Big Daddy (1999) Edit

A cab runs over your foot two years ago. You're hospitalized one night.

A caterpillar.

A lot of dads are like that. That's why people grow up nuts.

Aaron Bird shot me.

All right now, what way would you put that on?

All right, I got you. What do you think I should do?

All right, I guess.

All right, let's go.

All right, one at a time.

All right!

All right! I'm up!

All right?

All right?

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right. Take it easy, man.

All right. Thirty packets of ketchup.

All rise.

All the money I won from the cab accident...

Am I in the right room?

And a jury decided that one night of pain was worth $200,000.

And after the bath, you have to try and study hard.

And at this stage...

And don't tell a soul about the Scuba Squad...

And he has a five year plan.

And he taught me that Styx was one of the greatest American rock bands.

And he's poor.

And how long have you disliked Mr. Koufax?

And I think that's when I decided...

And Julian tripped him with a stick.

And nice eyes also.

And one more thing...

And representing Sonny Koufax?

And so was the squirrel.

And that's exactly what I'm gonna be.

And the rabbit got shut down, did he?

And the rabbit thought the squirrel had pretty hair.

And the rabbit was very happy to make such a nice new friend.

And the squirrel said, Of course.

And the squirrel thought it just wasn't the right time...

And the squirrel thought the rabbit was really nice too.

And then one of our students wore Rollerblades for show and tell.

And then the rabbit thought to himself...

And then, the rabbit worked up his courage...

And we all love Yoo hoo. Especially with a little rum.

And we're both losing weight.

And we're off.

And you said that you had better things to do.

Any invisible people out here...

Anyone else?

Anything else?

Anytime.

Anyway, will you?

Anyways, I had fun today. Did you have fun?

Apply pressure.

Are when I'm alone with you

Are you all hopped out?

Are you allowed soda?

Are you drunk, Mr. Herlihy?

Are you my dad?

Are you okay?

Are you selling raffle tickets?

Are you sure?

Arthur Brooks speaking.

Arthur Brooks, New York City Social Services. I'm confused.

Arthur Brooks, Social Services.

As that boy's father, I refuse to press charges.

Asshole.

At least I can fit my ass in my shorts, fatty.

At which point, you'll find a new way...

At your age I could eat anything. Wouldn't gain an ounce.

Awesome.

Bailiff, remand him until I can figure out the punishment.

Bathing and studying and eating right.

Because I win.

Because if you wanna be a member of the Scuba Squad, you have to be smart.

Because it seems you already have a daddy.

Before you came here, do you remember the last thing your mommy said to you?

Better keep it down low. The kid's gonna wake up.

Big problem in this state.

Bingo. Now sleep, okay?

Boy, I don't know what to tell you.

Breakfast is over at 10:30.

Buffalo.

But after my nap, I always watch the kangaroo song.

But don't be scared about me being a dad, because I will not fail.

But everybody's so busy with their crap lately, no one comes.

But he fights like a girl.

But I am real glad you're all here tonight, because...

But I don't think that's gonna happen.

But I fell in love with him.

But I gotta go to the bathroom.

But I wipe my own ass! I wipe my own ass!

But I'll tell you what I can do.

But I'm not sure that can happen exactly the way we want it.

But my cat, he bite his head off.

But when he got across the street...

But you gotta respect a place where the fatter you are, the cooler you are.

But you have to, and you're gonna be okay.

But your son is by far the smelliest.

But, buddy, real dads aren't always that great.

But, Sonny, you work in a tollbooth.

Bye, pal.

Cadillac, I love it.

Can I borrow that when you're done?

Can I come in?

Can I speak to Layla Maloney?

Can my kid use the bathroom for a minute?

Can we get some fries?

Can you be a tough little guy until then?

Can you get somebody else?

Can you hang out here a little bit? I gotta go do something.

Can you still have fun?

Can you tell me how old you are?

Can you tell me how old you are?

Can't they find someone who isn't a friend?

Career, stable relationship, a family.

Check this out.

Chicken wings, Molson 3 0. Canadian beer is like moonshine.

Chief Jay Strongbow used to do a sleeper hold.

Columbus Day.

Come and play

Come back later. I'll Indian wrestle you.

Come here, pal.

Come here.

Come on, come on!

Come on, fall down. Fall down. Yes! Come on, damn it.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on. I bet they're nice.

Come on. We're almost there.

Congratulations, kid.

Congratulations. You and Big Boobs McGee are gonna be happy.

Constitution.

Corinne, put a tank top on for old time's sake.

Could I have a night light?

Could you do me a favor?

Could you hang out with me?

Crybaby, come on.

Customers only.

Cut the crap.

Cut the crap.

Cut your fingernails. They're too long.

Dad, how's it going? How's Florida?

Damn you! You gave him the easy ones!

Deep down you must've known this day was coming.

Dented cans are half price.

Did he appear to be an attentive, loving father?

Did he call him Stinky?

Did I witness the first kiss?

Did you and Sonny have fun?

Did you happen to make it to her funeral?

Did you just waste the good surprise on me again?

Did you move the bench?

Didn't you pee enough in bed?

Do I need to get you a bottle of formula or something?

Do that thing I taught you the other day.

Do the right thing, buddy.

Do the thing again.

Do what you can to help.

Do you have some time to go over some things that have been bothering me?

Do you need help with that?

Do you still got a foster family lined up for Julian?

Do you want a Happy Meal?

Does he ever take his flippers off?

Does this mean that you love me?

Don't be scared. It's all right.

Don't call her that.

Don't cry. Sorry.

Don't get caught with any girls.

Don't say anything.

Don't tell him what to do. He can scratch.

Don't worry about it, boy.

Don't worry about money.

Don't you ever do that to me again. Don't do that.

Don't you take naps?

Douche bag kangaroo.

Eczema? Gross.

Electricity.

Ever since then, he's strutted around bragging...

Every day I get a little bit older and balder and fatter.

Every time it's different cards.

Everybody was baffled. Are these sausages or hamburgers?

Everything's gonna get figured out tomorrow.

Excuse me. How you doing? I'm Kevin Gerrity.

Fatter?

First of all, how did...

First of all, that cab was huge.

First witness.

Fish?

Five.

Five.

For the past six weeks, you've been living with Sonny?

For the record, where did you work during medical school?

Forget it, Sonny.

Found a job yet, where you work more than one day a week?

Frankenstein, have fun with your friends.

Frankenstein, what do you want?

Frankenstein, you gonna play in the puddle?

