☊ The Muppet Movie (1979) Soundboard

A bear in his natural habitat.

A four foot prune.

A motorcycle cop is chasing us.

A shattered dream for every fallen star.

A Studebaker.

About seven knots.

After all. I did the driving.

Agh!

Ah!

Ah! Nice looking girls. huh?

Ah.

Ah. I... Oh. Oh.

Ah. wacka. wacka. wacka.

Aha!

Aha. wacka. wacka.

All I can see are millions of frogs on tiny crutches.

All right.

All right. And now it's time to drop the electronic beanie.

All right. boys.

All right. Bring over the frog.

All right. Here they are.

All right. You talked me into it. We 'II be a team.

And a chicken. a dog. a thing whatever Gonzo is.

And a dragonfly ripple for my friend. the frog.

And agree to be my national spokesman. he will soon be a frog burger.

And here she is. folks. This year's Miss Bogen County...

And I think if you look in your heart.

And if they need frogs. they must need bears too.

And it kind of makes us like a family.

And moi.

And one dragonfly ripple for the frog.

And this is Doc Hopper sayin' that if Kermit the Frog don't stop right now and call me.

And this is Doc Hopper. You listen, Frog. And listen good.

And throw. what we call in German. the switch.

And we 're gonna stay right here in this office until you let us in to see Lew Lord.

And we just crossed that little red line over here.

And where do you think you're going?

And why don't we take a little seat. Kermit?

And. well. I've found a whole bunch of friends who have the same dream.

And...

Animal!

Animal. cool it back there.

Are you the guys I'm supposed to meet?

Argh!

Arnie, wait a minute Careful, Arnie.

Beat drums. Beat drums.

Because I'm hopping mad.

Because in ten seconds. he won't know you from kosher bacon.

Bertram! Bertram. you... Bring out the machine!

Besides...

Big time show biz. That's always been my dream.

Boom! Blow it up. Ka boom!

Boy, it feels like we've been driving for days

Boys, no reflection on the job you've been doin

But before we begin. I'd like to thank everyone who contributed to this film.

But I decided to bring in a specialist.

But I have to get out of this swamp. I have to catch a plane.

But if that's not the kind of man you are.

But it seems to me that the frog and the bear are temporarily out of service.

But it's about singing and dancing and making people happy.

But now he's got this frog killer in from the Coast. and the man is deadly.

But seriously. friends.

But seriously. I'd like a honey ice cream cone for me.

But seriously. there 's a boat dock just downstream.

But that's because they believed in me.

But the sky sure is beautiful out here.

Bye bye

Cab it?

Can you help me? I have lost my sense of direction.

Can't. baby. but when you get rich and famous.

Cerebrectomy. cerebrectomy. Electronic cerebrectomy.

Come back. you!

Come on. guys. Wait! Please!

Come out here!

Coming home.

Commercial?

Congratulations. Mr. the Frog.

Cut the small talk and buy me a drink.

Darn. I missed. You know. that's the first thing to go on a frog.

Der flim is okey dokey.

Detachable fenders for narrow garages.

Did we do something wrong. Officer?

Do it.

Do you have anybody like that. Hopper?

Doc Hopper comes on strong and they get to this church.

Doc Hopper will never recognize you now.

Doc. isn't that a frog up there?

Doesn't smell promising but a frog's gotta eat.

Don't I get one kissy kissy?

Don't move.

Don't worry. Animal. Your big scene is coming up.

Don't you want to smell the bottle cap?

Drink up.

Drop the electronic yarmulke.

Edgar Bergen and Charlie McCarthy.

Electronic cerebrectomy.

Evenin'. Rowlf. Rowlf the Dog.

Everybody. on to Hollywood.

Everything.

Exactly. She just walked out on me.

Excuse me.

Expandin'. just like you frogs expand.

Exterior. Desert. Night. We knew right where you were.

Exterior. Swamp. Day. In a long helicopter shot,

First of all. I'll pull out of this. OK?

Forgive the interruption. but I'm here to audition.

Fozzie: 'They don't look like Presbyterians to me .'

Fozzie. you can't tell 'em the whole story. You'll bore the audience.

Fozzie. you were very. very funny.

Gaga. Gaga. Aw.

Gee. a Studebaker. Where did you get it?

Gee. Doc. All I can see is a frog and a bear in a rainbow colored Studebaker.

Gentlemen. that's straight ahead. Private screening room D.

Get your fresh organic popcorn. Only a buck.

Go home! Go home!

Golden teeth and golden tones. Welcome to my presence.

Gonzo.

Good evening. Miss Piggy.

Good luck.

Good. good. good. good. good.

Good. Save those arcs.

Goodbye.

Great show.

Guy's got a sense of humor.

Ha ha ha.

Ha ha. Crazy Harry plays with electricity!

Ha ha. Let's start things off with a bang.

Ha ha. No.

Ha ha. You think this crowd's ugly. you should see the dancing girls.

Ha! Ha ha ha!

Halt!

Hands down.

Have a couple of beers. take myself for a walk and go to bed.

Have you tried Hare Krishna?

He 's Dr. Teeth.

He 's packaging a blockbuster.

He probably says that to everybody.

He tells jokes. He even rides a bicycle.

He was so fat that everybody liked him and there was nothing funny about him at all.

He will do your television commercial. yes.

He will sell your frogs legs.

Hello again. it's me.

Hello.

Hello. I'd like an ice cream.

Hello. sailor. Buy me a drink?

Hey!

Hey. but watch. Whoa!

Hey. cool it. everybody.

Hey. do you like the frog? Isn't he terrific. Doc?

Hey. don't you ever go to the movies?

Hey. Floyd. Take a verse.

Hey. Fozzie. look up ahead there.

Hey. Frog!

Hey. hey. The man with the badge. The police. the cops. the fuzz. the p I...

Hey. I thought we were gonna go get some ice cream.

Hey. if you ever come West to Hollywood. look me up Bernie. the agent.

Hey. Kermit. Can I take Animal for a walk? He needs some exercise.

