dies?

And cut. Neat.

And destroy peasant rebel army

And doesn't end with "how much you hated Moulin Rouge," the answer's no.

And enough time to catch up on The Good Wife.

And even then, sometimes...

And every episode, the eyes light up with dollar signs,

And finally topple the acropolis of monstrous hypocrisy

And finally, my personal favorite,

And fired his chief advisor, who can be seen in this file photo

And for a moment, you feel like you are.

And for some reason, everyone was playing poker all of a sudden.

And for someone who never plays, you sweat a lot.

And for the next 30 minutes, I am that God

And get a lot of people mad at you.

And get back to doing small roles

And get to look into the real darkness of his soul.

And got my Rooney a screen test.

And got that shot I told you not to get for the scene

And he had to agree with me.

And he said improv is a cult.

And he was like, "Hey." And that's our thing.

And he would say, "I love you."

And he would say, "Well, if he didn't invent it, he certainly perfected it."

And he'll be like, "Oh, hey." And I'll be like, "Hey."

And here I am going downstairs.

And here many monies off for Bed Bath Beyond.

And his bestselling book, it's BoJack Horseman.

And I am a horse. Do you get it? Do you get my joke about the track?"

And I didn't drink tonight, so everything's totally legal.

And I didn't know where else to go.

And I don't feel that way a lot.

And I don't mean that kind of number two.

And I don't want to be the mother of a quitter

And I have never been more sure of anything.

And I just can't wait to tackle it head on.

And I just want a night off to enjoy them.

And I know that sounds stupid to you, and small.

And I like to go to school, but sometimes I get sad.

And I made you two mixes.

And I need people to witness me witnessing it.

And I need you in my corner now because I don't have anybody else.

And I probably could have handled things better

And I realized, "I can wallow in this hole or I can change."

And I said, "Yes." And he said, "God help us all" and left the room.

And I say, "I'm here to confirm she is an incredible woman."

And I think we could make something really special.

And I truly do believe that.

And I was like, "Yeah, that's okay, but compared to what my wife is doing,

And I would say, "I don't think that's true."

And I would scream into the night.

And I wouldn't have to say, "I'm sorry I left.

And I'll believe almost anything.

And I'm Checkers.

And I'm sorry I made you come here.

And I'm telling you you're not gonna win this thing.

And if I hear one more peep out of you

And if Kelsey didn't get fired,

And if you ever try to contact me or my family again,

And imagining what could have been.

And is currently profiting off of Hank Hippopopalous's good reputation?

And it is very important that things run smoothly tonight.

And it just goes to show you life is just... Ah, what am I saying?

And it made an entirely new color.

And it says if I leave immediately, I can still make it home tonight.

And it would really mean a lot if you came.

And it's weird that you never apologized for that...

And literally grab cash out of thin air?

And lying to my husband for the last week? Hey, there's a Cheez It on the shelf.

And make sure to mention my preferred brands, okay?

And mawkish sentimentality, but still.

And maybe some space might be good for us.

And more people read them.

And my car runs on farts.

And my children married each other in an unholy incestuous union.

And my thing is just a dumb feminist trying to get attention

And new media outreach, they'll seem more grounded down to earth.

And next month the community center is doing Seussical.

And next thing I know, I'm an Associate Producer.

And no one more important than the people who make that television.

And not a second longer and only if you're insanely wealthy. I can't wait!

And not enough time being a dad.

And not have to talk about anything or explain anything.

And now my face is in ruins.

And now our first ever guest.

And now you can fill your life with projects

And now you know me.

And off putting.

And on that wall is a painting of me posing for the statue.

And over there is the statue of me building the library.

And pretend Trip isn't being a huge perv right now?

And really figure out what we're doing

And right now that clarity is telling me that you and I should get out of here.

And say, "Yeah, another day, let's do it." How do people do it?

And serene. And... pleasant.

And several crates full of unsold muffs

And she died of alcohol poisoning, man.

And she exploded?

And she had no idea that her boyfriend was the strangler.

And she loses all perspective. Goddamn it, honeydew?!

And she told me, of course! We're married!

And so I began my travels,

And steal the scale model.

And that man was Banksy. And that color was green.

And that mister is me understanding you just fine.

And that outstanding individual will receive this pen.

And that someone had to be you?

And that you still won't.

And that'll make him super jealous.

And that's not gonna change whether you're in California

And the animals' choice is...

And the less discerning Staten Islander."

And the son never knew who his dad was, but always had a hunch it was Nixon,

And the story it's telling you is to answer your phone.

And the tears start to flow.

And the tears start to flow.

And the vice president was a hip hop zebra named Zebro.

And the waiter would say, "You want me to box up this jerb kazzaz for you?"

And then I gotta take my suit off.

And then later clarified that that's a compliment.

And then my picture was in the newspaper.

And then on the billboard it'll say:

And then that son grew up to be the security guard at the Nixon Library?

And then the whole thing feels kind of creepy.

And then they like learning more about you, but at a certain point

And then this other girl, Lyla K., came up to him and was just like, "Hey."

And then to tell you you're not doing so well.

And then you are going to be over here.

And then you got mad at me for letting you eat so many pancakes.

And then you say, "Hey."

And then... never dance with him.

And they don't even care they could be ruining a man's life.

And they hug you while your butt is stuck in a chimney.

And they keep talking about the park and all the fun you'll have,

And this isn't funny. No more tomfoolery.

And vodka. And gin.

And war and devastation in three months.

And we can make the movie we both want to make.

And we did the right thing back there, you think?

And we shot on location.

And we still put him on TV every week,

And we will do our part to honor his legacy.

And we'll find out in four to six weeks.

And we're back in five, four, three, two...

And we're back.

And we're back. Contestants, I've got a history question for both of you.

And we're out. Fifteen seconds, everybody.

And we're out. Oh, we're cooking now.

And what does she have against our beloved hippopotamus?

And what happened to your friends BoJack and Penny?

And what happened?

And when the pressure's on, that's when I shine.

And when you don't have proof to back it up, you just slink away.

And when you woke up, you said, "Thanks for the pancakes

And while Daniel's in the booth, BoJack, you have an essay question.

And who are you again?

And why we're here.

And work on this movie that's gonna ruin my career.

And yes folks, I said "da," not "the."

And yet here you are trying to make me vomit.

And you can use improv to make this room anything you want it to be.

And you don't know where Maddy got the whiskey.

And you got to make the movie you wanted to make,

And you just roll into my life like a hurricane.

And you just want me to put on a happy face

And you kept eating them so I kept making them.

And you might wanna find someplace else to work

And you said your name was Chadwick Boseman?

And you treat me like a big joke.

And you'll cut it with water. That way you don't get hungover.

And you'll run with it.

And you'll say, "I'm busy right now. Maybe later."

And your second favorite Gnarls Barkley song.

And, uh, Goose decided to go in a different direction.

Another beautiful day in the city of Brotherly Angels.

Another embarrassingly wrong answer,

Any bad press you get can hurt Secretariat.

Any questions about me, the handsome, famous horse with a book?

Anyone else want a snack?

Anyone else want a snack?

Anyway, do you remember who directed The Philadelphia Story?

Anyway, enjoy the sandwich, you're a great man.

Anyway, I am fired up about my first day back on set.

Anyway, I know you're just in town for the boat show,

Anyway, let's take a moment to look at the great comments

Anyway, what were we talking about? Who knows?

Are we clear on this?

Are you calling attention to the fact

Are you giving me a thumb's up or a thumb's down? I can't tell.

Are you in or out?

Are you in?

Are you *******? Because I feel some of these you're just making up.

Are you kidding me? With this honeydew right now? Ugh!

Are you kidding?

Are you punishing me for smoking or for stealing?

Are you ready to go to New York for six months?

Are you saying that nobody who really knows me could ever love me?

Are you saying the Van Sant camp wants to recant on VanCamp?

Are you saying you're finally ready to settle down with yours truly?

Are you serious right now? Dude, this is for charity.

Are you sure she's gonna be okay?

Are you the person to talk to about unclogging the toilet?

As a teen, I'm open to new experiences.

As a young Jackie Bouv?

As an ally?

As long as one of us dies, that's good enough.

As Max Headroom would say, "Your m m mom is a b b bitch."

As would I, BoJack Horseman,

As you know, you're my favorite client.

At AOL Time Warner Pepsico Viacom Halliburton Skynet

At Chris Martin's holiday party? We stepped outside for a smoke?

At night I heard the cries of children sick and dying.

At our age, it's weird if you don't have a family.

At the Movies With Mr. Peanutbutter.

At this point, we just don't know enough to judge.

At this up and comer that will please the pickiest of Brooklynites

ATTITUDE stands for attention to

Audience, does BoJack know things?

Audience, let's...

Aw, she looks so peaceful.

Awesome. Wait. How many times did I just say "awesome"?

Aww.

B, "A zestful lark through time and space,"

Be reasonable. You wouldn't wanna puncture the hull.

Bear not like to be poke

Beat it, Poindexter.

Beats by Dre, Abercrombie and Fitch and [clicking] brand fin polish.

Beautiful, I'm starting my own agency, and I want you to be my partner in crime.

Because BoJack's doing a play there after you finish.

Because he knows I'm a real girl who's mostly chill. [chuckles]

Because I am going to win you an Oscar.

Because I have very mixed feelings about it.

Because I'm here to buy... a boat.

Because I'm so engrossed in the second screen experience,

Because it seems like you might actually win,

Because it's a different kind of pie?

Because my life is a mess right now and I compulsively take care of other people

Because nothing is more important than television,

Because of network executives like me.

Because of what she's saying on the news

Because people on the app are, and I quote, "losing their tits."

Because people on the app are, and I quote, "losing their tits."

Because some idiot stole this model last night.

Because that was a long road to walk to get to that punch line.

Because the movie's such a piece of shit and all.

Because there's a lot of ribbing going on here.

Because they can't.

Because this is the moment you realize

Because we're talking about Egypt? And Mr. Peanutbutter's a mutt, so...

Because when Zachary had a bad time with peer pressure,

Because you should not read the comments.

Because you're mad at me, right?

Because you're my best friend, Todd

Because...

Because... why?

Beep, boop, beep.

Beep, boop, boop. Machine?

Beep, boop.

Before you left town, you told me L.A. was a tar pit.

Believe me, nothing would make me happier

Besides, I don't think Diane's the person you wanna be going to for life advice now.

Between the Cords and the Ovians

Between the tanning salon and the adult bookstore.

Big Money himself, Mr. Peanutbutter.

Big nosed Todd wasn't funny, Zombie Todd wasn't funny,

Big reforms which could lead to sweeping change

BJ, I don't know. Look You know what you're good at?

Black, red, blue and for some reason, green.

BoJack gonna be in "da" house.

BoJack Horseman is tonight's winner.

BoJack Horseman, Horsin' Around.

BoJack, Abe tells me you guys are almost done with the movie.

BoJack, according to this app, you're almost tied.

BoJack, aren't you in a movie about Secretariat?

BoJack, before we get started

BoJack, breathe. You can do this.

BoJack, for all the marbles:

BoJack, I wanted to invite you to my graduation show tomorrow night.

BoJack, I'd love to help you out,

BoJack, I've been out of prison for two minutes.

BoJack, listen, I Oh!

BoJack, listen, I know you're scared, but it's gonna be okay.

BoJack, sit down.

BoJack, this is Corduroy Jackson Jackson, your costar.

BoJack, this is our first show

BoJack, what do we do?

BoJack, what is the average annual rainfall in Bora Bora?

BoJack, your book talked a lot about how much you love apple fritters.

BoJack! Thank God you found me

BoJack?

BoJack's not perfect. There are other celebrities

Boom. Bam! Done!

Boxer versus raptor. Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na.

Boxer versus raptor. Na na na na na na na na.

Boxer versus raptor. Na na na na na na na na.

Boxer versus raptor. Na na na na na na na na.

Boxer versus raptor. Na na na na na na na na.

Bringing your score down by 80 points and 12 dollars.

Broad accusations to get attention for yourself,

Buckle up, buddy, this is the year of Secretariat.

Buffering still, buffering.

But according to the second screen experience,

But also, you were my friend and you hurt my feelings.

But any of these next nominees would be welcome

But as you can see, I don't have my book.

But back to our main story, what is Diane's problem?

But calculus? Calculus can blow a mind away."

But damn if she doesn't get shit done.

But everyone on the app is really rooting for Daniel

But first, it's time for our Multiple Choice Buzz In Round.

But first, the visiting Cordovian Prince Gustav

But for now, don't worry about it.

But he was quickly found buying chili in Beverly Hills.

But I also expect that one of you will tower above the rest.

But I am a good actor, right?

But I am inches from getting Emily VanCamp

But I don't think moping around the house with Diane all day is healthy.

But I don't think we're going to be done in time.

But I don't wanna.

But I guess we'll find out right after this break.

But I knew my life was empty.

But I like it there.

But I look at the moon and so does he. That's how I know we're connected.

But I need this to go well, and I can't... [sighs]

But I need you here and I think you should come home.

But I think people are gonna notice

But I was like, "Hey, marriage lasts forever."

But I won't be spoken to in that tone by an article of clothing.

But I'd still rather share a bed with him than my ex wife.

But I'm a little concerned

But I'm kind of bummed we didn't get to dance.

But I'm my own dog.

But I'm real good at cleaning windows. Look.

But I'm super busy recording promos

But I'm tired of running in circles.

But if there's an adult there, I was supposed to be responsible,

But if you ask me, I don't think you want perfect and serene

But if you get it wrong, the charity gets nothing

But if you have any questions about Nixon, I'd be happy to answer them.

But improv isn't just about a constant clamoring for attention and validation.

But is now a scene where he swims in a fishing hole

But it wasn't Secretariat. And it wasn't me. It was a computer.

But it won't make you whole.

But it's actually just an answering machine.

But it's killer. Now all we need is a happy ending.

But Lady Luck had other plans.

But listen, I love you. Okay?

But maybe there isn't.

But maybe, if he runs really fast...

But now he's gotta take Trip to his dumb ass basketball game.

But now I'm ready to move on with my life

But now, let's meet our big celebrity.

But on the bright side, was not our worst.

But Secretariat never actually taught math in South Central.

But seriously... make yourself at home.

But she abandoned me to teach piano in Cordovia or something.

But some guy named Dong Slinger 420 loved the surprise.

But that doesn't give you the right to be shitty to me. I can't be around someone

But the cable's out for the neighborhood.

But the phantom cries would not abate

But the problem is, the place is crawling with cops.

But the survivors need a new hospital and we need to build it.

But then he said since prom's not for another two months,

But then I saw, the kid had a tell.

But then no one told me to stop, so it's still kind of my job.

But then they don't take you to the park. I need a second.

But then...

But then... [sobs]

But there has to be more.

But there's always The Atlantic.

But these people want resolution, okay?

But they call me Pete Repeat because I always say everything twice.

But this guy kissed your wife.

But this is bigger than you and me.

But this is the right thing,

But this Lyla K. character sounds like a real bust ass super skank.

But this moment is bigger than that.

But we were supposed to make a gritty movie about the real Secretariat.

But when he gets excited, his ears ever so slightly flop up and give him away.

But with an even larger main course of "sadly, I cannot."

But with me you can just relax and enjoy yourself.

But wouldn't finish.

But you can use our second screen app to see what viewers say

But you gotta keep it on for one more week.

But you guys are really into improv. I'm gonna go with my friend.

But you're actually out there helping people.

But you're also chewing gum.

But you're my girlfriend and I care about you

But, honestly, how fantaj would my Rooney be

But, see, I thought this was the man who sabotaged your rock opera.

But, uh, seriously, folks. Right?

By attacking a famous man, is that it?

By breaking into the only other place in Yorba Linda of cultural significance:

By the end of tonight,

By the way, your girlfriend has a stripper name.

C, "The best Zachary Quinto movie of all time,"

C! 3500!

Called Party of Five. Get it?

Can BoJack take me?

Can I ask you something?

Can I get another drink now or will that quote, unquote "embarrass" you?

Can I talk to you?

Can someone get this guy a cookie?

Can we be back to the car, so, for more get for put in it?

Can we kill these lights at all? Is that a ?

Can we please get some alcohol into my mouth?

Can you believe two guys like us

Can you check on our drinks? I would love some gin.

Can you give us the room, please?

Can you imagine what they're going to do for a real celebrity?

Can you write on a sign "watch out for cable"?

Can't do this to me. Where the hell is he?

Can't we just all shut up and do this?

Cancel the Bubble Round. Because we're getting real.

Carolyn, when you're in the throes of a very ugly divorce such as I am,

Carolyn, you are my gritty, witty city kitty.

Carolyn, you're a single woman in your 40s.

Carolyn? I only heard one stomp.

Carolyn.

Carolyn. How are things all the way up on 27?

Character actress Margo Martindale, you've been a model prisoner.

Charley Witherspoon, 28th floor agent.

Charley, you better get your client to change his mind

Charley. Listen, I wanted to touch base about Emily's start date on Jackie O.

Charlotte told me if I was ever in New Mexico

Cheers! Oh, you're good. You're very good.

Chili is nature's chillaxative.

Chin up, big guy. So, we ain't making Casablanca.

Claim that Uncle Hanky took them to a...

Clean up your shit, Todd.

Coffee Maker. [groans]

Coincidentally during that year, I read a book about cults.

College kid that gives you Adderall?

Come on, come on, come on.

Come on, come on, Todd. Almost there.

Come over for dinner, okay?

Come see the movie, we'll schmooze, we'll kibitz,

Coming up, Kanye West claims to hate Thin Mints. Our panel is outraged.

Computer BoJack had so much charisma and screen presence we ended up going back

Confetti shoots out of the ears, then I somersault out the mouth.

Cool.

Copernicus is the founder of Shenanigags.

Copernicus, how do you always come up with these amazing butt jokes?

Copernicus? Uh, Copernicus?