Frankenstein.

Frankenstein.

Frankly, his personal hygiene is becoming a cause for concern.

From now on, I have to stop letting you win.

Get him. Get him. Lock him up.

Get off the stand.

Get the door.

Get your coat. Clean up.

Give me a call back as soon as possible...

Give me that.

Give that kid back before you ruin both your lives.

Go ahead. From now on, you do whatever you wanna do.

Go back to sleep.

Go by the seesaw, smoke a J. You know what I'm talking about?

Go get the can, okay?

Go have some fun. Shoot a few beer cans or something.

Go play with them pigeons, buddy.

Go take a nap.

Go take a walk, pal.

Go to sleep now, all right?

Go to your room. I think. Or do whatever you want.

Go with the bunny ears thing. You're his dad, right? I'm sorry.

Go! Go!

Go! Go! Go!

God, Sonny, shut up!

God! You were normal yesterday.

Goddamn stick!

Good call on the two weeks.

Good God, it's 2:30 in the morning. You must be wrecked.

Good God!

Good job, buddy!

Good job.

Good job. We're gonna miss breakfast. Let's go.

Good luck walking down the street.

Good night, Frankenstein.

Good night, Layla.

Good night, Scuba Steve.

Good night, Sonny.

Good to see you stiffs. What've you been doing?

Good. Let's go. We're in a hurry.

Good. No more crying.

Great.

Gross!

Gross.

Group home? Like an orphanage?

Guess I wasn't such a good soldier.

Hang on right here for a second. Don't move.

Hang on.

Hang on. It says...

Hang out with us. We'll have fun.

Happy birthday, Daddy.

Have a good one.

Have fun.

Having a kid is great...

He already left. I guess he forgot to say goodbye to you.

He also happens to be a well respected lawyer in Florida.

He can't sleep.

He certainly did.

He covered it with newspaper.

He doesn't know how to boil an egg.

He doesn't like you. Leave us alone.

He drinks a lot of soda.

He filed for social security at the age of 30.

He happens to be pretty damn nice.

He has enough co counsels.

He has to come with me or I'll arrest you.

He is a drain on the economy, on the country...

He is such a good boy.

He must be miserable without you right now.

He never leaves me alone.

He spilled glue on the floor and didn't tell anyone.

He taught me how to do the sleeper hold like Chief Jay Strongbow.

He taught me how to pee on a building.

He tells me what to do. He never lets me figure stuff out on my own.

He told me to watch his boat for him. Said that he wanted to...

He took his sunglasses off.

He wants you to see him. He likes you.

He was probably a nice boy like you. Then his dad messed his mind up.

He'd be better off with his natural mother.

He'll think he's a failure if he couldn't get me a date.

He'll write your name on the wall. Mind your business.

He's a good man. I've known him my whole life.

He's already achieved so much...

He's better off living in a dumpster.

He's better off with me than in an orphanage.

He's going down, he's going down, he's going..!

He's going to sleep now.

He's gotta learn how to lose too.

He's in China. Who are you?

He's just a kid. We'll be in and out.

He's like a cocker spaniel. I just...

He's not great at it, so work with him.

He's not happy. What else you got?

He's peeing on his own.

He's so happy.

He's taken down! Penalty shot!

He's the smelly kid in class? I let him become the smelly kid?

Hell, yes!

Hell, yes.

Hello, Dad?

Help me! Help me!

Help me. I'm lost. I don't know where I am.

Here are the magic sunglasses.

Here comes some candy.

Here we go.

Here you are. Your waiter will be right with you.

Here, give it a shot.

Here's a number for a guy...

Hey, excuse me. Everybody!

Hey, guys.

Hey, mister. Why are you sitting on the ground?

Hey, Old Man River, zip it or I'll break your hip.

Hey, surprise.

Hey, take it easy.

Hey, you guys. How are you?

Hey, you! Still missing that tooth, huh?

Hi, Corinne.

Hi, Frankenstein. Remember me?

Hi, I like your hat.

Hi, Julian. How you doing?

Hi, Mom? Could you put Dad on the phone for a second?

Hi, my name is Benjamin Franklin.

Hi, Sonny. Hi, Sonny's friend.

Hip...

Hiphop...

Hipopynonamous?

His mother's...

His name's Frankenstein.

Hold onto your money. Later on.

Holy shit. Sonny Koufax would rather work than eat.

Honey, it was a great surprise. I was totally shocked.

Hooters.

Hooters. Hooters. Hooters!

How about a Sausage McMuffin with hash browns?

How come I have to wear a bathing suit?

How come you're not going?

How do I make it stop itching?

How long am I going away for?

How long have you delivered food to Mr. Koufax?

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

How old are you, anyways?

How you doing, cutie?

How you doing?

How you doing?

How you doing?

How you doing?

How you doing?

How you doing? Kevin Gerrity.

How you doing? You sleepwalking?

How'd you misconstrue the situation so badly?

How're things going with your girlfriend, Vanessa?

How's this?

Hung out on the monkey bars. The kid did eight chin ups.

I ain't a good father. I made a big mistake.

I ain't going to rat you out.

I am in love with a beautiful girl who makes plenty of it.

I am sick of Cozy's. You order in from there all the time.

I am.

I am.

I am. I am. I hate my father.

I bought tickets, and the show was the night before.

I broke his arm, haven't seen him since.

I can be your friend, no matter what. All right?

I can deal with that. I'll call you Frankenstein.

I can do it.

I can't believe this.

I can't believe this. We got a family now. This is what you wanted.

I can't do it.

I can't even do one with these scrawny arms.

I can't go to sleep until you say good night.

I can't have it be temporary. It's gotta be permanent.

I can't sleep.

I can't take this. Are you serious?

I could be in the Scuba Squad?

I deliver food for six years.

I did the robot voice for Mr. Roboto.

I didn't know that. I'm sorry. Good night.

I didn't tell you to come here, did I?

I didn't think of it like that. But yes, that's what I'm thinking.

I don't either, but shouldn't we give them a chance?

I don't force him, he makes the right decision. Way to go.

I don't have any, but two policemen downstairs do.

I don't have to go. Only you and my grandfather go every 30 seconds.

I don't know the rules...

I don't know what happened to you.

I don't know what to do. Hopefully Vanessa will.

I don't know what to say.

I don't know where you are. I'm sorry.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know. I gotta watch out for the kid's best interest.

I don't know. I'm going upstairs.

I don't know. Judge doesn't look too happy.

