The Rules of Attraction Edit

A book of venereal diseases.

A boy who'd been around and couldn't remember if he was Catholic or not.

A couple of Brits take me to Camden Street, I flirt at Virgin, then follow girls with pink hair.

A drama major just back from Europe.

A few tests on Harry and I'm sure I could prove he's dead.

A numb feeling washes over me as I let go of the past and look forward to the future.

Abstinence is 100% safe, which is less...

After all my pining for Lauren, this, her room mate.

Afterwards we talked about AIDS. I wake to the sound of a wino singing.

Ahem.

Ahhh!

All I gotta do is apply pressure to rip your carpals free from your metacarpals

All right. We take your car and I drive.

All the time thinking that, while he might not be Victor, he was cute enough.

Almost became roadkill crossing the street.

An emotional vampire.

And did the whole football team.

And fuck you all very much!

And fuck you and fuck you, pretty boy!

And I didn't have a joint either and, if I did, it would have been Lorna Slavin's joint.

And I need to get laid.

And I were talking on this ratty old couch.

And I'm a married man.

And it certainly can't hurt your GPA.

And it was in that last year, or actually weekend,

And realising that this person behind me wasn't the NYU student, but somebody else.

And telling people I couldn't get it up.

And undressed me quietly and expertly.

And you ask every girl that walks by if she'll fuck you, one in 20 will say yes.

And you will be unable to operate your weapon!

Are gonna take off to all your rich ass lives, leaving me holding my motherfucking dick!

Are you crazy?!

Are you mad? I'd lose my tenure.

Aren't you hitting on me?

At Home House, I strip her clothes off and we fuck.

Back the fuck off!

Bam, 20th one and you're fucking! It's a confirmed statistic, man!

Because she knew, underneath her clothes, she had on a black bra with matching panties,

Before he came, it hit him.

Better that it's not Lauren. Note to self: never 'shroom again. Gets you in trouble.

Blue.

Blue. A very dark blue. What do you think, Paul?

Bought a lot of pastries, ate waffles.

Bought some coke, met some blonde that reminds me of Lara, gave her 1 00 guilders.

Bought some speed, smoked a lot of hash that had too much tobacco in it.

Bulimic passes for healthy except your teeth rot, but my teeth aren't, so...

But I had the next best thing.

But in the end, all l could think about was...

But Victor was fucking my room mate Lara. She gave him mono before he dumped her.

But who was either an NYU film student there for The End Of The World, or a townie.

But your girlfriend needs her nose candy or she won't fuck you.

Call 1 800 518 3492. Imagine the look on her face if you were much larger.

Call now, 1 800 518 3492, or visit them online at longitudecapsules.com.

Can I talk to Sean Bateman? I think he lives upstairs.

Come here.

Come on, come on. I know you want to.

Come on.

Confused, he started to fuck her.

Cruised up the coast, but had no more acid.

Dammit!

Deal with it, Sean, it's over. Rock 'n' roll.

Define crazy.

Did you, now? Where's my money, goddammit, Bateman?

Do you want to...uh... walk me back to my room?

Do...Do you really have it, huh?

Don't act crazy. Me and Mitch just came by to pick up a couple of grams.

Don't stop, don't stop, don't stop, don't stop! Come on, come on, come on, come on!

Dropped acid at the Sagrada Familia, which was a trip.

Drove a Ferrari, made out with a Dutch model.

Dry heaves. There's a lot of air in his stomach.

Ended up in Rome. Just like LA, but with ruins.

Enough fantasising. Victor is 3,000 miles away. Use the book.

Euro Pass to Venice, where I met a hot girl who speaks better English than I do.

Every person...

Except it wasn't my room.

Excuse you.

Face it...you are fucked up.

Figure it out. Deal with it.

For a hummer, sure.

Frankly, I was getting sick of the colour, you know.

Fuck you, Bateman!

Fuck you, Bateman.

Fuck you, motherfucker!

Fuck you!

Fuck you! Just get outta my fucking car! Get outta my fucking car, you piece of shit!

Fuck your meeting! Get the car, Raymond! Grab his feet!

Fuck!

Fuck!

Fuck! Fuck!

Fucking asshole!

