Madworld Commentators Edit

A great victory for Kojak. This will definitely get him out of Jack Shadow. What is he shorter than Jack or something? It's a figure of speech. I know that. I'm just fucking with you. Good. So you ...

A hug is the shortest distance between Fred. OK, I'm gonna kill you now.

A rose by any other name can still fuck you up.

A stunning sandsmark from Jack. Yeah, that fuckers out to lunch.

A wicked slash your ball. You think Crocker's got a girlfriend? Yeah, but she's probably some Heffer.

After eating that big stinky onion, Jack will be able to knock down enemies just by breathing on them. I used to blow the bastards over with an anus blistering fart attack. Same principle, other or...

Ah man, look at those chumps smacking down. Reminds me of the bad old days. I bet you wish you were back in the game. Fuck no. God get killed doing this shit.

Ah man, that combo makes me feel dirty. It was a little over the top. I think I got some blood splattered on me.

Ah, asshole. I can combine that with another environmental kill and watch your score skyrocket. Asshole in a can is a trademark of bad world. Any use of reproduction without the express written con...

Ah, asshole. They can combine that with another environmental kill and watch your score skyrocket. And remember, fans, try asshole in a can. It's the drink you can eat.

Ah, poor guy. Finally feeling bad for the other contestants. No, I feel bad for the driver of the tree because it probably woke him up.

Ah, smells like victory and burnt hair.

Ah, tossing guys with mouthfuls of mad juice and hot chicks reminds me of my college years.

Ah, you know what? My father died that same way. Really. Was he a competitor on death watch? Nah, just a very unbalanced drunk with the tire fetish. Well, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

All the frying oils used in this game are low end trans fats and partially hydrogenated vegetable oils. Yeah, we wouldn't want any of those assholes dying from clogged arteries.

All this random killing is fine and dandy, Jack, but wouldn't you rather rack up big points fast in a bloodbath challenge? Fine and dandy. What the fuck are you a Sunday school teacher blowing of t...

Amazing spray pattern on that combo jacks. You get bonus points for artistic merit. You should get bonus points for total bullshit.

And here comes bull Crocker with a hard on for a rematch she gonna hard on. You know how they get sperm from a bull they extracted from my ex wife's underwear.

And here comes the pain train. You know how in India it's common for people to ride on the outsides of trains? Sure, these aren't popular over there.

And Jack blows him up. You know those spikes shouldn't blow up like that. You think they should be safer? No, they should have blown up more shrapnel. I think there was something wrong with the bike.

And Jack is on his way to hell. You don't think he maybe he might go to heaven? Ohh.

And Jack is whacked. Get out the body bag. Why you taking home leftovers maybe?

And Jack tosses his arm down the ravine. You know what they say? A rolling zombie gathers no Moss. Why aren't they already kind of mossy? That's what I gather. No, I don't.

And jackets at Tolt from the electric cane, you know, in some countries, though, can you? Just for throwing gum on the sidewalk? Well, do they use electric cane? No, just regular bamboo canes. They...

And lot of kick in the head. Actually. He's grabbing Jack's head and kicking him in the spleen. Suck my Dick, doctor anatomy. It's located right here.

And ten goes back to get his ass kicked all over again. You don't know that that's what he's back for. You might be looking to get chewed in the nuts. Or maybe he's up for a good curb stomping. I h...

And that's it for the ninja. Well, that's too bad. What, you're rooting against Jack now? No, it's just too bad that nice bike got trashed.

And the results are in. What do you make of them? Crease. You know I can't read, you bastard. I know. I just like rubbing your nose in it.

And they say Cowboys are the king of the jungle. They don't say that. Really. Then who's king of the jungle? Lions. Ohh bullshit. Lions can't ride horses.

Another fucking ninja. I've composed a haiku in honor of this moment. Alright, drop it down. Ninja rise from floor. Huh. Red spray paint ceiling and walls. Jack is triumphant. 575 bitches.

Another life for Jack. I used an extra life once and came back as a Roach. Sounds like you got the wheel of karma. Extra life. I actually enjoyed it. You know a cockroach can live for a week withou...

Anybody in the audience betting on Rinrin just lost their pants. By the way, why aren't you wearing your pants? Just letting the boys get some air.

Are the robot factory. You know what? They're built here, don't you? I'll go out on the limb and say robots. Nope. Hopes and dreams. The robots they built here will go out and wreak havoc on the wo...

At least he didn't feel anything except for that fucking train hitting him at 120 miles an hour.

