The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel (2017) - Season 2 Edit

A a road map.

A And if a priest is gonna have sex, I think God would

A Are you sure he's going back today, and soon?

A bastion in the defense of nationalist Formosa.

A black cocktail dress to a wedding, but...

A block of marble, and see what he saw.

A booker is coming to see me, and if I do well,

A building manager knows.

A bunch of us are gonna sunbathe, Miriam. Want to join?

A certain glow? I think she may have gotten lei'd.

A closet full of fat suits.

A club with booze and everything.

A Columbia professor would look like.

A comedian has to be funny.

A comic.

A complete stranger asked you to put your signature down

A couple of guys break in in the middle of the night.

A couple of shower mishaps, and it's best to be safe.

A Declan Howell. So exciting.

A definitive solution, he advanced the inquiry so greatly

A different thing but it wasn't?

A ditty bag. What do you call it?

A dozen diamonds fell out of her ass.

A fabulous traveling outfit in my head right now.

A family is in your apartment? Your place is a shithole.

A fed! A killer.

A few ******* women are campaigning to have it moved

A Frenchman, a Yankee, and a Ruskie

A gig. A real gig.

A good man, a pious man, a handsome man.

A great place for families.

A handsome young man.

A heads up would've been nice.

A lime rickey, and a couple of black and whites for dessert.

A list of upcoming activities for the week.

A little girl.

A little issue with the cottage, cut out the middleman.

A little louder, Ma.

A little lower this year, I think.

A little shayna punim at the Concord.

A little summertime in the fall.

A little tired, but I'm...

A little unsettled for me lately.

A little.

A little. Not enough.

A lot has happened in my life over the last year,

A lot of colorful flowers would really liven things up.

A lot of flammable product in my hair.

A lot of new fancy clothes, which I will pay for.

A lot of nice girls here this year.

A lot of people think it doesn't exist.

A lot of shitholes over the past few weeks,

A lot of them are shit, but some of them have

A lot. I padded it a lot.

A luxurious raccoon than a poor quality mink.

A mailing address and the amount of the pledge.

A manager doesn't go to her client

A massive pain in my ass very, very soon.

A master's degree, that sounds so important.

A museum, then.

A new and exciting proposition for you.

A paying gig. No passing the hat.

A perfect little kitchen, bathroom.

A plumber for a second. Does Benjamin know?

A pretty lady with a lot to say.

A radio, record player...

A real loan from a bank.

A real shithole gin joint.

A really empty house.

A room will open up soon enough.

A secret's a secret.

A secure room?

A seltzer, please. Ice.

A sensational musical odyssey

A shot of vodka every time it goes beep.

A song about teaching yourself

A song about teaching yourself how to wipe your ass

A splash of champagne and... what?

A spot? On TV? That would be sensational.

A thing of such beauty that, when Jackson Pollock saw it,

A wedding? That's a wedding.

A well timed "What's that?"

A whole goddamn building.

A whole new light, pal.

A widow to golf, and yet so young.

A wry comment, if you will.

A year ago you were doing fine.

A young man who is skyrocketing to fame,

A.I. Nine, this is Devlin.

ABE (over phone): Hello?

ABE (slurring): ♪ He always sings ♪

Abe has raised you to me so many times, I've lost count.

Abe, don't! Don't! You're making it hotter!

Abe, I'm begging you, I'm not a well man.

Abe, let's take this into a secure room.

Abe, please, what do you want to talk about?

Abe, please, you're not making sense.

Abe, this is Martin Cummings

Abe, this is something that is not going to happen today.

Abe, you did not spoil that young man's future

Abe, you remember Bob Jackson, head of our in house counsel.

Abe, you remember Martin Cummings.

Abe, you're dressed. Why are you asking about socks?

Abe, your wife is very, very attractive.

ABE: Ah, forget it.

ABE: Ah, that beautiful lake!

ABE: Almost, but not quite.

ABE: And he forgot the baby. Jimmy, bring a mop and the baby.

ABE: Come on, guys. Hustle, hustle.

ABE: Ethan, no!

ABE: Fold it up. Let's just start over.

ABE: How could you possibly help me with the tree?

ABE: I didn't mean toys. They're not toys.

ABE: I do love our Thursdays.

ABE: I guess I don't get to use the bathroom.

ABE: If I eat one more onion, I'm gonna throw up.

ABE: If you're so inclined, reach back further

ABE: Miriam. I need to talk to you.

