Orange Is the New Black - Season 1 Edit

A baby?

A bunch of people I never met looked at my case file.

A couple of years ago, we found two women naked from the waist down,

A few weeks? Doesn't she need to buy things?

A hobby about science.

A proper young lady.

A real rusty old thing that needs fixing?

About Red and the way that she runs her business.

About, uh, the surge in home breweries in Brooklyn

Acetone.

After this comes the book deal, and then the movie deal,

Ah!

Alex, I was so freaked out when the bag didn't show up, I almost bailed.

All I'm saying is,

All inmates in D dorm must be checked for lice.

All right, Chapman, Diaz, this is you.

All right, let's get you to the van.

All right, let's go.

All right, look. I really appreciate

All right, okay, okay.

All right, raise your head and look at the lens.

All right, so his tie is gonna match the bridesmaids' dresses.

All right, we got some offices here.

All right, we gotta hustle, 'cause the count's soon.

All right, which dress you like better?

All right. Well, the broken one's over there, and her name's Myra.

All right. You're doing great. Okay.

All the gates open to one and two.

All the people in the PSI are cleared to visit.

Am I allowed to cry?

Am I supposed to tell them that I made you get into the dryer?

Amen.

Amy, I only have two minutes to talk.

Amy, please let me talk to Larry.

An inmate from Litchfield Federal Prison

And a series of schnauzers, all named Schnapps. That's all I know.

And a toothbrush. They don't give you one.

And can't believe how lucky he is that he met her.

And don't make friends.

And don't tell her that you're coming on Friday, okay?

And every morning I wake up thinking the feeling'll be gone,

And he realized that all he had to do

And here you are.

And how much time you got, Chapman?

And I became the nice blonde lady that I was supposed to be.

And I can't help you 'cause I really don't know.

And I can't pay the guy, 'cause of course Pete had done his whole,

And I can't, I can't!

And I don't want any trouble.

And I have this gnawing feeling.

And I insulted the chef,

And I ran away,

And I still can't figure out how the system works.

And I want you to come.

And I warned her if it ever...

And I wasn't there when my best friend had her baby.

And I will meet you in Brussels, and everything will work out perfectly, babe.

And I would think that a smart, savvy person like yourself

And I'll get through it. I'll get back on track.

And I'll meet you back here and show you your bunks. Okay?

And I'm gonna read everything on my Amazon wish list.

And I'm happy for him, but he got...

And I'm healthy. Also ish.

And I'm like, P.S., dickhead, I just saved your grandchild

And I'm pretty sure that you don't want

And if they turn up, the warden's gonna want somebody's head.

And if you feel like you gotta go to the bathroom,

And it ain't gonna be mine.

And it deserves to be celebrated.

And it should be.

And it was all crazy.

And it's right next to this T shaped thing.

And knows that he will never be bored,

And like this Neptune has lost three restaurants in three weeks.

And maybe even learn a craft, you know? I could be crafty.

And Mendez? Question.

And more importantly, I am not suggesting that I want you back,

And no one is shitting in any cup, okay?

And not with some hollow bullshit apology,

And on my end,

And Polly's dad rolled his eyes, 'cause...

And pray it doesn't turn out like that one.

And racism.

And realize what a fucking horse's ass you've been.

And remember, nothing goes on here that I don't know about.

And she'll be good for you.

And she's like, Where's Pete? Yes.

And that's a yes, right?

And that's Nichols. Just got out of SHU a week ago.

And that's why we're in this situation.

And the trick is, I wanna show off the boobs and the ass,

And the wait is over.

And then I have a lady who accidently backed into a mailman

And then I hit the road...

And then it got scary,

And then sometimes

And then the inevitable sexual harassment scandal.

And then the third time, it's not gonna be very nice.

And then there were two.

And then you'll come back out. Say what you need to say.

And there are lesbians.

And they always wanted candy bars.

And they worked for a while,

And throw yourself on his mercy.

And treat me like an actual human being

And when I get home, I will put it in your jewelry box.

And when I got here, they gave me these little bars of hotel soap, but no shampoo.

And when they're done, after days or weeks of work,

And when you work with geniuses like I do,

And when you're done, pack it in and know it was all temporary.

