So Undercover Edit

A bargaining chip.

A chance to possibly make a real difference in someone's life.

A chance to work for the FBI.

A couple of years. Maybe ten.

A group of these monsters

A GSR stainless steel, but with a black Nitron finish.

A guy I'm dating.

A job this and a job that,

A seamless P 226 slide and tritum night sights.

A Sigarm 1911 pistol with a hand striped V notched rear.

A sister in need comes before anything else.

A tall husband who makes a lot at money

A what balls?

Abandon the epileptic?

About the pros and cons of RICO.

Accept it.

Accessories.

Accounting ledgers.

Actually, Suzy, I do.

Actually, you know what?

Agent Sanderson is very weak,

Ah, yes. Nature photography.

Aikido is a fashionable way for fat housewives

Aikido is a fashionable way for fat housewives

Alex is obviously sleeping with him.

Alex who? Where's Alex?

Alex!

Alex!

Alex! Are you okay?

All my life, I've been on the outside.

All right, girls, let's go.

All right, it's fine. I'll figure it out.

All right, update me.

All right, well, I'll see you tonight. See you!

All right.

All right. What's your secret?

Allegedly.

Alpha car wash?

Alpha One, do you have a visual on Molly. Over.

Alpha One, do you have Molly?

Alpha Two?

Alpha Two? Affirmative.

Amaze balls.

An ambulance is on its way.

And "with all due respect," do you have the ledgers?

And a pearl while Bentley.

And a pearl white Bentley Continental GT

And a summer at making new friends.

And as far as I know, I don't let anyone down.

And Bruce Wayne used it for calls,

And BTW's, if anything, he's the one crushing on me.

And Cotton says you've been defending her

And don't you think for a second

And everybody obvi loves you.

And float on the tears of unicorns.

And go out with Nicholas.

And go to Cabo with Chelsea Handler.

And he told me it just like that,

And I def want a pearl white Bentley, too.

And I didn't have time for a job.

And I got a grilled cheese for lunch.

And I said I didn't want a job,

And I was on the baseball team

And I'm actually fitting into my can't breathe jeans again.

And I'm gonna take the blame for it.

And it's not a place students usually go,

And now I've become the enemy,

And now they're on their way to have scandalous motel room sex.

And open your hearts to a sister in need.

And painted it black.

And rolling.

And runs the house with an iron fist ish.

And she's real, which is so important,

And spread all those nasty rumors.

And that car blows up.

And that I was going to have to take care of her and my sister.

And that is harmony and interpretation.

And that red stamp on your hand gives you access

And that's exactly what I'm going to do.

And that's just the women.

And that's why I quit playing baseball in high school.

And the son of Senator Harrison.

And then I lost.

And there's nothing for a Sasha Stolezinsky.

And there's only two franchises in the Dallas area.

And they let each other down.

And this is your room.

And this one you will not use.

And this right here

And try to uncover any information about this bargaining chip

And we are in the process of convincing Jason Patrone

And we want you to keep an eye on her.

And what's this have to do with me?

And widened her eyes and touched her lip.

And you deflect any real question I ask you about yourself.

And you hit a raccoon, but you don't want to stop

And you ruined it.

And you were 40 pounds heavier.

And you're a young Pl who specializes in infidelity photography.

And you're Brook Stonebridge, our transfer from Hawaii.

And you're only using that to receive texts!

And you're really well informed.

And you're well versed in Jiu Jitsu.

Another pledge!

Answer the phone when it rings.

Anyways, you're the best. I'll talk to you later.

Are those real?

Are we done?

Are you calling me a fat housewife?

Are you calling me a fat housewife? Yeah.

Are you going to put it on?

Are you going to shoot me?

Are you gonna go out with him?

Are you hiding something? No.

Are you making fun of me?

Are you okay, Brook?

Are you serious?

Armon Ranford, FBI.

Armon.

Armon.

At eleven, you became a really great shot,

At the airport and Lone Star Park.

At the top, we've got Sasha Stolezinsky.

Be very careful, please?

Because I'll know if you're not.

Because I'm here looking for someone

Because I've been there.

Because it turned out to be somebody's dog.

Because it's a memorable detail

Because people often aren't who they say they are, you know?

Because that's how I'm going to find you.

Because they also have a disease.

Because we both know that chasing cheating truckers

Because when I got into college, I had the chance to start over.

Because you and I both know how easy it is to make a cocktail

Because, Cotton, that's what the gangsters do.

Because, there are just so many fake girls in this house.

Becky, I'm not a klepto.

Before I meet my parents.

Believe it or not, no.

Besides, I hate the French.

Big, fat accounting ledgers.

Bingo!

Bonneville engine? Yeah.

Brandy. Huh?

Bravo wicked thin lubricated condoms, size large, jumbo pack.

Bravo, but you know all I have to do

Bravo. You pack a mean punch.

Brook Stonebridge is.

Brook Stonebridge.

Brook Stonebridge.

Brook Stonebridge. I was in cabin Whisper Nine.

Brook, hey.

Brook, how'd you do it?

Brook, I'm not really following.

Brook, this is a little weird.

Brook, what do you have to say for yourself?

Brook, what is going on?

Brook!

Brook! I found the journal thingies you were looking for.

Brook?

Brook? No.

Brook.

Brook.

Brook.

Brook. Your turn, Brook.

Brook's dad.

BTW's? By the way.

Burned some holes through leather purses.

But Croatia is the new golden age of couture.

But don't tell me that it wasn't abused.

But he did let us know that you've been helpful.

But he doesn't have the ledgers. Nobody does.

But he's not as immature as the other frat boys.

But I don't think it's romantic.

But I know dangerous people and there aren't any there.

But I need five grand more.

But I need more money. What?

But I promise you'll have a lot of fun.

But I want to smooth things over.

But I've perfected it now.

But is also properly God fearing,

But it's swarming with lazy French people.

But keep it on you and on at all times.

But my dad could use some help getting back on the force.

But not on one of those cheesy reality shows. No.

But she wouldn't tell anyone where they were.

But the guy has nothing on his background.

But the real world comes and gets us all at some point.