Hey. Kermit. Hey. Where 's your pig friend?

Hey. Kermit. Who's the cute lookin' pig?

Hey. listen. it's wonderful to see you guys. but how did you ever find us?

Hey. look at him.

Hey. Now, wait a minute

Hey. those are the trees for the swamp.

Hey. well. listen. Bernie. why don't you say hello to Arnie the alligator?

Hey. what are you dudes doin' in here?

Hey. what is this pile of... Jack. get rid of this heap.

Hey. what's going on?

Hey. where are you goin'? Hey! Wait for me.

Hey. you! Hey! Bring that back.

Hey. you're a great crowd. Thank you. thank you and thank you.

Hi! Hi!

Hi. everybody. and welcome to the first screening of The Muppet Movie.

Hii yah!

Hiiiiii yah!

His tongue. The tongue goes and you can't catch flies.

Hm.

Hm. Let's see.

Hmm.

Hold it. boys. Hold it!

Hold it. Dr. Teeth. What's up ahead?

Hold it. hold it.

Hold on to your hat! Hat! Hold! Good.

Hold your fire!

Hollywood!

Hollywood! Hollywood! Hollywood!

Hollywood. Gee.

Hopper. what's the matter with you?

How charming of vous.

How fat was he?

How many times have I told you not to talk to the customers?

How much? Mm hm.

Howdy. Mr. Frog.

Huh.

Hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry, huff)'

I A show off at school

I A skunk was badge red. the results were strong

I Above the fruited plains

I All of us under its spell

I All of us watching and wishing we 'd find it

I am the owner.

I America. America

I And agree to see an etching that you keep at your lily pad

I And could they take it back?

I And do I belong there?

I And fill the heavens above

I And light the dawn

I And never again

I And pointless to holler

I And rainbows have nothing to hide

I And so fast

I And some choose to believe it

I And someone believed it

I And the last

I And what do we think we might see?

I And where to find the words

I And yet so far away

I And you

I At home in midair

I Aurora borealis. shinin' down on Dallas

I Be a better drummer. be an up and comer

I Beat down the walls. begin. believe. begat

I beg your pardon.

I But I plan to stay

I But only illusions

I But when we touched

I can put you in this German street machine for only $2.000.

I Can you picture that?

I Can you picture?

I can't believe it.

I Close to my soul

I Come and go with me

I Da da me

I detest the surfeit of provincial laughter.

I didn't promise anybody anything.

I Doin' pratfalls and bird calls and bad imitations

I don't know where you're... All right. now... Don't step on that asphalt!

I don't understand any of this.

I expected that.

I Fact is there 's nothin' out there you can't do

I finish work. I go home. read a book.

I Footloose and fancy free

I For amber waves of grain

I For men?

I For old friends who've just met

I For purple mountain majesties

I From sea to shining sea

I Getting there is half the fun. come share it with me

I God shed his grace on thee

I got him. I got him.

I got lots of friends.

I Grinnin' like a Cheshire cat

I guess I was wrong when I said I never promised anyone.

I Have two souls joined so freely

I Have you been half asleep?

I Hey. LA. where have you gone?

I hope you appreciate that I'm doing all my own stunts

I I focus on the pleasure. somethin' I can treasure

I I hope that some thin' better

I I hope that some thin' better comes along

I I keep it underneath my hat

I I lost my heart in Texas. northern lights affects us

I I never think of money. I think of milk and honey

I I wanna be your lifetime friend

I I'll keep it at the rainbow's end

I I'm going to go back there

I I'm going to go back there someday

I I've heard it too many times to ignore it

I I've heard them calling my name

I I've never been there

I I've noticed you're watching too

I If she 's a beauty. she 'II get under your collar

I Is it ready for me?

I Is this the sweet sound

I It starts when we 're kids

I it's easy and we all know how

I it's more fun to share

I it's no good complainin'

I it's something that I'm supposed to be

I it's too soon to feel yet

I Jelly belly gigglin'. dancin' and a wigglin'

I just gotta catch up with those guys.

I just want to say one thing

I Keep believing. keep pretending

I know you're planning something bold and clever.

I know. I'll be ready for him.

I La da da de

I La de da roo

I Like invisible strings

I Lordy. but I love to jam

I love it. Chase music is one of our best riffs.

I love it. I love it. If I can inflict a little pain during the afternoon. I sleep good at night.

I Makin' faces at friends

I may not be one of your fancy Hollywood frogs. but I deserve a chance.

I mean, if you get your tongue fixed who knows?

I mean. if frogs couldn't hop. I'd be gone with the Schwinn.

I mean. once you get all those restaurants. who are you gonna share it with?

I mean. patient?

I Movie stars with flashy cars and life with the top down

I Movin' right along

I must reach the switch. I must...

I Never before

I never promised anything.

I never thought that Doc was gonna hurt Kermit.

I Nothin's really where it's at

I Now begins the changin'. mental rearrangin'

I Now the Eiffel Tower's holdin' up a flower

I Oh. no. they wouldn't dare

I On and on

I On featherless wings

I only thought he was gonna lean on him a little.

I Only what you got

I Or have I found my place?

I Rainbows are memories

I Rainbows are visions

I Really nothin' to it. anyone can do it

I see what you mean.

I She made a monkey out of old King Kong

I Some get an itchin' for a critter they've been scratchin'

I Somebody thought of that

I Someday

I Someday we 'II find it

I Someday you'll find it

I Sometimes the sky calls

I Stand up and hollers for more

I Sun rises. night falls

I Sweet dream reminders

I Thanks to the lovers

I That calls the young sailors?

I That keeps us stargazing?

I That's part of what rainbows do

I The dreamers

I The lovers. the dreamers and me

I The lovers. the dreamers and...

I The pitter patter of souls. the little feet of tadpoles

I The rainbow connection

I The voice might be one and the same

I There 's no limitation to mixin' and matchin'

I There 's not a word yet

I There 's some thin' irresistible ish about 'em

I There is no solution. It's part of evolution

I There it is. I got you now

I think he 's supposed to.

