Orange Is the New Black - Season 3 Edit

A bunch of bitches going to Seg.

A bunch of race squatting carpetbaggers.

A burning waste, unsown and unproductive,

A good college, is out of reach without this.

A lateral move with more pay?

About their use as a long term priority.

Accept you, Lorna Morello, as my wife,

Accept you, Lorna Morello, as my wife, now and for all time.

Accept you, Vincent Muccio,

Add a little power.

Again.

Ah, I heard the happy news an hour ago.

Ah, look at my little princess.

Ah, shit.

Ah, they make a beautiful couple, absolutely beautiful.

Ah, you don't know anything.

Ahh!

Ahh!

Ain't nothing sexy about that.

All good. Thanks, ladies.

All he gets is a bandage over his eye.

All heart and tits and no brain, hmm?

All I saw you was reading that stupid butter bones book,

All right, all tools are present and accounted for.

All right, fine.

All right, we should talk.

All right, when you boys are ready, go ahead and imbibe.

All right, wrap it up.

All right, you get the front. I got the back.

All the women in my family got the knowing elbow.

All these new guards. Infiltrators.

Already this place is a goddamn joke.

Although that would be poetic in its own way.

Amen, amen, amen, amen.

Amen.

And all that noise about the whole shebang coming crashing down

And any one of you ungrateful, selfish sons of bitches

And as far as God's concerned,

And as groom and bride prepared for this ceremony,

And B, a thieving, lying, crazy, murderous, drug addled woman,

And cheaters are very quickly forgotten.

And Danny in the Lion's Den sounds like the name of a picture book

And even when you hate her, you're gonna love her.

And for that, I thank you very much io.

And get told No and No, and then Yes,

And grab life by the balls with your big, bladed fingers.

And here y'all saying ain't no hell... ain't...

And how did that work out for him?

And I ain't a rapist. I ain't, and I feel good about it.

And I ain't gonna be responsible.

And I ain't never said that to nobody, except this one guy before.

And I am hate fucking a dead eyed, anorexic crone...

And I am paraphrasing...

And I didn't stop her because the people believed the stupid, black dyke

And I don't wanna wait.

And I hope that she feels better,

And I hope that you both know not to mess with me.

And I just wanted to come home and share it with you...

And I love everything that you've done for me,

And I never spoke up

And I relish the fact that you hate me

And I stand corrected.

And I think you are beautiful...

And I told you it was bad science. What are you talking about?

And I'll be too sick to work.

And I'm helping New Yorkers

And I'm starting to have second thoughts about this.

And if he doesn't, he's your dad, he's still gonna love you.

And if I was bad, I'd go to hell.

And if I'd ask Jesus, he'd forgive me, and that was that.

And if she does, we give her CPR.

And if that went away forever, you'd be all kinds of fucked up.

And if you do something wrong, you got to figure it out yourself.

And it ain't just about the food, although the more I been learnin',

And it brings out, man...

And it's so over toasted, you could pretend it was a cracker.

And light the fire within.

And look, besides, as long as she with us,

And maybe Flaca,

And neither one of them are getting out in two days.

And no grass grows on it, like the overthrow of Sodom and Gomorrah.

And now he's rich and got to stick it to J. Lo even though he's pocket size.

And now the rings.

And now you're being stupid.

And now you're criticizing me for bringing her back.

And now, Lorna, place your ring on Vincent's finger.

And now, there's a toothpick guy. He started today!

And said, Hey, she's not really dangerous!

And say, Fuck the whole thing.

And she got herself into some trouble.

And she offered you no medical care for your...

And she taught me the Hebrew alphabet for granola bars.

And she went to outer space in a rocket ship.

And some ink.

And that drives the needle that I snagged from the sweatshop.

And that you acknowledge it

And that's a lot of work.

And that's Boyle.

And that's why Jessica never places at the science fair.

And the co pays and shit are killing her faster than the cancer.

And the day after that and the next?

And the longer we do, the more we open ourselves up for...

And the...

And then be a Jew.

And then took four shots of Everclear and ate cat poop.

And then try to scare us out of unionizing.

And then when you are out, just every day.

And think of all that sweet potorro tang I'm wasting.

And this was about you.

And we need to talk about updating our facilities and our policies

And when it is ours to pass from time to eternity...

And where's she getting people to wear them?

And who shows up? Cesar and our cousin, Yas.

And why you think she's in here on her knees?

And yes, as a matter of fact, the girls are scared shitless.

And you clean off all that Christian filth that you've been carrying around.

And you don't care.

And you lied to me, and you did it to my face!

And you make me feel tall.

And you need to be fully submerged, and nude.

And, Donna, get the baby out.

Angie ate Toast Norma.

Answer me, Cindy! Do you know?

Anybody want some cigarettes?

Anyone?

Anyone?

Are we supposed to know any better?

Are you good at your job?

Are you okay?

As a reminder of her power and goodliness here on this earth.

As far as I'm concerned, that makes you an accessory.

As good as any tattoo gun you'll see in the real world.

As my husband, now and forever.

As you do...

Ask me again.

Aspartame invented by Donald Rumsfeld in the '80s.

Associate's degree, Justice Admin, DeVry.

At all!

At least it's bread day.

At least not the first time. How do I know that he didn't feel bad?

At least now you'll have something to remember me by.

At least we're getting new beds.

At peace and calm.

Aw, shit.

Aydin.

Back to it.

Bad choice.

Basta.

Bayley, check out this candy shiv.

Because happily ever after was invented for the storybooks,

Because I wear protection, so I haven't caught

Because it's all good now.

Because you have never been to Psych.

Before I smash those shit stained Chiclets you call teeth down your throat!

Before there's an earthquake or a tidal wave or something.

Bell will stay with you.

Bennie?

Berdie helped me.

Berdie Rogers.

Black Beauty was the one beat you.

Blasian is beautiful.

