Brooklyn Nine-Nine - Season 2 Edit

A bet which improves someone's manners? Double score.

A bird. It was a bird.

A birthday should go to hell.

A blue sedan pulled up.

A box of assorted sweet treats.

A candle, perfume. Bra

A Captain in the Ukrainian mafia.

A certified shaman will conduct the ceremony,

A child could make them.

A choice between round cookies

A concept you should become familiar with.

A cop and a defense attorney sleeping together.

A copy of that letter exists in the mayor's archives.

A couple of minutes late, and he disappeared.

A creepy, old wardrobe/portal to an enchanted land

A dangling preposition?

A deathwatch. Cool.

A digital scale?

A digital scale? That's bad.

A door.

A drug task force that hasn't found any drugs?

A ee. A ee. A ee. A ee.

A field trip for the Brooklyn Park Magnet School.

A friend of mine said I needed to experience

A fun one down here with just us

A good leader should never diminish those around him.

A good relationship with Kevin.

A great mood, Jake.

A gruff, spitting, punch you in the gut sailor man

A guarantee that this drill doesn't end

A Hanukkah miracle.

A history of the USPIS."

A hug.

A huge success.

A human pile of mashed potatoes... Mm hmm.

A laser pointer into my eye and screamed "perv."

A legit trip to AC, so.

A letter grade, so as to not be weird about it.

A little homemade honey yogurt

A little one.

A little uncomfortable.

A little winded there, buddy? Yeah.

A little.

A little.

A lot of people don't know they're all the same bird.

A lot of people don't like cops,

A man has needs.

A Martin Ormankupp.

A member of your squad reached out to me,

A minute, and I almost blew it.

A mutual friend told me Madeline wrote a letter to the mayor

A perfect hiding spot.

A pretty consistent tone, actually.

A prostitute taught me how to make it.

A real magician never tells, young man.

A real never.

A receipt for almonds?

A regional airline pilot

A semicolon that should clearly be a full colon?

A Sergeant Terry Jeffords.

A snail smuggling ring.

A spasino!

A spoonful of Mayo, spread evenly,

A sun hat?

A T shirt.

A team watching the house, and a marksman on that hill.

A thank you round of drinks

A very sweet sentiment.

A wedding with pants! Yeah.

A whee.

A while ago, even though I shouldn't have.

A white, crispy son.

A whole new genre of music.

A, lake, B, river, C, ocean.

A.K.A. Gina's apartment

A.K.A. The Chamber of Asses.

A.M. or P.M.?

Aah!

Aah!

Aah! You're burning my skin!

About a month ago.

About an ongoing investigation out of this precinct?

About captain Holt.

About crime statistics

About going undercover,

About how food tells a story, so I made Kevin this.

About how his squad always excluded him,

About how I hold your fate in the palm of my hand.

About how I was coming down here?

About how I wished something had happened

About how USPIS "mailed down" the Berlin wall,

About how you told her that you liked her

About low points in his marriage.

About my escape.

About my wife.

About not mixing work with personal stuff.

About our case.

About owing Terry money.

About several notable men from my past

About the amazing work we did today.

About the amount of work that needs to be done

About the incident.

About the logical impossibility of proving a negative.

About the previous night's Charlie Rose.

About the time your nana collapsed

About the work environment?

About what happened yesterday.

About who?

About your drug task force?

About your friendship with Terry?

About your kids.

Absolutely not.

Absolutely. After you.

Absolutely. It's hilarious.

Absolutely. No problem. Whatever you need.

Absolutely. Please tell us that story.

AC/DC.

AC/DC.

Acceptable topics include what constitutes a grain,

Acronym HNAA.

Across the street.

Across the street.

Act normal around Teddy from the elevator to the room.

Actually I was calling you a goat, you goat.

Actually said in real life to an actual human being.

Actually said in real life to an actual human being.

Actually, Captain asked me first, but I had plans.

Actually, I did. Remember?

Actually, I think it was probably for the best.

