Spencer Edit

A bit of fun.

A Christmas pudding chocolate yule log, plum pudding,

A good friend.

A miniature painting.

A selection of organic Highgrove jams and marmalades with honey

A tractor broken down.

About this wild horse throwing his brothers around and such.

About to cross...

About which dress to wear and when.

Accompanied by simmered herring roe,

Actually, that was my little fabrication.

After the shoot...

Again.

All I need is a miracle

All I need is you

All I need is you

All I need is you

All rumours of my disintegration confirmed.

All these little bees made the honey...

Almost certainly contains the dead skin of every person who's ever stayed in it.

Also...

Always late for everything.

And everyone would start wearing feathers just like yours.

And give you that word of warning.

And he is early.

And how we can help to ensure

And I am the insect in the dish.

And I hope your friend's wild horse

And I know... I know you don't see me in that way.

And I speak with their voice.

And I will be in a field full of fucking landmines.

And I will make it myself for you.

And I would like it

And in your beauty, he will remember.

And it's Christmas Day dinner.

And leave the keys in the glove compartment.

And of his Son, Jesus Christ our Lord.

And on whether we have anything to offer,

And that's what you do.

And the blessings of God almighty, the Father, the Son and Holy Ghost

And the one they take pictures of.

And the ones that don't get shot, they just get run over.

And they are worried.

And they're kind.

And we blanch the nettles or they will sting us.

And what that means.

And yet she is late.

Anything.

Are going to join their mother.

Are you leaving us, Ma'am?

Are you real?

As a face on a coin to be passed from hand to hand.

As a gesture.

As if everything's already happened.

As the person you were when you first came here ten years ago.

At all the oddness and all the scandals.

Back of the head, out through his nose. And he fell onto me and...

Bam.

Be amongst you and remain with you always.

Beautiful but not very bright.

Beauty is clothing.

Beauty is useless.

Because he said that she was having an affair.

Because he will bloody check.

Because I'm too weak to insist on black.

Because they don't want us to be people.

Before I answer that question,

Before it's too late.

Before that?

Best thing about Christmas so far is being with the family, Sir.

Body do things...

Brigade, we make everything the best it can be.

Brigade.

But did you say it?

But even so...

But he doesn't even realise.

But he lost it anyway.

But if I don't say it out loud, they read it on my face.

But if I wish it aloud it definitely won't happen.

But in fact he was the one who was having the affair.

But it does.

But it's the oath you chose to believe.

But now,

But please...

But then he said...

But things that are real.

But wear them anyway.

But with you, they do not laugh.

But you know, you have to be able to make your...

But you need to get ready for dinner.

By way of example,

Bye!

Came to have a look.

Cars will take all those concerned

Close.

Come here. Come on, come on.

Come on, Mummy.

Come.

Completely...

Cutting off of heads and any odd thing that you might say,

Cutting yourself again.

Daddy told Harry it's because Father Christmas

Deceit.

Depending on lots of things. Hmm.

Dessert is about to be served.

Did Maggie say that I was cracking up?

Did she say it?

Did you read the Vogue article about me?

Did you see her in church?

Did you tell anyone? Mm?

Dinner will be served at eight p.m. precisely...

Dinner's at eight.

Do them the courtesy of not regurgitating it all

Do they know?

Do you like them getting cross with you?

Do you remember when she said that?

Do you understand? It becomes currency in these rooms.

Do you want to be the queen, Soldier?

Does it really matter that she's, um, swapping them around?

Does queens and kings the day before everybody else

Don't behave the way the say you behave.

Don't know what it's like.

Don't let that go.

Don't say that.

Dressing and undressing with your curtains open.

Drive.

Elizabeth: "the Virgin." Diana...

Emergency, why? It looks beautiful.

Emergency!

Emergency.

Enjoy your breakfast, your Majesty.

Everyone will take a brace home with them.

Everyone would just laugh.

Everything looks different.

