Veep - Season 6 Edit

A $10 million donation to help you build your library.

A $10 million donation to my library.

A $15 million bribe.

A $15 million donation to your library.

A beautiful Western woman helping out world sufferers in a stunning Gucci scarf.

A beautiful woman lost in the desert

A bit more enthusiastic.

A book about my sex life

A bright future.

A clean compress now, please.

A human shaped creature of medieval legend

A letter of recommendation to the Harper Day School?

A lot of people are saying that I shut down the government.

A lot of people think that they just slice one off, right?

A lot of responsibility.

A lot of the staff has been complaining

A minute of your time, Congressman Powder?

A Mongoloid kid on the porch playing banjo?

A sexist beyond sexist reaction

A very special thank you to our very special guest,

A woman president, women's college,

A year ago if you had called me.

A... it's Dan, and B...

About a hard date for the debt ceiling

About Catherine and me moving into Mee Maw's after the baby is born?

About growing up as a tire burner's son

About how your father made Ethel Merman cry?

About maybe donating a few mil to my library?

About the night that Daddy actually died.

About the sex of my grandchild.

About the Sherman Tanz pardon in the Washington Post

About the world we're creating for your coming grandchild.

About this lack of progress on the library,

Absolutely, although, if it takes more than five minutes,

Absolutely, and I'm gonna say

Absolutely, and that is why this photo opportunity is so vital.

Absolutely, positively.

Absolutely.

Absolutely. He was a friend to all people,

Actually, Amy's in charge of the book.

Actually, Congressman, better tasting school lunches

Actually, I think Danny should run with it.

Actually, I think Danny should run with it.

Actually, I'm just kidding. I got engaged.

Actually, Jonah, **** don't believe in heaven.

Actually, why don't you stay, Candi?

Actually...

After Daddy died, I would crawl right underneath here and hide.

After much soul searching,

Against the poor and disadvantaged of this country.

Agreed.

Ah, don't bring a thing. I'm gonna make my famous paella valenciana.

Ah, forget it.

Ah, it's nice and chilly in here.

Ah, Julie points out that to be a true Valenciana,

Ah, like gorillas at the zoo.

Ah, Ms. Hakkinen.

Ah, Ms. Tanz!

Ah, well, speaking of President Laura Montez,

Ah, you see, because I have secret.

Ah!

Ah. You should put her down.

AIDS and Adult Literacy.

AIDS is a big part of the tapestry.

Aimed at your conscience and your funny bone

Alethia?

All China has to do is throw in a few hundred FN 6 missiles

All due respect, ma'am, we all knew you were, uh...

All I can tell you is President Meyer is in a closed door...

All I can tell you is that President Meyer is in a closed door meeting.

All I did was stay focused on one simple goal...

All I wanted to do was go hunting with Judge, that's it.

All my hair fell out, including my pubes, Dan.

All nonessential White House staff

All of them have been.

All of them?!

All of this international shit is gonna be great for my book.

All right, can't be too safe.

All right, can't be too safe.

All right, cool.

All right, fine. I get it

All right, get in there. Just tear that animal apart!

All right, here we go. Sherman, hello!

All right, hit "POTUS SUV."

All right, I need you and your buddies from the Island of Misfit Toys...

All right, Madam President,

All right, Mike, we got 30 days to write a new draft.

All right, so tell me, is there any truth at all to this?

All right, so, listen, Richard,

All right, the treasury secretary

All right, time to write this book.

All right, you anal fistula, we had a deal

All right, you can open your eyes, Congressman.

All right, you know what I'm gonna do?

All right, you know what? Fuck that.

All right! Oh!

All right? I really don't care what you think.

All right? The constant ass grabbing, it's like sexual harassment!

All right.

All righty!

All that anyone will remember

All the cool guys wear the band's T shirt.

All the worst traits of Russia

Aloha, Buzzy.

Aloha.

Also, are we doing our laundry all wrong?

Also, estimates for construction are coming in at $300 million.

Also, guess who I found outside.

Also, I would be remiss not to thank President Selina Meyer,

Also, we heard back from Yale and their response was emphatic.

Although you might have to lie about working for Meyer.

Although, I have to admit I sort of miss it.

Although, it would be if you stepped out of the shower.

Although, with my luck, I'd be then crippled for life,

Amber, it's Dan Dan. You in midtown?

America's financial system is gonna go belly up like what, Will?

American University sounds like a made up college in Egypt.

American University, it's like American Univer shit.

Ames, who's your favorite character on "Downton"?

Amy, darling, come on out here, honey.

Amy, Richard, and Madam President.

Amy, Richard, Madam President.

Amy, that morning when I heard you say

Amy, you should take a cue from him, really.

Amy.

An advance of $20 million, while yours...

An international election watching trip to Hawaii?

An old, old friend,

And a king memory foam...

And a year later, he's a father.

And after that, it's snip, snip, snip.

And AIDS.

And all along, it's been staring at me in my face!

And all their gracious help with my airport bill.

And also, we have another email

And also, Your compassion.

And amen.

And America cannot forget that.

And an old lady who smelled like cumin wouldn't stop hugging me!

And Andy would play with you again?

And anytime she does, all she cares about is tearing me down,

And anyway, I'm not depressed.

And attend a WNBA game, but I think we're gonna be okay.

And back from Council Bluffs on Wednesday.

And be extraordinary and a sex symbol.

And because we don't look like Herman Munster's brother

And before you ask,

And Ben and Kent say I can't use campaign money.

And both of your shoes are untied.

And build a bridge.

And by the way, these biscuits are amazing.

And Cherry Tree Choppers sounds a lot more legitimate.

And congratulations on that, by the way.

And Congress reject me was, um...

And cut it off in front of everyone

And daughter, Shawnee.

And did that bungee jump...

And did the undercover piece as a homeless woman.

And didn't cost her the presidency.

And ephemera to them, to their library.

And even nationally.

And even they don't have to drink Coke Zero.

And everybody knows that I dated Charlie Baird.

And everyone disappoints me and nothing works out,

And female circumcision...

And finally, an attempt to break the record

And for a girl we like Linus.

And forget all about those 15 minutes

And Fosamax and lube.

And furthermore,

And Gary's carrying a Jimmy Choo purse.

And get something called sausage patties.

And go do it fast before Kent invites her to a Sudoku weekend in Vermont.

And he immediately fired the number five man in charge

And he is intimately involved

And he thinks that you're a little Upper East Side.

And he wants to make a large donation to the library.

And he's the chair of the Judiciary Committee.

And her head held high, looking stunning,

And her Hinckley esque obsession with bronzer?

And here's the moment where he exposes himself.

And here's what's going on in your world.

And his stunning bride to be,

And hope we get hit by an asteroid.

And how much better dead baby Bruce is than me!

And human rights...

And hung upside down from a lamp post

And I always have been,

And I am just like, ah!

And I am reminded of their many accomplishments

And I asked them to use the Jackie Kennedy crystal service.

And I asked them where Nordstrom's was

And I don't give a fuck if that means

And I don't wanna catch anything.

And I ended up having to poop in a Sunoco bathroom.

And I gotta say I'm not sure this crystal is right.

And I gotta tell you, my rifle was bigger than I was.

And I grew up to be so tall,

And I like her.

And I married my fucking father.

And I need you to not be mad at me because I just... I just had... I had one bite.

And I repaid that honor with betrayal.

And I said, "It's in my carry on."

And I see so many portraits

And I think I may have voted.

And I think the birthday boy would like to say a few words.

And I thought if you had some time,

And I thought they were trying to get me to renew my prescription.

And I tried not to think of the politics of it all.

And I wanna let you know that I will destroy you

And I want all the touch screens

And I want Rihanna to put a gun to my head while she makes me eat her out,

And I want you to remind me

And I was chased by children.

And I was wondering if you wanted to come with me.

And I will be passing bills by day and smashing gash by night.

And I will continue to do those things

And I will not work for less than 87 cents on the dollar.

And I will see you in the tomorrow

And I worry about the genes you'll pass down to your child...

And I would also add that it really does help

And I would've said the same thing to you

And I'm Dan Egan, bringing you your morning

And I'm Dan ny Egan.

And I'm gonna fuck your girlfriend.

And I'm gonna make them date me.

And I'm gonna tell it tonight at the party.

And I'm gonna... I'm gonna have a party.

And I'm including JFK's coffin.

And I'm only flying there private.

And I'm sorry if I get a little emotional telling this story...

And I'm there in time to steep the tea...

And I'm trapped in a cycle of abuse.

And I'm using "literally" correctly.

And if any one of them objects,

And if he has to walk down five flights of stairs,

And if I'm Grandma, I will be replaced

And if one person mentions Tom James to me,

And if they didn't want me to shut down the government,

And if we...

And if you could not ejaculate for the next 72 hours, that would be ideal.

And if you don't find anyone in the Senate,

And in the end, I just turned out to be another blue bottle fly

And Indianapolis Times.

And integrity...

And introducing Danny Egan.

And it makes it kind of, you know, interesting to sit and listen.

And it was a really tight race.

And it was okay for her to eat cello bow rosin"...

And it was okay for her to eat cello bow rosin"...

And it's for you that I visited war zones

And it's high time that the government stop trying to babysit all of us.

And it's just an honor for me to be here

And it's like she's trying to ruin everything.

And just say we're not gonna use that.

And king pillow top sets for 599,

And lead the opposition party,

And let me give you one word of advice... run.

And made her look like not a twat.

And made it very unusual texture of sea cucumber,

And make your enemies take you out

And matching boots for my G.I. Joe doll.

And maybe you were too busy biting James Bond's cable car wire to realize,

And Moses led his people to the land of...?

And my foot is down on that.

And no dirty talk for Uncle Buddy then.

And nobody would say boo.

And not in line with the values of Yale.

And not the reformer some had hoped he would be

And now I can't find her.

And now I'm wearing the scarlet letter?

And now it's my pleasure to welcome back

And now she's back for her big day!

And now you finally have a friend."

And of course you know my old friend, Ben.

And of course you would be offered a full tenured professorship.

And our fishing holes and all the holes you could ever possibly want.

And our stance must be...

And out through the body.

And own the most popular soccer team,

And paying his gay escort.

And people are resting their...

And people were saying I was cold

And pin my legs behind my head and do me.

And plus, the day after Daylight Saving Time,

And poor Barbara.

And Quartie said, "All that hollering was a hoot,"

And right now, we need to do something,

And said it was my fault.

And School for Public Policy and Women's Studies

And second of all, everyone, Jane and I are not f...

And see what I wrote before, like in a suspense movie.

And sent it to me by mistake.

And served two tours in Afghanistan

And she gave Catherine all of her money...

And she's a lovely gal, so...

And she's way older than Jane.

And shining moments.

And so I give you this peace lily

And so we look forward to...

And some asparagus with a béarnaise sauce.

And something interesting jumps out from the data,

And speaking of politics,

And start to appreciate the things that really do matter in life.

And start to question this communist capitalist shit swirly

And Stewart and the other Bobby,

And still get reelected in November.

And T boned the entire US economy.

And tell her Selina will meet with her next Monday.

And tell them that these rumors about us are complete bullshit

And tell them to cancel that stupid portrait thing,

And that he is now not speaking to me?

And that I was unrelatable.

And that is not uncommon for a young democracy.

And that is why I'm taking this opportunity

And that, in a nutshell,

And that, um...

And that's 'cause I needed the grade.

And that's our name.

And that's the kind of man I could get behind,

And the Advancement of Global Democracy.

And the fall foliage is amazing!

And the little boy with the broken roller skates?

And the little hand points to the...

And the Madison Monroe dinner on Monday night?

And the only reason he hasn't been dragged naked through the streets

And the sentencing reform rollbacks for the mentally ill.

And the torture and the death squads aside,

And then all of a sudden, this squirrel just popped out.

And then all of a sudden, this squirrel just popped out.

And then have the American people

And then kind of go back over and trace over

And then the next thing I know, they dyed my thumb

And then there was this one time

And then there's this nickname stuff.

And then we just hired the least fuckable press secretary we could find.

And then we just shuffle papers around

And then with that TV appearance.

And then you turn it back on again like with a router.

And there's no terry cloth robe or shower cap.

And they can't vote me out, right? It's for life.

And they go in and they grab the testicle,

And they go in and they grab the testicle,

And they have written you a piece of legislation.

And they pull it out of the scrotum

And they said this shutdown was a bad idea.

And they set up the Blue Room for your use.

And they're just gonna pop a stent in there

And they're not in Midtown.

And they've been keeping me in stitches!

And this deal is Mao Ze done, baby.

And this is not easy,

And this is very nice, folks.

And this is, I'm sure, shaping up to be a great one...

And this whole place is like a vortex of sexual confusion.

And Time Magazine, let's get in touch with them

And tomorrow, a sex offender registry for dogs.

And up next, a long lost letter from WWII

And use it to wax

And we are all good...

And we are clear.

And we are clear. Great show, people!

And we are expecting our first child.

And we can have that Chardonnay...

And we gotta play this smart.

And we need to tell them that the Kennedy Library is a reference point

And we think that he is doing a terrific job.

And we walked out onto the stage to accept the nomination,

And we'll see you bright and early Monday morning

And we're all going to dinner tonight.

And we're clear.

And we're gonna get invited to that unveiling.

And we're here to shove some liberty up America's ass.

And wear a short skirt.

And what chores do you do around the house to deserve that?

And what do you want me to do about it?

And what is that on your sweater?

And what's the point of anything anyway?

And what's wrong?

And when I was in high school, I used to pretend to be sick

And when something's broken, you shut it down,

And where they killed themselves.

And why don't you have your phone right now?

And women's studies.

And would be a major victory for the Doyle Doctrine.

And y'all enjoy the party and have a good time.

And yet you live in this... you know, forgive the expression...

And you and your imaginary dragon don't count.

And you can be their daddy!

And you grabbed my hand and you held it up high, and I was like,

And you have a fancy tie and a tiny little microphone.

And you have a higher reserve of dignity and self worth.

And you know what I did with it?

And you know what, I'll send you a couple McLintock morsels

And you know what, you can take Teddy and Bobby

And you said not to touch anything without a private jet.

And you should know that this donation

And you wanna know why that is?

And you'll get rid of Daylight Savings Time?

And you're gonna have a birthday next, um...

And you're gonna write it!

And you're not invited. Sorry. Congressmen only.

And you're not on it.

And your editor called about the pages to your book.

And your trophy office and your trophy baby,

And, boys, it's where I went to law school.

And, gosh darn it, the recoil plumb knocked me on my behind.

And, in fact, the spreading of democracy

And, no, it wasn't me.

And, Richard, you're in charge of the library.

And, uh, deal with the ceremony and so on.

And, you two girls, I'm sorry.

And...

And... and what...

And... oh, the stable got wrecked, by the way.

Andrew fucks me in a way I really enjoy.

Andrew is very hard to get rid of.

Andrew said that he was campaigning long hours at the office for me.

Andrew, can you help me out here with this?

Andrew, we ruined your wife's pretty office chair.

Announcer: CBS This Morning with Jane McCabe.

Any department store that wasn't started by ****.

Any details, any specifics?

Any idea who President Montez is considering

Anytime, Madam President.

Anyway, eventually,

Anyway, so Daddy never came home empty handed.

Anyway, the only question that I do have is

Anyway, use this letter that Mike wrote.

Anyway, you know how I have been searching forever

Apparently, Andrew kept referring to his penis as the "First Chubby."

Apparently, he is having trouble

Apparently, someone saw President Meyer's name on McPherson's call sheet,

Apparently, the state senator

Are a little irregular, like the Cuba trips...

Are less traumatized at their unveiling.

Are not only bound by mutual respect and shared beliefs.

Are part of a diverse pageant

Are there any questions?

Are these from Trader Joe's? They're delicious.

Are we running from something scary, ma'am?

Are you a 15 year old girl?

Are you asking Ben and Kent who he is?

Are you fucking...?!

Are you gonna make a campaign contribution or what?

Are you hungry? We've got a lot of food here.

Are you kidding me? Me?

Are you kidding me? This is great TV.

Are you listening to anything we're saying?

Are you mean when you drink?

Are you still not talking to me?

Are you sure you're ready for this?

Arms deals and the exploitation of third world resources.

As a former president, I'm proud to lend my stature

As a matter of fact.

As a regular part of the "CBS Morning Show" family.

As a ruthless, corporate oligarch

As a symbol of your brave stand for freedom.

As an official observer

As clear as the coffee table Danny Thomas had his hookers shit on.

As fond as I am of you personally

As happy as a hound dog with a horse's Johnson.

As long as he promises not to blow up my library,

As long as the check clears.

As long as we understand that there is, in fact, no understanding.

As my cohost this week,

As my father used to say,

As something of a mentor.

As we say in Qatar, "You should never build your house on shifting sands."

As well as a couple of sixes.

As well as certain types of cancer.

As Will's wife putting a baby in her polyp festival of a uterus!

As young as tiny babies

Association with Tanz spells disaster.

At a public restroom well known for that purpose.

At least he was a good listener.

At least while the government's shut down,

At my portrait unveiling in English?

At Rwanda 20 years later.

At this fundraising gang bang tonight?

At this point, that's all we can say.

At this time.

Attendant: Right here, Madam President.

Aw, and it misses you, too.

Aw, Charlie.

Aw, thank you.

Aw, that's sweet.

Aw, well, at least you made the short list.

Aw, you were college buddies?

Aw!

Aw!

Aw.

Aw.

Aye.

Aye.

Babe, this is so exciting!

Back in America, people are always telling me to go back to Africa.

Back to you, Jane.

Back when we were best friends.

Bam, sucker!

Barbara loved buying you those.

Barbara Valeski, Daddy's secretary?

Be careful 'cause that cabinet's valuable.

Beautiful and brilliant.

Beautiful.

Because all you people are in here sucking it.

Because he thought I was white, right?

Because he's taking it on a fuck tour of South America.

Because he's the one who's really ailing and at death's door.

Because I am not going back to Yahoo fucking Style!

Because I cannot lose this job, not before my wedding!

Because I didn't call you afterwards?

Because I have had a very good view

Because I let you out of one.

Because I'm hungry.

Because I'm not going to apologize, you know?

Because I'm very emotional, too, about this issue.

Because it is, in fact, a job.

Because my daddy was a very good family man, okay?

Because of those 18 year old bitches out there?!

Because President Taft was on the Supreme Court after he was president.

Because she's so well spoken, don't you think?

Because some guy took a poo on the beverage cart.

Because the world really needs to know...

Because things started loosening up, you know.

Because we are going to make Buddy Calhoun

Because we are moving on up.

Because we found property for my library.

Because we had to make an emergency landing in Birmingham

Because we worked for the president

Because we're not actually fucking, and you know that, right?

Because you lied and now they're normal sized.

Because you served less than one year?

Because you're not a billionaire

Because your voice sounds very whiny.

Before Murman Shalikashvili could be sworn in,

Before we get back to work, would you mind writing

Being against waste will play statewide,

Being interviewed on the television about the two of you.

Being on time, Congressman Dachau.

Beltway Ben.

Ben says Qataris are very good at inserting themselves.

Ben, I need to talk to you.

Ben! Doing God's work, I see.

Besides the most beautiful woman in the world?

Better luck next time.

Big enough to soak up that mess out there, my God.

Big shot Washington insider

Birth gender isn't even that relevant.

Blech!

Both of them went to town on me. It was brutal.

Boy, I'll tell you, I remember that night he died

Boy, some scary moments there, I bet.

Boy, we should not be listening to that.

Breaking news from Washington, DC,

Brie's nipples pop more, and she's not wrong.

Briefing on infrastructure bill,

Bronzina's fired. You're welcome.

Brought you a second plate with extra pork chops.

Brue was his stillborn twin.

Buddy: Hey, babe?

Buh bye.

But all interesting people are, okay?!

But also exposed his opponent

But Americans don't care what poor kids eat.

But anyway, the point is any sort of strong speech

But as a nephew of a survivor of the Holocaust...

But at any rate, happy birthday, Gary.

But do you realize these are the same complaints

But everybody's talking about how gorgeous you looked.

But everyone... yeah, that's...

But everything is different now that my father's died of colon cancer,

But for Jean Pierre Magambo,

But for myself,

But for the life of me, I can't remember one second.

But guess what, that's about as likely to happen

But guess what. People liked it.

But he was always off with Teddy, who was kind of the first Bobby

But he's too much of a pussy to go for my pussy.

But hold up.

But I also like to think

But I am really sorry that Dad did this to you.

But I can't afford to keep it either.

But I certainly appreciate getting one from you.

But I did bring you a gift

But I don't wanna lose it, I think.

But I had to go in another direction.

But I have decided

But I have got a fun surprise for ya.

But I know Sherman Tanz,

But I still got to be president, and, tsk, you never will.

But I think five million is swingable.

But I think I breached her defenses.

But I think that will require a little bit more cash.

But I think you're stunning.

But I wanna tell you this one particular story

But I'm donating the rest of your suits

But I'm only 49.

But I've been underestimated my entire life.

But I've had time to reflect since that moment.

But if anybody has any objections,

But if not, you know, maybe you and me could do something.

But if the check is for the Rare Bird Conservancy,

But if we don't raise the debt ceiling,

But in a way that is respectful.

But it sure as tits wasn't me.

But it threw off my whole bathroom schedule

But it'll probably be a man if you wanna get anything done.

But it's for discounted prescriptions for the elderly.

But it's time for a change,

But listen, what the judge doesn't know

But love to say it.

But make a mental note of exactly what this pattern is

But make it sound kind of sexy so he knows what he's missing.

But maybe this isn't the best fit.

But my speech! I...

But my uncle grandpa had her sterilized,

But now it is time to focus on the issues at hand

But please understand that whatever decision I make

But right now, you could piss on every grave in Arlington

But Sherman Tanz...

But that's my job.

But the bowtie makes him look queer.

But the good news is we've just received a large donation from...

But the Israeli Trade Representative is headed this way.

But the motility is abnormally low,

But the Second Amendment certainly did guarantee my right to use it.

But then on my 10th birthday,

But there's somebody else that I slept with.

But there's still some cysts and some bubbling.

But they're starting to peel, so soon, they won't be as red.

But this I cannot take.

But this is going to be my last day

But this world is just... it's full of snakes and snares and...

But to me, it looks like local morning news

But unbelievably shitty apartment.

But unless you're planning on knitting your semiconductors

But wait, I need the diary.

But wasn't Mee Maw living in Palm Beach when you were born?

But we can keep cracking away at that prologue.

But what my daddy didn't know...

But what was he doing?

But when it came to the US viewpoint,

But when my opponent spreads lies about my wife?

But with temperatures plunging down into the single digits,

But you just said we won't.

But you know I can't be with someone like you.

But you said that if any one of us objects

But you were just there. Aren't you having a good time?

But you're also his fiancée.

But you're gonna have a meeting with Sherman Tanz.

But you're gonna have a meeting with Sherman Tanz.

But your dad wasn't pleased

But your investment is doing well.

But, look, I can't take that money...

But, um...

Butterscotch.

Buying chicken blood for a voodoo rite?

By I, I mean the people of New Hampshire.

By the day after... yesterday.

By the death of Justice Tenny.

By the light of his own shit.

By the name of Selina Meyer.

By two tits with a degree from American University over there.

By your feelings that are brought on by Nikolai's lumpy poison cock.

Bye bye! Thank you! Thank you.

Bye, now.

Call me after the fundraiser."

Called cancer.

Campaign starts right now,

Can I be uncharacteristically blunt with you?

Can I be with one of them?

Can I borrow you for a second, Miss Brookheimer?

Can I bring anything?

Can I have a private word with you?

