Head of State (2003) Edit

A bail bondsman from Chicago, as his running mate.

A black man will become President of the United States of America.

A debate isn't an argument.

A man with a dream

A man with a dream To do the world some good

A motorcycle, or a rickshaw.

A senator? I'm just an alderman.

A simple man

About what the people need.

After a slow start, Mays Gilliam has made some dramatic changes...

After some inventive chiding on the part of Alderman Mays Gilliam...

After this is over, we get to work.

After what you said, you need a foot put up in your ass.

Ain't nothing better than that! Ain't nothing ever been better than that!

Alderman Gilliam can be captivating and entertaining.

Alderman Gilliam, quick! Miss Pearl is back!

Alderman Gilliam, same question, please.

Alderman Gilliam's office.

Alderman Gilliam's office. What are you upset about?

Alderman Mays Gilliam.

All I'm seeing are people, normal people like every other American.

All right, I guess.

All right, turn it off. Wait till this woman gets her cat.

Am I what?

America is taking advantage of you!

America is the greatest country on the face of the earth...

America is the richest, most powerful nation on earth.

America, Mays.

An everyday man

An off the record comment by Mays Gilliam.

And act like a grown man for a change, Mays!

And brand new metal detectors, let me hear you say, "That ain't right!"

And cousin of Vice President Lewis, after Stone's endorsement of Mays Gilliam.

And everybody loves a big titty woman!

And Ghostface Killah.

And give them all a good old fashioned American hug.

And he knocked me out!

And here's the bill for your car note.

And his running mate, General Olson James...

And I promise you this:

And I see you, but I don't know you.

And I think you're okay.

And I want to say:

And I'll be damned if I'm going to let my election be ruined by this asshole!

And I'm running for President of the United States of America.

And I'm sorry, Mays.

And if I got your vote for President

And if the kids cut it back on, knock them out.

And if these ads are so bad, why hasn't Gilliam said anything?

And knock me the hell out!

And look at you. Grow up, you got to dress better.

And Mr. Earl will bring you at 8:00 sharp.

And now is not the time...

And now we got these corporations stealing all the money.

And that's what we want, a man of the people.

And the white people will vote for us...

And there's no such thing as black on black crime.

And thinking you're staying on my bus.

And this is what America is all about.

And to me, America is like a fine performance car.

And to this day, I don't smoke. Not because I'm scared of cancer.

And we need to reach out to them...

And you said "shit." Presidential candidates do not say "shit."

Apologize.

Are these your bags?

Are you getting gas? You're holding my line up.

Are you going to just let him talk about me like that?

Are you going uptown?

Are you insane? You can't just go out in front of 5,000 people and talk!

Are you on the pipe?

Are you sure? I could send a car to pick you up.

Are you with me or are you with him?

Arnot picked you so you could lose.

Around here when people have a problem, they don't call the mayor, they call me.

As we've seen tonight...

Back up.

Be a real politician!

Because everybody watches videos, MTV, BET.

Because we've shown we support them.

Because when it comes to judging talent and potential...

Better schools...

Between Washington, D.C., officials and transit authority operators...

Big business and small business, show business and ho business.

Biggest man in town He's the head of state

Bottom line:

Bounce!

Bring him back. He got to vote.

But I'm not in it.

But I'm trying to go through that Neptune feel

But if I don't see you tonight, I will see you soon.

But if we hurry, we'll be able to get a table at Jezebel's.

But isn't it obvious that God has blessed America?

But it is yours.

But it's obvious he's not a party line candidate.

But lately I've been thinking about the Botanical Gardens.

But Lewis will smack it back down!

But sometimes, you don't know if people like you for you.

But talks broke down when the newly appointed alderman, Reginald Shannon...

But that ain't her fault! That's the school's fault.

But the high prices of medicine will give you a heart attack.

But there's nothing wrong with being an amateur.

But this is very important.

But we need a running mate.

But what made Elmer really mad is when Bugs Bunny kissed him.

But you guys are the people.

But you have to know these things.

But you know and I know that you will endorse Lewis.

But you know me.

But you wouldn't know nothing about that. Why?

Butter, bacon, that make the country great.

