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Home > Dr. Strangelove Soundboard
A big plane like a 52 vroom! its jet exhaust frying chickens in a barnyard
A device which will destroy all human and animal life on earth
A doomsday device
A foreign substance is introduced into our precious bodily fluids without the knowledge of the individual and certainly without any choice
A moment please mr president
A quick survey would have to be made of all the available mine sites in the country
A safeguard
About 18 minutes from now sir
About 35 minutes ago
After all well let's face it we don't want to start a nuclear war unless we really have to do we
After that they are connected to a gigantic complex of computers
After you've done that report back to me
Ah come on that's ridiculous
Ain't nobody ever got the go code yet
Alexi alexi please I beg you
All circuits switched to c r m discriminators
All human and animal life
All I was told to was get general ripper on the phone with the president of the united states
All listen hon you go back to sleep hon bucky'll be back there just as soon as he can
All other missions have acknowledged recall code
All right
All right charlie i've been wasting too much time on you
All right designating new target 384
All right dmitri
All right now feed me feed me boy
All right tell you what you better do old buddy
All right well listen now who should we call
All the radio gear is out including the crm 114
Also when they go down into the mine everyone would still be alive
Always did wonders for a man that jack a little wash and brush up
Am I to understand the russian ambassador is to be admitted entrance to the war room
And also excuse me
And although I hate to judge before all the facts are in it's beginning to look like general ripper exceeded his authority
And as human beings you and I need fresh pure water to replenish our precious bodily fluids
And at the same time our people grumbled for more nylons and washing machines
And bring me some cigars please havana cigars
And escape retaliation because of lack of proper command and control
And for this reason men I want to impress upon you the need for extreme watchfullness
And I can assure you if you don't put that gun away and stop this stupid nonsense
And I can swear to you my boy swear to you that there's nothing wrong with my bodily fluids not a thing jackie
And I think general ripper found out about your preversion and that you were organizing some kind of mutiny of preverts
And I want every single one collected without exception
And I was in the process of impounding this very one when I happened to switch it on
And i'm equally sure they all died thinking of you every man jack of them jack
And i'm hoping you know jack
And i've got a fair idea of the kind of personal emotions that some of you fellows maybe thinking
And if those devils come back and try any rough stuff we'll fight 'em together boy like we did just now on the floor eh
And in a matter of weeks sufficient improvements in dwelling space could easily be provided
And my advice to you jack is to give me the code now
And please make me a drink of grain alcohol and rainwater and help yourself to whatever you'd like
And so because of the automated and irrevocable decision making process which rules out human meddling the doomsday machine is terrifying
And that will be all for you sir then i'll see to it right away
And that works out to roughly seven hours 15 minutes endurance for this time
And the computer could be set and programmed to accept factors from youth health sexual fertility intelligence and a cross section of necessary skills
And turn that thing off
And what if it is true
And when they realize there is no possibility of recalling the wing there will be only one course of action open
And you know what i'm hoping jack i'm hoping you're going to give me the code boy that's what i'm hoping
And you sure as hell won't stop them now
Animals could be bred and slaughtered
Any force trying to enter there would certainly encounter very heavy casualties
Any variation on these rules must come from me personally
Apparently the 23rd airborne division is stationed seven miles away at alvarado
Apparently they monitored a transmission about eight minutes ago from burpelson air force base
Approaching target at distance 10 miles
Approximate speed mach 3
Are there any army units stationed anywhere near burpelson
Are you beginning to understand
Are you calling me jack
Are you certain of that mandrake
Are you in contact with general ripper uh no sir no
Are you sure
As an officer in her majesty's air force it is my clear duty under the present circumstances to issue the recall code upon my own authority and bring back the wing
As I previously arranged the air police will have lists of all owners
As you know the premier loves surprises
At the bottom of uh some of our deeper mine shafts
At this height why they might harpoon us but they dang sure ain't gonna spot us on no radar screen
Attack range gate on maximum scan
Auto cdc into manual teleflex link
Auto cdc into manual teleflex link (2)
Auto destruct circuits checked
Based in america the airborne alert force is deployed from the persian gulf to the arctic ocean
Based on the findings of the report my conclusion was that this idea was not a practical deterrent for reasons which at this moment must be all too obvious
Be careful mr president I think he is drunk
Blast blast shot away I expect by one of your men during this ridiculous fighting
Bomb arming test lights on one through four
Bomb arming test lights on one through four (2)
Bomb fusing circuits one through four test
Bomb fusing circuits one through four test (2)
Bomb fusing master safety on
Bombardier ready sir
Buck honey i'm not sleepy either
Buck should I get it
Bull! tell him to do it himself
But how is it possible for this thing to be triggered automatically and at the same time impossible to untrigger
But I do say no more than 10 to 20 million killed tops depending on the breaks
But I would guess that dwelling space for several hundred thousands of our people could easily be provided
But if you don't get the president of the united states on that phone you know what's going to happen to you
But it is necessary now to make a choice to choose between two admittedly regrettable but nevertheless distinguishable postwar environments
But it is you know a sacrifice required for the future of the human race
But look here doctor wouldn't this nucleus of survivors be so grief stricken and anguished that they'd well envy the dead and not want to go on living
But since there are 17000 permutations it's going to take us about two and a half days to transmit them all
But surely you can disarm it somehow
But the deciding factor was when we learned that your country was working along similar lines and we were afraid of a doomsday gap
But the idea was to discourage the russkies from any hope that they could knock out washington and yourself sir as part of a general sneak attack
But they have one geographical factor in common they are all two hours from their targets inside russia
But this is absolute madness ambassador
But this is fantastic strangelove
But today war is too important to be left to politicians they have neither the time the training nor the inclination for strategic thought
But we got one little budge on them russkies
But we will not repeat not be able to make it back to any base or neutral country
But with the proper breeding techniques and a ratio of say 10 females to each male
But you look at me now do I look all rancid and clotted you look at me jack eh look eh huh huh
Can you imagine
Can't you stick to the point general
Cease fire!