Actually, I wasn't privy to those events.

Actually, I'm a little disappointed in the hotel.

Actually, it was the 350B2.

Actually, it's "dong er."

Actually, my dad can really rock a turtleneck.

Actually, no one got to see that.

Actually, not bad.

Actually, partners.

Actually, she wasn't into it.

Actually, the evidence is part of the scrapbook,

Actually, the party is over.

Actually, the procedure is to bring your gun and badge

Actually, they were due two weeks ago.

Actually, with Anthrax, the last things you'll see

Actually, you knocked on his door.

Adelaide has successfully transformed

Adelaide Van Hoyt.

Adjusted to the cold new England winters.

Admit I was right.

Admit it with more gusto.

Adolf Hitler.

Adorable. Right?

Advise you to stop talking/confessing

After all these years, you know, it could take...

After he left fencing,

After his surgery and months long rehab.

After I brought you to Atlantic City

After I burned you with those moves?

After I'm done crushing that perp, you're next.

After our disagreement yesterday, I went online

After pre school, did you go to private

After that, the judge just threw it out on the spot.

After that, we paint ball a hostage every 15 minutes.

After the tower in Die Hard.

After three hours, X.O."

After years of not caring about my debt,

After you insisted he was guilty,

After you.

After you're done here, meet me in my office.

Again, I cannot.

Again, opportunity of a lifetime.

Again, the adrenaline. Don't sue me.

Again? Are you kidding me, man?

Against these three islanders.

Against you in a Doug of Judy.

Agent Jack danger?

Agent Jack danger.

Aghh!

Agreed.

Agreed.

Agreed.

Ah, because of the germs.

Ah, bonjour, bonjour.

Ah, Boyle, I need to throw away this piece of paper

Ah, but he had one.

Ah, come on.

Ah, Dad!

Ah, Dad.

Ah, Detectives.

Ah, don't mind if I dooble.

Ah, he needs to smoke some weed.

Ah, hello, Captain.

Ah, hello, district attorney kurm.

Ah, here we are.

Ah, I should not have gone to that party.

Ah, it's like if John McClane slept with Hans Gruber.

Ah, Kevin. Let me just get my coat.

Ah, look at that.

Ah, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.

Ah, Rock 59 and 367.

Ah, see? I knew you so well, I knew it was co... ah!

Ah, that was a bad idea. I'll bang my own sulders

Ah, there it is. Into the beast!

Ah, well, I hate to say it, but there's no sign of Minsk.

Ah, what a wedding, huh?

Ah, yes!

Ah!

Ah!

Ah!

Ah!

Ah!

Ah!

Ah!

Ah!

Ah! Ah!

Ah! Ah!

Ah! Ah! Got you!

Ah! Gimme that tape!

Ah! Good.

Ah! Greasy!

Ah! Hello Geoffrey.

Ah! Jason!

Ah! Mmm!

Ah! Not cool.

Ah! Oh, man.

Ah! Oh!

Ah! There has been a mix up

Ah! Those are your ants!

Ah! Ugh!

Ah! Unhand us.

Ah.

Ah.

Ah.

Ah.

Ah.

Ah.

Ah.

Ah. Snacks abound!

Aha, surprise! What?

Aha, suspicions confirmed.

Aha!

Aha! Maybe I should open with that zinger.

Aha! We could play for Katie's number.

Ahem.

Ahh, look who's finally here.

Ahh!

Ahh!

Ahh! Ahh. Ah ha.

Ahh! Ow!

Ahh.

Ahh.

Ahhh! It's got my hand. Ahhh!

Ahmadinejad. Came to New York,

Air conditioner. Life hacked.

Aka my first perp with a cool nickname.

Aka my sasquatch.

AKA the Land of Dragons.

Akron. Luxembourg.

Alarm's going off,

Alexei Bisko, you're under arrest

All by me self.

All day and do nothing.

All depend upon the outcome of this task force.

All due respect, sarge, but we don't need "alone zones."