ABE: My fancy socks are missing.

ABE: No, no, no, no, no, I I can do this.

ABE: Now I'm second guessing these slacks.

ABE: Now there's tables and chairs.

ABE: Oh, beautiful day.

ABE: Ooh, that's some view.

ABE: Or someone from the proper department can fix this, Jimmy.

ABE: The one in the hat. Bertrum.

ABE: The screen door needs adjusting.

ABE: The Twilight Zone.

ABE: There's new carpeting on the stairs.

ABE: This is outrageous.

ABE: We should donate.

ABE: Well, if this is truly your intention,

ABE: What is this?

ABE: What's the couch doing outside?

ABE: While our man is in the vault, there's a nuclear war.

ABE: Yes, you can.

ABE: You can't bring everything!

ABE: You know, I woke up several times in the night

Abe!

Abe.

Abe... I promise I won't be in your way.

Abe's upstairs. I'll get him for you.

Abi gezunt dos leben ken zikh ale mol nemen.

Abi gezunt!

About 55 times in seven years.

About a painting he painted.

About all the things this little girl has to look forward to:

About any project we are working on here.

About Eisenhower's penis in D.C.

About me?

About something that's already happened.

About the makeup counter.

About the record I was playing at home, and that is all.

About this absurd thing you're doing.

About this stand up thing ahead of time.

About what?

About you meeting the kids.

About your personal life again and a tip you give me

About your son coming on board

About your talk with Benjamin?

About...

Absolutely stunned that you, the last of the big time scumbags,

Absolutely, cream and sugar.

Absolutely.

Accident, my ass.

Accidents happen all the time,

Actually leads to anything, I will give you a taste.

Actually, I don't.

Actually, I'm here to talk to Miriam.

Actually, my mother is your biggest fan.

Actually, she told me it was biologically impossible

Actually, that was right.

Adult teeth. Or teeth from a really big baby.

ADULTS: ♪ Big, big boy went by himself ♪

ADULTS: ♪ Wiped his bottom by himself ♪

After all, this trip is about trying new things

After his buddy, Premier Bulganin, was retiring.

After I let some snot nosed chick comic take them down

After such a short tenure.

After waffles, I lost $2.00

After what happened before, I'm not leaving her alone again.

After what she did to Midge? Is she crazy?

Again, thanks for letting me stay like that, Rose.

Against a pillar pretending not to stare at you.

Against me, against my costume.

Ah, Charles. Just the man I wanted to see.

Ah, I'm gonna need a fucking booster seat.

Ah, it's fine, really.

Ah, no, I'm sorry.

Ah, not a record, but a heck of an effort.

Ah, shit, you've heard it before.

Ah, should I have him killed? Firing may not be enough.

Ah, that was a great gig.

Ah, that's a chrysanthemum.

Ah, that's much better than a cat.

Ah, the ever elusive cabana jackets.

Ah, the famous Noah Weissman.

Ah, well, cheer up, it's only the first round.

Ah, well, I'm *******.

Ah, you remember it!

Ah! Michael Mussbaum, right?

Ah! Motherfucker!

Ah! Sorry, Malca.

Ah! Thursday, right there.

Ah.

Ah.

Ah. Grazie, Grandma.

Ah. Great. Melvin, I'd like you to meet Midge Maisel.

Ah. So it's about money.

Ah. That was no act.

Ah. The suitcase thing's a tape recorder.

Ah. Well, I'll leave you boys to get on with things.

Ah. You remember your bar mitzvah?

Aha, baby's first swear word.

Aha. There he is.

ALL (chanting): Steiner! Steiner!

All alone.

All I did was I asked the girls

All I did was reenact break fast word for word.

All I know is she spoke to a group of girls

All kinds of things happen.

All my friends have grandchildren,

All of it.

All of this would have ended months ago.

All of you, on this special night.

All our tiny luggage fits in our tiny trailer.

All right, everybody. It's that time.

All right, I'll answer it.

All right, I'm sorry.

All right, let's keep this cavalcade of comedy

All right, let's put aside the fact that your manager's

All right, next up, a lot of you know his work.

All right, thank you for explaining that to me,

All right, we're gonna take a short break.

All right, well, uh, any way I can help, please call.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right. Everyone, please just let me say what I need to say.

All right. Hey, Lenny, where's your old lady?

All right. I have to be going.

All right. I'll lay low.