But there are problems in the real world

But this is a bracelet, with the words "Mother Green Earth"

But we shouldn't cast off the kleptomaniac

But we're going to take over from here.

Buy a doll, play with balls!

Buy a doll, play with balls.

Buy a doll.

Cameron, I don't know what that word means.

Cameron, I told you. I can't!

Cameron, it's Kappa welcome back night!

Can I have a pink gun?

Can you believe what happened to Shelley Simon?

Can you not do that? Thank you.

Catch!

Checking his watch.

Come here.

Come on, can't I ride my bike to school?

Come on, girls.

Come on, girls. Let's sell some products.

Come on, girls. We're supposed to be sisters.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on. Don't let me down.

Come on. How do you know that, Brook?

Commencing the Kappa Kappa Zeta disciplinary hearing.

Consider it done, Morris.

Cool, thanks.

Correct. Makes no sense.

Cotton, not now.

Cotton, sometimes you can be such an insipid idiot!

Cotton, Taylor, and Hunter.

Cotton, Taylor, Hunter.

Cotton, you don't need to take that.

Cotton, you make your own mace?

Cotton! It's epileptic.

Cotton? Listen to me. I'm late as it is.

Cotton's dating this new guy

Croatia? Yeah...

Crushing on you? What does that mean?

Dad, I'm not really getting anything.

Dad, I've got it.

Dad, this is Nicholas.

Dad.

Damn it! Somebody stole it.

Deserve to love crawdaddys like everybody else.

Did she drop the modeling thing?

Did you enjoy the party last night?

Did you give Brook this bracelet?

Didn't Lady Gaga wear that at the \/MA's?

Do not plunge to your death.

Do we get a gun?

Do you have a problem with that?

Do you know what I'm saying? Not really.

Do you think I'm pretty?

Do you?

Don't be late.

Don't be mad at me.

Don't call it a bat phone. Why not?

Don't tell anybody, but I couldn't agree with you more.

Don't worry about her. She's a little sedated.

Don't you have someone at the bureau that can do that?

Don't you just hate that? Doesn't that just suck...

Don't you think it's best we work up to this?

Double bubble bubblegum gum, two packs.

Dr. Milton? Yes.

Drop and give me 20, God. Drop and give me 20!

Dude. Wait. Now what do you want me to do?

Duh! [both laugh]

Everyone out.

Exactly. There is a heart hit planted

Excuse me?

Excuse me? Can I talk to you for a second?

Excuse me? I'm sorry. I'm sorry to bother you.

Excuse me.

Excuse me. I actually have to take this call.

Exercising topless or something.

Extra sugar free dessert delights

Face down!

FBI.

Fifteen thousand.

Financial statements, accounting ledgers that provide her dad

Find out who's not who they say they are

Find out who's not who they say they are.

Fine, but you're gonna do a lot more than just put on lipstick.

Fine.

Fingers. Fingers Stonebridge.

Follow me.

For a chance to drive this thing.

For making you look like a New Jersey housewife!

From there, we can deal with him to give up Alex.

From those easy Alpha girls.

Gays, liberals, reformers, subversive students.

Get close to them.

Get what? The bracelet.

Girl, welcome to the club.

Girls your age would jump up and down

Girls, we have a sister in need.

Give it back.

Give me Alex and I give you the ledgers.

Give me the gun!

Give me the gun.

Go to some old jazz club or something, just let loose.

Good boy.

Good gator.

Good klepto.

Good morning, Brook.

Good work, Morris. The FBI could use someone like you.

Great.

Have infiltrated the Sorority Council.

Have we met?

Have you ever killed somebody?

Have you heard of the Georgian Mafia?

Have you sold many dolls?

He brought me hers to find out who the FBI mole was

He deals with drugs, fraud and extortion.

He is a complete ghost.

He is the president at Omega Alpha Pi

He just looked at me and told me he was leaving,

He kept on asking me about a job,

He kind of asked me out.

He led us to this.

He thinks he got two out of three.

He thinks he killed Agent Sanderson

He's been teaching for about a year and a half

He's getting his PhD in Quantum physics,

He's going to throw us a curve and we need to anticipate that.

He's good.

He's not wearing a wedding ring but I see the tan line.

He's smart and he's got this boyish charm about him,

He's the bomb dot com when it comes to hair.

He's waiting for me to call him.

Hello beautiful, vibrant Kappa sister.

Hello beautiful, vibrant Kappa sister.

Hello sweet, freshly manicured, evenly spray tanned Kappa sister.

Hello? 911 operator.

Her affair with the good doctor.

Her name is Alex Patrone.

Her name is right there on it.

Here we are.

Here we go.

Here we go. No!

Here you go, Dr. Milton.

Here.

Here. This one's for you.

Hey Brook, I'm so sorry that I hated you

Hey Summer!

Hey, Alex. Catch.

Hey, Brook!

Hey, Brook. It's Molly.

Hey, come eat with us.

Hey, how's it going?

Hey, I'm Brook.

Hey, it happens to the best of us.

Hey, Molly!

Hey, Taylor.

Hey!

Hey! Can I interest you in a dip

Hey. Don't mind him.

Hi, Brook! Good morning.

Hi, Brook. Armon.

Hi, I'm Brook Stonebridge. Nice to meet you.

Hi, I'm Sasha, president of Kappa Kappa Zeta.

Hi, y'all.

Hi! Welcome! What's your name?

Hi.

Hi. Nice to meet you, sir.

His chief witness is a guy named Jason Patrone.

His name is Patrick and he outplayed you, Morris.

His name is Patrick Franklin.

Holy shit.

Holy shit.

How are we going to get people dying to buy these dolls?

How are you doing?

How are you?

How did that sound?

How did you get into Kappa, Brook Stonebridge?

How did you know this time?

How do I get out of here?

How do we know who they are?

How do you know that?

How long are you gonna do this for?

How much?

How much?

How was the track?

How would someone like you know this, Brook?

How?

How'd I do?

How's it going?

How's your head?

I am not the paparazzi!

I am not.

I am so proud of you.

I am so psyched that I already have a friend.