All four of these guys have been released,

All he wants to do with his free time

All his burglary tools, including a glass cutter

All his underwear are lined with mesh

All I ask is that you clear the furniture

All I can say is I know you,

All I see is clothes hanging off of a genderless blob.

All I want is to make her happy forever.

All I wanted to do was impress Captain Holt,

All I wanted was the chance to do good police work again.

All I've got so far is a poem.

All it took was one mistake.

All my theories were bowling alley related.

All night long,

All of a sudden, there's a jolt and a boom.

All of Batman's girlfriends home and dish.

All of our worst enemies are here.

All of them. Okay.

All of your fellow detectives

All right, all right.

All right, another win for USPIS.

All right, anyone else have questions?

All right, before we make a deal with this evil monster,

All right, Bianca lives here.

All right, Bianca.

All right, big sugar.

All right, Boyle, Rosa, and Amy, you're up.

All right, but a nice little dent into my Terry debt.

All right, but I'm more scared of Hitler.

All right, Detective, what's this all about?

All right, detectives only getaway...

All right, do you have a visual on... the hostess stand?

All right, don't be mad.

All right, everyone calm down! Just calm down!

All right, fill me in. Tell me everything I missed.

All right, fine, how much could I possibly owe you?

All right, fine, I still like her.

All right, fine, you can have my badge and gun,

All right, fine.

All right, fine.

All right, fine.

All right, fine.

All right, fine.

All right, fine.

All right, fine.

All right, fine.

All right, fine.

All right, fine.

All right, fine. I get what you're saying.

All right, fine. I'll double the overtime. I'll triple it. I'll quadruple it.

All right, fine. I'll talk to the D.A.

All right, fine. She's super hot.

All right, fine. Then I'm calling in my chit.

All right, fine. Tropical one?

All right, fine. What else? Okay.

All right, fine. You can see my bank records.

All right, fine. You don't want my help?

All right, fine. You get one try.

All right, Gina.

All right, give me my no no's.

All right, guard the door.

All right, guys, listen up. All right, listen up, people.

All right, have fun.

All right, here we go. Finally.

All right, here's how the game works.

All right, here's the deal.

All right, here's the plan.

All right, here's where we stand.

All right, how much do I owe the rest of you?

All right, I admit it.

All right, I promise. I promise.

All right, I'll drive!

All right, I'll give it to my superiors

All right, I'll give you $200,

All right, I'm gonna break down the door.

All right, I'm gonna go get Charles.

All right, I'm gonna go talk to him.

All right, I'm gonna win this case

All right, I'm searching it.

All right, if it's not that,

All right, it seems like you turned it around.

All right, it's noon. We're going home.

All right, just stay calm, Bianca.

All right, let's do this. Who's got theories?

All right, let's get going and interview that suspect.

All right, let's get this over with.

All right, let's go through the squad one by one.

All right, let's lock and load.

All right, let's look up McCreary's arrest records,

All right, let's see here.

All right, let's talk about my dad's case.

All right, let's talk deets.

All right, listen up.

All right, listen up.

All right, look, Captain, Wuntch said that we could have

All right, look, the reason that I didn't want

All right, look, this is totally my fault,

All right, look. Jake, you're fun, okay?

All right, meet in the basement. Here we go!

All right, move out.

All right, no more talking.

All right, Peralta, I'm sick of you wasting time,

All right, phrase number two:

All right, Santiago's feeling rowdy.

All right, Sarge!

All right, Sarge. Now to cut you loose

All right, Scott, beat it.

All right, so after dinner, pretend you're sick

All right, so we're going to the restaurant.

All right, sorry for the delay, but I have some news.

All right, squad.

All right, that I understand.

All right, that's enough, Judy.

All right, that's it.

All right, that's it. We have gotta fight back.

All right, that's that.

All right, the second event is "bulky bulky run run,"

All right, there is no way we let Amy and the sarge

All right, there you go.

All right, there's a party.

