A Very Harold & Kumar 3D Christmas (2011) Soundboard Edit

A boom batta, these pockets...

Aah. Where's my baby?

All right, that is it

Also, I told her you work for the White House.

And every Christmas...

And he had pubes.

And WaffleBot does the rest

Anyway...

Are you going soft on me?

At a party she's throwing in Manhattan. Best part:

Baby, blow me.

Baby?

Be cool.

Bis, pecs, this one.

Blend. Blend. Blend.

BOTH: Oh, shit!

BOTH: WaffleBot!

But hopefully more. Heh.

But yogurt is sour, so how was I to know?

Bye, Kumar.

Christmas! Easter! Fishing! Hunting! I tie knots on a sailboat.

Clay Aiken's not gay?

Come on, please? Come on!

Damn it!

Dance.

Do you have any bars?

Does she have a tail or something? What?

Don't just scream!

Fa la la Ia la, la la

Fa la la la la, la la la la

Feels good

Fuck me!

Fuck that! I don't care...

Fuck!

Get yourself some mints because your breath is abominable.

Give it to me!

Give me a second.

Give your dick.

God bless us, everyone!

GOD: This is God. Daddy?

Great job. I've just got a few notes, okay?

HAROLD [IN ENGLISH]: Every time I hang out with you, it's a disaster.

HAROLD: God, this is amazing. We're actually gonna make it home before they do.

HAROLD: Is this a joke?

HAROLD: Maybe if we catch up to them, they'll sell the tree to us

Harold? He hasn't lived here in so long.

Has not accepted you as part of the family?

Hey, are we gonna do this or what?

Hey, guys, stop!

Hey.

Hi. You guys in charge?

Hmm?

Ho ho ho! Merry Christmas!

Holy shit!

Holy shit!

How do I even know...

How do you think they stay so clean?

How has this affected your relationship with your partner, David?

I always knew you were a nice guy.

I can get heartburn without thinking I'm having a stroke.

I can run it again.

I can't believe it's happening

I didn't flunk out of med school. I failed a drug test.

I didn't want her to be...

I don't date black guys.

I don't know Russian, but he seems a little upset.

I got nothing against weed, okay?

I guard while you kill the power.

I guess.

I hate pancakes.

I just saw this scene.

I see what you're doing.

I should look at the road and you look at me.

I think they're fine. Todd's a big boy

I want him to be happy because I want Maria to be happy.

I want you to find...

I went to the park.

I'd say so. Shh, shh!

I'll get it.

I'm not driving for nothing

I'm running out of time. I gotta be back with a tree by 2 a.m.

I'm sure they're fine, right?

If we beat you, we kick your asses out and take all your motherfucking cash. Ha, ha.

It's faux, actually.

It's glorious. Isn't it Christian?

It's gonna be amazing!

It's pretty fucking sweet.

It's why I couldn't stay here any more.

Jesus, what a cockblock.

Jesus...?

Just a Christmas tree?

Just let me just...

KUMAR [IN ENGLISH]: Wait. I just realized I can probably make my balls bigger too...

Kumar, my friend

KUMAR: Ah, there.

KUMAR: Mm.

KUMAR: See you, guys. GOLDSTEIN: No, wait.

KUMAR: Sounds like you're enjoying your new religion.

KUMAR: That's easy, you'll just use our secret weapon.

KUMAR: There's a lot you don't know...

KUMAR: This is great!

KUMAR: What is this? Kwanzaa Cookout.

KUMAR: Whoa! Shit!

KUMAR: Whoo!

LATRELL: I'm sorry.

Losing...

MADEA: The best revenge you can have on somebody that told you that...

MARIA: Kumar has been...

Mariana?

MARY: Oh, my God. Adrian, is that you?

Maybe that's Todd.

Maybe you should go back to your fancy house...

Me and my drum

Merry Christmas, everyone!

Might have S'ed the bed on that.

Mm. This is what happens. They get a girlfriend...

MOM: Oh, my God! Billy!

My God. We're gonna die.

NARRATOR [ON TV]: Has this ever happened to you?

NEIL: Wait, man.

No, it's fine. Aah!

No, it's not! How am I supposed to get a tree now? I'm made of clay.

Now, before this party..

NPH, ha, ha. You are absolutely bringing the heat, and you are bringing it hard.

Of course. I would do anything for you.

Oh, God, I ruined your dick!

Oh, Harry, stop!

Oh, it's a Weederful Life.

Oh, my God, you guys aren't even dressed? Jesus fucking Christ!

Oh, my God. I'm so excited

Oh, that's just my dad.

Oh, what the fuck?

Oh, wow. And you stunned fans when you said you were gay.

Oh. Oh, you're not gonna make it...

Okay, don't start with this. All right?

Okay.

On, Prancer! On, Comet! On, Blitzen! Hyah!

Pancakes.

