Coming 2 America Edit

A bastard son.

A home that we can build together.

A home...

A machete? A rocket launcher? What you got?

A male heir.

A new dawn had arised in Zamunda,

A new sense of hope

A prince?

A semiautomatic shotgun wedding it will be!

A son?

A son.

A wild boar burst into the room.

About your bowel movements.

According to our ZNN source inside the palace,

Acting mine, that's good.

Africans undercover. Oh, that's good, baby.

Ah, boy. Oh, my bad.

Ah, but I've not come with just words.

Ah, I do believe he has gone

Ah, just like the Kardashians! (laughs)

Ah, well, I don't want to shift blame,

Ain't no castle or mountain of gold

Ain't nobody gonna hire you over all these

Ain't that the same brother?

Ain't this a bitch.

Aka Uncle Reem,

Akeem now is an African king.

AKEEM: Ah. Then it shall be

AKEEM: And then, if memory serves,

AKEEM: Baba.

AKEEM: General, throughout the years,

AKEEM: Hello, Babar.

AKEEM: I just lost the greatest man in my life.

AKEEM: I want a woman that's going to

AKEEM: There is but one test that remains:

AKEEM: Today, we celebrate

AKEEM: Well, look at us.

AKEEM: Where do we begin?

AKEEM: Yes, Father.

AKEEM: You will need the courage of all your ancestors...

AKEEM: Your great grandfather.

Akeem.

Akeem.

Akeem.

All kinds of wiggity wack stuff happens

All of my father's favorite curses for you.

All right, all right.

All right, we gonna take this old school now, okay?

All right? She coming.

All the visible objects in the universe

All three of you?

Am I familiar with... (stammers) Look at me.

Am I the weak one?

Amen!

Amen! Okay, so do I get my own hut with my private shaman?

America has certainly changed since our last visit.

American cinema is the best.

An army retreats with the sole intention

An overpriced rehab facility

And 30 years of delicious fast food.

And a crazy ass general breathing down your neck.

And a foul...

And as far as Zamundan royalty is concerned,

And as your brother.

And beautiful and magical.

And because she's a woman,

And change.

And come to find out, he's a king.

And customs, the way that they do stuff.

And cut your own damn hair from now on.

And Daddy never had to sneak you into

And he beat that meshuggener Conor McGregor, the Irishman.

And he took his Uncle Reem

And heavy lies the head that wears the crown.

And his bride, Princess Mirembe.

And his moms.

And how is my father today?

And I am the MF'ing king.

And I believe that you...

And I don't need no handout.

And I get that, but ain't my fault

And I have a child on the other side of the world.

And I I I can't... I can't be what he wants me to be.

And I promise you,

And I realized, if I was ever going to sow my oats

And I want to tear you apart.

And I will look into his eyes, and if I see

And I'll tell you this, too.

And I'm a try my hardest to make her happy.

And I'm bestowed with great power.

And I'm gonna sell it and get me a Tesla.

And I'm the boss.

And if there's no wedding, he most certainly will attack.

And if you want to stay here in Queens and marry

And is prepared to marry my daughter.

And it's all part of my lovely granddaughter's campaign

And it's not like you're the first man I've ever been with.

And King Akeem.

And loyal son of Zamunda.

And my brownstone on Foch Boulevard is worth $10 million.

And my moms.

And now he is a father, as well.

And now my eyes are open,

And now she's gone.

And now there can be peace.

And now, because of my stubbornness,

And now, ladies and gentlemen, without any further ado,

And now... Salt N Pepa!

And on top of all that,

And one day, all this is gonna be yours.

And one might say I was looking for myself, as well.

And peaceful time for us old heads.

And people thought he was crazy

And profit.

And retrieve this errant child of mine.

And sexist men of the cloth

And take the princely test.

And teach them some combinations.

And that is the story of the bunny and the bear.

And that is why I've issued a decree to Baba.

And that wretched woman with him, as well.

And the man that I always wanted to be

And the only way to meet his expectations

And the troubles never stop, Akeem.

And then it began to ram me.

And then we can, you know, get it crackin'.

And these.

And they want to kill people.

And throwing him into our kingly affairs...

And what about Prince Lavelle?

And what about your sisters?

And who is this?

And who told you you could go through my closet?

And without using any animal by products.

And you cannot turn your back on your family.

And you forgot.

And you have to put McDowell's first.

And you know the law.

And you know they have different traditions

And your friend, too.

And, Princess Omma,

Anybody could be a Nazi. You ever notice that, Prince?

Are my princely robes not on fleek?

Are the heir to the throne of Zamunda.

Are those coins? Are those gold bars?

Are you a fool?

Are you familiar with the Barbershop series?

Are you making fun of me?

Are you serious?

Are you trying to say I'm out of pocket?

Arouse my intellect as well as my loins.

As a man, as a king,

As a sign to attack the weak one.

As just being big house cats.

As long as I'm prince,

As magnificent as a palace ceremony.

As you know, I have very, very strong opinions

As you were.

Aside from some insane rituals y'all have here,

At any moment, a world leader can come

At half off, so they come flocking,

At my sister's last week and make an emergency dump.

BABA: I seen it

BABA: Yes, Your Majesty.

Babar, the magnificent one.

Barely, but for how long?

Bark orders at me.

Bastard brother. They know.

Bastard child here. (laughs)

Bathe me?

Be as your father.

Be not the prince of Zamunda.

Be strong.

Be the prince from Queens.

Because I will be expecting a wedding tomorrow.

Been getting that look my entire life.

Before the all day shrimp ends at Sizzler's.

Before you found out you were a prince?

Behold! Prince Akeem in his natural element,

Besides, we hadn't even met yet.

Besides, what kind of kingdom is this?

Blackface photos of you from the office party.

Born in America...

BOTH: ...why ruin it?

BOTH: "Follow the thunderbird."

BOTH: ♪ Stop what you're doing 'cause I'm about to ruin ♪

BOTH: It's the Golden Arcs.

BOTH: Nah.

Boy, why you ain't tell me you was bringing company?

Bursting through the door with some pressing,

But as Prince Akeem.

But as you know, my father still breathes.

But at the time, it seemed like a good plan.

But by the time they get there,

But don't worry, I never broke our oath

But eventually, they do things

But every prince... (sighs)

But he cannot know that you know who he is.

But I am just a wife.

But I know true love.

But I'm a tell you who I am, man.

But if this is something that Lavelle desires,

But instead, you push our daughter aside,

But it has always been a dream of mine to...

But not the murder kind.

But now they dress like the Best Buy Geek Squad

But the people of Zamunda have not.

But then my mom got laid off, and, uh,

But there was no inappropriate mating.

But what can I do?

But what did you say... the other men

But you are right.

But you don't have one.

But you got no idea what I'm talking about.

But you know what? I'll bump uglies with your homeboy.

But you really don't have to, girls.

But, Lavelle...

But, Mutombo, do you mind if I have a minute with her?

But, no, instead he runs off to America without a word to me.

But, yeah, it... yes, you're right

By uniting your bastard with my Bopoto?

Came to be with a single purpose:

Carbon footprint.

Cat food.

Catch him before his knees pop.

Cease and desist letters, copyright infringement.

Ceremonial circumcision.

Cheers.

Children, I would love for you to meet your brother.

CLARENCE: And I'll tell you something else.

CLARENCE: Floyd "Money" Mayweather ain't shit!

CLARENCE: Hey! Mufasa!

CLARENCE: That's too much, man. You stepped over the line, now.

CLARENCE: Well, I'll be damned.

Clench your backside.

Cleo, thank you.

Come here, you gentle giant. (sighs)

Come now, Father. Everything is going to be...

Come on, Middle Tennessee State.

Come on, y'all! You want it, I got it!

Come on, y'all.

Come through, Babar, my friend.

Come. Sit.

Compadre?

Continue.

Could I get two Crown Royals for me and my royal compadre?

Cowering at the mercy of the women in his life.

Critical thinking and, more importantly, courage.

Cut the candles in half.

Cuzzo! Happy birthday!

Damn!

Damn.

Defend yourself, you sweat from a baboon's balls.

Did it ever occur to you that maybe

Did it say that you you didn't graduate college?

Did Prince Akeem battle bug eyed burglars,

Did you run here all the way from Africa?

Dig all that. Okay, now, where my people from Queens at?

Do I have your attention?

Do it for our country.

Do it.

Do you see me hopping on one leg and barking like a dog?

Do you think Lisa will be understanding?

Does it concern my marriage to a suitor

Don't play.

Don't use white voice.

Easy, my father.

Eh?

En Vogue.

Enough of this.

Even though we came from entirely two different places.

Ever since his handsome and mad smart uncle showed up."

Ever.

Every day, I have moved closer to the comfort of life,

Everyone in Zamunda knows

Everything is coming out...

Everything that I have done for him,

Exactly. We hadn't met yet. It's not like I cheated on you.

Excuse me.

Failed him as a father.

Father, I did not sow my royal oats.

Father? Boy...

Feel me, now.

Fighting is not for pretty girls and princesses.

First of all, shout out to King Akeem and his family

Flying across the world without my mother.

Follow the thunderbird?

For all of the shame and disappointment

For educational purposes.

For instance,

For locating one of your lost sperm.

