The Goldbergs (2013) - Season 5 Edit

A Are you saying "snook"?

A bit of good news...

A blissful food zone, and then this would happen.

A bowl, not a cup. Deal with it.

A box of chewy fruit snacks

A classic brother versus brother showdown.

A corner office, feet up on the desk kinda guy.

A couple of lyrics there

A dishwasher mid cycle in my pants

A dumb ass Keebler Elf with a bowl cut!

A few hours at the Smithsonian, and then to top it all off,

A few hundred

A fishy scramble made from last night's half eaten trout

A fried dough pocket filled with potatoes and oil

A fur coat! A fur coat!

A house when we're old?

A huge invasion of Erica's privacy.

A knish! It's just a knish!

A little

A little bit, extremely high.

A little. Now a little more

A lot of people think it's a game changer

A mess? Look at this house

A more insecure man would wonder why he's so pleased

A new girlfriend to start your year of awesome.

A new out of town guest

A plus, senior!

A police officer, a doctor, a a construction worker,

A pretty damn good group of friends.

A quest for peace in the stars means no wars,

A rag tag band of endearing dweebs

A ridiculous conversation.

A savings bond?

A Snoopy snow cone machine!

A Spring Break rager was cooking at Pop's place

A stick I found.

A table, a wall unit?!

A tea party broke out at a football game!

A very casual relationship with the truth

A very important discovery right now

A whole lot of crappy furniture with no one to buy it.

Aaaah! Where are your glasses, kiddo?

Aah

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah! Bigfoot lives among us!

Aah! It's a sexy ghost!

About being a bodacious leader of a friend group.

About Harrison Ford's treatment of replicants.

About her beautiful emerald eyes.

About how he hates homework, loves video games,

About me, my brother, pretty much anything.

About picking on poor Adam?

About the crappy sangria last time

About the movie "Blade Runner"?

About the players and their funny names

About their potato.

About things far in the future that I don't care about

Absolutely not!

Absolutely.

Absolutely. I just can't wait to sit down and..

Accept it, man.

According to the sassy lady at the beauty store,

Acid washed kind of way.

Across the street

Act like you've been there.

Actor Albert S. Solomon

Actually elected Spuds MacKenzie as their mayor!

Actually, I saved you.

Actually, I told my husband that I'd be back by 9:00,

Actually, I'm on two other committees.

Actually, I'm pretty sure my job is to hand out pamphlets

Actually, I've come around on the "Star Trek" thing.

Actually, she's at a frat party.

Actually, there is no debate.

Actually, you're both out

Actually... I have a better idea

Adam went back to Dave Kim's,

Adam wrote 'em down!

Adam, I can't just stop driving

Adam, I'll miss you.

Adam, put your glasses on

Adam, stop with the panicking.

Adam, tell Coach Mellor you want to be on Barry's team.

Adam, these are bad people

Adam, this list is insane

Adam, you are my little cookie

Adam: Admit it. You like "Star Wars" a little.

Adam: Turns out, heroes come in all shapes and sizes.

Adam! Look! We blew them away!

Adam... I'm sorry we mixed in.

Adam's my perfect little snuggle monkey who told the truth,

Admit it! I can't turn my head, so I couldn't see

ADULT ADAM: ...who had a cyborg arm.

ADULT ADAM: Ah, '80s video stores

ADULT ADAM: Ah, wood shop class.

ADULT ADAM: And that's when things got weird.

Adult Adam: As I prepared for the arrival of "E.T.",

ADULT ADAM: Back in the '80s, before Will Smith

ADULT ADAM: He was wild, kooky,

ADULT ADAM: It was a disaster.

ADULT ADAM: It was classic Marvin,

ADULT ADAM: It was October 18, 1980 something,

ADULT ADAM: My dad hated the Formica King

ADULT ADAM: That's the thing about family

ADULT ADAM: The '80s was a golden age of advertising,

ADULT ADAM: While my mom overreacted in a blind panic,

ADULT ADAM: While my mom was failing to reach Erica,

After a great deal

After a little training from his lady bro,

After buttering up my mom had failed,

After hearing my sister's change of heart,

After I learned how to pass.

