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Home > The Longest Yard (2005)
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The Longest Yard (2005)

The Longest Yard (2005)

"The Longest Yard" is a movie from 2005, directed by Peter Segal. It is a comedy sports film about a former professional football player, Paul Crewe, played by Adam Sandler. Crewe is imprisoned and coerced into forming a football team of fellow inmates to play against the guards. The movie features an ensemble cast including Chris Rock, Burt Reynolds, Nelly, and Terry Crews. To immerse yourself in the sounds of this film, you can play and download them here.

A bottle of Ketel One and two glasses?
A bunch of ruthless criminals have beaten
A gift for you, Mr. Crewe.
A tune up game?
Absolutely not. Now, could you do me a favor? Hold this beer while I back it up.
Absolutely not. You're going to get killed out here.
Actually, they get a couple of channels.
After I did it,
Ain't she beautiful?
Ain't you guys glad you got a black man for a friend?
All depressed about. Hey, you're white. Smile.
All right, all right. Crewe's playing like shit.
All right, all right. I got it. Just save it for the game.
All right, boys.
All right, go with negative two.
All right, I missed you guys, so I am back.
All right, I will do it.
All right, listen up.
All right, punt team.
All right, what do you say? How about a little best ball?
All right, you all. Let Deac speak.
All right.
All right.
All right.
All right. Down, set.
All right. I got one more question to ask you.
All right. Now, let's get started.
All right. Relatively simple. You need a tune up game.
All right. We can fix this. Here we go.
All right. We got ourselves a game.
All right. We will see you and your pet iguana at practice.
Although it was never fully proven.
An opportunity to rise above themselves.
And a half?
And apparently so do the fans.
And apparently steroids.
And be unanimously hated by the entire population.
And Crewe has struggled thus far in the second half.
And Crewe will be sacked for a big loss.
And Deacon's got it for a first down, but he stayed inbounds.
And don't worry, I know you had nothing to do with Caretaker's murder.
And even some of the home crowd not liking that one.
And for a small fee, I can even get you McDonald's.
And gosh almighty,
And he is a load, at 6'2", 260.
And he's got it. Touchdown, guards.
And he's hammered at the 17 for a 13 yard pickup, and that's a first down.
And he's not going down.
And here come the cons,
And here's to having one of these with you on the outside,
And how'd you even know there was a scratch on this baby?
And I got to tell you, the cons seem more interested in hitting the guards
And I will back that up.
And I will be cheering my jailhouse boobies off for you at game day.
And in your particular case, I am the executioner.
And it's a horrible kick.
And listen to the crowd
And look at Battle take off.
And look at that little Megget run.
And look at this formation. The guards, they're confused.
And look out. Boy, somebody better take control of this game soon,
And me? Well, I thought an old pro like yourself
And Megget is hit hard at the 4, and he's hurt.
And Megget scrambles for a first down.
And mingle with my clients like a good boy.
And now Crewe.
And now my nipples are killing me.
And now the cons are a mere extra point away from overtime.
And so there will be no shutout today, as the cons are on the board.
And so, on a miraculous play,
And some diapers.
And that's a first down.
And that's not it.
And that's the truth. With some cheese on it.
And the cons have come up with it.
And there in the high security bleachers
And they will score.
And they're showing you up in front of the whole nation.
And this game is starting to look like a blowout.
And what a first half he's had.
And with the extra point, the cons are down by just seven.
And you, Mr. Crewe, are going to be the quarterback.
And you, you are ugly.
Another question, though.
Anthony, wow. You can sit down.
Any books you'd recommend, inmate?
Anyone who was once the MVP of the National Football League
Are the good behavior cons, along with their...
Are you okay? Oh, God, you're not hurt, are you?
Are you serious?
Are you shitting me? For Coach Snyder?
As Big Tony calls for the fair catch.
As I am joined in the booth by Baby Face Bob.
As they find themselves up by two touchdowns.
As this underdog con team is starting to win them over.
As today, the semipro Allenville Federal Prison guards
As we start the fourth quarter, cons down by three touchdowns.
Asshole.
Baby back bitch, baby back bitch Baby back bitch
Back away from the girls.
Back in the game is Brucie, and he will do the honors.
Back to Crewe.
Battle, I presume this is yours.
Battle, you're a psycho.
Because I ain't doing that twice in a lifetime.
Because I am convinced that you can get us back on track.
Because I am watching you on TV, as is the whole country.
Because I got news for you guys.
Because I got something pretty funny to show you guys.
Because if you do that, you going to end up being somebody's bitch.
Because it's forgotten all about you.
Because the warden don't run this prison. I do.
Because your breath smell like eight cans of shark shit.
Before the guards come back.
Before we watch the guards' game film from last season,
Being pursued by police.
Bet you'd like to hit us, huh?
Better watch yourself, Mr. Football.
Black 90. Hut. Hut.
Black 99. Hut. Hut.
Blue 42, hut.
Boy, I hate to arrest a public figure like yourself,
Break.
Bring it in.
Brown 65. Hut.
Brucie can't kick worth a shit.
Brucie.
Brucie. Brucie. You all right? You breathing?
Bullshit.
But he is. And I don't know how, after that last hit.
But he won't.
But he's got to be in there more for moral support than anything.
But I don't want my guys hurt. You get ahead, you coast. We clear?
But I tell you what.
But it's an honor to have you here at this institution.
But let me say this:
But look at Turley push the pile.
But not good enough.
But on game day, if I so much as...
But one condition, though.
But overthrows it. And it's picked off by Papajohn.
But shaving points off a football game? Man, that's just un American.
But somehow that sick, skinny bastard
But the ball is tipped.
But the fact of the matter is, this could shape up as an epic day.
But the men. It's more important to them than it is to you.
But the ref is waving it off.
But their biggest threat? A running back. Megget.
But there seems to be a lot of confusion.
But we will definitely have the meanest.
But, hell, I don't think you got too many
But, sir, there's people.
But, sunshine, we're going to make them all count.
C, give me a...
Called in quite a few favors to get you here, Paul.
Can Crewe play ball?
Can of corn. Can of corn, and I will be fine. Can of corn.
Can you give a brother a little hustle?
Can't we all get along?
Captain Knauer is their quarterback?
Captain Knauer says he saw you planning it with Unger.
Captain Knauer, you can stay.
Captain, a man in my position doesn't leave things to chance.
Captain, I order you to shoot that prisoner.
