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Home > Ted (2012) Soundboard
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Ted (2012) Soundboard

Ted (2012) Soundboard

Title: Ted (2012): Irreverent Comedy with a Lovable Stuffed Bear

Released in 2012, Ted is a hilarious comedy film directed by Seth MacFarlane, the creator of the popular animated series Family Guy. This unique film brings to life the story of a lovable teddy bear named Ted, who, magically brought to life by a young boy's wish, becomes a chain-smoking, foul-mouthed companion. Ted humorously explores the bond between childhood friendship and adult responsibility, while delivering side-splitting laughs throughout.

Ted revolves around the life of John Bennett (played by Mark Wahlberg) and his inseparable friendship with Ted, his childhood teddy bear. As a boy, John wished for Ted to come to life, a wish that unexpectedly came true. However, as John and Ted enter adulthood, their friendship faces challenges due to Ted's influence on John's behavior and relationships.

Main Cast:

1. Mark Wahlberg as John Bennett:
Playing the role of John Bennett, Wahlberg brings a mix of charm and immaturity to the character. John's struggle to balance his loyalty to Ted and his romantic relationship forms the core conflict of the story.

2. Seth MacFarlane as the voice of Ted:
The film showcases MacFarlane's distinctive voice acting skills as he brings the teddy bear, Ted, to life. Ted is a hilarious and politically incorrect character who loves pop culture references and sarcastic comments.

3. Mila Kunis as Lori Collins:
Mila Kunis portrays Lori Collins, John's long-term girlfriend, who struggles to accept Ted's role in their lives. Her character adds emotional depth and acts as a catalyst for change in John's life.

Ted's Humor and Impact:
Ted stands out for its cleverly written script and relentless humor. Promotional phrases such as "From the creator of Family Guy" helped establish the film's reputation for irreverent comedy and biting satire. The movie juxtaposes the innocence of a talking teddy bear with adult themes and humor, pushing the boundaries of what one would typically expect.

Throughout the film, Ted's humorous one-liners and references to popular culture, from Flash Gordon to Star Wars, strike a chord with audiences. The comedy not only comes from Ted's remarks but also through the interactions between Wahlberg and the animated bear, adding an extra layer of comedy to the film.

Behind the Laughs: Seth MacFarlane's Genius:
Ted serves as a testament to writer-director Seth MacFarlane's comedic genius. Known for his witty writing style and unique humor, MacFarlane expertly crafts jokes that entertain both fans of his previous work and new audiences alike.

The film's success is also attributed to MacFarlane's ability to anthropomorphize Ted and make him a relatable character, despite his politically incorrect behavior. Audiences quickly latched onto Ted's charm, turning him into a beloved character within pop culture.

Play and Download the Hilarious Sounds of Ted:
Fans of the film can now enjoy the hilarious sounds of Ted through various mediums. Whether it be iconic quotes, Teddy's snarky remarks, or even selected musical tracks from the film's soundtrack, fans can dive into the world of Ted all over again.

Play or download the iconic dialogue between Ted and John, or relive the infamous scenes that became the talking points of many conversations with friends. By revisiting the sounds of Ted, fans can keep the fun alive and share the laughs with others.

Ted (2012) is a side-splitting comedy that brings to life the story of an unlikely friendship between a grown man and a talking teddy bear. Mark Wahlberg, Mila Kunis, and Seth MacFarlane's talents combine to create an uproariously funny film that pushes boundaries while exploring themes of friendship and maturity.

Ted's unique blend of humor and heart, coupled with MacFarlane's creative genius, ensures the film's enduring popularity. Whether you're revisiting the film for the first time in years, or discovering it for the first time, Ted promises an entertaining experience that will leave audiences in stitches.

