The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air - Season 1 Edit

A bet? I don't care.

A cellular phone, and an Armani suit...

A half bath? How does that work?

A hole in one!

A policeman is our pal. We can ask him for directions.

A very bad imitation of me.

Absolutely. I had no idea your birthday was in January.

Actually we come from Bel Air.

Admit it, Will. You care about me.

After all, you two possess absolutely no musical ability.

Ain't that the truth?

All numbers.

All right, but just out of curiosity, Carlton, what color are you?

All right, guys. Stand up.

All right, I'll do it.

All right, look, homey.

All right, Will.

All right. And if I do, you have to stop making those cheap shots at me.

All right. Peace.

All right. We can't afford to lose Whitworth's account.

All set for a great game of golf, Dad.

All this Master William stuff, I'm not down with that, man.

Am I being punished for something?

Am I showing enough cuff?

And another thing, this place is a disgrace.

And Bryant Gumbel. He's darn good.

And changing me into something I don't wanna be.

And cry if you can.

And do you know what that means?

And even though they were initially upset...

And he's just entrusted you with a very serious financial decision.

And I am going there and I am bringing my baby back.

And I feel one coming on now.

And I guarantee, when I get to Compton, I'll fit right in.

And I really liked that head.

And I think I speak for all the lawyers in the firm...

And I won't accept no for an answer.

And I would just appreciate it if you would try to understand him.

And I, in turn, address you by your proper title: Master William.

And I'd appreciate it if you could study somewhere else.

And I've been putting up with him for a whole week.

And if these forces want to give me a limo...

And if you can make it there, you'll make it anywhere.

And if you care to look at your watch, you will note...

And it's nice seeing you, Jameson.

And learn some good old fashioned American values.

And lost the earring, then you'd look like a real salesman.

And make up some new ones right there on the spot.

And my pot exploded in my kiln.

And not a moment sooner.

And now you're in deeper than before.

And pronounce the i n gs at the end of my words...

And that grammar...

And the height is a typo, I'm actually a lot taller.

And then I'm going to sue you blind.

And then we're gonna motor to the beach and have a big bonfire.

And there will always be a place for you here.

And tomorrow, I'll introduce you to the gang.

And try to maintain some sense of decorum and etiquette.

And walk away.

And was your sucking up as successful as you'd hoped?

And we wouldn't have been stopped.

And when in doubt, do whatever Carlton's doing.

And when they come up, you completely ignore them.

And where were you headed to?

And why was that important to you?

And you didn't.

And you saw a car driving 2 miles an hour...

And you thought that was his way of telling you to take over General Motors.

And you're an eminent, respected attorney...

And you're in no position to give financial advice.

And your wife is a dazzling beauty.

Any requests?

Any time you see a White guy in jail, you know he did something bad.

Anyway, Bruce, Demi and I all feel that the ozone layer must be protected.

Applegate? That sounds like a school word.

Are you crazy? I call this a lucky break.

Are you trying to suggest that I don't know how to run my business?

Aren't you going to introduce Will? Introduce him.

As your lawyer, I'd advise you put an end to it.

Ash, from time to time, your father's gonna say or do things...

Ashley, don't be petty.

Ashley, why don't you go downstairs and get ready for dinner.

Ashley, you be a good girl while we're in Palm Springs.

At least you're honest.

At the Santa Juanesta police station.

At the time of the invitation, he did not realize...

Aunt Viv, what are you doing here?

Aunt Viv...

Baby sit your little sister.

Back in Philly I knew this guy named Leo Brentley.

Be drawn between a family and their butler.

Because his wife flew everybody in her helicopter.

Because my hand is literally left hanging in the air.

Because Sparky chased a Buick...

Because things haven't set yet.

Because we're giving him the weekend off.

Because we're going to have a fun time dreaming up your punishment.

Because you told him you were a Capricorn.

Before I tell you that, Uncle Phil, I just want to...

Being a joker is what's gotten you into trouble.

Believe me, I know where I come from.

Believe me, the very thought of it makes me very tired.

Besides, at your age, you should be able to...

Bring the horses round, would you?

Brings us just one step closer to global warming.

