Main Content
Sound Added to Your Favorites Soundboard

Log in or create an account to save your favorites, or they'll expire in 12 hours

Error Adding Sound
Error adding sound to your favorites.
Sound Reported
Sound reported and our moderators will review it shortly.
Error Reporting Sound
Error reporting sound. Please use the Contact page.
Home > Private Benjamin (1980)
6 50
Private Benjamin (1980)

Private Benjamin (1980)

Private Benjamin is a 1980 American comedy film directed by Howard Zieff. The hilarious plot centers around Judy Benjamin, brilliantly portrayed by Goldie Hawn, a spoiled and pampered woman who impulsively joins the U.S. Army after her husband's sudden death on their wedding night. The film follows Judy's unconventional journey as she hilariously adjusts to military life, navigates through strict training, and faces the challenges of being a soldier. With her signature comedic timing and lovable charm, Hawn delivers a remarkable performance, earning her an Academy Award nomination for Best Actress.

If you're looking to relive the laughs and enjoy the delightful sounds of Private Benjamin, you can play and download the soundtrack here. Immerse yourself in the witty banter, the uplifting music, and the unforgettable moments this movie has to offer. So grab your popcorn, sit back, and get ready to laugh out loud with Private Benjamin!

A baby!
A fireman.
A French gynecologist. He and Dad spoke on the Lamaze panel together.
A good post!
A letter of financial agreement.
A special assignment on the ground, I hope.
Abbott.
About that Palestinian homeland. In your Bible you'll see...
According to the law of Moses and faith of Israel.
According to the law of Moses and faith of Israel.
Accusing me of sleeping with Gabrielle! You think I'm so low I'd seduce a child?
After 20 years watching us crazy guys jump out of airplanes...
After 6 weeks with me, you're going to wish you chose Attica.
All right, I'm uptight, okay?
All right, knock it off!
All right.
Alpha Company...
Am I late or you early?
Amen.
An elite airborne corp. We recruit them from the best bases in the country.
And a newcomer to the family...
And a sign of my love and devotion.
And feeling kind of lonely. No, don't say lonely.
And Glass is learning French!
And have you seen the bathroom?
And he had a neurotic need to find a father in law who had a lot of money.
And he just climbed right smack dab...
And I am not going to sit around with my thumb up my ass...
And I feel like I'm being punished!
And I have to tell you, I am frankly a little shocked.
And I know that once we get married everything is going to be fine.
And I really don't like him.
And I'll be your drill sergeant for your 6 weeks basic training.
And Kim... I forget your last name.
And neither is this face.
And nobody knows better than you that things can't get much worse.
And right now I'm looking at something entre...
And second.
And taste, sir.
And that's what I love about you.
And we'll listen to some nice Italian jazz.
And what's she going to do now? Be my secretary again?
And you look like a clown, soldier. Clean up your act.
And you, Judy, say to Yale these words.
Anyway, that's number one.
Are you busy Friday?
As you were.
Assume the position and hit it!
At ease, gentlemen...
At ease!
At ease!
Attention all Red Team personnel.
Attention all Red Team personnel.
Aunt Kissy, please!
Barnett.
Barracks ready for inspection, Captain.
Because I'm positive it isn't mine.
Because of a woman he used to date.
Because you mother's had a nervous breakdown, that's why!
Behave yourself, Judy Benjamin...
Believe me, Henri Tremont is as much a Communist as me.
Ben...
Benjamin, you are not fit to wear that uniform!
Benjamin!
Benjamin.
Benyameen, I need the inpoormation on the drying caruses.
Benyameen, ka'.
Beware, mine fields are out there.
Big difference.
Blue Team Company Commander requests permission to surrender, sir.
Bourbon, no ice.
Bravo Company, attention!
Break it! Let's go!
Broke her arm in 3 places. Lucky we didn't have to shoot her, right?
Burn it.
Busted up, the whole team.
Busted up.
But here at S.H.A.P.E. They're still the enemy.
But I counted it as one for five years.
But I only have eyes
But I was alone.
But I'm not ready to make love to a man I just met an hour and a half ago.
But now I am a Thornbird And as proud as I can be
But the best one can say of his English is that it's better than my Turkish.
But there have to be other choices.
But we do, okay?
By mistake.
By the way, I can't get over you in this Army outfit.
Capt. Doreen Lewis, a 5 year veteran...
Captain Lewis is hung up on a technicality.
Captain Lewis said we could take you home, darling.
Captain Lewis, ma'am, we've got trouble.
Captain Lewis, you are lucky to have troopers like this!
Captain Lewis?
Captain Lewis.
Captain Lewis.
Captain Wooldridge will lead the red team. Captain Lewis...
Champagne?
Check out this list of jobs.
Claire is a brilliant woman.
Claire?
Close it up back there, you meatheads. Go!
Close up that field back there! Come on, move it!
Colonel Clay Thornbush.
Colonel Thornbush Made a man out of me
Colonel Thornbush Made a man out of me
Come and see them, they'll die!
Come here.
Come here.
Come on, Benjamin, let's go! All right?
Come on, sweetheart, let's go.
