Kevin Can Wait (2016) - Season 1 Edit

A also really big fans of Vikings.

A And as your daughter comes downstairs,

A little serenade for my princess.

Abandon ship. Abandon ship. Shh! Hey, stop.

Actually, you are. It's Long Island.

All right, come on.

All right, I'm gonna go get it.

All right, I'm sorry about the leaf blower!

All right, Now we'll go check.

All right, we break through this thing, okay,

All right, we'll take the high road,

All right.

And be a regular cookie?

And don't go near the windows, okay?

And even more fun eating them.

And his wife, out of nowhere, called me a moron.

And I couldn't see through the yolk.

And I guess I did that, you know?

And I'm wearing a scrambled egg sweater

And it completely voided out the warranty

And it hasn't even started?

And it was very powerful.

And Rick got all mad and we got into a heated argument

And that's what the kids will do.

And that's why I love America.

And then that's... That's all you have there.

And then we drive 20 miles to the one that's open in Queens?

And then, what happens next?

And they will have access to your product.

And we are ripped out of here in a second.

And we send out a message that says,

And we show the world we are not ashamed.

And we will clean everything tomorrow.

And we're through it.

And what happened?

And yet it is a free country,

And you can see what aspects are working,

And you ended up in the kiddie pool right there.

And you know how you know? Dark arches.

And you're gonna put up some fliers?

And you're marrying my daughter.

Apparently is not an authorized dealer,

Are you all right?

Are you kidding me?

Are you ready to take it?

Around in a circle in a pool.

Bacon and princess.

Because they're driving the getaway car.

Because tonight the Gables have... dark arches.

Because you can do it!

Because you had to go get your precious grandmother's sign...

Because you're... 'Cause you're mostly muscle.

Because, really, I actually got to pee real bad.

Behind the piano, too?

Best Halloween ever.

Big Booty Judy?

Big Booty Judy.

Brave bacon.

Brave bacon.

But I did borrow Rick's leaf blower,

But I mean, Rick and Judy?

But it is mostly muscle and bone and things of structure.

But it made me look dumpy,

But the good part is that once I'm done...

But the Viking seems busy with his decorations.

But you can't find it and the place is closed.

But you said something about a a glitch

But, uh, yeah, maybe I'll do that.

By the way, how much toilet paper did you bring?

By the way, if this works out,

Close it! Close it! Close it!

Come on, come on. Can you mo...

Come on, Donna!

Come on, guys. Let's go.

Come on.

Come on. Come on. Come on.

Come on. One time.

Dark arches.

Do you think that would work?

Don't tell me to relax!

Every five seconds to hand out candy to kids

Everything will come into focus.

Exactly!

Excuse me.

Fine, I'll do it.

Fine.

Fly to another country.

Found them. Ate them.

Get low. Get low.

Get some personality.

Give me a boost. I'll look through the window.

Go, go, go, go.

Go! Go!

Go! Go!

Grab the sign! Grab the sign!

Had a couple of glitches.

Hallow We Ain't Home!

Having the last slice of pie, huh?

He ate my pie.

He flies to Europe and he's snapping people's necks

He will find us.

He's like, “What's up, bro”" And I shut that down.

Hello?

Hello?

Here!

Hey, babe, you know it's not “duck” tape, right?

Hey, guys, have fun tonight, all right?

Hey, remember to stay quiet

Hey, wait, wait, wait!

Hey. Hey.

Hey. I smell popcorn.

Holla back, y'all!

Honey, are you okay?

Honey, it's after 11:00.

Honey, this is not about payback, okay?

Honey. Why are you acting like this?

How far would you go to save me, hmm?

How goes the trunk or treating?

How you do that, you know?

I agree. There's no telling what these kids could do.

I am ready to beta test.

I can understand the kids being mad,

I can't swing my legs over.

I can't. I can't.

I couldn't even break a sign. How am I breaking this door?

I did. I'm just exhausted.

I did. Of course I did.

I don't even know if I have a passport.

I don't even... Do I have a passport?

I don't know if I could learn another language and...

I don't know.

I feel like I need a break from hearing your voice right now.

I get, like, a shiv,

I go to check 'cause I got a thing with the thing,

I got to be honest...

I got to say, for the first time,

I guess I'll just have an apple.

I guess we're off the high road now.

I had a lot of fun finding them

I hit the knee.

I I'm amazed at how you balance it all,

I just want to be sure to keep my rage in check.

I just washed it, too.

I know. I tried it, babe.

I mean, if you think about it,

I mean, like, who really needs Valentine's Day?

I mean, my buddy Wendell, though,

I mean, why can't they just play something more soothing,

I mean, you're creating your own app.

I move on to the next one, right?

I panicked, and I called her...

I still got no service. No bars.

I tend to bring it.

I think it was something like a...

I think they're done.

I think they're duct taping us in here.

I wanted to run through a wall into another wall.

I was having none of it.

I went over there. He had a bit of an attitude.

I, too, am familiar with that brew.

I... Sometimes I feel like I'm on an island.

I'd definitely want you back.

I'd go over and talk to him,

I'll deal with it.

I'll tell you when we're good.

I'm going! Go!