Could be really good for us, as a couple.

Could we keep it down in the front, please?

Could you get the base a little less pale?

Coupled with the retreat of the church from secular life..."

Dad, don't be gross.

Damn, Bojangles, you got served.

Darn tootin'. I may be a professional racehorse,

Dear God.

Death threat for wife, death threat for wife, once more death threat,

Diane does raise some good points.

Diane, I believe this question is for you.

Diane, I lived a life of power and luxury,

Diane, if you're watching this, I love you and I know you're doing great things.

Diane, look at us. A couple life lovers over here.

Diane, obviously Todd doesn't know what you're talking about.

Diane, the dead will not benefit from our grief,

Diane, this is Kinko.

Diane, you need to be strong.

Diane? I want you to meet Amanda Hannity,

Diane...

Did someone say something to the left? Diane, is that you?

Did something exciting just happen?

Did something exciting just happen?

Did that hurt your feelings?

Did they really make your character president?

Did you also get rid of my stuff? Where's my duffel bag?

Did you check the hall closet?

Did you go to work today?

Did you guys all practice before the show, because

Did you see what I did there? That's why they call me Pete Repeat.

Didn't I tell you not to invite your mom to the taping?

Didn't notice. You've got the smile of a winner.

Die, you chunky assholes!

Diego will see you have a good time without him,

Do they drink alcohol? All these things are possible.

Do They Know Things? Let's Find Out!

Do they know things? Let's find out!"

Do they teach you anything in school? Make a left at the light.

Do they wear short shorts?

Do you get it?

Do you know anything about Secretariat? You know he was a horse, right?

Do you still want to go to New York? Because Jill Pill

Do you think Israel has a right to defend herself?

Do your parents really love each other,

Do? What do? Movie's finished.

Doesn't mean they have to bring it home with

Dog friend's program is to find what celebrities know?

Don't beat yourself up too bad

Don't do that BoJack thing where you go off script

Don't give me that, you want crazy. "Crazy" is your favorite Patsy Cline song

Don't make me laugh. Ha hoo.

Don't sit so close to the TV, it'll make you cruel.

Don't tell me what to spread.

Don't worry so much. If you can't do this part

Don't you dare cry, don't you ever cry.

Don't you dare put that out.

Don't you talk to her like that!

Doris exploded?

Drink beer, and watch old episodes of Horsin' Around

Dude, what are you really doing here?

Editor in chief here at Manatee Fair

Eh...

Eight different women, all former assistants,

Elijah Wood?!

Emmy Award for Best Guest Actress.

Enjoy your dumb little TV show.

Erica, where did that tooth come from? All right, let's keep this party going.

Especially not when I have this smoke bomb. Ka pow!

Even I can't believe how much good we've done here,

Even though the movie's gonna be a piece of shit, right?

Even with all the craziness.

Every day after school.

Every day I'm telling people all about the great stuff you're doing there.

Every day, it gets a little easier.

Every good thing that ever happened to you happened

Everybody Those of you who can walk, I mean.

Everybody loves having BoJack around.

Everyone here loves you. Do you feel that?

Everyone is gunning for you. You're a woman talking out of turn about a man.

Everyone loves my work, but apparently not enough

Everyone said for months

Everyone says he's a really nice guy.

Everyone. We have an announcement

Everyone's paying attention to me now!

Everything I did was to help you tell the story

Everything is a metaphor.

Everything is the worst.

Except keep acting in this movie you hate.

Excuse me, would you get a picture of us?

Excuse me? That was such a beautiful performance.

Excuse, Dog Dog Peanut Man? This wife, she poke bear, yes?

Explain that the widow Day Lewis. She'll be devastated. Kaput. Kapleshky.

FAB, stands for fresh active BNA.

Face the same kind of smear tactics used by the Viet Cong.

Finally, we'll need a criminal mastermind.

Fine Art Gallery at the strip mall.

Fine. I'll call 911.

Finish it.

First, we gotta get the best lock pick in the city.

Five letters, second letter U?

Five minutes, Mr. Horseman.

Flying out the window, over the

For a little bit.

For television's highest rated new game show.

For the environment.

For the past few days thinking about that Jackie O movie.

For us, it's a place to realize our higher selves. For the paying public,

Freestyle.

Friend of Peanut Man, and lover of federated American states.

From this New York playwright, she really wants to talk to you.

Game recognize game.

Get dressed. We're going to the orphanage.

Get it? Track? Because horses run on tracks and you are a horse.

Get your butt up that chimney, and do your thing, Hamlet.

Get your demo guys together.

Gin, please? Is there gin coming?

Give me some gossip.

Go feel good about yourself and do your important work.

Go home, burn it and come back.

Go home, Goober.

Go sit on a sharp dick, you piece of shit.

Go to bed, Penny.

God, no! This is not the immediate praise I expected.

God, you know, you'd almost be safer in Cordovia.

Golden Globe winning star of the book.

Good boy, good boy.

Good choice. After seeing J.J. Abrams' Star Trek reboot, did I call it:

Good guy, total hack.

Good Lord, that's graphic.

Good ones leave too soon, bad ones never go away.

Good point.

Good shrugging, kid.

Good. Honestly, you'll probably be better off without me.

Gosh, I wanna say...

Got it, okay.

Gotta go. Bye.

Great house, great career, great life! Must be why I'm so happy all the time!

Great! Let's drag some bodies! Kinko! Oh, never mind

Great.

Great. We got it. Let's move on.

Guy goes into the doctor's office. Says, "Doctor, it hurts when I do this."

Guys like us? We're pros.

Guys, could I get everyone's attention, please?

Guys, earlier, some general asked me if it was "a go"

Guys? There is a very fragile alliance

Ha, good one.

Ha, ha. Okay, keep the engine running, I'll be back in a Oh.

Hank Hippopopalous, Bill Murray...

Hank Hippopopalous, Hank After Dark!

Hank Hippopopalous, Hank After Dark!

Hank is coming here?

Hank, I have to ask, did you do it?

Happiness is a metaphor

Happiness is a metaphor for change.

Happy ending for Todd!

Hashtag "every morning is a miracle." Hashtag "BoJack thoughts."

Hashtag "great day to start fresh at a new job, sincerely, BoJack."

Hashtag "miracle." Hashtag "every morning."

Hashtag "PANTS."

Hating Thin Mints? Is he legally insane?

Have a seat.

He could "foresee a situation" where he would want to go with me,

He goes on. "My question for you is:

He had to go win a race against the Russians

He is one groovy dude.

He just lost his first race, his father was sent to the glue factory.

He said "bam."

He said, "Two dongs way up."

He spent the last few days at Burning Man or whatever getting high.

He was wearing my clothes.

He would just say, "How was your day?" And then he would say,

He'd want to go with Ali Sandler, and I'm like,

He's been negative, so Copernicus thought he could benefit from some time away.

He's been reassigned to the Shenanigags comedy cruise line, the Giggleship.

He's fighting the Reds over in 'Nam,

He's got a funny face. I like your face.

He's got a soothing face and I like looking at it.

He's in my calculus class, and sometimes we'll do this thing

He's just this stupid guy.

He's right. Our research shows America likes to think they know you,

Hello, I am Mustache Todd. Like regular Todd, but with a mustache

Hello?

Hello? No, he's still here.

Hello. Serious, Going Places Todd at your service.

Herb loved orphans.

Here in Cordovia, I'm stitching children's arms back on.

Here on Mars.

Here, let me advance this. [grunts] And we probably got it.

Hey, are we at Tony Roma's right now?

Hey, BoJack, can I talk to you for a minute?

Hey, boys. What is this, a crossover episode?

Hey, Bryan. What's going on here?

Hey, buddy, pass me that bottle of vodka?

Hey, can you hold on a second? I'm getting another call.

Hey, Charley, Princess Carolyn again. Listen

Hey, Chicago! Al Capone, deep dish.

Hey, Dad, BoJack's taking me to prom!

Hey, Diane, you're still here. And BoJack is here.

Hey, do me a favor. Please don't make a big thing out of this.

Hey, do you remember the morning after my first night here?

Hey, enough with the stomping already!

Hey, get out of Hair and Makeup and give me back my pen!

Hey, I hope you can find a way to be happy, BoJack.

Hey, is it cool if I crash here for a couple nights?

Hey, kid, listen.

Hey, Knute.

Hey, look at you, all dressed up for the Dipshit Awards.

Hey, man, that's fantastic/great/I ran out of things.

Hey, Mr. Peanutbutter.

Hey, Mr. Peanutbutter. You wanna go fly a kite?

Hey, Seattle! Space Needle, Starbucks.

Hey, Secretariat.

Hey, should I give him a sitcom?

Hey, thank you so much. You people are the real stars. Huh?

Hey, there are a lot of advantages to being the girlfriend of a big celebrity.

Hey, this is Mr. Peanutbutter's show, so be nice.

Hey, Todd, you had some killer provs in class today.

Hey, Todd?

Hey, uh, I'm not gonna be back on set Monday.

Hey, um, how come Nixon gets a line and I don't get a line?

Hey, um...

Hey, Waco, Texas! Terrible tragedy. What does Ethan Hawke know?

Hey, what's your name, Superstar?

Hey, why don't we just us two schedj a hang for this 'kend?

Hey, work buddy, first day on the job, huh?

Hey, wouldn't your readers prefer something more relevant?

Hey, yeah, you know, while we're talking about your wife, I've got a question.

Hey, you guys wanna help me practice? Make a suggestion.

Hey, you wanna climb up on the water tower?

Hey, you, you're doing great.

Hey, your assistant wasn't out there, so I just Ooh.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey. How are you?

Hey. Uh...

Hey. Yeah, I got rid of her. Now this place is all mine.

Heyyy... Hitler.

Hi, Kinko. I'm Diane.

Hi, my name's Nicole. I work for Mr. Hippopopalous and, um...

His drunk appearance on The View,

His official statement was, "Uh, yeah, I'm the Prince of Cordovia.

Hitting your mark, saying your lines, loudly with good diction.

Hiya, folks! Howdy!

Hiya!

Hmm?

Hmm.

Hmm.

Hmm. Perhaps an arrangement can be... arranged.

Hollywoo Stars And Celebrities, What Do They Know?

Honey, where's my bandana?

Hooray, being a prince."

Hoping some of the garbage stinks less than the rest

How am I gonna offend a bunch of inbred Eskimo blubber munchers?

How appropriate! Fetch me drink, wench.

How come your wife flew all the way to war torn Cordovia

How could they possibly know that?

How dare you spread a narrative that...

How did you know about that?

How long are you thinking of staying here? Just for my own reference.

How the hell did he know that? What else does he know? Does he know things?

How would she even fit one of those in there?

Huh?

Huh.

Huh.

Huh.

Huh.

Huh.

I actually have a lot of pride in what I do.

I actually know this one.

I already reached out to all eight of Hank's former assistants. Nothing.

I always have time for you, my good friend BoJack

I am a good kid and I like to play,

I am definitely going to divorce her probably, it's just...

I am happy here.

I am having trouble with the words. Is it okay if I play around with it a bit?

I am kind of a well known character actress.

I am Kinko.

I am on your side.

I am peasant boy Todd from village.

I am so proud of you.

I am such a huge fan, Miss, uh

I am swamped here at work. First, I gotta put my suit on.

I am... digging this new cologne!

I asked you to join me because I thought you could handle it.

I asked you, really nicely, not to make a big thing out of this.

I booked us a room for the weekend. Pack your bags, let's go.

I came to ask you how you were doing

I came with her. I gotta say I'm opposed to child labor,

I can change and I will change

I can handle it.

I can walk into any Chili's with a child under 12 and get crayons for free.

I can't be at your soccer game, but I am your father and I love you very much.

I can't die. I'm endangered!

I can't do this anymore

I can't go to the prom without a date. It's not like when you were in high school

I can't see anything in this stupid thing.

I can't talk to you on the phone all the time.

I can't tell you how disappointed I am

I can't tell you how sorry I am.

I can't wait for you to meet Kyle and the kids.

I can't wait to get home. I got a coq au vin in the slow cooker.

I couldn't just drop everything and fly to the Third World.

I couldn't read it. My fax machine cut it into little strips.

I couldn't.

I definitely should have. I'm sorry.

I didn't do any of those things that you're accusing me of.

I didn't know he'd be wearing a tank top. [screams]

I didn't know where else to go.

I didn't see that stop sign.

I didn't think I could do it, but I did it.

I didn't want to do that

I didn't... like the person I was in L.A.

I do not know your customs, for I am dirt poor servant child.

I do the crossword in Sharpie, I never learned the shortcut for undo.

I don't care about your husband. All that matters is us.

I don't care if you are happy or not.

I don't care where you go, BoJack, but I can't have you around here.

I don't care. You said it yourself. Without that pen, I'm totally worthless.

I don't do CrossFit five days a week to not look sweet in this uniform.

I don't have anywhere else to go." And I remember when you said that,

I don't have time. I don't wanna listen to your music.

I don't have to tell you how hard life is. You're the ones with the dead parents.

I don't know

I don't know because I have no peripheral vision. Going off of smell here.

I don't know how.

I don't know if I can.

I don't know if I trust this new guy. I'm just gonna go sleep in your car.

I don't know if this helps or not, but when Secretariat was a kid

I don't know to what "it" the T shirt referred

I don't know what Secretariat did or didn't do. I wasn't there.

I don't know where you're going, but if you could run there

I don't know who Emeril is, but he sounds delightful.

I don't know why everyone keeps asking if I remember things. I don't.

I don't know, I just... [sighs]

I don't know, Princess Carolyn. Just let them burn.

I don't know. I gotta go. BoJack's gonna be here any minute.

I don't know. I thought I wanted this, but now I'm feeling all this pressure.

I don't know. It just came to me.

I don't know. It's your fantasy.

I don't know. Just making conversation.

I don't need a pen.

I don't think I ever told you that. But I should have.

I don't think she's coming back.

I don't think we can just resolve everything cleanly in a half hour.

I don't understand how it works.

I don't understand what started the fire.

I don't understand why you can't be on my side about this.

I don't wanna hang out. Get out of here.

I don't want crazy.

I don't want to do that anymore.

I don't.

I don't. And you don't know me.

I drove, but I moved my arm a bunch, so the Fitbit counted the miles.

I even bought his novelty rap album, The Hank Hippopopalous Hip Hop Hypothesis.

I expect all of you to work together.

I feel like that story had a lot of unnecessary details in it.

I feel like you could've woken me up first.

I forgot to say that twice, didn't I? Usually I do it.

I gave you some advice?

I go now

I got a brand new attitude and I am also loving life.

I got drunk and thought my reflection was another dog.

I got your pen. That means you respect me.

I gotta go get my blowhole bleached.

I gotta go on Kimmel now? What if he makes me read a mean tweet?

I gotta go.

I gotta go. One of my dumb ass clients is here.

I guess he was in some movie about a potter or a Pottery Barn or something?

I guess some people just see what they wanna see, right, Vincent?

I guess. Why?

I had a really good time tonight.

I had to forgive BoJack live on the air.

I had to touch three children today, and one of them was sticky.

I hate my life. I can't wait to be dead.

I have a few friends in the highway patrol,

I have condoms in my room. I can put one on with my mouth.

I have worked very hard to build this life for myself.

I haven't had a real conversation with in 30 years.

I heard movie theater.

I hope this isn't weird for you.

I hope you die before I do so you never know what it's like to lose a mother.

I invited him to.

I junked it. Who needs a car when you got a boat?

I just came to fix your cable.

I just landed a new client.

I just think if he gets a line, I should get a line.

I just wanna remember this instant where for once in my life,

I just want everyone to know what an honor it is to be here.

I just wanted to say one thing about me.

I just wanted to tell you I know.

I just wish you would have asked before you invited these people over.

I keep thinking about how this movie is my last shot at happiness.

I keep... making these bad decisions.

I knew I had been given a second chance.

I knew I kept these things around for a reason.

I knew it. I knew this show would bring us to the heights of human drama

I knew there were people out there just waiting for my help.

I knew you wanted to tell.

I know it's your baby, but I did make a few calls

I know what I want, BoJack.

I know what you're gonna say.

I know who you are.

I know you wanna be happy, but you won't be, and

I know you're doing important work and it's a long way to travel,

I know you're having fun with your police cars,

I know you're upset.

I know you've been really bummed out about the movie,

I know, and I'll be there in three months, as soon as I'm done on the movie.

I know, Mr. Peanutbutter.

I know. It's supposed to be my book tour and she's upstaging me.

I learned a little about cults during that year I was a Scientologist.

I like a big booty, if you know what I mean. And I don't mean a butt.

I like you guys.

I like your hustle and I like your matching lipstick.

I look like an idiot.

I love you, Diane.

I love you, too, Diane. You know, it's the funniest thing.

I love you, too, Mr. Peanutbutter. But I I gotta go.

I mean, do you even care about this at all?

I mean, it's no banana cream pie.

I mean, more like Secre terrible.

I mean, not literally. Well, one literally.

I mean, obviously there's no panacea, but a two state solution

I mean, that's crazy, right?

I mean, what is your endgame in all of this?

I mean, you're the one who said we're not making Casablanca.

I meant you are going to be a big fan of me

I miss you, too, but I promise,

I miss you.

I need something to distract me from the thought of D bags

I need to take suggestions.

I need you to be 100 percent with me here.

I need your help with a break in.

I put that movie together for my client

I realized I was spending too much time being president

I really don't get it.

I really don't know what to do with this thing.

I really don't want to impose.

I really need to talk to someone.

I really think we should get Maddy to a hospital, to a hospital.

I really thought I could do it. I thought I could go far away and help people

I really tried this time. I guess I'll never really amount to anything.

I remember because season three of Horsin' Around was a big cocaine year.

I remember visiting his flat and watching him work.

I said so many things when I was young. I thought I was so deep.

I say you should shut your stupid pretty face.

I see. Way to go, Mr. Peanutbutter. What a stupid move. Why did you ?