I am. [all laugh]

I appreciate the majority of you

I can deliver him to you, but he's smart.

I can't believe you'd wear that here.

I can't believe you're canceling!

I can't do it. I'm needed here.

I can't talk about this right now.

I checked six other record and notification databases

I checked the Tenet system, the Texas DMV backlogs.

I cut my hair myself.

I developed it early. What?

I did my homework on you. Your mother died when you were young.

I did.

I didn't choose the name.

I didn't kill her.

I didn't steal anything, Cotton. I don't believe you.

I do not know. I am not my sister's keeper.

I don't even think we need a safe word.

I don't get it.

I don't get it. Why wouldn't they just kill Alex?

I don't have the most faith in relationships. That's all.

I don't know what that means, but I bet it was really funny.

I don't know what that word means.

I don't know, like a Scottish mixed with Salma Hayek.

I don't know, not many girls here

I don't know.

I don't know. I should probably not talk anymore.

I don't know. That's all I have.

I don't know. That's all I have.

I don't like it when you swear.

I don't misrepresent myself.

I don't really know what I'm talking about.

I don't really want to get into it right now, Nicholas.

I don't see the point, okay? Okay.

I don't think going out with Nicholas

I don't think so.

I don't want those.

I doubt it. Why the lies?

I found this on a pile of Talloway's graded papers.

I got the kill shot from here, but I don't know if I can pay!

I guess Cameron was right about you, Brook.

I guess he's better once you get to know him?

I guess I'm just like, so into crime, I want to throw up!

I guess so.

I had this terrible dream that Taylor was in our room.

I had to say something.

I have a will.

I have character, Cameron.

I have to be there.

I have to give it to you, Morris.

I have to go.

I have to go.

I haven't seen her since then.

I hear some of those Easy Alpha girls

I hit the trigger on this phone and the car explodes.

I hope that wasn't a first date.

I just don't trust people that easy.

I just hate fake people, don't you, Sasha?

I just love reunions.

I just wanted to get to know you more.

I kind of was a loner. I ate a lot of bugs.

I knew it.

I knew you were too good to be true, Patrick.

I know liars. And Nicholas isn't one.

I know she doesn't look it, but she's a private investigator

I know we've gotten off to a rocky start

I know what you're thinking.

I know you're new and trying to make friends,

I know! My dog had it once.

I know! We can give away a can of my homemade mace as a prize.

I know.

I know. Isn't it fantastic?

I like that.

I love you. I love you, too.

I mean, Molly. Come over here.

I meant to say that would be amaze balls. Right.

I missed you.

I myself am an Aikido man.

I need a break.

I need the ledgers now, Alex.

I need to leave my nothing to someone.

I need you to take me to the Chapter Room.

I really don't care.

I recognize your voice.

I said give me the camera!

I said I was perfectly okay, but I wasn't?

I see you've met Sasha.

I still have to shave my chest and meditate

I stole all the stuff and planted it on Brook.

I think I gotta go.

I think I gotta sit down.

I think we found our kleptomaniac.

I think you could be a bit more patient.

I thought she was you!

I told him that I hate the French.

I told you they would be here.

I touched the bottom! I touched the bottom!

I understand.

I used to be a fed. Can you imagine that?

I want to be on a really quality reality show,

I want you to not let this guy out of your sight.

I was adopted. Do you have a problem with that?

I was hoping you were a kidnapper.

I was modeling in Croatia for three years before I came here.

I was really nervous about transferring here, but...

I was shot.

I was so close to getting back on the force and then...

I was so close to getting that money for that lawyer.

I wasn't planning on it.

I will not plunge to my death.

I won't tell you if you don't want to hear it.

I won't. What's your name?

I worked a lot.

I would be honored if you were to wear it.

I'd drive you through that window.

I'll even throw in some lipstick.

I'll find out if you're not.

I'll find out if you're not.

I'll give you fifty thousand for them.

I'll save you a seat, okay?

I'll take care at both of you at once.

I'll try that.

I'm a cop, Nicholas. Just something to think about.

I'm a drunk college girl.

I'm a fat housewife in an

I'm an Aikido man myself.

I'm Becky Slotzky.

I'm Bizzy.

I'm Brook. I don't care who you are!

I'm done. I'm done. Screw the dolls, I'm done!

I'm following them. I'm going in.

I'm from Florida.

I'm going to a meeting. Good.

I'm gonna become a perfumer like Annick Goutal.

I'm gonna bust a cat in your ass.

I'm gonna get some intel on the professor. You investigate Sasha.

I'm gonna go nap now.

I'm in my late teens. I'm walking on campus.

I'm in the northeast stairwell.

I'm just a P.I. from Dallas.

I'm just borrowing Alex's thong.

I'm just into this.

I'm kidding.

I'm late.

I'm like, so undercover.

I'm like, totally undercover.

I'm making sure I still have my wallet.

I'm not a pledge. I'm just a transfer.

I'm not like most girls.

I'm not like most girls.

I'm not really the sugar daddy type and I'm kind of busy here.

I'm not the one cheating.

I'm offering you a chance to do something real.

I'm on the roof.

I'm proud of you, too.

I'm really gonna love it here.

I'm really happy you're here. So am I.

I'm really happy you're my sorority sister.

I'm retaining water and I'm not sure why.

I'm serious. I think about killing you a lot.

I'm so happy you all don't hate me.

I'm so proud of you guys.

I'm so sorry, Alex!

I'm so sorry.

I'm so undercover.

I'm so undercover.

I'm sorry, but you're not telling the whole story.

I'm sorry, honey, but I checked everything.

I'm sorry, I don't.

I'm sorry, I was You're so insipid.

I'm sorry. I didn't plan on telling you that story. It's okay.

I'm sorry. I'm being totally cynical.

I'm super pumped to get with you this way, Nicholas.

I'm sure you could find a waitress that you could

I'm sure you'll love all of the pageantry.

I'm telling you, if there's one thing my experience has taught me,

I'm the bomb dot com.

I'm the contingency.

I'm very interested. Trust me.

I'm writing this totally kick ass paper

I've already been.

