The LEGO Batman Movie Edit

A life spent with Russian ballerinas and lady activewear models.

A month ago, I had no dads.

A squared plus B squared

A squared plus B squared equals C squared.

Abandoned? No.

About 150 cute little classic bomb type bombs,

About your recent banishment of Zod to the Phantom Zone?

Absolutely not.

Accio lightning storm!

Activate!

Actually, this does look pretty terrifying, Bat Dad.

Additionally, once inside the cauldron,

Adiés, shark.

Afraid.

AGENT SMITH: Scanning for intruders. Scanning for intruders.

Ah, come on, Commish. Let's face it.

Ah! Feels like I was poured into this.

Alfred left your lobster thermidor in the fridge.

Alfred Pennyworth at your service, ma'am.

Alfred would have been

Alfred, there's something wrong with the Batcomputer. Watch this.

Alfred, you've been watching way too many Lifetime movies

ALFRED: And I must say, I've grown rather fond of the young lad.

ALFRED: He lost his parents at a very young age.

ALFRED: Heads. BARBARA: Stick together.

ALFRED: Unhand him, you animatronic fiends.

Alfred!

ALFRED". You should get to know him.

All good, Babs. I've got my autopilot on it.

All important movies end with a white screen.

All important movies start with a black screen.

All of you have the right to remain silent.

All right, kid. We need to avoid Commissioner Gordon.

All right, let's see. Yes, the piston brake out here.

All right, listen up.

All right, team, let's shut him down.

All right, team. I'm going to need to know your special powers.

All right, yeah. It's 100% lava.

All right!

All right. Let's do this.

All right. Well, that clears up everything, right?

All the Z grade villains have broken into the energy plant!

All your wonderful toys.

ALL; No!

ALL: (CHANTING) No more crime! No more crime! No more crime!

ALL: (SINGING) Shamon Shamon

ALL: Go, go, go!

ALL: Iron Man sucks!

ALL: No! No! No!

ALL: We are! CATWOMAN: Meow, meow!

ALL: We are?

ALL: We're home!

ALL: Whoa!

ALL: Yeah, bro. MEDUSA: I'm relating.

Almost there!

Almost there.

Alone.

Already failed.

Also, Alfred is on the 17th floor, grouting tiles in the second bathroom

Amazing! This is a great first day.

And 110% expendable?

And 110% expendable?

And 1997 and 1995 and 1992 and 1989

And a heavy metal rapping machine.

And a kick butt theme song!

And accountability.

And also, what the heck, dude?

And as fast and as smart as Batman.

And before you go, we can do your favorite thing.

And British robots!

And by "boxing," he meant

And code names to use on our walkie talkies.

And compassion.

And don't call me "Dad." Now, begin mission.

And don't touch, look at, or do anything

And drinking chardonnay.

And even worse,

And get that Phantom Zone Projector.

And go it alone.

And go on awesome superhero missions like this one, can we use code names?

And he's at my house.

And her nunchucks to Gotham City.

And here we go.

And how am I supposed to get Batman's respect

And I ain't talking about

And I always come to work

And I always get away!

And I figured that you could probably use the...

And I know that, together, the world's greatest detective...

And I mean all of them.

And I need SWAT here now!

And I'll grab the other side!

And I'm flipping the switch for you.

And I've come to finally take over the city.

And if it wasn't for you,

And if she was just standing right in front of me,

And if you think that there's something behind that, then you're crazy.

And integrate into the dark parts of this environment.

And it starts by raising your son.

And it'll be more fun if we all do it together!

And it's about to get tragic.

And it's gonna make you smile.

And lastly, a coordinated attack strategy,

And logos.

And maybe learn a few life lessons along the way?

And more vulnerable looking?

And music.

And no one else has ever had any good ideas. So don't even try.

And now she's bringing her new ideas

And on my way out,

And prove I'm your greatest enemy.

And pump iron until my chest is positively sick.

And request permission to fly over the most crime ridden city in the world.

And see what it feels like when you're not around. Okay?

And that weird one in 1966.

And that's all that matters to me.

And the Bad Boys. What you gonna do?

And the Jaws of Death.

And the most powerful weapon of all.

And the rest of you get Bat Bucks.

And then keep them there until this whole attack on Gotham City blows over.

And then we'll head out.

And they're just like me.