I think we should thank the judges of today's contest.

I This could become a habit

I This looks familiar

I This love was bound for heaven

I This love was meant

I Though sadly we just left Rhode Island

I To light the stars

I To share with all the world

I To sing its worth

I told you not to step on it. We gotta get this... Off the asphalt!

I told you. Lew. Not in the movie or at the screening.

I told you. stay off the asphalt!

I Vaguely familiar

I wanna go to Hollywood Hey, wait for me!

I wanna go to Hollywood.

I wanna report a... (sneezes)

I want to eat drums.

I We 're in this together

I We 're stormin' the big town

I We can hold on to love

I We grin and bear it 'cause the nights are long

I We know that it's probably magic

I We made it ours

I We're flyin', not walking

I What is it you'd like to do?

I What was once juvenile ish

I What's so amazing

I When there 's enough

I When wished on the morning star?

I Who said that every wish

I Why are there so many songs about rainbows?

I Why should they take it back

I wish I had those balloons again.

I wish I still had my Studebaker

I With good friends. you can't lose

I With leftover love?

I Would be heard and answered

I Yeah. even Santa Claus believes in you

I You can just visit

I You can't live without 'em

I You don't have to buy a frame

I You gotta see it in your mind

I You know it's quick and easy to find

I You take it. you know best

I You work to the mirror

I You're a clown and a fool

I You're building up steam

I You're burning with hope

I You're close to your dream

I You're getting standing ovations

I You're ready for the big time

I You've found a home at the magic store

I... I took the liberty of ordering us some wine.

I'd miss this old swamp. but...

I'll be back later to pick up what's left of the frog.

I'll... I'll be right back. Oh. Oh.

I'm a prince of plunger. fair maiden.

I'm a professional. I've had three performances.

I'm allergic to animal hair.

I'm back.

I'm flying! Whoopee!

I'm gaining on 'em, Doc I'm gaining on 'em.

I'm no Heifetz. but I get by.

I'm on my way to New York City to try to break into public television.

I'm so nervous. If I'm not funny. I won't be able to live with myself.

I'm so sorry if I kept you waiting.

I'm trying so hard. Please don't do that.

I've seen detergents that leave a better film than this.

If you were a chicken. you'd be impeccable.

Interior. Church. Day.

Irritated!

Is it OK for me and my boomerang fish to be in your movie?

Isn't that splendid? Just splendid. Just take a look at it.

Isn't this great? Here I am floating in space.

It is indeed a problem for us to probosculate upon.

It turns the brains into guacamole.

It'll be so fine and laid back and mellow and profitable.

It'll do you very little good.

It'll only be an eensy teensy moment.

It's a beautiful evening. isn't it?

It's a moral decision and I'll stand by it.

It's a very rapidly growing field. You like garlic. don't you?

It's all my fault.

It's all right. he 's from Hollywood.

It's good to see you. Doc. you little rustic devil. you. Where 's my victim?

It's just that I'm not used to alligators where I come from.

It's not often you see a guy that green have the blues that bad.

It's something so sensational that you'll have to hold on to your hat.

It's time for a showdown.

It's too bad the dancing girls are on vacation. The crowd is getting ugly.

J' A frog leg burger on a bright green bun

J' And crown thy good with brotherhood

J' And somebody out there loves you

J' Everybody's lover, everybody's brother

J' Frog legs, frog legs, frog legs are fine

J' Hopper's is the place you should dine

J' I know they're wrong wait and see

J' Is this an angel's wish

J' Life's like a movie, write your own ending

J' Look what it's done so far

J' So we've been told

J' Still, it's fun when they're fetchin'

J' To fill each lover's heart

Jack not name. Jack job.

Just a second.

Just great.

Just mon capitaine

Just the dreams I got from sitting through too many double features.

Kermie, I tried to save you a seat, but somebody took it.

Kermie. Ah!

Kermie. I did place one phone call to my agent.

Kermie. I'm not a bit worried.

Kermie. we 're all with you.

Kermie. what an unbelievable coincidence.

Kermie. whisper sweet nothings into my ear.

Kermit and Fozzie come walkin' down the aisle

Kermit the Frog, symbol of Doc Hopper's French fried frog legs.

Kermit.

Kermit. does this film have socially redeeming value?

Kermit. it went swell. It went great. boss.

Later. Max. Now follow that frog.

Less a $12 trade in on your old vehicle.

Less our $12 trade in You owe us a nickel.

Let me show you some thin' that might change your whole life.

Like a dream come true.

Like disguising their car so they won't be recognized.

Like. can you get behind it?

Listen, gang. I never promised we'd make it

Listen. congratulations on winning the beauty contest.

Listen. I can't spend my whole life running away from a bully.

Listen. you go back and tell Doc Hopper I'll be waiting for him there.

Look at 'em up there. Pull it up a little further here. Fozzie.

Look at that.

Mad Man Mooney doesn't believe in all that dealing and wheeling.

Max!

Max.

Max. find me a frog and a bear in a tan Studebaker.

Max. for instance.

Max. I've done my best with that frog. Now's the time to do my worst.

May I help you?

Maybe we 'II show up and exploit your wealth.

Me too.

Me? You... you mean it? Oh.

Mellow and profitable.

Millions of people happy.

Motorcycle cop is a sweet nothing?

Motorcycle cop.

Movin' right along. Fozzie.

My car's right outside.

My guys will meet you there.

My name is Kermit the Frog and I'm on my way to Hollywood.

My name is Rowlf the Dog and I was playing the piano... Oh. never mind.

No frog's gonna make a monkey out of me!

No problem. OK. all right.

No, wait, please

No.

No. he 's hibernating.

No. I don't think so.

No. I guess not. Anyhow. I brought 'em all out here into the middle of nowhere.

No. no. Beat drums. beat drums.

No. thanks.

No. that's a frog down here.

No. they believed in the dream.

Not exactly. Sparkling muscatel.