All right. If you must.

All that ridiculous Perry Mason crap.

All the cash over the years.

All the time, 24 hours a day, such a dick.

All those pins just flying around

ALL: Bye.

ALL: Cheers!

Allow me. Verla, my dear friend Imogene here

Almost made me pee my fucking pants.

Almost ran out of gas in the Holland Tunnel.

Almost? That was a fucking spit take.

Alone, I am a spittoon; with you, I'm a somebody.

Already laughing, as if something funny

Although I'd prefer an unplanned pregnancy

Although we are out of money.

Although, sometimes when he gets back, there's sand in his shoes.

Always happy to help.

Always open my show with a comedian.

Always smells better, too.

Always so far from the control room?

Alya Feinburg, good to see you.

Am I a fucking manager or what?

Am I a mechanic? Just pick it up so we can go.

Am I bleeding from the ears? Say that it's happening.

Am I in the wrong place?

Am I suddenly unable to apply lipstick?

Am I supposed to find them intimidating?

Amazing, isn't it?

Amen.

America, here we come.

America's national cynicism.

An "Initial Dance."

An infinite series solution.

And Lenny. He knows.

And Let's go back to food, shall we?

And "thous" and fairies and Puck. Fuck Puck!

And a family, when I had that life.

And a few of them talked about being teachers,

And a few others talked about being artists,

And a girl.

And a little stupid, but he's sweet,

And a luncheon at home with scrambled eggs.

And a new movie about my wife called, "Not now, I'm sleeping."

And a pearl white phone, and I'll sit back and relax,

And a scowl of intellectual superiority

And a Sonny with an "O" and another with an I E.

And actually, I do have

And after a little sweet talk, a little flattery

And after some negotiating, some pleading,

And all alone.

And all I see

And Allie and Taavi Applebaum, who met playing shuffleboard.

And always will be accused of banter.

And an awful lot of you are staring at me. And Midge.

And an hour to get back.

And an old family friend in case you want to give him a call.

And and not a normal

And and then there's Mary and Bill.

And and when people come up here with kids,

And and, because they don't really know any of this,

And anyone tall, wearing pants

And apparently she started talking about Bell Labs.

And are taking their time to walk back.

And as I was sitting there having my nightcap,

And as you know, these days, in family life,

And ate lunch. Right over there.

And bathing suits must be worn at all times in the lake,

And because of that, I need to say,

And believe me, Archie is going to be okay.

And Benjamin Franklin took naked air baths.

And Bill, we couldn't ask for a better son in law.

And Bill.

And break her nose to make her a little funnier.

And brought him back like that.

And by the way, it looks like your new friend

And Cary Grant joined him for dessert.

And change in the taxi.

And change the fucking tire.

And changed her name to Swift Tuttle.

And color your face. Nowhere.

And come on, who wouldn't want to come home

And conjure up a little Coriolanus for you.

And cops are less likely to pull us over

And couldn't get through it. Good bye.

And crash 'em into a bed of spikes.

And didn't look up once.

And do it in a slightly robotic way, but...

And double my allotment of tomato juice,

And every $25 award she won,

And every meal was all you could eat.

And everywhere I looked, there was color and life.

And expanding my horizons.

And finally I'll be all alone, man.

And for all this white knight bullshit,

And for all those enjoying the appetizers, the flowers,

And for the first time, he's lonely.

And for the sin which we have committed before you

And for the sin which we have committed before you

And for the sins which we incur the penalty of the four forms

And for those of you at home who aren't conscious

And forgiveness to the people.

And from the looks of you,

And get past Hanukkah.

And get ready to swing with Ken and the band.

And give you my expertise.

And giving stand up comedy management a go.

And go back to the city she never should've left

And go find a husband?

And God knows what those children will be like

And got on top of me. I jabbed my finger into his eye,

And has only three people in it, right?

And have to blow job our way across Europe?

And having a wonderful time with my wife and my children.

And having him there with you... might cast a pall.

And he had to go. Oh, yes.

And he loved me and he wants me to open for him for six months.

And he made great signs.

And he nodded like he was gonna bring them up.

And he said he would make an exception

And he was blind for a week.

And he was perfect husband material.

And he wears these really thick reading glasses, you see?

And he would run up to Spellman on the lectern.

And he would wonder what 40 Puerto Ricans were doing

And he'd wonder at the grandeur.

And he's a doctor, so he's got cash.