I've been drinking like a ton of brandy and I'm feeling a lot better.

I've been opening up to you all night,

I've been working that accent since last year.

I've got a disease now, by the way.

I've got a kid.

I've got a pretentious name, a sparkly cell phone.

I've seen it. People lie and they misrepresent themselves

I've walked you home six times tonight.

If anyone can do it, you can. You're the hair whisperer.

If anyone tries to get to Alex

If binging and purging were a crime, she'd be on death row.

If he has Alex killed, her father will testify.

If he worked with Kashalov on the inside

If it wasn't for you, we'd never have sold those dolls

If Professor Talloway's FBI, then who is Armon?

If that ends up anywhere, I'm gonna kill you.

If you don't mind, I'd love to tag along.

If you drink brandy, you won't retain all that water.

If you have me followed, the ledgers go to the real FBI.

If you wanna go and take your mind off of it, or...

If you were behind the wheel of a forklift.

If you're not from New Orleans, let me hear you scream.

Immigrated into the United States 15 years ago,

In "cherry kiss" and "crushed candy."

In an earthquake?

In case you change your mind.

In mint chocolate chip and strawberry shortcake.

In styler rolling hot iron. Trust me. You'll need it.

In that white trash pool over there?

In which you know boys are never allowed in...

Including winning the Lafitte Cup back

Insipid, devoid of character.

Interesting take on RICO.

Into the life of a loved one of their enemy.

Is by planting a killer in wait.

Is he a student?

Is it? It's Paris, 1947.

Is not the top rung of investigative fulfillment.

Is press nine on this thing

Is she sleeping with him? Possibly.

Is the best way to go about this.

Is this a Triumph?

Is your brand new Volkswagen EOS.

It belittles the importance of the phone.

It doesn't matter now, does it?

It doesn't matter that these aren't the real ledgers.

It is such a relief to let go of the lies.

It really brings out your smile.

It used to be mine.

It was a ménage a gross.

It was a Nixon hustle.

It was a PJ party. What?

It was a summer of change, a summer of big developments,

It was nothing personal.

It would be a great Christmas card.

It's a cap. What's a cap?

It's a disease.

It's a fashion miracle.

It's a good one.

It's a guilt thing cheating men do.

It's a lot nicer than the Camp Wakka Wakka bathrooms.

It's a party of three.

It's a tradition.

It's all about bulimia in this house and I totally get that.

It's always have a contingency.

It's an Eastern European enforcement practice.

It's basically prostitution with detergent if you ask me.

It's bust a cap in your ass.

It's called a unique qualifier. I use them all the time.

It's Cotton. It doesn't matter.

It's glorious.

It's got a built in Kappa app

It's in the French Quarter

It's just the way it's currently being presented to me is a little

It's kind of like my last Craigslist experience.

It's like that amazing time I had the stomach flu.

It's Molly.

It's not a good You like me?

It's not real.

It's not that I'm not interested in going there with you.

It's outfitted with the discontinued 6300 vibrator

It's really pretty.

It's right there!

It's those godless OAP boys.

It's what we do.

It's your new identity.

Its shorter cousin "totes" when you want to say "fine."

Jason had kept Kashalov's books.

Jesus. [nun gasps] God bless you.

Ju jit su.

Jump off the side?

Just get out of there. it doesn't matter.

Just say it.

Just saying. Let me show you upstairs.

Just shut up! Easy there.

Just trust me.

Kappa app? That's right.

Kappa phone, bat phone.

Kappas, are you up for that?

Kashalov never dealt in widgets.

Keep what low?

Klepto.

Kleptomania is a disease.

Knock yourself out.

L don't think

L'm not mad, I just

Last year for Halloween, I was a raspberry!

Led by a guy named Vor Kashalov.

Ledgers.

Let's go everybody. Watch the lights, guys.

Let's go guys.

Let's go.

Let's make a movie.

Let's make it seven.

Like he was telling me what to pick up from the store.

Like, OMG. I'm messing with you.

Listen to that.

Listen, I'm gonna take the gig. I'm gonna go to the college.

Look, a pretty little fire.

Look, aren't they adorable?

Look, I know I haven't been there that long,

Look, I really am sorry. It was just accident.

Look...

Looks like you just freed up.

Mac Luster Lipstick in "quiet please."

Mace. What is that?

Make it happen.

Make them great.

Marc Jacobs' Aussie tote in fuchsia.

Maybe I put too much basidiomycoda fungus in the mace?

Maybe they deserve a second chance.

Me, too.

Me? Well, you're the bigger mystery than me.

Me. I was the killer the whole time.

Miss Morris, with all due respect, we're the FBI

Molly Morris?

Molly Morris?

Molly, the second he grabs the ledgers,

Molly, what's going on? I can't see.

Molly?

Molly? Where are you?

Molly. "The killer could be anybody..."

Molly. This is Zingadi.

Molly. What?

More than anything in the whole world.

More than anything in the world?

More than anything?

Most of the Dallas police force.

Move and I shoot!

Ms. Keller, do you have Alex Patrone?

My balls?

My bracelet.

My card.

My father's secretary did and I signed the card.

My mother was a Kappa, which makes me like a Siamese.

My neck massager?

My point is Patrone's daughter goes to college in New Orleans,

My roommate's freaked about these. They're due tomorrow.

Never heard of it.

Never wear sweatpants.

Nice and slow.

Nice to meet you.

Nicholas, hey.

Nicholas.

No more of that stinking root beer.

No not this guy! Really?

No prob.

No, an accident is like when you're driving

No, Brook. She was 100% Waccamaw Siouan Indian.

No, but I can promise you you're going to want to be my friend.

No, but I know where they are.

No, I am.

No, I didn't.

No, I liked it.

No, I'm not here to date.

No, it's just you don't really look Indian.

No, it's not. Yes, it is.

No, Molly, her name is Bizzy.

No, Molly, you say "totally" or you say

No, more nature photography. Mostly dogs.

No, my mom died when I was younger.

No, Nicholas.

No, not intentionally.

No, not now. Like eight minutes ago.

No, really, Brook, where I come from, this is a really big deal.

