Childrens Hospital (2008) - Season 3 Edit

A Bar Mitzvah is the passage to manhood.

A black doctor.

A friend taught me that.

A little bit to the side, to stop him.

A little too quick for most folks, but that's just how the Tugger pulls.

A magazine that's been thumbed through more times than my cousin Samantha.

A mother suffering from acute postpartum depression

A nice twilled docker, for instance.

A paramedic make one and you're jealous?

A presence I haven't smelled in a long, long time.

A reason for murder and even less of an excuse when the victim was such a good man.

A sexy handicapped doctor...

A vinyl copy of Rolling Stones' "Tattoo You."

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

Aaaaaaah!

Aaaah!

Aaah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah! Aah!

Aah! Aah! Aah!

Aah! Clowns!

Aah! Stop doing that!

Aar! Aar!

About having sex.

About two dozen kids got some bad salmon at the Spiegelman Bar Mitzvah.

Actually, I wanted to ask you a question.

Adorable.

Adults never go into Ward 8 because they don't come out.

Afraid of doors. There he goes.

Ah, I learnt how to make 'em back in 'Nam.

Ah, I'm just playing with you.

Ah.

All of them.

All of you are gonna make twice as much money as you did last week.

All of you!

All of you!

All right, I'll take a chapstick.

All right, Mr. and Mrs. Dunn, I'm gonna

All right, six weeks.

All right, team, I've asked you all to join me here to

All right, you screw heads! That's a wrap!

All right.

All right.

All right. All right.

All right. Can we get started quickly?

All right. Everybody got their **** whistles?

All right. I was born without a bladder.

All that and Andy Kaufman, tonight on Newsreaders.

All this and more on this week's "Childrens Hospital."

Almost doesn't seem worth it, you know.

Alone again.

Always keep them with you, especially at discount movie theaters.

Am I right?

Amazing.

And also, I wish that, one day, when you're actually dying,

And as for me, well... I have a wish.

And beavers.

And black gays? Forget about it. Look at Will Smith.

And by "delight," I mean I cripple bang you in a tub built for safety.

And by "moves," I mean I will be putting my fantastic penis in them.

And Chief never did end up fulfilling her dream of a three way with

And children all over the world

And dick belt replacements.

And didn't is a dick.

And enter the exciting and exotic world of the mole people.

And for the former cast of Childrens Hospital,

And gives it to people just sitting on their butts.

And God bless my doctors, and let your angels watch over them.

And goodbye, Childrens Hospital.

And he eats all his meals under the kitchen table.

And he's even better than gooder with the ladies.

And here are the young lovers, Owen and Lola.

And hopefully she'll take the bait and sleep with Tug.

And hopefully, that's the person you were meant to be all along.

And I could make you feel so good if you'd just give me the chance.

And I found a perfect way to use that space.

And I have some ecstasy in my sock.

And I have to pretend like everything's cool.

And I might also be dangerous.

And I might also be dangerous.

And I might also be dangerous.

And I really got into this Vietnamese band called "The Doors",

And I said I would fix our baby's wounds at home.

And I say bravo to you, sir.

And I see her here every day.

And I shove stuff in my mouth...

And I want a lude, yes. I do want one of those.

And I will never, ever return.

And I would really like to go out with you.

And I'd like to take this opportunity to invite myself

And I'll shove stuff into my mouth.

And I'm happy to put our past behind us, Glenn,

And I'm sure we'll all pop in from time to time just to say hello.

And if everything goes well with

And if I give the word,

And if I'm right, that would indicate that there

And if you want to see any

And in service of expatriate Americans.

And it makes them a hell of a lot better than you. You got it?

And it never will be.

And it was our report that sold the cow to buy the magic beans.

And it's all my fault.

And just to make sure that you know that I'm serious, I'm gonna punch you in the gut.

And last but not least...

And let me introduce you all to the night...

And let the flames lick my face like puppies dog.

And manatees

And my days of romance are long gone.

And my meatball sub tasted a little off today.

And my Motorola clamshell.

And not all people can be helped.

And now it's my turn to make a wish.

And on the home front, the Childrens Hospital producers

And our cameras were there as it was saved

And preside over your special day and,

And remember to feed the dog.

And she doesn't believe I'm a doctor.

And she's a little girl.

And she's here.

And so I would like to take this chance to say..

And so the cast returned to the mother ship

And sometimes we want to call them names back,

And that Cat finally finds peace.

And that explains my boner.

And that is why I am all about the death penalty.

And that leaves an extra room in our apartment.

And that leaves an extra room in our apartment.

And that was pretty much it.

And that, my friends, is the dug dug on smug Tug.

And that... is how I would have sex with you.

And that's it.

And that's why I'm leaving Childrens Hospital.

And the next thing you know, they're taking away our hospital issued Escalades.

And the obvious, of course.

And then boom, nine months later, I was fat.

And then I was reminded that I had my own spinoff two years ago.

And then my parents got divorced, and they canceled my Bar Mitzvah,

And then put it in our mouths, like you could put in yours

And then the government comes along, taxes the hell out of it,

And then we'll bite down on it a bunch of times like this.

And then we'll bite down on it a bunch of times like this.

And then you add to that they were a collection of

And there's a mind sweeper,

And there's no comfy place to put your chap stick.

And they exist completely in an alternate reality, and they're extremely

And they just waxed the floor, plus some kid spilled

And things move a little slower here.

And this guy's like, "Hey, I'm confident."

And this is symbolic of our acceptance.

And this is the truth. This is the truth of my face.

And this kid's career is blowing up right now.

And this one goes out to them...

And to bring him to her.

And to the girl I love, who put this all together, Valerie...

And we can lift three times our body weight.

And we will give you your own Corolla.

And when they do, I'll slice out his black heart and bring it to you.

And when you fail to see others, you become the

And when you're up there on that bimah, I want you to wear this.

And with that, I welcome Childrens Hospital's new doctor

And you

And you don't even have to tie the tie.

And you have warts.

And you know what?

And you're afraid of offending me...

And you're afraid of offending me...

And you're all invited!

And you're in a real jam

And your presence is blocking my peace of mind.

And, later in the program, gray whales

And, McJew Jew, I kind of trusted you.

And, where is he?

Another severed arm.

Answer is somehow linked to my boner that won't go away.

Answering machines are a new invention.

Any advice for an up and coming adult?

Any comment on the current hot dog crisis?

Anyone?

Anything they want.

Anyway, keep the change.

Anyway, there's a special sink for you in the corner,

Anyway, we're moving in together into my room.

Anyway, we're moving in together into my room.

Apparently, this food poisoning thing has taken out more than one Bar Mitzvah.

Are we clear?

Are you a little brown like me?

Are you drunk?

Are you experiencing any other symptoms?

Are you kidding?! Blankets are delicious!

Are you stupid for a living?!

Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Are you?

Aren't you a sight for sore eyebrow?

Aren't you supposed to be dying?

Arrest him.

Arrest this kid.

Arrhh.... Read between the lines, Iran!

As a matter of fact, I do, man. My father was a hot dog.

As former president Benjamin Franklin learned so piercingly

As her friends, we owe it to her to track down her dad

As of this moment, this patient is no longer a minor and,

As you can see, in front of you, there's a delicious meal and a gun.

Asking to play his iPhone games every five minutes.

Attensyion, staff...

Attention hospital staff, me so horny.

Attention hospital staff:

Attention hospital staff:

Attention, Cheryl Ladd: Please marry me.

Attention, hospital staff:

Attention, hospital staff:

Attention, hospital staff:

Attention, hospital staff:

Attention, hospital staff:

Attention, hospital staff:

Attention, hospital staff: Damn, it feels good to be a gangsta.

Attention, hospital staff: I'm not the regular announcer.

Attention, hospital staff: Is this thing on?

Attention, hospital staff: Yeah, I write these when I'm high.

Attention, hospital staff: You know how they say

Attention, hospital staff.

Attention, hospital staff.

Attention, hospital staff.

Attention, hospital staff.

Attics are super sexy.

Attraction, as if they feel that they can screw your broken body

Aww!

Aww.

B.P. is dropping.

B.P. is up!

Baba booey! Baba booey! Howard Stern's penis!

Back into working.

Back over here to the table. Come on.

Backwards day does not apply to appendectomies.

Bar Mitzvah or no mitzvah, I ain't letting nobody cut off my foreskin.

Be a consultant on a TV medical drama.

Be a doctor.

Be mainly character based or, like, songs or, like, stories.

Be right there.

Beat the rapist at her own game.

Became killing machine like "Rambo" or "Rambo 2."

Because God hates you.

Because I cried them all by myself!

Because I know this cozy little spot where we can sit across

Because I know you've asked everybody,

Because I know you've asked everybody, and you're in a real jam,

Because I love a da babies!

Because if it had happened any earlier,

Because it is ravaged with cancer.

Because retarded people can't be doctors!

Because this is a really hard job.

Because we had to fire the night shift staff.

Because we're a hospital.

Because when I'm around the kids, I just get nauseous.

Because you all get to work the night shift.

Because you had to make dying people laugh and... And bang an Asian chick?

Because you're gonna memorize your haftarah.

Because, uh, I got your number, all right?

Before he discovers them.

Before you do Owen, I need your pee.

Before you do...

Before you start getting all mushy on me, it's just time for me

Before, after.

Being a Jew is fantastic.

Besides, I can't take a lude.

Besides, it's my day off. Just came by to get my buds.

Best damn administrator in all of Brazil.

Better than Gang Mexican.

Bingo! And your sister is Totes Liotts.

Bishop to Queen's Bishop four.

Black guys, best two out of three.

Blacks and gays have it easy now, okay?

Blacks were enslaved for centuries, tens of decades even.

Blah, blah, blah.

Blake, aren't you looking for the multicolored rest room?

Blake, did you hear the news?

Blake, do you have anything significant to add here?!

Blake, I'm just raising money for the hospital.

Blake, lead us off.

Blake, would you like to join this discussion, or are you just

Blake, you find anything in those old quicksand files?

Blake, you have to wear pants if we're all in the kitchen together.

Blake, you're the only doctor cleared to work.

Blake!

Blake!

Blake?

Blake.

Blake... I need you... Please.

Blake... Your courage to share such an

Blake's coming, everybody!

Bodow Syndrome: The mysterious condition of having a

Boo!

Boom!

Boy, howdy, am I tired of these namby pamby, bleeding heart liberals.

Boys, you were both very, very important to Brock

Brian, the man in that room is your father.

Brian, wake up.

Brian, what are you doing?

Brian?

Brian's been busy with Valerie and that Glenn's been busy with everyone,

Briggs, come on!

Briggs! Come on, buddy!

Briggs.

Brilliant.

Bring that kid back in here!

Britches, we've been over this a million times.

Britches?

Bro, you do not want to end up like me.

Bros helping bros?

But adding back foreskin surgery is incredibly dangerous.

But all he wants to do is control me.

But don't tell my pubes that.

But enough of my babbling on.

But first could you show me to Liz Taylor's dressing room?

But first...

But for the cast of Childrens Hospital, all of it came quite unexpectedly.

But I can hear them outside my window.

But I don't I don't need this junk anymore.

But I don't hate you.

But I got them now.

But I just got my period, so I'm gonna home sick.

But I left several years ago to

But I missed you.

But I need a date to a wedding

But I think Barney purple was an awesome call, little man.

But I wouldn't have changed a thing.

But I... saw you both in the car.

But in the case of Dr. Valerie Flame, this is one

But it isn't always as easy as you might think.

But it won't be without some bruises and bumps along the way.

But it's not, and your son is terminal.

But let me tell you something.

But my album just dropped!

But my wish is only a fantasy.

But not for me.

But now I can.

But now I'm begging you to reconsider.

But other than that, I'm out of options.

But right now, as always, business comes before pleasure.

But she still retained her trademark wit.

But somehow, you've roped in my Nana's best friend's granddaughter!

But that's just the way things are.

But then again, technically, I am autistic

But there's one thing you can't beat me at:

But they weren't willing to meet as a group, so we had to employ some clever trickery.

But we're all he has!

But what you might not know about Valerie if you didn't know

But when I do think about the show, I feel...

But where do you want me to stick the I.V., doctor?

But wherever she is, it was totally her decision.

But you can't shoot your son with a crossbow.

But you have to do it.

But you know what?

But you never go on calls with me.

But, Chief, you know I'm not a lesbian, right?

But, for reals, where were you, Lola?

But, honestly, I'm finding it a little difficult

But, ironically, we won several awards.

But, Owen, how?

But, truth to be told, her fists are weak and useless,

But, you know, the rest of us, we're mending pants and whatnot!

But, you know, with actual illnesses.

Butterfingers!

By extension, save the life of my

By the time I had run with my foots and toes home,

By this afternoon.

By way of an intervention.

Bye bye.

Call the Globetrotters.

Can I crash here for a while?

Can I have your attention, please?

Can I help you, baby killer?

Can I help you?

Can we wait till commercial?

Can you arrest a little kid for being a dick?

Can you go to Grown Ups Hospital and pick up a cooler of donor hearts?

Can you imagine a dildo without hair?

Can't wait, man.

Cat, can I just say that you look really,

Cat, could you come in here?

Cat, say hello to your father.

Cat, we found your dad. Don't you love us?

Cathy Rigby and Zach Braff.

Chalk this up to first time parent jitters.

Check this out.

Check.

Chet

Chet, but, uh, why don't you

Chet! Oh, you scared me!

Chief, I'm officially resigning as a member of this hospital...

Chief, I've been looking all over for you.

Chief, this is for us.

Chief, what's gotten into you?

Chief? Uh, who's "Chief"?

Childrens Hospital to document its pending demise.

Childrens Hospital was filmed in front of a live studio audience.

Childrens Hospital's black heart surgeon,

Childrens Hospital's ratings shot to the sky like a beanstalk,

Ching chong with a ding dong!

Clamp.

Classic Mike.