Captain, what would you say to Mr. Crewe looking in,
Captain.
Caretaker said he'd find us some gear to wear.
Caretaker's last gift to us.
Center, shift it. Shift it.
Check your toilet. There should be a little surprise in there for you.
Cheeseburger Eddy?
Cheeseburger Eddy's got it.
Cheeseburger, he wants to run with the white boys, we will let him.
Chris, we went to a commercial.
Coach, you serious?
Colonel Sanders been eating his own chicken.
Come here. All right. You got him. Now, protect me.
Come on back, if he wants to get his ass kicked. Come on back.
Come on, baby. Come on.
Come on, Batt.
Come on, Crewe, get up.
Come on, Crewe.
Come on, Deacon.
Come on, get up.
Come on, let's all stay up. Come on.
Come on, let's go. Let's go, D.
Come on, let's go. One, two, three.
Come on, Mean Machine, let's go.
Come on, now. I am in this hellhole for less than that.
Come on, Paulie.
Come on, Swit, stand them up, baby.
Come on, Switowski.
Come on, that's not funny, man.
Come on.
Come on.
Come on. Run the play.
Come on. Warden wants to see you.
Come on. We got one week before we play that game.
Coming into the game, replacing the injured Paul Crewe,
Coming to you from a simple Texas high school stadium
Cons have enough time for one final drive.
Cons still down by two touchdowns, but they finally have some momentum.
Court?
Cover your man.
Crappy field, shit ass equipment...
Crewe dodges the blitz, but he loses his helmet.
Crewe drops back to pass. He's under pressure.
Crewe drops back to pass. Turley's leaving him unprotected.
Crewe dumps it over the middle to Deacon Moss.
Crewe hands it to Turley. And look at the big man go.
Crewe took a shot on that play and he's getting up slowly.
Crewe tries a sneak. Or is it?
Crewe with a shovel pass to Megget.
Crewe, don't forget, I am going to be open.
Crewe, trying to settle his team into formation.
Crewe, you might remember,
Crewe.
Crewe.
Crewe.
Crewe. He's looking to throw. Under pressure again.
Crewe. I will see you on the field.
Criminals are people too, Chris.
D, D, defense D, D, defense
D, D, give me a I I, I, give me a C
Daddy.
Damn it, I am giving you an order, captain.
Damn it.
Damn it.
Damn, this fool got the chair three times, ain't died yet.
Damn.
Damn.
Damn...
Dandridge, do you think that might help my visibility
Defense, let's do this.
Defense. Huddle up over there.
Deuce right, 89. Fly on two. Ready?
Did he say "win"?
Did I get you, dog?
Did I get you?
Did I get you? Did I get you?
Did it rain last night?
Did you see that, man? They're quitting on him.
Did you see that?
Did you see that? Did you see that? The Deac is here.
Didn't you read the papers? I am innocent.
Do I make myself clear?
Do not let up, you hear?
Do that sound again.
Do the girls get to play?
Do we go back to our cells, call it a day?
Does the N word offend you, ******?
Don't act like you ain't want to see more, Brucie.
Don't give me that shit.
Don't let them through.
Don't want that. Thanks for the advice.
Don't worry about it.
Don't worry, warden, we will take care of business.
Don't you dare take my car, you drunken bastard.
Don't you idiots get it? We could get a free shot at the guards.
Don't you think I should pull the car over more? I could get sideswiped.
Down at the University of Miami.
Down, set.
Down, set.
Down, set.
Down, set.
Down, set.
Down, set.
Down, set. Green 88.
Down, Shrek. Down.
Drag your drunken ass downstairs
Dumbshits are going for it. Let's go. Let's go.
Dunham, breaking tackles.
Earl Megget.
Easy. Easy.
Effective.
Endorsement deals to worry about, now, do you?
Every day we have been taking shit, for a long time.
Everybody on their feet for the warden.
Everybody stay down.
Everybody.
Fact, he was on the winning side of your little thing.
Fair catch. Fair catch.
Fifty.
Fight in the yard. Send backup.
Fine, I will do it.
Fine. Right after I get a two touchdown lead.
Fine. You guys don't want to help me, I will do it on my own. On two.
First and 10 at the guards' 35.
First and 10 from the 30. Crewe finds Deacon open in the flat.
Five stars is the max.
Five years since our last championship.
Five years.
Five.
Focus. Turn the music off.
For now, I want to see what you got out there.
For shaving points in a professional football game,
For the murder of Caretaker.
For those of you who don't know who I am, I am Paul Crewe.
Forty five.
Forty nine.
Forty seven.
Forty six.
Found a way to get us all fired up from beyond the grave.
Fresh meat, boys. Fresh meat.
Full contact.
Game point, baby. How you want the game put up?
Gentlemen, Texas marshals have been kind enough
Get him.
Get off me. Get back out there and kick some ass.
Get on your feet.
Get rid of it.
Get that old ass of yours in the end zone.
Get them out there.
Get up, superstar.
Get up. Get up, Deac.
Get your country ass back in the huddle.
Get your point shaving ass in there.
Getting what you got coming to you.
Gift?
Girl, that's your new boo.
Give me a...
Give me that blackboard.
Give me that.
Give these guys sixes. Give these guys fives.
Give us the competitive edge.
Give you a good chance to throw people on the ground,
Giving themselves excuses to grab each other.
Giving us the benefit of his experience?
Go, baby, go.
Go.
Go. Get rid of it. Go. Go.
Goddamn it.
Goddamn it.
Goddamn it. Do something.
Good afternoon and welcome to a very special edition of ESPN football.
Good ball. Good ball.
Good choice.
Good idea.
Good job today. You're all starting to look really sharp out there. Yeah.
Good Lord. This guy shit himself bigtime.
Good news, boys, I didn't spill my beer.
Good night, ladies.
Good practice, Paul. Me and the girls want to show you
Good.
Good. Good. Give them threes.
Good. Seven.
Got a problem with inmate Unger.
Got to mingle.
Got to promise me to keep Captain Knauer off my back.
Gotcha.
Great game, sir.
Green 40. Hut.
Green 67. Hut.
Green 88. Hut.
Green 90. Hut.
Group hug in the shower tonight.
Guards, cons, Paul Crewe, it's compelling stuff.
Guys.
Half a star? That's got to be a mistake. Check it again. Check it again.
Hang in there, partner.
Hasn't played since he was banned from the NFL six years ago.
