Resident Alien (2021) - Season 2 Edit

A a as mayor, you need to fix this!

A baby contaminated with human emotion,

A big joke if you stole

A birthday party is just a participation trophy.

A couple bandolier belts over your shoulders

A couple nights ago.

A couple of months ago in Patience.

A Disney princess nose. Mm hmm.

A dog?

A donation, they called it.

A full sized male's antlers can grow up to an inch per day

A half hour away,

A hallucinogenic?

A hipster poet?

A little bit small rock.

A little bit too. That's just how I hydrate.

A little break a rindo.

A little nervous, maybe. But...

A lot of people have that in their homes.

A lot of people watching when I try

A lot.

A nice like, a really nice Chardonnay.

A nice little birdie?"

A perfect place for someone to hide.

A real life UFO.

A resort? Huh.

A shot of Jeremiah Weed?

A soldier has to prevail.

A stupid resort in town.

A survival kit.

A telemetry diffuser...

A toast... Yes.

A UFO.

A word, please.

A young boy a camera and a chicken sandwich.

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Abigail Hodges is still accused of a murder she didn't commit.

Abigail Hodges, you're under arrest

About a meteor a while back?

About a pregnancy this early.

About being interested in radios.

About different ways to cook their meat?

About giving Jay up for adoption

About hanging out with D'arcy

About holding in my farts.

About not having a baby.

About people who are willing to die to save each other.

About reshaping our town's image.

About the kiss.

About the offer for me to be town doctor again!

About the pictures that you took for the resort.

About the UFO I saw when I was a kid...

About to get a little...

About you guys having kids, right?

About your feelings instead of stuffing them

About your husband hanging a sign on the wall,

Actually, I think it's open, but w we could split it.

Actually, they're both for me.

Actually, uh, I'm here in a mayoral capacity.

Actually, you know what? Scratch that.

After Goliath came to Earth,

After I dropped my device.

After I drugged your food? You drugged me?

After I gave her up.

After living on Earth,

After standing you up last time.

After they found him in a lab he wasn't authorized to be in.

After we left the Grady land, D'Arcy came back to the house.

After you are old and die, then my people will come,

Ah, can't.

Ah, definition of a perfect day.

Ah, I already started shucking.

Ah, just woke me up from the best dream.

Ah, no way.

Ah, now, now. No breaking, just entering.

Ah, of course.

Ah, right on time, as always. Punctual.

Ah, shut it off. Shut it off.

Ah, this guy's old school. Mm hmm.

Ah, top of her game, as always.

Ah, we got a lot on the bed.

Ah, whoo!

Ah, you are the best.

Ah, you couldn't help it.

Ah!

Ah!

Ah!

Ah! Wrong and super weird.

Ah.

Ah.

Ah.

Ah. Hello, sweetheart.

Ah. How are you?

Ahh!

Ahh!

Alexa, stop.

Aliens are real.

Aliens aren't real.

All clear, go ahead and give me a double honk,

All high and mighty,

All I could think about was how exciting it would be

All I got left now is my dad, and...

All I said was,

All I see in there is hookers and red meat.

All it needs to be is, "Yes, ma'am."

All must die.

All my organs are hemorrhaging.

All night, but we may need more ice,

All octopuses can talk.

All over your stupid fart friend.

All right Dr. V, she's here. So you wanna tell me

All right, come on, Cletus.

All right, D'arcy! Let's go, Patience!

All right, D'arcy! You can do this, Asta!

All right, Deputy. I'm in the men's room.

All right, drop your bags! Hats and gloves!

All right, folks.

All right, go ahead. Lay it on me.

All right, gotta replay that! Let's go!

All right, here you go. Enjoy.

All right, I'm done.

All right, let's get the festivities started.

All right, look, I'ma ask you one more time.

All right, now get this it gets weirder, right?

All right, Patience!

All right, reach out to him, have him pick it up,

All right, starting with me, your ne'er do well

All right, Sunny, look at me.

All right, take it easy. What's what's wrong?

