So Undercover Edit

A bargaining chip.

A chance to possibly make a real difference in someone's life.

A chance to work for the FBI.

A couple of years. Maybe ten.

A group of these monsters

A GSR stainless steel, but with a black Nitron finish.

A guy I'm dating.

A job this and a job that,

A seamless P 226 slide and tritum night sights.

A Sigarm 1911 pistol with a hand striped V notched rear.

A sister in need comes before anything else.

A tall husband who makes a lot at money

A what balls?

Abandon the epileptic?

About the pros and cons of RICO.

Accept it.

Accessories.

Accounting ledgers.

Actually, Suzy, I do.

Actually, you know what?

Agent Sanderson is very weak,

Ah, yes. Nature photography.

Aikido is a fashionable way for fat housewives

Aikido is a fashionable way for fat housewives

Alex is obviously sleeping with him.

Alex who? Where's Alex?

Alex!

Alex!

Alex! Are you okay?

All my life, I've been on the outside.

All right, girls, let's go.

All right, it's fine. I'll figure it out.

All right, update me.

All right, well, I'll see you tonight. See you!

All right.

All right. What's your secret?

Allegedly.

Alpha car wash?

Alpha One, do you have a visual on Molly. Over.

Alpha One, do you have Molly?

Alpha Two?

Alpha Two? Affirmative.

Amaze balls.

An ambulance is on its way.

And "with all due respect," do you have the ledgers?

And a pearl while Bentley.

And a pearl white Bentley Continental GT

And a summer at making new friends.

And as far as I know, I don't let anyone down.

And Bruce Wayne used it for calls,

And BTW's, if anything, he's the one crushing on me.

And Cotton says you've been defending her

And don't you think for a second

And everybody obvi loves you.

And float on the tears of unicorns.

And go out with Nicholas.

And go to Cabo with Chelsea Handler.

And he told me it just like that,

And I def want a pearl white Bentley, too.

And I didn't have time for a job.

And I got a grilled cheese for lunch.

And I said I didn't want a job,

And I was on the baseball team

And I'm actually fitting into my can't breathe jeans again.

And I'm gonna take the blame for it.

And it's not a place students usually go,

And now I've become the enemy,

And now they're on their way to have scandalous motel room sex.

And open your hearts to a sister in need.

And painted it black.

And rolling.

And runs the house with an iron fist ish.

And she's real, which is so important,

And spread all those nasty rumors.

And that car blows up.

And that I was going to have to take care of her and my sister.

And that is harmony and interpretation.

And that red stamp on your hand gives you access

And that's exactly what I'm going to do.

And that's just the women.

And that's why I quit playing baseball in high school.

And the son of Senator Harrison.

And then I lost.

And there's nothing for a Sasha Stolezinsky.

And there's only two franchises in the Dallas area.

And they let each other down.

And this is your room.

And this one you will not use.

And this right here

And try to uncover any information about this bargaining chip

And we are in the process of convincing Jason Patrone

And we want you to keep an eye on her.

And what's this have to do with me?

And widened her eyes and touched her lip.

And you deflect any real question I ask you about yourself.

And you hit a raccoon, but you don't want to stop

And you ruined it.

And you were 40 pounds heavier.

And you're a young Pl who specializes in infidelity photography.

And you're Brook Stonebridge, our transfer from Hawaii.

And you're only using that to receive texts!

And you're really well informed.

And you're well versed in Jiu Jitsu.

Another pledge!

Answer the phone when it rings.

Anyways, you're the best. I'll talk to you later.

Are those real?

Are we done?

Are you calling me a fat housewife?

Are you calling me a fat housewife? Yeah.

Are you going to put it on?

Are you going to shoot me?

Are you gonna go out with him?

Are you hiding something? No.

Are you making fun of me?

Are you okay, Brook?

Are you serious?

Armon Ranford, FBI.

Armon.

Armon.

At eleven, you became a really great shot,

At the airport and Lone Star Park.

At the top, we've got Sasha Stolezinsky.

Be very careful, please?

Because I'll know if you're not.

Because I'm here looking for someone

Because I've been there.

