Man Up (2015) Soundboard Edit

A very nice young man who's just brought me dinner

About two hours.

Although, stupid Jack, I signed them with a pen.

Am I right? Jack and I, anything goes.

And I even got stronger thighs.

And I want people to ask me about them.

And instead of just saying,

And it's been more than a year, actually, Hilary. It's been 368 days.

And the reason I'm not called Jessica is because I'm not actually Jessica.

And you're being really patient with me, so thank you for that

Attention!

Because it... it brings to mind... Anyway, I'm talking a lot

BOTH: Fuck the past.

But just not right now. I should probably get a girlfriend first.

But luckily not from here

But she's being spontaneous.

But, by God, I was gonna try, and I'll never regret that.

Call them off.

Church of Lesbyterian, dinner beneath the bridge, guided tour of site B,

Come on.

Dead sister

Descending in quality as we do.

Did he sound like a wine drinker or more of a beer man?

Do up my flat. I'm gonna paint my hallway.

Do you know where they live?

Erm, so listen, Tom told me that you are a triathlete.

Everybody knew they were doing it. Nobody told me.

Everybody, everybody!

Everybody, everyone!

Everyone'll just get drunk and shove them down.

Excuse me. Why so many feathers?

Fran, you walk straight past that offer.

FRAN: Marion, you made it!

Get stronger thighs.

Hang on a sec. Oh, oh, oh! There is no Pete!

Having a lovely time. Just like when we first met.

Hello, caller. Yes, we have met.

Hey, this is spooky. I also love spaghetti bolognese

Hi, Andy. I'm Elaine. Listen.

Hi, you've called Elaine.

I am so sorry about this.

I got a hint of what could be out there for me.

I have no intention of doing that again.

I lost it. It's kind of a long story...

I mean, not as in Ryan Wright.

I met a girl today, the wrong girl,

I overanalyse and I...

I sat next to you in chemistry for five years

I'm gonna see what's happened before I pass judgement.

I'm having a really good time getting to know you

Idiot, idiot, idiot...

In the most bizarre and romantic way possible

Indeed, you are clearly not the girl you used to be once.

Is it a handshake? Is it a hug? Is it formal?

It didn't. It was a disaster

It just gets better. Not only do you steal somebody else's blind date,

It was a grand gesture.

It'll make it more romantic.

It's from Wall Street. From the film

JACK: Hey, there.

JACK: Jessica?

JACK: Jesus!

JACK: Yeah, I'd better...

Join me in toasting them and wishing them a very happy anniversary.

Just don't drink too much.

Leave a message and I'll get back to you. Thanks.

Let's do something different. Let's go someplace else.

Let's have a look, shall we? OK, then.

Like we're gonna be in porno land for a lot longer than usual.

Like, get down there, fix it.

Look, I'm sorry, Hilary.

Loving, crazy, contradictory,

MAN: Took me three years to get over my ex.

Maybe dating 24 year olds is exactly what you need right now.

Maybe we should have.

Mistook me for his blind date

My day would have been utterly rubbish.

Nancy!

Nancy! Nancy, are you here?

Nice.

No, I didn't. I got two Cs and a B.

No, no, no, no, no, you're not. None of you are Nancy.

Not that I don't want kids

Not that I'm competitive.

Oh, can't I keep them?

Oh, for fuck's sake, Jack.

Oh, God, me, too, yeah.

Oh, my God, she has called and texted, like, a lot

Oh, my God, that's not your emergency exit phone call already?

Oh, Nancy, you look amazing!

Oh, yeah. Sorry.

Oh.

OK, cheers.

OK.

OK.

One thing that, honestly, I'm not sure that I can ever get over.

Ow. Shit.

Repeat after me.

SEAN: Nancy

She cried all the way through giving you a blow job. She was weeping.

Six guests. Local registry office. Drinks at the pub afterwards.

Slash wannabe literary polymath.

So don't ruin it for me. Just be cool.

So it falls to myself...

So it needs to be good and special. OK?

So sorry for derailing your date.

So, as the book says, what are you waiting for?

So, Hilary, what is it that you... What do you do for a living?

So, Jessica, I hear you work in the City.

So, what is your theory on this one?

So, what's going on? Is Nancy OK?

Something that these two have had

Sorry.

Spent a year planning your big day.

Stop being such a loser.

Stopping you from making a twat of yourself

That I've made all evening.

The man on the phone?

The older lady, they do have less baggage.

The whole don't sleep around when you're married thing.

Then Jack found out I wasn't who I said I was,

These lists are great and they're a brilliant ice breaker,

They appear out of nowhere, then they're gone the next day

They decided it was more important

Think of it as impulsive.

To even get one.

Understand the Israeli Palestinian conflict better.

We can get shots and maybe hang out a bit more if you feel like it

We were set up and look at us now.

We're gonna need more nibbles, please. So...

What are the chances of that?

When a man called Jack

When were you thinking of telling me about this bizarre decision?

Where are you on the old, you know, the relationship..

Who I've never met before in my life. This is...

WOMAN: Jack?

Yeah.

You just wanna take it slowly, I guarantee she will go down on you.