Classic Munchausen by Proxy Syndrome

Clear!

Clowns with the makeup and so forth!

Clowns.

Cocáina fresquinha. Cocáina fresquinha.

Coffee is now available in the coffee break room.

Come on, I paid more than that.

Come on, Lola!

Come on, people!

Come on! Come on! Get over here!

Come on! I'm not letting her do it.

Come on! Laugh!

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on. Carry on.

Come on. Let's go get a churro.

Come with me.

Comparing the struggle of black people to clowns.

Condoms? Magnum?

Cool.

Copy that, dispatch.

Copy that, dispatch. On our way.

Copy?

Could be Bodow Syndrome.

Could be, but let me go check the results of this scan by Cat,

Could you move them both, please? Thank you.

Could you move them both, please? Thank you.

Couldn't prevent complete organ failure.

Crap!

Crap!

Crap.

Crap.

Criminally insane children only allowed beyond this point.

Cure him the old fashioned way.

Cut!

Da da da...

Daddy, can you see these tears?!

Damn it!

Damn it! Laugh!

Damn it.

Damn!

Damn!

Damn!

Damn!

Damn!

Damn! Damn! Damn!

Decided to surround lone survivor Cutter Spindell

Defend our border with Mexico.

Delivery for Dr. Valerie Flame.

Detective Chance Briggs, you big woman's blouse.

Detective Chance Briggs, you dirty S.O.B.!

Diarrhea brown.

Diarrhea brown. So perfect, just like you.

Did a toxicology scan on the infant.

Did I stutter?

Did we try Blake?

Did you cancel plans with your dad?

Did you ever decide who you wanted to kiss?

Did you get ahold of that heroin I was asking you about?

Did you run out of sick children to "cure"?

Did you say "baginas"?

Diet pills?

Dig this, baby.

Disco sucks!

Dismissed.

Disturbing things.

Dixie Peters' character, Cat Black,

Do a C Spine and give me an amp of D50

Do I miss the way the show used to be? That's a great question.

Do it! Hurry, nurse!

Do you even know what Ward 8 is?

Do you get it now?

Do you know him?

Do you know what I'm talking about?

Do you need a swimsuit for a D.P.?

Do you really think I'm gonna let you? Are you black and retarded?

Do you remember doing anything out of the ordinary,

Do you want to come back to my apartment and read my journal?

Doctor, I am married.

Doctor, if I could just have five minutes of your time.

Doctor, please. What can you tell me about my son?

Doctor, this is not our child!

Doctors don't work on the weekend!

Doctors with Borders.

Doctors Without Borders, Jerry of Ben & Jerry's...

Does it hurt when I do this?

Does it matter that the heart once belonged to a serial murderer?

Does this thing come off? I like it.

Doesn't he have AIDS?

Doing good. Flawless technique, nurse.

Don't even.

Don't go through that door! There's the Childrens Hospital garden,

Don't look a gift horse in the mouth.

Don't really know you.

Don't want to run out on the way to the hospital.

Don't you guys want to know Blake's real secret?

Dori, I'm gonna find out what happened to you, and I bet the

Dori, you go and find her and check every voice over coach in town.

Dos churritos.

Dozens of victims, each killed for no particular reason.

Dr. Glenn Richie is reunited with his twin brother Gary and we find out that

Dr. Lola Spratt.

Dr. Maestro!

Dr. Owen Maestro, healing people in third world countries.

Dr. Spratt, nurse, grab the kid and meet me there.

Dr. Spratt?

Dress as a woman, become her best friend for six to eight months,

Drugs...

Dude, as your best friend in the whole wide world, let me just tell you something.

Dude, go to the hospital.

Due to cancer.

Duh.

Dummy, when are they taking you to jail? We need this bed.

Dying Wish Foundation?

Each of you is getting your own spin off.

Ecstasy? Oh, whatever.

Effective immediately.

Eh, who cares?

Elbows.

Emasculating and ridiculous drama has opened up the door for

Empowered you are... with this.

Enjoy each other's company, or you can take up the gun and shoot the pers

Especially over the last nine months.

Et tu, Brute?

Even recognizes the healing power of laughter.

Eventually, our number comes up.

Every day.

Every ******* boy dreams of becoming an older ******* man.

Every night, I have strange sensations in my legs.

Every one of them has written you a personal letter.

Everybody else is kind of mad 'cause you killed Shane.

Everybody! Two clown cars have collided on the freeway, and they're coming here.

Everyone who promised they were coming to my improv show last Friday

Everyone, this is my secret wife, Kelly.

Everyone! Everyone!

Everything that has ever gone wrong in your life is your fault

Ex boyfriend Greg.

Example: "The storm cloud is a roaring lion guarding its prey."

Except Blake doesn't understand what we're doing.

Except for Cutter.

Excuse me, I need a do

Excuse me?

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Exposed and vulnerable

Fame has its costs.

Far away from you.

Fat, but we never see them eat anything. And this is important. This is a clue

Femalic doctors around here, so I want to be up front about this.

Fine, I'll give my tonsils out.

Fine!

Fine.

Fine.

Fire you don't want to put out.

First of all, you mean "he" just came in.

First time and was being shown images that illustrated what you were saying.

First, we'll put this knucklehead to sleep so he's not

Flow

Follow me on Twitter @attentionstaff.

Foolproof plan!

For every puzzle piece, there's another one that fits it just right

For instance, Chet, I think you're beautiful,

For once, I'm not here to steal your woman.

For ten days, I went into state of blackout rage and

For the hundredth time,

For the personalization of the

Forgot my ankle weights when I came back to get my buds,

Found herself working in an identical Children's Hospital in her native Sweden,

Four move checkmate?!

Freakin' Obama.

From an assassin's bullet in his temple, causing his untimely death,

From each other, and you can shove stuff in your mouth,

From now on, this emperor has new clothes.

Full of human hearts to the empty chests of waiting patients.

Fun day, though, right? All this hostage stuff?

Gaah!

Gained the ability to communicate with ghosts and diagnose what killed them.

Gangrene?

Gather around, please. I have an announcement to make.

Geez, Louise! Take a lude, why don't you?

Generally speaking, if it happens on spring break,

Gentlemen, I think we did it.

Gently remove the epidermal layer, leaving him completely...

Get her to talk some smack about you, and then nail her on it!

Get him out of here.

Get in there! All right! I want you to admit my daughter!

Get me Cat Black on the phone.

Get out of here!

Get out.

Get used to the feeling of your own hot tinkle, my friend

Give me 10 grand and I'll jerk off a horse.

Give me some of these.

Give me that.

Glenn Richie, my old Hebrew school pal.

Glenn, as my boyfriend, you owe me an explanation.

Glenn, come. We need to talk.

Glenn, I love you, but I'm just... I'm not sure I'm

Glenn, I'm not attracted to whole people.

Glenn, like it or not,

Glenn, my boy!

Glenn, trust in Hashem.

Glenn, you cannot leave your dirty socks in the fridge!

Glenn!

Glenn's a guy that fools around

Go get it, Scott.

Go on! Git!

Go!

God damn it.

God only created a few perfect heads.

God, not the whole "I'm a doctor" routine again.

God! What do you guys want?! I'm scared of needles, okay?!

God. Times are tough all around.

Gonna sit there and try to think up jokes because you heard

Good morning, my pee meisters.

Good one, Blake!

Good to see you!

Good, good. I've still got that shoulder thing.

Goodbye, Lola.

Got a second chance to have the urine they so desperately needed.

Got the heart Finally.

Got to get that.

Got to get this New Year's punch bowl in the cafeteria.

Granted him one last wish.

Great advice, Pat.

Great execution, guys. I'm being sarcastic.

Great job, Andrew. Then there's this room.

Great. Let's work fast, before Chief cuts us off.

Greg.

Grieving.

Grimace, let's give him my meds.

Grow up to steal a shotgun and probably kill us all with it.

Grown ups only.

Guess what kind of car I surround my awesome portable DVD system with.

Guys, I think we're avoiding the larger issue here:

Guys, to put it another way, there's too many of us for the apartment.

Guys, we have an announcement to make.

Guys, we have an announcement to make.

Guys, which means that one of us... will have to move out.

Ha eugh!

Ha ha! Chloroform!

Ha ha! Smoke!

Ha ha! Smoke!

Had beautiful eyes and full breasts, too.

Hair clips, some old get well balloons,

Happy Birthday, Erica.

Happy Birthday, kid.

Happy Birthday, kid.

Happy Father's Day. Yeah.

Happy New Year? More like Unhappy New Year!

Has a wound that won't heal

Have a lollipop best medicine I know.

Have I ever said the "n" word in front of him?

Have you seen my also ecstasy?

Haven't seen a wound that dirty

He can make a kid look like a teen pop idol, their favorite politician...

He can't do surgery anyway because he's eating.

He can't have gotten far.

He chooses doctoring over sex.

He got murdered.

He is the night shift supervisor.

He knows way more than just the black doctor stuff.

He offered to help because he felt so bad about trying to steal me away from you last year.

He plays Q.B. for the Philadelphia Eagles.

He pretends he's terminal in order to steal wishes from unsuspecting hospitals.

He seemed completely fine.

He should have left years ago.

He speaks only when spoken to,

He took everything!

He wants to live here, he follows the rules of society.

He was my best friend.

He was sitting right there.

He was talking about going on a vacation.

He was the next man I was going to sleep with.

He will sink by Monday!

He's a kid. There's another kid.

He's always telling it like it is with his trademark sense of humor.

He's five years past retirement.

He's gonna show you the ropes.

He's not allowed to vote,

He's right.

He's teaching her yoga.

Heart rate is, too. He's totally cured.

Hell, yeah.

Hello, I'm Matthew Perry.

Hello?

Help me prove to my a hole wife that I am a real doctor and,

Help me!

Her very well is that she has a dick.

Here I am playing with nine.

Here we are. Childrens Hospital.

Here we go.

Here we go. There we go.

Here we go. There we go.

Here we go. There we go.

Here! Diagonally.

Here? Or in between these?

Here. Take that.

Here's a sample.

Here's what you got to do.

Heubel's show is cute, but I wanted my show to go deeper.

Hey, amigo, you want to go to Chipotle after this?

Hey, anybody up for a mustache contest? I win.

Hey, Blake, can you give me a hand?

Hey, bro bros.

Hey, Chimp.

Hey, Dad.

Hey, Dad.

Hey, did we try Blake?

Hey, did you guys hear about that thing about sports?

Hey, did you guys hear about that thing about sports?

Hey, did you hear about that thing about politics?

Hey, do you want to get a drink after work?

Hey, get that China man out of here! Security!

Hey, girlfriend.

Hey, Glenn! Thanks for these hot dogs.

Hey, guys.

Hey, happy New Year...

Hey, hey, hey!

Hey, how was your first day, you two?

Hey, I got an idea.

Hey, I got it!

Hey, I know it's last minute,

Hey, I know.

Hey, I really loved your show, by the way.

Hey, I served my country. You dig?

Hey, I'm working out some material, man.

Hey, it's Blake.

Hey, just stop! Just please stop!

Hey, kid! Scram!

Hey, let's do it.

Hey, little doc.

Hey, Maestro, what say you and me grab a drink later, all right, loser?

Hey, Maestro! Come join us!

Hey, man.

Hey, maybe I'll finally start writing that novel tonight.

Hey, maybe sometime you and I could go get some food

Hey, Mom. I see you're still Chinese.

Hey, remind us to tell you about this crazy goof we

Hey, sick person delivery boy, not interested.

Hey, speaking of which, are you moving slowly on purpose?

Hey, Tanya...

Hey, the women here off limits.

Hey, there, crying lady.

Hey, this pan galactic gargle blaster will keep you going all night!

Hey, totally unrelated. Are you naked right now?

Hey, wait a minute!

Hey, wait a second. What's this?

Hey, when are the two new doctors getting here?

Hey, you are one special goyeh.

Hey, you ask Chief out yet?

Hey, you guys didn't use my concealer, did you?

Hey, you just get back from 'Nam?

Hey, you would not believe the insane day I've had today.

Hey!

Hey!

Hey!

Hey! Don't you ever say that!

Hey! That's Dr. Skirt to you!

Hey! This business is between me and Chief.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey. There you are. We were getting worried about you.

Hey... So...

Hi, Dr. Flame.

Hi, I'm Chet.

Hi. How are you? No, no.

Hi. I'm sorry our movie made you cry.

Him what it's like to be...

His laughter conventions. This paramedic's really

His white blood cell count is low.

Hit her with the ambulance and we have official business.

Hit me.

Hm.

Hmm? Oceans truly are the last frontier.

Hmm.

Hmm. Let me see.

Ho! Going blue here, people.

Hold down the fort, buddy.

Hold my scarf. Put it on its hanger On the scarf hanger.

Hold on, Tug, this seems extreme.

Holy crap.

Home is where the heart is?

Honor students and peace corps volunteers and

Hoo! Hoo! Hoo! Hoo!

Hoo! I am full moon horny tonight!

Hope you're having a great day.

Hot dogs are our country's penis. You get that to your head, Jose.

Hot dogs are part of what makes this country great.

Hot glue gun.

How about a lollipop, Tobey?

How about I make you a thousandaire?

How about now?

How about now?

How are we gonna get Blake out of here?

How are you?

How can you be a doctor without pants?

How could that be a metaphor?

How did we mess that one up?

How did you know?

How do we not know this?

How do you do it?

How do you know it?

How do you know that song?

How does it feel to be a baby killer?

How long has this been going on?

How many female doctors does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

How many percents was that again?

How pretentious.

How'd you get in here so quietly?

How'd you get in here so quietly?

How's my son?

How's the new hearing aid, Chief?

How's the sex?

How's the sex?

However, if it's that important to you...

Huh? Doesn't that feel good?

Huh.

Huh.

Human trafficking...

Hungry Bear.

Hyah! Aah!

I Yeah, I didn't

I abducted and murdered twelve men named Mike.