Have we got any? Have we got some balls?
Hazen has a rating system for every con.
He could go all the way.
He could go all the way. Touchdown.
He didn't fill them out quite as well as you, though.
He didn't get rid of it.
He flips it back to Megget.
He gets the ball up, but he's leveled.
He knocks the ball loose.
He laterals to Deacon.
He locked me in the closet and left me to die.
He might make the team.
He pitches it to Megget. He's got some room.
He refuses to go down.
He said he's sorry. I got him to say he's sorry.
He should be.
He should be.
He thinks he can mess with me.
He thinks we're going to skip practice today,
He throws it to Crewe.
He will be all right. Call his mama.
He will throw the flea flicker.
He's a natural athlete.
He's at the 15, the 10, and he will score.
He's at the 35. The 40.
He's been here so long, he knows where everything is.
He's brought down hard, by his facemask.
He's escaping.
He's escaping.
He's got a man open deep downfield.
He's got the first down.
He's my political adviser.
He's really, really fast.
He's stopped by Lambert at the line for no gain.
He's to the 40, where he will come up short.
Hell, boy, in Allenville, I am the judge, I am the jury,
Hell, guys, we're convicts. We always go for it all.
Hell, he even says you sent Caretaker to your cell.
Hell, he even says you sent Caretaker to your cell.
Hell, no, baby. That was clean. Good D.
Hello. There's a huge party going on downstairs.
Here comes the blitz, and no one's blocking.
Here we go. Here we go.
Here we go. Here we go. Go, Megg. Go, Megget.
Here, look at my girl. She's your biggest fan.
Here's to...
Hey, coach, I need a back.
Hey, dog. Check that building over there.
Hey, hey, hey. Brucie. Brucie. I am glad you think that's funny,
Hey, hey, hey. Switowski, what are you talking about?
Hey, hey. It's me again.
Hey, I didn't spend 14 years in the joint just to watch this game.
Hey, I thought I was your friend, Paul.
Hey, I will teach you anything. Just don't eat me.
Hey, ladies. How's it hanging?
Hey, Lena.
Hey, man, after all Caretaker did, this is how you show him love?
Hey, man, at least we got some world class players over there.
Hey, Mom. Hey, Dad. Thanks for picking me up from school.
Hey, Sasquatch.
Hey, Sasquatch. Someone's here to see you.
Hey, shitheads. Listen up.
Hey, Skitchy, let me ask you something.
Hey, superdick.
Hey, white boy.
Hey, why does he get to be the kicker? I was All State, man.
Hey, yo, check out this fake Slim Shady, man.
Hey, you can finish that one. I got five more. Take care, guys.
Hey.
Hey.
Hey.
Hey.
Hey. Ho. What?
Hey. Let me take that tray out for you.
Hey. You're part of the goddamn team.
Hit me. I am open. I am open.
Hit you, sir? No.
Holy shit, is that Paul Crewe?
Holy shit.
Holy shit.
Holy shit. Hey, hey, hey.
Home sweet home, boy.
Honey, just let me finish the game, I will take you to the movies.
Hot dog vendors, high powered rifles, I love the combination.
How about from now on, you call a fair game? How's that sound?
How about this guy?
How do you like that, boys? The MVP coming to kiss my ass.
How long have I been in here?
How much more blood do you want?
How you doing? What's up? What's up? What's up?
How'd it go in there? We all set now?
How'd they get you to go to Florida State?
How'd you find these guys anyways?
How's it look?
How's it look? It looks... It looks like... It looks better than before.
How's the headbanging coming?
How's this, though? One game.
Huddle up.
Huddle up.
Hut.
Hut.
Hut.
Hut.
Hut.
Hut.
Hut.
Hut. Hut.
Hut. Hut.
Hut. Hut.
I ain't going to forget you, Crewe.
I already have.
I am a Star Jones man myself. I love that big bitch.
I am all right. Thank you.
I am begging you. Put your hands in here.
I am done.
I am going in.
I am going to be your coach, your captain, your quarterback.
I am going to have to stab somebody or something. Get my rep up.
I am going to take a piss.
I am going to throw you out of my bed,
I am just so mad at you because you're not wearing my gift.
I am not asking to play. I will coach. I am Nate Scarborough.
I am out. That's it.
I am sorry. I "brokeded" your toy.
I am sure you already know this, but I never said it out loud.
I am sure you got a lot of hot ass on the outside.
I appreciate that. Thank you.
I appreciate the offer, but I am going to have to pass.
I appreciate you.
I beat you, you guys play for the team. You beat me, I will leave you alone.
I been yearning for since I am a baby.
I bet a lot of your old teammates are locked up in here.
I bet you he's pretty proud right now.
I bet you he's pretty proud right now.
I can't believe you did this.
I can't do that.
I can't tell you how much this means to me. Thank you, Lynette.
I can't wait to see what he can do in a contact sport.
I did it.
I did throw that game.
I didn't do it.
I didn't know that. Let's see how many stars my maniacal ass got.
I didn't know you were a football fan, Patrick.
I didn't say nothing about winning.
I don't get to say this to my new guests very often,
I don't know what you're talking about, freak show.
I don't know. I have had hot flashes all shift,
I don't know. That play is wack.
I don't think he's going to get up from that one.
I don't think so.
I don't want to play no more.
I felt so shitty I wish I would have just let them kill me instead.
I got a bird. His name is Ronnie.
I got it, he's fast.
I got the burgers that will......
I got the fries that will cross your eyes.
I got the shakes that will make you quake.
I got to ask you something. Does he get XM Radio with those?
I guarantee it.
I guess that asshole Hazen wants to play dirty.
I had a parole date in '86. But I got in a tussle with a guard and...
I have never watched a game. I am just a big fan of his old underwear ads.
I haven't played football and I don't know how long. I don't really want to.
I heard you boys needed to see me.
I heard you were dead.
I just got burgers.
I just got off the phone with ESPN2.
I just want to do my three years and be done.
I just want to do my time and go home. Nothing else.
I just wanted to let you know I am your biggest fan.
I knew I shouldn't have had that popcorn.
I knew you couldn't resist my shit.
I know how you white boys always deal with that depression.
I know it. You know it. I just don't want my players to know it.
I know it's hard to get psyched for the game without Caretaker being here.
I like it when he's angry.
I like that.
I love little Michael.
I love that dress.
I mean, he's so fast, he makes fast people look not fast.
