Master of None - Season 1 Edit

A 20 or a 30, that's bad.

A car.

A computer!

A cool mix of Eastern and chill wave.

A couple months ago, I was in a grocery store,

A couple of tunes that I need you to check out.

A crazy eternal bond with this gentleman

A drawer full of dental dams beside your bed?

A feminist is a person that thinks men and women

A guy from the neighborhood came up and said,

A guy jerking off on the subway, on a cake.

A guy just died.

A hooded sweatshirt and New Balances?

A large man is walking in there right now,

A little bite.

A lot of people get me mixed up for Danny Glover all the time.

A pasta maker? I love it!

A pea protein marketed just towards the Indian weight lifting community?

A powerful redbone named Carla

A thousand times every 15 minutes?

A vacation for a first date?

A veal Francese,

A wonderful future beckoned and winked.

About a month after our thing.

About a retirement facility in Maryland

About destroying the audition.

About Hollywood's top ten ugliest calves.

About how we're on this path,

About the commercial.

About this whole Alice situation, you know?

About three years.

About what happened to you.

Act like it's all taking over your body.

Action!

Activate containment protocol!

Actually, I'm gonna buy a bunch of those grills,

Actually, it was Pavement.

Actually, let's hope that Nashville does such a good job fighting poverty

Actually, that whole thing brought to light

After a thoughtful discussion.

After this bullshit,

Again, man, sorry about the girlfriend.

Against an Alpine sunset

Ah, cool.

Ah, Dev!

Ah, grazie, hombre.

Ah, it's pretty rude to flake, man.

Ah, just go.

Ah, shit, okay.

Ah, there she go.

Ah, yeah, I remembered your name.

Ah!

Ah!

Ah!

Ah!

Ah! No!

Ah.

Ah.

Ahh, just a friend. Nothing romantic here?

AKA Princess Love.

AKA, go to Pluto?"

Alex, this is Arnold.

All girls like his ass.

All good.

All I'm saying is to just sit for a beat

All my Gremlins merchandise.

All of us first generation kids,

All our sacrifice is worth it. He will have a better life.

All right, a silly one.

All right, back to work.

All right, boys.

All right, bye, Ma.

All right, bye.

All right, bye.

All right, bye.

All right, come on.

All right, cool.

All right, cool.

All right, Dev. Let's go.

All right, do you want to write your number down

All right, don't do that. That's fucking scary.

All right, fine. I'll pay for it.

All right, fine. Just give it to me. I'll buy it.

All right, fine. We'll go there. Let's go.

All right, frozen yogurt. We made it.

All right, good news.

All right, Grandma Carol.

All right, guys.

All right, here, give me the iPad.

All right, holla!

All right, honky, let's go tonk.

All right, I don't know what she does.

All right, I get it! There can be two gays, all right?

All right, I like that.

All right, I'll call you later.

All right, I'll make an exception this one time for you.

All right, I'm gonna put my dad on now. Bye."

All right, I'm in. I'm your wingman.

All right, I'm sorry.

All right, last but not least,

All right, let me call you back later.

All right, let me see if one of these ladies will go, okay?

All right, let's break for a soft 15, okay?

All right, let's get you situated.

All right, let's not beat around the bush.

All right, man.

All right, night night.

All right, open them.

All right, open them.

All right, ready?

All right, Sam.

All right, so I'll just stand in the corner,

All right, so let's say

All right, stop.

All right, take it out of here!

All right, talk to you later.

All right, thank you.

All right, thanks, Dev. That was great.

All right, that's enough footage, all right.

All right, that's you.

All right, the guy said this was

All right, um,

All right, we'll do one more take.

All right, well, can we go at your house?

All right, well, date over.

All right, well, good luck with that.

All right, well, guess I'm doing this.

All right, well, I'm with my friend, so...

All right, well, in that scenario,

All right, well, it's obviously broken in this hypothetical scenario.

All right, well, let's nap.

All right, well, she didn't miss anything, anyway.

All right, well, thanks so much. Enjoy the film.

All right, well, that's cool.

All right, well, um...

All right, well, um...

All right, well, um... Uh, yeah, just text me your address.

All right, well, you got to get your hands on this shrimp.

All right, what is it?

All right, whatever accent you were just doing,

All right, whatever.

All right, where should we go eat?

All right, who wants to go play in the park

All right, y'all have a good one.

All right, you got these, right?

All right, you guys. Why don't you get some snacks?

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right. Boom.

All right. Fuck The Amazing Brandon.

All right. Good to see you guys.

All right. Great.

All right. Here we go.

All right. How the fuck do you know Busta Rhymes?

All right. I give up.

All right. I'll grab these.

All right. I'll see you guys.

All right. I'll see you later, Dev.

All right. Sure.

All right. Well, we met at a bar.

All summer long.

All summer long.

Also, might be strange to play Gandhi

Also, that's an adorable worst case scenario

Also, the cake is 100% gluten free.

Although, just so you guys know, even before all of this,

Am I in a lucid dream right now?

Am I not enough of a madam?

Am I supposed to wear a coat?

Am I wrong?

Am I, like, Vanilla Sky ing myself right now?

Amanda, can I have yours since you're eating their thing?

Amazing pause

An idealistic search for a soul mate

An intimate conversation with Beatrice.

An intimate little chat with Charlemagne.

An Uncle Taj?

And a pack of other lovers

And action!

And action.

And all that stuff, it just It just freaked me out.

And all women, even in our little progressive world.

And another fig was a brilliant professor,

And another fig was a famous poet,

And another fig was Constantine and Socrates and Attila

And another fig was Europe and Africa and South America,

And another old Indian dude?

And anything else?

And apologize.

And as I sat there, unable to decide,

And at one point,

And be like, "Shit, forgot to do it."

And be the Indian Al Sharpton and get some phony apology.

And being entertained by this stuff?

And beyond and above these figs

And bring it back when you visit me next week?

And buy them in person?

And buy you anything under $2,000.

And by the end of that meal,

And Charlemagne met Beatrice.

And computers so man and machine become one.

And could somehow organize, it'd be a fair fight.

And cover them in Tickler's signature white barbecue sauce."

And diapers or whatever fucking kid shit they have to buy.

And didn't tell us.

And do great things one day... hopefully.

And do something about it.

And do you, Rachel, promise to make

And don't write, "I want to fuck your face,"

And eventually, they moved into the same castle together.

And eventually, they went home together,

And every now and then, they fought about silly stuff,

And everything happened so fast.

And feed him, like, chicken and dumplings."

And five and six and seven and eight and one and two

And for the lady...

And forget about the brief amount of non rocking time we had.

And go into a store.

And go pick something out together?

And go.

And hang with Grandma Carol?

And have him sing a song to make you feel better?

And he can't go.

And he changed his mind.

And he couldn't sleep,

And he encroached on my bounce space.

And he got so excited.

And he heard the... [grunting] sound,

And he just goes, "Hard time,"

And he kept the lovely Princess Rachel awake,

And he made stuff for Elvis and Johnny Cash.

And he ran down to the basement to watch,

And he seems super excited.

And he slammed his head on the low ceiling.

And he thinks he's a dinosaur and won't go onstage.

And he told me to get out of his fucking way.

And he was just kind of sitting around a lot.

And he was like, "Oh, I love the Buzzcocks."

And he wasn't very impressed with my kite situation.

And he won the Oscar for it, so...

And he's always looking for his daddy.

And he's thinking about moving here

And Heads, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes.

And his charming Indian friend.

And honestly, seems like he just wants one of us.

And how she always wanted to live in Paris,

And I am feeding off your energy.

And I asked a bunch of other people to come,

And I can help you carry it home.

And I can make connections I can use with some of the cooler bands

And I can't do it anymore.

And I can't wait to have that feeling

And I could tell she wanted me to make a move.

And I don't rock for what I did earlier.

And I don't want to carry it around all day.

And I don't want to miss the trailers.

And I don't want to wake up one day

And I feel horrible about those ducks, but...

And I fully support that.

And I got cut out completely?

And I got you a month of lessons too.

And I guess there's only one thing left to say.

And I had your kid Kids, actually.

And I hardly ever go and see her.

And I hate their music, and I hate my job,

And I have been known to make silly faces

And I have nothing against him, but why can't there be a Pradeep

And I just got us both a shot of tequila.

And I just kept giving you answers.

And I just wanted to talk to you

And I knew him only for a week or so.

And I know, like, vows are super romantic or whatever,

And I like answering those movie trivia questions

And I like this.

And I love answering those movie trivia questions

And I love that you wrote that down,

And I love you. I do.

And I need somebody to bounce ideas off of.

And I really cannot wait

And I said yeah, and I got paid pretty well,

And I saw a man leave his car running

And I think I've come up with a title for the film:

And I think it's you.

And I think that high heat melted most of my boys.

And I thought we had this connection, but...

And I want it.

And I want you and Ravi both.

And I wanted to get you a gift to say I'm sorry.

And I was just like, "A'ight."

And I was really into Japanese culture and stuff

And I will cherish it forever,

And I won't take no for an answer.

And I'll ask this girl Sarah

And I'll cover all the changes and stuff.

And I'll figure something out.

And I'll meet someone magical that'll change my life.

And I'm at a Father John Misty show, I'm already fudged.

And I'm destroyed.

And I'm done.

And I'm gonna learn about her life."

And I'm not gonna get that part.

And I'm not saying cheating's good by any means,

And I've basically invested two of my prime years with you,

And I've been there for about six years.

And I've pretty much been there for the past, like, 15 years.

And if I catch any of your clothes

And if I don't do this now, I don't think I ever will.

And if I showed up by myself, that'd seem kind of lame.

And if you got this strict diet,

And isolate the drumsticks

And it came on,

And it doesn't even close slowly.

And it doesn't work that way, you know?

And it feels like you're in Europe.

And it got stuck in a tree.

And it has many parts, one of which is monogamy.

And it just sucks because it just feels like

And it looks like we're going with 50 Cent

And it looks like we're pretty good on time.

And it says,

And it sounded so awesome.

And it turns out that there's another ghost among us.

And it was a little hard 'cause we were in an airport,

And it was attached to my body.

And it was incredible, you know?

And it's a lot of pressure.

And it's accepted.

And it's all 'cause our parents made these crazy sacrifices.

And it's like, "Oh, well, guess that plan's dead."

And it's not cold inside,

And it's real nice meeting you.

And journalist?

And just said thank you?

And just text me when you guys land, okay?

And later on,

And learned more about their lives

And let it ruin your career long term!

And listen when I talk to you.

And little Dev went over and said,

And look at NBA trade rumors on my phone.

And loving it, because it'd be adorable.

And make it beautiful as it goes through you.

And make sure this is something you want to do.

And Mekhi Phifer's there.

And move to Italy and go to pasta making school.

And my personal favorite,

And not going the Short Circuit 2 route.

And now a baby's come out of that same vagina.

And now he drives a car that talks to him.

And now he, like, runs a scuba shop, and he lives there.

And now he's dead.

And now I feel like it's pretty routine.

And now I have to throw them out?

And now she's never going to.

And now they're gonna make more of an effort

And now you get a conscience?

And now you're talking about moving all the way to Chicago

And on my way home... stepped in dog poo.

And one day,

And one of the Billies is obsessed with feet.

And our special white barbecue sauce.

And over here, the examination rooms.

And people lose jackets at shows all the time.

And possibly never working again.

And posted that shit all over Facebook?

And pretend I was shopping for a puppy for 30 minutes

And put it all over his face.

And puts it into a physical object.

And rakes too!

And rakes too.

And rakes too.

And rubbing it on all the packages of frozen waffles.

And said not to tell anybody.

And said they were trying to find a minority

And save some room for dessert.

And screaming and yelling,

And second of all, who says that going in

And see that the window is already closed.

And see who can curry our favor, hahaha."

And seeing if there's an old lady in there?

And she definitely loves those Funyuns.

And she didn't have any emotional attachment to the guy?

And she had the nicest bumps ever,

And she says they're the biggest divas she's ever worked with.

And she was like, "Oh, yeah, that was me,"

And she was really cool and funny.

And she was standing at this jukebox,

And she went crazy, and she beat his bumps.

And she went to the bathroom, and she's been taking a while,

And she's definitely little.

And she's sitting around with three of her buds

And some dude went and grabbed me groceries from Whole Foods.

And sometimes they fought about more serious stuff.

And sorry about your lizard.

And spilled Campari on the kitchen counter.

And staring at the street.

And starts laughing at me.

And talk like I'm talking now.

And tells you what you want to eat.

And text nonsense to forever.

And that this love would never fade.

And that was a political policy introduced into their ecosystem,

And that you don't like the road

And that you love strawberry lemonade.

And that's a good relationship, right?

And the chicken and crepes.

And the hood started smoking.

And the police came and got him.

And the president's like,

And the scientist is like, "Kentucky, Madam President?

And the texts are off.

And the tree dies.

And then a little bit of this, and then we're done.

And then another octopus that feels like

And then as you get older,

And then Chang lost to Sampras.

And then Colin goes on to save the world.

And then Dev was like, "Ooh, I'm gonna kiss her."

And then ended it by being kicked out

And then give him a mean mug afterwards.

And then he got kidney stones,

And then he lost to Michael Chang.

And then he's like, "Nope, we're in Brooklyn."

And then his cousin comes from India and has to stay with him.

And then I sent a cop a photo of the guy's dick.

And then I started to think about what you said

And then I thought about my sister

And then I tried to order them online... Out of stock.

And then I'll see you later.

And then later on,

And then later, the scientist is with the president, right?

And then one day, I fell, and everyone panicked,

And then one of them bends down and picks up my knife.

And then she had to call the police.

And then the condom broke.

And then the other guy dropped out.

And then the whole pretending to be bad?

And then they called me back again, and I got it.

And then they just die.

And then they said they cast this other guy.

And then we both just start laughing.

And then we go to tonight's show.

And then we jump into a helicopter, right?

And then we started dating.

And then went back to making fatty foods.

And then when it doesn't come out anymore, I throw it away.

And then when they start getting gross and being dicks,

And then you can hit these different kind of angles.

And then you decided to drunkenly berate the director?

And then you have a roaring fire,

And then you throw a kid in the mix...

And then you're eating pasta

And then, boom, we're there.

And then, I see a group of four commie soldiers

And then, like, walked into another room.

And then, out of nowhere, he's just dead.

And there is a movie... I'll grant you that.

And there was karaoke involved.

And there's less surprise and less excitement,

And there's this other girl

And they brought a plate of desserts for us to look at.

And they did their vows,

And they form, like, this zombie pyramid,

And they give you a little robotic seal.

And they had so much fun.

And they had to go get the magic potion

And they have new manta rays there.

And they just hitch a ride.

And they put me in this god awful place.

And they really love the kingdom they built together.

And they said no.

And they said that my grandma's missing.

And they started talking and dancing,

And they thought they were never gonna see each other ever again.

And they totally got it,

And they were drinking and dancing and having fun,

And they would tend to your farm,

And they're all trying to climb in.

And they're deciding on pilots this week,

And they're like, "Oh, great.

And they're wanting to meet with you tomorrow.

And this concert's tomorrow.

And this guy came up to me

And this guy started following me around, so I left.

And this is from somebody who repped Mariah Carey.

And tossing me in a landfill.

And totally assimilated.

And try to figure out what the hell happened.

And try to make it work with Rachel

And try yourself an ethnic," and here we are.

And turns it into all these beautiful colors.

And two Martinelli's as well.

And wags its tail.

And wake up with a kid in my lap

And wanted to know if you could read now via Skype.

And waste everybody's time,

And we add sesame caramel and Luxardo.

And we both got pretty drunk,

And we both Instagrammed the picture of that frittata?

And we can sort it all out.

And we create a little

And we drew you a picture to go with it.

And we get to become ghosts,

And we have old Arnold buy you a brand new Blu ray player?

And we have to throw the leftovers in the trash.

And we just bought a house in Montauk,

And we never get to see them.

And we never thank them.

And we really thought we could pull it off.

And we saw this dude jerking off.

And we should celebrate with a Cinnabon,

And we started texting back and forth.

And we were being ugly to each other

And we'd see your grandpa for a minute.

And we'll find a place that's still open?

And we'll just meet up later at your place?

And we're gonna show it to the cops.

And we've had every version of sex, right?

And we've never really shown our appreciation.

And what do you do again?

And what I'm saying is that there are a lot

And what was after that?

And what's the other option?

And when I hit the ground, I see

And when somebody, especially my boyfriend,

And when this train stops, there's gonna be cops

And when you change your mind, text me.

And who knows if the clip will go viral, you know?

And whoever says yes, you take her.

And work on some more dumb shit

And yelled, "Miami," a bunch?

And you add that, then you put in the big logs,

And you apply it to everything else.

And you do your thing, okay?

And you don't fucking want to do this or something.

And you get struck by lightning?

And you just know where you're gonna go,

And you just started getting mad at me.

And you know I got diverse cultural tastes.

And you make 50 to 75 million dollars

And you put them under a microscope,

And you realize you fucked up your life.

And you rock.

And you see what's ahead.

And you slam their head down like this, boom!

And you want something to drink?

And you went to a public high school for students, uh,

And you'll remember the times we had together that did rock

And you're at home with this beautiful,

And you're excited about a free $4 thing of popcorn?

And you're kind of right.

And your critically acclaimed dramas?

And your father went to work.

And Zach's awesome.

And, look, in the meantime, I can do good things

And, uh Fuck.

And, uh, we hooked up that night.

And, um, he's just never been the same since.

And, um, there's a chance that what he did

And, what, and I fucking hate my life?

And, you know, don't tell anyone

And, you know, I'll just meet up with you later.

And, you know, rather than having you audition

And... we just decided to go in this new direction.

Andrea, I remember the first time I met you.

Another Indian guy.

Another reason I want to be a spy is,

Another reason that we wanted to take you guys out

Antibodies are stable.

Anush?

Any Indian sweets?

Any popadam?

Anytime I turned around, they were just causing mayhem.

Anyway, here's the bathroom.

Anyway, how about this?

Apparently there's no farmland in Manhattan.

Apparently, there's a difference in curd size.

Apparently, they both died in a fire,

Are any of your grandparents still alive?

Are from a different culture and everything.

Are having a barbecue, and one of their wives

Are there any other stories that you remember

Are we ever gonna get to order a drink?

Are we supposed to be together forever?

Are you fucking serious?

Are you fucking serious? Another Indian dude?

Are you going out for Three Buddies?

Are you gonna, like, propose to me or something?

Are you guys doing anything fun for the summer?

Are you guys having a hard time with these accents?

Are you implying that I'm the dirty one

Are you on birth control and stuff?

Are you on this text chain with all the parents?

Are you ready to give up

Are you really just gonna take that?

Are you really mad at me right now?

Are you s I love the aquarium.

Are you serious?

Are you serious?

Are you serious?

Are you sitting down?

Are you sure it's milk?

Are you sure that you can watch them?

Are you sure you want to move all the way to Chicago?

Are you the dude from the Mucinex commercial?

Are you the one person that I'm supposed to be with forever?

Are you trying to spice things up?

Aren't you the one making your boss come

Arnold Schwarzenegger and Danny DeVito are twins.

Arnold, how you holding up, son?

Arnold, what were you saying?

Arnold, what's going on in your love life, buddy?

Around Penn Station eating pretzels.

Arthur Ryan, father of the groom.

As a matter of fact, I just recently recorded

As a minority,

As a sort of thank you/I'm sorry gift.

As am I.

As long as we got back before curfew.

As soon as she stood up, I was like, "Oh, no."

As the evil senator who looks the other way.

As the pre ejaculate leaves the body, however,

As we speak.

Ask him where he's from.

Ask the conductor to call the police?

At 169 Bar Saturday night.

At a bunch of photos of me and her, just like,

At a different angle is gonna solve anything?

At Babeland yesterday.

At Bamonte's?

At Garden Depot, they have the best deals

At Garden Depot, they have the best deals

At least you got paid pretty well.

At least you got to know him a little bit.

At least you still got to attend the wrap party.

At some point, I would love to do something crazy,

At the end of one of those, uh, fast food commercials.

At the pie eating contest got scrapped.

At this age, it's really intense.

At this point, I just don't want you to bring Brian.

At this shitty hotel bar.

At your age, your father

Ate some rice, and went to bed.

Aw, come on. I didn't say old.

Aw, fuck! My favorite sneakies!

Aw, it's a little racist,

Aw, man. Game over.

Aw, shit.

Aw, thanks, man.

Aw, that's nice.

Aw, that's nice.

Aw, you got to be shitting me.

Awesome!

Awesome.

Aww, man...

Babeland has a very strict return policy

Baby Justin!

Baby Justin? Who's that?

Baby Justin.

Backwards.

Bamonte's combination salad?

Bamonte's, Bamonte's, Bamonte's, Bamonte's, Bamonte's!

Bamonte's.

Bamonte's.

Basically.

Batman has a Batmobile. Thor has a Thor mobile.

Be careful?

Beatrice and Charlemagne?

Beatrice.

Because Chopped is amazing!

Because he took you to a basketball game?

Because I invited a lot of my friends and family.

Because I talked to them how I was unhappy working with all the crappy bands,

Because I tried to have a conversation,

Because I'm a really big fan of the band.

Because if I just made a mess every day,

Because it looks like we're selling giant rakes.

Because it sounds like that's what you're saying.

Because nobody would understand me because of my accent.

Because of the aforementioned Cinnabons.

Because she got thrown out of the venue.

Because the Blue Billy fucked the Red Billy's wife

Because there was all this drama

Because they love each other very much

Because we both like the outdoors,

Because we used to have, like, crazy, amazing sex all the time.

Because you have that sick ticket,

Because you kept asking questions,

Because you love me?

Because you see this phone right here?

Because you're a man of principles.

Because you're right,

Because your movie was garbage.

Because, Dev, I'm inspired by you,

Before discarding them into the recycling bins?

Before the battle at The Shelter.

Before you get matched up.

Before you go,

Behind the telescope?

Being a creeper the whole time.

Between us,

Between us, Timothy,

Between us, what's the worst thing you've ever done?

Big move.

Black lady! Chinese man!

Black people just got to "there can be two" status,

Blacklist. It's a great show.

Blink if he actually got murdered.

Blow up the whole thing 'cause one part is broken.

Boníssima!

Boom!

Boom.

Boop, pop a couple in, keep on riding.

Bounce house.

Brad Honeycutt situation.

Brad Honeycutt, Brad Honeycutt, okay.

Bradley Cooper's characters do in movies?

Brah, little bit loose of a hug, don't you think?

Breadsticks. Redskins.

Break it up!

Brenda got pregnant,

Brian and I just wanted to take you to a nice dinner

Brian appreciated it.

Brian Donkers: "I'm in!"

Brian Donkers.

Brian grabbed a piece of chocolate cake

Brian, can you send me the link, please?

Brian, would you like to try some Indian snacks?

Brian.

Bring an Asian guy in case you need backup

Bro, here's the move.

Bro, listen to me.

Bro, that ticket is some VIP shit.

Bro, you cannot take Brian, man.

Bro, you know I don't do sweet and savory.

Bubble gum, butter pecan,

Bucatini. It's in the Tupperware.

Bumps is what I called my butt when I was a little boo.

Business is good. Very good.

Business owners, man!

Busted.

Busted. Closet Ice fan.

But "poop shoes," that's just good branding.

But 70 is just as high.

But a marriage... is a beautiful thing

But anyway, thanks for saying what you said to Brad

But are you hungry?

But are you saying that you're not sure

But Arnie's got to take care of business.

But be careful.

But Cartman's really funny, though.

But choosing one meant losing all the rest,

But do you like haunted houses?

But don't nobody use that shit.

But even before that, you've been a little quiet lately.

But even if she did live here and spoke English,

But fine, deny our perception of the world.

But for me, the joy comes from setting it all up.

But for this one night only,

But having said that, let's go to your marks.

But he didn't win the Oscar just for doing the accent.

But he really shouldn't be saying "ethnic" that much.

But he says happy birthday, and he'll see you at home.

But he seems happier

But he's dead now.

But he's harmless.

But here's the thing:

But I decided not to take the position,

But I didn't want to make it weird.

But I don't eat octopus.

But I don't know if they're hitting it that hard.

But I drank all three bottles on the plane

But I feel like if I said it out loud, you'd definitely want to end this date.

But I gave you the window.

But I get up.

But I guess this is fun

But I just want you to know in my heart,

But I love it.

But I love octopus.

But I really admire you as a person."

But I talk about you with my mom all the time,

But I think I found something that really

But I think I'm gonna have to go with Grant and Lila's instead.

But I want to try the cheesecake.

But I want you to come.

But I'll maybe stop by later.

But I'll probably just pull a Jennifer

But I'll take my chances.

But I'm an amateur toppler.

But I'm gonna keep calling.

But I'm gonna try and talk him down to 200.

But I'm on a machine gun like...

But I'm out of bullets.

But I'm really picky about my condiments.

But I've been too lazy, thank you.

But I've been... I've been with my wife for so long, you know?

But if you bring someone you don't know,

But in the end, they figured it out

But in the package, it was my penis,

But in the second verse,

But in this movie, I don't have a car.

But in this situation,

But is there anything I can do in the commercial still?

But it doesn't indicate a guest was murdered.

But it is 100% cotton.

But it is a movie.

But it just makes me feel like you're ashamed of me

But it just wasn't enough to keep us together.

But it sucks that you couldn't be in it at all.

But it was a secret show, so it was pretty easy on the PR front.

But it was good seeing you, Dad.

But it's a cool jacket.

But it's a great opportunity,

But it's actually not about the battery thing.

But it's got to be so much work, right?

But it's kind of a long term play.

But it's not in the vial.

But it's scary when the door closes.

But James can help you if you need anything.

But just to be clear, that's not me, okay?

But just to be up front, it'd have to be as friends."

But let's not kid ourselves.

But look, come out this afternoon.

But look, I ain't Lil' Funyuns.

But making fresh pasta is a little intimidating.

But my true passion might be pasta.