No, the other one.

No, the way that I greeted you.

No, you brought me here to protect Alex Patrone...

No, you can ask me anything.

No, you don't.

No, you're actually going to use this phone.

No, you're the one taking the dirty pictures of it.

No!

No!

No.

No.

No.

No.

No. Did your dad remarry?

No. I started the job and I'm going to finish it.

No. It's the most effective defense system

No. Sasha! Sasha gave it to me.

No. The bat phone was red, and it was a land line,

No. What about the Professor? What about what I told you?

Nope. Just me. Everybody's least favorite Kappa sister.

Not books, ledgers. [crunches]

Not even me.

Not going to.

Not happening.

Not really here to have fun.

Not really. He just called me a housewife.

Nothing, I guess.

Now give it to me.

Now I have to go.

Now I know why you didn't kill me.

Now I think I might want that safe word.

Now that I think about it,

Now that you've seen the chapter,

Obscure school. Far away. Smart.

Obviously, but you are here

Of course I do. Why would you think that I don't?

Of course it is. What else?

Of course not. It's not?

Of course. I'd go anywhere for my little girl.

Of planting someone in her life?

Of why she stole all our stuff.

Oh my God! Look! The Lafitte dolls came in!

Oh, and Brook, thank you so much for the tip.

Oh, and that sorority bitch is my Kappa sister.

Oh, everything's so pink.

Oh, I had dinner with the guys.

Oh, I just had to convince him

Oh, I'm sorry. That was totes inappropes.

Oh, it really is you.

Oh, it was a gift.

Oh, it's you.

Oh, my God, Brook.

Oh, my God, that's Bizzy.

Oh, my God! I am so drunk!

Oh, my God! I can't believe you sold all our dolls!

Oh, my God! Under the stars of the blue southern sky,

Oh, my God?

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Becky, you've got to see this.

Oh, my God. How did you

Oh, nice. Taylor, your turn.

Oh, no.

Oh, okay.

Oh, really.

Oh, Sasha gave it to me.

Oh, shocker.

Oh, the Alpha Lambda Alpha carwash.

Oh, yeah. Croatia. It's Paris in 1947.

Oh, you're so sweet.

Oh! And putting a cat in your ass isn't weird at all?

Oh! It's like a sad animal attempted suicide on her head.

Oh! My grandparents just moved there.

Oh. [all laugh]

Oh. My. God.

Oh. My. God.

Okay then, let's go.

Okay, a big house in Winter Park,

Okay, amaze balls.

Okay, cool.

Okay, let the festivities begin.

Okay, let's see if we're up and running.

Okay, Molly, it's all going according to plan.

Okay, nobody can hate you. Thanks.

Okay, Sasha.

Okay, so let me get this straight.

Okay, team.

Okay, this is it. Be ready people.

Okay, you have to like try on all these clothes.

Okay, you're like, 40 minutes late!

Okay!

Okay.

Okay.

Okay. I see what's going on here.

Okay. I want to live in Beverly Hills and like be on TV.

Okay. I'm sorry, but I'm calling it a bat phone.

Okay. Stay where you are.

Okay...

Okay...

OM double FG, Brook.

OMFG, it's so cute.

OMG, we are so bad ass.

On Jason's daughter's life.

Once he has them in hand,

One more time around the block?

Our sadist teacher makes us do it all by hand.

Our Senator's a busy man.

Our trainees would have a pretty difficult time

Out of nitrocellulose and ketone, slide it under the back seat.

Ow! [agents yell]

Passing as a college sorority girl.

Patrone did the books for Kashalov without knowing it.

People always think of Milan when they think of high fashion,

Photography. What, like weddings?

Please be careful.

Please! I'm serious.

Precautions.

Princess, why don't you introduce me to your friend here?

Professor Nathan Talloway.

Professor Talloway!

Professor Talloway?

Professor Talloway's FBI?

Pull it together, Morris.

Quiet, please.

Ready, and background...

Really! I was just one hot streak away.

Really? Oh.

Really? Okay, thanks, Brook.

Really? Really.

Remember, your papers are due next week.

RICO allowed law enforcement

RICO was a complete Nixon hustle.

Right. Of course.

Rule number two?

Same thing.

Sasha set me up. With who?

Sasha, can you came here for a minute, please?

Sasha's not telling the truth about her past either.

See what I did?

See what kind of skills you got.

See you.

See you. See you.

See, there's a place for keys on it and there's a little flashlight.

Sent.

Set, and...

Seventeen thousand.

She claims she modeled in Croatia for three years,

She doesn't have any evidence,

She is ruthless and power hungry

She lost her arm.

She obviously knows he's married,

She was my freshman roommate last year.

She was probably in one of his lectures,

She works out of the New York office.

She's like Khadafi with highlights.

She's probably just trying to keep it low.

Shit.

Shit. What's up?

Sister dysfunction is just so toxic, you know?

Sisters, welcome back and welcome home.

Sleeping. Like I care.

Smart. See you actually did learn something in college.

So Christian of him.

So everyone's showering and changing right now

So far, so good.

So I can have a billion Twitter followers

So I told her I'd check him out for her.

So if I need to call you, I'm going to get a text?

So if you pop down to the next stop

So just meet us at the horse show.

So tell me, Dad,

So thank you for your help, Molly,

So that they can play inside of a giant inflatable child's toy

So that's not why he doesn't wear it.

So the threat of a hit alone prevents testimony.

So they'll definitely be on the same page intellectually.

So what's this look we're rocking? Hobo chic?

So what's up with this guy?

So where are the journal thingies you were talking about?

So with that said, I implore you all to forgive

So, what about you? Are your parents together?

So, what do we have here?

So?

Some evidence against Kashalov.

Somebody give me a location on Armon.

Somebody stole my neck massager.

Something I stole from Sasha's room.

Sometimes I wanna kill you because you are so pretty.

Son of a bitch.

Sorry, but these are so fucking spicy.

Sorry.

Stay down!

Still rolling, and ready.

Stop! I'm serious.

Surrounded by real crusted pink moissanites.

Sweet sixteens and proms and boys.