I mean, me personally, I don't understand what you white boys
I mean, this is absurd.
I must be doing all right.
I still don't think that's big enough.
I still got 15 minutes of Joy Behar.
I suck so bad, they used to pick me after the white kids.
I think he did it on purpose.
I think he found us a name too.
I think he just shit himself.
I think he's in love with you.
I think I am in love.
I think I felt it on my leg. We got to get some speed, man.
I think I made him shit himself.
I think it's going to work.
I think Papajohn's their safety.
I think that's a real good idea, warden. We can use all the help we can get.
I think the cons are just about out of options at quarterback.
I think we need some alone time, honey,
I think we should start seeing other people.
I thought he didn't want to get hurt.
I used to love your underwear commercials.
I used to play a little college ball myself.
I want Crewe finished.
I want those cons to understand who owns them.
I want to hurt him. Not kill him.
I want you to go out there and kick off.
I want you to inflict as much pain as humanly possible.
I want you to lose.
I want you to meet her.
I was in a bad way with some worse people.
I was just playing.
I will get the strippers.
I will leave it up to you guys.
I will serve.
I will take it.
I will tell you what you should forget about.
I would say that's incredible, but how?
If Crewe can't go, I don't know how deep these guys are at quarterback.
If I could get you film from the guards' games last year?
If I don't throw this game.
If she's hot enough to have a one nighter with a pro football player,
If you got Unger off the field. You hear?
If you will excuse us, Mr. Crewe.
If you're not downstairs in five minutes,
In my prison, to get along, you got to go along.
In the head.
In the history of football?
In the history of football?
Is former Pittsburgh football star Paul Crewe.
Is going to play tailback,
Is number 1, Brucie.
It ain't about getting hurt. It's about pride.
It ain't easy being cheesy.
It slipped. I just ate popcorn.
It's a deal.
It's all right, man.
It's an honor to be locked up here, sir.
It's cool, man. I never had shoes growing up noway.
It's cute.
It's going to work.
It's going to work. Let's go. On the ball.
It's historical. Sir.
It's kind of like Ping Pong.
It's like a company softball team.
It's like a I love you gift. I left it in the closet for you.
It's not going to work."
It's nothing a Quarter Pounder can't fix.
It's okay.
It's okay. Get your head up.
It's Paul Crewe.
It's picked up by Lambert.
It's the game ball.
It's time we took a look at what we came here to see
Jesus Christ, my savior. If you help me out with this one,
Just a joke. Stay calm.
Just cut to the chase, shall we?
Just go do some laps.
Just happens to be the warden now.
Just kidding.
Just pick them up. Put them on the table.
Just show up at the "tree outs," you big, dumb bitch.
Just so you know, we are playing the guards.
Just wanted to talk to you fellas about possibly joining the football team.
Just when I thought I had you all figured out.
Kansas State Prison.
Keep them off the field. We're going for it.
Kill them.
Knauer has Potter wide open. Touchdown, guards.
Knauer needs a first down to put this game away.
Knock it off.
Knock it off.
Led by former NFL MVP quarterback Paul Crewe.
Let me tell you something.
Let's call that one a questionable call.
Let's do it.
Let's do this shit.
Let's do this.
Let's get this over with, rookie, I am starving.
Let's go, guys.
Let's go, to the line.
Let's go, you all. Let's go.
Let's go.
Let's go. Hold them.
Let's just stick with the cheeseburgers.
Let's see if Paul "Motley" Crewe can make something happen.
Let's see which guards have some broken bones.
Lights out.
Listen up. I got an idea to end all this bullshit.
Listen, if you want to cry, you go ahead and cry. I will cry with you.
Long way from the big city, huh, superstar?
Look out. He might go.
Look, seems like you got all the talent you'd want. So why do you need me?
Look.
Look. A broken leg will heal.
Looking forward to it.
Looking good, gentlemen. Way to work hard.
Lots of human interest.
Man, give me that cheeseburger. You acting like a real McAsshole.
Man, that boy would catch a cold in the desert. Here you go.
Man. I hope you got a lot of money for that game you threw,
May I have a word?
Maybe it's time we started acting like it.
Mean Machine, Mean Machine Mean Machine
Mean Machine.
Mean Machine.
Mean Machine.
Mean Machine.
Mean Machine. Mean Machine.
Mean Machine. Mean Machine.
Mean Machine. Mean Machine.
Mean Machine. Mean Machine. Mean Machine. Mean Machine.
Meanwhile, in the end zone, the guards have something to celebrate,
Megget is finally brought down at the guards' 33,
Megget's got the first down and more.
Might have some training camp tricks, drills, insights to offer up.
More distinguished. Kind of like a young Michael Jackson.
Moss is behind a wall of cons. I wouldn't want to be in front of that thing.
Move it. Hustle, hustle, hustle.
Mr. Crewe, would you mind if we had a picture? Please?
Mr. Torres.
Must have a great deal of expertise to offer.
My arm.
My court, my ball.
My ex husband wore the same brand of tighty whities.
My knee, man.
My mama taught me not to kiss and tell. Now, go to sleep.
My man Cheeseburger Eddy got the hookup.
My new family and I would sure appreciate it
Nate Scarborough, the former Heisman Trophy winner from 1955,
Nate Scarborough?
Negative two.
Never felt better in my life.
Nice hit.
Nice job.
Nice spanking that ass, dog.
Nice to see you smiling, Bob.
Nice to see you smiling, Bob.
Nice.
Nineteen seconds. We got a lot of ground to cover.
Ninety eight. Hut. Hut.
No disrespect, Deac...
No inmates from my playing days. Couple of guards, though.
No offense, my man, but you're a little seasoned.
No, he didn't.
No, I ain't dead. I have been right here, rotting.
No, I hate that bullshit. Everyone play their own damn ball.
No, just Joy Behar.
No, no, no. Hey, old man.
No, no, no. It's actually my girlfriend's car.
No, sir.
No, sir.
No, sir.
No, thanks.
No, that was clean.
No, that's a good thing. You should have a victory hug with Caretaker.
No, that's the surprise I left in Brucie's toilet.
No.
No. It's the quiet time I like, sir.
No. You're much more expensive than that.
Nope. Nope. This car was reported stolen.
Not a drop.
Not any good ones.
Not as soft as the ones at West Texas Mental Institution.
Not entirely.
Not interested.
Not much of a reader.
Not so fast, sugar bear.