Can I please have some more wine?

Can I talk to you for a second... actually, both of you, in here?

Can we get a few words about the late Justice Tenny?

Can we get something for Mr. Walsh, please?

Can we get you some coffee or some tea or...?

Can we invite Quartie to your party?

Can we play that again?

Can we roll that video one more time for our audience?

Can you believe this?

Can you even have a library?

Can you just go away, Catherine?

Can't put their kung pao chicken on the table

Candi? Uh huh.

Careful, the ground isn't straight here.

Careful.

Catch the tiger, and I was the prey.

Catherine and Mr. Marjorie have been here

Catherine, I don't know! I was a baby.

Catherine, let me just explain something to you, sweetie.

Catherine, Richard, and I have something important to tell you.

Catherine, you are not going to be coy or twee

Catherine, you know, everybody just woke up

Catherine's forbidden affair with your Secret Service agent.

Certainly a worthwhile cause, but if we could bring it back to Sherman Tanz...

Certainly not the higher energy costs

Certainly.

Chardonnay on the quad after Julia Child Day?

Charlie, also played by Fred Gwynne. Season one, episode nine.

Checking in. Mike McLintock.

Cheers.

Chocolate chip walnut cookies from Levain.

Chocolate chip walnut cookies from Levain.

Christ, you got old.

Classic red lip.

Clutch with Wichita notary group,

CNN just came out with their speculative list

Colonel Al Saleh felt that you could've been

Colonel Al Saleh is here.

Colonel Omar Al Saleh, the 'Butcher of Juba.'"

Come back home to suck on my giant congressional ball.

Come here. See, all this is just for show.

Come home to suck on my giant...

Come join the party.

Come on, I haven't slept with a woman over 30 since I was 14,

Come on, if the other congressmen see me with a cheat sheet,

Come on, Jonah. Let's christen your new pad.

Come on, we both know you were gonna go ahead and do it anyway.

Come on, you never had any pubes.

Come, let me serve my American visitors tea

Confucius say fuck, yeah!

Congratulations are in order.

Congratulations. So, which one of you is the carrier?

Congressman Diaz said that optics

Congressman Diaz said that optics

Congressman Jonah Ryan.

Congressman Minority House Leader Furlong.

Congressman Ryan votes no.

Congressman Ryan, welcome back.

Congressman, being a bachelor in this town

Consider in the most open minded of ways

Considerably more interested in your library than they are in adult literacy or AIDS.

Convicted of tax fraud.

Cool.

Could it be bad for your child's self esteem?

Could you do me a favor? You think you could talk to Quartie

Could you please just go and pack everything up for me in that other room?

Could you tell the Colossus of Chodes

Could've bought you my virginity in '83.

Couple three drinks, standard hayjay in the cab home,

Da, da, da, da, da, da. Coming, Mama!

Daddy changed that stable into his office.

Damn fine lady. Mm.

Damn straight!

Dan Egan, to what do I owe the pleasure of this...

Dan, great to see you. I had fun last night.

Dan, if I stop being fuckable, then I am Grandma,

Dan, you've heard the old saying,

Danny Egan has been filling in

Danny Egan takes an unflinching look

Danny is my man

Danny Thomas also founded the St. Jude's Hospital for Children, so.

Danny, I respect what you are trying to do,

Danny, I saw that piece that you did on Rwanda. It's very powerful.

Danny, Jane.

Danny, where the fuck were you?

Daughter of Sherman Tanz.

David Sloane, hedge fund manager. He's in for a million.

Daylight Saving... not plural... Time

Dear Lord.

Deregulate the financial industry.

Deregulate the... deregulate everything!

Dessert is an apple.

Dessert, then. I got a sweet tooth.

Did he throw himself from a moving town car?

Did I hurt your feelings because I, what...

Did I miss the French toast dippy things?

Did I tell you that my son Otto tried to commit suicide

Did I tell you the story

Did Mike bring his babies?

Did Mother have to get the body flown back here?

Did my missing ball freak you out?

Did not do more to stop the recent genocide in the Congo.

Did you ever go through an awkward phase?

Did you guys get invited to this unveiling thing?

Did you have a stroke, you weird asshole man?

Did you have your pants on?

Did you really like it?

Did you see his nonsense about the Daylight Savings?

Did you see that?

Did you tell him your first name was Mohammad?

Did your lady boss send you down to get her "tampoons," did she?

Died right on top of her.

Digging my way through the ancient ruins,

Diligently? I... I'm not sure I concur with that.

Do I need to timesplain clock reading to you two?

Do it again. What happens when you eat cheese, Will?

Do not tell anyone about this.

Do not think that the elections have been free and fair.

Do we have a house arrest address or what?

Do we have a photographer? 'Cause I don't wanna do this again.

Do we have any Hot Pockets?

Do you actually think former president Selina Meyer could be a good choice?

Do you even know what an unveiling ceremony is?!

Do you have any memory of that moment?

Do you have any social skills whatsoever?

Do you have any water

Do you have someone at home who can take care of you?

Do you know how expensive it is

Do you know that if 30,000 more people in Alabama

Do you know what the chief agricultural product

Do you know what's wrong with that salad?

Do you know where my water with the straw is?

Do you know, by the way,

Do you live with your mom?

Do you need a minute or...?

Do you remember that night junior year?

Do you think I should give him a call?

Do you think that I can be dating someone who's...

Do you want me to 69 him?

Do you want me to get you anything else?

Do you want me to get you some arnica ointment?

Do you want to hear the messages?

Do you want window or aisle?

Doctor, can you give us a minute?

Does anybody have anything else to focus on in the world?

Doesn't get lower than that, does it?

Don't budge on the debt ceiling until you get a private meeting with the president.

Don't forget to pack your long johns, Danny.

Don't have sex with Jane McCabe,

Don't mention it. Ever.

Don't we... in the United States,

Don't worry, I like to judge a man by looking him right in the eyes.

Don't worry, I'm gonna fix this before tub time.

Don't you feel it? I just want a tiny, tiny bit.

Don't you guys have something to do for Tanz?

Don't you see? I had no choice but to go into politics

Down, down.

Doyle picked me because...

Dropped it over the side of the Staten Island Ferry

Drove their short bus right into the debt ceiling vote

Eastern Shore of Maryland.

Eastern Shore, very classy

Easy. Oh.

Eat the soup.

Eating popcorn and watching "Downton Abbey."

Eating popcorn and watching "Downton Abbey"

Eh, forget it, forget it.

Enjoying a stroll down memory lane?

Especially corporations, who he legally considered to be people.

Even a couple of scientists, right?

Even so, I did not expect to find myself on a couch

Even that sanctimonious fraud Carter had a library.

Even though they made her ride around in a convertible like an animal, I might add,

Ever since that photo came out of you and the warlord.

Every day starts with morning.

Every detail of every day in the White House was in that diary.

Every morning of every day for many mornings to come.

Every potential mate has been preselected

Everybody on TV sucks.

Everybody said I was gonna lose,

Everybody up. Get up.

Everyone was unless you're a mole person

Everyone, I'm so honored to be here.

Everything that I have been through in my entire life

Except for you, Gellardi.

Except I didn't even get a candlelight vigil.

Except shittier in every conceivable way.

Except with just no regulators, okay?

Except with quadruple the assholes.

Except, you know, it doesn't quite sound right,

Excerpted in this month's "Vanity Fair."

Excuse me, don't say pork. Shawnee's *******.

Excuse me, it would be a great honor

Excuse me, Ms. McCabe, but this is a private meeting.

Excuse me, what is going on here?

Explain. Connect the dots for me.

Failure to thrive at birth... fuck that.

Family meeting is adjourned. La la la la.

Feeding on a heaping mouthful of Seabiscuit's finest.

Feel better.

Finally delivered, ending a 60 year marriage.

Find some space for yourself out there.

Fine

Fine, dinner, my house.

Fine, I did it!

Fine, the basement. Who gives a shit?

Fine, this stupid hat is too small for my yarmulke.

Fine. Find me Mrs. Ryan.

First of all, let me congratulate you.

Fittingly, I lost my back virginity in Assateague.

Flew directly to Sudan from the G7 summit

Flux. That's what I said.

Flying a thousand miles to Alabama.

For a modeling shoot in the Angeles National Forest.

For a president who is currently more famous

For Adult Literacy, Aids...

For Andrew's behavior.

For being a jizz sock for Times Square tourists

For Christ's sake, we both know how the game is played.

For cooking the world's largest hamburger

For elder statesman duty?

For escape this cycle of corruption and decadence.

For Georgia to face west.

For her to do both at the same time

For her to sit in her closet

For how everything unfolded with Tibet.

For instance, perhaps we would say there have been certain irregularities

For keistering sewer rats.

For opposing the very warlord who photobombed you.

For people to come and sit and reflect

For president again.

For somebody with broken English, she was real uppity.

For that new office for you first thing tomorrow?

For the children.

For the open Supreme Court seat?

For the perfect place for my library,

For the Supreme Court seat left empty

For the third freaking time

For what was seen as a missed opportunity...

For you to get pregnant.

For you to look more like a giant cock.

For your information, we're called the Jeffersons, probably,

For your official presidential portrait.

Former fuckers.

Former ma'am, there are news stories

Former president and my old boss Selina Meyer

Four tickets to "Spider Man: Turn Off the Dark"?

Friend.

From a Georgian AIDS foundation late last night...

From everywhere.

From here to the end of time.

From Jaffar in New York. "I need to see you."

From now on, I am going to be only about speaking engagements.

From our clocks

From party girl to coke whore for cock, you know?

From the bad boy of Washington, Jonah Ryan.

From the first testing of the new host pairing.

From the former President of the Untied States.

From the front and the back...

From the gatekeepers of this patriarchal...

From the Meyer Fund to the library?

From the online dating pool of DC women ages 25 to 30

From the place that matters the most... the beach.

From the tea party.

From where? He died in the barn.

From, I don't know, Delaware.

Fuck Daylight Savings Time, all right?

Fuck Montez and that fake bur... burrow...

Fuck that dated paradigm!

Fuck Yale University.

Fuck Yale University.

Fuck you, Buzzy. Stevie, look, man,

Fuck, yeah!

Fuck!

Fuck.

Fuck.

Fun!

Fundraising laws... no silverware.

Gary and I were able to have you placed

Gary, be careful 'cause I've got a lot of valuable stuff in that bag!

Gary, call the White House

Gary, can I get a Sprite?

Gary, I don't know why you keep doing that because...

Gary, it's 100 and fuck degrees. Let's go!

Gary, put CNN on right now.

Gary, you gotta give Mike one of your shirts.

Gary, you okay?

Gary, you wanna come up?

Gary: Lookie look who's here.

Gary: Madame is up 950 points.

Gary? I can't get this... okay, something's...

Gary's gonna stay with us in the brownstone

Gave me the rest of the night off so I could put on my tourist hat.

Gentlemen and... lady,

Gerard Hojati. Do you know what I remember from that day?

Get me whoever painted Ambassador Stone's wife

Get out

Get out of here. Stop! Stop!

Get out that diary, pick a day, and let's go.

Get out! No. Get out. Guards!

Get Shylock Tanz on the phone right now!

Get some food before everyone else.

Get them to move me next to... to Lincoln or to Mao

Get this T shirt off of me.

Get those fucking meatballs away from me.

Getting his son into the Harper Day School,

Getting paid, getting laid, son.

Getting soft, Danny boy? Keep it tight for Jane.

Gigi Pell. God, that's a blast from the past.

Give my regards to everybody

Give that a break.

Glass houses.

Go down in the wine cellar and pick out another bottle of wine?

Go on!

God Almighty, I wish I'd been assassinated in office.

God damn it, what is it?

God damn it, you guys, I am so hot.

God damn it! I hate homophobia.

God, can nothing go right for me, ever?!

God, don't you know that woman needs a pop of color?

God, how can anybody jerk off to her

God, I wish there were some way we could do this without men.

God, I'm really starting to understand this whole lesbian thing now.

God, Jesus! I can tell you that the diary is not in your ass crack

God, why am I downloading a movie?

God.

Gonna be making a speech at Mutual of Omaha on Monday

Gonna check in with the people down there

Gonna go over with small town America?

Gonna run for president.

Good afternoon, gentlemen.

Good afternoon.

Good bye.

Good communication between the two of us.

Good evening, Congressman.

Good evening, friends.

Good for you. That's right. And you're gonna be...

Good luck getting your precious back from those mean hobbits, Sméagol.

Good luck.

Good morning, Team Ryan.

Good morning, uh...

Good morning.

Good morning.

Good morning. Selina Meyer present.

Good news is without the tampons,

Good night, Ben. Good night, good night.

Good night.

Good things happen to good people.

Good, solid New England professions.

Good!

Good.

Gosh, Montez is actually gonna say that

Got it. My jacket.

Got it. So good to see you!

Got some really good shots of us.

Got your dong of a résumé.

Grandma Splett always said that self pleasure was a sin

Great candidate, Dad.

Great interview. Charming guy.

Great job.

Great tapestry of history.

Great, great.

Great.

Great.

Greg? Hello!

Grotesque country I have ever been to

Guess what, I got balls. I got big, blue balls.

Guys, it's fine.

Ha ha!

Hacking my way past the crazy cobwebs and snakes and shit,

Had gone to the polls instead of smoking off brand cigarettes

Had the audacity to offer you a $10 million bribe.

Hallelujah. Amen, Dad.

Hamilton wasn't a president.

Hang on. Daddy's got his book.

Hanging on a wall in the White House.

Has asked to send them everything that you've ever written on abortion.

Has given as much for their country as you.

Has had a goddamn library, okay?

Has never saved us from anything,

Has only made me stronger and taller.

Have been "punching the clock"

Have been furloughed, starting immediately.

Have ever watched girls gymnastics? That makes no sense.

Have fun.

Have launched a full fledged and savage attack

Have not been exaggerated.

Have you ever heard of Congressman Jonah Ryan from New Hampshire?

Have you imprisoned any good novelists recently?

Have you no shame?

Having sex with President Selina Meyer.

Hawaii is rightfully a monarchy and will be again.

He can read the newspaper on the toilet

He can't afford private school to begin with.

He can't go all the way back to Hoboken.

He didn't like her Broadway show.

He does have very delicate features.

He finally took me out hunting.

He got stuck in a bathtub?

He grew up to be Egyptian President Anwar Sadat.

He had a dead animal in his pocket the whole time?

He has some scarring. It is purely cosmetic.

He is a bomber and a photobomber!

He is all in for the Birthplace and Library.

He is the only hope for the Georgian people.

He just offered me...

He just wanted me to feel like a man.

He just wanted to make his little girl

He just went full Chinaman on me.

He liked to insert in the anus of his opponents.

He loved them and he was fucking them!

He might get so tired that he forgets to tell them

He said he talked to Quartie, who said, "He took to you

He takes his boys real, real seriously.

He used to say, "If that story was like a horse,

He was a cheater and a liar!

He was a horse thief!

He was a touring member from '90 to '92. He never officially joined.

He was arrested on live television.

He was charismatic, he was gregarious,

He was cheating on me during the entire campaign

He was fucking Louise Kellog for me,

He was not pleased.

He was somewhat peculiar, yeah...

He was unbearable.

He went off this morning on a business trip

He wishes!

He would eat it up and ask for seconds.

He's 28 feet tall and only bathes once a year.

He's a bald, old booze bag with a whiskey stink mustache,

He's a fresh, if slightly deformed, face

He's a new voice for democracy in the region

He's a Sudanese warlord.

He's actually one of the sponsors.

He's already got a job

He's always grooming some new associate

He's always interrupting you and insulting you.

He's completely wasted.

He's crying. Haha, what a fucking girl!

He's dressed like a doorman.

He's just gotta go to a Laundromat, meet a girl,

He's like the herpes virus or an unwanted child.

He's not gonna get away with that.

He's pissing himself!

Heart attack.

Heavenly Father,

Helen signed an NDA.

Hello, Congressman Ryan! It's been a while.

Hello, Murman.

Hello! Oh, I like your puffy hairdo.

Hello! One day, you can grow up to be president.

Hello?

Hello?

Hello. Buenas tardes. Good afternoon.

Hello. Thanks for this.

Help me out with this Selina Ross and the Supremes insanity.

Her mother and I didn't want her to see the body

Here are the notes on the kid chefs.

Here at Uber and in the rest of the world

Here it is!

Here, okay. I'll... I'll get you from the back.

Here's a statement... your investment is doing quite well.

Hey, Andrew, I don't care

Hey, are you almost...

Hey, Brian. Brian, Beth!

Hey, Dad, can you move your desk?

Hey, Dan, could we talk to you for a moment?

Hey, Dan, look at my sandwich.

Hey, did you get invited to the Meyer unveiling?

Hey, did you get me out of the Gerry Ford ghetto?

Hey, did you get your curds, Little Miss Muffless?

Hey, did you see those paparazzi shots of us in the "Daily Mail"?

Hey, did you think of that while you were walking on the beach with a metal detector

Hey, do you know how they remove a cancerous testicle?

Hey, everybody, not home an hour

Hey, Fuckleberry Finn!

Hey, Gary, how come your family doesn't have

Hey, Gary?

Hey, get up.

Hey, Greg!

Hey, guys, I have insider confirmation

Hey, guys, wait for me!

Hey, guys.

Hey, handsome.

Hey, here he is, the Macher of the Moment.

Hey, hey, gang's all here.

Hey, hey, hey, listen to me, you plus sized homunculus.

Hey, hobos, get off the Internet. This isn't the library.

Hey, I have...

Hey, I was just joshing with ya.

Hey, if it isn't Congressman Jonah Ryan of New Hampshire.

Hey, Jane, just wanna make sure you're not mad about this

Hey, Jonah, why don't you and I

Hey, Jonah, why don't you and I

Hey, just so you guys know,

Hey, Kent.

Hey, let's go.

Hey, ma'am

Hey, ma'am, I got big news from the White House.

Hey, ma'am, I think somebody's coming.

Hey, ma'am, if you ever wanna talk to a therapist,

Hey, ma'am, your phone is ringing right there.

Hey, Mike, sorry. I gotta get running.

Hey, Pinocchios

Hey, Richard, what else do we have lined up for me?

Hey, Richard. Five minute feud truce.

Hey, so, Danny, before I have a morning bagel,

Hey, thank you so much for doing this.

Hey, that reminds me, we need to find a place for Andrew's desk upstairs.

Hey, this isn't a library!

Hey, Union Leader, come here.

Hey, wait, before we dig in,

Hey, what do you think of my tie?

Hey, what is your game here?

Hey, what's going on with Omaha, by the way?

Hey, who are we meeting with again today?

Hey, you two girls, how you doing?

Hey, you wanna go monitor some dinner?

Hey!

Hey.

Hey.

Hi, Danny. I want tickets to a certain Broadway show

Hi, Mrs. Tanz. Ms. Tanz, you are smoking.

Hi, what do you have that's like SpaghettiOs?

Hi.

Hi. What... what is my password for my phone?

Hi. Yeah, so good to see you, too.

His memoir has reportedly fetched

His very touch makes me quiver.

Hmm, see? I'm not so bad once you get to know me after 20 years.

Hmm?

Hmm?

Ho, ho, ho, ho!

Hold for the congressman. I have another offer coming.

Homeless people...

Honestly, if you fucked in front of us,

Honestly, it could've gone worse.

Honestly, it was one less thing to worry about.

Honestly. And he's a hell of a storyteller.

Hoping my face doesn't melt when I open her up.

Hot in here, isn't it? Can we get them to turn up the air in this cabin?

How about that? How about that?

How about the Jeffersons?

How are things in the international busybody circuit?

How are you feeling, by the way?

How are you, sweetie?

How come you guys got invited and I didn't?

How dare you speak to a cancer survivor that way?

How dare you, Buddy Calhoun?

How dare you, sir!

How did that happen?

How did you get me such a great speaking slot so last minute?

How do I even get out of here?

How do small town child molesters poll?

How do you get this to read the texts and emails out loud?

How is an ex president's ex moving back in with her

How many of these do I need to fill up?

How much you know about football and hair color

How much?

How she's the victim, how she lost her job,

How the fuck long was that kid here for?

How they "Jewed him down," as Mother used to say

How to vote on your airport bill.

How will I know when I'm done?

How would we make sure no one finds out about the cash?

However, I remain committed to reaching across the aisle.

HR 2029, it's good, old fashioned pork barrel.

Hughes literally grabbed this chopper the day you left office.

Huh, that's actually right when I started working with you.

Huh?

Huh?

Huh?

Hypothetically?

I absolutely am because I hate your stupid, perfect face,

I accidentally voted and now my thumb is green.

I actually went to high school with Kristin Steptoe

I agree. It is so much less than you are worth.

I ain't through with you yet.

I already have 434 brand new best friends

I also do wallpaper.

I am a balling bachelor sexual congressman,

I am announcing tonight that I'm withdrawing

I am breathing normally.

I am gonna find ways to destroy you so hard

I am honored to introduce the world to Nyaring.

I am not some teased haired casino cooze

I am shocked.

I am so glad to hear that you're feeling better.

I am so grateful to all of you who watched,

I am so sick of you lording over me

I am so sorry about the protest out there.

I am so sorry for your loss.

I am so sorry. Selina.

I am.

I am...

I appreciate that. Means a lot.

I begged Daddy to get her for me, and he did.

I believe she is with President Hughes and the other formers

I believe you were about to mention a number.

I bet if I take you home to bed,

I bet this time, it's just menopause.

I bet you say that to all your Western heretics.

I bid you both adieu.

I brought you here...

I call dress. Sorry, Kent.

I call it Yoloha.

I came to you in good faith and I asked!

I can get him on the phone right now.

I can give you a freeze on the rate of increase

I can legislate the shit out of shit in here.

I can only hope that rava ganavlis is human shit.

I can see why you married the other one.

I can't afford to lose this job, Gary,

I can't be with somebody who's physically disfigured.

I can't believe

I can't believe I said that steaming turd of a book

I can't believe I spent the night in jail.

I can't believe that I gave you a goddamn blurb.

I can't comment on the nomination process.

I can't get any air in here

I cannot do that.

I cannot lose my integrity.

I cannot possibly accept that.

I certainly don't need to apologize for anything.

I chose your outfit for the day,

I completely understand.

I control a telecommunication monopoly

I couldn't wait another moment

I cried so hard, I threw up, but it was the best thing I've ever done.

I designed it myself.

I did not do this,

I did not receive my invite to the unveiling ceremony.

I did not vote for you, but I do respect the office.

I did reacquaint myself with an old friend of mine

I did stop to eat at this truck stop diner driving up from Birmingham.

I did.

I did.

I did. I can call my RA. We're still pretty close.

I did. You're bowing next to President Lu.

I didn't come here to ask for an apology,

I didn't even know Georgia was a country.

I didn't hit anything.

I didn't know you were gonna give me AIDS.

I didn't need a babysitter then and I don't need one now,

I didn't **** him!

I didn't really get a chance to see it because I was...

I do not wanna piss those guys off.

I do not want you to do that

I do wanna hear the end of that, though.

I don't care.

I don't even know why I try with those two.

I don't even remember any of that.

I don't get it.

I don't give a damn

I don't have an office. I share a desk with Kent.

I don't have international data, ma'am.

I don't have my phone because this morning's guest

I don't know how to say this to you, Danny, but the network is not happy.

I don't know if you can hear me

I don't know what it is, but it sounds good.

I don't know what your problem is,

I don't know who you are anymore.

I don't know, the doorman told me about this really cool concert that he knew of.

I don't know. Abby, I guess.

I don't know. Tell the bearded ladies I'm a coming.