I'm hit!

I'm hit!

I'm not in the mood for bacon.

I'm not sorry! I'm not sorry!

I'm really sorry, all right?

I'm so sorry.

I'm sorry, honey.

I'm sorry?

I'm that full grown man.

I'm trapped in a kids' playhouse,

If I learned anything from being a cop,

If I was dressed like an ugly witch.

If they'd seen you and put up some fliers.

If you want to.

In water fully.

Is it horrible that I want this night to be over,

Is that every roll in the house?

It ain't happening.

It is mostly muscle. I'm not... I'm not saying

It is. Yeah.

It was a knee jerk reaction.

It was just some guy.

It worked for McDonald's, right?

It worked. We're trapped like ducks.

It would be kind of nice not to do it at all.

It's a couples' costume.

It's a new technology, but with any program, okay,

It's a trap!

It's about getting our sign and just...

It's an expression... “trapped like ducks. ”

It's an insult to Liam Neeson and...

It's hard to tell in the dark.

It's like dominoes.

It's like we're robbing these people.

It's not a big thing,

It's probably best if you don't eat so late.

It's really nice to hear you say that.

It's so wrong, yet so right.

It's that you never show up unarmed.

It's time the Gables take a stand

Jack, Sara, let's go.

Just a tad too loud.

Just ride it out.

Just throwing it out there.

Just... You know what? Ignore bacon.

Let me move to the east wing of the property.

Let's do it.

Liam Neeson...

Like a car alarm?

Like, we're out back with a bunch of horses.

Listen to bacon and princess. Mostly princess, all right?

Look, when we get in there, we got to stay quiet, okay?

Looks like our noise problem was handled.

Lower your voice.

Lunar modular? You gonna stick with that?

Maybe we should hang on to a few of these.

Me.

Mommy, I guess no one's home. Let's just go to the next house.

Mr. Gable, happy All Hallow's Eve.

My girlfriend... She likes it loud.

My grandmother made that sign for us.

My grandmother's sign? No.

My shoulder hurts pretty bad.

Nice hat.

No knocking on doors or walking to the next house.

No one's gotten my costume all night.

No, good to hear.

No, honey. Don't, okay? They're just kids.

No, no, no, no, no. It's okay. They'll leave.

No, no, no.

No, the real ones are in the piano bench.

No, the TV downstairs is much better.

No, we are here

Not “kinda.”

Not because they deserve it, but because they rang a bell?

Now, what's all that about?

Now!

Oh, babe, let's get out of here.

Oh, good call.

Oh, I like it. That looks good.

Oh, oh!

Oh, so we're trapped in here because of you.

Oh, that would be much better.

Oh, there's the sign. I'll go get it.

Oh, they sound so cute.

Oh, those bastards are going down.

Oh, well, I can show you that.

Oh, well, make it quick.

Oh, why are these people so mad at us?

Oh, wow, that's amazing. What did you say to him?

Oh, yeah. If... If you ever want,

Oh, yeah. Razor sharp.

Oh, yeah. We're way off.

Oh, yes, well, uh, what I'm working with here is, uh...

Oh, you know what? Those are the Gruber kids.

Oh, you're, uh...

Oh!

Oh.

Oh.

Ohh, that felt good.

Ohh!

Ohh! I love this sweater!

Ohh! Look at what they did!

Ohh.

Okay, all right.

Okay, Chale.

Okay, enough is enough.

Okay, I just... My apologies to her.

Okay, Jackie Chan, I think we're good.

Okay, no. You know what?

Okay, okay.

Okay, you're right. Take the high road.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay. Fine. Here I go.

Okay. I think they're gone.

Okay. Okay! Yeah! Let's do this.

Okay. Okay.

Okay. This is exciting.

On the moon?

Once I learned it was about a competitive a cappella group,

Once you fix one set of code, it triggers another problem...

Or something like that?

Our pool.

Over there!

Ow!

Ow!

Please, come by the garage tomorrow.

Powerful enough to, say,

Propel a full grown man in an inner tube

R... Rick!

Ready to take the order of us?

Right on the knee.

Right.

Right.

Run!

Save yourself!

See, this is why we have trust issues.

She's a strong cup of coffee.

So I will be in the kitchen.

So now let's get ready to pass out candy

So you're up late, huh?

So, if I was ever taken,

So... let's just go home?

Sometimes it's overwhelming.

Speaking of treats,

Stay calm. They can't see us.

Still nothing.

Stop. Look at me. Look at me.

Sure, sure, you did. And did you have it fixed?

Sure.

Thank you so much.

Thank you, God.

That is ama... I mean, it's...

That it's duct with a “T”?

That you tried hiding from me, I got to be honest...

That's 100% what I meant.

That's it. I'm calling their parents.

That's nature's dessert right there.

That's when I thought it was about baseball.

The arches are dark.

The best.

The first one is always the toughest.

The gate's unlocked.

The kids at school,

The saddest sight in all of fast food.

The way you plunder a village... to die for.

The whole thing is just kind of a charade.

Their flu shots are tomorrow

Then let's not.

There you have it.

There... There's literally nothing sharp enough to do it.