For more on this, we are joined by Semmi.

For my father's mistake.

For one of his, um, evening strolls.

For one to put his member in danger

For our family or for Zamunda?

For the meeting of these two beautiful souls,

Forgive an old fool.

Foul mouthed barbers

FREEMAN: But today,

From getting my, uh, business degree,

From her canine curse.

From here on out,

From the north to the east.

General Izzi will return in one day,

General Izzi, he will use the passing of our great king

General Izzi, we have just been informed

General Izzi, what a totally unexpected surprise.

General...

General...

Gentlemen, I have no time for this.

Get that stupid look off your face.

Girl, you is making a statement with that.

GLADYS KNIGHT: ♪ He's leaving... ♪

Gladys Knight.

Go dance. Shake your booties off.

Go to hell, you Western weasel!

Go, Uncle Reem!

God woke me up early this morning.

Going behind the king's back?

Good evening, my neighbors.

Good morning, Mother and Father, and happy anniversary.

Good morning, Mother and Father.

Good morning, Mother and Father.

Good morning, Omma.

Good morning, Tinashe.

Good morning, Your Royal Highness.

Good morning, Zamunda...!

Good morning.

Good night, my sweet.

Good night, Zamunda!

Good night.

Good night.

Good to see you, Totatsi.

Good.

Got five tickets to the Middle Tennessee game tonight!

Grazing in a field of horny goat weeds.

Great great great grandfather.

Halt!

Happy birthday, cuz!

Has your daughter considered the proposal from my son?

Have turned out to be unfounded.

He actually kicked me in the ass.

He beat that Filipino boy ass.

He could've told me about this groomer.

He does that from time to time to clear his mind.

He does... Y'all know I was a ho, though, right?

He has already ordered my execution three times.

He has already ordered your exla... Shit.

He has an urgent matter to discuss with you.

He is almost ready to become a prince.

He is my firstborn, my only son,

He is not a prince anymore.

He is our king.

He looks hungry.

He probably over there right now working the St. John's game.

He scalp tickets down at Madison Square Garden.

He was nicer when he was a prince.

He'll understand.

He's been here for hours.

He's in the back.

He's my cousin. He's also my inspiration.

He's trapped. I must save him.

Hear me now.

Hear me, Prince Akeem.

Heir to the throne of Zamunda,

Hell yeah.

Hello.

Here in this land, conceived during my last visit.

Here, in this hall,

Hey, baby, happy birthday!

Hey, bartender!

Hey, dig this here.

Hey, don't be putting the money in my hand all rough.

Hey, for real, just... cut this off, all right?

Hey, I got five... Hey, I got five tickets

Hey, I hear you got your boy back.

Hey, it's Kunta Kinte and Ebola.

Hey, Mary, you just gonna leave?

Hey, Prince o. (chuckles)

Hey, Queen!

Hey, um, I don't mean to interrupt,

Hey, we packed.

Hey, what is this, velvet?

Hey, yo, I I can't do this right now, man.

Hey, yo, uh,

Hey, you know something?

Hey!

Hey!

Hey!

Hey. How you doing?

His death would make me smile.

His life is far too worthless.

Hmm?

Hmm? Wait a minute.

Holidays ignored.

Home.

How can I make you a happy princess?

How long have you felt that way? You know how itchy this is?

How much child support she getting from you?

How y'all doing? Y'all so cute.

How you doing, son?

How you doing? Hey, ladies.

How you doing? Mm.

Huh. (chuckles)

I advise you to reconsider my offer.

I always thought that Meeka was going to be queen.

I always thought that she was the wisest of all the Joffers.

I am actually here with a purpose.

I am going to mingle.

I am King Akeem Joffer,

I am King Akeem Joffer, king of Zamunda.

I am not uppity.

I am the heir to the throne of Zamunda.

I am the ruler of this land.

I am Uncle Reem's friend.

I assume the prince has returned from his midnight stroll

I came here for blood.

I came with a gift for your new prince.

I can do that better.

I can promise you there's gonna be some changes around here.

I can't believe he has done this.

I can't believe it. This is so beautiful.

I can't do this shit no more, man. I really can't.

I can't wait to go home and...

I cannot ignore hundreds of years of tradition.

I cannot stress how important it is that you're here

I come from a long line of broke ass nobodies.

I could eat the ass out of a zebra.

I could not stop. They are coming.

I could sponsor feed your scrawny ass.

I did not come here for money.

I did not exactly lie to you.

I did not know what to do.

I do know smartphones.

I do not think that he and Meeka will ever happen.

I do.

I don't even know why they call it "all day."

I don't know who you think you are,

I don't know why you would apologize.

I don't see no Lunchables or no lunch trays up here, nothing!

I don't want to marry her.

I get it, I get it. A'ight.

I get it.

I give you a week.

I give you Fresh Peaches and Sugar Cube!

I got five! Got five!

I got to get solid.

I have been preparing my whole life

I have just discovered that I may have a bastard son

I have known him since he was a little elephant,

I have known him since he was a small elephant.

I have lost my appetite.

I have never said that...

I have no time to listen to your stories

I have run off my own son.

I hear the trade routes have reopened between our nations.

I heard everything General Izzi said to you.

I hereby crown you

I hope he's not getting cold feet.

I hope you like, uh, pumpkin pie.

I I don't know anybody who can work scissors like you.

I I was not handed anything.

I I'm late for my bath. What am I looking for?

I intend to find my bride.

I just want to look employable.

I just want to tell you that every Sunday

I kicked you in the leg. Come on.

I know I look good.

I know not what you speak of.

I know technology, all right?

I know this isn't exactly the wedding you've always imagined.

I know this man all the way live.

I know what I am to you!

I know you gonna want this back.

I love you, Cleo.

I make him a prince, I give him a chance to finally

I may not have been as brave as you, Lavelle Junson,

I mean, but you should, though, 'cause I kind of am.

I mean, I've read a lot of studies that say

I mean, the McFlurby is nothing like the McFlurry.

I mean, what about all your stuff?

I mean...

I much needed to hear the wisdom of a father.

I must admit, your manner and your style

I must be strong.

I must say, you are more like your father than I thought.

I need 200 more dollars.

I need some protein.

I need to find my mom. I need to find my Uncle Reem.

I need to talk to you.

I noticed here, under education, that...

I only like redbone gals.

I only recently discov... (laughing)

I present to you Kareem Junson,

I rather enjoyed being on fleek.

I remember meeting this morally bereft woman,

I said there is nothing to talk about.

I shall always do what is right for our family.

I shall bring Queens to Zamunda!

I shall not be shamed by my two daughters.

I shall return to America

I shall wait here.

I should not have done that.

I should've been selling it.

I should've known about this.

I simply acted as my father and king has instructed.

I spoiled you, my son.

I suggest you find another one.

I suppose life here ain't too bad.

I take it you are growing accustomed to a palace life.

I take my mama to get a McFlurby.

I think he was supposed to be, like,

I think it is best you go to bed and get some rest.

I think my kingdom was safer with me gone and you in charge.

I think they get the idea. So, how you doing?

I told her she could start right now, she was so fine.

I told you he was gonna come back!

I too wonder about my own stray bullets.

I used to quite enjoy mopping.

I want a woman so Black,

I want to be with you.

I want to have a connection with the person

I want to thank you for releasing my sister

I wanted to find more than a wife.

I wanted to get me one of them flat screen TVs.

I was doing whatever it took.

I was going to need to find someone

I was hoping you would put a stem on an apple of your own.

I was looking for the perfect vagina.

I was only trying to do what is right.

I was ready to riot anyway.

I was schooling this boy on the streets of Queens.

I was successful my first time,

I was Will Smith's Aladdin, okay?

I will always do what is right for Zamunda.

I will be your royal groomer.

I will make you a happy prince.

I will not continue to be jerked around

I will talk to Father alone.

I wonder who told you that.

I would like nothing more than to help your country

I would nothing more... I would... (laughs)

I wouldn't want to go back to plotting your death.

I'd always imagined there'd be a womanizing, sexist officiant

I'll be dead soon.

I'll be gone in a minute, 'cause I'm about to be

I'll be right back.

I'll be... I'll be right back.

I'll see you in one week, my prince.

I'm a prince from Queens.

I'm calling you Calvin.

I'm freaking out right now because these three girls,

I'm going to die now.

I'm gonna live my life with the woman I love.

I'm gonna need you to be honest with me.

I'm hungry. I'm...

I'm in my 30s now.

I'm joking. That's not...

I'm Lavelle Junson, a'ight?

I'm listening.

I'm looking for the good stuff, man.

I'm no warrior, Your Majesty.

I'm not hopping on some plane,

I'm not supposed to be here.

I'm not.

I'm only giving him an opportunity

I'm so sorry you can no longer indiscriminately

I'm sorry I slept with your man.

I'm sure he's destined for greatness.

I'm Totatsi Bibinyana.

I'm trying to rouse the lion.

I'm well versed in emerging trends.

I'm your uncle.

I've been a, uh...

I've been ruled by fear for far too long.

I've come back for my son.

I've seen him.

If "pious" means cheap, well, then you right.

If he has Joffer blood running through his veins,

If my family were to ever find out about this...

If something is good...

