Kick-Ass (2010) Soundboard Edit

A bazooka?

A costume vigilante has become the latest Internet phenomenon...

A costumed vigilante has become the latest Internet phenomenon

A worldwide web broadcast of the New York superhero.

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All right, come on. Go ahead.

All right, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, okay? I...

All right, up you get. Come on. Two more rounds and then home

And coming up after the hour

And don't leave a mess.

And I can be that stranger. You just gotta give me a chance.

And if you think I'm gonna make it.

And leap tall buildings in a single bound.

And that's exactly what I'm gonna do.

And what is this?

And you better start reading the instructions,

Another five keys at half price.

Are you crazy?

Are you looking at me?

Are you okay?

As his actions last night proved. Red Mist, how do you see it?

As opposed to a gunman in the alley.

Balisong. It's Filipino. Ask me another.

Being framed as a drug dealer was the.

Bless your soul.

But all I did was make a door into a.

But don't get me wrong. I like girls my own age, too

But I'm afraid I can't help you on this one.

But it was a start.

But Kick Ass told me we're not the only superheroes in town.

But not half as much as the idea of leaving everything behind.

But there was one last thing I needed it for.

But you don't pronounce it. Like in the word "Knuckleduster."

Can he hear you? I don't think he can hear you.

Can you think of anything else you'd rather spend it on?

Capes rock.

Check this out

Chris, how long you been there?

Come on in, guys, say hello.

Come on, be honest with yourself

Come on, be honest with yourself.

Come on, be honest with yourself.

Come on, sweet cheeks.

Come on. No, no, no, no, no

Come on. Oh, shit... Please!

Come on... No, no, no, no, no!

Cos I promised my girlfriend that I'm done with all this shit.

Dad.

Daddy, look

Daddy, look.

Dave Lizewski. Don't think I haven't noticed you looking at my tits

Dave, hey

Dave.

Dead? How?

Defending the citizens of New York from the forces of evil.

Despite initial speculation that this may be some kind of hoax...

Did you watch the TV? The new superhero guy?

Do it.

Do you hear me? They're on to you.

Dude, not again, come on.

Dude, that is one gay looking Taser

Due to the distressing nature of the images...

Eeny, meeny..

Ever since I was little I've always wanted a friend..

Exactly.

Excellent, good

Excellent, good.

Finding you was way too easy.

Fire is our friend.

Fire. Fire is good.

For emergencies when I'm driving around.

Frank, Frank, Frank, come on, he's had enough. Come on.

Frank, we're ready. Enjoy the show.

Frank.

Fuck!

Fuck.

Fuck.

Fuck. Shit. Damn.

Gentlemen, please.

Get the lighter!

Glory, glory, hallelujah.

Go ahead, boys.

Go to Robin's Revenge!

Good job.

Guess who?

Had I ever been a real superhero?

Had some bad motherfuckers for friends, and they think we did that shit.

Have a good night.

Have a nice day

He can catch a bullet,

He did very good. Don't kill him till I get there.

He has powers far beyond the capabilities of mere earthlings.

He must be someone's son, someone's brother,

He must have taken that right before he died

He should call himselfAss Kick instead.

He would have been proud of both of us.

He's fine

He's got a way better costume than Kick Ass, too.

He's his father's son.

Hey

Hey

Hey, asshole, you can't use the front door now.

Hey, come on.

Hey, get up.

Hey, I got one of those.

Hey, Joe, yeah

Hey, Kick Ass.

Hey, new kid.

Hey, you're crazy. Please!

Hey! Call 911!

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hi, I'm Hit Girl.

Hi.

Hi.

His truth is marching on.

Hold him.

Hold him.

Hold on, you're telling me one guy killed 8 of my men tonight?

Holy fuck, Fashion, everybody's dead.

How about both of us being dead? Is that serious enough for you?

How about that, huh?

How you doing?

Hurry up, man.

I always wanted to say this...

I always wondered why nobody did it before me

I can't believe I got my gun back. Look at that.

I can't believe you're here, man. Like, you're my hero.

I didn't have a piercing or an eating disorder,

I didn't say anything to anyone, I swear.

I didn't say he looked like Batman.

I didn't say we should talk to him. I just..

I don't fucking believe this.

I don't know if I was everything Katie dreamed her gay bff would be...