I should. I know I should.

I spend talking to you, that's how much money I'm wasting.

I started doing it as an intern,

I swear to God, if you don't shut up about CrossFit

I text and drive like all the time. What?

I think I can do it without you. Good luck.

I think I might be able to help you out. Let me tell you a story.

I think maybe we should stop calling each other, for a little bit.

I think so. Is that the move where a French girl pours soup in

I think that the vest makes me look kind of chunky.

I think you should come down here.

I thought I would never see you again.

I thought that was her thank you present, that she was leaving,

I thought these were salad plates.

I thought you said it was free.

I thought, "Here's a rube."

I used to watch Hank Hippopopalous's Dance Pop Cosmopolis

I value you. Hashtag "thank you for being a friend."

I wanna be very clear.

I wanna be very clear. This is about improv.

I wanna hear someone else talk about how what a selfless hero my wife is.

I wanna make sure the couches we get are really comfortable.

I wanna risk it all!

I want to become a Level Two,

I want to feel good about myself.

I want to stock up on muffs.

I want you to come onboard and write celebrity tweets.

I want you with me, fifty fifty.

I was gonna, but then I remembered everything is garbage,

I was in a hole.

I was just excited that I finished the maze on the back of the cereal box.

I was just going for a drive."

I was so happy to have a place to stay that I made pancakes.

I was so mad at that other dog.

I wasn't the person I thought I was.

I wasn't trying to antagonize him.

I watched them die!

I will fucking kill you.

I will.

I wish I could just go home right now and crawl into bed

I wish I met you before I got married.

I would just say, "My day was good."

I would love to take down Hippopopalous

I wouldn't drink anything out of an open container. This town is full of AIDS.

I...

I... [sighs] Look, sometimes when you're an adult,

I... I don't know.

I'd also like to know the answer to that, Diane.

I'd be happy to answer those.

I'd know it anywhere.

I'd like to think that's a coincidence.

I'd like you to join me on the high seas, as my Number Two

I'd love to stay and wallow with you, but I gotta head out.

I'd say it's time to get down, time to hit the town.

I'll be traveling back and forth to New York for the next few months

I'll get out of the car and be like, "That's so funny.

I'll go back to hosting my dance show,

I'll say it once, for your article.

I'll spread whatever I want. It's called one of the amendments.

I'll tell you when it's too far. This is my art, goddamn it.

I'm Yeah, I'm building a school for deaf kids.

I'm a dumb sitcom actor who's in over his head.

I'm a wild card.

I'm a yellow lab, BoJack.

I'm Abe Lincoln and I'm gonna wear my giant hat to the movies.

I'm afraid that getting out of here is not an option.

I'm amazing.

I'm BoJack Horseman.

I'm character actress Margo Martindale! [chuckles]

I'm concerned you're spending a lot of time with this sickly child.

I'm Diane's friend, BoJack.

I'm done with my sabbatical and I'm ready to get back to work.

I'm driving.

I'm glad I served my time.

I'm glad you found your bliss, but are you ready for your first day on set tomorrow?

I'm glad.

I'm gonna go hide your father's heart medication.

I'm gonna go to Copernicus and get this sorted out.

I'm gonna go with nuclear fusion.

I'm gonna take them out of the smoke detector.

I'm Hank Hippopopalous.

I'm here to be a character consultant.

I'm here to help these people.

I'm here, aren't I? I suffered through that ordeal.

I'm in your corner.

I'm incredibly disappointed. Boo!

I'm J. goddamn D. goddamn Salinger, and I want rain!

I'm just an athlete. I'm no hero. My brother Jeffretariat is the hero.

I'm just kidding around. These are great, hon.

I'm just saying, like...

I'm just saying, what, you think you're gonna find some perfect unattached guy

I'm just waiting for my friend Doris. Have you seen her?

I'm listening.

I'm moving into the new office and I got Herb's ashes here.

I'm Nixon. [chuckles].

I'm not 100 percent watching

I'm not afraid of being alone.

I'm not afraid to say it.

I'm not dead yet.

I'm not emotionally prepared.

I'm not gonna leave you holding the bag. Okay?

I'm not gonna lie, if you just made all that up, that was some really good improv.

I'm not just saying that because they're full of lesbians.

I'm not meeting you here because I'm scared of you.

I'm not really familiar with that outfit, but I do love trying new things.

I'm not ribbing you. I'm telling you, you're

I'm not saying anything not on the public record.

I'm not slinking away.

I'm now the biggest agent in the entire idyllic New England village.

I'm obviously not making a difference here.

I'm only half paying attention to whatever you two are arguing about

I'm president of the goddamn United States of America.

I'm punishing you for being alive.

I'm reading a script and I'm having trouble focusing,

I'm really glad we left that stupid prom,

I'm really not here to talk about that.

I'm sad!

I'm sad. Acting sad.

I'm Secretariat.

I'm so incorrigible.

I'm so sorry, the correct answer, of course, was Barry Bostwick.

I'm sorry for everything. I don't know what I'm doing.

I'm sorry I bailed in the middle of production. If there's anything I can do.

I'm sorry I gave you such a hard time about your trip.

I'm sorry I kissed you. I shouldn't have. We can pretend it didn't happen.

I'm sorry I made things so difficult.

I'm sorry I'm not the person I thought I was."

I'm sorry that I thought I could do this.

I'm sorry, Mr. Peanutbutter.

I'm sorry. Did you need a compliment?

I'm sorry. I just miss you too much.

I'm sorry. You wanna watch another episode of Horsin' Around?

I'm still working my way through the last 30 years of technology.

I'm sure I'll pick it up. How hard could it be?

I'm the adult here, and I need you to listen to me.

I'm the only senior who still doesn't have a license.

I'm the only senior who still doesn't have a license.

I'm tired of running in circles

I'm tired of running in circles.

I'm tired of running in circles.

I'm tired of running in circles.

I'm tired of running in circles.

I'm tired of running in circles.

I'm trying to have this new attitude, be this better, more positive guy.

I'm trying to write an essay.

I'm your servant, of course.

I've always wanted to be part of a community.

I've been here 20 years.

I've been trying to get in touch with you for two months.

I've got a hard drive full of research.

I've got five episodes of The Good Wife piled up on my DVR,

I've got two whole days.

I've seen everything you've done

I've seen your show. You're really funny.

I've wasted so much time sitting on my hands

Idea for a new app: an undo button that could undo long amounts of time.

Idea for a new Pixar movie: what are pizza boxes thinking about?

Idea for a thing Princess Carolyn should do... Shut up.

If anyone asks, tell them we left the dance early,

If anyone here has any questions about the book,

If Hank did anything wrong, they wouldn't let him on TV, right?

If he's too negative to support you, you should take a good hard think

If I could write a story for Buzzfeed. Here's the good news:

If I don't interact with this app every 80 seconds,

If I know me, it might lead to some pretty zany misadventures.

If I left Vigor, would you follow me to a new agency?

If it isn't one thing, it's ano... Just get a hose!

If it isn't the furshlugginer putz who cost me 50 grand.

If Salinger gives you his pen, that means you're worth something.

If the studio wants to sue me, tell them to take my house. I belong to the sea now.

If there's anything I can do to help around here

If they lose it this much for Mr. Peanutbutter,

If we don't do something...

If we hire someone to micromanage our clients' online personas

If you are not out of my driveway in 30 minutes, I will call the police.

If you don't get your ass back te set, you're gonna get te sued.

If you get this question right, you double that,

If you go to a boat show and don't come back with a boat.

If you live in Los Angeles, which is right on the ocean,

If you really wanted the simple life, you'd have a simple life.

If you think Shenanigags is a cult, you're free to go, Todd.

If you wanna blow off work, I'm probably just gonna sit on the couch,

If you're any kind of improviser, you'll take that suggestion

If you're going to survive, you'll need to harden up.

If you're gonna drink, you should be smart about it.

If you're holding out for something better,

If you're one of us, prove it. Go improv that lady over there.

If you're so mostly chill, why do you keep driving by his house?

Improv comedy? I don't know...

Improv is a cult.

In a crazy alternate universe these last few days

In a way.

In America, you do not know to suffer.

In Beverly Garbage and spend the rest of your life

In case he comes out, to, like, check the mail or something.

In critically acclaimed films and television shows.

In da White House.

In fact, I want two, two poop decks. Sorry about that. What's going on?

In his language, it means,

In is my favorite direction in which to buzz.

In our Kia Sportage Cash Grab Booth.

In regards to you being an agent and being good at it, crushing it.

In season four, it turned out it was all a dream.

In season three of Horsin' Around, the horse got elected president

In the embattled region, or a precipitous economic collapse.

In the first place and then, blah, blah, it's a whole thing.

In the last six weeks, we dug a new well, built a school,

In the mid aughts when America briefly lost interest in ska.

In the popular Harry Potter film franchise?"

In the sun, that is. Santa Barbara.

In this, the year 1988.

In what year did Secretariat win the Triple Crown?"

In your infinite generosity, you gave me this job

Into that busboy's pants.

Invite him to your graduation show.

Irritating, crazy making...

Is a latter.

Is how much he talks about himself.

Is it really that simple?

Is never actually going to be a book, so you stop

Is one of the nieces Nixon?

Is saying you said some stuff about Hank Hippopopalous.

Is so great to be in meager trash city Los Angeles

Is that a lyric from that "Do the BoJack" song?

Is that he speaks in paragraphs.

Is that the lighted exit sign from Nixon's boyhood home?

Is that to impress me? I can smash a dinner plate, too.

Is the bandana doing anything?

Isn't that right, Checkers?

Isn't that what happened with all those assistants? They took his money,

It appears the cat is chasing the dog.

It becomes a rich stateroom with a treasure chest full of booty.

It can bring along its dumb friend honeydew?

It charges my credit card five dollars. Love you.

It doesn't matter where you are, it's who you are,

It is a new cone. Is it obvious I'm wearing a cone?

It means you're a serious person who's going places.

It means, my parents liked the show Cheers.

It sounds like the kind of thing I should be doing now.

It sounds like your friend's not yes and'ing you.

It takes a real narcissist to think anyone wants to buy a book about him.

It was a fun night.

It was hash browns, not pancakes. The first morning you stayed with me

It was really great talking to you, Mr. Peanutbutter.

It was such an important job, but no one was there to do it

It was through this pen that I bled

It's 5:00 p.m. in Los Angeles.

It's a beautiful day, though, right? Every morning is a miracle.

It's a dark moment.

It's a disaster!

It's a dreadful business but hang in there.

It's a part of growing up.

It's a place to watch improv and drink watered down margaritas for 8.99.

It's a super sneaky, kooky caper that stands to benefit you in no way.

It's about community.

It's amazing to me that people wake up every morning

It's an easy scene.

It's bigger than any of us.

It's buffering

It's Copernicus.

It's embarrassing.

It's for John Carroll Lynch, C.C.H. Pounder,

It's from the government saying, "I'm proud of you."

It's funny you brought up the Brussels sprouts, because I think they're terrible.

It's gonna be okay. Where did Maddy get the alcohol from?

It's gonna make Daniel Day Lewis look like shit.

It's hard, but it's good.

It's impossible to remember them all.

It's just a dogmatic school of thought

It's just a dumb cult, but you're my best friend

It's just a single on Secretariat.

It's just like an Oreo, but Trader Joe's style.

It's like you didn't even watch my show.

It's like you don't even read the idyllic New England village trades.

It's more than being an elbow

It's my company. My name is on all the paperwork.

It's New Mexico.

It's not just you, you know.

It's not like a big deal or anything, but it's like this thing we do.

It's not my girlfriend, it's charity.

It's one thing if a bunch of kids get drunk on prom night,

It's really not a good time, you know, with my show about to launch.

It's simple.

It's so peaceful.

It's still all that, except now it happens

It's such an eyesore.

It's the comedy cruise line People magazine

It's the morning and somebody loves you.

It's the only way we can move past this.

It's the same as writing a book, they're just a lot shorter

It's time for your first General Knowledge question.

It's time to go home and sleep on BoJack's couch. Hurray!

It's time to pick your category.

It's too bad though because I could really bring a lot to this project.

It's too hard.

It's truly an honor.

It's... good.

It's... hard.

J.D. Salinger Presents:

Jerb Ka Why does it say "Jerb Kazzaz?"

Jesus Christ, you can't even smoke a cigarette right.

Jesus, why does cantaloupe think every time it gets invited to a party,

Jesus, you don't care about any of these people.

Jill Pill? I don't care about this.

Joining me now is Hippopopalous apologist

Just as a general rule, if your question begins, "Do you remember"

Just as he was being enticed by the sirens' song?

Just get in the car.

Just kidding. [chuckles]

Just listen to him. He knows what he's doing.

Just maybe, all we have to do is believe!

Just out for a jog, thought I'd say hello. I jog now.

Just so you know, I had to register the corporation in your name.

Just so you know, I'm really glad we're making this movie together.

Just think, Carolyn, in one week, all of this will be ours.

Just to get away from you?

Just wait, see how many takes I can get.

Just won 54,000 bonus dollars.

Just wondering what kind of hit you're gonna take

Katie's lawyers are watching me closely right now.

Keep your eyes on the road, both hands on the wheel.

Keeping my network afloat, right?

Kelsey and I are gonna break into the Nixon library

Kelsey, Mr. Peanutbutter and I are gonna break into the library.

Kelsey, this is a nightmare.

Killing...

Kind of sounds like something you'd get at a Mediterranean restaurant,

Know that guy who spent 12 years as a slave?

Know what, actually, he might be a falcon.

Kyle and the kids? Please tell me that's the name of your band.

Ladies and gentlemen, we've had some fun with our little celebrity.

Ladies, please! Don't get hysterical!

Less asking, more basking.

Let me see

Let's find out.

Let's get out of here.

Let's get real. Everybody, BoJack wants to get real.

Let's get real. Everybody, BoJack wants to get real.

Let's get you something before the movie comes out.

Let's have no more questions about the Giggleship.

Let's really make him sweat.

Let's roll! That's a thing we say at CrossFit.

Let's tear this old Tudor down and put up some condos! [chuckles]

Letting you stay with me was the best thing I ever did on purpose.

Like as a rule, but there are some kinds of labor

Like Emeril? Ha, remember that?

Like how it was supposed to be my book.

Like if there was a whole book written about what a reckless jackass he is,

Like shipshape? [giggles]

Like when you wrote that book? Was that you being on my side?

Like you have a really funny thing that you just have to text someone.

Like, look at this Thomas Kinkade painting.

Like, uh, what to do with all those extra buttons that come with your shirts

Listen boo boo, I didn't graduate first in my class from a prestigious university,

Listen to it and imagine the band never took that hiatus

Listen to that crowd.

Listen to this guy, "clean it up later." Hasn't picked up his shit in years.

Listen up, everyone.

Listen, chitch, if you're going to tweet for Sextina Aquafina,

Listen, I

Listen, I gotta tell you:

Listen, I know this sounds crazy, but I think maybe you should get back here

Listen, I need to "shove off," as we sailors say,

Listen, I'm doing my own thing here.

Listen, my brain has been a buzzing

Listen, Peanutbottle, there is no "guys like us."

Listen. With Hey, I Think You Can Dance as a lead in,

Listen. You have to pay close attention, it's subtle,

Look at your big saucer eyes. I can go swimming in them!

Look what Computer BoJack can do.

Look who finally decided to pick up the phone.

Look, even if I wanted to finish that Nixon scene,

Look, We've arrived at your living quarters.

Look, you are an amazing person, but you're 17.

Look, you had your fun.

Looking vaguely suspicious

Love is an illusion, and happiness is fleeting,

Loved Tristan, loved Isolde, cried like a bunny.

Lucky me, I get to stay here

Maddy's gonna be just fine. They'll know what to do here.

Make a break for it? Drive to Mexico?

Man, these lights are bright, huh?

Man, Todd, you don't know shit. You're just a tourist.

Margo, I thought we agreed, no guns

Maybe instead, he should be in a movie

Maybe someday later, you'll need to learn how to act for real.

Maybe they just didn't want you.

Maybe this celebrity should have studied more a more a.

Maybe you heard about it on the news?

Maybe you should leave the teen talk to me. Jeezy Kableezy.

Mia, good work. You saved the show.

Miss Scarlet in the library with the lead pipe.

Mm hm.

Mm hm. Watch the ears.

Mm. Brussels sprouts are delicious, Mom.

Mm. Mm.

Mm. Perfect.

Mom, Dad was supposed to take me driving after school today,

Mom, Dad was supposed to take me driving after school today,

Mommy, it's nearly Christmas. Where's Uncle Secretariat?

More powerfully than literature ever dreamed.

Mostly as a delivery apparatus for hackneyed punchlines

Mostly athletes and visiting dignitaries and big time celebrities and... kings.

Mr. Peanutbutter, how the hell are you?

Mr. Peanutbutter, I applaud your forgiving nature,

Mr. Peanutbutter, Mr. Peanutbutter's House.

Mr. Peanutbutter, shut the door.

Mr. Peanutbutter?

Mr. Peanutbutter...

My audiobook told me I had to let go of the burdens of my life sofa.

My bad, our fax machine isn't plugged in.

My beautiful face.

My best friend, Alison F. was talking to Rachel Kaplan.

My cabin is exactly like yours, but when I use my imagination,

My clients would f l ip if I got them parts like that.

My friend just doesn't know how great you guys are.

My friends told me to get a prenup,

My life was ruined by a network executive like you.

My name's Bryan and you haven't won me over yet.

My point is, I don't understand how people live.

My wife is making me go to the opera tonight.

Namaste.

Neat. So, in this scene, Secretariat's at his lowest.

New York Magazine called her the enfant terrible

New York's a great city to live in for six months

Next question, what is my favorite kind of berry?

Next time I'll just try that thing where I'm a huge dumbass

No audience, no net.

No matter what. When someone makes a suggestion, you always try to build on it.