And who the fuck asked you?

And whoever she drags down with her deserves it.

And yeah, yeah. You gotta go down to laundry.

And you deserve that.

And you don't move until it goes off. Dinner's after.

And you love adventure, right?

And you would still be in jail.

And you're not allowed to sleep in your bed. Only on top of it.

And you're not supposed to eat the pudding because it's been to Desert Storm.

And, and he loves me, so, here we go.

Any Nudie Judies in here? Skin pics? Naughty stuff?

Anyway, our guy looked into the government contracts thing.

Anyway, significantly less funny

Are less than a minute apart to go to the hospital.

Are we at least gonna talk about other options?

Are you finished? You're starting to sound finished.

Are you gonna barf?

Are you gonna miss me?

Are you kidding me?

Are you okay? What's it like in there?

Are you okay?.

Are you serious?

Are you serious?

Aren't you not supposed to ask that question?

Arturo!

As in get back together come around?

As letters are being screened for anthrax.

Asshole.

At a time like this, does that matter?

At least you get something.

At least you had a nice shower this morning, right?

At the time.

Attention, all personnel, be advised

Available guards...

Barneys?

Because it's fucked up.

Because of how well I captured your spirit.

Because The New Yorker is running one

Before heading off to her mid range hotel to go over her schedules.

Before my teeth got knocked out, I had this awesome gap.

Believe me,

Bennett, it's not fucking working again.

Besides you?

Besides, whatever she was doing clearly ran out, right?

Bet you never get the food stuck in them.

Better. Okay.

Big girl.

Big time newspaperman.

Bingo.

Boo!.

Both nice.

Bounce your legs up and down. It keeps your feet warm.

Boyfriend wrote quite the article about you.

But even if you don't come to me, don't go to Danita.

But everyone was asking about you, Pipes.

But I got a couple tricks up my sleeve.

But I have got some menthol cough drops.

But I just need to get... Out!

But I think that I can borrow some from other white people.

But I'm not so happy with the upper arms and the stomach,

But it wasn't for me.

But it's a hobby, though.

But it's not.

But maybe Caputo will let you make a call later.

But not schools. Not hospitals.

But now I just cheek 'em and trade 'em for black eyeliner.

But she failed to mention the lesbian lover

But sometimes...

But that's pineapple soda.

But we called last week. And they told me to bring it.

But we'll deal with it, okay?

But yet every night I go to bed,

But you can't eat it.

But you do, don't ya?

But you know what?

But you will be the only one in this entire prison that does.

But, this time, just into the camera, okay?

By all means, seek out the supreme wisdom of the junkie philosopher.

Can he come visit me?

Can I ask why?

Can I help you?.

Can I? Am I allowed to go out?

Can you read it to me?

Can't be that serious. When it's serious, she throws coconuts.

Can't she just come over and tap you on the shoulder?

Chapman.

Chapman.

Chapman.

Chapman. Hey, Chapman.

Check it. Says he wrote a column!

Cheers.

Cheers. Salud.

Clean ladies are healthy ladies.

Close the door behind you.

Close the door, I don't want a run on my office.

Come around? Yeah.

Come here.

Come on, babe. I want you to come.

Come on, honey. You're not alone.

Come on, less talking. Just breathe.

Come on, Sister.

Come on!

Come on. Come on.

Come on. Get in.

Come to Bali.

Come with me.

Come with me. I mean it. I'll buy you a plane ticket.

Come with me. Quit your job. Come with me.

Coming up on lights out. Say goodbye.

Costing the tax payers money and sweating in my armchair.

Could you google symptoms of labor?

Count is not clear. Please conduct a recount.

Count time! Count time! Count time, ladies!

Crap. They're somewhere in here.

Damn, you got some nice titties.

Damn.

DeMarco, this is Chapman. She's new. Self surrender. You show her what's what?

Dial nine to get out.

Did he look surprised to you?

Did I mention that Red runs the kitchen?

Did she get the extra stitch?

Did she say anything?

Did you find it?

Did you know about all this?

Dimitri. So good to see you.

Dinner here was scary liver.

Dinner's at 4:.30?

Do you know about the count?

