Two and a Half Men (2003) - Season 1 Edit

Alan, I really want to apologize for putting you through this.

And he still liked the Maple Loops song better.

And I think we're gonna look back on this as a new beginning for our marriage.

And in my heart.

And raise you $20.

And what did I tell you about yelling in the house?

Charlie, could you and Jake...

Charlie, may I speak with you privately, please?

Dark and rainy.

Darling, I asked for a lemon wedge

Don't sell your dad short.

Don't you think that's a little redundant?

Four and a half days ago, let me tell you that.

Have we even stopped to consider that?

Hey, it's Charlie. Do your thing when you hear the beep.

I don't want to meet women. I'm still married.

I drive a Jag, I live at the beach,

I hate this kid.

I see now that the time apart did us both a lot of good.

I start crying in my car.

I want Maple Loops.

I'm out.

I've got to go.

If it makes you feel any better, you won $80 on that last hand.

It's for you, right?

It's maple maple ma...

Life partner must be so proud.

My dad says we're moving to Grandma's tomorrow.

My mom brought me.

No big deal, just wanted to touch base.

Not sitting on your welcome mat.

Now when I want to see my grandson

Now, do you want to talk about your nephew, or do you want to have sex?

Now, what I think you need to do is to make a list.

Sex. Definitely sex.

So, how was dinner?

That's very considerate, but as soon as Judith and I work things out,

Twelve years, and she just throws me out.

We better hurry.

Well, it's kind of personal. I mean...

What's going on? Can't sleep?

Who let her in?

Why is your head exploding?

Will you take me swimming in the ocean?

Yeah, well, your dad knows what's best for you.

You are a bad, bad boy.

You brought your own sheets?

You don't have any food.

You were concerned about him being around my brother,

You're my son, and I'll always have room for you in my house

Sure. Thanks