After my "Revenge of the Nerds" plan went bust,

After my awesome transformation

After refusing to tell Marvin he needed him,

After ripping off "Hogan's Heroes,"

After seeing Coach and Coach fight like little children,

After the horrors you see tonight

After those super kind rhymes, our dad was sure to forgive us.

After today, our lives change forever.

After turning Pops' war stories into cinema,

After two crazy people!

After we ordered dinner came the hardest part of the meal

Again, not what I wanted.

Again, this is just between me, you,

Again, why are you here?

Against everything you stand for,

Against my better judgement, I'm letting you know

Aghh!

Ah

Ah, come back to me.

Ah, come on, there's gotta be a better way to clean pools

Ah, damn it! Come back to me!

Ah, damn it. My foot swelled up again.

Ah, Nerd love

Ah, restaurants of the '80s.

Ah, she sucks at first,

Ah, that is so good to hear.

Ah, there you are, Curly Q

Ah, very lame.

Ah!

Ah! Brain freeze! Hurry!

Ah! Saved by Mama Bear once again.

Ah! There's my guest now!

Ah...

Ahh, that's better. Where was I?

Ahh. Now all we do is wait.

Ahh. The '80s.

Airplanes that just drive?!

All his horrible energy on me

All I had was soup, and Barry stole half of it

All I have to do is get a credit card,

All I need is an out of town guest, and I win!

All I see is a big teddy bear

All I'll ever be is just a Goldberg.

All I'm trying to say is...

All my squishy tushes are gone for the weekend

All old people have gold

All right, bleacher creatures.

All right, either get us a table

All right, forget I asked

All right, Goldberg. Stop the tape.

All right, here's the deal

All right, here's what we're gonna do.

All right, I hope you were all taking notes,

All right, JTP minus Geoff.

All right, listen to me

All right, that's everything.

All right, that's it!

All right, that's it. I'm sleeping on the couch.

All right, what'd you do?

All right, which one of you is the waiter?

All right, Wrangler dog it is.

All right!

All right. Let's get rich.

All right. This is a butt joint.

All shop teachers were cut from the same piece of wood.

All that matters is what's in this box

All that matters is you're together,

All that romantic crap is happening.

All the roads are closed

All the tables that ordered after us

All the tellers are named Debbie.

All we need is one more.

All we need is one parent

All we needed was my trusty modem, a little luck,

All we're doing is learning a few easy things

All work and no play makes Adam a dull boy.

All you are is Barry!

All you do is take off your pants, watch TV,

All you got to do is make sure you pick friends

All you had to do was learn how to ask for it

All you have to say is that you need me

All you have to say is, "Mama, I'm good

All you ladies must leave..

All you've done is drive us away

All: [Cheering] Big Tasty!

ALL: ♪ And, everybody, clap your hands ♪

ALL: Girls just wanna drink rum!

ALL: JTP

ALL: JTP!

ALL: We'll cut off our finger.

ALL: We'll cut off our finger.

ALL: Whoa!

ALL: You cut off your finger.

Already got their food

Alright, anyway, back to what I was saying

Alright, I'm going to tell you something

Alright, me and the JTP are off to the slopes

Also cook and tidy up and help the kids with their homework

Also seems like a good time to say

Also there's a basement window that doesn't lock.

Also, a very angry young lady

Also, how long are we gonna be here?

Also, I don't remember this jacket being so hot.

Also, I ordered the T bone a little pink inside,

Also, I saw them all at the school

Also, I'm extremely intrusive

Also, I'm so scared to be alone

Also, is this shirt snug? It... It feels snug

Also, please take back this stinky fish.

Also, you said you'd take off for the icy cold fries

Also, you'll be sitting.

Although I could get used to the idea

Although I feel like he rescued me

Always

Always single spaced. Goldberg, speak.

Always waiting on the other side of the phone

Am I crazy, or is this actually going well?

America's favorite party dog is their mayor?!

An adult? Wow. Big step

An indestructible rubber Sony Sports Walkman?!

An Indian chief

An otherwise average morning in the Goldberg house...

And "[Bleep] Mr. Glascott."

And "can kick a 50 yard field goal"?

And a bottomless bowl!