Sweetie, it's in your hand.

Take a look at this.

Taking this unit seriously.

Talk about a man with a big heart.

Taylor says you helped her water problem,

Tell me something good, please.

Tell me what's going on.

Ten years.

Than any of the other houses.

Thank you so much. Nice meeting you.

Thank you, but I think I'm gonna stick around here and go to college.

Thank you, Cotton.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you. I'm happy to help.

Thanks, Sasha. [both say "muah, love ya"]

Thanks.

That a girl.

That Alex may be holding.

That all the sick kids in his ward

That are a lot bigger than asshole boyfriends or Lafitte dolls.

That can send a signal.

That coffee cup you're holding is from Rolly Roasters,

That doesn't make sense.

That guy looks so much like Cameron.

That he didn't love my mother anymore,

That he met a woman,

That helps sell the lie.

That hurts.

That I was trying really hard in school,

That is all about call and response.

That says Green Earth.

That she's not going to get fired

That was a low portal frequency jammer.

That was kind of rude.

That was my mother's bracelet before.

That way we really learn.

That you could talk your way into her pants.

That's an entrance!

That's an improvement over Brook, don't you think?

That's because I'm older.

That's been hired by your wife

That's Cameron Harrison.

That's cool for you to do that for her,

That's great.

That's it for today.

That's more of a liability nightmare than anything else?

That's my bracelet.

That's my Eyelicious moisturizer.

That's my iPod.

That's not a name. That's a gated community.

That's rad.

That's sad.

That's Sasha!

That's weird.

That's weird.

That's your mother's name, isn't it?

The bargaining chip. [bat phone beeps]

The essentials. Maybelline Shine Sensational Lip Gloss...

The family will plant someone

The FBI arranged it.

The FBI's gonna be here soon. Why don't you go watch him?

The greatest music created and nobody cares.

The guy did a deuce down in Sumter

The house doesn't have a dog.

The Justice Department used RICO

The keys are in his jacket pocket. Go now!

The ledgers?

The ledgers.

The ledgers.

The ledgers. What are these?

The negatives are in the box.

The only thing you will be kissing is my ass.

The only way he can gain momentum right now

The parking pass on the back of his car is preferential for doctors.

The plant will work their way into the life of the target.

The Racketeer Influenced and Corrupt Organizations Act.

The room is clear.

The waterbed one's my favorite.

Then go to a frat party without showering or changing.

Then I chased.

Then just give me the camera.

Then obviously he used a fake name with me.

Then obviously he's working with him now on the outside.

Then suddenly you're this little Kappa girl

There are just so many fake girls in this house.

There is this amazing old school jazz band

There we are.

There you are. What you doing?

There's a bomb under the car.

There's fish and there's trees, there's tents and there's cheese.

There's going to be a hearing on this, Brook.

There's Nicholas Dexter in our criminal justice class

There's no boys allowed in the chapter room.

There's no way we're going to sell all of our dolls in two days

There's nothing to say.

There's our doggie.

There's that place I told you about in the French Quarter,

These are her top three lieutenants.

These are non verbal tells of deception in women.

These problems are very real and way bigger than anything

They actually did teach us how to detect lies.

They are so lucky they had bad childhoods.

They blindfolded me when they drove me here.

They don't hate you, Brook.

They don't hate you.

They have to let me in.

They hired me. They claimed to be FBI.

They lie. Molly, they let each other down.

They think I'm a klepto.

They took her.

They totally caught me once. I was so mad.

They were conceived while their parents

They were just starting to accept me,

They're always trying to catch us

They're going into the north penthouse.

They're in the Chapter Room.

They're just upset because my last prototype

They're pretty beefy and they got mustaches.

They're walking in.

Think about it, Molly,

This car is rigged.

This is a tragedy.

This is a waste of my time.

This is Cotton.

This is deviant.

This is getting in the way.

This is my jam.

This is so unlike me!

This is the Kappa Kappa Zeta pecking order.

This is your phone.

This is your target right here. Alex Patrone.

This isn't right.

This was my special Kappa Kappa Zeta T shirt!

This woman has been following you and taking your picture.

Those are the words that I used.

To get into areas that it'd never been before

To go after anybody on Nixon's hate list.

To investigate anyone that comes into her life.

To lead him to the ledgers and for me to take the fall.

To lose weight at their local Equinox.

To lose weight at their local Equinox.

To make it look like they didn't shower or change.

To prove you're cheating on the road.

To testify against Vor.

To the box seat section.

To watch it all go by, so you sit on the sideline.

Totes.

Try it.

Try me.

Try what?

Uh, yeah.

Use it wisely. [both laugh]

Vertigo moment.

Wait a minute! You're not Cotton!

Wait a minute. You're dating?

Wait a sec, hold one just one Come back!

Wait, at least I think that's the one I perfected.

Wait, did he just propose to me?

Wait, her name's Molly?

Wait, I think somebody stole my lip glass.

Wait, maybe I wasn't supposed to put basidiomycoda fungus in the mace.

Wake up! Wake up! [beating pan]

Wakka wakka hey, wakka wakka who wakka me, wakka wakka you!

Was she a hippie?

Wasn't personal? You led me on!

Watch out!

We are all here today to hear Brook Stonebridge's version

We can get him for obstruction. Exactly.

We can think at something better.

We caught the guy who killed Bizzy and he's talking.

We caught the guy who killed Bizzy.

We checked and there's nobody in the Kashalov family named Armon Ranford.

We had to cover our tracks on this thing, okay?

We have a year of great excitement ahead of us,

We have her in our sights.

We have to come up with something.

We have to sell at least a hundred at the event tomorrow.

We need to get an ambulance here to 602 Lanterna Road.

We need to workshop that a little more.

We think she's holding something for her father.

We wake each other up in the middle of the night

We'll figure all of that out eventually.

We'll go undercover.

We'll see what we can do.

We're at your house again.

We're gaining momentum right now.

We're going to win the Lafitte Cup, I promise you.

We're gonna come in fast and hard.

We're leveling an indictment against Kashalov this afternoon.

We've gained you entry to Alex's sorority.