If you can't beat 'em, join 'em.

If you had married her, our countries would be united,

If you hire me, I won't let you down.

If you were in the mood...

Imani, always a pleasure.

In a most promising twist,

In a vision.

In fact, I got one granddaughter used to be my grandson.

In in this glorious house...

In my defense, it had been weeks

In one of them Fashion Nova dresses.

In the barbaric land of Queens

In the languages of the modern world.

In this boy's life since he was born.

In this political climate, Black man can't be taking

Including making babies

Indeed.

Indisposed?

Influenced by the McDonald's menu.

Inform General Izzi that I have retrieved my son from America.

Is also a test of courage, yes?

Is anybody gonna tell me why these mashed potatoes is black?

Is foreign to my kingdom, but it is impressive.

Is is there a business that you want to start?

Is on the other side of the world.

Is that our biggest difference?

Is this a pious house of God?

Is this dude my father?

Is to walk with a stick up my ass or get myself killed.

It all sucks! Y'all can have it.

It came and jumped into my lap.

It couldn't be more perfect.

It ends at 6:00.

It is better to be bound by blood and marriage

It is most urgent that I find him.

It is my daughters that teach me

It is my potential bastard son.

It is my pride and my joy.

It is not fair for me to blame you

It is our anniversary.

It is so good to see you.

It is spineless!

It is the boy's birthright.

It is the most selfish act, unworthy of a Joffer!

It is the only way. You must.

It is time for umbajuntoo.

It is true.

It means "friend."

It seems that the last time I...

It shall be glorious.

It was a totally honest mistake that can happen to anyone

It was oxy, and my mom took me.

It was simple, and it made sense.

It will take you to your boy.

It'll get you fired.

It's a big step.

It's a damn lion.

It's a gift.

It's a party over here!

It's all good, little sis. All good.

It's caviar.

It's everything that comes with it. Hmm?

It's just good old fashioned grass.

It's Lavelle.

It's not so much the crown that is so heavy.

It's not the Golden Arches.

It's okay. It's okay.

It's rush hour surge pricing.

It's science.

It's so detrimental to a child.

It's that look.

It's the law.

It's time for me to start becoming my own king.

It's your nephew's birthday.

It's your party, Prince.

IZZI: King Akeem.

IZZI: King Akeem. (chuckles)

IZZI: Ooh.

IZZI: There is Bopoto, my daughter.

IZZI: Wedding bells, wedding bells.

Izzi.

JAFFE JOFFER (over TV): This is ZNN.

JAFFE JOFFER: Semmi!

Jaffe Joffer.

Jampu...

Jappa Joffer.

Jompu Joffer.

Judging by the smile on your face.

Just 'cause he a king. I got a dog named King.

Just as you did, my son.

Just as you have for your bride.

Just big house cats?

Just call me your second mom.

Just cut it off.

Just keep running! Keep running! Run!

Just let me go throw up real quick, and, uh...

Just one big, happy

Just one more time, just just to make sure.

Just one of the many backward Zamundan traditions.

Just sort of, like, in between opportunities.

Keep her as a prisoner

Keep running!

King Akeem has returned from America with a son.

King Akeem, I have come to give you congratulations

King Akeem, shall we join our families in marriage

King Akeem...

KING JAFFE JOFFER: My time has come, my son.

Kiss my ass, Calvin.

Lavelle Junson of Queens,

Lavelle Junson of Queens.

Lavelle Junson, do you take...

Lavelle, is this what you want?

Lavelle, you cannot do this.

LAVELLE: A'ight.

LAVELLE: All right, y'all, what am I doing out here?

LAVELLE: Come on.

LAVELLE: Hey! Come on, y'all!

LAVELLE: Hey.

LAVELLE: Hmm.

LAVELLE: Hold up. Hold up.

LAVELLE: I just don't belong here.

LAVELLE: If it pleases Your Majesty,

LAVELLE: James Brown Joffer.

LAVELLE: Mm.

LAVELLE: Step mama queen, what up?

LAVELLE: That's Hebbe Joffer.

LAVELLE: Uh uh. Ain't happening like that, man.

LAVELLE: Well, um...

LAVELLE: Why not? I got sales experience.

LAVELLE: Yeah, you got something.

Lavelle.

Leading a very strange ceremony in black socks.

Legend has it he could speak to animals,

Let him pass. Move.

Let me get my Spotify on deck real quick.

Let me have some of your finest drink.

Let them take a little bit off the top.

Let there be light.

Let us begin.

Let us, let us go for a short break.

Let's get hitched.

Let's have it now while I'm alive.

Let's rock.

Like a howler monkey

Like father, like son.

Like what, exactly?

Like what?

Like, be for real... what's up with that?

Lisa McDowell of Queens.

Lisa,

Listen to me, young Jedi, okay?

LIVIA: Do the right thing. Go ahead, boy.

Long ago, I had your spirit.

Look at this foyer! (laughing)

Look here, boy. Look here.

Look, baby, it's about the love, okay?

Look, I'm gonna hug you 'cause I'm a hugger.

Look, just please try to make 31 candles.

Look, man, you haven't liked me since I got here,

Look, um, I just want to apologize.

Look.

Look.

Love has once again triumphed in Zamunda.

Lovely. (chuckles)

Ma, pack your bags, man. We out.

Ma!

Ma?

Make something of himself, and this is how he repays me!

Many thanks for your well wishes, General Izzi,

Marriage blood, yes?

Marrying your princess.

MARY: And my name is Mary. How you doing?

MARY: Are you putting the candles on the cake?

MARY: I ain't been in a limo since '00.

MARY: I am so hungry,

MARY: I got to get some shots for the Gram.

MARY: Mm.

MARY: Mm.

MARY: Mm.

MARY: Ooh.

MARY: Thank you for the borrow.

MARY: Yes, girl, me and you 'bout to turn it up.

Master of disaster!

MAURICE: Beautiful, leafy taste.

MAURICE: We are also celebrating

May have forgotten his story,

May soon be upon us.

Maybe he needs a nap.

Maybe it would taste much better with a...

Me and my mom away to a whole new life.

Meeka is so upset.

Meeka Joffer shall rule as queen.

Meeka might have wanted to be your heir?

Meeka, this is your bast...

MEEKA: Nexdoria is our greatest threat.

Meeka!

Mighty Jokeim Joffer,

Mirem...

MIREMBE: But he believed that a man

MIREMBE: But what about your people here?

MIREMBE: He flew across the sea

MIREMBE: The wedding was grand

Mitt Romney looking ass shmiggas.

Mm hmm. Get up and whip him, Sweets.

Mm, a makeover.

Mm, Lisa, please. I'm getting it from everywhere.

Mm.

Mm.

Mmm.

Month, tops.

More like a crack house of God.

MORGAN FREEMAN: In the beginning,

MORRIS: I bet they could fix

Mother, don't you have a dress like that?

Much has changed in Queens.

Must walk his own path and follow his heart.

My African.

My apologies, General.

My bad, man.

My condolences this day for your father, the king.

My daughter, Bopoto!

My father...

My favorite spin off is the one with Queen Latifah.

My fellow player.

My firstborn child and my only son.

My funeral...

My hair is on point.

My mother?

My name is Mirembe.

My nephew could be eaten by a man eating lion!

My one question is: How will you conquer your fear?

My own man.

My parents, except for breaks, and, uh, it can be hard.

My penis?

My permission is granted.

My prince asked me to stay here about an hour ago.

My prince.

My queen.

My royal consigliere.

My son has been without a father for far too long.

My son has returned to Queens.

My son, it appears your shortcomings in masculinity

Nah, I'm being dead ass.

Naked?

Nazis are back,

Near that Chinese restaurant

Need I remind you I was face to face

Never again shall there be another surprise.

New dress. Who this?

Nexdorian soldiers.

No ass whipping from no white man.

No child support for 30 years, and you came back?

No more of a disadvantage than having a father

No more surprises, my sweet.

No, don't do that. That's his mother.

No, I'm not saying I I don't want to get married.

No, no, no, family blood.

No, no, no, no. See, you watch your bottom lip, money grip,

No, no, no.

No, no. No!

No, thank you.

No, you are the bait to switch.

No.

No. Hey, man, for real, look.

No. Nobody want to hear that on my birthday.

No. Yeah.

Not so nasty.

Not that you are a mistake.

Not the shrimp.

Now it's time for the main event, young folks.

Now look at she.

Now there,

Now, do you or do you not understand that?

Now, I want you to take these tickets up there.

Now, I will find this bastard of Queens,

Now, please sit back and relax.

Now, this is my eldest daughter, Princess Meeka.

Now, you tell me, where is King Akeem?

Now? Walk? Okay.

Nuptials?

Of a son you barely even know is foolish.

Of course I'm familiar with the Barbershop series.

Of course.

Of drawing the enemy out and ambushing him.

Of keeping our identity a secret.

Of the great Joffers who have come before you.

Of trimming your most precious hairs.

Oh, boy, yeah, that might... he might be.

Oh, children, you can go and play.

Oh, hell no, it ain't. It's a thunderbird.

Oh, hell no, Your Majesty!

Oh, here we go.

Oh, hey, baby's daddy king. (chuckles)

Oh, hey. Hey, hey, look, um...