Everything waits until after Christmas.

Everything you say to any member of staff here becomes currency.

Exactly?

Excellent.

Except the scarecrow.

Excuse me!

Feet up, feet up.

Fight them.

Fingers out of saucers, you sons and you daughters of bitches.

Fly away.

For everyone's sake.

For us all to just...

For what it's worth...

For you.

Foreigners, you know?

Forgive me, Ma'am,

From Highgrove bees.

From Highgrove House,

Fuck doctors. What you need is love.

Gary usually lets me off.

Good choice.

Good.

Good.

Good.

Good.

Gosh, how could I get lost in a place where I used to play? [sighs]

Gosh, thank God it's you.

Got captured.

Gregory's men saw you too.

Hang on. Boys.

Happy Christmas.

He bought exactly the same for her.

He can read your thoughts.

He just forgets.

He said that you told someone that...

He was brought up in a farm up in the Highlands and he was...

He was talking about some horse

Hello again.

Hello, Darren.

Her Majesty herself just a second ago sat on these scales.

Her Majesty.

His Royal Highness kept saying he was cold.

Hmm.

Hold on.

Home.

Home.

Hope.

How can he watch us?

How can it be safe

How can you ask if it's safe? It's a tradition.

How do I look?

How do I look?

How do they know?

I asked myself, who do we soldiers die for?

I believe Major Gregory sent her back to London.

I can't believe he's still watching over us.

I don't care if he fucking remembers.

I don't know

I don't usually do the getting weighed thing.

I don't want anyone to die for me.

I gave my gun to the other one, but...

I got it at the petrol station.

I grew up there.

I had a good friend beside me.

I have dressed you before, Ma'am.

I have no choice.

I hugged him.

I just cook.

I just drove.

I just need one minute.

I just thought I'd lighten the gloom with something totally unexpected.

I just thought someone might have delayed you.

I just wanted to be sure you were feeling all right.

I left the curtains open.

I like nice things

I look great anyway. [sniffs]

I love fast food.

I love Les Mis, I love...

I mean in that way.

I mean, do you think I should tell someone?

I mean, will he be safe?

I need a pair of Wellingtons. And a torch.

I never remember which one is which.

I really have no idea what you are talking about, Ma'am.

I really like the dress you wore on television.

I saw a photo and...

I suggest you wear a warm Merino long coat.

I think I saw her.

I think it's in the future.

I think that means she's going to Park House.

I think that's my father's coat he's wearing.

I thought at first it might not fit me.

I thought she was my friend.

I took it in.

I used to live there.

I want our Princess of Wales

I want to talk because someone aid something about clothes.

I want you to clean it, sew it up,

I wanted the truth!

I wanted to see my house.

I was always last back.

I was in the café in Kensington giving some presents and...

I watch to make sure that others do not see.

I will feel all right.

I will have more blankets delivered.

I will wear the dress.

I wish to masturbate.

I would like Maggie.

I would prefer...

I'd actually forgotten all about the scarecrow until today.

I'd get home half an hour after the others and...

I'd like it if you didn't report this encounter.

I'd really like to have someone I can talk to properly.

I'll be along shortly.

I'll be the major. You be the soldiers.

I'll be there in a minute.

I'll be your mum.

I'll do what I can. But no promises.

I'll only believe it if it's you who tells me.

I'm going to see you back in Kensington.

I'm going to take my place among the pheasants.

I'm grown up about... this.

I'm half gone.

I'm half jewellery, anyway.

I'm in enough trouble.

I'm lost.

I'm not, though.

I'm prepared for my future

I'm sorry, I thought you knew.

I'm surprised, but...

I'm talking to it.

I'm the Queen Mother's equerry.

I'm told it's all set.

I'm told there's a dress to go with them.

I'm usually at Clarence House, drafted in for this occasion.

I've absolutely no idea where I am.

I've been asked to ensure

I've been imagining how they'll write about me in a thousand years.