Not too smart on your part.
Nothing happened. Nothing happened.
Now I got to relive this shit?
Now I will never get to play.
Now Nate can study all the guards' formations.
Now the warden wants to pin Caretaker's murder on me
Now, after you get a comfortable three touchdown lead,
Now, as you can see, they're running a standard wishbone.
Now, don't stir up the brothers, now. Come on.
Now, get the hell out there. Let's go.
Now, give me your wallet.
Now, here's the most important part.
Now, I don't know about you all, but I occasionally have the impulse
Now, I have worked real hard, pulled strings,
Now, I hear they have the softest mattresses out there.
Now, let's all go out there and have some fun.
Now, listen here, Mr. Frodo. Don't get short with me.
Now, the warden...
Now, there are two things we take very seriously here in the state of Texas.
Now, what would I need two for?
Now, when I get out of here, I don't want you to get all Hollywood on us.
Now, when my man Travis tried to drag me out here, I said,
Now, where the hell does he think he's going?
Now, why don't you show us your speed and get your pyro ass out of here.
Now, why would you go and do that?
Now, you could be with us for a very long time, Mr. Crewe.
Now, you got four weeks to assemble a team and train them.
Now, you're going to put this outfit on that I bought you,
O.J. Chopped his wife's head off and still got some ass.
Of course you can. After all, you have had plenty of practice.
Of course you do, Lorenzo. You made it.
Oh, and as for your request...
Oh, come on, now, maggot. I have seen you in here reading before.
Oh, I can't wait to see what Switowski does to him.
Oh, I doubt that very seriously.
Oh, I will make sure my boys allow you sufficient freedom, within these walls,
Oh, incomplete.
Oh, man.
Oh, man. Here come the party poopers.
Oh, my bad. I just want a good picture.
Oh, no. I never played no football, mister.
Oh, shit, I forgot.
Oh, shit. Warden Hazen?
Oh, the girls are by the pool.
Oh, they ugly now, but in eight months, he going to look like Beyonce.
Oh, well, this is Errol Dandridge.
Oh, what a hit on Dunham by Switowski.
Oh, yeah, back freckles. She's making up shit now.
Oh, yeah, we're real tight.
Oh, yes, sir.
Oh, yes.
Oh, you fooled me.
Oh, you're not? I will give it back to you, then.
Okay, are you done now?
Okay, baby. Jailbreak Blitz. Ready?
Okay, boys. We know who doesn't have any balls out there now.
Okay, fellas, it's pretty simple. You do a buttonhook.
Okay, half speed on this one, guys. Slow and easy.
Okay, here we go.
Okay, maybe he did.
Okay, remain calm.
Okay, thanks. I am glad to know that.
Okay, we seal off here, seal off here.
Okay? On "go." On "go."
Okay.
Okay.
Okay. Down, set. Hut.
Okay. Good, good.
Okay. Good.
Okay. I feel you, dog. I feel you.
Okay. Stop crying.
Okay. Suit yourself.
Okay. Thank you. Now, who are we?
Okay. Wet Willie.
Okay. What is it?
Okay. With what?
On first and 10, Crewe will pass.
On first down, Crewe will throw. He's got Deacon wide open.
On fourth and 20,
On my car, or I will slit your throat.
On the ball.
On the beautiful part and on the woman part.
Once again, you are proving to everyone
One more, please?
One punch and it went away.
One week. Want to go for two?
One yard, baby. One more yard.
Only the ball's a little bigger and egg shaped, like my head.
Only the finest for you, superstar.
Only thing is, he claims to have an accomplice.
Only with less sodomy, right?
Or not. Or not.
Or some slack Division II team.
Or they're going to need body bags on the sidelines.
Or trying to make a break for it,
Out of my house and out of my life.
Papajohn's at the 20, the 10. And he will score.
Paul "Wrecking" Crewe.
Paul Crewe must be feeling better, because here he comes.
Paul Crewe, serving a three year sentence,
Paul, he brokeded my nose.
Paul, I am so excited.
Paul? Paul, what are you doing?
Paul.
Paul. Paul.
People have told me that you and I look a lot alike,
Pick these up.
Playing football, sir.
Prison and football.
Pull the trigger.
Question: Any of you gentlemen ever play football before?
Quit booing, people. Both teams are trying very hard.
Reading's for rich people.
Ready? Break.
Really?
Really? These guys think you're a dumb redneck too?
Recruitment, boy.
Red 58.
Red 58.
Red 58. Hut.
Red 98. Hut. Hut.
Ref, you got to get in the game. Right over here.
Remember the catering trucks and the valet parkers?
Right here. Right here.
Right, 32 Flex Dive Motion on one. Ready.
Run the play we set up.
Santa Claus. What's he like?
Say goodbye.
Say hi to the folks, Bob O.
Say what?
Say you're sorry.
Scared of you sick, degenerate convicts.
Seasoned?
Second and 10 from the 33. Crewe's looking for Deacon once again.
See you tomorrow.
See, I have been approached by several very influential people
See, that's our problem, sweetie.
See, the warden loves his football.
See, we got us a fine prison guard league down here.
See? I told you I made him shit himself.
Seems to me that we ought to do something about this.
Sergeant Engleheart.
Shades of Cal Stanford.
Shift over. Move.
Shit does happen. I mean, look what happened to your ears.
Shit happens.
Shit, I am in.
Shoes, ****a.
Shoot him.
Shoot him. Fire.
Short memory, baby. We will get it back. We will get it back.
Show's over, amigo.
Sit down.
Six seconds left on the clock. Cons down by seven.
Slap the Point Shaving White Boy Till He Cries Like a Baby Back Bitch.
So for those of you thinking of mingling with the civilians
So I am going to go take a cruise in your Bentley.
So I wanted to see for myself.
So is Greg Louganis, but I bet you he'd get his ass whupped out here.
So it looks like I am going to get to know you guys a lot better,
So when I bring you in, don't be afraid to talk to the folks.
So you bastards remember that play we practiced in the mud?
So you know, we're putting together a football team. Love you to join.
So you're telling me that these animals are watching our game films.
So, what did I do wrong? Was I driving poorly?
So, what happened? You read the flier, thought it looked like some fun?
So, what's on your mind, Paul?
Somebody please open this damn door. Patrick?
Somebody's got to get open, guys.
Sometime in the next three to five years.
Sorry about that.
Sorry, guys.
Sorry.