Awesome combo. Seemed a little fishy to me. I'm gonna go kill myself.

Better put the lid down, Jack, or your bitch whore wife will complain that you have no respect for her feelings and start sleeping with the pool boy and played every fucking dime out of you in a br...

Boy, I like the way you can see that guy's bones when he's riding the sign lightning. It's handy for Jack too. Shows him what's left to break.

Bulls eye call that a girl's eye? That ain't no eye? Well, that ain't no girl. They are really care.

Bullseye. I call it a boobs eye. Of course you do.

By dying, he's opened it up for his opponent to take all the points. Also by dying, he stops moving. Amazing observation. I have eyes.

Callously carved cadavers, violent vivisections, and just plain crazy science gone wrong, Sir. That's what's hidden behind the blood spattered walls of the castles monstrous laboratory. Anyone dumb...

Captain, they change that. Cannot take much more. She's burning up. Celebrity voices are impersonations only shitty impersonations.

Check out the drill man. He's packing some major RPM's in that thing. Yeah, he used to have one of those old timey hand drills, but his victims would never stay down long enough for him to really g...

Come on, Kojak. You gonna take that? Sounds like somebody's pulling for Kojak. Hell yeah. Kojak is just evil, Jack. And evil makes everything better.

Cute doll. I prefer my dolls to be inflatable and have three holes to plow.

Damn, Jack nailed that guy faster than than they. What? I'm starting to think of somebody who nailed your ex-wife, but there are too many people to choose from. Should we give out a phone book?

Dang, that's a lot of guys he just killed. Do you think he's cheating? What's cheating and death watch? Hell, they give you bonus points if you cheat.

Do you think Jack meant to hack that guy? No. I think Jack was just signaling to turn. Of course he might hack that fucker. He gets points for it.

Do you think Jackie that knows how to play the game now? No, I don't. That's it? No funny comment? No. From now on, I will only be funny when Jack does something right. Why should I do all the work?

Do you think that garbage can made it hurt any less? Like a Band-Aid helping a nuclear blast hurts less? Great analogy. What's an analogy? It's like anal with an allergy.

Do you think that hurts? No, they don't even feel it. Shit. Who am I kidding? It hurts like fucking hell. Fucking A.

Do you think there's life on other planets? Well, I hope so, Howard, cause at the rate Jacks go and there won't be any left on this one.

Do you think there's life on other planets? Well, I hope so, Howard, cause at the rate Jacks go and there won't be any left on this one.

Don't worry, Jack. Lots of guys lose the power struggle. Like who? All those dead guys, they seem to be doing OK.

Every one of those chumps equals more points for Jack. Is that all they are to you? Faceless victims to boost Jack standing? Well, yeah, just checking fucking up, Jack.

Every tree that Jack plant saves one square foot of rainforest and wastes one. Sorry loser.

Excellent power struggle by Jack. He totally cheated. Why do you say that? Because I'm a sore loser.

For a box designed to hold stuff, it broke pretty easy, actually. They're meant to do that. It helps the weaker contestants feel good about themselves that they can break something.

For you hippies in the audience, those are hybrid motorcycles. Electric, actually. I think they run on a fuel made-up of veal and baby seal fur. Wow, technology has come a long way. Don't stand beh...

Frank gets in a good shot. Yeah, he's got a 3 foot reach advantage on Jack. Yeah, 9 hard inches of monster cocks. You had to go there, didn't you? Go there. I live there.

Get your motor running, folks, because we are about to ride through this bloodbath challenge. You know what I like better than a motorcycle? Two motorcycles. That's you know that I heard you practi...

God, Jack, you gotta really shake that thing. Shake it like you mean it. You sound like my ex-wife. Don't get any ideas, buddy. I ain't gonna spank your ass and call you Sally. Well, I know. I know.

Gotta tell you, this whole father and son wearing dresses and fighting guys and leather deal skeeves me out. Really. What part? Every fucking part.

Greetings Gore sport fans. It's a beautiful evening on Jefferson Island. Just perfect weather for our unwilling contestants to compete in the Verigan city death watch. My name is Howard Buckshot Ho...

Guess Elise has been burned more than once by guys holding a torch for her. Or maybe she just doesn't like standing next to an open flame, you romantic SAP. Ohh yeah, that could be it. Man, you're ...

Ha ha. Jack's getting beat up by a chick. Lucky guy. I'm touching myself.