Pillow fight in the altar boys' room. Last one there's a rotten egg.

Please, I don't know what we've done, but please let us go.

Right, Todd?

S?

Santa Claus is comin'

Santa, can you hear me?

Scr...

Seriously?

Seriously?

She told me that the only thing I'm gonna be smart enough to do is lay on my back.

Shut this motherfucker up, would you?

So I'm just gonna pour a little bit on. Probably gonna sting for a second.

Sold.

Somebody is gonna...

Sorry. Say your goodbyes. It'll all be over quick.

Stop! Guys, guys, stop it, stop it

Take me to the party, I get you that tree.

Tell that to my father in law.

Thank you.

Thanks for the ride.

That's not helpful!

The fuck?

The more I think about it, the more excited I am.

They serve pancakes..

They stabbed her multiple times

This is my friend, Todd

This is why I tell you not to have people over.

TODD: Harry

TODD: Oh ho ho. Okay. Slow it down...

TODD: Why the I I...

Ugh.

Uh, actually, you are, you fuckstain.

Uh, either way, it doesn't matter. Hey, ladies.

Uh, not exactly.

Unh. Thank God you're here.

Walk it off

Wardrobe!

We're here to pick up the tree, then we're out of here.

We've heard of it, dude. Yeah

What are you talking about?

What do you think?

What party?

What?

When was the last time you saw this guy?

Where's Maria?

Who gives a shit what your father in law thinks?

Who is this? Who is Glasses?

Why don't you lay on the bed?

With you guys.

Would you like a waffle, Mr

Wu Tang to get back together.

Wu Tang, dude.

Yeah. What the fuck is it to you, motherfucker?

Yo! Idiots!

You can really feel it.

You guys are too cute.

You hurt my brother!

You know, it's kind of better than a window.

You look like an Indian Don D****r.

You'd like this bag of crack.

Your son can rub his ass on Santa's cock in a minute.

Aah! Oh, my God.

All bad things. Ah.

And a DeLorean. Yes

And I reserved it. You got it?

Baby. Then let's get to it. Oh!

Find the girl, get the tree. Come on. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

For my present... Hey!

Ha, ha. Oh, man. Thanks, WaffleBot.

I don't wa... Seriously, 40 bucks? Yeah.

I heard it's a fact. Okay, fine. Theory debunked.

I mean, my dad owns it but... Ha, ha. You're one of those.

Is this a joke? KUMAR: Hold the fuck on.

Is this how we die'? I think so, dude.

It's not working. Fine, I'll pee on it.

It's pink. It's a miracle.

Oh. Oh.

Okay, good. Let's go. Whoo!

S you? Screw you.

That was you? SANTA: Yeah.

The one with the huge clit? No, not Clitzilla.

Think about me. All right.

Well... If I were you...

What? What?

What's up? Where's Mary? TEEN: I don't know...

You know I love you, right? I think you do.

..

...all the work, he appreciates it.

...and now it is dead.

...any of this?

...because Emma says that leads to abandonment issues..

...but I'm gonna squirt some lotion on your back in about...

...but touch me again, I'll rip your dick off!

...but when it comes to cleaning one up...

...classic.

...doesn't bother me a bit.

...get as many medical supplies as you can.

...gets stuck to a pole. Ha, ha.

...in hell...

...in Starship Troopers.

...in your living room, he'll jizz all over it.

...is here.

...killing machine leaves.

...love one of these. Uh huh

...make it to his party tomorrow.

...neighbor. Hey, man.

...off! MARY: Oh, God!

...poured that holy water over me...

...she promised me we would have...

...that handsome man.

...the men who violated...

...then you never hear from them again.

...this afternoon?

...three felonies that I can see in this room right now

...throw it out? This tree is a cancer.

...toy of the season while they're hot.

...we are going to have no private time.

...which at a buck a dump, comes out to be 40 bucks.

...you don't have a 12 foot Fraser fir?

...you'd make a great dad.

...you'd pull out all the stops too.

[ADRIAN CHUCKLES]

[ADRIAN MOANS]

[ALL GRUNTING]

[BAG RUSTLING]

[BOTH LAUGH]

[CHATTERING]

[CHATTERING]

[CHRISTMAS MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]

[CROWD CLAMORING]

[ELEVATOR BELL DINGS]

[GROANING]

[GROANS]

[GRUNTING]

[GRUNTS]

[GRUNTS]

[GUN CLICKING]

[HAROLD & KUMAR YELLING]

[HAROLD GRUNTS THEN CHUCKLES]

[IN SPANISH]

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

[LAUGHS]

[MAN GROANING]

[OBJECT THUMPS]

[ON RADIO] Christmas, Christmas

[SCREAMS]

[SIGHS]

[SOBBING]

[SQUIRREL YELLS]

[WHIMPERING]

[YELLS]

[YELLS]