No one can know I'm here.

No one is making me do anything.

No one watches this show to feel feelings. Life is depressing enough already.

No reason for suspicions. [laughs] Come on!

No such thing as God, and all your favorite musicians beat their wives.

No wonder my wife had to write your book for you.

No, I already did hang in there. I'm BoJack Horseman?

No, I did not

No, I didn't pitch your skorts idea.

No, I don't want a Joe Joe.

No, I served half a term, then resigned

No, I think you're the tar pit.

No, I'm fine. The bullet hit my cell phone.

No, I'm not.

No, just a normal drinking fountain.

No, just kidding around. I'm kind of the comedian of the family.

No, look, my cousin had a friend who passed out like this,

No, most of the news has been about Diane and Hank Hippopopalous.

No, no, no, don't freak out. It's just a screen test.

No, no, no, no. It's because we're on a show

No, no, you just get paid in experience and stage time.

No, not that one.

No, of course.

No, people don't want articles about that. People want life hacks.

No, please. These last few months have been amazing.

No, Scientology is not a cult.

No, she doesn't.

No, there's no Jerb. It's Herb.

No, this model doesn't look as pretty as the other one

No, Todd, here at Shenanigags, we make things up on the spot.

No, you think you do, but...

No!

No! No! What's happening?

No! That's not what happened at all

No?

No? That's a no? On the snacks? Okay.

No.

No.

No. Because of me.

No. Kites are sky trash.

No. Shame on all of you! Just wait till you see my Trip Advisor review.

No. Yes. Turtleneck. You're fired.

No. You didn't. I had to call the pool cleaner.

Nobody knows where fires come from, it's a mystery.

Nope, phone's fine, too. Oh, hey, I got a text from my wife.

Normally, I'd make a perfectly timed butt joke here,

Not a suggestion.

Not all of us. Just some of us.

Not because he's my dad or anything. That's crazy. Nixon's not my dad.

Not because Joe Joes taste like garbage?

Not everyone can write for The New Yorker,

Not for nothing, but you were worthless before you didn't get the pen.

Not technically, but computer you is giving the performance of your career.

Now boarding, Flight 422 to Juneau.

Now boys and girls, if you wanna do the BoJack,

Now feel the wrath of my flamethrower.

Now I finally realize that a triple hug is way more valuable than a Triple Crown.

Now I will get a hard on because you made me think about it. Thanks a lot.

Now I'm not sure that was the right answer.

Now I've got a brand new attitude.

Now it's in the hands of god.

Now let's get out there and tell all those garbage rat bastard sons of bastards

Now somebody go out and get me a Red Bull and a banana fish sandwich.

Now that's what I call doggin' around.

Now that's what I call horsin' around.

Now there's a protagonist we can root for.

Now this is television. Turn on the rain.

Now we finish this with our strangle machine.

Now we open the floor to questions from the audience.

Now, that's a lot of apple sauce.

Now, things could get ugly. One of you is very likely to die.

Of course not, but that doesn't matter.

Of everything. Everything comes so easy for you.

Of the immersive theater world,

Oh ho!

Oh right, your improv thing. How was your, uh, graduation show?

Oh, [chuckles] yeah, well, that's definitely the better idea.

Oh, and it doesn't for you?

Oh, are we back? We're back! Live television, folks.

Oh, big stud, running off to gallivant with your fillies.

Oh, boy, get it off, get it off.

Oh, Bryan.

Oh, careful there, Maddy.

Oh, come on, it's your first prom. Indulge us.

Oh, cool, I love stupid bullshit like this. Ooh.

Oh, don't worry about it. Now walk me through that mail.

Oh, God. [sniffs]

Oh, God. Lungs on fire.

Oh, God. Okay. Okay. What should I do?

Oh, gotta take this. It's my... boat... guy.

Oh, gross. Mom, Trip has a boner again.

Oh, I can't believe that worked.

Oh, I loved the part where you got your head caught in the banister.

Oh, I thought when you said, "You're fired,"

Oh, I, uh...

Oh, if only I'd had a Kiss Cam for Catcher In The Rye.

Oh, is that what we agreed to? I thought we said "no gum

Oh, listen. I had a conversation with my bosses

Oh, man, probably gonna get some letters about that, huh?

Oh, my God, look at your stupid face.

Oh, my God, Mr. Peanutbutter, I didn't mean for that to happen.

Oh, my God, there he is. Get down!

Oh, my God, this is the worst.

Oh, my God. He's perfect.

Oh, my God. I gotta get out of here.

Oh, my God. I'm not in a mood.

Oh, my God. My face.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Oh, no, no, I've stumbled on to a cancer support message board.

Oh, no! Alan's cell phone is dead!

Oh, no! Alan's dead!

Oh, no.

Oh, no. I don't wanna go. I love this place.

Oh, of course your thing is serious

Oh, oh, yeah. I remember that.

Oh, okay.

Oh, okay. Hello?

Oh, really? One person died? Just one?

Oh, right, the underwear guy.

Oh, right.

Oh, she was mad, all right. But kids?

Oh, she's a good girl.

Oh, shit, I completely forgot I'm supposed to be hosting a game show right now.

Oh, shit, Todd's in a cult.

Oh, shit. I didn't do any of those things.

Oh, shit. I'm not an actor.

Oh, shit. Is Wanda making you get rid of me?

Oh, so sorry. It says here you did see the game

Oh, splendid.

Oh, sure. Yeah, sad. Of course. Duh.

Oh, that was just me doing an improv

Oh, that's backwards, isn't it?

Oh, that's gonna cost you some serious pesos.

Oh, this is the happiest moment of my life.

Oh, uh, all right.

Oh, wait, did I just spoil it for you?

Oh, watch out for the cable. Don't trip over the cable.

Oh, yeah, my job.

Oh, yeah, pretty good one from King Mutt over here. Am I right?

Oh, yeah? Well, I'm exit taining.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Didn't we attach glow sticks to them or something?

Oh, yeah. Uh...

Oh, yeah... uh, me, too.

Oh, you are tied, there's a lag. Congratulations.

Oh, you did.

Oh, you don't have to Google it right now.

Oh, you idiot! No!

Oh, you just touch it.

Oh, you know what? Maybe it was "my life so far."

Oh!

Oh?

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh. BoJack, um...

Oh. Carolyn, I heart you. You're beautiful.

Oh. I don't cry in front of other people.

Oh. I was hoping it was because you believed in me.

Oh. Well, glad you settled for me because Diane wasn't available.

Oh. Yeah. Okay.

Oh...

Okay

Okay

Okay, but you're the one in the janitor's closet, so...

Okay, come on. Over here. Get it.

Okay, enough me being a great mom.

Okay, fine.

Okay, here we go.

Okay, here we go. Action.

Okay, how do I...?

Okay, I get what you're doing. Very funny.

Okay, I gotta go. My wife's hand just disappeared

Okay, I'd like you here.

Okay, I'm gonna go get a snack.

Okay, just kill the whole feature. Replace it with... Oh, I don't know.

Okay, listen, you big dummy.

Okay, moving on. Do you remember when we were at Herb's funeral

Okay, one... two... three.

Okay, party people, we have time for one more suggestion.

Okay, so, I thought for the ad,

Okay, that's not

Okay, this is it, everybody. Moment of truth.

Okay, well, here's a suggestion, your name is Todd.

Okay, yes. All of that is true

Okay, you caught me.

Okay, you gotta keep this close to the vest

Okay! Can I bring this food inside the theater?

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay. Can I please just tell you about the opera, though?

Okay. I just hope I impress the elder council.

Okay. Why don't you stand over there and make sure no one trips over that cable?

Okay... I think someone's in a mood.

On a boat! Think of the amount of floating!

On it. It's a perfect day for a Red Bull.

On my comedy cruise line, the Giggleship. I shan't be returning.

On your right.

Once Turteltaub sees it, he'll love it,

Once you set off the alarm, all the cops will go there.

One click and everything could just go back to the way it was.

One Hundred and One Butt Jokes?

One of us isn't going to come out of this alive.

One week left!

Only for season three.

Only you hold the keys to the house that is you.

Ooh, ow.

Ooh...

Or "okay" okay?

Or C, 3500?"

Or D, "All of the above"?

Or H.S.A.C.W.D.T.K.D.T.K.T.L.F.O. for short.

Or I'll sound like a crazy person.

Or is it a stay together for the kids situation?

Or is it pronounced "gyro?" I just call them subs.

Or Maine or New Mexico.

Or maybe she went to help herself get away from her awful marriage.

Or we could go back to the car and just leave.

Or whatever a laugh sounds like.

Or you can get in your boat and row.

Or you could sulk about it.

Or, as we call it, The BoJack Horsephanage.

Or, like, delivering a lot of sick burns,

Or... Sean Penn, or Josh Brolin, or Christian Slater, Woody Allen,

Orphan whose parents were murdered by rebels and will die young,

Other people are loving the show.

Other TV show? Oh, shit. Jill.

Our main story, ominous and anomalous accusations

Our next question is to Mr. Radcliffe.

Over hiatus, we ran a focus group.

Ow. Crap. I hate this. Running is terrible.

Ow. Okay. I'm awake, I'm awake.

P A N T S.

Panini time. Hey, who unplugged

Party's over. That's something we say at CrossFit.

Penny and I left early. You don't know who gave Maddy whiskey.

Penny, did you hear my bit about the Brussels sprouts?

People all need to see

People all need to see.

People are dying, and I'm witnessing it.

People don't wanna think he's capable of awful things

People don't want all that controversial stuff.

People love him.

People love me and they're not gonna forgive you for this.

People want to murder my wife

Perfect. But let's get that last part again.

Pete, you're in charge.

Piece of cake.

Please do not blow it.

Please don't call us nerds, sir.

Please don't ever change.

Please get here soon, Diane.

Please stay out of the bedroom.

Please stop.

Please, don't make me go back to L.A.

Please, I'll do anything.

Please. My knees were cramping so I needed to stand.

Please. We're going to Alaska.

Plus, I have, like, colitis or something.

Plus, you can watch old Secretariat videos.

Poor Doris...

President Lohan! Get away from that fire hose!

Pretty Lady Todd wasn't funny,

Prince Gustav is a ruthless despot,

Prince Gustav today startled the international community

Princess Carolyn, you gotta believe in the AHP of TPE.

Probably from malaria.

Probably...

Put me down for a supersized "sounds great."

Quantum tunneling. King Magnus the Second.

Queen Princess Carolyn, if I may, I have some exciting news.

Quick impression. [drinks] "I'm not an alcoholic."

Raise High The Roof Beam, Carpenters upon the page

Ready for the chorus, stay on the beat, and here... we... go. Waka waka.

Real quick, kiss me once. Then kiss me twice.

Really, never? Come on.

Really, really, really real!

Really? 'Cause you look like a million...

Really? Because that kid sneezed in the middle of my monologue.

Really? I didn't cry.

Really? We spent a lot of money on this plaque, you know?

Remember at Herb's funeral, I asked you what you wanted me to do

Remember when my character on Mr. Peanutbutter's House was

Remember your first week, these nerds made a computer scan of your head

Remember, you wanted this.

Remember, you're supposed to be writing about me.

Right back at you, buddy.

Right now I'm on Palm Pilot.

Right, because Casablanca is a movie about a club owner named Rick.

Right?

Ring any bells? Apparently, she worked on your TV show.

Rise through the ranks at an elite news organization,

Rutabaga and I are starting a new agency, and we want you to come with us.

Rutabaga, this is not a good time.

Rutabaga, this is too

Sabrina was such a little bitch.

Same thing that always happens.

Sassafras. Butterscotch! Argyle.

Scarves, not just for necks anymo...

Schlemiel, schlimazel, Hasenpfeffer Incorporated.

Schlep him out into the street, shoot him in the head.

Sebastian, I know you're doing important work.

Secretariat has always been a personal hero of mine.

Secretariat is sad.

Secretariat's a nice guy, the Spanish kids learn a lesson.

See you later!

See, BoJack, that's the shrug of a pro who gets it.

See, Diane, I told you not to make friends.

See, Jeff? This is what I'm talking about.

See, that's not so hard.

See, this is part of the problem.

Seeing as I am a professional

Seems like great U.S.A. dream castle!

Sextina, hi. Thanks for meeting me here. I'm really excited to be working with you.

Shannon, I didn't mean that.

She just had too much to drink. Take her back to your place.

She knows that Hippopopalous is the only thing

She was an orphan. She had a tough life

She was falling asleep on the ride home. Where are the boys?

She's going into labor. Guys, I'm gonna be a dad!

She's still breathing, but she won't wake up.

Shirley's lemon meringue? Mwah.

Should I be doing more? To capture the character

Should we cut to commercial?

Should we cut to commercial?

Shut up! Shut up, children!

Silly me, I didn't like that. So I fired her ass.

Since you're an expert when it comes to de Nile

Singing songs in German about their boners.

Sir, you can't send me to Vietnam.

Sit for five seconds while a machine scans his face.

Six months later, plugging a movie on Kimmel.

Small talk, small talk, small talk. Are you blowing it?

Smile

Smiling poop emoji, I love everything about that.

So BoJack and I are going on a book tour

So far, yes

So I can finally achieve clarity on the Mainstage with the chosen ones.

So I don't gnaw on the stitches I had to get when I punched a mirror last week.

So I told Mr. Peanutbutter I'd drive him here,

So if this isn't about the precipitous fall of the French ruling class

So many times in my life I've done the wrong thing,

So now my notes are gonna be confusing and vague.

So people back home will give money to my foundation.

So resolving everything cleanly in a half hour is kind of what we do.

So stupid. Fine. I guess I have a guard killing machine?

So that if you die, we can finish the movie.

So that people in the audience go, "Nice

So the Oval Office is right here, next to the men's room.

So they let him off the hook.

So true. So wise.

So unless you know any other adults...

So we could finish if something happened?

So why bother doing anything?

So you can put everything in a book and sell a million copies?

So you can quietly renew that garbage and keep failing sideways

So you get your little butt back on that stage and you resolve.

So you know how the game's played, right?

So you never say one, huh?

So you see, Todd, the nimble improviser must navigate the most sensitive of areas.

So, BoJack, in this scene, Secretariat is sad, right?

So, BoJack. What brings you to Tesuque?

So, does that mean you're leaving?

So, go get in costume,

So, good news. We're gonna go on a trip.

So, he'll come up to you, and he'll say, "Hey."

So, help me to understand...

So, hey, hi.

So, I asked him and he said no.

So, I had another meeting today with the Drama Chair at SFCC.

So, I thought, okay, if he's not going to ask me, I'll ask him.

So, I'm just here to, you know, say hello.

So, let me get this straight. Bad means good?

So, let's all just use this time to regroup

So, my question is:

So, thanks. Mwah.

So, that's, like, the whole day. Sorry.

So, then I called Wayne to see

So, they hated the skorts idea, huh?

So, this has nothing to do with the fact

So, we're just gonna change the subject

So, what does it matter?

So, what should I do with my arms? Like akimbo?

So, who are you again?

So, why don't you call it a day and go home to your husband?

So... How's Cordovia?

So... listen. Some website called "Tit Puncher"

Some sort of funnel. Oh, I see, there's actually an illustration.

Someone find out the average rainfall in Bora Bora.

Someone unplugged the main power line and plugged in a George Foreman Grill.

Something happened to you, so these nerds finished the movie.

Something inside you is broken, and it can never be fixed.

Sometimes he would mix together blue paint with yellow paint

Sometimes she just whips herself into a frenzy

Soon. Yep, I want the starboard

Sorry, improv is fun and great and everything,

Sorry, Katie just said something funny.

Sorry, Mommy!

Sorry, no time for idle chit chat, because we've entered

Sorry, we need you guys back on set.

Sorry, what was the line?

Sounds great, Todd. See you tomorrow.

Sounds perfect, Knute.

Spoiler alert: Ethan needs to make an omelet

Standard procedure

Stanky Hanky? Allegations vile and ranky.

Star of screen and... book?

Start a new life there? Meet a local girl? Fall in love?

Step one, we go to the Nixon Library...

Stomp once for good, twice for killing it.

Stomp once for so fantaj, twice for stupid fantaj.

Stop kidding yourself, Princess Carolyn.

String a bunch of those together and you got yourself a riff.

Stuart, I'm your boss.

Stupid me. I went to Stanford.

Suck a dick, dumbshits.

Suggestions?

Sure, but isn't this why we're here? To help these people?

Sure, but no one's gonna hire me after this movie comes out.

Sure, of course.

Sure, yeah, my career has kept me super busy.

Surprised you didn't get that one,

Sweetheart, everyone knows who I am.

Sweetie, no. I think this is stupid and a waste of everybody's time.

T shirt's say Jerb so I'm going by the t shirts.

Taking pictures before prom is so bourgeois.

Talk my way into a job at a textile plant?

Talking about it makes it worse. It likes attention.

Taught by a for profit organization

Tell me you don't feel the same. Tell me you haven't thought about it.

Tell me, "How many oak trees are needed

Tell me, how's your little movie?

Than for this to just go away.

Than the lives of the women he's ruined.

Thank you for that lovely song. But I'm not a good person.

Thank you so much for doing this.

Thank you, Billy Crystal, for that impression of a black person.

Thank you, Nicole.

Thank you, that is exactly what she is. It's weird that nobody talks about it.

Thanks. It was touch and go

That a man's reputation is more important

That actually is a good name for it, the nongendered object.

That AOL Time Warner Pepsico

That children are just better at.

That Diego said if prom happened right now

That ensconces us.

That guy is the Jan Ove Waldner of modern improv.

That is a perfectly good cigarette, and you are going to finish it.

That is a tight squeeze. What?

That is against everything Nixon stood for.

That is not what I thought coq au vin was. But it's great.

That is the funniest thing I have ever heard.

That made you throw up in the pool. Then I got mad at you for throwing up in my pool.

