Jordan Belfort Soundboard Edit

And if anyone here thinks i'm superficial or materialistic go get a job at fucking mcdonald's 'cause that's where you fucking belong!

And why should they trust you I mean look at you you're a bunch of fucking sleazy salesmen right

Are you kidding me no bush yeah bald as a china doll no bush

As you can probably guess I fucked her goddamn brains out for 11 seconds

Blow the roof off this motherfucker!

But you know every time someone rises up in this world there's always gonna be some asshole trying to drag him down

Do you know how good it is to have you back in this office

Fuck! the kid makes it look so goddamn easy!

Good luck on that subway ride home to your miserable ugly fucking wives

Hey come on who buys this crap

Hey fellas! look what I found in my pocket! look! a year's salary right here you know what I call them fun coupons! see that! they're fun coupons!

Hey you guys want to take some lobsters for your ride home fucking miserable pricks I know you can't afford them!

How's being sober fucking sucks boring right so boring I wanna kill myself

I couldn't get enough I mean her pussy was like heroin to me

I drove as slow as I fucking could i'd seen jell o move faster

I have been a rich man and I have been a poor man and I choose rich every fucking time

I take quaaludes 10 to 15 times a day for my back pain adderall to stay focused xanax to take the edge off pot to mellow me out cocaine to wake me back up again and morphine well because it's awesome

I want you to deal with your problems by becoming rich!

I will not die sober! get those fucking ludes!

I've never been a fan of the bush to be honest

Is she fucking hitting on me

Is this is this stuff regulated or are you guys what are you doing here

It was obscene in the normal world but who the fuck wanted to live there

It's like the smell there's a smell there's an attraction thing after a while it kind of fades away a little bit

Just like that I made 2 grand the other guys looked at me like i'd just discovered fire

Let's go run huh we gotta get out of here buddy we gotta get out of here let's go fucking run

Let's run like we're fucking lions and tigers and bears! let's run! let's fucking run! let's fucking run! go! go go go go!

Massive heart attack thirty five same age mozart died not that they have a hell of a lot in common but

My fucking warriors who will not hang up the phone until their client either buys or fucking dies!

Okay walking's out all right think think what else is there yes! I can crawl I can crawl like skylar!

One thing I can promise you even in this market is that I never ask my clients to judge me on my winners I ask them to judge me on my losers because I have so few

See money doesn't just buy you a better life better food better cars better pussy it also makes you a better person

Sell me this pen

So I was selling them shit but the way I looked at it their money was better off in my pocket I knew how to spend it better

Some disgusting wildebeest with three days of razor stubble in a sleeveless muumuu crammed in next to you in a carload full of groceries from the fucking price club!

The only real objection that they have is that they don't trust you guys

Then you wait you wait and whoever speaks first loses

This is my home! they're gonna need a fucking wrecking ball to take me out of here!

We have him here in our office! we should thank our fucking lucky stars this man is here!

What can I say i'm i'm a drug addict I really am cocaine pills whatever it is i'll fucking do it now that's the truth

When I was 24 years old I made a decision not just to survive but to thrive

Woof I hate that fucking dog yeah he's getting old and decrepit starting to shit in the house again

Yes sweetheart I have a rare condition which requires me to drink one of those every 15 minutes please

Yes! I got it! i've got it! I can roll! I can roll!

You be telephone fucking terrorists!

You can sell anything sell me this fucking pen right here you can sell anything sell that go ahead sell me the pen

You know I don't believe in luck right but it's time

You're able to do drugs during the day and then still function still do your job

Yup on a daily basis I consume enough drugs to sedate manhattan long island and queens for a month

10000 dollars to shave her fucking head!