Bless the hearts and the hands of those that provide the same,

Bony, rat faced son of a bitch deserved to grow an ass tulip.

Brook Soso tried to kill herself.

Brook!

Burset comes out of the SHU. That's our mantra.

Burset? They took her to Seg.

But all vision, no action kills Hamlet, right?

But anything more, anything more,

But don't swallow.

But good that you weren't lying,

But I gotta say there's something kind of hot about you

But I have access to budgets now.

But I know that you've helped me, and I'm grateful to you for it.

But I really don't think so.

But I think I'm in, at least as far as I can see it.

But I think we should say goodbye so we can kiss. Yeah?

But I'd be lying if I said it hasn't helped me.

But I'm begging you for this, 'cause it's real stuff going on.

But I'm not gonna capitalize on Burset. I'm gonna fight for her.

But instead, I'm stuck in this shithole, barely making enough to pay for Pantene.

But no, no, you gotta drag my ass all the way to upstate Jew York.

But now I know miracles ain't real, and you ain't shit.

But now's my chance for some new Jew juju!

But prison restrictions on open flames won't allow it.

But save your asses since this prison was scheduled to close.

But she gonna let her off the hook?

But she ******* on her mama's side, and her great uncle died in the Holocaust,

But that was wonderful. Really, Tova. Congratulations.

But the good news is your allergies are squared away for, like, a decade.

But they're usually on the other side of the bars, or the wall,

But this time, there's no one around to help her.

But we are crazy together.

But you can't resist me.

But you know that teardrop under her eye isn't real, right?

But you're right.

But you're, uh...

But your latest gift seems to be making your flock disappear.

By the power vested in me by the state of New York,

Can I ask you a question?

Can I be a Jew?

Can I be a Jew?

Can I go now that I've watered your ego flower?

Can we say goodbye and maybe kiss a little, please?

Can we see?

Can't stop now,

Certainly don't need people who don't got my back.

Cesar, we have a warrant!

Cesar? Some white guy!

Chew the scotch.

Chicken. Come on, it's white ink.

Christina! Take care of Daya's baby!

Chunks! That's nasty!

Cigarette cigarettes.

Clear the bunk.

Cliché, my ass.

CO Ford, uh, we are done here.

Come here, come here!

Come on, baby. What are you doing?

Come on, Chapman, please. I know you're a good person.

Come on, I taught you better!

Come on!

Come on.

Come on. Why now? Why now? Somebody, please!

Coming is the operative word,

Consummate this marriage!

Consummating the shit out of you, babe!

Cost of doing business. I'll make it up to you.

Crazy?

Dad, uh, we just really need to get down to business.

Daddy!

Damn, Chapman. That is some stone cold shit.

DEA!

Dead bodies. Dead bodies, dead bodies, dead bodies, dead bodies.

Deuteronomy, chapter 29, verse 23, tells us about your Promised Land.

Did they give you your prescription at medical?

Did you ever consider that you're technically Asian?

Did you know that Monsanto

Did you see the toothpick guy?

Did your spirit friends have anything to do with that?

Do what you have to do,

Do you have any idea how pathetic you are, weirdo?

Do you know what awaits sinners like you,

Do you know what happens to cheaters?

Do you know what is your Promised Land?

Do you think that he agonized over this like some little bitch?

Doesn't make me Cleopatra.

Don't do this to me, please.

Don't give it back when you're done.

Don't pretend like you ain't happy, 'cause I know you are.

Don't rats leave the sinking ship first?

Don't turn around!

Don't worry. I still loathe you, Fig.

Down on your knees like that.

Enough, already. You're going to embarrass me.

Especially beating up that good for nothing Christopher,

Especially for a woman. Especially for a black woman.

Even counting that time I smoked crack thinking it was meth

Even if he's a shit eating pussy who walked out.

Even if I wanted his job, and I don't, it's a lateral move.

Even though it's probably just a one time, freak thing...

Even when she's in prison with you.

Everybody has a soul mate.

Everyone has the right to unionize.

Everything's looking good.

Ew!

Ew.

Except I got punched in the chocha.

Face it...

Father!

Father!

Father!

Father?

Find anything good?

Fine.

Fine. But subtle.

Fine. I'll do it. But you guys owe me.

First woman to do that. I worshipped her.

For example, don't be afraid to tell him that you spoke with her for several weeks

For one of them to change course, Sam.

For real, I think. Look, I walked in...

For slow, homeschooled kids.

For the glory of Allah.

Foreigner, my favorite band.

Fuck you!

Fuck you.

Fuck.

Fucking Flaca!

Gave Donald Rumsfeld $12 million for aspartame in 1985?

Gently, gently. Hold it up.

Get back in the room! Get back in your...

Get back in the room! Go back in the room!

Get him down on the ground!

Get off my girl, motherfucker!

Get off my girl!

Get off...

Get out.

Get the kiss, you big galoot.

Get your hands off my daughter, motherfucker!

Get your hands off my daughter, you stupid motherfucker!

Get your hands off my fucking daughter!

Getting ready to hand it over to Pornstache's mom.

Gina. Gina... don't be a fool.

Girls, this is good news.

Gloria, sometimes there's a mess. It happens.

Go find a CO.

Go! Go! Charge her!

God, please help my mother.

Godfather knows best.

Good luck letting the monkeys run the zoo.

Got it. Got it. I got it.

Groom goes first.

Had a case of jailbird blues. Hey...

Hallelujah!

Hands up! Don't move!

Has anyone ever thanked you for saving the prison?

Have you actually seen The Godfather?

Having a contemporary in here who isn't A, a woman,

He created the Gross National Happiness scale

He did not die. He abdicated voluntarily.

He didn't plan it.

He said, When they did that, we should say,

He stole all that fellating whiskey stuff from a YouTube video.

He's got you. God, there's no fucking justice!

He's like a magical, manipulative wizard.

He's over there!

Heart's beating like a little hummingbird.