Not you. buzzard beak.

Now I got a lady pig and a bear.

Now, what we're going to do is bring out a machine that's going to wow you.

Now. boys. this is Snake Walker.

Now. just a minute. Mr. Frog. Everything's negotiable.

Now. listen. boy. Don't you wanna be rich and famous?

Now. this... this car is one of the greatest...

Now. we take your friend. the little f 0 r g.

Oh, my dear friends. Welcome to Mad Man Mooney's hubcap heaven

Oh, wait, please. Oh, please. Please wait

Oh, wow.

Oh!

Oh? You call that a miss?

Oh.

Oh. all right. all right. Camilla. I'll get you a balloon. but you have to pick the color.

Oh. big legs.

Oh. dear.

Oh. easy. We just read the screenplay you left us.

Oh. Elma Jane.

Oh. good.

Oh. great. Wonderful. Yeah.

Oh. hey. Mr. the Frog.

Oh. hi. there. I'm going to audition for Lew Lord.

Oh. honey. Buy me some. please.

Oh. I tell you. Camilla. Great plumbers are born. not made.

Oh. I... I certainly hope so. Sam. Sorry about that.

Oh. I'm so glad you asked. We're perfecting our latest invention.

Oh. I'm sorry. Mr. Lord can't be disturbed by anyone.

Oh. if I were you. I would give this audition very careful consideration.

Oh. it... it was worth it.

Oh. just look at all this.

Oh. Kermie.

Oh. Kermie. Don't. don't. don't. don't. Ker...

Oh. kissy kissy. Kissy kissy. Oh. thank you. Oh.

Oh. listen. see. Kermit here. he was living in the swamp...

Oh. May I ?

Oh. no. Sorry. I only work as a single.

Oh. Sorry about that. Two. three. four.

Oh. sure. There 's a double feature in town every Saturday.

Oh. thank you very much. Hey. we 're all going to Hollywood.

Oh. thank you.

Oh. that's rough. I'm sorry about your tongue.

Oh. they work on anything. but the effect is sadly temporary.

Oh. this is like flying.

Oh. waiter.

Oh. well. in a minute. I'll join you.

Oh. will you stop whimpering? Go out like a frog. not a little toad.

Oh. wow. like. what can we do to help them?

Oh. yeah?

Oh. yeah. Sure. sure.

Oh. yeah. That's Animal. Show 'em what you do. Animal.

Oh. yeah. The road manager. We couldn't go anywhere without him.

OK. everybody. Drinks on the house.

OK. everybody. Stay in focus. huh?

OK. Frog. Where are you?

OK. Herr Machine. This is big time here.

OK. Muppet Movie. scene 1A. take one.

OK. One honey cone for the bear.

OK. standby. Here we go.

On the other hand, if you hadn't left the swamp,

One last chance.

One of the finest wines of Idaho.

One second.

Or what I'm saying doesn't make any sense to you

Our gentle mornin' melodies have attracted wanderin' admirers.

Our pleasure. green stuff.

Ow!

Patriotism swells in the heart of the American bear.

Phone.

Please don't touch anything.

Please. sir. My name is Kermit the Frog and we read your ad and...

Prepare the standard rich and famous contract for Kermit the Frog and company.

Professor Krassman is the world's leadin' authority on mind control in frogs.

Put him in the chair. clamp on the terminals.

Ready to go to work? Hand clamps!

Red or green?

Ribbit. ribbit. ribbit.

Right. everybody. Production number. OK?

Right. Two. three. four.

Roll film.

Rolling.

Rough place. huh?

Rowlf. tadpoles don't have feet.

Seat cushion!

Second?

See. I'm an agent. I... I winged in from Hollywood.

Shall we go now. Kermie?

Shh!

Showdown! Showdown!

Sit yourself down.

So much for Hollywood.

So much has happened to me since I saw you last.

Sometimes they get a bunch of balloons for their girls.

Soon. there'll be enough voltage coursing through your little frog brain

Sound is ready. Give me a level.

Speeches are not necessary. dear. Roll film.

Starting with the little people. from the hairdressers to special effects.

Step outside the motel right now.

Step this way. Professor. Let me introduce you to your patient.

Still. whether you promised them something or not.

Sure. if you wanna do it the easy way.

Tell 'em what you do. Snake.

Tell us what you're gonna do to our little Kermit.

Terrific! I'll eat with you. Miss Piggy.

Testing. one. two. three. Testing. Can you hear me?

Thank you.

Thank you. everyone. Thank you.

Thank you. Herr Machine.

Thank you. Of course. normally. I don't do anything so trivial.

Thank you. Oh. oh. thank you.

Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you. That'll be all for now.

Thanks. Excuse me.

Thanks. miss.

That does it!

That is terrible. That's the most appalling. disgusting. revolting thing I've ever seen.

That was... that was very nice

That's enough of that. Harry.

That's good. Glen. That's good. That's nice and tight.

That's one of my latest inventions. A musical rotating rain barrel.

That's pretty dangerous. building a road in the middle of the street.

That's strange. he just ran away. Well. movin' right along. Fozzie.

That's the kind of dream that gets better the more people you share it with.

That's the second time!

That's the toughest. meanest. filthiest. pesthole on the face of the Earth.

That's what I like about it.

The bartender said there were drinks on the house.

The dream factory. the magic store.

The funny. furry. fabulous Fozzie Bear.

The moon doesn't look like you

The moon is just lovely.

The Muppet Movie. huh?

The wine?

Then your girlfriend will be ham hooked by breakfast.

There 's $500 in it for you up front.

There 's a sign up ahead there. Pull in front of that.

There 's one of those Doc Hopper billboards.

There was this sailor who was so fat...

There's an ad in here that you should be very interested in.

They don't look like Presbyterians to me.

They whom as are known as the Electric Mayhem.

Think we can trade in both these old cars and get one big one.

This guy's lost.

This is a movie studio. not a zoo!

This is a narrative of very heavy duty proportions

This is a serious call for help.