But not as much as Larry loves Andrea.

But now I'm starting to regret that decision.

But Princess Rachel was dating some evil prince

But recently I decided to try

But she did go home with that guy

But she did seem, like, super chill about it, you know?

But she didn't know what she was doing,

But she lives in India and she doesn't speak English,

But since we're at Pop pop's funeral,

But sometimes you have to pay your dues

But sounds like you won't be

But still, it... It seemed like they were at 100.

But thank you.

But thanks.

But that night, Charlemagne was so powerful,

But that's how we roll, dog.

But that's just the way people act nowadays.

But the shampoo comes up. It's very confusing.

But the way we look at it, you don't just

But their drummer just did some mushrooms

But then I got there, and I just watched Dexter on my iPad.

But then one day,

But then part of me's like, "All right, later tonight,

But then they ran into each other at a concert,

But then things got a little rocky.

But then what? What we gonna do?

But theoretically,

But there can't be two."

But there's a few Koontzes in there.

But there's all these infected zombies,

But they eventually broke up.

But they know you have a girlfriend, right?

But to be honest with you guys,

But we don't have a lot of money.

But we got something...

But we ran into each other a few weeks later.

But we're gonna need evidence, though.

But we're like set decoration.

But we're not living that agrarian lifestyle anymore.

But what about all your cuddles

But what am I supposed to do?

But what if two people say yes, Brian?

But what if you didn't know about it

But what is the proper terminology there?

But what would we do, exactly?

But when I invited you to see You, Me and Dupree,

But where's the magicians?

But would you want to go to Nashville for the weekend?"

But you didn't really steal the car.

But you have to make the decision

But you're being really insensitive about it.

But you're right.

But you've done it so many times.

But your idea came out really great.

But, dude, you think that's a good idea?

But, Mom!

But, of course, today is also the anniversary

But, to me, the bigger issue is,

But, um,

But, um, I saw this email he sent

But, um, listen, some bad news.

But, um...

But, you We're just not at that point.

But, you know, there's two gay dudes in Will & Grace.

But...

But... it's real. It's life.

Butts guy?

Buying the wrong kind of cottage cheese.

Buzz him.

By a horde of the "sickened."

By cheating on each other.

Bye bye.

Bye, Grandma.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Cab driver, scientist, IT guy.

Called a Plan B pill, and it was kind of weird.

Called The Sickening.

Camping, hiking, all that.

Can I actually talk to you over here for a minute?

Can I ask you something?

Can I ask you something?

Can I give you a massage?

Can I go to the bathroom now?

Can I have it, please?

Can I have it? Please, please, please.

Can I just do it later?

Can I just do it later?

Can I just do that?

Can I just finish the audition? It's almost done.

Can I just say something real quick?

Can I play basketball?"

Can I play tennis?

Can we get a ghost discount?

Can we just take a moment to acknowledge how cool this is?

Can we not talk about the golden age of tennis either?

Can we order the chicken with broccoli, please?

Can we please talk about literally anything else?

Can you at least give me that I'm not some

Can you believe this, man?

Can you check that?

Can you come with me?

Can you find someplace else to go quickly?

Can you get me the Harry Potter books?

Can you go with me

Can you guys bond somewhere else?

Can you imagine?

Can you move back in? Please, please?

Can you not say my grandfather's dead

Can you please get out of the bounce house?

Can you run and get me a package of rice from the store?

Can you send it to this number?

Can't be two?

Can't believe we were hanging out

Can't you just open it and let us in?

Can't you quit and just start working at Boning Industries?

Caption, "I love bubble wrap."

Career, girlfriend, travel.

Careful.

CarHuman.

Carla was telling me about it last night.

Carol said you never take her out anymore.

Carol, I'm a man of many interests,

Carol, you in there?

CarPerson.

Cash bar and bad nachos.

Causing a ruckus.

Center seat, make some room, coming in.

Change my hair, move to Tokyo,

Charge it to the race card.

Cheated on you with some dude?

Check it out.

Check it. Come on, man.

Check mine out.

Check this out.

Checking in.

Cheese?

Cheesy poofs!

Chilled monkey brains.

Chocolate chip, coffee,

Clark, right.

Cleaned the house, made us dinner.

Clearly, she's one of these girls

Climbing out of a briefcase?

Climbing out of a briefcase.

Colin Salmon.

Colin?

Collaborate and listen.

Come by my trailer tomorrow after lunch.

Come have some of this fresh juice!

Come in.

Come on, Denise, get excited. This is movie magic, boo.

Come on, dude. Be a bud.

Come on, Grandma Carol.

Come on, it is a little weird.

Come on, just Don't do that.

Come on, let's get a drink.

Come on, let's go.

Come on, of course I can do that.

Come on, shh.

Come on, this is... This is not a date.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on. Do it.

Come on. He's always nice to me.

Come on. There's so many taco places.

Come on. We can hug.

Come on. You're nuts.

Comes up with lemonade.

Coming through, excuse me!

Coming towards me.

Congratulations, man.

Congratulations.

Cool fantasy.

Cool.

Cool.

Cool.

Cool. Thanks, Arnold.

Cool. That's great.

Cool. Wash your hands.

Cottage cheese and pineapple.

Could be cool.

Could be who you end up with.

Could handle something like that.

Could we meet up and talk?

Could you imagine being a kid

Could you just take her back to the home?

Could you please fix up this iPad for me?

Couldn't you have maybe told me before?

Creepy dudes are just a part of the deal.

Cucumber? Where?

Cuddle up with my loving wife and watch three to five hours

Cuddling with Rachel.

Cut.

Cut.

Cute kids, idiot.

Cute, right?

Dad, do you have any stories you care to share?

Dad, I want to study in medical college and become a doctor.

Dad, I'm playing my game.

Daddy! Look at this guitar! Can we buy it?

Daddy's home! Daddy's home!

Damn it.

Damn, she did order two entrees.

Damn, that's not a lot of juice for all that squeezing I did.

Damn, that's pretty good.

Damn!

Damn.

Damn.

Damn. Man, if that email got leaked, that person would get fired.

Damn. What movie was it?

Danvers is dead.

Danvers loves you, but look,

Dark take on a good friend's life.

Deal.

Deepak Chopra? The Indian dude from No Doubt?

Definitely got Rachel pissed very quickly.

Definitely thought about it.

Denise, a query.

Denise, you ever been followed?

Denise!

Deplete their stock,

Desi owned, chickpea based protein.

Dev Shah for one night.

Dev Shah?

Dev Shah.

Dev, did you bring those photos from our New Zealand trip?

Dev, here's what you do.

Dev, I have to use the bathroom.

Dev, I'm moving to Tokyo.

Dev, is that you?

Dev, we've been dating for almost a year!

Dev, welcome.

Dev, you want kids?

Dev, you're a great guy.

Dev, you've done it again! It's brilliant.

Dev?

Dev?

Dev.

Dev's not the first actor to get cut from a movie.

Did anything particularly interesting happen?

Did Brian tell you to do that?

Did not go well.

Did she mention anything else?

Did they live happily ever after?

Did we go to the wrong movie? Where were you?

Did you go out and explore the city?

Did you go out for The Social Network?

Did you hear me banging out that Chopin for you?

Did you know I have an interest in woodworking?

Did you make this?

Did you read the Economist article I emailed you?

Did you really do that or just lie about it to impress me?

Did you say that?

Did you see what she was wearing?

Did you show the YouTube to them?

Did you talk price with this guy?

Different culture?

Do anything.

Do anything.

Do I look too casual?

Do I tell you what to eat?

Do not be fucking with our dynamics, all right?

Do they have any food here?

Do we look okay?

Do you always just do the accent?

Do you care about the environment?

Do you have a condom?

Do you have any specials?

Do you have any tiny objects that need storage?

Do you know what gluten does to you?

Do you like South Park?

Do you like the idea of someone seeing it,

Do you like to travel?

Do you mind going in the bathroom

Do you mind taking it back to my apartment, please?

Do you need something else?

Do you really need to do this?

Do you really think that guy has something against women

Do you really want to risk all that?

Do you recognize the girl in this photo?

Do you recognize the girl in this photo?

Do you understand everything?

Do you understand her job?

Do you use an alias, or do you use your real name?

Do you want a beating? We don't have time for that.

Do you want me to call them right now?

Do you want to do another shot?

Do you want to fuck me on that chair?

Do you want to go grab a drink, maybe?

Do you want to go to the chair?

Do you, Dev, take Rachel to be your partner

Do you... You want to go get some boba tea?

Does that make me a horrible person?

Does this do the trick?

Does this ring a bell?

Does your dad always text you to fix stuff?

Doing some drinks, doing some dancing.

Don't be fucking silly.

Don't be too quick to dismiss that turtle.

Don't do dinner. Everyone does that.

Don't do that stuff?

Don't do that?

Don't do that.

Don't do that.

Don't fuck this up!

Don't get pissed about one racist email

Don't make that noise.

Don't tell me who wins!

Don't they look like they're having a blast?

Don't think I can make it tomorrow.

Don't treat me like some old prude.

Don't you feel like those are just assumptions

Don't... I don't think that's funny at all.

Downgrading to a B minus."

Dr. Graham, what's the latest on the outbreak in Kentucky?

Dr. Ramusami is visiting.

Dr. Vincent, if it's in your blood,

Dr. Vincent, the pathogen, it's airborne.

Drummies and ribs?

Dude, babies are boring, man.

Dude, everybody knows the no wrinkle setting

Dude, forget that journalist.

Dude, getting used by a hottie like that

Dude, I can't believe they cut both of us out of the movie entirely.

Dude, I could watch Benedict Cumberbatch

Dude, I got the worst agents, man.

Dude, I know tons of fun facts.

Dude, I think about that too.

Dude, I'm gonna go grab a coffee at Marlow.

Dude, I'm hungry too.

Dude, I'm not protecting him. Look.

Dude, I'm so hungry.

Dude, I'm so jealous of your setup, man.

Dude, I'm sorry, bud,

Dude, it still happens. You see The Social Network?

Dude, it's a Father John Misty show.

Dude, of course. Love to hug.

Dude, oh, my God.

Dude, please leave.

Dude, same with bowling.

Dude, she ain't text you in two days,

Dude, she might be talking about sex.

Dude, shut up!

Dude, thank you so much, man.

Dude, that story was insane.

Dude, that's some easy money.

Dude, this is incredible.

Dude, we got to get the fuck out of here.

Dude, what are you doing?

Dude, what happened?

Dude, why are you doing this?

Dude, you cancel on that other girl.

Dude, you got to let them breathe a little bit, play a little hard to get.

Dude, you got to talk to your agent about that.

Dude, you're a dad now.

Dude, you're busted, all right?

Dude.

Dudes, can we please not talk during the show?

Dylan.

Early Christmas present.

Easy.

Eating is a big part of dating,

Eh, I'm kind of tired.

Eh, maybe I've been looking at this from the wrong angle.

Eh?

Eighty?

End of days.

Enjoy the open bar, which I think you already have.

Enjoy your stay.

Especially because you got the leverage in this situation.

Even now,

Even then, though, there can't be three,

Even though, like, thousands of people go in there every day.

Every show has two white people. People don't say that.

Every time I see your face,

Everybody likes me.

Everyone get the fuck out of here now!

Everyone wants to know what he's up to.

Everyone's gonna think it's an Indian show.

Everyone's thought about it.

Everything okay in here?

Everything okay with Steve?

Everything okay?

Everything was going good.

Everything's laid out now.

Exactly.

Except for that you're from South Carolina,

Excuse me, sir!

Excuse me, sir.

Excuse me, sir.

Excuse me!

Excuse me.

Excuse me. Is he with you, sir?

Eyes are closed, right?

Failure to Launch.

Fair enough, all right.

Fair enough, all right.

Farts!

Feel me?

Feels like you're not really in the room right now.

Felt so good.

Fifty four likes.

Finally, I had to go to that pet store, Le Petit Puppy,

Find a good place to eat?

Fine, but you

Fine, I'll throw it in the fucking trash.

Fine, it's amazing, and I'm extremely jealous of you.

Fine, then the other option is, you stay here with me,

Fine, whatever. I get it.

Fine. We'll call the cops after.

Fine. You guys get vanilla.

Fire it off, playboy.

First off, I just want to say I'm so sorry

Floor...

Fodder, yeah.

Fodder.

Followed by an email blast to our entire user base.

Following around really excited fat people?

For a Fruit by the Foot commercial,

For a little bit?

For a part on Blacklist

For a session with the studio.

For an empty special effects movie with cardboard characters and no plot.

For an Indian guy who runs an Indian buffet

For Asian American business professionals

For doing that design for you.

For example, did you know that all the ants in the world

For example, I really liked this girl,

For example, Three Buddies.

For my movie choice?

For obvious reasons.

For real, he could play someone in a coma,

For reasons I probably shouldn't get into.

For six months to work with these bands

For some reason, I felt like

For someone lost alone in New York.

For stealing someone's jacket.

For the entire session.

For the first time in years,

For the past 24 hours,

For the rest of my life.

For the role of "unnamed cab driver."

For this advocacy group.

For your time.

For, like, six months.

Forget about watching Twins. Let's skip it.

Forgot my pants.

Forty thousand, and trust me,

Found it off some monkey at the Memphis Zoo.

Found some candy in the couch.

Franklin.

Fresh g****fruit juice.

Friend's visiting you all the way from India,

From our Miami trip.

From our perspective.

From that Craigslist guy today.

From that horrible disaster of a night I just had.

From the tip of every branch, like a fat purple fig,

From when you first got here or from your childhood?

Fuck it.

Fuck that person. She seems so rude.

Fuck!

Fuck!

Fuck!

Fuck.

Fuck.

Fucking paradise.

Fudge.

Full of philosophical platitudes.

Fun is a luxury only your generation really has.

Garden Depot crew, what's up?

Gas station clerk, IT guy, guy in crowd with Indian accent.

Get away from me.

Get her out of here now! God damn it, now!

Get out now!

Get ready for...

Get the fuck out of my house!

Get the president out of here!

Get them while they're hot.

Get them...

Get those carbs away from me, man.

Get to know me a little bit better.

Gets the message across. No one's hurt.

Getting haunted by koala bear ghosts.

Getting Indian actors to do those roles now

Getting married just is a safer bet at this point.

Ghost Koala, are you a vegetarian, too?

Ghost Koala, where are you from?

Gifted in math and science.

Giorgio's?

Girls are so annoying.

Give a nice guy a shot.

Give it to me.

Glad he broke it down into three categories.

Gnocchi with Bolognese?

Go ahead with your singing and dancing.

Go ahead, put it on. Hurry.

Go eat the second best taco, like some kind of asshole?

Go for it.

Go for it.

Go rinse the rice.

Go to the bookstore and get that book.

Go!

God damn it!

God damn it.

God damn it. You are amazing.

God, now you've got me feeling bad.

God, that sucks.

God.

Goddamn.

Goddamn. I mean, that exists?

Good call. You got to be creative nowadays, cat.

Good day, milady. Fancy a cocktail this evening?

Good for Indians in general, bad for that specific Indian.

Good for you, man, wow.

Good job, man.

Good luck, man.

Good luck.

Good night, Alfred.

Good night, Baby Justin.

Good night, Ghost Koala.

Good night.

Good point.

Good to see you.

Good, what're you doing here?

Goodbye, friend.

Got it?

Got it.

Got it.

Got on a bus, came home,

Got your text. You're busy. It's cool.

Grab a water.

Grandma Carol, please give me this photo.

Grandma Carol?

Grandma Carol.

Grandpa, we got to take off.

Grant is, like, a little dude now.

Grant took a shit in my shoe last week.

Grant, Lila, and Dev.

Grant, what's up, man?

Grant!

Grant?

Grant.

Great fucking energy out there.

Great job!

Great work, guys.

Great, cool apology.

Great, so I just paid for these

Great, thanks.

Great!

Great.

Great.

Great.

Great.

Great. All right, see you later.

Great. I give the best massages.

Great. I got that.

Great. I'll sit here and do nothing.

Great. Well, now I'm liberated from back pain.

Greg the moron screwed up my itinerary.

Grumpy McGrumperson over there.

Guess I never saw the show.

Guess I'll just head out.

Guess I'll try to be nicer in my texts.

Guess that's the end of this interaction.

Guitar lesson, Nintendo.

Guys, thank you so much for coming.

Guys, we're two minutes from your house.

Ha, but if they did,

Had a Denise experience last night.

Had barely stopped working at the zipper factory.

Had to pretend my cell phone was a Taser just to scare him away.

Had you ever dated an ethnic man before this, Rachel?

Had your grandpa ever told you any of that stuff before?

Half Asian, then you.

Hanging out, drinking and stuff,

Hard pass.

Harry never even knew.

Has a funny Indian accent."

Has anyone ever told you your makeout game's on fleek?

Has been in the same spot as my little bud's hardware.

Has begun.

Has taken me to Giorgio's.

Has there been any progress on the cure?

Have no clue about that are so annoying.

Have you ever been before?

Have you ever been there?

Have you ever cheated on your wife?

Have you ever hung out with a white person's parents, though?

Have you ever tried to learn Tamil?

Have you really thought this through?

Have you seen my dad?

Have you talked to him yet?

Haven't you ever looked at a tree and wondered what kind of tree it was?

Having a clean apartment, whew,

Haymonth? Nush, you know a Haymonth?

He also hates talking in person.

He and I are invested in the same company.

He averages, like, three words a week.

He bought it for me. It's from Paris.

He broke through his protective shield,

He designs a lot of jackets for musicians,

He didn't put his thing on all those packages.

He didn't think we were important enough.

He doesn't really have any interests.

He followed me into there.

He gave them a shit ton of popchips.

He had a heart attack.

He had a heart attack.

He had an accident.

He has a spaghetti stain on his shirt

He hasn't porked his wife in over a year.

He hires a photographer to follow around his wife.

He is having a little birthday party for his kids next weekend.

He is personally responsible for the death

He just died in the hotel, in his sleep.

He just forgot.

He just took a picture of me without asking.

He just went to the bathroom, washed his hands, they're still wet.

He looks up at me, and he just smiles

He loves his wife. Hey, Benjamin!

He made all the horseshoes for the horses and buggies.

He made the holes in them.

He may have been joking, but I'm not really sure.

He met this beautiful princess named Rachel,

He passed away recently.

He really liked your read, though,

He really loves this couch.

He refused to do an accent to play Srikumar.

He runs a convenience store,

He said I can take you to the toy store afterwards

He said that he wanted to see if I could curry his favor.

He said, "Daddy! Wendy pushing me!"

He said, "I don't fuck with fat chicks."

He says, "About to try new ramen place, you interested?"

He says, "Come. Great party.

He says... ♪ Mom's spaghetti ♪

He seemed pretty adamant about it.

He seems nice.

He seems so happy.

He should be saying...

He steals our phone chargers. I know it.

He still wants to cast one of us.

He touched our lives in so many ways.

He voices what the audience is thinking.

He wants me to maybe be in one of his shows,

He was a little bit more conservative in his style

He was a monster back then, right?

He was always quick to offer a smile, a joke,

He was born and raised in America

He was gone for a minute.

He was in another country.

He was just like, "Watch out, Agnes!" Pff!

He was kind of a gateway drug to me?

He was poor.

He was probably just in a rush.

He was run over by an ice cream truck.

He was the best.

He was very confused.

He went right past us, like Denise and I were invisible.

He went to the bathroom with me

He won't.

He would give people pile drivers.

He would honestly be like,

He would, like, take a shit in your shoe or something.

He writes, "I don't know. Let's meet them both

He'd be mad at me for being a thief.

He'd never be able to get a job again.

He's a friend of mine.

He's a guy I was sleeping with, okay?

He's Alfred's kid.

He's all old and beaten down.

He's at the Cabin.

He's B Rabbit.

He's black.

He's busy with gay stuff.

He's definitely cheated on his wife.

He's from Connecticut.

He's going with somebody else.

He's gonna be a big star any day.

He's gonna bring some sandwiches from Parm.

He's horrible.

He's just sitting here on his phone. Now he's stealing nachos.

He's kind of cute. Hi.

He's kind of like the Greek chorus

He's lactating.

He's like, "Uh, okay. Can you fix my iPad?"

He's made so much off Friends.

He's not getting any sleep.

He's not in it for the money. It's about power.

He's not seeing his friends.

He's over.

He's rapping as the character B Rabbit,

He's right here.

He's right.

He's taken another soul!

He's taking his penis

He's the best. You want to pet him?

He's the celebrity you get the most?

He's the owner's nephew.

He's there.

He's usually just complaining about

He's white. They browned him up.

He's wondering why I'm not starring in Iron Man already.

He's writing it from the perspective of Eminem

Head on out, Queen D, AKA Rich Homey Cheetos.

Head, shoulders, knees, and toes guy?

Head, shoulders, knees, and toes."

Hell, yeah.

Hell, yeah. I'd love to do that.

Hello, Dev.

Hello, everybody, I won!

Hello, governor.

Hello, Mr. Ryan. I'm Rachel.

Hello, um...

Hello?

Hello?

Hello?

Hello?

Hello?

Hello? Dev?

Hello.

Help you not get the disease?

Helps me think.

Her band was called Nostraskamus?

Her band was fantastic.

Her body was found in the magazine section

Her body was found in the magazine section of Barnes & Noble,

Her husband's not gonna murder me.

Here we go!

Here, have a drink.

Here, he will be able to do anything he wants.

Here, hold him.

Here.

Here... Like, you know, before you go out.

Here's a thing.

Here's my issue.

Here's the other thing: everyone cheats.

Here's the pro move: good cop, bad cop.

Hey there.

Hey, actually, by the way,

Hey, Alice.

Hey, Amanda. What's up?

Hey, and thanks for being up front about the whole murder thing.

Hey, are you in this commercial too?

Hey, babe.

Hey, before we go to the airport, you mind if we swing by Tickler's Barbecue

Hey, Benjamin, you mind checking that text for me?

Hey, Brad Honeycutt, okay.

Hey, Brian,

Hey, buddy.

Hey, can we be real for a second?

Hey, can we go get dinner with my friend Megan tomorrow?

Hey, can you guys hear me okay?

Hey, can you hush?

Hey, Cap, what happened?

Hey, cheers, man.

Hey, Colin?

Hey, come on.

Hey, come on.

Hey, come on.

Hey, Dad, do you mind if Paro comes to dinner with us?

Hey, Dad.

Hey, Denise,

Hey, Dev.

Hey, Dev.

Hey, Dev. Hi.

Hey, Dev. Um, Marie was just wrapping up.

Hey, do you have any more pet chicken you can kill?

Hey, do you want to come by for dinner?

Hey, don't you guys want to hang out

Hey, excuse me, Bust.

Hey, excuse me.

Hey, excuse me.

Hey, Grant!

Hey, guys. Get ready.

Hey, hey, hey, don't yell out people's ethnicities.

Hey, hey! What the fuck? That's my jacket.

Hey, hey.

Hey, hey. Do you want the rest of the nachos?

Hey, hold on one second, Greg.

Hey, I got sandwiches.

Hey, I got to go meet a friend.

Hey, I have an idea.

Hey, I'm Nina Stanton, the food critic.

Hey, I'm not being an asshole.

Hey, is it true this hotel is haunted?

Hey, is there any update on Three Buddies?

Hey, it was really nice It was really nice seeing you.

Hey, it's faster if we cut through the park.

Hey, it's working. He's looking over here.

Hey, John. What's up?

Hey, man, how's it going?

Hey, man, I don't want any trouble.

Hey, man, I know this is a little weird,

Hey, man, I'm so sorry that things didn't work out,

Hey, man, is this business casual?

Hey, man, look.

Hey, man, you changed the whole spot?

Hey, man.

Hey, man.

Hey, Mason says, "Happy Endings is poppin' off."

Hey, Mr. Ryan. What's up?

Hey, my conference call got pushed.

Hey, Nathan's coming with the sandwiches.

Hey, nice to meet you, Grandma Carol.

Hey, Officers.

Hey, quick question.

Hey, Rachel.

Hey, Shannon. What's up?

Hey, so I Googled the hotel earlier,

Hey, so I got a callback on that black virus movie.

Hey, so I picked us up a little treat

Hey, so what are you up to?

Hey, sweetie.

Hey, take it easy, Denise.

Hey, take off your theater critic hat and put on your friend hat.

Hey, thank you for taking me on this trip.

Hey, that girl got held back a grade. She was huge.

Hey, that is the whole trip, man.

Hey, that's a serious issue.

Hey, the Ice man was a phenomenon.

Hey, this is Dev Shah, hilarious actor.

Hey, tuck your tummy, man.

Hey, um, do you want some weed?

Hey, Vineet, it's Nina. So good to see you.

Hey, watch out for the debris in there.

Hey, we'll talk soon, okay?

Hey, well, that's what you get when you take a trip to the Bahamas.

Hey, wha...

Hey, what are you doing?

Hey, what do you say, buddy?

Hey, what if we took them out to a nice dinner

Hey, what's happening? You okay?

Hey, what's up, Diana?

Hey, what's up, guys?

Hey, what's up?

Hey, what's up? Dev.

Hey, where you going?

Hey, where's Grant?

Hey, why does your trailer always smell like Cinnabons?

Hey, why don't we just Why don't we just write it down?

Hey, you guys, you sit here.

Hey, you know who I heard's playing later tonight?

Hey, you know, calm down.

Hey, you mind checking that?

Hey, you want to come?

Hey, you're from Florida, right?

Hey, you're not really mad, are you?

Hey!

Hey!

Hey!

Hey!

Hey!

Hey!

Hey! There he is. Michael.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey. I just talked to Kyle.

Hey. What's that in your backpack?

Hey. Whoo.

Hi there, boys.

Hi, Dev. I'm a huge fan.

Hi, Grandma Carol.

Hi.

Hi.

Hi. Thanks for coming.

Highlight of my year was when I crashed

Him and his girlfriend were having sex... same situation.

His agent called literally ten minutes ago

His favorite show was Home Improvement.