And he's a top researcher and he's barely 30.

And he's doing us a big favor here.

And he's extremely interested in buying one of your paintings.

And he's pining for you, and right now he's propped

And he's saying nothing.

And he's such a catch. A doctor, handsome.

And hear about and dream about is food.

And helping me is screwing them.

And her apartment is getting fumigated.

And here I am with nothing on the horizon.

And here is your challenge: you don't dance

And here's hoping that our returning guests

And here's the best part: they give you more money.

And his head blew up like a balloon.

And his patients have an 86% survival rate.

And his prodigious work,

And hot water, we'll have to get used to hot water again.

And how are you involved in all this, honey?

And how far along in the process are you?

And how we'd love to make it up to him for last year, so...

And humiliation.

And I am gonna tell my parents.

And I am literally, figuratively starving.

And I am not putting you in that kind of situation.

And I am so worried that this...

And I am sorry about Joel.

And I believed him at the time,

And I booked you another gig.

And I bought this.

And I broke my toe and I want my goddamn money.

And I can assure you...

And I can make the time for you, my friend.

And I completely lost track of time

And I couldn't just let things stop, so I came up

And I definitely didn't make it rain.

And I did.

And I didn't bring my rain mac because you said not to, Susie.

And I do that till it gets cold.

And I don't like standing there with my thumb up my ass.

And I don't think that's right.

And I don't want to be alone.

And I finally got the guts, and I got rid of her.

And I found it leading me in new directions.

And I got three of his paintings and Parsons got none.

And I got to start the whole process over again.

And I got you the gig.

And I have never heard you talk like that before.

And I I promise we will figure out a way

And I just have to live with that.

And I kicked a door and I can't leave without Susie.

And I kind of want to finish it with her.

And I like having extra time with you before the gigs

And I make them pay on the spot.

And I mentioned the whole family was gathering for break fast

And I needed to tell you before I introduced them.

And I pointed out that I didn't know many female artists.

And I pointed out that I didn't see any female teachers

And I really, really need to shower.

And I said yes.

And I sat there in that hospital room thinking

And I started really thinking about the whole pregnancy thing.

And I still slap on a fat suit night after night

And I stink, and I scuffed my shoe,

And I thank you very much.

And I think it's exactly the way it was when we got here.

And I thought I would drop in and say hello.

And I thought you were sensational.

And I thought, "All right, so become a star, Sophie.

And I understand now.

And I vouched for you.

And I want a special thing as well.

And I was terrible at it.

And I was very excited when he got this job.

And I was... on stage.

And I wear special clothing.

And I won't get a chance to tell her those things if she's

And I'd feel terrible about that. Please wait

And I'd start to look at my client sideways like,

And I'll be late picking up Esther from the sitter.

And I'll get a bullfight poster.

And I'll get a coffee table, and I'll make a door out of it.

And I'll get a satin smoking jacket

And I'll just really swing, and it'll just be nice.

And I'm fucking ashamed to be related to you.

And I'm going insane.

And I'm going to leave Columbia.

And I'm going to write a musical, uh, with Steve Allen.

And I'm gonna Tessie, where are you going?

And I'm gonna get things in shape around here.

And I'm gonna help you get the hell out of here

And I'm gonna start charging for overnight stays

And I'm in the Catskills?

And I'm just finishing my gin rickey

And I'm miserable, and I want to kill people.

And I'm not drunk.

And I'm not naive.

And I'm sorry, but look at me.

And I'm stuck, and I have no excuse.

And I've asked Devlin here as a witness.

And I've been paying for it for a year.

And if he called and I was in the bathroom,

And if I don't go back, I'll lose my spot at Bell Labs.

And if I don't go back, what will I lose?

And if I listen to that, then I would be a security risk.

And if it's not really there, what is it?

And if someone ever does talk him into a sale,

And if you ever threaten my daughter again,

And if you think you notice a fun new font,

And if you've been married, you know, or are now,

And in complete agreement, yes?

And in the scene,

And interracial dating.

And it is just sitting there turning to nothing!

And it makes sense. Everyone's dolled up, drinking booze,

And it seems like I could whip up a little right now.

And it was nice. And he introduced me

And it was right off three subways, too.

And it was time to fight the fuck back.

And it wasn't supposed to be like this.

And it will not stop until they see us doing something together.

And it's a nice one.

And it's about a couple,

And it's for a booker, and if I do well,

And it's gonna stay on that building.