By naming you as his running mate. Why?

Call Reverend Barton for that one. No...

Can I ask you a question?

Can we just move on? This is ridiculous.

Can't do it. Once they laid the explosives, there's nothing I can do.

Can't trust no damn body!

Cancer lover!

Cheaper than asthma and AIDS medicine, I'm an amateur.

Cheer up, we'll be in Chicago in a few days. You got a brother there.

Chicago, please welcome your next president:

Come here, brother.

Come on now. This ain't about me.

Come on, baby! Sugar baby.

Come on, brother, I know you know how to do this dance.

Come on, did you hear them?

Come on, hoes!

Come on, man. It's orange beer with a nipple top. Now, who's that for?

Come on, talk to Mama.

Come on!

Come on. Wait a minute!

Congressmen, senators, they work with other politicians.

Construction workers, nurses.

Could I ask you something?

Could you at least turn it off? Let the lady get her cat.

Crime is crime.

Crip walk!

Damn it!

Damn it! Why didn't somebody around here think of this?

Damn you, Mays Gilliam!

Darling, are you done yet? No? If not, it's okay. I can wait.

Debra, hold on.

Deep in the heart of Texas

Democracy doesn't work for you when you're not winning?

Did Gilliam kill JonBenet Ramsay? Police want to know.

Did you call Hammer?

Did you hear about that guy running for President?

Did you hear....

Didn't you see me talking?

Dionne is in the house. I know she is.

Dionne, baby? I got something for you!

Do you believe we need stricter gun control laws?

Do you have any idea why they chose you?

Do you have drugs on you? Get them off, I'm not going to jail for you.

Do you know Nato Jacobs?

Do you plan to support paternal leave incentives?

Do you really think these people give a damn about you?

Do you think they would have chosen an ignorant ass ****** like you?

Don't be ashamed! It ain't your fault.

Don't call me with that bullshit! You see I'm on TV.

Don't get ahead of yourself.

Don't intrude in my life anymore. I don't want to have anything to do with you...

Don't steal my car now.

Don't take unscreened packages. Security reasons.

Don't worry about the polls. They're just a sampling. Polls change.

Don't worry. Go out there, put the machine behind him.

Don't worry. I've been talking to the people downtown...

Don't you get it, Debra? I intend to run for President in 2008.

Down in the polls, Gilliam still has no running mate.

Dress for the job you want, not for the job you got.

Even I knew that.

Even Puff Daddy wears a suit to court.

Everybody.

Everywhere I turn, they're trying to put a foot in my ass.

Everywhere you go they say, "What's up, nubby?"

Excuse me, hoes!

Excuse me, please.

Excuse me, the Teamsters are here.

Excuse us, please.

Five.

For his involvement with this man...

For President...

For the first time in history, a black man, Mays Gilliam...

For the last time, I'm not running for President.

For young and for old

Freeze!

Friend and associate and accused drug lord, Warren Pryor.

Gay people want what every American wants. A good house, a good job!

Geller and I will advance the party...

Geller and them up there pumping your head up.

Geller, see if you can track down this Mays Gilliam.

Gentlemen, Mr. Mays Gilliam.

Get a union man on this.

Get me an SUV, a minivan, a bus, a scooter...

Get me on the news so I can apologize. That's what the people want to hear.

Get out of here!

Get out of here! Gaines is dead?

Get ready for...

Get rid of this zero and talk to the hero.

Get your ass in there!

Get your ass out!

Get your hand off my ass, boy!

Get your hand out of my pocket!

Gilliam has over 90 percent minority turnout.

Gilliam is done and Big Dave says, "Waa waa!"

Gilliam is over 30 points.

Gilliam is under investigation by the FBI...

Give me a break!

Give me one good reason I should debate that jerk.

Give me one good reason why I should go along with this.

Go ahead, baby brother. I got this.

Go check our accounts.

Go to work. Handle your business. If you need me, call me.

Go, Mays!

God bless America, and no place else.

God bless America, and no place else.

God bless America, and no place else.

God bless America!

Good morning.

Good offers.

Good work.

Got it for a song at a repo auction.

Got nowhere to go

Great party. Too bad about the fire.