I actually don't know what you mean.

I almost believe that only I can safely deliver a cooler

I also happen to be a famous porn star.

I always felt like those feelings were connected to my mother.

I always felt like those feelings were connected to my mother.

I always get them confused.

I am a doctor, and I don't have time to argue with a voice over coach!

I am a doctor, okay?

I am begging you.

I am not handy anything!

I am not handy competent!

I am not.

I am so sorry, you two.

I am sorry that I am not as smart as you!

I am strong, and I am taking back the night!

I am wet.

I bet you don't even know how to do lifesaving surgery,

I called it first because I am the Michael Jackson's father of cantoring

I called the Dying Wish Foundation.

I came as soon as you called.

I can date whoever I want.

I can perform plastic surgery on the mismatched infants so that

I can't believe I have to say this, sir,

I can't believe we lost him.

I can't believe you fell for the four move checkmate.

I can't do it.

I can't even begin to list the possible names for Brian here.

I can't even have my own feelings because you are always feeling so much more!

I can't fight the power of that pale, pale, hairless, albino skin.

I can't get some action,

I can't keep anything down or up.

I can't wait to see the comment card.

I can't.

I can't. I'm out of here.

I did it for you.

I did it. That's $200 for me.

I did.

I didn't I didn't mean that as a joke.

I didn't ask.

I didn't realize the ten plagues included cured fish.

I do bad things in the attic.

I do not like those American boys.

I do not.

I do, but explain it as if I'm hearing it for the

I don't care if you're black.

I don't celebrate Father's Day.

I don't feel bad.

I don't get it. Is my son gonna be okay or not?

I don't go in for Women's Lib...

I don't know anything as black as your heart.

I don't know how it translates into English.

I don't know what's going on.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know. I thought it was cool.

I don't know. I'm an Aquarius, so...

I don't like the "p" word.

I don't like the "P" word.

I don't need luck.

I don't need you anymore.

I don't need you anymore.

I don't really know how to end this conversation.

I don't see any way around it.

I don't think so.

I don't think so.

I don't think you're supposed to have goats in here.

I don't want that kid to die.

I don't.

I don't... I don't get it.

I dug holes and put my family's body insides of them.

I even like my girls thick, but damn.

I feel like you're not dealing with your grief.

I feel terrible.

I figured it out! You're pregnant.

I gave everybody the wrong baby, I'm gonna get fired,

I gave you everything, you animal!

I get it, okay?

I got a solid plan.

I got a thirteen year old sinking in quicksand.

I got an announcement for these liberal cry babies

I got caught jerking off in a neighbor's attic, so I murdered them.

I got no answer.

I got to cut you off, Mitch.

I got to travel the earth and bring the healing power of laughter to children.

I got you.

I guess because over the course of three years,

I guess Brian and I still have a lot to work out.

I guess I just don't know whether my one woman show should

I guess I'll just go and grieve this box of doughnuts until

I guess I'm not so different now, am I?

I guess it has to be one of us.

I guess it's true what they say: "Can't live with them,"

I guess that's just the price of being empowered, you know?

I guess this one needs calibrating too.

I guess you don't want to hear about your son.

I guess you're right.

I had an abortion, Glenn! An abortion!

I had completely forgotten.

I had no idea that they were gonna murder each other so so gleefully

I had restless leg syndrome.

I had to keep it a secret.

I hate children.

I hate men.

I have a clown son that needs a clown doctor.

I have a pharyngectomy in ten minutes.

I have a screwdriver in my hand.

I have an idea.

I have an order of sweet and sour cop with extra mustache.

I have been spending weekends at an opium den having sex with a lot of sailors, though.

I have got great news for you.

I have the largest elbows in my family.

I have the rest of the day off.

I have to go through all of Sy's budgets and erase all the poop stains.

I have to go.

I have to go.

I have to kill the imaginary part of me.

I have to remove a person's entire throat.

I have to work, and that's the end of it.

I haven't even lived.

I haven't seen my child in a long time, but I know she's black.

I hear one of them is a Vietnam vet.

I hear that's what she's doing nowadays.

I hear Yakov Smirnoff has five new jokes.

I hear you loud and clear, America.

I hid where the Nazis couldn't find me,

I hope my baby's not a karate instructor.

I hope you never lose your ability to make people laugh.

I hope you're not

I just I just told you. I'm shooting a porno in the hospital.

I just got a couple of broken fingies.

I just got my navel pierced, so I'm kind of disqualified.

I just hope the heart gets here in time.

I just meant that as a general comment to wrap things up.

I just need a hug.

I just sense something

I just want to feel how

I just wanted to come in here and... take a look at those eyes...

I just wish I could live it.

I keep that lubed.

I knew it would come handy someday.

I knew it.

I knew this day would come.

I knew you were fat

I knew you would know what to do.

I know a bar that will let anybody use their toilets.

I know Blake stole my shotgun.

I know just how we can make it up to him.

I know just what we need to make it through the night shift.

I know what you're really hiding under all that grease.

I know what you're thinking.

I know you're bulimic.

I know!

I know.

I know. I know it's not.

I lie awake at night wondering if you're gonna choke on things.

I literally have played chess with everyone that's ever died for millennia!

I lost both shoulders in the war.

I love a good goof.

I love it.

I love you.

I loved that program.

I managed to isolate the quicksand around him and then

I mean real bad.

I mean the literal staff, like the kind Moses carried.

I mean, after all, Childrens Hospital is my real temple.

I mean, aren't you supposed to lose weight after you give birth?

I mean, as far as Tug Spano is concerned,

I mean, bile triggers a natural gag reflex.

I mean, duh.

I mean, I feel kind of bad not letting him use the front door,

I mean, I haven't done anything on my bucket list.

I mean, it really makes you question the big picture, you know?

I mean, it's what he'd do.

I mean, just so relaxed!

I mean, look at their faces.

I mean, opium dens are hotbeds for really toxic materials like

I mean, other than Medium and The Ghost Whisperer.

I mean, think about it.

I mean, we're talking a matter of minutes.

I mean, what the hey, man?

I mean, you got to think this stuff over before you start

I mean, you probably only taught

I mean...

I mean... Justin Bieber?

I meant to say, "That's a coincidence."

I miss you.

I missed you, Daddy!

I missed you, too, Chief.

I move right in.

I need a doctor I can trust.

I need help in room 4 Quick.

I need info for a case, and the only person who's got it is in Ward 8.

I need more maps, stat!

I need some chips, need some chips, need some chips.

I need some coffee.

I need some help here!

I need you to get me into Ward 8.

I ordered a meatball sub, and you gave me an Eskimo kid!

I pity the fool who ends up being your boyfriend, you bitch.

I pour premium unleaded gasoline on top

I probably mixed things up on the order forms.

I realize now that the old Tugboat pulled into this harbor

I realize that now. Thank you

I really hope that heart gets here

I really need to take a dump.

I remember it like it was yesterday.

I repeat, this is not a drill.

I represent the largest healthcare facility in the big city: Laser Hospital.

I said "Valerie."

I said I'll think about it!

I said to her one day I was like, "Listen, Jennifer Love."

I said you could use the morgue. I didn't say anything about the O.R.

I said, "Can I do this show?"

I saved babies..

I saved lives, I got beaucoup laid.

I should have brought her in a lot sooner, but I just couldn't.

I slammed a paper down, that whole deal.

I still don't get it.

I sure did.

I tell myself I'd been given this job because they trust me.

I think about you all the time.

I think he'd want us out there fixing people.

I think it's more like a textbook case of not being needed.

I think it's time someone intervene...

I think the TV somehow was interfering with your new hearing aid. So weird.

I think we're gonna make quite an interesting team.

I think you know that, and

I think you're brave.

I thought girls can't be doctors.

I thought I knew him.

I thought I smelled chardonnay, sweat, and menthol cigarettes.

I thought I was going with can't

I thought maybe you would like to know that I'm going home for lunch

I thought this was a reputable hospital.

I thought you played this game a lot.

I used to work here,

I wanna kiss...

I want everyone to look at chapter 3.

I want my foreskin back.

I want respect. I want my due.

I want to be ready for Glenn's Bar Mitzvah tomorrow.

I want to be taken seriously.

I want to put more effort into giving you a proper Bar Mitzvah

I want to thank each and every one of you, for, without you,

I want to watch Jeopardy! with them today.

I want you to get me mouth pregnant.

I was a thirteen year old boy, a few weeks away from the big day...

I was crouching creepily behind this cart,

I was homophobic!

I was in a Tron like world.

I was in the hospital, saving lives for babies,

I was just date ****d!

I was just on my way home.

I was just so nervous, and I let my old fears come back.

I was so in the zone, I was just ripping out whatever looked weird.

I was surprised and upset

I went to medical school for the same number of years as you.

I wish for... unlimited wishes.

I wish that Lola finds true love again, that Sy regains his sanity,

I wish that wherever Owen is, he's happy.

I won't, Glenn.

I wonder how Sy is doing ever since he was forced

I wonder where he is right... now!

I work here, Kelly.

I would slit my wife's throat to be with you.

I wouldn't be in a room surrounded by so many people that I love.

I wouldn't be the full grown adult that I am today.

I wouldn't know. I'm a doctor.

I wrung my clothes out, but I only got about a liter.

I... I am no longer going to be shackled by these objects of...

I... I can't.

I'd like some feedback on my voice over demo reel.

I'd like to make a testimonial.

I'd like to say that she runs this place with an iron fist,

I'd like to show her my sexy costume.

I'd like to smooch her up goodbye.

I'd like to take this opportunity to invite myself to

I'd like to tell you about a little place called Childrens Hospital.

I'd love to put my hands on those fine breasts.

I'd probably go to Dubai or Branson

I'll be on my couch.

I'll be right in.

I'll be right there.

I'll be right there.

I'll be super pissed if she's in a Tron like world right now.

I'll be there for you.

I'll come with you.

I'll cut to the quick.

I'll figure it out.

I'll hide in the closet and feed you cool lines, like in that sitcom.

I'll just sit here and darn some of these old socks, try to masturbate.

I'll meet you there in an hour, okay?

I'll meet you there. Oh, this is gonna be a very special Father's Day.

I'll never help a circus clown, Brian.

I'll see myself out.

I'll see you and Phil on Sunday.

I'll see you on China Day.

I'll see your terrible feeling and I'll raise it with a great idea.

I'll set her up, you knock her down.

I'll tell you something, Blake.

I'll tell you, but it's gonna cost you a kiss.

I'll think about it.

I'll think of something to tell Kelly, and we are going to this special...

I'll volunteer.

I'm I'm not hypnotizing you.

I'm a big fan. Pow! Pow!

I'm a big fan. Pow! Pow!

I'm a board certified pediatric surgeon

I'm a complete hypochondriac,

I'm a grown man, and I'm scared of needles!

I'm a hundred percent Choctaw Indian.

I'm a Nazi soldier! I've seen it!

I'm Abraham Lincoln.

I'm afraid I have some bad news.

I'm afraid I have some bad news.

I'm allergic to goats.

I'm allowed to grant you one wish.

I'm always on Eastern European time.

I'm Anne Frank. Have you seen my diary?

I'm back from the medical warehouse.

I'm back now.

I'm beginning to think something's up.

I'm bisexual.

I'm calling it.

I'm catching up on Black Hospital.

I'm Chance Briggs.

I'm Cody, but everyone here calls me Mike.

I'm Dr. Glenn Richie, the new abortionist.

I'm easy. Easy like Sunday morning

I'm from Tampa.

I'm Gavin.

I'm giving that to you.

I'm glad.

I'm Glenn Beck.

I'm going home now.

I'm gonna be better tomorrow.

I'm gonna be totally fine.

I'm gonna go get a tattoo, okay?

I'm gonna have to meet up with you later.

I'm gonna help you forget that you'll soon be dead.

I'm gonna need your original foreskin that was cut off

I'm gonna prove to you that I'm a doctor.

I'm gonna punch a kid's appendix right out of his body!

I'm gonna start him on broad spectrum A.B.s,

I'm gonna take a shower on the way to work.

I'm gonna throw you the biggest, the bestest Bar Mitzvah ever.

I'm gonna wear the shortest skirt my mom will allow.

I'm here to ask you to forgive me by letting me help you.

I'm in a past life.

I'm in a Tron like world right now, Sy. What's up?

I'm in another past life.

I'm John Lennon.

I'm just... I'm tired of being objectified.

I'm late to go have sex with Tug.

I'm looking for a Dr. Owen Maestro.

I'm looking for Dr. Lola Spratt:

I'm Louis La Fonda, and this is Newsreaders.

I'm majorly into chicks.

I'm making a note right here that says you are cleared for surgery.

I'm not gonna lie to you.

I'm not letting some skirt take my tonsils out.

I'm not sure I wanna help kids anymore

I'm on it!

I'm over here.

I'm peeing.

I'm pissed off.

I'm pretty sure you've said that no times.

I'm proud of you, Blake.

I'm ready now.

I'm really in shock.

I'm removing a little girl's throat

I'm shooting a porno in your hospital.

I'm shooting a scene with Rob Heubel right now. I can't talk.

I'm so sorry.

I'm sorry your Bar Mitzvah after party was ruined.

I'm sorry, did you just say "our baby"?

I'm sorry! Are you happy?!

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. Do what, now?

I'm sorry. I lied to you, Owen.

I'm sorry. I totally thought you were not real.

I'm starting to feel better already.

I'm starting to understand why you suddenly have to leave all the time.

I'm starting to understand why you suddenly have to leave all the time.

I'm sure you didn't teach him everything he knows.

I'm taking my dad to see "Love Letters" with

I'm telling you... This is not our baby.

I'm the one that mixed up los niños.

I'm the one that stirred up this hive, so let me take the sting.

I'm the only one.

I'm throwing Glenn an adult Bar Mitzvah tomorrow morning.

I'm under house arrest.

I'm used up! I'm damaged goods!