Brother, want to buy a Gucci bag?

But believe me, you know.

But earlier I was upstairs with Mom and Dad...

But federal taxes aren't new.

But federal taxes aren't new.

But for the future of all mankind.

But his big account helps to pay our little bills.

But I did hear this other law.

But I didn't like the upholstery so I took it back, Jack!

But I had to show him I had the courage to survive down there.

But I think you've blown this thing out of proportion.

But I thought it was the Black guy law...

But I've never lied to my parents.

But it's a little risky having a high school student give financial advice.

But Jameson, everything's fine in our kitchen.

But of course, that didn't stop Jameson from talking to him.

But the thing is, Officer, this isn't my car.

But there are forces at work in the universe beyond our understanding.

But they were just trying to do their jobs.

But they won't give us any more phone calls.

But this retreat is just for members of the law firm and their spouses.

But those two boys haven't stolen a thing from anyone.

But when you're my age, it's a waste.

But you always act like I don't measure up...

But you don't see me going, Yo, yo, yo, homey, yo

But you put yourselves in danger for a stupid bet

But, Carlton, Dad's his lawyer. Isn't that kind of using a connection?

But, Dad, I'm only nine.

But, Miss Hilary, I'm off duty.

But, Mom, we were never in any real danger.

By the time we're back from church.

C note, are you still coming to MacArthur Park tomorrow night?

C note, you better go, man.

C note?

C, I don't go to MacArthur Park.

C, it's all right. Chill.

CALIFORNIA FRESH

Can I have some?

Can I see your license?

Can the yuck fest, Will.

Can you call back later?

Can you?

Can't a person gargle in peace?

Can't Hilary take care of herself?

Capricorn? Philip, your birthday's January 30.

Carlton was acting in what? In Cosby?

Carlton, how are you, dear?

Carlton, it's late.

Carlton, old sport...

Carlton, take it back, man

Carlton, they're handling it now.

Carlton, what is it, recess at the clown convention?

Carlton, what the hell are you wearing?

Carlton, Will, get your things. I will be waiting downstairs in the car.

Carlton, you can caddy for both of us. Shall we go, gentlemen?

Carlton, you look like a pirate.

Carlton, you're a nice, responsible young man.

Carlton's only a sophomore. He's not applying to college yet.

Check this out. I'm gonna be down here for a while.

Check this: His Royal Freshness. That's dope.

Chill.

Coincidence? I don't think so.

Come on, everybody, let's go play!

Come on, just relax. Pretend I'm not even here.

Come on, man, let it go. You'll feel better.

Come on, man, stop it.

Come on! Look at this!

Come on. It is up! It's up!

Come with me, Master William.

Could you? I don't know what takes her so long...

Courage is being the way you are, no matter what anybody says about you

Crib: house, dwelling, domicile.

Dad cleared things up, and we were released. The system works.

Dad, did you sign our permission slips yet?

Dad, don't bother looking.

Dad, I need $300.

Dad, you're always saying how important these opportunities are.

Dad.

Dad.

Daddy, you've been a wonderful example for me.

Daddy. Stop it!

Damn! Why didn't we bet money?

Did they have a lawyer present?

Did you enjoy the trip?

Did you say 17?

Did you see that movie House Party?

Did you see that, Will?

Didn't President Bush say, "No new taxes"?

Differently.

Do we buy this stock or not?

Do what you want. I'm going down there.

Do you have anything to say?

Do you mind turning the music back on? I'm trying to study.

Do you remember our first date? You took one look at me and said:

Does he need a butler?

Doesn't make me any less black than you.

Doggone it, I'm right.

Doggone it, you're right.

Don't even try, Carlton.

Don't fight them, Will.

Don't get all bent out of shape.

Don't mind if I do.

Don't mind me. I'm just here on a bet.

Don't need no choir when you're a rapper

Don't you all feel like a part of history?

Done.

Drat.

Driving a big old bus around town and then having a bonfire...

Earth, Wind & Fire! When's your next album coming out?

English

Everybody, put your hands in the air!

Everybody, the working girl is home.

Everyone's talking about shipping me off, and dressing me up...

Exactly. That's Sparky's job.

