The Girl Next Door Edit

A blowjob.

A little to the right there, gorgeous.

Actually, if you don't mind...

Actually, no.

ADULT EDUCATION Sex Education for the 21st Century

After this, we're cool, okay?

Air conditioner.

All I want is just for us to go back to normal again.

All right, calm down.

All right, D, let's roll.

All right, everybody, take five.

All right, here we go, people. Picture's up.

All right, how you doing?

All right, I'm sorry, okay?

All right, if no one knows the answer to this...

All right, people.

All right, what?

All right, you all have this graph, correct?

All right.

All right. Yeah, next question.

All the glory days with the boys.

Always know if the juice is worth the squeeze.

Always leave them wanting more.

Always with the big words.

And action!

And as much as we'd love to give you all scholarships, we can't.

And for our finale, we'll show you how to put a condom on properly...

And I I certainly can't quote J.F.K. Now...

And I saw you flirting with him too...

And I'm Ferrari.

And if I don't?

And maybe the stuff you do to help her isn't so clean.

And now for the final task of your training.

And of course, I'll never forget...

And so I am proud to announce the winner...

And that is why I have always tried to answer the call...

And that's what this is, my fucking business.

And today we're taking time out to talk about...

And what does that motherfucker do?

And when you find her...

And you can still like her with your penis inside her.

And you know what that means?

And you turn it like so:

And you're better than this.

And...

Anyway, Danielle just came in from Los Angeles...

Are these our actors?

Are they porn stars?

Are you ready, hon?

Are you serious?

Aren't you gonna ask me if I have a girlfriend?

As an artist, I want it to come from a truthful place.

As for me...

At the top. Where the air is crisp.

Athena will be there, ready to shoot. Right, babe?

Athena.

AVN BEST PICTURE 1999 "CHITTY CHITTY GANG BANG"

Baby, I'll do things to you I wouldn't do to a farm animal.

Bang me.

BANK MANAGER

Be a man and go over there.

Beach is for fags, man.

Because I loved the way you looked at me.

Because in your heart you know...

Because of prom.

Because they just don't care.

Because we're a fucking tripod.

Because, I mean, we never do anything.

Big smile.

Bourbon?

But D and I also used to go out. Excuse me a sec.

But he also needs someone who's gonna push him.

But I'm not even thinking about that.

But lately, I've been seeing it differently.

But my best teacher has always been my mother...

But now you go and do this? This was my idea.

But now you're doing something for me.

But tonight, be the man.

But you have a secret.

But you're a little temptress, though, aren't you?

But, Jesus, man, it's good to see you.

But...

Cambodia

Can I get you something to drink?

Can we...

Cindy K. Tina B.

Come down here.

Come here.

Come on, baby.

Come on, bitch.

Come on, play it cool, play it cool.

Come on, there's gotta be something.

Come on, you guys, wait up!

Come on!

Come on.

Come on.

Come on. Where are you going?

Congratulations. What's next?

Cool, dude. I'm sure he'll like that.

Courtney Booth. I will always remember late nights in Cabby

Cradle the balls.

Crazy, but, oh, so beautiful.

Dan, Marci, Mr. Salinger...

Danielle just told us something very interesting.

Danielle, what do we know?

Danielle, where the air is crisp.

Danielle!

Danielle.

Danielle.

Definitely someone cute.

Definitely.

Did you know that?

Do me a favor, okay?

Do those girls go to your school?

Do you have a boyfriend?

Do you know what this is?

Do you know what we are, the three of us?

Do you wanna fuck me?

Doesn't matter.

Don't threaten me, you little shit.

Don't worry about it. I'm gonna take care of you.

Don't worry, honey, you were only 2 days old.

Don't worry. Ecstasy is not that bad.

Don't you think you're a little young?

Dude, I'm gonna do that little guy when he gets here.

Dude, I'm kind of uncomfortable watching this with you.