Hello?

Hello?

Help me, please! Somebody, please! He smells!

Her father drove a tractor and her mother worked in a textile plant,

Her image has been emblazoned by the universe unto toast

Her mother is sick, idiot.

Here he is, the white Cesar Chavez.

Here.

Hey, Gonzales. You took my money?

Hey, that's right.

Hey, uh, there's no inmates in the dorms while the bunks are being installed.

Hey, uh, you wouldn't happen to be related to Aimee Tatelbaum, would you?

Hey, um, thanks again for giving me a second chance, Chapman.

Hey, we're toasting Norma here. It's our new thing.

Hey, what are you doing? I told you to make that left.

Hey, where's Norma Christ going?

Hey, y'all seen Ginsberg?

Hey.

Hey.

Hey. You have a nice day?

Hi, it's Maritza.

Hmm, but look at all them pills.

Hmm?

Hmm.

Hokey pokey can't change that.

Hold on, ladies. Ladies. Okay.

Hold up. Mik what?

Honestly...

How about I listen and advise?

How cool is that?

How do you think that's gonna look? Bringing back the agitator in chief?

How you saved money on the fence repair and the new meal plan?

How...

How's the tat feeling?

Huh, what's the matter with you?

Huh?

Huh. You okay? What'd the doc say?

I ain't fit to be the van girl no more.

I asked for a C section,

I broke up with you because you were being gross,

I came to say goodbye.

I can feel it in my toe.

I can't compete wearing a tent.

I can't cry like this in front of my mother.

I cannot wait to spend every day that I am allowed to with you,

I could use a nice chat.

I did not think

I didn't say anything either when they took Sophia to Seg.

I didn't watch TV on purpose.

I do care! Don't you?

I don't care what she did, what you think she did.

I don't feel very good.

I don't fuck around. Let the people know.

I don't get it.

I don't have anything flapping.

I don't know if I can face it again.

I don't know if we can ever really... forgive each other...

I don't know what else to tell you. It's all wrong.

I don't know what to say.

I don't know.

I don't need to come home to another one who feels like she's trapped in a cage.

I don't trust anybody,

I don't want to be a fat person.

I don't want you to go,

I done seen enough dead to know alive.

I feel like you're saving my life.

I found these hanging from the drain.

I got this talent for knowing when things are bothering people.

I gotta be able to help her.

I guess you can say some Hail Marys.

I guess. I don't really know.

I had a really good day today.

I have a birthmark on my left butt cheek that's shaped like a scarab.

I have a poem to read.

I have done nothing...

I have no family, no friends and $20.

I have to give you honesty, because that's how I need to live,

I haven't even gotten started on the black Mr. Clean over there.

I haven't got anything. I'm getting out in two days.

I heard a rumor we're getting new beds.

I heard about your mother.

I heard you the first time.

I hit her up to see what she was gonna leave me in her prison will,

I knew I didn't have to 'cause you're gonna butt in anyway.

I knew it!

I know her name don't sound *******,

I know some things about you. Oh, Alan.

I know that feeling you got when you had her in your arms.

I know you can show me.

I know you're upset about the toast.

I love you, Vince Muccio.

I mean yellow both racially and as a chicken shit.

I mean, after he came? He could actually hate himself.

I mean, almost.

I mean, at least she knows who the father is, right?

I mean, but I wanna learn more, and I think I gotta be in it to do that.

I mean, I sure as hell don't wanna keep staring down that

I mean, it should be the guy doing the asking,

I mean, maybe I'll learn more...

I mean, not good that she's sick,

I mean, this is just...

I mean...

I need you.

I never doubted you, not for a second!

I now pronounce you husband and wife.

I read in a magazine that white food makes you fat.

I read that one already.

I remember that.

I ruined my miracle by getting thrown in the SHU.

I should kick your balls into your sternum.

I skipped the final repetition and played directly into the coda.

I still don't understand what I'm doing here.

I still don't understand why we're helping her anyway.

I swear, I'm gonna be...

I think I could stand a little sand between my toes, too.

I think I found my people.

I think I need to start taking vitamins, or...

I think the prison should issue us socks and underwear,

I think we should end this.

I think what Danny means...

I think you and your mother ought to go get an apartment.

I think you're overestimating your villain index.

I told him all about the word soup and white eyeballs.

I told you we should've stuck with Alderson,

I told you we would look over our options.

I understand.

I wanna spend my life with you...

I want them to pay my college loans.

I want to feel what love is.

I want to know what love is.

I want you to know that you can trust him.

I want you to marry me.

I want you to show me.

I was gonna tell you I love you,

I was raised in a church...

I was sad, so I let her.

I was saving this for my vision board.

I was thinking how hard gravity had been on me

I was with my baby two hours,

I will marry you. I will marry you.

I work for a sleazebag corporation,

I would have you both light the unity candle,

I wouldn't even wish it on the people running it.

I, Lorna Morello,

I, Vincent Muccio,

I'd say today of all days,

I'll get started on my maid of honor speech.

I'll get the mop.

I'm a little good at a lot of things

I'm asking you now... to understand.

I'm begging and I don't do that 'cause I got Latin pride and shit.

I'm converting.

I'm going now.

I'm going to make this up to you. I promise.

I'm gonna ask for more money.

I'm gonna miss you.

I'm here because you're a good lay,

I'm here to ask three times

I'm here to take the name Tova, which means good...

I'm hoping this voluntary organizing meeting is, uh, code for

I'm into it?

I'm just so happy and honored

I'm kidding.

I'm living my worst nightmare.

I'm making a joke.

I'm not a great writer like you, so...

I'm not really close to anyone right now.

I'm panicking, Piper.

I'm quite gangsta.

I'm ready to get my Jew on.

I'm really grateful.

I'm sorry, Holy Norma. I didn't mean to mess it up.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. Rules is rules.

I'm surrounded by women in captivity all day long.