And a handheld siren to alert rescuers

And a little crazy, I'm not going to lie

And a modest amount of popularity?

And a pool with a bar!

And a shammy for your glasses

And a smoked fish medley

And a sniper with a piece of chalk.

And a top hat made of diamonds?

And according to the laws of coaching,

And add the horseradish on the side

And after everything,

And all of the out of town guests agree

And all your people have

And also I was banned for complaining

And an invisible dog.

And Andy here is our Sophia, the tiny, adorable spitfire.

And animals. We need animals.

And are throwing a party

And as for my mom,

And as such, I will unfairly put you on a dodgeball team

And asparagus and creamed spinach

And at a place for ribs, you eat ribs

And back before the Internet,

And back home, my friends were helping me

And back in my loving arms.

And Barry didn't just start a fire

And baste the bird at the same time

And became the world's greatest forensic accountant.

And believe me, the worst is yet to come

And break up with their high school sweetheart.

And brilliant, 'cause your dad really doesn't care,

And bring the kids.

And broke my tiny "Donkey Kong" machine

And call him a moron until he learns to drive

And call me a nerd

And casual flexing in a yellow tank top

And clean my filthy dorm, cook me food, and do laundry

And cooked fish and attractive clothing

And couldn't get away from him.

And couldn't wait for his new 'do to do its magic.

And dangerous

And deep down, I'm good with that.

And didn't even know it

And didn't even tell me?

And discussed by consistent working actor Jack Palance?

And do the mature thing... write another rap

And do you know what the card attached would say?

And doesn't mix in when her kids screw up

And don't be a Matt Bradley

And don't forget one soda. Make sure

And don't just do it for you

And don't like talking about my feelings.

And dressed like the cast of "Dynasty"?

And drive up all the prices of the nonsense art

And each class, it got worse.

And eggy in the hole

And end up cleaning pools with my face?

And end up pinned under the steering wheel

And Erica was back from college for winter break.

And Erica was feeling the freedom of life at college.

And Erica was making the most

And especially not the kind that have a spokesglove

And even harder to admit when you're wrong

And even though Erica and Barry

And everyone knows I give 111.

And everyone say one thing that you're thankful for

And face his older brother

And fill up your car..

And fill you with eggs and breads and meats.

And finally, the pillow fighting pit

And finally...

And fist fights with his own shadow.

And flush the toilet when I'm in the shower,

And for Barry,

And for me, I wanted college comedies,

And for my dad, the only choice was how to save money

And for the love of God,

And from anywhere but Philly

And from what I've read on the back cover,

And gave me a big check,

And get a lame gift, like dental floss

And get in on my uncle's shady get rich scheme.

And get to know each other

And get you evicted or whatever.

And grab a wudder ice?

And great for us.

And hack in to NASA we did

And had to face the infamous rope on my own

And hang up

And have three kids and six jet skis?

And he flipped his car and got a mailbox...

And he once got confused for John Oates at the airport

And he should stay your little baby forever

And he stops being lame for a few minutes?

And he was like, "What's wrong with you?!"

And he was.

And he'd be the one drying out these moldy old balls.

And he'd never tell you to do the same song as me!

And he's coming down!

And he's not going anywhere

And he's so not my type.

And help me get girls

And his surprisingly lovable sidekick,

And how all parents just don't understand.

And how can you be so sure?

And how do we know this to be true?

And how hard it can be

And humiliation to boost my visibility

And I admitted I had a crush on the hunky quarterback,

And I am but a simple radish farmer

And I am gonna mom it up like you have never seen

And I believe that means we get a free piece of cake

And I can go back to being a great mama again!

And I can't hear myself chew.

And I can't help you like I did with the karate!

And I can't take this shirt off

And I completely lost my mind

And I demand my big, honkin' meats.

And I didn't even have to use a towel to reserve 'em!

And I don't care about you!

And I don't even get to say goodbye to Geoff.

And I finally have a real boss...

And I found that history had a way of repeating itself

And I got invited to a kareoga party.

And I got scawwed

And I handed it off to the local affiliates.

And I have a coupon!

And I have a coupon!

And I have a surefire way to get on it

And I hear the policeman outside say, "Send in the dogs,"

And I just can't do it! This is the worst!