I'm whol... I'm whole.

I'm working a double today.

I'm worried about you, Chief.

I'm your biggest fan.

I'm, uh, Gavin. Gavin Macleod.

I'm... in... your... head.

I've always been attracted to you,

I've always loved you.

I've been crying so much my panties are wet.

I've decided to take a job at Laser Hospital.

I've got a live one here!

I've known you since the '70s, blue and red.

I've mentioned that I'm Matthew Perry, right?

I've never been Bar Mitzvah ed. Do you get it?

I've never noticed that about fat people.

I've said it a million times: Keep your paws off my paycheck, Uncle Sam!

I've spoken to the board, and they've given us the authority to shoot Sy.

If a grown man was going to be circumcised,

If gangrene sets in, we're too late.

If he's a Muslim.

If I'm just going to end up dying some day.

If it isn't my old partner, Detective Chance Briggs.

If only I could bottle it.

If our patients find out that we're not getting laid right and left,

If you and your family want to find out more,

If you don't pay attention, you're gonna get the belt again.

If you eat less than your allotted points for the day,

If you get my double meaning.

If you go, we'll let you play "German soldier girl prisoners"

If you'll lend me your patience for a spell,

If you're having trouble with your internship, you come to me.

If you're just a candy striper, why do they call you Chief?

Impressive.

In a Sy cover band.

In a tear filled season finale, all of the characters

In fact, that's why I want my foreskin back.

In just a minute, we'll meet a man who has taken up arms to

In Locked in Doctorin', we discover that the Chief's condition has deteriorated.

In my head.

In Nine Lives, a judge orders Fred Nunley's character,

In the end, none of the spinoffs made it past the first episode.

In the eyes of a child, we're all the same.

In the first show to spin off Childrens Hospital,

In the last minute of its final hour.

In this case, she was eating our baby.

In this class, you will learn how to beat the rapist at his own game.

In your opinion, is a woman even smart enough to be a doctor?

Insecure slut.

Instruments down. I said instruments down!

Interchangeable characters.

Interesting.

Into the first part of the 4th quarter of the 20th century.

Is it connected?

Is that all?

Is that Dori?

Is that it?

Is that racist?

Is that Sarah Hyland from "Modern Family"?

Is that what you think? Is that what you think?

Is this about me sleeping with your sister again, Sy?

Is this something?

Is this your dad or your boyfriend?

Is... your name Mike?

It all makes sense now.

It all makes sense now.

It came out of nowhere right after she was born.

It can't be me.

It could be the producers.

It doesn't matter who you are.

It houses one of the world's largest populations of criminally insane children.

It is my pleasures to look at your faces and make your hands shake.

It just took me a little longer.

It looked like you were mouthing it.

It must be time to start a new day.

It really spoke to me.

It reminds me of the war in my home country.

It takes all kinds of people: Butchers, bakers,

It teaches you to be the best person you can be.

It was a ratings disaster.

It was called Doctors with Borders

It was just a sprain. You're gonna be fine.

It was so freeing.

It was so freeing.

It was, yeah.

It wasn't endometrial cancer after all.

It would counteract all the cocaine I just took.

It'll neutralize the quicksand.

It's 'cause I cured him the old fashioned way.

It's a rainy New Year's Eve...

It's a show that presupposes that not all doctors are heroic

It's a whole day's ride from the big city,

It's about saving the most important life of all:

It's an old circus clown spiritual.

It's as if I'm not supposed to be a guy anymore.

It's bad enough that you've defiled this hospital,

It's been getting bigger every day.

It's by The Jupiter Experience and it's called "Early Morning Sex".

It's called flow... Just doing what I love and loving what I do.

It's endometrial cancer.

It's from my pee couch.

It's going to be an 18th birthday to remember.

It's got a toilet, some toilet paper on a roll, a clown eating a burrito.

It's got to be here somewhere in his stuff.

It's hard for me to talk to girls.

It's just a kid.

It's just like Senior Prom all over again.

It's keeping him from sinking.

It's kind of a gray area, but yes.

It's like, what is life but just a collection of moments?

It's more of a disease than a syndrome.

It's not about how many fancy machines you have in your exam room or

It's not gonna memorize itself.

It's not much to see, really.

It's not okay. Okay! Okay!

It's not that important to me.

It's okay. Come here.

It's okay. It's okay. Shh. Let the poison out.

It's only 11:30? I'm so ti ti.

It's our little secret.

It's really good.

It's settled then. Who's it gonna be?

It's so lonely.

It's something.

It's starting to give me a very significant

It's Sy. Can we reschedule?

It's that doing unnecessary plastic surgery on

It's the fruit punch social tonight.

It's the only way.

It's the Sabbath.

It's time for the Tug slug to slither on down the road.

It's too dangerous.

It's totally It's totally my fault.

It's true.

Jealous much?

Jennifer Love Hewitt is a dear, dear friend of mine.

**** are so sweet.

Jewy McJew Jew!

Joanna!

Just because I work with children does not make me gay.

Just help me with this kid!

Just here to drop off this box of 1,000 new hearing aids.

Just keep an eye on it.

Just like the rest of her body.

Just once I'd like to have a kid brought in here in a

Just thought it was worth a shot.

Just... Keep an eye on your wallet.

Keep going with the one that you're doing.

Kelly's been sedated, so she can't breast feed.

Kind of in the middle of that.

Kiss me already.

Knock, knock. Who's there?

Know that we're dating.

Kudos.

Kulap, round up my team.

Kyah!

Ladies and gentlemen, Dr. Veelam Geza.

Last season, Newsreaders visited the set of the venerable medical drama

Last time, on Childrens Hospital...

Learn to help each other.

Leave the joking around to the professionals?

Leave us alone, baby killer...

Leaving Dr. Blake Downs behind to man the hospital alone.

Left side above the first rib.

Legs that go all the way up to make an ass out of themselves.

Let me call a press conference.

Let me help with that.

Let your pee pee do the pee pee

Let's be after him.

Let's blast the crap out of this day, Dr. Richie.

Let's didgeridoo this, guys.

Let's do it.

Let's get back to the hospital, which is in Brazil.

Let's get out of here.

Let's get you in the back.

Let's go talk to her.

Let's go with Andy this time.

Let's go!

Let's go.

Let's go.

Let's have a group hug.

Let's have the Bar Mitzvah here.

Let's just leave it at that.

Let's just say you should, uh, cross check your caterer references.

Let's not do this in front of my friends, honey.

Let's refer to the text, douche bag.

Let's spend a lot of time doing that.

Liability of wishes, either casually, temporarily,

Like a question on "Jeopardy!"

Like putting fatty foods in your mouth or vagina?

Like you love it!

Listen to this.

Listen, I'm about truth,

Listen, the E.R.'s full of ******* kids with "both ends" diarrhea.

Listen, the kid in 311 has terminal cancer, and the Dying Wish Foundation has

Listen, um, I want to thank you.

Little kids gets you crazy laid!

Lola and her boyfriend, Glenn?

Lola is a girl's name.

Lola, I'm so worried about you.

Lola, welcome.

Lola, you're a wonderful girl, and although you have many,

Lola!

Lola?

Lola.

Lola.

Lola... Where are you?

Lola's doing voice overs?

Lola's my friend, and, um, I'm also pretty racist.

Long live the night team!

Look at him.

Look at me: Two kids, great job, solid retirement plan, and

Look at these doctors here.

Look at this. We only have 200 more gallons of

Look at us.

Look at your stupid

Look how many C.C.s that man ometer is.

Look like the natives are getting jealous.

Look what happened in Nazi Germany.

Look, Gavin, no one sees Randall.

Look, I can't, okay? I get pee sick.

Look, I don't have time for this, okay?

Look, I don't know which one your mommy was,

Look, I haven't seen my dad since I was a little girl, okay?

Look, I know that each of you has a history with some of the

Look, I need you to un circumcise me, A.S.A.Penis.

Look, I'm

Look, she's going through a tough dry spell.

Look. It's me.

Looks like you're right, Brian.

Looks like you've had a pretty bad pinch here.

Losing a colleague and a friend like Dr. Brock Stryker

Lots of deaths in Vietnam today, mosty women and babies...

Love you.

Luckily, there were blanks in the guns.

Make it all of a sudden, because he has a secret wife.

Make out with it.

Make sure my stupid brother doesn't find out about this, either, okay?

Making money off of things that you don't approve of.

Making no chicken cacciatore or beef stroganoff.

Malaria... and blood diamonds.

Man, this locker room isn't haunted.

Managed to solve a mystery.

Many faults, I'm quite sure you can hook in a new man

Marlon Wayans has a real talent

Massage therapist, right?

Max. Are you okay?

Maybe I can help out.

Maybe I should test you for hypothyroidism.

Maybe I'm looking for a girl to play doctor.

Maybe she just saw Owen. He's really pale.

Maybe she's a witch.

Maybe the new doctor will be a monorail... or a CB radio...

Maybe there's a fetish for that.

Maybe two fingers, if you know what I mean.

Maybe we should stop our bickering, huh?

Maybe we should treat him for metabolic acidosis.

Maybe what old Sy needs is some of my healing bedside manner.

Maybe you need some medication.

Maybe you two aren't that different after all.

Maybe you're right.

Mazel tov! Mazel tov!

Mazel tov.

McJew Jew!

Me, to be specific.

Meanwhile, in the big city, Owen hits the town with his new friends.

Meet me in the conference room.

Mike, I'm looking for a kid named Randall Deakon.

Miley Cyrus has a tattoo under her left breast.

Mira, mira, listen to me.

Mira, mira, look at me.

Mitch from Miami, what do you think?

Mm hmm.

Mm mm mm.

Mm, that was good.

Mm.

Mmm! I finally get a chance to sit down and eat my sandwich.

More like gay whales?

More maps!

More of my conversation with Kate Walsh...

More sex filled arrangement.

Most of all, to truly be friends with you.

Most women prefer an untouched foreskin.

Mostly a lot of bathroom jokes.

Mostly Mark.

Move in our turf.

My children and parents and even my wife.

My dad co signed the lease.

My daughter needs help now.

My daughter needs treatment now!

My first kiss!

My first orgasm!

My gaga told me it was a city clown ditty

My Lola.

My name is Chet.

My name is Earl Sweatshirt.

My phone was sick.

My point is you are so much hotter than Bruce Willis.

My whole family committed suicide!

My wife has been eating our child.

My wife is so fat!

Namaste, doc docs.

Named Barack Obama.

Never been a clown president, all right?

Newborn daughter, blah, blah, blah.

Newsreaders decided to bring them together to reflect on what happened.

Next thing you know, they're taking away our record contracts.

Next week on "Childrens Hospital"...

Next week, from Private Practice to private life,

Nice game, gentlemen. Nice game.

Nice surprise.

Night shift.

No can do, bro.

No more making love in cars parked as close as possible to stores?

No one's gonna die on my watch!

No one's gonna want to touch him.

No way, Jose!

No way, man... This ain't like

No way! That's quicksand!

No, Briggs!

No, Briggs!

No, but, really?

No, don't worry.

No, don't you worry!

No, he was my best friend.

No, I barely know those people.

No, I don't know any Sy. You must have the wrong number.

No, I know what it was.

No, I most definitely did not mean "he."

No, I most definitely did not mean "he".

No, I tried to, but... I got interrupted.

No, I'm not busy.

No, it's me Mark David Chapman.

No, it's not.

No, it's not.

No, Mom, I have to go.

No, no, Chief! It it's me Chet.

No, no, I'm not Blake. I'm his brother Sir Tinkle Button.

No, no, no, no, no!

No, no, no, no.

No, no, no, not today. Not today.

No, no, no. I was one of the black bisexual dancers.

No, no. I was lying about saying I'm not gonna lie to you.

No, Owen, you're thinking of a bris.

No, Sy. The other way 'round.

No, Val. Not on my watch.

No, you guys are too afraid of me.

No, you won no awards.

No!

No!

No!

No!

No.

No.

No.

No.

No.

No.

No. And I never will, so just forget about it.

No. Besides, I can't go to the hospital without official business.

No. I can't help you because I'm on probation,

No. I meant it in the idiomatic sense:

No. I still don't get it.

No. Just drugs.

No. Not on my watch. Not on my

No. Shane's the coolest dude at Childrens!

Nobody else worth mentioning.

Nope.

Normally I'd love to talk about all the poonanny I get,

Not bad.

Not Billy Johnson, because I killed him.

Not my problem. Thank you.

Not on my watch.

Not to worry, Sy.

Not today.

Not yet, Chief.

Nothing here... No story, no sense of continuity,

Now get me an order of Peking duck from China, and I want a

Now I will show you the night nursery

Now look at mine.

Now look at my face.

Now look back at them.

Now look back there, and now once back here.

Now they're allowed to execute you,

Now you know why I can't go to that wedding.

Now you.

Now you've met all the most important people in our little hospital

Now your heart is as black as...

Now, if I had said "like a roaring lion" that would be a...?

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a meatball sub to eat.

Now, Laser Hospital is a 50 story tower in the center

Now, Lola is the prettiest flower you ever had the pleasure

Now, normally, if you're in bed and something's on fire,

Now, now.

Now, pet the goat like you like it.

Now, the babies that you have are probably yours.

Now, there's no sign of head or spinal trauma.

Now, this is the main nurse's station.

Now, toothpaste and darts is not a meal.

Now, Valerie and I have to talk over the particulars of the ceremony.

Now, what's it gonna be, sport?

Number 19.

Number 97 on our year end countdown.

Nurse, hurry up!

Of an epidermal tap.

Of course, Lola doesn't know

Of course, we We thought that they would choose the meal.

Of course, we had to change Muno primarily for legal reasons,

Of course.

Of oppression.

Of the big city with all the latest technologies like bone rotation

Of you when you were a baby.

Off the phone. Off the phone.

Oh, and Blake is black.

Oh, and he's a Jew.

Oh, and the towel fight this morning.