I'm thinking an infinity symbol. I'm thinking a small infinity symbol.

I'm Ukrainian.

I'm with a guy named Daniel.

I've been working for real, Rabbi. Try me.

I've had enough. What's done is done.

I've rewritten this at least ten times.

I've traveled so far

If I was good, I'd go to heaven.

If MCC starts covering benefits,

If only we had an invisibility cloak.

If they knew you weren't gonna turn it on them.

In fact, her questionable criminal ethics might actually offset the real problem.

In fact, I think we might be crazy.

In my life, there's been heartache and pain.

In the meantime, you are Jew ish.

In truth.

Inmate, back in your seat!

Is going straight to fight one gross negligence lawsuit after another.

Is self aggrandizing and immodest, and I forbid it.

Is she coming back?

Is that it? A little roleplay? You into that?

Is that real, or are you doing it 'cause you think it's a turn on?

Isn't that her crashing through the underbrush?

It ain't got nothing to do with feelings, okay?

It ain't right, Mr. Caputo.

It ain't right.

It brings out the worst, most selfish parts.

It can't be!

It did. I saw the movie.

It doesn't always end badly.

It doesn't bother me. I kind of like it.

It feels like, you know, when you get punched in the eye and it swells shut?

It has.

It is 100% true.

It is... if she's already in Seg.

It looks okay. Doesn't look infected or anything.

It must be my lady time.

It must be the irony, then.

It pays to hump the boss.

It was a bad idea.

It was a pretty good pay raise.

It was business.

It was so weird.

It wasn't?

It'll pay for an hour,

It's a gift! Thank you. Thank you, Norma.

It's a gift. It's a gift.

It's a good spot. Take a left up here.

It's a miracle.

It's a miracle.

It's a miracle. Toast Norma!

It's all business.

It's all right, I'll make you feel better.

It's both one and the horrible same, sir.

It's burning.

It's gonna be the last time in a long time.

It's her! It's exactly her!

It's kind of bullshit.

It's like a baptism, but without all the touching.

It's like a verb. It's like... you do God.

It's like it's blue balls, but for my heart, Lorna.

It's like my Nancy Grace ears catnip bluegrass funeral.

It's like one of those 3D poster thingies from when we were kids.

It's my business, and it's flourishing.

It's never too late to do the right thing.

It's none of my business,

It's none of my business.

It's not like I'm asking you to sleep in my bed...

It's not your problem.

It's not.

It's rare that we're wrong on that, but...

It's the year of Caputo.

It's this place.

It's this place.

It's Toast Norma.

It's us.

It's you, isn't it?

It's your job to keep aksing questions and to keep learning and to keep arguing.

It's... It's fucking awesome.

Ivory soap, Colgate, Diet Coke.

Jessica's parents always have The 700 Club on.

Jesus, looks like heroin Romper Room in here.

Jesus!

Jesus?

Judy King is here.

Just the people who are now profiting from it.

Just... Fine, we wasting time.

JWoww had a boyfriend.

Knowing what to do does not make me bottom bitch of the vomitorium.

Let go of me.

Let go of my baby. Let go of my baby, you mother...

Let go of my daughter! I swear, the...

Let it explore the different taste corners of your tongue.

Let me back you up here for a second, Joe.

Let me surprise you. Unless you don't trust me.

Let's do it.

Let's get you set up.

Let's just be free for a second.

Let's not beat a dead horse.

Let's say our prayers and go on with our days.

Like I am a good and benevolent dictator.

Like my Nancy Grace ears catnip.

Like the story about you and the Berkshires with Samantha Gottleib

Like when all the dogs and the horses disappear

Like, if it was a miracle, shouldn't she be in France

Like, really bad.

Look at all of y'all.

Look at me now! I'm a bona fide jailhouse Jew!

Look, if that happens, man, you giving her the mouth to throw up mouth, all right?

Look, people love a sign, you know?

Look.

Lorna,

Man, Chapman came at me ready to bash my skull in,

Man, we need to make sure the girl don't go to Psych.

Man, why this shit gotta happen on movie night?

Man, you know nothing about WASPs.

Marijuana cigarettes?

Maxwell said you wanted to see me?

Maybe Allah ain't my god.

Maybe focus on another miracle... one some dummy can't fuck up.

Maybe he just wants us to pull together our official list of demands.

Maybe I don't want to be a proud daughter in the Nation of Islam.

Maybe I was gonna wash my pants, and I fell asleep.

Maybe I'll drink that Mexican diarrhea tea that the fat chicolos make,

Maybe stick your fingers down your own throat.

Maybe those quitter, rat sheep girls are a little right.

Maybe under, like, a black light or something.

Maybe we should all get down on our knees and lick it up!

Maybe you need to bust out the eggs again, like in the old days.

Mind control.

Miss Black?

Mmm hmm.

Mmm hmm.

Mmm mmm. Cliché.

Mmm.

Morello, no touching! Back in your seat, now!

Morello, wrap it up!

Most holy, righteous, and everywhere present God,

Mr. Caputo is gonna be talking to several inmates about her conduct.

Mr. Pearson, we need to focus

Ms. Burset is in protective custody,

My dad was either Julio, Rodrigo, or Chad.

My dick must have finally realized who you are.

My freedom.

My heart is beating so fast right now.

My job is to handle shit in here. Your job is to handle shit out there.

My luck, it was fucking Chad.

My mom is sick again.

Nah, Chapman's been accusing people of stealing her money.

Nah, nah! It's the lake! It's not escapable or nothin'.

Nah, we don't got that.

Naked, hairy butthole and trying to pull apart them sticky cheeks.

Nancy Grace ears. I can't...

Natalie, wait. Wait a second.

Natalie? Jesus fucking Christ.

Neri is selling extra panties on the side.

Neri's knock off prison panties aren't the problem.

Next.

Next.

Next.

No one calls me that.

No, don't do that! That placating thing! You're doing it right now!