And I just put all my dirty clothes in it

And I kinda told him that I'm the queen of college,

And I know that movie's just a movie.

And I learn some stupid life lesson

And I let him down

And I love you

And I need a lady bro to help me get a lady, bro.

And I never lose with my lucky spinning top

And I read her a poem that I wrote,

And I refuse to believe all those college movies lied

And I ride a unicycle with a stick.

And I scored my first goal in anything ever.

And I smell smoke!

And I suggest you keep making more

And I told you! His name is...

And I want to take care of you.

And I want you back now!

And I want you both out of my life

And I was a prisoner of war behind enemy lines

And I was hooked.

And I was like, "I see you

And I will erase the bloodlines of the competition!

And I will follow whatever ancient wisdom

And I will use my rage to peel more potatoes

And I wish that I could put how I feel

And I would like to take a cash advance

And I'd say, "Good.

And I'll bring you your Push Pop later, okay?

And I'll have nothing

And I'll help you unpack

And I'll leave you alone. One thing

And I'll never find anyone like her

And I'll use list to whip you up a hot babe of your liking.

And I'm easily startled by birds.

And I'm not sure if I'm comfort... Hey!

And I'm proud of you.

And I'm spinning out. We all got our stuff

And I'm stuck with this old, soggy trout?

And I'm sure it'll take a long time for you to forgive me,

And I'm thankful..

And I'm wearing a swim cap so I don't shed

And I've been rebuilt by the government

And I've decided I'm going to go to night school

And if that's even a fraction of what you feel for me..

And if this is how you see me, I guess I did.

And if you go changing, where does that leave me?

And if you remember one thing from this conversation,

And if you won't help me figure it out,

And in financial news, Atari stock has taken a hit

And in the end, it's not just the stories

And in the process, I killed Minky

And in true Goldberg tradition,

And invited everyone you knew..

And is now chatting to his future girlfriend.

And it got lodged in her throat.

And it is so hard to be reminded

And it makes a big bill, so be it.

And it was best expressed with one word..

And it was glorious!

And it's been declined.

And it's fun to get together

And it's gross.

And it's hard to let go, you know?

And it's only for this special month!

And it's sorta my fault 'cause I fell off a rope,

And it's your lucky day, 'cause Big Tasty

And Jazzy Jeff to listen to only one headphone

And just apologize for this awful accident

And just enjoy the great kids we have right now?

And just like all those romantic movies

And just where is this street,

And kind of dropped the ball on her schmoopie

And kind of strange to hear coming out of your mouth.

And last but not least..

And last, the double S, which stood for Snooty Sauce

And learning to laugh when things get tough.

And let it go to waste?

And let you kick a field goal every game.

And light of my life, who may be in great danger.

And like always, he was right

And like many gym scrubs before me, I sucked real bad

And listening to that awful ska music.

And lost all perspective

And made it hilarious!

And made my first official resumé.

And made us all want to spit rhymes and scratch records.

And make friendship bracelets for all.

And make lifelong friendships.

And make sure no one's being loud after 10:00.

And make that closet explode with lightning and hot ladies

And make your big bro suck it on the court of life.

And making mistakes and living life?

And many other awesome songs that mock our super lazy father

And Matt Bradley here is our Rose,

And maybe, please, let your mom know that I gave them to you

And me?

And miss a turn and hit a semi and flip the car

And more about saving the world.

And more rolls and straws and Sweet'N Low and more rolls.

And much like the finale of "Revenge of the Nerds,"

And my baby is not doing anything full contact

And my brother was about to bust some moves

And my brother was conjuring

And my dad had seen enough.

And my dad hated all of them.

And my girlfriend on the other end

And my mom had her eyes on the prize,

And my mom's purse filled with rolls

And my sister wanted no part of it.

And my sister was going through a true freshman

And my sister, Erica, was in college,

And my tummy is super jacked up,

And never look back

And ninja weaponry from the car

And no one loved it more than my uncle Marvin.

And no one will ever do it again!

And no, you're not perfect, but you're our dad

And not in the cool,

And now he spends his whole life with a comfort dog.

And now he's working for me... the enemy

And now here's Barry with his head

And now I got the towel of my dreams!