And it's got to be right for the kids, too, because

And it's his father's business, FYI.

And it's not news I'd like to break long distance.

And it's right off three subways.

And it's sort of a nice kind of thing.

And just about all of them were crying.

And just because you're not with Midge anymore

And just made your mommy hungry. (clears throat)

And just so you guys know, when I get famous,

And keep the pen.

And largest American state. Bought from Russia in 18...

And late I don't mean "my time of the month."

And leave you alone. I mean, no one talks to Mormons

And let's all have fun.

And line their own pockets.

And listen very closely.

And lit her grass skirt on fire.

And locked them in your apartment for a month,

And look down at who you can see in the audience.

And look what I see.

And looking worried about money is "Daddy."

And lots of little Steinerites!

And lying, keeping things from the ones you love,

And made a blessed, lifelong commitment.

And many have set.

And maybe Bishop Sheen would see them in the back there,

And maybe I'll work her in.

And maybe not even that far.

And miss Jackie Vernon? Not a chance.

And missed my pastels class.

And Mrs. Moskowitz is gonna leave your daddy,

And my whole life fell apart.

And my wife is there staring at some young guy's schlong...

And neither one has any money to pay for the drinks.

And no one wants to live in Vermont.

And no one would let the other person pay the bill.

And no opening line pre written for him,

And not a word about me knowing

And not giving them anything in return.

And now Archie's gonna get fired.

And now half of them want to quit,

And now I am a star.

And now I feel like I've been running a fucking marathon

And now I have to disguise my voice

And now I have. That's all.

And now I think one of them is your parents' house

And now it just slides out of my mouth.

And now that you're down here,

And now there's another sparkly thing going off.

And now you treat me like a criminal?

And now you're trying to get me to leave?

And now, here come the McGuire Sisters.

And of course, there's Father O'Brien.

And on call. I have to check in with the hospital.

And on the bright side,

And once I know this place isn't being run like a mental asylum,

And once you have your master's, what do you do with it?

And one day getting pregnant and having her own baby.

And one of them didn't correspond to anywhere

And one quit after I fired her.

And papier mâché reindeer again.

And Paris is chock full of schlongs.

And people throwing up in the corner.

And performers, all volunteering their time.

And Pete...?

And playing catch up on your life, Miriam.

And put a pair of my shoes outside

And recently I found out that she's...

And Rheumatism Telethon, broadcasting live

And right now, after much effort,

And right now, the great Sophie Lennon

And right over here would be a great place for you to read.

And Rose? And the kids? Is everyone well?

And saw William Holden and got so nervous

And say you want to go first, then position yourself right

And Second Temples, but I guess no one else gives a shit.

And see how long it takes him to notice."

And see the carnival freaks.

And seven turned out to be dead!

And sharp electric implements.

And she can get a lot of guys, but when she's old

And she couldn't set it down for two years.

And she drove alongside me.

And she said, "I do."

And she'll be living in a furnished room.

And she'll never know we were a part of this.

And she's doing it again. Oh, I'm so...

And shoes to buy and purses to buy.

And shook me when I made a noise.

And Shy never would have seen me and I wouldn't be assembling

And so single.

And some decent underwear.

And some repairs here and there, but look at the view.

And somebody grabbed my plunger and uses it.

And somebody's gonna get up and give a big dramatic speech.

And someone else entirely.

And sort of artists' flophouse at the same time.

And spend the fucking summer up in the land

And squeeze until you're both fucking dead!

And Stan...

And starless... fucking skies."

And stick it in your eye,

And summer's lease..."

And switch to absinthe at noon.

And talk about love at first sight.

And talk like that to my best earners.

And tell him everything's gonna be okay,

And tell them I'll always love them?

And Tessie's the one over here all the time

And thank you and...

And thank you for that, Shirley.

And thank you for your time.

And thanks for the spritz.

And thanks.

And that he'll remember to bring in the barrels like clockwork.

And that made me smile.

And that made you vulgar?

And that on one of my parents' visits,

And that the phrase "dead duck"

And that'll draw attention away from the rest of your face.

And that's not because it's taking so long

And that's the great mathematician Henri Poincaré.

And that's when we know the loan is due.

And that's why we'd like you to enjoy the honor

And the air smelled like a locker room..."

And the anger I felt at that boy.

And the arrests?

And the asshole just won't pay us.

And the banging with the gavel.