He jumped into the tracks. He must have had a crazy reason to do that, huh? What do you mean? You know, a locomotive? Holy shit, I'm gonna push you into a fucking train myself.

He nails the titty target. You're loving this, aren't you? Tails. Yes. Titty target. Titty tugging. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

He's throwing everything at him with the kitchen sink. Did he throw an elephant at him or a plane or a glass of water? Yes he did. Ohh well, I stand corrected.

He's up, he's down. He's up. He's down. He's up. He's down. He's up. He's down. He's up, he's down, he's up. Shit, I'm feeling out of fucking breath.

Heart disease is the number one killer of men. I wouldn't really call that a disease. Are you a fucking doctor? Well, no. That shut your pie hole. The guy's dead. He hasn't a heart and he's a man, ...

Here come the shamans, the bleeding hearts out, their wine. That fur is murder, and in this case they're Absa fucking lutely right. This pack I made you motherfuckers took my ass off in the O four ...

Here comes Jack as he walks in amongst all those beautiful flowers. Nothing says I'm gonna rip your fucking head off like making an entrance through a bunch of flowers.

Here comes the drill, man. That's what the ladies used to call me before my accident. I had. Well, what do they call you now? They don't call me.

Hey crease, any idea why sumo wrestlers do that stamping thing with their feet before fighting? Ask me another question and I'll sell you to one of those sumo wrestlers so you can be there, dildo.

Hey, did you see how Jack broke her guard before his chainsaw attack? That's how you do it. I don't do it that way. I've never even completed in a death watch game, alright? I should have said that...

Hey, it says here the players are gonna have symbols above their heads to identify them. Yeah, they'll float above their heads. Well, how did they get a symbol of float above somebody's head and ha...

Hey, look what's on TV? It's that show about aliens. That's an alien with a TV jammed on his head. You ning? Nang. Yeah, he's on TV. You really took some hard shots to the head when you were in the...

Hey, that's my move. I invented that. You invented killing somebody with a signpost and a tire? I think so. Wait, maybe it was a jet ski and a traffic home. Not.

Hey, that's not bad, but back in the day I tossed a couple guys in the dumpster. Really watched the chunks fly.

Hey, you think that coin is big? You should see the size of the sodas from the machine you use it in.

His ears must be ringing. It's hard to tell since they're nowhere near his body.

Hmm, smell that crackling zombie flesh, just like Mama used to make. Dude, it smells like rotting shit, just like Mama used to make.

Holy shit, he's jamming 2 poles in him at the same time. When my ex-wife does that, she calls it teamwork.

Holy shit. Did you see that? That's a stupid question. It was a fucking motorcycle blowing up. Of course I saw it was a rhetorical question. I'm gonna rhetorical my foot in your ass if you use one ...

How can eating an onion heal Jack from the insane amount of ass tickery he's been handed? Well, Howard, I'll tell you it's a special onion. It was sauteed and Scotch with mandrel, testosterone and ...

How could Jack miss the target that big? Maybe he's on drugs. I know I am. At least I think I am. Am I? Got any drugs?

How do those happy pills work? Well, there are two kinds. If Jack takes a blue pill, the story ends. He wakes up in his bed and believes whatever he wants to believe. Jack takes the red pill. He st...

How the hell did they come up with the idea of a happy onion? Well, believe it or not, happy rutabaga or happy puffer fish and happy kicking the nuts with a steel toed boot were all taken. I don't ...

How would increase back live with you from area 66? This giant military industrial warehouse has kept at a balmy 87 degrees. Yeah, the things that live here like it hot. If Jack is gonna make it ou...

I believe this is called the two man fencing quadruple thrust and extremely effective move, as opposed to the two man facing quadruple thrust which is just two men fucking each other, but also very...

I can really sympathize with Jack right now and how he feels thinking back to your days on death watch. No, I just hit my funny bone motherfucker.

I can tell you from experience that those happy pills work even better if you grind them up and inject them into the folds of your scrotum. I'll give you a dollar if you can tell me one thing that ...

I can't believe a punk like that snuff Jack. I can't believe you can feed yourself without the help of a trained nurse. But life is full of surprises.

I didn't think Cowboys really wore spurs. Sure, that's how they got the horses to go. Well, I guess my girlfriend was right. Looks like next time she gets to wear spurs and you'll wear the bit.

I don't know if that alien was a dude or a chick, but Jack sure made it his bitch. How do you sex an alien anyway? As often as I can.

I don't want any two and A3 and A4 and A5 and A6 and I get the fucking point.