Oh, I wasn't doing that much, you know what I mean?

Oh, it's okay. I got it in when I was young.

Oh, my God, Father. To be on fleek is no more.

Oh, my God, please. My father is Mr. Duke.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my goodness.

Oh, okay, King. (chuckles)

Oh, really? Why do you say that, General?

Oh, see, that's where we part. I like my women Black.

Oh, shut up, Semmi!

Oh, that's my song!

Oh, that's right. Ooh!

Oh, that's that gentrification.

Oh, then he must be feeling better. (chuckles)

Oh, wait, wait, we into overtime now.

Oh, well, there's only ten in the pack, so...

Oh, yeah, I got a royal barber, and she hooked me up.

Oh, yes, I did.

Oh!

Oh! (laughing)

Oh! That's a damn lion, bruh!

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Okay, baby, first of all, calm down.

Okay, go play now.

Okay, I'll back up.

Okay, so you thought the best response was

Okay, this is going to sound stupid,

Okay? He's the wind beneath my wings.

Okay? It is dangerous.

Okay? You know we in another country.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay. All right, well...

Old fool who loves you very much.

Old Jar Jar Binks lookin' ass.

OMMA: A woman isn't allowed to rule Zamunda.

On a Tuesday afternoon.

On American soil,

Once again, I apologize to you

One time.

Only when you can retrieve the whiskers from a resting lion

Or any of it?

Or any vagina.

Or capability whatsoever,

Or where I'm from.

Our great king had gone away forever.

Our people will be safe.

Out loud.

Palace life for me.

Party over here!

Pay attention to me. You know this song.

Peace, Calvin.

People didn't even (bleep)... Wait a minute.

People didn't even have sex anymore.

People writing me off 'cause of the way I talk

Pepsi, the official soft drink of McDowell's Zamunda.

Perhaps now you would like

Perhaps the test has nothing to do with bravery.

Perhaps you two should get to know each other a little better.

Perhaps your son can be...

Play that saxophone.

Play with your grenades and your Kalashnikov.

Please allow me the honor

Please don't leave us so soon, Your Highness.

Please, allow me to reintroduce

Please.

Politically incorrect.

Pops, uh, in the picture or...

Potato, papaya.

Prepare the royal jet.

Prepare the royal jet.

Present to you my daughter, Bopoto!

Present.

Presenting Lavelle Junson of Queens!

Presenting the crown prince of Zamunda,

Presenting the crown prince of Zamunda,

Presenting the supreme leader of Nexdoria,

Pressed together like a pair of sumptuous...

Prince Akeem was a dutiful prince

Prince Akeem, follow the thunderbird.

Prince Akeem!

Prince Akeem.

Prince Lavelle is currently indisposed.

Prince Lavelle Junson was seen fleeing with the royal groomer.

Prince Lavelle shall serve as an ambassador to America.

Prince Lavelle,

Prince Lavelle!

Princesses can be written off just as much as anyone.

Promises to do things differently,

Punisher of infidel!

Putting an end to decades of suffering for all our people.

Really?

Really?

Really? When'd you figure that out?

REEM: Ain't nothing happening.

REEM: Benson, y'all got some crab cakes, man?

REEM: They still wear silk.

REEM: This ain't right.

REEM: Yeah, well, I eat a lot of fried food,

Relieve its burden of poverty.

Remember in Queens, night after night,

Remember who you are.

Remember your father's final words.

Remember?

Retrieving the whiskers from a lion.

REVEREND BROWN (singsongy): Amen.

REVEREND: All right.

Riding elephants and chasing Tarzan,

Right here.

Right now at this moment.

Right now I could rip a new ass in that kid.

Right now you are getting very in and out of my pocket.

Right, I... (stammers) Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Run in here from Zamunda...

Run! Run!

SAUL: It's gonna be the Nazis.

SAUL: Way down in the jungle deep,

Searching rather unsuccessfully for the woman of your dreams.

See his feet?

See, a potato.

Seeing you brings to mind

Sell 'em at full freight until tip off.

Semmi, look.

Semmi, perhaps you would like to spar with my daughters

SEMMI: I had had enough.

SEMMI: I may not have been thinking straight.

SEMMI: Who do you think you are, Reem,

SEMMI: Your father has sent for you.

She can't be your heir?

She is still the mother of my son.

She offered me some of her ceremonial herbs.

She took the royal jet.

She urged me to go to her,

She's practically trained for it her whole life.

Should be spectacular.

Show respect.

Sifo, don't mess with the sarin.

Silence!

Since the last time I was tended to by the royal bathers.

Since when?

Snatching up this bastard boy from America

So delicious.

So don't come at me with

So I guess, uh,

So it's going to be this guy?

So let's get these rings on these fingers

So there were months where I didn't see

So what you doing back here, Idiot Amin?

So wonderful to see you, General.

So you bounced to Queens to find a wife on your own terms.

So you have to stay strong.

So you're saying Daddy never donated a building

So, in sales, it's called a bait and switch.

So, Lavelle, what did you do in Queens

So, please excuse my intrusion. Carry on, please.

So, the customer thinks that they're buying something

So, uh, just give me a chance, Mr. Duke.

So, uh... marriage.

So, um, is anybody gonna tell me

So, what, American entertainment?

So, what, in this scenario, I'm I'm the retreating army?

So, what, like, nothing over a 30% on Rotten Papayas?

So, you know something?

So, you still got that smooth... scepter? (chuckles)

Some extra material to make it fit.

Somebody need to whip your ass.

Somebody to love, go out and find somebody to love.

Somebody.

Someone who has dedicated her life to this country.

Someone who knew where I was coming from

Soon, Nexdorian warriors will assassinate me.

Sorry, pal. You're gonna have to go into the app.

Speaks her mind, including our daughter, then you just...

Stars, planets,

Stop!

Stop! Don't...

Stupid.

Suck in your stomach and walk thusly.

Surely, the royal bathers have cleansed you thoroughly,

Take heart in your grief.

Take her.

Take me to the Church of the Holy Jubilation.

Take your ass out of here. You buy you a Flowbee

Teach the young prince how to walk like royalty.

Teach this girl some respect.

Tell Akeem the truth at once.

Tell me, Semmi, this urgent matter...

Than be divided by blood and war.

Thank you for your kind words.

Thank you for your visit, General.

Thank you.

Thank you. (laughs)

Thanks, Pops.

That boy good.

That egg foo yong made me have to stop off

That I'm gonna spend the rest of my life with.

That is absurd, Totatsi. Who is your source?

That is impossible.

That is my oath as king.

That is my oath to you,

That is not what happened, Father.

That is not you talking.

That is true.

That is what we will do.

That is your father.

That kind of male role model could put you at a disadvantage?

That King Akeem has a son.

That mean they're gonna sharpen your tool, nephew.

That my offspring's genetic makeup has caused you.

That my pops would show up and take

That not having a dominant male figure at home,

That one is Tunde Joffer.

That thieving bitch.

That was most tiresome, and I thought maybe, perhaps,

That you don't know anything about.

That you were with, the...

That's Beauty Shop.

That's Forest Whitaker.

That's gonna stop me from loving her.

That's good enough.

That's how we do it in Queens, though.

That's Italian for "mack daddy mentor."

That's just 20. It's...

That's not cool.

That's really inspiring.

That's the kid that's always out in front of the Garden.

That's the last surprise.

That's what I'm talking about.

The arrival of our new Beyond Big Mick Burger!

The best? That is, like,

The birth of Jaffe Joffer.

The boy must pass the princely test.

The burdens of my country are not yours to carry.

The chance to do that back home.

The conqueror of countries and hearts...

The end is near.

The inspiration for Mufasa...

The king pays no child support.

The legend of Prince Akeem

The lion stepped on the signified monkey's feet.

The long arm of the family court bring 'em back every time.

The McDonald's lawyers came after me

The McDowell's menu is in no way

The midnight train to Georgia.

The monkey said, "Hey, you bastard, can't you see?

The most blasphemous thing I've ever heard. (chuckles)

The most handsome of all the Joffers.

The ones atop your head, sir.

The only woman I have ever lain with is Lisa.

The prince of Zamunda.

The prince or something.

The princely test has three parts.

The queen.

The royal artist made a sketch of my vision.

The royal privates are clean, ma'am.

The royal tailors had to add

The same way they've always been done before.

The same way this General Izzi is coming after you.

The shame must be unbearable,

The strength of our ancestors, I shall know he is of my blood.

The tamer of elephants,

The tests are also a challenge of the mind.

The throne must pass to a male heir.

The universe began.

The weak one?

The world changed forever.

The Zamunda News Network has confirmed

Their best teacher, Your Majesty.

Their mascot is a big turkey.

Them long, sloppy titties y'all got in Africa.

Then he must come back to Zamunda

Then it is settled!

Then let us proceed!

Then perhaps be not as King Akeem

Then they gonna save up her money.

Then what?

Then you should wear this.

There are a lot of other beds in this castle.

There are certain freedoms that exist outside of Zamunda.

There was blueface over the black...

There's cash.

There's nothing for us to talk about.

These are the foreskins of your forefathers.

They bathe you, okay?

They can turn your penis into a vagina now.

They from a lion.

They got a seven foot five center.