Welcome back.

Well, aren't you just the great detective?

Well, because this is their world.

Well, Brook put it best.

Well, Brook Stonebridge is

Well, enlighten us.

Well, I don't lie.

Well, I just think it's amaze balls.

Well, I'm your father, so let me be proud first.

Well, it's actually my balls are amazing.

Well, Sasha.

Well, well, darling.

Were having sex in an L.L. Bean outlet store.

What about guys? Is she dating anyone?

What about him?

What accent is that?

What am I doing? For real?

What are those books?

What are you doing?

What are you doing?

What are you doing?

What are you doing?

What are you doing?

What are you doing?

What did you do? My shirt is ruined!

What did you do? Rob a nine year old?

What do you got?

What do you say? You want to sex it up?

What do you want?

What do you want?

What does that have to do with Alex?

What does that mean?

What happened to, "I don't lie?

What I want?

What if I need to call you? You'll get a text.

What is this place? You'll see.

What kind of idiot doesn't know what the word "idiot" means?

What kind of work did you do?

What ledgers?

What she's doing with the other arm, she's just so strong.

What the

What the hell is going on?

What the hell, Cotton?

What time did Brook leave the house?

What time do you anticipate her return?

What you got Bonus Jonas? Bring it.

What?

What?

What? No, I don't think so.

What? What?

What? You've never had a shower before?

What're you doing, Sherlock?

What's happening out there?

What's he do?

What's platinum rule number one in the Kappa chapter book?

What's that?

What's your name again?

What's your problem?

When Cameron gets out of hand.

When do you have time to date someone?

When it came to investigating the mafia.

When it comes to overcoming size.

When people aren't who or what they say they are?

When she told me, she leaned her head back, looked to the right,

When this is all over, I would like a proper introduction.

Where are the journal thingies you were talking about, Cinnamon?

Where are the ledgers, huh?

Where are the real ledgers?

Where are the real ledgers?

Where are you from?

Where did you get that?

Where girls become women, we bake apple pie.

Where he hooked up with a top Kashalov lieutenant.

Where is Alex?

Where the hell is the Chapter Room?

Where were you?

Where'd they go?

Where's everybody going?

Where's my Eyelicious moisturizer?

Where's the chapter room, Molly?

Which is smarter than saying Paris

Which, trust me, doesn't help anything.

Who are you?

Who hit you?

Who loves to gamble.

Who the hell are you?

Who the hell is Molly? Hold on a second.

Who the hell is this?

Who's Bizzy?

Who's Brook Stonebridge?

Who's Brook Stonebridge?

Who's not who they say they are, and I found you.

Who's not who they say they are.

Who's not who they say they are.

Who's Patrick? Very cute.

Who's that?

Who's the bomb dot com and just wants to throw up.

Who's this?

Who's this?

Why are you in our room?

Why are you sorry?

Why can't I be like everyone else in the house and just marry one?

Why did you do that?

Why didn't he kill me?

Why do you have a gun, Brook?

Why don't you let us worry about that?

Why is this so important to all of them?

Why not?

Why not?

Why the lies, Suzy?

Why won't you answer me?

Why would anybody put a cap in their ass?

Why would they go to all the trouble

Why?

Why? Why did they take Alex?

Wish I could just burn off some steam.

With a bargaining chip of some sort.

With information on all of your sorority sisters.

With our clothes on.

With the right amount at leverage and speed,

Woooo!

Woooo!

Would know this bike's a Triumph.

Would we dump the diabetic?

Would you like your room turned down? Hello?

Wow! That was disturbingly poetic.

Wow.

Wow. All I saw was Summer and some guy. I'm impressed.

Wow. Thanks, Sasha. I love it.

Yeah, and obviously how to tell them. Totes.

Yeah, but it's not her real name.

Yeah, I know. See you later.

Yeah, I won't be needing those.

Yeah, maybe I'll do that.

Yeah, me? I'm great!

Yeah, RICO was enacted to go after the mob,

Yeah, she did.

Yeah, tell that to Algeria.

Yeah! You come out of nowhere,

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah. Got it?

Yeah. I'm a chemistry major.

Yeah. I'm just gonna leave you guys to get to know each other.

Yeah. Just been so busy with school. Yeah.

Yeah. Love it or leave it.

Yep, and he shares it with everybody.

Yep, Kashalov had her killed.

Yep.

Yep. See you.

Yes, Brook.

Yes, they do.

Yet that newspaper you're holding hasn't been opened yet.

You always read the newspaper at dinner with the guys,

You are gonna be such a good social chairwoman next semester.

You are her best friend. Got it.

You better be who you say you are,

You better not have used it.

You both know I'm sitting right here.

You bought this for my birthday!

You bust me in the head, then steal my bike.

You came all the way from Hawaii?

You can turn that car into a jungle gym if you want, girls.

You can't hate the apocalyptic for having a seizure.

You did great, Cotton.

You don't go to school here, do you?

You don't know what it feels like

You don't remember me?

You don't think that Jiu Jitsu is a dated form?

You from here?

You get the pictures you need?

You gotta go down in 2206.

You gotta let me take you to see.

You handcuff me to a radiator,

You have a problem?

You have no idea who you're messing with.

You have to take this seriously.

You have to use your own words.

You heard me. I found them.

You heard of the

You killed her. I did not kill her.

You know about motorcycles and RICO statutes,

You know how important this is to me.

You know how to play the game.

You know how we like to all borrow each other's stuff.

You know they already have a nickname for you?

You know they have computers tor that, right?

You know what a heart hit is?

You know what I like to do when I'm drunk? Sex it up!

You know what? Actually, I'm not.

You know you really got me with that

You know, she's really like that and that's unmedicated?

You know, you seem more mature than the other girls.

You like it?

You look great.

You look like a cheap trick.

You made me ride the whole streetcar line.

You may as well have turned to this date on my calendar

You may be out of the house.

You need to get on the ground quickly.

You need to solve in order to fit in.

You needed me to take the fall for you.

You never modeled in Croatia.

You okay, Brook?

You okay? I'm perfectly okay.