This is it.

This is the happiest moment of my...

This is the kind of chance you can't afford to pass up.

This is the place to be.

This is... Look at our little car down there.

This whole disguise is only so I could warn you

To light up Cincinnati.

To the thunderously loud music of Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem.

Today... today is your lucky day.

Too true. too true.

Two o'clock tomorrow afternoon.

Ugh!

Ugh! Go wash. You'll get warts.

Uh oh. Zoot's skipped a groove again.

Uh. uh...

Uh...

Uh... Hey. listen. I'm gonna check things out.

Uh... Mr. Lord.

Uh... No. I... I don't think so. Miss Piggy.

Uh... Oh...

Um...

Uncle Kermit. is this about how the Muppets really got started?

Wacka, wacka, wacka, wacka, wacka.

Wacka. Wacka.

Wacka. Wacka. Wacka.

Wacka. Wacka. Wacka. Wacka.

Wait till you see this. You think we 're sleeping in Düsseldorf?

Was I funny? Was I funny. anybody?

Watch out!

We 'II be OK.

We 're a small time operation. but we 're expandin'.

We 're here to heckle The Muppet Movie.

We gotta keep his little froggy self away from this Hopper dude.

We live here perfecting useful inventions. Come in. come in.

We missed it.

We were just traveling down this little black line here.

We...

We'd think of a clever plot device

Well. climb aboard the bus. We 'II have breakfast at Hollywood and Vine.

Well. friends...

Well. how do you like the film?

Well. I don't care what anybody else says. I'm having a great time.

Well. I got us this far. didn't I?

Well. I wanna go to Bombay. India and become a movie star.

Well. I'm not really sure. She said she was coming for ice cream. but...

Well. it's sort of approximately how it happened.

Well. it's time to announce the winner of this year's Bogen County beauty pageant.

Well. thanks anyway. but I'm really pretty happy where I am.

Well. then you'll have to get another apartment. won't you?

Well. then... go ahead and kill me.

Well. we're going to perform an electronic cerebrectomy.

Well. we've come to be rich and famous.

Well. why not complain to the owner?

Well. you may serve us now. please.

Well. you see. I'm not a sailor. I'm a frog.

Well...

Well... I... I'm gonna be a performer too.

Well... That... That might be nice.

Well... We 're headed west.

Well... Well. hey. listen.

Well... what if I don't?

What a wild idea.

What are you doing in town. short. green and handsome?

What do I know about Hollywood anyway?

What do we do now. huh?

What do you want? Chocolate, vanilla coffee, peach fudge, rum, banana?

What for?

What is that?

What is this? A luau?

What the heck's goin' on here? A pig that goes bananas?

What the hey?

What the...

What?

What? Gonzo?

What? Not really. Do you?

What's that?

Whatever happens next, I wouldn't give up this evening together for anything.

Whats left of the frog? You can have everything. excuse the brain.

When a German scientist says hold on to your hat. it's not casual conversation.

When you've been ticklin' the ivories as long as I have.

When?

Where they went? Fozzie?

Who are your friends. Doc? Those guys?

Why are you doing this to me?

Why are you hopping up and down?

Why don't we stop somewhere for the night and have a quiet little dinner...

Why not take both?

Wishing to become rich and famous.“

With that tongue? No way.

World Wide Studios announces open auditions for frogs

Would you consider a bear in a frog suit?

Would you hold my vanity case? Hii yah!

Would you taste it for us. please?

Wow. it's a pig. Did you see that?

Wow. let's do it.

Wow. like. I'm Janice. I'm lead guitar. for surely.

Yeah, well, they're holding auditions for frogs next week.

Yeah? Typical. That's why I live alone.

Yeah.

Yeah. but I'd like to thank everybody for all of their hard work and their patience

Yeah. but then it would just be me feeling miserable.

Yeah. but what brings you dudes here?

Yeah. but... To buy ice cream. not to Hollywood.

Yeah. Cosmic. man.

Yeah. Funny. I'm still wide awake.

Yeah. man. well. what else do these pills make big?

Yeah. me too.

Yeah. Of course I do.

Yeah. storm is right. Should it be snowing?

Yeah. we're takin' this old church and turnin' it into a coffeehouse.

Yeah. well. what in the name of Fats Waller is that?

Yeah. with real good music and organic refreshments.

Yeah. yeah. Just be cool and eat another seat cushion.

Yeah. yeah. sure.

Yes, yes. Yes Yes

Yes?

Yes. but Kermit assumed the awesome responsibility of command.

Yes. Mr. Lord. I'll have those deal numbers for you in a jiffy.

Yes. sir.

Yes. sir. I'm off.

Yes. sir. Turn left at the fork in the road.

Yoo hoo. Yoo hoo. Here I am. Here I am.

You can be in the next one, Lew

You can struggle all you want now, Frog

You can't just walk in here off the street. you know.

You could be earning this much every year.

You could make millions of people happy.

You don't go to Bombay to become a movie star.

You go where we 're going Hollywood.

You gonna do my TV commercials live or stuffed?

You got the picture. boy? You see what I mean?

You got your frog legs on Eugenie. You got your frog legs stroganoff.

You gotta be crazy. chasin' me halfway across the country.

You guys OK?

You know. Fozzie. you really do have a lot of talent.

You know. how about you and me putting together an act?

You know. I hear this movie is dynamite.

You know. I really should join my friends for ice cream.

You know. Miss Piggy.

You know... I Hollywood

You look lovely tonight.

You mad. impetuous thing. It's champagne.

You said I could come with you.

You see. I'm Dr. Bunsen Honeydew and this is my assistant. Beaker.

You see. It starts here on page one.

You think we 're taking a nap in Cologne? No. we 're working at night.

You. my little likable friend. are gonna do all our television commercials.

You. on the other hand. make a terrific frog.

You. you with the banjo.

You... you wanna come along?

You'd be feeling pretty miserable anyhow.

You're asking him to do something terrible. I can't be a part of it.

You're not gonna believe who the winner is. folks.