Dude, I'm not kidding, okay? I've looked everywhere, okay?

Dude, learn to like it.

Dude, what the fuck?

Dude, you don't need to change the lens on a video camera.

Dude.

Dude.

Dude. I'm trying to talk about Danielle here.

Dude...

Eli, I like this girl.

Eli, I'm never gonna see her again.

Eric Zierdal. I'll always remember

Everybody out. Let's move.

Everybody thinks Hugo's the genius. It was my idea.

Everyone to the beach!

Excellent, grasshopper.

Excuse me, sir?

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Fine. Selfish bitch.

First off, act like you don't even like her.

First, I'd just like to commend the candidates on...

For a while. But then I started working on other things.

For our finale, I will now demonstrate...

For teenagers, sexual intercourse can be dangerous.

For video yearbook.

For what?

Forget it.

Friends don't fuck with each other's business.

Frigging psycho.

Fuck film school.

Fuck it.

Fuck it.

Fuck it. I'll feel one.

Fuck you!

Fuck you. I'm taking your half then.

Fuck, I'm good!

Fuck! Fuck!

Fuck.

Fucking great, man.

Fucking kid.

Gentlemen, these are your prom dates, April and Ferrari.

Gentlemen.

Georgetown UNIVERSITY

Georgetown, hopefully.

Georgetown! They gave it to you!

Get in.

Give me a second, guys.

Go.

God, do you have any idea how ?

Goddamn it, Matt.

Goddamn, Peterson, haven't seen your black ass in ages.

Good news, ladies and gentlemen. Pop quiz time.

Good night, guys.

Good night.

Good. Let's move along then.

Got a little lamp there.

Great.

Guys, I can't work like this.

Guys, seriously, it's gonna get...

Guys, this is my boyfriend, Mule.

Guys?

Hard.

Have a good night.

Have a nice prom, kid.

He comes over all the time with his wife.

He fucked me, Mom. He fucked me so bad.

He is huge.

He looks really Oh, that's such a good one.

He says he has something very important to discuss with us.

He's so sweet.

Hell, yeah, we'll use you.

Hello. I'm April.

Help! Oh, fuck!

Here he comes.

Here it is.

Here, I... I got us something.

Here.

Here's my man.

Here's number one step to personal power.

Here's your first chance.

Hey, buddy.

Hey, buddy. How you doing?

Hey, come on, let's get out of here.

Hey, come on, we're all going out.

Hey, D.

Hey, don't worry, man. You're gonna be great.

Hey, dude, seriously, I told you...

Hey, guys. This is Danielle.

Hey, Jenny.

Hey, look.

Hey, man, what's up with those girls?

Hey, Peterson.

Hey, so you raised all the money you needed.

Hey, there. What can I get for you?

Hey, there's the big daddy.

Hey, you got one for me?

Hey, you guys know Matty?

Hey, you know my friend Matty here, right?

Hey, you know who's got the killer bud?

Hey! Pull it over!

Hey! Wait!

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey. I get it, man, believe me. She's gorgeous.

Hi, everyone, it's Samnang.

Hi, guys.

Hi, Martin.

Hi, Mule.

Hi.

Hi.

Hi.

Hi. I'm coming in. Can I come in?

Holy shit.

How about you?

How do I get these ideas? It's like a gift, you know?

How do they just skip class every day and go to the beach?

How do we know each other?

How do you know no one's home?

How do you two know each other?

How do you want me?

How do you want me?

How much do you really care about her?

How we doing, Klitzy?

How'd you boys like to be in a movie?

How'd you come up with such an idea, Matthew?

How's the rack?

HUGO POSH PRODUCER

Hugo Posh will.

Hugo, you're known primarily as a hard core pornographer, correct?

Hunter McCaffrey.

I always wear boxers. You just caught me on a weird day.

I am doing something, I'm going to class.

I am so happy.

I am very excited to be coming soon. Are you excited?

I am. I really am.