And now I know.

And now I'm crying 'cause you're crying

And now I'm going back to school

And now there he is with his head stuck in the fence

And now we fight over who left the cap off the toothpaste

And now, my Shark Bites are gone!

And now... I need your help

And obviously in great danger...

And on our anniversary,

And on Valentine's Day, he painted

And one last kiss for your palm

And one last kiss in your palm

And one last kiss in your palm

And one that could help me, too

And one time, we were loaded up with pants.

And only came naturally to the select few.

And our phone bills are out of control.

And own my own brand of diet soft drinks?

And Philly's own wudder ice.

And play with them!

And Pops' coin collection?

And posted a few fliers around school

And promise that kids can play with swords!

And punched a hole through our wall.

And put it in my heart

And raise a bunch of ungrateful, awful kids.

And rattling my teeth and gums.

And re invite you to my soiree

And read her inner most secret girl thoughts.

And regular.

And remember... safety first.

And rode Dave Kim's sister's bike the whole way here

And rolls and sugar packets and more rolls!

And say, "I'm sorry."

And scooting like I never scooted before.

And see if God ever responds to Margaret.

And serving extra meaty dishes for six months!

And she did.

And she used them to desperately remain positive.

And she's committed to you and only you

And shimmy towards the door.

And sit on a chaise in the darkness until the day starts

And smart get rich quick schemes.

And smarter than Lainey.

And so Barry whipped up a hot new verse

And so Coach pitted me against my brother

And so Erica and Barry scored the ultimate Spring Break,

And so I called upon

And so I figured I'd just come by here

And so is this conversation

And so my mom swore she'd win Hanukkah.

And so this embarrassing display always happened

And so, after everything,

And so, Barry took Pops' advice,

And so, I have dedicated my life to the art of woodworking.

And so, I hit Jackie with each and every one

And so, my dad convinced my mom to kick off the Bevolution

And so, my mom's quest for the coat began

And so, that dark Halloween night,

And so, they finally moved on

And so, united by our sensei granddad,

And so, we went back to our usual Thanksgiving

And so, when I turned 16,

And so, while they were off breaking rules,

And so, with great humility,

And something else that's totally cleared up now.

And sometimes the people who mean well

And start a career.

And start tying new things, like saying "Da doi."

And stay that way all day,

And still falling for her boyfriend, Geoff... hard.

And suggesting that you're a thief

And tell you personally I'm sorry...

And thanks to Erica's insane musical talent,

And that day..

And that is how you get out of

And that stranger becomes family

And that you suck at this

And that's bad?

And that's how you keep your daughter a lonely shut in

And that's Japanese for "sure thing".

And that's what I want with Jackie

And that's when our dinner really did arrive

And that's why he's my hero

And the "Where's the Beef?" lady

And the bane of my dad's existence.

And the best part? I did!

And the fender benders that followed us wherever we went,

And the message is,

And the miscommunication with the toilet?

And the movie that best captured all that decadence

And the off putting bird noises...

And the only thing that'll snap her out of it

And the only thing you'll have is each other.

And the road pirates?

And the tipping point..

And the up and down gate thingy

And the worst part is, they're always sassing off at the mouth,

And their lame clubs.

And then a few days later..

And then break down crying

And then have dessert and watch TV?

And then he broke down crying in his car

And then he got on a ferry to Nantucket..

And then he listens to us again

And then he's gonna take it off again..

And then hung up. There's only one explanation.

And then I crashed the jet ski into a pier.

And then I got chased by the Coast Guard

And then I run into her arms crying my eyes out,

And then I thought, "Nah. I'm good

And then I turned around and you were gone!

And then it all came crashing down.

And then Lee Ann and little Bobby

And then lied about it!

And then on the fourth night, we were like, "Hanukkah!"

And then once a minute.

And then said screw it

And then they overstayed their welcome.

And then we bust him

And then you echo the last thing she says to you.

And then you just power through the seams.

And then you nod in agreement

And there was only one geek who could save him.

And there was this booth with this really friendly dude

And there were local pitchmen, like Crazy Eddie.

And there's no way he'd lie to me.

And they always scream them back at you.

And they are going to be heartbroken.