Fucking keg's dead. Typical. I wish I had a case of beer.

Fucking spit in my car!

Fucking... Fucking Victor?

Gang Bang 101 , Freebase tutorial, and Oral Sex Workshop.

Get outta my car!

Get the fuck out before you ruin my movie!

Get the fuck outta here, homo!

Get this straight, fuckhead! I need you like I need a motherfucking asshole on my elbow!

Go to sleep.

Good. Time for you to get to work.

Good. Well, just don't wait up for me. OK?

Gotcha!

Has anyone ever told you that you look like Clara Bow? You do!

Have a good one!

He can't remember the last time he had sex sober.

He didn't know what.

He doesn't have it.

He instantly went hard. She was crying, but she let him pull her clothes off.

He really likes you.

He thinks it's the Dressed To Get Screwed Party. I'll give him to you.

He was semi stiff and losing his erection. Something was wrong, was missing.

He would've taken me gently in his big, strong drama major arms

He wouldn't have cared if I had one or not.

He's got his name in the papers on the back side. It's toe tag time in Teenville tonight.

He's, well, not well. He's been under a lot of stress with midterms starting.

Hello?

Her name is Candice.

Hey, guys. Is there some sort of problem, Paul and Mitchell?

Hey, keep your eyes on the road!

Hey! Fucking hey! What about the cash?!

Hey...wait a minute! What...

Hi, Mitch. What's up?

Hi, Sean.

Hi. [SCREAMS]

Hmm...I'm hungry.

Hold it!

How are you, Miss Hynde?

How are...y you?

How do I look?

How do you like that?

How have you been...Mr Denton?

How long have you been here? Why haven't you called?

I actually had my eye on someone else that night. Victor.

I actually had to wash pigs all summer.

I always knew it was gonna be like this.

I am asking you to leave the table now.

I am warning you again! I don't know what your fucking problem is!

I barely make my plane back to the US. I feel like the ghost of a total stranger.

I can feel my dick!

I can leave now, go back to my room.

I can't believe the shit that spills outta my mouth.

I come between her tits even though I'm wearing a rubber.

I could bang her and feel good about it. I'd rather have Lauren. I wonder why.

I could see that his gaze was drifting toward Kristin Notneff.

I cruise the Red Light District, visit a sex show, smoke a lot of hash.

I didn't know where I was going. Someplace unoccupied, I hoped.

I didn't realise it came in banana.

I ditch her and hook up with a couple who want a threesome.

I do believe we have ourselves a deal.

I don't give a fuck if we do this deal or not,

I don't know what's going on! I came for some blow, man!

I drop some acid and get lost in the subway.

I fly to Barcelona. Too many fat American students.

I go back to London and hang out in Piccadilly Circus.

I go to Rem Forum, but it's gay night. I find the one hetero girl in the place.

I gotta be out at seven!

I had actually lost my virginity to a townie.

I had to work all summer just to pay for this term.

I have good news.

I have my terms and, if you don't live up to them, you get no pussy. Deal with it.

I have some pot in my room if you wanna get stoned.

I heard another voice in the room.

I I don't know what you're talking about! No, wait, this guy...

I I'm really terribly sorry.

I imagine the things in life that never were and all the things that could have been.

I insist you bring back the corpse for me to do some tests.

I just assumed since you spent the summer in Berlin, I thought...

I just get the feeling my life lacks forward momentum.

I just had a feeling there'd be some obstacle to prevent my evening with Sean happening.

I kept agreeing with his likes and dislikes,

I know, I know.

I lost it to a guy I thought was a ceramics major,

I love you, Sean Bateman.

I meet a girl who lets me jack off on her as long as no come gets on her coat.

I meet two underage Italian girls who I try to talk into fucking each other while I jack off.

I must have passed out around then.

I need to fuck someone. Then I need to get more pot.

I only did it with her because I'm in love with you.

I played her a song that I'd written myself, then segued into one by Counting Crows.

I played it quietly and sang the lyrics slowly and softly.

I pretend to be a vampire. I don't really need to pretend because it's who I am.

I pretend to ice skate around Centraal Station. Trade songs with a Kiwi girl.