Do you know what a mandala is?

Do you think that I'm a narcissist or a horse's ass?

Do you think that that needs to be connected to something?

Does that make me a selfish,

Doesn't make it any easier, though. Right.

Don't call me sweetie.

Don't crowd, and do not, under any circumstances,

Don't eat the pudding.

Don't forget that. And check the elastic on all the pants.

Don't get me wrong, she's a good lady, but you don't wanna get on her bad side.

Don't let them get you stretched out garbage.

Don't lie to me.

Don't look so bummed. Gonna get the wrinkles.

Don't make your bed!

Don't nobody like it here.

Don't you do that! Do what?

Don't you fucking leave me.

Drama!

Drug money. Once.

Drugs have a way of making you do shit you don't wanna do.

Dryer!

Dude right here's in the paper.

Due to repairs, clean clothes can be picked up tomorrow.

Eat anyway.

Esta bien, okay? Come on, mama.

Even people that haven't met you.

Every day, up and down the street.

Every once in a while, we find a pair of men's boxers in there.

Every time what?

Every week, we almost close.

Everyone else seems to be getting over it.

Everyone gets a piece of fruit at breakfast.

Everything okay?

Everything's going to be okay.

Everything's pretty surreal right now.

Except these boxers... Oh!

Excuse me?

Excuse me?

Fifteen months.

Fine.

Fine. I guess.

First time down?

Five hundreds. That's science.

Food preparation?

For four of us?

For real? Yo, that's sick, son!

For you.

Friend of yours?

From being born on a gin soaked

Fuck her! This is not gonna be okay.

Fuck him and his fucking mother.

Fuck me.

Fuck you! And this dryer!

Fuck, no!

Fuck, yeah!

Fuck! My glasses fell off.

Fuck.

Fucking cunt ramming awesome.

Fucking ungrateful douche bag?

Galina...

Get me out of here.

Get over here.

Get your ass over here, Chapman, now. Move it.

Getting me assigned and every...

Glad you're making new friends, Chapman.

Go ahead.

Go ahead. Go.

God, I hope so.

God, we really should not have eaten so much.

Good night, Chapman.

Good to see you too.

Good, good, good. Okay.

Got a minute there, cowboy?

Got enough, bro?

Got it.

Got the paperwork right here.

Got what?

Great. Alex, I don't, I don't know if I can...

Great. Another fucking coconut.

Guard Thomson to the tower.

Guards just think I got the flu like everyone else.

Guide to Bird Watching. Seven hundreds?

Have a seat.

Have you called a lawyer?

He can come this weekend.

He can take it out.

He got so much of it so wrong.

He has to send it to Iowa. It takes a few weeks to process.

He said she cannot come back until they're closer. I'm sorry.

He said with the mandatory minimums with drug crimes,

He says that she's gotta wait till her contractions

He sold out in minutes.

He walked so much he wore holes in his shoes.

He went on and on about your enchanting little love story.

He wouldn't recommend risking a trial. So, I pleaded out.

He wrote an article about me.

He's a writer.

He's beautiful. I mean, I don't know.

He's in the Times?

He's on the fucking pavement, wrestling with the cab driver.

He's, he's gonna be right back. We've been waiting here for two hours.

Head on up.

Healy.

Hear you got a broken appliance, ma'am.

Heard about your old roommate.

Hello, Miss Claudette.

Hello?

Here I am.

Here we go.

Here, fancy. Have a yogurt.

Here.

Here. Had to haggle with las negritas, but I got it.

Here. Here's some tissues. First night's always hard.

Here's some toilet paper. You gotta take it with you.

Here's your temporary ID,

Hey, are you okay? What's going on?

Hey, blanca. You speak Spanish?

Hey, can I ask you something? You look like you'd know.

Hey, hey, hey.

Hey, no crying.

Hey, Red. You got one of those for me?

Hey, there, baby bump.

Hey, there.

Hey, uh...

Hey, you got that Iowa address?

Hey! Hey, hey, don't forget, you gotta bus your tray.

Hey! Y'all done having fun?

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey. I'm just relaxing, being normal.

Hey. You're crying.

Hi, I'm here to surrender.