They got their coffeehouses and their dog parks,

They got you, baby! They got you! (laughing)

They in my room right now, and they just offered to bathe me.

They've got Egg McMuffins.

This Babar, he is my friend.

This bastard.

This boy would not have been my first choice,

This doesn't feel right.

This fine Zamundan woman, I shall not stand in your path.

This hand to mouth shit, it's got to stop, all right?

This happened before we even met.

This is a house of God, isn't it?

This is a joke.

This is bullshit.

This is madness.

This is true about sequels.

This is your bastard brother from America.

This is your bastard.

This long ass table, all this food,

This neighborhood didn't have shit.

This reeks of Semmi.

This the best house of God we could find

This this ain't my way, Mirembe.

This whole damn kingdom.

Those hungry babies with the flies on their face.

Three times.

Throw things at me. It will make you happy.

Tinashe, this is your bastard brother from America.

TINASHE: He's doing pretty good.

TINASHE: Three daughters!

To a whole damn country.

To be honest, it wasn't a great look on you.

To be more polite,

To be standing where you are in this moment.

To broker a peace hinging on the testosterone clouded whims

To call you a shit stain brought him much joy.

To cover up a cocaine addiction, Calvin?

To even suggest such a thing.

To find his true love.

To find someone that I connected with on every level.

To forget the princely test would be to spit in the faces

To get another pack of candles.

To get you into an Ivy League school?

To give much respect due

To have a better life.

To have him take his rightful place on the throne.

To let them cut it off?

To mah to, to may to.

To one day have my own barbershop.

To own businesses in Zamunda.

To prepare the way for the grandest creation of all,

To put your hands together for Randy Watson!

To reduce our, uh... our what?

To say no to becoming a prince?

To solve your problems diplomatically.

To take care of you.

To the king who made a difference in our world.

To the Middle Tennessee State game, man.

To win the heart of his true love,

Today is my birthday.

Today!

Told me the story that your pops

Tomorrow is going to be a very long day.

TOTATSI (over TV): It appears a royal wedding

Touch a woman's body at your every whim.

True love is the bedrock of my kingdom.

Trust me, don't look back!

Tuck in your backside.

Two shots of chilled Cîroc.

Uh, and my, uh, grandfather and great uncle,

Uh, ay... (scoffs)

Uh, Bopoto, what's your favorite movie?

Uh, he's the reason why the Zamundans migrated

Uh, I just recently returned from a trip

Uh, L. Junson.

Uh, Lavelle, uh, Princess Tinashe.

Uh, Lisa, I was, uh, wondering,

Uh, maybe that we could share a couple of...

Uh, remakes and and sequels to old movies nobody asked for?

Uh, s sweet dreams, my sweet.

Uh, that's Jappa Joffer.

Uh, time sensitive propositions.

Uh, what's what's, uh... umbajuntoo?

Uh, where is Prince Lavelle?

Uh... is there a goal you have?

Um...

Um...

Um...

Uncle Reem of Queens... you're welcome in my kingdom.

Under one flag

Unpaid student athletes?

Until he made a giraffe do the Electric Slide.

Until King Akeem gives me my answer.

Uppity bitch say what?

Using me as a chess pawn, right?

Vacations were canceled, holidays ignored.

Vacations were canceled.

Very good to see you again...

Wait, almost?

Wait, Father.

Wait, wait, wait, wait. (gasps)

Wait.

Walk your own path.

Wanted you to marry a Nexdorian girl,

Wants to be married in this glorious house of...

Was that on your tenth or 11th try?

Waving their wallets, just hungry to buy something,

We all gonna die. Just don't know how.

We are gathered here today

We are going back to America.

We are hearing... and I quote...

We are only offering to take Lavelle back to Zamunda.

We do that in Queens.

We don't be talking that kind of shit about the hungry babies.

We gather for a moment or two

We got to bust out of this bullshit, man.

We have tried to help Nexdoria many times.

We love it here, right?

We put our toppings on the bottom.

We scoured the far reaches of that loathsome city,

We use in battle called the feigned withdrawal.

We will teach you how to walk like a prince.

We've got Egg McStuffins.

Well played, King Akeem.

Well played.

Well, except women are not allowed

Well, I found it is helpful to think of them

Well, I too was... how can I say this?

Well, I'll be damned! Look who done come up in here.

Well, I'll tell you what.

Well, I'm prince, right?

Well, I'm sure your father would understand

Well, if you're going to wear that dress,

Well, no one is asking you to stay.

Well, that is very idealistic.

Well, there was a small off campus library.

Well, this is fair.

Well, to prove myself.

Well, well, I was just thinking, since we're related,

Well, yeah, see, I was three credits short

Well...

Wh Whatever his name is, he beat that boy ass, Clarence.

Wh Why? Where are we going?

What about the land of Queens?

What about you?

What are you... Oh, what is wrong with you?

What better way to spend your night than paying to watch

What did you just say about the other men?

What did you say?

What do we have besides superhero shit,

What do you like?

What do you mean, only ten? Why is there only ten?

What do you think she would say to you now, son?

What do you think your mother would say now?

What every dangerous house cat likes.

What happened to you, Akeem?

What I am saying is, when a person is drunk, they may say

What is "uppity"?

What is not to understand?

What is this?

What is this?

What is wrong with the one you have now?

What is your name?

What kind of man do you think he is?

What the deal? What the deal?

What the hell I was thinking that I could have this?

What the hell is going on here?

What we do know is that he is a man.

What you need is to start this ceremony before I come up there

What you need to do is learn to relax.

What? You don't want to get married?

What's up?

Whatever business you'd like to start.

Whatever is your favorite movie.

Whatever you like.

When he died, no one ever smiled again.

When I am gone,

When I introduced the McFlurby,

When I told my mother that my true love was my Queen Lisa,

When it comes to arranged marriages.

When the white man move in,

When you are drunk and high,

When you assume that Semmi had something to do with this.

When you make love, you need a flashlight.

Where are my people from Zamunda at?

Where I caught the runs last Saturday.

Where is the ceremony?

Where is your prince?

Where the hell is Zamunda?

Whether the boy possesses any strength, intelligence

Which reminds me... St. John's is at the Garden.

Which sucks because I am so motivated.

While it is too early to determine

Who am I to stand in his way?

Who could be better than Diana Ross? Tell me!

Who drugged him and had sex with him.

Who founded Duke & Duke.

Who handed you your position.

Who is it? Who is it?

Who shall one day sit on the throne of Zamunda?

Who the hell he think he talking to? Coming in here...

Who you talking to? (grunting playfully)

Whoa, look at you.

Whose auntie is this?

Whose best friend introduced him to a strange woman

Why couldn't it be you, Semmi?

Why have you come here, General?

Why these mashed potatoes is black?

Why was his existence hidden from me all these years?

Why your mama so uppity?

Will you be ready to become prince.

With a fine little, pretty African thing. Wasn't she fine?

With a man eating lion?

With more changes to come with your guidance.

With the passing of the great king,

With your permission, King Akeem.

Within a week.

Without an heir with a nut sack.

WOMAN (in distance): ♪ Someone to care ♪

WOMAN: Thank you.

Would you dare banish me from my own bedroom?

Would you like to leave all this and go back to Queens?

Would you like us to bathe you?

Would've caused a riot.

Y'all know I was out in these streets?

Y'all know my PlayStation ain't going nowhere.

Y'all leaving? Does that mean "leave"?

Y'all look good tonight.

Y'all was doing that little weak pickup game.

Yeah, 'cause he had to do that for the blacks.

Yeah, but it's all gone to hell now.

Yeah, but that's not Barbershop.

Yeah, for 25 cents a day,

Yeah, give it up! Give it up for Davido!

Yeah, he ain't the king of this shop.

Yeah, it will, Papa.

Yeah, it's like Bruce Lee said, "Be like water."

Yeah, Lord.

Yeah, perhaps it was poor timing on my behalf

Yeah, well, I'm not like every other prince.

Yeah!

Yeah? (grunts excitedly)

Yeah? Damn, I'm just trying to be like you.

Yeah.

Yeah. I'm 'bout it.

Yes, a prince.

Yes, but some things have not.

Yes, he has fleed to America for love just as I did.

Yes, I understand that expression more now.

Yes, Meeka.

Yes, my father.

Yes, my son.

Yes, the limousine is waiting for you right downstairs.

Yes, there is.

Yes, you are.

Yes, you can see that is most troubling.

Yes, Your Majesty.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes. First attempt. Very brave.

Yes. It is the same as a technique

Yes. It will be a prosperous

Yes. There's a fluidity to it.

Yes. Turn around.

Yo, look where I'm at.

Yo, that's awesome.

Yo, what's wrong with the way I walk now?

You ain't got to lie like that to get some of this ass.

You ain't got to.

You ain't said nothing but a thing.

You and only you are the reason why I'm a prince.

You are a son of Zamunda.

You are intoxicated, my queen.

You are king now.

You are king of Zamunda.

You are not strong or ruthless as I am.

You are one step closer to...

You are the king of your own castle.

You are the son of the king of Zamunda.

You are willing to sacrifice what is most sacred.

You can get a Lyft Lux.

You can see it in how he walks low to the ground.