I don't know. You scratch it.

I don't like these kids.

I don't think we're gonna...

I don't understand. Why do you win?

I don't wanna go. I promise...

I don't wanna lie to you.

I don't wanna put him in a home any more than you do.

I don't wanna study.

I don't want it to be like that. I don't wanna control you.

I filed to get custody based on the child's best interests.

I gave him Nyquil. He should be out for the night.

I go with this loop, swoop and pull thing. He likes that.

I got a real job!

I got a six, a five, a jack, a four and a eight.

I got a two, a four, a ten, an eight and a six.

I got an emergency problem. Is Arthur Brooks around?

I got deliveries.

I got eczema.

I got four guys left.

I got it. I got it.

I got one and he's out of his mind.

I got too much other shit going on.

I got two queens, two jacks and an ace.

I gotta admit, I'm still weirded out when they kiss.

I gotta do my laundry on my lunch hour.

I gotta do something big. I think Vanessa will respect that.

I gotta get back to the office. You're the king.

I gotta get me one of those.

I gotta go to Washington for a hearing to dismiss my case.

I gotta go.

I gotta make a phone call. Just stay right here, all right?

I guess ever since I was a little girl.

I guess I feel like I gotta kick ass while there's ass to be kicked.

I guess I should say...

I guess.

I guess.

I had a doll like that at one time.

I had a few chardonnays. What of it?

I had a hand just like that. I didn't win.

I had a mother lined up for him...

I had an attack of paranoia. I thought you were sleeping with my girl.

I had call for delivery, but it was crank call. You want chocolate cake?

I had things going the way I wanted.

I hate Sonny.

I have a bellybutton.

I have a ton of work to do.

I have ecza...

I have no idea what you're talking about.

I have to go to the bathroom.

I have?

I haven't been up for that in 10 years. You wanna go?

I heard you did laundry with my sister.

I hope you understand why I didn't tell you until now...

I just...

I just...

I know that place. Maybe I'll see you there then.

I know this changes everything, but I had to do the right thing.

I know this is the right thing because I would die for this kid...

I know when you first got here, you thought you were gonna meet your dad.

I know when you first got here, you thought you were gonna meet your dad.

I know you'll be missing me when you got...

I know, but they were like brothers to us back in school.

I know, pal. That's not it.

I know.

I know.

I know. He was just joking around.

I know. I do too, pal.

I know. I know.

I know. I'm excited.

I let him wear whatever he wants.

I like him to express himself freely.

I like it. Everyone always tells me to hang out in the Village and SoHo.

I lost you.

I love him as much as you love me, Dad.

I love this kid too much.

I love you too, sir.

I love you.

I mean, I'm glad you had fun and all, but this is big.

I moved to Buffalo with my mommy.

I need someone I can rely on, not a playmate.

I need time to think and so do you.

I need your help.

I never thought about that.

I only came today to make sure you didn't end up in jail.

I owned a bank and a newspaper.

I promise.

I read an article that said...

I read something interesting. You know Benjamin Franklin invented...

I really can't.

I screwed up, pal. I'm so sorry.

I see. And in your experience, was Sonny a good father to Julian?

I see. Hang on a second.

I shouldn't have stayed here. That was a jerk thing to do.

I showed him that.

I sorry. I mix up D and L.

I stopped that months ago. He still wins.

I swear to God it's working.

I swear, he's right here.

I think it is.

I think my sister, Corinne, is engaged to your roommate.

I think she's back. If she's not back, we'll wait for her.

I think they're Kevin's.

I think we'd all agree with that.

I told Social Services that my name was Kevin Gerrity.

I tried to give him back. I just can't. All right?

I turn my head and he disappeared.

I wanna go to school.

I want things to go back to the way they used to be.

I want you to be my dad, Sonny.

I was a writer, a diplomat...

I was cursing at the lady, not you.

I was cursing at the lady, not you.

I was gonna do my laundry today too. Where are you going?

I was gonna give you a buzz.

I was gonna mail you the paperwork.

I was never Mr. Popularity in high school...

I was the first secretary of the treasury.

I went to China. Do you know where that is?

I went to Coney Island today with the little boy.

I went to Jones Beach, got drunk and fell asleep.

I wet my bed.

I will turn this all around. That's a promise.

I win.

I win.

I wipe my own ass.

I withdraw my objection. Please proceed.

I won't play the kangaroo song anymore.

I wrote many books and invented many things we still use today.

I'd like to call upon myself, Your Honor.

I'd rather live on the streets than under his rules.

I'll always be your family. I'll always be around.

I'll always be your friend.

I'll be a better father than you!

I'll be right back. Don't go sneaking out.

I'll come give you a crew cut.

I'll fly to New York to be at his court case...

I'll get it!

I'll give you a shout when I line up a family.

I'll go get him for you.

I'll hang onto the kid until you find him a new family.

I'll have a hot dog with the mustard and a knish.

I'll meet you after school at 2:30, right out front.

I'll show you in that book. It might help you out with your school play.

I'll show you some cool shit along the way.

I'm all right. I'm recovering.

I'm an idiot. I was so hammered.

I'm coming home. I don't know what I'll say...

I'm concerned.

I'm curious. Just what were those better things that you had to do?

I'm gonna give him advice and I'm gonna guide him...

I'm gonna leave you with your dad now, Julian.

I'm having a tough time reading this...

I'm in a bad way. Vanessa dumped me. I don't know what I'm doing.

I'm Julian's teacher, Ms. Foote.

I'm kidding.

I'm Mr. Koufax's co counsel.

I'm not getting any handsomer.

I'm not going to work. I'm going to brunch with potential clients.

I'm not his dad. I'm more of a father figure type...

I'm not scared.

I'm out the door. Hey, pal.

I'm psyched about it too.

I'm right here, miss.

I'm scared. Could you do it too?

I'm scared. What if she's not nice?

I'm Scuba Sam.

I'm serious. Don't do that.

I'm serious. Don't do that.

I'm sleeping in the office. We're going to trial on the fraud case.

I'm sorry to hear that.

I'm sorry, but I don't know what else to do.

I'm sorry, Corinne.

I'm sorry, Sonny. I can't. It's my case.

I'm sorry. I wanted to thank you for coming tonight.

I'm sorry. I was freaking out there.

I'm still right here.

I'm talking about you being a grandfather.

I'm telling you, buddy. Vanessa, she's the one. I can't lose her.

I'm thinking about keeping the kid.

I'm too hungry to sleep.