You've seen a broken heart for every drop of rain.

Zoot. hey. Zoot.

Zoot. Sax is your ax

(all) No. Kermie.

(band plays) What? What? What? I'm up. I'm up.

(banging) (Fozzie) Ah.

(Beaker) Makeup ready. (Floyd) Scenery ready.

(Bunsen) Sound is rolling. (Rowlf) Camera's rollin'.

(Floyd) Uh oh. (Janice) Drag city.

(Floyd) What he says. (Gonzo) Yeah. come on.

(Fozzie) How long is it to Hollywood? (Kermit) We gotta be there by tomorrow.

(Fozzie) Kermit. where are we? Well. let's see.

(Fozzie) Kermit. you can't do that. Now. listen. guys.

(Fozzie) Look at these cars. (Gonzo) Kermit. Kermit. Kermit.

(Fozzie) Oh. boy. Yeah. what? (Kermit) Fozzie?

(Fozzie) Oh. it's a gorgeous day. (Kermit) Yep. certainly is.

(Fozzie) OK, here we go, here we go. (bang)

(Fozzie) Sorry. Hey. that's my Caddy!

(Fozzie) What's going on? Hey. what happened?

(Fozzie) Yep. terrific day for a drive. It's beautiful country out here.

(Gonzo) Easy. easy. (Fozzie) OK. Here?

(Kermit and Fozzie) Huh? But you'll think it's stupid.

(Kermit gasps) Hi, I'm Doc Hopper,

(Kermit gasps) Oh. no. now. don't be afraid.

(Kermit) All right. Hopper. All right. Frog.

(Kermit) Everybody out of the car. (Fozzie) OK. Chickens first.

(Kermit) Fozzie, they're right behind us I know, I know.

(Kermit) Get down, Fozzie. Yes, sir.

(Kermit) Gonzo! What are you doing? (Piggy) What?

(Kermit) He's right above us (Gonzo) Woo hoo!

(Kermit) Hey. Fozzie. look up ahead. What is that?

(Kermit) Look out! Stop! (Fozzie) No problem.

(Kermit) Move. Now duck. What?

(Kermit) No. I won't. (Fozzie) Tell us. tell us.

(Kermit) Piggy? (Fozzie) Kermit.

(Kermit) Step on it, Fozzie! Yes, sir.

(Kermit) Sure. (Fozzie) When he wakes up. he 'II kill me.

(Kermit) This looks like a nice quiet spot. Uh huh.

(Kermit) What's that? (Fozzie) Ah.

(man) ...is Debbie Sue Anderson. Over there. See?

(man) The first runner up... What's over there. Kermit?

(man) Where'd she go? (Piggy) Oh. boys.

(Muppet) Boring. To the costume designers.

(Piggy) Oh. Kermit. You're a born leader. (Kermit) Now. where is he?

(Rowlf) Hey. who's that? (Kermit) I don't believe that.

(sniffs) Oh.

(Waiter) Miss Piggy. Hm?

A noggin full of library paste. Let's fry them brains!

Ah. Kermie. look. it's wonderful. Yeah.

Alligators? That's right.

And may we have straws, please? Yes.

And never more and never less. (buzzing)

and their... Roll film! Roll film!

and you're the key. greenie. Yeah. well. I've got a dream too.

Are you gonna sell my plunger too? (Kermit) There 's all kinds of great cars.

Are you Kermit the Frog? Yeah.

Are you Miss Piggy? Yes.

Aren't we, gang, huh? Yes!

Bear left. Right. Frog.

Bear left. What?

But I can't. Neither can I. That's my trouble.

But I do lack the skills of a performer. You also make a lousy frog.

But I don't even know you. Hey. You makin' a move on my girl?

But. Kermit. the band here wants to know. Well. let 'em read the screenplay.

Can I give you a word of advice? (Gonzo) What?

Can't you drive any faster? No. sir.

Come back in here. Yes. sir.

Come on. Bear. Burn rubber. Yes. sir.

Crutches? Shut up. Max.

Cut. cut. please. Do you know any dance routines?

Dance. Yes. sir.

Did you say alligators? Read my lips alligators.

Did you say Hollywood? Read my lips Hollywood.

Do what? The movie.

Do you wanna come with us? Hollywood?

Does it show? Listen.

Don't get 'em mixed up. Gotcha.

Down. Animal. Back. Sit. Down. Back. Sit.

Drinks on the house. Go. go. On the house.

Each night a new dial. a new knob... Electronic ce...

Especially not with all these animals. Animals? What's wrong with animals?

Everybody happy? All right. Ugh!

Everybody stay in the bus. OK? Mm hm.

Excellent choice. Should be for 95 cents.

Feast your eyes on that. Uh...

Follow that frog with me in the car! I'm sorry. Doc. I just got excited.

Fozzie. Yes.

Fozzie. Yes. sir. I just lost my head. I...

Fozzie. come back in here. What?

Fozzie. Fozzie. Yeah?

Fozzie. look at that funny little truck. Yeah. it's cute. huh?

Fozzie. where did you learn to drive? I took a correspondence course.

Gee. Oh. brother.

Gee. I don't know what to say. Say the bear was magnificent.

Gee. I know. but... Just move this. Move it. You understand?

Get the feet into place. (Whimpers)

Good grief. (Hopper) Come on.

Good. Roll film. Flim is rolling.

Ha. We 'II take that one for $11 and 95 cents.

He 's OK. Yeah. Hi. Gonzo.

He's the man with the contacts? No. he's the man with the van.

Hello. Kermie. please...

Here 's to you. Miss Piggy. Oh.

Hey, why don't you join us'? Where are you going?

Hey. OK.

Hey. Dr. Teeth. you better pull over. Hey. easier done than said.

Hey. there. Wanna lift? Oh. no thanks.

Hey. what... What's happening? At the moment. we're what's happening.

Hey. who are you guys? We am. is. are and be

Hm? A what?

Hollywood talk. Wa ha ha ha.

Hollywood? You wanna join me?