Oh, Blakey.

Oh, but she has a best friend already.

Oh, but, baby, now I'm stuck going to the wedding with Chet.

Oh, Chief, give him a chance!

Oh, come on, guys!

Oh, come on.

Oh, crap!

Oh, damn, I nicked his artery... He's bleeding out!

Oh, Dr. Maestro, don't forget

Oh, Dr. Valerie Flame.

Oh, Ford, you turkey!

Oh, Glenn.

Oh, God.

Oh, God.

Oh, God... You're the best, Mom, and I'm an idiot.

Oh, he hasn't had any anesthesia. Does that matter?

Oh, hey, Sy.

Oh, hey, Tug. Guess what.

Oh, hey. I'm here.

Oh, hold on.

Oh, I hate the weekends.

Oh, I should totally get gas.

Oh, I'm not going to that.

Oh, I'm sure it was my fault, Sy.

Oh, I'm totally gonna make cigarillos cool again.

Oh, is that what we did?

Oh, it didn't say anything about that.

Oh, it was a tough one.

Oh, it's classic Sy.

Oh, it's nothing. I'm used to vomit

Oh, it's okay, dude.

Oh, kulap!

Oh, let's do it that way.

Oh, look that dog can stand up.

Oh, lookee here. It's the Chief.

Oh, man, these hebes can eat.

Oh, man!

Oh, man! The ball rolled under the fence!

Oh, maybe this will help you keep your mind on work.

Oh, Mr. Lincoln, it's John Wilkes Booth here.

Oh, my I didn't think you'd actually do it!

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God! I totally forgot to get gas!

Oh, my God! It's Sy!

Oh, my God! Owen's de a a a a a ad!

Oh, my God! That paramedic just shot Shane!

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Blake's black.

Oh, my God. I'm so sorry.

Oh, my God... What are we doing?

Oh, my gosh. Are we alone?

Oh, my gosh. Thank God.

Oh, no man will want me now!

Oh, no.

Oh, not this guy.

Oh, okay.

Oh, okay. Which one's your daughter again?

Oh, right on!

Oh, right, "Black Hospital," starring Marlon Wayans.

Oh, right.

Oh, snap!

Oh, sorry, Dori. We can't help.

Oh, sorry, pass.

Oh, Sy!

Oh, Sy.

Oh, that is good.

Oh, then I'm just as mad as you are.

Oh, there, there.

Oh, there's Dori. You know what?

Oh, this is perfect timing.

Oh, um... I forget.

Oh, wait, of course it is. Duh.

Oh, wait!

Oh, wait. That's what's gotten into me! I just took cocaine!

Oh, we don't have Coke. Sorry.

Oh, well, hey, at least you're not a clown, right?

Oh, what's a matter, you? Ah, shut up your face!

Oh, who forgot to clean out the coffee grinder?

Oh, who's that over there?

Oh, wow!

Oh, yay! There she is.

Oh, yeah, cup the balls!

Oh, yeah!

Oh, yeah!

Oh, yeah?

Oh, yeah?

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Me either

Oh, yeah. That is cool.

Oh, yes.

Oh, you know I can't stay mad at you, baby.

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh! He's peed himself with happiness.

Oh! I am so sorry. I didn't mean to scare you.

Oh! I call cantor!

Oh! Oh, my goodness!

Oh! Oh, yeah!

Oh! Sorry, nurse.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh. Don't thank me, kid.

Oh. Newborn.

Oh. Oh, God.

Oh. Oh, wow!

Oh. Okay.

Oh. Yeah.

Oh... Sorry, nurse...

Oh... This here is an exemple of our new in vitro fertilization technology.

Ohh!

Oi, I've seen this before.

Oi.

Okay, guys. A quiz tomorrow.

Okay, here we...

Okay, I don't like I don't like American boys, you know?

Okay, I don't like I don't like American boys, you know?

Okay, I need answers, people.

Okay, I'll tell you why I'm wearing clown makeup.

Okay, just... Where is Lola?!

Okay, listen to me.

Okay, okay.

Okay, so why would I make it, if no one wants to buy...

Okay, team, listen up!

Okay, we trick Cat into sleeping with Tug, then when he gets warts,

Okay, well, I got to go.

Okay, well... Thank you.

Okay, you're gonna feel a little pinch.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay. But if he screws up again,

Okay. Bye, baby.

Okay. Clear.

Okay. Okay. I get it.

Okay. So, I sent out invitations. I rented a sound system.

Okay. Sterilize the bologna.

Okay. Wait, does it matter if there's cat poop already in the kitty litter?

Okay. What can you tell me about my son?

Okay. You're fired.

Okay. You're under arrest.

Okay. Your breath is stink errible.

On Father's Day? That's awful.

On the freeway, and, luckily, I was there to save a young girl's life.

On the personalization of the struggleties of peoplehoodedness.

On the way here, some guy asked me to flash my breasts.

Once we start playing loosey goosey with the charter, things will snowball.

Once you come back, you never go back.

Once you go black, it's hard to think of anything...

One minute, I was normal sized.

Only I can save myself...

Only the whole entirety of my family's people.

Only then will I truly be free.

Only, in this temple, kids die every day.

Oof!

Ooh, ooh!

Ooh, ooh!

Ooh, ooh!

Ooh, ooh!

Ooh, ooh!

Ooh, ooh!

Ooh!

Ooh! Hoo!

Ooh. Churros.

Opposite of Bruce Willis in "The Sixth Sense."

Or "slut" or something like that.

Or her own game.

Or maybe we're all the same.

Or maybe we're just not so different after all.

Or maybe we're one of you.

Or past life regression.

Or should I say "doctoress"

Or Twilight heart throb Robert Pattinson.

Order to gain back some of the attention that she lost to the newborn.

Other male **** victims to share their stories

Our father has another set of twins,

Our softball team is 10 0.

Out of options?

Out! I'm ashamed of you!

Over and you feel really bad about it.

Overhear what you were saying as

Ow!

Ow!

Ow!

Ow!

Ow!

Owen Well, Owen is known far and wide for his bedside manner.

Owen has a secret wife and baby?

Owen, a word with you, if I might.

Owen, it's okay

Owen, nobody hates a hoodless horseman more than me,

Owen, this is a piece of bologna

Owen, wake up!

Owen, wake up! Owen!

Owen, wow.

Owen, you've been trying to get out of going to

Owen!

Owen! You're back!

Owen?

Owen?

Owen. O ski.

Owen's having a heart attack!

Paging a very smart 15 year old boy

Pass.

Past life regression is not even scientifically valid.

Pawn to King four.

People to step out of their dreary and humdrum lives

People will look at you differently now...

People, people. Please... Shut up.

Peoplehoodedness.

Perhaps when I beat you, we might work out another,

Permanently, or on secondment.

Phone for you, Mr. Childrens.

Pickles.

Please call the police and a good divorce lawyer.

Please check out www.racematters.net.

Please direct any follow up questions to Human Resources.

Please take them and... And raise them.

Please tell him he's my best friend. That is all.

Please!

Plus another chance.

Plus, I don't have a medical degree... Tug.

Plus, I have AIDS.

Plus, I really want to bang an Asian chick.

Plus, if we move in together, then the other roommates would

Pooping yourself.

Poor Cat.

Poor Sy. Maybe we shouldn't have shot him.

Pow!

Pow! Pow!

Power and aggression, and it was wrong.

Pre mitzvah nerves.

Pregnant nurse to sit over there looking sad wearing an American flag bikini.

Pregnant?

Prep the O.R.

Preparing for evening lockdown.

Pretty sneaky, sis!

Previously on "Childrens Hospital"

Previously on "Childrens Hospital"...

Previously on Childrens Hospital...

Previously on Childrens Hospital...

Previously on Childrens Hospital...

Previously on Childrens Hospital...

Previously on Childrens Hospital...

Previously on Childrens Hospital...

Previously on Childrens Hospital...

Previously on Childrens Hospital...

Probably.

Protrusion, and I'm not talking about my abdomen.

Pulled on you when we hated your chiseled guts.

Put it in this trough, but there's not much time.

Put some water on there, loosen it up... Stat!

Put your hand right in there.

Questions?

Quick! Use my vagina as a splint!

Quicksand, our old nemesis.

Quicksand?

Quicksand?

Quicksand?

Quicksand?

R A P E: Resist All Possible Encounters.

R.L.S. can happen to anyone.

Rarr!

Rather dramatically, too.

Ready to give up my place... You know, between your room and the john.

Really empowered right now?

Really raw hardcore lesbian porn, go to femalehusband.net.

Really?

Really?!

Reclaiming your nudity.

Reggie Jackson, Skylab, Kurt Vonnegut...

Relax, baby...

Remember the Childrens Hospital doctors,

Reminder: It's Saturday, which is not all right for fighting.

Reminds me of that day in Danang

Repeat, not all right.

Right way, I'll know that you're ready for insertion...

Right, and we're not ready to tell them yet.

Right. And if I win, you come with me.

Right. So, it's kind of like those shows.

Righteous!

Righteous.

Ringo, Paul, George, is that you?

Road trip!

Rodent droppings, dander, all sorts of DNA...

Roller skates. It could happen to no one.

Run for office against me?

Running off at the mouth.

S t... a... S t a...

Samantha.

Same Lola, different day.

Save the bedside manner for the prostitutes,

Say what?!

Scan by Cat.

Scoot over! Scoot over!

Sea... Sell sheller. God.

Seashell seller.

Seashell seller...

Second chances are just first chances,

Sedated?

See ya.

See, guys?

Seriously, gift horses are very dangerous.

Seriously, how's that not funny?!

Seriously, tell me

Seven Wait a minute.

Shalom, doctors.

Shazam!

She appears confident, but inside she longs to be able to dance.

She could really use it.

She did just come in.

She did just come in.

She looked at me, and she said She said, "No."

She must mean metaphorically.

She refuses to play with my balls.

She was finally ready to come clean about her father.

She'll show you the ropes.

She's around here somewhere being all Chinese.

She's covered for Sy so often, she should be the lead singer

She's flatlining, Dr. Stryker!

She's not real, dude. No one's there.

She's out.

She's pretty dumb anyway.

She's right, Glenn.

Shh, shh, shhh! Shhh!

Shift.

Shockingly, your rubber chicken treatment

Shoo!

Shoot me alone and then put the kids in later digitally,

Should be a coffee cakewalk for you, though,

Shouldn't you be at a county fair somewhere, circus clown?

Shouldn't you be shopping at J. Crew and drinking soda with

Show me.

Shut up, Chaps.

Since I delivered that homeless woman's baby.

Since when are you a grief counselor?

Skin clothes.

Smash!

So according to Hebrew law, I'm I'm still twelve years old.

So describe your spinoff in a nutshell.

So he's a little brown.

So I can match my rose corsage to them.

So I drive.

So I get to live?

So it looks like I won't have any time to go to

So Lola spends some awkward moments with Cat.

So Lola's taken up with Brian,

So lush and full and teeming with life.

So much pain...

So my son is gonna be okay?

So my sympathies.

So the four of you are going?

So very nice of you

So what did you do?

So what happened here while I wasn't drinking in the bathroom?

So what?

So what? I mean, who cares?

So where are you?

So you two need to shove off.

So, how did the cast of Childrens Hospital weather this unexpected burst of success?

So, how do we cure him and bring him back?

So, I asked the producers to

So, I've just told all

So, if I win, my tumor goes away and I get to live?

So, listen.

So, missing things is a tough concept for me.

So, what are you doing at a porn shoot?

So, what did you do over there anyway?

So, who do you think's behind all this?

So, who's gonna put sunscreen on me? You? I doubt it.

So, you're leaving, just like that?!

So... High five?

So... You want to play some bumper pool?

Some of the things that Marlon Wayans taught me.

Some pencils, a cup or two to hold said pencils,

Some scattered medicines, a few pads of post it notes,

Somebody help me!

Someday, a real storm will come and smash those puzzle pieces up.

Someday, a real storm will come and smash those puzzle pieces up.

Someday, we all get the call.

Someone get this bald dildo out of here, huh?

Someone get this bald dildo out of here, huh?

Someone might.

Something from the 70s...

Sometimes a second chance comes in the form of someone else's heart.

Sometimes I come off as fake because I like to par tay..

Sometimes I wonder why the American Medical Association

Sometimes, I even squat, if you know what I mean.

Son of a bitch!

Son of a bitch.

Sorry I mean force him to retire.

Sorry, but it's the only way.

Sorry, everyone.

Sorry!

Sorry. I don't know what got into me.

Sorry. That was me.

Sounds like a blast, Mr. Murphy, but I'm not interested.

Speaking of chances, Cat decided she was finally ready to take one herself.

Speaking of makeup,

Special wedding together.

Staff if you see Shane,

Still less when it was many

Still tall and... really pretty, I see.

Still.

Stop it, Blake! It's over!

Stop it! Stop it!

Stop stabbing him!

Stop talking and start sewing that deli meat onto me.

Strangers in an opium den.

Struggleties of...

Stryker!

Success comes in many forms: Money, recognition, wet trim.

Such a day for nachas.

Suck on it.

Suicide

Suicide.

Superfun!

Sure

Sure, I'm sad, but... I just don't think Brock would

Sure, sometimes they piss us off, call us names,

Sure.

Sure. All you have to do is just, you know, rip out some of the seams.

Surprise! Yeah.

Sweet surgery, yo.

Swipe it every morning when you get to work and then every hour

Switch the "w" for a "b" and add "class 'a' murdering" to it.

Sy is sick with something.

Sy Mittleman from the hospital.

Sy Mittleman, to adopt nine children

Sy, I can't keep covering for you.

Sy, this better be good.

Sy, what's it like to be a man?

Sy, your days at Childrens Hospital are over. Go home!

Sy's orders, you know, because we're eating.

Sy's picking them up this morning.

T s t a t. Stat! Got it!

Take it down. I'll give you 15 bucks for it.