Because it turned out to be somebody's dog.

Because it's a memorable detail

Because people often aren't who they say they are, you know?

Because that's how I'm going to find you.

Because they also have a disease.

Because we both know that chasing cheating truckers

Because when I got into college, I had the chance to start over.

Because you and I both know how easy it is to make a cocktail

Because, Cotton, that's what the gangsters do.

Because, there are just so many fake girls in this house.

Becky, I'm not a klepto.

Before I meet my parents.

Believe it or not, no.

Besides, I hate the French.

Big, fat accounting ledgers.

Bingo!

Bonneville engine? Yeah.

Brandy. Huh?

Bravo wicked thin lubricated condoms, size large, jumbo pack.

Bravo, but you know all I have to do

Bravo. You pack a mean punch.

Brook Stonebridge is.

Brook Stonebridge.

Brook Stonebridge.

Brook Stonebridge. I was in cabin Whisper Nine.

Brook, hey.

Brook, how'd you do it?

Brook, I'm not really following.

Brook, this is a little weird.

Brook, what do you have to say for yourself?

Brook, what is going on?

Brook!

Brook! I found the journal thingies you were looking for.

Brook?

Brook? No.

Brook.

Brook.

Brook.

Brook. Your turn, Brook.

Brook's dad.

BTW's? By the way.

Burned some holes through leather purses.

But Croatia is the new golden age of couture.

But don't tell me that it wasn't abused.

But he did let us know that you've been helpful.

But he doesn't have the ledgers. Nobody does.

But he's not as immature as the other frat boys.

But I don't think it's romantic.

But I know dangerous people and there aren't any there.

But I need five grand more.

But I need more money. What?

But I promise you'll have a lot of fun.

But I want to smooth things over.

But I've perfected it now.

But is also properly God fearing,

But it's swarming with lazy French people.

But keep it on you and on at all times.

But my dad could use some help getting back on the force.

But not on one of those cheesy reality shows. No.

But she wouldn't tell anyone where they were.

But the guy has nothing on his background.

But the real world comes and gets us all at some point.

But there are problems in the real world

But this is a bracelet, with the words "Mother Green Earth"

But we shouldn't cast off the kleptomaniac

But we're going to take over from here.

Buy a doll, play with balls!

Buy a doll, play with balls.

Buy a doll.

Cameron, I don't know what that word means.

Cameron, I told you. I can't!

Cameron, it's Kappa welcome back night!

Can I have a pink gun?

Can you believe what happened to Shelley Simon?

Can you not do that? Thank you.

Catch!

Checking his watch.

Come here.

Come on, can't I ride my bike to school?

Come on, girls.

Come on, girls. Let's sell some products.

Come on, girls. We're supposed to be sisters.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on. Don't let me down.

Come on. How do you know that, Brook?

Commencing the Kappa Kappa Zeta disciplinary hearing.

Consider it done, Morris.

Cool, thanks.

Correct. Makes no sense.

Cotton, not now.

Cotton, sometimes you can be such an insipid idiot!

Cotton, Taylor, and Hunter.

Cotton, Taylor, Hunter.

Cotton, you don't need to take that.

Cotton, you make your own mace?

Cotton! It's epileptic.

Cotton? Listen to me. I'm late as it is.

Cotton's dating this new guy

Croatia? Yeah...

Crushing on you? What does that mean?

Dad, I'm not really getting anything.

Dad, I've got it.

Dad, this is Nicholas.

Dad.

Damn it! Somebody stole it.

Deserve to love crawdaddys like everybody else.

Did she drop the modeling thing?

Did you enjoy the party last night?

Did you give Brook this bracelet?

Didn't Lady Gaga wear that at the \/MA's?

Do not plunge to your death.

Do we get a gun?

Do you have a problem with that?

Do you know what I'm saying? Not really.

Do you think I'm pretty?

Do you?

Don't be late.

Don't be mad at me.

Don't call it a bat phone. Why not?

Don't tell anybody, but I couldn't agree with you more.

Don't worry about her. She's a little sedated.

Don't you have someone at the bureau that can do that?

Don't you just hate that? Doesn't that just suck...