I've left a coat in my car.

I've never told you this and it probably means you'll have to fire me, but...

I've put soufflé d'abricots on the menu for you, your favourite.

If a princess wants to go home, who are we to stand in her way?

If I ever do become Queen,

If I gave them to you, would you take them?

If I start being really silly in the next few days,

If the constables report anything,

If you are going to fly anywhere, may I recommend Kensington?

If you didn't buy me pearls because you bought us both the same thing.

If you didn't make him shoot real birds tomorrow.

If you go away. Please.

If you have to wear protective glasses?

If you're Royal,

In that moment, the bullet hit him.

In the order that it is written.

Insane?

Instead of burying everyone in blankets?

Into a lavatory bowl before the church bells even ring.

Is everybody there?

Is not following the rules and doing whatever you want.

Is the willingness of ordinary men and women...

It is concern.

It is Her Majesty and the House of Windsor I am pledged to serve.

It isn't really Major Gregory who decides.

It looks different now.

It only takes me one minute.

It says on the label "Christmas Day dinner,"

It seems they're circling just me.

It was a bit of fun.

It was felt we needed to be on guard because of all the silly attention

It was Prince Albert in 1847 who began it.

It was you who put the book on my bed.

It would've only been wasted on me, anyway.

It... It doesn't fit in with my mood.

It's almost five.

It's boarded up.

It's Christmas.

It's Christmas.

It's currency.

It's dangerous, apparently.

It's dessert.

It's from the storeroom, Ma'am.

It's gone midnight.

It's just fine.

It's me.

It's not for them, it's for me.

It's not the human beings, you see?

It's not the pearls' fault, is it?

It's okay.

It's perfectly acceptable for you to be delayed by someone.

It's perfectly safe, you wear protective glasses.

It's Santa's lobster, Sir.

It's too late for trying broken tractors on them.

It's very cold this morning.

It's why I left them.

Jane Seymour, of course.

Joe, is anyone there?

Just say that I'd like Maggie.

Just tell me.

Just think of all the times I've seen you naked.

Just...

Let her be.

Load the shoot boxes, please.

Look at the colours, they'd say.

Look.

Love, shocks and laughter.

Ma'am, according to the rules, if we have an encounter, we have to report it.

Ma'am, I will help you.

Ma'am, may I?

Ma'am, please.

Ma'am, they are all waiting.

Ma'am.

Ma'am.

Major William to Soldier Diana.

May I come in?

Maybe.

Men.

Mince pies, raspberry croquets,

Mistresses.

Mm.

Mostly I'm here because of the press.

Mummy,

Mummy,

Mummy,

Mummy, I actually have to open this or I'll be sick.

Mummy, just switch off your mind.

Mummy, we have to sit down before Granny.

Mummy, you're being really silly.

Mummy, you're freezing.

Mummy?

My dear, is currency.

My husband doesn't know it, but...

My perfect, perfect Christmas, Sir,

My sons...

Nearly just kept driving.

No one, all clear.

No, he doesn't decide. There's never a decision to make.

No, I don't mean that.

No, I've promised them a real treat.

No, nothing at all.

No, seriously.

No, she couldn't possibly think of it, Ma'am.

No, with my mood.

No, you're not. You're not.

No.

No.

No.

No.

No.

No.

No.

No...

Not like Anne Boleyn...

Not with them.

Not yet, Ma'am, no.

Not you.

Now I know where I am.

Now leave me.

Now you really watch.

Of course I will wear it.

Of course.

Of course.

Oh death, rock me to sleep.

Oh my God. Didn't they tell you?

Oh, fuck it.

Oh, go on.

Oh, if Daddy confirmed it, then it must be true.

Oh, Maggie, it's all just a bit of fun, isn't it?

Oh, no. Oh, don't worry.

Oh.

Okay, you go. I'll join you in a minute. Come on.

Okay.