And they arrived five minutes after us.

And they found my flyer in the trash.

And they helped defeat the damn Empire!

And they still don't have my dinner?

And they will leave a mark.

And they're gone

And they've been very pleased with the results.

And things went from bad to worse when Erica came home

And think they did

And third base is Giant [bleep]face.

And this big one looks like the sail of a clipper ship.

And this one was the stuff of legend.

And this one!

And time travel and furniture girls.

And to think I wanted to live with the three of you

And to think I was gonna buy the Eagles

And to top it all off, now you want to include "comedy guy"?

And told Matthew we all got stuck in an elevator

And told me you were sad,

And took full responsibility for my mistakes!

And totally something I would do!

And turn off that sexy mixtape!

And unembarrassable

And use a kettle bell as a pillow

And used the fabric as a tourniquet.

And wants to leave your head.

And we both go on our merry ways.

And we can find him a girl

And we can live out our favorite college movie for real

And we come to appreciate our family

And we did, but in our own dorky way

And we got all our instructions from London

And we just yelled for days

And we lost a lot of good men along the way

And we love Ruben Amaro Jr., Ruben Amaro Sr

And we love you

And we magically create a foxy babe for me to smooch on.

And we make him feel guilty and bad about himself!

And we need epic stunts.

And we need your help.

And we rode off into the sunset together

And we sat on the dining room table to eat it together

And we start with C, for clothes,

And we still have a ton of work to do

And we were even the only two kids in class

And we're slaying the competition!

And we're stuck in this geriatric nightmare

And wear this captain's hat for some reason?

And wearing Barry's dumb orange shirt

And what am I gonna do when they all leave for good?

And what can...

And what do we understand?

And what exactly are the "thingies"?

And what happens when I don't laugh? Because I won't

And What's on Second.

And whatever stupid thing we want

And when a monsoon swept my captors into a river,

And when I finally do, it's just to trick me

And when it came to Jackie, I'd do the unthinkable.

And when she grabbed the phone to call 911, she passed out!

And when the people you love are playing themselves,

And when you do, you're gonna be amazing at it.

And when your family's along for the ride,

And which were the large pants.

And while the microwave was going,

And whip up some of our lemon loaf?

And who are these boys?

And who got in off the wait list last minute,

And who they help us become.

And Who's on first. Yes!

And why do we always measure twice?

And why do you keep eating

And why is that?

And why is your dad here?

And winter break was going great for Erica.

And with Barry's stubborn defiance

And with my help, you can have that, too.

And with that,

And with that, I gave him every comedic weapon

And with that, the Goldbergs officially broke

And yank you out of the car

And yell it as often as possible

And yet so adorable

And yet they still have edge.

And you and I both know I always give 110%.

And you and Jackie will figure out

And you appreciate it?

And you are gonna pick out the towels.

And you better bring your appetite,

And you called the SWAT team

And you can't stop it.

And you drown me in nub nubs

And you have a basic understanding

And you have pillows here

And you just got to figure out a way to change with it.

And you know what happens then

And you know what I'm talking about.

And you know what? Go [Bleep] yourself.

And you lived up to that

And you owe me half a Taco Bell taco I left out last night!

And you pinch the shoulders,

And you really do love Erica, so...

And you ruined it.

And you told him to stop making a big deal out of it

And you took it away from me

And you will personally apologize to the wood.

And you won't have to. There's like 14 spots left

And you, with your menu rules and your communal soda

And you, you know, despite your age,

And you! What the hell has gotten into you?

And you'll be Sophia!

And you're a butthead

And you're forcing me to just eat soup?

And you're just some middle class piece of garbage

And you're not gonna live with Cathy Ireland!

And you're, like, totally the one.

And your antics, which are equally as wild

And your expensive [Bleep] cameras.

And your guitar back to the dorm, okay?

And, also, you're, like, the hugest fan ever

And, by the way, it's his birthday, too

And, honestly,

And, man, was the force of nerd love strong with us.

And, much like Adam, I never stood up to him

And, thanks to Erica, Erica realized

And, uh, what else can I get for you?

And, uh.... we have a gift for Erica

And, unfortunately, mine is closed!

And, unlike you, I, like, like fun.