I'm working on a big case. I gotta sue you for making me come here.

I've been looking.

I've decided to take care of the little guy.

I've delivered to you before.

I've got a few problems.

I've got Spice Channel. It's blurry but it's nice.

I've had some smelly ones before.

I've never even been to Buffalo.

I've never...

I've really never seen any problems with that.

I've tried contacting him several times and he hasn't responded.

If I can make a believer out of him, I can make a believer out of everybody.

If I can't have you

If I get custody of Julian, I'll be his father forever.

If I have a kid of my own, I hope he's half as cool as that kid.

If it's okay with you, I'd like to ask you a few questions.

If O.J. can get away with murder, why can't Sonny have his kid?

If the girls at Hooters could see her now.

If this note is true, it's your kid.

If you don't like spaghetti and meatballs, get out.

If you don't wanna take care of him...

If you end it, you get an Egg McMuffin.

If you're afraid, put them on to become invisible.

If your mother could pick anyone to be your new daddy...

Impossible! All you care about is yourself!

In fact, we gotta get you dressing differently.

Initiating the conversation is half the battle.

Instead of saying that, I figured I'd show you.

Is he all right?

Is he picking your nose?

Is someone in the bathroom?

Is that strange for you?

Is this like the time you said my parents were dead?

Is this okay?

Is this your handiwork?

Isn't Little Italy the greatest?

It happens every 10 years...

It is absurd to think that Sonny Koufax is ready to raise a child.

It is your name, isn't it? Sonny Koufax?

It smells like urine in this joint. Good job.

It took him 20 minutes to learn that. He's quick. He's smart.

It took you a long time to pencil me in. You work all the time.

It'll be your name the rest of your life.

It's a clock radio.

It's a tie. That guy doesn't count. He can't even read.

It's coming right at you.

It's cool you only work one day a week.

It's gonna be fun. You nervous?

It's great what you're doing with Julian while you got him.

It's hard to know what's going down...

It's important, when you eat at my restaurant...

It's in Asia, which is...

It's Layla.

It's not a big deal.

It's not doctor stuff. It's common sense. Scratching spreads rashes.

It's not his fault he can't read.

It's not your fault, okay? I'm the idiot.

It's not your problem? All right.

It's okay.

It's only Sonny. It's only Sonny.

It's overtime, and there's a penalty shot about to take place.

It's your first day. Take it slow.

Ixnay on the ketchupnay.

Jan.

Jan... I don't know any Jan.

Jethro Tull had a reunion concert in New Jersey, so I caught that.

Joe Carter?

Julian found it hilarious.

Julian has been displaying some odd behavior.

Julian has drawn the part of Benjamin Franklin, a very important role.

Julian, come here.

Julian, you're gonna have to come with me.

July 15th.

Just because I don't have a job doesn't mean I don't wanna move on.

Just don't make me regret this.

Just go. You gotta go.

Just hope he's not hanging out with drug dealers and delinquents in school.

Just ignore him.

Just kidding.

Kangaroo song.

Kangaroo song. Kangaroo song!

Keep it flowing! That's it!

Keep napping. What's this?

Keep those on. No one can notice you until you decide they can.

Kind of adopted a kid.

Koufax is a good egg. He was nice to that kid.

Lady gave me $5 to bring him here.

Lamb and tuna fish?

Lasagna.

Last Monday was a fluke. Bring it on, woman.

Last three weeks have been crazy. I've been in Denver, Dallas...

Last time, he was with a different girl. I guess he ate her.

Lay!

Layla Maloney, Your Honor.

Layla, if you don't come over to Sonny's apartment tonight...

Layla, line four.

Layla, you didn't actually enjoy that, did you?

Layla? I like your song.

Let me do it.

Let me have that.

Let me show you. Watch.

Let's do it, Rangers.

Let's eat.

Let's eat.

Let's get on with it.

Let's go.

Let's go. Let's go.

Let's go. Up, up, up.

Let's hurry it up, all right? I'm keeping you company.

Let's hurry it up, all right? I'm keeping you company.

Let's just give it a shot just so I can have some dignity.

Let's make this quick. I gotta get to work.

Let's see here.

Let's see your clippers.

Let's study a little bit.

Lift this arm, okay? Slide under and try to lock wrists.

Like I'm not busy?

Like the time I found a bag of pot in your drawer...

Listen, Sonny, I would like to help...

Lock wrists.

Look at Brad's body. Not an ounce of fat on it.

Look at his eyes. He's bored. I give it two more weeks.

Look at this guy.

Look, I can't manage this kid.

Look, I did it. Loop, swoop and pull.

Look, look. He fell asleep. Let's go.

Look.

Look. See?

Looking won't pay the rent.

Loop.

Make bunny ears, cross and pull them through.

Making cereal.

Man, this Yoo hoo is good. You know what else is good?

Maybe it was a mistake.

Maybe it's a mistake.

Maybe the fish sandwich. I'm not sure. I'll get back to you.

Maybe we should try a kiss out.

Maybe you can also finish the turkey on your lip.

Maybe you can sue under the Foreign Corrupt Practices Act.

Maybe.

Maybe. I gotta go.

Me either. It's just that you kissed Scuba Steve.

Me too.

Me, the same guy who once shaved his ass to win a $5 bet.

Medical problems?

Meet with me. I'll order in from Cozy's. We'll have fun.

Microsoft went down three points.

Microsoft went down three points. We gotta save some money.

Mikey, a pleasure.

Mistake?

Mitch Williams... We flew up for the night.

Move your ass there, pee boy.

Mr. Castellucci.

Mr. Gerrity, this is Arthur Brooks from Social Services. I got good news.

Mr. Gerrity?

Mr. Koufax is a really cool guy. I wish my dad was as cool as him.

Mr. Koufax is simply parading his buddies up there.

Mr. Koufax, anyone else?

Mr. Koufax...

My body's definitely better than his.

My client's out $7 million. All we can sue on is breach of contract.

My cousin's friends with their drummer...

My dad took us to McDonald's the first morning they had breakfast.

My dad was a military man.

My father, Lenny Koufax.

My friends make fun of me too. I've seen them 25 times.

My friends, Vanessa.

My God!

My God! This is Corinne's place?

My mom always said soda rots your teeth...

My name is Alexander Hamilton.

My son.

Need some help?

Next time, kill me.

Next witness.

Next year, be prepared, moron.

Nice cut, pal.

Nice parenting.

Night light? I think I can help you out. Hang on.

No further questions.

No more questions.