There's not other stuff in there,

They already duck... Duct taped us in.

They got a lot of lights up there.

They just stole our “Welcome” sign.

They might know we're here.

They shaving creamed the car.

They snapped our bird's neck.

They thought it would be funny

They will move on to the next house

They're probably little ballerinas or something.

This is down as I get.

This is intolerable.

This is killing me.

This whole thing is my fault.

To the little angels. Yay.

Trick or treat!

Trick or treat!

Trick or treat!

Trick or treat! We see your car in the driveway.

Trunk or treating is kind of romantic.

Uh, because... Uh, because it's muscle.

Uh, my fiancée and I, uh, we're really big fans of music,

Uh, we should probably start the car.

Uh, you see, there is a small control group, okay,

Um, we feel maybe the music is just a...

Unbelievable.

Wait a minute. We're watching “Taken” again?

We are the classic combination...

We can't do that.

We can't watch “Taken” on a small screen.

We didn't do anything to them.

We don't need to argue about it right now.

We have always been really good neighbors.

We hop that fence, and we run back home, okay?

We live on a quarter acre in Massapequa.

We need to get out of here

We put in our time.

We should do this with other holidays, right?

We turn off every light,

We're going to Queens.

We're ready to give our order.

We're ready. Hello?

We've played by the rules for 20 years.

Well, I am not because those were the decoys.

Well, I mean, I...

Well, if it's you, you punch the dashboard,

Well, if you're talking about the fun sized ones

Well, move around a little.

Well, not sure Rick and Judy are gonna pick up

Well, shouldn't we just go upstairs?

Well, the trick is to not submerge the whole thing

Well, we'll see how funny they think

Well, when thunder needs bringing,

What did you bring?

What happened? You were supposed to be an egg.

What if it was over?

What if we didn't hand out candy this year?

What is all this?

What is that?

What parts need to be improved,

What was that?

What?

What?

What? Get down.

What?!

When I keep missing the muscle.

Who says we got to get up from the couch

Who told you to turn my music off?!

Who was it?!

Why do I even like you?!

Why don't you just take the hat off

With that body, you could bust right through.

Wonderful.

Wow, you went a little dark there, hon.

Wow! You know what?

Wow.

Wow.

Wow. Good on you, babe.

Yeah, and why do I have to cook for every Thanksgiving?

Yeah, dad, they're obviously closed.

Yeah, I I crash this thing into a thousand pieces.

Yeah, I know.

Yeah, me too. Uh...

Yeah, no, and that's what I meant.

Yeah, yeah. No, I'm great.

Yeah.

Yes, I had a hankering for a midnight snack.

Yes, uh, just working on my app,

Yes, yes, and we do it fast

Yes.

You can barely ride a skateboard.

You don't say.

You expect me to believe you're landing a a lunar modular

You go from car to car and take what you want.

You got a lot going on.

You got to figure out their money and stuff.

You got to go full bull in a China shop.

You just... You got to break that door down.

You know what I mean.

You know what? Yes, I'm gonna do this.

You know who's being robbed?

You know, I got to say,

You know, I... would ask your girlfriends

You know, I'm going out there. That's it.

You know, you could step up and fight me on some of this

You made me crazy.

You mean Big Booty Judy?

You said we could watch “Pitch Perfect.”

You're just jealous

You're little Timmy Cicero from down the block.

You're so blurring.

You're so monotone!

You're supposed to throw it in a tree.

You've seen it 10 times.

Your... Your wife was right. I I am a moron.

A couple things. Yeah!

But do you? Yeah, I know.

Dark arches. Dark arches.

Fantastic. Thank you, Mr. Gable.

Hey! Take this, Grubers!

Hurry up. Okay, I'm coming.

I can... I can show you. I would love t...

I think they're gone. Stop... screaming.

I'll look into that. It sounds great. All right.

I'm not proud, all right? Ohh.

It's toilet paper and shaving cream. What?

Look at us. We got our own thing. Mm hmm.

Look, we need to cut that tape. How?

Mm hmm. And another problem and another.

Oh, no! What?

Oh, yeah, perfect analogy, Mr. Gable. Yeah. Right.

Okay. All right.

Save yourself! Oh, God!

Take cover! Oh, God!

There actually could be one thing. What?

This is kind of exciting. Yeah.

Those could be motion sensors. Okay.

We're good. Okay.

Well, how would we do that? We hide.

What? Yeah.

With a reward, you know? Oh.

Yes! Okay.

You have a lovely night. Mm hmm.

You never heard of that? No.

You're supposed to unroll it first. Oh.

'cause you're never gonna wear one of these.

'Sup, bro?

"“Come on, Jack. Let's get on back to the Gable Stable”"

"After midnight, you're rolling out there, “I want a burger”"

"“Welcome to the Gable Stable”"

"“You know what? We are closed for business”"

♪ Chale, Chale, Chale ♪

♪ Chale, Chale, Chale ♪

♪ Kendra, Ken... ♪

♪ Kendra, Kendra ♪

♪ More than a friend a ♪

♪ What a perfect male ♪

♪ What a perfect... ♪

“Oh, I'm an astronaut”" No, you're not.

“That body”?