All right, tell you what. I'll give you...

All right, this is great.

All right, time for the 52nd Annual Family Day

All right, um, two weeks ago, I took my dad to get a biopsy,

All right, we need to celebrate.

All right, well, let's get this show on the road.

All right, where are we going, General?

All right, you know that kiosk

All right, you might want to think of another metaphor

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right.

All that time, all those missed opportunities.

All the men in this town suck, too.

All the way to your planet?

All the way to your planet.

All these records are of Sam's patients.

All these years.

All this is for you.

All through grade school, through high school.

All you do is work and take care of your dad.

All: ♪ For he's a jolly good fellow ♪

All: ♪ Happy birthday, dear Harry ♪

All: Hey! Sorry, I'm late!

All: No.

All: Oh... I don't I don't trust him.

All: Surprise!

All: Surprise!

All: Surprise! [laughs]

All: We're all miners now.

Almost as close as you were

Almost died from it.

Almost taken care of.

Also no.

Also rude.

Also stupid humans. You should cover your ears.

Also, I really like these, like, they're nice and warm,

Also, that tree was waving pretty wildly.

Also, try to act as normal as possible

Also, we would like to meet the alien,

Also, you are not a disaster.

Although he did do 8,821 steps today.

Although the real number is double that

Although you gotta subtract, like, 200

Although, I do like dresses with pockets.

Always trying to get me to read one.

Am I a bad person if I like seeing other couples fight?

Am I jabbing myself? I can't feel anything.

Am I right, Ben?

Am I supposed to eat the plate?

Am I talking fast? Mm hmm.

An actual doctor,

An alien with emotions,

An alien? Um, wow.

An artist named Goliath?

An hour ago, you wanted to go to New York

An Instagram or somethin'?

And and if they do, it's because they stole it

And and just use it at some high security lab

And a Little Neck clam.

And a total recluse.

And a wheelbarrow to carry D'arcy home.

And actually getting what they deserve

And add the worst snow cone flavor to it papaya.

And all the beer drinking douchebags can fry.

And Asta and I will be free.

And Asta and I will be safe in the bunker.

And bleach everything visible to the naked eye.

And Bloom goes down.

And bury his body.

And buy a new pair of roller skates.

And call 'em manpons. I'd buy them.

And came out with a cast on her ankle.

And can survive on instinct alone.

And come back looking for him.

And come back to the rez,

And cried with until I laughed again, you know?

And destroy the town?

And did nothing to stop him.

And do just about anything,

And do you know what they kept stored there?

And do your goddamn work.

And do your goddamn work.

And dogs that are clearly chasing both of us.

And don't be weird.

And done your job. You shot me.

And Dr. Smallwood put my whole damn arm to sleep.

And drive out to Dr. Vanderspeigle's house.

And even though your best friend

And every beautiful thing on this planet

And everyone had a rash

And everyone I know is dead?

And everyone made him feel like he was crazy.

And everyone that is close to you.

And experience art

And explode into a million pieces

And find himself an alien.

And find himself an alien.

And fix this pay gap.

And for some reason put on a pair of small shoes.

And Frank doesn't like loud noises.

And from the look of Asta's car,

And from the look of you, you've been working all night.

And gave it to me.

And get beat up by some asshole biker, okay?

And go tits out on a huge girls' night.

And Goliath has already been contaminated by humanity.

And had to switch to yellow birthday party streamers,

And Harry's money problems, so I need you

And has weird alien powers.

And hates me 'cause I'm great at times tables.

And have a little pity party while you're at it.

And he had a gun in his jacket.

And he lands around here.

And he left his old hat on the plane,

And he loved those noodles that you're eating.

And he really loved animals.

And he was there for me through all the freakouts

And he wears stripes.

And he's probably a perfectly lovely guy.

And helps us to express it on the outside.

And her 18th birthday is in two days.

And her name is...

And here we go.

And hiding us underground for a year isn't it.

And his aftershave smells like fryer grease.