I don't... I don't mind you talking business, Dad.

I feel a little weed takes the edge off things when I'm on patrol, you know?

I for one would definitely fuck his brains out if I got the chance.

I got 100 guys can fix a problem, you'd hire some putz in pantyhose?

I got why people didn't risk their lives for strangers.

I gotta send a public service message to the people out there..

I guess I was the last person you'd expect to become a superhero.

I hadn't even checked the website for, like, a week

I just can't believe he's dead, that's all.

I just need to clean my...

I know I can do it. I just need a few things.

I know this sounds fucked up, Frankie, but that guy in the picture...

I mean your real name.

I mean, they're both kind of hot. I just think Red Mist has a better body.

I miss you both.

I need you to get rid of Kick Ass.

I never play.

I rerouted your IP address. Finding you was way too easy.

I swear, Dad, if you let me do this, it's gonna work.

I swear, when my hormones balance out,

I think you must be confusing me with someone who

I was back and running Kick Ass version 2.0

I was just a stupid dick in a wetsuit

I was just a stupid dick in a wetsuit.

I wouldn't wanna get in the way of your 'business' where I'm not wanted

I'm Ki... I'm a friend of Katie's.

I'm Kick Ass

I'm Kick Ass.

I'm Kick Ass. Look me up.

I'm not saying there was anything wrong with me,

I'm right here now, baby

I'm sorry

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you.

I'm telling you, the longer you wait, the worse it's gonna get.

I'm... I'm a friend of Katie's.

I've a message for Rasul about Katie Deauxma.

If they didn't, he will.

Ignore him...

In the ambulance they threw my clothes away because of the blood.

In the shape of a giant cock.

Is he the kind of guy you'd go for, with all that leather?

Is it okay to say that? That's not homophobic, is it?

Is that what I think it is?

Is that what I think it is?

Is there anybody else? Any family or..

It's 300,000 bucks.

It's in the shape of a giant cock.

It's on the floor right over there. Find the lighter

It's time for Frank D'Amico to go bye bye.

It's time for Frank D'Amico to go bye bye.

Jimmy.

Joe, you're in charge

Joe, you're in charge.

Just the perfect combination of optimism and naivety.

Just walk away from the car and we can forget about this.

Katie Deauxma just offered to buy me coffee.

Katie?

Kerosene. Yes, the silent killer.

Kick Ass, I'm sorry, I...

Kick Ass, I'm sorry!

Kick Ass?

Kick Ass.

Kick in my bedroom door and you'll probably find me watching TV...

Kids nowadays in their tights

Kill every single fucking guy on my payroll?

Kill my men, huh? Take my fucking coke!

Kind of fun, huh? Now you know how it feels.

Leave him alone!

Let me tell you the problem I got with that, Tre.

Like what?

Listen, they're on to you. Do you hear me?

Look,

Look, I can take care of myself.

Lunch money.

Man, if you're right, we're gonna look like the biggest bunch of pussies in New York.

Me?

Me?

Mikey!

Mikey.

Mindy MacReady.

Mindy,

Mindy.

Mommy, I want a Kick Ass party. Dumb little fucks.

My condolences, Frank.

My mom has the burglar alarm on downstairs,

My mother was killed by an aneurism in the kitchen.

My son is waiting to go to the movies and I ain't gonna disappoint him

My son was there, and he's still missing

Mysterious traveler from another dimension

No, I'm not!

No, never.

No, no, no. Mr. Bitey, come on

No!

No? Okay

No.

No.

Now it was time for Mindy to get ready, too.

Now my son is waiting out there in the car to go to the movies,

Now, big Daddy and Kick Ass are gonna help us...

Oh my God.

Oh my gosh! Dad

Oh, my God.

Oh, really?

Oh, shit.

Oh, this looks very painful

Oh, what you mean like right now?

Oh, you're Rasul?

Okay

Okay, I wanna know who sold you our coke

Okay, okay

Okay, when I tell you, stop the car. Ready?

Okay.

Okay. You gotta stay away from Katie now. It's over

One guy?

Only for a second, sugar.

Or I'll come back

Or what?

Or...

Outside your jurisdiction?

Pack up whatever you need and we'll go back to my place.

Playtime's over, kid.