*Play and download the iconic sounds of Ted here!*

A couple of charles brew kowskis
A cushy $38000 a year branch manager who's personal friends with tom skerritt
A hundred bucks says he's showing her the diving team photo
A little heavy on the eye makeup but pretty good
A professional nfl player is called upon to save the world
A young boy's stuffed animal has magically come to life for as yet unknown reasons
Actually could you wrap just this up for me I want to scare the shit out of somebody sure
Actually you weren't so bad for a guy with no penis
Ah! you suck kareem
All I ever wanted was you john bennett
All I ever wanted was you, John Bennett.
All I want is I just want to end on good terms I owe that to you
All I wanted was a sweet distraction for an hour or two had no intention to do
All right brandi heather channing breanna amber sabrina melody dakota sierra bambi crystal samantha autumn ruby taylor tara tami
All right buddy go get 'em
All right easy come on ted
All right fuck it
All right here we go
All right here's your keys your rental agreement complimentary map of boston
All right I get it and you know I don't blame you
All right I love you
All right i'm just saying
All right kareem!
All right kid you win we'll do it your way what do you want to do you want to play a game it's playtime right we'll play a game
All right knock it off!
All right look let's just find a better place to get stoned
All right speed round i'm going to rattle off some names and when I hit it fucking buzz it okay you got me
All right this is one man to another
All right whatever you say
All the children were opening their gifts with holiday glee
All you've got to do is not fuck up
An apache helicopter has machine guns and missiles it is an unbelievably impressive complement of weaponry an absolute death machine
And as one gentleman to another I just want to say I really hope you fucking get lou gehrig's disease
And beat up the ******* kids
And by blaming me you you're just making yourself look like a pussy
And by the way my dancing was not that bad
And don't worry i'll do my very best to get this job that I so crave
And don't worry, I'll do my very best
And for little john bennett christmas day brought a very special new arrival
And for little John Bennett,
And he knew that if he ever found that friend he would never let him go
And he's falling to fucking pieces without you.
And hey all those rich black people can't be wrong right
And I asked my dad if I could have a magical little teddy bear too and he said no
And I guess one of these dogs clamped his jaws on her forearm and wouldn't let go until the fireman showed up and stuck his finger in his ass
And I have rights! (GRUNTS)
And I just hope that maybe we can still be friends
And I just hope that maybe we can still be friends.
And I particularly enjoyed the gift you gave me last night
And I promised myself that if I ever had a son I would never ever ever say no to him ever
And I want you to know that after last night I don't ever want to lose anyone who matters to me ever again
And I was so heartbroken
And I'm ready to change,
And if that means getting you off my back well that's just a bonus
And it was so scary but it was like so much fun
And it's a non restricted place
And jesus be with you in christ
And not only that it's the wrong time it's a terrible idea I mean you got the economy you got the credit bubble the supreme court I mean look at haiti
And so john lori and ted lived happily ever after
And that was a promise that neither one of them ever forgot
And that's the story of how one magical wish forever changed the lives of three very special friends
And the guy down at the store told me
And then he got deported back to iran
And then they practically have to give me the anderson case
And then they're like oh my god! he can deliver he's actually quite a litigator
And then we ran up to it and we tried to give it cpr and it came back to life
And then when we saw it fall from the tree,
And this is for Lori Collins
And unless you're too blind to notice he's not your only friend anymore
And we we ended up hooking up in the back room
And you better never show your face around quincy you hear me
And you don't remember it no same as last time
And you'll see he'll never be scared of thunder again
And you're nasty do you want to get nasty you're a nasty girl
Anybody can come of course **** are welcome well yeah why wouldn't they be
Are there naked dicks in gay porn
Are we still going to smoke that pot?
Are you even listening to me do you give any shred of a shit
Are you going to do it
Are you kidding me
Are you out here all alone uh no no i'm not you know you're never alone when you're with christ so no i'm not alone
As I said you would need a law degree from a law school
As you can see my dance card is quite full so i'm going to have to decline
Asometimes you're crazy
Aw congratulations john
Aw! merry christmas john
Baby I don't know if this is going to work please just try
Baby please ask ted to move out so we can move on with our lives
Baby, I don't know if this is going to work.
Back off susan boyle!
Back off, Susan Boyle!
Baltic czech
Because how can you have any pudding if you don't eat your meat right pink floyd
Because I love you
Because in a month my life could be your life
Because of that I just lost the love of my life
Before long teddy had become a huge celebrity in his own right