I don't like the word shrill because it's so misogynistic,

I don't really think we need to finish this book.

I don't see any arrests.

I don't see color.

I don't see her

I don't see that much of a difference.

I don't take notes on how I fuck.

I don't think so.

I don't understand how a guy who never cracked a book can open up a library.

I don't understand. What are you even doing here?

I don't wanna do that.

I don't wanna hear it, okay?

I don't want this whole evening to go all Natalie Wood on me.

I even got four and a half pity handies out of it, so I kept shaving.

I feel like my chest has been trampled

I feel like we're celebrating my frat house gang ****.

I figured it all out.

I find this kind of food display really repulsive.

I forgot Tom is gonna be there.

I found a little button in his diaper.

I found this person of interest lurking around out there.

I get more homesick when you call.

I get so hot thinking of the president sitting in our love puddle.

I get that sense.

I get that, and if you wanna stick with this book as is,

I get them in a five gallon bucket.

I go poo poo in my panty wanties.

I go poo poo in my panty wanties.

I got a Georgian SIM card. Got text forwarding.

I got a great gal.

I got a key to the roof. We could do a Butch Sundance.

I got an idea. I just wanna draw a urethra...

I got another call from the publisher.

I got it.

I got it... the Beltway Boys.

I got one theory.

I got this really cheap flight.

I gotta bolt, but I will catch up with you all later, though

I gotta find a Boost Mobile store.

I guess he'll be thanking me in his next life.

I guess I could give up the gift wrapping room.

I guess it's true what they say... you are what you eat.

I guess my ego allowed me

I guess.

I had always looked up to President Meyer

I had an aunt who transitioned twice.

I had some business in the Gulf with Sturges Energy, but I had to see you.

I had to bring her to work today, and we're playing hide and seek,

I had to go through six weeks of chemotherapy.

I have a lesbian daughter who would absolutely love that.

I have AIDS now.

I have an idea that I think is really gonna impress the network.

I have been reliably told that war criminal Murman

I have no hate in my heart.

I have no idea what these people's names are.

I have no idea what you're talking about.

I have no plans to run

I have not seen Nikolai since the Hague.

I have pardoned hundreds of nonviolent drug offenders,

I have something very exciting that I wanna talk to you about.

I have such a big day tomorrow because I have an election to supervise.

I have the most amazing snow globe collection.

I have to return to the Oval Office to deal with the shutdown.

I have to see this.

I haven't seen you forever.

I haven't spoken to you since the historic House vote.

I hear that horse is legal to eat here.

I hear your days are numbered, boy o.

I hope one of them is changing out of that shroud of urine.

I hope we don't drone this place while we're in it.

I imagine she's texting while riding her bicycle

I just can't hear that story enough.

I just can't take this, you know?

I just feel like I'm a thick, dark fog

I just habitually deny everything these days.

I just read the news on my phone.

I just remembered I have a photographic memory

I just wanna make sure you don't wanna fuck that, too.

I just wanna say a few words for Gary Walsh's 40th birthday.

I just wanna say that I am so proud to be here

I just wanted to give you your check for this month.

I just wanted to see how you were doing.

I just wanted to thank you for all that you've done for me.

I kid you not.

I kind of got yellow fev ah.

I know all about you.

I know I'm not supposed to interrupt you,

I know one thing... she's the one who put my sweater in the dryer.

I know Selina Meyer,

I know some guys in Abu Dhabi

I know that this last year has been...

I know that you speak English.

I know that you will soon find

I know what bowing is.

I know you! I didn't recognize you with your little hat.

I know you'd chew your own arm off to escape being handcuffed

I know your secret.

I know, because I am supervising your supervising.

I know, I can't believe it either.

I know, right? Well...

I know, you think I'm going a little too fast with Jaffar.

I know! It's sort of like a "Vogue" shoot.

I know! There's no tablecloths.

I know.

I know. Although, you know what?

I know. Can you believe it? Yay.

I leave a little after 4:00,

I left it at security.

I like talking about it, even with you.

I like that. Keep going. Tell me more.

I like you, dimples.

I live in my office. DC rents are insane,

I look around this room

I look forward seeing you in your entirety a little later.

I look like I'm trying out for "The Price is Right."

I love candles.

I love it.

I love paella.

I love Sting's solo stuff.

I love that enthusiasm.

I love this T shirt, too.

I love women, especially my beautiful fiancée, Amy.

I love you, but get out.

I made them from my husband's death shroud.

I made this at camp.

I mean, all these tubes and jars.

I mean, can we reallocate some of the money

I mean, do I fuck her? The entire town thinks I am anyway.

I mean, even the appearance of a quid pro quo...

I mean, honestly, that is the most

I mean, I can engage in homosexual acts

I mean, I can't write

I mean, I couldn't finish it. I just threw the rest out.

I mean, I definitely cannot take that money.

I mean, I don't really give a shit.

I mean, I guess if you think that that would work.

I mean, I just can't believe I fell for it again!

I mean, I'm just... you know, although in that case,

I mean, I'm not gonna lie.

I mean, I'm not the President of the Dominican Republic, you know.

I mean, I'm sure that I played with Catherine when she was a child...

I mean, if it came to that.

I mean, is anyone as shocked as I am that I'm doing this?

I mean, is that even a position?

I mean, it so expensive to commute from DC.

I mean, it was the Green Room, but.

I mean, it's no wonder kids are shooting up schools

I mean, Jane calls the shots, and I wanna be taken seriously.

I mean, my God, Amy, we're in the middle of visiting

I mean, my woman is amazing.

I mean, none of the polling research

I mean, not because he thought there was any age difference between us,

I mean, seriously, this is the worst place

I mean, she pretty much likes everyone.

I mean, that's a twist ending to the book.

I mean, the book ends with you going off to college.

I mean, the lies.

I mean, there isn't a tampon in the world...

I mean, we were gonna have our family there.

I mean, where's the follow up question?

I mean, whose balls did I twerk to end up here,

I mean, why do you make it so goddamn complicated?

I mean, you know, who needs all that champagne

I mean, you of all people should know that, Ben.

I mean, you should be honored

I meant the memory of the yacht.

I must say I'm just blown away that you were able

I need a drink.

I need hand sanitizer.

I need her to like me. Can we go easy on the bronzer, please?

I need my coat and I need my purse.

I need that money for the library ASAP. Go!

I need to clear my head, because this whole campaign

I need to know if it's been poisoned.

I need to talk to you in private.

I never thought you'd last more than a week,

I once lost my wallet in Denver.

I pardoned "Typhoid Moishe."

I promise this party is gonna be so elegant.

I really cannot accept your generous donation to my library fund.

I really cannot accept your generous donation to my library fund.

I really don't care, Mike.

I really got here three hours early

I really gotta stop these weekly lunches.

I really wanna have a reflecting pool someplace

I remember he said, "Squirrel, you're an intense little girl,

I rise today to...

I set my watch back for Daylight Savings Time.

I should probably have a better office

I should update her Wikipedia page.

I shouldn't eat when I'm full!

I show assholes the door.

I shut down NPR because they're a total snoozefest,

I shut down the government for interfering with our clocks and watches.

I shut down the government for wasting our money.

I shut down the national parks

I shut down the post office because everybody just uses email anyway.

I skinned it and I made a fur vest

I slept with Tom James!

I suggest you ask someone from President Meyer's team.

I suggest you find another person.

I suppose you'll be needing my plane?

I suspect that this may be myocardial ischemia.

I swear to God, Tom James just wanted to fuck me right now.

I tell ya, if her crucifix wasn't around her neck, she'd lose it.

I tell you, if more people would've seen that side of you during the election,

I think he's feeling a little shy,

I think his name is Sherman Tanz.

I think I'm gonna have to put my foot down on this

I think it was an impromptu thing.

I think Judge was right about the lip color.

I think just since today, but I can't be sure.

I think maybe it's the connection, so can you...?

I think maybe your people should come in, too.

I think Murman is really good people

I think that Amnesty International will be alerted.

I think that things have changed.

I think that title is a bit of a word salad.

I think that went well.

I think that's the guy I voted for.

I think we both found that solution very 'rosinable.'"

I think we can all agree that none of us wants to play politics

I think we need to tone down..

I think you probably would've won.

I think you will find it a great contrast

I think you're definitely ready for this.

I think you're gonna be really surprised.

I think you're teasing me.

I thought about you endlessly, and I was...

I thought my charm campaign was turning into a bit of a death march,

I thought that was Craig T. Nelson.

I thought that we would be traveling around the world on your yacht,

I thought you weren't allowed outside.

I thought you'd be more supportive.

I told you I didn't wanna meet with anybody.

I took Andrew's infidelity,

I took the election loss,

I totally understand if the network has lost confidence in me.

I tried to explain to him that Birmingham ranks low on the jihadi to do list.

I tried, but it's just...

I trust I have made myself suitably clear.

I understand you girls have some questions

I understand.

I used to say Bruce still had a better chance of making the football team.

I usually have an eight egg white omelet.

I wanna add something to the fund

I wanna find somebody to make sure it does not happen.

I wanna give you some exciting news.

I wanna look at the menu.

I wanna put that rabbit story in the book.

I wanna say something about my paella.

I wanna see him cry again.

I wanna talk to every Tom, Dick, and Gehry out there.

I wanna talk to you, Quartie, about the library that I'm planning now.

I wanna write a syndicated humor column

I want a full fucking beaver shot with the legs.

I want a library.

I want equal pay.

I want you and I to party like we did

I want you to get my editor on the phone, okay?

I want you to start lining up architects.

I wanted to ask you about your controversial pardon of Sherman Tanz...

I wanted to express my sympathies

I wanted to give you a heads up

I wanted you to come here because I was wondering

I was a congresswoman.

I was a two term senator.

I was just a tiny, little thing.

I was just saying that for the cameras.

I was standing right there and Furlong didn't invite me

I was stupid little Daddy's girl!

I was suffering from dehydration and exhaustion.

I was the first woman vice president.

I was thinking a smoky bronze eye.

I was thinking in the ballpark

I watch you when I'm on the treadmill.

I went out to get a terry cloth robe and there was this crowd

I went through it with my father.

I will absolutely not do this.

I will fight against green beans

I will have to start one myself.

I will have to think outside my box.

I will not stand by with this anti almost Semitism.

I will remind you that I am the former president of the United States.

I will speak on behalf of our sisters, Nyaring.

I will tell you one thing...

I will wait in the living room.

I wonder how much longer it is to get to the hotel.

I wonder if it'd be worth checking in on Uncle George.

I wonder if we should get married in the fall or at New Year's.

I work in the Department of Human Resources here at CBS.

I would if I had something to apologize for, but I don't.

I would just stare at it.

I would like to offer you

I would love to keep chatting,

I would make sure the people could sit behind the desk.

I would rather take it up the ass with the Board of Regulators...

I would sooner gouge out your eye and fuck your skull

I would've stayed in fucking politics.

I, however... I am willing to do anything,

I, uh... I'm so sorry, but, you know, a job's a job.

I... didn't bring it.

I... I don't remember any of that.

I... I'm taking the Jonah job with Kent.

I... no, in the painting!

I... what?

I...!

I'd be careful. A couple of them have colds.

I'd budget for four.

I'd give my left tit for those tits.

I'd kill for a job where I could wear flats all day.

I'd like to make a toast to our honored guest, Jonah,

I'd like to thank Congressman Clarence Clark and his Libertonians.

I'd like to welcome you all aboard flight 327,

I'd take this picture of me and Daddy.

I'd wager it takes a whole roll of duct tape

I'll be in my car getting drunk.

I'll call you back.

I'll check the freezer.

I'll get it down by another three degrees.

I'll give you a hint... Looks like Will's wife's clit.

I'll here from you? All right, later.

I'll just give it a little toss right...

I'll just leave it blank.

I'll just sit here.

I'll make that call for you.

I'll see you at lunch or around the office.

I'll see you later.

I'll show that oil splatted cow fucker

I'll show that oil splatted cow fucker

I'll tell you one thing people would flip out about.

I'll tell you something, I can tell you're very emotional

I'll tell you something, if I had a crib for every baby who died inside me,

I'll tell you what else, I'm not gonna carry that. I'm not carrying that either.

I'm a grown man!

I'm actually glad I did, 'cause it's magical out here.

I'm actually really blocked up from all the travel.

I'm actually really blocked up from all the travel.

I'm afraid we're gonna have to start clearing the room

I'm also very busy with adult literacy.

I'm assuming you fly direct into Dayton?

I'm at the hospital,

I'm back. What the hell was that?

I'm blowing all over your droopy tits!

I'm calling on behalf of President Selina Meyer.

I'm gonna borrow that.

I'm gonna drink some champizzle and eat some poontizzle.

I'm gonna go ahead and be honest with you.

I'm gonna go fetch the papers.

I'm gonna go piss in that punch bowl.

I'm gonna need both front and rear.

I'm gonna need normal breaths, please.

I'm gonna run for president again.

I'm gonna run for president again.

I'm gonna scratch it into the paper

I'm gonna show you your rooms so you can freshen up.

I'm gonna sleep in your mom's room or your dad's room.

I'm gonna slow dance with Mama.

I'm gonna tell you something that I haven't told anybody but Mama.

I'm gonna tell you something, okay?

I'm gonna turn Mee Maw's house

I'm happiest when Buddy and I are on the couch...

I'm here to discuss the allegations of sexual harassment...

I'm in a committed relationship.

I'm Jane McCabe.

I'm just tired, I'm uncomfortable,

I'm learning so much about Selina tonight.

I'm nervous.

I'm not afraid of those guys.

I'm not doing that.

I'm not down to my bathing suit weight yet, so.

I'm not gonna suck your dick.

I'm not really comfortable with that kind of language.

I'm not that interested in what the coyotay has to say

I'm not the world's greatest speech writer.

I'm on my way to check it out.

I'm on the board of Biogenzidine.

I'm on the phone, okay? You're as bad as these dogs.

I'm pretty sure I can take care of dressing myself.

I'm Roberta Winston.

I'm so sorry to hear about Uber.

I'm sorry for these showers.

I'm sorry I ruined the good vibe.

I'm sorry I ruined the good vibe.

I'm sorry, could you move your head a little bit more to the light, ma'am?

I'm sorry, could you repeat everything after "Hey, buddy"?

I'm sorry, I can say that now and still get into heaven, right?

I'm sorry, I'm still understanding how the cup comes into play.

I'm sorry, ma'am. I can't watch you lose again.

I'm sorry, Mama. Bunny's late for middle school.

I'm sorry, Marjorie.

I'm sorry, Selina. The deal's off.

I'm sorry, what?

I'm sorry, what?

I'm sorry.

I'm starting to look like a diversity hire here.

I'm starting to look like I should be auditioning for a telenovela here.

I'm sure if I saw it, I would... that would all make sense to me.

I'm sure that there are some bored housewives out there

I'm sure you have your reasons.

I'm sure you'll find a way, Congressman.

I'm sweating my balls off here.

I'm the daughter. Gross.

I'm the only living president who doesn't have one.

I'm the only one who didn't do anything wrong

I'm wondering if a sit down dinner is a little stuffy these days.

I'm worried about you. I think you need help.

I'm... go call Hallowes

I'm... I'm out, okay?

I'm... I'm so sorry for your loss.

I'm... I'm willing to try anything.

I've asked you before not to do that impression, ma'am.

I've become close with a woman at Kinko's

I've been standing here the entire time, ma'am.

I've been trying to call you all night.

I've got some exciting ideas.

I've got to ask what we're all thinking...

I've had my own bedtime since I was 17.

I've never done this before.

I've never gotten a statement.

I've never not had chemistry with a woman.

I've never seen anything quite like it, frankly. How do you do it?

I've taken the rest of it.

I've tried to call you many times.

If Catherine's uterus is as loamy as the doctor says,

If I am speaking, I am sure.

If I am speaking, I am sure.

If I could find it lying around here somewhere.

If I could have an invite to the unveiling thing.

If I did take it,

If I haven't been bitten by the writing bug.

If I hear of anything, I'll let you know.

If I make it, will you come?

If I might have a private word.

If I vote no, can I turn your drylands into wetlands?

If I was in your shoes, I probably would've tried to steal the presidency, too.

If I'm going to be a Supreme,

If it isn't the prodigal ex girlfriend

If it isn't the prodigal traitor

If it makes you feel any better,

If it was any more Kennedy esque,

If it's a punch in my big, hairy dick.

If it's any consolation, statistically speaking,

If Jackie Kennedy can go through the day

If Murman actually did win?

If only the American people could've known you for your sense of humor

If she ever thought that you and I had swapped more than,

If there's one thing I learned in the Air National Guard,

If we need more time, you know,

If you don't already know my first guest's name,

If you don't wanna talk about Tibet, that's fine.

If you don't want that reporter to write a story titled

If you get his cousin off the no fly list.

If you hadn't been losing a battle of wits with a meatball.

If you kill them, they can't get arrested again.

If you told him that rava ganavlis was chakapuli,

If you wanna position yourself for higher office long term,

If you wanted to join the board of my Meyer Fund for...

If you'll excuse me, Roger, I'm gonna whip it out.

If you're gonna run for president again.

If you're just joining us,

Immediately, I will resign.

Imogene, not now.

Imogene, thank you so much.

Import export.

Impressive.

In 10 minutes, there will be a joint press conference

In 10 minutes, there will be a joint press conference

In 10 years, we'll be taking vacations together.

In a Puerto Rican nightclub fire

In a tiny version of "Back to the Future."

In America's

In federal tax law concerning independent contractors,

In his book "Investing with a Conscience,"

In his women's prisons that he owns in New York.

In my office chair?!

In Nevada, that's practically a resume builder.

In order to find an ideal match,

In our fourth installment of...

In reality, although I teach at the university

In return for all this creamy domesticity

In the face.

In the Green Room at the White House, um...

In the Gurjaani countryside...

In the House of Representatives one year ago today.

In the immortal words of will.i.am,

In the interest of full disclosure,

In the Oval with your running mate?!

In the Triangle Shirtwaist offices?

In the white hot White House.

In this "trifuckta."

In this case, he gave me both.

In this neck of the woods?

In ways that are so creative,

In which I guarantee we are the only people who are not here

In which we will announce that the IEC and USA

In your Bloomingdale's and your Zabar's.

Inappropriate.

Indianapolis Times, got it.

Insane? Not at all.

Instead of hunting for your diary at a fucking truck stop

Instead of your bizarre indifference to apartheid.

Into Representative Lawler's Nantucket trip.

Into that school lunch bill like what, Will?

Into the Selina Meyer Presidential Birthplace and Library.

Is a debt that a president owes to history.

Is about a commitment to the ******* lifestyle.

Is because he took my advice from time to time.

Is Daylight Savings Time.

Is expecting your call at 3:00 PM.

Is gonna be in the interest of democracy

Is gonna take a fucking massive shit.

Is gonna take a look at the darker side of s'mores.

Is he joking?

Is it something that you eat or is it something you already ate?

Is just another example

Is just constantly...

Is just where we need to be headed.

Is meeting with House leadership

Is naming the nominee today.

Is not going the way I envisioned it.

Is not the point.

Is one of the cornerstones of my foundation.

Is sharp as any you'll find in Washington.

Is that her name or is that the pill you take to fuck her?

Is that I saw him pull that dead rabbit out of his pocket.

Is that Richard?

Is that when I was lying down, I kind of saw

Is that you have your portrait

Is the air conditioning even on?

Is the chair that she made love to Andrew on.

Is there anything else that you wanna talk about?

Is there anything happening to me?

Is there, like, a Jew place for dogs?

Is this for me? Thank you, darling.

Is this the chicken sandwich that was in the fridge before the hospital?

Is this the Hall of Half Term Wonders?

Is this the same thing that Richard's calling about?

Is to get this on to the desk of Congressman Jarvis.

Is what gave me the strength to get through that heart attack...

Is what I call the Meyer Doctrine.

Is with us live for her first public appearance

Isle.

Israel hyper enthusiast, billionaire,

It did not engorge only his face, if you know what I mean.

It did.

It doesn't matter. She's dead. Who cares?

It gets me in trouble with Wendy, too.

It happens to be the name of a...

It is actually what you vomit after eating shit.

It is her fiesta, as you would say.

It is respect for a woman in uniform.

It is so lovely to see you again.

It is so nice to see you south of the Mason Dixon line

It is such a... a treat to be here in Lynch City.

It just... it doesn't feel organic.

It may be virtually impossible for you to conceive.

It may look sunny,

It might just scuttle the deal.

It needs a stronger take...

It never fucking ends!

It promised to lower.

It really is.

It sets in motion a chain of events

It was going well before that, though, I thought.

It was in Mike's notes.

It was James Madison.

It was just really nice to see you out there again...

It was this raw, sexual vibe because you two were...

It wasn't even that good, I gotta tell you.

It will come from my Georgian AIDS foundation.

It would be a good idea for you not to call me Mom here in the office.

It would be political suicide.

It would be uncharted territory for me.

It would drive you into the ocean.

It would show that you listened if you made a public show of embracing her.

It would've been a shame to hide that body under a robe.

It would've worked out better for her, obviously, but...

It... it's an honor to have you at our humble home.

It'd be a unicorn.

It'd be more dignified.

It'll get dark earlier all year long,

It's 8:50 AM...

It's a baby.

It's a boy.

It's a children's portion, too.

It's a combination of YOLO and aloha.

It's a common mistake among women

It's a cute story. We were playing in the backyard...

It's a hot ticket.

It's a lack of oxygen to the heart muscle.

It's a little ache. It's nothing.

It's a no.

It's a piddly DUI.

It's a real hot button issue.

It's a very kind offer, but I already have a better job working for President Meyer.

It's a very valuable lesson, but I really gotta go.

It's actually... it's like what my daddy used to say.

It's all right, ma'am. How's your temperature been?

It's an American expression.

It's an anti sex trafficking workshop.

It's an Arab conference on human rights.

It's an hour's difference! Let's go!

It's beautifully written, too, by the way.

It's complimentary.

It's crucial to our nation's transportation system

It's delicious.

It's even hotter today.

It's everywhere. Are you sure you don't wanna hire a communications director?

It's for the library, though. You know that, right?

It's for the president. The president, Judge.

It's fun to drive again, especially drunk.

It's gonna be pretty exciting.

It's gonna free up some space in my bag.

It's gotta be 8:00 AM somewhere.

It's hilarious.

It's his source, it's his story.

It's his source, it's his story.

It's in the "Post" and getting traction elsewhere.

It's in the bathroom off of the kitchen.

It's just a heart attack! Gary! Gar...

It's just an unfinished basement, and he's just fucking with you.

It's just hard to come up with so many different ways to curse.

It's just so happy and wonderful!

It's just too long between visits.

It's just you look really good in my robe,

It's just, like, a woman's face with sunglasses on.

It's just...

It's kind of a sit down dinner, so.

It's kind of a sit down dinner, so.

It's like being a man's nipple.

It's like Grand Central Station here, right?

It's like he's never seen his mother before.

It's like I'm breathing through a tiny straw, you know?

It's like Satan's humidor out here. My God!

It's like she doesn't hear me or even see me.

It's like six degrees of Al Qaeda in here.

It's like we teleported to post Katrina Mississippi.

It's menopause? Just get it over with.

It's Murman. It's Murman.

It's Murman. It's Murman.

It's my favorite holiday 'cause it's like living

It's not because I'm not sleeping, okay?

It's not nice, Dan, to make fun of other people

It's not that. Seriously, that is like

It's not urine, okay? It's probably just water from the urinal.

It's not your drop by day.

It's now worth approximately $389,000. Way to go, ma'am.