Take what's yours, by any means necessary!

Tall, skin like an airbrushed centerfold,

Taught him everything he knows.

Team back together again.

Tell me the truth.

Tell them I'll be right in.

Tell you what. Can I, uh...

Terrible.

Than a lot of the slutbags and schvartzes out there.

Than I ever did into stealing those girls from you over the years.

Thank you, doctor.

Thank you, Easter Bunny! Bawk, bawk!

Thank you, Mr. Childrens.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thanks for talking with me, Pat.

Thanks so much for giving me this scan, Cat.

Thanks, Dad.

Thanks, Dr... Maestro?

Thanks, man.

Thanks, partner.

Thanks, Val, but I'm kind of cold.

Thanks.

That that's pretty funny,

That and a bus ticket takes me downtown.

That everyone else got a spinoff except for me.

That explains my mood swings.

That Farrah Fawcett poster is out of this world!

That is a very significant abdominal protrusion.

That is all

That is all.

That is all.

That is all.

That is no way to deal with your grief, Lola.

That is the part that always works.

That just might...

That kid just stabbed me!

That kid's looking right into the camera.

That means "And you?"

That never happens.

That one.

That our apartment isn't big enough for us.

That show doesn't look like what you described at all.

That sounds crazy.

That sounds racist, but it's true.

That want to take away my guns.

That was "Panties Full of Honey" by The Dumb Drops,

That was a great story, Grandpa Owen.

That was my minor at Westlake.

That wasn't so bad.

That we're not all on top of each other.

That wedding now that I'm a single parent and all.

That would be rad.

That would free up space, and everybody would be happy.

That would slow things down a little.

That you are emotionally ready.

That you folded in half and nibbled the middle out of.

That you look back on all the people that you screwed

That you ran into a tray of urine while pregnant wearing

That you're foolish, a hapless, silly individual.

That'll break all his bones, Doi!

That's a great idea!

That's a great idea.

That's a weird one, popular in old detective novels.

That's against wish protocol.

That's confusing.

That's confusing.

That's Dr. Glenn Richie.

That's funny.

That's hilarious.

That's hospital administrator Sy Mittleman.

That's how it's done, paramedic.

That's Johnny "The Dying Kid" McCloud.

That's me.

That's my blood, actually. Sorry.

That's my dad.

That's no China man.

That's odd.

That's okay.

That's okay.

That's right. Happy Father's Day, Pop.

That's such a good idea. You're nine months pregnant,

That's the part that's gotten stale.

That's the work of Tug Spano, the new pediatric plastic surgeon.

That's weird... And sexy.

That's why I am providing my services as a grief counselor.

That's why I'm going in undercover.

That's why you can't help me.

That's... That's all you really need to know... I think.

The answer might surprise you. It also might not

The bonus Jonas.

The charter only allows us to treat minors, Val, and this kid turns 18 at 2:00 today.

The cost of fame was high.

The couch cushions in my office, they've got kitty litter in them.

The energy crisis, Vietnam, Son of Sam, Watergate...

The energy crisis..

The first part, shall not incur nor be denied of limited

The government was supposed to be subsidizing hot dogs.

The hardening quicksand is compressing his organs.

The ice among the interns.

The J.C. Penny suit you wore at your Bar Mitzvah?

The Jonas Brother that isn't in the band.

The kid in room 4 is crashing!

The kitty litter in this couch cushion is pretty urine soaked.

The life of a paramedic is a lonely one.

The look on your faces... It's priceless!

The name can be misleading.

The name is Lola Spratt. Dr. Lola Spratt.

The new pediatric plastic surgeon.

The next show to spin off found Rob Heubel's character,

The oceans and fish, deep dish pizzas.

The old Sy! Oh, he's cured!

The only answer.

The only answer.

The prettiest shiksa in all of Brazil.

The quicksand is hardening.

The rebels had come down from the hills.

The rebels had killed with guns and swords

The rest he covered with hair.

The results of my Cat scan to see if I have a brain tumor.

The results of your "me" scan are in.

The second thing you said... Totally.

The sun is dead!

The tan faces, city clown?

The team?

The test came back.

The tests don't lie.

The transplant, you'll have a healthy new heart

The Tug man will be putting the moves on these ladies,

The Tug rug needs to lay in other rooms.

The Tug thug is making this kid look like a giant purple cucumber,

The urine drive today. We need every last drop if

The voices have stopped.

The way you look now, it's just nasty.

The wedding you're going to.

The whole maternity ward is a mess,

The wish benefactor, hereafter called the party of

The women here that I will fight them if they go out with you.

The wound has shrunken significantly since the mother was sedated.

Their underlings turning on them.

Then how about this?

Then how could I have read that?

Then I'll manipulate the myofascial layer with my finger,

Then it's not considered ****.

Then let's make some official business.

Then once he's out, these practiced hands will slowly and

Then that would be a textbook example of a test lying.

Then they'll be broken, just like me, and they'll

Then what?

Then you're gonna be on the black list,

Then, when the muscles are responding to my touch just the

There are no needles. You pee in a cup.

There he is!

There is no Dying Wish Foundation.

There she is.

There you go! One more, big boy.

There you go. Okay. Breathe.

There's a black president.

There's a few phones, uh, some patients' files,

There's a hostage crisis going down.

There's a lot of dough in preggo porn.

There's an emergency at the hospital, and I can't find my stupid phone.

There's been a lot of talk about race and identity here today.

There's Cat again. She swears she once saw a ghost.

There's lines like these for hot dogs in every hospital in the country.

There's no coming out for twelve hours.

There's no comparison.

There's no more left to grieve.

There's some weird lesbian thing going on between Cat and Val...

There's your nipple!

Therefore, trespassing. Get her out of here, or I'm calling security.

These are circus clowns. I'm a city clown, clearly.

These are not good times!

These are speed, you dumbass.

These are your people.

These aren't my people.

These doors open twice a day, so once you're in there,

They don't.

They have sideways baginas.

They just keep coming and coming.

They say he'll somehow launch us

They say he's gonna die.

They say that there's someone out there for everyone.

They say that there's someone out there for everyone.

They seem to be having a good time.

They went to medical school, which makes them a hell of a lot better

They were married that night with a clearheaded Sy officiating.

They'll look more like the parents they're supposed to be with.

They're not gonna respect.

They're planning a June wedding, right here at Childrens.

They're so cute when they're kids.

Think! Oh, hey!

This baby is Chinese!

This better be good, Sy. It's the weekend.

This can't go on, Cat.

This city needs a hero.

This country is falling apart.

This doesn't sound right. This needs calibrating.

This headache just won't go away.

This headache just won't go away.

This hospital is in Brazil, as we all know, fully staffed by

This is a thing

This is actually an emergency.

This is Chief. She's a candy striper.

This is crazy.

This is her specialty, this kind of thing!

This is hospital administrator Sy Mittleman speaking at one of

This is important. This is a clue.

This is just one of those classic scheduling snafus.

This is not a drill.

This is our brand new, state of the art heart monitor.

This is our new dialysis machine.

This is tearing us apart.

This is the kid's room right up here!

This is the most fun I've ever had!

This is the same guy from before.

This is your biological dad.

This is your life. Do it!

This isn't over.

This just got super dark.

This kid I do want to die, as quickly as possible.

This one needs to sound less like Vietnamese people yelling.

This particular whore, and this particular shine,

This seems wildly irresponsible.

This show does something that no show on TV does.

This show is so unrealistic.

This soccer recital for weeks now.

This transplant better arrive soon.

This weekend because the person

Those aren't doctors, honey.

Those new tongue depressors come in yet?

Those two bisexual dancers, but maybe one day she will.

Thrilled to see us, huh? Right, kid?

Throwing up everywhere. It's been a real bummer for me.

Time of death..

Time passed Three long days, to be exact.

Time to get ready so we can meet us some gents.

Time's up, everybody.

To integrate back into society.

To operate on him.

To retire those many three days ago.

To say they were spiraling downhill fast would be an understatement.

To say they were spiraling downhill very fast?

To start mixing with higher level persons.

To stick your nose all up inside of.

To the families of my victims. I know that there's never

To the wedding you're going to.

To what do we owe this honor?

Tobey Maguire.

Today, we are gonna go over a great self defense strategy:

Too bad such an adorable kid can

Too late. You're fired.

Too many patients, not enough hot dogs to go around.

Too much talk, not enough action.

Totally different.

Totally disagree.

Transmitted something to a certain penis on your groin.

Treat it for tetanus and redress the wound.

Treat my kid or we all die together!

Trough full of quicksand and put one in the win column for "us."

Try and keep up. We don't have much time.

Tug Spano, M.D.

Tug, you can't go. You're one of us now.

Tug, you were incredible back there...

Tug!

Turns out he was closer than we could ever have known.

Two days is nothing, but three?

Ugh, this water's making me have to pee.

Ugh!

Ugh!

Ugh!

Ugh! Circus clowns The worst.

Ugh! Guys, this is crazy.

Uh huh.

Uh oh.

Uh, Blake Downs clown doctor, et cetera.

Uh, I got a new landlord, and she doesn't like clowns.

Uh, Lola that's my lunch.

Uh, more like Munch by Proxy Syndrome.

Uh... Know what? Um, give me a Coke, too.

Um, funny story.

Um, maybe we should test him for hypothyroidism.

Um, my mother's father is a quarter Armenian,

Um, yeah. I want to say I'm sorry

Um, you put stuff in your mouth, right?

Um...

Um...

Um...

Um...

Um... No.

Um... So sad about Brock, isn't it?

Unbelievable.

Uncovered urine samples I have to bring to Sy, and I figured

Unh unh.

Unless the sign reads, "This property is condemned,"

Unless you count James Monroe, and I don't.

Unless, of course, it's a lie detector test that's malfunctioning.

Up your nose with a rubber hose...

Upon the hour throughout the day and then again in the middle of the night.

Urine in order to reach this year's goal.

Using my bare hands covered only in skin,

Va va voom.

Val!

Valerie flame sure is a classy lady.

Valerie Flame, played by Ingrid Hagerstown,

Valerie, how could you do this to me?

Valerie, I need to speak with you right now.

Valerie!

Valerie.

Vanity.

Very beautiful.

Very close.

Very typical in about 0% of such cases.

Wait a minute.

Wait a minute.

Wait a minute. What...

Wait a second.

Wait a second. I said "hostages"? I meant "hot dogs".

Wait, how was that funny?

Wait, wait.

Wait, what wedding?

Wait!

Wait! Wait! I have an idea.

Wait.

Wait.

Wait.

Wait... What?

Waiting for something?

Want us wasting our time mourning him, you know?

Ward 8 is a secret wing at Childrens.

Was it nice to act in a language that you could understand?

Was there something about a shotgun missing?

Watch out! Don't do anything!

We We screwed up again.

We accept you,

We accept you, Blake.

We all become a man in our own way.

We all deserve a second chance.

We are all tested.

We are on the committee for carrying the water coolers.

We are shooting him or forcing him to retire Whichever one it was we landed on. I forgot.

We call him the Taco Tackler.

We can either get mad or get even

We can fix ourselves.

We can move in together, share a room.

We can put kitty litter in there.

We can put the "adult" back into "adult Bar Mitzvah."

We can work our way up through the basement.

We can't.

We caught them betting on a patient death pool.

We could just pull him out.

We could send somebody in to get him.

We decided to let Blake join our little group.

We did it.

We didn't have cheerleading in Senegal, where I grew up.

We didn't.

We don't have time for something like that!

We don't need angels, Michael.

We don't schedule operations at night.

We found a heart donor for you.

We got a patient with multiple stab wounds

We got the wrong child, too!

We got the wrong child, too!

We got to let Tug make things right here at Childrens,

We got to stop this kid. Come on.

We got you. We got you.

We had a girl!

We had a girl!

We have a 21 19 on 212 Ipanema Drive.

We have a sports gym on site with power spinning, a food court,

We have big hands, we kick ass at math,

We have to work out a system for the mornings so

We just have drugs. Like hydrocodone, Flomax...

We need ideas!

We need to end this once and for all.

We need to start the baby on an I.V. right away.

We need you here.

We need you with us... to help us do this thing!

We put a TV and treadmill in there so we can watch shows while doing cardio.

We removed that boy's tumor just in time.

We saw the news reports about the emergency liver transplants

We sent each actor an anonymous invitation to a weekend getaway at a country mansion.

We shouldn't be wasting all these cool medical terms on this guy

We spend so much time fighting over our differences when,

We thought the new doctor was coming in.

We thought the new doctor was coming in.

We treat kids with medicine here.

We want you to come work for us.

We'll be back in a minute.

We'll be back on top, which is my favorite position.

We'll flip a coin to see who has to leave the apartment.

We'll go to your parents' house for Thanksgiving.

We'll pay you 5% more than you're making right now.

We're almost out.

We're carrying your dead body.

We're coming, Owen!

We're counting down the Top 100 Hits of 1975.

We're doctors.

We're gonna miss you, Tug Spano.

We're in a rut.

We're in.

We're like pandas and zebras.

We're losing him, Dr. Spratt!

We're not dating anymore.

We're not going anywhere outside of this very specific zone.

We're not going anywhere today.

We're not gonna make it.

We're Puerto Rican gang members.

We're running out of time!

We're too different.

We've been married two years,

We've explored more of our moon than our own oceans.

We've given you a choice.

We've got a wedding to plan.

Weird. I mean, who doesn't like clowns?

Welcome.

Welcome.

Well, at least you had a ceremony.

Well, Blake, we're all off to lead very different and interesting lives.

Well, can't be me.

Well, everything was resolved...

Well, first of all, he doesn't kiss like his mom.

Well, first off, you mean: "He just came in."

Well, give me that foreskin, and let's get this thing started.

Well, good for you, Mr. Murphy.

Well, I can't.

Well, I don't have it!

Well, I guess that solves our overcrowding issue.