And the ceiling, no girl's ever gonna marry you,

And the ceremony was lovely.

And the color scheme is unique and stands out in a crowd.

And the donkey who looked just like my father

And the fancy chart that I helped Archie make, and he quit.

And the guy they booked just found Jesus.

And the highlight of their evening

And the indoor skating rink a skating rink,

And the little sugar babies on top.

And the next thing I know, Thierry is crying,

And the other gave up.

And the other half are demanding

And the Pope fucking a three legged duck.

And the roasting pan. Where's the roasting pan?

And the surface of the table is modulating

And the thought of picnics made him hungry."

And the tournament's in 25 minutes.

And the university would still have to pay me.

And their backs don't hurt.

And then a left at the hallway.

And then Astrid sang like a canary for your mother.

And then back to bingo bullshit

And then back to pogo pony up your ass.

And then be surprised when it is.

And then came home with a spoon,

And then decide it would be funny to take a bath?

And then he asked if I snack in between meals.

And then I said to myself, "Well, you know what, Shy,

And then it might be linked to you in the press

And then Papa said "potato salad."

And then puts the fire out by...

And then suddenly she caught my eye.

And then the argument actually happens and they're reasonable

And then the place was, too.

And then they make a call from a second phone

And then when the priest said,

And then you give it an escape route

And then you left me back! Figuratively speaking.

And then you say that. I will fix it.

And then you will find out what Abe Weissman is truly made of.

And then, as I was crouching in the bushes outside

And there could be a Komodo dragon guarding it.

And there was the carny.

And there was this kid, this 19 year old, Jack Nicklaus.

And there will be more balls!

And there's a bag.

And there's a couple of things in the trunk.

And there's a little girl crying in the corner.

And there's just a lot of words

And there's no budget to paint.

And there's no one to fix 'em.

And there's no way he's leaving without doing his thing.

And these are...?

And these fantastic appetizers.

And they all brought cash as a gift for you.

And they don't know what tiles they're passing.

And they hold the receiver up to the line I'm on,

And they they lost them both.

And they weren't fresh then.

And they wrinkle while you're ironing them.

And they'd listen, look around.

And they'll have their backs to the front door.

And they're happy without one argument.

And they're here to put on a show.

And they've broken up and gone back

And this asshole literally pushed me off the stage

And this boy, he was my

And this is from personal experience

And this is now.

And this play, I mean, it's got everything:

And this year, the winner of the Mrs. Steiner

And those telethons look so cheap.

And throw 'em in the Gowanus Canal!

And throw her in the lake.

And throw the ball toward the pins.

And thrown out of the club.

And to do that, I need some money.

And to Mrs. Moskowitz, who left Tri Borough Plastics

And to show them what's mud and what's bear bleep.

And to this day, she still clucks like a chicken

And to win, I need information.

And try not to blink or you'll miss 'em.

And try to contact Valentino.

And uncalloused hands.

And use the intervening time

And Verla. She knows.

And wait for a bus to run me over.

And wants to have something French.

And was asleep when I got up. Why?

And was still working behind the scenes?

And we have to take care of the landlord.

And we love our kids, and they both love us,

And we were in Coney Island, and I got out,

And we were pretty much in agreement that

And we'll both be snoring like buzz saws any minute.

And we're hanging out together,

And we're live in five, four, three, two...

And we're looking at a five to seven minute event duration.

And whack off with your girdle stretched over his face.

And what does Marilyn Maxwell possibly see in Bob Hope.

And what if you don't stick with it?

And what was the punch line?

And whatever you heard, people, I did not

And when he pressed up against her,

And when people come to see you, you become

And when the guy took one look at this book,

And when they hear it's me on the phone, they take the call.

And where are the others? Wasn't this class bigger?

And who here doesn't love the dulcet tones of the autoharp?

And who the fuck takes somebody else's plunger and uses it?!

And why are all of you still here? Hmm?

And why did they put the murder in the first act?

And why they were in this particular class.

And why would they suggest such a thing?

And women, most men we sleep with,

And yelled, "Boo!"

And yet here you are.

And you bagged yourself a doctor?

And you break up, then you go back together again.

And you can call collect, Midge.

And you can come downstairs and let me in the service entrance.

And you can still be friends with Midge, or not.

And you can still find a bagel so good,

And you get lovelier every year, just like your mother.

And you got yourself a wife.

And you knew how to keep it.

And you know what the real problem is?

And you make money from this?