I remember the weight on the bed shifting

I search for this night's prey.

I should never have done this.

I should've given myself to Victor last term when I had the chance.

I shouldn't be leaving. He'll sleep with someone else.

I steal some stout at the Guinness factory.

I stood and watched you go off with her. She's so beneath you.

I swap shirts with a Cambridge chick. Hers was an Agnès B, mine a Chanel.

I talk about God knows what, I let my eyes drift across the room.

I tell you, Victor,

I think I fucked her at the beginning of term. The Wet Wednesday Party.

I think I'm in love with this girl.

I think you and your motherfucking rich kid friends

I think you're a rich motherfucking motherfucker

I think, why not?

I thought there were things about her I'd never forget,

I thought you went home to New York for the summer.

I thought you were putting notes in his box.

I try to fart and instead shit my pants. Back in my hotel room, I masturbate.

I wake well rested and masturbate in the shower.

I wandered around trying to get laid until it started to rain.

I wanna see you do her like Ron Jeremy would.

I want change. Bring Daddy back change.

I want it by Sunday.

I warned you!

I warned you. Remember that.

I was born in a Holiday Inn.

I was so drunk that I ended up losing my virginity.

I was so excited, I couldn't stop shaking and I dropped the key.

I was sure I was mispronouncing the film makers' names,

I was wondering what was going on. Who's Patrick?

I went to the Vatican, stood for two hours to get into the Sistine Chapel, which looks fake.

I won't go to bed with a girl who doesn't. If I can't make a girl come, why bother?

I wonder if she comes easily...or at all.

I work out. I meet some guy who says he knows me. He's a fag so I lose him.

I would like another Vodka...Collins. Eve, would you like anything?

I...I...

I'll get you your fuck... Just don't fuck my karma, dude! Don't fuck it up!

I'll show you tense! You're into me for a fuckload of money!

I'm gonna ask you one more time, Richard. Kindly remove your sunglasses.

I'm gonna come on those tits!

I'm just getting ready to go to the party.

I'm not "21 Jump Street", whatever that is.

I'm not gay! You're lucky I don't kill you!

I'm not your enemy, Rupert, I don't have a weapon.

I'm on financial aid! I'm from a fucking farm in Nebraska!

I'm outta here.

I'm scoring for some freshmen. They're rich, they want cocaine. What do you think?

I'm serious. I know these things and...

I'm staying at Home House, the most beautiful hotel in the world.

I'm told that, after I left Camden,

I'm your key to moving this shit. You need me. I need the cash. We need each other.

I've got a joint in my room.

I've heard you're talented, Miss Hynde.

I've just come to expect it.

If she's bleedin', I'm breedin'! If there's grass in the field...play ball!

If the condom is 98% safe and he wears two, then you're 196% safe.

If you stand in any European city

If you wait for Victor, you'll never lose your virginity.

Inevitable conclusion.

Irish girls are as small as leprechauns. One strips for me in the bathroom of a club.

Is it ever gonna end?

Is she coming?

It causes you to hear what you see and see what you hear.

It discourages her from hooking up with people like you.

It means, Paul, you're not ever gonna know me.

It sucks co o o ck!

It was beautiful, but there are no girls there so I went to Switzerland.

It was cancelled.

It was labelled a Tarantino film even though he was credited as an executive producer...

It was Lorna Slavin's room, who was at her boyfriend's house

It would just ruin my illusion of her innocence...her purity.

It's a combination of your senses.

It's a story that might bore you, but you don't have to listen 'cause I knew it'd be like that.

It's Dick! And, yes, it's me.

It's got some pretty nasty imagery. It helps keep her focused on her homework.

It's great seeing you, really.

It's like bad poetry. And then what?

It's like... That's why you can't trust clocks, you know.

It's not about that.

It's over.

It's Saturday.

It's the Dressed To Get Screwed Party, for Christ's sake! What the fuck am I doing?

It's where Richard Grieco and Johnny Depp got their start, man!

Jesus Christ, man, I can get these kids to overpay. They're desperate for drugs.

Jesus, this is so typical.

Just stay the fuck aw... Hey.

Just the man we're looking to see tonight. Come in out of the cold, man.

Just...go away, huh?