Please open your books to Act 2, Scene 2.

Please open your books to act two, scene two.

Please.

Quit being such a smartass.

Quitting. I mean, this is...

Quitting. I mean, this is... it's fucking insane.

Rear view camera. No big deal.

Red Mist!

Red Mist! Red Mist!

Red Mist! Red Mist!

Red Mist.

Relax, we're on the same team

Robin. Robin, Robin...

Ruin my business, huh?

See, we like you, but we don't trust you.

See, we like you, but we don't trust you.

Shares in Kleenex are gonna take a dive, man.

She said this guy's been following her home from work.

She's behind the counter. She's out of ammo, okay?

Shit

Shit!

Shit.

Shit.

Shit.

Show time.

Since I was a little kid.

Since when did you start getting your hands dirty again? And in public.

Sir?

Sleep tight.

So I'm gonna need to get back pretty soon.

So I'm sure as hell not gonna let my Dad die for nothing, too.

So if you were hoping for any,

So if you were hoping for any...

So now I'm getting fucked in the ass by a ghost?

So where is she?

So where is she?

So you don't actually read comics?

So you wanna play.

So, which one of you guys is Rasul?

Something wrong?

Sweet dreams.

Sweet. Well, I'll see you later

Take a seat

Take cover, child!

Thanks.

That all signs point to the intention to.

That doesn't even make sense

That he will announce his retirement from crime fighting.

That motherfucker Kick Ass burnt down my warehouse

That must have hurt! Let's see that again from the other side.

That's a fucking lie!

That's great.

That's great.

That's not me, by the way

The AR15 was a lighter..

The bowling alley?

The comic books had it wrong

The doctors fixed me up pretty good

The mist.

The most I'd ever had to offer the world was good intentions...

The muggers, they didn't...

The muggers, they didn't...

The superpowers of this man...

The world has been protected by a group of extraordinary men and women...

Then sit down, shut up and watch.

There wasn't a whole lot of crime fighting in those first few weeks

They just don't sell it at the store any more.

They trashed my place. I'm fucking screwed,

They use it for treating the lumber.

This fucking guy comes out of nowhere, kicks our asses,

Though to be honest,

Though, to be honest, it didn't take much to set me off.

Time for a family reunion.

Tomorrow. Wednesday, she's got one of those volunteer things.

Turns out we ain't got the vice here no more

We e mailed him. We got half the crew out doing petty crimes as bait.

We go live to the countdown clock as we are moments away

We gotta get over it...

We'll have our hot chocolate when we get back.

We're busting our asses here.

We're gonna show you what they can do. Go ahead, boys.

Welcome back. Breaking news,

Well, I wouldn't wanna get in the way of your business, where I'm not wanted.

Well, there's this one guy, Rasul. I felt so sorry for him and...

Well, you're not making sense.

What are you doing? What the hell is that thing?

What d'you wanna drink?

What do you want me to do?

What is it?

What kind of kid has a...

What the fuck just happened? Hey, hey. Somebody find the lights.

What the fuck?

What the fuck?

What the fuck?

What the fuck?!

What the hell are you doing, Frank?

What, like when we have a sleepover?

What, this is my choice, I gotta believe in ghosts or superheroes?

What?

What?

What?

What? Huh?

What?!

What's the difference between Spider Man and Peter Parker?

What's with the high fives?

When we get in there, get Chris some popcorn

Where's Cody? He's late

Who calls himself Kick Ass is about to be shown live

Who do you who do you.

Who?

Why are they fighting? That seems stupid.

Why can't I have a gun? I'm a security guard

Wow, that's weird. I'm usually the one playing therapist.

Wow. Hey, really?

Wow. Watch, Dad

Yeah, but I wanna get some popcorn

Yeah, now

Yeah, okay, all right, Frank. All right, I'm sorry.

Yeah, they are.

Yeah, what's with that? She has, like, no tits at all

Yeah, what's with that? She has, like, no tits at all.

Yeah, you bet I will.

Yeah.

Yeah. But I want to get some popcorn.

Yeah. This looks very painful.

Yes it is.

Yes, but he had all the expensive shit that doesn't exist.

Yes, it is.

Yes?

Yo, kid. Who the hell are you?

Yo, listen up. We got five minutes, then I want you back on your posts.

