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Home > Bridget Jones's Diary (2001) Soundboard
Warning: This soundboard may contain objectionable content, and is Not Safe For Work (NSFW)
A toast to her, my... my wonderful wife Geraldine.
Afternoon, Bridget.
Ah, yes, of course.
Ah. Sorry, sorry, sorry.
Ain't no mountain high enough
Ain't no mountain high enough
All right.
ALL: To Geraldine
And beat him to a pulp, quite rightly.
And fasten them together...
And had various local radio bits for..
And I told him not to give any interviews.
And I'll call round, and we'll have dinner later, OK?
And keep New Year's resolutions.
And left him broken hearted, he said.
And then go straight into the interview.
And then interview Chief Fireman Bevan.
And thinking what a fucking idiot I've been.
And we are on fire.
And, um..
And, well, I don't think they'll mind...
Apparently, it's the highest rated show on the channel.
ARTFUL DODGER SINGING: ♪ I don't think so ♪
ARTFUL DODGER SINGING: ♪ I feel fantastic, bombastic ♪
Bridget Jones... already a legend
Bridget works in publishing..
BRIDGET: L ladies and...
BRIDGET: Oh, holy Jesus.
BRIDGET: Tom... Eighties pop icon
BRIDGET: Unfortunately, he just happens to be my boss..
But I was so stupid that I didn't mean what I meant
But the thing is, um...
CHAKA KHAN SINGING: ♪ I'm every woman ♪
Climb back up
Come outside
Could I have your attention for a moment, please?
DAD: She's even taking Jaundice Julian...
DANIEL: Hang on. Hang on.
DANIEL: If walking past office...
DANIEL: It was a brilliant..
DANIEL: Oh, piss and bollocks.
DANIEL: Well, I don't think it's bad
DANIEL: Well, listen, don't leave on my behalf
Daniel's boss who stares freely at my breasts...
DIANA ROSS SINGING: ♪ Ain't no mountain high enough ♪
Didn't you telephone Colin and Bridget?
Double shit.
Emotional fuckwits, or perverts
Every year, she tries to fix me up..
FITZHERBERT: If you've got a moment...
From Handel's "Messiah"..
Fuck me. Uhh!
Get back up those stairs, young lady.
Given my chance again, I'm not sure I'd have any.
Good plan.
Ha! A likely tale
Ha. Huh.
Happy birthday to you
Happy New Year, Brenda.
Has been the result of five years of struggle...
He said that you ran off with his fiancée...
He's always made us proud...
HOST: Hello and welcome to "Sit Up, Britain
I can hold my drink.
I can’t live
I couldn't give a fuck, Jones.
I didn't mean it.
I give up. I give up.
I got to go back to town. A meeting's come up.
I have two choices...
I just..
I missed you a lot.
I need you. Without you, twenty years from now...
I should've done this years ago
I think I'm gonna have to take you out to dinner now..
I thought I might ask if...
I want you pointing a hose.
I'm going to give you something to bite on
I'm so sorry
I'm sorry to inform you..
I'm stuck! Oh!
I'm thinking fireman's helmet.
I've got to work on some figures.
If I can't make it with you...
If I say that someday this remarkably clever girl...
In fact..
In the firm of Abbott and Abbott in New York
It does actually remind me of something.
It was all just going so fast..
Jesus. Fuck.
JUDE: Am I co dependent?
JULIE LONDON SINGING: ♪ Fly me to the moon ♪
Just full sex.
Keep me from you
Lara and..
Lies in the deposition they made on August 30th.
Listen, Daniel...
Look, are you and Cosmo in this together?
Lots of prospects for a person who...
Lots of very high quality magazines...
MAN: It's a fight!
MAN: Thank you so much. Thank you.
MAN: What?
MARK: This is Bridget Jones. Bridget, this is Natasha.
Mm hmm.
Mmm. And they want me to start straightaway.
Mmm. Eat up
Mr. Fitzherbert.
MUM: Darling! Geoffrey!
NATASHA: Jeremy’s had the most brilliant idea.
Night, night.
No, ain't no valley low enough
No, it was the other way around.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no!
No. You'll have to fill me in.
Nobody's ever asked me that question.
Not really, no.
Notice what?
Now, what are you going to put on?
Obviously will lose twenty pounds.
Of just how much trouble the company's in
Oh, bugger, bugger!
Oh, fuck me, I love Keats
Oh, God, I'm sorry
Oh, God, yeah, I know, I know.
Oh, God.
Oh, I...
Oh, OK
Oh, yes, they fucking do.
Oh! Mind the over spray. Sorry
OK, we're out of time. We're out of time.
On you in thirty seconds.
Over Bridget's non existent skirt
Ow, ain't no valley low enough
PRETENDERS SINGING: ♪ Don't get me wrong ♪
RICHARD: We have live fire station feeds...
Right. What should I do?
Right. Yeah
ROBBIE WILLIAMS SINGING: ♪ Have you met Miss Jones? ♪
Say it again, ain't no river wide enough
She's only just had her ovaries done
Shh. Bad man. [Both laugh]
Skirt is demonstrably neither sick nor absent
So how are you?
Stop talking total nonsense to strangers
Surely these would be most attractive at crucial moment
Tell them they can stick fucking Leavis...
Thank you so much.
The thing is..
The thing is...
The water's lovely!
Then retired because he found that one record...
There are so many unmarried women in their thirties..
There are stupid things your mum buys you.
Though perhaps ever so slightly less elegant under pressure.
To all the intelligent things you've said.
To Mark and his Natasha
To skirt
To the pursuit of truth.
TOM: Oh, yes!
Trying hard to fight off a vision...
UNA: Oh, dear. Didn't Geoffrey call you?
Under a misapprehension
VAN MORRISON SINGING: ♪ Keep me satisfied ♪
We'll see how we go.
Welcome, ladies and gentlemen
Well, apart from the one...
Well, don't worry. I'm sure they've come to see you...
Well, I've realized that I've become deeply committed...
Well, you’ve only just met her. She flew in yesterday.
What a shame you couldn't bring your boyfriend, Bridget.
What do you think of the El Nino phenomenon?
What on earth are you wearing?
What's his name? David? Darren?
Whenever I see that skimpy little skirt on TV...
While you go home, have a long hot bath..
Who spends most of her time...
Whose side are we on?
Will avoid all non P.C. overtones in future.
With Lara and me...
With no clothes on, remember?
Yes. Yes, I think that's fair
You and your mother could be sisters
You know me. I'm...
You once said that you liked me just as I am..
You used to be mad about me
You were four, and I was eight
Your Lewisham fire report, by the way.
Do you have eggs? Yes.
Is she pissed? What?
No fucking room anyway. No.
SHAZZER: Ohh. Oh, you love it
"The Greatest Book of Our Time"...
["Peter Gunn" playing]
[All gasp]
[Bridget laughs]
[Disco music playing]
[Doorbell buzzes]
[Laughs weakly]
[Laughs] Oh
[Mild applause]
[New song begins]
[Pam laughs]
[Snaps fingers] MARK: Right
[Tape rips] Ohh!
[Telephone rings]
[Turns off sound]