It's okay, Jonah. Conversion to Judaism

It's only got four wheels and there's no fucking hot tub in the back.

It's pretty steep. I'd love to get reimbursed.

It's really nice to see you.

It's so much better and it's free.

It's the bleu cheese.

It's the least I could do.

It's the new "CBS This Morning."

It's too bad we won't have time to see the camel races.

It's uh... sorry... it's got Robert Redford.

It's usually caused by a partial arterial blockage.

It's very striking and stately.

It's very sweet and thoughtful of you.

It's Vintage Baccarat.

It's when my daddy first took me hunting for rabbits.

It's White City. We couldn't afford Lynch City.

It's you.

It's... it's over.

Jaffar, thank you so much

Jane just thinks the cold makes her and

Jane McCabe is on special assignment.

Jane McCabe? Wow!

Jane, this piece was your idea. I didn't even wanna do it.

Jane: This morning, today we start with a story...

Jane's permanent cohost on Friday, so...

Japanese efficiency experts say no.

Jesus Beverly Christ, I'm starving.

Jesus Christ, are you tag teaming this?

Jesus Christ, it's not like I'm gonna **** the president.

Jesus Christ, Tom.

Jesus Christ, underage Muslim brides

Jesus Christ, you know?

Jesus Christ!

Jesus Christ.

Jesus Christ.

Jesus, democracy. What a horror show this is.

Jesus, Jonah, if you're gonna pay for sex,

Jesus, Mary, and Robert E. Lee, Gary!

Jesus, we were not fucking!

Jesus, you and Doyle really have a wide on for this guy

Jesus, you look like you should be underground

Jiminy Cricket, guess who forgot to cut up oranges for the sangria.

Jobs for wetlands duck fuckers who are never gonna vote for Jonah.

Joining me now is freshman Congressman Jonah Ryan of New Hampshire,

Joining me this morning is Jonah Ryan.

Jonah and his merry band of jizz huffers

Jonah has called an early breakfast meeting

Jonah Ryan needs to make waves.

Jonah Ryan. He's young, he's raw,

Jonah, hang up on him. Greg is basic cable...

Jonah, you have to take the Montez deal.

Jonah: My fellow representatives,

Jonah.

Judge and Imogene.

Judge isn't back yet from his hunting trip with Stewart.

Just a tiny, tiny taste.

Just add the extra two bucks for the premium edition.

Just because I look like a penis.

Just do cock whore.

Just do it before I melt down that whole collection

Just do whatever it takes to keep your job,

Just email him back a hard no,

Just five for a second. No, Gary knows how to do this.

Just for fun, and it's...

Just for tax purposes,

Just forget it.

Just get in the car before someone sees us, Malcolm No Sex.

Just give him that whale dong Jonah, my God.

Just go deep. Just go deep for him, yes.

Just like a Smith girl, open to exploring.

Just one? Okay. I think that'll be easier.

Just say campaign manager.

Just say yes.

Just shut up, Daddy!

Just straighten it up a little bit for me? Thank you.

Just take a deep breath, Minna.

Just take the deal and you could be governor or senator

Just tell me... No, no, I want that.

Just think about it.

Just think... next year, you get to go to my library opening

Just to remind everybody that next week,

Just to whet your appetite.

Just trying to keep still in case I'm in the painting.

Just trying to keep the lights on.

Just... Regina, can we just... can we just take a pause here?

Kent Davison. How the mighty have fallen.

Kent, can I have your plus one?

Kent, will you book a massage for me, but, you know, there one where the girl...

Kent, would you mind just cleaning this shit up?

Ladies and gentlemen,

Ladies and gentlemen, I'm happy to say

Ladies, I am Danny Egan,

Leads to increased accidents.

Lee, I've been rustling the bushes...

Lesbians would really know how to run a library...

Let me advise you that I built this goddamn network with my own two tits!

Let me guess, resources another country

Let me introduce you to Quartie Sturges.

Let me just give you a little taste

Let me know if you guys do go out, okay?

Let me see. Mm

Let me tell you little story

Let me tell you something,

Let the record state I did try to call you.

Let us pray.

Let's call Mike again.

Let's catch up later.

Let's get this passed tomorrow.

Let's give Mr. Tanz a compress.

Let's go back to my hotel

Let's go, Gary.

Let's go, Will.

Let's go... oh, fuck! Hey, you could've killed me!

Let's hope.

Let's stone the ****r!

Let's stop for today.

Libertonians. Says what we're about.

Lift up the sewer grate to the House.

Lights out!

Lights out! Lights out!

Lights out! Lights out! Lights out!

Like Dave Barry or Erma.

Like Disney World or Cancun or Mexico.

Like father, like daughter.

Like Gary, I, too, was born in the glory

Like in "All the President's Men."

Like me jamming anonymous trucker cock in my mouth

Like me? What do you mean? Like what?

Like microwaves or laughter.

Like my labradoodle, Teddy, when I cover his cock in honey and give him a sticky licky.

Like some sort of bi curious Porky Pig?

Like this.

Like you forgot to clean up that oil spill of yours in the Gulf.

Like you just did right there.

Like, it works just fine.

Like, their balls?

Listen to me, Tom is a weak man.

Listen to me. I went to find a hotel room, right?

Listen, honey, I want you to tell your whore of a father

Listen, I have a thought... I wanna make sure

Listen, I'm 15 votes shy on the DOT appropriations bill.

Listen, it's also essential to the Egyptians

Listen, jizz clot, I can't believe I'm saying this,

Look at my neck. I have pardoned turkeys with fewer waddles.

Look at the guy. He's like...

Look at this place! You guys...

Look at this place. It is such a dump, isn't it?

Look at this.

Look at those curtains. Where can I get those?

Look at us, just like the good, old days

Look, between you and me, the network's gonna name you

Look, Dan, Brie, you two don't have to make up this crazy story

Look, did you read the CODEL schedule of official events

Look, even their blinker is on.

Look, I lost my belt, okay?

Look, I made it at camp.

Look, I saw your last election.

Look, it's 9:00 AM, right?

Look, Jonah, just tell me what you want.

Look, Lee...

Look, whether I know what an unveiling is or is not

Look, you call Nikolai now.

Look... Madam President, with all due respect,

Lookie looksters!

Looks like he works out.

Lu and I have...

Luckily, Will's anal halitosis

Ma'am,

Ma'am, "New York Times" says Montez

Ma'am, a lot of this stuff

Ma'am, actually, I gotta talk to you.

Ma'am, American University is a fine institution.

Ma'am, are you sure that you wanna go out

Ma'am, bad news. Helen Wright is going public with you firing her.

Ma'am, can you believe the sun is up?

Ma'am, do you prefer Gram Gram or Mee Maw?

Ma'am, great news.

Ma'am, have you done any more thinking

Ma'am, here's your speech. Sorry about the hummus stains.

Ma'am, I gotta tell you, you coming to my birthday

Ma'am, I just got off with Sherman Tanz.

Ma'am, I really think that we need to discuss

Ma'am, I think he's talking about you!

Ma'am, I tried everyone on the Finance Committee...

Ma'am, I would appreciate it very much

Ma'am, it's normal

Ma'am, it's the only sunscreen I could find here.

Ma'am, may I get one with you and the first ladies?

Ma'am, picked by the Supreme Court.

Ma'am, Senator Hallowes from Judiciary wants to set a meeting to pre vet.

Ma'am, Sherman Tanz called again.

Ma'am, Tanz and the other donors are getting really restless

Ma'am, that's the letter of recommendation for the Harper Day School.

Ma'am, the Apollo was a soft pass.

Ma'am, the library fund received a sizable donation

Ma'am, the painting is stunning.

Ma'am, the President of Egypt

Ma'am, the White House wants us to finalize your guest list

Ma'am, they're saying it's gonna take an hour longer

Ma'am, this doesn't seem right.

Ma'am, we're all set for private jets to Omaha on Monday

Ma'am, will you be okay with Congressman Ryan?

Ma'am, you are not gonna believe this.

Ma'am, you can't run for president.

Ma'am, you got a text from Ambassador Jaffar.

Ma'am, you gotta see this.

Ma'am, you've been to Omaha before.

Ma'am, your guests will arrive in a half hour.

Ma'am! Ma'am!

Ma'am! Ma'am.

Ma'am?

Ma'am.

Ma'am.

Madam Clerk, on HR 2970,

Madam Clerk, Representative Gellardi

Madam President, because of the actions of misguided reformers,

Madam President, don't let me take any more of your time

Madam President, I trust you are watching the returns.

Madam President, I trust you are watching the returns.

Madam President, if I could have a word in private?

Madam President, let me tell you little story about growing up in the Gurjaani countryside.

Madam President, may I have a word, please?

Madam President, may I say from one vet to another, congratulations.

Madam President, thank you for inviting us to your unveiling.

Madam President, the two of you will be in separate bedrooms

Madam President, we're gonna leave you to get settled.

Madam President, we've sure missed you around here.

Madam President, why now?

Madam President!

Madame President, you look stunning in white.

Madame Tussauds' big, fat, nasty snatch!

Madison Monroe dinner.

Making like an Avon lady.

Mama.

Mamnoon Akhtar from ****stan would like a photo with his brother.

Many of them adults, who never learned to read,

Marjorie and Catherine are on their way.

Marjorie and I are having a baby.

Marjorie and I have decided that we wanna have a baby,

Marjorie, Catherine,

Marjorie, come on in.

Marjorie, I really think...

Marjorie, when Mother died

Marjorie.

Married politicians have more sex with more single women

May 3rd. En route to Tehran. Air Force One.

May God forgive me.

Maybe a female candidate.

Maybe I could finger you or something?

Maybe I'm gonna go hire some women,

Maybe it's her delivery. I don't know.

Maybe look into an application.

Maybe my uterus is just wonky.

Maybe something from Neiman's.

Maybe the diary's there.

Maybe they're listening right now.

Maybe this isn't a good time

Maybe trim that last part about women.

Maybe use it for up here and focus on this.

Maybe we can win an election for a change.

Maybe we're just doing this wrong.

Maybe you should start paying me.

Maybe you should've apologized.

Maybe you two should fuck differently, then. I don't know.

Maybe.

McLintock residence. Ellen speaking.

Me the aggressor? What is that?!

Means you're gayer than a TV evangelist.

Mentioned a dead son's ghost crib.

Message number one... "I can still taste you in my mouth from last night."

Might be desperate to get their hands on?

Mike and Amy texted that they had to head up to the National Archives.

Mike and I were at Mee Maw's last night

Mike crashed my car.

Mike, come on. What is this?

Mike, do you have any awareness of what's been happening

Mike, give me the letter.

Mike, I am going to choke you to death with your urine soaked jacket.

Mike, listen, we're trying to figure out, if you can hear me,

Mike, that diary is all you're good for.

Mike, that is the kind of voting irregularity that we are here to prevent.

Mike, would you mind fixing this all up?

Mike! Please!

Mike's hair reminds me of graham cracker crumbs.

Milo's all about cheese sticks.

Minna? Minna, what is going on with you?

Minority Leader Furlong, with Congressman Shields' retirement,

Minority Leader Furlong, with Congressman Shields' retirement,

Mm hmm

Mm hmm, sure.

Mm hmm, that was my position in Little League.

Mm hmm.

Mm hmm.

Mm hmm.

Mm hmm.

Mm hmm.

Mm hmm.

Mm hmm.

Mm hmm.

Mm mm, I haven't forgiven you yet.

Mm, well, sometimes I feel that way, too.

Mm, yeah, good. Thank you.

Mm.

Mmm!

Mmm.

Mohammad H. Christ, that's my dissident.

Mom, can I talk to you for a minute?

Mom, I told you

Mom, it's not that big of a deal.

Mom, Marjorie and I wanted to be the first to tell you...

Mom, we had a great wellness check at the doctor's today.

Montez and Doyle, they're trying to make Georgia more like America.

Montez is not gonna name someone from the opposite party to the Supreme Court.

Montez is pushing hard to put an end

Montez is really taking this Mexican thing too far.

More crime means more for profit prisons.

Morning, ma'am. Hey, we really need to...

Move!

Mr. Egan, CBS policy requires

Mr. Speaker,

Mrs. Furlong is only interested in hosting married couples,

Mrs. Furlong likes inviting couples,

Ms. Brookheimer and I did have a brief relationship

Ms. McCabe, everyone knows.

Ms. McCabe, let me advise you that any further statement...

Much better than sponging up jizz, right, Kent?

Multiple letters of recommendation

Murman here is an old client of mine,

Murman tried to poison him in a sushi restaurant.

Murman, no, no, no. I love your stories

Murman's leading by more votes than there are people in the country.

My campaign manager and fiancée, Amy Brookheimer.

My concern is I wonder if your judgment is being clouded

My conscience demands that I speak out against HR723,

My doing something other than the library.

My ear tops burn the worst, too.

My extremist colleagues on the other side of the aisle

My God, that's a good looking man.

My God, you would've gotten their vote and you would've gotten mine.

My God. Just call off your morons, Congressman.

My goddamn press secretary.

My goodness, look at you. You keeping busy?

My guess is if you gave her a rail to snort off your dick,

My guest has been Tom James.

My international reputation is literally the only thing that I have left now.

My mom was right and I ignored her,

My morons are voting no.

My neck does not look like that.

My offer's not gonna be on the table for long.

My pantyhose go up so high.

My political career had answered a craigslist ad

My snatch isn't a data port!

My stupid mom had to get a different car.

My sympathies.

My tits feel like these Hot Pockets.

My wife is a huge fan.

My wife is Oriental.

Myself included.

Nah, I'll just wait for cancer.

Nah, nah, that's okay.

Nail buffer to the lady president.

National Volunteer Week.

Naturally.

Neat.

Never forget.

New exhibit at the Hughes Library.

Next stop, "Green wich" Village! Here we go, let's go!

Nice of you to fit me into your busy schedule

Nice.

Night and fog. Nacht und Nebel.

Nikolai Genidze's scarring or no,

Nikolai, you say that you have $15 million.

No Board of Regulators.

No idea. Just stay on with me.

No idea. Just stay on with me.

No justice, no library!

No kidding.

No matter what Fyvush Fuckhole here says.

No more goddamn bronzer.

No more stoning of the ****e.

No Mrs. Hughes. She must be hanging from the rafters somewhere.

No problemo. It'll be right after the interview.

No votes today on legalizing tiny Fleshlights for micro wangs.

No wonder you had a heart attack when you were 39.

No, because then it just becomes this thing.

No, but there isn't any bleu cheese in it.

No, Catherine. It's porcelain and perfect.

No, don't say that!

No, Gary! Stop!

No, he was away on business.

No, he was our first Puerto Rican president.

No, his secretary wasn't with him.

No, I am the white Hamilton of the Jeffersons,

No, I did have cancer.

No, I don't really remember her that well.

No, I get all my gum on Amazon.

No, I got an unofficial lunch

No, I had a heart episode

No, I have to get going.

No, I heard her. You understand that, Amy,

No, I want Omaha.

No, I'm bringing my jai alai instructor.

No, I'm gonna look like that old popcorn homo.

No, it doesn't.

No, it sounds like a gay a cappella group.

No, it was a purposeful desecration

No, it's a five pointed star.

No, it's crystal clear on our end, ma'am.

No, it's Richard Splett

No, it's so Delaware.

No, it's, um... the thing is that

No, just *******.

No, like how you do at work.

No, ma'am, it's mostly about how Andrew pursued her,

No, ma'am, you have a meeting with Tanz at 2:00.

No, ma'am. I'll be placing your stent.

No, make it 40.

No, man. Look, I'm talking about Jane.

No, Mom, we don't wanna know.

No, my legacy, guys, is me in a robe,

No, no, a spa is where you go to get a massage and the like.

No, no, I need to get out of this toxic world of politics

No, no, I said it was funny, I meant it was funny.

No, no, no, I can't wait to swirl my fork in there and get in.

No, no, no, I want a goddamn

No, no, no, I'm gonna go, really.

No, no, no, I'm not talking about the Green Room.

No, no, no, let's not overreact.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

No, no, no, no, no, there is absolutely no validity

No, no, no, no, no, there is absolutely no validity

No, no, no, no, no.

No, no, no. It's okay.

No, no, no... that you made against Jane McCabe.

No, no, there's absolutely no validity to this rumor...

No, no. It'll just take a moment.

No, not you. Your brother.

No, see, you gotta find a different word than "screwed."

No, seriously, you know what? You really don't have to translate.

No, sir, ma'am. We can't do anything about AIDS.

No, thank you.

No, that's just what we told her when she was a little girl.

No, that's like Princess Di hiring Camilla Parker Bowles to be her limo driver.

No, that's not till next week.

No, there is gonna be a raw bar.

No, they don't want the dresses!

No, they were out of curds before I got there.

No, wait! Jonah, I will give you the questions in advance.

No, we don't. No, we...

No, we're already known as the Jeffersons, okay?

No, well, the second thing you remember about him.

No, you fucking idiot. With the pinky, with the pinky.

No, you gave Montez Tibet.

No, you're not in the painting. Come here.

No, you're switching to bow ties.

No!

No!

No! No, no, no. That's not what I want...

No! This means I'm on the short list?!

No! We already picked a name.

No! You... You can't do that.

No.

No.

No.

No.

No.

No.

No.

No. Because nobody gives me any respect.

No. He's a prison magnet.

No. Let's go and see what else Hughes stole from the West Wing.

No. No, he weighted his boots and he jumped into an ice hole.

No. Oh, yeah, that is funny.

No. Pfft, no. She wishes.

No. Unless it's an eraser, go away. I don't want it.

No. Worse comes to worst, I'll burn in hell like Grandma Splett.

Nobody in Congress cares about ethics.

Nobody since Jackie

Nobody speaks English here, everything was really confusing to me,

Nobody thinks this is a good idea?

Nope, not taking that one.

Not at all. I mean, truth is I don't even get 'em anymore.

Not at the rate you guys are going now.

Not crazy, okay?

Not exactly. I have a law degree

Not just the beans. Also, the franks.

Not me.

Not one fucking word.

Not some Brooklyn based, artisanal chocolate bar.

Not that it matters,

Not that there are many of those.

Not too far?

Not unregistered sex offenders.

Not very easy for all of us,

Not what you ate, Mike.

Nothing! I didn't do anything!

Nothing. I'm... like, some of these details about your dad

Now he's just going on and on for no apparent reason.

Now I can't... I can't finish my chicken piccata.

Now look what you did, you writhing, piss filled skin Twizzler!

Now the clots in his legs are gonna rush to his brain.

Now they rot in the heat. Many have fallen ill.

Now, Amy, for the first time in a long time,

Now, are you aware that that is the exact opposite

Now, I'm gonna need a report on mineral rights in Sudan.

Now, I'm trying to remember,

Now, it is so good, when you taste it,

Now, let's take a look at this beautiful piece of work.

Now, listen, if there's anything

Now, ma'am, we can get this book done so fast.

Now, see, look at that.

Now, Senator, was President Meyer the aggressor?

Now, that being said, he had no idea what was going on.

Now, you've recently drawn some criticism...

Now, your predecessor,

Now?

Nyaring Ayun,

Nyaring, I have come to do what President Montez did not do.

Nyaring, your courage is an inspiration to the world.

Occasionally.

Of a library that doesn't exist

Of billionaire, private prison magnate Sherman Tanz,

Of choosing me as your running mate...

Of chromium ore, gallium, zinc, as well as other natural resources.

Of cocaine use and reckless boating.

Of course I did. What are you talking about?

Of course I was, but I had the courtesy to seem like I might not!

Of course I'm not. Why would I say I would?

Of course, Gary. Hey, everybody eat!

Of course, ma'am. Yes.

Of course!

Of different priorities.

Of dropping below 135% occupancy.

Of Georgia's first free and open election.

Of great Southern female writers.

Of maybe five million.

Of my district in Ohio is?

Of nominees for the open Supreme Court seat...

Of perhaps mentioning our...

Of the government overextending its reach.

Of the Jeffersons on Tuesday morning.

Of the man who beat and ****d me.

Of the payday loan industry,

Of the strawberry fields for the last hour.

Of those Jiffy Jew classes.

Of you in the Bronx are really good.

Of... of so many of our great presidents,

Off brand cigarettes through their neck holes at riverboat casino slot machines,

Offices in the South Bronx?

Oh, a straw. Yeah, I want a water with a straw.

Oh, absolutely!

Oh, Alabama.

Oh, all right.

Oh, also, can we do something about my makeup girl

Oh, and I know what you're thinking.

Oh, and I took the Acela up.

Oh, and you're voting against HR 2029.

Oh, and?

Oh, bless your heart and your deep pockets, Sherman.

Oh, boy. Look, um,

Oh, come on, come on. Everything's... yes.

Oh, congrats.

Oh, could I?

Oh, crap.

Oh, Dan.

Oh, for Christ's sake.

Oh, fuck me.

Oh, fuck!

Oh, fuck. Minna!

Oh, Gary, can you stay behind for a second?

Oh, Gary, I need you to move all of these law review boxes.

Oh, God

Oh, God

Oh, God, I hate every food ever,

Oh, God, I made Andrew can her slutty can.

Oh, God, no.

Oh, God, this is the second act

Oh, God, what a mean face.

Oh, God!

Oh, God.

Oh, God. A bunch of dumb ass millennials, you know,

Oh, good, 'cause all this learning is giving me a yarmulke ache.

Oh, good, they have great pancakes. We'll split a stack.

Oh, good, yeah. I was feeling cramped.

Oh, good!

Oh, good. What about when he threw

Oh, goodness, I do wish you could've heard President Montez's speech

Oh, Head of Cardiology for him?

Oh, here we go! Nyaring!

Oh, hey, Kent, there's a sweet ass armchair in a Dumpster out there

Oh, hey, Lu.

Oh, ho, ho! So, you did want me to call.

Oh, I am gonna save a fortune in morning after pills.

Oh, I bet you got a great snow globe from Cuba.

Oh, I better get back to Mr. Ryan.

Oh, I cut up a chicken sandwich and I put it into pasta.

Oh, I don't know where you guys are going.

Oh, I had not heard that.

Oh, I have never seen a shitty view look so good.

Oh, I haven't thought of those snow globes in a million years.

Oh, I like that.

Oh, I thought you were just being lazy.

Oh, I... yeah.

Oh, I'm at death's door?

Oh, it doesn't matter.

Oh, it has carrots in it. I'm not gonna eat that.

Oh, it's been fun to see you.

Oh, it's okay. I don't have camera.

Oh, it's true, it's true

Oh, Jesus Christ!

Oh, Kentucky fried Christ!

Oh, look at this.

Oh, look what... look.

Oh, Lu, how we doing?

Oh, ma'am, look how excited they are to see you.

Oh, Maude bit me.

Oh, may I say that the reports of your beauty

Oh, Mike, now's not a good time.

Oh, mm.

Oh, my God

Oh, my God, I can't believe I just did that.

Oh, my God, it is.

Oh, my God, my house keys!

Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God!

Oh, my God, why did I have to fuck

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God! God, that's cold!

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Can you imagine having a baby in Georgia?

Oh, my God. I'm... I'm so sorry.

Oh, my God. Supermodels are your height.

Oh, my God. Well... well, I will recuse myself.

Oh, my God. Your cancer is bullshit.

Oh, my goodness, I wish I could say the same thing.

Oh, my goodness!

Oh, never mind. She was executed.

Oh, no diary. Fuck!

Oh, no, it isn't upstairs, Gary.

Oh, no, it's a graveyard that sells gum.

Oh, no, no, no, there are no threads attached.

Oh, no, no, you will still be part of the

Oh, no, scarred in an acid attack.

Oh, no, that's too fast.