Guys, I'm all for labor, I'm all for unions.

Hanging up?

Have you ever been to Amateur Night at the Apollo?

He doesn't know what he's gonna do

He feels bad, mighty low

He has elected to go first.

He is scared. He's holding the ball, hoping the clock will run out.

He knows that. That's why he won't.

He looks you up and down and says, "l got to see some ID."

He owns a bottling plant in D.C. and I spoke to him about our problem.

He really thinks he can make a difference.

He said, "All men are created equal, but black women got the nicest ass!"

He took Gaines' place, sir.

He was right behind me. Should I look for him?

He will be destroyed, sir, as you wish.

He won't listen to me!

He would take a lot of work.

He'll be very angry because he wanted to be your best man.

He's a war hero and Sharon Stone's cousin. He can't lose.

He's avoiding me like he owes me child support.

He's chosen his brother, Mitch Gilliam...

He's just some kid who thinks he can make a difference.

He's not an alderman.

He's running against you, sir.

He's running for President and every vote counts!

He's unbelievable!

Hello, children.

Hello, Debra.

Hello, Martin.

Hello?

Help me. They locked me out of my office.

Here are your off the cuff remarks. Learn them. See you later.

Here. Let's take a look at this.

Here's a story for rich and poor

Here's the cable bill. I didn't pay that, either.

Here's the light bill. I didn't pay it.

Here's the story about a man

Hey, man, Dionne is her cat.

Hi, how are you doing? All right. You all right.

Hi, I'm with the Pork Commission

Hi, Oprah!

Hi, that's me, Mays Gilliam, alderman of the 9th Ward of Washington, D.C.

Hi. I'm Mays Gilliam, candidate for President of the United States.

Hold it!

Hold on. I don't know if that's such a good idea.

Hold that thought. We have a caller from Detroit.

Hold up.

Home of the cowboys!

How about "God bless Haiti" or "God bless Africa"?

How about "God bless Jamaica"?

How about them Cowboys?

How can we turn this around?

How can you do that? Just a nickel bag!

How can you help the poor if you never been poor?

How can you make drug policy if you never smoked a chronic?

How can you stop crime if you don't know no criminals?

How did you get into this line of work?

How do we limit violent material? Turn it off.

How do you know about her?

How do you know that? It just happened.

How do you want to handle this?

How does being a bail bondsman qualify you to be Vice President?

How many of you have children that they call stupid?

How many of you work in a mall you can't afford to shop in?

How many of you, right now...

How many times have I told you? You got to quit trying to fix shit.

How's business?

I am a bail bondsman.

I am a war hero, and I am Sharon Stone's cousin!

I am going to run an alderman for President?

I am in Detroit at a Player's Ball with pimps and whores.

I am not being rude, I am working.

I am not getting off this bus!

I am not getting off this bus. We're in the middle of nowhere

I am tired of being engaged. I am tired of being

I appreciate it. Thanks a lot.

I asked my niece the other day, "What's four plus four?" She said, "44."

I believe in gay rights because when I see gay people...

I came on board to run a campaign for a man we didn't expect to win...

I can help you do this.

I can't decide whether we should have a DJ or a band.

I can't do this. You got to get me out of here. I can't control him.

I can't wait to start working, and do I have a job for you!

I cannot believe you got me out here like this.

I could've got you into the council next term. Now you're red lined.

I couldn't take what you were saying.

I did some extra work, and a few things that went straight to video.

I didn't come here to argue with you.

I didn't know the camera was on me. I was playing around with some sound guy.

I do no such thing.

I don't believe it!

I don't care if you have a white collar or a tank top.

I don't know what else to say...

I don't know what she's talking about. We checked the house, nobody is in there.

I don't know you, and I don't like you.

I don't know. I guess I'm all right.

I don't know. I might have to work.

I don't know. It seems like they're trying to get me.

I don't mean to be out of line, sir...

I don't see how they could do this to us.

I don't smoke because I think my dad is going to walk through that door...

I don't think everybody appreciated what you did in there.

I don't think I want Gilliam and his homies to be in the White House.

I don't think we need more gun control.