Exactly. We'll talk tomorrow.

Excellent, Miss Hilary.

Excellent. All right, Will, Innermark Industries.

Excuse me?

Excuse me?

Explain.

Face it, C, I'm telling you. If you went down to Jazz's neighborhood...

Face it, you're so jealous, you're green.

Face it. You've just got to face it.

Federal taxes? This is an outrage.

Find Jameson Whitworth and tell him that you're a 17 year old kid...

Fine. The bet's off, then.

Fine. Vivian, it's lovely to see you again.

First of all, I'd like to say he's very flattered...

Fold it five ways and stick it where Sparky can't find it.

Fool, this is not The Love Connection.

For a person who's always going around saying...

For crying out loud.

For example, the power in numbers.

For our field trip this weekend.

For some of us, that will require very little effort indeed.

For the past 20 years.

Fore!

Forget about the office, forget about that stock.

Four and a half.

Four: Get the stick out of your butt!

From the minute you came, you've been a one man wrecking crew...

G, what up?

Gentlemen, welcome back.

Geoffrey fell down the back steps, split his wig.

Geoffrey, did you really enjoy having Will out of the house that much?

Geoffrey, I really think I made an impression on Mr. Whitworth.

Geoffrey, I want a duck salad.

Geoffrey, some warm milk, please.

Geoffrey, would you take Will to his room, and help him get settled in?

Get a load of me and my rapping cousin

Get it.

Get over here, man.

Gladly.

Gladys, send them in, please.

Go home and let your wife know she's still got it.

Gonna hunt Miss Berkley down and zap her

Good for you, Will. I used to fence at Bel Air.

Good job. Now he's gonna want to see your license.

Good news. Your car is safe and sound. And we've got the perpetrators.

Good night, Carlton

Good night, Carlton.

Good night, Carlton.

Good night, son.

Good night.

Good night.

Good show. See you there.

Good. What do you say to an Oreo?

Got this whole town of Bel Air buzzing

Grab a seat, man. Dude's about to explain variable rate mortgages.

Great. Let's go.

Great. That's your lucky number.

Hang it over your kitchen door and all will be well.

Has anybody seen Geoffrey this morning?

Has been solved, as the perpetrators were arrested this evening.

Have Mom and Dad talked to you yet?

Have you ever attended a formal dinner before?

He ain't leaving till he does my taxes.

He does?

He got into Yale.

He had him stuffed and put in his office.

He is, is he?

He only took tax advice from Sparky.

He says he wants to hear everything I'm listening to, to make sure it's not bad.

He stays. I want him here. Sparky wants him here.

He talks to the spirit of a dead dog?

He: Helium. Li: Lithium. Na: Sodium. Zn: Zinc

He'll straighten everything out.

He's a little eccentric, Vivian, but he has a brilliant financial mind.

He's an important client...

He's down at Jazz's crib.

He's going to MacArthur Park tonight to sell Korean Gucci bags.

He's going to tell us to get out of the car.

He's just taking it too far.

He's my father's partner and the owner of the car we're driving.

He's still in there talking to his homey.

He's talking? He hasn't talked in weeks.

He's turned down the last 16 invitations. When are you gonna take a hint?

Hello, everybody.

Here we go again.

Here you are, guys.

Here, let me check.

Here's $5.

Hey, C note, how do I figure my net worth?

Hey, C, I'm telling you, if the Commodores heard you singing...

Hey, Carlton.

Hey, Geoffrey, home butler.

Hey, leave C note alone, man.

Hey, look who's here. Benson.

Hey, man, it's cool if you just call me Will.

Hey, out of the car now.

Hey, Prince, lay off of him, man. We like C note.

Hey, there, Lord My name is Ashley Banks

Hi, Hilary.

Hi, Mom! Hi, Dad! Let's go play!

Hi, Mom.

Hi, Mom. Hi, Dad.

Hi, roomie.

Hi, roomie.

Hi. Dad, I need $300.

Hi. We're home.

Hilary, are you gonna be in there for long or is this just like a pit stop?

Hilary, how did everything go with Ashley?

Hilary, I don't want you to go screaming at your boss.

Hilary, it sounds like they hired you to be a snob.