I guess that's how he rolls. I'll say this slow. She understand? You fucking suck.

I guess the dye here written in blood on the floor is a giveaway, huh? A dead giveaway for that fan. For that fan and.

I hate the way those fucking zombies regenerate. Ohh yeah. They're just like my genital warts. Burn them off and they come back stronger. Nice visual. God damn G dubs.

I hate this son of a bitch Martin. The guys at Giant Robot Console via remote control by some fat fuck chick and shit, too scared to fight for himself. Why did they let him do that? Well, probably ...

I haven't seen a big guy get tossed like that since my ex-wife serviced my lawyer during our divorce. Gross. You watched your wife whack off another guy. They only charged me 50 bucks. It was a deal.

I haven't seen Jack take a beating like that all night. Well, you just saw it. I mean, before this, you fucktard.

I hear that inflating your tires properly will halt global warming. Do you just pull this stuff out of your ass? Yep, that and the purple avenger.

I hope Jack brought enough Donuts for everybody. Doesn't matter. When Jack's done, there won't be anybody left to eat them. Dips are the Donuts.

I hope Jack can rescue those hookers. I have a date scheduled with a couple of them later at the local run and tug.

I know for a fact that fucker can slap the pancreas out of you. That why you piss out of a tube. One of the reasons.

I love this bit. Bouncing those bastards off their seesaw reminds me of my childhood. You must have had a fucked up childhood. You don't even want to know.

I normally don't approve of hitting women, but way to go Jack normally don't approve of hitting women. Didn't your ex-wife get a restraining order after you broke her nose and ruptured her spleen? ...

I slid down a wire once, couldn't jerk off for two days. Took two days to heal, took four weeks to heal. I just have no willpower.

I still don't understand why a city has giant sawblades all over the place. Are you a city engineer? Well, I'm not a city. Well, it's shut the fuck up. They don't come up here and tell you how to b...

I think I saw a Little Beaver when Renren did her combo kick. Really. Come on, Jack. Let her kick you. Yeah, take your kicks like a man, Jack. Then kick him slow, then toss, then slow, then really ...

I think Jack just took out a whole family. Now there was one more brother. We need to find him and get him out of death watch so that all the sons aren't killed. It might be a suicide mission, but ...

I think Jack's forgotten the point of this challenge. Use the engine, you dope. You wouldn't call him a dope to his face. You got that right, you dope.

I think that armor gives the Shogun an unfair advantage. That's the only advantage that's worth anything in this game.

I think that champagne's been corked. Yeah, I bet it tastes like ass.

I think that was a spur of the moment move. Yeah, I'd shove a spur up your ass, but you'd probably like it. Not necessarily.

I think that's against the rules. Let me check. You're right. It is against the rules. What should we do? Change the fucking rules? It's easier than going down there and trying to punish them. They...

I think this is the first time they've ever had zombies participating. Mandart, technically you're right. But a lot of these guys participated in man darts when they were alive. Ohh. Shit, you're r...

I think zombies are just really stoned people. Why? Well, look at how hungry they are and get so slow ride. I actually thought you were going to mention the Patchouli smell. Is that what that is? I...

I used to flatten pennies on the tracks when I was a kid. Then I grew up, got in the deathwatch and started to flatten heads instead. Follow your dream, man.

I wonder what it's like to die. Well, if you're that guy, it means giving your opponent time to take all the points. That's deep. Too deep.

I would hate to be the guy who has to clean that off the wall. Clean it well. It caught it to a paint that's good as new.

I'd love to do that to some of those fucking bike messengers. Those assholes really pissed me off, weaving in and out of traffic and cutting in front of me and having sex with my wife when I'm stuc...

I'm a big fan of that combo. What, no comeback? Or did you say something? I was busy ignoring you.

I'm more of a doughnut hole man myself. Hey, that's code for anal sex, isn't it? Why, yes, indeed it is.

I'm not afraid to die. Why not? Too many blows to the head. I have a hard time with common sense and other rational thoughts.

I'm still holding out hope for Kojak. Most people don't come back from being cut in half. I wasn't worried about that. Kojak is tough. I'm more worried about how he was going to handle the damage t...

I've never seen anybody slam a pole like that. My ex wife's pretty rough, or so I'm told.

I've seen a lot of head smacked off a lot of shoulders with a lot of golf clubs, but I have never seen a head smacked as hard or as far as the one we just witnessed. We love you, Jack. Jesus Christ...

If I was Jack, I'd strip her down and spank her dream on. I am.