And his breath smelled like an open grave,

And his chicken ass just walked through the door.

And hitting and and then and then she did.

And hitting and hitting and hitting.

And how do I know that video wasn't a fake?

And human technology is very limited.

And I always will be.

And I am devastated at this news.

And I am eating pie.

And I am sure that she will be as spry as ever.

And I can't wait to welcome you to Jessup, Colorado,

And I do the crossword every night for a healthy mind.

And I don't want to give him credit for that.

And I hate going by the name Veronica.

And I hate that I really thought you were my friend,

And I have seen... a lot.

And I have to say, you two do excellent work.

And I have video evidence of an unidentified aerial phenomenon

And I mostly just watched videos of a dog named Tuna.

And I put it in his collar.

And I put out fires with swimming pool water.

And I ran from that mistake for years.

And I think I may need to throw it out now.

And I think I saw a flash of recognition there.

And I think there's something going on with you.

And I throw you in the lake.

And I was told you might be able to help.

And I will do the autopsy, and you can suck on that...

And I will have to bake her a cake with a file in it

And I'll also take a side of fries at the table.

And I'll work on digging up some more proof.

And I'm glad that I pissed on your hand

And I'm guessing now that it's gone,

And I'm just gonna hold it for double long.

And I'm not liking it.

And I'm sorry I yelled at you, but the anniversary

And I'm suspicious.

And I'm too sick to go back.

And I've sprayed, like, all my perfume bottles.

And if he doesn't, you are going to hear from me.

And if she steals granola bars from my desk,

And if that memory gave him a good day...

And if the memories become too painful

And if we don't do anything, everyone is going to die.

And if we're going to stay here,

And if you can't see that, you're an idiot.

And if you feel the need to say anything,

And if you keep working here,

And if you love fishing,

And if you want to do this, we're setting up over there.

And if you wanted to,

And if your theory proves correct,

And interests in everything from energy to shipping.

And it doesn't speak.

And it has teeth!

And it is also very bad for me.

And it is better than being awake for her real life.

And it is like I was never shot at all.

And it lives inside me forever now.

And it needs to be driven by an insured driver.

And it smells like dead people up here.

And it will send the message to my people.

And it's actually gonna be a bull nut."

And it's done.

And it's off the market right now,

And jam a ball gag in my mouth.

And jolly.

And Judy Doodie, Pooper Cooper, Sack Lunch.

And keep the door to your alien bunker locked

And kill you and everyone that is close to you.

And let him slap a puppy hood on me

And look for it, and maybe snack on the sack.

And make snow cones out of your gross, dead ice

And make sure they don't get eaten?

And maybe even a raise!

And maybe two jockeys.

And me for writing it?

And melt you all like crayons in a hot car?

And my best friend died.

And my daughter Liza isn't going to come back

And my last chance to meet one of my people on Earth.

And my partner, he didn't go home that day.

And my response was to go get blackout drunk.

And my skin tone is the same as a dead soldier

And neither does anyone else 'cause it's a garbage paper.

And no one heard a gunshot or anything unusual.

And nobody would know [stomach gurgles]

And not even remember?

And not one of them is on a leash.

And nothing is going to happen to you, because I won't let it.

And now I'm surrounded by horrible creatures.

And now I'm thinking I might have six.

And now it's

And now it's in Harry's bag.

And now it's in Harry's bag.

And now Sahar won't talk to me.

And now she's profiting from his stuff.

And now they want to do it.

And now they're driving around searching for him.

And now we officially have no doctor.

And now we officially have no doctor.

And now, I have a box of alien balls.

And one bunker butler, but I'm working on that.

And one is kind of illegal.

And one man, who was trapped in an air pocket,

And one thing led to another. It's just so embarrassing.

And only focused on what was in front of me.

And over there is Venus, the goddess of fertility.

And parting the sea of bodies is a goat.

And please don't moon the tour groups.

And poop comes out of your eyes.

And possibly a werewolf.

And put a memory in your head

And put it against the other side, right?

And remember, look both ways when crossing the street.

