Dr. Strangelove Soundboard Edit

A big plane like a 52 vroom! its jet exhaust frying chickens in a barnyard

A device which will destroy all human and animal life on earth

A doomsday device

A foreign substance is introduced into our precious bodily fluids without the knowledge of the individual and certainly without any choice

A moment please mr president

A quick survey would have to be made of all the available mine sites in the country

A safeguard

About 18 minutes from now sir

About 35 minutes ago

After all well let's face it we don't want to start a nuclear war unless we really have to do we

After that they are connected to a gigantic complex of computers

After you've done that report back to me

Ah come on that's ridiculous

Ain't nobody ever got the go code yet

Alexi alexi please I beg you

All circuits switched to c r m discriminators

All human and animal life

All I was told to was get general ripper on the phone with the president of the united states

All listen hon you go back to sleep hon bucky'll be back there just as soon as he can

All other missions have acknowledged recall code

All right

All right charlie i've been wasting too much time on you

All right designating new target 384

All right dmitri

All right now feed me feed me boy

All right tell you what you better do old buddy

All right well listen now who should we call

All the radio gear is out including the crm 114

Also when they go down into the mine everyone would still be alive

Always did wonders for a man that jack a little wash and brush up

Am I to understand the russian ambassador is to be admitted entrance to the war room

And also excuse me

And although I hate to judge before all the facts are in it's beginning to look like general ripper exceeded his authority

And as human beings you and I need fresh pure water to replenish our precious bodily fluids

And at the same time our people grumbled for more nylons and washing machines

And bring me some cigars please havana cigars

And escape retaliation because of lack of proper command and control

And for this reason men I want to impress upon you the need for extreme watchfullness

And I can assure you if you don't put that gun away and stop this stupid nonsense

And I can swear to you my boy swear to you that there's nothing wrong with my bodily fluids not a thing jackie

And I think general ripper found out about your preversion and that you were organizing some kind of mutiny of preverts

And I want every single one collected without exception

And I was in the process of impounding this very one when I happened to switch it on

And i'm equally sure they all died thinking of you every man jack of them jack

And i'm hoping you know jack

And i've got a fair idea of the kind of personal emotions that some of you fellows maybe thinking

And if those devils come back and try any rough stuff we'll fight 'em together boy like we did just now on the floor eh

And in a matter of weeks sufficient improvements in dwelling space could easily be provided

And my advice to you jack is to give me the code now

And please make me a drink of grain alcohol and rainwater and help yourself to whatever you'd like

And so because of the automated and irrevocable decision making process which rules out human meddling the doomsday machine is terrifying

And that will be all for you sir then i'll see to it right away

And that works out to roughly seven hours 15 minutes endurance for this time

And the computer could be set and programmed to accept factors from youth health sexual fertility intelligence and a cross section of necessary skills

And turn that thing off

And what if it is true

And when they realize there is no possibility of recalling the wing there will be only one course of action open

And you know what i'm hoping jack i'm hoping you're going to give me the code boy that's what i'm hoping

And you sure as hell won't stop them now

Animals could be bred and slaughtered

Any force trying to enter there would certainly encounter very heavy casualties

Any variation on these rules must come from me personally

Apparently the 23rd airborne division is stationed seven miles away at alvarado

Apparently they monitored a transmission about eight minutes ago from burpelson air force base

Approaching target at distance 10 miles

Approximate speed mach 3

Are there any army units stationed anywhere near burpelson

Are you beginning to understand

Are you calling me jack

Are you certain of that mandrake

Are you in contact with general ripper uh no sir no

Are you sure

As an officer in her majesty's air force it is my clear duty under the present circumstances to issue the recall code upon my own authority and bring back the wing

As I previously arranged the air police will have lists of all owners

As you know the premier loves surprises

At the bottom of uh some of our deeper mine shafts

At this height why they might harpoon us but they dang sure ain't gonna spot us on no radar screen

Attack range gate on maximum scan

Auto cdc into manual teleflex link

Auto cdc into manual teleflex link (2)

Auto destruct circuits checked

Automatically

Based in america the airborne alert force is deployed from the persian gulf to the arctic ocean

Based on the findings of the report my conclusion was that this idea was not a practical deterrent for reasons which at this moment must be all too obvious

Be careful mr president I think he is drunk

Blast blast shot away I expect by one of your men during this ridiculous fighting

Bomb arming test lights on one through four

Bomb arming test lights on one through four (2)

Bomb fusing circuits one through four test

Bomb fusing circuits one through four test (2)

Bomb fusing master safety on

Bombardier ready sir

Buck honey i'm not sleepy either

Buck should I get it

Bull! tell him to do it himself

But how is it possible for this thing to be triggered automatically and at the same time impossible to untrigger

But I do say no more than 10 to 20 million killed tops depending on the breaks

But I would guess that dwelling space for several hundred thousands of our people could easily be provided

But if you don't get the president of the united states on that phone you know what's going to happen to you

But it is necessary now to make a choice to choose between two admittedly regrettable but nevertheless distinguishable postwar environments

But it is you know a sacrifice required for the future of the human race

But look here doctor wouldn't this nucleus of survivors be so grief stricken and anguished that they'd well envy the dead and not want to go on living

But since there are 17000 permutations it's going to take us about two and a half days to transmit them all

But surely you can disarm it somehow

But the deciding factor was when we learned that your country was working along similar lines and we were afraid of a doomsday gap

But the idea was to discourage the russkies from any hope that they could knock out washington and yourself sir as part of a general sneak attack

But they have one geographical factor in common they are all two hours from their targets inside russia

But this is absolute madness ambassador

But this is fantastic strangelove

But today war is too important to be left to politicians they have neither the time the training nor the inclination for strategic thought

But we got one little budge on them russkies

But we will not repeat not be able to make it back to any base or neutral country

But with the proper breeding techniques and a ratio of say 10 females to each male

But you look at me now do I look all rancid and clotted you look at me jack eh look eh huh huh

Can you imagine

Can't you stick to the point general

Cease fire!