Come on, take it.
Come on.
Come on.
Come on.
Come to papa.
Coming back inside, Daddy?
Company halt!
Congratulations!
Contrat de mariage.
Could I be alone now?
Dad?
Daddy, he'll be here any minute. He probably went into overtime.
Daddy.
Daddy...
Darling, how are you?
Darling, I have a very bad headache.
Dear Glass, hello from Belgium.
Definitely the most exciting duty a soldier could pull.
Did I bail you out of your first marriage to that schmuck? Did I?
Did I get you a car on your sixteenth birthday? Did I get you into college?
Did I write that? I'm sorry.
Did you happen to see that movie Unmarried Woman?
Didn't think you'd make it, did you?
Dismissed till 0800 Monday morning. Have a good one!
Do solemnly swear or affirm...
Do want me to rye eed it?
Do you accept surrender of Blue Team?
Do you have a boyfriend in this Army?
Do you have a date?
Do you know a lot of tortured artists?
Do you know what I did today?
Do you think that the latrine is unsanitary?
Do you?
Does this belong to anyone?
Don't be ridiculous, please!
Don't be ridiculous!
Don't you get lonely?
Don't you look at me with those baby blues.
Driving courses?
Each of you...
Eight days.
Enough! Please!
Especially with your parents coming.
Europe?
Evening, ladies.
Everybody up!
Everybody up! Everybody move!
Everybody, Benjamin!
Examine Private Winter's locker.
Excellent!
Excellent. I want you to rye eed it to the counsule.
Excuse me for interrupting.
Excuse me, Drill Sergeant, what is that area?
Excuse me, Private Benjamin...
Excuse me, sir, is green the only color these come in?
Excuse me!
Excuse me.
Fabulous uniforms! What's a Thornbird, sir?
Fall out!
Fight proud!
First let me say how terribly sorry I am...
For the first time in months, I feel that things are really going my way.
For three hours.
For you
Forget it!
Forget that old brown boot image of the Army.
Freeze!
Gabby!
General Foley, Henri Tremont...
Gentlemen...
Get me a match, doll.
Get me a Perrier with a twist?
Get over this obsession with Claire.
Get the keys to the truck.
Get your ass up and out on the company street!
Get yourself a drink, we're going to cruise.
Gianelli, Glass...
Gianelli's a 308, ma'am.
Give her the microwave, it's a built in!
Give me 10 pushups! Knock them out!
Glory, glory I am not afraid to die
Glory, glory I'll be falling through the sky
Glory, glory I'm as proud as I can be
Go check out the bathroom, it's fabulous.
Go with it! Soar! You're a Thornbird!
God forbid something should happen to us. It just helps us stay friends.
God! Never in all my born days met such a whiny...
Good job.
Good luck. And fight proud!
Good morning, sir.
Good post!
Got any ideas?
Grant perfect rest unto the soul of Yale Goodman...
Great.
Happy, darling?
Has anybody ever died from basic?
Haven't we done enough for you? Given you everything you wanted?
He always shows me a hip time.
He never showed up?
He promised me he'd put in a good word with Captain Lewis.
He thinks he's getting evicted. Let me just talk to him.
He was a Red for about five seconds.
He's back!
He's beautiful.
He's not the only one.
Hello, baby!
Hello, Night Owl, you're on the air.
Her boyfriend beat her up. I prescribed a sedative for her to sleep.
Her hair is the worst!
Here, darling. Here you are.
Here, we turn out the best fed, best trained...
Here, we turn out the best fed, best trained...
Here's the rest of the squad. Privates Glass, Gianelli...
Hey, blood, how you doing? All right, looking good!
Hi, Daddy.
Hi, Mom.
Hi, Yale.
Holy shit!
Home.
Honey, good!
Honey, I'm nervous.
Honey, who was that?
Hopefully not too long, sir.
How about every Friday night?
How about Guam?
How come you broke up? Or is that too personal?
How could you do this to your parents?
How long ago did you and this...
How long you married? Anything more than 15 years, you lose the house.
How many times have you been married?
How much better?
How was it?
How's that?
I adore you.
I am certain this soldier is not cleared for that level.
I am relaxed!
I am, sir.
I apologize for yesterday's indiscretion. An unforgivable breach of discipline.
I bet that's headed back to base. Let's follow it.
I bet the war games are over by now.
I brought a little something I think you're going to love.
I can smell fear in any man and passion in any woman!
I can. The recruiter told me quit anytime I want.
I can't believe it!
I can't believe this!
I can't believe you married Goodman...
I can't get married without it.
I can't hear you!
I can't hear you.
I can't wait to see them. It's going to be so much fun.
I can't. I'm afraid...
I could get used to you.
I could have lived with you, Arnie.
I didn't recognize you without nails in your mouth.
I do need to get away.
I don't care how much you cry.
I don't care what your lousy recruiter told you, Benjamin.
I don't get it. What do you do after a thing like that?
I don't hate you, I love you.
I don't know how to say this, but you were starting to act a bit weird again.
I don't know if it was official.
I don't know, from the hotel.
I don't know. I'm petrified.