I asked you people a question!

I can see her through my window.

I can wait, people.

I can't believe we're even thinking about this.

I can't do this.

I can't speak a foreign language...

I can't, guys.

I could give a fuck about you and your rice boy.

I could make a better sex ed film with my mom.

I didn't...

I don't belong here.

I don't feel so good.

I don't have to do anything.

I don't know if this is really the place.

I don't know.

I don't know. Doesn't matter.

I don't know. Get off your ass and do something. Fuck!

I don't know. Maybe I'm stupid.

I don't know. Maybe.

I got the tape! Can you see? I got the tape!

I have a baby now.

I have learned a lot from my teachers.

I have to be.

I hung with him last night. Guy's the tits.

I just came here to say hi.

I just don't care anymore.

I just feel so weird.

I just gotta fuck something.

I just think you guys would be really hot.

I just think you'd want someone more your age.

I just wanna let you know, I know who you really are.

I kind of just quit my job.

I knew I recognized them. I knew it.

I know I lost my virginity at my senior...

I know it was you, Klitzy.

I know.

I like that.

I love him.

I love you so much.

I mean I'm gonna need to close out the account.

I mean, fuck, it does piss me off...

I mean, I can't get you involved in this.

I mean, I said I was sorry.

I mean, it doesn't matter anymore.

I mean, it's just been off the hook, you know?

I mean, she had this smile. I mean, you should have seen it.

I mean, she was like this angel.

I mean, the whole scholarship thing, you know, I mean...

I mean, there's some stiff Competition...

I mean, we're graduating. We should be going nuts right now.

I mean, yes, he is those things, but Hugo Posh is also heart.

I never went to prom.

I postponed yearbook. I gotta work on my speech

I said out, minions! Move! Move! Faster, you little maggots.

I said, everybody say, "Ho!"

I say, this prom is gonna be off the hook! Do you feel me?

I swear to God, if you don't fuck her, I'll kill myself!

I swear to God.

I think I'm feeling a lot better now.

I think it's atrocious.

I think it's pretty wild.

I thought everyone's dying to be in this.

I told my class that I am coming to America. They were sad.

I told the idea to Hugo. He says he'll think about it.

I tried to be your friend, and what do you do?

I want to do it.

I want to start over. Maybe go to college.

I will always remember wrestling and the great memories we had.

I will always remember...

I will always remember...

I will always remember...

I will never forget the day she said to me:

I would love to.

I, Matt.

I...

I'd like to report a robbery.

I'd worry about going to jail.

I'll always remember lacrosse champions.

I'll always remember...

I'll do it.

I'll do it.

I'll do it.

I'm a little nervous.

I'm a senior. But I'm about to graduate.

I'm all wet. Can I come in?

I'm gonna get our actors.

I'm gonna leave you guys alone.

I'm gonna need that back.

I'm here with Hugo Posh, the producer of Adult Education...

I'm in so much trouble.

I'm in.

I'm joking, man.

I'm just gonna go with it.

I'm just saying that this girl was unbelievable.

I'm not fucking around.

I'm not getting fired.

I'm not stripping again.

I'm okay. I can't. Thank you, though.

I'm serious.

I'm sorry I got upset. I felt taken advantage of.

I'm sorry, man. Come on. Let's get out of here.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm still in high school, okay?

I'm telling you, it's gonna hurt like shit.

I'm telling you, you're gonna regret this.

I've just done so much nuts stuff. I mean...

If I hadn't been such a dick and taken her to that motel room...

If that money isn't back by Monday...

If this gets out, I'll be expelled. My life will be over.

If we don't get this, Hugo's not gonna buy it.

In a few minutes, we'll begin the speeches, and we hope...

In this video, we'll go through.

Is everything, you know, okay at home?

Is my volunteer ready?

Is that Monet?

Isn't this what you want?

IT HAS ALWAYS BEEN MY DREAM...

It was no big deal.