That movie already exists. Why would we make Casablanca?

That Ms. Nguyen is Vietnamese?

That old guy from Hey, I Think You Can Dance?

That play in New York, would that really have made you happy?

That show you spend all day watching, your house, your career

That the book you've been writing in your head

That time you pulled over by the side of the road.

That was bad. I know that was bad. Let's keep it rolling

That was it. Say that again.

That was just you "giving me the business."

That was so funny.

That was the deal. Plug my movie, win money for charity.

That way Diane and I will have had the same experience.

That woman can knock a drink back like a Kennedy at a wake for another Kennedy,

That would be crazy,

That would not be a good movie.

That you belong here, but you don't. You belong back home.

That you, like Sebastian, are part of something bigger than just yourself.

That's 'cause... it's a secret boat show.

That's a great question.

That's a metaphor, Diane.

That's a salad plate.

That's actually correct.

That's an acting term. It means left. I'm an actor.

That's called one of the amendments

That's Diego Mendoza's house.

That's exactly the problem. Because he's so nice,

That's how good your performance is.

That's just the way it is.

That's my favorite place to eat crinkly candies.

That's not what happened. She went to help people.

That's not why I'm here. I thought you were in Cordovia.

That's our show, but before we go I wanna send out a quick message.

That's right, a hero.

That's showbiz.

That's solid space work. Bryan, don't worry.

That's the day, everybody.

That's the end of your name. We need to talk.

That's the hard part. But it does get easier.

That's the impression that I get.

That's the part where you're supposed to disagree with me.

That's the spirit.

That's the story of how I met... this pen.

That's what it says on your business cards.

That's what the old me would have said. The new me doesn't hold a grudge.

That's what they never tell you

That's what your face should be saying to everyone you pass on the street.

That's why it's called the past.

That's why they took the gay stuff out of A Beautiful Mind.

That's your takeaway? That your son's TV show wasn't Ibsen?

The blood I spill today is for us all!

The boom mike fell into the last shot.

The couch was a metaphor for my old attitude.

The Discount Fine Art Gallery in the strip mall,

The doctor in that story was a woman.

The dog from Frasier, and at the head of the table?

The fire department got everything under control,

The first CD is all Mighty Mighty.

The first one. Obviously the first one.

The first thing is, you gotta believe that change is possible.

The hill is a metaphor.

The hill is also you.

The house is a metaphor for a home.

The house is at the top of a hill.

The important thing is that we enjoy your great performances, right?

The kids get jealous if I'm talking on the phone.

The lead in Goose Van Sant's new movie about Jackie O.

The longer you keep lying to him, the harder it's gonna get.

The more I think about it, Checkers wouldn't even be in the shot.

The new you seems a little on edge.

The news cycle will move on to something else.

The Nixon scene is the core of the whole movie.

The nominees for Male Animal in a Comedy, Drama or Variety Show are:

The one Nixon sent to Vietnam in your place, is dead

The one who constantly abuses you and makes you shower with a hose in the yard.

The one who's never said a kind word to you the entire time you've known him.

The one with the bones on it.

The only limit is my imagination.

The only reason you're here is for me, so maybe you could help me out?

The only way to even the score is if you get to kiss him.

The past is past.

The pen is just a symbol. It doesn't

The people of Cordovia need you and I need that Toblerone.

The pleasure's yours. Walk with me, squawk with me.

The property's gonna be ready in June. Gives us two months

The puppets clap when the puppetmaster pulls the strings.

The race of life.

The Republic of Cordovia's Prince Gustav

The rest of you will create a diversion

The right thing isn't always the best thing.

The same network that employs her husband.

The script turned into a piece of shit, and the director is a total hack.

The second best lock pick in the city.

The second CD is all of the Bosstones' side projects and solo singles.

The second one?

The streets are ours!

The things I said to you.

The truth is, I really am so proud of you.

The way you do. And I don't know how.

The way you said that made it sound like you won't drop it.

The way you're feeling about your dead brother is how I feel

The year was 2003

Theater? That's what real actors do.

Then he goes, "What's the homework?" and I tell him.

Then I gotta go to hair and makeup.

Then we record the show.

There are going to be riots in the streets.

There are just a few simple rules. You don't ask questions. You don't say no.

There is a woman in this restaurant who looks just like you.

There is literally nothing happening to you.

There was Lucy Lawless, Lucy Liu, Lori Laughlin, Lisa Loeb,

There was no mention of another bigger celebrity in the document you faxed?

There we go.

There you are! I've been trying to call you all week.

There you are. How are you doing?

There's a giant replica of my head,

There's a park right outside we can hang out at.

There's a real ish with the restaurant.

There's a real stick in the mud dean there who doesn't like my in your face style.

There's gotta be someone who will talk.

There's no cure for that.

There's no reason to sulk about it, right?

There's one at the Nixon Library in Yorba Linda.

There's that classic self deprecating Todd wit.

These allegations are so crazy, I can't even say them on TV

These kind of stories, they don't sell magazines.

These six months are gonna fly by.

They are gonna storm Daniel Day Lewis's house,

They are rubbing themselves on everything.

They brush my hair and tell me stories about their weekends.

They called my airplane Air Horse One.

They couldn't crop out of a red carpet shot in US Weekly.

They don't even know how much I'm gonna drop it.

They don't talk about the 60 years he spent as a jerk.

They have a saying where I am from, which is here.

They pass a threshold where they actually know you and then they find you weird

They say you're the worst. Especially Queefburglar69. He's their leader.

They'll find it.

They'll publish anything.

They're gonna offer me a position.

They're hawks.

They're not gonna sue you. They finished the movie.

They're on high alert

They're shoes with wheels, for efficiency purposes.

They're suing me? Also, are you wearing comfortable shoes?

Things are getting real out here. Really real.

Things are so crazy for me right now. I

Think about it. If you went with Diego, you'd be nervous.

Think she's dreaming that she's not overstaying her welcome?

Thirty seconds on the clock. BoJack, how are you?

This cruise is getting three stars.

This feels awful.

This game show is a really big deal for me.

This guy again? I'm in love with this kid. I wanna put you in my pocket.

This is a place of business

This is a temporary technicality, I promise.

This is also important.

This is from BoJack H. BoJack is nine years old.

This is it, Carolyn, this is what you get.

This is me doing you a favor

This is my better half, Katrina Peanutbutter.

This is nice.

This is one of those answering machines that sounds like it's Charley talking

This is one ringtone told over the course of several rings.

This is so dumb.

This is the machine that's gonna make you a good actor.

This is the moment that Secretariat stops running.

This is the only good thing I've ever done and I did it by accident.

This is the only thing I care about now.

This is too much.

This isn't just for me.

This isn't what I expected.

This life is nice for visit but no way for live.

This movie's about Secretariat, a racehorse.

This night has been... so perfect.

This pen will be bestowed upon the person most deserving.

This prom is really bourgeois.

This prom sucks.

This Secretariat movie is a big deal.

This suit needs more flasks.

This was really special.

This way is the library I built.

Those are death threats.

Those saucers are for entertaining!

Though I would also agree with C.

Through our noses, and get enshrined inside of it. Duh.

Time's up, Daniel.

To be a "Hollywoo" power agent.

To be working with you. Yeah.

To build a brand new one. So congratulations. You're a hero.

To build an 18th century triple decker Royal Navy battle ship?

To children and men!

To come all this way just to see a woman

To forgive BoJack live on the air! Bring it in, buddy!

To get everything we need out of this place.

To join our party any day.

To promote the new paperback edition of One Trick Pony.

To steal a shot for our Secretariat movie.

To the sea. To the shining sea.

To the Yes And room.

To watch the credits and find out what my name is.

Today we're filming what used to be the scene where Secretariat commits suicide,

Todd, can you pick locks?

Todd, I can always count on you to give me the straight dope.

Todd, I don't recall accidentally ingesting poison,

Todd, no one can wake anybody else up. You need to wake yourself up.

Todd, there you are. You're missing a pretty big moment out there.

Todd, we take tardiness seriously here at Shenanigags.

Todd, you should be up a magician's sleeve because you are a card.

Todd! Goddamnit, step aside!

Tom or row.

Tomorrow is an opportunity.

Tomorrow.

Tonight we answer the age old question:

Too bad we're wearing sunscreen

Too much responsibility. What am I gonna do? The walls are closing in!

Toyota Trader Joe's, and we agreed

Treasure? Sweetheart? We're in public.

Trip's at a friend's house and Kyle's asleep.

Turn up the directional heat lamps. Oh, yeah.

Turns out you two knuckleheads snuck out last night

Turquoise shit?

Twenty four hours from now,

Ugh, can we just freeze in this moment for a second?

Ugh! It's incredibly complicated and requires years of training.

Ugh.

Ugh. I gotta go. I made Natasha cry.

Ugh. It's hard to explain to someone who's never been married.

Ugh. My wife and I are going to the ballet tonight,

Ugh. Red Bull and vodka? What are you, 12? You'll get sick drinking all that sugar.

Ugh. Wait a sec I know you!

Uh oh, I'm windmilling. Got a momentum going.

Uh oh. That sound means it's time to drop "da" bomb.

Uh, BoJack? You really shouldn't throw a lit cigarette off the

Uh, everyone?

Uh, have you tried Bluetooth?

Uh, I love that. And I got a pair of tix to the 'Stones show this 'kend.

Uh, my name is...

Uh, no, that's just an exit sign.

Uh, okay, bye.

Uh, someone named BoJark Hoseman is here?

Uh, sorry, I'll clean that up later.

Uh, this is network television.

Uh, what? No.

Uh, yeah. Uh, okay.

Uh. Did we get the shot?

Uh...

Uh...

Uh...

Uh...

Uh... It's a shame that Arafat walked away from the table in 2000.

Uh... Yeah.

Um, 1492?

Um, don't you think you're pushing them too far?

Um, I'm just here to pick up some stuff. I'm going away for a while.

Um, I'm sorry. You water the plants?

Um, okay, I wanted to pitch you an exposé on Hank Hippopopalous

Um...

Unbelievable. You are the most annoying, immature, aggravating,

Uncle Hanky. Sir, I am your biggest fan

Underwear model/actor/dancer/dreamer.

Unless it's an emergency,

Until it's too late. You don't have to be here.

Until you retire to a three point five bedroom garbage

Usually I talk to Diane on the way to work,

Vanessa Gekko. How did you get in this painting?

Viacom Halliburton Skynet Toyota Trader Joe's also owns MBN,

Visiting Los Angeles this week

Vodka? Triple sec? Looking for any alcohol.

Wait a second, something's different. [sniffs]

Wait till they see this. Mia, get ready to drop the bomb.

Wait, are you saying Scientology is a cult?

Wait, BoJack kissed Diane?

Wait, BoJack, when are you coming back?

Wait, really?

Wait, so you've known all this time?

Wait, wait, what about Hank Hippopopalous?

Wait, what?

Wait, you literally meant we're not making the actual movie Casablanca?

Wait. Where are you going?

Wanda, I just got back from a set visit on Contemporary Family.

Wanda?

Wanna go surf some cloud waves? That's what I call wind.

Was it twice or was it once? Ah, it was probably twice.

Watch out!

We are expecting big things for Hollywoo Stars and Celebrities:

We call that "yes, and..."

We call that the PANTS approach.

We can sneak into the library and get the shot, guerilla style.

We certainly do not call it that.

We could see the whole city.

We couldn't find anyone who could appropriately capture his magic.

We didn't mean to cause trouble. We're trying to make a movie about Nixon.

We don't drink tea.

We don't have an Oval Office set.

We don't know the facts.

We don't know what happened. It's a classic "he said, she said."

We don't torture people in America, Todd.

We get suggestions from an audience then make up scenes based on them.

We got a screening this weekend.

We got an offer in for this new play off Broadway.

We got it

We got it!

We had a lot of fun nights.

We may be a group of five on TV,

We need to make room for my new hospital.

We need to sit you down with someone who's willing to go on the record.

We only gave him a line so he wouldn't call the police.

We only need the one shot of me.

We should a put a social media desk there.

We were just one shot away before we went on hiatus.

We weren't doing anything! We were just looking for closet supplies.

We women have got to stick to... Hey, fruit plate.

We'll find out what our big celebrity knows right after this break.

We'll give them gangbangers.

We'll just fire you and get someone else who can. Either way, I'll be fine.

We'll meet in the supply closet in one minute. Break!

We'll need an expert cat burglar.

We're almost done.

We're bringing class back to primetime.

We're doing a three picture deal about his waterwheel.

We're going to sell a lot of muffs this winter. Huzzah!

We're gonna finish that big Nixon scene.

We're gonna need a couple of days to rebuild this set.

We're in. It's too late to turn back now.

We're looking at a ton of reshoots.

We're not supposed to have opinions. We're supposed to smile and look pretty

We're on Mars?

We're teaching a generation of young boys and girls

We've actually met before.

We've been getting on our second screen app,

We've been sleeping together for three months.

We've found our Nixon.

Welcome back.

Welcome to my Giggleship.

Welcome to The BoJack Horseman Orphanage.

Well then, what are you doing here?

Well, all of his former assistants have made the same allegations.

Well, another beautiful, serene day in magical fantasy painting world.

Well, anyway, I'm finally moving out, just like you wanted.

Well, BoJack, I hope this helps:

Well, come on. You're a network executive.

Well, don't go. We haven't had dessert yet.

Well, have fun watching me win that pen

Well, how should I know? That was the old me.

Well, I can probably stave them off till Monday if you get pinkeye.

Well, I don't want to tell tales out of school,

Well, I got the store, and I already took the morning off,

Well, I guess I could make some time... before the boat show.

Well, I had no idea that was coming

Well, I hate to break it to you, but you're gonna be alone for a long time.

Well, I mean, if it's okay with BoJack.

Well, I think the truth is worth pursuing, no matter what.

Well, I'm no Emeril Lagasse, but we do get by.

Well, I'm sorry that things have been so hard for you,

Well, I'm sorry, I can't do it. I didn't know you wanted me to cry.

Well, I'm sure if we ask them nicely, they'll move the boat.

Well, if it helps us move past this, I guess...

Well, if it isn't my friend, Rutabaga, the boy prince of the 26th floor.

Well, if that's how you feel, I guess I could just go to Vanessa Gekko.

Well, if that's true, how come you don't have an actor here to play Nixon?

Well, it wasn't Ibsen.

Well, it's better than your plan for buying a boat in New Mexico.

Well, just one more regret on a long list of many.

Well, lucky for you, there'll still be just as much famine

Well, maybe you just need someone to believe in you.

Well, more for me.

Well, now the production's on hiatus

Well, okay, I'm looking at this website right now

Well, okay.

Well, sure. But, you know, I won't be out there for another month.

Well, tell Charity she can kiss my ass.

Well, that stern but supple kiss puts you over the top.

Well, that's good enough for me.

Well, that's no surprise. Guy's been flopping upwards his whole career.

Well, the thing about that...

Well, then, by all means, go with him, Todd.

Well, there are roadside cameras all along the PCH,

Well, there you are.

Well, they're improvised, but they're real to me.

Well, we burned that bridge.

Well, we got some new screen tests

Well, well, well, what delicious irony.

Well, what do you mean, "get out of here"?

Well, when's the last time you were actually happy?

Well, who's getting seasick? [retches]

Well, yeah.

Well, you are now. Your first class is $200.

Well, you are the guy none of us knows that well.

Well, you come by it honestly, the ugliness inside you.

Well, you got the part, didn't you? What did you do in the audition?

Well, you know I got your back, right?

Well, you know what you rat bastards can stroke?

Well, you know, I was actually talking to my best friend,

Well, you know, sometimes it's nice to not have a date,

Well, you need to. This is the emotional climax of the movie.

Well, you wanna dance?

Well, you were an actor for nine years on Horsin' Around. How did you do that?

Well...

Well... [quietly] I'm sorry I hurt your feelings.

Went missing briefly this afternoon,

Were even in the same category as Hank Hippopopalous?

Were you worried at all that it would hurt BoJack or his career?

What ? What's your name?

What a boat.

What am I doing here?

What am I talking about? I can't run a textile plant.

What am I, Kubrick? We can fix all this stuff in post.

What an amazing run. It looks like we've got a tied game.

What are these allegations?

What are you doing here?

What are you doing here?

What are you doing here?

What are you doing here?

What are you doing here?

What are you doing here?

What are you doing here?

What are you doing here?

What are you doing here?

What are you doing here?

What are you doing here? Did we get it? I can tell by your face that we didn't.

What are you gonna do? Just sleep in BoJack's car forever?

What difference does it make? Smile and collect your trophies.

What Do They Know, Do They Know Things, Let's Find Out?

What Do They Know? Do They Know Things? Let's Find Out,

What do you do when you get sad? How do you not be sad?"

What do you have against Hank Hippopopalous?

What do you have against Uncle Hanky?

What do you need, BoJack?

What do you want, Mom?

What does Ethan Hawke know? We'll find out tonight. Da Bears.

What does Ethan Hawke know? We'll find out tonight. Rain.

What else could the universe possibly owe you?

What happened to da house set? Da White House set?

What happened, BoJack?

What I want to know is why we're letting a national treasure

What I'm trying to say is, it's a positive bomb.

What if somebody has an emergency and they need more...

What if someone tells you they'll take you to the park,

What is accomplished by you being the one to take a stand on this?

What is Diane doing?

What is it?

What is this, Hollywoo Stars and Celebrities,

What sabbatical? I fired you.

What the hell are you doing?

What took you so long?

What we really think of them, once and for all.

What you are part of tonight is bigger than you.

What you got against Uncle Hanky, you uppity cooze?

What, number two, how do you do that?

What? But I can't just leave Vigor.

What? How long do I have to keep putting out fires for you?

What? I don't do that.

What? Me? I'm as cool as The Fonz in a meat locker.

What? No, improv is not a cult.

What? No!

What? Oh, no, no, no. The Mighty Mighty Bosstones.

