Hostel (2005) Edit

A museum.

A surgeon...

About the way I reacted.

Actually, I just wanna find my friend and get the fuck out of here.

Alexei. But call me Alex.

All I knew was this little girl was dead and her mother's life was ruined.

All right? I wanna see some art.

All right.

All right.

American.

American.

And I am a meat eater.

And she couldn't see her. Probably thought I was making it up.

And the bottom line is, pussy's pussy.

And they love anyone foreign, especially American.

Anything.

Anyway, we went all over France...

Are you coming or what?

Aren't you a little young?

As well as we may think we know Oli, we don't really know him.

Barcelona, so many Americans.

Be careful.

Be quiet.

Because I didn't fucking check out, dude.

Because I just wanted to fucking do it quick.

Bubble gum.

But I'll be back, okay?

But it's supposed to be a real rush, right?

But now I'm thinking maybe I wanna feel it, you know?

But Slovakia? No one there.

But this, this is something you never forget, right?

But we can't rail a girl who's in a coma.

But we're not in America.

But you should do...

Bye.

California.

Can I ask you something personal? Do you mind?

Can I leave a note in case he comes back?

Can you guess why?

Can't you keep your Viking ass in your pants for, like, two seconds?

Casino, girls.

Chill out, man. You're on vacation.

Cigarette.

Cigarette.

Clitoris or clitoris, however you wanna say that.

Come here.

Come here.

Come on, faggot.

Come on, let me see yours. We're all in the same club.

Come on, let's go. Where are we going?

Come, let's dance.

Come, sit.

Converter. Okay, whatever, where is this art show...

Could you do me a favor and send this picture to my phone?

Did we come to Europe just to smoke pot?

Did you do it real slow...

Did you not listen to my messages? I got locked in a storage room.

Didn't you check out?

Do you have any private rooms? We're probably gonna need them.

Do you see a single other person in here with a fucking fanny pack?

Do you wanna go to the train with us? To the train station?

Do you wanna go to the train with us? To the train station?

Dollar.

Don't touch! Don't fucking touch me!

Don't, please.

Don't. Don't.

Dude, did I tell you I saw a girl drown when I was 8?

Dude, you finally hooked up. That's awesome.

Edward Saladhands just groped Josh.

Every fucking chick smokes. Stop being a pussy.

Excuse me, it's my turn now.

Excuse me?

Excuse me.

Excuse me. Excuse me.

Face on the ass. Never gets old.

Faggot.

For 50 grand, she better be worth it.

For you, free.

Fuck this, too fucking American, dude. I'm going fucking old school.

Fuck, man.

Fuck, maybe he's in Iceland. The guy's got a daughter.

Fuck!

Fuck! Oh, fuck!

Fuck! Oh, fuck!

Fuck.

Fuck.

Fuck.

Fuck.

Fuck. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Hold still. Hold still.

Fucker.

Fucking freak.

Fucking gay.

Fucking pussy.

Get the fuck off me!

Get the fuck off me!

Get your own fucking room. I paid for this.

Go. Go, go, go.

God.

Goddamn!

Good.

Goodbye.

Guys, this is fucking awesome, man.

Handsome devil. He is handsome.

Have you seen Josh?

He could've gone somewhere with that girl.

He has a relationship with it.

He is with your friend...

He just wouldn't check out without so much as leaving a note, you know.

He open up the pussy all over the Europe.

He touches it.

He was gonna throw down with a 400 pound Dutchman.

He's fucking genius.

He's part of it.

He's probably still with Vala. When she call me, I call you, okay?

He's the responsible one.

Hello, Mr. American.

Hello?

Hello? Hello?

Hello.

Her kid was dead.

Here are your keys.

Here, children commit the most crime.

Hey, buddy.

Hey, close the door. You watch, you pay.

Hey, come on, I'm paying, man.

Hey, guys, hold up a sec. We'll be right out.

Hey, hey, guys. Up here. Climb quickly.

Hey, hey. The party has arrived.

Hey, I don't know why you guys are waiting.

Hey, I know what to do.

Hey, I think the Anne Frank house is around here.

Hey, Josh, call me soon as you get this, man.

Hey, Josh.

Hey, Kana, when are you leaving?

Hey, Kana, you wanna go to the disco with us?