It'll be like a payment plan.

It's a little funny.

It's a little funny.

It's a real nice place you got here, D.

It's all you now. I mean, now you can do whatever you want.

It's called energy. Energy.

It's cool.

It's cool. I like running errands.

It's for the student who best demonstrates moral fiber.

It's for...

It's funny, I have this whole speech prepared...

It's funny, I used to think it was always telling the truth...

It's gonna be a gas. You're coming, right?

It's just off the hook, off the walls. I mean...

It's killing me, you know?

It's kind of It's kind of been my problem lately.

It's like a gift, you know?

It's like he's Simon, and I'm Garfunkel.

It's like I can't control it.

It's like I can't control it.

It's not cute anymore.

It's not funny.

It's not funny. Seriously, get away from me.

It's not the money that pisses me off.

It's one of my favorites.

It's pretty expensive.

Jeannie, this is my This is my student advisor.

Jeannie.

Jesus Christ!

Jesus, is that her?

Jesus, look at that guy.

Jesus, what hack made this?

Jesus!

Jesus! Come on, will you relax?

Jesus.

Jesus. Sorry.

John F. Kennedy once said, "Ask not what

JOHN F. KENNEDY once said: ASK NOT...

Joseph Croft.

Just No one can ever find out about this.

Just bolt.

Just chilling.

Just go with it.

Just here to make sure everything's up to par. Wow.

Just learn to like it.

Just leave me alone, please.

Just living life, my man.

Just okay?

Just so you know.

Just starting out, and everyone knows your name.

Just these two.

Just too many to remember.

Just try and control yourself.

Just try not to talk so much, okay?

Kathy Regan.

Kelly.

Kid, you pull this off I'll take care of your little Samsung.

Klitz, I can't act and direct, okay?

Klitz, it's cool. You don't have to

Klitz, shut up. Now, the strippers.

Klitz, you already got into Yale.

Klitz's big debut.

Kurt Kilgore. I will

Ladies, we have Eli and Klitz.

LAS VEGAS WELCOMES THE ADULT FILM CONVENTION

Last and most important...

Let me break it down for you

Let me in. Let me in.

Let me show you.

Let me tell you the first rule of politics:

Let's do it.

Let's do this.

Let's go with them.

Let's go! Lock them and load them, dude.

Let's go.

Let's just Let's just think outside of the box here.

Let's just do something.

Let's make some fucky fucky.

Let's see here...

Like stripping in the middle of the street?

Listen, I know this is unprofessional...

Listen, Jeannie, Samnang's coming on Monday.

Look at me, man. I'm fucking Garfunkel.

Look at this one of him.

Look at you. You are a forest fire.

Look at you. You look fantastic.

Look, can we just talk?

Look, I don't know who she is.

Look, I have the most important dinner of my life tonight...

Look, I'm an idiot, okay? I saw the tape, and I freaked out.

Look, I'm not gonna be a dick. I know she loves you.

Look, I've just been crazy lately.

Look, Kelly, I'm a problem solver, all right? This is what I do. Okay?

Look, Kelly, no offense, but I really don't think Danielle...

Look, she'll get a job, I'll keep mowing...

Look, they're coming to you.

Look...

Looking at this calculation, what does this make us think of?

Looks like a release form for something.

Make it three. Actually, I'll have a Long Island iced tea.

Man, there is some talent here.

Man, these punks ain't directors.

Man, what were you doing ?

Man, you gotta use my girl, bro. She's so good.

Matt believe me, I want to help you, but No.

Matt, is there something you want to talk about?

Matt, please. Please, Matt. Fuck her for me. For me!

Matt, seriously, man, it's 2:00 in the morning.

Matt, she's a porn star, okay?

Matt, the point is, she made her decision.

Matt!

Matt! Matt! Dude, you're missing the best part.

MATTHEW KIDMAN I'll always remember...

Matthew Kidman?

Matthew Kidman. I will always remember...