And trust me, Batman's never gonna see it coming.

And two best friends!

And tying up loose ends.

And we came to help.

And we looked at each other and thought, "Hey, let's do this.

And we wish him well on his South African jungle safari!

And we're just gonna gently ease out of here.

And when I take over Gotham City...

And you had a good idea, and I had a great idea.

And you kicked me in the face.

And you wear a big, scary mask.

And you.

And you.

And you'll never be able to defeat them alone.

And you're mission approved.

And your shoes.

And, Harley, you know what to do.

And, sometimes, in order to right a wrong, you have to do a wrong right.

And, uh, what's this?

ANNOUNCER: Meet Barbara Gordon!

Annoyed is not the same thing!

Anything exciting happen when I was gone?

Anyway, have fun in jail and

Are gonna spontaneously materialize out of thin air.

Are they really the ones you're protecting?

Are we sure Gandhi said that?

Are you actually saying "blink"?

Are you currently in the market to adopt a child?

Are you fed up with crime?

Are you looking for more of a base model orphan

Are you nuts?

Are you ready to follow Batman

Are you seriously saying that there is nothing,

Are you trying to tell me

Are you... Are you having

As I predicted, we're doomed!

As I took you under mine?

As I took you under mine?

As in "relationships."

As in the small, Midwestern frail bird?

As long as I'm doing a dime in the big house with my old man,

As long as you're in the Phantom Zone, I'll be saving Gotham City,

As you wish, sir.

As your future orphan son?

At least if this city is destroyed, I'll die knowing

At the what? The old family...

Atomic batteries to power.

Avoid.

B Go, why has nobody fist bumped me yet?

Back at the Batcave.

BANE: Bane is feeling warm and fuzzy.

BANE: Bye, Batman. POISON IVY: Au revoir, Batman.

BANE: Fire in the hole!

Barbara, did you see that?

Barbara, I...

BARBARA: (MUFFLED) Batman? BATMAN: Yeah?

BARBARA: Batman!

BARBARA: Batman! Please, wait!

BARBARA: Batman? ROBIN: Padre?

BARBARA: Engine four!

BARBARA: Engine one down.

BARBARA: Got it.

BARBARA: Guards! Get them!

BARBARA: Let the kid play whatever music he wants.

BARBARA: Look at that!

BARBARA: Snake clowns? BATMAN: Told you they were real.

BARBARA: This way, Alfred.

BARBARA: You're doing the wrong thing!

Barbara!

BARBARA". An arsenal of advanced weaponry.

BARBARA". Autopilot? That's just a rope!

BARBARA". Computer, Batman's in danger.

BARBARA". Did you stick wigs onto snakes?

BARBARA". We've lost engine three.

BARBARA". Whoo! Here we go, Bat Team!

Basking in sweet, sweet isolation, here at his alone palace.

Bat Dad?

Batman and Joker are not a thing.

Batman is very wise.

Batman works alone.

Batman works alone. That's my motto. Copyright Batman.

Batman, are you okay?

Batman, don't do this.

Batman, give me the Phantom Zone Projector.

Batman, I can't believe you did this.

Batman, I really don't need you to finish my

Batman, there are no more vigilantes allowed in Gotham City.

Batman, think fast!

Batman, trust us.

Batman, we both know the Joker's up to something.

Batman, what are you doing?

Batman, what are you doing?

Batman, you need us!

Batman, you're on a timeout.

BATMAN: 'Puter.

BATMAN: (LAUGHING) Wow, that was fun!

BATMAN: (SIGHS) Fine. 'Puter.

BATMAN: 10 4, CO GO.

BATMAN: Alfred, put that kid on the next jet to the orphanage.

BATMAN: Barney! Nice compound fracture!

BATMAN: Black.

BATMAN: Computer, I've got the Joker in my sights.

BATMAN: Hang on a second.

BATMAN: Hey, Frank.

BATMAN: I was

BATMAN: Maybe. BARBARA: That is so weird.

BATMAN: No, no, no! ROBIN: Please?

BATMAN: No!

BATMAN: No. ROBIN: Padre?

BATMAN: So do I, guy!

BATMAN: That is a hard pass. ROBIN: Come on.

BATMAN: These abs are no fluke.

BATMAN: We got a giant sea monster, 12 o'clock!