His words. Should we go?

Hit 'em. Hit 'em. Hit 'em.

Hit Play, man.

Hmm, hunger, love, bad smells...

Hmm, I don't know.

Hmm, summer ale.

Hmm, that's a fun game.

Hmm?

Hmm.

Hmm.

Hmm.

Ho!

Hold my drink.

Hold on a second.

Hold on.

Hold on. Incoming.

Holla.

Holy fucking shit!

Holy shit, what did you do, Grandpa Hampton?

Holy shit!

Holy shit.

Homemade pappardelle with an oxtail ragù.

Honestly? It's just what I'm into.

Honesty, I respect that.

Honky tonk means white people hitting it hard?

Honky tonk!

Hope everything's okay after the whole lactating scare.

Hope he got to see who won that tennis match.

Hopefully she says yes.

Hopefully, we just need a couple of days,

How about some mini popadam?

How about some popadam?

How about we do some dinner next week?

How about we play a game to keep the room clean?

How about you stop rubbing your eye every time you shove your junk in me?

How about, "Hey, son, great work,"

How are you gonna know if you don't spend time with her?

How are you liking it?

How are you?

How are you?

How artistically fulfilling is that?

How can injecting a little bit of a disease

How come I didn't get invited to the wedding?

How come no other animals get ghosts?

How crazy would it be

How did it go?

How did that happen?

How did they run out of tacos?

How did you weasel in here?

How do they not know about me?

How do you do it? What's your secret?

How do you get the power to turn into a car?

How far away are the sickened when they start approaching?

How is everything?

How is it?

How is the heat different?

How many people are in the user base?

How many times have girls flaked on you?

How many women did you meet before you decided on Ma?

How much I love the state of Montana.

How the fuck can you do this to me?

How was Chicago?

How was it abstract?

How was your night?

How was your weekend? Do anything fun?

How we both know the phrase?

How's fatherhood?

How's this for the text?

Hug time.

Huh?

Huh?

Huh?

Hurry up and fold it as soon as you can.

Husband, father, and grandfather.

I I guess I was a little scared. Um...

I added the ketchup.

I admire you, too."

I agree, which is why I brought you in today

I ain't have to charge this bitch in the last six months.

I ain't Princess Love.

I always have a good view at a concert.

I always play it safe,

I always smoke it before I have sex.

I am having fun.

I am officially moved in.

I am proud of you.

I am so sorry about that weird Skype audition.

I am so sorry.

I am supposed to go to a meeting.

I am the car.

I am truly sorry for the email.

I asked this girl out a few weeks ago.

I assume this jacked Indian dude you brought is Anush?

I auditioned, and I got a callback.

I barely remember anything from that night,

I believe I remember her, yes.

I believe I remember her, yes.

I bet it's huge.

I bet my dad will be in.

I bet you'd have some real internal conflict.

I borrowed it, and I broke it

I brought up that whole "there can't be two" thing,

I can buy cool clothes.

I can make a mess.

I can make a woman come more times in 20 minutes

I can maybe go to a friend's place or something.

I can pay for it. I have a wallet.

I can't ask Alice out. She's so hot.

I can't believe Alex has a kid now.

I can't believe the guy, like, followed her all the way home.

I can't believe they think that's what we eat in Taiwan.

I can't believe you made this.

I can't even believe they let people sit this close.

I can't even imagine.

I can't go in there by myself.

I can't leave the home unless I'm with someone

I can't read.

I can't talk right now, man.

I cannot think of anything noteworthy.

I chose your mom.

I consider myself a feminist.

I could be a black barber.

I could be an Indian cop.

I could do it.

I could get him a gallon of water as a gift.

I could go either way.

I could have done that.

I could have, but I didn't.

I defended Brad Honeycutt.

I definitely want to bring you in for a session with him.

I did a little snooping on her Instagram.

I did get you this vintage sheriff's badge

I did have to put out a few fires this week

I did it!

I did it!

I did it!

I did this thing where I had each of us

I did,

I did.

I did. I ruined it.

I did. Yes.

I didn't anticipate they'd cook literally everything in pork fat.

I didn't get married.

I didn't have this kind of spread

I didn't know nobody, and I barely knew your father.

I didn't know she was married.

I didn't know that.

I didn't like it that much.

I didn't mean anything by that.

I didn't see any blood, so that's good.

I didn't think you'd actually go through with it.

I didn't want to go super high and you go low.

I didn't... I didn't write anything.

I disagree with literally everything he says, but...

I do it all the time.

I do not know.

I do PR for the label.

I do.

I do.

I do.

I don't even know how to get it.

I don't even know...

I don't even like Chinese food.

I don't fucking know.

I don't get it.

I don't give a shit about the apology.

I don't have any spare change.

I don't have that kind of time.

I don't have time for this shit.

I don't know about ever after, but they're pretty happy now.

I don't know if that's really a profitable racket.

I don't know this dude.

I don't know what came over me.

I don't know what to do.

I don't know what.

I don't know you.

I don't know, Arnold. It might be a little big.

I don't know, Grandma Carol.

I don't know, I don't think that was intentional.

I don't know, I guess...

I don't know, it might be a little risky for Alice.

I don't know, man.

I don't know, man. Rules are rules.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know. Could be a fun gamble, though.

I don't know. I always loved music.

I don't know. I think that text could use some seasoning, man.

I don't know. I'll figure something out.

I don't know. It's just something I do.

I don't know. Leave me alone.

I don't know. Some stand up comic from L.A.

I don't know. Were you?

I don't like cheese.

I don't move to Chicago for six months

I don't really believe in ghosts.

I don't rep him. Therefore, I don't give a fuck about him.

I don't run a TV network.

I don't sleep. I haven't fucked in a year.

I don't tell anybody about half of it.

I don't think he does.

I don't think my dad knows how to text.

I don't think we can leak the email anymore.

I don't think you should leak that email.

I don't think you should play the race card.

I don't trust those discs.

I don't want any lasers in my home.

I don't want to be around you right now.

I don't want to be here in this sweaty mess.

I don't want to die!

I don't want to do that shit!

I don't want to miss the trailers.

I don't want to play a stereotype.

I don't want to see any more goddamn butterflies.

I don't want to shake no wet hands.

I don't want to wake up one day and wonder,

I don't want your husband to murder me.

I don't want, like, a serious relationship with my father.

I drove her to Penn Station.

I drove her to Penn Station.

I even made a mock up.

I even made a veg version for you.

I feel like I would never visit her, you know?

I feel like I'm part of something bigger now, you know?

I feel like sometimes, like

I feel like that guy could make a killing, you know.

I feel like that would be pretty awesome

I feel like there should be an app that analyzes your tum

I feel like this is my new favorite show.

I feel like this one doesn't require a thoughtful response.

I feel like when you're younger, in your 20s,

I feel like you only really risk starting a brouhaha

I feel this rush of happiness and excitement

I fell into regular acting from that.

I felt like I could go anywhere,

I forgot to ask.

I forgot to pick him up in the train station.

I get a shot at the Schwimmer money,

I get it.

I get it. I get it. Oh, damn it.

I get scared.

I go over, I turn the light on,

I got a buddy, this guy Donald...

I got a friend. He was vacationing in Hawaii.

I got a little extra time.

I got an email from this travel site

I got an idea.

I got on the highway and took off.

I got really freaked out

I got so many aliases.

I got some coconut oil... rub her down with that.

I got stuck in a tree once.

I got them solo. Ugh.

I got to be honest. That looks pretty disgusting.

I got to call security.

I got to go to the hospital.

I got to go.

I got to go.

I got to hit the hay, brother.

I got to make my move.

I got to pick between the ribs and the chicken.

I got to say,

I got to scramble to find a sitter or something.

I got to see this X Men movie,

I got you a guitar.

I got you. Hey, order of nachos here.

I guess Danvers hadn't seen all of the L.A. auditions,

I guess I don't talk about us much.

I guess I fucked up 'cause a lot of people showed up.

I guess I got to take it. It might be about CarMan.

I guess I'd be depressed a little bit, yeah, you know.

I guess so.

I guess so.

I guess we'll take that flight,

I guess what we're saying is, if you do something long enough,

I guess you don't want that housewarming present

I had a fight with my boyfriend, and I just won that fight!

I had a great time tonight.

I had a really wonderful time.

I had been dating a lot of whites.

I had dinner once with my last girlfriend's mom,

I had dinner with this grandma,

I had three days.

I had to get in and start driving.

I had to suffer through a minor racial trauma to get here.

I had with a girl that I met a few months ago.

I hadn't heard from you either.

I hate that guy.

I have I have never, ever heard my dad say the word "proud."

I have a little emergency here.

I have all my appointments in the calendar.

I have an idea.

I have cough drops.

I have more time at home for myself now too.

I have my best technicians analyzing the samples

I have my niece's violin recital at 7:00 on Sunday.

I have to go and pick him up.

I have to go and take it out.

I have to go to work

I have to go to work.

I have to have, uh,

I haven't heard anything back.

I haven't heard anything from Alice.

I haven't understood a single word of this entire show.

I heard about this new place... This gelato spot.

I heard it's good.

I heard you got married recently.

I heard you want the floor clean.

I heard. It's fine.

I hope she was on birth control.

I hope so.

I hope so.

I hope that's okay.

I hope there's a homeless person nearby

I hope they do Crossroads.

I hope you like it.

I hope you like it.

I hope you see this shirt and remember that Nashville rocks

I improvised that line.

I just booked a part in this commercial.

I just bumped into Morris Chestnut,

I just came back from a meeting with the world's top scientists.

I just can't think of one night of partying or drinking

I just can't wait for that. I got to work.

I just decided to pack up all my stuff

I just did that.

I just didn't want you to think

I just do an impression of my Uncle Madu.

I just don't believe in vaccinations.

I just don't.

I just feel kind of weird doing that voice.

I just feel like Asian parents,

I just figured I would tell you the truth.

I just got a call from the home,

I just got a glimpse through all your clothes down here.

I just got this one today.

I just got to this country.

I just had to do it.

I just like your whole vibe.

I just met with those movie people,

I just noticed on your phone conversations with them,

I just printed the tickets and got psyched for the show.

I just realized my calendar is not updating.

I just see black.

I just think it's weird that your first instinct

I just think that there's a whole flaw in the ghost thing.

I just took Dr. Ramusami to the train station.

I just watched Grant and Lila for a couple hours.

I just worked and took care of you and your father.

I killed all of 'em.

I kind of changed my mind, and I think you should leave,

I kind of feel like you got to give that to me.

I kind of want to do this, but...

I knew I recognized you!

I knew it!

I knew right away I was madly in love

I knew this was too good to be true.

I know "honky" is, like, a semi racist term for white people.

I know we fight about, like, silly stuff,

I know, right?

I know!

I know.

I know. I know.

I know. I'm sorry, dude.

I know. I'm working on it.

I left as soon as I found out.

I like all of this.

I like Brian.

I like it. It's great.

I like that movie.

I like this place.

I like this, too.

I like to eat whatever I want to eat.

I like vanilla.

I looked it up. It was Agassi.

I love Costco.

I love it.

I love it.

I love presents.

I love seeing ethnically mixed couples.

I love sides.

I love that!

I love that.

I love you so much

I love you, too.

I love you.

I love you. Bye.

I love your hair. You cut it short.

I made Nina a table last week.

I made us spaghetti carbonara.

I may have to steal that for a breakup move.

I mean, back in the olden days, you'd pop out those bitches,

I mean, between us, like, if it was purely a sexual thing,

I mean, come on.

I mean, come on. Just... Do you mind?

I mean, come on. Ooh, what's this?

I mean, don't you miss going out and all that stuff?

I mean, don't you want to knock them down?

I mean, earlier tonight.

I mean, he likes drinking water,

I mean, he's dead.

I mean, I can go donate money to charity.

I mean, I could show you David Schwimmer's house

I mean, I don't care about your feelings.

I mean, I don't think it's a big deal.

I mean, I don't think my grandpa

I mean, I eat fish.

I mean, I get that.

I mean, I know the big points.

I mean, I love all that stuff, all right?

I mean, I think his heart's in the right place,

I mean, I'd be intrigued.

I mean, I'm in a great marriage, and sometimes we're at 90.

I mean, I'm more of a Cheetos girl, but whatever.

I mean, if Paula Deen had said,

I mean, if there were jails in the ocean

I mean, if we got to pick, clearly, I'm the clean boo.

I mean, in theory, it works.

I mean, is Plan A having the kid?

I mean, it wasn't an Oscar for Best Indian Accent.

I mean, it's a little bit of both.

I mean, look at this Garden Depot spot.

I mean, look. Those are extremes, right?

I mean, my marriage is my business.

I mean, right now, actually, all shows are amazing.

I mean, she gave some fake ass apology

I mean, she seems cool, but I don't know her that well.

I mean, so he's bringing you to the game

I mean, that I can do really well.

I mean, that's kind of the punishment, right?

I mean, that's ridiculous and offensive.

I mean, the door's right there.

I mean, there's Saran wrap and dental dam,

I mean, we loved having more to do in the commercial,

I mean, we won't know until after they CGI it,

I mean, what if it gets in the wrong hands?

I mean, what would I get my dad for a gift?

I mean, what, now we're one of these couples

I mean, what's to stop Jerry Ferrara from just tackling a player?

I mean, whoever you're dating now at this age

I mean, you know, I got the gist of it.

I mean, you're not 22.

I mean...

I meant no offense to either of you.

I met at my friend Zach's birthday party

I met at the Cabin Bar a few weeks ago.

I met her on a very exclusive dating website.

I met him the same night I met you, and he told me he was from Florida.

I might check it out. What's your story?

I might go into business with him

I might just be better at eating pasta.

I missed my drop point, and I wound up stuck in a tree.

I missed you, too.

I missed your mess.

I need to clear everything out anyway.

I need to go now.

I need you to get over to the apartment right away.

I never heard any of that shit.

I never heard from this person again.

I never knew that.

I never see my friends. I hate my wife.

I now pronounce you two people who might realize

I once found a photo of him in the military.

I once hitchhiked to Atlantic City

I ordered you some so you could try it.

I personally think you should,

I plan my day.

I play golf.

I pledge allegiance to the flag...

I promise.

I promise. Please be honest with me.

I pulled out my gun, and I started firing like hell.

I rarely wear them 'cause they feel weird against my guy.

I realize I got about two seconds before they look up.

I really hate rushing to the airport, and I don't want to miss our flight.

I really like eating it, and I enjoy making it,

I really like this.

I remember that shit.

I sacrifice my life, and I save Colin.

I said mom type.

I saw Jerry's emails, and I started thinking,

I saw myself sitting in the crotch of this fig tree,

I saw you touching yourself.

I sent it.

I should go visit her.

I should probably put the sea bass in the fridge too.

I shouldn't have been involved with...

I simply studied, played outside,

I slept with this guy.

I spent a lot of time in spas and hot tubs

I still don't believe

I still feel very terrible about what's happened,

I still remember the wind on my face.

I stole a car.

I support it!

I support it.

I swear I heard your voice once

I swear you said you were from Florida.

I swear, every chick I've ever gone on a date with

I talked about it with the ad agency.

I texted her about her schedule. It's been two days.

I think I accidentally got forwarded an email chain.

I think I could be a pool shark.

I think I have an idea.

I think I know where she might be.

I think I should get the fuck out of here.

I think I should go stay at Melinda's for a little bit.

I think I'm gonna head out soon, Dad.

I think I'm just gonna send a little question mark.

I think it's broken.

I think Plan A is you don't drop a million of your sperm

I think she really liked me.

I think that dude's got a chance.

I think that people just get scared.

I think the sickening is happening!

I think there can be two.

I think they don't want to seat us because we're Asian.

I think we definitely need to do a little honky tonk.

I think we're all good, Alice.

I think we're honky tonkin'.

I think you got to go down on Lupe.

I think you should at least take it home with you.

I think you'd be perfect for Srikumar, the immigrant.

I thought about calling my brother Johnny,

I thought about what you were saying last night,

I thought everything was going really well.

I thought I was living here and we were living here together.

I thought it might be awkward if we were

I thought it might be weird because you guys

I thought it was all run by computers.

I thought things were going fine,

I thought this was our apartment.

I thought you had a rock solid thing.

I thought you might enjoy making it, too.

I thought you were living together.

I told him.

I told my dad I got a callback on The Sickening...

I told you, no twerking during takeoff!

I told you, stop taking advice from him, dude.

I told you.

I took a bunch of photos with my iPad.

I took a lower position at my firm.

I took it from the party.

I took Mom once. She didn't eat anything, though.

I took my little cousin.

I took you to the bathroom.

I tried to cut myself down, but I dropped my knife.

I tried to wash them out, but, um, I just can't get rid of the smell.

I understand why you're not helping me.

I understand. Enjoy the film.

I used the pasta maker.

I usually Google

I vote nap.

I want something to eat, but I don't know what.

I want to do a show with you and Ravi both.

I want to focus on fresh and innovative ideas.

I want to get some pasta."

I want to get the pill.

I want to try it again, but this time,

I want to try them both, but I can't.

I want to use the pasta maker,

I want you to meet my coworkers.

I wanted each and every one of them,

I was able to obtain a sample,

I was actually next in line. You cut in front of me.

I was actually psyched when I thought of it.

I was actually wondering I have two tickets

I was amazing, and you were okay.

I was being conservative.

I was being stingy with the Ubers.

I was completely fine.

I was confusing it with urban legend.

I was cut out of the movie.

I was feeling the recap.

I was flying my kite that's shaped like a shark,

I was gonna try and tell you earlier,

I was just talking to him the other day,

I was just thinking about subletting the apartment.

I was just walking around in Washington Square Park one day,

I was just watching your audition again this morning.

I was keeping that in my back pocket.

I was lucky.

I was mainly doing this for the exposure.

I was next in line. You cut in front.

I was pissed at first, but I grew to like the little guy.

I was raising a family when I was 20 years old.

I was scared of answering the phone, too.

I was thinking a nice dinner at Giorgio's.

I was very nervous.

I was wondering if I could get a hug.

I wasn't jerking off.

I wasn't on board initially,

I went into my room.

I went into Smoothie Palace.

I went to Montreal not too long ago.

I went to the movie premiere for this movie that I worked on forever,

I went to the VA, and they gave me this.

I went to this friend's wedding,

I will have a better life.

I will have opportunity there.

I will say, you know, Kyle used to be just like us,

I wish Rachel still played music.

I wish they had some eucalyptus at all these barbecue restaurants.

I wish you could just...

I won't want us to get in trouble.

I wonder what experiences are similar for us.

I worked very hard.

I would argue that that's kind of a weird argument to make.

I would argue that the same could be said of this cab driver.

I would be on that nonstop strike status.

I would be the head of the big team

I would have given anything to do something this cool when I was little.

I would have to go down on you all the time.

I would probably be like,

I wouldn't tell that to anyone else.

I wouldn't throw out the whole table.

I, uh... I got to... I'm gonna catch up with my friends.

I... God, I don't know what to say.

I... I'm sorry.

I'd be working here by my damn self.

I'd better go check up on your mother.

I'd click the shit out of that.

I'd fix the leg.

I'd much rather be at home watching TV,

I'd still be down.

I'll act like I'm looking at a photo.

I'll admit I'm a little bit nervous about a situation

I'll admit, I was a little worried.

I'll ask Headband,

I'll ask out Alice.

I'll be honest with you, but, you know,

I'll be right back.

I'll be right here. It'll be fine.

I'll be right over.

I'll be there.

I'll be your maid.

I'll bring her back right now. We'll just meet you at the home.

I'll call up. She goes, "Hello!"

I'll call you back in, like, 15 minutes, all right?

I'll clean it up later.

I'll clean up the floor.

I'll come back and visit as soon as I can.

I'll do it.

I'll do some research.

I'll ever really know what it's like

I'll get a laser gun.

I'll hit you back at some point.

I'll hold them off! Tell my story!"

I'll just chop their head off when they're asleep."

I'll just do some burpees over in the kitchen

I'll just order off the sides menu.

I'll just use it for lumbar support when I'm watching TV.

I'll run you through the elevator pitch for the movie.

I'll say, "Uh uh! We're still shopping around."

I'll see if she wants to meet up.

I'll see you at the premiere.

I'll see you in a bit.

I'll see you later, dude.

I'll see you on set.

I'll see you out there.

I'll show you.

I'll take a cortado as well.

I'll talk to my agent, see what we can do.

I'll talk to you later.

I'll tell you what I'm gonna do.

I'll text you if anything comes up.

I'll try to do a better job of listening, all right?

I'm I meant...

I'm 30 years old. I can't just start over.

I'm a big girl.

I'm a great negotiator, get you those primo prices.

I'm a huge fan of you and Ravi both.

I'm a person.

I'm actually headed over to the after party.

I'm actually really glad that I ran into you.

I'm actually too afraid of the awkwardness

I'm actually up for this movie, which is cool.

I'm all about that.

I'm an Indian billionaire.

I'm at the Father John Misty show.

I'm begging you. Let me have it, please?

I'm coming. I'm coming. I'm coming. I'm coming.

I'm confused.

I'm Dev.

I'm excited for both.

I'm excited for the scene today.

I'm going back in!

I'm going to see this X Men movie.

I'm going to the conductor and I'm telling him

I'm gonna do it.

I'm gonna eat this one. I'm sorry.

I'm gonna fuck with some of this shrimp.

I'm gonna get a shot of Sprite.

I'm gonna go get a drink.

I'm gonna go hang out in the park

I'm gonna go hug Dulé Hill, because he's nice,

I'm gonna have my dad translate,

I'm gonna have to cancel

I'm gonna hold a plank pose ah for 30 seconds.

I'm gonna leave, and this time, I'm leaving for good.

I'm gonna look like this?

I'm gonna look up "tonk."

I'm gonna marry you."

I'm gonna need you to pay for the waffles, sir.

I'm gonna try the strawberry cheesecake.

I'm gonna write back, "Sorry, just ate.

I'm good, man.

I'm good.

I'm good.

I'm grabbing drinks with Michelle,

I'm her CFO. We have a very big meeting tomorrow.

I'm here at the super secret Father John Misty show.

I'm here for work.

I'm here in Nashville on holiday.

I'm here with somebody.

I'm in deep shit now, Grandma Carol.

I'm in.

I'm into that, yeah, for sure.

I'm just a human dildo.

I'm just an older single man

I'm just doing an audition.

I'm just getting some stuff for my baby.

I'm just glad we did it.

I'm just gonna do the interview and see what they say.

I'm just gonna leave. But you got these, right?

I'm just gonna say this:

I'm just here to fix the closet.

I'm just saying, be careful, man.

I'm just saying, I feel like

I'm just saying, if they possessed our intelligence

I'm just trying to improve our sex lives.

I'm kind of a vegetarian.

I'm kind of tired, too.

I'm kind of tired.

I'm laughing with this person I created,

I'm like, "Fuck off!"

I'm living in your place?

I'm looking for the most delicious thing on the planet.

I'm loving the visuals, but I'm like,

I'm meeting a friend to see a movie,

I'm never buying one of those grills.

I'm nice guy, Dev.

I'm not a detective.

I'm not feeling well.

I'm not giving you a high five.

I'm not just a bubble in a phone.

I'm not married!

I'm not really sure what they think this cake is for.

I'm not saying any of that.

I'm not saying that you're a sexist monster.

I'm not supposed to see this.

I'm not sure. It was left kind of vague.

I'm not trying to "do this" to you.

I'm not trying to fuck up your Friends money.

I'm not trying to hang out with Peter Chang on the regs.

I'm not trying to hang out with your cranky grandpa.

I'm not watching people's faces while they eat their food.

I'm not who you think I am.

I'm not your personal computer guy.

I'm not your personal computer guy.

I'm only supporting the one that looks like me, so...

I'm out here chasing random women,

I'm over here trying to listen to my CM Punk interview, dude.

I'm pissed.

I'm playing Ted.

I'm probably 1/16 black.

I'm putting my number in your phone.

I'm Raj. I'm a Bollywood producer.

I'm really alone right now.

I'm really hungry. We should have some dinner.

I'm really proud of both of you.

I'm really sorry.

I'm really sorry.

I'm referencing what you said the other day.

I'm Rick Romero. I'm the director here at the center.

I'm riding my motorcycle, sometimes I get a sore throat.

I'm shopping for towels.

I'm sitting in that aisle seat over there.

I'm so glad you guys got in touch with us.

I'm so happy, Vincent.

I'm so proud of you.

I'm so proud of you.

I'm so sorry, man.

I'm so tired.

I'm sorry I didn't remember you were from Texas.

I'm sorry to hear that.

I'm sorry you got cut out.

I'm sorry you missed out on the life changing experience

I'm sorry, babe.

I'm sorry, I didn't know that I was staying in your place.

I'm sorry, I got to stress eat or something.

I'm sorry, man.

I'm sorry, man. I'm just...

I'm sorry, man. We'll find you something.

I'm sorry, that was the last one.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. Happy birthday.

I'm sorry. I think you're really cool, too.

I'm sorry. The flight is closed.

I'm supposed to meet a friend to see a movie,

I'm sure you did fine.

I'm taking Alice.

I'm the rake guy!

I'm trying not to make a sound.

I'm trying to get this Friends money, and you fucking it up.

I'm trying to get this money,

I'm trying to get this money, Dev.

I'm up for that date if it's still on the table."

I'm usually the clean person in a relationship, anyway.

I'm usually working with another customer

I'ma go with the journalist.

I've always wanted to go.

I've always wanted to learn how to make fresh pasta,

I've always wanted to work with.

I've become the thing I hated the most.

I've been calling you to set it up.

I've been doing this for too long.

I've been filming this black virus movie

I've been meaning to talk to you about that.

I've been waiting here for 45 minutes.

I've been watching blurry Twins for an hour.

I've been with my wife 23 years.

I've got something really urgent.

I've got something very special to show you.

I've had sex with that person.

I've mentioned this to you before.

I've mostly been doing commercials,

I've never been so jealous of something that sounds so boring.