I don't know. Maybe.
I don't think so, sir, but thanks anyway.
I don't want to be in the Army!
I don't want to have to go to your boss, okay?
I don't want to see you stop running unless you collapse, faint or puke!
I even joined the Communist Party for her for a week.
I feel better now.
I finally got the nerve to pay Henri a surprise visit.
I fly 6,000 miles to attend my daughter's wedding...
I get the Hoover.
I got a charming apartment through an ad in Stars and Stripes.
I got it from the song.
I got transferred to Fort Ord, California.
I guess it's not carpeting for the living room.
I guess this is the Thorndog.
I guess you must have been alone.
I had an orgasm once.
I had to see Claire.
I hate to interrupt you, but could I speak to you for a sec?
I have been assigned to a new post.
I have never looked worse in my life!
I have to go anyway.
I haven't slept this late in 3 months.
I hope her coat's good enough. I had no idea it'd be so chilly.
I hope it hasn't soured you on the military.
I hope it's not Delta to Miami.
I hope you catch a cloud, Benjamin. Not a feeling like it in the world.
I joined the one with the condos and the private rooms.
I joined up, but I'm not staying. There's been a mistake.
I just can't believe that you're in this Army.
I just didn't want anybody I knew to hear me on the radio.
I just don't understand how you could be with Claire...
I just took your picture, mama!
I just want to see the recap of tonight's game.
I just want to talk to you.
I know how all you ladies drool over this...
I know this is a very awkward time to do this...
I love it.
I love you so much.
I love you.
I mean the bed frames, the window ledges...
I never go to someone's home empty handed!
I never!
I paid 8,000 francs for this rug.
I promise, you'll be in the best physical shape you've ever been in.
I read the report.
I really appreciate your confidence in me.
I rearranged my closet.
I respect you.
I said, drop it!
I should tell you, my name is really Judy.
I slept with her one night when you were acting crazy.
I therefore declare you, Yale and Judy...
I think you took my blanket.
I thought I was getting too old.
I thought I'd be filling up my freezer...
I thought it would be a few leg lifts, a little stretching...
I thought you and I could be friends, but you're...
I told you I'm doing Yale's study in mushroom.
I took my life in my own hands. I made a mistake.
I tried to be macho, but those guys are better at being men than I am!
I want to be normal again.
I want to be your wife, not your friend.
I want to give you two a little something from mother and me...
I want to go out to lunch.
I want to have a baby with you.
I was a skinny fighting lad No more than seventeen
I was in the first wave of the Rangers at Normandy on D day.
I was jumping out of airplanes...
I was not in your bed, madame. I make your bed.
I was stationed over there for 26 months.
I was surprised to see her.
I was talking to Max.
I was...
I wish I knew you better.
I won't let you shoot your mouth off, blemishing my record with innuendo.
I would like to know how this item got into my bed.
I would've been Mrs. Alan Bates so fast...
I'd hate to see this incident jeopardize your career.
I'd like you to meet my wife.
I'd love some, thank you.
I'd love to dance.
I'd love to have a baby.
I'd never done nothing in my life before. Nothing!
I'll be on my honeymoon Monday.
I'll be up at the crack of dawn here.
I'll call you from Jamaica.
I'll give you a future, a home, a name. For once don't be stupid!
I'll just cross it out.
I'll lead the remaining troops to the east.
I'll show my mother, she'll go crazy!
I'll straighten it out when the manager gets here.
I'll take her down. You trust me, don't you?
I'm 28.
I'm ashamed, but I'm afraid to die.
I'm coming.
I'm damn proud of them, like I'm proud of you girls.
I'm glad you're back in one piece.
I'm going to call out your names and I want you to line up behind me.
I'm going to make love to you, and I'll take you to my favorite bistro.
I'm going to set you free, Doreen.
I'm going to take you.
I'm *******.
I'm just a few hours early.
I'm not going to let you down.
I'm not in the mood. Suddenly I feel nauseous.
I'm not the Army type.
I'm not the great Thornie.
I'm prepared to offer you $458 a month, train you in the job of your choice...
I'm Private Winter...
I'm really attracted to you.
I'm sorry that things just didn't work out here for Judy.
I'm sorry, but it's against regulations for you to associate with this man.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. He gets nervous around new people.
I'm sorry. I'll never do it again! I want to wear my sandals!
I'm sure you could've found a yard of mushroom fabric.
I'm telling you, there is no other Army.
I'm the only child...
I'm thinking about...
I'm thirty four...
I'm with Olivetti of Tokyo.
I'm your post commander.
I've got a reward for you, my little hero.
I've never been to Asbury Park in my life.
I've never danced as a soldier before.
I've never danced with a soldier before.
I've never not belonged to somebody.
I've seen it, ma'am.
Identify yourself, soldier!
If I knew you better, I'd show you my dog tags.
If I'm not going to be married...
If Patton were alive, he would slap your face.
If we can't get back by tomorrow...
If you can remember...
If you can't read that map, why don't you just say it?
If you sign here on the dotted line, you're as good as home, young lady.
If you're ever in Biloxi.
If you're ever in Paris...