BATMAN: Wh00!

BATMAN: White.

BATMAN: Why?

BATMAN: Yeah?

BATMAN: Yeah. I love it.

Batman!

Batman!

Batman!

Batman?

Batman?

Batman? Batman!

Batman's been on the job for a very, very, very,

Batman's life lesson number two.

BATMAN". I knew I shouldn't have given you that water.

BATMAN". Joker, you mean nothing to me.

BATMAN". Like this snake clowns bit.

BATMAN". That one was for the assignment called

BATMAN". That's right. We need sick new vehicles.

BATMAN". Wait, what are you doing?

BATMAN". You three wait here while I go fix the engine.

Batrope saved Alfred.

Batrope, no!

Beatboxing.

Because all I want is to get adopted, so I can finally stop being

Because all of it sounds like me.

Because I need you to crunch them.

Because I will be taking over the city.

Because I'm always one step ahead of you.

Because it sounds

Because my dream is for the police force to team up with Batman.

Because saving this city is too big a job for one person.

Because we're all surrendering. Right, guys?

Bedtime?

Being a part of a family again.

Besides, you can't fight crime on an empty stomach.

Best At Teamwork Man is my full name.

Best opening to a title ever.

Best opening to a title ever.

BILL: Gotham Tower, this is McGuffin Airlines, Flight 1138.

BILL: Like that time with the parade and the Prince music?

Billionaire, bon vivant, gallivanter, playboy,

Blink, blink, blink. Blinkety blink, blink, blink!

Blink, blink, blink. Blinkety blink, blink, blink!

Bob's your uncle, you ruddy duff cobblers!

Boo boo, look at me.

Boom. Keep it.

BOTH: Everybody, get down!

BOTH: Scissors, paper, rock.

Bringing it, sir. For Queen and country!

Bruce Wayne.

Bruce Wayne's house?

Bruce, any advice for the new commissioner?

Bruce, I don't know how you did it.

Bruce, listen.

BRUCE: Oh, I'm sure he's listening.

Bruno and I decided

Bruno told me once

But all the kids at the orphanage call me Dick.

But doesn't he deserve a chance for someone to take him under their wing,

But don't you think it's time

But first, where's the seatbelt?

But for the time being, I'm just gonna put my arm right here.

But haven't you tried that before?

But he didn't say to not not rescue him.

But how exactly are we going to get outta this place?

But I don't wanna make my other dad, Bruce Wayne, angry.

But I just happened to be in the hood.

But I just wanna make sure that everyone gets a pat on the back.

But I'll be a lot happier when this Phantom Zone Projector

But I'm gonna have to make up an excuse to leave this party

But I'm the best of them all

But I'm the one you're always chasing.

But I've finally seen a man,

But I've heard that some stores will honor them past the expiry date.

But in order to do that,

But it's a little known fact that Gotham City

But it's your family, too.

But that doesn't mean you stop letting them in.

But there's some kind of laser energy thing

But there's still only four of us against Joker's entire army.

But they're both leaving.

But we don't need an unsupervised adult man

But what if you just gave Joker exactly what he wanted?

But with vulnerabilities.

But you're all in black. You have a cape.

But you're not exactly a good guy, either.

But you're not who I thought you were.

But, no.

By Gotham's greatest criminal minds.

Bye.

Call it out!

Call me...

Can enter the cauldron.

Can I get a bat? Bat...

Can it come now?

Can we make the signal thing happen?

Can you contain them to downtown?

Can you get the commissioner and show her this?

Can you hold it in like a big boy?

Captain Dale, is everything okay?

CATWOMAN: Meow, meow. ALL: Yeah, let's do this.

Catwoman.

Certainly, sir.

Chance of total mission failure is 110%.

Check it out, guys. I built a CD rack. Ta da!

Chief O'Hara, we're coming in hot!

Citizens of Gotham,

Classic! We got everyone.

Clayface, Freeze, bring me the new Commissioner Gordon.

CLAYFACE: Bye, Batman.

CLAYFACE: I've got you.

Clock King, Calendar Man, Kite Man, Catman, Zebra Man, and the Condiment King.

Close up street magic é la David Blaine?

Code Red!

Collateral damage assessment suggests the Scuttler, sir.

Come at me, bro.

Come at me, Gotham!

Come on, Alfred. This way.