No more wetness.

No music during the game.

No problem.

No, he's in good hands.

No, I can't help it. I just love them.

No, I can't stay. I'll hang for a little bit.

No, I gotta go get you some more ketchup.

No, I made that up again too. I'm sorry.

No, I made that up. I'm sorry.

No, I wouldn't.

No, I'm not, but...

No, that's not it, pal.

No, you weren't! And I worked so hard on this.

No! I mean, yes, I did, but I thought you needed more sleep.

No? You're excited, aren't you?

No. Hey, man. I was exercising.

No. Nothing changed, really.

No. You're a big boy.

Nobody in this world thinks I shouldn't have a child more than that man.

Not my problem your dad was sick.

Not only shouldn't you get custody...

Not that Barney. A more expensive Barney.

Not too bad. Your mother got a sunburn playing tennis.

Now, I have a chocolate shake, my ass jiggles for a week.

Off to a good start.

Oh, boy.

Oh, boy. When I was a little girl, frankfurters only cost a nickel.

Oh, God.

Oh, God.

Oh, God. Corinne, I'm sorry.

Oh, God. You don't have to pee, do you?

Oh, my God!

Oh, the glasses. I couldn't see you.

Oh, there you go.

Oh, yeah, he is.

Oh, yeah, that's a good hug.

Oh, yeah, the hand holding thing.

Oh, yeah? Why don't you pour me a bowl?

Oh, yes. They make terrific pair.

Okay, all right, the glasses.

Okay, Dad.

Okay, take care, Sonny.

Okay, that's good. Trick or treat.

Okay, what can we do?

Okay. All right.

Okay. Just hang out a little bit.

Okay. Peace, out.

On Mondays, I go to Central Park and watch rollerbladers fall down.

One second, pal.

Open the door!

Open up.

Or don't pour me a bowl. Either way.

Or they'll fall behind...

Or you can stand there. Anything you want. I'll be a minute.

Order! Order! Order!

Our son. I adopted him.

P P P Please don't do this to me.

Pardon me, sir.

Patrick Ewing, nice shot.

Peanuts?

Pending a blood test, I...

Philadelphia.

Phillip D'Amato.

Pleasant Hooters.

Please don't make me go.

Please help me. I don't know where I live.

Plus, I'll pretty much be representing myself.

Plus, I'm stripper. But I've put on weight so it's problem.

Pony?

Prove it!

Prove it!

Puffing the cheeba.

Pull.

Put it away.

Put it in there. Feels good.

Put them on.

Put your arm under here.

Put your coat on.

Put your head back. My grandmother did this to me.

Really?

Really?

Really?

Really?

Really? Let's take a vote. Who thinks the kid should study?

Really? Nobody can see me?

Relax.

Remember when Dad had that barbecue for his friends and it rained...

Remember when I told you Aunt Fay was coming to New York...

Remember, the roof breaks to the right.

Representing New York City?

Right on, Mr. Gerrity.

Right there.

Rumpelstiltskin?

Rumpelstiltskin's a good man. So are you guys.

Sausage McMuffin.

Save it, Mr. Koufax.

Say, Happy Halloween.

Scuba Steve, damn you!

Scuba Steve.

Scuba Steve's father.

See how quick it goes away?

See these right here? These are magic sunglasses, okay?

See you in three hours.

See you.

See, he's out.

See, my mom got married really young and pretty much just raised us kids.

See? Urinals are good too.

She didn't tell me. The roommate has a right to know.

She died.

She had cancer. She must have sensed that her time was running short.

She knew you'd ruin the surprise.

She lost her damn mind. That wasn't your fault, though, okay?

She said we did laundry?

She wanted her son to be with the natural father.

She'll be my sugar mama.

She's getting older. She wants different things:

She's gonna be a big part of your life.

She's that lady I was telling you about.

Shit!

Shit! You turned off the alarm clock again.

Shopping.

Shut up or I'll smack you through the wall like last Monday.

Shut up.

Sierra Club Legal Department.

Since the day I met him.

Sit still!

Six years ago, Joe Carter...

Sleep, all right? Just try to sleep. Stay asleep.

Slow down.

Smart. Good.

Smoking dope.

So does Corinne's sister have a name?

So he asked the squirrel if he could have some.

So I did it.

So I was wondering...

So I'm working in a tollbooth now.

So now my plans have changed.

So that's it.

So the rabbit ran across the street...

So what? Relax. He's a kid.

So when my dad took off...

So you two have fun and I'll see you in the morning.

So, Mr. Ass Wiper, what's this guy's name?

So, what, you have a son now?

Social Services is closed today, Columbus Day.

Social Services.

Social Services. I gotta get him back.

Some rain, some shine

Some role model.

Something like that.

Sometimes.

Sonny, I beat you so bad in basketball yesterday.

Sonny, I don't really know what's going on right now.

Sonny, I'm right here.

Sonny, it's more than a chance. It's a certainty.

Sonny, Sonny, come here!

Sonny, that was five years ago. She's a doctor now...

Sonny, this is exactly why I didn't wanna get involved.

Sonny, what was that all about?

Sonny.

Sorry about that.

Sorry, Mr. Koufax.

Sorry. We stopped serving breakfast.

Sorry. We stopped serving breakfast.

Sounds nuts to me, pal. Do yourself a favor. Sleep on it.

Spaghetti and meatball? You more comfortable with that analogy?

SpaghettiO's. Do you like SpaghettiO's?

Speaking of fatty, whose is this?

Start by paying more attention to his schoolwork.

Stay away from the frozen food section. Your boobs'll harden.

Stay clean. Stay focused.

Stay in front of it. Don't be scared.

Stay where I can see you. I gotta talk to this guy.

Stinky, let's go. You got us in trouble.

Stop yelling at me!

Sure.

Sure.

Surprise!

Surprise!

Surprise.

Syracuse is 0 and 3. And I got those medical problems.

Take a second.

Take care.

Take out your handcuffs.

Ted Castellucci.

Terrific.

Thank you for being sweet to my little boy.

Thank you very much.

Thank you, Julian.

Thank you.

Thanks. Are you my therapist? Take a walk.

That can't be good.

That one touched the ground.

That relationship's lasted longer than I thought it would.

That scares you because you think there's a good chance I'll fail.

That she loved me and I was gonna live with my new daddy.

That was awesome!

That was before he met you. That Hooters thing is a coincidence.

That was nice of you. Thank you.

That was your girlfriend. She was acting Hooterific.