Hilary, taxes are taken out of everybody's salary.

Hilary, we've been over that all weekend. It's late.

Hilary, you're sitting right next to the phone.

Hilary, you've only been there a week.

Hilary, your cousin Will is here.

Hip hop flash cards?

Hold it.

Hold it. Wait a minute. You don't judge me?

Hold on just a minute, son.

Hold on. I can't tell my side of the story?

HOLLYWOOD

Honestly, forgetting your son and nephew like that...

Honey, we're about to get very busy.

How come?

How did you know that?

How many bathrooms you got in this place?

How many times are we going to hear that?

How much abuse can one person take for the sake of a job?

How would you like to be my caddy?

I ain't down with carrying golf clubs.

I am ashamed of you two.

I am going down there and I am bringing my baby back.

I am not your uncle Philip.

I asked myself that question the first time I was stopped.

I called Aunt Viv to tell her how we was doing in San Francisco...

I can understand why you're threatened.

I can understand you being frightened by your powers.

I can't believe it, Vivian.

I can't believe that loon changed his mind...

I can't believe we're lost.

I can't let him say that stuff about me, man.

I can't think that far ahead.

I could do this all day.

I could have, if I liked it. Actually, it was a bad dress.

I couldn't remember all the words to the song.

I crack myself up.

I did the right thing. Carlton was acting irresponsibly.

I did win the bet.

I didn't forget, Vivian.

I didn't know there were so many brothers living in this neighborhood.

I didn't.

I do not.

I don't care how this makes you look to your friends.

I don't care. I'm your babysitter. I command you.

I don't drink. I like to keep my mind clear.

I don't know how you got that bogus confession out of them..

I don't know if I'd call him my hero exactly.

I don't know nothing about stocks. It was just luck.

I don't know, Jazz. I just feel bad for Carlton, man.

I don't know, Prince. I'm starting to like him, too.

I don't know, somewhere between Princeton or the office, you got soft.

I don't know. I thought it was important.

I don't know. That's my whole reason for living.

I don't like school words. I can't applegate myself to them.

I don't see him. He must have stepped out.

I don't think I'm in any position to give you financial advice.

I don't think we need to go into that.

I don't think you have to worry about anybody mistaking you for a brother.

I don't think you know who you're talking to.

I don't want to. I want to play Monopoly, I want to jump up.

I encountered bigotry you could not imagine.

I found it in the trash can, underneath a banana.

I guess some things never change.

I guess they saw something in me.

I had no idea it was such a serious problem.

I have a 3.95 grade point average...

I have to make it quick. I have to get back to the office.

I heard about that one.

I heard the brother speak.

I hope you like that system...

I humiliated you in front of your peers.

I just feel like I'm tossing him to the lions. You know what I mean?

I just hope I can get it out of my head before I take the SATs.

I just hope I can get it out of my head before I take the SATs.

I just lost a fortune. Will, you owe me $14 million.

I just told my boss, "Teach me. I'm a blank slate."

I knew it!

I know exactly what I'm getting myself into.

I know it seemed foolish..

I know that. I'd like to see Will.

I know. I just feel terrible.

I made a hole in one. The first time in my life.

I made them myself. I've been cramming all night.

I mean, every square foot of rain forest that's cut down...

I mean, really, Philip, I think you ought to review your priorities.

I most certainly did. Always bring a map.

I need a new hat.

I need another phone call. My butler hung up on me.

I never judge you for being the way you are...

I officially go off duty at 9:00 p.m.

I read every word he wrote.

I really commend you for getting involved in such a good cause.

I really don't think Ally Sheedy would be involved.

I remember.

I remind you of where you came from and what you used to be.

I say, What's up, Carlton?

I see they brought your tuxedo.

I seem to be missing a Walkman.

I sold my first picture at the art gallery. I think I'm going to get a raise.

I spent half the ride trying to convince him not to say, Dyn o mite.

I sure could use a good game of golf.

I think he likes you.

I think he's cleared it out pretty well.

I think there's something you should know:

I think we all should go to bed.

I thought the government was supposed to pay for all that.

I tried out for the school chorus today, but I didn't get in.