No, I need three answers.

No, I wanna see. Where is she?

No, I...

No, Mommy, the dress is the whole point!

No, my, my head. It's, like, it's banging right now.

No, no, no, a priority by definition is something that needs to happen right now.

No, no, no, no, he knows what I mean.

No, no, no, no, no, no! Hey! Hey! No, no. Okay.

No, nosing is an art form of its own.

No, oh.

No, really. Why?

No, Soso is dead in the library.

No, that is not what I was thinking at all.

No, this is not happening. I...

No! For real.

No! You can't stop the Boo satucky!

No.

No.

No. He planned his ****, and he ****d his plan.

No. Like, N O, no. Psych's so bad.

Nobody saved me from the SHU.

Nope.

Nope. That's not it at all. You need to do the opposite.

Norma doesn't need that voodoo shit.

Norma Toast is safe. We're good.

Norma, I still believe in you.

Nosing whiskey isn't like sniffing wine.

Not because this one's trying to blackmail me for something stupid when I was 19

Not from people that I pretend to care about.

Not if it means running half naked in public, like a common whore.

Not just outerwear.

Not out of his butt.

Not that I'm qualified to handle either one.

Not that kind of man.

Not today, we're not.

Not you.

Nothing, I still think she's terrific.

Nothing's bothering me.

Now all I need... is the girl.

Now and for all time.

Now I've seen things from the inside,

Now, normally, at this point,

Now, should we stick a needle in her heart or something?

Now, you'd fry your brain right out of your skull

Of course I do.

Of course I understand.

Of sin or crime?

Oh, and you caught me on a glass half full day.

Oh, come on, my mom is sick.

Oh, Ginsberg! Ginsberg!

Oh, God.

Oh, good.

Oh, gross! Get the fuck off of me!

Oh, holy mother, there it is in, in the burn marks.

Oh, it's like, um...

Oh, my God! We were at Penn together.

Oh, my God. Please.

Oh, my goodness!

Oh, no.

Oh, please, please, please, please, with extra sugar on top.

Oh, said the man whose wife sleeps in her mother's bed

Oh, she's a rash girl.

Oh, shit, I missed her putting on the ring.

Oh, shit!

Oh, shit.

Oh, shit. What?

Oh, so you decide to steal from me?

Oh, that bitch guilty.

Oh, this hurts.

Oh, wait, wait. Hold up. Someone needs to sweep.

Oh, you're bluffing.

Oh!

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh. Oh, no.

Okay, it's fine. It's okay.

Okay, it's okay.

Okay, Pipes, while I'm really proud of how evil prison has made you,

Okay, so, I had a grudge against this person,

Okay, suppose we do that. Then what happens?

Okay, you two can spend an hour in here together.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay. Good. Go.

Okay. I got a Black Jew, I got an Asian Black,

On my count, all right?

On the people we're tucking into these new beds,

Once you rebuild your bones with butter, you're gonna have to unclog your arteries

One man could possibly have more self loathing than you already did.

One of the OG ladies.

One of them black bitches gonna get they shit drowned,

One, two...

Only a weak one, or a dead one.

Only chicken shits try to kill themselves.

Ooh, there's... There's an underpass down Broad Street.

Or an extremely deep and wide belly button.

Or any budget surplus we find

Or bring me back leftovers of Lasagna Classico...

Or did our petition go through and he got canned for not stopping it?

Or for broccoli with your dinner?

Or ourselves.

Or should I be saying Manischewitz now?

Or the planet from you.

Or you gonna lay back, bitch.

Or you're gonna get pushed.

Or you're the one who gets fucked in the ass.

Our Father who art in Heaven, we ask thy blessing upon this food.

Our ships passed too late in the night

Our union petition has been accepted.

Ow!

Pauly D, JWoww 2010 kind of feelings.

Pearson quit over this Burset thing.

Pearson quit.

People see or hear other people puke, makes them wanna do it.

Place your ring on Lorna's finger and repeat after me.

Play. And sit up straight!

Please, have a seat.

Plus, our bride is wearing paper.

Praise be to Norma.

Pretend like she ain't even here.

Pull the drain.

Put in a request with Putin.

Ready to commit their lives to one another.

Really feel it.

Really? Is that the best that you can come up with?

Relax. We go in, we make our case.

Reverend Pat Roberts.

Right here. Take this left, right here.

Round eyed Asian with blond hair?

Rude.

Running track can pay for it.

Russians stay focused.

Said the girl with the...

Searing, even.

See, she's uptight, right, and he's this unpredictable sous chef...

Self worshippers of the flesh?

Seriously?

Seriously? You, too?

She ain't one of us.

She even taking the Maxi Pads.

She gets thrown back in.

She gonna donate to the Foster's, she can donate to Colt 45.

She got a good point.

She got man troubles.

She has a talent and a passion, and college,

She let you come back and let the kangaroo rob her blind?

She needed help, and you pushed her away.

She needs to sit down.

She okay?

She saw me this morning in the library, conducting business.

She thought it would give her powers or some stupid shit,

She traded it for a fan. Thank God for hot flashes.

She'll be fine.

She'll gum you, but the boss got no teeth.

She's a he.

She's been really dedicated.

She's getting out and wanted to give me something to remember her by.

She's gonna make you feel better than you ever thought you could,

She's got lymphoma,

She's in her 70s now and she wants to go to Mars.

She's my cousin.

She's sleeping again.

Shh!

Shit, did I just talk myself out of it?

Shit!

Shit.

Shit.

Shit. Motherfucking shit.

Should at least partially answer your question, Healy.

Showing me what a real man looks like.

Shut up, Angie. It's your fault everybody bailed.

Sin. Guilt.

Sincerely?

Sister, I got a favor to ask. Can I make a confession to you?

Sit, sit, sit.

So forgive me if I have a hard time staying objective.

So his people would be content and remain loyal.