Just...stop bugging me, just stop asking me. Stop kicking my fucking bed.

Kleenex.

Lauren, don't walk... Hey!

Lauren, I love you.

Lauren, it's amazing the weight you lose when you get off the pill.

Lauren.

Lauren. Wait.

Lauren...

Leave the boy alone before him piss in panty!

Leave the table!

Like everything is moving by so quickly that time just seems to stop.

Listen...

Look at that chick's cans!

Looks like it's gonna be a cold one.

Luck has nothing to do with anything.

Luck has nothing to do with it. Everything is preordained. Manifest destiny.

Marc...you owe me 500 bucks.

Masturbate to internet porn.

Maybe 20% over market value.

Maybe getting fucked.

Maybe I'll see you at the next Pre Saturday Party Party...Sean Bateman.

Maybe it was the Ecstasy that she was on. Maybe she thought she really loved me.

Maybe we should be inducing vomiting. Should I pull the car over?

Meet a Dutch actress, we drink absinthe at a bar called Absinthe. Museums were cool.

Merde! What is it? Turn off that fucking thing!

Met the world's biggest DJ, Paul Oakenfold, wrote my mom a postcard I never sent.

Miss Lauren Hynde.

Mitch, don't be such a pussy!

Mitch, I'm kinda through partying tonight.

Mitchell...you're a pussy.

Mm?

Motherfucker!

My family had to sell the fucking cow to get me here!

My family's strapped for cash. I might have to drop out.

My hotel room costs more for one night than she's spending her entire trip.

My name is not Richard.

My room mate's at her boyfriend's tonight.

My type of guy!

No one'll ever know anyone.

No one's twisting your arm.

No, I didn't put notes into anybody's box.

No, I... You two know each other?

No, it's about... It's about good times and cuddling up [!]

No, man, it fresher than the morning snow! What wrong with him?

No, no, no, no, no, no, no!

No, your name is Richard.

No!

No! You leave the pain and suffering!

No. Berlin, New Hampshire.

No. This better be good.

Not much. Can we talk?

Not that badly, not as bad as I'd been taught to expect, but not exactly pleasant either.

Not to people like him.

Not to people like us.

Not very much. Uh, what's up with you?

Oakie invites me to Dublin so l catch a flight. He lets me spin discs with him.

Of course. Hello, Mrs Jared.

Oh, everything's fine now.

Oh, Harry, sweetie! He's gonna get his death of cold!

Oh, Jesus Christ! Richard, is that you?

Oh, my God, Harry tried to kill himself!

Oh, my God, it was some townie!

Oh, my God! I brought Paul!

Oh, shit!

Oh, sorry, what was I talking about?

Oh! Oh! I...I can feel my dick!

Oh.

OK!

OK?

OK.

OK.

One of 17 hand to hand combat methods of rendering your enemy defenceless.

Only a little gay, with flecked blond hair, a great body, and amazing grey eyes.

Ooh!

Or cause the moon to drop.

Or I could take her back to my room, hope the Frog's gone, get stoned and fuck her.

Or I could take her for coffee and ditch her with the bill.

Or other times...

Or play quarters with Dicky and Quinlivan and that dumb guy from LA.

Paul.

Paul...you remember Mrs Jared.

Peter. Peter the freshman.

Play the guitar.

Please, would you just get him up?! His name's Harry. Please help him!

Probably swallowing his DNA.

Purple ones. Love letters.

Really a Friday in December at Camden, years ago when I was a different person,

Really, it's...it's totally blank. I...I...

Really?

Really?! Shit!

Remembering the wrong actors, naming the wrong cinematographers, but I wanted him.

Right here! An asshole!

Right.

Right.

Rock 'n' roll.

Rock 'n' roll.

Rupert, I'm not like those rich assholes!

Rupert...extra chicken in the coop.

Rupert's in the kitchen.

Rusty pipes!

Saturdays suck ass. I don't have to put up with this shit. I'm dropping this fucking class.

Saw the Tate, Big Ben, ate weird English food. It rained a lot so I quit for Amsterdam.

Sean, Sean, Sean, welcome, bubba.

Sean, you're sick.

Sean?