I've never been to Nashville before.

I've never had any doubts, fears, or regrets ever since.

I've seen that video clip!

I've thought about screenwriting.

If acting is your passion, you should focus.

If he didn't come to America,

If I bowled every night for a month,

If I did that, I would question my time management skills.

If I do a show with two Indian guys on the poster,

If I ever need an apprentice, I'll hit you up.

If I forwarded all of those emails and got people fired,

If I just started sucking that guy's dick over there?

If I played pool all the time for, like, three months,

If I'm okay with this,

If I'm seen with her, people would assume

If it's awkward, I don't want to make you do anything

If it's cold outside, I think they should

If my calculations are correct,

If one of us was on that show,

If she's looking good and smelling good, I'm down.

If that bozo thinks he's getting a tip

If the race war goes down

If there's any way I can read again, I know I can do better.

If this meeting goes well, you get the job, and it's a hit?

If we can be back by then, I'm down to be chillin'

If we're not at 100, we're writing fucking 70 and 80,

If you call a billion Indians niche.

If you catch any of my clothes on the floor or on the chair,

If you could live anywhere in the world,

If you do it, it's needy and sad.

If you do the normal date dinner,

If you don't mind giving us a little...

If you don't, you're doing nothing,

If you get caught, you could ruin these people's lives.

If you go back far enough, we're all 1/16 something.

If you Google any female celebrity's name,

If you need to see what's at stake here.

If you saw him all the time,

If you say something bad about black people or gay people.

If you want to come, I can talk to the person

If you want to get into it, we can.

If you're a citizen, you can arrest people.

If you're a dude, you do that so you're not...

If you're a white person and you're dating somebody,

If you're born with a vagina, everybody knows

If you're gonna be in a relationship, you got to dive in.

If you're gonna live here, you know, and be clean.

If, in the second verse, he's rapping as Eminem,

Impossible to sustain a smoking habit

In a cozy house with little Devs running around,

In a possibly outdated institution

In a public place?"

In about three years.

In an interview.

In charge of the list.

In his apartment is messed up.

In his prime all over the place.

In his sleep?

In Korea.

In London these days.

In mandatory minimum sentences

In order to have a "normal" life?

In real life or on TV.

In real life.

In the bathroom? No, I can't do that.

In the battery company as well, huh?

In the butterfly garden for 15 minutes."

In the display case.

In the elevator together.

In the first verse,

In the morning, a ding comes.

In the next 12 hours.

In the wrinkled position.

In this relationship?

In this woman's life.

Indians, Asians, gays:

Insane.

Instead of helping me research tacos?

Instead of just believing me.

Instead of tending to the lovely, large Caucasian man

Instead of this one that I chose for no reason.

Instead, Dev lives in America,

Intelligent girlfriend you actually

Interesting turn of events.

Internet's too fickle.

Into someone you don't know that well.

Into the bathroom?

Introduce themselves to someone just 'cause they're a woman.

Iron Man movies are very good.

Is anybody going this way?

Is dead.

Is everything okay?

Is everything okay?

Is it really? What was yours?

Is Mindy Kaling real?

Is my dad on there?

Is not worth the $3 to buy you a new VCR.

Is playing Fallon tonight,

Is probably that insane.

Is she okay?

Is she one of those racist grandmas

Is something I will never forget.

Is something wrong?

Is that a new clean boo move I don't understand?

Is that all you have to say for yourself?

Is that clear?

Is that job as ridiculously awesome and easy as it sounds?

Is that okay?

Is that the other Indian dude?

Is that tonight?

Is there any way I could switch seats with you

Is there any way we can have it for 200 bucks?

Is there any way we could do it in a couple hours?

Is there any word on who the leads of the film might be?

Is there such a thing as a "water of the month" club?

Is there, like, no protection?

Is this a hot date?

Is this real? Are you serious?

Is to act like I'm crazy and defend Brad Honeycutt

Is way better than bringing Brian.

Is your hot date named Brian?

Is... clean.

Isn't a real thing.

Isn't it a little late in the game to get into Harry Potter?

Isn't it?

Isn't she the most beautiful girl you've ever seen?

Isn't that kind of messed up?

Isn't that kind of nuts?

Isn't that right, Paro?

Isn't that the gist of every immigrant's story,

Isn't that whole thing just antiquated?

It Very hard for me to imagine a situation

It accounts for traffic. I don't know what happened.

It can't be Brian.

It could be an amazing human experience.

It could do some malicious shit.

It does rock.

It does.

It doesn't matter.

It doesn't seem so bad.

It doesn't, no.

It exposes how farm subsidies are slowly leading us

It felt like ten years.

It goes up and down.

It got them all.

It has peanut butter and lettuce.

It is a great candle.

It is a real bear.

It is a XXL, which I'm pretty sure is not your size,

It is like that movie.

It is super special. Must be good.

It is?

It just doesn't make sense.

It just makes sense.

It looked interesting?

It looks like it's gonna start raining again.

It may pick up sperm from a previous ejaculation

It means hugs and kisses.

It means I went to town on the puss.

It means she don't want to go.

It must have taken you hours to set this up.

It normally doesn't look like that.

It ran right in front of me.

It says here he left you something called "Paro."

It smells really good in here.

It sounds like you're not sure you want to be with me

It started making strange noises,

It started off okay,

It was It was good seeing you.

It was a piece of shit, the movie.

It was a really good idea.

It was a really stupid joke I never should have made.

It was a small ceremony, just family and friends.

It was a team effort, Terry.

It was adorable.

It was amazing.

It was an arranged marriage.

It was awesome.

It was called... a scam band, or a... scar band.

It was coming from a good place.

It was fucking shit.

It was good.

It was good.

It was great to meet you.

It was great.

It was just too soon.

It was so crazy.

It was so nice meeting you.

It was the greatest trip ever.

It was the last King Kong Banana Split!

It was this camera operator in Winnipeg.

It was tough.

It was twins.

It was... It was a bad place to set up shop.

It wasn't in your room.

It would be an entire life of never going splitsies

It would mean the world to me.

It would really... I just don't want...

It wouldn't be as, you know, relatable to a large mainstream audience.

It wouldn't kill me.

It, like, blinks sometimes

It'd be different.

It'll be an interesting experiment.

It'll make this easy.

It'll make you feel a lot better about your own.

It'll still be on your IMDb page, so...

It's 100% success rate in terms of you

It's a big decision. It's hard.

It's a bold move.

It's a company I started where we just bone all day.

It's a cultural thing, okay?

It's a fantastic table.

It's a firm wedge.

It's a fish out of water story.

It's a great gig.

It's a great girl.

It's a little cough drop storage area, you know.

It's a little weird.

It's a real person in my real life.

It's a thicker noodle, dummy.

It's a thing we say in the black community.

It's a weird language.

It's about one night in heaven.

It's actually making me crave a 'Gurt right now.

It's Alice.

It's all around us, man.

It's all natural, non GMO, fully organic,

It's all right.

It's already dark.

It's always like, "That's it?

It's amazing.

It's amazing.

It's amazing.

It's an acting thing.

It's an animated kids' movie.

It's as if all these women are just bubbles on your phone.

It's at Achilles Heel.

It's been a rough couple days.

It's been compromised.

It's been two days, dude.

It's been two days. I'm waiting.

It's called Air Force One.

It's called Meet the Parents.

It's called...

It's cold, and when I put

It's Colin Salmon.

It's Colin Salmon. He's FaceTiming me.

It's covered my rent for years now.

It's crazy.

It's disgusting.

It's distracting.

It's eggs.

It's emergency room.

It's fantastic.

It's fine.

It's fine.

It's from fucking Topshop, and it's mine.

It's fucking hard.

It's funny.

It's game time.

It's going well.

It's gonna be 99% CGI.

It's gonna be an amazing show.

It's gonna kill us all!

It's got to be straight.

It's great chatting with you. All right.

It's happening!

It's happening!

It's his new thing. He calls it "poop shoes."

It's in my blood.

It's just a light check in.

It's just a pillow.

It's just intense, you know?

It's just really nice that you tried to see it

It's just three guys living in New York.

It's just, I feel like you always say,

It's just, six months is a long time

It's kind of like you just stole it.

It's kind of meaningless.

It's kind of on the other side of town, no?

It's like a light check in.

It's like a little bit of this and then a little bit of this

It's like, it's not to be taken lightly.

It's like, ooh, ah, ooh, ay, ooh.

It's like... you passed.

It's me from the bar!

It's me, Alice.

It's me, Alice.

It's Michelle, AKA Princess Love.

It's my abacus!

It's my friend Steve.

It's my girlfriend's grandma.

It's my husband, Dylan, yes.

It's mysterious, and girls love mystery, brah.

It's never like, "Oh, are these men handsome enough?

It's nice meeting you.

It's nice out.

It's nice.

It's nice.

It's Nina, remember?

It's not a big deal.

It's not about changing a woman's sexuality, Dev.

It's not as high as 80, the number I wrote.

It's not even a picture of my face.

It's not for people to just take it and go.

It's not fucking Shining Time Station.

It's not good for the voice.

It's not ideal, but if I didn't know about it,

It's not just, like, one number all the time.

It's not really a to go situation.

It's now Bone Thugs N Harmony.

It's off.

It's offensive.

It's okay.

It's okay.

It's old.

It's one of the great things about being alive today.

It's our first sandwich ever. We want you to have it.

It's pretty cool.

It's pretty crazy.

It's pretty good.

It's Princess Love.

It's Purple Pineapple.

It's really good.

It's Shazam for trees.

It's so dirty in the stairway.

It's so fun.

It's so nice.

It's so shitty.

It's so soft.

It's something I've thought about before.

It's starting to make a lot of sense.

It's Steve.

It's summertime! Let's get cooking.

It's summertime.

It's super hard.

It's super true.

It's supposed to be nice tomorrow.

It's supposed to be really awesome, so I booked us a tour.

It's supposed to be really good. You want to go there?

It's supposed to be the creamiest.

It's the all new Johnny Five.

It's the best and only brand.

It's the G train.

It's the golden age of television.

It's the idea of your mind fusing with the Internet

It's the latest strain.

It's the tracking. I'm trying to fix it.

It's this new sitcom. It's open ethnicity.

It's three o'clock.

It's time to get this Friends money.

It's too sad.

It's tough, man.

It's true.

It's true.

It's truly an honor to be here in the Oval Office,

It's very offensive,

It's where I get all my silverware, all my musical instruments,

It's where we shot the scene where the virus gets loose.

It's, like, bright garbage for an hour and a half.

Jeez, come on. Hey.

Jerked off. Fell asleep.

Jerks off on villains.

Jerry Danvers is dead.

Jerry Danvers, you know,

Jess?

Jesus Christ, is he homeless?

Jesus.

Joan Erickson is the new head,

Joint chiefs of staff,

Just a little bite?

Just a thought.

Just be glad I did not buy a turkey Slurpee.

Just because I couldn't make up my mind

Just because I'm old.

Just call us once a week.

Just finishing the album. Staying busy.

Just finishing this beautiful stallion's mane.

Just for peace of mind.

Just get him to sign the fucking thing, Greg!

Just get in the closet and don't make a goddamn sound.

Just have some beers and hear some more of his stories.

Just hearing the vows and thinking about marriage

Just keep me company.

Just let me finish this sonnet.

Just like that.

Just like, "Oh?"

Just like... [grunts]

Just look at these items.

Just making sure everything's going all right.

Just my grandma on my dad's side,

Just once who's, like, an architect,

Just one.

Just pay for the waffles.

Just pretend you're talking to me for a little bit.

Just sat there, not moving.

Just send her a question mark.

Just so many whites.

Just tea?

Just that her parents were in a Japanese internment camp,

Just trotting down Bleeker Street?

Just write, "No."

Just, "No"? That's incredibly rude.

Kentucky is gone.

Kentucky is gone. The sickening, it got them all."

Kentucky, Madam President?

Kind of try and work it out.

Kind of.

Kind of.

Kyle Cooper and his girlfriend

Ladies like honesty, right?

Ladies!

Larry and Andrea have created their own vows,

Larry and Andrea were at 100. That exists.

Larry, you are able to absorb all of life

Last time I was in India, though, I was like,

Last week, your favorite show was Chopped.

Later, man.

Later.

Laura, AKA Journalist, says,

Leak it, dude.

Let a nice guy win for once.

Let me do one more. Let me do a silly one.

Let me go to the bathroom, and then we'll go.

Let me grab my computer,

Let me grab these.

Let me hear it from the source.

Let me invite him over

Let me know about that concert."

Let me play my computer games, man.

Let me see if I can find a little pinch.

Let me see what Brian's up to.

Let me take a picture of this moment.

Let me try and fix it.

Let... Let's do another take, Dev.

Let's add 50 milligrams of the iGG solution.

Let's add the virus.

Let's all do shots.

Let's arrest this fool.

Let's do it!

Let's do this, baby!

Let's do this.

Let's eat. I'm good with whatever.

Let's get a bunch of Indian people

Let's get cooking.

Let's get the fuck out of here.

Let's go check out the VIP suite.

Let's go do some coke and then play some laser tag.

Let's go eat.

Let's go get some tacos!

Let's go!

Let's have an afternoon bone sesh."

Let's honky tonk.

Let's just be nice.

Let's just Google it now,

Let's just put you in the show,

Let's just sit it down, have a beer.

Let's keep going.

Let's see.

Let's shoot the fuck out of this Garden Depot ad.

Let's talk next steps.

Let's talk.

Let's, uh, grab a drink or whatever sometime.

Like Well, what did you do when you were growing up in Taiwan?

Like a Nash villain."

Like I've got this deeper sense of purpose.

Like quit my job,

Like right now.

Like spending time with?

Like the green fig tree in the story.

Like the popchips commercial?

Like what?

Like you weren't gonna bang some intern as soon as you landed.

Like, 'cause you just show up.

Like, a lot of blood.

Like, here.

Like, how good you got to be to get to shark status?

Like, how is that even possible?

Like, I can't believe there's a universe

Like, I don't want to end up like that dude in Unfaithful.

Like, I see a bank robber, and I'm, like, "Stop it!"

Like, I'm Indian Balki?

Like, I'm not trying to start a family with her or something.

Like, if I had messed up one of the legs on the table I made for Nina,

Like, if I went to the moon,

Like, in the thousands. Like, in the deep thousands.

Like, just a question mark?

Like, next stop, 42nd street.

Like, Oprah?

Like, oversized, plus sized?

Like, she had to go meet with Al Sharpton.

Like, the best food.

Like, the whole no wrinkle setting?

Like, they act like they know me,

Like, we do nothing to thank them.

Like, what an insane journey.

Like, when you watch their faces,

Like, who are you supposed to meet with?

Like, why don't I move somewhere nice and tropical?

Lil' Funyuns? Seriously?

Lila, what's going on? How are you?

Listen Dev, what the fuck?

Listen closely. Breadsticks. Redskins.

Listen, I got to say hi to a colleague of mine.

Listen, I got you a little present

Listen, I'll make an excuse,

Listen, I'm an expert on Craigslist.

Listen, next week, you and me, aquarium.

Listen, tell us something.

Listen, that bounce house is calling my name.

Literally any taco place.

Little guys? Do you mean pre come?

Little kids were going ape shit.

Living in the big city.

Lock the fucking doors!

Long term relationships are tough.

Look at her.

Look at that guy.

Look at that jacket over there.

Look at that.

Look at that. [chuckles]

Look at this clean floor!

Look how it's slanting and jumping around.

Look, Alice is a worldly woman

Look, here's the deal.

Look, here's the latest.

Look, I don't have time

Look, I get it.

Look, I haven't actually taken the position yet.

Look, I love you, but I want to do this.

Look, I mean, what you did was ugly.

Look, I met this girl Michelle, right?

Look, I provide a service.

Look, I'm happy to meet with you,

Look, I'm just saying I'm sorry

Look, it don't matter what he texts these girls.

Look, it don't matter what you do.

Look, it's different, okay?

Look, kid, there's plenty of ice cream here.

Look, man, Indians just aren't at that level yet.

Look, none of that matters.

Look, people aren't gonna always be magical right away.

Look, things are happening fast.

Look, you are a young man.

Look, your grandma's fine, okay?

Looks like there's another Brian on here.

Looks like to me, he's trying to curry your favor.

Looks like your dad's not gonna make it to the game after all,

Love you, couch.

Love you.

Lucien?

Lucien.

Lupus. Gluten gives you lupus.

Ma, what about your first day in America?

Ma, why are you just eating white rice?

Madam President,

Madam President, we have a cure.

Make a hundred episodes, get a huge syndication deal,

Make it cold inside also.

Make some shit up! You know?

Making the holes.

Man, I hate this shit.

Man, I hope we get some Alfred the Ghost action.

Man, I was just watching those guys for, like, an hour,

Man, I wish I knew about Tickler's To Go.

Man, it smells really nice in there.

Man, it's colder than they said it was gonna be.

Man, my last birthday, all I got was a wine opener from Arnold.

Man, that must have been some cat.

Man, that shit ain't real.

Man, that was pretty crazy, what my dad was talking about,

Man, that's a pretty big bombshell to drop, Rachel.

Man, that's ratch.

Man, that's, like, one of my favorite Indian actors.

Man, this is a lot of pomp and circumstance

Man, we got video of you jerking off.

Man, why'd you drag me to a work party?

Man, you know what we should do?

Mark, just calm down.

Mark's flying out to LA tonight,

Mars, no question. You can breathe there now.

Martinelli's?

Martinelli's?

Max Minghella plays an Indian guy.

May be stealing me away from you, Michael.

May have been a little sexist.

Maybe add a little of that classic Dev spice.

Maybe blogs will pick it up,

Maybe he wasn't motivated by a crazy sexist agenda

Maybe I should go over there and have an awkward conversation

Maybe just something like, "Get out of here, you bastard!

Maybe Rachel's magical.

Maybe she's just busy.

Maybe someone makes a meme, but...

Maybe something in that field.

Maybe they'll become magical.

Maybe we should just stay here.

Maybe we should shop around a little bit?

Maybe you should find a cleaner place.

Maybe you're sitting in your car

Maybe.

Maybe.

Me and Mom were watching your Go Gurt commercial.

Me and this young lady were...

Me, I'm so decisive.

Me, too. Let's go get some.

Me, too. Let's go.

Meet the Parents!

Mekhi Phifer the actor does exist.

Might be a little unnecessary, though.

Mine, too.

Mint chocolate chip,

Mm hmm, I think you should.

Mm hmm.

Mm hmm.

Mm hmm.

Mm hmm.

Mm hmm.

Mm hmm.

Mm mm.

Mm, agreed.

Mm, he's right. Sorry, Brian.

Mm, I don't know. Come on, Denise.

Mm, I don't think it will, because I didn't appear in the movie.

Mm, I'm just gonna take it.

Mm, she's not that busy.

Mm, that's still a pretty risky puss to enter, though.

Mm, yeah.

Mm!

Mm! You know what sounds good?

Mm.

Mm.

Mm.

Mm. Denise, you sold me.

Mm. It's okay.

Mm...

Mm...

Mmm, this is so good.

Mmm!

Mmm!

Mmm.

Mmm.

Mmm.

Mommy, we finished our sandwiches.

More chickenheads to put in your phone

More likely the second scenario.

More of a mom type person.

Mouse!

Mr. Chow's.

Much better than the spot I had when I interned at Nickelodeon.

Mumbai Muscle.

My agent just emailed me and said I didn't get Three Buddies.

My apologies.

My boy did a Combos spot... Combos for life.

My brother's a bouncer at one, and he can totally hook us up.

My dad used to bathe in a river,

My dad: "Let's chow down at Mr. Chow's."

My dude's one, he's already got more friends than you.

My eyes are on fire!

My father was a blacksmith.

My fingers hurt when I held the strings.

My friend told me about this chemical plant there.

My God.

My God.

My God.

My grandma Carol lives in the Bronx,

My grandmother wrote me ended with,

My husband's company is the number one polluter

My lady kind of left me.

My large stature can keep you safe.

My mom DVRs TV shows,

My office will be in touch.

My parents know everything about you.

My personal experience, it's insulting.

My secret is, I'm getting a divorce.

My sister used to always talk about living in Paris for a year,

My treat.

My wiener against it, it feels good.

Mysore pak, murukku, mirchi, omapodi.

Nah, buddy, here's the move.

Nah, I don't know him, bro.

Named Darwish who sells tractors?

Nashville.

Nathan's coming over.

n****ni.

Never mind.

Never thought I'd be sitting courtside.

Never.

Next steps? I don't know.

Next thing you know, he's beating me to death

Next thing you know, he's looking

Next time I bring the bottles down.

Nice to meet you.

Nice to see a brown guy out there.

Nice.

Nice.

Nice.

Nice.

Nicotine patch.

Night.

Nina, no.

Nina, you are so cool.

Nina, you're very attractive.

No catch, I'm moving out of the country, so I just need to get rid of it.

No condom issues this time.

No doubts, no fears, nothing?

No gift for me?

No grandmas, white or Indian.

No offense.

No one gets hurt. No one gets mad.

No one would really care.

No problem, buddy.

No way, that's crazy. How was your night?

No way, you're totally wrong.

No, because then it would be like I'm fucking someone blurry.

No, but even if I wasn't sure,

No, but there's a great article

No, come on.

No, dude, Kyle's done.

No, Headband, why would that be cool?

No, hey, come here.

No, I can't do that.

No, I can't return The Liberator.

No, I can't. It's not a good idea.

No, I do Go Gurt commercials.

No, I don't always do it, but it's a cab driver.

No, I just I just want you to be engaged

No, I just got dropped off from the airport,

No, I just squeeze from the top,

No, I just wanted to do one dinner.

No, I know how to do it. I just feel weird doing that voice.

No, I know, I'm trying to get rid of this weirdo over there.

No, I mean, I don't have access to that footage.

No, I sat on the couch and cried.

No, I want you to come.

No, I wrote it.

No, I'll just feel like garbage tomorrow.

No, I'm gonna need you to pay for all 30 packages

No, I'm just kidding. Can I get two beers?

No, I'm just saying,

No, I'm just saying,

No, I'm not 100% sure.

No, I'm not saying that.

No, I'm not sure I want to move all the way to Chicago!

No, I'm not.

No, if there's a movie on Rotten Tomatoes and it has a 70%,

No, it didn't help.

No, it just means she's light skinned.

No, it works fine.

No, it wouldn't.

No, it's a firm wedge so we can get different angles.

No, it's definitely broken.

No, it's fine.

No, it's fine. It's fine.

No, it's much more important than that.

No, it's okay.

No, just Sean Hayes. Jack.

No, no, come on, please

No, no, it's not a pillow.

No, no, man.

No, no, no wheezing the juice.

No, no, no, I'm not ratch. I didn't do anything.

No, no, no, no, wait.

No, no, no, that's not true.

No, no, no, you know what I meant. You know what I meant. Come on.

No, no, no, you will respect my authority!

No, no, no, you're not cheating.

No, no, no.

No, no, no. It's like this.

No, no, you got the tickets.

No, no.

No, no. I know this guy.

No, no. I read that he's 1/16 Indian.

No, no. I'm not homeless.

No, no...

No, not at the bar, at my house.

No, not really.

No, nothing.

No, she was still seeing her ex boyfriend at that time,

No, she's caramel.

No, that night got a little complicated

No, that's all right. It's a great question.

No, that's all right. Let's just go home.

No, that's cool, bro.

No, that's ice cream for losers. Let's go to my spot.

No, that's not fair.

No, there's no arrangement as far as I know.

No, there's two gay dudes in that show.

No, um, we're going to a friend's baby party,

No, vibes that she's curious about an adventure with Denise.

No, wait. Wait.

No, we don't have any Indian sweets.

No, what is that thing?

No, what's that noise?

No, wrong Indian guy. I'm not Vineet.

No, you can... You can be yourself.

No, you couldn't.

No, you didn't.

No, you don't need to take us out for any fancy dinner.

No, you don't understand.

No, you don't usually show YouTube clips at auditions.

No, you fucking don't!

No, you have to get vanilla.

No, you may not.

No, you're just being ignorant now.

No, you're so cool.

No!

No!

No!

No!

No!

No! No kids.

No.

No.

No.

No.

No.

No.

No.

No.

No.

No.

No. Are you gonna propose to me? [chuckles]

No. Have you ever tried to learn Tamil?

No. He's never mentioned it.

No. Hey, you are a hero, man.

No. Why would I make a trip to your apartment just for that?

No. You just took one long video.

Nobody else was itching to go.

Nobody uses VCRs anymore.

Nope, but luckily, we got one of those Plan B things.

Nope, first time.

Nope! I am the car.

Nope.

Nope. I won.

Not 100% sure about this.

Not after this.

Not for me. Sounds frivolous.

Not great.

Not great.

Not like you guys.

Not many people realize,

Not much.

Not only did the Kutch show up to their office and apologize,

Not really?

Not really.

Not really.

Not really.

Not saying we're getting married or anything,

Not that mad, though, right?

Not to mention the short rib.

Not wanting to have sex anymore after you jerk off.

Not, like, Emilio Estevez or something.

Nothing important.

Nothing much.

Nothing?

Nothing.

Nothing's 100% safe.

Now Dr. Ramusami probably wandering

Now I got to wash my hands. BRB.

Now I got to wipe out the poo.

Now I have a fulfilling hobby.

Now I'm sweating wherever I go.

Now it's three ladies having a barbecue.

Now my dad wants me to come have tea

Now open them!

Now she has another nickname? Lil' Funyuns?

Now that he's settled down, in a way.

Now that I'm in charge,

Now they got a kid. His name's Samson.

Now you're not sure about Rachel?

Now, I wanted to meet with you because, while we loved Jerry,

Now, if I have a kid, I can't go.

Now, our director's flying in next week.

Now, what happened to you last night?

Now, who are you?

Now, you're gonna have to keep your arms still

Now!

Nush.

Nush's friend Prashanth.

Octopus are some of the smartest animals in the world.