Come on, Batman. Let's get grooving!

Come on, everyone!

Come on, guys. Let's hustle.

Come on, guys. We need to hold this city together.

Come on, let's hear it for us!

Come on, Master Dick. We need to help him.

Commissioner Gordon, these monsters, they're too powerful.

Commissioner Gordon, you gotta take a look at this.

Commissioner, how do you feel?

Complete me.

Computer, how do I put the Joker in the Phantom Zone?

Computer, overcompensate.

Computer.

Congratulations, darling.

Copy that! Oh, here's an idea. I could also

Copy that.

Corning through!

Costumes that suit our individual personalities.

Could clean up these crime ridden streets.

Count me interested.

Current location,

Cut the baloney. Kid, guard the door, will ya?

Da na, da na, da na, da na

Dad, I got this.

Dad, you've always done a great job protecting Gotham City.

Dads.

DALEKS: Exterminate!

DALEKS". Exterminate!

DALEKS". He's not worth it.

Darn it. It's gotta be one of these. Is this the one?

DC.

Dear gosh. You've destroyed the Bat Signal.

Definitely.

Destroy as much property as possible.

Dick Grayson on the mic, go

DICK: Mr. Wayne?

Dick...

Did you have some work done?

Didn't it turn out great?

Disconnect the 6x10 plates.

Do a front flip. Do a backflip.

Do a front flip. Triple axel.

Do I get a costume for the mission, too?

Do you ever get scared?

Do you ever play roulette?

Do you have a knife?

Do you have any advice on how to get adopted?

Do you know what the B A T in Batman stands for?

Do you like to gamble?

Do you realize that you have never once

Do you really want the man who made you to come to harm?

Do you think we'll be done before my bedtime?

Do you want me to tell Alfred you're home?

Do you want to talk about how you're feeling right now?

Doesn't he deserve a chance for someone to take him under their wing,

Don't call me Padre.

Don't do what I would do!

Don't touch that.

Don't worry about it, dawg. I'm not here to throw down or anything.

Don't worry, Batman. You fix the Batwing, I'll fly.

Don't you think?

DOROTHY BOYD: (SNIFFLES) Shut up. You had me at hello.

Dress up parties are for grown ups only.

Dressed in black,

Drop to the ground. Do a backflip.

Dusting.

Eat dirt!

Edgy, scary music

End this, Batgirl!

ENERGY PLANT COMPUTER: Opening reactor core doors.

Enjoy the party, bro.

Equals C squared.

Everybody, get down.

Everybody, run!

Everyone okay? Dick, Alfred, Barbara.

Everyone say, "Bat Family!"

Everyone, grab on to me.

Everyone, meet your new commissioner!

Everyone! Make your way to the exits immediately!

Everything's gonna be A okay.

Evil army, get rid of them!

Evil army, this way to the Batcave!

Evil buddies, those are my last three painful reminders of Batman.

Exactly. All right, guys. Until I get back, rope's in charge.

Except an infinite abyss that smells like dirty underwear.

Excuse me.

Excuse me. I'm so sorry. Excuse me.

Faster, Dad! Faster!

Feel it, uh huh

Fine, I will.

Fine.

Fine. Who am I working with?

First, driving.

FLASH: Thanks, Batman.

FLASH". This party is the bomb!

Flip, flip.

Flip!

Flip! (CHUCKLES) That's me.

Flip! Flip! Flip! Flip!

Flip? What is that? I don't...

Flip.

Fly us straight into that eye, and wait for my signal.

For "son."

For a brief moment

For being such a good teacher, obviously.

For the citizens of Gotham City!

For the remaining moments you have in my presence.

Forever.

Fraternity of people who did an awesome job together.

Freestyle a little bit. Oh, that's good, kid!

Freeze, Batman!

Freeze, Clayface, take this guy out!

Fudgecake!

Gandhi said that.

Get a bunch of criminals together to fight the criminals?

Get back up in that seat. There you go.

Get him!

Get it together, guys!

Get off my padre!

Get off my Padre!

Get out of here. No. Give me... No! Stop it!

Get yourself ready for some

Give it up for Sauron!

Give me the Phantom Zone Projector! Give it to me!

Go on, Scuttler. Go.

Go team!

Go!Go!Go!

Going somewhere?

Going up, ma'am?