That went good, don't you think?

That would've been cool, right?

That's a capertillar.

That's a shitload of piss.

That's actually a good reason to be working.

That's all right.

That's all right. But he was still thinking maybe...

That's because you suck.

That's better, huh?

That's good. See you later, Frankenstein.

That's how they get.

That's it, boy.

That's it.

That's my boy.

That's my foot!

That's nice, but you don't know what's going down on the streets.

That's nice.

That's not my problem.

That's not too difficult, right?

That's okay with me then.

That's one.

That's pretty funny.

That's right.

That's terrific.

That's terrific. And we'll watch this after the game, okay?

That's what I thought. Shut up.

That's what I was trying to tell you before. I found someone.

That's what it's all about.

That's what you wanna wear?

That's why you're here right now, to protect me, to be scared for me...

The Best of Times

The class is giving a presentation of the Founding Fathers.

The court grants custody to Kevin Gerrity, pending the DNA test results.

The Declaration of Independence is finished.

The delivery guy's your best friend.

The good news is you're not smelling like a foot anymore.

The kid is always around.

The kid won't stop peeing and throwing up.

The kid's good at tying his shoes.

The only problem is...

The peanuts belonged to a squirrel...

The real Kevin Gerrity asked me to take care of...

The Vanessa thing did not work out.

Then at the park, you and this kid come barging into my life...

Then what, you gonna go to your Hooters reunion?

There should be same set of rules, no matter what age.

There was a girl.

There you are.

There you are. Are you okay, buddy?

There you go, all right?

There you go, all right?

There you go. Come on, let's eat, everybody.

There's a bright side to being up before 11: McDonald's breakfast.

There's a kid here.

There's a pole there.

There's a stick there. Somebody should move it.

These are the cutest things I've ever seen.

They don't got Cheerios.

They don't make him wear bowling shoes? He wears flippers?

They only caught a bad rap...

They said that?

They watch a different kind of porno now. But that's it.

They went together like lamb and tuna fish.

They're not scrawny. They're nice.

They're still like our brothers. Our very, very gay brothers.

Things are going fine.

Think about what?

Thirty packets of ketchup.

This case is simple.

This Columbo, he pretends to be stupid...

This court is after the truth, not the opinion of the defendant's father.

This guy knows what I'm talking about.

This is a big mistake.

This is a big, important game.

This is a big, important game.

This is a rough patch in my life.

This is a whole new school of child raising.

This is a whole new school of child raising.

This is bullshit!

This is just you and me talking...

This is kind of like that, except with a human.

This is my favorite part of the song right here.

This is my friend.

This is something you learned at Hooters.

This is Styx. They've been my favorite band since I was 12.

This is where I live.

This is where we hang our jackets.

This isn't a big problem.

This kid won't stop lying to me. You still act like you're six.

This was during the so called Disco Era...

Thomas Grayton.

Those boots are the best.

Those were the days.

Throw him into the ropes and he comes back...

Tie your shoes, we'll go. Hurry.

To do what I think is right here.

Tommy and Phil showered separately.

Tommy knew a clerk, so they fast tracked the hearing. It's Tuesday.

Tomorrow I'm leaving for China to represent the firm of Morton and Mandel.

Too bad you don't like girls. I think you could've had her.

Too late.

Toronto and the Phillies. World Series.

Toronto? I thought you were from Buffalo.

Toronto.

Total mind blower.

Turn that game off, pal.

Two guys you were best friends with in law school fell in love with each other?

Two.

Vanessa always rooted against the team I wanted to win just to bust my chops.

Vanessa.

Vanessa...

Vanessa's gonna break up with me...

Very good.

Wait. You can't take him away.

Waiting for Julian so I can have somebody to play with.

Wake up.

Wanna try one?

Wash your mouth out. He's dirty.

Watch. This guy's humming.

Watching football.

Way to block it. Stay with it.

Way to sleep on it, pal.

We can fix this.

We don't call them that.

We don't even know where this kid's gonna end up.

We gotta get going.

We had a blast together.

We may have found a family for Julian.

We only got five minutes, five minutes. Now four.

We only got nine minutes to get there.

We owe it to ourselves to see if we should move to the next level.

We want some candy!

We wasted the good surprise on you.

We wasted the good surprise on you.

We were expecting you.

We'd like to call Julian McGrath.

We'll be open tomorrow at 8 a.m.

We'll enroll you on Monday. Enjoy the weekend.

We'll find your parents.

We'll go to Barney's.

We'll hop, hop, hop, hop

We'll make this a regular thing.

We'll see about that.

We're four seconds late.

We're gonna be there in a minute.

We're gonna go to the Blarney Stone. Wanna come?

We're here to determine proper custody of Julian McGrath...

Welcome back.

Well, get it right.

Well, I'm going back to sleep. Nighty night.

Well, she passed away last night, Mr. Gerrity.

Well, sure. All you have to do is work hard.

Well, then you shouldn't scratch it.

Well, think about it, you know?

Well...

What are they?

What are you doing after this? Going to a Klan meeting?

What are you doing in here, cutie?

What are you doing?

What are you doing?

What are you gonna do about it?

What are your cards?

What can I get for you?

What cat would do that?

What do you eat?

What do you got in the bag, Corinne? Some chicken wings? Booby tassels?

What do you mean, you can't do it? Just go.

What do you mean?

What do you mean?

What do you mean?

What do you mean?

What do you say

What do you say?

What do you wanna do tomorrow?

What do you want me to do?

What do you want?

What happened to Aunt Fay that weekend?

What happened to Sid's five year plan?

What if he goes bowling?

What is going on?

What is it? Don't die?

What is it? What's the matter?

What kind of kid?

What kind of things would you do?

What were Julian and Mr. Koufax doing?

What?

What?

What..? Come on.

What'd we learn about girls?

What're you doing there, boy?

What's going on?

What's rum?

What's that?

What's the matter?

What's the matter? We'll take hot cakes and sausage.

What's up?

What's with the cummerbund?

What's wrong with me?

What's your birthday?

What's your name?

What's your name?

Whatever.

When I graduated law school, we met here every Monday to watch football.

When I was 35, he attempted to give me a crew cut while I was sleeping.

When I was born, all we had were the burgers and fries.

When parents take the responsibility, there's no bigger high for us.

When we were at Syracuse, and Vanessa worshiped you.

Where are we going now?

Where I'm from, it's called doing the hibbity dibbity.

Where were you born?

Where's my Egg McMuffin?