Security? Security? What do you need, a formal fucking invitation?!

She acts prudish, but is really wild. She barely looks at my abs.

She chugs my cock, which is good. Went shopping. I think she gave me mono.

She comes, licking my palm, snorting.

She got really drunk and went wandering through Windham House

She had issues. I moved on to this chick named Candice. She's great.

She has dick sucking lips, so I consider the options.

She looked back with confidence

She slowly followed me back to my dorm room,

She smelled like sweet fruit. Her snatch was small. Pubic hair light and sparse.

She was so moved that she actually started to cry.

She won't put out. You know that. She's got this little boyfriend she's saving herself for.

She's a fag hag, right? It's cool because they're fun and they like to dance!

She's a virgin.

She's groaning now. Humping up, down, up.

She's living on $5 a day.

She's not ever gonna want to see you again.

She's now married to a senator and has four kids. How time distorts things.

She's out of town. Do you have a thing for her?

She's sweet...she's pure...she's innocent.

Show me your eyes.

Since when does fucking somebody else mean I'm not faithful to you?! Lauren...

So fuck you!

So this guy from NYU, who wasn't even a good Victor facsimile,

So what do you think?

So when she showed up...

So why don't you get me another beer?

So you know the movie?

So you look bulimic skinny?

So...shall we?

Some girl rings me so I let her listen to the church bells.

Something amazing's gonna happen.

Sometimes...a minute...

Sorry, it's Dick.

Sorry, there's nothing more I can do here. You have to do something!

Sort of. The best would be Victor, though.

Sprechen Sie Deutsch?

Stop leaving the gun lying around on the table.

Stop...you know...

Taken my bra off with grace and ease and it probably wouldn't have hurt.

That I feed off other people's real emotions.

That I liked Sean because he looked, well, slutty.

That night I dream about a beautiful girl half in water, stretching her lean body.

That vampires are real, that I was born this way.

That's great.

That's how much I need you!

That's way too gay.

That's what I think, you rich motherfucker!

That's what I told people so they wouldn't laugh at me.

That's what's typical. First time I showed up for it.

That's why you get a little time, homes.

The Dutch know English, which was a relief.

The police couldn't have cared less. They said my insurance would take care of it.

Then buy your own, bitch! Get the fuck outta my crib and get me my money!

Then split for Paris by train. I climb the Eiffel Tower for only 7 francs.

Then why the fuck are you writing me letters?

Then...Dick...how is school?

There was this whole thing. I had to take a freshman to the hospital. Anyhow, I'm...

There won't be any more notes. It's last call.

There's an orgy tonight at Booth House.

There's no point.

This is embarrassing. I'm sorry, I don't have the slightest idea who you are right now.

This weekend? I have a lot of school work. How about next weekend?

This wouldn't have happened with Victor.

Those are grown in shit.

Three months later, he had a gay affair, within a year he was a queen

Tomorrow? The Jareds are coming? Oh.

Too eager, too stunned to speak.

Too much tension, but they offer to drive me to Rome.

Took a charter flight to London. Took a cab to the city centre. Hostels are pretty ugly.

Took the Glacier Express, which was beautiful.

Traffic is bad. The wife turns out to be a freak, the guy starts to wig out on me.

Uh...I...

Uh...OK. Yeah, you too.

Um...call Security. Trust me, they'll be there within an hour.

Um...um...

Unless he's got a crack pipe, I gotta assume he's "21 Jump Street".

Wait, Mitch!

Wait, what did you warn me about?

Wasn't me.

We get stoned listening to Michael Jackson and next morning I wake up talking to myself.

We stop in Florence, a bomb goes off and I lose the weird couple.

Welcome to Buford T Pusser County.

Well, fuck yo o o o o u!

Well, then, take a shower and sober up. Oh, will my tortures never end?

Well...

Went to a Ford Model party, hooked up with a Romanian model.

Wh h h h hy?

What did he do? Try and OD on Sudafed and wine coolers?

What do I think?

What do you mean? No, I just...

What do you wanna talk about?

What does that mean, know me? Know me. Nobody knows anyone else ever!

What kind of mark up you think you can get?

What the fuck...!

What the fuck's this, huh?

What?