In 1952 I was standing with my troops on the banks of the Yalu River, waiting.
In a sec.
In the presence of these witnesses...
Innuendo? Try ****.
Inside and out.
Inspection, ladies!
Is it smart to fire the maid just before the wedding?
Is there a problem?
It breaks my little old heart...
It comes with the house. What'll you do with one oven?
It does not happen overnight. You must have the strength...
It is so good to meet you in person.
It means, It makes no difference in German.
It must have fallen.
It was Claire.
It was just what I needed.
It was nice meeting you.
It wasn't Atlantic City. It was Asbury Park, but it's all right.
It will be like 3 years at La Costa.
It would've been too much of a hassle to do. It was a bad idea.
It'll be hell...
It's a great house, but don't be impressed. It's a hand me down.
It's a hell of a job you did today!
It's a job, like anything else.
It's also pretty obvious that you need guidance, security...
It's an absolute vision.
It's disgusting!
It's either him...
It's fair. I allocated for myself what was mine before our marriage.
It's godlike.
It's good to see you up.
It's in French.
It's Judy.
It's late now. 6:30 a.m. Monday...
It's my pleasure. Just use it in good health.
It's not exactly Versailles, but it's home.
It's not my rule, that's just the way it is.
It's not true, sir.
It's only for 3 years.
It's our wedding night. It's not real romantic making love in the sink.
It's the Fort Ord Army Base in Monterey, California.
It's the reality of things sometimes...
It's the seat of our democracy! Thornie Two is from Philadelphia.
It's very important for a father to know...
Jean Paul!
Jerry, if you call her you'll screw it up. That's my job, all right?
Jessica, I do hate...
Jesus, you still believe your recruiter?
Johnny is my southeastern U.S. Sales manager.
Join the Army.
Jude, get me a cigarette.
Judith?
Judy Benjamin, this is Johnny Rourke.
Judy Benjamin.
Judy Goodman
Judy who?
Judy, don't hate me for saying this or nothing...
Judy!
Judy.
Judy's always been a good girl. Always!
Just be thankful for the friendship...
Just here. Good, sweetie!
Just keep marching, Benjamin!
Just one thing.
Keep in touch, shall we?
Keep the boat, it's a male item.
Keeps them on their toes.
Kid, you look wonderful! Please give me a hug.
Kiss me first.
La Costa. That's good!
Ladies!
Lady Luck!
Learn from it.
Left, right! Left!
Leo and I and Judy's parents...
Let me share it with you.
Let's go to my room.
Let's go.
Let's just go straight north.
Let's not keep in touch, shall we!
Let's see...
Let's see... just got into town.
Line 4, have you got advice for Jessica?
Listen to me.
Listen to me.
Listen, thanks, but I don't need the loan.
Listen, the tablecloths...
Liz?
Look at these stains. God knows where this has been.
Look at this place. The Army couldn't afford d****s?
Look what we got!
Look who I found!
Look who I found! Mr. Waxman, the upholsterer.
Look, I've got to go back to the base.
Look, it's the Red Army headquarters.
Looks beige y to me, Ma. This isn't the right color, is it?
Looks great, but you don't know me.
Lord of mercy, bring him into Thy presence...
Ma'am!
Ma'am. Yes, ma'am.
Ma'am. Yes, ma'am.
MacArthur phoned. Come home, Thornie...
Malaria? Pass.
Man on the floor! In front of your cots at attention!
May I ask what you were doing in my bed?!
May I see your toothbrush? Please?
Maybe you got brain damage.
Maybe you hate us.
Mazel tov!
Me?
Me? Read it to the council?
Meet two of our Thornbirds! Lieutenant Gomez and Sergeant Gates.
Meeting you tonight was...
Merde! I'm late.
Mom.
Monsieur Shiffman! Thank God!
Monsieur, my son is very reliable.
Most of them are inert...
Move it, Benjamin!
Move it!
Move it!
Mr. Waxman, I wanted upholstered balls.
Mr. Waxman, we've been through this a zillion times.
Mr. Waxman, you finished the ottoman!
My companies are the best trained...
My dad's here on a medical conference and we all came.
My ex girlfriend, Claire, painted it.
My first boyfriend was in nursery school. I was two...
My God, how are you, darling?
My God! Open, please!
My hair will frizz.
My hair!
My heartfelt congratulations and best wishes.
My husband had a heart attack and died.
My husband had a heart attack...
My job is to turn you lovely ladies and gentlemen...
My Lord! Sergeant, would you look at this!
My love to Moe and Gianelli. Votre amie, Private B.
My M. O. S. Is Purchasing Specialist...
My name is Jim.
My name is Sergeant L.C. Ross.
My philosophy of life has gotten me through some very rough times.
My superior is a terrific guy...
My therapist said that I had a neurotic need to find a father figure.
My wife.
Never.
Next time don't be so quick to raise the white flag.
No I'm not.
No shit!
No, Benjamin...
No, Benjamin...
No, I am a great leader!
No, I told your Uncle Phil I'd meet him to look at his lease.
No, I want to be perfectly conscious when I call a cab.
No, really! My recruiter, Jim Ballard, told me that...