Hey, let me buy you a drink.

Hey, man, I shaved my ass just for you.

Hey, Oli, it's Pax. Are you still with that chick?

Hey, Oli.

Hey, Oli.

Hey, Oli.

Hey!

Hey!

Hey!

Hey.

Hey.

Holy shit.

How about some life experience, right there in that room.

How about the hemp museum?

How are we supposed to understand this without subtitles?

How are you gonna get over your chick if you don't bang some new pussy?

How do I look?

How far east?

How is it in there?

How was it?

How you doing?

How you say, for electricity?

How'd you do it?

How's it hanging?

Hygiene and... Am I talking?

I agree, but I shouldn't have to pay for it.

I appreciate it more.

I believe people have lost their relationship with food.

I believe...

I call you back, but child answer.

I came all the way from Iceland.

I can help you.

I could find out tomorrow.

I didn't fucking do shit to you, what the fuck!

I don't fucking know what...

I don't know, I got sick and passed out.

I don't know, maybe his battery died.

I feel fucking ridiculous in this thing, but I guess you need it, huh?

I feel like a butcher or a surgeon or some shit, know what I mean?

I feel sick.

I get a lot of money for you...

I get a lot of money for you...

I go home?

I got locked in that club. It was retarded, dude.

I guess Oli's not back yet.

I just felt like I could have done more.

I just fucked a girl two days ago, I don't even remember the color of her tits.

I just fucking love that shit. You know what they got for me?

I just wanted to get it over with.

I just....

I know you don't wanna do this.

I like to have a connection with something that died for me.

I like to have a connection with something that died for me.

I mean, I was a senior, you know, she was a junior...

I mean, I'd wake up every fucking night hearing that mother scream.

I mean, I'm totally over it. It's... You know, it's cool.

I mean, no offense, but...

I mean, people meet each other and split without saying shit.

I pay. I pay, man. Come on.

I prefer to use my hands.

I promise I won't tell anybody.

I put away.

I ran to the lifeguard, who was busy talking to her boyfriend at the time...

I think that's illegal even in Amsterdam.

I thought you were a Jew, man. This guy's a fucking Israeli!

I wanted to say sorry about earlier.

I would have done the same thing at your age.

I'll be out in a second, guy.

I'm at the hostel.

I'm fucking awesome!

I'm gonna send him a really nice thank you note.

I'm not fucking American!

I'm not fucking... Look at me. I'm not fucking American.

I'm so happy I shaved my balls.

I'm sorry, dude.

I'm sorry, I thought you were someone else.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. When are you going away?

I'm the first in line for sneepur.

I'm the King of the Swing.

I'm, like... I'm tired.

I've been all over the world. You know, I've been everywhere.

I've been waiting almost a week for this shit.

I've seen this show.

If you want, I will go with you.

In English, please.

In fact, I am the one paying them.

In this area...

Is that so?

Is that what you want?

It is not uncommon.

It was fine.

It was fine. It was whatever.

It was fucked up, man. This little girl, probably 4 or 5.

It was that little girl's mother, dude.

It's a fucking fag fest in there. Wall to wall fucking cock.

It's fine, I....

It's from Oli.

It's human nature.

It's just how they do it over here.

It's like... They told me it's like a real fucking rush, right?

It's not easy...

It's not their fault Oli disappeared, so stop acting like it is.

It's okay.

It's okay. We are going to the spa.

It's your lucky day, Josh.

It's, like, right near the labia. Like, it hangs.

Jesus.

Jesus.

Jesus.

Josh, you want to be a fucking writer?

Josh?

Josh.

Just please let me go.

Kana.

Kana.

Let me go. Please.

Let me show you something. Pretty sweet. Check this out.

Let us the fuck in, we're freezing our balls off.

Let's go to the coffee shop first, then get some sneepur.

Look at this.

Look, Vala is here.

Looking for girls?

Man, I'm fucking... I'm tired, man. I can, like, barely stand up.

Mission accomplished.

Move this fucking truck!

No one is paying me.

No, dude, he probably took that desk girl home.

No, I'm sorry, I...

No, it say he checked out this morning.

No, Kana.

No, man, just this bag. If it's a mistake...

No, no, no, I'll just see you back at the room.