On muslin bed sheets.

Once more unto the breach.

One by one. Making notes on how I react.

One fine morning..."

One hour to the guns.

One in three would be bearable.

One of Major Gregory's men said he saw you

One of the men reported back today that they saw you

Open it in the morning. Christmas morning, like normal people.

Organic biscuits from?

Other people's madness.

Papa used to give the farmer his old clothes.

Papa, didn't you say that we Spencers were distantly related to Anne Boleyn?

Part of my remit is the security within the grounds of Sandringham House.

Pastries, fondants, chocolate mousses,

Perhaps because I always take care to close my curtains.

Perhaps you've taken an oath.

Phantom of the Opera.

Please, be careful which box we take the carrots from

Please.

Plum sauce, bread sauce, cranberry sauce, cloudberry sauce,

Potatoes, carrots and spinach.

Prepare the tureens, warm the bowls. Please. Hush, hush, no noise.

Presents, Sir.

Pull!

Pull!

Quite middle class, unfashionable.

Really? How odd.

Remember, salt cellars will lie down with the spices

Remember, we used to talk.

Right.

Right. Okay, the time now is ten minutes past three.

Roasted muffins, quince jelly. Followed by fresh...

Run.

Saved myself from the next bullet.

Say there was a big tractor broken down or something, eh?

Say you got lost.

Say you saw a ghost.

Scottish kippers, brown and white toast.

See who, Mummy?

Seriously. What?

Service.

Seventeen and a half stone.

Seventeen and a half stone.

Shall keep your hearts and minds in the knowledge and love of God

Shall we try it on?

She was wearing exactly the same pearls.

She wore black for forty years after her husband died.

She's the one who was beheaded by King Henry VIII.

She's wearing "Boxing Day lunch" when it should be "Christmas Day church."

Should be black. Black, to contrast the pearls.

Should examine what we really mean by freedom.

Sir, presents are the only good thing about Christmas, Sir.

Sir.

Sir.

Sir. Don't know what you mean, Sir.

So I just tore it off.

So it will have her skin floating in the air.

So please, stick to the list as it is written,

So please, there really is no time for indulgence, Ma'am.

So stand very still and smile a lot.

So that we get the best presents.

So what do you say to that?

So, I suppose the one word I'd use to describe you

So...

Soldier Harry. Best part of Christmas so far?

Soldier. Do you want to be king, Soldier?

Soldiers become more than friends, you know?

Some things are best not said out loud.

Someone heard Maggie saying she thinks you're cracking up.

Sometimes you get delayed by someone.

Sorry, I mean... Your Royal Highness.

Sour times back then.

Spencer.

Stories of ghosts,

Succession.

Tell Major Gregory, who hears everything, that I insist on having Maggie.

Tell the Major what's happened to make you so sad.

Tell them I am not well.

Tell them I want Maggie.

Tell them I'm not well.

Tell them I'm not well.

Tell them to let her be.

Thank you.

That are simple, ordinary.

That his father had bought at the fair that couldn't be tamed.

That I wore around my neck.

That is all she wants.

That is the tradition.

That is, I was told to sew them by His Royal Highness.

That once in place, it is there to stay.

That this time,

That would be a miracle.

That you hate?

That your Royal Highness is attracting.

That's all we are.

That's it.

That's my job.

That's okay because...

That's what I always say.

The chef has made soufflé d'abricots.

The Falls Road. [laughs quietly]

The family are all gathered in the drawing room for the sandwiches.

The fishermen caught the fish,

The more time that passes, the fewer words they use to describe you.

The normal page. The usual Christmas page.

The only portrait that really matters is the one they put on the ten pound note.

The past and the present are the same thing.

The past, Sir.

The pheasants are bred to be shot, Ma'am. But for the gun, they wouldn't be there.

The police caught you but didn't report it.

The Princess of Wales has gone outside.

The sandwiches.

The sandwiches. The holy sandwiches.