What? Fuck?

What?!

What... How she do that?

What's going on?

What's wrong? I told you I came.

Whatever. I don't major in math. Are you coming or not?

Whatever. Look, I gotta meet my adviser.

When I came to, he was fucking me, but he didn't know I was a virgin and it hurt.

Where the fuck was Lauren tonight? That Lara girl was kinda hot.

Which I didn't.

While my car is used to run a drug deal, I'll just relax [!]

Who owes me a fucking shitload of motherfucking cash!

Who teaches that? Fucking...

Who will it be?

Who?

Whoa! I think it's kicking in.

Whoa! Is that really what I want?

Why am I trying to convince you? Let's do it.

Why weren't you at my tutorial last Saturday?

With the person who's leaving me notes.

Would you give me a ride to the bus station tomorrow?

Would you like a drink?

Would you talk to him? He'll listen to you.

Wow.

Wow. Sean, it's over.

Wrong person.

Yeah, you smell really good, but I...

Yeah! Mmmm!

Yeah.

Yeah. Actually, Sean just ran off with Paul.

Yeah. Hi.

Yeah. I bought pot from you last year. It was good. A little seedy, though.

Yeah. You've got bad timing.

Yeah...before.

Yeah...um...

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!

Yet when he fingered her, he felt nothing. She wasn't getting wet, though she moaned.

You are killing Harry! Pull it together! March!

You can stop time no more than you can will the oceans to overwhelm the world

You can't just wait for destiny. Make it happen.

You college boys look nice and sweet and sexy!

You didn't?

You do not know what a drag it is to see you right now!

You don't have a pulse. I think you're dead. Let me run a few tests...

You don't know until you do know and you have to go there to know.

You got any Tutankhamen?

You gotta come to Fel's house. He's there. Shit, Paul, we've got to do something!

You know I'm just fuckin' with you, baby, right?

You know, do it?

You know, I find myself talking to you when you're not even around.

You know, it's all subjective.

You know...I think my next car..

You like that? They taught it in the army.

You look familiar. Have we met?

You notice there aren't any clocks in my room

You probably did it to hurt me. It worked, you hurt me. There's nothing else I can do.

You really should get that checked out. Prozac might help.

You serious? You don't think...? No!

You sneaky bitch!

You sure about that? I definitely detected a certain fagginess to you.

You used to go out with Paul Denton.

You wanna fuck with me? I'll show you fucking!

You wanna take a shower with me... for old times' sake?

You want some blow, motherfucker? You bring me my motherfucking cash!

You will never ever know me.

You're gonna be OK.

You're not allowed to smoke here, I don't think.

You're so sad.

Zhing! Like it just fucking fucks you right up the... It's like...zhing!

50% , you say? Hot damn, college boy, that's some good motherfucking math!

300 up front.

..is going to be blue. Mmm!

[BOTH] Help! Help! We need some help! This guy's OD'ing!

[BOTH] Oh, God! Oh, God! Oh, God! [PAUL] Will you shut up!

[WOMAN ON RADIO] Results are evident. [MAN] Order your bottle of Longitude now.

♫ Ready! ♫ For music! ♫

A much better percentage than the pill. It doesn't work that way, Lara.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhh! Let me in! I have the keys! Let me in!

All right, leave the table now, Richard. Why?!

All right? Uh hm.

Are you just fucking with me? Rock 'n' roll.

Are you sure? Oh, positive.

Are you? Deal with it.

Aren't you a senior? No, a freshman.

Bertrand's not in. This is Jean Jacques. Hello?

Bitchin' ride! You pick the colour? Yeah. Don't crash it.

Bulimic skinny or anorexic skinny? What's the difference?

Bullshit! My father's in the hospital, OK? I...

Bust my arm up, motherfucker! You hear what Guest said?!

But, Sean, I don't... I don't wanna be with you.

Can I change the CD? Shut up!

Can't we talk? No!

Ciggie. Oh, don't smoke!

Come on, Harry! Grab his arm!

Come on, let's go. It might be fun!

Come on, Myra. See you both downstairs in 15 minutes.

Deal with it. I'm borrowing these. Wait.

Do we have ourselves a deal? Sure.