I want a picture of me opening my first paycheck.

I want to talk to you.

I want you to go through these files.

I want you to meet Boomps, Vidal and Tiny.

I was just asking myself that same question.

I will show you to your room, Master William.

I wish people would let me act the way I want...

I won't be admitted to the bar.

I wonder how his meeting with Mr. Whitworth is going.

I would stop it.

I would've lost millions, but thanks to my "Yo, homey" here...

I'd do just fine and dandy in Compton, thank you very much.

I'd like to hit her in the head with Roget's Thesaurus

I'd say it's time to gloat.

I'll be kicked out of the glee club, I won't get into Princeton.

I'll bet you you wouldn't last a day in Compton.

I'll get back with you later so you can help me open that Schwab account.

I'll get him.

I'll go first.

I'll have to write him a thank you note.

I'll say.

I'll share my snack with you on one condition.

I'll take care of you in the morning. I'm going to bed.

I'll tell you what. You saved me a lot of money.

I'll tell you who's a mother: Me.

I'll win our bet. And you'll never be able to make fun of me again.

I'm calling my broker.

I'm expecting a very important client. We have a golfing date...

I'm glad to see you, man.

I'm glad you two had such a fun time down in the 'hood.

I'm going straight to hell.

I'm going to demand a raise.

I'm going to get me some of them douche marks.

I'm going to go to Harvard Law School, graduate with honors...

I'm gonna apply for a summer job with his company.

I'm gonna go test the lock on my door.

I'm Henry Furth.

I'm home. Carlton, get the camera.

I'm learning so much.

I'm making a major investment in Thorton Pharmaceuticals.

I'm not an expert or anything, but don't you think...

I'm not getting back in that helicopter with her.

I'm not lying, man. The whole family's down at the hospital.

I'm off duty. I am not an animal.

I'm only 17.

I'm out of my mind?

I'm quitting school. That's for suckers. I'm starting my own business.

I'm ready to go, but we can't drive too fast...

I'm so excited.

I'm sorry, Aunt Viv.

I'm sorry, but the aura is wack.

I'm sorry, Carlton. You thought I was laughing at you?

I'm sorry, I don't know what you're talking about.

I'm sorry. That was rude of me, man.

I'm tired of bailing you out. Why should I always be the heavy?

I'm tired of doing favors for you spoilt children.

I'm tired of you always talking down to me.

I've been analyzing the data for months...

I've been saving that one for a week. Don't even try to top it.

I've got a few questions for you.

I've got to go now. See you soon, dear.

I've learned my lesson: Never trust a Leo.

If a brother comes between a brother and his brothers...

If I could, sweetie, I'd put you in my pocket...

If I hadn't, you'd have gotten yourself killed.

If that means we lose a $20 million account, then so be it.

If there's any danger, I'll call the park rangers.

If they ask for a price, I go like this...

If they ask me about a piece of art, I look right through them.

If this is how he feels comfortable... He's not killing anybody.

If we hurry, we'll get there before the service starts...

If we would have had a map...

If you hadn't insisted on making fun of your cousin.

If you look at the facts...

If you wanna go to Compton, you gotta go through with this.

If you were a policeman...

If you will follow me...

In Compton.

In fact, none of you are going to MacArthur Park tonight.

In fact, we live two houses away from the Reagans.

Innermark stock is plummeting. It's already down 10 points.

Insane?

Iooking the way you look and talking the way you talk...

Is one of us in any more trouble than the other?

Is something wrong, Will?

Is sort of adding to the problem of pollution?

It doesn't have everything a full bathroom has.

It doesn't ring a bell.

It even gave me the willies when Beaver used to do it.

It is 9:00, Master William.

It is a special thrill for me as well.

It is amazing. You certainly have grown, Will.

It looks like the working girl is poised for a promotion.

It probably wasn't Yale or Carlton. It probably wasn't even the phone.

It shouldn't have happened in the first place, son.

It was a bet.

It was awfully nice of Mr. Furth to help us out.

It was my idea for me to drive his car to Palm Springs.

It wasn't.

It's $50, plus tip.

It's a sales bonanza.

It's all Carlton's fault.