Oh, no, they're from Costco.

Oh, no, wait.

Oh, no. Actually, he brought me back an ashtray from Cuba.

Oh, now, would that mean I would have...

Oh, of course he is.

Oh, of course, Madam President.

Oh, of course, yeah. That makes sense.

Oh, oh, poor Tommy.

Oh, okay, well, I like them, wherever they're from.

Oh, perfect! Perfect, perfect.

Oh, perfect. Thank you, yeah.

Oh, pfft, okay, last time I checked,

Oh, please give me the permission

Oh, please, Brie, I bet you could fill out a bikini quite nicely.

Oh, please, suddenly now white lives matter?

Oh, really?

Oh, really?

Oh, really? Why was that?

Oh, Richard, can Catherine and I speak with you for a moment?

Oh, right, um,

Oh, right! Thank you.

Oh, right.

Oh, right.

Oh, self husband.

Oh, she was married to the village elder.

Oh, she's too much!

Oh, shit, she can see. That's a shocker.

Oh, so, then how... how did his body get back?

Oh, someone has call waiting.

Oh, sorry, that's the Holocaust.

Oh, that is just so stupid.

Oh, that is your color.

Oh, that Mom thing, let's not do that here either.

Oh, that's fantastic!

Oh, that's me. Sorry, I'll get... turn that off.

Oh, that's pretty good, but it also... you know this...

Oh, the bathrooms are that way.

Oh, the... right.

Oh, this is not gonna stand.

Oh, this just might be the phone call that changes all that.

Oh, Trade Minister Johati.

Oh, uh, yeah. Sorry, Helen.

Oh, wait, guys, we don't have a problem.

Oh, wait, you may not wanna look out the window.

Oh, we do. We do, ma'am

Oh, we were talking about the name,

Oh, we're not pregnant yet.

Oh, welcome! Hello!

Oh, well, he was very handsome before the poisoning,

Oh, well, I have a dozen uncles.

Oh, well, that's nice. Tell them I accept.

Oh, well, that's not gonna happen.

Oh, well, there you go.

Oh, well...

Oh, well...

Oh, what did you envision, Woody,

Oh, what's up now? 9 11, bitches!

Oh, wonderful! You know, I'm on the board at the Nixon Library.

Oh, wow, she looks awesome.

Oh, wow! You're Danny.

Oh, yeah, and you must really crave a 6.7 GDP growth.

Oh, yeah, let's give the people what they want.

Oh, yeah, well, tell it to that ingrate, the Dalai Lama.

Oh, yeah, yeah, it was just the white thing.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, yeah, you're all hot and juicy now.

Oh, yeah, you're all rainbows and sunshine.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. You get paid when the book's finished.

Oh, yes, but they censored all the scenes with Arnold Ziffel.

Oh, yes, ma'am.

Oh, yes, sounds good. Great to hear. Bye!

Oh, yes. Walter Pallenberg's jet is unavailable

Oh, you are bad!

Oh, you are really loving this, aren't you?

Oh, you can get a dessert or an appetizer, but not both.

Oh, you know what?

Oh, you know what? We're on an airplane. I know that.

Oh, you must remember not to react to his disfigurement.

Oh, you take good care of my Gary, okay?

Oh, you... you just have to aim

Oh, you're putting me on hold. Actually, do you think you could not?

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh! I was looking for you. They're waiting for you to begin.

Oh! Marjorie, hi. We're in here.

Oh! You got me some bodega flowers?

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh. Nay.

Oh. Oh, well, that's fine.

Oh. Uh oh.

Oh. Wow, it... wow, that's a cozy bed.

Okay

Okay, and now we get to eat food.

Okay, but you're in...

Okay, but, Ben, you and I...

Okay, camera two.

Okay, can I have a moment with my daughter?

Okay, Catherine,

Okay, Catherine, I think there's something wrong with your microphone, honey,

Okay, Catherine, sit up. You're slouching.

Okay, Congressman,

Okay, fine, I'll go.

Okay, first of all, I never miss a glutes day.

Okay, folks, listen up

Okay, get me

Okay, going down on each other, whatever. I don't wanna know!

Okay, great.

Okay, great. Who are all these people?

Okay, guys, I called this family meeting because...

Okay, guys, will you just give us eight to 10 minutes or so?

Okay, he's hallucinating. Come here, come here, come out here.

Okay, Helen, I'm so sorry. Can we just take another five?

Okay, I can't look at you, Cape Fear,

Okay, I had the president's wax figure

Okay, I never ever wanna see the inside of your mouth again.

Okay, I will sit.

Okay, I'm sorry I brought that up.

Okay, if anybody asks, you just say I'm in a routine closed door meeting, okay?

Okay, is that how we're talking now, Marjorie,

Okay, Jeffersons, sit down.

Okay, just get back.

Okay, just refer to your color coded chart.

Okay, let's see here.

Okay, look at me, Mike, all right?

Okay, lookit,

Okay, Marjorie, that's, like, 14 things

Okay, next vote.

Okay, no. I don't get put on hold.

Okay, now we're going to Dulles.

Okay, okay, okay.

Okay, okay.

Okay, okay. How did you know they sleep in separate rooms?

Okay, right there, right there, what do you call that?

Okay, see, when you say that, it makes me think that I should be apologizing.

Okay, send his mistress a gift.

Okay, so I have got a White House book

Okay, so who's the big swinging dick

Okay, so, then you get it.

Okay, thank God. Yeah, let's get that done.

Okay, thank you. Bye bye.

Okay, thanks.

Okay, that is a fucking lie!

Okay, that is racist.

Okay, that part's done.

Okay, that wardrobe girl is crazy.

Okay, that's not an actual fraternity.

Okay, that's really...

Okay, this is Ambassador Al Jaffar's nephew.

Okay, uh, could we start the clock in, like, 30 minutes?

Okay, we're right in the middle of working.

Okay, well, Dr. Diane is an asshole, okay?

Okay, well, everything's built on sand here,

Okay, well, fucked again by the First Chubby.

Okay, well, I mean, we could go back to fucking.

Okay, well, Marjorie and I were planning on moving down there.

Okay, well, Mike...

Okay, well, that is ridiculous.

Okay, well, that's probably for the best.

Okay, well, that's, you know...

Okay, well, then maybe I can host Showtime at the Apollo next week.

Okay, well, then maybe you can call the "Post"

Okay, well, there is literally no way that I could've known that.

Okay, well, there is literally no way that I could've known that.

Okay, well, you didn't have to say that,

Okay, wha... this!

Okay, what about the speech? What about the speech, all right?

Okay, what are we gonna do here? I mean, what is the opposite of a warlord?

Okay, what happened with this?

Okay, what's happening right now?

Okay, who else do we know that went to Yale that can help us out?

Okay, yeah, good.

Okay, you know what? If you want to talk about the money thing...

Okay, you know, I should head back

Okay? But I am not gonna have a good time.

Okay? Can I count on your vote?

Okay? Cha king, cha king, cha king!

Okay? I don't want my library there.

Okay? I think you keep forgetting that

Okay? I'm just... I just wanna wait a minute.

Okay? Is that all right?

Okay? It looks like a Haitian porta potty in there.

Okay? Mommy's gonna be president again.

Okay? They felt sorry for me.

Okay? When he comes on, he gets put on hold.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay. And what's the timeline for that?

Okay. Everyone say goat cheese!

Okay. Gary? Gar...

Okay. Hang on.

Okay. Richard, what do you know about jug bands?

Okay. Second opinion.

Okay. See? There's hope.

Okay. Thanks, Mrs. Tanz.

Okay. That's really sweet.

Okay. Yeah, no, 7:30 works.

Omaha is a 20 minute drive right across the border

Omaha is small potatoes, zero gravy.

Omaha to New York.

Omaha's a go, go, go.

Omar Al Saleh bombed his own people.

On AFDC and all the Head Start cuts, but no dice on Medicare.

On Gary's great bourbon from his inbred backwoods family.

On such a limb for Ambassador Jaffar?

On the anni fucking versary of the historic House vote.

On the bright side, it's gonna be an amazing

On the Judiciary Committee.

On the replica of the Truman Balcony.

On the taxpayers' dime for too long.

On what this cocksuck of a country did to me.

On... the tapestry itself...

One must add live snails just as the water comes to a boil.

One of them.

One time, my mom brought in my breakfast an hour late like an idiot,

Only three floors down with a shittier view?

Oof, here we are.

Oof.

Ooh, beat my wife with a frying pan,

Ooh, careful.

Ooh, clink, clink.

Ooh, easy! Easy, pretty lady.

Ooh, how about Vets for Pets?

Ooh, I bet he went off to one of his special holes.

Ooh, I love secrets.

Ooh, I'm gonna get you the same one.

Ooh, Monday, it's the day after Daylight Saving Time.

Ooh, my heart is racing!

Ooh, sex trafficking workshop.

Ooh, the Washingtones.

Ooh.

Or however you fill your empty days?

Or I am going to fuck all your shit up.

Or I could go and I could see him in person.

Or I'll be broke as a...

Or immediate termination.

Or we could trade places, and you could be in charge

Or we have to give back the old money.

Or were there not enough pictures for you?

Or, God help us, who knows?

Or, you know, at least the person I'm supposed to feel like.

Otherwise, what is the point?

Our houses share a beach path and a vineyard.

Our little encounter.

Our main Jane. Come here.

Our prison system is in grave danger

Our very own Dan Egan goes undercover

Out of bamboo shoots and panda cock,

Out of your face anus here... no.

Out, out.

Over an 11th hour pardon

Over the sound of your ball tumors metastasizing,

Ow.

Page six.

Pay me, bitch!

Pay me! Pay me, bitch!

Penis.

People are gonna think you're the hot, young babysitter.

People are...

People don't like you in yellow.

People go right by it to jerk off a dick.

People like the energy that you and Jane had.

People told me what to do.

Perhaps about their not so shining moments.

Perhaps even your friends in China?

Perhaps in a way that you don't know Sherman Tanz

Perhaps there could be a fountain or a snack shop.

Pick it up by 6:00. It's already paid for.

Pick up your fucking chairs!

Pilot: Good morning. This is Captain Stevens.

Pizza on a bagel.

Please don't do that. You can't do this to us.

Please don't make me make up a reason.

Please hold for President Meyer.

Please hold for President Meyer. I've got Greg Morehouse for you, ma'am.

Please hold. It was an accident.

Please re...

Plus, our family's got a brand new imam

Plus, our own Buzzy Kanahale's gonna be reporting the weather

Plus, reading..

Politicians borrow stuff all the time.

Poll surprisingly well.

Potent indeed... to the world

Praise be to Allah.

Prescott. Who does he think he's trying to kid? Okay.

President Lu says,

President Meyer!

President Meyer! President Meyer!

President Meyer's still holding on line two.

President Montez came to see me.

President Montez did, however, face a wave of criticism in America...

President Montez is giving that amazing speech about you.

President Selina Meyer.

President Stevenson!

President Stevenson.

President! Yeah, that's exactly why I like it, Jaeger.

Presidential Library and School for Public Policy, and that's all.

Pretty... it's a pretty pristine image.

Private prison and pay day lending magnate,

Probably gonna just catch up on some sleep.

Professor Nikolai Genidze, he's Georgia's only hope

Puberty at 19. When it hit, it hit like a fucking thunderbolt.

Put him in the basement. I don't give a shit.

Put Wisconsin at the top of my shit list.

Quartie, President Meyer.

Quartie's gonna love this. Yeah.

Question... do you have any current pictures of your mother?

Reaching across the aisle...

Really? Great!

Really? Something amazing just happened to me, too!

Really. You know, you could actually learn something from him, Minna.

Really. You know, you could actually learn something from him, Minna.

Reckon with the Meyer years...

Reimbursement.

Relocated next to President Lu.

Remember in seventh grade when you ran away?

Remember that we have the fundraiser

Remember, I adopted you?

Remind you of Jane?

Reminder... Nevada is the Sagebrush State..

Renders him completely unbouffable.

Renee.

Representative Clark votes no on HR 2970.

Representative Ryan, you were officially hazed last night.

Respect.

Review on legislative conference regarding pharmaceutical labeling.

Richard has doula class and we're bringing the snacks.

Richard is thinking. He understands.

Richard Splett.

Richard, are there any hereditary issues that run in your family?

Richard, go and turn on CBS right now.

Richard, I don't have a reservation.

Richard, you have such a good sense of humor.

Richard, you slow down. It'll look like I'm not running.

Richard!

Richard! Oh, I'm sorry.

Right next to the guy beating his wife.

Right, I want you to get in touch with Ed McPherson on Judiciary

Right, Quartie?

Right, which you would know

Right?

Right?

Right? I mean, don't you think?

Right? You just rolled your eyes like the world's bitchiest mime.

Right.

Right.

Right.

Right.

Right. Darn.

Roger, that's a dollar in the swear jar.

Roll those sleeves up to your pit stains.

Rumors of your beauty have not been exaggerated.

Sadly, it's what I've come to expect

Said they were open to exploring.

Saving, and it started yesterday.

Say your favorite album on three.

Say, Jonah, how about I start looking

Scandal continues to dog Selina Meyer...

Scrappiest underdog in cinematic history.

Second goddamn floor, I can't even commit suicide.

Second message... "You came so much.

Secretary of State Doyle for you, ma'am.

See a movie or something. You know, we'll make it nice

See if I can get you a real job sponging up bukkake parties?

See, at least when I was leader of the free world,

See, now it hurts for me to point.

See, when people get near this,

See?

See? That's why Mother sold my horse.

See? You put these here...

Seems kind of weird, doesn't it?

Seems like it'd be more like a bookmobile.

Seized by military elements loyal to Oleg Petradze.

Selina Meyer is gonna be all about women empowerment now.

Selina Meyer is truly the godmother of the Caucasian Spring.

Selina Meyer travels the globe,

Selina Meyer.

Selina, I beg you, please don't do this.

Selina, I can't do the whole five mil by myself anymore.

Selina, I do not and never have hated you!

Selina, my good friend.

Selina, there's... I'm sorry to interrupt.

Selina, we have to put the library on hold.

Selina, we're talking about your legacy for the ages.

Selina: And I'm doing my best

Selina: Yeah, I'm really much more focused

Selina! So, Murman was a brutal bastard who ruled with an iron fist

Selina.

Senior correspondent Jane McCabe.

Señor Ocampo is having trouble nudging his visas through,

Seriously, not a word, all right?

Seriously. I mean, obviously, we can't do that.

She didn't even...

She got rid of her last three cohosts.

She hasn't been released, has she?

She hasn't yelled at me in, like, 24 hours.

She hated all animals that she couldn't eat or wear.

She never stops talking

She swept up every single shard

She was a real mean drunk.

She was built, my God.

She was the one pounding on the door the night he died, remember?

She was trapped inside a man, and then that man was trapped inside of another woman.

She won the Nobel Peace Prize for her work in Tibet. Unprecedented.

She would be dialing a divorce lawyer

She would let you fuck the hole in her septum.

She's a year older than me.

She's gonna get into the school anyway.

She's kind of a bitch.

She's not going anywhere. She's the head makeup artist's niece.

She's telling the world about how she was blowing Andrew

She's waiting to see your hair grow back.

She/he will decide her/his ideal gender when she/he is/are ready.

Sherman Tanz is particularly sensitive

Sherman Tanz on line one.

Shh, please, don't ruin this, too, okay?

Shh, shh. You stay seated. Enjoy!

Shh.

Shit, Stevie, I had no idea anything like that was gonna happen.

Shlomo Tanz is radioactive.

Should I go? Okay. Mom, we have some really exciting news.

Should've kept the old gray mare.

Show her the poster. Look!

Showed me the rabbit that I shot.

Shut the fuck up, Nikhil!

Shut up, Nikhil. This stupid hat is too small for my head.

Since I was 13.

Since the historic vote

Since you're not official yet.

Sir, can I have the check...?

Sir, I'm sorry, you're going to need to gate check your bag.

Sitting in a wheelchair in my reading room with my name on the thing.

Sitting in her closet eating cello bow rosin."

Sitting in her closet eating cello bow rosin."

Small town grocers do poll exceptionally well for probity.

Smart and handsome.

Smells sort of funky, though, no?

Smiling like Lobotomy Barbie

Smiling with Sudanese strongman

Smith is a no.

Smoky bronze eye?

So boring.

So do you think we could borrow some of your daddy's bourbon from his stash?

So happy to see you. Thank you.

So he wouldn't embarrass her in seedy motels.

So he's got a goat to scape if things go wrong.

So I called our friends over at the State Department.

So I didn't get a chance to say good bye to him.

So I got to keep my nipple.

So I just threw it on the floor and I said,

So I made a list of questions.

So I never really experimented...

So I'm heading to DC.

So it's possible that we didn't make one.

So maybe you could just focus on

So Mr. Tanz would love a letter of recommendation

So much!

So that doesn't make any sense at all.

So that he could look taller.

So that my daughter and your daughters

So that your parents will have to take you someplace cool on vacation,

So there wouldn't be any confusion.

So we can furlough the rest of the staff in a timely manner.

So we need to get some new money ASAP

So we're backing Professor Nikolai Genidze.

So who's the fucking smart guy now, Kent?

So you don't sc**** your head, you giant barbecue fork.

So you may not even notice it.

So, anyway, I aim my shotgun at one of those rascals

So, are you saying that I should take it?

So, did you see today's interview?

So, he who hath betrayed me

So, how are the plans coming

So, how did he die?

So, how did I do? Somebody tell...

So, how much do you need?

So, I assume you're gonna beg for your job back.

So, I just told the senator that that is a non denial denial

So, I just wanna clarify some of the details

So, I mean, Yale's just perfect.

So, I shouldn't meet with him?

So, I'm gonna tell the whole family about it tonight.

So, I'm not menopausal?

So, I've been pulling out this entire time for nothing?

So, it is now time

So, it's sci fi?

So, let us hope to see each other again.

So, listen, in terms of the library,

So, listen...

So, look, I was thinking, Minna,

So, luckily, the doctors

So, maybe five?

So, none of it goes in the book?

So, now it's the Selina Meyer Foundation

So, out of respect for the furlough,

So, people were trying to have sex with my statue.

So, put that in your stupid book!

So, Secretary Doyle has picked you

So, thank you so much.

So, that means I get something from you.

So, that really happened, huh?

So, today. That's a bit of a brain twister.

So, uh,

So, um, I think the architects are meeting us today or...?

So, um, thank you all so much,

So, unless you enjoy the thrill of waking up in a basement torture dungeon...

So, until tomorrow, I'm Jane McCabe.

So, we have something to toast

So, we just tell them that we have it all...

So, welcome to my humble abode.

So, what did you think of the manuscript?

So, what do you want for breakfast, Mike?

So, what is it? Speak, Professor X Gayvier.

So, what is it? Speak, Professor X Gayvier.

So, what we need to do

So, what's next, huh? Liberian refugee crisis might be sexy.

So, where are you taking us?

So, where's yours?

So, you don't think I came off too...

So, you know, Gary and I both have our swimming holes

So, you're definitely not gonna run again in three years?

So, your dad was away a lot.

So... wait a minute. You're not coming back to the office?

Solving international crises and...

Some of the more positive elements of Sudan.

Some things are so dull, you have to block them out.

Somebody from the Hill, preferably high up.

Somebody that I worked with closely.

Somebody's been using their Rosetta Stone CDs.

Something big that makes Montez really pay attention to us.

Something fun.

Something like ending Daylight Savings Time.

Sometimes I don't feel worthy of this friendship.

Sometimes you hear crying, but that's usually just Mama.

Son of a bitch, you're...

Son of a bitch. I'm gonna go broke paying for all those dates.

Sorry betrays a weak spirit. Have a seat, Congressman.

Sorry to interrupt. Can we take five?

Sorry, I have to go to the White House. President Meyer's unveiling.

Sorry, I should not have raised my voice like that.

Sorry, I think I have to use the restroom, okay?

Sorry, Jane. Beave and legs, got it.

Sorry, Jane. Of course you're sure. Okay.

Sorry, ma'am.

Sorry, ma'am. I'm in the baby bubble.

Sorry, Mike, you cannot stay with me.

Sorry, why do you ask?

Sort of like Indiana Jones, I guess.

Sort of to balance out the AIDS.

Spreading democracy like patient zero, right, Petradze?

Srey Lim, she's a Cambodian rights activist.

Standeth before me now.

Standing on each other's shoulders trying to sodomize you.

Start out by calling Mutual of Omaha.

Starting at the top.

Starving yourself, though

Statistically, there is proof

Stevie, when we throw to commercial,

Stewart, is that you?

Stewart? I don't remember Stewart.

Still, it's better than standing next to Gerald Ford

Still, respect.

Stop it, Mr. Meyer.

Subscription!

Such as female genital mutilation.

Super left field?

Super. Great!

Sure, whatever. I'm just the cream filling in this gay claire.

Sure. You want me to take out

Sweetheart.

Swirl around her ex husband, Andrew Meyer.

Take her to a movie, a little chit chat,

Take it easy, Imogene.

Take this down.

Take this. I can't stand this anymore.

Take your lead from the UN Special Envoy for Election Monitoring.

Taking guns from this guy, giving the death penalty to that guy.

Taking pictures in front of Air Force One.

TBD... here at Smith.

Teach us to love women,

Teach? Oh, no. God, no.

Technically, a library donation

Tell her now. Tell her or I'll tell her.

Tell her why, Will.

Tell me what gets this Tanz guy's dick hard.

Tell me you'd rather take it up the ass

Tell Tanz he can have his deregulation

Tell them I'll jump out of a cake

Than attend another meeting at the Board of Regulators.

Than for serving her country.

Than most extremely stupid people do in a lifetime.

Than single politicians.

Than the fifth floor of the Cannon Building, don't you think?

Thank God you're not trying to do me all the time.

Thank you for your input. It's very much appreciated.

Thank you guys so much. It's been so much fun.

Thank you so much, Leon. I owe you big time.

Thank you so much, ma'am. Thank you.

Thank you so much. Hello!

Thank you so much. Yeah, we have a lot of good friends here.

Thank you so much. You are such a good friend.

Thank you to you both. We'll be right back.

Thank you very much.

Thank you very much.

Thank you very, very much. Thank you.

Thank you, everyone.

Thank you, Jane, for having me in.

Thank you, Jane, for having me in.

Thank you, Jane.

Thank you, Lu.

Thank you, ma'am.

Thank you, Mom.

Thank you, Mr. Speaker. I yield the floor

Thank you, Mrs. Furlong. Thank you.

Thank you! Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you!

Thanks for nothing, Mike.

Thanks, Aiden.

Thanks, Danny.

Thanks.

That are involved with the project.

That aren't necessarily mental illness.

That back when I was in the Senate,

That can result in the abuser's suspension

That concern the people of the state of Nevada.

That could get us into trouble down the line.

That Daddy got back from a month in Cuba.

That Dayton Municipal Airport isn't shut down.

That definitely will.

That depressed your dad.

That doesn't come from a nuclear power plant, by any chance?

That even Richard has trouble understanding you?

That everybody at the Kennedy Center

That food was just disgusting. Why did we even go there?

That for somebody who has been so helpful on your bill,

That he hurt his chances of becoming elected?

That he pulled the squirrel out of his pocket

That I am going to run

That I can ride like a hobby horse.

That I can't, you know...

That I fired the art skank.

That I made for my daddy when I was at camp.

That I was the first female President of the United States

That I was the first female president.

That I worked for you diligently for 20 years?

That I would like to say about the extraordinary woman

That I would think your story was special enough to even consider using it.

That I'm open minded and nonjudgmental.

That I'm open minded and nonjudgmental.