No, Rick was a tennis pro at the El San Juan.
No, sir.
No, sir.
No, sir. We do not, because we are also the Blue Team, sir.
No, thanks.
No, to call her.
No, where were you? I was so scared.
No, you were right about that.
No, you'll be halved at worst. You're okay.
No.
No.
No.
Nobody stops being a Communist. It's a terminal disease.
Not romantic though, much too independent.
Not so fast.
Not to mention the fact that his daddy, the preacher...
Not tonight, Del, thanks.
Nothing.
Now I know what I've been faking all these years.
Now you show me no respect.
Now!
Number two!
Off your asses! On your feet!
Oh, dear!
Oh, God, full of compassion, thou who dwellest on high.
Oh, God!
Oh, honey!
Oh, yes, sir!
Okay, I gave it to you.
Okay, she stays until after the wedding.
Okay?
Okinawa?
On Monday you will receive...
Once...
Only tortured lawyers.
Or you!
Osaka.
Our daughter disappears...
Outstanding, Winter. Outstanding.
Overwhelming enemy forces approaching.
Oy vey!
Pardon, Madame!
People love me!
People think I'm in a mental home?
Personally, I think you've gone temporarily insane.
Philadelphia Night Owl, you're on the air.
Philadelphia Night Owl, you're on the air.
Philadelphia, sir.
Pick it up! Pick it up! Close it up!
Picked up Henri's soccer uniform.
Platoon, halt!
Please! I can barely speak during the throes of passion.
Please.
Prenups is the only way to get around this and it's too late.
Prenups, babe!
PRIVATE BENJAMIN
Private Benjamin has made herself vulnerable to a Red, sir.
Private Benjamin?
Private Benjamin.
Private Winter!
Private Winter!
Que Será, Será.
Quiet!
Quiet...
Quit.
Red Team captured!
Relax, Benjamin, you don't have to jump!
Relax, Benjamin, you don't have to jump!
Relax.
Reveille! Let's go!
Right there.
Rita Hayworth, I swear to God!
Ross, take the platoon...
S.H.A.P.E. Is an amazing place.
Sate.
Schmuck?!
See you at 13,000 feet, okay?
See, I've been in this room eight days...
Shake, Scrabble!
Shall I make a long story short?
Shall I stop being nice to people because we're marrying?
She didn't swim because she didn't want her hair wet.
She gained back some of the weight.
She had a good time, but she landed wrong.
She is in so much trouble. You've no idea what I've been through.
She sent me out to find you guys and...
She wants to be alone.
She wants to be alone.
She's a hard worker.
She's crazy again.
She's getting married.
She's very... popular...
Should I wait for you here?
Simulated combat will test your skills and courage.
Since Yale's fu...
Sincerely.
Sir, I am, sir.
Sir, Private Benjamin, sir!
Sir.
Sir. Yes, sir!
Sit down, Judy.
Sit down.
Sit!
Sit!
Six hours?
So do you.
So follow us.
So it was the Army or jail?
So set your phone down and turn your radio up, okay?
Sorry it's taken me so long to write, but I've been very busy.
Sorry, Helga.
Sorry.
Starting tomorrow, I do not let you out of my sight.
State your full name.
Stay. I want you to be here when I get back at three o'clock.
Step on it.
Stop gabbing and let this soldier...
Surprised? I'd call it catatonic.
Swamp?
Sweetheart...
Take it easy, girl! Shape up!
Take off!
Take off!
Take the prisoners.
Take the ring.
Team C!
Teddy, you're amazing!
Tell Henri how long we've known your parents.
Thank you, ma'am!
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thanks, Mom.
Thanks.
That I will bear true faith and allegiance...
That is so untrue!
That material is highly classified, sir.
That material is highly classified, sir.
That takes 2 minutes, you were gone 4 hours.
That was nice.
That was your first?
That you're in an Army barracks in Mississippi with a bunch of...
That's ancient history. The smartest thing she ever did was to marry you.
That's as close as you're going to get to mushroom in Philadelphia.
That's because this is the Army...
That's for the future, not Lord and Taylor, you little jerk!
That's good Army.
That's just the way I am.
That's my former career.
That's nice, Teddy.
That's purchasing. I've cut your orders, you leave at 1500.
That's the swamp.
That's what we told everyone.
That's why I don't like it.
That's why I've put you on special assignment, transferred to another post.
The Army is the best kept secret in the world, Judy.
The backbone of the U.S. Army.
The Benjamins!
The Big T is a great judge of character.
The Blue Team has surrendered.
The Blue Team has surrendered. The Red Team has won.
The bum never showed up for the game. Isn't he here?
The Colonel says I can do it. I guess I can.
The Colonel's motto is, Life is a series...
The dog is deaf.
The first thing we'll do is put you through your in processing.
The first time for six weeks...
The first time I ever did it...
The first time, I was twenty.
The girl's 29 years old and trained to do nothing.
The important thing is, Judy's Judy again.
The Lemishes are terrific people...
The next 6 weeks will be the test.
The only good thing about it was that what's her name.
The place was a mess. I hung up clothes and did dishes.