All right, there's no windows. You can go in.

All right, there's only one way out of this for me.

All right, they're gone!

All right, this hallway is clear.

All right, this next part is like french kissing.

All right, two down, three to go.

All right, we can't be too careful.

All right, we got binocs,

All right, we got to get there quick.

All right, we just have to break into his email account

All right, we need to distract them.

All right, we're gonna go out to dinner tonight,

All right, well, Augustine took the laptop case with him.

All right, well, I should probably...

All right, what's the plan? This dong is ready to ding

All right, where do you take your dad

All right, you can have my bed.

All right, you know what?

All right, you know what? Fine.

All right, you know what? Screw this.

All right, you ready?

All right!

All right? Dismissed.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right. And what happened last Halloween?

All right. Everybody, take their seats.

All right. Fine.

All right. Fine.

All right. Got your PJs on, read you a story,

All right. I'll be right back.

All right. It was a lie. I'm sorry.

All right. Let's get fired up.

All right. Let's go!

All right. Let's wrap this up.

All right. Oh, how about this?

All right. What is happening here?

All right. Whoo!

All romantic and say, "I love you."

All smiling's horrible. This is worse.

All that investigating was exhausting.

All the children. Right. That was a stupid question.

All the dates I've been on lately have been lame.

All the drinks I'm bringing are blue.

All the food and crumbs?

All the time about everything.

All the time when we were smooshin' booties.

All these Die Hard references gave me the idea.

All this who likes who stuff sounds very High School.

All three alarms? All with battery back up?

All we did was talk about our mutual love of meat loaf.

All we're asking for is $1,200.

All we've had in common was our bank.

All you got to say is thank you.

All you had to do was sit at your desk.

All you need to know

All: Cheers.

All: Yeah!

All: Yeah! Nine nine!

All: Yeah! Oh, my God, it worked.

Almost cost him his marriage to his wife, Heather Ormankupp.

Almost immediately.

Almost invisible.

Almost invisible.

Almost like he was up all night crying or something.

Almost? What if it's Anthrax?

Also cool.

Also I'm taking your captain hat

Also it'll ruin Lynn and Darlene's wedding.

Also teensy Terry, teeny weeny Terry Berry,

Also the title of your sex tape.

Also USPIS. And USPIS.

Also, Amy bought us tainted meat and now I have diarrhea.

Also, and more importantly, I got McKenzie and Brianna

Also, because in Madeline's case,

Also, Detective Scully has withdrawn due to food poisoning,

Also, I don't love Philly.

Also, I fathered two children with Hoytsman's cleaning lady,

Also, I fear any other decision I make

Also, I just wanted you to know,

Also, I said you ate all that pie.

Also, I wanted to thank you again

Also, I'd like to reiterate None allowed.

Also, I'm related to Jeremy Irons from the third one.

Also, it was crazy assertive and I feel like

Also, one large pizza with fennel sausage.

Also, thank you for including us in this event.

Also, the copy room is now a detention center

Also, there's a particular door I want us to enter through.

Also, there's a, uh, pilates studio with a huge window

Also, this is the guy who runs the drop house.

Also, tomorrow, I'm going to help you find a new apartment.

Also, we cleaned up the streets.

Also, we should probably put out that fire.

Also, we'd like to take Scully with us.

Although it should be "dong est."

Although the meatballs were a little dry.

Although you are the boss,

Although, I did learn I should never rent a van again.

Although, I still think you should reconsider that codename.

Always check for ground level obstructions

Always happy to spend time with you, sir.

Always start with a side to side sway.

Am I incorrect?

Am I the only one that was super creeped out by that?

Am I understood? Peralta?

Am I? If you're such a great cop,

Am no longer able to command my vessel,

Amateur; always say your insults to someone's face.

Amazing.

Ames, Ames, Ames.

Ames, please keep the volume down, okay?

Ames.

Amy and I kissed

Amy dance pants.

Amy is gonna marry Detective "Blotter Dynamite."