No, no, no, no, fuck! No!

No, not yet.

No, thank you. I prefer to use my hands.

No, that doesn't make any sense.

No, think they left this morning.

No, you're right. We should go to a museum.

No?

No.

No. No, fuck. No, fuck...

No. No, Kana. Kana.

No. No, wait!

Not anymore, though, you know?

Not everyone want to kill Americans.

Not museum. They went... How you say, for artist?

Not yet.

Now I have my little girl...

Oh, don't mind them.

Oh, fuck.

Oh, fuck.

Oh, fuck. No!

Oh, God, I hope bestiality is legal in Amsterdam...

Oh, I'm sorry. Excuse me.

Oh, Jesus.

Oh, Jesus.

Oh, look at that. Josh, my gift to you, man.

Oh, my God, no, no! Oh, my fucking God!

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God! No, no, no, no!

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Look, there are too many girls.

Oh, no.

Oh, please, stop!

Oh, please. What the fuck?

Oh, shit.

Oh, shit.

Oh, shit. Alex is a pimp, apparently.

Oh, that's Icelandic for clit.

Oh, yeah. Very good sneepur in Iceland.

Okay, because we may go too.

Okay, cool. Yeah.

Okay, stop.

Okay, we'll see you.

Okay? So can we go?

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay. All right.

Oli proudly presents...

Oli, hey, it's me again. We're gonna go into town, so call us.

Open the door.

Open the fucking door.

Or we could visit some factories.

Our next stop is Bratislava.

Past the bar, in the back.

Paxton.

Paxton. Come, have a drink.

Please don't do this.

Please stop it. Please stop it.

Please, I didn't fucking do anything.

Please, I have money. I'll fucking pay you.

Please, no, sir. Please fucking stop. Please!

Please, please, what the...?

Please, please. Just let me go, please.

Please, please... Fuck. Please, please, please...

Please, what the fuck is this?

Prague.

Prague's cool. Kafka.

Put your anteater away, it's totally creepy.

Red light district. Time for sneepur.

Relax. Relax, bro.

Right?

Roommates, huh? That's gay.

Sayonara. Your friend.

She miss her daddy, and Daddy miss her.

She's cute.

She's starting school this year.

Shit, man. We're never leaving here.

Should be cool.

Should we be doing this with them there?

Shut the fuck up, you fucking Americans.

Shut up.

Sneepur alert, 3 o'clock.

So I don't know what to... I'm thinking... What do you think I should do?

So I went into business...

So let's look at our options.

So wait, this place is near Bratislava?

So where are you girls from?

So, Natalya....

Someone misplace if he leaves note.

Sorry.

Sorry. Jesus.

Spa, spa, spa. Being dirty while getting clean.

Spa.

Svetlana!

Svetlana!

Talk.

Talk. Speak.

Tell me, what is your nature?

Ten times, two times, whatever you want...

Thanks, bro, but I think we'll be okay.

Thanks, but paying to do whatever you want to someone isn't a turn on.

That doesn't make any sense. Oli doesn't even like Asian girls.

That shit was classic, dude.

That was taken when I was like 1 3. I was kind of husky.

That water looks fucking cold.

That's the shit right there, dude.

That's the show?

That's why I asked for the fucking gun.

That's... That's awkward. That's awkward.

The art show.

The best.

The girls there are so hot you cannot believe it.

The Icelandic... Oh, God, how are you?

The power of the pack is yours. I'm out of here.

The room is yours. We are going to the spa.

The room is yours. We are going to the spa.

The rooms are semiprivate, so you will have roommates.

There are so many.

There is so much pussy, and because of the war, there are no guys.

There.

There's nothing right now.

These are fucking magnificent.

These fucking kids are dangerous.

These girls I met at this one hostel in Slovakia...

They are so fucked up they don't know what planet they are on.

They do not think:

They do not think:

They don't care. They will attack anyone.

They go crazy for any foreigner.

They hear your accent, they fuck you.

They tell us to tell you.

They told me they lined up something special.

They will look for you there no matter what.

They will love you. Handsome American like you.

They're showering together.

Think about it. When I'm studying for the bar and you're writing your thesis...

This is bullshit.

This is bullshit. Did somebody leave a note?

This is fucked!