Besides what if he chose ted
Boom that's me and skerritt
Brandi lynn heather lynn channing tami lynn
Break his arm off!
Break this up break this up get him!
Bring it in, you bastard. Come on
Bullshit! that totally works
But dad
But dad I want the bear on tv
But daddy
But do you think she might be expecting me to make that kind of a move
But he can never fail
But I can give you love and rocking horses and dancing
But i'm talking about a mature relationship lori
But just listen to me for five seconds.
But lori cannot find out she absolutely cannot know I was gone
But Lori cannot find out. She absolutely cannot know I was gone.
But then she got pregnant from this asshole guy and so we couldn't go and I was all upset
But then she had a miscarriage and so we ended up getting to go skydiving
But then we're two of a kind we move as one
But there was one child who wasn't in such good spirits
But through all the fame teddy never forgot his very best friend john
But will you take care of me forever and ever
But you know thank you for creeping up my night
But you know they're hookers so it's fine
But you're no longer eight you're 35 years old
But, they're hookers, so it's fine.
By a very special Justice of the Peace.
By the power vested in me by the new york jets and by the united peoples of the planet mongo I now pronounce you man and wife
Can I just get a hug oh uh no
Can I please just explain no
Can I please just explain? No
Can we talk about this another time and just enjoy our anniversary dinner
Can you call him back no it's blocked
Can you imagine what that little shit would do to me
Can you imagine what that little shit would do to me?
Can you just email me the rest of this story
Candice? No.
Check this out that's me on the high school diving team we dove the shit out of that pool that year
Chill out okay look can we just talk about this what's your name i'm john
Chopped salad half price
Cocaine right
Come here you bastard
Come on buddy
Come on dudes don't tell me you never done it before
Come on I do not sound that much like peter griffin
Come on i'm bored as crap over here just swing by for a bit
Come on it's not that bad
Come on it's not that bad okay I got a shitty job and I assure you I am quite content
Come on james franco
Come on nobody's expecting anybody to propose I mean marriage isn't isn't love enough I submit that love is enough
Come on robert
Come on sam do it! do it!
Come on she'll go home she'll watch bridget jones something asshole she'll have a good cry she'll be fine you'll talk to her tomorrow
Come on take it easy
Come on upstairs
Come on we're going to the hatch shell
Come on, Sam, do it! Do it!
Come share this with me
Company's turning 20 huh so you can bang it but you can't get it drunk right yeah she gets it she enjoys my humor
Couple of brew stoyevskis
Dad I want a teddy bear
Dad no!
Daddy gave me an ouch now I have to give you an ouch
Death to ming!
Death to Ming!
Death to ming! yes!
Did you did you just talk
Did you ever hear a boston girl have an orgasm 'oh yeah oh yeah! harder! harder!'
Did you get it no I didn't get it! tell me when you get it!
Did you hurt your head
Did you just call me a whore
Did you really just fart yeah but I pushed it that way with my hand I wonder who it's going to hit first
Do I dare look at the clock
Do I need to wash my hands before I play this game
Do you ever watch a bulls game chicago bulls game in chicago with tom skerritt no no you haven't all right
Do you ever watch this show yeah when leno guest hosts
Do you know what just happened do you have any clue my fucking life just ended!
Do you mind covering for me for a bit I might go lay down in the john
Do you see me fucking with you
Do you want to go get a drink after this I feel like I could use one after seeing a guy almost die
Doing so much more
Don't ever lose her again she's the most important the most important part of your life even more than me
Don't fuck with me on this I know this shit!
Don't know her name. Seems cute
Don't look so surprised you're the one who wished for it aren't you
Don't talk shit to me
Don't tell me! I don't want to hear about it!
Don't! get it away from me!
Donny shut up will ya daddy's making love to new mommy
Donny was arrested by boston police and charged with kidnapping a plush toy
Down here not looking up your towel swear to god not looking up your towel not looking at your funny business
Dude I got 10 minutes where's flash gordon
Dude one man to another I got you on this
Eating potato salad off of Tami Lynn's bare bottom.
Ed thought I was alf and he kept muttering anti semitic comments he thought alf was ******* for some reason
Ed thought I was ALF, and he kept muttering anti Semitic comments
Eight nine ten eleven twelve thirteen
Every now and then when my life's getting me down and things are tough I just come up here and I look at it and it reminds me that things aren't so bad
Exactly right good okay
Exactly that's what i'm saying
Excuse me
Excuse me i'm sorry to bother you but my son and I couldn't help but admire your teddy bear
Fine it sure as hell beats crying myself to sleep every night
Fine john but this is I swear to god your last chance
First night on your own
Flash gordon is the symbol of our friendship john
Flash gordon quarterback new york jets
Flash! a ah! he'll save every one of us!
Flash! a ah! savior of the universe!
For like, five days
For that one, true friend that he could call his own.