Which of your esteemed co counsels will examine you?

Who cares?

Who doesn't? Well, you just lost, two to one.

Who sent that note?

Who the hell are you?

Who the hell would give you a kid?

Who will be the first to sign?

Who would meet you?

Who's that?

Who's this?

Who's who? He's invisible.

Why are you being so nuts to me lately?

Why are you going to work? It's Sunday.

Why are you scratching so much?

Why do I need to meet this lady?

Why don't we pretend you didn't even come in here?

Why don't you go back over there, okay?

Why don't you go back sleepy? Sleepy.

Why is the door shut?

Why not?

Why?

Why?

Why? They're gay. That's what gay guys do.

Will somebody get the kid a Happy Meal?!

Will you just relax? Here.

Without question.

Wood.

Would you just give me a second to say goodbye to the kid?

Would you like

Wow, I didn't know this about George Washington.

Yeah, but after you study.

Yeah, CDs. You like that?

Yeah, don't worry.

Yeah, he was picking his own all day...

Yeah, I don't like them either.

Yeah, I just wanted to say I love you.

Yeah, I'm up from D.C. I was at that party...

Yeah, it's only me. It's only me.

Yeah, okay, Dad. I act like I'm six.

Yeah, pal, I am.

Yeah, pal, I am.

Yeah, that's it.

Yeah, well, I got him.

Yeah, you did. Thanks a lot for showing up.

Yeah, you're all right.

Yeah? I eat food too.

Yeah? No, I care about you saving money on this call!

Yeah.

Yep. Good luck to you and your son.

Yes, considering we're in America.

Yes, his teeth were made of wool.

Yes, she did.

Yes, Uncle Remus, I know the catfish are huge.

Yes, we do.

Yes! That's what I'm talk...

You always order three pieces of cheesecake.

You bring him down slow.

You calling me a liar?

You can be scared that I might get pickpocketed in a bad neighborhood...

You can step down now.

You can't tell me what to do.

You did do it.

You do? Good job. That's cool.

You don't gotta do that.

You don't know?

You don't want me here anymore?

You drink the booze, you lose. Remember that, punk.

You even like your name?

You give him options, not orders. Let him make the decision.

You go inside and make some friends.

You got a deal.

You got a Happy Meal?

You got it.

You gotta go.

You gotta take a look at this.

You guess? Shouldn't you like your name?

You guys talk about whose ass hangs out of their shorts the most?

You guys wear the same size T shirt. That's cool.

You have a bellybutton? We all have bellybuttons.

You have a good sleep.

You held yourself out to be Kevin Gerrity...

You idiot. You better give that kid back.

You just called me Mr. Koufax, didn't you?

You just go to sleep.

You just gotta go away for a little while.

You kick that ass during the day, but at night you have fun with Sonny.

You know about kids? I thought you were a foot doctor.

You know what I got? Some noisemakers. Check this out.

You know what? I'm gonna go to Syracuse to see my mom.

You know.

You like hockey?

You like hockey?

You like that?

You like that?

You like that?

You loop it, you swoop it and you pull.

You loop it, you swoop it, you pull.

You made the biggest mistake of your life.

You must trust me. Stay away from BLT, okay?

You need a father figure? Stop pulling your sister's hair!

You need me to hold your hand?

You owe me a Sausage McMuffin.

You put the vane on down there. Then this boat comes up.

You put them on if you feel scared, okay?

You refuse to move on to the next phase.

You remember? It was at that Toronto Hooters.

You remind me of my grandson. You don't think things through.

You said this was just temporary.

You said yourself you were a bogus dad.

You see, my boy...

You should spend it on your bar exam.

You suck. You suck!

You surprising me with a kid that you adopted...

You think I planned on a kid showing up on my doorstep?

You think that since women get pregnant to fix a troubled relationship...

You think that's funny, me getting hurt?

You think that's funny?

You two want to get married, I support that.

You wanna see me get hurt? That'll cheer you up?

You wanna take me with you?

You wanna tell your children you met their mother as a waitress at Hooters?

You want my opinion? My son is a moron.

You want some food?

You want to come and sit down, pal?

You wanted me to be more responsible. I can't raise this kid alone.

You wear a diaper?

You wipe your own ass then?

You'd think he'd want some privacy. I'm in deep shit.

You'll be the only kid your age with a slingshot.

You're 30 minutes and four seconds late. Breakfast stops at 10:30.

You're a Hooters girl?

You're a lawyer?

You're a loser.

You're a pioneer.

You're afraid to get involved and you got a lot of work, but...

You're damn right.

You're excited. How long you been this crazy?

You're going down, sucker.

You're going to Syracuse?

You're going to the putt.

You're gonna meet Vanessa tonight. You'll like her.

You're kidding me.

You're mad at your dad, not at me! I forgive you!

You're nice man.

You're not attracted to, like, 60 year old guys, are you?

You're not gonna let a little rain stop you from making 100 hamburgers.

You're not gonna tell me to get a real job.

You're not staying?

You're picking your head up. Don't do that.

You're right. Can I use your phone?

You're such a dick.

You're the lawyer. I ain't taking a bar exam.

You're the next Willie Randolph.

You're welcome, Sonny.

You're wrong, Dad.

You've always had McDonald's breakfast available.

Your boy's making the least progress of any of the children.

Your Honor, one second.

Your Honor...

Your Honor...

Your sister's Corinne? That sucks.

And he loves ketchup. He does.

Arthur Brooks. How are you? I need to speak with you.

Because I win. What's the name of that game?

Before you say anything... Look at that.

Bullshit. You were sleeping. I wasn't.

Can we get two root beers? Sure.

Congratulations. Thanks, man.

Congratulations. Thanks, man.

Do you swear? I swear.

Do you want your ass kicked? I'm just kidding around, Layla.

Don't blow it on worthless crap. I won't.

Enjoy the metabolism while you got it. Metalobism?

Good night. Good night.

Happy birthday, Sonny. Thank you.

Happy birthday. Thanks, everybody.

Have him call me. All right.

He said that? Come on.

Hello, Mr. Koufax. Mr. Brooks, how you doing?

Hello? Sonny, it's your dad. You asleep?

Hey, Sonny. What's up, buddy boy?

How about you, John Hancock? I want to sign!

I don't know that. Go with the loop, swoop and pull.

I don't know. I'm eating it then.

I don't wanna go. I know you don't.

I got some interesting news. Oh, yeah? What?

I win. Why do you win?

I'd like to see you try it. Shut up.