This is good Amsterdam shit.

This is my jacket.

This is something who gave its life so I would not go hungry.

This is something who gave its life so I would not go hungry.

This is Svanhildur, my daughter.

This picture.

This picture.

This picture. Today?

Tomorrow, I go.

Tomorrow, train?

Too bad for you.

Trust me.

Two three seven.

Wait at hostel for your friends.

Wait, you have a daughter?

Wait. There's a guy.

We can A, fuck these girls one more night and then head to Barcelona...

We cool?

We have his picture...

We made eye contact, which was a weird thing, you know...

We started in Paris, which is where we met this drifter.

We will be right back.

We'll see him at breakfast.

We're almost there.

We're gonna get the fuck out of here, Kana.

Well, goddamn, motherfucker, for this money, it better be. Shit.

Well, I'm not.

Well, I'm vegetarian.

Well, they didn't leave a note. They didn't call or do anything.

What are you doing?

What are you, fucking deaf?

What do you mean? That bitch had the best fucking tits in Amsterdam.

What do you think of this? Come on, let me see yours.

What does that say?

What makes you think of this now?

What the f...?

What the f...? Where the fuck am I?

What the fuck do you want me to say?

What the fuck is this shit?

What the fuck is this?

What the fuck?

What the fuck?

What the fuck?

What the fuck? This is such fucking bullshit.

What the...? No, no, fucking don't you... No, no!

What was that?

What, European?

What? I don't understand what you're saying. What?

What? I have the smoothest balls in Iceland.

What? No! No, please don't...!

What...? Who are you?

What's up, Alex. This is Josh and Oli.

When did she send this to you?

Where are my friends?

Where are you from?

Where is...? Where is Oli?

Where's the restroom?

Who wants this shit? Come on, motherfucker.

Who wants this, motherfucker?

Why don't you go have fanny pack sex with him...

Why is that?

Why not, like, you know, check out a museum?

Why?

Why? What is wrong?

Women have it.

Yeah, but I tried calling them all day.

Yeah, but maybe he worried his belongings get stolen...

Yeah, but Oli's got a friend with a flat in Barcelona...

Yeah, I know. But, see, my friend Josh is the kind of guy who...

Yeah, I... No, I don't even speak Dutch.

Yeah, it's definitely a mistake. We need a fucking room.

Yeah, it's okay.

Yeah, no problem, dude, it's cool.

Yeah, of course, my horse. I was married for eight years.

Yeah, that's fucking hilarious.

Yeah, that's... No, fuck that shit.

Yeah, unlike him, I had my foreskin removed at birth.

Yeah, well, I didn't see it that way at the time.

Yeah, well, is there anything else that I can do?

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah? What did you do?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah. I'll tell you something....

Yes, but their phone, the battery die and they do not have...

Yes.

Yes.

You are free to go.

You are fucking Israeli.

You are so easy sometimes.

You are so far from home.

You buy things, you sell them. You make money, you spend money.

You can go as far as Ukraine, around Odessa.

You can have that, man. I'm too scared.

You can pay to do anything.

You can wash over here, by sink.

You can't go home without getting some hot chick.

You did the right thing. Could've been a double drowning.

You don't look well.

You fucking bitch!

You fucking bitch.

You fucking whore.

You guys cool?

You just...

You know that Amsterdam kid with the thing on his lip?

You know, disco? Dancing?

You know, every strip club, every whorehouse, every....

You know, if you fell in, you'd die in 90 seconds.

You leave your passports at the desk.

You little fucker.

You looking for girls like this?

You made a reservation under King of the Swing?

You mean he took his passport to go out?

You must be the King of the Swing.

You need one of these to get in, bro. Sorry.

You need rest.

You see?

You should come.

You want gum?

You want to go?

You will join us?

You will like it.

You won't find this hostel in any guidebook.

You.

You're not going?

You're so serious, Mr. Serious American.

You're up, slugger.

Your friend.

Your friends are so funny.

Your life.

All right, Oli. Hey, I told you, man.

All right. Come on, big boy.

Amsterdam, motherfucker. Okay.

And this is Oli. The King of the Swing.

And this is Svetlana. Hi.

Bye bye. Bye.

Did you get my messages? Which one?

Do you guys want another round? Yes, okay.