Amy made a salad

Amy notarized it. I'm a notary.

Amy Santiago is a few minutes late,

Amy Santiago is a few minutes late,

Amy Santiago is officially late for the first time ever.

Amy Santiago,

Amy says that we should start dinner without her.

Amy suggested we negotiate terms,

Amy was right.

Amy, all your cooking stinks.

Amy, I'm taking charge of your journey away from addiction.

Amy, it's stuck.

Amy, The Hall Monitor.

Amy, when will I ever find a relationship as perfect

Amy, you don't have a drink?

Amy, you heard him. Tell me you heard him.

Amy!

Amy?

Amy? Oh, no.

Amy's gonna be going over her weekly budget.

An "A".

An 80 minute walk on the beach.

An email about what to name your new baby.

An ex client lent me this truck.

An illusion!

An important text from Holt,

An internal affairs investigation

An internal affairs investigation?

An old turtleneck down the aisle.

And "it's allz good." "Alls" with a "z."

And a 40% raise.

And a broken toe, which were right next

And a cake, and they were...

And a cup of hot chocolate.

And a gull man!

And a hot little piece.

And a landline.

And a pretty selfish guy

And a real Thorn in the side of Captain Hook.

And a rental van is usually a frickin' Jackson Pollock.

And a toast to Amy. Oh.

And a week ago was October 24th, I'd say today is...

And accidentally pulled Mia's pants down.

And act like crazy idiots and play stupid games

And afterwards, I will be your friend chariot

And Alexei Bisko's gone to ground.

And all I have to do to get Katie's number

And all the cops I know who go out and break up

And all this is who I am

And all you can think about is Madeline Wuntch.

And alone

And also, I've been waiting for 20 minutes.

And apologized.

And apparently, you're at the level that can't handle us.

And applied some of my signature Amy charm.

And are well suited to leadership positions.

And as a former cop,

And as far as I can tell, he's been chafed smooth.

And as leader, it is my job

And as your friend, I have this brassiere

And at first, that seemed like nothing too,

And bad investments.

And be warned, they just watched Peabody and Sherman,

And being "Garfeldian" is the only reason we don't fight.

And bingo.

And blanks. Sorry. I just never think of jokes.

And Brianna's going to the dance with Aidan,

And bring it with me to our weird friends' parents' wedding?

And brought in muffins for everyone.

And bruised bladder.

And budget tracking.

And by the way, me keeping things light

And called your business plans terrible.

And Captain banned headphones from the office,

And Captain...

And cast about by the towering waves

And Charles will be attending a "pizza for one" cooking class.

And check out the box?

And clashing with the brass is career suicide.

And cleaning lady.

And completion.

And confident version of Charles.

And cricket is a pushover

And defeated. No further questions.

And delete the message while he's down at the gym.

And Detective Diaz is here as well.

And disturbing.

And do not do or say anything

And do nothing, like a bunch of losers?

And do something fun, maybe a movie night.

And do you... Yes, yes, we do!

And does braided herring

And Don Mattingly called me a little turd.

And don't worry; I'm just getting warmed up.

And drive it away without a key.

And each other forever.

And eating it cold is just insane.

And eventually you'd go, "Jake, I respect you",

And everyone will be warm and happy.

And everyone's making a huge deal

And fighting for the position I hold.

And finally run out the front door and disappear forever.

And five drink Amy

And flooded it with Thai pornography.

And focus solely on getting a win,

And for six years, I've been sitting on that chit.

And frankly, sir, I'm a little hurt

And frustrated about lying to the man I love.

And get out of here until you know the password, man.

And get out of here.

And get perogies, potato pancakes,

And get this place turnt up.

And give 100 bucks to some doctor

And give her a glimpse of the quad cities.

And give her the greatest gift of all...

And give me one week of overtime for free.

And give up now, Sarge.

And got into a shootout with another drug dealer.

And got stuck.

And had to finish up the paperwork.

And have a couple beers.