The question is how long you'll continue as a Thornbird.
The Red Team has won, so follow us.
The security data was unavailable to me, sir.
The sorriest excuse for a man That you have ever seen
The thing is, and then I'll shut up...
The top military headquarters in Europe.
The wedding is in yellow...
Then about twice a week, I spring a surprise inspection on them.
Then clear her, Captain.
Then let's do it to it!
Then we'll expect a revised report by the next council session.
There are 75 people waiting for you. Couldn't you have phoned?
There are other ways you can serve.
There are two bids we recommend: Sergio Devoto's Driving Academy...
There are urinals in there.
There's definitely something wrong with that, isn't there?
There's over 300 jobs, and only a couple of them not offered to ladies.
They didn't tell me it was you.
They do now.
They don't have women Thornbirds.
They're coming over on Army Transport next week.
Think I'll stay.
This brassiere isn't regulation, Ross.
This could be a big night for you.
This is my blanket. You gave it to me.
This is the color of hair I was talking about.
This is the most pathetic group of trainees I have ever laid my eyes on.
This is too much! Judy, give Gabrielle back the cross.
This is true.
This is your night!
This place is a sty.
This ring is a symbol that you are my husband.
This ring is a symbol that you are my husband.
Thompson, Hike...
Thornbirds?
Thornie Two, sir?
Those look like condos.
Time to wake up now.
To be truthful with you, I can't sleep in a room with 20 strangers.
To see you looking like your old self again, you have no idea!
To the day room...
Took Henri's car to the shop. Made Henri's hair appointment.
Trained killers, stuff like that.
Troops are dismissed. I will see you tomorrow at graduation.
Turn around, let me see the outfit. Oh God, doll! Gorgeous!
Twice.
Two weeks ago I was like a god to you!
Understood.
UNITED STATES ARMY RECRUITING STATION
Up! Down!
Upholstered balls?
Very hip.
Wait a minute! Is this mushroom piping?
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute. Who is that with your parents?
Wait for me, please.
Wait just one second.
Was she a good maid before she met me?
We are sad to see her go.
We can't afford any more trouble on account of you.
We don't need this kind of thing between us. We'll make it.
We have bases all over the world.
We have enough bodies to spell help?
We run them out...
We said that you had a collapse...
We thought you were kidnapped. The FBI was looking for you...
We took her up, almost had to shove her out!
We'll be in Jamaica 6:30 Monday.
We'll call your parents.
We'll fire her after the wedding.
We'll still have Sunday breakfasts?
We're approaching, sir.
We're getting married in a week.
We're going to have to do this again real soon.
We're lost. We've passed that same alligator 7 times.
We're not blind to the fact that half of Europe is Communistic.
We're not interested.
We're talking Laemil Lefebvre, my preacher's son.
Welcome to the Biloxi War Games, the Super Bowl of Basic Training.
Welcome...
Well, I didn't get it.
What am I going to do? I'm a wreck.
What are these, yachts?
What are you doing in New Orleans?
What are you doing to me? What is this about? Gabrielle?
What are you doing?
What are you saying?
What are you thinking?
What are you trying to tell me, sir?
What did you get?
What did you get?
What did your friends say when they called?
What do you want from me? I didn't ask her to punish everybody!
What does that look like to you?
What else?
What I'm saying is, I think I can help you find a new life.
What is this, hell week?
What it's like to be a WAC?
What now?
What should I think? She's the world's worst maid!
What should we say?
What time is it?
What you needed?
What, penguins? Forget it!
What?
What?
What?
What? Club Med?
What? Want a divorce already?
What?!
What's gotten into you lately? It's like I live with the kid from the Exorcist!
What's happening, Judy?
What's the matter, honey? Are you a crybaby?
What's the story with you and this Tremont character?
What's your name, Princess?
What's your name, Princess?
Wheels?!
When I met you, you were in the Army.
When I'm not working I play soccer.
When you fall off the horse, you got to climb right back on.
Where are the yachts?
Where are you going?
Where are you going?
Where do you hail from?
Where is Henri?
Where is the Red Team Commander?
Where shall we go tonight? Regine's?
Where you left eet!
Where's the fire? Come on.
Which one of you is Private Benjamin?
While we were making love.
While you are waiting in line for your processing, you will not, I repeat...
Who is your friend, Doreen?
Who knows what we'd do in her place.
Who's here from security?
Whoop de do!
Why are you punishing us?
Why are you spying on me?
Why don't we go and get in bed?
Why don't you.
Why?
Why?
Why? Because everybody I know is ten feet away.
Will you look at this? GI Judy!
With this ring be thou consecrated unto me as my wife.
Would you like to dance?
Would you please just shut up, Benjamin!
Yale will be thrilled.
Yale, how could you do this to me?
Yeah, hi.
Yes, I do. Hi, Jessica.
Yes, sir. I'm working on that now.
You are obviously incapable of making your own decisions.
You better?
You can get the whitefish on your way over.
You can't mean me. I worked the night shift.
You cannot expect me to give you...
You could eat off that floor.
You did Claire's dishes?
You do?
You don't have to jump.