It's all right, man. Chill. I get a phone call, too.

It's because your hat's turned to the side, you can see better.

It's dangerous, man.

It's down to $5, $4, $3...

It's gonna be Bruce Willis and Demi, Rob Lowe, Emilio Estevez...

It's just the way things work down in the 'hood.

It's like you don't even care.

It's not because he's mean, or a bad guy, or that he doesn't care about you.

It's not that kind of park, Boo Boo.

It's Saturday afternoon. All you're thinking about is work.

It's that he's from Mars, Ashley.

It's the if you see a Black guy driving anything but a burned out Pinto...

It's time to take action.

It's two against one.

It's your cousin, Carlton. Don't you remember?

It's your fault he's involved in this.

J gave me this stuff as a little thank you gift.

J, come on, man, you've got to meet with them.

J, straight up, I don't know nothing about this stuff.

Jameson made a hole in one, and he's not a very good golfer.

Jameson seems to think I'm good luck.

Jameson was taking all of his stock advice from his dog.

Jameson, Furth, Wind & Meyer has represented you...

Jameson, I am through with your craziness.

Jameson, I have to say this all sounds a little...

Jameson, I think that's Philip's way of saying "I'm sorry."

Jameson, I think you're reading a little too much into this.

Jameson, let me buy lunch.

Jameson, that's just a coincidence.

Jameson, to elaborate on what Henry was saying, it...

Jameson, why don't I fix you a drink?

Jazz, tell me that this isn't happening.

Just asking. For a friend.

Just because I grew up in the best neighborhoods...

Just because Will teases you, you have to do something this foolish?

Just for future reference.

Just give me some time to acclimate myself.

Just max and relax.

Just open that damn cell and let those two boys out...

Just so I don't need to tell you later...

Just take them to the bedroom.

Keep all your answers short and sweet.

Kick back and enjoy yourself.

Kids, the limo's waiting. We'll drive right to the helicopter.

Kim Basinger, and Doogie Howser's business manager.

Knock it off, Will.

Ladies and gentlemen, my fly girl, Ashley Banks.

Last January, on my birthday...

Last year...

Learn to accept them...

Legal partner.

Let me have my butler get them.

Let me know if it's for me.

Let me tell you something, son. I grew up on the streets just like you.

Let's come up with something better that you could call me.

Let's go paint my room!

Let's hear what your friend has to say.

Let's say you have the limo pick me up noon ish.

Let's take five, guys.

Let's try this. I'll sing one line, you make up a line to rhyme it.

Life is too short to put up with the Jameson Whitworths of the world.

Listen to me, when he comes up, keep your hands on the wheel.

Listen, I can explain.

Listen, people get killed there.

Look at me when I'm talking to you.

Look at this, Will. The stock just went up to $18.

Look who's here, Will.

Look, guys, I know you're worried...

Look, he just started tripping, Aunt Viv.

Look, I'm a little pressed for time, so let's just get right to the point.

Look, if this weren't a good idea...

Look, man, I don't have the problem. You have the problem.

Look, thanks a lot, man.

Look, thanks a lot, man.

Look, that's what I came to talk to you about.

Madam. I assumed you'd be in church by now.

Make it sound like we're back on the plantation, like:

Man, he took that hard.

Man, I don't know.

Man, I don't wanna be like Carlton. I'm a joker. I play around. I have fun.

Man, I was with you up till skewering.

Man, it's about to be Diss fest '91 around here.

Man, this is going to be hype.

Man, y'all butchered that song.

Man, you're about to catch an eye jammy.

Massa William! Massa William!

Master William, walk this way.

Master William...

Master William...

Masterpiece Theatre is on.

Maybe growing up where you did has made you a little touchy...

Maybe he can pick one out of Uncle Phil's pants.

Maybe if you went out and bought a well tailored suit...

Maybe it is. Maybe it ain't.

Maybe now you know what it feels like.

Maybe that'll get us back to the freeway.

Maybe we'll play a set of tennis or two.

Maybe you could get that to me.

Maybe you'd care to join us.

Miles? Buy me one million shares of Innermark Industries. Right.

Mom, Dad, I'll start paying my own way around here...