Certainly one can never be too sure about those sort of things

Check auto destruct circuits

Check bomb door circuits one through four

Check gpi acceleration factor

Cobalt thorium g

Cobalt thorium g has a radioactive half life of 93 years

Code prefix locked

Code prefix set

Colonel that coca cola machine I want you to shoot the lock off it there may be some change in there

Colonel! colonel I must know what you think has been going on here

Combined with a spirit of bold curiosity for the adventure ahead ha!

Come over here and help me with this belt

Come over here the red coats are coming come on

Commence evasive action right

Condition red sir yes jolly good idea keeps the men on their toes

Confirmed definite missile track

Continue evasive action

Continue evasive action (2)

Continue evasive action (3)

Continue evasive action (4)

Copilot to navigator i'm ready with the fuel figures now

Correct track indicator minus seven

Could you tell me what it's about

Cut off

Da da

Dasvidaniya

Deflection increasing range eight miles

Deflection still increasing range six miles

Degenerate atheistic commie

Deterrence is the art of producing in the mind of the enemy the fear to attack

Detonator set to zero altitude

Detonator set to zero altitude (2)

Did they torture you

Distance 6o miles

Do I have to think of everything

Do I take it sir that you are threatening a brother officer with a gun

Do you know when fluoridation first began

Do you realize that fluoridation is the most monstrously conceived and dangerous communist plot we have ever had to face

Do you realize that in addition to fluoridating water why there are studies under way to fluoridate salt flour fruit juices soup sugar milk ice cream

Do you recall what clemenceau once said about war

Do you recognize my voice

Doctor you mentioned the ratio of 10 women to each man now wouldn't that necessitate the abandonment of the so called monogamous sexual relationship I mean as far as men were concerned

Doggone it sweets you told me that you'd get me to the primary!

Don't say that you're more sorry than I am because I am capable of being just as sorry as you are so we're both sorry all right all right

Don't you know that

Don't you know that general ripper went as mad as a bloody march hare and sent the whole wing to attack the soviets

Dr strangelove do we have anything like that in the works

Dso ready

Dso to captain I have an unidentified radar blip

Each b 52 can deliver a nuclear bombload of 50 megatons equal to 16 times the total explosive force of all the bombs and shells used by all the armies in world war ii

Ecm locked to target intercept mode

Electronic barometric time and impact

Electronic guidance scrambler to blue grid

Engage emergency power

Engage primary trigger switch override

Estimate remaining fuel at 8790

Even the normal phone lines are shut down

Everything seems to check out all right will advise

Excuse me sir

Excuse me sir something rather interesting has just cropped up

Extinguishers

Feed me you said and I was feeding you jack

Fire the explosive bolts!

First safety

First safety released

First trust no one whatever his uniform or rank unless he is known to you personally

Five miles homing alignment factor to zero mode

For more than a year ominous rumors had been privately circulating among high level western leaders that the soviet union had been at work on what was darkly hinted to be the ultimate weapon

For pete's find out what he wants

For the sake of our country and our way of life I suggest you get the rest of sac in after them

Four days concentrated emergency rations

Four if prior to this time we have done nothing further to suppress their retaliatory capabilities we will suffer virtual annihilation

Fred buck what's it look like yeah

Freddie how are you fine and you

Freddie the general says could you call back in a minute or two

Fuel flow on active engines and leakage has increased

Fuel valves three four and six

Fuse for ground burst delay factor yellow three

Fuse for ground burst delay factor yellow three (2)

Fused air burst at 10 check 12000 feet

Gee I wish we had one of them doomsday machines stainsey

Gee those trucks sure look like the real thing don't they

General faceman

General faceman I want them to enter the base locate general ripper and put him in immediate telephone contact with me

General I find this very difficult to understand

General I think i've heard quite sufficient from you thank you very much

General is there really a chance for that plane to get through

General it is the avowed policy of our country never to strike first with nuclear weapons

General ripper called strategic air command headquarters shortly after he issued the go code

General ripper sealed off the base and cut off all communications

General ripper sir

General ripper sir (2)

General turgidson a colonel puntrich calling

General when you instituted the human reliability tests you assured me there was no possibility of such a thing ever occurring

General with all due respect for your defense team my boys can brush 'em aside without too much trouble

Gentlemen gentlemen ah gentlemen

Gentlemen this is outrageous i've never heard of such behavior in the war room before

Gentlemen you can't fight in here! this is the war room!

Give him your phone frank

Give me a rough heading on that just as soon as you can get it worked out will ya

Give me full power

Go ahead general

God bless you all

God willing we will prevail in peace and freedom from fear and in true health through the purity and essence of our natural fluids

Goldie did you say wing attack plan r

Goldie how many times have I told you guys that I don't want no horsin' around on the airplane

Good lord

Good luck to you all

Good well it's good that you're fine and i'm fine I agree with you it's great to be fine

Got any witnesses

Gpi acceleration factor set

Greenhouses could maintain plant life