Don't you think it's best we work up to this?

Double bubble bubblegum gum, two packs.

Dr. Milton? Yes.

Drop and give me 20, God. Drop and give me 20!

Dude. Wait. Now what do you want me to do?

Duh! [both laugh]

Everyone out.

Exactly. There is a heart hit planted

Excuse me?

Excuse me? Can I talk to you for a second?

Excuse me? I'm sorry. I'm sorry to bother you.

Excuse me.

Excuse me. I actually have to take this call.

Exercising topless or something.

Extra sugar free dessert delights

Face down!

FBI.

Fifteen thousand.

Financial statements, accounting ledgers that provide her dad

Find out who's not who they say they are

Find out who's not who they say they are.

Fine, but you're gonna do a lot more than just put on lipstick.

Fine.

Fingers. Fingers Stonebridge.

Follow me.

For a chance to drive this thing.

For making you look like a New Jersey housewife!

From there, we can deal with him to give up Alex.

From those easy Alpha girls.

Gays, liberals, reformers, subversive students.

Get close to them.

Get what? The bracelet.

Girl, welcome to the club.

Girls your age would jump up and down

Girls, we have a sister in need.

Give it back.

Give me Alex and I give you the ledgers.

Give me the gun!

Give me the gun.

Go to some old jazz club or something, just let loose.

Good boy.

Good gator.

Good klepto.

Good morning, Brook.

Good work, Morris. The FBI could use someone like you.

Great.

Have infiltrated the Sorority Council.

Have we met?

Have you ever killed somebody?

Have you heard of the Georgian Mafia?

Have you sold many dolls?

He brought me hers to find out who the FBI mole was

He deals with drugs, fraud and extortion.

He is a complete ghost.

He is the president at Omega Alpha Pi

He just looked at me and told me he was leaving,

He kept on asking me about a job,

He kind of asked me out.

He led us to this.

He thinks he got two out of three.

He thinks he killed Agent Sanderson

He's been teaching for about a year and a half

He's getting his PhD in Quantum physics,

He's going to throw us a curve and we need to anticipate that.

He's good.

He's not wearing a wedding ring but I see the tan line.

He's smart and he's got this boyish charm about him,

He's the bomb dot com when it comes to hair.

He's waiting for me to call him.

Hello beautiful, vibrant Kappa sister.

Hello beautiful, vibrant Kappa sister.

Hello sweet, freshly manicured, evenly spray tanned Kappa sister.

Hello? 911 operator.

Her affair with the good doctor.

Her name is Alex Patrone.

Her name is right there on it.

Here we are.

Here we go.

Here we go. No!

Here you go, Dr. Milton.

Here.

Here. This one's for you.

Hey Brook, I'm so sorry that I hated you

Hey Summer!

Hey, Alex. Catch.

Hey, Brook!

Hey, Brook. It's Molly.

Hey, come eat with us.

Hey, how's it going?

Hey, I'm Brook.

Hey, it happens to the best of us.

Hey, Molly!

Hey, Taylor.

Hey!

Hey! Can I interest you in a dip

Hey. Don't mind him.

Hi, Brook! Good morning.

Hi, Brook. Armon.

Hi, I'm Brook Stonebridge. Nice to meet you.

Hi, I'm Sasha, president of Kappa Kappa Zeta.

Hi, y'all.

Hi! Welcome! What's your name?

Hi.

Hi. Nice to meet you, sir.

His chief witness is a guy named Jason Patrone.

His name is Patrick and he outplayed you, Morris.

His name is Patrick Franklin.

Holy shit.

Holy shit.

How are we going to get people dying to buy these dolls?

How are you doing?

How are you?

How did that sound?

How did you get into Kappa, Brook Stonebridge?

How did you know this time?

How do I get out of here?

How do we know who they are?

How do you know that?

How long are you gonna do this for?

How much?

How much?

How was the track?

How would someone like you know this, Brook?

How?

How'd I do?

How's it going?

How's your head?

I am not the paparazzi!

I am not.

I am so proud of you.

I am so psyched that I already have a friend.