Sorry.
Sounds good.
Special effects. Hollywood. Not all me.
Spend the next 25 years of your useless life in prison.
Start of the fourth quarter, and Owens will throw. He's got Brown wide open.
Stay quiet.
Staying with the times around here, huh?
Still got one more pain in the ass to deal with.
Stole your grandmama's pension, and nobody would have cared.
Stop the violence.
Stupid tire. You're a fricking tire.
Superstar Versus Half a Star.
Sure we will teach you to football. Won't we, Caretaker?
Sweet dreams, bitch.
Switowski is so big, it's like being tackled by a Coke machine with legs.
Switowski? That's one brother.
Switowski. Come here.
Tackle him.
Tackle him.
Take a seat.
Take it, Deac.
Take me to the movies?
Take that. Take that, Deac.
Take this f... Take this foul.
Taking a play from the old Nebraska playbook.
Team vote: We go for the win? We go for the tie?
Television.
Tell it to the parole board, criminal.
Than tackling the ball carrier.
Thank God.
Thank you very much.
Thank you, baby.
Thank you, Half a Star.
Thank you, sergeant. I will take it from here.
Thank you.
Thank you. Got it.
Thanks, Chris.
Thanks, gentlemen.
Thanks.
That ain't a team. That's just a bunch of dumb rednecks
That ain't necessarily a good thing, is it?
That boy got some slave feet, you see that?
That feature interview worked better than I thought.
That inmate Unger has been taken into custody
That looked like a message to Crewe from his offensive line.
That old man flooding this field tells me something.
That one hurt my marble sack.
That stings.
That was a bullshit call.
That was some rumbling, bumbling stumbling right there.
That was, like, the furthest thing.
That wasn't nice.
That you want nothing to do with his football fantasies.
That you're not going to be out there on that field with us,
That your time here will be a whole lot easier if you just participate.
That's a 90 yard return.
That's a lonely ****a. This ain't hockey.
That's a week in the hotbox.
That's been retrofitted for the big event.
That's going to cost you.
That's got to be pass interference.
That's great news.
That's great. That's great.
That's his problem. I am going to bring us back.
That's how a white man plays guitar.
That's it, Brucie. Hey, hey. My bad. My bad. My bad. Come on.
That's perfect, Cheeseburger. Never been better.
That's right. We can get our McFlurry on.
That's traveling, bitch.
That's up to the warden.
That's why, you dumb ass.
That's why. Now, sit down and shut up.
The ball's picked up by Scarborough.
The clock is running. To Brucie.
The clock starts to run. Crewe hands the ball to Megget. It's a reverse.
The cons are going to go for it. This could be the ball game right here.
The cons don't seem to have an answer for Dunham,
The cons win.
The first film is the guards' offense against Texas Southern.
The first mistake Crewe's made all day.
The freak is back.
The Fumblerooskie.
The future of this once great football star looks very dark indeed.
The give is to Megget. He spins to the outside. Megget has room.
The give is to Potter. Back to Knauer.
The good news is she can breast feed standing up. That's it.
The guards are in command here as we move late into the third quarter.
The guards will try to keep it away from Megget, so they will pooch kick.
The Heisman Trophy winner from Oklahoma?
The inmate from cellblock D.
The men that uphold our justice system.
The more prone to violence that the inmate is, the more stars he gets.
The only game we'd play with you is
The only thing coming to me is victory.
The pitch to Megget. Oh, my. That ball is live.
The play clock is still running. Crewe better call a time out.
The registered voters of this fine state?
The rest of you guys block for me. I will take care of the rest.
The snap is to Deacon.
The warden is too modest to admit that his team is rather good.
The warden is trying to break our spirit.
The warden will be done with him in 15 minutes.
Then you're going to have to pay for your own bananas.
Then you're going to, ma'am.
There ain't no meat loaf between these buns.
There you go.
There's no way that could hold up in court.
There's the first sign of life from the cons.
There's the kickoff, and we're under way in the second half.
There's the old Paul Crewe we love to write about.
They did it. Unbelievable.
They don't know what we're doing.
They got all last season.
They have been trying that for years. Don't worry, I got the perfect play.
They keep all the records in the basement.
They must score on this play.
They recruited me.
They see the way I run this prison, think maybe I should run this state.
They want to televise the football game.
They weren't pressuring me, the society was pressuring me...
They're going for it.
They're trying to call time out, but there's the snap.
Third and 5, and the give is to Megget.
Third down and 6. Guards have the ball on their own 29 yard line.
This better be on the up and up.
This fool ain't nothing but a thing, baby.
This is about giving men who have made mistakes in their lives
This is baby back bullshit.
This is bullshit. Just another chance for the guards to beat on us.
This is football. Shit happens.
This is fun.
This is our turn. We could beat up on them.
This is simply a different Paul Crewe we're seeing here in the second half.
This is unbelievable.
This job, Bob, it's a lot of give and take.
This one looks like it could be over early.
This was supposed to be a blowout,
Three days till game time. We can handle it.
Three years is before you assaulted Captain Knauer.
Three.
Throw it, Brucie.
Tick, tick, tick. The clock keeps running.
Time out.
To get your team in shape.
To move beyond the bars of containment.
To physically assault one of our finer correctional officers.
To schedule the defending league champs as our first game.
To supply us with a dozen of their finest sharpshooters.
To Turley.
Tomorrow, payback. Now, think about that for a second.
Tony, hit it. You're going to like this.
Tony, you're a fat shit. Hut.
Touchdown.
Touchdown.
Turley. Turley. Over here.
Twenty extra years for one punch?
Underneath. Let's go.
Unfortunately, that's why we're all in the joint.
Unless you don't want to.
Unsportsmanlike conduct. Eighty eight black.
Us convicts are starting up a football team.
Used to be mad too. It's like, "I can't believe I picked a ****a that can't play."
Very good.
Very nice.
Wait for the field to dry, make it up tomorrow.
Waiting for a chance to get back at those sadistic guards.
Waiting. For this.
Wake up, Sleeping Beauty.
Walk away.
Warden's wondering if your stay in the hotbox has changed your mind.
Was it worth it? It was worth every goddamn second.
Was it worth spending the rest of your life in here?
Was the only man ever to be indicted on federal racketeering charges
Was the only man ever to be indicted on federal racketeering charges
Watch out. That was as late a hit as I have ever seen.
We can get our new star running back a decent pair of cleats?