Mom, I can explain. We were on our way to San Francisco...

Mother, she was a little angel.

Mr. and Mrs. Furth.

Mr. Fellows is taking the class to San Francisco...

Mrs. Furth, this is Carlton Banks.

My brother, you wanna take this outside?

My brothers.

My caddy called me on the car phone a few minutes ago and canceled.

My condolences.

My cousin Carlton.

My cousin Carlton.

My family and friends Want to give you some thanks

My fault, man. I must have got the wrong crib.

My God, it's already down to $6 a share.

My goodness, let me look at you. Turn around.

My horoscope says a Capricorn will lead me to prosperity.

My license? I have to warn you...

My lucky numbers have always been three and seven.

My lucky numbers.

My man, Henry.

My sister already has about eight of them.

Name it.

Neither will I. The cops took my fake ID.

Next bathroom.

Next time I go to my room, I'm gonna take some bread crumbs.

No kids allowed.

No map is going to save you, and neither is your glee club...

No, but I think I heard Uncle Phil upstairs testing his belts out.

No, Geoffrey.

No, I said, Philip Banks. Can I speak to him?

No, man. No freeways. Carlton, look out! A low bridge!

No, sir, my name is Carlton.

No, that doesn't mean what you... How would he say...

No, you can't. I know what you're all about.

No.

No.

No.

No. Because I'm their lawyer. Did you notify their parents?

No. Because we're their parents. So, Officer, don't tell us to wait.

No. How many times do I have to tell you?

No. I'm in enough trouble as it is.

No. It's that tie that does it.

No. See, when I laugh at you, it's more like this..

No. Stupid, dope...

No. The police thought we stole Mr. Furth's car.

No. There's more to it than that.

Nobody starts at the top.

Nobody wants to change you.

None of that matters.

None of this would have happened...

Not deaf. D E F. That's just slang. Means terrific, good.

Not in here. Even I lose my rhythm in this room.

Not just for ourselves and not just for our children...

Not man enough to swing with the brothers?

Not only did you lie to us...

Not that it matters.

Not tonight, sweetie, we kind of had an exhausting weekend.

Not Will. President Reagan.

Nothing to worry about, Ashley.

Now give us another phone call.

Now he's got you doing it.

Now I really think they'll overlook the whole thing.

Now look at you. My goodness, you are a man.

Now that Carlton's unpacked, I could go for grub.

Now we got to go back and get my head!

Now, go away.

Now, nobody's going anywhere. Except Will.

Now, take it for whatever meaning you want.

Now, where did I put those permission slips?

Now, you have a nice poster of Malcolm X on your wall.

Of course.

Officer, honestly, I don't see the need to...

Officers, I'm sure we can clear this whole matter up quite easily.

Officers, let me call Henry Furth. He's the owner of the car.

Oh, my God!

Oh, my, yes!

Okay, everybody. Last one in the chopper is a rotten egg.

Okay, fellas, let's start at the beginning.

Okay, fellas, we've had a lot of car thefts in the area lately.

Okay, fellas. You want to talk about those other car thefts?

Okay, good night, Hilary.

Okay, I get it. You're trying to impress him.

Okay, I know the solution.

Okay, I'm going on the Save the Ozone celebrity bus next Saturday.

Okay, this is new.

Okay, well, I... Cheerio and all that rot.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay. Take care.

On reflection, perhaps I should.

On the golf course, you told me not to buy Thorton Pharmaceuticals.

One: Work on golf swing.

Only if a camera crew were present to broadcast live.

Open the cell, Jerry.

Open the door, man.

Or Charlie Sheen, I can't remember which.

Or I'll tie this place up with so much litigation...

Or your fancy Bel Air address or who your daddy is.

Other than that thing at Buckingham Palace, no.

Our bet was you couldn't spend the weekend in Compton...

Palm Springs.

Partner?

Peace out, Bob.

Peace out.

Peace.

People may not think we're twins, but I bet they'll think we're brothers.

Philip, cut him some slack, please. He's my nephew.

Philip, don't make a big thing out of it.

Philip, his weekends are his own. It's none of our business where he goes.

Philip, how could you forget something like that?