So I'll take credit, too. Mission accomplished.

So instead, I will urge you

So kids reach breeding age without killing themselves.

So my sails wouldn't be flapping in the wind.

So that I would let you back in.

So thou must not sin! Amen!

So what's it gonna take for me to get back in?

So, I'm here to present my case.

So, love is the lie we tell ourselves so we don't go extinct?

So, you don't think

Somebody transferred all of your clam clams.

Something that both June and Joann don't realize.

Something's really wrong, like,

Something's the matter. I can tell.

Sophia's my friend,

Sorry about your dildo, Boo.

Sort of. It's not really official without the mikvah,

Soso, thanks for comin'.

Speaking of which...

Spoiler alert.

Still, I consider that a win.

Stop being such a stereotype.

Stop it.

Stop taking Ambien. Something.

Straight up gangsta, Chapman. Respect.

Such a good wife.

Sure about heaven.

Sympathetic vomiting.

Taystee, come on in! The water's fine!

Tell me about the new beds we're installing.

Tell me how much more money we're gonna make.

Tell yourself you're into it. It's your pain.

Thank you, Jesus! Thank you, Jesus! Thank you, Jesus!

Thank you, Vause. I'm gonna walk them over.

Thank you.

That baby ain't never gonna hear the name Bennett.

That doesn't even get me one night in a motel.

That everything's not all random and lonely, you know?

That girl wants to fuck you over and get her prison cred back.

That must be pretty intimidating to some of these girls,

That sounds good to you, little girl?

That tastes quite delicious until you add the glue.

That we didn't shove a carrot down his rabbit hole,

That's pretty bleak, Red, even for you.

That's right, because he said,

That's right. And then what?

That's the way the universe works.

That's true.

That's why I feel like I can ask you this question.

The body of Christ.

The body of Christ.

The body of Christ.

The club, the bullshit, it's a dance.

The company needs you more than you need them.

The company still needs us pretty damn bad.

The food a big part of it, am I right?

The guy who interviewed me was so relieved

The kind with tits.

The mikvah needs to be pure, naturally occurring water,

The whole point of being here was to escape our shitty reality.

The worst kind.

Then channel your inner Freddy Krueger

Then drain all your money and ruin your life.

Then there's the high school looking kid

Then you let this cave troll turn it into a cult.

There ain't no eels in the freedom lake, man.

There is no hell. There is no heaven.

There is no way either of us are gonna walk out of there

There'll be a sinkhole or something, and we'll make it official then.

There's a new Director of Human Activity.

There's never any dignity at the end.

There's no blood in it, so that's good.

There's no conjugal visits in Federal.

There's no God.

There's no such thing as a benevolent dictator,

There's nothing.

There's someone out there you're meant to be with?

There's the squirrelly dude who looks like a young Jack Nicholson,

These donated books are the suck.

They already told me last month it's a girl.

They can't take away my motherfucking kosher meals.

They couldn't act on them.

They doubled our order of slop this month, we can cover it.

They go to hell.

They have no idea what they're in for.

They must have given you a pretty good pay raise.

They reflected on what it is that brought them here today,

They'll bury her in there. You know that.

They're the ones who took the fence down. Maybe they're expanding the yard.

They're watching.

Thinking it's okay to punish the victim of a hate crime.

This ain't Pulp Fiction, and that ain't heroin.

This doesn't feel like the good kind of silence.

This here's Ginsberg. She's been helping me out.

This is a deadly weapon.

This is a spinny thing from an old Discman,

This is out of line.

This is so beautiful. This is why I don't wanna elope.

This isn't even my stuff.

This place would hire Forrest fucking Gump.

Those are all pretty unique.

Those quitters aren't Norma's sheep. They're rats.

Three, four, and wrong!

Through this ring,

Through this ring,

Through this ring, I, Vincent Muccio,

Thunder from Down Under been necking with somebody else?

Tiff, are you okay? What's the matter with you?

To a double hated minority is beyond me, but she's for real.

To be Lorna Muccio.

To change this lonely life.

To find someone who's actually qualified.

To gaze into each other's eyes

To lure in a sucker and rob him blind.

To take money from perverts,

To the prisoner whose brand new divorce certificate is her most prized possession.

Toast Norma!

Today, as you know, is a very big day. So, let's make this quick.

Trust no bitch.

Ugh!

Uh huh.

Uh uh. With Dad, we go in with one agenda,

Uh, Burset comes out of the SHU.

Uh, Cesar Velazquez?

Uh, here?

Uh, no, no. She's fine. It's just...

Uh, no. I've been laying real low.

Uh, stop! Hey, hey!

Um, I need a distraction.

Um...

Valentina Vladimirovna Tereshkova.

Vince,

Vince...

Wait, Alan? Cousin Alan?

Wait, wait...

Wait.

Walter White ink.

Was a time, Norma, you were good at making people feel safe...

Watch her head, watch her head.

We ain't ****y enough.

We ain't Swedish enough to be splitting his starfish.

We can't keep her in the SHU forever,

We come out excited to do the exact opposite.

We don't give a shit about the movie.

We fail, and God forgives us, but...

We fit, and we match

We gotta watch her and make sure she doesn't stop breathing,

We have a chance to set the pace with Burset.

We have reports of contraband.

We hear Pearson's out. Are you next? Are they union busting?

We made miracles.

We need you over here.

We probably get fired.

We went to Olive Garden.

We were able to shock it back to sinus rhythm.

We're all looking for a clue that there's a reason for things,

We're gonna be like the Tiger Woods of prison cliques.

We're here to self surrender!

We're locked up, all of us in a cage.

We've been studying, arguing.

Well, can't make it worse.

Well, did we or did we not call ahead?

Well, don't leave a girl hanging.

Well, eventually, you come back from the SHU.

Well, for your nosy information, I'm working on my conversion essay.

Well, fuck a duck.

Well, good.

Well, guess what? It's my turn.