Good bye.

Good grief!

Good news. Our bathroom problem is solved.

Good night, Alfred.

Good plan.

Good work, guys!

Good. Love that!

Good. Must be nice to be happy.

Goodbye, Joker.

GORDON: Oh, no.

Got it!

Gotcha!

Gotcha.

Gotham City is still the most crime ridden city in the world.

Gotham City's not gonna blow itself up.

Gotham needs us.

Gotham's most eligible bachelor, like, 90 years in a row.

Grab those 2x6's, pull out the axle studs,

Grand entrance! (IMITATES GUNS FIRING)

Great point, G.L. Great point.

Great, what'd I get?

Great! Now you bend,

Great.

Great. Follow me.

Great. Let's turn those frowns upside down.

Great. Then let's talk about real improvements

GUARD: A monkey and dog are friends.

GUARD: Don't wanna jinx us,

Guess they'll just let anybody in here.

Guys, you're all un timeouted!

Ha! The city needs me. Bang,bang,bang!

Ha! You always do paper.

Half the police force are fish!

HARLEY QUINN: Good for you, boo boo!

Hate you.

Have a unique ability to peer through time and space?

He had sort of a "get out of this bathroom now" vibe.

He has aged phenomenally.

He has to go someplace outside the law.

He hasn't captured Bane.

He's been living here for the past week.

He's evil, he's magic,

He's not good at his job.

He's not loose.

He's the greatest orphan of all time.

He's Zod. Come on!

He)'. computer?

Head for the south exit.

Hello, family photos.

Hello, Master Bruce.

Hello, table! Boom!

Hello? Bad guys?

Hello? Batman?

Here comes the...

Here she is, everyone!

Here to take that bad stuff off your hands.

Here you go, Grandpa.

Hey hey

Hey, 'Puter.

Hey, Batman!

Hey, Batman!

Hey, Batman!

Hey, Batman. Do you wanna take a quick pic?

Hey, can Scarecrow help?

Hey, Computer.

Hey, Dad.

Hey, evil army.

Hey, guys! It's my first family photo!

Hey, hey, hey, hey!

Hey, hey, hey, hey!

Hey, I was thinking. If I'm gonna be a superhero,

Hey, kid. Let's go.

Hey, kid. This is a training exercise. These guys are my bros.

Hey, kid. You know who does get scared?

Hey, kids. Who wants a shot from the merch gun?

Hey, listen. As soon as I get back to the Batcave,

Hey, listen. Thank me later,

Hey, Mom.

Hey, Sauron, doesn't your flaming eye

Hey, there. Look at you.

Hey, where are you going?

Hey, you up for another top secret superhero mission

Hi there, guys.

Hi, Batman! So weird to keep running into you.

Hi, Jimmy! It's the Jokes. Oop!

Hi, police lady.

Hi, there. I'm here from Phantom's Own Laundry.

High five!

Historically speaking, that is accurate.

Hit it, DJ Wonder Dog.

Hmm.

Hmm. Give me a second.

Hmm. She sure would.

Hold on a sec.

Hold on a second, Brick Lady.

Hold on, Alfred. I'm almost there!

Hold on!

Hold still while I scan you.

Holy cow!

Holy family photo, Batman. I love it!

Honey, let Batman take care of it.

Hot diggity dog!

Hot, hot, hot!

How about a cool costume?

How about a warning next time?

How about eyeliner or a foreign language?

How are your abs, bro?

How dare you tell me how to parent my kid I just met?

How do I put the Joker in the Phantom Zone?

How do we feel about this one?

How is he beating all of you again?

How many times I gotta tell you?

How to masterbuild your way inside that thing.

How's it going?

However, despite all the great work Batman has done for us,

However, only a person that isn't shredded, ripped, or extremely swoll

Huh?

Huh. Looks like you're going to a lot of trouble for little old me.

Huh. You're not a traditional bad guy.

Hurray!

I 100% am not Bruce Wayne!

I 90t you.

I actually thought you'd changed.

I also have huge pecs and a nine pack.

I am fighting a few different people.

I am not gonna be part

I am super proud.

I am?

I call it the Babs Signal.

I called you Padre.

I came back, just like I said I would.

I can only imagine he is going home right now

I can only look you in the eyes right now.

I can punch those '80s monsters off the plane.