You know what? We're all in the same bar with our new partners

You put so much emphasis on that one day and forget about the rest of your life.

You said I should keep it simple.

You spend your entire time on the sidelines theorising about what works,

You'd probably prefer it if I did it with my own blood

You're right. We bloody deserve it.

You're working as a barman in a novelty bowling alley so..

Your attention, please.

(HE LAUGHS) What?

(YELLS) Sorry.

♪ I tell you what ♪ [I tell you what...]

♪ I'm just upside down ♪ [Just upside down]

♪ Living upside down ♪ [Living upside down]

♪ That I'm no fool ♪ [That I'm no fool]

24? NANCY: Yeah.

♪ Ain't got no cares ♪ [Ain't got no cares]

About seven hours. What the fuck?!

And I'm so over it. You really sound it

Anyway, shall we do the lists? Yes, the lists, the lists.

BARMAN: Here. You take it. Jesus!

But I'll be watching you. I don't doubt that.

But you can, actually. FRAN: Whose side are you on?

Can I call you Andy? Of course, yeah.

Can I go now? Yes.

Cheers. He's gonna love her. Come on.

Could I just have two beers, please? Hell, yeah

He's looking forward to her speech. I know.

How long are you gonna be? Get your arse over here pronto.

I couldn't just leave it like that. Oh, my God. Nancy, is this...

I did. I did. But, but... (LAUGHTER)

I'll Facebook you. Not on Facebook.

I'm only suggest... It's time.

I'm racking my brains. That girl wasn't even right for you.

in the party mood tonight. (PHONE RINGS)

Is that a stressful job? Ah, no

It's like help. Exactly, yeah. Erm..

Just as Mr Armstrong predicted. Who's that?

Let me get these. Oh, no, it's fine.

No, do you want your speech, Nancy? Er... Yes

No, she bought another one. Course she did.

No, wait. Please, let me explain. You don't have to

Oh, really? Yeah.

Oh, shit. Hey...

Oh, wait. What for?

Oh! But in the toilets. Yeah, in the toilets.

OK? So, tell me, Andrew...

OK. (GIRLS LAUGH)

Sean... Is that my scarf? Where's Nancy?

So you're in online marketing, too? (MIMICS CHILDISHLY)

There you go. Cheers.

This isn't a power ballad. Well, it should be.

We're swapping, right? Swapping?

What about my kiss? Out. No. Jog on. Out!

What's her name? Nancy. Nancy Patterson.

Who are you? I'm Nancy Patterson. Hello

With tongues? No tongues.

would have been the rest of my life. (PEOPLE COO)

Yeah. How would you feel, Nancy,

You said, Go on, try it

(ALL CHEER)

(CHEERING)

(CHUCKLES VICTORIOUSLY)

(CHUCKLES) Aw. Happy engagement. I got you, literally, a small present.

(COUGHS)

(DOOR CLOSES)

(DOORBELL RINGS)

(HE WHINES)

(JACK LAUGHS)

(LAUGHS)

(LAUGHS)

(LAUGHS)

(LOUD CHATTER)

(LOUD CONVERSATION)

(NANCY AND JACK LAUGH)

(PEOPLE SHOUT NANCY)

(PHONE CHIMES)

(PHONE CHIMES)

(ROWDY CHATTER)

(SCOFFS)

(SIGHS) OK. What exactly are you hoping to achieve?

(SNIFFS) Mm!

(WHAT TIME DO YOU CALL THIS [THEME FROM 'MAN UP'] BY ELBOW)

♪ [Ain't got no rules]

♪ [Ain't got no rules]

♪ [Nowhere]

♪ [That I'm no fool]

♪ Ain't got no cares

♪ And here I go again on my own

♪ Ask questions later

♪ Ask questions later

♪ But here I go again

♪ Buy y y y y time, don't lose it

♪ Check my spelling, ring my bell

♪ Chew me up and swallow me

♪ Cos love was just a joke

♪ D'you call this?

♪ D'you call this?

♪ For a girl like me to climb

♪ Going down the only road I've ever known

♪ Here I go!

♪ I ain't got no rules

♪ I ain't wasting no more time

♪ I tell you what

♪ I think I like

♪ Just waiting by the park

♪ On a road that leads me straight

♪ Ooh What time d'you call this?

♪ Shrink with me Tower with me

♪ Sometimes life can taste so sweet

♪ That friends didn't mention

♪ That I'm no fool

♪ The reflex is an only child

♪ Waiting on love's sweet charity

♪ Weather every winter well

♪ Well, you can live any way you want

♪ What time [What time d'you call this?]

♪ What time d'you call this?

♪ What time d'you call this?

♪ What time d'you call this?

♪ What time d'you call this?

♪ What time d'you call this?

♪ What time d'you call this?

♪ What time d'you call this?

♪ When you slow it down

♪ Wither with me Flower with me

♪ [I think I like]

♪ [Living upside down]

♪ Ask questions later

♪ Don't expect endless sex

♪ I do it in my own time

♪ It don't matter who you are

♪ Living upside down

♪ Shining out of the crowd

♪ Shoot first

♪ Tell me when I go too far..

♪ Those thoughts right down

♪ Watching people scurry by

♪ Why y y y y don't you use it