Well, I just... educated them

Well, I think you're gonna want to hear this.

Well, I'll be damned if I'm gonna let some skin slinger like...

Well, I'm awful sorry about that, sir, but there was an accident

Well, I'm back now.

Well, I'm glad you're having fun, son.

Well, I'm not like you, Shane.

Well, I'm off to sample some sample drugs.

Well, I'm pretty well liked around here,

Well, if you're thirteen, you must know what they call

Well, in our case, the heart is in a cooler on the third floor,

Well, it sometimes feels that way.

Well, let's all breast feed.

Well, let's just say... I was decapitating my

Well, like I said, sweetie, that's a story for a different time.

Well, maybe I'll tell everybody your little secret.

Well, maybe when you're officially a man,

Well, regardless, as per hospital policy, you get a punch in the gut.

Well, tell him to stop eating my candy.

Well, that changes a body.

Well, that kind of stuff happens all the time in real life.

Well, that's Yeah, I have one of those for myself

Well, that's more accurate.

Well, that's not nothing.

Well, that's rough timing, Britches, because I just quit...

Well, that's something you could've mentioned in the pre interview.

Well, then I would gamble a farm that your swarthy grandpapa

Well, then, by your logic, it smells sweet.

Well, then, come with me..

Well, there's only one man who can handle a situation this *******.

Well, they should have gotten a clown ambulance.

Well, think about it.

Well, well, well.

Well, well, well.

Well, what a shame.

Well, what's eating you?

Well, when you get older, you...

Well, who's going to treat him?

Well, yeah, but in a roundabout kind of way.

Well, you guys never got spray tans together.

Well, you know what they say.

Well, you mentioned you had been having sex with

Well, you never know with me, you know?

Well, you're just not watching it right.

Well, your son's heart is failing.

Well... I guess all's well that ends well.

Well... I'm just gonna have to call the

Went their separate ways to star in their own spinoffs,

Were you that young groom, Grandpa?

Weren't they caught organizing a dogfighting ring?

Wh... What are you doing?

Wha?!

What a coincidence.

What a dick!

What a joker.

What a tragedy.

What about our wedding?

What about Valerie?

What about you?

What are you doing for the bicentennial?

What are you doing here, anyway?

What are you doing here?

What are you doing here?

What are you doing right now?

What are you doing?

What are you doing?

What are you doing?!

What are you gonna do, Brian?

What are you talking about, nurse...

What are you talking about?

What are you thinking?

What are you up to, Tinkle Button?

What before my wondering eyes do appear?

What did you just say?

What do we got?

What do you call a wound on a cow that won't heal?

What do you say?

What do you wish you had done that you never thought you had time for?

What happened to the clown who said we couldn't be together

What happened to you, Lola?

What happened today wasn't your fault.

What happened?

What happened?

What in the world?

What is "What's eating you?"

What is going on with...

What is it that you wanted?

What is this?

What is wrong with you guys?

What is your problem with me saving lives?

What makes you think I got your wiener trimmings?

What more can a boy ask for?

What the hell are you doing in the men's bathroom?

What the hell is going on here?

What the...

What you are seeing with your eyes' balls is humanity's dregs.

What you did to me in that closet last year was an act of

What, you think you deserve an award for going home and eating lunch?

What?

What?

What?

What? No, Chet!

What? Oh. Hey, Pop!

What? Stop it. You're bad!

What? Sy?

What?!

What?!

What?!

What?!

What's "Night Moves"?

What's all the excitement about?

What's does that remind you off?

What's eating you?

What's going down in the world of young health?

What's going on? Where am I?

What's happening up there on the maternity ward?

What's happening?

What's my old partner doing here?

What's really going on?

What's that smell? I think it's arrogance mixed with sarcasm.

What's that?

What's the matter, Gavin?

What's the problem?

What's up with him?

What's with the guns?

What's wrong with being circumcised? I'm circumcised.

What's your name again?

What's your name, sir?

When do you think that's gonna happen?

When I heard the shots.

When we killed a bunch of babies and made hot dogs out of them.

When you don't see beyond yourself, you fail to see others,

When you look beyond yourself, you open your heart to others,

When you want something, you got to just take it.

Where are you gonna stick that thing? Here?

Where are you, Briggs?

Where did you get them anyway?

Where do you think babies come from?

Where the heck are you?

Where the laughs never stop.

Where the laughs never stop.

Where's Chief?!

Where's Lola?

Where's my mommy?

Wherever you may go and whatever you Wait, wait, wait, wait!

Which can sometimes lead to ****, but most times,

Which I did, by the way, and it's an urban myth that

Which I do and will not do for you.

Which one?

Which the hospital does provide to you at a discount if you do meet your revenue quotas.

Which you have to run by us, of course.

Which, by the way, is where we are right now.

Who are you?

Who cares where she is?

Who got chocolate sauce all over the counter?

Who is a central character, but we never see him.

Who is that chick?

Who later went on to be killed by my friends.

Who made the suit you're wearing Armani.

Who made you want to become a lady doctor?

Who then transmitted a certain sexually

Who, in turn, has been busy with Lola's best friend, Valerie.

Who's Tobey?

Who's Tug Spano?

Whoa, easy, Sy.

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Whoa, whoa, whoa! Brian, what are you doing?

Whoa!

Whoo!

Whoo!

Whoo! Yeah!

Whose parents he helped commit assisted suicide.

Why are all you doctors just standing around?

Why are you wearing makeup?

Why didn't you

Why didn't you tell me?!

Why don't I treat you to one of my famous characters, huh?

Why don't you both tell me how you're feeling toward Brock?

Why don't you just prance on back to your hospital, there?

Why is that?

Why to stop him?

Why, Blake, I didn't ask for a volunt...

Why, writing all that gibberish up there as a joke to break

Why?! You ruined my life!

Wiggling and jumping.

Will be a newborn baby coming out of your vagina at any moment.

Will be difficult for all of us.

Will cause an illness in a child in

Will deal with a patient until I determine

Will you just speak up and tell me how you're feeling about Brock?

Will you stop assassinating each other?

Will you tickle my back?

Wish thief!

Wish you'd die in a pool.

With a cast of fresh young faces.

With a mixture of pity and disgust and a certain animal sexual

With everyone but his girlfriend, Lola,

With great power comes great responsi...

With the cast off the air and out of work,

With their success came power, and they could have whatever they wanted.

With us again.

Working hard, starting your own small business,

Would have been better off sinking.

Would that be ****?

Wound that won't heal That's a possibility.

Wow, I need to write this stuff down.

Wow, she's gotten really fat, huh?

Wow, so many questions.

Wow.

Wow. So many questions.

Y'all run along now, okay?

Yay!

Yay... Another Jew Mitzvah.

Yeah, and I told you we shoot where we want, or you don't get paid.

Yeah, and the brass is being really tight lipped about the other one.

Yeah, baby, what you need?

Yeah, but if there's one thing I've learned from all this,

Yeah, but why were you clapping so slowly?

Yeah, get that off. Ooh, that's better.

Yeah, he's got a point.

Yeah, I I would say definitely, yeah.

Yeah, I did.

Yeah, I guess you're right, Valerie. I'm not special.

Yeah, I hear that.

Yeah, I just did that for effect.

Yeah, I was I was just sad about Brock.

Yeah, I'll see you.

Yeah, I'm actually waiting for

Yeah, if we back down now, we'll never get back on top.

Yeah, it involves a certain someone you did a certain something with,

Yeah, it still hurts. Ow!

Yeah, keep an eye on that.

Yeah, let's do that... Now.

Yeah, maybe we should hold off

Yeah, my Nana volunteers with your grandma at the library on Saturdays.

Yeah, we did. Remember?

Yeah, well, maybe your wife blasted a Chinaman.

Yeah, well, tell me about it.

Yeah, whether she lives or dies, but especially if she dies.

Yeah, you really pulled it, didn't you?

Yeah!

Yeah?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah. Goodbye, guy we don't really care about.

Yeah. Hey, Hal. They're about to execute him now,

Yeah. I am getting pretty bored, anyway.

Yeah. See you soon.

Yeah. So his death... In your hands.

Yeah. Sorry. I used a little on my back.

Yeah. Then what, Doctor?

Yeah. Well, it wasn't, was it?

Yeah...

Yes, absolutely. I loved it.

Yes, Blake?

Yes, there is.

Yes, you don't sleep with girls who look like Ray Liotta.

Yes!

Yes!

Yes.

Yes.

You always out emotion me!

You and all your clownfolk, if they ever come over,

You and Brock never went to Joshua Tree together.

You are now gross to me.

You are officially handicapped.

You are such a clown.

You are such a neat freak!

You are worth nothing.

You better mean clown in the sense that we are both

You brought two different kinds of people together and still

You call yourself a therapist?

You can carry them over into your bank of flex points.

You can either eat the food and, for the first time in years,

You can make it, buddy!

You can pry them from my cold, dead hands!

You can shove stuff in your mouth, and I'll shove stuff into my mouth,

You can thank the Dying Wish Foundation.

You can't expect her to like bowling as much as you.

You can't operate on someone using sex appeal.

You can't save me! You're not real!

You clown of a bitch!

You could come with me to oral sex rehab!

You could take a lesson, Dr. Spratt.

You did at the dance marathon.

You did it again, Dr. black.

You did it.

You did.

You didn't ask "Chief" out, did you?

You didn't ask "Chief" out, did you?

You didn't see me on the set of

You didn't! Yes, you did!

You don't believe in fathers?

You don't even know the cool therapy stuff like hypnosis

You don't have to be a dick about everything.

You don't know. It's my wiener.

You don't see alive people.

You ever see anyone get killed?

You finally turned 18.

You going to see The Captain & Tennille?

You got anybody to kiss at midnight tonight?

You got me.

You got the wrong guy.

You got those trolls with the crazy hair?

You got to be your own woman.

You guys mean so much to me.

You guys want to take a hit off this surgery?

You guys, forget it.

You had better believe that I would be bending over backwards, forwards,

You had me believing I was a woman

You have got to trust the system that is in place.

You have H.B.S.: Hot Boobs Syndrome.

You have my mind, my soul, and my body.

You have to eat some real food, Sy.

You have to help these clowns.

You have to work the night shift

You have two or three weeks, tops.

You hear that, kid? Women, right?

You just give me this advice and then you leave.

You just might pull this off.

You know how a tailor hems a pair of pants

You know how am I before I put on my pants on in the morning.

You know how Cat has venereal warts, right?

You know how I am before I have my coffee in the morning.

You know how some people puke at the sight of blood?

You know I hate little smacks!

You know my rule.

You know that?

You know the old joke where the patient says,

You know what I wish for?

You know what our hobbies were?

You know what you should do?

You know what, Shane?

You know what?

You know what?

You know what? I like nurses...

You know what? It's never too late.

You know what? Just shut down the urine drive.

You know what? You're right.

You know, "She developed early. She's talented

You know, all of your friends are really worried about your binge eating.

You know, but it's not.

You know, have you seen my Puerto Rican girl?

You know, I couldn't help but

You know, I learned something when I was at Laser Hospital.

You know, I want, for one hour a week,

You know, if you ever want to make some extra cash,

You know, it's twice as small, but it holds more clowns.

You know, maybe I can show you

You know, she just never made me feel like my father loved me enough.

You know, that's your problem.

You know, you're very attractive for a life haver.

You left here out of the blue.

You live in an out of order bathroom?

You look at me!

You look for a lighter weight slack

You look sick.

You mean a supermarket bagger?

You mean a veterinarian or a

You might as well have just tickled him.

You missed me.

You mole people, you have got to stop sleeping on the subway tracks.

You move fast on those getaway sticks, baby.

You need to prepare for if you're going to work...

You never returned any of my calls.

You ready for a little afternoon delight?

You realize that life is not just about being cool.

You really restored my faith in the healing power of laughter.

You see that girl there?

You see what I did?

You see, Blake?

You see, this is a rectal man ometer, so...

You should be careful.

You should dump him.

You should get naked.

You sound like me when I was your age: Like a dumb idiot.

You think it's a coincidence that hot dogs are shaped like dongs?

You think that a pharyngectomy is funny?

You throw away your dungarees.

You used to be sweet and a little slutty.

You want a lude?

You want a medal?

You want to have sex with it.

You were exuding so much confidence that you had me believing I was a woman.

You were never circumcised.

You weren't wearing your coloring book.

You would do that for me?

You, Max!

You'd be making a statement,

You'll find that there are great freedoms to being handy competent.

You're a [bleep]! You gay, mustache wearing [bleep]!

You're a babbling brook a warm babbling brook.

You're a broken American.

You're a jackass.

You're a Ronald McDonald paint job!

You're a sellout!

You're a sellout! You're a Ronald McDonald...

You're all the way under arrest.

You're an Aquarius? What a coincidence! I'm bisexual!

You're an imaginary friend that I made up because... I'm crazy.

You're being scammed, Owen.

You're gonna want to put that fire out.

You're gorgeous.

You're gorgeous.

You're imaginary!

You're imaginary!

You're just not smart enough to

You're married?!

You're my best friend.

You're my best friend.

You're my Nemesis.

You're my only friend, Cornelius.

You're not being very righteous right now.

You're one of us now.

You're seven seconds late, Dr. Maestro.

You're super sexy and full of self loathing: A killer combo.

You're the projection of the self I wish I was!

You're thinking of Michael Vick.

You're turning into a chick!

You're ugly.

You're under arrest!

You're watching an encore presentation of Hoss O'Brien Live.

You're welcome.

You've been getting bigger every day.

You've bested me at wordplay.

You've got to like that!

Your ability to deal with death is just unbelievable.

Your ambulance is blocking my driveway,

Your brother is Blake, right?

Your face is like that of my deads wife's face.

Your fight's over.

Your husband tells me it was pancreatic cancer that killed him.

Your life is going to be very different now, Glenn.

Your own.

Your son has brain stem syndrome.

Your son's operation is over.