We can't complete a pass yet.
We can't win with the refs on the payroll.
We could kill them.
We don't exactly have the cream of the crop to work with here.
We got a 3 94 in progress.
We got a little time left. We can still do this.
We got a lot of work to do. Let's get it going.
We got that out of the way. I deserved it.
We got the ball. We got the ball. We got it. We got it.
We got to win this thing. Come on.
We have a special presentation from our very own Mr. Paul Crewe.
We only got 15 minutes,
We play a little of the latter here.
We will grade them on a scale of one to ten.
We will work on that.
We win.
We'd be playing the guards.
We're going to get our asses handed to us.
We're going to kick your ass And then we will kiss you
We're going to win this thing.
We're here deep in the heart of toothless country,
We're not winning. Not yet.
We're not. Just go do what you're doing there.
We're playing footballs, not balls balls.
We're playing the guards.
We're receiving word now that the driver of that vehicle
We're the mean machine Don't mean to dis you
Welcome to Allenville.
Well, coach, as you can see,
Well, he's probably just getting out of the shower. Let me go hurry his ass up.
Well, hello. How are you?
Well, I am cutting you short. Back to your cell, asswipe.
Well, I don't quite get this, but on fourth and 22, the cons are going to go for it.
Well, I hope they like this.
Well, let's not forget I wasn't the most popular guy out there.
Well, maybe I finally found that sense of family
Well, now, Lindsay, this isn't about credit or congratulations.
Well, now, you might find this hard to believe,
Well, tell Ronnie you got knocked the fuck out.
Well, that felt unnecessary.
Well, then, it's all settled.
Well, there you have it.
Well, unfortunately for him, the guard he punched
Well, we didn't get the whole chocolate bar, but we got a Hershey's Kiss.
Well, we may not have the most talented team,
Well, well, well, Lena. So where's this sexy boy toy of yours hiding?
Well, well, well. I will be damned. If it isn't Paul Crewe.
Well, well, well. You a football player?
Well, what are we going to do? How are we going to find players?
Well, would you look at this.
Well, you are no different than any other piece of shit
Well, you're going to have to lower your standards
What a shot he took.
What a worthless piece of shit you are.
What about the love of a beautiful woman?
What are we celebrating for? It's 14 nothing.
What are you doing?
What are you going to say?
What are you talking about?
What are you talking about? That was some schoolyard bullshit.
What are you talking about? We got Switowski.
What do you give a damn about those slimeballs?
What do you think? Should I go for the left nut this time?
What do you want me to do?
What do you want?
What gift?
What happened there? I think it's my ball, right?
What happened to you?
What I would do to you.
What is going on here? Shit.
What the hell are you doing out there?
What the hell are you dressed up for?
What the hell is a "tree out"?
What the hell is he doing?
What the hell kind of bullshit book is that?
What would Caretaker do?
What you are watching is live footage of a vehicle, apparently stolen,
What you looking at? Are you serious?
What you say, Paul?
What, are we going to have a half hour a day to practice with a Nerf ball?
What?
What?
What? Oh, come on, man. That was a facemask.
What? We can win this on our own.
What? What you talking about, man? Hey.
What'd you expect? You got no brothers out there.
What's it going to be, boys?
What's three stars?
What's wrong with you? Jealous because I don't cheer for you anymore?
Whatever your pleasure, I can facilitate.
Whatever, back freckles.
When college stars don't get drafted, they need a place to go.
When the warden asks you,
When you popped the warden, was it worth it?
Where does she come up with this shit?
Where Paul Crewe will take over.
Where the hell is Caretaker?
White 50.
White 50. White 50. Hut, hut, hut.
Who am I? Elton John? I ain't wearing that shit.
Who drank all the damn Gatorade?
Who will try to find a handle on the ball this time.
Who's averaging close to 12 yards a carry this half.
Why are we talking about your nipples?
Why are you yelling at me? All I did was care.
Why don't you shut up before I slit your throat and watch the dust come out.
Why don't you stick this in your trophy case.
Wide left. Tight left.
Will be taking on the very prisoners they guard.
Will you teach me to football?
With just over two minutes left to be played, this has turned into a game.
Without question, Crewe's five year federal probation for point shaving
Wondering if I'd be interested in standing for governor.
Would you step out of the picture, please?
Wow, no bullshit. Real football? Against the guards?
Y 45. Hut.
Yeah, but you ain't on D. Are you, bitch?
Yeah, coach.
Yeah, come on.
Yeah, I am serious.
Yeah, I was a Sooner then.
Yeah, I'd have a hard time looking at me too.
Yeah, so you'd beat me in a game of one on one, right?
Yeah, they do.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Very funny. Trick photography.
Yeah, yeah. Me too.
Yeah, yeah. We're all impressed.
Yeah, you better run, woman.
Yeah, you like that.
Yeah? Okay. So, what do we do now?
Yeah? Well, how the hell we going to get to do that?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah. Ain't we all?
Yeah. I think I got a cousin that drives a truck for Reebok.
Yeah. It's Brucie's time to shine, baby.
Yeah. Let's try some schoolyard bullshit.
Yeah. Nice boot, skin man.
Yeah. That's better.
Yeah. Touchdown. Yeah.
Yeah. We can sell it to pay per view.
Yeah. You can either tackle him or hit him over the head with that hammer.
Yes, he is.
Yes, sir.
Yes, sir. Here I go. I am sorry.
Yes, sir. You give me the inspiration, sir. I got something for him.
Yes?
Yes. Him. Out.
Yo, Crewe, what would you say
Yo, football.
Yo, man, that's my flier, man. I worked hard on it.
Yo, team needs you. Team needs you.
Yo. I will make sure I send them books to the hospital, pimp.
You all got a running back?
You all my friends.
You are, Switowski. Just finish your coloring book and go back to sleep.
You assholes better not cut me. I am still on this team.
You being a ex football player and all,
You better cut that shit out. It's getting old.
You busted your knee for us, we will bust our ass for you.
You can do it.
You can say this, my man's a team player.
You can't let these guys scare you. You can't let them punk you.
You care about this car more than you do us.
You could have robbed banks, sold crack,
You don't actually think you have a chance of winning, now, do you?
You forgot one.
You got a lot of balls, Crewe. You played a hell of a game.
You got hammered by the hammer.
You got it.
You got to always protect the McNuggets.
You got to apologize to him. Come on, Turley.
You got to earn them.