Octopuses don't have opinions.

Of a critically acclaimed drama, and then go to sleep.

Of Barnes & Noble,

Of course.

Of not tipping.

Of shaking hands with Brad Honeycutt.

Of subtle little things that happen to me

Of the disappearance of my cat, Shakespeare,

Of the Hudson River.

Of thousands of local ducks.

Of Tickler's white barbecue sauce, do you?

Offering, like, $50 tickets to Nashville.

Oh, all right, cool. That sounds good.

Oh, all right.

Oh, all right. You win.

Oh, and how was the show?

Oh, awesome.

Oh, but you got great stuff for your reel,

Oh, can you take a Vine of me real quick?

Oh, can you tuck me in before you leave?

Oh, come on, man.

Oh, come on.

Oh, come on.

Oh, come on.

Oh, cool, man.

Oh, cool. Okay.

Oh, Dad, this thing's pretty heavy,

Oh, damn it. I forgot.

Oh, damn.

Oh, damn. Is he okay?

Oh, damn. Peter Chang coming hard with the snaps.

Oh, does it?

Oh, fuck, I think this dude over here is jerking off.

Oh, fuck!

Oh, give me a fucking break, Mark.

Oh, God, do we have smaller rakes?

Oh, God, she's gone, I tell you. She's gone!

Oh, God.

Oh, God.

Oh, God.

Oh, God. The vial.

Oh, God. The virus is mutating!

Oh, good to see you're charging up for the scene.

Oh, guys, hold on a second.

Oh, he wrote back.

Oh, he's a robotic seal.

Oh, Headband says, "Cool if my brother comes?"

Oh, hey, Hilary.

Oh, hey, why don't I watch them

Oh, hey.

Oh, hey.

Oh, hold on. Oh, it's Rachel.

Oh, I 100% agree. It's totally rude.

Oh, I did, but they didn't.

Oh, I feel like I have so many ideas that would work on Shark Tank.

Oh, I forgot you slept with that married woman.

Oh, I got an audition for you

Oh, I got it.

Oh, I just got a text from Anush.

Oh, I see.

Oh, I thought I'd be able to order more off the sides menu.

Oh, I'm glad you like your juicer.

Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that.

Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. What happened?

Oh, I'm sorry. I'll tighten up.

Oh, I've known him for years.

Oh, is Cartman in the mix?

Oh, is she married too?

Oh, it's fine.

Oh, it's great.

Oh, it's my agent.

Oh, it's not a pet. It's just Paro.

Oh, let me guess.

Oh, man, I got some bad news.

Oh, man, I wish I didn't have to let you go, brother.

Oh, man, I'm so full.

Oh, man, I'm sorry, we're out of tacos.

Oh, man, I'm sorry. What happened?

Oh, man, I'm starting to feel like

Oh, man, that's the worst.

Oh, man, the sun is out, and that means barbecues.

Oh, man.

Oh, man. Did you survive, Pop pop?

Oh, man. It's this weird robotic seal.

Oh, my Wow!

Oh, my God, Cap.

Oh, my God, I just thought of the perfect tag to end my pitch.

Oh, my God, I love those shoes.

Oh, my God, is that one of those pianos

Oh, my God, it's amazing.

Oh, my God, just bought these guys.

Oh, my God, she stopped making out with that dude.

Oh, my God, so hot, right?

Oh, my God, so many delicious options.

Oh, my God, thank you.

Oh, my God, yeah.

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Hello.

Oh, my goodness.

Oh, my.

Oh, nah, I don't really want a shot.

Oh, nah, you should not have done that.

Oh, no shit.

Oh, no, I can't do that.

Oh, no, I'm not up for that.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. 'Cause Indians eat curry?

Oh, no, no, no. She's fine. She's here with me right now.

Oh, no, no. Please. I got it.

Oh, no, please.

Oh, no, we understand.

Oh, no, what happened?

Oh, no, yeah.

Oh, no, you make room for a piece this nice.

Oh, nothing.

Oh, now you're shitting on me because I do commercials?

Oh, of course.

Oh, oh, you seem pretty shaken up.

Oh, okay, is this about CarMan?

Oh, okay, no, that's our song!

Oh, okay, well, clean boo, you left all the glasses

Oh, okay, well, I think it's gone now, so...

Oh, okay.

Oh, okay. So is Halle Berry a redbone?

Oh, popchips are great, man.

Oh, really? Is this how you zip your jacket?

Oh, really? What's the name of that cutie?

Oh, shit, I got the heavy hitters. Never mind.

Oh, shit, it's Alice!

Oh, shit, there's Todd, the director.

Oh, shit! You're smoking it now!

Oh, shit.

Oh, shit.

Oh, shit.

Oh, shit.

Oh, shit. Fuck.

Oh, shit. Sorry.

Oh, so Blacklist did help.

Oh, so it's still stuck up in that tree?

Oh, so you think I'm old?

Oh, so you're getting ready to invest

Oh, sorry, sir. You're here.

Oh, sure, yeah. Go ahead.

Oh, thank God she's okay.

Oh, thank God.

Oh, thank you.

Oh, thank you. Please tell my dad.

Oh, thanks.

Oh, thanks.

Oh, thanks. Cool. All right, let's go.

Oh, thanks. Just put it anywhere.

Oh, that is disgusting.

Oh, that serve? Whew.

Oh, that sucks.

Oh, that sucks.

Oh, that sucks. I'm sorry.

Oh, that was insane.

Oh, that's a really good service.

Oh, that's beautiful.

Oh, that's cool.

Oh, that's great.

Oh, that's great.

Oh, that's my brother.

Oh, that's nice.

Oh, that's so cute.

Oh, that's too bad.

Oh, the black virus movie? That's great.

Oh, there's also this great landfill.

Oh, this British show, Sherlock.

Oh, Trevor?

Oh, um,

Oh, wait, so now you're just leaving?

Oh, wait, wait, wait. Sorry.

Oh, wait.

Oh, we've never had any abuse issues here.

Oh, well, tell the white one to keep waiting.

Oh, well, thanks.

Oh, what, so I can't shave a straight line?

Oh, while you are there,

Oh, whoa. I was at that bar too.

Oh, wow. This looks delicious.

Oh, yeah, for sure. One time, I met Mel Gibson.

Oh, yeah, he just had to tell me this super funny story.

Oh, yeah, hold on.

Oh, yeah, man, I don't know what else to do.

Oh, yeah, oh, yeah, oh, yeah, oh, yeah, oh... [softly] yeah...

Oh, yeah, oh, yeah, oh... [softly] yeah...

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Oh, hey, yeah.

Oh, you know what?

Oh, you made that for me.

Oh, you mean when the Kutch went brownface?

Oh!

Oh!

Oh! What would you do?

Oh! Where did you get this?

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh. [laughs]

Oh. No.

Ohh!

Okay,

Okay, after that story, you're criticizing me

Okay, and Grant, you stay away from the freezer.

Okay, Darwish. How's the tractor business?

Okay, don't try and save yourself with those bullshit phrases.

Okay, fine, yeah, let's write it down.

Okay, first of all, ouch,

Okay, first off, Sarah Jessica Parker is bae.

Okay, guys, wait here for a sec. I'll be right back to get your statements.

Okay, guys.

Okay, I get that.

Okay, I see that.

Okay, I think we got it.

Okay, I'll clean it up later.

Okay, I'll go first! I'm sorry, bye!

Okay, I'll have one.

Okay, I'm closing out.

Okay, I'm gonna stop you right there,

Okay, I'm married.

Okay, I'm officially out of silver linings, dude.

Okay, I'm sorry.

Okay, if you had a pet potbellied pig,

Okay, just be cool.

Okay, just text if one goes missing or there's blood...

Okay, let's begin.

Okay, look, I'll be frank with you.

Okay, looks like we do this.

Okay, Marie.

Okay, maybe I shouldn't be doing any of this,

Okay, okay, okay, you right.

Okay, okay, there.

Okay, okay. Um, I'll come as soon as I can.

Okay, peace of mind. Okay.

Okay, pull it up.

Okay, right here.

Okay, seriously, nobody got murdered.

Okay, so just fuck my interesting topic, then, I guess.

Okay, so on three, we both go,

Okay, so the other night,

Okay, stop saying "firm wedge."

Okay, that's fine.

Okay, then just finish.

Okay, we have Dev Shah reading

Okay, we're just animals, right?

Okay, well, have a good trip,

Okay, well, here's an idea.

Okay, well, I guess I'll just keep

Okay, well, our personal tastes may be different.

Okay, well, somebody has to pay for those clothes...

Okay, well, sometimes my contacts get dried, okay?

Okay, well, that explains it.

Okay, well, you don't have to finish.

Okay, when I look at trees, I want to know what kind of tree it is.

Okay, you don't know that he's eating pretzels.

Okay? Bye.

Okay? Yeah.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay. I get that.

Okay. Is that good?

Okay. It's okay.

Okay. Sweet.

Okay. Thank you, Jess.

Okay. Um, text me if you need anything.

On a Huffington Post headline.

On a shoot in New York.

On an ice truck to see Sinatra.

On any dish with beef, chicken, pork, or octopus.

On Instagram?

On one network show?"

On the biggest grills.

On the biggest grills.

On the floor or on the chair,

On the residents.

On the set of The Cookout.

On this big beautiful bottle of Chablis.

Once upon a time,

Once upon a time, there was this little boo named Dev,

Once, when Brian was younger,

One by one,

One fig was a husband and a happy home and children,

One of the best pauses we've heard all day.

One of the samples It's missing.

One of them's still got a little fight left in him.

One order of ribs,

One sec.

One second.

One time, I went to the movies by myself, right?

One, two, three.

One, two, three. Say, "Stuck in the fireplace."

Oof.

Ooh, actually, slight change of plans.

Ooh, Anthony, you're getting me very excited

Ooh, Babeland?

Ooh, Cassidy.

Ooh, champers. Yes, please.

Ooh, definitely.

Ooh, did you see that new Denzel Washington movie yet?

Ooh, do you see this?

Ooh, I didn't think about that.

Ooh, I'm down.

Ooh, I'm hungry.

Ooh, I've always wanted to go to India and watch Dexter.

Ooh, is that the pet store where they got the pup cam

Ooh, looks like she saw it.

Ooh, nice bumps.

Ooh, not defending this guy,

Ooh, one of VH1's Divas Live!

Ooh, see, you're a natural.

Ooh, she wrote back already.

Ooh, somebody's having a party.

Ooh, that frittata was fluffy as hell.

Ooh, that sounds nice.

Ooh, that's them.

Ooh, their time is pretty tight.

Ooh, this is cool. This is the clean room.

Ooh, vibes that she wants to become a lesbian?

Ooh, what about this spaghetti? Can I have this?

Ooh, what happened?

Ooh, what kind?

Ooh, who's this?

Ooh, you know what a good snack is?

Ooh.

Ooh.

Ooh.

Ooh.

Ooh. Nice tidbit.

Ooh. She's single again?

Ooh. Was he murdered? Did it happen in our room?

Or Or maybe she really likes me and she's nervous.

Or a black movie.

Or are we making moves?

Or Beyoncé?

Or can I be myself?

Or do you see Dev out on the town with brand new ladies?

Or girl, I mean, if this was a Denise experience situation.

Or had his wife cheat on him.

Or he designs mittens or does one of the jobs

Or I can't be, like, some home wrecker person.

Or if I just sit around, hanging around, doing the same shit,

Or is it just the act of doing it?

Or listening to a wrestling podcast

Or one of his favorite snacks:

Or something.

Or they'll become garbage.

Or we can get some ice cream.

Or we could go take a nap.

Or what, are you, like, 100% sure about everything?

Or you still get to have fun?

Or, "Hey, son, I'm proud of you"?

Or, in my case, the Indian chorus.

Or...

Or... I don't know... take these guys with me.

Or... we could just bone.

Other people were miserable.

Other times, we're at, like, 20 or 30.

Otherwise, the clothes get used to being

Our dads are so weird.

Out of the 15 X Men movies that I've seen,

Out there waiting for you.

Outstanding.

Over and over and over again?

Papa.

Paro, how are you?

Paro?

Part of Dr. Vincent.

Part of me is like, "Yeah."

Party...

Pasta?

Peanut butter cup,

People do it all the time.

People don't get that fired up about racist Asian or Indian stuff.

People don't watch True Detective and go,

People get cut out of things all the time.

People say it has mixed reviews, and I definitely don't go see it.

Per restaurant review?

Perfect.

Perfect.

Personally, I think dryers are full of shit, man.

Peter Chang: "Dev, don't worry.

Pfft! Look at this view!

Photo.

Pick him up...

Picking you up!

Planes are great. Concerts are tough.

Planes are tough, though.

Playing an Indian character that was well rounded and had some depth,

Playing tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick.

Please bring the good dishes you only serve to Chinese people.

Please tell some stuff.

Please watch Grant.

Please, come on. Explain it to me.

Pleasure to meet you as well, brother.

Pleasure to meet you.

Plus she's vibing on those slips, brah.

Plus sized people.

Plus those seven bonus angry hours,

Plus, I fuck with Funyuns.

Plus, I got my collection of tapes already.

Plus, I have a pretty low count.

Plus, think about it like this:

Po da po. You are so indecisive.

Po da!

Po da! We've been living here for 40 years.

Po da. We didn't do anything for fun.

Poor kid didn't know how tall he had gotten.

Popadam is Indian chips.

Prashanth!

Prime Minister Cho,

Princess Love here!

Princess Love, AKA Lil' Funyuns.

Private racism becoming public racism

Probably a good call, player.

Probably the chicken or the carnitas.

Progress exists. Shout out to gays.

Promise not to get mad at me, and we can have a conversation.

Propped up to look like she was reading.

Propped up to look like she was reading.

Props to Will & Grace team.

Put the sample back in storage!

Question mark?

Quick game, quick game.

Quickly.

Quite a view.

Rachel was in a band? I didn't know that.

Rachel, don't chop my head off.

Rachel, I'm...

Rachel, we brought you a small gift.

Rachel!

Rachel.

Rainbow sherbet...

Ramesh, get out of here.

Ramesh, we don't have money for that.

Ramesh, why are you looking at that?

****! No!

Ravi? Who the fuck is that?

Ready?

Ready?

Really slow.

Really stupid.

Really, Arnold?

Really, Brian?

Really, really sorry.

Really?

Really?

Really?

Really?

Really? Like what?

Really? That was fast.

Really? The two lines for "unnamed cab driver"?

Really? What happened?

Really? You sure?

Really? You want to write it down?

Red Reddington, James Spader's character in Blacklist.

Rehabilitation is key.

Remember trying to watch that video of that guy

Remember, your education is the key to a prosperous future.

Remember?

Respect my Cumberbatch!

Rigatoni with vodka sauce?

Right at the brink of me making that decision...

Right away, Dr. Vincent.

Right over here.

Right, honey?

Right, right, right.

Right, with my kid,

Right, you know?

Ruined my favorite sneakies.

Running Reply All and some other bands.

Sad story.

Said I needed a companion.

Said you canceled the rest of your lessons.

Sarah Jessica Parker isn't in that one.

Sarah, girl from Jane, says,

Save up to 40% on our top grill brands

Save up to 40% on our top grill brands

Say thank... Grant!

Say whatever you want.

Screw you guys. I'm going home.

Security, it's Baby Justin.

See you after dinner, buddy.

See you soon.

See you then. Bye.

See you, Brad!

See you.

See, I knew you'd be a good chef.

See, I told you there was a conductor.

See? That's a story.

See? That's classy.

Seemed like a good idea at the time.

Seems a little niche.

Seems kind of dumb, though.

Seems like everything was a little nicer and simpler.

Seems like you might be reading a bit much into it.

Seems like you should pick him up.

Seems nice, though.

Seriously?

Seventy is decent.

Seventy is not bad.

Seventy is not good.

Seventy?

Seventy.

Sexist stuff about women?

Shannon, I don't want to go there

She began the night with an aggressive Cartman impression

She came, like, eight times in 30 minutes.

She can go to the concert tonight.

She can take care of herself.

She declined.

She DJs at my massage class sometimes and she plays

She does music PR, so, you know, she's in charge of

She doesn't like you, man.

She folded them up. That doesn't count.

She got as far away from you as possible.

She got pregnant.

She got sick.

She had a red sweater.

She had hugged me more times

She invited me to this thing at Achilles Heel later.

She is.

She just decided to keep it cas'.

She just speaks Tamil,

She just wanted to live abroad for a little while.

She killed all my days.

She killed it too.

She likes that show Blacklist.

She mentioned she likes Blacklist.

She must've been wearing one.

She once hitchhiked on an ice truck to see Sinatra.

She pushed him into the ball pit.

She really got sick and went home.

She recently posted a video of her popping bubble wrap.

She said her work schedule changed.

She said nothing.

She sees my inner beauty.

She told me it'd be fine if we snuck out for a few hours,

She was a little bit too tall.

She was a nightmare.

She was wearing a red sweater.

She's a badass.

She's a handful.

She's a little scared.

She's dead.

She's fine. I promise.

She's just staying at her friend's place for a few days.

She's like at the level of hot,

She's married, and she has a kid,

She's moving to Thailand for three months, and I want to say goodbye.

She's not this frail old lady.

She's straight, but lately I've been getting

Sherlock, season one, episode one.

Shit is incredible.

Shit!

Shit.

Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit.

Should be ready by nightfall.

Should be treated equally.

Should I get my wife?

Should I just uberX?

Should we get something to eat?

Should we grab those drinks?"

Should we hit it hard?

Should we maybe get a pill to be safe?

Should we talk about movies?

Shouldn't we do something?

Shouldn't we have both written 100 right away

Shouldn't you be at 100, though?

Shouldn't you care a little more, being that he's your dad?

Shout out to the pastry team at the grocery store

Shut up!

Shut up!

Shut up!

Singh, you got any plastic wrap, man?

Sir, I have to blink,

Sir, President Barack Obama has his own plane.

Sit on the couch.

Sit together.

Sitting around, did you?

Six months?

Small crew, spent a lot of time together with her on set.

Smile.

Snatched Shakespeare with his talons.

So a few days ago,

So are you guys really broken up?

So between girl with the headband

So can we call it a draw?

So can you pack your shit up and get out of here?

So crazy to think that every immigrant's story

So did you have fun?

So don't clean up or anything?

So don't follow women around,

So don't take it for granted.

So excited. Let me know where to meet you."

So far, I've sold, mm, zero tractors.

So good.

So he can butter you up.

So he's gonna serve the hot girl

So he's Larry, and you want me to be Balki?

So how did you get into the acting?

So how long's this flight?

So how you doing?

So how'd it go?

So I can grab some of that white barbecue sauce to go?

So I do a movie where I am a car.

So I don't hear what's happening, all right?

So I don't know how to say this, but my brother is a little bit off.

So I don't think it would've helped.

So I gave her a few, you know, polite, busy excuses.

So I had an interesting meeting at work yesterday.

So I have an excuse to get out of there quickly?

So I have to go and deal with this.

So I just bought the rights to Perfect Strangers.

So I just kept doing more commercials.

So I just pulled over, got out, and walked away.

So I just want to make sure she didn't fall down and die.

So I need you to play that up.

So I only came, like, three times.

So I pick up the butt of my gun, and I smash his skull in.

So I sent her an e vite to my heart.

So I should go.

So I should just go all in.

So I think I'm just gonna head out.

So I was looking for a jacket that really conveyed

So I was thinking about the whole

So I'll ask Journalist,

So I'll just pop into one of those

So I'm gonna pick up that couch

So I'm just gonna head out, I think.

So I'm texting you a video of him jerking off?

So if Barack Obama was here and he wanted to get on the plane,

So if we die

So if you can get over as quickly as you can?

So if you care about our country's lakes and rivers,

So is there enough stuff here for you to eat?

So is this, like, a black virus movie?

So it took forever to order a drink there,

So it's a white grandma, not an Indian grandma.

So it's like Knight Rider and you're doing the voice?

So it's like she went to the store to buy a dildo,

So just to recap,

So Kingston will be here in three minutes.

So let's do this.

So many hip people here.

So much of the stuff we go out for is just stereotypes?

So my buddy Anush and I,

So my ex boyfriend just moved back from Seattle...

So now I got to go to a real store this weekend

So now two people that barely know each other

So please just give me a pass on the basis of that.

So she can fast forward through them to watch your commercials.

So she doesn't like you.

So should I switch to kettlebells,

So should we follow around some full bodied people,

So slight change of plans.

So someone said when the new doctor comes to town,

So talk to me.

So tell me how you met my lovely granddaughter.

So text me later.

So that's all you've done?"

So that's great.

So that's the basic go around of the facility.

So there was, like, horse and buggies

So there's a bit of a dark cloud above us today.

So there's a thing.

So therefore, the lyrics stand.

So they know I live with you?

So this is the couch.

So this is your first movie, huh?

So wait.

So we can give them the leftovers.

So we could talk barbecue business?

So we don't really need to do this.

So we Internet shame him?

So we made a citizen's arrest,

So we watch a couple of Shark Tank episodes,

So we won't be moving forward with it.

So we're gonna

So we're just grabbing a gift.

So we've basically had the same conversation a million times.

So what are you saying?

So what brings you in here? Do you have a kid?

So what did Rachel tell you about me?

So what did you think of the show?

So what do they know about me?

So what do you think I should do?

So what do you want to do?

So what happened to you last night?

So what is the one thing everyone has?

So what takes you to Italy?

So what's it like being a giant?

So when you make a reservation at a restaurant,

So who is the lucky lady?

So why don't you become a lawyer?

So you can just travel then.

So you can move forward with your life?

So you fucked my wife?

So you got fired.

So you guys hang with Uncle Dev for a while,

So you heard from your lady?

So you pretty much always lived in New York?

So you want to, like, head out, check out the town?

So you're a racist boo and a dirty boo.

So you're basically like a human dildo.

So you're gonna take her as a friend?

So you're not gonna beat me up or anything?

So you're saying that if our relationship was a movie,

So, Anthony, what are the specials?

So, Denise, for lesbians,

So, Dev, how's the acting going?

So, guys, in this scene, you're gonna be swarmed

So, hey, um, I got a grandpa,

So, like, these other guys are just hanging out,

So, man, we got to talk a little business,

So, my good sir, I'm a feminist.

So, uh, how long you been at Delmano?

So, uh, I hooked up with Nina.

So, uh, we should hang out sometime.

So, uh... to our parents.

So, yeah, I guess I'm kind of a writer.

So? I wanted one.

So...

So... interesting development.

Solution is nonreactive.

Solution is stable.

Some couple staying in an old hotel in Australia

Some deeper problems in our marriage

Some laddus?

Some married lady wants to have sex with Dev.

Some of my friends have racist grandmas.

Some of these clips were pretty brutal.

Some people are trying to sleep.

Some people don't understand

Some random person

Some serious vibes from her.

Some stand up comedian named Haymonth.

Somebody got a chicken bone in their throat.

Somebody got a cucumber in the butthole.

Someone isn't so awful that they wouldn't

Someone must have screwed up.

Sometimes I do just the head and shoulders,

Sometimes kindling wood is hard to find,

Sorry about all the clothes on the floor.

Sorry for your loss, Mr. Baumheiser.

Sorry this man is ordering chicken with broccoli.

Sorry you couldn't make it to my niece's slam poetry show.

Sorry, boo, I got to get back

Sorry, do you mind if I take this?

Sorry, guys. I'll just pick it up from there.

Sorry, I can't.

Sorry, I can't.

Sorry, I guess Grant stole your wallet earlier.

Sorry, I just wanted to make sure I was doing a good job.

Sorry, I was just thinking about other paths my life could have taken.

Sorry, man.

Sorry, not an appropriate response to that story.

Sorry, ticket got taken.

Sorry, we just don't have any tables.

Sorry?

Sorry.

Sorry.

Sorry.

Sorry.

Sorry.

Sorry.

Sorry.

Sorry.

Sorry. Ticket got taken.

Sort of sexist monster for thinking that

Sounds good to me.

Sounds like a nice white family.

Sounds uplifting.

Speaking of which, I got to go meet up

Speed it up.

Staring at all the branches till the tree dies.

Starts getting suspicious.

Starving to death,

Stay in here!

Staying hydrated.

Steve Aoki? George Takei?

Still on the to do list, huh, Redskins?

Stop fucking me.

Stop it, Ramesh.

Stop making me weirdly kind of sympathize with you.

Stop that.

Stop what you're doing! This is a citizen's arrest!

Stop. No.

Straight kicking it in Cashville.

Strawberry cheesecake.

Strawberry, cookies and cream,

Stuck in the fireplace!

Sure, I'll take a mini...

Sure, yeah.

Sure.

Sure.

Sure.

Sure.

Sure.

Surprise!

Surprise!

Sweet.

Sylvia Plath, Bell Jar.

Ta da!

Tacos Morelos?

Take Alice. She's smoking hot.

Take care.

Take her to Nashville for a night.

Take the other girl to boba tea next week.

Take the pushing wand and begin the sequence.

Takes a few hours.

Takes this whirlwind of emotions that I'm feeling right now

Talk about pressure.

Taxi! Taxi!

Taye Diggs? He hates celery.

Tell me the truth.

Tell me where I went wrong. Just lay it out for me.

Tell me, is the strawberry lemonade thing true?

Tell them she's being crazy!

Tell us stuff about your day today, please.

Tells me I'm wrong without having any way of knowing

Tension was definitely starting to build.

Text from my dad:

Text Lupe I'll go down on her.

Than my family has hugged me in my entire life.

Than she has in the last six months.

Than the rest of us.

Thank yer.

Thank you for saying that.

Thank you so much for bringing me.

Thank you so much.

Thank you so much.

Thank you so much.

Thank you so much.

Thank you, Ben. Wow. Wow.

Thank you, darling.

Thank you, Dev.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you. I'm quite proud of my bumps.

Thank you...

Thanks anyway, XOXO."

Thanks for coming along.

Thanks for having us.

Thanks for taking me out.