What? Oh, no!

What? Royal life? Why I'm saying? I am no royal.

What? They ruined his life?

What? Why would you ask me that?

What? Why?

What? Why? This is really serious.

What? You have a lot of pride?

What?!

What's going on in here?

What's Gwyneth doing for Purim?

Whatever. Get bent.

When a new funky fresh dance craze took this nation by storm.

When did you get here? Sorry, no. Got it. Got it. Got it.

When he gave his royal fortune to charity.

When I don't know how to take care of myself.

When I grow up, I can be food critic for New Yorker?

When I was a kid, this guy was the guy.

When I was growing up, my neighbor was a painter.

When it became clear that I don't have what it takes

When it's me, we call it "Todd foolery."

When people see what you do in this movie,

When she got that wine delivered to the house,

When the studio sues the pants off you for breach of contract.

When the studio sues the pants off you for breach of contract.

When we know what we know about a monster like that

When you get your new attitude,

When you say nice, do you mean kind?

When you're a Level Nine, as I am, you don't come up with butt jokes.

When you're as famous as I am, you meet so many people,

When you're as famous as I am, you meet so many people.

When's the last time you slept? You look like shit.

Where are you, sweetheart? Are you ready?

Where he goes, "Hey," and then I go, "Hey."

Where Olivia does the school project where she pretends an egg is a baby.

Where we see Secretariat be morally corrupted

Where? Why?

Where's your car?

Which employs hundreds of nice, good, hardworking people.

Which is an exciting surprise.

Which is necessary to protect our way of life.

Which is the legal age of consent in New Mexico.

Which one of you guys wrote all those funny jokes?

While BoJack works, let's check out the action

While Boy Wizard over there just has to know colors

While his country rests on the brink of civil war.

While I was sleeping on it?

While I was tempted to go with the former, sometimes the only way out of a hole

While you give a Christmas present to your nieces

Who are these women? Have they ever shoplifted perhaps?

Who happens to be friends with Mr. Peanutbutter.

Who have done much worse things and it hasn't hurt their careers.

Who is this anonymous Diane Nguyen

Who the hell are you?

Who's gonna love you like I do?

Who's gonna make you laugh and feel good about yourself?

Who's gonna water the plants?

Who's just fueled by bitterness and negativity.

Who's this sitting behind me? John Wilkes Booth. Uh oh.

Whoa oh!

Whoa, guys, this is getting a little heavy, don't we think?

Whoa, hold on. Responsible adult.

Whoa, looks like D to the R to the Ad to the Cliffe

Whoa, whoa!

Whoa!

Whoa.

Whoops. Woh oh.

Why am I getting the hard questions,

Why are we playing for both points and dollars?

Why can't we all assume we're gonna make it out alive and go from there?

Why did I take you with me?

Why did you call me?

Why did you have to antagonize him?

Why didn't someone tell me not to trip over that cable?

Why do you all keep saying that?

Why does anybody run?

Why does everything have to be a big, complicated mess?

Why does it suddenly matter what I want?

Why don't we get it like five more times?

Why don't we just do what feels natural?

Why don't you shut your stupid ugly face?!

Why is nobody dancing? We gotta get this party started.

Why is there an adult at our high school prom?

Why not come by our theater and try a free class?

Why not? It's not like there's anything else to do.

Why on earth do you know that?

Why won't you go home?

Why would I blow it? I have a brand new attitude.

Why would I want to dedicate the orphanage to the memory of Jerb Kazzaz?

Why would it be weird? [chuckles]

Why would she do this?

Why would you drive all the way here to go to a boat show

Why?

Why? Because we knew each other for five minutes 30 years ago?

Why? Just because I've been drinking myself to sleep on your deck chairs

Will BoJack Horseman go down in show history as our worst contestant ever?

Will you bring me one of those big Toblerone bars? [chuckles]

Win a well known award, never ever be sick at sea

With an emphasis on human rights feels like a place to begin.

With fist of fire of which make many, many nightmares

With J.D. Salinger.

With little more than a compass, a yearning for adventure,

With no pressures of royal life.

With SPF a million which protects against flamethrowers.

With the meat juice stains? The one I wore to the Emmys.

With the promise of social and professional opportunities.

With your mouth? What kind of health class ?

With your parents, your big sister, and an old man.

Work my way up until I own the place?

Works with at risk teens.

Worst thing that's happened to anyone in a theater.

Would Homer cut away from Odysseus's journey

Would that have made you happy?

Would you like a Joe Joe?

Would you talk to her?

Wow, how'd you think to do all this?

Wow, no one's ever fallen for that!

Wow, Ray Ray and the Bean are already posting pics on Instagram.

Wow, um, I don't know if I can forgive you.

Wow, we must all make a lot of money.

Wow, when it comes to Bora Bora,

Wow. J.D., people are loving this show.

Wow. No more couch sleeping for this guy. He gets a mattress.

Wow. Uh...

Wrong, boy o. There was a mister understanding.

Yay.

Yeah, a little to the right. No, house right.

Yeah, Goober's the one who should go home.

Yeah, I can't wait to finally work on something good, you know?

Yeah, I can't wait.

Yeah, I guess she kind of did.

Yeah, I guess, uh... I guess I did... do what I came here to do.

Yeah, I have a question. Um...

Yeah, I know. You told me at breakfast.

Yeah, I looked in the junk drawer.

Yeah, I told them that, but they said she wanted you.

Yeah, I wanna go.

Yeah, I'm going to go with Princess Carolyn.

Yeah, is right. Society is everywhere.

Yeah, it was you. Wash your damn hands, you gremlin.

Yeah, it's twice. Pete Repeat.

Yeah, maybe I should go to Cordovia.

Yeah, nice work, Todd.

Yeah, of course. What's up?

Yeah, okay, but I don't cry in front of other people. I can't.

Yeah, Penny, that's the plan.

Yeah, said the girl who doesn't have a pen right now.

Yeah, thanks for that, Diane.

Yeah, that's kind of the idea.

Yeah, well, that's a real tragedy. Meanwhile, Diane,

Yeah, you know, you're doing great, but I'm supposed to win.

Yeah! Go home, Goober!

Yeah! Woo hoo! I'm going on a boat! I got my way!

Yeah? Mm. Are they comfy? A comfy pair of pants?

Yeah? What, another leftist screed about how corrupt he was?

Yeah. But we had some good times, though, right?

Yeah. How's the game show going?

Yeah. I don't know.

Yeah. I mean, for a little bit.

Yeah. New York is so great in the summer,

Yeah. Oh, what is that guy's name?

Yeah. Two days. I can do all those things.

Yeah. Yeah, you're right. You're right. I can do this.

Yep, still here.

Yes,

Yes, a T shirt.

Yes, and I am a Nazi Kardashian.

Yes, and if you mess up, that's okay. It's all part of the fun.

Yes, and that zombie dentist scene was so innovative.

Yes, exactly! I feel like I've been alone

Yes, hold on.

Yes, I am new.

Yes, I know, but I always forget to write these things down.

Yes, Natasha, I'm talking about you. I know you're listening.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes. And in a Martian ice cream shop. Care for a butterscotch swirl?

Yes. I am a writer. What do you need?

Yes. There are lots of people who don't like their jobs.

Yo! Care to the O to the Lyn to the...

You and me, this is real.

You bet. Oh, man, I'm gonna kill in this Nixon scene.

You better grow up to be something great to make up for all the damage you've done.

You bring joy to millions of people.

You can be big and proud and bang on your tom tom drum

You can bet we'll get into this further in the next hour.

You can do anything you want in life.

You can do it.

You can do whatever you want.

You can get in your little car, drive to Santa Monica and pitch it to AMC.

You can just Google "Hank Hippopopalous allegations" and I...

You can risk it all in our Double or Nothing round.

You can say that again.

You can walk away right now or, and remember, this is for charity,

You can't beat Uncle Hanky.

You can't do what anymore?

You can't just go up and talk to Copernicus.

You cannot call it that.

You chewed it up, we had to throw it away, remember?

You come into my home and you call my work shit?

You did some great cheering from the bench,

You didn't drive all this way just to see my mom, did you?

You didn't have to. Turteltaub's gonna love this.

You didn't know me. Then you fell in love with me.

You didn't read the treatment? I faxed it to you.

You didn't tell me there would be another celebrity.

You don't actually believe Hank's innocent, do you?

You don't get a plus one, cantaloupe!

You don't get it.

You don't give a shit about work.

You don't have to go right away, right? At least stay till the end of the weekend.

You don't know how lucky you are.

You don't know what you want.

You don't really want me to go, do you?

You don't understand, if you die in improv, you die in real life.

You don't want too many people around in a hospital setting.

You earned my respect... and this pen.

You eat your cheesy pizza, you drink your Ade of gator.

You ever try to fit into a mine shaft?

You go to counseling and remember why you fell in love with her

You got everything you wanted because of that book.

You got to conquer that hill.

You gotta prove that prov.

You gotta rise to the occasion, okay? So what if the new couch is weird?

You gotta send someone else in my place.

You gotta turn this ship around, BoJ. If you don't

You guys can get some pictures together.

You guys could stand back to back.

You had the pen and you just gave it to me?!

You have a job to do.

You have any weird history with Kelly Ripa I should know about?

You have to tell yourself every day:

You have two days. Maybe you could hire an acting coach.

You jogged here from Laurel Canyon?

You kept making them and I kept eating them and then I threw up in the pool.

You knew where you were going with my wife

You know him from his years on Horsin' Around,

You know how I feel about Anne Frank.

You know I don't know any of these people, right?

You know it's a federal crime to go through someone else's mail?

You know what the doctor says?

You know what, I got an essay to write,

You know you're not allowed in Hair and Makeup.

You know, a person.

You know, during the break, my producers told me

You know, everyone always treats me like a kid.

You know, for safety.

You know, Herb would probably think that this is pretty funny

You know, I did some thinking over the break. BoJack

You know, I do a pretty good Nixon.

You know, I was beautiful

You know, it's funny. When you look at someone through rose colored glasses,

You know, it's on the tip of my tongue?

You know, like King Tut?

You know, me having a family and

You know, the man sitting next to me was wearing a T shirt?

You know, when I won that Golden Globe last month, I went to a very dark place.

You know, you can't escape... you.

You know, you look just like your mother.

You like coq au vin?

You live truthfully in the moment and the butt joke comes to you.

You look very responsible.

You make a digital replica so you're not screwed if he goes all Belushi on you.

You make me too sad.

You manipulated me and completely took advantage of...

You mean, am I amped? Because I am so pumped.

You microchipped my penis? Check, please!

You must think I'm a real monster.

You need to be on your best behavior for this tour.

You need to capture the essence of my personal brand, okay?

You need to get your shit together

You need to go back to set. You can't just not go to work.

You need to talk to her.

You need to visualize it

You opened up about your fear of success?

You read my mind.

You really are the master of spontaneous witticisms.

You said I was a true friend and you would never forget me?

You said if I was in town to give you a call.

You said, "Give it to an orphanage or something."

You say you want a divorce and she says, "No, we can make this work."

You should call her the Escape From L.A.

You should clear your schedule for the next year.

You should leave because I'm about to pretend to get a phone call.

You shouldn't meet your hero on an empty stomach.

You shut up. What's the story? Cute guy live there? Girl you hate?

You smell like a fancy cabbage.

You started it with the pants thing.

You suck

You sure you don't wanna get another take? Just for safety?

You tell me. You're the one who saw it.

You think I don't get enough takes? I'll get more takes.

You think I don't notice? Why don't you like me?

You think I'm a guy like us?

You think I'm afraid of a few rioting hippies?

You tried to chase me around the pool, but you were too hungover

You two lovebirds gonna do any traveling or anything?

You wanna get some Mediterranean food?

You wanna go buy me a kite and then fly a kite?

You want some?

You want to believe that you really are

You want to host a game show where everyone feels bad at the end?

You want to talk about that, BoJack?

You want to talk about the time when you, my "good friend," kissed my wife?

You wanted this.

You were a joke, now people take you seriously.

You were born broken, that's your birthright.

You were friends with Mom when she lived in L.A.?

You were in Justified. You were amazing.

You were out of work, now you got your dream role.

You were telling people, but it's a really important job

You were the second hairdresser's assistant on The Ellen Show

You women are all the same.

You won't even tell your audience what he's accused of.

You, me and Herb let those balloons go over Studio City?

You, on the other hand, are pretty much done.

You? No way.

You'd really be doing me a huge favor.

You're 24, you live on my couch and you've always seen the good in me somehow.

You're a millionaire movie star with a girlfriend who loves you,

You're a movie star now

You're an amazing agent. And you're bright, and you're fun.

You're an expert. Why don't you tell us?

You're BoJack Horseman.

You're doing the right thing. Don't forget that.

You're feeling the weight of that guilt.

You're funny. I am literally laughing out loud

You're gonna drag down the people close to you.

You're gonna wave goodbye to the old

You're happy. You didn't want me to go to New York.

You're here to help me help them by writing a book about me

You're just some other guy I'll probably never talk to again.

You're just using them as props for your big shot superhero act.

You're killing it in the department of kicking ass

You're not gonna beat this guy.

You're not here with me in Northern Cordovia.

You're not so bad yourself, Rutabaga, for a 26er.

You're not still mad about the book.

You're polluting my perfect serene dream life. Why is this happening?

You're right. What was I thinking?

You're still here?

You're supposed to be a journalist.

You're the agent who got me Hollywoo Stars and Celebrities.

You're the best, no matter what everybody on this app says.

You're the first grown up I've ever met who actually treats me like...

You're the future of America! Go, Penny! Go, go, go!

You're the only one in this building who isn't a total snooze cooze.

You're the real deal, Diane.

You've always been a pillar of support.

You've been brainwashed into thinking

You've been here this whole time?

You've been told that your brother, Jeffretariat,

You've earned $500,000 for charity.

You've earned the chance to go for a spin

You've just been told your brother is dead and that it's your fault.

Your book went to some revealing places.

Your books and your movies and your little girlfriends

Your downstairs neighbor Princess Carolyn.

Your e mail said "Jerb." I forwarded it to the plaque guy.

Your father and I, we

Your films are challenging and gritty, and they're great.

Your friend? I didn't realize this man was your friend.

Your job is to pump out garbage every year

Your mom never mentioned she used to hang out with the BoJack Horseman?

Your suggestion was "suggestions."

[baby shrieks] [audience laughs and applauds]

[microphone feedback] [man coughs]

[Moose] Brilliant insight. [woman] Very good.

@Diane. Can't believe you wanted to carpool.

♪ I'm BoJack the horse ♪ ♪ BoJack! ♪

Action! Hey, Secretariat.

Am I Am I a clown? Oh, brother.

and make the audience connect? This is a situation comedy.

Are they all lying? I mean, probably. We do that.

Are you ? No, what I'm holding is nothing.

Are you my ex wife's lawyer? I'm Diane.

Are you seriously killing this? It's just not a good time.

Are you talking to me, or you ? Damn it, time to stop being a coward.

Are you? Yes, actually. I am.

Bear get angry... Right.

before I got pregnant. I know.

BNA? Brand new attitude. Try to keep up.

BoJack Horseman? Do I know you?

BoJack, why did I wake up in an alley? I had to get rid of the old couch, Todd.

Can't stop windmilling now. Hey, hey

Command Z. Don't need it, won't use it.

Diane! [passenger] Aah!

Did you know we both hate phonies? I did know that

Do you need more blood? I don't need blood.

Eat shit, Diane! You eat shit!

Error. Message deleted. Wait No

Excuse me? Yeah, you make these

Gotta save the planet, Diane. Hey, is that BoJack Horseman?

Great. I love you, too. [with heavy accent] Hello.

Hank Hippopopalous. Oh, we've met.

he actually Aah!

Hello? Diane!

Hey, can I get a picture with you? Of course, kid.

Hey, can I talk to you for a minute? Of course, buddy.

Hey, Diane, you're a writer, aren't you? Yes.

Hey, do you wanna talk? Talk? Why? Why would we do that?

Hey, man. Corduroy Jackson Jackson.

Hey, man. Whoa!

Hey, we are on the same page. Oh, are you also on "Tit Puncher"?

Hi. Kelsey Jannings? That depends.

How could you say that? What are you doing here?

How did you like the opera? I loved it.

I am always on your side. Really?

I am not asking. of total positive energy.

I can change and I will change. Louder.

I can't get to the phone right now. What?

I feel like we're getting off track. Do you not know that?

I heard you're blowing it. What? Who told you that? Was it Todd?

I just got married, and Diane.

I know you're there, Charley. Leave a message.

I read your book, BoJack. Oh.

I think you are scared of me. I'm not a bad guy, Diane,

I wanted to show you this. What?

I'll say when to keep rolling. Okay.

I'm not gonna leave a message. Beep.

I'm Scott Wolf. And I'm Matthew Fox.

I'm sorry. What?

Is it the impression that I get? Yes. That's the impression that you get.

It's a simile. Goddamn it.

Just like you ordered. I said "latte."

Katrina, BoJack. I don't watch TV.

let's drag these corpses to the mass grave behind the playground.

Like a Matisse painting. Whoa.

Like who? I don't know, like Mike Tyson

Loving it, buddy. Loving life. Brother, I am right there with you.

Lubitsch? No, BoJack. Goodbye.

Mailbox is full. What? Mailbox full?

Mm. [Wanda] Why don't we get Hank in here?

Mom I don't wanna fight you, BoJack.

My face! Hey, hey.

My question is for Diane Nyu... Nyu... Oh.

Nicole? Mm hm.

No pun intended. You clearly intended that pun.

No, he's not taking the hint somehow. Mm hm.

No, that... King Tut? Mashed Potato? Windmill?

No. I gotta say,

No. Okay, I'm sad.

Nyu... You won't get it. Ask the question.

Oh, I didn't mean... That dress is hideous.

Oh, my God! Is chili you ask for.