You recognize this phone, don't you?

You say, "Oh my God" when you want to say "holy shit."

You sleep with a gun?

You still want to see if I'm bluffing or not, don't you?

You threw the F in there, so it must be super cute.

You tricked me into liking you, then beat me down.

You went to Camp Wakka Wakka?

You were raised by your father, and by proxy,

You were working at a Taco Bell when you got your scholarship here,

You will so love her. She's so... great.

You wouldn't understand.

You, too.

You'll receive a text.

You're a chemistry major?

You're a fighting crawdad who's encouraging people to buy a doll

You're a girl. Didn't you deal with this stuff growing up?

You're a real Einstein, Cotton.

You're a transfer from University of Hawaii.

You're amazing.

You're beneath the paparazzi.

You're busy?

You're choosing your sorority over my father?

You're dating this guy?

You're doing great. Alex is going to be fine. Just stay calm.

You're FBI? What happened to you?

You're funny.

You're going to protect some sorority bitch?

You're gonna be a cop again.

You're gonna need to know this to fit into the house.

You're in big trouble, Armon.

You're into him. Am not!

You're looking at me all weird like I'm being insipid or something.

You're lying. Am I?

You're no sister of mine.

You're not into this, are you?

You're not with Kasholov, are you?

You're only making this thing worse.

You're supposed to greet me back.

You're the detective. Why don't you figure it out?

You're the lowest of the low, you know that?

You're the one that said it.

You're too quick for me, Moll.

You're well versed in ju jit su.

You've got a really nice sense of deduction Brook.

You've got a strange sense of humor, Brook.

Your balls are amazing.

Your dad got kicked off the police force

Your daughter.

Your mom's name was Green Earth?

Your money or your life.

Your name's Suzy Walters, not Sasha Stolezinsky.

Your new best friend.

Your roommate Becky is so great.

Your stuff's here already.

1972. Restored it myself.

me. What am I doing?

What? What is your point?

Yes. Really?

"And as far as I know, I don't let anybody down?"

"do something real, make a difference, join the FBI" bullshit.

"I don't misrepresent myself?

"Somebody who gets close to Alex."

"Somebody who's not who they say they are."

[agent in distance] Agent Keller...

[all gasp]

[all laugh]

[all laugh]

[all resume song]

[all] Oh....

[applause]

[Armon] I want to go to Candy Mountain,

[Armon] Molly!

[Armon] Put me in, Coach!

[bat phone beeps]

[bat phone beeps]

[beeping] Bat phone.

[blows whistle]

[both crack up]

[Brand New Chick, by Anjulie]

[camera shutter]

[car door closes, engine starts]

[chattering]

[cheering, talking]

[cheering]

[cheering]

[cheering]

[clears throat]

[Cotton] Wait, are we with the FBI now?

[coughs, everyone laughs]

[crowd noise]

[crowd noise]

[crowd noise]

[crunching] Finance major.

[door opens]

[door squeaks]

[echoing] You have to take this seriously.

[elevator bell dings]

[elevator bell dings]

[engine starts]

[everyone laughs]

[everyone laughs]

[everyone] No.

[evil crazy laugh]

[floor creaks]

[gasping]

[gasps]

[giggles nervously]

[groaning]

[groans]

[groans]

[growling]

[growling]

[growling]

[grunts]

[grunts]

[guitar riff]

[guns motor]

[indistinct]

[jazz music, laughter]

[Kappas cheer]

[Kappas sing] There is a house in New Orleans

[knocking]

[laughing, then crying]

[laughing]

[laughing]

[laughing]

[laughs]

[Man] Get back here!

[Miley screams and runs]

[Molly grunting, groaning]

[Molly grunting]

[Molly grunts]

[Molly/Brook] And Professor Talloway?

[motorcycle roar]

[Nicholas] Brook! We need to talk!

[Nicholas] What are you talking about?

[nonsense babble] Ju jit su.

[organ music, footsteps]

[phone beeps]

[rap music playing, crowd noise]

[rap music, background]

[rock music, background]

[Sam] What do you mean? What are you doing?

[scream]

[screaming, cheering]

[screaming]

[screaming]

[screaming]

[screams]

[second car engine starts]

[shouting, crashing]

[shouting, grunting]

[shutter clicking]

[silly noises]

[singing continues, indistinct]

[sirens approaching]

[sirens approaching] That's what Armon wants.

[snickers]

[spraying sound]

[squeals out]

[squeals out]

[talking, dog barking]

[Talloway coughs] You're going to be okay.

[together] Oh. My. God.

[water lapping, wildlife sounds]

[whispers] Allegedly.

[whooping, shouting]

[yells]

♪ and if the lights are all down ♪

♪ And soon our sisters now will warm up in its glowing ♪

♪ I will drive past your house ♪

♪ I'll getcha. I'll getcha ♪

♪ I'll meet you ♪

♪ I'll see who's around ♪

♪ I'm gonna getcha, getcha ♪

♪ I'm gonna getcha, getcha ♪

♪ I'm gonna getcha, getcha ♪

♪ I'm gonna getcha, getcha... ♪

♪ I'm gonna meet you. ♪

♪ I'm gonna see you I'm gonna meet you, meet you ♪

♪ I'm gonna win you ♪

♪ It only takes a spark to get a fire a fire going ♪

♪ It's been the savior of many a poor girl and her and you and me ♪

♪ My mama was a KKZ down here in New Orleans ♪

♪ Oh when you pledge to K K Z ♪

♪ Oh, when you pledge to K K Z ♪

♪ One day, maybe next week ♪

♪ One way or another ♪

♪ One way or another ♪

♪ One way or another ♪

♪ One way or another ♪

♪ One way or another ♪

♪ One way, or another I'm gonna find you ♪

♪ That's how it with us ♪

♪ the Kappa Kappa Z ♪

♪ We're all grace wrapped up in curls. ♪

♪ We're full of poise We've got great class ♪

♪ When you pledge to K K Z ♪

♪ when you pledge to K K Z. ♪

♪ You'll want to be one of our sisters ♪

♪ You'll want to be one of our sisters ♪