You can't even squeeze a tit nowadays.

You cannot stroll down the street like we did years ago.

You cholesterol dumpster fire, you.

You come from a long line of Joffers, and...

You damn right you are.

You damn right you are.

You didn't really do anything wrong, did you?

You do not know me.

You don't have to suck up to me anymore.

You dress like a slave from the future.

You family now.

You fool, what have you done to me?!

You go put some purple on that ho!

You gonna go from royal ass kisser

You gonna have to get out my chair talking that kind of shit.

You got any kids? I got kids.

You got to be a husband and a father.

You gots a son.

You have a son, Akeem.

You have an illegitimate son.

You haven't heard the story.

You just completed the final princely test,

You know something? Then I will.

You know what I mean?

You know what, I I just can't wait for them to find

You know, he was here a little while ago

You know, I had to, uh, drop out to help with the rent.

You know, I know this man all up in the crevice.

You know, I went to boarding school,

You know, I'm thinking, who am I

You know, like, I I never really got

You know, Mirembe, my royal barber,

You know, my whole life, I had dreams

You know, our cousin named that.

You know, when the colored man here,

You lied to me!

You look tired, Father.

You might want to look for a promo code.

You must heed my words before I'm gone.

You need no other teacher than your king and your father.

You need to roll with it. This is a princely thing.

You really think I'm gonna fail, don't you?

You said it.

You sell 'em the upgrade at double the price.

You serious?

You stay here and protect my family.

You stay on the ground with me. You dig it, son?

You sure you're in the right room?

You think they don't need you?

You think you look respectable?

You walk like an American pimp.

You want some tickets, man?

You want to get rid of the royal princely braid?

You were looking for the perfect woman?

You were supposed to bring this kingdom to the 21st century,

You were supposed to change things.

You will be assassinated.

You will be safe.

You will come face to face with your Zamundan heritage.

You wouldn't be the first king to have one.

You're family now.

You're not just a father.

You're standing on my goddamn feet!"

You're the king.

You're the king.

You're welcome.

You've been judging me since I walked in here.

You've got your country to run

Your Black president finally united this great country.

Your brownstone ain't worth no ten million.

Your dad knocked up my mom and dragged my ass back to Africa.

Your grandfather.

Your guy, uh, Neil deGrasse Tyson.

Your king and father should have taught you

Your neighborhood seems to be thriving.

Your noble visage is known around the world.

Your pawn just took a future queen,

Your pride.

Your soft ass ain't never do nothing like that.

Zamunda can only afford so much.

Zamunda needs you.

Zamunda, Wakanda, Connecticut... I don't know where you from.

Zamunda's my home.

Zamundan American aristocratic blended family.

Zamundans, I give you...

Zamundans, rise.

Zoot!

30 years ago, you left my sister at the altar.

30 years of service to our great nation

30 years of Zamundan prosperity,

31 candles. I need 31 candles on that cake.

'Cause I was giving it away, for sure. AKEEM: Mary.

(band playing "We Are Family") (excited shouting)

(barking) (gasping)

(cheering) (laughs) My man.

(chuckling) (camera clicking)

(chuckling) AKEEM: Yes, it's, uh,

(crowd cheering) (laughing)

(door closes) Ah.

(drumbeat stops) IZZI: I would like to

(elephant trumpeting) AKEEM: Oh, watch.

(exhales sharply) Do you think that not having

(gasping, choking) I... o okay, okay.

(groaning, whimpering) (Baba giggling)

(grunting) (rhythmic drumming)

(kick lands) Ow! Shit!

(kicks) (hawks, spits)

(laughs) ♪ We are family ♪

(laughs) ♪ We're giving love ♪

(lights buzzing) ♪ Hallelu... ♪

(Mary clears throat) Yes, continue.

(Mary hollering) LAVELLE: That's her song.

(men screaming) Oh?

(murmuring) Mary. Mary. LAVELLE: Yo, Mom, for real,

(phones ringing) (quiet chatter)

(playing rhythmic beat) (chanting in foreign language)

(rapid drumbeat playing) (crowd clapping rhythmically)

(raucous cheering) Randy Watson in here?!

(roaring) (screaming)

(roars) No.

(saxophone solo playing) (cheering)

(screaming) (roaring)

(screams) (grunting)

(shouting) Queens!

(shouts in foreign language) (soldiers repeat shout)

(sighs) ♪ Hey ♪

(song ends with flourish) (camera clicks)

(song ends) (cheering)

(song ends) (cheering)

(whispers indistinctly) (laughs)

♪ 'Cause I'm royal ♪ ♪ Royal ♪

♪ Amen ♪ Randy Watson.

♪ America ♪ ♪ Hey ♪

♪ As we walk on by ♪ ♪ Ay ♪

♪ Come on ♪ ♪ Haters gonna hate ♪

♪ Coming to America ♪ ♪ Oh ♪

♪ Don't need ice, we slide ♪ ♪ We slide ♪

♪ Find somebody to love ♪ 'Cause life's about love.

♪ From Zamunda ♪ ♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Get off ♪ ♪ I'll only call you ♪

♪ Going up to that great ♪ Remember what I told you.

♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey... ♪ ♪ Ooh, ooh ooh ooh... ♪

♪ I ain't drinkin' ♪ ♪ Get off ♪

♪ I don't blame him, he tried ♪ ♪ Tried ♪

♪ I don't walk, I glide ♪ ♪ Glide ♪

♪ I'm so fl fl fly ♪ ♪ I'm fly ♪

♪ Life's about family ♪ Amen.

♪ Life's about love ♪ And life's about family.

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪ ♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey ♪

♪ Queen to be ♪ (piano playing gentle melody)

♪ Randy Watson's my name ♪ Take us home.

♪ Royal ♪ ♪ Royal ♪

♪ Royal ♪ ♪ Royal ♪

♪ Say he winning, he lied ♪ ♪ Lied ♪

♪ She get the dollar ♪ ♪ Dollar ♪

♪ Time ♪ ♪ Not like apple pie, sweet ♪

♪ To be loved ♪ ♪ To be loved... ♪

♪ To be loved, to be loved ♪ ♪ To be loved, to be loved ♪

♪ To smash the crowd, we... ♪ (music stops)

♪ We slide ♪ ♪ I put in the time ♪

♪ Well, I won't tell no lie ♪ ♪ We ♪

♪ Yeah, ooh ♪ ♪ What a king ♪

♪ Yeah, ooh ♪ ♪ What a king ♪

♪ Yes, he did... ♪ He said, if you ain't got

♪ Yes, he is ♪ Son.

Ah. (chuckles)

All right, Ma. Thank you. Go get washed.

All right, well, that's... No, 'cause he don't know me.

ALL: Happy birthday! (cheering)

Although there are exceptions. Like what?

Amen! Amen! Amen!

and beat your... AKEEM: Mary, Mary, if our son

And his band... Oh, Lord.

And his father before him. Jappa Joffer.

And ram me and ram me, ramming and ramming! (moans, laughs)

And you look so fre... Right? Right?

anything less than two ply. Oh!

Bark like a dog. (barking)

Bill Nye did a... The Science Guy.

But the laws. Will change.

But what shall I do? Just wait.

Can you wait right here? Okay.

Ceremonial... (drumbeat plays)

Church of Holy Jubilation. Thank you.

Diana Ross! (chuckles) Nope.

Do they say that? Yeah, they say that.

eaten by a lion! I hope so!

Ew. Joffer Joffer.

Exactly. But I've been a force

Family?! Let me tell you something! Oh! (stammers)

Famine and Blood Diamond. Nelson Mandela and Winnie.

Father, can we talk about this? There is nothing to talk about.

Father? ♪ From Zamunda ♪

Feel his presence? Yes, Father.

Fine! Fine! Fine!

for bringing my favorite artist back to Africa... (cheering)

Gerald Levert Joffer? (laughing): No.

Go on, son. (Semmi choking)

Hey, ho. LAVELLE: Oh, no, no, no, no.

Hey, ho. Oh. MARY: That's right.

Hey, Ma, tell 'em we already did this! That's okay, baby.

Hey! What's up, y'all? Hey!

Hey. What say you, brother?

Hey. Oh, oh, oh, oh. SAUL: Whoa, whoa.

Hi. How y'all doing? This is Mary.

Hmm? (roars)

Hmm? You a prince now. Okay?

Hold him. Hey, yo, ain't got to restrain me. Yo...

I am McDowell's. And I am Zamunda.

I believe I have it now. Don't hurt nobody.

I got 'em. Mm hmm. (cheering)

I mean, have you seen a Zamundan movie? Mm mm.

I raised that boy! You ain't gonna

I should not have done that. Wait. Wait, hold on.

I will do no such thing. Please, g gent...

I would've cleaned up. LAVELLE: Uh huh.

I'm a go pack. (laughs) Okay, baby. (squeals)

I'm the king of this shop. Exactly.

In the building! We in Zamunda!

in the land of Queens. (thunder crashes)

Is she addicted to drugs or... What?

It's a rat tail. (laughs)

It's cava what? Caviar, Mom.

Jabberwocky Joffer. No.

Jakoof Joffer. Jujkoof...

Jimmie "JJ" Walker Joffer? No.

Just kill him. Kill him!

just like my father. Jaffe Joffer.