Honey. Honey?

How are you? Ah. Professor Krassman.

How should I stop? (Kermit) A little bit farther.

I am an actress model. Oh. is that right?

I beg your pardon. I hardly know you. Ah.

I don't know how to thank you guys I don't know why to thank you guys

I missed you. Yeah.

I still have to audition. you know. Hey. there ain't nothin' to it. but to do it.

I Use it if you need it I Don't forget to feed it

I'll double your percentage. I'll open the door.

I'm a businessman with a proposition. What?

I'm Floyd. I blow bass. And I'm... I'm...

I'm packed. I'm packed. Yeah. so I see.

I'm Statler. I'm Waldorf.

Is this the only street into town? Yes. yes.

It is? Yes. it is. You. for example...

It's only an old ghost town. Fine.

It's time to beat feet. green stuff. (Fozzie) Let's get out of here. Kermit.

J' If you want just a snack Don't worry.

Kermie. Oh. hi. Piggy.

Kermie. Yeah?

Kermit. it's him. OK. gang. Let him explain.

Kermit. Kermit the Frog. Pleased to meet you.

Kermit. you know... Not... not right now. Fozzie.

Kermit. you'll get killed. Oh. please. no.

Let's go. Fozzie. $500?

Listen... (Kermit) Oh. boy.

Look how he does that. Yep.

Makeup. Yes. let's do it. Yes.

Max! (brakes screech)

Max. I don't think you're a bad man. Doc.

Maybe you'd better pull over. Yes. sir.

Millions of people happy? Millions.

Miss Piggy. you look beautiful. (Piggy) Thank you.

Mm hm. Smells good. Mm. Yes.

Myth! Myth! Yeth?

Nice and simple. Stay away from women that's my motto.

No. I mean I'm really lost. (buzzing)

No. it's coming straight at us. (clucks)

No. no. Myth. myth. Yeth?

No. you see. that's just a myth. Yeah. but she 's my myth.

Not workin' for you. I don't. That's right.

Now dance. What?

Now. get along. all of you. No. Wait a second. See here. miss.

Now. Kermie. Oh. thank you.

Oh! What are you doin'. Doc? I'm goin' after the tires.

Oh. brother. (Gonzo) Oh! Oh!

Oh. just one little hug. (Fozzie) Hm.

Oh. my uncle left it to me. Huh? Is he dead?

Oh. no hard feelings. honey. (man) Before announcing the winner.

Oh. Piggy. Kermie.

Oh. yes. Of course. Yeah.

OK. back it up. Yes. sir.

OK. way to go. guys. (Fozzie) All right.

Open the door. No! You open the door.

Piggy. is that you? (Hopper) Yes. that's her.

Piggy. it's your agent. Ooh.

Play something snappy. You got it.

Private screening? Yeah, they're afraid to show it in public

Really? Yeah. but...

Sadly temporary (sighs)

Say goodbye to the frog. pig. Why should I?

Scenery over there. right? Movin' right along. Hey!

Switch. I must reach... Oh. no.

Take off. Fozzie. Yes. sir.

Telephone. Oh.

Terrific. Max. terrific. Now go! But you promised me a reward.

Thank you. Fozzie.

Thank you. Just watch out for the alligators.

That's a myth. What?

That's my jack. Oh. hi. Jack.

That's Piggy. Yeah. I know.

The professor's here. Doc. Show him in. Show him in.

There she is. Get her!

They go gaga for it. Gaga? I'll take the whole bunch.

This is the patriotic part. Should we stand up?

To the prop makers. (Piggy) Kermie. Kermie.

Two. three. kick. Kick. Yeah. sorry.

Very suave. Mm.

Wa ha ha ha ha. Wa ha. Good.

Wait a minute. What?

Wait a minute. Stay with him. Fozzie. (Fozzie) Yeah.

Watch it! (meeps)

Watch out! Oh. my... Agh.

Watch the tree. Rowlf. Careful. Scooter.

Watch the window. Hm?

We 'II follow you. To the car. Yes. sir.

We 're following our dream. Really? I have a dream too.

We 're going to Hollywood? No. I mean. listen...

We did what? Just forget it.

We got it. (Camilla clucks)

Well. Well. what?

Well. how did they recognize us? They recognized you.

Well. I like the movie fine so far. It hasn't started yet.

Well. if this were the movies... Which it is.

Well. so do I. but... You do?

Well. then? Well. then...

Well. we 'II let you get on with it. then. My pleasure.

What did you think? It was sick and weird.

What do you mean? There 's a hundred bears around.

What does it do? What does it do? What does it do?

What? He 's right. you know.

What? I'm through. Doc. The frog is right.

What? What?

What? Arghl Arnie.

What? What? What's the matter with you?

What's this? Hey. you better pull over here.

Which am us. For sure. for sure.

Would you like to taste it first? Well...

Would you? Make me an offer.

Wow. (Floyd) Yeah. all right.

Wow. Nice looking chickens. What?

Yeah! I Together we'll nab it

Yeah? Someone help.

Yeah. sure. Frankly. Miss Piggy. I don't give a hoot.

Yeah. sure. Listen. Kermit. why don't we just go...

Yes, I know you all want to sit with moi Hey, lady. Is this seat taken?

Yes, sir. (clucking)

You are very likable, Kermit The bear's right.

You do. huh? You bet.

You're driving the wrong car. I am?

You're right. I have guys come in all the time.

Zaparoonie. Head full of jelly.

'Cause all my life I wanted to own a thousand frog leg restaurants

'Cause some agent fella said I had talent.

(all) I Movin' right along

(Animal roars)

(Animal) Animal!

(Animal) Bye bye. Bye bye.

(Animal) Hollywood! Hollywood!

(Animal) Profitable.

(arguing and fighting)

(booing)

(both) Hmm...?

(both) I Movin' right along

(both) I Movin' right along. we 're truly birds of a feather

(clucks)

(crashing)

(crowd shouts)

(Dr. Bunsen) Welcome to our laboratory.