Do you have any E? It makes your spinal fluid run backwards.

Do you take American Express? That's not funny!

Do you want a turn on? No, thanks.

Do you want some coke? Sure.

Does he look like a cop? How the fuck should I know?!

Does it matter? No.

Does she fuck like a racehorse? Yeah! You know it, brother!

Does she fuck like a racehorse? Yeah! You know it, brother!

Dressed To Get Screwed Party's tomorrow. I know. I don't wanna leave you here alone.

Faggoty sitcom, faggoty sitcom... Richard?

Fuck you! Jesus fucking Christ, don't get so tense!

Get him into the emergency room! I'm on my break.

Get out! Yahhhhhhhhhh!

Give Rupert his money! I'll wait in the fucking car!

Give Rupert his money. What the fuck are you talking about?!

Go with him, bitch. Fucker. Ow!

Gross! Much better!

Harry! Harry.

He found out he was adopted. Stop. I need some cigarettes.

He made me zhing! Zhing? What?

He must just be selling him something. [BOTH] Must be, yeah.

He'll do. Oh, I like this song!

He's a freshman. Freshmen don't OD. Fuck you, Paul!

He's not dead. He hasn't got a pulse or a heartbeat.

He's not throwing up. What do you call that "krrrr" sound?!

He's throwing up! Open the fucking window!

Hello? Bertrand?

Hello? Hello?

Here. Uh...it looks kinda dark.

Hey, boy, don't better fuck with us! This is absolute shit!

Hey, Sean. Sorry I'm late. What?

Hey, wait, Lauren. Oh, my God!

Hey. Hey, Lauren. Um...this is...

Hi. Brewski for youski?

Hi. Hey. You here for that class?

His pupils are fixed and dilated. Harry, come back!

How about tomorrow night? I'll buy. I don't know.

How are you liking that, Dick? Mmm, mmm!

How are you, Paul? Fine.

How can you go out this early? I got a class.

How much do you want? Three grams.

How young is she? Is she out of the car seat onto my meat?

I can see him moving. He's not dead. He's dead, Paul! Shut up!

I can see what that school has done. Maybe Paul and I should go...

I don't fucking trust you. Tough shit.

I don't know yet. What's yours? I don't even know.

I don't know. Lauren, listen to your friend and room mate.

I don't know. No.

I don't... This guy... You owe me some fucking money!

I doubt it. Why?

I feel it now, too. The truth is I feel nothing.

I had a class with her, but I failed it. Really?

I have to go into the city tomorrow night. Rock 'n' roll.

I have your money! My brother wired it! You got the money? It was that easy?!

I haven't seen Victor around. What about Sean Bateman? Seen him?

I I don't wanna go in. Just come in. Let's get this over with.

I leave you for five minutes and you're drinking! I'm drunk!

I may have some up in my room. You're game, right?

I met a girl. Did you score some hot poon?

I need to get cable in my room. Hello? Hi, Mom.

I should have kept it innocent. God!

I'm gonna wait in the car. Rupert's cool.

I'm not dead, am I? Yes, you are! Shut up!

I'm not getting any pulse. Is this a joke?

I'm sure you've seen this Russian movie... Yeah, yeah.

I've seen this on "ER". Fix him! Harry's gone to the big bye bye.

If anyone's going to leave, it's Richard. [SHOUTS] It's Dick!

Implants. I like the feel of fake tits.

Is there anybody else around here? Oh, please take care of Harry!

Jim. Jim from Dartmouth.

Just...carrying on conversations. I wish you wouldn't tell me shit like that.

Later, guy. Bye, Paul. Maybe next time.

Lauren... Leave!

Let's go. You know you want to.

Listen, were you putting notes in his box? Whose box?

Marc, what about the fucking cash?! What class...man?

Marc... Do not be a slave to time...

Maybe nobody's home. Rupert doesn't leave home.

Mitch. Hi.

Mm hm. I think I'm gonna change my major. To what?

My son isn't well. Yeah.

Never mind. Um...I'll make it up to you.

No, I've never had that. You will someday.

No, it's not! Yeah, it is. I'm in love with somebody else.

No, of course not. What ARE you doing?