I can see the target.

I can squirt ketchup!

I can wear my costume, too.

I can't let you go. My boss will be really mad at me.

I can't think of any other way to put that.

I certainly do. Yes.

I could have a kid.

I could have sworn I felt something.

I did something!

I dig it.

I don't believe I would be Superman without fighting Zod.

I don't even know why you bothered coming back.

I don't feel anything emotionally, except for rage.

I don't have any, I've never seen one.

I don't have time to eat lobster thermidor right now! (YELLS)

I don't know if I could throw a kick orjump in them.

I don't know what that means, but okay.

I don't know what that means, butokay.

I don't need anyone.

I don't need friends. I don't need anyone to stop you.

I don't need you.

I don't talk about feelings, Alfred.

I felt so jazzed!

I found out one of your secrets.

I get the last laugh I get the final grin

I got a feeling that you'll just look like a kid on Halloween.

I got a nine pack

I got an idea. Rip! That's better!

I got it.

I got myself thrown into this heck hole on purpose!

I gotta be honest with you. It's snake clowns.

I gotta give it to you, Batman. That was awesome.

I gotta go back to the Phantom Zone.

I guess so. Catch you later, Joker.

I guess you're right. lam going up. Ding!

I hate everything you just said.

I hate you forever.

I hate you the most.

I have incredible reflexes.

I have just taken away your computer privileges.

I haven't told you everything.

I hope you're back because you've decided to work together

I just got a couple here. There.

I just put Joker in the one place he can't do anyone any harm.

I just wanna go to Arkham and pay for all of my crimes.

I know that she said I said that out loud, but there's no way I did.

I know what I need to do.

I know. Not listen to anyone else. Be mean to people.

I like to fight around.

I literally have no idea what you're talking about.

I love it!

I love it.

I made a promise.

I make the bad guys fall

I make unpredictable decisions.

I mean, I don't know if I have anything...

I mean, if I met the right lady,

I miss the '60s.

I must be your greatest enemy after all.

I need Batman brought here.

I need to break my friends out of a giant, scary prison.

I need total security lockdown, now!

I need your help.

I never even taught you how to drive!

I never would have learned how connected I am with all these people.

I probably shouldn't leave

I promise.

I raise the stakes!

I really think you should see this.

I said, "I surrender."

I saved the city again today.

I Say "jazzed"!

I see.

I sent the Bat Fax.

I should have known better than to sneak up on you like that.

I should probably have some dinner.

I studied Brazilian jiu jitsu at Harvard for Police.

I sure am, Dad Two!

I sure do.

I sure hope nothing bad happens to him.

I surrender!

I swear, I am a good guy.

I think after 78 years, I deserve respect!

I think I'll need snowshoes.

I think that thing can see our every move!

I think you would have been really proud.

I think you're underestimating

I thought I told you to go back at the prison.

I thought you'd never ask.

I wanna hear all four points.

I want you to fly straight into that flaming eyeball.

I want you to get these guys a couple of chimichangas

I wanted to be as strong

I wanted to be you, Batman.

I was a tail gunner for the Royal Air Force.

I was afraid

I wish you could have seen me.

I would like to see that very much!

I, uh...

I'd like to ask all of you a question.

I'll do whatever you want.

I'll get that Projector!

I'll make sure that Alfred puts seatbelts on there, okay?

I'm a giant clay person!

I'm a loser at home and a loser at work.

I'm a night stalking, crime fighting vigilante,

I'm a whale!

I'm about to teach you some father and son stuff.

I'm afraid that's not possible, sir.

I'm all ears.

I'm almost there.

I'm Batman HQ.

I'm Batman I'm awesome

I'm Batman!

I'm Batman!

I'm Batman!

I'm fine. I'll just do one of my gymnastics moves to...

I'm glad you asked, Mr. Wayne.

I'm gonna blow up Gotham City!

I'm gonna give you three poses. You ready?

I'm gonna go start looting.

I'm gonna have to die to know it.

I'm gonna make you disappear.

I'm good the way I am.

I'm home.

I'm just gonna come right out and say it.

I'm just looking at all the guys' faces here in the control tower.

I'm just so jazzed to meet you, sir.

I'm kidding. It's you.

I'm listening.

I'm locking in some coordinates now.

I'm moving on!

I'm not a bad guy.