And have a drink, talk, and then, with any luck,

And have many criminal contacts.

And have you kicked off the case.

And having this stuff around makes that difficult, so.

And he asked me to work it with him.

And he chose Haydn.

And he got away?

And he has no idea about the new

And he is no man's boss.

And he said anything I spent money on.

And he said that I was perfectly fine,

And he says to me... I'll never forget what he said.

And he thinks he can get away with it.

And he would do anything to help you.

And he'll see what a good cop I am.

And he's been letting us down ever since.

And he's giving out autographs.

And he's giving out autographs.

And he's just as evil as ever.

And he's never cared before.

And head straight home without trying anything else.

And Heather Ormankupp.

And help him out.

And her task force, who successfully brought down

And hey, you should never worry

And his notebooks are all in code.

And his other sidepiece.

And his shirt.

And his voice was disguised.

And Hitchcock.

And hopefully smell the air around her hair.

And how come she turned him down?

And how everyone reacts poorly.

And how you get off on violence.

And how's your broken everything?

And hurt him more than I have to.

And I already thanked you for the "Who Farted?" baseball cap.

And I am in charge here.

And I am now the prime suspect

And I am this close to solving it.

And I am untethered.

And I assumed you were dead.

And I broke my neck.

And I could be wrong on this, but...

And I crushed her like a gnat

And I do not think you are pilots.

And I don't think the broiler set three of the fires

And I don't think you could handle my workout.

And I ended up contracting tuberculosis of the foot

And I feel like I let you and all of our demon children down.

And I for one think this weekend's gonna be even more fun

And I found out it's because I'm dating a cop.

And I get there's stuff I can't control.

And I got in a few good raddoppios.

And I got the silver painted break dancer outside

And I guess what I am trying to say is thank you.

And I have to show the Sarge I can be a good friend

And I hear you, buddy.

And I hope the fact that you and I work together

And I hope you don't mind, but I got us

And I just did the math in my head

And I just think...

And I know I come across as a cynical, badass cop

And I know I'm not supposed to be working,

And I know it's not Jenny Gildenhorn,

And I know that everyone of you gave me everything you had,

And I know this sounds like I'm describing enemies,

And I know where all the murder spots are.

And I know you can see it.

And I know you'll have a good time.

And I let you.

And I lose my sense of sight.

And I love it! Yay!

And I meant it!

And I might not be that great about returning them.

And I need some 'cause I cut my hand.

And I never have.

And I never should have come here.

And I panicked!

And I planted his scrotal prints

And I pull it, pull it back. Pull it back hard.

And I really need my laptop right now.

And I should know. I was raised on disco

And I should never change.

And I think he's hiding out with him here.

And I think I just kinda freaked out,

And I think I may have found a mistake in a closed case.

And I think I'm a little bit late.

And I think you could have guessed that from context.

And I think you should take over command of the precinct.

And I thought we could celebrate.

And I took it out on the squad.

And I totally get it.

And I want it back

And I want to talk to your girlfriend, Denise,

And I want us to be prepared for anything.

And I want your shoes. What? Fine.

And I wanted to give you this.

And I wanted to rub her nose in it.

And I was dating a super handsome comptroller

And I was hoping you'd help me move it.

And I was wondering if you wanted to go, as friends.

And I will bring it up constantly.

And I will never forget it.

And I will not be made a fool of.

And I work a Kangol hat for three years.

And I'd get to retake all the tests.

And I'd like to volunteer my time to tutor you for free.

And I'll be in contact.

And I'll be Rum Tum Tugger.

And I'll never ask you for another phone number again.

And I'll never forgive myself.

And I'm a half an hour early.

And I'm an even nicer person!

And I'm going to make you look like a Jamaican God of Rhythm.

And I'm gonna die alone.

And I'm gonna find out who did it.

And I'm gonna get that lousy old geezer

And I'm here to report a crime.

And I'm including that bomb sniffing dog

And I'm listening to Sheryl Crow.

And I'm no longer wolf worthy.