That is an impossible request.

That is hotter than Nancy Reagan's guide to cocksucking.

That is just so moving!

That is just the sweetest thing.

That is not true. You have amazing calves.

That is President Meyer's invitation list.

That is pure sexism.

That is sick, sociopathic shit.

That is the deep south... of Maryland.

That is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.

That is true.

That it could really open up and facilitate

That it would be really great if you could come in,

That makes me long for the days of Selina Meyer.

That makes sense.

That matter in our districts.

That muscle's called the brachioradialis. At least it is in cats.

That my father was an associate of Bebe Rebozo's?

That Paracelsus claimed was created from putrefied sperm.

That require a firm stance,

That Selina Meyer finally deserves.

That Selina Meyer is being considered for the open Supreme Court seat.

That some farmer in Kansas has to milk his cow using a fucking flashlight.

That sounds bad. Look, please, can you help me get it off?

That sweaty pederast has ruined more kids than the Common Core.

That that's happened since the treatment, since the cancer,

That the Israelis can't know.

That the twice yearly time change

That this is the exact same goddamn office,

That was a great speech.

That was a long one. She must be at a light.

That was all off the record.

That was Congressman Jonah Ryan of New Hampshire.

That was just a good, old fashioned hate fuck.

That was the most disgusting story I've ever heard.

That we found a way to reach across the partisan divide

That we have a school for public policy...

That when a victim reports abuse,

That when I was in the loony bin,

That when we were in Los Angeles

That when you talk about Daylight Savings Time,

That when your fiancé exposed himself to a police woman

That will be coming to you from our digital platforms.

That worked and I felt good about myself.

That would enjoy ogling your Walter Cronkite,

That you and Buzz Lightyear would win this election

That you have created a sexually inappropriate workplace environment.

That you were happiest curled up next to me

That you're not gonna do it.

That your forceful condemnation

That... that show closed years ago.

That'll quiet 'em down.

That's a false equivalence, but I appreciate the sentiment.

That's a good catch, little Cat.

That's Amy Brookheimer,

That's Brie Ramachandran with the world news.

That's Colonel Omar Al Saleh.

That's disgusting.

That's easy, hmm?

That's fantastic.

That's fine. We're late anyway.

That's funny.

That's half of what Hughes gets.

That's how long I've been sitting here

That's impossible to get tickets to...

That's keep a lot of docents in Rockports.

That's my daughter, ma'am.

That's my son, I guess.

That's not for them, that's for me.

That's not the Buddy Calhoun I see in the mirror.

That's one of my favorite Southern memories.

That's our first woman president, y'all!

That's probably to her boyfriend.

That's right, Jane.

That's right, nobody's gonna keep us down

That's right, yes, and the presidential stuff

That's right, yes.

That's right.

That's right.

That's the problem with you New Yorkers...

That's the reason I've always said that Selina Meyer's political acumen

That's what I am. Don't make that noise!

That's what I told him.

That's what we're promised, that Jesus is our Lord.

That's where I draw the line, man.

That's where that goes?

That's why I told you not to tell anybody.

That's why it's so vital

That's why you didn't get a snow globe. No business trip.

The big hand points to the noon

The Black Caucus gets this room back in 20 minutes.

The book is "Investing with a Conscience."

The Coney Island Polar Bear Club is really earning its name this year.

The congressman is out at the moment.

The congressman will not be taking any questions.

The congressman will not be taking any questions.

The Daylight Savings Time loving bureaucrats

The diary should've lost you.

The Egyptians are in.

The Ethics Committee is debating ending its probe

The first couple of years are the toughest, but...

The flagrant self interest!

The former president of the United States

The fourth horseface of the Apocalypse?

The ghost is gone.

The girl I'm thinking of likes to talk first.

The government should get shut down.

The heat is coming off.

The Hughes question at me about the advance?

The issue of women's rights abuses...

The judge was standing over me with a squirrel.

The last remaining gentleman in Washington?

The Lincoln Memorial has been undergoing its annual cleaning,

The Meyer Fund for Adult Literacy.

The mish mash of time zones and time changes

The most amazing thing just happened to me twice!

The National Association for Transgender People

The next governor of Nevada, Buddy Calhoun!

The next governor of this dried coyote turd of a state.

The nightmares never end.

The old lady at the loom...

The one that I still have,

The one who got away.

The only green bean I ate was a green jelly bean

The only one who should be sucking your dick

The only reason that I co sponsored S 473

The oppression of women has been growing year after year.

The other day, Ellen was in her closet, eating cello bow rosin...

The other day, I flushed a comb down the toilet.

The point is people find you two cold together.

The point is principles.

The point is there will be other deals down the line for you, Selina.

The President of Smith College, Regina Pell.

The President of the United States.

The restaurant, table, food, and time

The restroom is that way.

The Rwandan genocide ended over two decades ago,

The same Omaha that's a 20 minute drive from Council Bluffs, Iowa,

The same thing happened to me! Oh, my God!

The same way that I fought against my deadly disease

The secretary's name is Jennicker.

The Selina Meyer Presidential Library

The situation in the Sudan.

The so called Healthy School Lunch Act.

The Tbilisi Bauxite Miners.

The tire was full of fish. It's a great story.

The traditional female genital cutting.

The weave, the thread count,

The Wisconsin delegation was giving out cheese curds.

The word Chinaman is considered

Them's fighting words.

Then maybe they should've invited me to the Meyer unveiling!

Then they asked for a donation to their annual fund. How much do we send?

Then we'll all get a bite to eat afterwards, you know.

Then why does it have to go through the Andrew H. Meyer Trust?

Then why the fuck did they write a musical about him?!

Then you better get over there, dip his cock in some maple syrup,

Then you sent me to etiquette camp.

Then, it's okay, I just won't run.

Therapists can help with all kinds of problems

There are no private meetings at the "CBS Morning Show" without Jane McCabe.

There are so many things

There are some practices, however,

There are, like, three girls that owe me an abortion refund

There he is! Nikolai!

There he is. My golden boy.

There is an empty seat on Ways and Means, so...

There is literally no Georgian law.

There is no fucking way I am going on your show!

There seems to be a problem with the plane.

There shouldn't even be a board.

There we go.

There were sparks practically flying out of your dick!

There you are. I've been look...

There... there's no food here, and the baby and I just got so hungry,

There's a guy driving drunk on the state flag

There's a lot there. I got a lot of pictures to show you.

There's a ring on hold at Tiffany's.

There's my horse, Chicklet.

There's no way you're gonna get a meeting with Montez,

There's nobody out there who wants to see a Meyer comeback, Selina.

These small commuter airports are our country's life blood.

They all said no very fast.

They are all appointed by these partisan hacks

They are from Tanz.

They called me a couple months ago

They have a beginning and a middle and an end.

They have a beginning and a middle and an end.

They have her bowing.

They have her gesturing like this.

They have unveiled your wax figure at Madame Tussauds!

They have you as a long shot's long shot.

They haven't agreed to putting your name on anything, ma'am.

They just can't help themselves.

They just didn't secede.

They just happened to be chatting amongst themselves.

They let a warlord into a human rights conference?

They put her on a bench talking to FDR.

They said the Sherman Tanz pardon was unsavory

They should be so lucky.

They think of him and you.

They want you to get an interview with the head of the Jeffersons.

They will be arrested.

They will honor me for it at the Kennedy Center.

They wouldn't get AIDS in the first place.

They're actually from a very expensive boutique.

They're bespoke tailored.

They're fucking her in the ass?

They're gonna have to carry me out of there

They're gonna think I'm a fucking idiot.

They're new ish.

They're saying that Hamlool could be the next Al Misk.

They've ever stuffed an ex president,

Things aren't always as black and white as they may seem.

Third grade reading level in the tenth grade.

This bill will be a call for less government

This coastal property...

This election's going down like Eleanor Roosevelt at Dinah Shore Weekend.

This fucking country.

This gal right here!

This gal right here!

This girl is, like, 11 years old. Where are her parents?

This goat has an ear infection.

This is a big day, people.

This is a human being you're making,

This is a pencil holder

This is a really nice...

This is as impromptu as a colonoscopy

This is for trapping me in a job

This is fucking beast!

This is like Black History Month.

This is my final offer, all right?

This is my second act.

This is my wife, Alethia.

This is not goodbye, okay? Not by a long shot.

This is really great.

This is the book.

This is the dashcam footage from Buddy's arrest last night.

This is the luckiest day ever!

This is the story of the gifted girl

This is thrilling news!

This is very strong stuff.

This is what the Arab Spring was all about...

This is wonderful, wonderful news.

This is your chance to get back in President Meyer's good graces.

This is... Now is not a good time.

This isn't a movie theater.

This isn't unprecedented either,

This looks delicious. What is it?

This place sucks my ghost nard.

This predator has roofied more women than Kappa Alpha Cosby.

This was a done deal!

This was a test, folks, and you all failed. You really did.

This was Chicklet's old house.

Those are awful.

Those babies are so delicious, I could eat them.

Those new corduroys?

Those people really make me laugh.

Those Sphinx fuckers really love them some Chinese takeout.

Three hours from New York.

Through open and free and transparent elections.

To a charity for rescued circus giraffes.

To all colors of the sexual spectrum.

To all colors of the sexual spectrum.

To announce my charitable organization,

To become an American icon!

To believe that folksy, old Tom James

To Council Bluffs, Iowa...

To directly address

To discuss the results altogether or would you...

To do that?

To ensure fair election,

To experience a temporary depression after a heart attack.

To find them.

To for profit prisons and privatization.

To free the peoples of the world from totalitarianism

To freeze your eggs?

To get anything done in this world?

To get to the offices because of traffic.

To Guy Fieri's restaurant in Times Square."

To help the scholars of the future

To his little power broker dinner party.

To introduce my daughter to the president of USA.

To meet with her in person.

To Meyers's overly toned corpse and her dungeon of losers,

To our privately built for profit prisons

To prevent sexually transmitted diseases

To prison conditions.

To putting your name on anything, ma'am.

To raise so much money so quickly.

To receive your call.

To say that they're powered by my clean energy initiative

To score speed or get their assholes licked.

To see my two favorite daughters.

To some grammar school.

To stay home and jerk off to Jane McCabe.

To strap down your hog of a cock.

To tell that to his face tomorrow.

To tell the firing squad.

To the Jeffersons.

To the rumor that the president is being considered for the seat.

To the rumor that the president is being considered for the seat.

To the very watches on our wrists.

To the vulgar palaces of Murman.

To the working people of America.

To think that I actually still cared about them,

To this crucially important moment

To topple the patriarchy.

To vote for my airport bill.

To what, reupholster it?

Tom James, who is telling us about the explosive revelations

Tom?

Tommy J, he's not all played out like George Washington or Hamilton.

Too lazy to learn how to drive drunk.

Tracy, how are we doing on yard signs?

Treasury Secretary Baird ordered

Tripling of the private prison tax incentives...

Trust me, Amy, it was not the heart attack

Turn this off.

Turned into an unhappy meal yesterday

Turns out it wasn't zinc oxide. I was wearing cocoa butter

Turns out the guy was actually a mentally ill felon.

Ugh, God, snore.

Ugh, God! Well, that's not gonna be on camera, so.

Ugh, I don't have any. There's just bottles in the kitchen.

Ugh, I'm just... I'm feeling really old.

Ugh, that's sensational! Listen, I have something to tell you

Ugh!

Ugh.

Ugh.

Ugh.

Ugh. Obviously, you need me to fix this?

Uh huh, you're stalling. It must be a big number.

Uh huh.

Uh huh.

Uh oh.

Uh, excuse me, Ms. Caruso, due to some oversight,

Uh, excuse me, Shawnee.

Uh, Gary, if you'll excuse me,

Uh, Gary?

Uh, I don't have a slide show thingy.

Uh, I don't know. Some old white guy. They're all the same.

Uh, I'm actually pretty jet lagged.

Uh, I've never shook the devil's hand.

Uh, so, three of those got caught in the engine.

Uh, sweatshirt. Yeah, that's what we call it in my family.

Uh, when ex... uh... yes.

Uh, while there has been some very positive progress,

Uh, why, have you heard something?

Uh, your countrymen have sent thousands of flowers.

Uh...

Um, ahem, is that the...

Um, also... just a little thing here...

Um, are there any messages for me?

Um, I have a ****stani industrialist friend

Um, I think we should wrap things up.

Um, Mike, when did you get here?

Um, so I think you've got me confused with somebody else.

Um, this is Shawnee Tanz,

Um, uh, so we should go to Washington probably, I guess.

Um, um,

Um, you know what?

Um...

Umida Giyazde.

Unbelievable.

Uncle George sounded pretty sweet on Mee Maw, huh?

Under Colonel Al Saleh,

Unless he's writing me a check.

Unless they try to kick it down the road for a couple of months

Unless you want the entire thumb removed with a utility blade,

Unlike small town America,

Unlikely. There's only four.

Until Gary gets you a shirt.

Until he gets better.

Until it looks like we actually do.

Until Mommy and I figure out our new co living arrangements.

Until then, I'm Brie Ramachandran.

Very much so. Thank you.

Very nice, indeed.

Very well.

Votes no on HR 2970.

Voting closes in five minutes and we're still missing votes.

W would it be that bad

Wait a minute, is that our guide?

Wait a minute, what was that?

Wait a minute, what? How do you know that?

Wait a minute, what? One of you is pregnant?

Wait until you see the sweet new armchair I just bought.

Wait, do I have to read all this?

Wait, does that mean that I'm, like, in now or?

Wait, I have? Come on, how early?

Wait, isn't that bad?

Wait, Shawnee, how am I gonna see my dog again?

Wait, so this Supreme Court shit's real?

Wait, stop!

Wait, that wasn't on the schedule.

Wait, this is Leon West's diary.

Wait, uh, what?

Wait, wait, Jesus, lady,

Wait, wait, you didn't let me get to the best part.

Wait, what? Catherine's pregnant?

Wait, what? We are?

Wait, you tested my bidet?

Waiting for a man that nobody should wait for.

Wall Street, meanwhile, has reacted to the shutdown

Warden of eternal light,

Was a refreshing take on Wall Street

Was above all that beltway horseshit.

Was against gay marriage

Was because I had a crush on you?

Was devastating.

We about done, you think?

We all know about you and Jane. You guys are together.

We are also bound by powerful physical attraction.

We are back in three, two...

We are surrounded by land mines.

We believe that Murman is the uncontested winner.

We cannot let anyone see this.

We could just discuss registering cargo ships in Panama.

We did a number on this place.

We do need a bit more of the presidency in there.

We don't let the public use it, of course.

We don't want that, do we?

We found a video of a woman who says she did cocaine

We Georgians are a warm, friendly people.

We go live to the White House.

We got Marty Leonhardt's G5 for Omaha.

We got ya!

We had to extend to the greater Baltimore, Arlington, Alexandria area

We have a lead on a site for your library.

We have a situation with your hotel room.

We have adopted

We have baby names picked out either way.

We have secured the property for the Meyer Library

We have some scheduling things.

We have the National Auto Dealers for 100,000.

We have to expand to other issues

We just can't get our hands on it right now.

We just hit the 12 week mark.

We met with Trade Minister Johati.

We need a down payment of five mil.

We need a drink.

We need a female hero that we can wash away this warlord crap with.

We need a game changer.

We need to buckle down and start writing the book, okay?

We need to give him a name or we lose him.

We need to put together an attack ad

We painted the green room green this time

We practice male circumcision on boys

We practice male circumcision on boys

We share a studio in Hoboken.

We should be getting a phone call any minute.

We should call the fire department. I smell smoke.

We should probably iron that out, so...

We start our day in the state of New Hampshire

We still don't eat meat, Mom, and we're on our way out.

We will adopt what works and discard what does not.

We will always have the yacht.

We will learn from others' mistakes...

We will now vote on the next item.

We won't have to pay taxes.

We would be working at the White House right now

We'll be rededicating the sanctuary.

We'll be right back with more CBS This Morning.

We'll be right back.

We'll go over your discharge plans,

We'll hit the book later.

We'll see you in the tomorrow.

We'll... also when the book's finished.

We're actually doing a "herstorical" tour

We're back in 10!

We're back in two. Guys, let's talk.

We're clear.

We're coming back from Omaha on Monday.

We're engaged.

We're finishing up President Meyer's memoir this week...

We're fucked.

We're gonna do all these things,

We're gonna fly two planes into the club!

We're gonna fuck bitches till they in stitches.

We're gonna get her dessert to go.

We're gonna hold out for the meeting.

We're gonna lock 'em up and we're gonna fry 'em.

We're gonna sue her for breach of contract.

We're just gonna look for a sperm donor.

We're just gonna need our advance back.

We're just one big, happy family!

We're just trying to get Ellen in there, and it'd be really good.

We're just uncomfortable around so many Confederate flags.

We're looking for a few small tweaks

We're looking forward to seeing you and your lovely wife on Saturday.

We're moving into the big office next month.

We're not doing that.

We're not gonna talk to Uncle George!

We're really excited. Really, really excited.

We're talking about 300 jobs here at least.

We're the Jeffersons, period.

We've got full queen

Weird? What are you getting at?

Welcome back to CBS This Morning.

Welcome to the new "CBS This Morning."

Welcome.

Well, actually, since the coup, there's been a slight dip in the exchange rate.

Well, after I ate, I went right to the bathroom

Well, Amy Brookheimer just hung up on me.

Well, as of a few minutes ago,

Well, back at you, red.

Well, Buzzy, I think it's rad.

Well, Catherine, is there any parade that you cannot rain on?

Well, congratulations, Jane.

Well, Dan, I realized that I have more of myself to give.

Well, do I work for you? Just answer it.

Well, don't put that in the fund.

Well, for you, Congressman, disaster would be a step up.

Well, fuck, it's the... God, it's 10:00 AM.

Well, Fyvush Fuckhole disagrees.

Well, guess what, my phone fell in the toilet,

Well, hand me a cracker and spread it up with

Well, he is asking one favor, though.

Well, he just begged me not to put it in.

Well, he threatened to not **** the president.

Well, I came to take Marjorie to lunch.

Well, I can give them my actual abortion

Well, I can't argue with you there, Murman.

Well, I can't be giving out free copies of the book

Well, I didn't mean...

Well, I do understand that, Senator,

Well, I gotta tell you, you really...

Well, I guess

Well, I guess AIDS had a good run.

Well, I guess I'll just wrap gifts on the sidewalk.

Well, I just didn't wanna tell you "I told you so," but...

Well, I know you probably have a lot of other offers,

Well, I know you.

Well, I remembered you Qataris are very wet fingered.

Well, I think Liberia would be better for tax reasons.

Well, I think that I'm partially to blame for that

Well, I wanted to wait till after the wedding, but...

Well, I was gonna come by a couple of times, but they said...

Well, I was speaking hypothetically.

Well, I wasn't hungry then! And I need to go to the bathroom.

Well, I'd rather still be president.

Well, I'll tell you something, if this were my library,

Well, I'll tell you something.

Well, I'm easily shocked, so probably not the best person to ask.

Well, I'm not.

Well, I'm telling you something,

Well, if you like, Jane, I can float your name out there for you.

Well, ironically, I have bigger tits.

Well, it didn't help.

Well, it's a miracle that anybody survives eating sushi in this country, Minna.

Well, it's your casa white o, as you would say.

Well, Lee, their offer was a slap in the face.

Well, like Eva Gabor in "Green Acres."

Well, ma'am, have you seen the doctor lately?

Well, maybe get her to write the check. Get 5.1 out of him.

Well, maybe none of it matters.

Well, maybe the government needs to be shut down

Well, Meyer certainly would be a super left field choice...

Well, Mr. Egan has filed a complaint

Well, Murman, that is a big tire

Well, Murman's gonna have a lot of great stories

Well, my family in Iowa was pretty religious.

Well, my father and I both hate eating butterscotch,

Well, my feet hurt and I'm really hungry.

Well, no, but this is far more serious.

Well, now I want a new office.

Well, now it's time for me to punch a clock...

Well, of course the dresses. I think...

Well, please send along my congratulations.

Well, regardless,

Well, technically, it wouldn't even be a library.

Well, tell Sherman Tanz I don't need a library anymore.

Well, thank you, Marjorie, but you're not exactly known for your good taste.

Well, that depends how you define bad.

Well, that has nothing...

Well, that is something we can discuss

Well, that is very strong language, Minna.

Well, that makes solid sense. We'll get out of your hair.

Well, that would quiet them down.

Well, that's all the time we have for today.

Well, that's all the time we have.

Well, that's funny because I did, too.

Well, that's what made the two of us such a beatable combination.

Well, that's why we told you to eat a big meal before you got here!

Well, that's why we told you to eat a big meal before you got here!

Well, the book better be done in 10 years

Well, the book that I'm writing,

Well, the female form is a formidable adversary.

Well, the girl is slow with the tea.

Well, the recoil just knocked me out cold.

Well, then you can clean out your half desk.

Well, then, I guess we have a deal.

Well, there have been some interesting developments in Sudan

Well, they go with everything.

Well, they're mad at you for victim blaming Helen

Well, this could not come at a better time.

Well, this last year has been fun.

Well, vice versa, ma'am, so.

Well, we are gonna figure that out.

Well, we could had we paid her.

Well, we could streamline the process.

Well, we got a "maybe" in Delaware.

Well, we just got started, ma'am.

Well, we're not redoing a kitchen, here, you know?

Well, well, look at you...

Well, well, well, look at that!

Well, well, well, sorry, boys,

Well, well, well.

Well, well, well.

Well, what you really needed was a dermatologist.

Well, you can pack up your crayons and get the fuck out of here.

Well, you don't have to agree with me that strongly.

Well, you don't have to finish it if you don't think it's...

Well, you don't need to recuse yourself.

Well, you eat an entire fucking tanning bed.

Well, you have to walk 25 miles for breast cancer

Well, you know that the moment that he announced that he was running for the presidency,

Well, you were a last minute addition to the trip,

Well, you're getting me all wet now.

Well, you're the boss.

Well, your sperm count looks normal,

Well, your undergrad alma mater, Smith College,

Well. Hey, what about some of that lezzy stuff?

Well...

Well...

Well...

Wendy and I went to see her when things were rocky.

Wendy and I were talking that if you're gonna keep using the diary,

Wendy's mom couldn't babysit today.

Were able to remove the mass without a full mastectomy,

Whack a doo! What?

What a way to go.

What a... what a wonderful thing.

What about Congressman Jonah Ryan?

What about Georgian law?

What about my look and my makeup?

What am I supposed to do, rehire Frida Swallow?

What are they saying?

What are you doing here?

What are you doing? That's my hand.

What are you talking about?

What are you talking about? You have to go.

What are you talking about? You live in New Jersey?

What are you thinking about for a location?

What are you, a monster?

What brings you to this neighborhood, honey?

What can I do to get you to stop talking?

What can I do? What can I do? I will fix it.

What did Yale say? What did they say exactly?

What did you just say?

What did you think of Nikolai?

What do I have to do, pull out my clit

What do you think about our little girl becoming a mother?

What do you want me to say, Selina?

What do you want me to say, Tom, huh?

What does Rumpleforeskin want?

What does that mean? No butt fucking Ned Beatty till the after party, I guess.

What happened on the Middle East trip with Leon West.

What happened to the little girl who served us tea?

What happened to your lip?

What happens when you eat cheese, Will?

What I meant to say, of course, is I would like to make

What if I told you that I had Tanz on board,

What if I were, hypothetically?

What if we started with when Hughes selected you as his veep?

What is it?

What is the Host of Christmas Past doing here?

What is this Dixie cup shit show?

What is this? This is the biggest one you could get?