Well, he fucking should. He's a rapist.

Well, hopefully you've given everything away, then.

Well, I had a good day, too. Helped some inmates.

Well, I hope that is a consolation tomorrow when you have van duty.

Well, I still have a few more days.

Well, maybe people would have your back

Well, maybe she does. I mean, no offense, Norma,

Well, maybe those are the people you should be sticking your neck out for.

Well, sometimes it takes a couple of weeks to even out.

Well, thanks for letting me know.

Well, that was quick.

Well, the very fact that we have a special relationship

Well, then maybe it's good

Well, there's nowhere to go.

Well, um, actually, we invented a miso tuna honey sauce

Well, what you waiting for?

Well, why ain't she awake?

Well, why didn't you say so?

Well, why don't we just drive back there and let her out ourselves?

Well?

Well...

What about college?

What are you doin'? No, no.

What are you talking about?

What did Angie do?

What did you wanna see me about?

What do you mean get back in the room?

What do you really want from me?

What do you say?

What do you want, Gonzales?

What happened?

What happened?

What I mean is Burset comes out of the SHU,

What in the fuck is wrong with us?

What is this for you?

What kind of shit is that?

What other kind is there?

What the fuck is that noise?

What the fuck, Cal?

What we gonna do with her?

What, and now you're worshipping a piece of toast?

What, are you gonna start crying now?

What, CO Please and thank you? He's a teddy bear.

What?

What? No.

What's even over there?

What's going on with The L Word over there?

What's going on?

What's gotten into you?

What's that supposed to mean?

What's the matter with you? You want...

Whatever form of syphilis you have that caused your soul to rot.

When we die, all that remains are the memories of our achievements.

Where did you find a Discman?

Where I was told to believe and pray.

Where was the lead in where you reminded me

Where was your preamble?

Where'd you get illegal chicken from, inmate?

Which is plenty of time to use your hot tits and your pretty, little lying face

Which is why I started Felonious Spunk in the first place.

Which obviously isn't happening tonight, so...

Which toe?

Which was seriously the worst thing that's ever happened to me.

Which you know I enjoy, which you never finish!

Which you pay for with my money,

White ink, huh?

Who are the Teddy Bears? Should I know about them?

Who knew cousin Sandy's epilepsy

Who listened to that stupid, yellow chink.

Who told us that the corporation would call an optional meeting

Who told you that?

Who uses that little baby face to get away with... something.

Who's always givin' everybody donuts.

Who's the only person I can talk to.

Whoa, what's going on?

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Whoa, whoa.

Whoo!

Whoo!

Why are you here? Why do you keep coming here?

Why don't you... put your fingers down her throat?

Why she wants to go from being a hated minority

Why?

Will you please just come?

With full nasal insertion into the tumbler.

With, like, a Shop Vac or something.

Would have thrown me under the bus and run me over to get the same.

Would one day save your hillbilly prison soul?

Would you say that I'm bad at my job?

Would you stop it? It's fine.

Wow.

Yeah, and an Asian girl.

Yeah, and I really don't like tea.

Yeah, and you, apparently, are a fine actress.

Yeah, but he bled a lot.

Yeah, I do.

Yeah, I'm gonna check it out.

Yeah, I'm gonna go with my old captain on this one.

Yeah, like 30 pieces of silver.

Yeah, Morello's getting married. She asked that you be the witness.

Yeah, something is. I can feel it in my elbow.

Yeah, that's great, but what about the next day,

Yeah, we checked out them foils, man.

Yeah, well, Burset comes out of the SHU. Cha cha cha.

Yeah, well, kids adapt.

Yeah, well, something's bothering you, too.

Yeah, yeah, I'll just be here, sweeping like Cinderella.

Yeah, you're really into it. You own it.

Yeah!

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah. Enjoy nose fucking your whiskey!

Yeah. Maybe it'll rain, okay?

Yeah. Thanks.

Yes, actually, I do.

Yes! Amen!

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes. It's a promotion.

Yo, Bennie.

Yo, get your filthy fucking hands off my baby!

Yo, Norma, you in their toast!

Yo, what's up, man? Who are you?

Yo...

You ain't worried about eels or some shit?

You and Alex are the only people who know where that phone is...

You and I... have a special relationship.

You are so going to Max, inmate.

You are the most amazing girl I have ever met, Lorna Morello.

You are turning into a trope.

You can basically tell him anything you would tell me.

You could have asked me instead of burgling me.

You didn't eat your Eucharist? She didn't eat her Eucharist.

You don't get to come here and push,

You don't have a trailer or somethin' a little more private, alone?

You don't have to do this.

You don't need nobody. I got it.

You dumped me because I fired Flaca,

You ever believe in anything, Red?

You feed people food from the fucking floor, like we're animals?

You fucked me, Stella.

You got a future to think about.

You got Christ in your body now, dolly. That means you got responsibilities.

You got prison.

You got something to say there, Danny?

You got what you wanted, didn't you?

You gotta believe in something. Why not love?

You gotta eat the cracker, Lorna. The cracker's the whole point.

You gotta wait a second to see it.

You have the chance for a promotion, and you're going limp?

You have your vows, yes?

You keep on martyring yourself for these people, and why?

You know what I mean.

You know what?

You know what? I had a really good day today.

You know, does that make sense?

You know, fine! That's it! I quit!

You know, it wouldn't kill you to smile once in a while.

You know, we had a union captain once

You know, you actually had me believing in miracles.

You know, you're not Walter White yet. You're...

You look, uh...

You made up a story about your sick mom

You make her sound like she's drugs.

You make me feel worse about myself every time we talk.

You may kiss the bride!

You must be loving this.

You need me.

You need to stand up to him, tell him that.

You need to step back right now,

You really want this?

You said keeping the baby was the worst thing for her.

You save our seats, and tell me everything I miss.

You sleep with the fishes.