Thanks for the compliment, reaffirmed the purchase.

Thanks for your timely advice.

Thanks so much for grabbing these, Nathan.

Thanks so much for having me.

Thanks, bud.

Thanks, buddy.

Thanks, Dad.

Thanks, Gideon.

Thanks.

Thanks.

Thanks.

Thanks.

Thanks.

Thanks.

Thanks.

Thanks. Appreciate it.

That That sucks.

That ain't spaghetti. That's bucatini!

That blender for myself, then.

That buffering took forever.

That can't be true.

That can't be true.

That come out before the big party.

That definitely happens to women all the time.

That didn't make sense.

That doesn't sound very convincing.

That food critic lady, Nina, took me home.

That game sounds horrible.

That gets fools fired is so bomb.

That guy only introduced himself to the men at the table.

That hits deep.

That I don't care about, apparently.

That I got you.

That I know you don't really care about.

That I met at the Jane Hotel once.

That I was earning for my internship at Nickelodeon.

That is awesome.

That is not what girls wear

That isn't just some ethnic prop that they cut to to just go,

That it was hard?

That just FaceTimes each other all the time?

That kid just ate one of my nachos.

That kid's shitting all over his house.

That lived in some kingdom called Seattle, so she couldn't do it.

That looks fantastic.

That made me feel even one millionth of that feeling.

That makes it sound like I was the one masturbating.

That means a lot.

That might be Baby Justin.

That might be the single greatest idea I've ever heard.

That must have been pretty exciting.

That my cousin James is hosting next weekend.

That old school Italian red sauce place?

That our relationship isn't exciting enough?

That pause you took after "the sickening"

That place is such a shit show on weekends.

That practice bowling all the time.

That puppet thing?

That remains in the urethra."

That said, I do know some parents who still eat pasta.

That seems shitty too.

That she was making out with.

That sneaky bitch.

That sounds amazing.

That sounds great.

That sounds horrible.

That sounds like a decoy story.

That story doesn't have a good ending.

That sucks.

That this is the person I'll spend my life with,

That was actually Danny Glover.

That was before the Short Circuit 2 revelation!

That was definitely top nine.

That was for Shakespeare.

That was great the other night, man.

That was great.

That was helpful.

That was his show. He loved it.

That was incredible.

That was insane.

That was mayhem.

That was really great, Dev.

That was rude.

That was the first one. Why didn't you stop me?

That was the old Ravi, okay?

That we can't find a homeless person

That we never would've addressed had it not been for you.

That window to do big moves like that starts to close.

That would be a very fucked up practical joke if I wasn't.

That would be good.

That would be really cool too.

That you don't want to do.

That you make together.

That you pull?

That you've been in New York so long.

That you've been living with this girl for a whole year

That'd be a huge deal.

That'd be great!

That'd be pretty nuts.

That's 'cause you got a new iPad.

That's 'cause you see him for, like, five minutes a month.

That's 20 more years, right?

That's a C minus. It's horrible.

That's a classic line.

That's a good point.

That's a horrendous idea.

That's a horrible idea.

That's a nice story, but nobody is at 100.

That's a pretty boring story.

That's a terrible plan.

That's a two way street.

That's a white actor.

That's about all I know, but he seemed like an interesting guy.

That's all I did.

That's all right. Don't worry about it.

That's another pause.

That's because I bake Cinnabons.

That's been on the docket since, like, '94.

That's bullshit you say at a party.

That's Carla Meyers, the new editor in chief.

That's crazy.

That's crazy.

That's crazy.

That's dope. Shout out to Plan B pills.

That's ever been created.

That's ever happened to me.

That's frowned upon in the adult world.

That's gonna be weird around someone with my skin tone?

That's good, too!

That's good.

That's great.

That's great.

That's great. I love that.

That's great. You seem very nice.

That's groundbreaking.

That's hard.

That's his headlining trick?

That's how cool guys fuck.

That's in the kitchen. Things spill every now and then.

That's in the movie.

That's insane.

That's interesting.

That's it.

That's Jennifer Garner.

That's just math.

That's like getting a tiny blow job anytime you see a clean area.

That's like graduating from community college.

That's like the kind of tone people use when they've decided

That's like when someone's like,

That's Lupe, the housekeeper.

That's Mark.

That's me.

That's messed up. Your English is good.

That's my buddy Benjamin.

That's my lizard's name.

That's never settled down.

That's nice.

That's no help at all.

That's nonsense.

That's not a good noise.

That's not a good tuck.

That's not nice.

That's not on me. That's on Tristan.

That's not stereotypes, you know.

That's not what I heard. I heard you have a husband.

That's rough, man.

That's rude.

That's so, so ill advised.

That's something I've always respected about you, Dev.

That's terrifying.

That's that Schwimmer money.

That's the dude whose wife I slept with.

That's the guy!"

That's the last box.

That's the last King Kong Banana Split.

That's the public.

That's very good.

That's very good.

That's way too cool of a first album.

That's what anecdotal means.

That's what happens when you get old.

That's what she kept insisting.

That's what they wear when they stay home and eat cookie dough.

That's what this is for.

That's what you got to do in that scenario, right?

That's what's so great about it.

That's what's up.

That's where you come in, writer.

That's where you take someone, you flip them up,

That's why I enjoy being the uncle, you know?

That's why I got confused. I'm sorry.

That's why I had to make my account private.

That's why you don't engage.

That's your big idea?

That's your butt.

Thatha wouldn't get you a guitar?

The "'I'm busy' three times means no" code.

The 1996 US Open tennis quarterfinals on Blu ray yet.

The Amazing Brandon.

The appointments don't transfer automatically.

The bastards are right underneath me.

The Ben Stiller movie where he meets the parents?

The butthole?

The car was a convertible.

The carnitas people or the chicken people?

The conductor? There's no conductor.

The director is not going to be able to fly in tomorrow.

The end.

The figs began to wrinkle and go black.

The first move is a press release from us,

The first thing that comes up is "feet."

The food here is terrible.

The Gellars said they're good for dinner tonight.

The guy at the store said it was their best selling thing.

The guy from the guitar place

The guy is strong and funny, too.

The Indian guy is a white guy. That's Fisher Stevens.

The infected! They're closing in!

The interview went really, really well,

The kids' bands?

The kindling, right?

The last concert I went to, actually, was The Silly Billies.

The Liberator.

The little guys, they might be in me.

The Matthew McConaughey rom com? Why'd you see that?

The memory of that gruesome silhouette

The movie is called Sickening.

The name is not Grumpy McGrumperson.

The next flight to LaGuardia leaves in five hours.

The only Jerry Danvers relevant to our situation, that one,

The only thing is, is I would have to go to Chicago

The only thing that's changed is, I caught you,

The original Mumbai Muscles? I'm honored.

The other day at CVS, this guy tells me,

The other day I pressed a button on my phone,

The percentage I think we're gonna be together?

The perspective switches to that of Eminem,

The Pixies, Cure, Joy Division?

The place is so clean.

The point is, you are messing with a serious bond

The possibilities were endless.

The real life rapping actor.

The rest of us thought it was a little bit too traditional,

The Richard Gere of the situation,

The road ahead in your life, it's not as clear.

The road just becomes a little bit clearer,

The room, it's contaminated!

The secret show?

The show creator says, "Dev and Ravi are perfect."

The show's about him. He's gay.

The show's tomorrow.

The sickening could infect one billion people

The sickening, it got them all.

The sickening!

The sickening!

The sickening! It's happening!

The sickening...

The Silly Billies are monsters.

The soundtrack to Beauty and the Beast.

The stress that it's gonna take for me to fix this

The sun is out, and that means barbecues.

The time in our life to do crazy shit is winding down,

The trombonist from Nostraskamus.

The twist.

The uni with wasabi snow, while conceptually ambitious,

The virus is gonna kill us all!

The virus,

The virus, it's eating my flesh!

The Washington Breadsticks.

The white barbecue sauce...

The whole spot, you know, it's these three guys

The whole subplot of me beating Marquise

Theater full of empty seats.

Their best selling thing by far, okay?

Them jokers still had a baby.

Then after the movie, he followed my ass home.

Then he came here.

Then he did. Then you raise a bunch of kids.

Then he just stayed there.

Then he's like, "All right, there he is.

Then I don't know.

Then I go, "Hi, Amma. How are you?

Then I moved to New York,

Then I shot myself down from the tree.

Then it's like, the next day, you'll be stressing out about,

Then one day, I woke up and just thought,

Then one night, it was just the two of us

Then quickly write, "Whoops, sorry, wrong person."

Then return them at the end of the summer.

Then she tried to do the same thing to me,

Then something happened to the car.

Then suddenly,

Then that means the virus My God.

Then this executive Joan writes, "Totally agree.

Then this guy Jerry Danvers says, "Both really great,

Then we'll get you that tasty shawarm.

Then we'll see about all of that.

Then what? What, I'm not eating the pasta?

Then you started dating?

Then you started dating?

Then you're running the risk that she's just using you for that tickie.

Then you're straight chilling.

Theoretically rather have a clean floor than me blow you,

There are just too many people in these movies now.

There are no more surprises.

There can be one, but there can't be two, you know?

There can be one, but there can't be two.

There is no dinner.

There is no Mekhi Phifer.

There is no movie.

There it is. Thanks.

There just wasn't enough Indian stuff coming in,

There might be a big position opening up.

There must have been some fun times, though.

There probably is a Pradeep who runs a convenience store,

There was a little boo named Dev,

There was no "ding, ding" today.

There was photos of Jonathan Taylor Thomas

There was this one guy, Mongo.

There was this one time, all right?

There we go.

There were much fewer steps for me and Harry.

There you go.

There you go.

There you go.

There you go.

There. Fine.

There's a lot of entertainers on the subway, right?

There's an UberBLACK that's, like, 15 minutes away.

There's definitely white people here,

There's gonna be a bounce house.

There's gonna be white people everywhere.

There's got to be something, right?

There's no way I could have known that was his situation.

There's no way you could let him on?

There's not a lot of cool people.

There's not, like, an octopus that believes

There's nothing to do here.

There's stuff out there that's good,

There's surprises.

There's this amazing sushi place that I want to try.

There's this girl Anna

There's those... There's those little guys

There's too many of them.

There's turns you don't expect.

There's, like, a live feed of the pup pen?

These apologies are always phony.

These are mozzarella sticks.

These guys blew that thing wide open.

These Parm sandwiches are delicious.

These pillows feel like they're filled with angel feathers.

They ain't housing that fresh gnocchi.

They all want to have dinner again tonight.

They can solve complex problems.

They can't even be on the same flight together

They could have told you before the premiere.

They cut me out of the movie entirely?

They cut me out, buddy.

They did a big rewrite this morning.

They did all their big hits.

They don't have the emotional reach

They don't have to do that with the guys.

They flew off.

They get pissed about anything.

They give you silence. Why?

They got a white guy to play an Indian guy.

They got one of these kids at every game.

They got to get the hottest women ever.

They have distinct personalities and opinions, and...

They have vanilla, chocolate,

They just asked if I could fly in to interview.

They just don't want two Indian dudes starring in a sitcom.

They make high end cell phone batteries.

They must have exchanged numbers after that dinner.

They plopped to the ground at my feet."

They put up before the show,

They put up before the show,

They should make every place one temperature.

They took a trip to Nashville together,

They used brownface makeup.

They wanted me to do an accent, so...

They weren't able to seat us together,

They yell so much.

They'd be so psyched to adopt me.

They'd just go back to eating the biscuits.

They're all dead.

They're all written up there on the board.

They're both really good.

They're casting some dude named Haymonth!

They're close on Colin Salmon and Kerry Washington.

They're coming! Battle stations.

They're giving out free popcorn.

They're gonna murder the other person.

They're just like...

They're just, like, running around

They're like little popadams.

They're nice to me over there.

They're obsolete.

They're so cool.

They're still airing that spot?

They're taking a trip to Costco...

They're, like, all frumpy bags of pudding.

They've been calling my office all day

They've made an unfortunate mistake

Think about all that emotional stress they caused.

Think about all the pain and suffering it could end.

Think about it: one character is an Indian man.

Think I can pull this off?

Think we just found our first two buddies!"

Thinking about the military, some corporate espionage.

Third masturbator I've seen this year. Creepy dudes, man.

This band that I work with

This clown's been muddling cucumbers for 20 minutes.

This conversation isn't that insightful.

This dude comes and sits down right next to me,

This girl bullying him.

This guy's fucking talking to me.

This handsome young man

This is Dude, this is, like, a code red.

This is This is so weird, I'm sorry.

This is a citizen's arrest!" Right?

This is a real thing that people can really do.

This is a very clear and unambiguous situation.

This is amazing, man.

This is awesome.

This is cool. You're cool.

This is crazy.

This is fun.

This is her favorite jazz club.

This is important to me.

This is insane.

This is Kyle's wallet.

This is my buddy Denise. She's visiting the set.

This is my friend Dev.

This is my passion project.

This is my pitch for what they should change the name to:

This is not a good example.

This is our car.

This is Rachel Tickler, heiress to the Tickler's Barbecue empire.

This is real.

This is serious.

This is so cool.

This is so exciting.

This is supposed to be the best taco.

This is tough. I mean, I don't know what to say.

This is weird, too, though.

This is weird.

This is what I think.

This is what they look like, just in case you'd like to know.

This is, like, the coolest thing

This isn't New Orleans.

This may be weird to ask, but why are you even here?

This may sound crazy

This movie's not really about words.

This one guy who just loved clotheslining people.

This one's good, too!

This other person says, "Who do you like better, Ravi or Dev?"

This person I'm gonna watch grow up

This relationship's not working out.

This was actually my first movie audition.

This was something you always wanted to do?

This way, it's like ten dates in a row.

Those are my nachos.

Those racist motherfuckers die, and we take over!

Though I wish it were under better circumstances.

Though you definitely didn't need

Thought it was great.

Thoughts? Concerns?

Three Buddies? What is that?

Tickler's drummies:

Tickler's famous drummies

Tickler's famous drummies... But how?

Till you guys are done.

Time and time again, different versions of sex.

To Yeah, to be clear, with me.

To a countrywide drought within ten years.

To be clear, I was seven, so...

To be clear, not a solo mission.

To be clear, this is not my grandma.

To be in your shoes, so...

To call the police.

To close his deal,

To do the things that you want to do.

To experience the singularity?

To explain lesbian shit to you, okay?

To get into more regular acting.

To get money to go to medical school.

To hear about Mr. Danvers.

To help celebrate your big day.

To hit hard, to trounce."

To just come back on some weekends.

To me not getting fired at my next gig!

To motivate Colin's character to leave the scene?

To Nashville.

To position me with artists I'm really into.

To provide three reasons.

To say thank you.

To say they're proud or whatever.

To shoot a fucking Fruit by the Foot commercial.

To that secret Father John Misty show on Saturday.

To the Garden Depot commercial.

To the greater good and to Johnny Five.

To this facility.

To use this as a rag to clean shit up with.

Today we have an excellent chicken Milanese,

Toku, if you go to America, you won't know anyone.

Toku. Go get some rice.

Told you.

Took him to the Swiss premiere of Alien vs. Predator.

Took me less than an hour to find the right skip.

Totally clear.

Tracking's so bad, it looks like

Trazam: this time, money does grow on trees.

True, but she did have to apologize, right?

True, true.

True. She did kill it in Ghosts of Girlfriends Past.

Trying to figure out what to text this guy.

Trying to set up a meeting so that he can sit down

Trying to watch TV.

Tweeting all sorts of mean shit at this dude.

Two gay dudes on Modern Family.

Two years.

Ugh, brutal.

Ugh, no.

Ugh, this kid is the worst.

Uh huh, I get that.

Uh oh. I forget them. Sorry.

Uh oh. That's cold.

Uh oh. Well, this is my second one.

Uh uh. That's where you're wrong.

Uh, 'cause my girl

Uh, "I'm going to buy an air conditioner."

Uh, "Just put a stew on, might be a few hours."

Uh, "That sounds amazing.

Uh, 12 drummies, please.

Uh, actor, right?

Uh, Alex is here buying some gifts for her baby.

Uh, all right, yeah, got the whole stage and everything.

Uh, and my favorite: just Essence.

Uh, because the government's trying to regulate your body?

Uh, come on.

Uh, do they all have six packs?"

Uh, give me whatever this pudge ball's having. That looks good.

Uh, hey, man.

Uh, I didn't say that.

Uh, I do commercials for, like, three days

Uh, I was definitely hammered that night,

Uh, interesting that you'd go see Failure to Launch,

Uh, Italy?

Uh, no, 'cause I'm from Texas... San Antonio.

Uh, no, I didn't get a chance to do that yet.

Uh, no, I just thought she looked like

Uh, no, I'm good, but thank you.

Uh, no.

Uh, no.

Uh, no.

Uh, not really.

Uh, oh, no, I'm thrilled.

Uh, okay, so you remember when we went to brunch

Uh, okay, yeah.

Uh, okay.

Uh, ooh. I got it.

Uh, should we go in?

Uh, sir, do you mind turning the radio off?

Uh, so Dr. Vincent didn't make the cut, huh?

Uh, so this is kind of more of a work thing

Uh, so what's been going on with you?

Uh, so what's up with you and purple shirt over there?

Uh, sure.

Uh, that's really more for people to have a drink while they're waiting.

Uh, the chicken and crepes.

Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh.

Uh, well, my friend had this birthday party

Uh, white, white, white, white,

Uh, work's been good.

Uh, yeah, he's my friend's kid.

Uh, yeah, I do.

Uh, yeah, it is.

Uh, yeah, it's a funny show.

Uh, yeah, okay.

Uh, yeah.

Uh, yeah.

Uh, yeah.

Uh, yeah.

Uh, yeah. It was nice meeting you.

Uh, yeah. Mostly commercials.

Uh, you know, Grandpa Hampton,

Uh, you know, I'd rather not.

Uh, you know, I'm gonna make a noise

Uh...

Uh...

Uh...

Um, about two hours.

Um, all right, well, it was fun hanging out.

Um, an Indian scientist.

Um, Bartholomew Cubbins,

Um, but honestly, most of this is gonna be done in post.

Um, do I need to get in character as Vineet,

Um, Dr. Vincent is kind of the heartbeat of the film, you know?

Um, excuse me, madam,

Um, excuse me.

Um, Father John Misty canceled.

Um, here's a text message exchange

Um, hey, can we get a cortado, please, and...

Um, how did the interview go?

Um, I didn't get it.

Um, I don't know.

Um, I got one from Arnold.

Um, I got to figure out a first date with that girl Rachel.

Um, I got to meet my friend Denise,

Um, I just wanted to switch seats to talk to my friend.

Um, I really missed you.

Um, I was on a date that is now over

Um, I'm gonna eat this cinnamon raisin bagel.

Um, I'm gonna have some wine. Do you want some wine?

Um, I'm on this other site,

Um, I'm pretty beat.

Um, in the description, I put "headband."

Um, is that a good brand or...

Um, it was at a dance, a formal dance.

Um, it's an inside joke with me and my girls

Um, just so I have a better sense of the scene,

Um, let's keep in touch.

Um, my favorite's the barbacoa.

Um, my friend Dave had tickets,

Um, no.

Um, not much.

Um, okay.

Um, quick answer.

Um, she said your husband fought in the war

Um, should I maybe say a line

Um, should we get up?

Um, so I checked the traffic on Waze,

Um, so this guy Manuel,

Um, so what's been going on?

Um, sorry?

Um, the video feed's still live.

Um, there's an uberX that's, like, three minutes away.

Um, Vanilla Ice, To the Extreme.

Um, we just all felt really bad

Um, well, it's pretty nuts

Um, well, this is maybe the most amazing song

Um, what if, when I came, I was like I was like,

Um, who's that guy that's at the beach?

Um, wow, it's a really nice night.

Um, wow.

Um, Yahweh Manchester,

Um, yeah, I actually might just kick it here.

Um, yeah, we'll get one of those,

Um, yeah.

Um, you know, why don't I stay here

Um, you want to arm wrestle?

Um...

Um...

Um...

Um...

Um...

Um...

Um...

Um...

Um...

Um...

Um... these are baguettes.

Um... yeah.

Unacceptable.

Unfaithful's dope.

Until he finally went away.

Until now.

Vanilla, vanilla, vanilla!

Vanilla.

Very depressing.

Very fond of the film Twins.

Very funny!

Very good. You're making a good life.

Very powerful stuff, Dev.

Very underwhelming.

Vibe, A minus. Girls, A minus. Overall, A minus."

Virus, party of one, your table is ready.

Wait a minute. I know you.

Wait a second. Hold on.

Wait for me!

Wait, but is it the same Jerry Danvers?

Wait, her brother's a bouncer at a haunted house?

Wait, hold on.

Wait, I have some!

Wait, Rachel was in a ska band?

Wait, so you think that I'm mismanaging my time?

Wait, wait, calm down.

Wait, what woman? What tree?

Wait, what?

Wait, what?

Wait, what?

Wait, what?

Wait, what? What are you talking about?

Wait, which Indian guy are you talking about?

Wait, you don't know this?

Wait! Wait! It's too late!

Wait.

Wait.

Wait.

Wait. At the bar?

Wait. How do I know you?

Wait. Nina? She's married.

Wait. She came eight times in 30 minutes?

Wait. What? What is going on right now?

Warm?

Was a disappointment.

Was I right?

Was not into her.

Was phenomenal.

Was this Plan B apple juice girl?

Was to learn more about you and how you got here.

Watch out for that guanciale. It's delicious.

Watch out! Watch out!

Watch the dairy, though.

Water.

Waze said 12 minutes.

We actually had to let Prashanth go recently.

We all get vanilla.

We all miss him.

We both like movies.

We break up?

We broke you out of your retirement home.

We brought you some sunflowers.

We can be shitty to people now,

We can go back to the apartment,

We can't have dinner with them again.

We can't just keep letting this shit slide.

We can't let anyone on board.

We can't sell waffles that have made contact

We can't.

We come more than anyone.

We couldn't love him any more,

We didn't have to come here. We could have gone somewhere else.

We don't have a person like that.

We flew all the way out here to visit,

We found the flour!

We get free tickets for concerts, though.

We get married, have kids, get old, and then we die.

We go to the concert.

We got blown all over the place.

We got married right away, no problem.

We got the masturbator.

We got to do something.

We got to get the fuck out of here!

We got to go get some beer for your mom.

We got to make sure we go to the best one.

We got to sacrifice ourselves in order to stop the virus from spreading!

We had an arranged marriage.

We had sex pretty recently.

We have no more ideas left.

We have some cheeses.

We have these amazing lives,

We have, like, eight of these.

We just don't talk about that kind of stuff.

We just have to wait for the glaze to thaw.

We just let old people chill out alone.

We just went to Jamaica together.

We just went with another actor to play Dr. Vincent.

We made one for Dev, too.

We might be ignoring the larger issue here.

We need to contain the sickening.

We need you to do an accent.

We never saw each other again.

We ran out of tortillas a half hour ago.

We really don't even need you here.

We rented a villa in the Amalfi Coast.

We should finish our game.

We should get dinner again next week.

We should hang out with your grandpa again sometime.

We should name our other body parts.

We should totally have sex right now.

We switched bodies. Now I got to go to class."

We take ice cream, bananas, and pineapple,

We thought that we'd be the last people we'd be together with.

We took a trip to Nashville together.

We tried to figure it out. I don't think it's gonna work.

We used to take you to soccer team,

We want some meat at tonight's dinner. Go get the chicken.

We were at a restaurant,

We were enjoying a picnic by Lake Geneva when an owl came,

We were parachuting in, and the weather was a nightmare.

We'd love to help you out.

We'd only been dating six months.

We'll be in touch.

We'll be in touch.

We'll get you a new kite, son.

We'll just give the leftovers to a homeless person.

We'll just go over to the other side.

We'll keep that between us.

We're a team, and we're in this together, and we're a clean team.

We're almost there.

We're being held momentarily...

We're debating what I should do

We're definitely hitting it hard.

We're Fletcher and the Fixins.

We're gonna get you, Dev!

We're gonna go out and get you one.

We're gonna run into problems going splitsies.

We're hitting it so hard.

We're in, like, a public place.

We're just not there yet.

We're leaking the email.

We're not fucking the girls and all that stuff.

We're not gonna make it out of here.

We're not the ones doing the main stuff.

We're not. But you will.

We're now going to Trenton, New Jersey.

We're pretty screwed.

We're really close on this pea protein.

We're telling you that this is something

We've been vibing all night,

We've covered it all.

We've had sex a lot.

We've just been dealing with some issues lately.

We've really come a long way.

Weapon is to kill, disassemble, make dead.

Weeks, actually.

Weigh as much as all the humans in the world?

Welcome to my world.

Welcome to Shakespeare's trailer.

Well, actually, I'm not gonna come back.

Well, at least they're actually

Well, between those,

Well, but when's the last time you ejaculated?

Well, can't we get him to cast me and Ravi?

Well, can't we just talk for a second?

Well, dude, don't worry about the investment.

Well, good thing I'm already packed.

Well, he has it listed for 300 bucks,

Well, he wanted you to have it.

Well, how about I read them off?

Well, how do you want me to eat pasta, like this?

Well, I appreciate the sheriff's badge,

Well, I don't know about that.

Well, I don't want to finish if you're not gonna finish.

Well, I guess, in my head, I'd like to think

Well, I hope you know your grandpa was very proud of you.

Well, I mean,

Well, I mean, I guess there's no way

Well, I mean, I hadn't heard from you.

Well, I'm all for doing something,

Well, I'm gonna let you in on a little industry secret.

Well, I'm trying this new thing where I live my life like water.

Well, I've been followed before.

Well, I've got this idea for a movie,

Well, if that's the case,

Well, if that's true, then all the letters

Well, if the first audition went well,

Well, if you didn't want to meet with me about Three Buddies,

Well, in addition to that whole mess,

Well, is there another direction

Well, is there anything else you remember?

Well, it clearly inspired a train of thought

Well, it was really good to see you guys.