Matthew Kidman. I will always remember...

Matthew, come down here.

Matthew, could you come in here?

Matthew, honey, what is it?

Matthew, is there anything you want to say before we watch this?

Matthew, please just go home, okay?

Matthew, what has been going on with you?

Matthew, what's going on?

Matthew, what's wrong?

Matthew!

Matthew.

Matthew...

Matty, time to go, time to go. Time to go.

Matty, you didn't tell me you got some serious burners...

Matty. What are you doing here?

May I have a word with you?

May I help you?

Maybe we should get a room.

Me? A Teenage Daddy?

Michelle H. Goddamn!

Mina, how are you?

Moral fiber.

Moral fiber.

MOTEL Glen Capri

Move, move, move! Let's go!

Mr. Salinger? What are you ?

Mrs. Clark is in Africa for two weeks with her church group.

Mrs. Kidman...

My business partner.

My competition.

My own scholarship to Georgetown.

My student advisor.

My whole life depends on it.

Need a ride to school?

Next location! Come on, move!

Next question! Faster!

Nice job, dickwad.

No cucumbers or bananas in this video.

No offense.

No, big dinner's on Thursday.

No, come on, this is good enough.

No, dude, you calm down! It's gone!

No, he's Cambodian.

No, hold on. Wait, wait, wait.

No, I know, I know. I can get the money back.

No, I'll leave you guys alone.

No, I'm ugly. I know it.

No, it's cool. They're pals.

No, no, I'm cool. Like, where are we going?

No, no, I'm doing it.

No, no, it was It was a big deal, but it's just that...

No, no, no. It's okay, Matt. You're gonna be fine. I promise.

No, they don't.

No, what is it?

No, you know, no, I'm okay, though, thank you.

No!

No? No, wait, wait.

No.

No.

No.

No.

No. 01:18:45.04:18:46.13 Okay.

No. I told you she's not gonna do that anymore.

No. No, never gonna happen.

No. Strictly producer.

No. That money's going to Samnang. The money you stole from him.

Not bad, huh? Suckers cost me 6 grand.

Not this scene.

Now for the scientific explanation. Anybody?

Now I think that moral fiber's about...

Now I'm out 30 grand.

Now I'm really gonna fuck your shit up.

Now, Hugo, you and your partner have made millions on this.

Now, it is your student council president...

Now, it's a very simple equation here.

Now, you gotta ask yourself, how far are you willing to go?

Oh, boxers.

Oh, by the way, if things get bad, just bolt, okay?

Oh, come on! Take the pain!

Oh, God, what happened?

Oh, I mean, it's hard to tell, you know, because we

Oh, it's cool, dude. She's taken care of.

Oh, it's for this scholarship I need to get so I can...

Oh, Kathy.

Oh, moral fiber. Well, that's

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Am I blowing it?

Oh, my God. Am I gonna die?

Oh, my God. She's so hot.

Oh, my God. That's Mr. Peterson.

Oh, okay, fine. I'll direct.

Oh, shit!

Oh, shit.

Oh, shut up. You did not say that

Oh, thank you.

Oh, that's good. Yeah, just... Just get comfortable.

Oh, well, you're home early.

Oh, what kind of things?

Oh, who's your daddy?

Oh, you know what? Fine.

Oh, you're Mr. Salinger?

Okay, and big smile.

Okay, but I'm with her. I mean

Okay, get a two shot. Minions. All right, guys, get closer.

Okay, here's the thing

Okay, I saw you for, like, an instant.

Okay, let's do this.

Okay, let's start off with Operation Get Samnang.

Okay, okay. I'm sorry. Just Please, I...

Okay, relax. We'll just get somebody else.

Okay, so that's 25,000 total deposited...

Okay, so what time does the dinner start?

Okay, so why do I deserve this scholarship?

Okay, Spielberg, what lens will you use?

Okay, then. On with the show.