I don't want that garbage. What will I do, feed your car to my car?

I don't want to go negative.

I feel we need to talk to our kids....

I forgot how nice D.C. was.

I got meat!

I got to go.

I got to go. Good luck, and call me if you get a chance.

I hate America, but I love Brian Lewis.

I hate that piece of shit!

I have a question.

I hope they take it!

I know him, but I don't drug lord know him.

I know it's fried rice, but it's not "fried" rice.

I know Lassiter is out, but I think...

I know we haven't exactly always seen eye to eye...

I know you are, but what am l?

I know you got no reason to trust me, but I'm asking you to.

I know you know how to do the Electric Slide.

I know you're working. I'm working, too. So let's keep working. Want to dance?

I know!

I know. The mayor is fed up with you.

I like it. I like traveling, I like meeting the people.

I like to get to know people before I get involved.

I like you for you.

I love the Lord, and I love the King, Elvis Presley.

I love this guy. "That ain't right."

I love you so much

I love you, I've known you a long time. You've seen a lot in your life.

I love you, man, and I'm with you no matter what.

I love you, Mays!

I need to get on with my life!

I need to know. How real is this? Can we win without California?

I never met Nato. I don't talk about people behind their back.

I noticed you weren't at the party, so I thought...

I promise if I'm your President, I will take care of everybody:

I read that they're going to shut down our bus line.

I represent my whole race.

I say we enforce the laws that are already on the books.

I should be talking about something a little more relevant.

I should stab you in the neck with this pen, Mr. Pension Taker.

I still have to clean up. I don't know how long that will take me.

I tell you how business is. Business is great.

I think I want 150, maybe 200 people.

I think she'd be happy to get out of this rattrap.

I think we found our man.

I think we found our man.

I think you're very attractive. It's just that...

I think you're....

I thought I told you that we won't stop.

I thought I told you we won't stop.

I thought you could do something real good in Security!

I thought you wanted more!

I thought you were talking about this guy named Nato.

I told you....

I took the liberty of choosing some options for this evening's fundraiser.

I took the liberty of choosing some options for this evening's fundraiser.

I voted for Mays Gilliam.

I want people to vote for me, not against Lewis.

I want this guy done. You hear me? Finish him!

I want to go on vacation! You're horrible in bed!

I want to help you.

I want to introduce you to Chester Norris Allen.

I want to thank you for inviting me to the Lone Star State.

I want to win.

I was getting the party started.

I was hoping you'd call. Are you okay?

I was just trying to help Miss Pearl.

I was so proud of you. You were so good last night.

I was trying to call you, but I've been doing press all day.

I went to the University of Nebraska...

I wish I could quit.

I wish it was that easy.

I wish you would.

I won!

I work in a neighborhood so bad, you can get shot while you're getting shot.

I, Ronald Reagan, do solemnly swear....

I'd like to say you are full of shit.

I'll be fine. I'll walk.

I'll be fine. I'm just gonna walk.

I'll be right back.

I'll be the one taking a hit for this.

I'll be the one taking a hit for this.

I'll call you.

I'll double check the PA system. You'll make a brief statement at 11:00.

I'll make phone calls, send out fliers.

I'll tell you about our agenda.

I'll tell you where he's at. He's with his peeps!

I'll wear whatever you need me to wear. What fundraiser is this?

I'm a bail bondsman. I got an office on the Southside.

I'm always working. I never get a chance to check it out.

I'm available to you around the clock, just let me know.

I'm Brian Lewis, and I am your last chance.

I'm exhausted.

I'm feeling it.

I'm from the Athlete's Foot

I'm glad you asked.

I'm Janet Silvers reporting live in D.C., where transit operators....

I'm just playing. Come on.

I'm just trying to get the party started.

I'm Mays Gilliam, and I'm running for President of the United States of America.

I'm not crazy! Gaines was 20 points behind. It's ten weeks to Election Day.

I'm not talking about Jamaica, the beach tribes you all love.

I'm not worried about Lewis. I'm running my race.

I'm running against this guy.

I'm seeing everybody else!

I'm sorry I threw you off the bus. It was wrong.

I'm sorry, brother, but ain't nothing I can do.