What it is exactly that you're getting.

What nickname stuff are you talking about?

What people say about Hoyt Steptoe,

What the fuck is going on?

What the fuck is that?

What the fuck is wrong with you?!

What the fuck is wrong with you?!

What the fuck?

What they really do is they make an incision just a little bit further up,

What Titty Gonzalez was too chicken shit to say.

What was the name of that Iranian trade minister?

What we need to do...

What, I'm so sor... what?

What, no massage?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What? No, no, no, no.

What? No.

What? No. Of course not.

What? Okay, fine. I don't give a shit.

What? There is zero inbreeding in my family.

What? Uh... oh.

What? Well, that's not gonna work, is it?

What? What are you talking about?

What? What?

What?!

What?! They have me next to Gerald Ford?

What?! They have me next to Gerald Ford?

What... oh, my God, fine!

What... what is going on here? What is our next move?

What'd you think of that new sign off?

What's going on here?

What's going on here? I don't understand.

What's going on?

What's gonna happen when your honorable citizens

What's gonna happen, Will?

What's happening with my wax statue?

What's her name? Susan or...? What's her deal?

What's Qatari for "morning after pill"?

What's up, fellas? How you doing?

What's wrong with that? My goodness.

Whatever happened to Louise Kellog?

Whatever you call those donkeys they ride in on.

When I am talking to them?

When I was a kid, I ate sloppy joes,

When I was a kid, I was a bit of a tomboy, okay?

When I was a kid, I was a bit of a tomboy, okay?

When I went through security at Dulles, I...

When our own Brie Ramachandran

When she puts her penis in your vagina?

When she wasn't busy telling me he only picked me as a running mate

When the 45 foot wide patty caught fire.

When US President Laura Montez

When we return, more of that signature Danny Egan wit.

When you can have all these different kinds of wallpaper?

Where an agreement has been reached to end the government shutdown.

Where an agreement has been reached to end the government shutdown.

Where are you gonna put yours?

Where are you taking the Jackie crystal?

Where did little Madge disappear to, anyway?

Where do you think you might've left it?

Where he couldn't even unzip the back of your dress.

Where Hurricane Chloe has taken a turn for the deadly.

Where is that... what?

Where is your water?

Where they have their annual

Where you guys going? You're the only people I know left.

Where you're condemning or embarrassing his record on female rights,

Where?

Where'd our guide go? Oh, hey, Petradze.

Where's la presidenta?

Whew, oh, boy.

Which brings us to our very own mover and shaker,

Which do you prefer, vaginal or clitoral orgasms?

Which is a combination of retarded and sad.

Which is a gift, which is a bribe,

Which is a line of prison inmates

Which is a tragedy.

Which is actually great because I have this really killer piece I wanna do on Rwanda.

Which is people say that you two don't have any chemistry,

Which is their words, not mine, but also mine.

Which is why your mom converted the barn,

Which means more burglaries and murders and **** through the roof.

Which means... I'm sorry to say...

Which would also do the trick.

Which you have to go to

While over half the Sudanese suffer in starvation.

While pretending to be Melanie Griffith in "Working Girl."

Who are antiquated as fuck.

Who are looking for a license to import sand.

Who are supposed to be your friend.

Who are we to judge?

Who are you, Ronald Reagan?

Who donated that whole wing to Hughes's library?

Who has agreed to be my wife.

Who has navigated many crises in her own term,

Who is Sherman Tanz?

Who liked to molest that pudgy werewolf kid.

Who makes educational materials for preschoolers.

Who not only assisted in the long, overdue ouster of Murman Shalikashvili,

Who recently had a close shave with cancer.

Who triumphed over her parents' toxic marriage

Who was cast out of his underground society

Who went pee pee in his Coke?

Who will let you jizz all over her face with a handful of chips.

Who you won't even live to see go to college,

Who's Gary?

Who's interested in donating $20 million

Who's just a lot more chill.

Who's standing by her man,

Who's under indictment of tax evasion and bribery charges.

Whoa, Mike! What happened?

Whoa, no! We're not gonna do that. Are you crazy?

Whoa, whoa, whoa, no, no. You snooping on me?

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, ma'am!

Whoo hoo, right?

Whoo, that Montez is a Latin piece of ass.

Why am I asking somebody who has sex one and a half times a year

Why am I getting this sense of déjà vu?

Why are women always checking in on one another

Why are you even here?!

Why can't we just write it on my hand like we used to?

Why couldn't you have gotten me on

Why didn't you take me back to your place?

Why do they even have a wax figure of Ford?

Why do we always have to raise the ceiling?

Why do you keep saying Tom James and I made love?

Why don't we just puppy pile, okay?

Why don't you and I go out to dinner, okay,

Why don't you just go ahead, though?

Why don't you make it out to cash?

Why don't you take it up with the Anti Defamation League?

Why don't you talk to Jane? You're her man.

Why don't you use Gary's sperm? It's just sitting there gathering dust.

Why one Texas housewife wants to phase it out.

Why?

Will be completely untraceable.

Will be in volume two... "Meyer Ascendant."

Will be the same for every date to establish a control.

Will do.

Will never even know it existed."

Will one of you please bathe and dress him?

Will pay for a wind turbine for a whole village.

Will they? There's a lot there.

Will understand

Will you play that back?

With a fuckload of fish in it.

With a hammer.

With a potential big foreign donor for the Meyer Fund.

With a series of specials

With a strong interest in marriage to you in particular.

With Chardonnay.

With every aspect of his company.

With Governor Steptoe's wife in college.

With her husband's philandering brains all over her dress

With him sitting right there?

With his cock stuffed in his mouth

With less kissing.

With lunches like these.

With newspapers in the last 10 years?

With only a small group of complete incompetents to assist her?

With regards to the debt ceiling,

With Scab Calloway?

With Stewart to Key West.

With the entire writing staff of Charlie Hebdo

With the full faith and credit of the United States.

With the gavel clenched in my cold, dead twat.

With the rest of the special ed Breakfast Club.

With the sweating and back pain at your age.

With what analysts are urging us not to label a panic.

With what's his ass's family here.

Without any of the good ones.

Without him, we don't have a Chinaman's chance.

Without that, I am nothing.

Without your campaign bus behind you.

Wives in this town make the social calendar.

Women's rights are human rights,

Women's rights dissident from... get this... the Sudan!

Worshipping an atomic bomb, you human fucking Pap smear.

Would like to give you an award.

Would not be illegal under US law.

Would that be all right, or are you afraid that I'll **** you again?

Would you like to say a few words, Gar?

Wow, and you left the bun on it when you cut it.

Wow, Gary!

Wow, I can't believe I'm gonna be a father!

Wow, no wonder I couldn't carry the South.

Wow, that's like Gary becoming president.

Wow!

Wow! Congratulations, honey!

Wow! I squeezed my eyes shut, I pulled the trigger.

Wow.

Wow.

Wow.

Wrap that wire around my neck until I'm dead.

Write it up real quick and then, Jane, you can lead with it.

Write me a prescription for Eileen Fisher

Writing a memoir, I feel,

Y'all are in my house!

Y'all are in my house!

Y'all, I'm sorry that Judge couldn't be here to say goodbye.

Yale has the prestige.

Yarmulke.

Yeah

Yeah, a chef made me some grilled salmon

Yeah, and he did a beautiful rendition of "Rendition."

Yeah, and he was away with his secretary when he died,

Yeah, and what are the positive elements?

Yeah, and what's the first thing you remember about him?

Yeah, but do we really want these people to have electricity?

Yeah, but I didn't expect anybody to object, did I?

Yeah, but they're not exactly the same.

Yeah, but you got to call Wilner at the Times.

Yeah, but, I mean, does anybody really give a shit about two average looking lesbians?

Yeah, Carly Simon is on the other side.

Yeah, exactly.

Yeah, get him a Sprite.

Yeah, he actually slipped on the rug hightailing it out of here.

Yeah, he's bringing me to dinner.

Yeah, holla, holla, holla.

Yeah, I don't think Jane's gonna like you out with a younger woman.

Yeah, I feel so great about this.

Yeah, I guess I should've told you.

Yeah, I guess I should've told you.

Yeah, I haven't missed that.

Yeah, I know. Wasn't I just so great?

Yeah, I made a deal to write a book,

Yeah, I really, honestly...

Yeah, I'm glad we're going in separate cars, I can tell you that.

Yeah, if you sit, it's a meal,

Yeah, in Finland, we call this the fever of the sausage.

Yeah, in front of 200 of Washington's most important people.

Yeah, let me save you the peanut log you're about to squeeze

Yeah, let me save you the peanut log you're about to squeeze

Yeah, maybe he's bussing them in from Chicago.

Yeah, maybe. I mean, I guess I could move a couple things around.

Yeah, no, you just have to do one.

Yeah, or like a nation of Islam badass.

Yeah, or, I don't know, stuttering.

Yeah, Quartie and I are dear friends.

Yeah, really important.

Yeah, right.

Yeah, she had to go to the loony bin after that.

Yeah, she's currently under house arrest

Yeah, so saddle up those emphysema tanks, you inbred cousin fuckers,

Yeah, sure, sure.

Yeah, that and a car with a sunroof

Yeah, that cow put the chair in the painting.

Yeah, that makes sense.

Yeah, that's it. We're not going back now. We're going to the Sudan.

Yeah, that's not a threat, that's a promise.

Yeah, that's worth about $20 million.

Yeah, they really are incompetent, aren't they?

Yeah, this is it.

Yeah, we can find you a man or a woman,

Yeah, we just were unpacking all of them.

Yeah, well, I think sometimes people forget

Yeah, well, this actually is pretty interesting.

Yeah, well, you know what, you can have your trophy wife

Yeah, what is... the title is

Yeah, what... what happened with Murman?

Yeah, what'd I tell ya? He's tall, huh?

Yeah, when people think about what's wrong in Washington,

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Family meeting is now...

Yeah, you ate out of a Dumpster.

Yeah, you did. You did.

Yeah, you pay him, you bitch!

Yeah!

Yeah! Cocaine, boating, asteroids, whatever!

Yeah! So, listen, we're about to get breakfast

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah. Hush up, y'all.

Yeah. I got it. And I don't think we ever discussed salary.

Yeah. Like how you do.

Year.

Yep, she's right here. It's Candi Caruso.

Yep.

Yep.

Yes, and I wonder if we might phrase it a different way.

Yes, and that as well.

Yes, Danny, I know that we're not actually fucking

Yes, I am, sweetie. I am your father.

Yes, I wrote a blurb for your upcoming tome.

Yes, indeed, okay.

Yes, Leslie or Dana if it's a boy and...

Yes, ma'am?

Yes, my roommates Stashelle, Lark, and Boosh.

Yes, we are going up here.

Yes, where you learned to interrupt, evidently.

Yes, who hasn't said the N word on television.

Yes, yes, yes.

Yes, yes, yes. Listen, Murman,

Yes! Done zo!

Yes! I should not have come to this thing.

Yes! My integrity!

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes. How do we do that?

Yes. Okay, I can't.

Yes...

Yester the fuck day, so give me five options

Yoloha.

You are addicted to spending like the proverbial drunken sailor.

You are fucking doing it,

You are going to invite me to dinner at your house

You are gonna be so pleased!

You are the devil!

You are the fucking devil!

You are unstable and manipulative,

You are... you are a bully!

You aren't going to **** the president?

You asked her to wait by your street meter in case it ran out.

You call those people back and you tell them

You can call me "Mom."

You can clean out your office.

You can come just from your mind?

You can go to the White House tomorrow

You can just say that. You can be direct.

You can just... just close that, okay?

You can pretty much have any slot you want.

You can't just be that woman

You can't let your father talk to you like that.

You can't unring that bell.

You cannot have a photo with him.

You could have direct sexual intercourse with the donor.

You could just get the correct time from your phone.

You could shut down the government.

You deserve it.

You did nothing.

You did such important work together

You did? Fantastic! I'm so glad you like it.

You did? Okay.

You did... Are you making a joke?

You didn't eat anything.

You didn't even sign this.

You didn't really care for it.

You didn't set your watch forward.

You do like throwing books at people.

You don't appreciate fine weaponry

You don't forget to talk about crime.

You don't have a reservation in this hotel.

You don't have the donors' support.

You don't have the party's support,

You don't wanna do that.

You found what?

You gave me yak shit.

You getting credit for Tibet.

You got any people I could talk to?

You got such a hard job.

You got that right! You loved me.

You gotta be careful with sperm banks.

You gotta be mad about something!

You gotta do this, Mike. Come on.

You gotta hit them in the nose with a newspaper.

You guys having a party... party by the fire?

You guys take the next one.

You had "Green Acres" in Qatar?

You had a heart attack, Gary.

You had a heart attack, too?

You had a relapse?

You had me at beach path.

You have a doctrine now? What is it, "Boners are rare, don't waste them"?

You have a lot of people fooled.

You have accomplished more in one month

You have lost a great deal of face in my estimation.

You have no idea.

You have the White House meeting on raising the debt ceiling.

You have three roommates?

You have three text messages from Helen Wright.

You have to check this out. This is insane.

You have to pick someone you know that you trust.

You have to really enunciate. No. No.

You have to stand up for yourself, stupid.

You haven't heard the last of Jonah Ryan.

You just go in the room and...

You just put that on Gary 'cause he had a massive heart attack, luckily.

You just signed away all responsibility.

You just went.

You know that every president since FDR

You know that little animal that Nathan Lane plays in "The Lion King"?

You know that my daddy taught me to drive in this car right here?

You know what being an ex president is like?

You know what helps? Bananas.

You know what I don't need is examples.

You know what I like about you two?

You know what I see? I see power.

You know what I'm thinking? Maybe...

You know what she's also doing?

You know what the problem with the Board of Regulators is?

You know what we really need? A cool name.

You know what, actually, just before that...

You know what, Amy, you are now in charge of finishing the book with Mike.

You know what, can I just say something?

You know what, Dan? F you!

You know what, forget it. I'm not hungry.

You know what, Gary?

You know what, I saw that Tom James

You know what, I was gonna wait until afternoon tea,

You know what, I'm strictly a scotch girl

You know what, this is your fault.

You know what? He has a really good heart.

You know what? I am.

You know what? I think I'm gonna go buy a Splett shirt.

You know what? Just move whatever.

You know what? We should back up a tad. Back up, kids.

You know, 'cause I was so petite and pretty.

You know, appreciative memos.

You know, because maybe in a hundred years,

You know, because your dad was always taking her to the doctor.

You know, during my first win for Congress,

You know, have sex with Jane McCabe,

You know, his stories have a solid point.

You know, I blacked out.

You know, I didn't think it was possible

You know, I just come and get it over with.

You know, I just gotta run to the bathroom.

You know, I mean, even Doyle.

You know, I mean, such as it is. Whatever.

You know, I saw you speaking to President Lu.

You know, I'll figure it out. I'll probably figure it out.

You know, I'm just saying the poisoning

You know, I'm just saying the poisoning

You know, I'm technically from the South.

You know, it might not be a bad idea.

You know, like, a thousand miles or something, so...

You know, like, taking advantage of her.

You know, ma'am,

You know, Marjorie, since you're now heading the Meyer Fund,

You know, maybe if we teach them how to read a condom wrapper,

You know, my father saw our paparazzi pictures.

You know, my mother was an alcoholic.

You know, one time, I tried hitting on a girl at a Laundromat.

You know, President Hughes said the nicest things about you.

You know, really fun.

You know, Roger, I've been thinking

You know, she had a great head for business.

You know, she had no children of her own,

You know, she has this tree. It just sort of hangs over the property line.

You know, Sudan has significant deposits

You know, the band's name translates to Panzer Division.

You know, there's not even a punch bowl for me to piss in here.

You know, this band hasn't played together since the Great Washboard Feud.

You know, to have gotten so close to the presidency

You know, um...

You know, we're actually... no, no!

You know, when I talk, I can hear my skin crunch.

You know, white.

You know, Will here can't eat cheese.

You know, you did me the honor

You know, you don't have to go so soon.

You know, you're using an awful lot of paint for down there.

You know? Where the fuck is a tsunami when you need it?

You look like an old Dyke in an English gardening show.

You look like redheaded bacon

You look like the business end of a baboon.

You look like the world's least fucked geisha.

You love me.

You made Speaker Marwood run all the way down here!

You microdicked weasel, you couldn't even fill my pisshole.

You must be...

You need to call me Selina.

You need to get rid of your glasses. They make you look smart.

You really wanted me, didn't you?

You remain in detention on the Ethics Committee

You remain in detention on the Ethics Committee

You said on air that Bruce Hornsby was a member of the Grateful Dead.

You see how that's better for you?

You should not be in the maid's quarters.

You sound like a Scientologist.

You stuck around here for an hour just to be a dick?

You sure do get around, don't you?

You tell him to start spackling his face

You think I'd make a good judge?

You think that would spice up the book?

You think you're such a big shot just because you're on TV

You thought you caught a fish, it turned out to be a tire.

You told me not to!

You told me to find all the pictures of you.

You two ding dongs look like you fingered the Incredible Hulk.

You wanna see my big, blue balls? This is them!

You wanna try that new place I was telling you about?

You want me to call a Japanese porn shoot,

You want me to go with? I can take notes.

You want to throw me onto this couch

You want to? I think we're about to start this thing.

You were crying and crying 'cause you wanted Daddy and I to get back together.

You were in an insane asylum.

You were really on the razor's edge there for a while.

You weren't comfortable just talking,

You will be the death of me.

You will need a committed partner, specifically, a woman.

You will vote yes despite the strong evidence

You won't tell anyone, Selina?

You would be donating all of your papers, gifts,

You wouldn't. What a crazy idea.

You write it, I'll sign it.

You'll look like a school teacher or a small town grocer...

You'll ruin your mascara.

You're a freshman congressman who still uses his mother's Netflix password.

You're absolutely right. I've got to...

You're all messed up.

You're an hour late. He's been sitting in your office the whole time.

You're an infuriating woman.

You're as useless as a dick at a roller derby.

You're at the brownstone by 6:00.

You're being ridiculous.

You're damn right, I did!

You're giving her the interview?

You're gonna be a grand... ma'am.

You're gonna have to share that room downstairs.

You're gonna need every ounce of gallium you can get in Sudan.

You're gonna wanna take it to a church and marry it, Rog.

You're in therapy? Since when?

You're just gonna lie there with your BlackBerry

You're just in the middle of what we in America call...

You're just like Princess Di.

You're just, like...

You're kidding me. What is this?

You're like a son to me.

You're lucky I have such a great ass.

You're making an executive decision?

You're my mom's favorite couple.

You're not giving any money to the Music Man here, are you, sweetie?

You're not only Buddy Calhoun's campaign manager,

You're one of only 46 people who became...

You're six months behind.

You're so tapping that.

You're stronger than me,

You're the fucking man!

You're the one telling people.

You've been over your budget the last few months.

You've been serving up?

You've got economists, staffers,

You've got interviews the rest of the day, ma'am.

You've got more issues than "National Geographic."

You've got to admit I told it better, though.

You've gotta be kidding me! I did not authorize...

You've gotta be kidding me.

You've had for 15 years?

Young Murman in the countryside, etcetera, etcetera...

Your dad sold it to get the IRS off of his back.

Your daughter is here to see you.

Your exposé on s'mores,

Your hat looks like it's hand made.

Your man Richard told me to come down.

Your mom doesn't think you're pretty,

Your mother had a heart attack in DC.

Your mother just added democracy to the foundation.

Your mother paid for it. She always referred to it as "the spa."

Your mother wasn't gonna bail him out anymore.

Your noses must've been really tiny yesterday

Your outfits alone are gonna be a wing.

Your ratings ain't what they used to be.

Your word, not mine.

Yu must really crave public acknowledgment

Zero anal access. How's that for a new deal?

1.5 if we can get his dyslexic daughter into Smith.

20 million.

20 million.

58 minutes.

.. you know, not just... Sure.

...with Kent. Kent?!

..how I did. Literally, anyone. Oh, my God, you were fantastic.

'Cause honestly... ( door buzzes )

'Cause of the glasses, yeah. And, Madam President, it's...

'Cause she's right here. I'm here, I'm here, I'm... Andrew?

'Cour... yeah, sure. Everybody reads.

"Investing with a Conscience"? "Conscience," yes.

( cord rattles ) Oh! God, ( bleep ).

( door opens, closes ) Catherine, I'm home!

( groaning ) So sappy.

( hyperventilating ) Well, yeah, I can, honey.

( Music blaring on radio ) Selina: Son of a Sam.

( phone ringing ) ( babies crying )

( scoffs ) Better sign me up for some food stamps.

( singing on TV ) ( sighs )

( sobbing ) What?

( thuds ) Ow! God!

♪ The Capitol Hills. ♪ God damn it, shut up.

A difficult situation. a fuck fog.

a full government shutdown. Shutdown.

A heart attack? Yes, ma'am.

A mother. No!

A peace lady? Yes, thank you very much, Richard!

A peace lady? Yes, thank you very much, Richard!

About the gang bang thing? Oh.

about the library. Yeah.

about you two fucking

Absolutely, Roger. What?

Absolutely, yes. That's actually a felony.

Absolutely. If they're wondering why

Adios. Okay. Not a word.

Admit it. Admit it! You are fucking crazy!

After the men, of course. Right.

Ah, Mama! Gary Walsh, you get on up here!

Ah, Mr. Splett. Ma'am, I found one.

Ah, yes, the yin and the yang. There you go, exactly.

Ah. Really.

Ah. Saturday.

Ah. We have so much to say to each other.

AIDS? Yes, AIDS.

Alethia! So nice to meet you, President Meyer.

All nos. Yeah, just like his face.

All right, cool. No, of course. Great.

All right, get out of here, Mike. Great session.

All right, losing the flag. No, no, no, the birthday sign.

All right, push in, push in. Uh, we'll take this one.

All right, your fly is down. What?

All right. So... oh, we're going up here?

All right. Where's Judge?

All righty, time to go. Okay.

Alone? She'll... what? She'll be fine!

Am I fired, too, or...? No, no.

Amen, amen. Yes, absolutely.

Amen. Shh.

Amy? What do you want?

Amy. What are you doing here?

Amy's not in charge of anything. I wish I had a pen.

An institution. Selina Meyer belongs in an institution.

And AIDS? And AIDS, yes.

and all this kind of stuff. Yeah, I think you need to...

and Daddy took the blame for it. Mmm.

And do you have sausage patties? What is this, Yonkers?

and Gary's gonna go... Look at this.

And he was standing over you? Yeah.

and I have been all over Florida. Mm hmm.

And I haven't been paid yet. Oh, Mike.

and I owe you one. Okay? Yeah.

and I... Oh, my God, get to it. What?

And I'm Brie Ramachandran. Remember,

And I'm certainly not gonna... Is now a good time, Mom?

And I'm Danny Egan. See you in the tomorrow.

and ma... mad lab blah. Madloba.

And Mike. See, Mike? That is good writing.

and my best friend. No, no, no.

And safe. And you are encased in glass

and start sucking. Fine.

And the lawn jockeys. Sorry.

And the very best Southern chef. Thank you.

And there it is again, see? Hey, Mom?

and they don't wanna hear about... Just get in there!

And three... "The Meyer Year." Yes.

And voila. There you go, babe.

And we are clear. That was funny.

and we'd like to do it... I will give you my sperm.

And we're clear. Denise!

And you get to buy my book. Can't you just give me a copy?

And you're gonna make me the paella. You play with the paella?

And your father comes off a little... Hard on me, I know.

And, Mom. What?

And, yeah, of course. Denise!

And? And what?

And... and what is his son's name? Prescott.