If I was that guy, I wouldn't spend too much time in the river. It's got parasites. I think he's got bigger things to worry about than getting the shit. I think I saw his lower jaw get knocked off.

If Jack really wants to distract those zombies, he should wave some meat at them. I've got some meat I can stop right there.

If Jack survives that wind, he can use his steel ball to knock Rim right out of the air. I know Jack has steel balls, but how's knocking rinrin up gonna win this match? I didn't say you should knoc...

If Kojack wins, you gotta give me $500.00. If Jack wins, you only have to give me 250. You're on. Wait a minute.

If she's a vampire, shouldn't Jack be using a silver chainsaw or a wooden chainsaw? Or a garlic chainsaw? Dude, are you off your meds again? Yes. Why?

If you want to see some fast and dirty action, the Jefferson Island Casino is the place to go. The only thing cheaper than the drinks here is the value placed on human life. The higher you roll, th...

In all fairness, Jack should be able to use two chainsaws against this pair in all fairness. What do you think this is a checkers match? I cheated checkers.

In his defense, he doesn't have motorcycles on his planet. Well, on this planet we do. So learn to ride or go home. He's dead. Well, on this planet we're alive. So be alive or go home.

Information about this area is limited, since anybody who's ever known about this place has either disappeared or been lobotomized. Judging from your comments throughout the course of this event, I...

Is that an onion in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me? I know you're trying to do a happy onion joke, but it doesn't work. I know, but I'm trying. Stop trying.

Is that legal for him to be running on the wall? The only thing not legal here is to say something is illegal. Huh.

Is the left one a little bigger than the right one? I knew this chick once who had three nipples. Yes.

Is the left one a little bigger than the right one? I knew this chick one too. Stop. Just stop.

Isn't that signpost tire combo ironic? How is it ironic? Oh, I'm sorry, did I say ironic? I meant fucking awesome. Common mistake.

It seems like Jack carried a black and use a chainsaw at the same time. You know, it hurts me to say this, but Jack is a loser. Why does that hurt you? Actually, death didn't hurt at all. Jack is a...

It's a 12 combo splatterfest, kind of like Octoberfest without the beer. No, nothing like that.

It's a small world, after all. What do you mean? I mean, that globe Jack jammed on that asshole is really small and it's gonna make it hard for him to fight back. Why not just say wait again him wi...

It's an extra life for Jack. I wonder why those other guys didn't grab that extra life. Yeah, it's almost as if they didn't see it. Same with the happy onions and power ups. It's like only Jack can...

It's bad luck to open an umbrella when it's jammed in your guts.

It's bloodbath challenge side. It really a challenge. I mean Jack is tearing through these things at this point. Do you want them to be called the bloodbath non challenge where they have to change ...

It's bloodbath challenge time again, folks. Jack's going to have his hands full this time around. I don't know about that, Howard. These aliens are pretty stupid. I think Jack will be able to outsm...

It's despite express you know you haven't seen this country until you've rode across it in a spike covered train that's ridden.

It's getting ugly down there. Why are you going down there? Real mature. Yeah, I could come back.

It's like he's churning butter. That sentence made no sense to me.

It's quicker to destroy their brains, but there's just something satisfying about torture and zombie. Look. But don't torch. Shut the fuck up.

It's so tough. Not even death can stop him. How is this even possible? How to function? I know I flunked out of Med school. You went to Med school? I wanted to be a gynecologist. You know what I me...

It's some some young poser. What do you mean? He's a master Kung Fu artist. So I'm a master baiter artist and you don't see me bragging? Yes, you do. All the time. Yeah, I guess you're right. I am ...

Jack bang that guy. He banged him hard. Jack is gonna be banging guys all night with that gun around. He's going to bang a whole gang of guys. You're saying there's going to be a gang bang? Yes, we...

Jack better back away or he's gonna get sucked up like dog shit in the vacuum cleaner. You vacuum your dog shit? Well, yeah, I don't wanna touch that stuff. Another housekeeping tip from grease.

Jack better start carving that fucking pumpkin if he wants to stop that fucking zombie brought to you by the letter. Fuck.

Jack better stay away from that smashing hazard. Sometimes the best way to beat the problem is to jump on it and ride it until it's your bitch. It's not a game hint or dating advice. Your choice.

Jack better take the challenge. Those chumps aren't going to kill themselves.

Jack better watch it. That motherfucking mob is halfway up his tailpipe. Speaking of stuff up the tailpipe, I know this hooker who eyes on the road, Howard.