Oh. Sorry. Hey, who's this guy?

Okay. No?

or I'll walk up to the 28th floor and Just kidding.

Or lumpy? Uh, what?

Really? No. We need to make a scan of your face

So, you got nothing. I'm not giving up.

Sounds amazing. And I'm really getting along

Still can't hear you. You're an audiobook.

Terrific. We got it. One day, that's gonna be the job.

Thank you, Stuart. Also, your coffee is coming late.

Thank you. What a cute funny face. Cookie?

Thank you. What am I gonna do?

That was a diary. I read the parts about me.

That's not You're a clown, you know that?

That's not really how this works. It's open bar, don't be a dick.

The T shirt told me to "just do it." Here we go.

There's a whole page of this. Should I write him, tell him I get it?

Think you made a mistake, hiring me? I don't make mistakes, BoJack.

This cable? Do you have a thousand dollars?

This is completely... Yeah, hi.

This is not over. When people hear what... Give it a rest. It's over. You lost.

This isn't about me. If you keep pushing this,

Those are saucers. Why do we even have saucers?

Todd, nobody cares. Nobody cares, Todd.

Uh oh. I think someone needs a FAB. A FAB?

Uh uh. I'm not asking

Uh, uh, no, I would never be... Erica! Throw me a raft. I'm dying.

Uh... [sighs]

Uh... And what part should the U.S

Uh... Is that a new cone? Looking sharp, PB.

Untranslated

Untranslated

Untranslated

Untranslated

Untranslated

Wait, which Belushi? Hold still, please.

Wanna go? The Rolling Stones?

Want me to go get you some chili? Good call.

Watch out! Hey.

We will now begin our Q and A. Fire when ready.

We're in the middle of something. I got mixed up in some bad stuff

We've all been there. I don't understand what's happening.

What about his current assistant? You think she'd talk?

What are you doing here? Ah!

What are you doing here? So, I went a little overboard

What happened to Laura? Assistants are like Belushi brothers.

What? Because each minute

What? I got a call from the studio.

What? The kids have gone through puberty.

What? Todd?

What's going on? I have to wear the cone

What's the big deal? You don't understand.

Where are we going? Oh, my God.

Who are you? Anyway, we gotta get to work.

Who let this guy in? I just

Whoa, whoa! Oh, my God.

Yeah And what's this letter I have?

Yeah, I know, but someone... Had to say something, right?

Yeah, that doesn't say "can't." Oh.

Yeah? Yeah.

Yeah? Yeah.

Yeah? Yeah. But I'm Uncle Hanky.

Yeah. Hey, Princess Carolyn.

Yep. So, is torture?

Yep. Lucky me. We're still rolling, people.

You are literally a metaphor. Oh, my God.

You got it. Scene 22 alpha, take one.

You gotta be strong. Yeah, but

You ruined me, BoJack. I know.

You should probably just drop this. Oh, I'm gonna drop it, all right.

You're adorable. Aw.

You're fine

'Cause that's our thing, you know? Heh. That's the whole plan?

"Don't do that." Yeah.

[all chattering] Oh.

[all] Cheese. I think we have enough pictures.

[audience and Daniel laughing] What? No, not even close.

[audience cheering] [BoJack chuckles]

[audience cheering] [lively music playing over speakers]

[audience cheering] [music resumes]

[audience laughs] I don't

[audience] Oh. Huh.

[BoJack] You shut up! [man] Make me!

[buzzer sounds] BoJack.

[buzzer sounds] Oh, BoJack.

[buzzer sounds] Oh, the answer is Egypt.

[Carolyn] Gekko?! But I'd rather look at you all day.

[crashing] [audience laughs]

[crying] Guys, we have an announcement.

[Diane gasps] [people scream nearby]

[electricity powers down] [audience gasps]

[feedback squeaks] Huh?

[grunts] Todd, stay out of Hair and Makeup.

[iPad chimes] I gotta deal with this.

[Kyle in normal voice] What the...? Huh?

[lively music playing over speakers] [audience cheering]

[Maddy vomits] Oh.

[Peanutbutter] Oh. [buzzer sounds]

[police sirens wailing] [guns cocking]

[Rock music playing] [crowd cheering]

[sighs] Okay. You know what?

[Todd groans] [all laughing]

[Todd mimics farting] [Wanda] Ugh!

[Trip] Too late. Seriously, stay as long as you want.

[woman screams] God, no! [BoJack gasps]

♪ I'm BoJack the horse ♪ ♪ BoJack! ♪

♪ I'm BoJack the horse ♪ ♪ BoJack! ♪

♪ I'm BoJack the horse ♪ ♪ BoJack! ♪

A real life newspaper! Uh huh.

Aah! Return fire!

Aah! They call her the Oscar whisperer.

Aah. I had such high hopes for you, Todd.

Action! I'm tired of running in circles.

Ahh. It's a cult. And I know.

All right. [chuckles] I'm listening.

All these years? It was a long time ago.

Ana Spanikopita. Big fan

And hurting people. Well...

And hurting people. Well...

And I'm not just talking about the butt. Ha.

And Leland Stanford? Transcontinental Railroad.

And on the t shirts. Jerb's kids?

and replacing you in every scene. I'm not in the movie at all?

And the port to be... also starboard. Huh?

And then it just stops? [audience laughs]

And we're back in three, two..

and you told me ? Whatever it is, I don't care.

and you'd go to your sock hops. Do you think

And you'd say, "No." You gotta fix this.

Anything you want me to do differently? No, I just think we should get it again.

Are you asking me to throw the game? You don't care about this game.

Are you drunk? Only on adventure. And gin.

Are you kidding? Well, you know,

Are you wearing roller skates? I'm wearing Heelys.

At the... Santa Fe Boat Show. I've never heard of a Santa Fe Boat Show.

Barry Bostwick. Raspberry?

Because seven eight nine. [buzzes]

Because she has a family, which is great. Yeah.

because you can actually Mom.

because you're not coming with me. Wait, wait, wait, what?

Because... I'm jealous. Oh.

Big celebrity? Say hello to...

BoJack Horseman. Oh, I'm sorry.

BoJack, there's nothing we can do. No, this isn't you.

BoJack, we need an answer. Yeah, I don't know.

BoJack, welcome. It is great to be here.

BoJack. Shut up. Aah! What are you ?

But Hey, you think you could keep it down?

But he keeps not doing it. That is so typical Diego.

But if you can't, you can go home. I...

But no. Oh.

but then she just drank the wine. Five days ago.

But, you said, "I'll clean it up." And did I clean it up?

Can I go on your boat? I don't see what's stopping you.

Can I tell you a joke? Is it a long joke with no punch line?

Can this be the end? This whole ship is full of idiots.

Can you get pinkeye? I have to go.

Can you really afford to be picky? What?

Can you spell that last one? No.

Cardio? Anything? I mean, occasionally.

Carolyn, we are free. Yeah

Charlotte, I am so sorry Don't. Don't you dare.

Charlotte. Penny, go to your room.

Come on. It wasn't our best season.

Cool thing. So, anyway...

Copernicus is a fraud! A fraud? Me? Ow.

Damn. Shut up.

Daniel Radcliffe! Hi, I'm Daniel Radcliffe. Hello.

Did we? Right. Well, um, take care.

Did you see the game last night? No, I don't follow

Didn't know I had it in me, did you? No, I knew.

Do you know where the batteries are? What?

Do you remember? Oh, God.

Do you want it? Yeah.

Does she have a name? Who?

Don't do anything crazy, guys. You can't be serious.

Don't do this, BoJack. I know you feel it, too.

Don't tell my parents I crashed your car. Yeah, deal.

Don't you want to dance with Diego? Stop poking holes, Charlotte.

elected president? Let me guess, it was all a dream?

Elijah Wood? What?

Everything can go back to normal, but No, no, stop. No.

everything was going Hold that thought.

Everything? Yeah, it's kind of my thing.

Feel that energy! They don't love me.

Final answer. Correct!

Freeze! I'm union

Goddamn it, throw to commercial. We'll be right back.

Got it. So, let me ask you something. Tsk.

Gross. What? I can't help it.

Ha, ha. And you said,

Hand it over. [scoffs] Fine.

Hang on. One more.

He had a stroke. Oh.

He refused to scrub the floors. Oh, Bryan.

He said, "It's no Casablanca." Well, what's done is done.

He's later than I am. Bryan's not gonna be at practice anymore.

Hello, old ma'am. Oh, hello.

Hello? Hey, Diane.

Hello? Hey.

Hello? Okay, so I got Turtel

Hello? Prince? Listen, bozo, I keep getting calls

Hello. Hey, could you get the door?

Help you out of that tree, ma'am? Look at him save that cat.

Hey, champ. What are you doing here?

Hey, Daniel, good to see you. Always nice to meet a fan.

Hey, guys. Shut up, Todd.

Hey, how am I doing? You're kind of being a dick.

Hey, is everyone having a good time? Ha! Three months. A year. A life.

Hey, where's Kelsey? Oh, yeah, funny story.

Hey, who's Jerb? What?

Hey, whoa! Boo! Party foul!

Hey! What's the big idea?

Hey! Hey, hey! [blows raspberry]

Hey. [BoJack] Hey.

Hey. Hey.

Hey. I'm really glad you're here.

Hey. Horshack. What's going on? What's going on is I'm kicking your ass.

Hold the elevator, please. Coming in?

Horsin' Around? No, actually. The other TV show.

How about you enjoy this? Aah! [both] Whoa, whoa, whoa.

How could this be any more perfect? [sing song] Yoo hoo

How could you not know that? Let's just move on.

How is that cold? Then he'll say, "Wanna dance?"

How was I supposed to know? He also likes Franken Berry.

Huh? Have you ever thought

Huh? What?

Huh. Excuse me? Sir?

Hurray, improv! I did it! You have briefly won me over.

I don't know how to do that. You're a ghost writer.

I don't know what to do, Charlotte. About what?

I don't know what to do, Charlotte. About what?

I don't know you. You do.

I don't know, BoJack. Pete.

I don't know, seven? Wrong! So wrong.

I don't know... Hey, if you're down with the prov,

I don't see how we'll pull this off. We're gonna need a crack team.

I don't think Indulge me.

I got you an iPad, ma'am. Oh, no thanks, Mia.

I just had the most amazing prov sesh. No one cares, Todd.

I know. [slurring] My flask got empty.

I live here, too. You're right. I'm sorry.

I love you, Mr. Peanutbutter. I love you, too.

I love you, your family and this town. Stop.

I mean, he is an adult. Uh...

I mean, obviously, that would be crazy. Uh...

I mean... Well, not for you.

I never wanted to hurt BoJack

I really do. Yeah, okay.

I really don't think it's that bad, guys. Why does anything matter, right?

I should call her. But what are you doing in New Mexico?

I think you got the wrong idea. Let's go.

I think you should go. Okay.

I thought Alison F. was your best friend. That was like three best friends ago.

I told you, we can make this work No. I don't want

I went to high school in the '50s? Penny, hey, I got an idea.

I, uh... Hash browns.

I'll say D? Ouch, the answer was A and B.

I'll take you driving this weekend. I need to practice every day.

I'm all in. Whoa!

I'm being careful. Okay.

I'm Maddy. Maddy's my best friend.

I'm not really in the mood for I think some time away

I'm sorry, you lose. What the..

I've been that elbow. Hello, what have we here?

I've lost them. Where did they go? Seriously?

If I call the police, will I get a line? No, we won't use it in the movie

If you miss one more class, you're out. I'm sorry. But, wait, Bryan isn't here.

in the middle of landlocked New Mexico? Jeez, so many questions.

Invitation only. Huh.

Is it not ? No, obviously that was a typo.

Is it? We're your friends, Todd. More than that, we're a family.

Is that a reward or a punishment? That's up to Bryan.

Is that really what you want? Of course it is.

Is that the smoke alarm ? No.

Is that... Here we go.

Is this your friend, Todd? It's more complicated than that.

It gets easier. Huh?

It was two months ago. You missed it. Sorry.

It's really good to see you. It's good to see you, too.

It's the quarter finals. You'll just get a hard on in the game.

Just beat it. Ah!

Just get behind me, BoJack. No sudden moves.

Just get me a couple of days. For what? What are you doing there?

Just in case we have some late nights. [laughs] Mr. Rabitowitz.

Kelsey, you're okay with this? Eh...

Kind of. Great. You're in.

Let's break for lunch. [kids] Oh!

Let's get out of here right now. No, BoJack.

Let's go talk to him. Are you kidding?

Let's try it. Give me a suggestion. Uh... I don't know.

Listen Let me talk to one of the locals.

Listen, this is Oh!

Lock the wheels. Watch her head.

Lyla K. is so pretty. Shut up. She's got nothing on you.

Martha, did you see my hash browns? Oh, my God, do you ever turn it off?

Maybe they'll put me in next game. Sure, they will.

Me? No, not "you" you.

Mind if I get on top of her? Knock yourself out.

Mm. On my way to see...

Morning, everybody. Aah! Kinko!

Morning. [J.D.] What?

Most refugees got their tongues cut out. Find one with a tongue.

Mr. Peanutbutter No, tell me.

Mr. Peanutbutter! Oh, hey Wanda.

My parents are dead? No. No. Not necessarily.

No it does not. Viva Todd foolery!

No way I'm doing that. Got it.

No, don't do that. Well, I'm out of options.

No, no, no. Not nobody. No. No.

No, Penny, don't I'll see you tomorrow.

No, sorry, I'm not a, uh I'm an actor. Oh, good for you.

No, thanks. [coughing] Pussy.

No, you're not. Well...

No! Yes.

No. 'Cause you've been busy.

No. Hey, BoJack, I'm Pete.

No. Hey, what are you doing?

No. Mom.

No. Then go ahead.

No. Then go ahead.

No. Well, define "weird." You look doughy. Do you run?

Not interested. Okay.

Now get out of my house." I don't remember any of that.

Now I can be serious faster. You can also go nowhere faster.

Now tell me, do we need a poop deck? Huh?

Now, let's get to work. [AD] And five, four,

Of what? Diane? No.

Oh, Bryan. Guys, look.

Oh, Bryan. Todd, in improv,

Oh, hello. Look at this urn.

Oh, I am ready. Great.

Oh, I love plays. A play.

Oh, my God! It's Daniel Radcliffe! [audience cheering]

Oh, my God. He's here. There he is.

Oh, my God. Oh! What are you doing?

Oh, stop. [laughs] Bam!

Oh, thank you. [all cheering]

Oh, that's so cold. Right?

Oh, tough break, B.J. Novak! My name is

Oh, uh... Ah, now come on.

Oh, was that too far? Oh ho, you want to get into things?

Oh, where? The Giggleship.

Oh! Guards, take this subversive

Oh! Oh, we can't, the sprinklers are on.

Oh. All right. Thanks for talking me into this.

Okay Let's find out.

Okay, folks. [all] Aah!

Okay, I'm in. Let's do it. All right!

Okay, moving on. Hey, it's fine.

Okay. Ah, damn.

Okay. And don't text and drive,

Okay. Is it okay?

on one of those balloons. But it's a nice memory, right?

on our Kia Sportage Cash Grab Booth Cam. [audience cheers]

On your way to sea? Yes.

once called "a comedy cruise line." Comedy cruise line?

Or are you a bad girl? Are you flirting with my boat right now?

Outside Santa Fe. Are you te stupid?

Penny and I are gonna take off. What?

Penny, no. It's okay. I want this.

Playing dead. Breaking and entering?

Please do not tell your parents. Well, I won't,

Poindexter? It's a nerd reference... [sighs]

Possibly Alan. Why possibly Alan?

Put a chapter in your book about that. Uh huh.

Right Big fan.

Right away, ma'am. Ah.

Right now. You and me. What?

Right, BoJack? That's right.

Right, so Do they know things?

Right. With your career.

Sabrina! [Sabrina] What? I didn't peep!

Shan't you? I shannot.

She came out of nowhere. Jill Pill?

She can spend the night. Maddy, come on.

She says you know her, Jill Pill? Jill Pill?

She? Yeah, this hot new playwright Jill Pill.

She's gonna be okay, right? She'll be fine.

So brave. Thank you.

So I'm here. Okay. Break a leg

so you can help me find the batteries. Yeah?

So, in a way... Yeah.

So, Wanda's moving out. Oh, shit. Because of me?

Society. Careful.

Society. Well, what else are we gonna do?

Something artistic and bold. Rehearsals start in two weeks.

Stop it. Wake up, captain dumbshit.

Stop you. With these. Oh, no.

Stop. Aah. Sorry, officer,

Stop. No, stop it. Please stop.

Strangle those guys. Ugh! [coughs] BoJack, help

Ta da! We did it.

take your hands and put them on your Boo!

Te who ka? Tesuque, New Mexico.

Thanks a lot. Goodbye. Wait, BoJack

that Diego was gonna ask me to prom. Yeah?

That doesn't really seem [woman] They're all dead!

That sounds great. I love you.

That sounds like a shredder. Well, I guess I shredded it to you.

that you couldn't even get this right. Yeah. He would

That'll show him. Wait I'm sorry.

That's actually... good advice. And you know what else?

that's not in the movie anymore. Uh...

That's not true. I don't know what time it is.

The batteries in the remote died. Did you check the junk drawer?

The boat? It does not. Come on. You gotta give her a name.

The mill owner! Huh?

The name was Molly's idea. Stop pissing off the orphans.

the Small Talk Round. The what now?

They didn't even put me in. [sighs] I'm sorry, sweetheart.

They don't know me. That's why they love you.

They're gonna hate Daniel Day Lewis. But it's not my performance.

Things changed a little. You cut the Nixon scene?

This is a different movie. I think there was a misunderstanding.

This is a great plan. Yeah, Mom, don't poke holes.

This is serious. We're not just doing bits?

This is the first episode, right? [J.D. laughs]

This is the wife you're divorcing, right? You know how it is.