(Dr. Teeth) Here we go.

(Dr. Teeth) Yeah. next stop is Hollywood and Vine.

(Electric Mayhem playing)

(engine splutters)

(fairground music)

(Fozzie) A frog and a bear seeing America.

(Fozzie) Allergies are nothing to sneeze at.

(Fozzie) Arghl

(Fozzie) Gonzo. you know he 's touchy about that.

(Fozzie) Hm.

(Fozzie) I And your way is my way

(Fozzie) I don't know. He 's pretty big.

(Fozzie) I Hey. I've never seen the sun come up in the west

(Fozzie) I O beautiful for spacious skies

(Fozzie) I Send someone to fetch us. we 're in Saskatchewan

(Fozzie) I We don't need a map to keep this show on the road

(Fozzie) Kermit.

(Fozzie) Kermit. Kermit.

(Fozzie) Look at the ocean. The ocean.

(Fozzie) No problem.

(Fozzie) No problem. It's OK. it's OK.

(Fozzie) No. he 's not gonna sell your plunger.

(Fozzie) Oh. boy.

(Fozzie) Oh. no.

(Fozzie) Oh. no. Kermit. What are we gonna do?

(Fozzie) Oh. we 're in trouble.

(Fozzie) Oh. well. how about... Let's take the blue line. huh?

(Fozzie) Quiet. Gonzo.

(Fozzie) Two. three. four.

(Fozzie) Wait. Trade in my uncle 's Studebaker?

(Fozzie) Well. hold it. will you? Just... Here we go. Up the bump.

(Fozzie) Where should I stop?

(Fozzie) Yes. sir. A foot stomper.

(Gonzo screams)

(Gonzo) Boy. you could get lost in a sky like that.

(Gonzo) Good. good. good. Do it.

(Gonzo) Hey. don't worry. Someone 's bound to come along.

(Gonzo) Hey. Kermit. Are you gonna get an agent like that pig had?

(Gonzo) Uh huh. yeah.

(Gonzo) Well. I'm getting in your car.

(Gonzo) Wow! Wicked!

(Gonzo) Yeah. yeah. yeah. We'll do that. But first. wait till we get there.

(harmonica)

(Hopper on radio) You've been listenin' to music to hug frogs by.

(Hopper) Frog. It's money we 're talking about.

(Hopper) Remember this frog does everything. He talks. he sings. he dances.

(hums)

(I Can You Picture That?)

(I I Hope That Something Better Comes Along')

(I I'm Going To Go Back There Someday')

(I Lady of Spain')

(I Movin' Right Along')

(I The Magic Store')

(I The Rainbow Connection')

(Kermit gasps)

(Kermit groans)

(Kermit winces)

(Kermit's voice) So, why did you leave the swamp in the first place?

(Kermit) Gonzo. we 're coming!

(Kermit) He 's caught in a crosswind. Fozzie. We 're gonna lose him.

(Kermit) Hey, look up ahead There's Mad Man Mooney's

(Kermit) Hey.

(Kermit) Hey. watch where you're going now. Fozzie.

(Kermit) I And we know where we 're goin'

(Kermit) I Footloose and fancy free

(Kermit) I Palm trees and warm sand

(Kermit) I So trust my navigation

(Kermit) I We 'II learn to share the load

(Kermit) I Why are there so many songs about rainbows

(Kermit) I'm here. I'll meet you in the middle of the street.

(Kermit) J' Movin' right along, we've found a life on the highway

(Kermit) Look out for the billboard.

(Kermit) Man to frog.

(Kermit) Maybe we should give him a ride.

(Kermit) That's it. Rowlf.

(Kermit) The El Sleezo Cafe.

(Kermit) There we go. Hold on. All right.

(Kermit) We 're gonna hit.

(Kermit) We'll just sit right down and wait

(Kermit) We've come over 2,000 miles

(Kermit) Why don't you stay on the road?

(Kermit) Wow.

(Kermit) You're swinging this turn very wide. Fozzie.

(keyboard music)

(laughs evilly)

(laughs)

(laughter)

(low voice) Yeah. Morty. what have you got?

(man) Drinks on the house! Man. come on. let's go.

(man) Help! Hello.

(man) Hey. you on the bike! Watch out! Watch out!

(man) I don't see no drinks up here. What's he talkin' about?

(man) OK. OK. you guys. Now. come on. Do what I tell you.

(man) Watch out. Hot plates comin' through. Look out.

(man) We sure grow 'em purdy around here. don't we?

(meeps)

(MEX) No!

(Muppet) Hey. don't forget about me.

(music winds down)

(normal voice) Um...

(phone rings)

(pianist) And now. filling in for the vacationing El Sleezo dancing girls.

(piano music)

(Piggy grunts)

(Piggy) All ready. Kermie.

(Piggy) Kermit. you were so courageous. So magnificent.

(plays jaunty music)

(roars)

(romantic music)

(Rowlf) Hey. do you think we should help her with her bag?

(Rowlf) I'm allergic to cats myself.

(Rowlf) Probably somethin' broken about the engine. I think.

(speaks in mock Swedish)

(Statler) Look at this place. What a dump.

(T America the Beautiful')

(T Never Before. Never Again 7)

(Waiter) Phone call for Kermit the Frog.

(Waldorf) Bunch of weirdos around here. Look at 'em.

(whimpers)

(yells) Testing!

♫ Opportunity knocks once. Let's reach out and grab it ♫

$500 is just the beginning.

The Muppet Movie (1979)
The Muppet Movie, released in 1979, is a timeless classic that delights audiences of all ages. This charming film follows Kermit the Frog on his journey to become a star in Hollywood. Along the way, he encounters a wonderful ensemble of Muppet characters, including Miss Piggy, Fozzie Bear, Gonzo, and many more. With its catchy songs and hilarious antics, The Muppet Movie captures the heart and soul of the beloved Muppets. If you're a fan of these lovable puppets, you can Play and Download the delightful sounds of The Muppet Movie right here.
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