I'm sorry, Mr. Hawkins. What can I do for you?

I'm sorry. You know what? I never got your name.

I'm talking about stabbing Jamaica. That's what I'm talking about.

I'm telling you right now.

I'm the government. I know everything.

I'm tired of spending my time waiting for you to quit acting like a child...

I'm tired of your little games, tired of being your little secretary.

I'm what's best for the party!

I'm with him?

I've always said I wanted a wedding in a church...

I've been high, I've been robbed, I've been broke.

I've been making calls. Nobody wants to run with you.

I've been talking all day. I was talking to the press.

I've been Vice President for eight years.

ID? You mean to tell me a one legged teenager can't have a drink?

If America was a car, it would be a Bentley...

If America was a woman, it would be a big titty woman.

If anything'll happen to you, it'll happen to him first.

If he get out of pocket, put your foot in his ass.

If I get shot, everybody is fired.

If I got a good idea, it shouldn't matter what the hell I'm wearing!

If I quit...

If I see Mays Gilliam, I'll bust a cap in his ass.

If I was 12, I'd have a gun, too.

If the party needs to get started, I'll handle it.

If there is anything you would like for me to do, I would be happy to.

If there's a leak saying Gilliam is going to win, you'll get a late rush.

If these voting trends sustain, it's likely that for the first time in history...

If they do that, I can't get to work!

If they had any idea they could win this thing...

If they shut down this bus line, I will drive you to work myself.

If they shut down this bus service, I will drive you to work myself.

If we want a real shot at this thing, we got to get Lewis to debate.

If we're gonna run this campaign, it's got to go my way.

If you don't know, you better ask somebody.

If you had laws on a Destiny's Child video right now, you could stop crime.

If you look over there, it's the Lincoln Memorial.

If you look real hard in the window, you can see Oprah counting her money.

If you put Robert next to Nelson...

If you rob me, I'll whoop your ass.

If you see Mays Gilliam, please do not call the authorities.

If you work two jobs, and at the end of the week...

If you're in trouble, yell "Security!" and my people will handle the situation.

If your child's school has old ass books...

In case you've forgotten, I intend to run for President in 2008...

In Florida today, guns and explosives were found at a junior high school.

In his presidential campaign.

In the latest exit poll, Vice President Lewis has 51 percent of the vote.

In the latest polls, Mays Gilliam is up just one point, to 10 percent.

In this CNB News exclusive, our cameras caught Gilliam...

Inside of 20 years, you know the numbers...

Is be the first party to nominate a minority for President.

Is because I thought you had potential!

Is for you to debate me right now!

Is Mays Gilliam for cancer or against cancer?

It ain't right.

It gives me great honor...

It isn't right!

It looks like Gilliam might just pull an upset in Illinois.

It seems clear Gilliam is going to take New York.

It was good seeing you again.

It will make the 6:30 news if we do it now. We just have to put it out there.

It's a template. We'll get you in there eventually.

It's business. We'll do what's best for the union.

It's Crib Malt Liquor, man!

It's dead wrong!

It's Election Day, Tuesday, November 8, 2004.

It's good to see you, boy!

It's just a guy I say "What's up?" to. But I don't know him know him.

It's just a saying. Come back!

It's like Timberland, and I got a bit of Missy moving up there...

It's likely Lewis will take Michigan.

It's not a black owned business?

It's not about the vote. We're looking out for the convicts.

It's not bad.

It's not working. I'm only one point up in the polls.

It's okay!

It's on! Guys, come here!

It's people like you, the ranchers...

It's time.

It's unprecedented, but if I put in a call to the party chairman...

It's you people, the dairy people...

James Brown, Luther Vandross, Rockwell, the Crown Heights Affair.

Jefferson had a black mistress.

Just do what we say.

Just do whatever you can to make his life a living hell.

Just give me a break!

Just run your race.

Keep your head up, it's your best bet

Kim. How is it going, honey?

Knock out your kids. It helps.

Know what you need to do? You need to leave. I won't tell you again.

Ladies and gentlemen, Alderman Mays Gilliam.

Ladies and gentlemen, hold your applause, please.