I am. [all laugh]

I appreciate the majority of you

I can deliver him to you, but he's smart.

I can't believe you'd wear that here.

I can't believe you're canceling!

I can't do it. I'm needed here.

I can't talk about this right now.

I checked six other record and notification databases

I checked the Tenet system, the Texas DMV backlogs.

I cut my hair myself.

I developed it early. What?

I did my homework on you. Your mother died when you were young.

I did.

I didn't choose the name.

I didn't kill her.

I didn't steal anything, Cotton. I don't believe you.

I do not know. I am not my sister's keeper.

I don't even think we need a safe word.

I don't get it.

I don't get it. Why wouldn't they just kill Alex?

I don't have the most faith in relationships. That's all.

I don't know what that means, but I bet it was really funny.

I don't know what that word means.

I don't know, like a Scottish mixed with Salma Hayek.

I don't know, not many girls here

I don't know.

I don't know. I should probably not talk anymore.

I don't know. That's all I have.

I don't know. That's all I have.

I don't like it when you swear.

I don't misrepresent myself.

I don't really know what I'm talking about.

I don't really want to get into it right now, Nicholas.

I don't see the point, okay? Okay.

I don't think going out with Nicholas

I don't think so.

I don't want those.

I doubt it. Why the lies?

I found this on a pile of Talloway's graded papers.

I got the kill shot from here, but I don't know if I can pay!

I guess Cameron was right about you, Brook.

I guess he's better once you get to know him?

I guess I'm just like, so into crime, I want to throw up!

I guess so.

I had this terrible dream that Taylor was in our room.

I had to say something.

I have a will.

I have character, Cameron.

I have to be there.

I have to give it to you, Morris.

I have to go.

I have to go.

I haven't seen her since then.

I hear some of those Easy Alpha girls

I hit the trigger on this phone and the car explodes.

I hope that wasn't a first date.

I just don't trust people that easy.

I just hate fake people, don't you, Sasha?

I just love reunions.

I just wanted to get to know you more.

I kind of was a loner. I ate a lot of bugs.

I knew it.

I knew you were too good to be true, Patrick.

I know liars. And Nicholas isn't one.

I know she doesn't look it, but she's a private investigator

I know we've gotten off to a rocky start

I know what you're thinking.

I know you're new and trying to make friends,

I know! My dog had it once.

I know! We can give away a can of my homemade mace as a prize.

I know.

I know. Isn't it fantastic?

I like that.

I love you. I love you, too.

I mean, Molly. Come over here.

I meant to say that would be amaze balls. Right.

I missed you.

I myself am an Aikido man.

I need a break.

I need the ledgers now, Alex.

I need to leave my nothing to someone.

I need you to take me to the Chapter Room.

I really don't care.

I recognize your voice.

I said give me the camera!

I said I was perfectly okay, but I wasn't?

I see you've met Sasha.

I still have to shave my chest and meditate

I stole all the stuff and planted it on Brook.

I think I gotta go.

I think I gotta sit down.

I think we found our kleptomaniac.

I think you could be a bit more patient.

I thought she was you!

I told him that I hate the French.

I told you they would be here.

I touched the bottom! I touched the bottom!

I understand.

I used to be a fed. Can you imagine that?

I want to be on a really quality reality show,

I want you to not let this guy out of your sight.

I was adopted. Do you have a problem with that?

I was hoping you were a kidnapper.

I was modeling in Croatia for three years before I came here.

I was really nervous about transferring here, but...

I was shot.

I was so close to getting back on the force and then...

I was so close to getting that money for that lawyer.

I wasn't planning on it.

I will not plunge to my death.

I won't tell you if you don't want to hear it.

I won't. What's your name?

I worked a lot.

I would be honored if you were to wear it.

I'd drive you through that window.

I'll even throw in some lipstick.

I'll find out if you're not.

I'll find out if you're not.

I'll give you fifty thousand for them.

I'll save you a seat, okay?

I'll take care at both of you at once.

I'll try that.

I'm a cop, Nicholas. Just something to think about.

I'm a drunk college girl.

I'm a fat housewife in an

I'm an Aikido man myself.