The staff get some, the dogs get some, and the rest is thrown away.

The stairs and the floorboards, they're rotten.

The thing is, Diana, there has to be two of you.

Their faults, their weaknesses, that's not what you think about

Their lenses are more like microscopes, actually.

Their lenses are terribly powerful these days, Ma'am.

Then I remembered my oath.

Then only remember you're beautiful.

There are all sorts of elements to a free society.

There are no signs anywhere.

There is... one thing.

There we are.

There will be lots left over.

There's a designated dress which I will put on for breakfast.

There's a lot left over.

There's even a little room left in it to accommodate for dinner.

There's lots of crustaceans to be had at the petrol station.

There's no hope for me.

There's only what must happen.

There's the past, the present, future.

There's the real one,

These are your dresses for the whole thing.

They are beautiful.

They are circling us. Didn't you know? Don't you read?

They are waiting.

They asked me to suggest that you see a doctor.

They can hear us.

They don't know that Anne Boleyn saved my life last night.

They even wrote a poem.

They fill your eggs with princes and ride away.

They gave me to you because I insisted.

They get repeated here.

They just don't always tell you what they've heard.

They might think it's me making mistakes.

They said no one is above tradition.

They said they needed someone to talk to you.

They said, "It's dangerous, you know?"

They say you've been...

They take a lot of photographs of you, don't they?

They think photographers.

They want you to survive.

They won't turn the heating up.

They'll know it's not you who's making mistakes.

They're hungry for anything. Why are you swapping dresses around?

They're laughing.

They're not the brightest of birds.

This can be an opportunity to reflect on our own good fortune

This game is silly.

This is for breakfast.

This one's for you.

This was once Queen Victoria's room.

This year they insisted on weighing me. [scoffs]

Though you're good,

Three plums for the Prince of Wales.

Thrown away...

To cut wire.

To keep photographers away.

To make sure everyone joins in.

To prove we enjoyed Christmas, yes?

To St. Mary Magdalene's Church for traditional morning worship.

To the sandwiches.

To those who have recently broken free of dictatorship.

To want something.

Today, I nearly just...

Um... Because it's red like your cheeks, Sir.

Um... What's your favourite colour?

Unlike your arrival at the House,

Until they come to me!

Usually when they sit at these tables and talk,

Very beautiful, Your Royal Highness.

Very kind...

Very nice.

Very well.

Was never tamed.

Wasn't the one my dresser recommended.

We have a thing between us, an understanding.

We have to put on three pounds minimum before we leave

We need the keys.

We should really get going.

We thought it wise.

We thought you were...

We used to call him Bertie.

We were in an alley.

We'll dress them and we'll pluck them and...

Well actually, I'm in love with you.

Well here, there is only one tense.

Well, anyway. [scoffs]

Well, cars don't drive on their own.

Well, come.

Well, say it.

Well, that's okay.

Well, there's no need to wear black because no one has died.

Well, turn the heating up! We're going to eat.

What do you mean?

What do you think?

What else would I wear?

What happened?

What happens to the pheasants that my son will be shooting?

What happens to the pheasants?

What the bloody hell are you doing here, Diana?

What will I be?

What? [scoffs]

What's happened?

Whatever it needs.

When is Maggie back?

When you arrived, Mummy, Sir.

When you're in an alley in the Falls Road.

Where am I?

Where are we going?

Where are you going, Ma'am?

Where's Maggie?

Where's your driver? Where's your security detail?

Which one's Maggie?

White chocolate mousses, crème brûlée.

Who are you...

Who is it?

Who is it?

Who is that new chap?

Who offered her head to the tweezers with such grace.

Whose ancient history?

Why are you driving yourself?

Why did you send Maggie away?

Why do we have to open our presents on Christmas Eve?

Why do you want wire cutters, Diana?

Why don't they just turn up the heating

Why not Christmas Day like everybody else?

Why would you think I got delayed by someone?