Okay, well, we gotta go. Thanks, Jeannie.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay. Just a little nervous.

Okay. Say what?

Okay. What are you gonna do?

One day, I had this killer idea to make films set...

ONLY 9 DAYS LEFT! SAMNANG

Perhaps you should bite me.

Perhaps you should have a seat.

Perhaps.

Personal power means the ability to act...

PHOTO RELEASE

Picture's up, people.

Pull it over! Pull

Punch it!

Questions on this?

Really cute.

Really?

Really?

Relax, relax.

Relax, relax.

Relax.

Remember that ass bag, Hugo, from the convention?

Ryan Winger.

Sam Young, baby!

Sam Young!

Sam Young!

Samnang, what's wrong, my son?

Samnang.

SCHOOL SECURITY

Second, get her drunk. Really drunk, okay?

Security's gonna be tight. Get wasted before you show up.

See you guys.

See, Hugo Posh isn't just tits. He isn't just ass.

SENIOR PROM DO YOU HAVE THE FEVER?

Seniors!

Seriously, this is nuts.

Settle down, tiger. I know. I know.

She didn't show up on set because of what you said.

Shit!

Show it!

Show that shit!

Show that to me.

Show them the tape.

Showtime.

Shut the fuck up!

Shut up, shut up! Here he is, here he is.

Sign the release form at the top.

Six o'clock.

So are you here alone or what?

So could I please have my tape back?

So did you hear about that scholarship yet?

So for those of you naughty boys...

So how was prom?

So I'm gonna need to close out the account.

So if I pull this off, I get the 25 grand on Sunday?

So is this Samnang really as smart as they say?

So that's it? You're just going back?

So this is what you think of me.

So we raised all this money for him...

So who is this silent partner?

So you guys went out?

So you raised 25 G's just to bring this Chinese guy over.

So you were going to school in Los Angeles?

So you're about to graduate. You must be going nuts right now.

So you're really into her, huh?

So, what are we doing, man?

So, what are we gonna do about this?

So, what do you wanna do?

So, what else do you do besides torture people?

So, what grade are you in, man?

So, what is moral fiber? I mean...

So, what should we do? Should we start setting up?

So, what's it for again?

So, what's the craziest thing you've done lately?

So, what's the craziest thing you've done lately?

So...

Some serious shit.

Somebody give me the answer to this.

Somebody stole it!

Someone who can make him laugh.

Someone who's gonna make him do...

Sometimes, if you wanna do something good...

Son of a bitch.

Sorry, bro. Party's all full.

Sorry, I gotta do this.

Speaking of which, Samnang sent us a new tape.

Special events such as senior prom...

Special events, such as your senior prom...

State champion, senior year.

Stay in school.

Steel, check it out, man. These guys are directors.

STOP CHECK OUT WITH SECURITY

Stop! Stop! Help me!

Such a long road, you know.

Sure.

Sure.

Take a look at us, okay? Take a good look at us.

Take her to a motel room and bang her like a beast.

Take it from me.

Take the pain! Get up. Come on!

Takes my best girl, starts his own company with my idea...

Talk so much? I'm giving a speech.

Talk.

Thank you again for coming to what...

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thanks, Mr. Salinger.

Thanks.

Thanks.

Thanks.

Thanks. I just got back from Cabo.

That bitch can't just run away because...

That Matthew Kidman.

That means that if you kick out one of our legs, then we all fall.

That one final kick.

That one special thing that means more...

That tells her you came here to get down tonight.

That way the true porn star will come out in her.

That's a great blouse, by the way. Have you lost weight?

That's enough!

That's enough. I can wait.

That's gonna swell up like a bitch. Here, take this.

That's my dad's friend.

That's my principal. Seriously, let's go.

That's right, bitch.

That's Samnang Sok. He's this complete genius.

That's what a man does, okay?

That's what moral fiber's all about.

That's your speech?

The award for the brightest leader...

The ELI EXPERIENCE presents