I'm Becky Slotzky.

I'm Bizzy.

I'm Brook. I don't care who you are!

I'm done. I'm done. Screw the dolls, I'm done!

I'm following them. I'm going in.

I'm from Florida.

I'm going to a meeting. Good.

I'm gonna become a perfumer like Annick Goutal.

I'm gonna bust a cat in your ass.

I'm gonna get some intel on the professor. You investigate Sasha.

I'm gonna go nap now.

I'm in my late teens. I'm walking on campus.

I'm in the northeast stairwell.

I'm just a P.I. from Dallas.

I'm just borrowing Alex's thong.

I'm just into this.

I'm kidding.

I'm late.

I'm like, so undercover.

I'm like, totally undercover.

I'm making sure I still have my wallet.

I'm not a pledge. I'm just a transfer.

I'm not like most girls.

I'm not like most girls.

I'm not really the sugar daddy type and I'm kind of busy here.

I'm not the one cheating.

I'm offering you a chance to do something real.

I'm on the roof.

I'm proud of you, too.

I'm really gonna love it here.

I'm really happy you're here. So am I.

I'm really happy you're my sorority sister.

I'm retaining water and I'm not sure why.

I'm serious. I think about killing you a lot.

I'm so happy you all don't hate me.

I'm so proud of you guys.

I'm so sorry, Alex!

I'm so sorry.

I'm so undercover.

I'm so undercover.

I'm sorry, but you're not telling the whole story.

I'm sorry, honey, but I checked everything.

I'm sorry, I don't.

I'm sorry, I was You're so insipid.

I'm sorry. I didn't plan on telling you that story. It's okay.

I'm sorry. I'm being totally cynical.

I'm super pumped to get with you this way, Nicholas.

I'm sure you could find a waitress that you could

I'm sure you'll love all of the pageantry.

I'm telling you, if there's one thing my experience has taught me,

I'm the bomb dot com.

I'm the contingency.

I'm very interested. Trust me.

I'm writing this totally kick ass paper

I've already been.

I've been drinking like a ton of brandy and I'm feeling a lot better.

I've been opening up to you all night,

I've been working that accent since last year.

I've got a disease now, by the way.

I've got a kid.

I've got a pretentious name, a sparkly cell phone.

I've seen it. People lie and they misrepresent themselves

I've walked you home six times tonight.

If anyone can do it, you can. You're the hair whisperer.

If anyone tries to get to Alex

If binging and purging were a crime, she'd be on death row.

If he has Alex killed, her father will testify.

If he worked with Kashalov on the inside

If it wasn't for you, we'd never have sold those dolls

If Professor Talloway's FBI, then who is Armon?

If that ends up anywhere, I'm gonna kill you.

If you don't mind, I'd love to tag along.

If you drink brandy, you won't retain all that water.

If you have me followed, the ledgers go to the real FBI.

If you wanna go and take your mind off of it, or...

If you were behind the wheel of a forklift.

If you're not from New Orleans, let me hear you scream.

Immigrated into the United States 15 years ago,

In "cherry kiss" and "crushed candy."

In an earthquake?

In case you change your mind.

In mint chocolate chip and strawberry shortcake.

In styler rolling hot iron. Trust me. You'll need it.

In that white trash pool over there?

In which you know boys are never allowed in...

Including winning the Lafitte Cup back

Insipid, devoid of character.

Interesting take on RICO.

Into the life of a loved one of their enemy.

Is by planting a killer in wait.

Is he a student?

Is it? It's Paris, 1947.

Is not the top rung of investigative fulfillment.

Is press nine on this thing

Is she sleeping with him? Possibly.

Is the best way to go about this.

Is this a Triumph?

Is your brand new Volkswagen EOS.

It belittles the importance of the phone.

It doesn't matter now, does it?

It doesn't matter that these aren't the real ledgers.

It is such a relief to let go of the lies.

It really brings out your smile.

It used to be mine.

It was a ménage a gross.

It was a Nixon hustle.

It was a PJ party. What?

It was a summer of change, a summer of big developments,

It was nothing personal.

It would be a great Christmas card.