And remind them of better times.

And return to where we started,

And sees pictures of our BDSM kink play?

And she she turned her head once, you know,

And she diagnosed me with hysteria.

And she had this weird nerve thing.

And she'll get your note.

And shepherd's pie, that is it's not a pie.

And shot him in the face.

And since they were stupid enough to insure...

And so he took his own light out of this world.

And so sick... sick. Mm.

And some kind of cover up happening.

And somehow involved in the deaths

And someone to clean bird shit off my deck.

And someone's having sex in the bathroom.

And sometimes the first step in not knowing

And spend the rest of my life

And stand in your bathtub.

And start making cookies.

And stop putting the TV on in front of this thing.

And take her to lunch for her birthday.

And tell her, if she needs me, I'll always come running.

And tell him to come to Patience

And tell him to come to Patience

And tell them not to come, or I will just die.

And tell them that I should do the autopsy?

And tell them what?

And that bullet's gonna fly right through and lodge itself

And that is not weird.

And that octo thing.

And that person took our photograph.

And that woman who screamed at you

And that's it's okay. But I don't want it to be hard.

And that's just for emergencies.

And that's just something for me to do?

And that's why he looks so tired.

And the bath mats and the soap and my loofah.

And the ceiling fan on.

And the murderer left with it.

And the music was...not bad.

And the play was awesome. The blood looked so cool.

And the talking octopus in your room.

And the whole sign's coming down.

And the winner and new champion is

And their appetites are endless.

And then and then Dr. V, he comes out like this.

And then during the fight,

And then finish my radio.

And then Harry threw dead foot guy

And then having a pleasant nap on the couch.

And then he's just he's just gone...

And then I grew a second pair of arms and I fight crime.

And then I'll have to kill all of them,

And then it will be too late.

And then make a note of it in our file.

And then my name will be cleared forever.

And then one night, it was, like, 10:00, and, um...

And then somebody stole it from me.

And then somehow, these doors here,

And then sweep up your ashes with a dustpan.

And then the rest will follow.

And then they will come

And then they will come and kill you

And then we need to set up an undercover recon mission.

And then when they find the dead body, they will find these

And then you will go to school

And then you're gonna shoot you right in the head,

And then, uh...

And there is one coupon

And there was a human inside!

And there's a lot of very interesting possibilities

And they eat the straws when they're dry?

And they had intercourse.

And they kept trying to get up

And they trained us to do it over and over and over again

And they use the Earth's resources

And they went back to their base,

And they will blame him for Sam Hodges' death,

And they will kill the rest of the human race.

And they will not be ideal again for an entire year,

And they will not come and kill everyone.

And they work on the organic matter in clothing as well.

And think no one will notice?

And this is a big one.

And this is what families in Patience do on this day.

And this is where our town doctor

And this, to me, looks like a Patience crime scene.

And threw in the frozen lake.

And took illegal drugs.

And trampoline into them so that your head chops off.

And truck ducks.

And tuck little tampons in each little bullet slot.

And unlocked it.

And we can be roomies, but you have to do it quick.

And we didn't have a choice.

And we go to New York and save humanity.

And we have a special listener request on the line.

And we have found ourselves, once again,

And we have money set aside for that, so...

And we just we just kept on hitting.

And we looked at the camera,

And we moved out here because I just got a lucrative contract

And we smoked it.

And we'd catch frogs.

And we'd race 'em, but we'd never eat them.

And we're gonna take things down a notch

And wear you as a protective octo suit

And what dress you talking about?

And when he opened it up, it was this scrawny little kid

And when you are dead, I'm going to freeze you

And when you do go to the bathroom then,

And who the hell puts cacao nibs in a citrus salad?

And why did Sam give Harry his medical records?

And why do you have a dog?

And why is your piece so goddamn small.

And will happily kill both of us for it.

And with Kate gone, I don't have to worry

And with these cards, I cannot lose.

And writing the names down was his insurance policy.

And you are gonna stay here with Harry, fix him up.