You don't see me getting hung up on your old boyfriends and husbands.
You finally succeeded in making a fool out of me, didn't you?
You got the yachts, honey! You got the yachts!
You have earned the right to call yourselves...
You have two company commanders to lead you through basic.
You keep this up and we'll talk officer's candidate school.
You know your Aunt Kissy is living with us now.
You know, I've been married to men I haven't felt this comfortable with.
You look perfect.
You look very beautiful today.
You lucked out. I read in the Enquirer this morning...
You mind if I check into my room first?
You must be nervous about the big jump tomorrow.
You must be very special.
You see, I did join the Army, but I joined a different Army.
You shouldn't be saddled with a lot of responsibilities and decisions now.
You stood with your tongue hanging out.
You think I like schlepping in rain all day and night?
You understand me?
You want it, I'll get it.
You want it!
You want to walk down the aisle with me or not?
You were never a smart girl. We're all going to stop pretending now.
You were nothing, picking up strangers in bars!
You were with Claire?
You will no longer be known as trainees.
You'll be filling out these forms.
You'll know what I mean when your daughter gets married.
You'll serve as Captain Lewis' aide de camp.
You're a good man.
You're all going to scour every inch of this rat's nest!
You're having an anxiety attack. I'll give you a shot to calm down.
You're in a veil of white, not a sound except your beating heart.
You're my prisoner of war, that's what's happening!
You're not real talkative, are you, Soyer?
You're not thinking about opening a store?
You're on my hair, get off my hair.
You're shocked?
You're such a schmuck!
You're the most insensitive person I've ever met.
You're up for a promotion.
You've got to remember that I used to be a very active person.
Your ass is going to Greenland for a reason.
Your first husband was a lawyer?
Your mother's coming along very nicely.
Your objective is to capture and blow up Red Team's communication center.
Your objective is to guard this area here.
4 hours? Try 28 years.
A job in procurement. Procurement?
Am I making sense? No.
Are we at the fort? Yes we are.
Are you Jessica? Jim?
Arnie! So you did it, huh?
Arnie! So you did it, huh?
Calm down, Benjamin! What if I fall upside down?
Can't you hear? Can't you move?
Come on, Peanut. Where're we going?
Did this bathroom turn out gorgeous? This ass is gorgeous.
Don't bad French artists have phones? She was overwrought.
Excuse me, are you a reporter? Who, me?
Forget it! What? I'm what?
Good to meet you, Mrs. Thornbush. Good to meet you, Miss Lady Thornbird.
Got one more question. Shoot.
He will be here shortly. It just isn't right!
Henri Tremont. Benjamin, Judy.
Honey, not here! Please, why not? Come on!
Honey, you're going to be an officer. There goes a beautiful friendship.
Honey! Please?
How are you? God, I'm fine.
How'd you get to speak English so well? Baltimore.
I ain't your nothing. Get that... I mean what I say!
I ain't your nothing. Get that... I mean what I say!
I could vomit in midair! Take it easy!
I don't think I did. Maybe you just forgot.
I don't? No!
I have to clean this up. You go play. I'll clean up.
I kind of like it. So do I.
I want it back, okay? Take it.
I want us to be together always. We will!
I want you to sign this. What is it?
I'll hot wire it. You know how?
I'm afraid, Colonel. I'm not brave. Take it easy!
I'm not a WAC. How often do you talk to your folks?
I'm quitting. Girl, you can't quit this Army.
Isn't he totally gorgeous? Totally.
It's November here, Kissy. It's November everywhere, genius!
It's romantic making love anywhere. I know. I love you.
Just to get a sip of champagne. I want to go with you.
Let's go into the bedroom. We're going into the bedroom next.
Lewis is going to just kill us! There's a plane!
Lift your back leg. I don't have a back leg.
Look what we got. Listen, Captain Lewis...
Macht nichts. What?
Maryland? I went to med school at Johns Hopkins.
Morning. Nine o'clock?
MP School. You can put your violence to good use.
My feet hurt. Your feet will be fine.
Now just a minute! She was.
Of course, Daddy. Good.
Oh, honey! What?
Oh, shit! Don't worry.
Oh, sweetie! What?
Outstanding! Thank you, sir!
Sell everything and buy her new. Buy her new? She'll live with us.
Sir. Fall in, Benjamin.
Smoke and flame specialist. What's that?
Tell your men to hang on, Benjamin! Hang on, men.
Thanks for marrying me. You're welcome.
That'll never happen to us. I know.
There's Claire. Where?
They're having a good time. Please? No, I'll ruin my dress.
Truthfully, you don't miss the Army? What's to miss? $400 a month?
We came from the north! Let's go south.
What am I, Magellan? What are we going to guard, algae?
What if she doesn't want to? She doesn't know what she wants.
What? I don't know what!
What? OCS.
What? Wait, honey.
What's happening, girl? What can I tell you?
What's it supposed to be, death? No, it's a self portrait.
Where are you going? Sunday soccer.
Where were you? I'm fine.
Where's Benjamin? Right there.
Where's Captain Wooldridge? In the tent interrogating a P.O.W.