You 3 assholes laying into 1 guy..

You are so fucking dead, man.

You better fire this asshole.

You go get dressed. I'll tell him to meet us at Safe House B.

You just contact the mayor's office. He has a special signal he shines in the sky.

You know I volunteer at the needle exchange?

You know what? Everyone likes Kick Ass.

You said you didn't remember why.

You said you didn't remember why.

You started some kind of fucked up superhero club?

You wanna go fight some crime?

You wanna go fight some crime?

You won't be scared when some junkie asshole pulls a glock.

You're back on the powder now, as well?

You're crazy, man

You're crazy, man.

You're on the news. Call me.

You're the kindest daddy in the whole world.

Your boy did good, Frankie.

5 years later he left prison, and he was ready.

8 at Sal's place. 4 at that kid Rasul's.

Again? Uh huh

Dad, the phone's for you. Who is it?

Dave Lizewski. I know that, dumb ass.

Dave should go. Why?

Dave, you should totally go. Go

Do you know where that is? No, but I'll put it in the GPS.

Don't kill him till I get there. Right

Get in the car. Get in there!

Good morning, Frank

Have a good day. Bye. Bye.

He lie about... Fucking mamaluke..

He said like a mask and stuff. And a cape.

How about that? No, Marty!

How cool is that? What?

I killed all the cameras. Apparently not.

I wouldn't have been scared anyways. That's my girl.

I'm gonna get you two. Two?

It's what it's for. All right, let's go.

Nice shot, by the way. Thank you.

No! Take cover, child.

Okay, Daddy. Come on.

Okay? You fucking motherfuckers!

Pleasure to meet you. Good to meet you, sir.

Seriously. Wow.

She's safe

Shit! Let's get out of here!

Shit. Fuck. Red Mist!

Shut up. Now you say Fernandez is dead

Smoke? No.

someone's next door neighbor. Holy shit.

Sorry you had to wait, buddy. The movie is starting in 10 minutes.

Tony! Tony.

Want some coffee? Maybe later

We know the truth. Right?

What do you think? I don't know,

Which Tre? Tre Tre? Right. Dead Tre

Yeah, o okay. All right, Frank. Now quit bugging me and

Yeah? Just got the text. He's on his way.

You know what? What?

...and could not cope.

...for all you cavemen out there...

...he would have been proud of both of us.

...I can be that stranger. You've just gotta give me a chance.

...Katie's all about the lame ducks.

...like you.

...love you.

...marching on.

...pack up whatever you need and we'll go back to my place

...the more I found out about his upbringing and stuff, I just..

...wanted me to be your sidekick or something...

...what you want, who you are, your purpose in life.

...where she's a shoe designer who can't get a guy?

...you... our..

'cause I promised my girlfriend that I'm done with all this shit.

♪ A girl can do what she wants to ♪ ♪ do and that's what I'm gonna do. ♪

♪ And everything you love ♪ ♪ will burn up in the light ♪

♪ And we're running with ♪ ♪ blood on our knees ♪

♪ Are they thinking ♪ ♪ of somebody else ♪

♪ From the wrong to ♪ ♪ the right line ♪

♪ I can see in your ♪ ♪ eyes, your eyes ♪

♪ I could change the world ♪

♪ I had everything ♪

♪ Just you and me ♪

♪ Kick it up and down ♪

♪ No bridge to burn ♪

♪ Not me. ♪

♪ Nowhere to turn for me ♪

♪ Turn it upside down ♪

♪ We are free ♪

♪ We are free ♪

♪ We are strong ♪

♪ We are strong ♪

♪ We are the dream ♪

♪ We are young ♪

♪ We are young ♪

♪ We are young ♪

♪ We're not cool ♪

♪ We're not cool ♪

♪ We're not looking for ♪ ♪ where we belong ♪

♪ We're not looking for ♪ ♪ where we belong ♪

♪ We're not looking for ♪ ♪ where we belong ♪

♪ With your fake smile ♪

♪ You make me wanna die ♪

♪ You make me wanna die ♪

♪ You make me wanna die ♪

♪ You make me wanna die ♪

♪ You're living in the past ♪ ♪ it's a new generation. ♪

♪ An' I don't give a damn ♪ ♪ 'bout my bad reputation

♪ Take me, I'm alive ♪