And you are Native American.

And you can do another play.

And you deserve a goddamn raise.

And you did! And then you'd work

And you don't understand what's at stake!

And you gonna put that phone book

And you gonna take that gun

And you got a wicked arm.

And you had that sense of smell like a superhero?

And you have 59 dead miners.

And you just pissed on my hand.

And you just want to have some fun, come visit us.

And you lied that whole time.

And you said, "Fine, thanks!"

And you should also get a banner

And you walking away with an attitude.

And you were just a woman

And you were just distracted because you had to kill a guy

And you were right about Ethan.

And you weren't joking.

And you wonder why they aren't speaking to humans.

And you'd be dead. Mm.

And you're a very nice thing.

And you're gonna tell me where it came from.

And you're not going to like it.

And you're pretty.

And you're running, stores will pretty much

And you're that weirdo who talks to weirdos.

And your family people are going to ruin the plan.

And your planet, the planet Earth,

And zero varieties of dead human feet.

And, Judy, uh, I I appreciate you dressing on theme,

And, plus, it's where I usually barf,

And, uh...

And, yes, I can see

And, you come with me to find some wood.

And, you know, it's not gonna kill you right away,

And...

Angry and resentful for having to care for a tiny thing?

Another alien who is my people, my real family.

Another couple of minutes.

Another great run.

Any lights for a while longer.

Any one of them could've changed these paintings.

Any soldier who's still with us is surviving.

Anybody got some gum?

Anyone in our friend group can call a GN59.

Anyone's ever said to me.

Anything about me forgetting that day

Anything about Sam? He called me an asshole.

Anything about that sulfur smell?

Anything else?

Anything else?

Anything happens to her or if she leaves,

Anything happens to you, everybody on Earth is dead.

Anything you say could also implicate us.

Anytime anything remotely uncomfortable comes up,

Anyway, hey, um,

Anyway, is this for me?

Anyway, it will send them the message,

Anyway, it's good to see y'all are all right.

Anyway, once they realize he's a human,

Anyway, um, there's only one ATV

Anyways, good day today, Detective.

Apparently, nobody wants to buy antique spoons from a murderer,

Apple pie and plain oatmeal.

Applying pressure in a CPR style

Are getting higher.

Are right here in Patience, but you know what's really low?

Are they right?

Are top executives that work there.

Are we family?

Are you are you building a laser?

Are you a goldfish? It's not a radio.

Are you a talking ham?

Are you angry at the pretzels...

Are you crazy? Come on.

Are you enjoying my home?

Are you even aware of what's going on

Are you experiencing any issues with memory loss?

Are you guys ready to fish in the morning?

Are you just saying that?

Are you listening to me, asshole?

Are you listening to me?

Are you looking for a better place to go this summer?

Are you okay? Great, I'm happy.

Are you outdoorsy, Harry? Yes.

Are you ready? Yes.

Are you serious? She cannot be the new doctor.

Are you shitting me? Damn.

Are you suggesting he's a jockey?

Are you sure Goliath did not leave anything for me?

Are you sure he didn't say anything else?

Are you sure he would?

Are you sure she's not gonna feel any different?

Are you sure you can't spare a few minutes?

Are you the little girl with the broken arm?

Are you uncomfortable because you kissed me last week?

Are you Violinda Darvell?

Aren't you a little out of practice?

Art is interpretive, so it takes how we feel on the inside

As a city employee,

As a tribe, we can do a ceremony and give thanks,

As a woman in this world,

As far as safety goes,

As I was, uh, pounding her.

As our town doctor. What do you think?

As soon as they figure out he's human,

As well, so... not a lie.

As you are at driving!

Ask you if you have ever considered

Asking for what they deserve can be very difficult.

Asking for what you deserve in life should not be so hard,

Asking for work study, and, well, I crossed a line.

Assigned us "Beowulf" in school?

Asta is my friend.

Asta just came in.

Asta knows this version of me,

Asta said I do, so I do.

Asta will end up in Jessup jail,

Asta will take you to the airport.