Your three o'clock operation has been canceled.

Yup. Baby breath.

Zoom!

1 Arkin 12, 1 Arkin 12.

1 Carolla 12 to dispatch, I am coming in.

1 Sandler 12, 1 Sandler 12.

100 jars and one tongue depressor.

a bucket of marbles down there

A D.P. A D.P., huh?

Aaaaaaah! Oh ho! All right.

Aah! Aah!

Aah! No!

After that... We kick her out. But couldn't we make an exception?

Again? Nope.

All right. Catchy slogan.

And also now. Mm.

And Arlou. No problem.

and if I was ever lost to just whistle it... And a friend would appear.

And the answer is no. Cool.

And where are your pants? Huh? Oh.

And? What do you think?

Andy? The ******* one?

Animals are not ours to eat. Eat meat, repeat.

Are cigarillos cool again? God, I hope so.

Are you aware... Flash us your penis!

Are you having an affair? What?

Are you nuts? Hold it! Whoa! Cut!

Are you sure you're not cops? Are you loco?

Bangers and mash. Bangers and m Yeah.

Baseball mustache... Khmer Rouge...

Bell bottoms... Vegetables...

Blake! Blake?

Brian, I think this is your dad. Right.

Brian? You're dumped.

Brian's father is my daughter? Yeah.

But I have not a foreskin. Oh, yes, you have.

But I still haven't got a temple. What?

By killing you. Huh?

Bye bye. See ya.

Can I help you? Yes!

Can I take over there, doc? Sure.

Can we talk about me sometimes? No.

Can you hang on to my keys? Sure.

Canceled? Why? The patient doesn't want a woman

Checkmate. What the hell?!

Clear. Don't touch him!

Cocáina fresquinha? Si.

Come here. Oh, that's my boy.

Come on! Let's help him.

Come on! Let's move! Come on!

Coming with me... Aah.

Cool! Mmm mmm...

Cool. Yeah.

D'oh! Watch where you're going! Sorry.

Did he have a video camera? Not even.

Did you read my book? You wrote a book?

even seashell shellers... Seashell sellers... Seashell seller.

Follow me, Blake. Okay, thanks.

Glenn? Huh?

Go Wildcats! Now, none of you

Great. Thanks. Come back soon

Guess who has a crush... Not now, guys.

Happily married. Okay.

Happy Father's Day, Daddy. Thank you, sweetie.

Happy Father's Day. Thanks, Bri.

He cuffs it off with a few stitches? Yeah.

He gets inside your head. Mm hmm.

He is good. No. He's gooder.

He's dead. What?

Here goes his funny bone! It takes a very steady hand.

Hey, check this out. Oh, wow.

Hey, Chief! Aah!

Hey, Chief. Oh, hey, Chuck.

Hey, does anybody want a ride? You have to work a double

Hey, let's go smoke some weed. Okay.

Hey, man. Hey, man.

Hey, Tom. What's up? Hey, what's up, guys?

Hey, Val. Hi.

Hey! Hi.

Hey. Hey.

Hey. Hey.

Hey. Hey.

Hey. How are you doing today?

Hey. Oh, hey.

Hey. What?

Hi, C.J. Rob Rob says hello.

Hi, sweetie. Hey, babe.

His journal. Score.

His pulse ox is dropping. We're losing him!

Hit me in the face

How about you, Lola? Oh, it was fine.

How did it go? How do you think it went?

How old are you, Gavin? Thirteen.

How? A friend told me.

How's my main man? Good.

Hurry up! But I'm not

I am so sorry, Sy. Oh, it's not your fault

I can't wear this. You can, Glenn, and you will.

I don't know. A moo o o o o nd.

I e mailed all of your aunts. Oh, wonderful!

I eat very healthily. She's a vegetarian.

I got to go. Oh, I miss my Lola!

I just On.

I just hope the heart gets here. My watch.

I love the way you guys talk. Thank you.

I love you. I love you, too, son.

I need a favor. Anything.

I practically live in my 'sclade. I literally live in my 'sclade.

I really hope Not.

I really hope On... my watch.

I really hope that heart gets here in Not on my watch.

I think I broke your test tube. Test tube baby killer!

I thought that's where this was going. I'm happily married.

I thought you were kidding. No, no. I'm not kidding.

I was last night. Oh.

I won't. Okay.

I wrote it. Mnh mnh.

I'll have you reported. Okay.

I'll take the kid's tonsils out. Gah...

I'm an Aquarius. You're an aquarius.

I'm cured. No, you're not.

I'm Dr. Brian. Hi.

I'm gonna go take a shower. I'll join you.

I'm gonna save you, buddy! No!

I'm like that, but with puke. Isn't everyone?

I'm no baby killer. Then who are you?

I'm not gonna make... Yes, now!

I'm only play regular pool. Mmmm... Righteous...

I'm so embarrassed. It's okay. I'm flattered.

I'm so embarrassed. It's okay. I'm flattered.

In a racist Chinese accent. Oh, what's a eating a you?!

Is that your card? Yeah.

Is this your card? No.

Is this your card? No.

It doesn't look good for your son. Oh, my God.

it would be faster on skates. Dori, I don't think

It's almost midnight... Yeah...

It's double [Bleep] What?!

It's just way more masculine. And more sexy.

It's like a significant amount, though. Shouldn't.

It's over, Glenn. What?

Keep an eye on it. Good.

Let's cut. Wait. Hold it!

Let's roll! Aaah!!

like "bitch". Or "whore".

Like a sexy young schoolgirl. What's eating you?

Lockdown commencing, five... Hey! Good luck.

Lola and I have been dating. Surprise!

Lola and I have been dating. Surprise!

Macramé... Cocaine...

Makes you do things. Oh, God.

Meanwhile, over at Laser Hospital... Here you go, kid.

Meat is murder. Beef: it's what's for dinner.

Mike! Get out of here!

Mike! Run, Gavin!

Mm hmm. Right?

Mm, shouldn't. Okay.

Mm. Acetaminophen.

Morning, Dr. Richie. Morning, ma'am.

Morning, guys. Good morning.

My best friend. He was my best friend.

My name is Death. Death?

Nah, definitely my best friend. He was my best friend.

No, it's just a friends thing. But we're not friends.

No, that was Michael Vick. Oh, yeah.

Now we're both free! Chet, no!

Nurse, give this child C.P.R.! What?

Nurse, more I.V. Stat. More I.V. Coming up.

Off the phone. I don't understand.

Off the phone. Oh.

Oh, ho! Ohh! All right, just one more.

Oh, I don't Now, you can't say "no"

Oh, I don't Now, you can't say no

Oh, my God. No.

Oh, my God. You're naughty!

Oh, thank you, doctor. You're welcome.

Oh, what about Owen? No, not me.

Oh, you'll never do that. Don't touch the side...

Oh! Lola, wait!

Oh! Tell me about it.

Oh! Oh, yeah! Oh, my God!

Oh. Oh, the shock killed her.

Oh. The brow.

Oh. Yeah, yeah!

Oh. Yes

Okay, listen to me. What?

Okay. Try that.

One more time, regular. What's eating you?

Oof! Now, here's your I.D. card.

Opium. Karate instructors.

Owen... It's me. Whoa.

Paint job! Hey!

Patient is in arrest. On it.

Righteous! All right, let's do it.

Sad. I'll tell you what's sad. Yeah.

Scram. Thank you.

See ya. Bye.

Shave off one of your eyebrows. Shave off one of my eyebrows?

Sitting on my dong. Stop it.

So, I guess this is it. Why, Blake?

So, it's that easy? Oh, I wish.

So, you got a baby in there? Supposedly.

So, you just got back, huh? Yeah, yeah...

Sorry. Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you, too.

Station wagons... Camel toe...

Sure. Yeah.

Suture below the incision. Where? I can't see it!

Take five. Doctors wear shirts!

Take two. Two more?

Talking to yourself again? Oh, God! You scared me, Shane.

Terrible things. I hear that.

Thanks, Bri. When are you gonna stop this?

Thanks, Dad. Thank you.

That could make you pregnant. No kidding.

That is all. Cat, great news.

That's crazy. Yeah.

That's Dr. Baby to you. Cool out, woman.

That's nuts. Chet, come on!

The Joy of Sex... Steely Dan...

The tracks are where it's warm. Get a dog!

They got you with a number 2. They stabbed me with their feces?

They told me you were in Iraq. Not anymore.

They'll kill you! I'll be fine! Just go!

This is not my father. That's not my daughter.

This kid, is he about yea big? That's the one.

To heaven, now that I think about it. He was my best friend.

Ugh! Oh, my God.

Um, simile? Very good, Brian.

Valerie. Yes, Blake

Vegas! Murder him and molest his dead body!

Wait, wait. Bye.

Wait, wait. Bye.

Wayans? Yeah.

We could do it anyway. Okay. Fine.

We could use those. Great.

We have a dog? We have a dog.

We will never stop this! When you get down to it,

We'd just eat a dog! Well, then get a blanket

we're gonna make our goal. Oh, I don't think I can, Dori.

Well Fine! Good to hear it.

Well, I Not.

Well, I just hope Not on my watch.

Well, that's what we did with you. Oh, my gosh.

Well, there is no me and you. That's what I just said

Well, we're in the middle of the... Hey, listen!

Well, who's asking? Name's Murphy.

What are you doing here? It's my son. He's sick.

What are you doing? Huh?

What car? What?

What do we got? Nine year old, unconscious.

What does it say? "Just breathe."

What is he doing here? No, Glenn, please.

What is your problem, man?! I said you could use the supply closet.

What kind of nurse? Pregnant.

What? I said "thank you."

What? I was lying.

What? Minivan.

What? Oh, I'm sorry.

What? Vegas!

What? You're imaginary!

What's eating you? Like Ronald Reagan.

What's eating you? One more time, please?

What's eating you? Say that again.

What's going on? There's no patient.

What's his name? Tug Spano.

What's his name? Tug Spano.

What's with the roller skates? Oh, well, I have this tray of

What's wrong with me, Dr. Filth? Dr. Filth?

When will the 80s get here? Not soon enough, babydoll.

Where we going? Aah!

Where we going? Aah! Stop doing that!

Where's Mom? Oh, Mom? I don't know.

Who else? Well, just me.

Who sang "Night Moves"? Bob Seger.

Whoa! Scott!

Wow. He's milking this one. You got any last words, son?

Yeah! Yeah, I know! You don't laugh with us!

Yeah. Fine.

Yeah. We can try and get Owen to donate.

Yes. So, were you able to find my daughter?

You dated Marlon Wayans? I meant me and you.

You did it. How do you feel? Good.

You get rid of Chet. Okay.

You got gum? No.

You got the wrong guy. But, Glenn, we need you.

You little motherf... Hey, hey, hey...

You little son of a bitch. Suck it, Maestro.

You mean grieving. Whatever.

You mean with laughter, right? I'm gonna punch you.

You move first. Okay.

You must be new. How'd you know?

You tested positive. Thank you.

You want some cocaine? Nah.

You were in there. Or maybe I wasn't.

You're all clear. I know!

You're disgusting. What?

'Cause I'm Chief, and I'm club footed.

'cause you're the only doctor here who's had a Bar Mitzvah.

"...Sinai leimor..."

"Also ecstasy"?

"Black Hospital" trying to bang Marlon Wayans, did you?

"Brazil's Most Haunted Locker Rooms."

"can't tell anyone about them."

"Cat: 'Meow' is right.

"Hang in there" poster with the cat?

"Her handsome personality is only

"Her"... That's impossible.

"I would never kill any of them."

"overshadowed by her radiant beauty.

"Shine" comes to mind.

"Someone's got to make money for the family. How about Cat?"

"Sorry, you're gonna die. Love, your cellmate"

"Take out his sparerib" for $200.

"Whore" is a good one. I like "whore".

"Will I ever be able to play the violin again?" and the doctor says,

"Yes," and then the patient says, "Great, because I've never played before"?

[Bleep] Classic Dori.

♪ And don't you feel like coming home? ♪

♪ And it's over, ♪

♪ and maybe with all the things you know too well. ♪

♪ and we could do the things we do, ♪

♪ and you saw something in me. ♪

♪ Ask myself why. ♪

♪ Bara hood, bara hood, bara hood... ♪

♪ be my friend, ♪

♪ Because I saw something in you, ♪

♪ Blend all your days into weeks. ♪

♪ But I know there's something good in me. ♪

♪ But you always made me feel... ♪

♪ but you don't know where you're from. ♪

♪ Come a ♪

♪ Come alive with you. ♪

♪ Come alive with you. ♪

♪ Doo, doo doo... ♪

♪ Doo, doo doo... ♪

♪ every little move. ♪

♪ Hey, you, ♪

♪ I could have sworn ♪

♪ I drew a picture and painted with my fingers. ♪

♪ I got B's 'cause I didn't fit in... ♪

♪ I want to go home. ♪

♪ If you only knew... ♪

♪ It'll be good. ♪

♪ It'll be like coming home. ♪

♪ It's a little like a sky dive. ♪

♪ It's the magic in the first bite. ♪

♪ It's the spotlight. ♪

♪ It's the thrill ride. ♪

♪ Just come on over, ♪

♪ My father says a soldier is someone with an inner strength. ♪

♪ Oh, won't you be good to yourself? ♪

♪ so as from now, ♪

♪ Super confident! ♪

♪ Super confident! Superfu ♪

♪ Superfun! ♪

♪ that we were more than friends. ♪

♪ The way you swoop into ♪

♪ There's something good in me. ♪

♪ Thinkin' back to when I was a kid... ♪

♪ We're just friends. ♪

♪ we're just friends. ♪

♪ Well, you think you do, ♪

♪ where have you been? ♪

♪ Why can't I find what I'm looking for? ♪

♪ You could do it, too, if you want. ♪

♪ You took some chances leaving the way that you did. ♪

♪ You're just my favorite person. ♪

♪ You're never gonna be that far away from home. ♪