Well, it was really nice seeing you.

Well, it's okay.

Well, let's reboot another one of the TGIF shows.

Well, like I said, I'm a great negotiator.

Well, maybe I'm just recovering

Well, neither of us finish? That just seems sad.

Well, not really.

Well, now I already sent it.

Well, now it's worse.

Well, now the tables have turned.

Well, on a side note, uh, I realize I hate bars.

Well, one time, before the kids were born,

Well, people know my face at this point, but yeah,

Well, seems like you've really done the math on our relationship.

Well, should I call an Uber or something?

Well, some people claim to have seen a ghost we call Alfred,

Well, take them out.

Well, tell them twins I said, "What's up?"

Well, thank you so much.

Well, thanks for coming over.

Well, that doesn't sound that exciting, but I bet it's good.

Well, that interaction didn't go as planned.

Well, that seems anecdotal.

Well, that's nice, too.

Well, that's nice.

Well, that's really sad.

Well, that's where things get interesting.

Well, the ceremony is about to begin.

Well, the sexual acts we like don't traumatize other people.

Well, the Wi Fi in my apartment is really shoddy.

Well, turns out my flight's not till tomorrow.

Well, uh...

Well, um, earlier today, my friend Denise and I

Well, um, got that one as well.

Well, unless they have one of those open marriages.

Well, we cast Ravi as the American guy, Darren.

Well, we could continue exploring this beautiful city

Well, what about you guys?

Well, what do you want me to do?

Well, what if we tried, you know,

Well, what percentage sure are you?

Well, whatever, all right? It was a one time thing.

Well, whatever. It's fine. I wasn't doing anything anyway.

Well, why did we have the whole conversation, then?

Well, why didn't you say something?

Well, you could always pull the Eat, Pray, Love move.

Well, you didn't see any photos of any cute white kids

Well, you're charming. It was nice meeting you.

Well...

Wendy the bully won't be there. Ha ha."

Wendy's. It just tastes right.

Went out with this girl Jess the other week,

Were many more figs I couldn't quite make out.

Were on the subway, right?

Were using condoms and birth control.

Were you also in Soul Plane 3: This Is How We Flew It?

Wh wh why does it look like

Wha... Grant!

What Why?

What a great name.

What a small world.

What a tragedy.

What about all that stuff you said earlier?

What about Family Matters?

What about for fun?

What about that first day, though?

What about that place across the street?

What about that scenario?

What about this?

What about this?

What about when you were a kid? What did you do for fun then?

What about you?

What about you? How was your night?

What about your sad story about how when you were a kid in India,

What am I gonna tell my kids?

What am I supposed to do now?

What am I supposed to say?

What are we thinking?

What are you doing here?

What are you doing home?

What are you doing?

What are you even gonna do there anyway, huh?

What are you gonna do for work?

What are you guys watching?

What are you more into? Are you a boobs guy?

What are you talking about? I'm zipping my jacket.

What are you, a dummy?

What are your comments?

What can I get you?

What can two gentlemen like us do to help?

What did she write?

What did you do when you were our age here in New York?

What did you want to chat about?

What did your parents do?

What do I do then?

What do I look like, a psychiatrist to you?

What do you mean?

What do you think the move here is, order wise?

What do you think you would have done?

What do you think?

What do you want?

What do your parents know about me?

What does it do?

What does it even matter?

What else has been going on with you, man?

What exactly do you need me to do here?

What happened when you left? Did she say anything?

What happened?

What happened?

What happens, sometimes the ghouls act up or something?

What I said.

What if I don't find a sitter, huh?

What if I want to be a different Indian guy

What if I'm just like,

What if I'm just super honest?

What if society told youse you couldn't do the sexual acts that you liked?

What if someone sent you a picture of a turtle

What if we make a citizen's arrest?

What if we took a video of him

What if whenever I came, I was like this?

What is happening in the lab?

What is it about?

What is that?

What is that?

What is that?

What is the best way for us to stir shit up about Danvers?

What is the real race breakdown of your previous dudes?

What is this ice cream thing?

What is this super special spicy Szechuan chicken?

What is this? Is it a pillow?

What is up with those dudes that are into feet?

What present?

What the fuck does he want?

What the fuck is CarMan? That sounds stupid.

What the fuck is happening?

What the fuck?

What the fuck? Did you see that?

What the fuck? I guess.

What the fuck? Seems intense.

What the hell are you talking about, pal?

What the hell are you talking about?

What the hell does Rachel do for a living?

What up, dummies?

What up, playboy?

What up, world?

What up?

What was it like dating back then?

What was it like here when you were growing up?

What was wrong with the first lady?

What was your second album?

What would you name him?

What would you say is the most popular one?

What would your penis be called?

What, am I gonna be 50?

What, are you in a mine shaft?

What, can't be two Indian guys?

What, do you get, like, $1 million

What, I'm just gonna sit for a beat?

What, the rob The robot movie?

What, we're shaking hands now?

What, what, what?

What, you don't know how to do it? It's super easy, man.

What, you got a hot date?

What, you see the trailer and you thought

What, you've seen it? I just told you the whole plot.

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What? Are you serious?

What? But I was next in line.

What? Come on.

What? Grandma Carol!

What? No, I don't believe that.

What? No, I'm not gonna become a lawyer.

What? Oh, my God, that sucks.

What? Seventy is a high number.

What? What does that mean?

What? What? Where?

What? What's wrong?

What? What's wrong?

What? Where are you?

What? Who?

What? Who?

What? Why are you mad at me?

What? Why?

What? You have a baby?

What? You were the one that told me to do it.

What?!

What'd he say?

What's Boning Industries?

What's going on?

What's going on?

What's going on?

What's going on? Is my trailer moving?

What's happening?

What's happening?

What's he so damn chipper about?

What's her name?

What's it like being tiny?

What's that about?

What's that?

What's the best restaurant you've been to recently?

What's the debate?

What's the longest you've ever been with anybody?

What's the next date gonna be?"

What's the next flight that we can get on?

What's the one?

What's the problem?

What's the service?

What's the word?

What's up with black dudes and their barbers?

What's up with you, man?

What's up, bing bong?

What's up, birthday boy?

What's up, man?

What's up?

What's wrong with people?

What's wrong with Short Circuit 2?

What's wrong with Short Circuit 2?

What's wrong? Is she okay?

Whatever you're doing in your life,

Whatever.

Whee!

Whee!

Whee!

Wheeze the juice.

When are you gonna graduate from Harvard,

When did... When did you guys meet?

When he didn't introduce himself to you guys?

When he does it, it's cute.

When I was a kid, I used to love to go to Knicks games.

When I was in high school.

When I'm going down on you.

When one of my artists used the phrase "fat chicks"

When people normally get married?

When the race war goes down.

When they hire the background actresses,

When they want to have sex with a guy.

When we were at Larry and Andrea's wedding.

When you close your eyes, do you see Dev and Rachel

When you hear what you want, you stop me, okay?

When you went to the bathroom.

When you were a kid, you said,

Whenever I make a res, I have to use a fake name.

Where a large group of white people are hitting it hard,

Where are the fucking breadsticks?

Where are you?

Where could she be?

Where did you obtain the sample?

Where he said something kind of racist.

Where his biggest problem is that the Wi Fi

Where I don't get fired and lose a bunch of money?

Where I wouldn't know that my dad had a water buffalo named Ting Ting.

Where is my chicken with broccoli, man?

Where James Spader eats at.

Where she reads that and she has a positive reaction.

Where would you live?

Where you can watch the pups play online?

Where, uh, the workers were practicing wrestling moves

Where'd you meet her?

Where's Ma?

Which Which Let's move together, like

Which actually worked out for the best,

Which could easily be a year.

Which do people seem to like more?

Which is really great,

Which of the figs I would choose.

Which person?

Which place should we go to?

Which they would like to share now.

While the Green Billy watched.

While they're hot.

While you go to the meeting

White guy.

Who am I gonna take?

Who cares?

Who cares? Right?

Who dates guys online for free food.

Who fell into his own wedding cake?

Who is this?

Who knows what will be next?

Who knows? Maybe I'll go to this party

Who said that?

Who seems happier,

Who the fuck is Haymonth?

Who was a mechanic, but I was pretty sure

Who writes for The New York Times.

Who you happen to be dating at this stage in your life

Who?

Who's my girl?

Who's on the approved chaperones list.

Who's the "they" in that scenario?

Who's the guy that, um... did the... The dad... person?

Who's willing to go to a free concert with your ass.

Whoa, I'll take it.

Whoa, I'm in this?

Whoa, so that half Asian guy,

Whoa, whoa, whoa, slow down. Slow down.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Whoa, whoa.

Whoa!

Whoa!

Whoa!

Whoa!

Whoa! Uh, that's pretty forward.

Whoa?

Whoa.

Whoa.

Whoa.

Whoa.

Whoa.

Whoa.

Whoa.

Whoa.

Whoa.

Whoa. That's a pretty good Cartman.

Whoa. This a copy of Us Weekly?

Whoa. You made one for me?

Whoever you're with, that's maybe it, you know?

Whoo!

Whoo!

Whoo! Miami!

Whose wallet is this?

Why am I not on there?

Why are people so rude?

Why are they so mad?

Why are we even doing this?

Why are you asking me all this stuff anyway?

Why are you doing this?

Why are you making fun of it?

Why are you still here?

Why are you yelling?

Why can't there be two Indian people in the show?

Why can't there be two?

Why did they have you do an interview with Billy Bush?

Why didn't you ask me?

Why didn't you just ask me?

Why didn't you say this shit last time?

Why didn't you stop me?

Why do people always say that?

Why do they call it Plan B?

Why do y'all always want to go there?

Why do you have to go to work so early?

Why don't more people do stuff like that?

Why don't the dings transfer automatically?

Why don't we just have a conversation?

Why don't we just sneak out?

Why don't we throw that guy in the garbage

Why don't you borrow it

Why don't you explain what you meant?

Why don't you get up out of your chair?

Why don't you go kick it with Rachel?

Why don't you just do what I do?

Why have we never done this before?

Why is a turtle climbing out of a briefcase, Arnold?

Why is it only $300? What's the catch?

Why no octopus?

Why not just CarMan?

Why not just jerk off at home like everybody else?

Why not?

Why not?

Why should you smile more? Why?

Why the fuck is he in a coffee shop?

Why Tokyo?

Why won't you do an accent?

Why would I want to do that?

Why would you be protecting this guy?

Why would you do that?

Why would you do that?

Why would you do this to me?

Why would you do this?

Why would you say that?

Why you got to be so pessimistic?

Why you got to crush my dreams?

Why? Why? Why? Why?

Why'd you come back to talk to me? Go talk to her.

Why'd you yell, "Miami"?

Why's it such a big deal?

Will! The lead dude.

With a dick who wanted to use it to fuck my face.

With a snow globe, rolling my body up in a rug,

With a young boy's genitals.

With all due respect, ma'am,

With all these dishes.

With him and his friend Dr. Ramusami.

With Johnny Five?

With me and Ravi, and we just see what happens?

With me for a little bit instead of your mom?

With Princess Love, AKA Lil' Funyuns.

With queer names and offbeat professions,

With that game is not wrong.

With the bands I'm really passionate about,"

With this Pradeep money.

With two random dudes and Arnold.

With us, yes. You, I'm not so sure about.

With your granddaughter's ethnic boyfriend.

With your grandpa a week ago

Without even thinking about it?

Won't be raising a human child together.

Wonderful.

Work in the factory for a few years.

Working in a zipper factory.

Working with the same bands that nobody likes?

Would have been hard to support a family on school credit

Would love to see two Indian people on a show.

Would that be so fucked up to do?

Would you be opposed to dancing?

Would you come back on weekends?

Would you like to go first? Should I go first?

Would you like to initiate the domino effect?

Would you mind accompanying this young lady I'm babysitting

Would you mind if I just sang one more?

Would you please rinse your soda bottles out

Would you want to go?

Wouldn't that be awesome?

Wouldn't you be upset if your wife

Wow, are all those presents for Zach?

Wow, Denise, you are a busy lady.

Wow, Dev.

Wow, how long you going for?

Wow, I definitely couldn't have done that when I was 20.

Wow, I love it.

Wow, I'm experiencing a lot of emotions right now.

Wow, I'm really impressed you knew that.

Wow, that Indian chorus joke totally killed.

Wow, that was in the '90s.

Wow, that's a long time.

Wow, that's... I'm sorry. That's terrible.

Wow, The Sickening makeup is crazy.

Wow, this is an amazing apartment.

Wow, you are so confident.

Wow.

Wow.

Wow.

Wow.

Wow. Cool.

Wow. I hated all of that.

Wow. It's a pretty crazy set.

Wow. Okay.

Wow. Sounds like a real struggle.

Wow. What a biography. Thanks, Rachel.

Wow. Wow.

Write down what percent out of 100

Write that shit down. You just wrote a review.

Xiao jie!

Xiao jie.

XOXO, that's good.

Y'all are just there,

Y'all enjoy.

Yeah It's almost done.

Yeah, a few times.

Yeah, all right, dude.

Yeah, all right, if it'll help you out.

Yeah, and if I got it,

Yeah, and then And then I'd be all like, "Huh?"

Yeah, around that.

Yeah, because I'm 100% sure

Yeah, because she doesn't like Chinese food.

Yeah, because you've been gone.

Yeah, boba.

Yeah, but he changed, man.

Yeah, but here's why you got to silence these fools, though.

Yeah, but I don't know, it's

Yeah, but I don't think that shit anymore,

Yeah, but I looked up the traffic on Waze, and it'll take us 12 minutes.

Yeah, but isn't it frustrating,

Yeah, but it's not all like that. I mean, look at this.

Yeah, but Paula Deen didn't get in trouble anyway.

Yeah, but she left me, like, one more voice mail,

Yeah, but that was more of an abstract discussion.

Yeah, but that was, like, five years ago.

Yeah, but that's totally different.

Yeah, but what we have is real, okay?

Yeah, but you can't just steal people's nachos, okay?

Yeah, but you would never say that about a show with two white people.

Yeah, but, again, he doesn't talk much.

Yeah, but, like, you know,

Yeah, but, to be honest,

Yeah, but...

Yeah, but... [sighs] if the app could do that,

Yeah, Dev, I don't think they have

Yeah, do whatever you want.

Yeah, dude, most white families,

Yeah, dude.

Yeah, for sure.

Yeah, good to meet you too, Busta Rhymes.

Yeah, he is, but he can still be a real dick sometimes.

Yeah, he totally snubbed us.

Yeah, he was such a sweet kid, but when he was 15,

Yeah, he's dignified.

Yeah, he's great. He's a lawyer.

Yeah, I could feel it going south as I was saying it.

Yeah, I could go get some food.

Yeah, I crushed it, man. How you been, dude? You look good.

Yeah, I did good, right?

Yeah, I did too.

Yeah, I don't know if it does.

Yeah, I even took a cab over here to research the role.

Yeah, I feel like once you get to our age,

Yeah, I filmed it all on my phone,

Yeah, I finished school at Penn.

Yeah, I get it.

Yeah, I get why you and Kate don't have kids.

Yeah, I got pretty cocky last year when it got some traction.

Yeah, I guess that kind of is like old school Yelp, right,

Yeah, I guess that's not really good party...

Yeah, I guess.

Yeah, I guess.

Yeah, I have a friend who works with them,

Yeah, I I can come back on some weekends.

Yeah, I just I have to check my work schedule.

Yeah, I love that place.

Yeah, I mean, at the heart of what you were trying to do

Yeah, I mean, it sounds like Redskins.

Yeah, I saw it too.

Yeah, I see that, Grandpa.

Yeah, I think it does.

Yeah, I think we should.

Yeah, I totally agree with you.

Yeah, I tried it.

Yeah, I was scared to answer the telephone

Yeah, I went to school in New York,

Yeah, I wouldn't do that shit either.

Yeah, I'll figure something out.

Yeah, I'll have one of those too.

Yeah, I'll just take them to the park or something.

Yeah, I'm not doing anything else. Let's go.

Yeah, I'm sorry, buddy.

Yeah, I'm trying to spice things up.

Yeah, in the back, next to the onions.

Yeah, it can definitely be very nice.

Yeah, it happens.

Yeah, it was definitely uncomfortable.

Yeah, it's a nice office, right?

Yeah, it's crazy to think that that baby

Yeah, it's funny.

Yeah, it's tough, man.

Yeah, it's upstairs.

Yeah, let me make some korma.

Yeah, let's go wander around,

Yeah, like a gift or something?

Yeah, like, I'm a vigilante that, like,

Yeah, like, who's my guy?

Yeah, like, you never hear about

Yeah, man. Look, she's cute.

Yeah, maybe.

Yeah, Michael.

Yeah, my friend's grandpa had one,

Yeah, no.

Yeah, one sec.

Yeah, one white, one Indian.

Yeah, or that my mom had a friend named Kunjilikaka.

Yeah, plus there's this girl here I'm trying to get with,

Yeah, pretty cool.

Yeah, pro bowlers are just people

Yeah, right now, James is out of town.

Yeah, see, this is why I'd be a good critic.

Yeah, seems like it should have been one phone call, right?

Yeah, she was pretty cool.

Yeah, should I look it up on Yelp, see if it's any good?

Yeah, six months would have been pretty intense.

Yeah, so you put them in here.

Yeah, sure.

Yeah, sure.

Yeah, sure.

Yeah, thank you so much for coming in.

Yeah, that could be interesting.

Yeah, that'd be cool.

Yeah, that'd be cool.

Yeah, that's me.

Yeah, the King Kong Banana Split.

Yeah, there are a million things that guys

Yeah, there was, like, 30 heroes and 40 villains.

Yeah, there we go.

Yeah, there's a lot of little compartments.

Yeah, there's more Indians popping up every now and then,

Yeah, they are expecting child support, so...

Yeah, they might have an opinion about it.

Yeah, they were great.

Yeah, they're eating their little kids' SpaghettiOs.

Yeah, to buy a bunch of g**** juice

Yeah, to masturbation vigilante.

Yeah, to me screwing myself over

Yeah, um, should we grab some drinks?

Yeah, Uncle Tom, Uncle Taj.

Yeah, we are going to Italy.

Yeah, we'll be fine.

Yeah, we're just gonna grab the subway.

Yeah, we're seeing each other.

Yeah, well done.

Yeah, well, in his rush, he managed to shake hands

Yeah, what's up? Sure.

Yeah, wow, that's really impressive,

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm really sorry.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah. Sorry for the outburst.

Yeah, you got to step up your game, man.

Yeah, you love eating pasta so much,

Yeah, you said Thatha wouldn't get you a guitar, so I got you one.

Yeah, you're a Hollywood big shot now.

Yeah!

Yeah!

Yeah!

Yeah!

Yeah! He just ate one.

Yeah! Yeah!

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah. All right.

Yeah. He was a war hero.

Yeah. Here, give me those.

Yeah. Hey, Arnold, this is Alex.

Yeah. I have this small oven.

Yeah. I mean, sure.

Yeah. I mean, whatever.

Yeah. I'm really sorry again.

Yeah. Is that gonna be enough food?

Yeah. Isn't this great?

Yeah. It was hysterical.

Yeah. Let's do it.

Yeah. Look, it's not perfect.

Yeah. Pretty crazy story.

Yeah. So annoying.

Yeah. Take a bite.

Yeah. That happened to me on The Cookout 3.

Yeah. That'd be actually really nice.

Yeah. They got a real robot and a fake Indian.

Yeah. This is a huge movie.

Yep, but it'll take a few hours. We're gonna start with your arms.

Yep, I worked in zipper factory for two years

Yep.

Yep.

Yep. That's it.

Yes, because of racism.

Yes, close your eyes.

Yes, darling.

Yes, Gideon, I'll take care of that

Yes, great consolation.

Yes, I do.

Yes, I'm serious.

Yes, it is.

Yes, Ravi,

Yes, she texted me earlier today and said,

Yes, sure.

Yes, that's exactly what it is.

Yes, that's me.

Yes, that's why I'm calling.

Yes, we can, Dev.

Yes, your father worked very hard.

Yes!

Yes! Easy.

Yes! That's what I've been screaming, boo!

Yes?

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes. How'd you swing that?

Yes. What else do you want to know?

Yo, I think I know this girl.

Yo, Nush, you want some spaghetti?

Yo, Prashanth runs all the Indian stuff

Yo, so do y'all think we're gonna be the first generation

Yo, so you do a spot like that,

Yo, watch out for the debris in there

Yo, you remember Prashanth?

Yoga fire! Yoga fire!

You are a masturbation vigilante.

You are like woman sitting in front of the fig tree

You are, but, um,

You asked if she mentioned anything else.

You asked!

You assumed I was a racist

You ate your pet chicken?

You betcha.

You better not fuck up my Friends money.

You came to this country.

You can always do another Go Gurt commercial.

You can do a lot of things with your life:

You can even start a family.

You can go tighter. You won't hurt Arnold.

You can just go to the cafeteria and eat.

You can just write back, "No."

You can make about any Indian person?

You can't do that! Why are you doing that?

You can't do whatever it is you're doing here.

You can't encourage that kind of behavior, though.

You can't fuck up the line above their forehead.

You can't get pregnant from pre come.

You can't hide it from us!

You can't just expect a big roaring fire right away,

You can't make silly faces.

You can't put the big logs in first.

You committed to a relationship, and it worked.

You could always give him a dollar

You could not have been more wrong.

You cut in line in front of me at the ice cream store.

You dare me to steal it?

You did a good job, man.

You did it, Doctor.

You didn't earn this.

You didn't even eat it! You threw it in the trash!

You didn't have to bring up my ethnicity or my size.

You didn't have to do that.

You didn't have to settle down so quick.

You didn't notice that?

You distract the orderly while I make a run for it.

You do commercials.

You don't even eat spicy food.

You don't happen to have three large bottles

You don't have to be an asshole about it.

You don't have to worry about it.

You don't have, like,

You don't know where it's going.

You don't speak Japanese or anything.

You don't touch anything. You don't steal anything.

You don't want to be messing around, so maybe it's good it came up now.

You ever run into Danny Glover?

You ever sat courtside before?

You found a girl in a city of nine million people

You gave us a better life,

You get a callback on that Arby's spot?

You get a guest pass in her league.

You get a hookup on Go Gurt, right?

You get a hug for that.

You get all the hugs and kisses.

You get dumped in one of these places,

You get it, but it doesn't seem like you support it.

You get the nanny to do all the grunt work,

You get the wedge up in here,

You gonna do it?

You good on snacks and stuff or...

You got a hot ticket, you bring a hot lady.

You got it.

You got puzzles, books Mostly Bibles,

You got to do something different and adventurous.

You got to find Al Sharpton and go have tea with him or whatever.

You got to get one of those Trinidadian nannies in the mix.

You got to get to the hospital.

You got to hit me with the deets on that candle.

You got to know what people are saying about you.

You got to meet her outside, man.

You got to squeeze from the bottom. See, like this.

You got to squeeze from the bottom. That's so wasteful.

You got to start with the small stuff,

You got to stop saying "dings."

You guys Dev and Ravi?

You guys hungry?

You guys just went to Miami

You guys need anything?

You guys want to go? Could be fun.

You guys were sitting in the corner.

You guys, come with me.

You guys, that is so good.

You had a kid for a year.

You had all the toys.

You have a younger brother,

You have come a long way from the Defense Department prototype.

You have made many modifications upon your person, huh?

You have nice bumps, too.

You have no doubts, no fears?

You have removed your laser weapon, huh?

You have the right to remain silent.

You have to hang out with me at the networking mixer

You have to have at least one shared interest

You have to have...

You have to learn to make decisions, man.

You have to leave already? You just got here.

You have to transfer over your appointments.

You have to transfer them yourself.

You have, like, a sick ass apartment too?

You hitchhiked on an ice truck to see Sinatra.

You hug 'em. You kiss 'em.

You interested in coming by my trailer to discuss it?

You just If there's any girls that you like,

You just bounced out my son Tristan.

You just call your parents and tell them, "Hey, I'm dating this person,"

You just decided just like that?

You just get your shit out of there as soon as it's done.

You just invite them to the concert,

You just look up, and it's closed.

You just said you were leaving.

You keep saying that.

You kidding me?

You kind of just go to town on the puss?

You kind of just moved it to a random place.

You know another tidbit?

You know how much racist stuff I've read about black people?

You know I don't like Chinese food.

You know it's my kryptonite.

You know Paro?

You know stuff about your dad's backstory?

You know that Johnny Cash was my first album?

You know the little tabs that go on the end of the zipper

You know the rules. No pets in the building.

You know these girls want what they can't have.

You know we have hardwood floors?

You know what Amanda and James are doing this summer?

You know what happened?

You know what I have seen? The Kentucky Penguin.

You know what I like?

You know what I was thinking about the other day?

You know what I was thinking about the other day?

You know what that is?

You know what that is?

You know what the move is, though?

You know what would be great?

You know what, I'm actually glad that he got cut out,

You know what?

You know what?

You know what? I can't do this.

You know what? Put me down for two carnitas.

You know what's weird is that you would

You know who could find her?

You know who we need to call?

You know,

You know, "curry our favor" is pretty bad, though.

You know, after work, I'm gonna go home,

You know, because most of the buildings in New York are nice and cheap,

You know, Ben Kingsley did an accent in Gandhi,

You know, good for you, dating more minorities.

You know, good wood,

You know, he should have the decency to tell you why he cut you out.

You know, he takes a lot of photos with his camera,

You know, I haven't been to a show in a while.

You know, I think maybe, like, full bodied,

You know, I thought it would probably be two beige ones.

You know, it just kind of sucks,

You know, like, a Will and Jada situation.

You know, my stuff's been up in the

You know, so many dudes are into feet.

You know, that would've been fucked up.

You know, that's how we get bugs.

You know, the husband,

You know, the sandwiches look pretty good,

You know, the window opens back up again when you turn 50

You know, they always are like,

You know, we have a lot of time to ourselves.

You know, why is it me or Ravi?