King Akeem. Yes.

Lavelle Junson. ...Lavelle Junson,

Lavelle, my son... Don't "son" me!

LAVELLE: Goddamn! (laughing)

LAVELLE: Hey. What's up? MARY: What's up, fellas?

LAVELLE: Oh, my goodness! MARY: Hashtag "family"!

Let him pass. All right. (muttering)

Let's cut. MAN: Cutting.

Let's do it again. (laughter)

Let's go get drunk. What?

Like the Virgin. Oh. Okay, baby. All right.

Limo? We got a limo, man. What's that? Limo!

Line. MAN: Reset!

MAN: Zamunda! (cheering)

Mary J. Blige. No.

MARY: Yes! (excited chatter)

Mary. Mary.

MIREMBE: Well, there are certain disadvantages. Uh huh.

Mm hmm! Yeah, talking about getting her a job here.

Mm hmm. See how he moving?

My brownstone is, too, worth $10 million! (Morris laughs)

My dad was not in the picture. Ah.

My ex lax? (laughter) MAN: Cut.

No more surprises. I promise.

No. Come on, yo.

No. Jabba the Hutt Joffer.

No. Jumpin' Jack Flash Joffer.

Nonsense. (Izzi chuckles)

Now let me hear you say, "Hey, ho." I don't know...

Now, you go enjoy that bath. All right.

Oh, don't say it to... No, not to his mother.

Oh, he's a king now. A king?

Oh, I get it. Of course you get it.

Oh, shit! Oh, do not be alarmed.

Oh, you'll see. REEM: Okay, I want y'all

Oh! ALL: Good morning, my prince.

Oh? (chuckles)

Oh. (crowd gasps, cheers)

Okay. Uh huh. Culture,

On my very first attempt. Well...

Precious head of hair. Okay. All right. Yes.

Prince Lavelle. General Izzi.

Put your chin up. Mm hmm.

Put your shoulders back. Mm hmm.

REVEREND BROWN: Yes! Go on, girl!

Right? What's this? What's this?

Say it again. Amen, girl. Hallelujah! Amen!

She have gambling issues or... No, man.

So be it. LAVELLE: So be it.

So be it. (laughs) And so it is. A'ight.

So I actually have a son? A bastard son.

So nice, I want 'em to say it twice. Go on, preacher!

So there's no meat? There's no meat.

So you know this man? I definitely know this man.

SOLDIERS: Zoot! What's "zoot"?

something that they regret... So, whenever a woman

That wasn't no accident. (laughter)

That's her song. That's Prince!

That's my thing. (laughing)

That's right. But, she... they had to go off to their nuptials.

the test of courage. Courage?

Then she gonna get her own place. That's right.

This is a regal gait. Okay.

to royal ass wiper. No, no.

Total baboon dung. (laughs)

Totatsi! Call the guards! (chuckles)

Two times. (drum and bass play two beats)

Uh, please just call me Calvin. All right.

Umbajuntoo! CROWD: Umbajuntoo!

Uppity bitch say what? What?

Very good. Very good! (chuckling)

Virgin? Not our Mary. She ain't no virgin.

Wait, Kendrick Lamar? No.

Wait, what? Father.

Wait. SEMMI: My mistake.

We are undercover Africans. (women laughing)

We got to go. Right. Got that thing.

We in the house! In the building!

We want to welcome you all to McDowell's Zamunda. (cheering)

We're about to fix it into overdrive, okay? (whoops)

Well, you kind of are a mistake. Okay.

What is going on here? AKEEM: Oh, children.

What was that line? (laughter)

what you're going through. Yes.

What? (Mary and Lavelle laughing)

What? Oh, King Yum's.

What's a Sizzler? It's nothing.

What's up, fam? (Lavelle laughs)

Who is Benson? Benson is you.

Who? Scientists.

Wow. The great one!

Yeah! (excited chatter)

Yeah! Hey, right here!

Yeah! (chuckles) MARY: That's right, girl.

Yeah. Where?

Yes. See where his hand at?

Yes. So be a prince.

Yo, well, why don't you go? Make me.

Yo! Man, look at you. (laughing)

You do not know me. No, you don't know me.

You don't know me. I will cut you.

You is making a statement. Thank you.

You keep talking slick... G Gentlemen.

You know that. MARY: You know what? That's right.

You know? MARY: Let me tell you something, baby.

You look beautiful. Thank you.

You obese American, you. No. (stammers)

You was a ho. MARY: I wasn't selling it.

You's a dummy! (laughter)

Zoot! SOLDIERS: Zoot!

...and the cunningness of your Western ways.

...and when my man is running this place,

...beings.

...inherited your father's unforgiving memory.

...land of opportunity.

...maybe we should get married at the palace.

...Sexual Chocolate!

...so I suggest you mind your tongue!

...the most well endowed man in Africa,

...the wrestler of lions,

'Cause I did not have enough change left over

'Cause you a princess.

'Cause you gonna get a whole slice.

'cause you understand, while y'all was out here

"Be a prince."

"Handed"?

"My prince." I like that.

"Pack a quando," "Pack a mondo."

"The boy been balling on this princely ass test

("Assurance" by Davido playing)

("Go Big" by YG playing)

("I'm a King" by Bobby Sessions and Megan Thee Stallion playing)

("Koroba" by Tiwa Savage playing)

("Smash the Crowd" by Public Enemy, Ice T and PMD playing)

("These Streets" by Mi Casa playing)

("To Be Loved" playing)

("We Got the Moves" by Beau Young Prince playing)

(all murmuring quietly)

(applause)

(Baba giggling)

(Baba yells)

(Baba yells)

(Babar trumpeting)

(bell tolling)

(birds chirping)

(birds chirping)

(blade rings)

(both chuckling)

(both chuckling)

(both chuckling)

(both laughing)

(cheering and applause)

(cheering and applause)

(cheering, whooping)

(cheering)

(choir singing in foreign language)

(choir vocalizing)

(chuckles)

(chuckles)

(chuckles)

(chuckles)

(chuckles)

(chuckles)

(chuckles)

(chuckles)

(chuckles) Good class today, children.

(chuckles) No doubt, you are

(chuckles) Well, I can dig that, too.

(chuckles) You got a dope closet, baby.

(chuckling softly)

(chuckling)

(chuckling)

(chuckling): Oh.

(clears throat)

(clicking tongue, groans)

(coughing)

(coughing)

(coughs) Pepsi.

(crowd cheering)

(crowd cheering)

(crowd gasping, murmuring)

(crowd gasping)

(deep voice): I've been watching you all evening,

(dings)

(dings)

(dramatic news theme plays)

(drum and bass play one beat)

(drum and bass play three beats)

(drumbeat ends)

(drumbeat plays)

(drumbeat stops)

(drums play brief, dramatic beat)

(entry bell jingles)

(excited chatter)

(exclaims)

(feedback squeals)

(footsteps marching)

(gasping)

(girl yells fiercely)

(groans)

(growling quiets)

(growling softly)

(growling softly)

(growling softly)

(growling)

(growling)

(growls)

(grunting and groaning)

(grunting fiercely)

(grunting)

(grunting)

(grunting)

(high pitched barking)

(hissing, snarling)

(imitates James Brown): Hey!

(imitating birdcall)

(indistinct chatter)

(Izzi chuckles)

(Izzi exclaims)

(Izzi laughing)

(Izzi laughing)

(Izzi yelling)

(labored breathing)

(laughing continues)

(laughing heartily)

(laughing)

(laughing)

(laughing)

(laughing)

(laughing)

(laughing)

(laughing)

(laughing): Ooh, ooh! What?!

(laughs quietly)

(laughs)

(laughs) And what's up with y'all and lion whiskers?

(laughs) like a chess pawn?

(laughs) Look at that.

(laughs): I'm sorry.

(laughs): No.

(laughter, indistinct chatter)

(laughter)

(laughter)

(laughter)

(laughter)

(laughter)

(laughter)

(Lavelle continues yelling in distance)

(Lavelle sighs)

(Lavelle stammers)

(lion growling)

(lion growls)

(lion purring softly)

(lively chatter)

(lively, rhythmic music playing)

(loudly imitates birdcall)

(man grunts)

(meows) Lion!

(Mirembe clears throat)

(Mirembe clears throat)

(Mirembe laughing)

(Mirembe sighs)

(moans, passes gas)

(Morris laughing)

(mouthing)

(music stops)

(off key): ♪ Everyone can see ♪

(panting quietly)

(panting)

(panting)

(playing upbeat tune)

(quiet, indistinct chatter)

(quietly): Today.

(rapping): ♪ My name is Peaches, and I'm the best ♪

(record scratches, music stops)

(rhythmic drumbeat playing)

(rhythmic drumbeat playing)

(saxophone playing interlude)

(saxophone playing interlude)

(saxophone playing interlude)

(screams)

(screams)

(screams)

(sighs)

(sighs)

(singsongy, echoing): Princey.

(singsongy): Got the whiskers.