This sucks. This guy's bad.

three, two... [J.D.] Showtime

to be fully starboard. What?

To get away from Chris Martin? Huh.

Todd, I'm getting you out of here. I can't leave.

Todd, it's me, BoJack. BoJack?

Todd. Did someone say movie theater?

Tomorrow. Charlotte

Totally. Now, we need to lose the cops.

Transcontinental Railroad? That is correct.

Trip, ew. You are at the breakfast table

Trip. Trip, let's dial back the boners.

True story. Okay.

True, but A seagull could've choked

Twist my arm, why don't you? I'll do it. Okay.

Ugh. Rutabaga and I are starting a new agency.

Ugh. Actors. Okay, positions everyone. And... action.

Ugh. It burns. Yeah, 'cause it's not a juice box.

Ugh. Now you sound like my mother. No, what? No, I don't. [laughs]

Uh, fine? Correct.

Uh, I'm not sure where you're going Oh, no?

Uh, this is general knowledge? It's just an average we're asking for.

Uh, wow. That's, uh... [mild applause]

Uh... [audience applauding]

Uh... Or is it about how he had

Uh... We gotta get you on a talk show.

Uh... "okay" okay. All right, that's what I thought.

Uh... Oh. My big, hairy...

Uh... well [Trip] Whoa, sweet, a waterbed.

Um Because I am his boss.

Um, correct. Uh, what?

Wait Rachel Kaplan's gonna shit herself.

Wait, are you ser Oh! And go!

Wait, Mom lived in Los Angeles? Never came up?

Wait, what? You're right, it makes perfect sense.

Wait, you're making deals here? I'll say.

Wanda, would you help me with dessert? Uh, okay.

Wanna get a drink? It's eight in the morning.

Warts and all. Kid, "warts and all" don't pay bubkes.

watching your former assistant's garbage. I don't know where this is coming from.

watching your former assistant's garbage. I don't know where this is coming from.

Way to break the fourth wall. That wasn't that funny.

Way to take initiative. Oh. Rookie mistake.

We can fix that in post. Abe, I'm supposed to tell you

We can probably do it without you. This next one's for Seattle.

We didn't even do anything. Now, Penny.

We fixed the whole thing in post. Really?

We get paid either way, right? I guess.

We would have accepted Franken Berry. What?

We'll find out tonight. So sorry. You know what? Forget I even asked.

We're about to start a company together. None of that has to change.

We're live in five minutes, folks. [crew member] Make way.

Welcome back, America. [man] We love you, Daniel.

Well What do they know?

Well You know, the sound guy's wife

Well played, Jock jam Door slam. [groans]

Well, do you still think it's true? Do I think L.A. is a tar pit?

Well, I mean No, no, no, let's get into things.

Well, if Leo has one, then I want one. BoJack

Well, um I am in.

Well, you're welcome, Penny. Mm

What are you drinking? Nothing.

What could possibly be arousing you? Am I the old man?

What game? [J.D.] Ready camera one? Camera one.

What happened to your plan? Oh! I panicked.

What is ? Oh ho. That sound means

What kind of pants are you wearing now? What? I don't know. The normal kind.

What now? We die, have our guts ripped out

What the ? That noise means

What, I'm the idiot? [sighs]

What? BoJack, great news.

What? Hashtag much?

What? I gotta hop. I love you, though.

What? I heard hash browns.

What? I think I might be here a while.

What? It turns out you made enough money

What? Just until the divorce is finalized.

What? Look, I know you think

What? Oh, you said "piece of ship," right?

What? Really?

What? Shut your stupid mouth, you idiot.

What? We got a movie to finish, okay?

What? You'll find a blue book on your podium.

What? You're so stupid!

What? How? Explain yourself, land wench. I don't know, ask Turteltaub.

What? That's amazing. Oh, that's cool. Congratulations.

What'd you do with my daughter? She had a big night.

What's going on? Mr. Witherspoon's in the hospital.

What's going on? Oh, my God.

Where are we going? I'll get you some bourbon.

Where is he? I don't know, sir.

Where the hell are you? Tesuque.

Where's Kinko? Is he okay? Oh, no, no, he's certainly dead.

Which in a way is even better than money. Say what?

Who is Jan Ove Waldner? The Michael Jordan of table tennis.

Who's that? What are you, new?

Whoa, Carolyn, we just Come... Carolyn. My name is Princess Carolyn.

Whoa, Penny, come on. If you want to do it, I'm ready.

Whoa! Whoa!

Whoa. Mm.

Whoa. That was actually good. We're doing a full awards push.

Why do we keep passing the same house? No, I don't. Shut up.

Why do you have a boat? Uh, I don't remember.

with his girlfriend "Susie Side." Yeesh.

with your Horsin' Around residuals? I do... not remember that.

With your mouth? I put one on a banana in health class.

Wow, you really got a boat. Yeah, sure did.

Wow. [Penny] Hold up.

Yeah, absolutely. No, it doesn't.

Yeah, but Okay, so the studio wants gangbangers,

Yeah, I don't know And they say, "Wow, she sounds amazing."

Yeah, let's get you back to my place. What about the store?

Yeah, that's easy for you to say. What is that supposed to mean?

Yeah, that's right. How was your mother's party in the end?

Yeah, the coverage in Cordovia is Diane, Diane.

Yeah, what are you doing in New Mexico? I, uh...

Yeah? But you gotta do it every day.

Yeah? Supper's ready.

Yeah? I don't wanna put you out. Oh, it's no bother.

Yeah. Ooh. That was really bad

Yeah... How is it there? Is it amazing?

You better start writing your speech. I don't have to thank my parents, do I?

You can't just leave the prom. Of course you can. You're young.

You could get one thing right tonight. [audience laughs]

You did all that in the computer? Not just that.

You don't know I don't?

You got any leads for me, boat wise? What?

You guys are great. Yeah.

You just got prov'd! In your face, lady!

You knocked over Bucking can Palace. Come on!

You know Ana Spanikopita? Hello.

You know this is real. My husband is right upstairs.

You know what I think? You're shit. What?

You know you can get your own, right? Hey, do you remember that time

You know, a week before we got married? Uh...

You should take me to the prom. Huh?

You suck, Goober! Hey, Goober! Get murdered!

You sure we got it, Abe? Of course. You were phenomenal.

You'll love it. Okay.

You're still here? Yup. Still here.

You've seen too much. What the hell are you gonna do about it?

your wife is bullshit!" Oh.

Yup. Cool.

...and I just kept running. BoJack...

...on "that thing we talked about"?

...the handicapped drinking fountain he used in the White House?

"'Kend" is how I say weekend now.

"Does he like me? Am I cool?"

"Guys like us"?

"Hank and Mr. Peanutbutter are back to back. Thursdays on MBN

"He said, they said." It's eight different women.

"Hey, did you know the monorail was invented by George Monorail?"

"Hollywoo stars and celebrities, what do they know?

"I can change and I will change."

"I don't have anywhere else to go," because I felt good about myself.

"I've got a new attitude."

"Looking for a friend?"

"Need direction?"

"No parking in the rear?" [laughs] Aah!

"Thank you for letting me stay here.

"That's when I learned that guns can blow a vato away.

"To what extent was feudalism a cause of the French Revolution?"

"Trigonometry." "Advanced Physics," and "At the Movies With Mr. Peanutbutter."

"Try Scientology"?

"What color comes from the combination of blue and yellow?"

"When I grow up, I want to be like you. I'm on the right track.

"Which famous actor played the titular role

"Yeah, pfft, okay, dude." You know what I mean?

"You can't. You stupid, ugly can't."

"You may or may not be familiar with a famous racehorse named Secretariat.

[♪♪]

[♪♪]

[♪♪]

[♪♪]

[♪♪]

[♪♪]

[Abe slurps]

[Abe] Cut!

[Abe] Cut!

[Abe] Let's get it ten more times.

[alarm wailing]

[all cheering]

[all gasp]

[all gasp]

[all gasp]

[all laugh]

[all laugh]

[all laughing]

[all laughing]

[all laughing]

[all shouting and laughing]

[all shouting]

[all shouting]

[all] Apple sauce!

[all] Fire hose!

[all] Head to head!

[all] Microchip.

[all] Todd!

[announcer] Live from the historic Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip,

[as Nixon] Hello, I'm Nixon.

[as Nixon] I'm Nixon.

[audience applauding]

[audience applauding]

[audience booing]

[audience cheering]

[audience cheering]

[audience cheering]

[audience chuckling]

[audience clamoring]

[audience gasping]

[audience laughing]

[audience laughing]

[audience laughs and applauds]

[audience laughs and applauds]

[audience laughs]

[audience member clears throat]

[audience murmuring]

[audience] Drop da bomb!

[audience] Let's find out!

[beeps]

[BoJack and Charlotte] I'll talk to her.

[BoJack groans]

[BoJack laughs]

[BoJack shouts]

[BoJack sighs]

[BoJack sighs]

[BoJack voice over] And as I held that baby in my arms,

[BoJack] Do I really need to know these names?

[BoJack] Groovy.

[BoJack] Hey, Princess Carolyn!

[BoJack] Hey, you got a problem? Take it up with my agent,

[BoJack] We'll need someone to play Checkers

[bomb whistling, explodes]

[both growl]

[both grunting]

[both laughing]

[both moan]

[buzzer sounds]

[camera shutters clicking]

[can crunches]

[car door opens]

[caws]

[cell phone ringing]

[cell phone ringing]

[cell phone ringing]

[cell phone rings]

[cell phone ringtone]

[Charlotte gasps]

[Charlotte laughs]

[Charlotte sighs]

[Charlotte sighs]

[chuckles nervously]

[chuckles] I can tell, she's a good girl, isn't she?

[chuckles] I guess I just have one of those faces.

[chuckles] Look at me. Normals.

[chuckles] That's Uncle Hanky.

[clattering from inside]

[clears throat] "A continent ravaged by war,

[continues panting]

[cop] Shoot!

[coughing]

[coughing]

[coughs]

[coughs] Goober sucks. Why doesn't he ever go home?

[crowd cheering]

[crying]

[dance music playing over speakers]

[Daniel and audience] Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!

[Daniel laughs] A five! This is so easy!

[Diane] "And the truffle infused gnocchi was the star dish

[Diane] And that's when you realize

[Diane] Hey.

[Diane] In his previous life, Sebastian owned

[Diane] The first thing you notice about Sebastian St. Clair

[Diane] The only respite from his constant bombast is sleep,

[Diane] The second thing you notice about Sebastian St. Clair

[Diane] When Sebastian St. Clair says you're good,

[distorted ringtone playing on phone]

[dog howls]

[door slams]

[doorbell rings]

[dramatic music plays over speakers]

[electricity powers up]

[family laughs]

[family laughs]

[fire roaring]

[gasping]

[gasps]

[gasps] No. I have a wife and children.

[groaning]

[groaning]

[groans]

[groans]

[groans]

[groans]

[groans]

[groans]

[groans] I hate good hard thinks.

[groans] I'm gonna go down to the basement to practice my space work.

[groans] Why is it so daytime right now?

[groans] You're not funny, Dad. Your jokes are never funny.

[grunting]

[grunts]

[grunts]

[grunts]

[grunts] Sorry I'm late, guys!

[grunts] What orphanage?

[Hank] Hello, Diane.

[hip hop music playing over speakers]

[horn blows]

[howls]

[husband sighs]

[in normal voice] I can be ready in five.

[in normal voice] Yeah, you know, some people say I look like Nixon.

[in softer voice] Hello. I am refugee from village.

[inaudible dialogue]

[J.D.] Cue the Kiss Cam.

[J.D.] Yes, Mr. Peanutbutter. Go for the kill.

[Kelsey] All right, so, BoJack,

[Koenig on recording] Hi. I'm Sarah Koenig.

[Kyle snorts, then laughs]

[Kyle] Don't use the bathroom. It'll end up in the driveway.

[Kyle] Okay, everyone smile. Real big.

[Kyle] Yeah, family dinner on the boat.

[laughing and grunting]

[laughing]

[laughs]

[laughs]

[laughs]

[laughs]

[laughs] No, of course not.

[laughs] So do I. So let's watch our celebrities go... Audience?

[laughs] Who am I kidding? I can't stay mad at you. You're adorable.

[laughs] Yeah.

[laughs] You love it.

[lively music playing over speakers]

[love song playing over speakers]

[Maddy burps]

[Maddy groaning]

[man 1] Hey, Diane!

[man 2] Yeah, don't listen to that guy, Diane.

[man as Nixon] Welcome to my library.

[man over PA] Flight 57, Cordovian Airlines, now boarding.

[man] Hey

[man] Hey! Shut up down there!

[Margo laughing]

[mimicking siren wails and engine revving]

[mimics farting]

[mock '80s sitcom theme music]

[mumbling] Ehh... you, too.

[Nixon] I can do whatever I want.

[opossum screeches]

[panting]

[panting]

[panting]

[Peanutbutter on recording] Look alive, bright eyes.

[Peanutbutter] You gotta see this set they're building!

[Penny crying]

[Penny gasps]

[Penny laughs]

[Penny whispering] Shh, shh, shh. Quiet, quiet, quiet.

[Penny] Rachel heard from Ray Ray and the Bean

[Penny] Wow. That is so beautiful.

[people murmuring]

[Pete sighs]

[Pete] Guys?

[police sirens wailing]

[pop ballad playing haltingly over phone]

[prison guard] Watch, purse, lipstick,

[production assistant sighs]

[R & B ballad playing over speakers]

[rock music playing over stereo]

[Sebastian] Diane,

[Sebastian] Oh, Kinko made a mess.

[shouting in Cordovian]

[shouting in Cordovian]

[shouting]

[sighing]

[sighs deeply]

[sighs]

[sighs]

[sighs]

[sighs]

[sighs]

[sighs]

[sighs]

[sighs]

[sighs]

[sighs]

[sighs]

[sighs]

[sighs]

[sighs]

[sighs]

[sighs]

[sighs]

[sighs] They left early.

[sighs] Yes.

[sing song] Bye!

[sitcom theme plays over TV]

[slurping]

[slurping]

[slurping]

[slurps] And again?

[slurs] That's right.

[smashing noise over phone]

[snickers] You were best friends with Alison F.?

[snoring, then grunts]

[snoring]

[students cheering]

[the horse] Oh, you didn't.

[thunder rumbling]

[thunder rumbling]

[tires screech]

[tires screech]

[tires squealing]

[Trip] Oh, there's a kitchen! Can we make pizza bagels?

[truck beeping]

[upbeat dance music playing]

[vocalizing] Me, me, me. My, my, my. Bow wow wow wow.

[whispering] No way they'll do that.

[Wolf howls]

[woman over radio] Break in at the Discount

[woman] Death from above! [Bojack gasps]

[women gasp]

♪ All of the sudden I'm having trouble breathing in ♪

♪ And I'm trying to hold on to my past ♪

♪ And I'm trying to hold onto my past ♪

♪ And I'm trying to hold onto my past ♪

♪ And if you come to search For what is love ♪

♪ And may you find out May you find out who you are ♪

♪ And she's got a brother ♪

♪ And they've got some kids ♪

♪ Another day ♪

♪ Back in the '90s ♪

♪ Back in the '90s ♪

♪ Back in the '90s ♪

♪ BoJack the horse Don't act like you don't know ♪

♪ BoJack the horse Don't act like you don't know ♪

♪ BoJack the horse Don't act like you don't know ♪

♪ BoJack the horse Don't act like you don't know ♪

♪ BoJack! ♪

♪ BoJack! ♪

♪ BoJack! ♪

♪ BoJack's a very kind fellow ♪

♪ BoJack's a very kind fellow BoJack's a very kind fellow ♪

♪ Go now You'll go, but don't just hide ♪

♪ He gave us a place to live ♪

♪ He loves his wife And there's nothing you can do ♪

♪ Her brother's name is Trip ♪

♪ I feel proactive ♪

♪ I guess I'll just try And make you understand ♪

♪ I guess I'll just try And make you understand ♪

♪ I guess I'll just try And make you understand ♪

♪ I guess I'll just try And make you understand ♪

♪ I pull out weeds ♪

♪ I sleep in late ♪

♪ I want to grow Tomatoes on the front steps ♪

♪ I was in a very famous TV show ♪

♪ I was in a very famous TV show ♪

♪ I was in a very famous TV show ♪

♪ I was in a very famous TV show ♪

♪ I'm having trouble breathing in ♪

♪ I'm having trouble breathing in ♪

♪ If you come to find out who you are ♪

♪ It's a Monday ♪

♪ It's been so long I don't think I'm gonna last ♪

♪ It's been so long I don't think I'm gonna last ♪

♪ It's been so long I don't think I'm gonna last ♪

♪ It's so mundane ♪

♪ Kyle and the kids ♪

♪ Kyle and the kids ♪

♪ Kyle and the kids ♪

♪ Kyle is the dad And Charlotte is married to him ♪

♪ Never leave this Never leave this town ♪

♪ Nothing's gonna be all right Be all right, oh, no ♪

♪ Of the parade ♪

♪ Oh, what a waste ♪

♪ Or I'm more man than a horse ♪

♪ Or I'm more man than a horse ♪

♪ Or I'm more man than a horse ♪

♪ Or I'm more man than a horse ♪

♪ Sunflowers, bean sprouts Sweet corn and radishes ♪

♪ That I'm more horse than a man ♪

♪ That I'm more horse than a man ♪

♪ That I'm more horse than a man ♪

♪ Then may you find it May you find it at any cost ♪

♪ Then may you find it May you find it at any cost ♪

♪ There's Penny She's going to high school ♪

♪ They're the perfect family ♪

♪ What exciting things Will happen today? ♪

♪Oh, what a wonder ♪

♫ Back in the 90s ♫

♪ And I'm trying to hold onto my past ♪

♪ BoJack! ♪

♪ It's been so long I don't think I'm gonna last ♪

♪ That I'm more horse than a man ♪