I'll be back on Wednesday. What are you talking about?

I'll call the Heatherton Home... Let's do this.

I'll come home. I'll take care of it.

I'll see you at home. All right.

I'll teach him bunny ears. What's bunny ears?

I'm Sonny. Sid.

I'm thirsty. You're thirsty?

Is everything okay? Oh, my God.

Is that Kevin on the phone? No, it's my Uncle Remus.

It's halftime. Relax, Mr. Herlihy. Goddamn Jets.

Kevin Gerrity. I got something to tell you.

Layla, they took the kid. Who?

Look at my man stand strong. He's so cute.

Maybe it's a 10 year plan. Is that the guy with the old balls?

Might as well... Leave a message!

Might as well... Leave a message!

Now it is your problem. Thank you.

Objection! Shut up, Tommy.

Of course, you are not Kevin Gerrity. No.

Okay. Let's go.

One day it clicked. Hey, yappy.

Quit scaring the kid for a minute. Who am I scaring?

Rangers against the Tampa Bay Lightning.

Really? I thought it was 11. I thought that too.

Scratch. Is that better?

So there you go. Whatever.

So you lied. Yes.

So you two just chill out all day? Basically.

Staying clean, pal? Yes.

Thank you. You're welcome.

Thanks for telling me. I have to split.

Thanks, anyways. Sure thing. Anytime.

Thanks! You're welcome.

That is so cheap. What?

That was nice. Nobody hassled you to get a job.

That's good. Later.

That's right, a capertillar. Capertillar, all right.

This is a collect call from: Your baby boy.

This is ridiculous. Hang on.

This old guy? Sid.

This Tuesday? You got work?

To accept charges, say, Yes. Yeah, I'll accept.

We gotta get going. Why?

We gotta get going. Why?

We should talk... You said I got some thinking to do?

We're gonna miss breakfast. Why?

What are you doing? I'm swamped.

What are you doing? You forgot to say good night.

What do you mean? Later.

What do you want? Cheerios.

What is he talking about, Mommy? Nothing.

What the hell is he doing? He's shopping.

What? Don't worry. I like yours better.

What're you doing? lf I make this...

What's going on? Corinne's going away party for Kevin.

What's up? I'm looking for Kevin Gerrity.

What's your name? Frankenstein.

Where you going? Manhattan.

Where's he from? Where are you from?

Who do you want to win? The goddamn Jets.

Why are you here? I'm cleaning because you're useless.

You his father? I'm Kevin Gerrity.

You into that? I don't know.

You just killed me. So what? You'll play later.

... at City Social Service. Arthur Brooks. I'll call.

... but he needs your help. I can't be his mother anymore.

... is kicking ass in the stock market, so relax.

... it's as close as you can get to a must win game for the Rangers.

... so we can set up a meeting. Bye.

...100 hamburgers with one frying pan?

...also known as Julian Gerrity, a minor child.

...although I only went to school for two years.

...an inventor and a statesman...

...and asked the squirrel if he could have...

...and he reached down, pulled me on stage.

...and I don't know how to make her wanna stay.

...and I wanted you to show her the city?

...and I watched Fantasia a lot.

...and I'll be there whenever he needs me.

...and it's screwing up everything I had planned.

...and most of all, on me!

...and my fiancée, so from now on...

...and old balls.

...and they tell us stories from the road.

...and yet he's still goal oriented and still focused.

...and you said you thought they were pencil shavings.

...and you wanted that puppy, but I reminded you about feeding it...

...as long as his eyes are closed and he's not moving or speaking.

...be nice to the delivery guy, would you?

...be seeing each other anymore.

...because he thought he saw some carrots.

...because most critics are cynical assholes.

...because then everybody will wanna join.

...bifocals? That's pretty cool.

...body on top of you...

...but for me, it was more the Doing Mushrooms Era.

...but he's really smart as a tack.

...but I'm not very good looking, so that didn't work out.

...but it says, Dear Kevin: This is Julian, your son.

...but my status in your country is not what you would call legal.

...but she's banging the Pepperidge Farm guy.

...but since you obtained him by defrauding the state...

...but you'll lose them anyway, so rot on.

...by Europe. I brought some cool stuff back.

...Carrots, peanuts, what's the difference?

...cleaning it and toilet training it?

...custody over another life is not only wrong...

...Dr. Big Boobs McGee.

...even if I disagree with why he's there.

...even though this particular rabbit was very sweet.

...feel free to come in, okay?

...got shit going on.

...got shit going on.

...he's afraid to bathe alone.

...I got a kiss the first night. After three times, you got nothing.

...I want you to meet Julian, my son.

...I'm gonna do what I never thought I'd have the guts to do.

...I'm sorry. I don't even like that song anymore.

...if maybe you could keep him company in the tub.

...If you won't take responsibility for him, they found a foster family...

...in her busy squirrel life to be kissing any rabbits...

...it turned out they weren't carrots, they were peanuts.

...it's insane.

...Jets are playing tonight.

...just so he won't feel one ounce of sadness.

...just the littlest squirrel kiss.

...my son deserves this kid.

...my son doesn't have health insurance.

...needs to take a bath.

...one more won't hurt.

...or break my legs skiing.

...Scuba Steve could get a squirrel kiss...

...she wasn't left with a lot of options.

...so don't pay attention to these people.

...so he and Mom went into the kitchen and made...

...so I figured he could borrow mine. Sweet.

...so somebody's getting some action.

...so when they come to town, we go to dinner...

...talk to you about some secret mission.

...that big, white, wrinkly...

...that Dad and Mom thing we'll figure out in the morning.

...that I never wanted to end up in that situation.

...the fact is you kidnapped this child.

...the most important influences in a kid's life are his friends.

...there's a good chance I'll develop a stutter.

...this sweet little boy, Julian, end up under your supervision?

...to be a good father.

...to gain custody of young Julian.

...to give this young man...

...to initiate conversations with girls in the park.

...until Social Services can get another family.

...Vanessa will realize she likes me the way I am.

...wasn't what I wanted. I did this for you.

...we'll take him. But he'll have to chill in a group home.

...when I'm not with you, I'm thinking of you. Do you have that going on?

...when you're in an office seven days a week, Mr. Tollbooth.

...where we wasted the good surprise on you.

...who had taken them home from a baseball game.

...who would she pick?

...why can't a guy adopt a kid to do the same?

...with his loose skin...

...with little kids and grownups and being naked and just sit down.

...you never order BLT.

...you should be in jail.