Dollar. Here you go.

Dollar. What?

Dude, what happened? Any Dutch people in Amsterdam?

Excuse me. Excuse me. Wait a sec.

Exhibit. Exhibit for artist.

Fuck you. Let's get out of here, bro.

Fuck. Oh, God. God. No. No!

Have a drink. I don't want a drink.

He doesn't get out of his cage much. I can see that.

He got you. Yeah, that's hilarious.

He's with Oli. Why you leave last night?

Hello, Josh. Hey.

Hey, I'm talking to you, man. Get your fucking hands off me.

Hey, Oli. Hey.

Hey, Oli. Hey! Oli!

Hey, what the fuck? Hey. Hey.

Hey. Come, we go for disco?

Hey. Hello.

Hi! Hi! Hi! Hi.

Hi. Hey. Hi.

How are the girls? Very beautiful.

I didn't check out. It says.

I'm an American, I got rights. Get the fuck out.

I'm annoyed he'd ditch us. I'm pissed too.

I'm gonna go back. Are you okay?

I'm Josh. Natalya.

It's all good, bro. Yeah, dude, smoke it!

It's fucking after curfew, man. Curfew? What are we, 1 3?

It's his problem. All right.

Josh, come here, dude. Yeah, what?

Josh. Vala.

Make it quick. Make it quick.

Never. Never, right.

Nice, eh? This is a fucking hostel?

Oh, my God. It's okay.

Oh, my God. What do you want me to do, Kana?

Okay, all right. My Viking balls too.

Pay me? Yes.

Saskia. Cute.

She smokes. Dude, it's Europe!

She's adorable. She's a little cutie, yeah.

Shit. No!

Sorry, kid. No, no. Give him some.

Thanks, bro. It's no problem.

This will wake you up. What the fuck?

This your bag? Yeah.

Two thirty seven, please. Two three seven.

Very pretty. She's 6.

Vodka Red Bull. Vodka Red Bull, danke.

We go to spa. Spa.

We see you later, right? Yeah.

Well, hello. Hi.

What are you doing? What?

What did you tell him? He just told them to let us in.

What do we have in here? Hey, you watch, you pay.

What the fuck? Holy shit.

What the hell? Your friend, my friend.

What? Nothing.

What? She said you met another girl.

What? Slovakia.

What's the name? Oli Ericson, 23 7.

When this morning? I don't know exact time.

Where? Lake Michigan.

Who the hell are these girls? You have to go east, my friend.

Who? Vala, from front desk. Vala.

Yeah, baby. Josh, give it to me, baby. Okay, all right. Okay, stop!

Yeah, of course, my horse. I'm sorry.

Yeah, what if we did? We did that every day in college.

Yeah? Yeah.

Yeah? You're Russian, eh?

Yeah. Come on, guys, have a seat.

Yeah. Good.

Yeah. Yeah.

You are on vacation? Yeah, we're backpacking.

You are saved from boredom. Let me guess.

You mean like a museum? No, no, no.

You need a fork there, chief? No, no, no.

You wanna see? No, no, no, you're not... I'm good.

You're not from Iceland, no? No. Fuck, no. American.

You're okay? Yeah, yeah. Thank you.

Your fucking club sucks ass, bro. Kiss my American ass, fucker.

...and he's supposed to hook us up with some hot ass senoritas.

...and jizz all over each other's storage compartments?

...and she was yelling for me to help her.

...and that make you my bitch.

...and then I graduated, and it was weird, you know.

...and then Switzerland, Belgium, and now we're in Amsterdam.

...because I wanna go.

...because that girl's a fucking hog. Look at that, man.

...but business is so boring.

...but the boards wouldn't pass me.

...choosing to have a family was the right choice for me.

...he holds the very essence of life in his hands.

...if we see him, or he is picked up, or something happen...

...in there.

...Isabella.

...just outside Bratislava.

...or B, not fuck them, then head to Barcelona anyway.

...or did you just get it over with right away?

...people have lost their relationship with food.

...so he take them when he go out.

...take them.

...the King of the Swing.

...this is the shit we're gonna think about.

...we contact you at hostel, yeah?

...we make plastic for Slovakia.

...whatever's right for you.

...who means more to me than anything in the world.