Certainly one can never be too sure about those sort of things
Check auto destruct circuits
Check bomb door circuits one through four
Check gpi acceleration factor
Cobalt thorium g
Cobalt thorium g has a radioactive half life of 93 years
Code prefix locked
Code prefix set
Colonel that coca cola machine I want you to shoot the lock off it there may be some change in there
Colonel! colonel I must know what you think has been going on here
Combined with a spirit of bold curiosity for the adventure ahead ha!
Come over here and help me with this belt
Come over here the red coats are coming come on
Commence evasive action right
Condition red sir yes jolly good idea keeps the men on their toes
Confirmed definite missile track
Continue evasive action
Continue evasive action (2)
Continue evasive action (3)
Continue evasive action (4)
Copilot to navigator i'm ready with the fuel figures now
Correct track indicator minus seven
Could you tell me what it's about
Cut off
Da da
Deflection increasing range eight miles
Deflection still increasing range six miles
Degenerate atheistic commie
Deterrence is the art of producing in the mind of the enemy the fear to attack
Detonator set to zero altitude
Detonator set to zero altitude (2)
Did they torture you
Distance 6o miles
Do I have to think of everything
Do I take it sir that you are threatening a brother officer with a gun
Do you know when fluoridation first began
Do you realize that fluoridation is the most monstrously conceived and dangerous communist plot we have ever had to face
Do you realize that in addition to fluoridating water why there are studies under way to fluoridate salt flour fruit juices soup sugar milk ice cream
Do you recall what clemenceau once said about war
Do you recognize my voice
Doctor you mentioned the ratio of 10 women to each man now wouldn't that necessitate the abandonment of the so called monogamous sexual relationship I mean as far as men were concerned
Doggone it sweets you told me that you'd get me to the primary!
Don't say that you're more sorry than I am because I am capable of being just as sorry as you are so we're both sorry all right all right
Don't you know that
Don't you know that general ripper went as mad as a bloody march hare and sent the whole wing to attack the soviets
Dr strangelove do we have anything like that in the works
Dso ready
Dso to captain I have an unidentified radar blip
Each b 52 can deliver a nuclear bombload of 50 megatons equal to 16 times the total explosive force of all the bombs and shells used by all the armies in world war ii
Ecm locked to target intercept mode
Electronic barometric time and impact
Electronic guidance scrambler to blue grid
Engage emergency power
Engage primary trigger switch override
Estimate remaining fuel at 8790
Even the normal phone lines are shut down
Everything seems to check out all right will advise
Excuse me sir
Excuse me sir something rather interesting has just cropped up
Feed me you said and I was feeding you jack
Fire the explosive bolts!
First safety
First safety released
First trust no one whatever his uniform or rank unless he is known to you personally
Five miles homing alignment factor to zero mode
For more than a year ominous rumors had been privately circulating among high level western leaders that the soviet union had been at work on what was darkly hinted to be the ultimate weapon
For pete's find out what he wants
For the sake of our country and our way of life I suggest you get the rest of sac in after them
Four days concentrated emergency rations
Four if prior to this time we have done nothing further to suppress their retaliatory capabilities we will suffer virtual annihilation
Fred buck what's it look like yeah
Freddie how are you fine and you
Freddie the general says could you call back in a minute or two
Fuel flow on active engines and leakage has increased
Fuel valves three four and six
Fuse for ground burst delay factor yellow three
Fuse for ground burst delay factor yellow three (2)
Fused air burst at 10 check 12000 feet
Gee I wish we had one of them doomsday machines stainsey
Gee those trucks sure look like the real thing don't they
General faceman
General faceman I want them to enter the base locate general ripper and put him in immediate telephone contact with me
General I find this very difficult to understand
General I think i've heard quite sufficient from you thank you very much
General is there really a chance for that plane to get through
General it is the avowed policy of our country never to strike first with nuclear weapons
General ripper called strategic air command headquarters shortly after he issued the go code
General ripper sealed off the base and cut off all communications
General ripper sir
General ripper sir (2)
General turgidson a colonel puntrich calling
General when you instituted the human reliability tests you assured me there was no possibility of such a thing ever occurring
General with all due respect for your defense team my boys can brush 'em aside without too much trouble
Gentlemen gentlemen ah gentlemen
Gentlemen this is outrageous i've never heard of such behavior in the war room before
Gentlemen you can't fight in here! this is the war room!
Give him your phone frank
Give me a rough heading on that just as soon as you can get it worked out will ya
Give me full power
Go ahead general
God bless you all
God willing we will prevail in peace and freedom from fear and in true health through the purity and essence of our natural fluids
Goldie did you say wing attack plan r
Goldie how many times have I told you guys that I don't want no horsin' around on the airplane
Good lord
Good luck to you all
Good well it's good that you're fine and i'm fine I agree with you it's great to be fine
Got any witnesses
Gpi acceleration factor set