Jack better watch out or he's going to get retired. I don't get it because the other guy isn't tired. You're just fucking with me, aren't you? Oh, hell yes.

Jack better watch out or he's gonna end up as a puddle of Jack juice like that zombie. Technically he's a puddle of goo goop. Speaking of ghoul goop, I'd like to splatter elises behind with school ...

Jack choked hard out there. He sure did. What? No choking joke? Nothing about sex or Dicks or anything. You had me at, Jack choked.

Jack did OK this round. He didn't break any of my records. I don't think he was going for the most time. Shitting your pants record. A record is a record. I got a trophy and everything and the rumo...

Jack dodged those bats better than I dodge my child support payments. You're a deadbeat dad. Proud of it.

Jack forgot rule #1 when fighting Shogun. What's that? Don't get fucking killed.

Jack fucked with the ball and got the horn.

Jack gets wasted, but it was a close one. close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades. What about shuffleboard or darts? Fuck you. I was trying to have a moment.

Jack gives him a love child. If that's your idea of a love tap, I'd hate to see your idea of a rough tap with enough drinks. Ohh no.

Jack gives you meaning to breaking wind. You just in fucking heaven with this windscreen, aren't you? Yes. Yes, I am.

Jack handles his wood like a pro. Nope, won't touch that one. Give me something harder. Ohh. You want hard wood? I got something right there.

Jack has climbed over a mountain of bodies to reach this, the pinnacle of the death watch competition. Here in this amazing stadium, in front of a bloodthirsty crowd of the city survivors, Jack wil...

Jack held the world record for most shit jam that a guy's head for the past three years, as well as consecutive yardage of entrails extracted from enemies, gallons of plasma spattered in 10 minutes...

Jack is killing with the efficiency of an accountant. You paint an exciting picture. Sorry, I have to finish my taxes.

Jack is missing the targets but covering that girl in alien shit. Don't you get a magazine like that alien anal lovers? I let the subscription run out. It had started to go downhill.

Jack is ramming himself against Kojak. So basically Jack is ramming himself against himself. We are watching the most violent masturbation ever. This is nothing.

Jack is taking that ball in the tin. Like who takes balls on their chin? My ex-wife. I got to meet this woman.

Jack is tossing these guys with his bare hands. Do you like the idea of tossing guys with your bare hands? I love it. The idea of two men in the heat of battle. Ohh I get it. That's a hand job joke...

Jack just got poned. He got poned? Don't you mean owned? I don't know. I guess the kids spell it PWND. You're not a kid. You're a fucking fossil. And shit like this just makes it sadder.

Jack just set a record in the long distance for airborne had previously held by t****ze artists and blowjob experts. The flying fuck suckers.

Jack lobs those losers like they were my ex-wife, tossing my belongings out the second story window of our house without Even so much as a warning. I mean, I asked her why, but all I got was the sa...

Jack looked like he was rode hard and put away wet. What does that mean? It's a horse metaphor. Well, what does that mean? He's fucked up. He's sure is. Howard.

Jack looks better now. More proof that there's nothing that a liberal dose of pharmaceuticals won't fix. This message brought to you by drugs. Drugs take them off in indiscriminately.

Jack looks much better after the Happy onion. I always feel better after the happy ending. Not happy ending, you idiot. Happy onion. Obviously you've never fucked an onion.

Jack made that hunk of bolts. This bitch that's hot. Amazing how quickly you can make me nauseous.

Jack might as well wipe his ass with that money, cause those fucking zombies don't give a shit about cash. They just wanna eat brains.

Jack pulled that win out of his ass at the last second. Yes, he did. He really needs to do better or he's gonna get killed. Wait a minute. What? No clever remarks about pulling something out of you...

Jack pushed him off like he was nothing. When I fought little Eddie and pushed him off. I permanently ruptured my hemorrhoid. Ohhh yeah, I know. It's. You're telling me you haven't dropped a deuce ...

Jack really knows how to get ahead. Yeah, it's easy, just cut it off. I know I was making a ohh. Never mind.

Jack rocked up the points. He is on fire, probably from all the lasers. A little water will put that out. It's a figure of speech. Well, you're a figure of shit. Fine. I'm a figure of shit. Can we ...

Jack Rose like a little girl? Are you kidding? Jack throws little girls under moving buses. That was just a bad toss.

Jack Rose like a little girl. Yeah, a little girl could kick your ass. That's any little girl.