No, that's OK. You sure?

No! No, no! No?

No. What's your name?

No. Why? Well, I don't know.

None of your business. What do you want? Were you asleep?

Oh, God! And how did this happen exactly?

Oh, God! OK, you're gonna make it!

Oh, hey, wait a minute, wait. I I'm gonna wait in the car.

Oh, oh! Oh, yeah, you're turning me on [!]

Oh, yeah! I put my hand over her mouth.

Ohh, God! I'm still hard so I keep on going.

Ohhh! Richard, oh, Richard.

OK, so are you out on the prowl again? Yeah, that book's just not...not doing it.

OK! OK.

Old enough to pee, old enough for me! Yeah.

Ow! Bateman. Bateman, what's up, man?

Paul Denton? Uh huh.

Paul? Yeah. Remember me?

Peter. Really?

Quesadilla? What?

Quesadilla. Mexican food. El Sombrero. El Sombrero closed a long time ago.

Really? The Lord is my witness, yes.

Really? I thought you were older. No, I'm a freshman.

Relax. Oh, right, relax [!]

Rock 'n' roll. Tomorrow, then.

Sean Bateman, right? Right.

Sean Bateman. He's a drug dealer.

Sean, who's your friend? This is Mitch.

She's been looking at the book. What book?

She's not coming, then. Nope.

So are we gonna do it here on the couch? Do what?

So where did you spend last summer? Berlin.

Sorry, I thought you were gay. Fuck you! I'm no fag!

Still fucking that girl from Hawaii? Page? No, I gave up on that shit.

Sure. Hey, you want it, you got it.

Surprised me. [YAWNS]

Teenville? You should've just said no, Harry.

Thank God you're still dealing. Where's Lauren?

Thank you, Paul. Sure, Mom.

The tutorial on the post modern condition? Yeah.

Then I ended up back here. I am so there when school is out!

Then there's someone else. Doesn't matter, anyway.

Then why don't you tell us about school? Mm. Tell us about school.

Tonight's the night? Yep, I'm going all the way.

Typical! ♫ WTNE!

Typical. Never seen you there before.

Ugh! Is your deterrent to the party working?

Until you get knocked up. OK, we'll do the math.

Victor, shut up, it's me. Oh...of course.

Wait... For what?! You owe me fucking money!

Wanna go? No.

Want a beer? Let's go.

Want one? What are they?

Wasn't that fun? Fuck you! You're a fucking asshole!

We gotta put the keg somewhere. Not there, it's fucking my shot.

We have somebody OD'ing back here! He's not OD'ing.

We should take him to hospital. Are you crazy?

Well, take Mitchell with you, then. What?!

Well, that depends on how stepped on it is. Stepped on? Guest, is our shit stepped on?

Well, then, what is it? Dick.

Well... Get her another one. Please.

What can I do you boys for? Came by for some stuff.

What did he take? I don't know!

What else is there? I have to meet someone.

What has happened to you? What do you mean? What do YOU think?

What the fu... You don't?

What the fuck are you talking about? I'm here.

What the hell are you doing? Getting fucked up.

What you got for me? You got something. I have this.

What you think, Guest? I think you should sniff less cocaine.

What? Dick! You heard me. Dick.

What? Do you speak German?

What? Victor's back from Europe.

What's goin' on? Gonna have to sell that bike of yours!

What's going on. Hey!

Whatever. Really.

Who is this? Patrick? Who the hell's Patrick? No, it's Paul.

Who? Victor. It's none of your fucking business!

Who's the girl with Mitchell? You mean Candice?

Who's the lucky boy? Not telling.

Why don't you do something about it? Get out of my car! Gimme my key!

Why? Where's my money, college boy?!

With Patrick? No.

Would you fucking tell him?! OK.

Yeah, it does. And what classes are you taking, Dick?

Yeah, it is. Should I know you?

Yeah, me too. Really?

Yeah? Sean.

Yeah? What about you, Paul? What are you doing?

Yes...uh... Well, I mean no, no. Oh, go ahead.

You a cop, Mitch? No.

You can bet the boy is not a cop, man. Obviously.

You don't even know! No, I do know.

You don't have to. I know, but I want to. I insist.