You know, you got a rare opportunity,

You know, you're a minority trying to coming up in the game.

You know?

You know?

You know?

You know?

You know?

You left before I did.

You like the Knicks?

You liking this?

You look, but you do not see.

You made this?

You make eye contact, then you flash the cash.

You mean like an Indian accent?

You mind if I ask you something real quick?

You mind if I use your restroom real quick?

You named your baby Lucien?

You need to do anything?

You need to get on Blacklist.

You need to get your shit straight first.

You need to leave.

You need to move to a nicer building.

You never call me back.

You never had Martinelli's apple juice?

You never read.

You never see an Indian cop

You never talk about me,

You never told me about that.

You play with 'em. You make a mess.

You play with your feet?

You ready for this?

You ready to get dinner?

You ready to go?

You realize fun is a new thing, right?

You realize how lucky you are? You're 12 years old.

You really are.

You really thinking about going to a baby party?

You remember earlier?

You remember that popchips commercial?

You remember that?

You remembered my name.

You rock.

You ruined Marquise's barbecue.

You said it wasn't a big deal.

You said we're coming to Astoria to get a tasty shawarma

You said you took a video of the incident?

You said, "Nah."

You sat down with Danvers?

You saw it in the theaters?

You say that about every show.

You see everything.

You see, what ships pass through and what those vessels carry,

You see?

You seem like you can take care of yourself.

You seemed bummed.

You send her a picture of a turtle

You should be respectful of my place

You should just finish.

You showed up.

You smile more, uh uh. Him smile less.

You stepped in dog poop.

You sure you don't want to go for a nice dinner?

You sure? Once they start, you can't move.

You take Alice.

You take anyone's emails or whatever

You take one example,

You take one of my nachos?

You tell me a story.

You tell the second one,

You think that I'm living in your place.

You think they're gonna let me play Blade?

You think you're ever gonna use that pasta maker I got you?

You took 45 minutes trying to find the best taco spot.

You try to fix that part.

You two are beautiful together.

You usually take the family to the steak house.

You walk in, say,

You want me to call Princeton Jay from Reply All

You want me to hang out with your dad

You want some cake?

You want to be with me?

You want to get some food?

You want to go get breakfast?

You want to go see Father John Misty on Saturday?

You want to hear a sample of texts between me and my wife?

You want to help me do some more research

You want to hold on to him for a while?

You want to just cook some food at home?

You want to just go to bed?

You want to keep talking about the weather?

You want to meet up?

You want to split a pit master combo,

You want to watch with me?

You want to work under me?

You were great, but we had to lose some stuff.

You were the booger.

You were the white guy that fell into the grill.

You weren't constantly concerned about what else was out there.

You will get into the next one.

You won't have anything.

You worked very hard.

You would probably be working in that same zipper factory now,

You wouldn't go see it.

You wrote that email. You made your shitty joke.

You, sir, are a funny man.

You'd land in New York at 10:55.

You'll always be the sheriff on my set.

You'll be wearing mech suits to defend yourself.

You'll find something offensive.

You'll get an instant response back from her.

You'll have stories, believe me.

You're You're awesome.

You're always on the YouTube.

You're basically saying it could read your mind.

You're being a bit of an Uncle Taj.

You're being such a douche.

You're cheating on me with a little Indian guy?

You're disgusting.

You're distracting me from my bounce.

You're doing this for the greater good.

You're free to enter the puss.

You're getting married to your brother in that photo?

You're gonna ask the most attractive girl?

You're gonna be good at it.

You're gonna go have sex with this girl

You're gonna read scene 22,

You're just gonna leak the email?

You're just in time.

You're just putting the disease in you.

You're just...

You're kidding.

You're leaving the apartment?

You're like this prism that takes in light

You're like, "I'm getting the fuck out of here."

You're looking good, ladies.

You're lying to me. You're fucking with me.

You're not a writer, by any chance, are you?

You're not gonna believe it, but I play a scientist.

You're not invited anymore.

You're not listening to what I'm trying to say at all.

You're not on the list.

You're nurturing this fulfilling and rich...

You're right, Dad.

You're safe at craft services.

You're sitting courtside at a Knicks game.

You're so weak!

You're such a big part of my life.

You're that guy from the Go Gurt commercial, right?

You're the best, dude.

You're the best, man. You're the best.

You're the dirty boo.

You're welcome.

You're willing to do an accent, right?

You've got a nice ear for dialogue.

You've got Danvers by the balls.

You've heard that before, right?

Your beef's with Brad Honeycutt.

Your dad: "This sounds fun. I would attend this event."

Your dad's a doctor,

Your email had a bad joke in it, right?

Your friend's in his first role in a big movie,

Your hair's red.

Your husband dies. Your kids put you in a home.

Your IMDb page is a list of Indian stereotypes:

Your jacket has a lot of zippers.

Your niece's recital thing was tonight, right?

Your part got nixed.

Your place?

Your son's 20 pounds

Yup, I got you something, too.

Zach starts crying at 4:00 a.m.

Zachary Quinto's Halloween party.

Zipper factory?

30 packages? Come on, man.

'Preesh. Bye.

[bells jingle] Cool!

[cell phone buzzes] Hello?

[chuckles] Hug you, hug you, hug you!

[chuckles] I'm there a lot.

[Denise] Over there, the redbone chick. I don't see anybody with red bones.

[grunts] That's good.

[kids screaming] What are you doing?

[laughing] Get out of here.

[laughs] Good arm.

[music stops] Thank you.

[phone rings] That's really interesting.

All right, bye. Bye.

All right, cool. Hey, Grant.

All right, cool. Okay.

All right. [knock at door]

All right. [sighs]

All right. [sighs]

All right. Until this part.

All right. Well.

All right. I'm not scared. [makes buzzing noise]

and I can text you and figure it out? Yeah.

And I'll go get the beer. Okay.

And you do. You leave. Yeah.

Are you serious? Yeah.

Are you sure? Oh, I'm sure.

Are you sure? Yeah.

Aw, fuck! Come on! No.

Aw. Aw, come on, man.

Baby Justin. No. Don't do that, seriously.

Back in 15. Soft 15, folks.

Brian again. Damn it.

Bye, Mommy! All right, behave.

Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye.

Can I get your number? Oh, that's so nice.

Cheers. Cheers.

Come here! Yeah!

Denise! Hey, Carla!

Dev, help. Help. Sorry. I don't know.

Did you write this?

Dirty French. What was your favorite dish?

Done? Yeah.

Give it back. No!

Give it back. No.

Good night. Bye. Bye.

Got it. Cool. Okay.

Have a good one. Cool.

He's gonna hurt me. Fuck, hide now.

Here are your room keys. Thanks so much.

Here you go. Thank you.

Here you go. Thanks.

Here, I'll grab this. Oh, thank you.

Hey, Alex. Hey.

Hey, come on. Give it back!

Hey, hi. I'm Derek. Hi, Derek.

Hey, what's up, Alice? Hi.

Hey! Hi!

Hey! I won!

Hey! What's up?

Hey. Hey!

Hey. Hey.

Hey. Hey.

Hey. Rachel.

Hi, how's it going? Yay.

Hi. DiGiorno.

Hold on.

Hot Potato. Mm hmm.

How are you? Good.

How are you? Good.

How did it adapt so quickly? I don't know.

How is that helpful, Dev? I don't know.

I don't... Oh, hold on.

I get it. I get it. ...super excited when...

I highly recommend it. Hmm.

I know it's weird. All right.

I see you. Thank you so much.

I want vanilla. Yeah, me, too.

I'll be right back. What?

I'm Blake. Rachel.

I'm feeling the suit. Thank you.

I'm fine. Yeah?

I'm getting a cab. Okay.

I'm getting... Hey, look, we're cool.

I'm hearing what you're saying. Huh?

I'm sorry. [laughs]

I've been up in them guts. Okay, we'll hug.

Is this your thing now? No!

It's crazy, bro. [Kyle] Welcome, guys.

Let me see that. No, I'm not done.

Like I said, it was... 7 Eleven.

like Trazam. What's Trazam?

Like, he's just dead. Yeah.

Me? Mm.

Mm hmm. But I don't know what "tonk" is.

Mm hmm. Let's do it.

Mm hmm. Then this happened.

Mm. All right.

Mmm, mmm, mmm. Mmm.

Mmm. [choked groan]

Mr. Baumheiser. Yes.

Nina, who is this? Calm down.

No, I I don't know Tell them she's being crazy.

No, that sounds amazing. All right.

No! Oh, shit.

No! Yeah.

No. At 7:25 p.m.

Oh, anyway... You guys meet Paro? [squeaks]

Oh, God. [laughs]

Oh, great. Hey, penguin.

Oh, it's gonna be fine. All right.

Oh, my arm! [laughing]

Oh, no. Yeah.

Oh, shit, it's Mark. Hide. What?

Oh, then that's anecdotal. Yeah.

Oh. Thanks so much.

Ohh! [laughing]

Okay. [car door beeping]

Okay. Don't get scared, okay?

Okay. I'm gonna sleep coffin style.

Peace of mind. Yeah. Great. Okay.

Put your seat belts on! [screams]

Real mean. Thank you.

Really? Come on.

See you. Bye.

She's dead.

Shit! Yeah.

So you know Jerry a little bit, yeah? Mm hmm.

Sorry. Whoa... Wha... I'll get...

Sure! Ooh, cake.

Sure. All right.

Thank you. Um...

That I know.

That was great... I suppose. [man] Cut. Ten minutes.

That was you. Yeah, yeah.

That's a cut. Cut!

then it's real life, correct? Correct.

There you go. Great.

This is really nice. Yeah.

twelve years old, and she was a nun.

Twizzlers. [murmurs of agreement]

Uh oh. Sorry, bud. [sighing]

Uh... She's trying to steal my jacket.

Until this part. This is terrible.

Wait. What is honky tonk? I'm not sure.

We can hug. Okay.

We got plenty of time. Are you sure?

We have to check it out. All right, cool.

What flavor do you want? What do they have?

What? Yeah.

What's up? Hi.

Wheels on the Bus. Yep.

Who the fuck is this? I'm a contractor.

Yeah, I, uh, need assistance. Give it to me straight. Be honest.

Yeah, no. God, no, why? I know...

Yeah, sure. All right.

Yeah, yeah. Okay.

Yeah! Aah!

Yeah! I hate melons!

Yeah! Yeah! You're awesome!

Yeah. It's, like, your baby?

Yeah. Okay.

Yeah. Ooh, look at the spread.

Yes, it was. I get it. I get it.

Yes, let's go! Yeah, fun!

Yes. Aw, thanks.

Yikes. [laughs]

You all good? Yeah, I'm all good.

You ever had a condom break? Hell, no.

You got me, Denise. Mm hmm.

You want to grab a coffee real quick? Yeah, sure.

You work too much. Oh, I'm sorry, Grandma.

You're the man! Yeah, you're the man!

'Sup? Yeah, man, hope you don't mind.

[Dev] Calm down. [Rachel laughs]

All right, all right. Okay, why did you cut him out?

All right, deal. Okay.

All right? Okay? Mm hmm.

All right. Whew.

All right. Do your thing. Yeah.

Blanket, sir? Thank you.

Brought Nush with me. Of course.

Buddy! Yeah!

Charlemagne. Wait, Charlemagne?

Cool. How you doing, brother?

Courtside brats. You know what?

Dev. What up?

Does that feel good? Yeah.

Eh? That looks nice.

God! All right, fuck this dude.

God. Well [sighs]

Good looking out. Of course.

Got you a gift. Very nice.

Got you covered, Injun. Ha! Oh!

Great to meet you guys. I'm Ravi.

Great. You know what? Come on.

He's alive. And to Bobby Jindal.

Hello. Hey.

Here you go. Nice.

Hey, do you work out? Not really.

Hey, great to see you. Take care.

Hey, man. Oh.

Hey, you hungry? Yeah.

Hey. Can you keep it down?

Hey. Come here. Look at this.

Hey. My man.

Hi! [laughs]

How are you, sir? Great. Good to see you.

How are you? Good, good. Come on in.

How's it going? Chilling, man.

Huh? I want to do a complete reboot.

I got to call him. Sure. Go. Go for it.

I took Dev one time to Pizza Hut. Uh huh.

I'll tuck you in. Thank you.

I'm gonna say something. Yeah, go get him.

Intrigued? Why, yes.

It's fantastic. Jerry Danvers.

It's going great. Oh, fantastic.

Lovely to meet you. Nice to meet you.

Mm hmm. What did he say?

Mm. I mean, that's some disrespectful shit.

Mm. Kind of fucked up, bro.

Mmm, so good. Hey, hey, take it easy.

No Fine, you know what?

No accent, nothing. Can you forward that to me?

No, I don't know what you meant. Don't do that.

No! Sir.

Oh, are you a seafood guy? Yes.

Oh, that's good. Yeah?

Oh, that's the right spot. You like that?

Oh, yeah. No, stop.

Okay, sure, yeah. Yeah!

Okay. Okay.

Ravi! Dev!

She moved to Japan. Wow.

So good. You're going crazy.

Sure, we'll be in touch. Yeah.

Sure. I've got to fire my agents.

Tell them we can't go. All right.

Thank you for coming. Bye bye.

Thank you. Thank yer.

That guy's a white guy. The robot or the Indian?

That's great. Yeah.

There he is, Busta! How are you?

They are crazy nice. Yeah.

They used brownface makeup. Wait, what?

They're closed? Yes.

This is gonna be awesome. I can't wait!

Two. Two? That's it?

We'll be in touch. Thanks so much.

What about tacos? Sure.

What the fuck? What?

What? Yeah, you're always like...

What's she doing in Thailand? I don't know.

What's up, dude? What's up, man?

Where are you from? I am from India.

Whoa! [laughs]

Whoo whee, tacos! Yeah, baby.

Whoo! Yeah! Come on!

Why? I don't know.

Yeah, hold on. Thank you.

Yeah, I'll come after this. Okay.

Yeah, this is better. Yeah.

Yeah, you too. All right, cool.

Yeah. Good.

Yeah. Let's go.

Yeah. Oh, we've done this kind of thing before.

Yep. Yep.

Yo! What's up?

You got any new pastas in there? Yeah, yeah.

You ready? Mm hmm.

You squeeze it from the top? Yeah.

You thirsty? Yeah.

You're doing great. Can I get a juice break?

Your eyes are closed? Yes.

'cause he didn't shake you and Denise's hands?

'cause I just destroyed that scene.

'cause I know we've been hanging out nonstop

'cause I recently saw this Dateline piece

'Cause it turns out that that Plan B pill was a dud.

'Cause it's a good spot to meet new people.

'cause of the whole accent thing.

'Cause that's what we all do.

'cause then it's, like, a black show

'cause this is where the sickening first takes hold,

'Cause women get paid 23 cents less on the dollar than men do?

'Cause you know what he's gonna be able to drink with his dinner?

'Cause you're my buddy. You're my friend.

'Cause, let's say I'm dressed for the cold

"Alice, where would you live?"

"All right " You know, just awful.

"Are you down to clown in Nash town?"

"Autocorrect."

"Can't Wednesday, maybe Friday?"

"Clear the way, Cecilia!" Pff!

"Colin Salmon is CarMan."

"Come on, Carol, let's go sit

"Coming through, Arthur!" Pff!

"Curry our favor"? Are you fucking serious?

"Dad, can I play soccer?

"Damn! That's where they put the baseball?"

"Ding, ding."

"Ding, ding." I see what I have to do.

"Dings" is not a term.

"Don't mug that lady!"

"Feeling a kitten gross.

"Go fuck yourself. Grandma."

"Got struck by lightning while holding hands with a 12 year old.

"Grab a drink soon?"

"He's" All That scenario.

"Here I come, Margaret!" Pff!

"Hey, Alice, what the fuck?

"Hey, Alice, why are you sucking a stranger's dick

"Hey, Arnold, come to my place.

"Hey, Dev, Would love to go.

"Hey, it's Dev. Good meeting you."

"Hey, it's Friday.

"Hey, that's a racial slur. You mind changing that?"

"Hey, that's that guy."

"Hey, were you playing the Buzzcocks?"

"Hey, when you're on the go, grab a Go Gurt."

"I don't want to serve Indian people,"

"I think Mumbai Muscle might be causing me to lactate."

"I want to fuck your face"?

"I'm bad at helping decide things."

"I'm good with whatever" basically means

"I'm making a citizen's arrest."

"If you're on the go, grab a Go Gurt."

"Like, oh, well, I do this, and then I get to work

"Little gross, not kitten gross."

"Look out, Raymond!" Pff!

"Nashville rocks."

"No! Not at all."

"Oh, Brian, you went to the moon?

"Oh, I love this couch. I'll take it."

"Oh, once my mom drove me to see Hootie and the Blowfish."

"Oh, yum!"

"Okay, I'm gonna sit down with my grandma,

"Okay, no more arguing.

"Ooh, there's that white detective show."

"Passion" may be a bit strong of a word.

"Please come and fix my iPad. Now it won't stop dinging."

"Pradeep, East Indian man with a spiritual air,

"Pre come does not contain sperm."

"Quarter from behind your ears" on the flyer?

"Rachel, you have to go out there

"Ramen place is pretty good, B plus."

"Scarlett Johansson,

"Smile more, beautiful."

"Sorry, Brian and I already have plans."

"Sorry, things have been really crazy.

"Sorry, ticket got taken."

"Stop what you're doing!

"Sure!"

"Thanks, buddy. That means a lot.

"Things are done and done with my ex.

"This may sound nuts,

"to defeat heavily,

"Tonk" means...

"We take the finest chicken we can find

"Welcome to the ," that's huge, okay?

"What would it have been like if I went to Japan?"

"What?" "Huh?"

"What's that, 'Batch?"

"What's the situation in Kentucky?"

"When are you going to Mars?"

"When should I text her?

"Why?" indeed.

"XOXO" means, "Go fuck yourself."

"Yeah, how about Wednesday?"

"Yes, the pre ejaculate fluid itself does not contain sperm.

"Yes, would love to go!

"Yes."

"You know, why can't there be two Indian actors

"You too!"

"You want to stay in tonight?"

"You're beautiful.

"Yum town. Population: Dev."

[all cheering]

[all cheering]

[Amanda] Guess who's home.

[applause]

[applause]

[applause]

[applause]

[barks]

[bell rings]

[bell rings]

[bells jingling]

[both exhale]

[both laugh]

[both laugh]

[both laugh]

[both laughing and speaking indistinctly]

[both moaning]

[both moaning]

[both screaming]

[both screaming]

[both yelling]

[both] Bounce house.

[both] Full bodied people.

[both] Mommy!

[both] Nathan!

[both] No!

[both] No! Vanilla!

[both] One, two, three.

[both] We did it!

[both] Yeah!

[both] Yeah!

[Brian] Dude, look on the bright side.

[camera shutter clicks]

[camera shutter clicks]

[car door clatters, beeps]

[car door clicks shut]

[Carol] I was walking on the street,

[Carol] Oh, thank you so much.

[cell phone beeps]

[cell phone buzzes]

[cell phone honks]

[cell phone rings]

[cell phone rings]

[cell phone rings]

[chuckles]

[chuckles]

[chuckles]

[chuckles]

[chuckles]

[chuckles] What is this?

[classical music]

[clears throat]

[Colin] Come.

[computer beeps]

[conductor] Ladies and gentlemen, due to police activity,

[country music]

[dark electronic rock music]

[Denise] Oh, shit, here she comes.

[Denise] Okay, uh...

[Derek] Come on.

[Derek] Hey!

[Dev reading] "I saw life branching out before me,

[Dev] All right.

[Dev] Big surprise.

[Dev] Can you tell me a story?

[Dev] Hey, boo, come here!

[Dev] Hey.

[Dev] I can't sleep, boo.

[Dev] No, we came to an understanding

[Dev] Sorry, buddy.

[Dev] Thanks.

[Dev] The endless handkerchief?

[Dev] Whoa.

[Dev] Yeah. We'll be fine.

[DeVito] uh, my life has been just getting better and better.

[DeVito] Come on! Hit 'em.

[door lock clicking]

[dramatic music playing]

[dramatic tones]

[dramatic tones]

[dreamy orchestral music]

[electronic music]

[exciting orchestral music]

[exhales]

[exhales]

[funky music]

[gasps and grunts]

[gasps]

[gentle music playing]

[gentle piano music playing]

[glasses clink]

[Grandpa Hampton] See? Look at the picture.

[groans]

[groans]

[groans]

[groans]

[groans]

[groans] I just don't understand.

[grunting]

[grunting]

[grunts]

[harsh piano notes playing]

[haunting music]

[haunting music]

[heavy breathing]

[hip hop music playing loudly]

[hip hop music]

[hip hop music]

[honky tonk music]

[horn honks]

[imitates explosion]

[in a foreign accent] Oh, excuse me? Room service.

[in a high pitched voice] Oh, no, not Mucinex!

[in a high pitched voice] Oh, yeah!

[in Australian accent] Good night, Rachel.

[in Australian accent] I'm from Sydney.

[inaudible dialogue]

[inaudible]

[indie rock music]

[inhales sharply] I don't know.

[inhales]

[Jacques Dutronc singing Il est cinq heures, Paris s'éveille]

[jazzy piano music playing]

[jazzy punk rock music]

[kids giggling]

[kisses]

[knock at door]

[knock at door]

[knock at door]

[knock at door]

[laughing] God, no, no, no.

[laughing] Oh, oh, God.

[laughing] Ow! Ow, ow, ow!

[laughing] That was hilarious.

[laughing] Wait, why do we need this?

[laughs]

[laughs]

[laughs]

[laughs]

[laughs]

[laughs]

[laughs]

[laughs]

[laughs]

[laughs]

[laughs]

[laughs]

[laughs]

[laughs]

[laughs]

[laughs]

[laughs]

[laughs]

[laughs]

[laughs] Just kidding.

[laughs] No.

[laughs] Oh, no. I'm just kidding.

[laughs] Oh!

[laughs] Well, you be careful.

[laughs] With Dev?

[laughter]

[laughter]

[laughter]

[laughter]

[laughter]

[laughter]

[laughter]

[laughter]

[laughter]

[line rings]

[lively country music]

[makes pinging and whooshing noises]

[man and woman singing in French]

[man singing in French]

[man] Hey, y'all.

[man] Oh, fuck, fuck.

[man] Oh, my God.

[man] So tell me about your role.

[man] The condom broke.

[man] Yeah, I do, but, like, I was all up in there.

[Marie] So we got you this.

[Mark] Yeah, I reevaluated my whole life.

[mouthing words]

[mumbles mockingly]

[normal voice] No.

[panting]

[Paro whimpering]

[people cheering]

[people conversing indistinctly]

[people conversing indistinctly]

[piano notes playing]

[playful music]

[playful music]

[priest] Hampton Baumheiser was a proud veteran,

[R&B music]

[Rachel imitates baby crying]

[Rachel] All right, sounds good.

[Rachel] Aw.

[Rachel] Hey, how are you?

[Rachel] I told him other things.

[Rachel] I won!

[Rachel] Oh.

[Rachel] Thank you.

[Rachel] Uh, you sure?

[rock music playing]

[romantic big band music]

[romantic music]

[romantic music]

[sauntering country music]

[Schwarzenegger] Oh!

[scoffs] Okay.

[screams]

[screams]

[screams] Oh, my God!

[shushes]

[sighs]

[sighs]

[sighs]

[sighs]

[sighs]

[sighs]

[sighs]

[sighs]

[sighs]

[sighs]

[sighs]

[sighs]

[sighs]

[sighs]

[sighs]

[sighs]

[sighs]

[sighs]

[sighs]

[sighs]

[sighs]

[sighs]

[sighs]

[sighs] All right.

[sighs] All right. Point taken.

[sighs] Are you kidding me?

[sighs] Goddamn, he's good.

[sighs] I don't know.

[sighs] I don't know.

[sighs] It's fine.

[sighs] Not good.

[sighs] Okay, why don't we just go return it

[sighs] Stop.

[sighs] You know what?

[slow country music]

[soft instrumental music]

[soft rock music]

[somber organ music playing]

[somber piano music]

[stammering]

[stammers] I can't do this.

[toilet flushes]

[toy dinosaur roaring]

[toy frog croaking]

[toy frog croaks]

[toy frog croaks]

[unintelligible noises]

[upbeat country music]

[upbeat hip hop music playing]

[upbeat music]

[upbeat music]

[upbeat music]

[upbeat music]

[upbeat music]

[upbeat R&B music]

[upbeat rock music]

[upbeat rock music]

[upbeat traditional Italian accordion music]

[wedding music]

[whimpers]

[whimpers]

[whimpers]

[whimpers]

[whimpers]

[whimpers]

[whimsical acoustic guitar music]

[whispering] It's him.

[whispering] Oh, shit.

[woman] No, but you didn't finish, right?

[woman] Okay. You have an extra one?

[woman] What happened?

[yelling]

[yelling]

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ And I find you ♪

♪ And you linger ♪

♪ Date ♪

♪ Date ♪

♪ I'm over the moon ♪

♪ In a glass of champagne ♪

♪ Like a haunting refrain ♪

♪ Like a sip of sparkling ♪

♪ Like the bubbles ♪

♪ Nashville ♪

♪ Nashville ♪

♪ Nashville date ♪

♪ Nashville date ♪

♪ Nashville date Nashville date ♪

♪ Nashville date, Nashville date ♪

♪ Nashville date, Nashville date ♪

♪ Oh, you go to my head ♪

♪ One little kiss has sent me ♪

♪ Over the moon ♪

♪ Some call me the gangster of love ♪

♪ Sorry, Mr. Chow ♪

♪ Spinning round in my brain ♪

♪ There is no movie There's no David 'Future' Porter ♪

♪ Up with the stars, I'm dancing ♪

♪ We are not coming To your restaurant today ♪

♪ Whistling love's happy tune ♪

♪ You go to my head ♪

$1 million. Boom!

16 Handles! 16 Handles? Frozen yogurt?