Ladies and gentlemen, Mays Gilliam!

Ladies and gentlemen, our American children are hurting today...

Ladies and gentlemen, the President of the United States of America...

Ladies and gentlemen, Vice President Brian Lewis.

Ladies and gentlemen...

Leave the people alone, damn it!

Let me ask you something, brother. When they gonna let you speak?

Let me ask you something.

Let me get ten Nine Lives, four Lucky Ducks, two Straight Pokers...

Let me get this straight.

Let me hear you say, "Oh, yeah"

Let me hear you say, "That ain't right!"

Let me introduce you to Martin Geller, Debra Lassiter.

Let me see you bounce!

Let me see you shake!

Let me tell you something.

Let the lady go inside.

Let the people decide.

Let's get something straight.

Let's get to know each other.

Let's go.

Let's keep Mays Gilliam out of the White House.

Let's move.

Lewis ain't no punk. He ain't no joke.

Lewis has been Vice President for eight years.

Lincoln freed the slaves...

Lisa Clark!

Little brother, you all right?

Little guy against the big guy, corporations against the people.

Look at him now, man Ain't this great

Look at my little brother! You said you'd call when you got here.

Look at my shoes and at the bags. Shut up and follow me.

Look at that.

Look at this poster: "Mays." Who are they talking about? Willie?

Look at this! This is great!

Look at this.

Look at you, man! I see you all on the shows, politicking.

Make a statement of some kind, try and sound sincere

Make sure he doesn't embarrass us.

Makes the mayor look bad.

Making what was arguably the most controversial statement of the day.

Man, I want to know

Man, news travels fast.

Maybe I like to work? Excuse me.

Maybe they should get Shaq. Nobody can beat him.

Maybe you need to take advantage of what's in front of you.

Maybe you're right. We could tailor the speeches more to you.

Mays Gilliam began this race....

Mays Gilliam did not attend this year's annual rally against cancer.

Mays Gilliam has been out driving people to work.

Mays Gilliam is actually ahead by several points.

Mays Gilliam, Debra Lassiter.

Mays Gilliam, he's for cancer.

Mays, darling, I've been thinking. I want a small wedding.

Mays, darling!

Mays, you're running for President of the United States of America.

Me?

Meanwhile, we steal a Big Mac with cheese...

Milk makes the body good, and you make the country good.

Miss Pearl, no!

Miss Pearl, we got to get out of here. They're going to blow this place up.

Miss Pearl!

Miss Pearl! Come out!

Miss Pearl.

Mitch! What's up?

Mitch! Why you looking around? It's Reggie.... Where my money at?

More beef than East Coast, West Coast rap. Check it out!

Most opponents are saying your brother destroyed any chance of winning...

Move that fat ass! One, two, three!

Mr. Gilliam, can I have your autograph?

Mr. Gilliam, how would you deal with white collar crime?

Mr. Vice President!

Muhammad, get me a gun in case another kid tries to get crazy.

My daddy got his bike stolen right there.

My gosh, lady, my brother said he was sorry. Let it go.

My little brother, running for President.

My momma told me to whoop your ass.

NATO is the North Atlantic Treaty Organization.

Need a ride home?

Need a ride?

Negative ads. Lewis is up, Gilliam is down. I think it's great!

Next thing you know, we on Death Row!

Nice to meet you. Take a seat.

Nice to meet you. What do you do for a living?

Nice. Real nice.

No more bombs now. And don't use guns.

No one was injured in the incident, but with just six weeks till Election Day...

No questions. Sorry.

No, come on, stay!

No, Debra. I need you out there, and this is going great.

No, he does not get away with this crap!

No, I did not call Hammer.

No, Mays!

No, not my bike!

No, sorry, I don't.

No, that's not good enough for you.

No, you ain't. Look at you. If you call this ready, this won't get it.

No, you can't win without California.

No!

Nobody wants to hear that.

North America.

North...

Not 10 minutes after you fired me, I had two offers for jobs.

Not after the way you treated me.

Not the part of D.C. you're familiar with.

Not to sabotage him so he'd lose.

Now give me one reason why you shouldn't.

Now it's my turn. I'm getting mine!

