The League (2009) - Season 3 Edit

A dreamscape of femininity.

A giant

A what kind of party?

Absolutely. Ellie, you want to do Uncle Taco a littlitfavor?

Accident.

Actually, I have the same requirements, but, uh, I don't care that much about

Actually, that is a great question.

All due to this guy right here, Mr. Taco.

All right, so... since when does Sophia allow you to celebrate Judaism in your

All right, well, let's get rid of any man.

All right.

All right.

And a half chub?

And she's pretty.

Andre, there's no number on this thing.

Anyway, after this Sukkot fiasco, does not look

Are you pulling me from the game?

Arrivedei, amigas.

Australian mining consortium.

Aw, thanks, pal.

Be good, buddy.

But we're one man short

But, look, the bum's gone

By the way, hooked up this giant screen to the TV inside,

Bye, Ash.

Catching up is when two parties have actually done something.

Check it out.

Check this out

Come on, do you want to play the fishing game with me?

Cute!

Did I get this chocolate stain on there? Absolutely not.

Did I neg him?

Did I vulture your au pair?

Did you guys have fun down here?

Do it!

Does everyone have a dick pic of me?

Dude, you stay here, play it cool.

Everybody else got their plays except for you.

Everyone knows that I can score.

Exactly.

Excuse me?

Excuse me?

Fine.

Fine.

Give me, give me the question one more time. Come on.

Go get it, Pete.

Go to his apartment.

Google Map it, they'll see the swastika, and they'll think I'm

Has to tell them how to put her titties back together?

Have you been looking at porn on my computer?

Have you just been getting a bunch of numbers from dudes?

He's vulturing my date.

Hello!

Hello.

Here we go.

Hey

Hey, Matthew, big fan.

Hey, what I miss?

Hi, I'm Andre Nowzick

Hi, Mrs. Klein. How are you?

Hi.

I always drink responsibly.

I appreciate that.

I didn't know you were home.

I don't know how this thing's gonna play out.

I don't listen to you.

I don't want my kid going to the park and getting his dong cleaned by some uggo

I don't want to be the guy who takes the fall for all this hold... What?

I don't, I don't know.

I feel bad for the girl.

I got a couple feelers out there, too, and no one seems to be responding

I got a fax from Dirty Randy.

I gotta step up my game.

I haven't eaten chocolate in, like, a month.

I know a fake business card when I see one.

I mean, these girls are legitimately cute.

I order my steak rare like a man

I was in the room.

I was trying to be romantic.

I won my league in 2006.

I work the street like a man.

I would say Hitler, and really, the Poles.

I'll convert right now.

I'll get out of here; it's fine.

I'll offer him some weed

I'm about to score on the one yard line, you vulture my date.

I'm going to go on the record and say that I think this is a bad idea.

I'm Matthew

I'm not creeping everybody else out.

I'm not going to be inside... Whoa. Hi.

I'm not gonna be trade ****d by my own wife.

I'm not kidding, Ruxin

I'm not vulturing your date, dude.

I've got the perfect first date restaurant, the perfect

If you must know, I work at an orphanage.

Is that... Those were subliminal messages.

Is there, like, a trade embargo that I don't know about?

It's an unusual smell.

It's like a three step process.

It's still not fair

**** are great.

Kevin's on it.

Learned in five minutes.

Let me be patient zero.

Let's see what we got.

Like, he sees menstrually, with cycles and... the the tides

Listen, a lot of guys move the chains, and then someone

Listen, I'm here to help.

Listen, it's okay, it's okay.

Look at this. Boom.

Look, Taco's in.

Matthew Berry is the prettiest girl in this bar, and

Matthew Berry, you're vulturing my date.

Maybe he's, like, a menstrual medium.

Minimum effort, maximum results.

More than fair trade.

Mr. Ruxin, are you home?

My video went viral, and the women have been coming in in droves.

My wife's on her period, and she's very, very mean right now,

No way. She... She'll read me like a book.

No, no, listen.

No, no, no, no, no.

No, no.

No, no. There's no cheating.

No. Get out of here!

No. It has a bathroom.

Normal bowel movement.

Norv Turner just took him out of the game.

Of all time.

Oh, are we gonna put people on chairs and do that

Oh, don't worry. It's not a bother.

Oh, for that Sukkot thing?

Oh, hey

Oh, I'm going crazy

Oh, it looks disgusting.

Oh, look who it is

Oh, my God!

Oh, my gosh, I love 16 and Pregnant!

Oh, well, we met, uh... Uh, silence, silence.

Oh.

Oh... Oh, it's getting quiet.

Okay, bye, all right, bye.

One more move, and it's done.

Ooh, hey, ooh!

Ooh, I got wristbands for everybody

Ooh, ooh!

Or is he... or, you know, the real deal?"

Ow.

Please.

Problem plus swastika equals problem solved

Really?

Right?

Rock climbing.

Ruxin would rat out his own family if he thought it could

Saw a picture of Ashton Kutcher going into a Kabbalah center

See?

She knows.

She must have freaked out.

Since when do you allow Judaism in your own house?

So I get my nerve up.

So you get paid to give fantasy football advice?

Some cat hoarding loner you're dealing with.

Sometimes they're not.

Sukkot pact, 2011. All in?

Taco, Matthew Berry.

Taco, nice meeting you.

Taco, that's Matthew Berry.

Taco, they can't be subliminal if they're on for 20 seconds.

Taco?! What are you doing?

Tell me a girl who's not a fan of Mission Impossible 2.

Tell me everything.

Tell that to the ****.

Thank you, Rux... Ruxin.

Thank you.

That man is Andre.

That's important.

The gear, which I researched on Google, all right?

The good news is he's not motorboating your breasts anymore.

The reading.

There's so many benches.

This child's parents vanished two years ago in a parasailing

This is crazy.

This is gonna be so epic

This is like au pair quality

This woman has been set up for another guy

Those society has shunned to get together and ideally colonize another planet

Uh huh

Uh oh!

Uh, the rope.

Um, speaking of the bench, would it be possible for me to get you

Watch this, watch this! Oh!

We have different definitions of that word.

We need to talk.

We were having fun!

We were trading emails back and forth, and we're going to

Well, Ellie is having a great time with all these hammers and nails, so...

Well, hello.

Well, this is my very own harvest, grown in this sukkah hydroponically.

Well, up there with the lack of oxygen, everyone looks like Tom Cruise.

Were you guys taking trades?

What are you doing here?

What do you think about skydiving?

What do you want me to do?

What happened in my loft

What happened?

What is this?

What the tits?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What? No.

What? No. Ooh.

What? Oh, wow, wow.

What's gonna be epic?

What's wrong with you?

When you're faced with your own deception, you need to buy

Why don't you just have sex with her when you meet her?

Why is it on our front lawn?

Work on the dating, then work on the punching.

Wow, we have more in common than I thought

Wow.

Yeah

Yeah, don't, don't shake him.

Yeah, that's true.

Yeah, what's up with the images of the animals having sex?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You are the Patient Zero of distrust, Pete.

You didn't tell her

You don't need to whisper.

You don't seem... Oh, really? I don't?

You guys want a drink?

You know what?

You know what's fair is Jenny not being on your team anymore.

You promise me

You really think you're getting it done on third down?

You tag, Ruxin?

You want me to kick the homeless guy off the bench?