Asta, Asta!

Asta, did you know about this?

Asta, hi. Everything okay?

Asta, I'm telling you this as a friend.

Asta, let the doctor do his job.

Asta, place your hands suprapubically

Asta, why does this city smell

Asta!

Asta!

Asta! Get over here right now!

Asta?

Asta?

Asta?

Asta?

Asta?

Asta.

Asta.

Asta.

Asta.

Asta.

Asta...

At 3:00 in the morning, it's not too bad.

At first, I thought she was just

At least he used to go through the motions of being a father.

At least not yet.

At least tell me you destroyed the medical records.

At least your baby won't make you high when you sniff it.

At Mayor Snowflake's house, driving home in the morning,

At one time, every able bodied man

At our summer Shakespeare festival.

At Patience Family Day the theme is "Remember When."

At St. Helens Hospital in New York,

At that time of night, right?

At the dry cleaners, so they gave me

At the end of the day,

Attachments, like you said.

Aunt Cathy, if you're listening,

Available at the Outfitters,

Aw, come on. Dance with the girl.

Aw, look at the cute little

Awesome.

B before her hair turned green.

Babies on my planet are self sufficient

Baby, come back, please.

Baby, this is for you.

Baby?

Baby...

Backspace. Hey.

Backup en route.

Ball!

Ball's still live!

Bang! Oh!

Based on his flab to ab ratio,

Basically the whole day is a blank.

Bathing a duck in the sink.

Be careful getting out of the tub.

Be sure to like and subscribe.

Be the best cop you can be.

Beautiful moron.

Because a few minutes ago,

Because as soon as we hit puberty,

Because finding a single guy

Because he was a cartoon character?

Because he's afraid his people will reject him.

Because I am not alone anymore.

Because I am the one who killed him last night.

Because I can control my emotions now.

Because I have nothing to hide.

Because I said so, that's why!

Because I spent an entire weekend last month

Because I thought I was meeting alien family.

Because I was eating my salami.

Because I'm a bad friend?

Because I'm stuck here,

Because if they don't stay chilled, they go south fast.

Because if this had been a few inches lower,

Because it is written in my alien language.

Because it's in your hair. What?

Because it's the only thing that could've saved your life.

Because it's too dangerous.

Because of my stupid human vocal chords.

Because of the warm urine leaving my body.

Because the hot tub's in their town.

Because the...

Because they've been abducted by aliens.

Because we send our offspring into the Great Ice Wind Desert.

Because we still have cake!

Because whoever it is wants that ball

Because you are meaningless to me, you stupid, little jerk.

Because you are the reason I am stuck here.

Because you danced with her.

Because you will be dead.

Because you're my dad's newest sex toy?

Because you're poor.

Because you're soaking wet.

Because, you know, your mother and I were talking,

Been a shooting star over Texas.

Been searching for them ever since the aliens

Beep, beep.

Before a bunch of elves

Before a flock of flamingos come lookin' for they daddy?

Before all this murder stuff happened.

Before he died.

Before I could turn back into an alien.

Before I push you into traffic.

Before Mr. Hawthorne kicks me out.

Before realizing I was eating a bull nut.

Before the pizza place.

Before you decided to steal his body.

Before you get a car that actually works?

Before you put him in there with me.

Being an alien is easier than being a human.

Being friends with Harry is like

Being in these woods of Patience is a far cry

Believe them the first time.

Belongs to Vincent Grillo.

Ben the one who makes candles?

Ben didn't raise his hand.

Ben is so sweet.

Ben is working on being more assertive,

Ben just got a call from some company

Ben told me to hide. I snuck out the window.

Ben's throwing a surprise birthday party for Dr. V.,

Benny. Kate.

Better call D'arcy. She just left.

Between the male and female employees of this town.

Big Leroy.

Biniyam! [laughs] You're so gonna win.

Biopsy? What biopsy?

Blend into the background, avoid attention.

Blip detected at the Ute Reservation

Bonsoir.