Now we can watch Martin!

Now you ask me, sir, what qualify me to run for Vice President.

Now you need a ride from an ignorant ******.

Now, back to the Jay Z song already in progress.

Now, before I go, I got one more thing to say:

Now, contrary to popular belief, politics is no place to express yourself.

Now, he and Vice President Lewis are in a statistical dead heat.

Now, how in the hell does this guy help the party?

Now, I've been Vice President for the last eight years.

Now, this is the White House if Gilliam is elected.

Now, we'll lose, of course, but the minorities will be happy.

Now, you know you need to stop.

Of the United States of America.

Of the United States of America.

Oh, my God, you are everywhere. Look at you!

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. I'm having too much fun. I got to get back to work.

Okay.

Okay. I got to go.

On the count of three, I want everybody to take care of their own damn kids!

One of the most dramatic campaign finales of all time.

One of you all will drive me home because my bike is messed up.

One question here.

Our American children's futures are at stake here.

Our next question comes from

Over there.

Over to the hands of an amateur.

Paid for by Osama Bin Laden.

Pay attention. This is going to be a class: Bullshit 101.

People are saying these ads are dirty politics. Give me a small break!

People come to me when they in trouble, like the USA.

People got to make money and get to work.

People that make eggs, milk, cheese...

People would be cheering if I read the recipe for corn bread.

People, Armageddon is upon us and Big Dave is scared.

Play the game when you're working for them.

Please welcome presidential candidate Mays Gilliam.

Political analysts say this may be too little, too late.

Prescription drugs, I'll lower the prices. Let me explain something else to you.

Presidential candidate Gilliam is shaking it up.

Presidential candidate Senator Gaines...

Protestors took their concerns to transit officials...

Put your hands up in the air and step away from Mr. Gilliam!

Regarding the shutdown of the 9th Ward bus line.

Relevant?

Remember, sir, just nod and move. Nod and move.

Right there is the Jefferson Memorial.

Say cheese!

Security!

Security!

Security.

Send him in.

Shake that ass, Grandma!

Shannon is taking over your district.

Sharon Stone is a defector.

She better get out, it's going to blow!

She just showed up.

Shit, it's not working!

Shorty G!

Show me a man that's never said shit, I'll show you someone full of shit!

Shut up. You want to win, you'll do what I tell you.

Since I've been here, you haven't really given me any assignments.

Sir, it's time we prepare for a debate.

Sir, we really should debate.

Sitting on chrome doves, with TVs in the headrests...

Six percent are undecided, saying...

Slick, I don't vote. You gonna buy some of this meat, or what?

So don't worry about Lewis, don't worry about the press...

So we commissioned our own team of super whores.

So we concede the election to Lewis?

So, baby brother, this is it. You ready?

So, in closing...

So, tonight I want to say: "God bless America, and everybody else!"

Some of the world's best talent was there:

Somebody make sure she gets home safely.

Something is wrong here.

Something's happened. We got to pack and get out of here!

Sorry I'm late. I had to change.

Sources say the Teamsters may endorse Lewis.

Speak.

Stop worrying. This will work out fine. Bye.

Superman! Saving lives and stuff.

Sure, I'd love to work on a presidential campaign.

Surprised you're not somewhere with your girlfriend.

Sweet.

Take a cab!

Taking everybody's pension, and nobody going to jail.

Talk to them, make it look like you believe in what you're saying.

Tell the people that!

Thank you for inviting me to the Player's Ball!

Thank you, here you go.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you, children.

That ain't right!

That ain't right!

That ain't right!

That ain't right!

That ain't right.

That guy right there! Don't trust him!

That is some bullshit.

That man has been Vice President for eight years.

That may be, but he won't debate you because you call him a little bitch.

That means even if he loses he's the frontrunner in 2008.

That shit you pulled over there cost the city money.

That we need billions of dollars to protect ourselves, I'm an amateur.

That will return us to an America we can be proud of.

That's a punk move. Ducking and hiding like a little bitch!

That's another reason he's not qualified.

That's exactly what we wanted to talk to you about.

That's my brother.

That's some bullshit. Ain't it?

That's the Treasury.

That's what I said.