Hi, Sister. This is Chapman.

Hi, there.

Hi! I know.

Hi.

His name is Larry.

Hmm?

Hmm?

Hmm.

Hold it up. Let me see, let me see. Nice.

Holy shit. That was an epic fuck up.

Honey! We'll make the bed. We know how.

Honey.

Hope they got a lot of mops in the SHU.

Hopefully there's some way I could pay you.

How am I gonna get it off?

How are you feeling?

How come she doesn't go cold turkey a while back?

How did we go from not talking about kids at all

How do I make a phone call?

How do I not know this?

How do you know?

How goes it?

How hard is it to get me a board from the woodshop? People.

How it is.

How long have I worked here, man? God!

How nice.

How the fuck are you going to jail tomorrow?

How what went?

How?

Howard and I brought Chinese. Larry is so upset.

Huh? Hold it in

I ain't never snitched nobody, so who's gonna tell 'em?

I always said, when they first come through,

I am really happy for you.

I bet they're all appalled that you've gone somewhere so filthy and dangerous.

I brought you this. In case you throw up.

I can't believe you did this.

I can't give you the cold medicine,

I can't keep track of the nicknames. Just, uh, take care of it.

I can't take it with me.

I can't tell you what I don't know.

I can't understand your French.

I carried a suitcase of money.

I chained myself to a drug dealer.

I couldn't get the dryer open.

I covered for her when she got here. Hmm? Just like I did for you.

I did it, that one time, 1 0 years ago.

I did!

I didn't know to expect you.

I don't have a cold.

I don't know what she does.

I don't know what that is.

I don't know what that means.

I don't know what you're talking about.

I don't know.

I don't know. But there's a nun here.

I don't know. I need a little more light back here.

I don't know. It went.

I don't know. Maybe tomorrow after breakfast.

I don't know. Polly made a last minute Evite so...

I don't like fish. I like pork, chicken. But it's a pretty fish.

I don't like to dwell.

I don't really know how to answer that question.

I don't say nothing. I'm just working. Next.

I don't speak Spanish.

I don't... I don't know. Excuse me.

I drive, and I do what I need to do.

I drive, I don't work kitchen.

I feel like I am missing so much.

I feel like I'm in a Bourne movie. Have you killed?

I feel sad that you feel sad.

I feel sad.

I felt panicked for them before I remembered

I got a couple questions that I need to ask you.

I got a crack dealer who is doing nine months,

I got a look in a bar last night.

I got her.

I got mad control over my epiglottis.

I got Polly in, she's changing into her gown,

I gotta lock this shit down before you leave, Pipes.

I gotta look good. My first dance is gonna go on YouTube.

I guess I just had to look away.

I had no idea that he would actually make it in there.

I hate when she sends The Quiet Storm.

I have a fiancÈ.

I have a really strong shot at a Twix bar.

I have eighty crates of tomatoes rotting

I have no idea.

I have to get more batteries.

I have to go to work soon. Can you read me the article?

I have to go.

I heard back from the board.

I hope, for all our sakes, you're right.

I just don't get it.

I just...

I just...

I knew that she wasn't a good person, but fuck her!

I know how to make a bed.

I know I should be feeling thrilled right now.

I know that I wasn't supposed to, but I did.

I know you just got here, so you don't know what's what.

I know, right?

I know, right? All right.

I know.

I know.

I know.

I know.

I know. But if there is...

I know. Come on, we gotta rally.

I know. Everyone's been so positive.

I know. I could be pregnant while I'm in prison.

I know. I know.

I know. Still.

I know. You're afraid of her.

I left that part out. Your secret is safe.

I look forward to it.

I look like Michael Jackson.

I look like Michael Jackson.

I look like shit. My eyes are all puffy.

I look outside. He is... He's on the ground, Piper.

I look pathetic. I'm aware.

I love baths.

I love it when you call my mighty staff a pee stick.

I love showers.

I love you so much.

I love you so much.

I love you so much.

I love you, too. Are you okay?

I love you.

I love you.

I love you.

I love you. Please keep my website updated.

I loved you, I loved having sex with you.

I lower prices, our competition lowers prices.

I lust after you, Yoga Jones, those sinewy arms.