You soak in a pool

You start off at a lower rate than everybody else.

You telling me you don't love me?

You thought I wouldn't notice?

You took, like, 100 Benadryls.

You two good?

You two need to clean this up.

You two, with me! Let's go!

You want a little boy or not?

You want me to get a little rough?

You went to college, and you're working here?

You were the one that started spreading all those rumors about her.

You'd better Beit Din this woman before I start to talk.

You'll go back to making people cry, but in a good way, really soon.

You're a really good teacher.

You're all replaceable.

You're always gonna need her.

You're back, and you didn't come talk to your mother?

You're diluting the brand. You have to get her to stop.

You're goddamn right.

You're gonna be fine.

You're good, Lorna.

You're happy, but you can't say it 'cause you gotta hate me.

You're letting the fox back into the hen house.

You're not even gonna see it, not unless you're looking for it.

You're not gonna be in prison forever.

You're really bad at your job, Mr. Healy.

You're right. It's literally none of your business.

You're so disgusting.

You're still transitioning.

You're the sour pantied Luca Brasi.

You've been pretty chill about all of this.

You've disciplined your body in accordance with the teachings of blessed Elijah,

You've got to be fucking kidding me.

Young love...

Your heart was in a dangerous arrhythmia.

Your land is brimstone and salt,

Your mental condition.

Your money is gone.

Your prison mistress gave you a prison tat.

Your Russian friend?

Your situation is going to be my situation in the next six to 12 months,

Your skin doesn't have to be black, as long as your heart is black.

'cause she didn't do anything wrong! All right, son, all right.

A mailbox that leaks pee. Uh uh.

Amen. Say amen!

Amen. The body of Christ.

and she taking everything. Ooh.

and she weighs three pounds. Good point.

and the mushrooms, that's bullshit? Yeah. That's not...

And? And, you know,

Ask, Tova. Ask. Mmm. Mmm hmm.

Beautiful. Yeah.

Burset comes out of the SHU. There you go.

But that's the problem, you know? I don't get that!

Can I be a Jew? No.

Can I be a Jew? Yes.

Cesar! Cesar! No! It's okay.

Come on in, girl! Okay! Okay! I'm in!

Come on, yo! Oh, man, you too?

Do you see her? Yo!

Don't blame me for what happened. I'm giving you credit.

Easier cleanup. Yeah.

Found a lighter. That's not mine.

Fuck yeah, wife!

Fuck.

Fuck. The fuck.

Gaze upon the glory of the toast. You in the toast.

has been a godsend.

He's gonna respect you for it.

Hey! Stop it! Boo!

Holy... Shit!

How do you know? She desperate.

Huh.

I ain't your little girl. Oh, I know that.

I can help. You're dead to me.

I can see his little pee pee right there!

I cannot believe we are doing this.

I don't follow you. That lake's my mikvah!

I love this dress! What's in your hand?

I should too, but... Wait. Wait, wait, wait.

I'll help you pay for it. You would do that?

I'm freaking the fuck out. Relax, I'll catch you up.

I'm going. You crazy.

I'm not the Godfather. No. You're taller and tighter.

Is that your fucking excuse? Oh, fuck.

It's so crazy. Toast Norma.

Joe, he's my dad. And he's wrong.

Just fuck it. No, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Let's do this right. You're walking into the lion's den.

Let's go, let's go! Get Child Services down here, now.

Look at that! Yeah, I don't see it. It...

Mazel tov.

Money is not my god.

Motherfucker! Daddy!

Next!

No! No!

Norma, it looks just like you. It's a real miracle.

Not me. No way.

not solitary confinement.

Oh, Jesus!

Oh, my Norma! Careful.

Okay. This may be a little cold. Mmm.

one thing at a time.

or Albuquerque or something?

Pearson quit?

Please don't take my baby! Move in!

Please, please... Okay.

She ain't dead. She ain't?

She's my business partner, with benefits. Ah.

She's sleeping again. What?

Shh. Man, what you doin', anyway?

Should I remain silent? Actually, I...

Sympathetic vomiting.

Thank you. Was that so fucking hard?

Thank you... No hugging. Mmm mmm.

Thanks. I'll be careful. You will be dead.

The best. The best.

The body of Christ. Amen.

The body of Christ. Amen.

They'll probably just buff that out. It's not a scratch, man.

This one.

Wake up.

We can fake that shit in the shower. No, that won't count.

We did...

We're ready. You made that?

Well, Aimee's full of shit. Oh, is she?

Well, how can a priority be long term? Uh, Danny...

What does it say? It says Trust no bitch.

What the fuck? You better back up off

What? Even if we don't get busted,

What? Yes, something's...

What? You wanna fuck with me?

When? This morning.

Where the guards at? I feel like this is one of those things,

Who are you? Is Cesar home?

Yeah! Oh, it's beautiful!

Yeah.

Yeah. All wrong.

Yeah. Burset comes out of the SHU. Burset comes out of the SHU.

Yes! Husband, yes! Yeah!

Yes. Yes.

Yes. Yes, I will. Oh!

You a part of my Beit Din. Excuse me?

You ask me, it got what was coming. Uh uh.

You need to honor the pain.

You still on that? You damn right.

You wanna wait till your show's over? Oh, it's a repeat. Go ahead.

You want me to say this? Yeah.

You're going down.

...And I love your heart.

...and so then I woke up in the laundry room.

...and there were none better. So you can either suck it up...

...Danny, I'm trying to teach you.

...For serious!

...I got crazy feelings for you.

...It's just a scratch.

...It's okay.

...Like King Wangchuck of Bhutan.

...Marc Anthony grew up in the projects

...No matter what they take from me,

...The fuck?

...What the fuck?

...Yeah, yeah.

...You in the toast!

...You know...

'cause I fell so far so fast for you.

'Cause she ate fistfuls of pills like they was Tic Tacs

'cause we could be sitting here, hating on ourselves too, Boo.