Why wouldn't they be concerned?

Why? What are you going to do?

Will they kill me, do you think?

Will you wear it?

William told me before we came here he didn't want to shoot guns.

William: "the Conqueror."

With a selection of organic pastries and cakes

With anyone.

With the pearls.

Would be "shocked."

Write it down.

Yeah, the house is just there but...

Yeah.

Yes,

Yes, bloody Highgrove.

Yes, coming.

Yes, concern.

Yes, I know.

Yes, I mean...

Yes, I read all about her.

Yes, I'm a magnet for madness.

Yes, it is wise.

Yes, she says you took a jacket off a scarecrow.

Yes, terribly.

Yes, we are just...

Yes, you reported my confusion faithfully.

Yes! Isn't it terrible?

Yes.

Yesterday, you arrived after the Queen.

You are your own weapon.

You arrive for dinner on time.

You can do this.

You can tell everyone I said that.

You can't leave me.

You don't even think that.

You hate.

You have lost weight.

You have to say "Pull."

You know, I really like things that are

You know, I... I hated to shoot at first.

You know, the dust in this house...

You know? All set.

You light a fire.

You move with the bird, you aim for the beak.

You put it there as a warning.

You said to tell you if you were being really silly.

You see, they're pulling my wings and my legs off.

You sure you weren't late yesterday because you were delayed by someone?

You talk like a baby who isn't being spoilt enough.

You thought I was cracking up.

You two are both gonna get coal for Christmas.

You watch.

You... There's... There's two of me, there's two of Father, two of everyone.

You... try to help her.

You'll be in the world, in some pub. Laughing.

You're having a childish giggle and I love it.

You're so lucky, because you can wear the same outfit.

You've got like one minute to get dressed.

You've got... You've got 24 hours. Just teach him.

You've lived over the hill for years.

Your dresser needs to dress you Ma'am. Come, come.

Your dresser said something about clothes.

Your hair isn't set, Ma'am.

Your Majesty.

Your perfect, perfect Christmas.

Your Royal Highness, apologies.

Your Royal Highness, do you want me to intervene here?

Your Royal Highness.

[Angela] For Christmas dinner. It's very wise...

[Angela] I really don't know, Ma'am. That will be all. Thank you.

[Anne Boleyn] Same as the one...

[bell rings] [running water]

[car approaches] [handbrake]

[Charles] It's boarded up. Yes, but I wish it would be unboarded.

[Charles] That you hate. That you hate?

[Charles] The dresser gets upset. I want Maggie back.

[crowd shouting] [organ music intensifies]

[crowd shouts] [photographers] Diana!

[Darren] Okay, on to dessert. [string music continues]

[Diana gasps] [menacing music]

[Diana sighs] [scales clatter]

[Diana sighs] But don't see conspiracy everywhere.

[Diana whimpers] [floorboard creaks]

[Diana] Come on! [Harry] Do you want to be first?

[Diana] I missed your soufflé. [car door slams]

[Diana] I'll go back. [constable] We'll escort you.

[Diana] I've put on weight. [Maggie] No, you've lost weight.

[Diana] Lobster. Why did you get me a lobster?

[Diana] No, I... It's perfectly fine. I'm a grown up.

[Diana] Soldier. Sorry, Sir.

[Diana] There. [William] Come, Mummy.

[Diana] What are we? [Harry laughs]

[Diana] Why? [constable] There are photographers.

[dog barks] Good girl.

[gunshots] [string music continues]

[Harry] Do you know? Trust me!

[Harry] Do you know? We'll find out!

[Harry] I'm cold. And I'm hungry.

[Harry] It's true. He still believes it.

[knocking at door] [footman] Ma'am.

[knocking on door] Yes, I'm coming!

[Major Gregory] Hold your fire! [music fades out]

[man] Who is this? [Diana shrieks]

[Maria] No, Ma'am. [Diana scoffs]