It's a cap. What's a cap?

It's a disease.

It's a fashion miracle.

It's a good one.

It's a guilt thing cheating men do.

It's a lot nicer than the Camp Wakka Wakka bathrooms.

It's a party of three.

It's a tradition.

It's all about bulimia in this house and I totally get that.

It's always have a contingency.

It's an Eastern European enforcement practice.

It's basically prostitution with detergent if you ask me.

It's bust a cap in your ass.

It's called a unique qualifier. I use them all the time.

It's Cotton. It doesn't matter.

It's glorious.

It's got a built in Kappa app

It's in the French Quarter

It's just the way it's currently being presented to me is a little

It's kind of like my last Craigslist experience.

It's like that amazing time I had the stomach flu.

It's Molly.

It's not a good You like me?

It's not real.

It's not that I'm not interested in going there with you.

It's outfitted with the discontinued 6300 vibrator

It's really pretty.

It's right there!

It's those godless OAP boys.

It's what we do.

It's your new identity.

Its shorter cousin "totes" when you want to say "fine."

Jason had kept Kashalov's books.

Jesus. [nun gasps] God bless you.

Ju jit su.

Jump off the side?

Just get out of there. it doesn't matter.

Just say it.

Just saying. Let me show you upstairs.

Just shut up! Easy there.

Just trust me.

Kappa app? That's right.

Kappa phone, bat phone.

Kappas, are you up for that?

Kashalov never dealt in widgets.

Keep what low?

Klepto.

Kleptomania is a disease.

Knock yourself out.

L don't think

L'm not mad, I just

Last year for Halloween, I was a raspberry!

Led by a guy named Vor Kashalov.

Ledgers.

Let's go everybody. Watch the lights, guys.

Let's go guys.

Let's go.

Let's make a movie.

Let's make it seven.

Like he was telling me what to pick up from the store.

Like, OMG. I'm messing with you.

Listen to that.

Listen, I'm gonna take the gig. I'm gonna go to the college.

Look, a pretty little fire.

Look, aren't they adorable?

Look, I know I haven't been there that long,

Look, I really am sorry. It was just accident.

Look...

Looks like you just freed up.

Mac Luster Lipstick in "quiet please."

Mace. What is that?

Make it happen.

Make them great.

Marc Jacobs' Aussie tote in fuchsia.

Maybe I put too much basidiomycoda fungus in the mace?

Maybe they deserve a second chance.

Me, too.

Me? Well, you're the bigger mystery than me.

Me. I was the killer the whole time.

Miss Morris, with all due respect, we're the FBI

Molly Morris?

Molly Morris?

Molly, the second he grabs the ledgers,

Molly, what's going on? I can't see.

Molly?

Molly? Where are you?

Molly. "The killer could be anybody..."

Molly. This is Zingadi.

Molly. What?

More than anything in the whole world.

More than anything in the world?

More than anything?

Most of the Dallas police force.

Move and I shoot!

Ms. Keller, do you have Alex Patrone?

My balls?

My bracelet.

My card.

My father's secretary did and I signed the card.

My mother was a Kappa, which makes me like a Siamese.

My neck massager?

My point is Patrone's daughter goes to college in New Orleans,

My roommate's freaked about these. They're due tomorrow.

Never heard of it.

Never wear sweatpants.

Nice and slow.

Nice to meet you.

Nicholas, hey.

Nicholas.

No more of that stinking root beer.

No not this guy! Really?

No prob.

No, an accident is like when you're driving

No, Brook. She was 100% Waccamaw Siouan Indian.

No, but I can promise you you're going to want to be my friend.

No, but I know where they are.

No, I am.

No, I didn't.

No, I liked it.

No, I'm not here to date.

No, it's just you don't really look Indian.

No, it's not. Yes, it is.

No, Molly, her name is Bizzy.

No, Molly, you say "totally" or you say

No, more nature photography. Mostly dogs.

No, my mom died when I was younger.

No, Nicholas.

No, not intentionally.

No, not now. Like eight minutes ago.

No, really, Brook, where I come from, this is a really big deal.

No, the other one.

No, the way that I greeted you.