I may be a sick lesbian in a prison bunk,

I mean for you to come around like an actual human being.

I mean it. Please, please tell me you're keeping it together.

I mean, everyone at the bar.

I mean, I wasn't expecting it, but I got the call last night.

I mean, she told me how she traveled after college,

I mean, she's an addict, all right? She had a slip.

I mean, shit. What's the point?

I mean, the guy broke his collar bone, but come on.

I mean, what exactly were you two doing?

I mean, who are you?

I mean, you can't say,

I might actually be lucky this happened now.

I missed your party.

I need more cream.

I need to know how.

I once kissed Mary Straley when I was at Miss Porter's school.

I only have a minute now. I'm calling from the guard's office.

I pray for you, Nicky.

I pray for you, too, Sister.

I promise.

I read that you're not supposed to ask that.

I really don't want a record of it.

I said, nothing. I said, never mind.

I saw Little Sarah get a shot for helping Nicky hold a ladder.

I should be back to normal soon.

I should finish fixing that. You want some help?

I think I can reach it if I could

I think I might want it.

I think I saw you in there?

I think the words you're looking for are, Thank you.

I think there are pictures.

I think you may know the answers to 'em.

I think you've got the wrong skin tone.

I thought that I was in love.

I told you that this was a bad idea.

I told you.

I want to have a family with you, Piper. Of course.

I want to make an educated guess.

I want you to understand, you do not have to have lesbian sex.

I was 22.

I was in love.

I was so embarrassed. I can't believe that she did this.

I was starting to worry. Where did you come from?

I wasn't laughing at you.

I wasn't ready.

I will be truly displeased if you barf anywhere but in that can.

I will write you up if you sneeze,

I won't barf.

I work these machines all day.

I would rather shit and cry than strain and nap all the time.

I wrote something in here. Uh, a column.

I'd better go.

I'll be back. Breathe. Relax and breathe.

I'll be out in a sec. I swear.

I'll be right back.

I'll be so ripped.

I'll be... I'll be right back.

I'll definitely send that to Pete.

I'll do it now, right away.

I'll just go right back to clean crew.

I'll take care of it.

I'll take good care of you.

I'll take the phone to the car, I'll be right back.

I'll wait. There best be some hot water left.

I'm a writer. No shit.

I'm alive. I'm a living, breathing thing, and it's really...

I'm assuming you're both fluent in Hindi.

I'm Chapman. I'm new today.

I'm done. I'm out. I'm totally out.

I'm engaged. Right.

I'm feeling some Sapphic vibes coming off you.

I'm getting out.

I'm gonna ask you again. Nicely.

I'm gonna eat you for dinner.

I'm gonna get ripped.

I'm gonna go get help. No, no, no! No, no, no!

I'm gonna help you, no strings attached.

I'm gonna make it count, Larry.

I'm gonna put it in my wallet. Okay?

I'm here to do you a favor.

I'm here.

I'm in labor.

I'm in print, I'm young ish.

I'm Jones.

I'm just getting started, bitch.

I'm just gonna go...

I'm just... I'm still stuck in the mindset

I'm lucky you're here with me.

I'm more of a dishwasher kind of gal, sir.

I'm Morello and that is Watson.

I'm not crying.

I'm not getting laid for a year, too, but what do I get?

I'm not gonna throw away a year of my life. What the hell are you looking for?

I'm not some cool story at a yuppie fucking cocktail party.

I'm not somebody's girlfriend.

I'm on a cough syrup cocktail

I'm plotting my revenge on that redneck fucking Deliverance extra.

I'm pretty sure I'm suffocating.

I'm quitting, Nicky. Tell her that. Don't make me go down there.

I'm sorry.

I'm sure it'll all be fine.

I'm telling you, it'll all start to feel normal, soon. Really.

I'm telling you. Surviving here is all about perspective.

I'm wearing granny panties and I've only spoken to white people.

I'm working on it.

I'm writing you both a shot.

I'ma kill that motherfucker! The nurse?

I've always loved getting clean.

I've been a horse's ass?

I've been better.

I've been waiting for you to come around,

I've got friends of my own, you know.

I've got great news.