(sirens whooping in distance)

(slurring): I finally made a friend from my own hood,

(snaps)

(snarls)

(snarls)

(sniffling)

(sobbing loudly)

(soldiers grunt in unison)

(soldiers roar)

(soldiers shout in unison)

(somber music playing)

(song continues in distance)

(song ends)

(song ends)

(spits)

(stammering): This is a joke, 'cause I know

(sucks teeth)

(Sugar Cube beatboxing)

(tempo slows)

(thunder crashes)

(thunder crashes)

(upbeat drumbeat playing)

(urgent chatter)

(vocalizing) ♪ To do what I want... ♪

(wheezing laugh)

(whimpers) Oh, I'm a miss her crazy ass.

(whistling)

(woman laughing in other room)

(yelling, grunting)

(yells fiercely)

(yells)

(yells)

♪ 'Cause this nation's only hope ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ 23 positions in a one night stand ♪

♪ A lover and a leader, other kings couldn't be him ♪

♪ A Michael B. body with a Denzel face ♪

♪ A queen to be forever ♪

♪ A queen who'll do whatever ♪

♪ A vision of perfection ♪

♪ Ad lib, I'm in the front row... ♪

♪ Africa. ♪

♪ After you say I can ♪

♪ Ah ♪

♪ Ain't nothing move if they ain't got me ♪

♪ Ain't nothing move if they ain't got me, ay ♪

♪ All of the people around me, they say ♪

♪ All the DJs want to feel my breast. ♪

♪ All the DJs want to feel my breasts ♪

♪ America. ♪

♪ An object of affection ♪

♪ And anywhere I go, me no need no introduction or permission ♪

♪ And if I ever leave, oh ♪

♪ And moments of despair ♪

♪ And we tight just like birds of a feather ♪

♪ Be. ♪

♪ Been 30 years, and I still got ass ♪

♪ Before cassava start to hail ♪

♪ Before my liver start to fail ♪

♪ Boss moves like Hov, face on his own money ♪

♪ Can they be that close? Ha! ♪

♪ Chioma, my lover ♪

♪ Come and walk the yellow brick road ♪

♪ Coming to America. ♪

♪ Completely free ♪

♪ Do the Humpty Hump, do the Humpty Hump ♪

♪ Don't need ice, we slide ♪

♪ Fakers gonna fake, breakers gonna break ♪

♪ Far away ♪

♪ Feel the rush of platinum and gold in America ♪

♪ For your direction ♪

♪ From infection ♪

♪ From Zamunda ♪

♪ Get off ♪

♪ Get off ♪

♪ Get off ♪

♪ Get up, everybody, and sing ♪

♪ Get up, everybody, and sing ♪

♪ Get up, everybody, and sing ♪

♪ Get up, everybody, and sing ♪

♪ Get up, everybody, and sing. ♪

♪ Go big, go big ♪

♪ Go big, go big ♪

♪ Go big, go big ♪

♪ Go big, go big, go big, go big ♪

♪ Go big, go big, go big, go big ♪

♪ Go big, go big. ♪

♪ Good morning to the world out there... ♪

♪ Got the crowd gettin' hype all night, never lose, bruh ♪

♪ He dresses like a dapper don, but even in jeans ♪

♪ He lookin' like a meal every time I see him ♪

♪ He's a godsent original, the king of my dreams ♪

♪ He's a mighty, mighty good king... ♪

♪ He's good in every hood, and he's got his own country ♪

♪ He's leaving ♪

♪ Here I am ♪

♪ Hey ♪

♪ Hey ♪

♪ Hey hey, hey hey ♪

♪ Hey hey. ♪

♪ Hey, hey ♪

♪ Hey, hey ♪

♪ Hey, hey ♪

♪ Hey, hey, hey hey. ♪

♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey hey ♪

♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey hey ♪

♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey hey ♪

♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey hey ♪

♪ Hey, what's up... ♪

♪ His Highness desires ♪

♪ How big? Real big ♪

♪ How can I put this in a way ♪

♪ I got Sexual Chocolate with me ♪

♪ I got Sexual Chocolate with me ♪

♪ I got Sexual Chocolate with me ♪

♪ I got Sexual Chocolate with me ♪

♪ I got Sexual Chocolate with me... ♪

♪ I look funny, but, yo, I'm making money, see ♪

♪ I must leave, but soon I'll return to you ♪

♪ I'll be gone on a flight with my own entourage ♪

♪ I'm a queen, I'm a queen, I'm a queen, I'm a queen ♪

♪ I'm a queen, I'm a queen, I'm a queen, I'm a queen ♪

♪ I'm a queen, I'm a queen, I'm a queen. ♪

♪ I'm a queen, I'm a queen, I'm a queen... ♪

♪ I'm a say it again now ♪

♪ I'm a say it loud, give me a group, not one man ♪

♪ I'm coming to America ♪

♪ I'm coming to America ♪

♪ I'm coming to America ♪

♪ I'm coming... ♪

♪ I'm... ♪

♪ If you want me, baby, here I am ♪

♪ If you was thinkin' the same, we can continue outside ♪

♪ In a family dose, whoo ♪

♪ In America ♪

♪ In, baby, who knows how long ♪

♪ Is a son who can't have a son ♪

♪ Is your chance to do the Hump ♪

♪ It's hard for me to say what's right ♪

♪ Just let me state for the record ♪

♪ Lay your pretty body against a parking meter ♪

♪ Leaving ♪

♪ Leaving on the midnight train ♪

♪ Let a woman be a woman and a man be a man ♪

♪ Let me show you, baby, I'm a talented boy. ♪

♪ Let your soul glow... ♪

♪ Lonely hours ♪

♪ Love is sweet, oh... ♪

♪ Make water carry me dey go far away ♪

♪ Measuring my shoe size, you gonna need a ruler ♪

♪ Money no be problem 'cause I'm royal ♪

♪ My king is smooth like Barack, but his voice got bass ♪

♪ My name is Peaches, and I'm the best ♪

♪ Neophytes gonna make mistakes ♪

♪ Next ruler of this land ♪

♪ Now I'm on my way to America ♪ (laughs)

♪ Of his own ♪

♪ Oh, can you see ♪

♪ Oh, do me, baby. ♪

♪ Oh, please don't leave us ♪

♪ Oh, say, can you see ♪

♪ Oh, say, can you see ♪

♪ Oh, what a feeling ♪

♪ Oh, what a feeling ♪

♪ Oh, what a feeling ♪

♪ Oh, yes, he is... ♪

♪ On that midnight train ♪

♪ One, two, three, nah, little cutie ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh ooh ooh ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

♪ Paul's Almond Joy ♪

♪ Royal ♪

♪ Run my bathwater, run the kingdom, run it smarter... ♪

♪ Sad, sad, sad. ♪

♪ Sahara in the sky... ♪

♪ Said he's going up ♪

♪ Say, can you see ♪

♪ Say, can you see ♪

♪ Scope this, I was just thinkin' ♪

♪ Sexual Chocolate ♪

♪ She dey wear designer ♪

♪ She's your ♪

♪ She's your queen to be ♪

♪ Sleepers gotta wake, I'm a say it again ♪

♪ So as not to offend or unnerve... ♪

♪ So good, so good, so good ♪

♪ So I am looking for a sister ♪

♪ So, yo, world, I hope you're ready for me ♪

♪ Someone to kiss ♪

♪ Someone to miss ♪

♪ Someone to share ♪

♪ Still got the looks, still got the sass ♪

♪ Strip your dress down like I was stripping a Peter ♪

♪ Sumo, fat crib in the background ♪

♪ Take us home, now ♪

♪ Take us instead ♪

♪ Take us on that midnight train ♪

♪ Take us on the midnight train ♪

♪ That we have in this life ♪

♪ That you ain't been gettin' served ♪

♪ The Humpty Dance ♪

♪ The image and the style that you're used to ♪

♪ There's not even a point ♪

♪ These streets... ♪

♪ They say that you ain't you know what ♪

♪ They tell me it's the land of the free... ♪

♪ To be loved ♪

♪ To be loved, to be loved ♪

♪ To be loved. ♪

♪ To be loved... ♪

♪ To be used at your discretion ♪

♪ To hear from each day ♪

♪ To quench your royal fire ♪

♪ Uh, oh, do me, baby ♪

♪ Up, up, up, up ♪

♪ Wa... hoo ♪

♪ Waiting only ♪

♪ We are family ♪

♪ We are family ♪

♪ We are family ♪

♪ We are family ♪

♪ We are family ♪

♪ We are family ♪

♪ We cannot lose... ♪

♪ We got the moves ♪

♪ We got the moves ♪

♪ We got the moves ♪

♪ We got the moves ♪

♪ We got the moves, hey ♪

♪ We got the moves... ♪

♪ We got the moves... ♪

♪ We got the moves... ♪

♪ We're together ♪

♪ What a king, what a king ♪

♪ What a king, what a king, what a king ♪

♪ What a king, what a king, what a king ♪

♪ What a king, what a king, what a king ♪

♪ What a mighty good king ♪

♪ What a mighty good king ♪

♪ What a mighty good king ♪

♪ What a mighty good king. ♪

♪ What's even the point? ♪

♪ When all she wants to do is wrong ♪

♪ When you're away ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Yeah. ♪

♪ Yes, we are ♪

♪ You plus me, what a ride ♪

♪ You're the one I need, oh ♪

♪ You're the one I want, oh ♪

♪ Your queen to ♪