You got yourself in quite a predicament, Mr. Crewe.
You guys have "Halo 2." I didn't even think that was out yet.
You have got to be kidding me.
You haven't changed one damn bit.
You haven't made or received one telephone call.
You haven't opened so much as a single shred of mail.
You haven't played in years. Why can't I be quarterback?
You humiliated me. I can't believe you couldn't even win a fixed game.
You keep coming, huh?
You know MVP sold his own teammates out.
You know something, Paul?
You know what they say. Once you go gray, there ain't no other way.
You know what? Who gives a shit?
You know, Engleheart, you are the best looking guy on your team.
You know, I have never seen one inmate just walk in here
You know, I think you had sex with my wife before I married her.
You know, if I take this half down, we could play together.
You know, Paul, in the midst of all this, for you to say something like that is...
You like football?
You look like you could use a little help.
You mind fetching these books for me, boy?
You need weed, you need meth... Hey, you need Prozac, I am your man.
You never cared about anybody in your entire life.
You requested this detail. Isn't that right?
You risk bringing your ass in the jungle because you know I am.
You scared him away, dumbshit.
You see? He ran like a little bitch, right? You saw that, right?
You sh... You come to the tr... Come to the tree outs.
You still alive, old man?
You think you're better than me? I will kick your ass.
You understand?
You want some speed, you know where to go.
You want to serve?
You will be shot.
You wouldn't be playing, Paul. Just consulting.
You're a sick bastard. Come here.
You're about as maniacal as a boxful of kittens.
You're bleeding. Just so you know.
You're dead.
You're going to assemble a team to play the first game against us.
You're going to tell him "no." You got it?
You're going to tell the warden
You're just going to chip this guy...
You're kidding. Five star Torres likes The View?
You're one lucky son of a bitch, Crewe.
You're putting the pressure on her right now.
You're slurring your words a bit there, Paul. You been drinking tonight?
You're the only one that knows this offense, son. Now, do it.
Your mom's beautiful.
Your players?
0 for 2.
2:11 left in the first half. And Dunham is back in at fullback.
911.
Afternoon, inmate Crewe. Yeah.
All right. He brokeded my nose.
Aren't we missing somebody? Where's the Kansas State guy?
Ball, dog. Ball up.
Be a man and make a call. You're right.
Black 99. Come on, D.
Brucie. Yeah. Yeah, coach.
Bullshit, D. Calm down. Let it go.
Caretaker. Paul Crewe.
Cheeseburger. Yeah.
Come on, come on. Give it to him, Deac.
Damn it. All right. Rewound it. Did everything.
Everything's looking up. Yeah.
Five. I don't know. I go.
Game's 11. Call your own fouls. Okay.
Good. Oh, yeah, it's good.
He's good? He's fast.
He's got Deacon wide open. Come on.
He's open. He's open.
Hell, yeah. Come on.
Hey, now. Call me.
Hey, Paul. Unger.
Hey. Is that legal? Yeah, it is.
Hi, sweetie. Hey, guys.
Hi. Here I am.
Hi. Hey, babe.
His wife has got the hottest ass. Great.
Hit me, I am open. Hike, hike. Hike.
Hit me. Get rid of it.
Hut. Crewe, trying to get his team
I ain't handing you the ball. You don't have to.
I ain't never seen it. How'd I get so lucky?
I can do it. Kick off.
I got you there, didn't I? You did.
I own you. I love you.
I think that's a ten. Let's go with a ten.
I told you. Way to go, baby, way to go.
I will be all right for now. Oh, okay.
If I foul you, tell me, dog. Okay, baby.
Is that right? See, it's just come to my attention
Is that right? That's right.
Is that right? Yes, sir, boss.
Lena? Patrick.
Let's do it. Let's do it.
Let's do this. That's it.
Look at that. He got it off the hinge.
Man, oh, man. Not bad.
Man, who taught you to be so cool? My mama.
Megget can't run the ball every play. I know, coach.
No, no. It would be fourth down. Okay.
Now we got to play some football. Switch it. Switch it.
Now, get stepping. Hold up.
Oh, I can't read. Oh, don't worry.
Really? Let's finish this conversation later.
Really? Yeah, it's straighter.
Really? Yeah, that's right. Mickey D's.
Seems okay to me. Well, it ain't.
Sergeant Engleheart? Yes, warden.
Shit. I think he just shit himself.
So are you. Yep. Working on it.
Son of a bitch. And in the first 90 seconds,
Sorry about that. Oh, hell, no.
Sportsmanship, try it. Shut up.
Team's looking great. Oh, yeah.
Tell him. I am going to say something to him.
That's a big ass robot. Yeah.
That's it? No, that ain't it.
Watch the pass. He's looking for Deacon.
We all convicts, right? Right.
We can handle him. Yes, ma'am.
We got it. One time out. Got it. Got it.
We're going to suck. Yeah. No doubt about it.
Well, tell him congratulations. But I wasn't.
What does that mean? In the time you have been here,
What the hell is this? What? It's good. It keeps going.
What time is it? Game time.
What time is it? Game time.
What time is it? Game time.
what we have been practicing. Okay, hit me.
What we have been practicing. Okay, hit me.
What? I think it's time for you to get stepping.
What's he doing that for? Because he's a freak.
What's he talking about? He's a freak.
What's that? Did you see that?
What's this football thing about, man? Crewe's getting a team together.
What's this? "Football tree outs."
Where you hurting? My knee.
Where'd you put it? In the back, on the right.
Who we going to kill? The guards.
Who we going to kiss? The guards.
Yeah, you wish, pal. No, you wish I'd kiss you again,
Yeah. All right. Let's go kick some ass.
Yes, you are. I am not your trained monkey, honey.
Yo, Crewe. Yes, Mr. Caretaker.
Yo, Crewe. Yes, sir.
You all right? Yeah.
You did? Where? Kansas State.
You got something else. All right.
You have a nice time, old man? Yeah.
You have done it again. Well, it's all for you, Bradlee.
You have just given me an inspiration. That's great. What?
You play football? Me? No.
You, warden? They thought it might be amusing
You're not going to call that? I saw a clean tackle, sir.
You're right. Let's see what you got. All right.
...but any man that can take that kind of beating out here,
...he's going to ask you to help out.
...you will have my answer soon enough.
"Oh, shit" is right.
"Tryout," you half a meatball.
"What are you, brain dead from talking to too many Raider fans?

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