Iaid out into big, beautiful designs.

If I ever talk to her that way...

If I guess closest to the birth time, I could win a Twix.

If I tell you it gets easier, does that make me corny?

If my daughter ever talked to me that way...

If that baby popped out and slapped him in the fucking face.

If the wrong person realizes there's product moving through this prison...

If they find out that I was helping you, I'm gonna get in trouble.

If you want in.

If you're here to ransack my kitchen again, go ahead.

Iike you would've when you thought he was clean.

Imagine my surprise.

In a Bensonhurst warehouse. Eighty.

In the meantime, try to get some sleep.

In this bitch, like you said, man.

Inmate discipline list is posted in the day room.

Inmate Gonzalez report to the supply room.

Inmate Robinson to the visitor area.

Inmate! Out of the trash!

Inmates, an updated facility rules with

Instead of waiting.

Is attempting to contact you.

Is connected with a blue wire...

Is the baby gonna be staying with us?

Isn't it great?

Isn't there a doctor in there?

It always starts the same way,

It comes in big cans marked Desert Storm.

It couldn't be any other way.

It did.

It feels like

It helps if you cry.

It is?

It must be hard without her.

It was a phase.

It was my birthday present.

It was my lost soul, post college adventure phase.

It was that fucking meth head!

It's a bath products line I'd started with my friend, Polly.

It's a great day.

It's a nice store.

It's a pretty big case. Criminal conspiracy.

It's a raw deal.

It's a sign of weakness. You can't show any weakness.

It's a small pig. I really wanted to use the box.

It's all fine. It's all good.

It's all gonna be okay.

It's all temporary.

It's almost count time.

It's amazing how much he looks like John Goodman.

It's beautiful.

It's burrata.

It's fuckin' all beef,

It's gonna end up at the bottom of the washing machine.

It's gonna rub off when I sweat.

It's good.

It's just shitty.

It's just us, looking at each other,

It's like God put them in you every day. A summer breeze coming over here.

It's my bunk, too. I get no say in this?

It's my happy place.

It's my shout.

It's not about the prices, it's about the books.

It's not like it's her choice.

It's not personal, it's chemical.

It's not really up to code. Do you know what I mean?

It's not so bad. Everyone's okay.

It's not Voldemort. You can say it. Abortion.

It's not.

It's off topic.

It's okay if I sit here?

It's okay.

It's okay.

It's okay.

It's one junkie. It's an isolated thing.

It's out of bounds for you guys until you get assigned there.

It's overwhelming how lucky I am.

It's pretty basic.

It's weird.

Jesus, with this shit.

Jesus!

Just angle my fucking hand back there.

Just checking.

Just fuck me.

Just keep walking, mami. I'm gonna try.

Just open the door.

Just picking up her sensible bag in the baggage claim

Keep it there till you feel better.

Keep moving. You're blocking up the works.

Kubra would have had you killed. Come on.

Larry, honey...

Larry, how am I supposed to tell if her cervix is soft?

Larry?

Larry?

Later.

Let's see how good I am a week from now.

Let's see what it says. It's from Pete.

Let's see what the pee stick has to say about this.

Lie down.

Lift up your arms.

Like a giant celery serial killer, carrying a machete,

Like a loose check.

Like Jackie Warner ripped.

Like the Italians have with the garbage,

Like what I've got is not enough.

Like when Polly and Pete told us,

Like you aren't accountable for anything

Like, What the hell is she doing here?

Literally every chance they got.

Little Tricia's got a mean old case of the detox blues.

Look at this place.

Look at you, blondie. What'd you do?

Look at your eyes.

Look, not... Okay, not that I'd insist, Piper. Okay? I...

Look, what I mean is, if you don't leave,

Look, you can do what you want,

Look! I found a rock that looks like a penis with one ball.

Look. Look, look.

Looks like I've already thrown mine away.

Looks like we'll be able to work something out.

Loud. Sorry.

Ma, give me the phone.

Mail delivery will be delayed

Make deal to bid the lowest.

Make it not broken.

Makes you a liar.

Man, hurry!.

Man, I'm never gonna get this shit.

Man, I'm telling you,

Man, this clinic my mom dragged me to,