Yes, sir! Can I offer your team a lift?
Yes, sir. The war games are concluded.
You can do it! Trust me! I can't!
You don't want to know this. I do want to know.
You owe me $6.95. You got it!
You're not going to work now? No, I'm not going to work.
Your dress is fine. Come on! Honey, please? I don't want to.
Your lover boy's a Red! Don't be ridiculous!
Your name, soldier? Private Winter, ma'am.
...a key role in the defense of the free world.
...a little extra happiness.
...a special responsibility which will play...
...a Turkish officer named Lieutenant Rahmi.
...about your misfortune.
...according to regulations.
...and all the croissants I can eat.
...and all the gifts I have to return.
...and at S.H.A.P.E. It was like nonstop chaos.
...and be getting this new pine sideboard that I ordered and...
...and butterscotch.
...and died on our wedding night.
...and give you a 30 day paid vacation. I'll tell you something...
...and he was three and since then...
...and I live alone in Neuilly, on the outskirts of Paris.
...and I'd like somebody to call me by my name.
...and ladies.
...and let his soul be bound up in the bond of eternal life.
...and my father is also a doctor.
...and my house...
...and tenderness you and Yale had the opportunity to share.
...and that you were in a mental home.
...and the groom is playing soccer!
...and the orders of the officers over me...
...and the second time...
...and will obey the orders...
...attention!
...but 4 hours of making long stories short was driving me crazy.
...but I have been assigned to a new post.
...but I think I can be of assistance in locating Private Benjamin.
...but I want to break up.
...but not in my outfit.
...but some are ert.
...but very nice. Very nice!
...but you got to get right back into circulation.
...but you really might be better off.
...but you'll be glad you did it.
...by saying there is any justice in this world.
...canari et banane.
...candy ass as you!
...Captain William Wooldridge, Bravo Company.
...Captain William Wooldridge, Bravo Company.
...chow time.
...double dated in Atlantic City, before even any one of us was married.
...during the throes of passion.
...for eight days without a single word.
...for six hours.
...from all enemies, foreign and domestic.
...get some chow.
...going to call, but I wasn't feeling very good.
...good friends and a healthy dose of self confidence, Jessica.
...half of a house that's been in my family for centuries.
...head due west.
...here at Fort Biloxi, of Alpha Company.
...his daughter's going to be well taken care of. Don't laugh!
...husband and wife.
...I don't know what I'm supposed to do with myself.
...I got captured.
...I haven't done anything wrong.
...I will support and defend...
...I'm afraid I missed the security data on these drivers.
...I've been pinned, lavaliered, engaged...
...into United States soldiers.
...is not a Communist. He's a gynecologist.
...it's not a sorority house.
...it's not a Tylenol headache.
...it's not our year. I am a good leader.
...Katz, Byron...
...married twice.
...maybe a disco class, you know.
...Moe, Benjamin...
...Mom just fainted.
...my chute won't open.
...my family...
...of challenges to be met and mastered.
...of such dignitaries as General Alexander Haig...
...of the President of the United States...
...on the double!
...or I'll drum your ass out of S.H.A.P.E. So fast it'll make your head spin.
...or us.
...orgasm, you know.
...painter break up?
...pay for your food, your housing, all your medical...
...place.
...President Giscard d'Estaing, Mick Jagger...
...Private Moe and Private Soyer, sir.
...Richter!
...she decided she wanted to try it. Remember, Ed?
...soldiers, but it doesn't come easy.
...Soyer!
...telling us how fine you are and that you'd enlisted in the Army.
...that guy wouldn't have known what hit him.
...that marriage causes cancer.
...that the Arabs had first dibs on the West Bank.
...that the Arabs had first dibs on the West Bank.
...that was kind of nice and tingly.
...the best disciplined soldiers on this base.
...the blue team. I will be observing the exercises from the air.
...the linoleum...
...the one job I've trained for all my life.
...the self discipline, and mental stamina necessary...
...the self discipline, and mental stamina necessary...
...the toilet seats.
...they don't always work out exactly as they are planned, so...
...they'll send a search plane.
...they're terrible. The color, la couleur, is all wrong.
...this Fonzie character...
...this is the Army!
...this is the Army!
...to have to bust up our winning team...
...to meet the standards of the United States Army.
...to stop your free association, but our switchboard's flooded.
...to the Biloxi, Mississippi Basic Training Center.
...to the same...
...today.
...United States soldiers, and I'm proud of each of you.
...was on an overnight hike with my Bible class.
...was right over there, just about ten feet away.
...we'll play racquetball. We'll figure it out then. Can you wait?
...what happened to the mushroom?
...what were Yale's last words?
...when I was with my first husband, I got to this place...
...when some stranger calls...
...when you could've had me.
...when you could've had me.
...which teaches evasive driving to the chauffeurs...
...which unite your lives.
...while you divulge classified information...
...who has departed from this world.
...will be given...
...with all the other girls.
...with your education and background...
...you spoke words and performed the rites...
...you will not be flapping your lips.
...your advanced individual training assignments.
14 weeks ago, Monday. You're still counting it in weeks?

Viral
Funny