Andrew gave it to me. Ma'am, could you please stop dancing?

Are you all right? Selina, you see right through me.

Are you all right? Sure.

Are you guys, like, besties now? I don't know.

Are you serious? What else is it gonna be?

Are you wearing makeup? No.

Aren't you engaged to a Yankee? Yeah, I am.

as a female, do you feel that..

as a part of... National Volunteer Week.

At least Jonah wasn't here. Hey, that's positive, see?

August. ...August.

Aw, crud. That's $2!

Aw, he called you "Squirrel." Mother up and sold her.

Aw, it'd just take a minute. No, I think I'm fine.

Aw, it'd just take a minute. No, I think I'm fine.

Aw, so nice. Hey, birthday boy, I need my purse.

Aw! Well, that just tickles my twat!

Be an honor. Hmm.

Be as red. Ma'am, what I'm trying to ask is...

Be as red. Be as red. What?

Be well. Oh, I'm well. I'm Weller than well.

because it's broken. Oh!

Because maybe it's meno... Hey, don't fucking say that, okay?

Because my schedule... Your schedule...

Because you didn't. Okay.

Before I let you go... Uh huh.

Before Montez. Oh, that's right.

Best seats in the house. Shit! Give... no, no. Hey, Jonah.

Bingo! Oh, God, thank you!

Both: With Marjorie. Great. Thank you.

Bureaus. Burro?

but a great friend of Israel. Yes, yes.

But again, yes. Mm hmm.

but I really do have to get... Selina, I would like to make

But I... I'm actually fucking her. Dan!

but in this case... Believe me, I understand.

But not in a good way. Oh.

but thank you very much. I understand.

But we're making real progress. We are. We are.

But with a better nose, of course. Oh, stop it.

But you knew that, right? Mm hmm.

But, Amy, do you think that... Ma'am, I gotta go.

But, yes. Knock, knock.

But, you know, the male dominated media... Yes.

Bye, now. Bye.

Bye! Okay?

Bye. Ma'am!

Can I give you a ride home? Okay.

Can I talk to you just a second? I wanna talk to you, too.

Can I use campaign money? No, you can't use campaign money.

Can we do picture? No.

Can we get a quick stack of pancakes? No!

Can you believe that? Jonah,

Can you believe the nerve of him? No, I can't.

Can you help me unzip the zipper? Of course.

Can you? Hey, um, do you have time to...

Can't go past the goat. Come! Oh, okay.

Candi, are you all right? Of course she's all right.

Catherine's Catherine ness, okay? Mm hmm.

Close it. All right, well,

Come here, you. Wait a minute, what is this?

Come here. Come here. Oh, no, you can just tell me.

Come in, take a seat. Thanks.

Come on with me. Be right with you.

Come on, get out of here! Stop it.

Come on! My God in heaven. I love you, Mama.

Come on. Isn't this a rush or what?

Come, let's head inside. Yeah, kind of a dicey neighborhood.

Congratulations, Grandma! Oh, yay!

Congratulations. Thank you.

Congressman Furlong. Brookheimer!

Congressman. It was fun.

Congressman. Thank you.

Cookie? Is that what she calls you

Copy that. Okay, I just saw it again.

could benefit from closer supervision? She's not wrong.

could... we... No, no, I cannot.

Creepy. "So, I sat her down and we dialogued."

Cuba? Hey, green tea with a hint of rosemary.

Cutting aid to veterans. Great!

Damn. Yeah.

Dan. So, uh, what's up?

Danny, you're killing it. Dan. It's... yeah.

Deal. Fantastic.

Did I die? Here we go again.

Did I do something to deserve this? No, no!

Did I? Ma'am, we got gold. Gold!

Did that homeless man die? Oh, no.

Did we miss it? No, I'm afraid not.

Did you drink it? What happened?

Did you guys find a belt? No belts.

Did you hear about the one in Georgia? No.

Did you hear that? Is she a foreigner?

Did you wanna go? Yeah!

Did you wanna hang that? Yeah.

Ding dong! Dinner is served! What?

Dismissed, GI Slow. I'm free Saturday night.

Do I have to call a doctor? I think he's in a kennel or something.

Do me a favor. Sure, man.

Do you have some bai hao white tip? I do!

Do you mean President Meyer? Is that even a rumor?

Do you wanna label any of these boxes? No!

Do you wanna see my yearbook? Yeah!

Do you want a butterscotch? Oh, never for me.

Do you want a juice box? Where was that an hour ago?

Do you want a snack or... no? No, thanks.

Does it hurt? Oh, no, Richard.

Does the library have a name? It's the Selina Meyer

Don't say that I'm here. You are here, though.

Don't talk over me! Okay.

Don't tear up, now. I'm not.

Don't wanna miss that. Nope.

Don't. Now, Congressman...

Dresses, belts... Now, look,

Eat it. What?

Eh, getting warmer. Now, if you'll excuse me,

Eh. "Buzzfeed" confirms.

Every other Friday. Congressman Furlong.

Everything. Ugh, what would I do without you?

Exactly. I don't have a hotel room.

Exactly. So, I have set the wheels in motion.

Exactly. So, I have set the wheels in motion.

Excuse me. Oh, hey, Ben.

Excuse me. Oh, my God.

Excuse me. Richard, come in.

Excuse me. Yes?

Excuse us. Pardon me. Excuse me.

Female. Ish.

Flattering skirt. Shut up.

Fly. People would pay whatever it is a book costs, you know?

for fishing. Right.

for his inauguration speeches. Shit.

for sending your giant, giant plane. Oh, no, no, please.

for the library tonight. I do, yes.

for the, um... 40th.

Frightening. Mm hmm.

from the race for governor. No!

Fuck my ears. She just said reaching across the aisle.

Fuck Yale. Yeah.

Gale! Don't forget the first husbands.

Gary Walsh? Yeah.

Gary, just get it. I will.

Gary, massage him. Mm mm

Gary, where are you going? Nowhere. I'm not, I'm not.

Gary, you go fast. Yep!

Gary! I swear to God!

Gary? Yeah?

Gary. Dan.

Gentlemen! What did he do, ma'am?

Get her to cut it out! Hey, boys.

Get off of me! Right.

Get on the hood. Ow! Oh!

Get the f... Jane: Fuck my face!

Get well soon. Thank you so much, Richard

Glad you're coming around. I'm just getting drunk here

Go back to where we were with that. Yeah.

Go. Bye, Gary.

God! Who said that? Was that Dolley Madison?

Gonna snap some for you right now. Get a picture of this.

Good morning... Judge and Imogene.

Good, good. Wonderful, wonderful. Thanks. Ciao.

Good. Can I see?

Got two minutes. Yeah, yeah.

Great, thank you. I was sorry to see

Great! Okay!

Great! Okay!

Great. Okay, great.

Great. Wow!

Green beans. That's why I spent two months jamming them

Guilty as charged. Okay, me, too.

Had, like, four layovers. I'm really sorry I asked that question.

Hang on a second. Richard? Yes, ma'am?

Hanukkah. Canaan, Rabbi.

Happy birthday. Oh, thank you, thank you.

Happy Daylight Savings Time. Saving.

Happy Daylight Savings Time. Saving.

Hard no? It's a hard no.

Have you tried ice cream? Ugh.

He always is. Yeah.

He had a huge heart. Missing all its valves, though.

He makes you... Who was your opponent in that race?

He said he thought I might like it. Well, luckily, the president

He wanted me to call him afterwards. Shut the fuck up!

He was buried in a piano case. No, that's not right.

He was intrigued but reluctant. Oh!

He's a great guy. Oh.

He's good, though, right? Yes, ma'am.

He's Montez's me. Great.

He's not ******* yet, ma'am. Yeah, but I only have two months left

He's very sensitive. Wait, how bad is it, exactly?

He's your editor. I know that.

Hear, hear. Cheers!

Helen Wright is a victim! I think that we are both victims...

Hello, ma'am. Hi!

Hello, sir. 59 minutes.

Hello! Madam President,

Hello! Mama, okay...

Hello? Hey, Mike. How... wow.

Her. Him.

Here comes the love!

Here is your monthly allowance. Okay.

Here we go again! When Gary was in high school,

Here you go. Thank you so much.

Here's the Chinese. Mm.

Hey, morning, Brie. Hey, Brie.

Hey, Tom James is on TV. He looks good.

Hey, where's... hey, Richard? Yes, ma'am?

Hey, you used my blurb! Oh, quiet up, Mike.

Hey! Hold for Congressman Ryan.

Hey! You guys had a slumber party.

Hey! Hello. Hello, Mr. Walsh.

Hi, everyone. Hi, darling.

Hi, handsome. Hello, pretty.

Hi, honey. Happy birthday, Gary!

Hi, nice to meet you. And you obviously are Richard.

Hi! New Jersey?

Hi! This is my friend Dan,

Hi. Hey. Hi.

Hi. Yeah.

Hi. You look absolutely radiant.

Hmm? I mean, at least we think it's gone.

Ho! Damn straight, huh? That's right.

Honestly. Hey, ma'am,

How about the Rough Riders? Oh, fuck, that's good!

How are you feeling? Oh, honey.

How are you? A little crazed.

How are you? I'm good, I'm good. Thanks.

How dare you? No, he isn't.

How do you both know that? Not now, not now.

How the fuck can you say that?! I can say that...

How you doing? Pretty good

How's your family? I don't know.

Hypothetically? Mm hmm.

I "springed" backwards. No, you spring forward!

I am a happily married man, Selina. Oh, that's not an answer!

I am back. You are back.

I apologize. Phallus!

I better get to work, then. Good luck.

I can hear you fine from where I am. No, but come here.

I can just write it on my hand. Shh!

I can live with that. All right, gentlemen,

I can't afford to roam! We got it, we got it.

I can't believe you! Stop it.

I can't hear you. Oh, cool, are they getting a dog?

I can't imagine what that... The poison?

I can't sleep in here. I know.

I can't take it anymore, dude. I'm sorry about the temperature.

I catch the 4:28 PATH... Okay.

I could open up a Pottery Barn Kids. Aha.

I did not approve this! Thank you, Congressman.

I did not recognize that command. No.

I did. Those scum sucking vultures

I didn't know that. Okay. Yeah, absolutely he did.

I didn't know that. Okay. Yeah, absolutely he did.

I didn't say that. Is that your purse?

I didn't see that coming. Did you? Eh...

I don't have my diary. Then look harder!

I don't know. It's hard to say.

I don't know. No? Okay.

I don't know. So crazy.

I don't know. The real one was made of wood.

I don't like that. Just go.

I don't mind them. Ugh.

I don't think I was confused. Good for you.

I don't want anything here. Hmm.

I feel like myself. Mm hmm.

I get it. You do?

I get ya. If I wanted people

I got a surprise for you. What?

I gotta get my eye drops. Well, hello to the house!

I have a more important call coming in. Oh, okay.

I have to jet. Wait, you're leaving now, Andrew?

I hope you don't mind. Oh, of course. We usually...

I just... I can't believe it. Look at us.

I know you can't. It makes me feel sick, okay?

I know you had an appetizer... Oh, I'm not a dessert kind of girl.

I know. Good evening.

I know. How can I even do a walk and talk?

I know. How can I even do a walk and talk?

I know. I wish you'd be a little more grateful.

I know. Just a spoonful of this caviar

I know. Oh, let me help, let me help.

I know. Plus, they won't cover Andrew's fee.

I love the basement. What is my password?

I love this guy. We all do.

I love your scarf. Eileen Fisher.

I mean, I just... I'm sorry for how I behaved,

I mean, witness. This... Oh, my God.

I mean... I didn't actually watch the interview,

I need breakfast. Okay.

I need help? Oh, please! Absolutely.

I never turn down a warm compress. Then take it.

I said I would call you back. You also said you'd fix it, Amy.

I said that. This is stupid.

I slept in that chair. And look at my neck.

I think I do. It also engorged his penis

I think it's a little elitist. I know!

I think maybe we should leave. Uh huh.

I thought I'd never work again. Me, too!

I thought that would take a lot longer. No.

I thought you knew that. Okay, you know what, I don't need you.

I want grandkids. Yeah, sure, you do whatever you want.

I want Tibet. We gave you Tibet.

I want voting rights. Mm hmm.

I was a pitcher's helper. Aw.

I was joshing with ya. Ah! I know, okay.

I wasn't invited. I know.

I will come. Madam President.

I will kill you in your face! Stop it!

I will. Don't.

I wish I had peed first. Come on!

I... I've seen the video, of course... You have?

I... let me just talk to my people. Mm hmm.

I'd go to Sandals. I hope the book's done by then.

I'd love me some house arrest. Are you kidding me, Mike?

I'll check on that. No, don't.

I'll get it. Hello, Bent.

I'll get it. Hello, Bent.

I'll let the Algerians know it's on. All right.

I'm buying. Oh!

I'm coming, too. Whoa, what's this,

I'm Dan Egan. And I'm Brie Ramachandran.

I'm Dan Egan. Bring back Jane!

I'm gonna check. Look what time it is, ma'am.

I'm gonna go to Omaha because... Okay.

I'm gonna let them all go. But, you know, I was very pleased

I'm gonna. No.

I'm good. Well, we'll send you the details.

I'm here, Mike! I'm going to hide again! Oh, shit!

I'm just fine right here. This is so delicious.

I'm just fine right here. This is so delicious.

I'm laying out her shoes, Mike! You have to help me.

I'm not doing it. 10 seconds.

I'm not doing it. Your job depends on it.

I'm not really sure... I think it's another 45, 50 minutes.

I'm not! No.

I'm on it. Hey.

I'm serious. Okay.

I'm seven years sober, ma'am. Uh oh!

I'm sitting there. Want something to eat?

I'm so sorry, into what? Into an ice hole.

I'm sorry, Ben. Yes?

I'm sorry, I'm sorry. That's okay. I accept your apology.

I'm sorry, that was too much. way out of line.

I'm sorry, what?! Oh, you know, the HR people.

I'm sorry. This is John Corbin.

I'm taking a Pop Tart. Can I ask you a question?

I'm... I am? I'm at death's door? Yes, Madam President.

if you don't want to. No, it's okay.

If you will just sign here, please. "Yas," queen.

If you're not using that... Oh, absolutely!

In a Ferrari. Yeah.

in flux. fucked.

in his law firm. Maybe we can go inside.

in the field of... Human trafficking.

in this election, yeah. Yes!

in your bathrobe with Gary. Yeah. We played backgammon.

In your pajamas? It's athleisure wear, ma'am.

Is it okay if I finish? I'm not your mother.

Is it? Oh, yeah!

Is that good? You like that? It's good.

Is that her? Ma'am...

Is that my phone? No, my pants didn't vibrate.

Is that so? Mm hmm.

Is this heaven? Yeah, he keeps waking up and asking that.

Is your father available? He's not my father.

It could be interesting. Yeah.

It doesn't hurt. Wait, really? No, but how is that possible?

It is? So, thank you very much

It just... Gender is simple!

It sends a "Po ent" message... Potent.

It was a spa. Let's do this!

It was heavenly. It was really delicious. Okay.

It will be funny. Shut up. Stop it.

It would be a very good pleasure. With Madam President.

It would totally defuse their rage. No, no, no, no.

It's a... Gary, don't you walk away from me, boy!

It's about time. Mm hmm.

It's actually my favorite joke ever. That's so good!

It's akin to a finder's fee. What do you find?

It's all right, playa. Okay, fine.

It's always a pleasure. It's always a tonic for me to see you.

It's empty. You're fired.

It's gonna be Yale. Oh.

It's gotta be in there! Shit.

It's great, right? I don't think this is working.

It's his brother Bruce's. Oh, I didn't know you had a brother.

It's hot flashy. It's totally normal.

It's in the bathroom upstairs. What's in he bathroom?

It's madness! It's insane.

It's Mike McLintock. Oh, my God.

It's my fee. Gary: Oh, God.

It's neither a plural, nor a possessive. No, it's spring.

It's not clear who's the top. I am.

It's not in here. What?

It's not. "but it was not okay

It's Nyaring. Ma'am, I'm just so optimistic

it's really agreed with you. It was a spa.

It's really gorgeous. Selina.

It's rough, of course, but... I think it's really interesting.

It's so chic. Exactly.

It's the future, right? I tried my damnedest,

It's very interesting. Hey, put that on.

It's very safe. um, all around.

It's weird. It is weird.

Jailbait statesman. It's fine, it's okay.

Jane, perfect as always. Oh, please.

Jane, thank you. Mm.

Jesus Christ. Why did you tell him that?

Jesus, Jane! Do you see how she talks to me?

Jesus. Uh, oh, yeah, yeah.

Jonah. Hold for Congressman Ryan.

June 14th. Ooh, chock full. Oh, goody! Great. Go.

Just 'cause I can do it. Ma'am, time is of the essence here.

Just a couple minutes ago, ma'am. Oh.

Just go and get sausage patties. Right, sure.

Just hang up on her. Richard, no, no, no!

Just like FDR. Yes!

just like you! Ma'am?

Just set it up. That's perfect. All right.

Just tell them I'm in a meeting, too. All right, got it.

Keep it up. Okay, here we go.

Keep your chin up. Thank you

Kent! Will!

Lame. Okay, that's enough for now.

Let me get that for you. No, I have it.

Let's flip you over. What? Oh.

Let's go. Hang on.

like a hog to persimmons." Is that a good thing?

Like a hole they cut in the ice... Ah.

Like Catherine's eyes. Oh, yeah, well, you sound the same.

Listen, if I don't make it... Gary, you're gonna be fine.

Look at this. Oh, my gosh.

Look, are you okay with this? Yeah.

Love to, yeah

Lovers. Lovers.

Lower the capital gains tax. MSNBC and Bloomberg are on hold.

Ma'am

Ma'am, do you have a second? Sure.

Ma'am, I'm sure it'll be fun. No, a library is good for you.

Ma'am, more Court questions. Ma'am, this is getting silly.

Ma'am, Sherman Tanz is here. Oh, my God.

Ma'am, you're not gonna believe this. What?

Ma'am? Yeah.

Ma'am. Just leave him.

Ma'am. What?

Ma'am. Yeah, that's it.

Madam President, always a pleasure. Yeah, always a pleasure.

Madam President, are you all right? Oh, for God's sakes.

Madam President, it's so good to see you. Jane!

Madam President! Murman, it's so good to see you!

Madam President. Andrew.

Madam President. Hello.

Madam President. Hello. How are you?

Madam President. Madam President.

Madam President. Oh, yes!

Madam President. What? Oh.

Madam, President, I'm sorry. Yes?

Mama! What?

Man ♪2: We're set. Stop it! You're a dick, Dan.

Man: And we're clear. Selina: Okay, well, we got that done.

Man: Four, three... Just let it happen.

Mangos? No. Tell him, Will.

May 3rd. Two eggs, hard scrambled.

Maybe I can stop masturbating now. I can't... no, no!

Maybe next genocide. Or the one after that.

Mazel tov. Thanks, Will.

Mike voted, too, Mike voted, too. What?!

Mike? Madam President.

Mike. What?

Mine smelled like paprika. Oh, God!

Mm hmm. He also thought you might be *******.

Mm hmm. Now select playlist.

Mm hmm. Well, that's interesting.

Mm, such a terrible killer. Tragic, yes.

Mm! Thank you, Roger.

Mm. but your ex is worse.

Mm. mm...

Mmm. Look at that.

Mmm. Oh, yeah.

Mmm. Way ahead of you.

Mmm. Yep.

Moe. You better go and fix this, okay?

Mom, what happened to your forehead? Oh, it's nothing.

Mom? Oh, how could this happen?!

Mom? What?

Mom. What?

Morning, ma'am. Hey, what is this?

Morning! Morning.

Mostly the piece. Hey, Jane!

Mr. Tanz. Jonah, I want you to meet my wife, Lia,

Ms. McCabe, this is a safe space... Oh, you fucking people!

Murman? Mm hmm.

My daughter misses you. Thank you...

My pen's just out of ink. Let's go.

Nice! No, no, no! Uh uh.

No justice, no library! I understand everything.

No offense. None taken.

No one is gonna read that. and darn it

No photos! I was accessing her medical history.

No, bad! Look at me.

No, Buddy! Like the love of the wonderful woman

No, do I shake his hand? No, better not.

No, Gary, sit! All right, let's both sit.

No, I don't want it. You have back trouble?

No, I just... Yeah, woman, you really did.

No, I like that. Yeah, so.

No, I wasn't snooping... Oh, and what are you doing?

No, I..

No, it all goes in. Good.

No, it's cha king. Okay.

No, ma'am. Okay.

No, no, I didn't... Hey, did you say Sturges Energy?

No, no, no, Gary, sit. No, no, no, you sit.

No, please don't go. Thanks, honey!

No, that's all right. There's something I wanted to say.

No, that's not it. You're a big, fat, flaming bully!

No, they won't. Like we played last night.

No, we're not

No, you just ate breakfast now. No, I'm on DC time.

No, you're not. Oh, babe,

No! Uh oh.

No. I can vouch for him for the most part.

No. I'd say call it a night.

No. Mm mm.

No. No? Oh!

No. Okay.

No. Richard!

No. Yeah, let's lose it.

No. Yeah.

No. Really? I haven't even shown you that yet.

No. Were you? Yeah.

Nope, nothing. Oh, look at this.

Not a lot of vegetarian options. I know

Now she's mad. Hey, Marjorie,

Now, Ms. Brookheimer... Mm?

Of course you did. Sight unseen.

Of course you work out. It's just Dan.

Of course. All right, so who's hungry?

Of course. It's weird that his assistant told me that.

of some new cancer drug. Ugh.

of the McLintock prose, okay? Oh, God.

of what you said just a moment ago? Yes.

Oh, 86. Yeah.

Oh, absolutely. Thank you.

Oh, and for peace, too. It needs to be watered twice daily.

Oh, and there she is. Hey!

Oh, and, Kristal? Yes?

Oh, can you help me up? Sure.

Oh, did I say that? I think so.

Oh, did I say that? I think so.

Oh, excuse me, sorry. I'll go put together a list of some fun causes, Mom.

Oh, for goodness sakes. You let your hair grow.

Oh, fuck me. Congressman Ryan!

Oh, God. Hey, ma'am,

Oh, God. Last time,

Oh, God. ( laughs ) ( sighs ) Oh, God.

Oh, good for you. The miserable anti Semite,

Oh, good luck. I'm fine.

Oh, good. Except for our politics.

Oh, good. Yeah.

Oh, good. You saw that? Yeah, I did.

Oh, great! Yeah.

Oh, hello, boys! Madam President

Oh, here it is. ...has nominated President Stuart Hughes

Oh, I always thought... I was talking to my father.

Oh, I love that guy! Yes, yes.

Oh, I, you know... What happened? What happened?

Oh, I'm so happy! The dad and the horse.

Oh, I'm sorry. That's okay.

Oh, is that right? Yeah, Maryland had slaves.

Oh, is that so? The potassium.

Oh, is that the fun part? Check that out.

Oh, is that the fun part? Check that out.

Oh, it's CNN.com. Oh, well, nobody looks at that.

Oh, it's so chic. Buh bye.

Oh, Jesus

Oh, Jesus. What is that?

Oh, like a turducken. Mm hmm.

Oh, my God, I need a drink. Selina!

Oh, my God, oh, my God. How did it happen?

Oh, my God, really? Yeah.

Oh, my God. Full quota of limbs.

Oh, my God. Gary.

Oh, my God. It's beautiful.

Oh, my God. It's probably a stoning,

Oh, my God. Nice. Okay. Bye.

Oh, my God. No, no, we're not hiding anymore.

Oh, my God. Whoo!

Oh, my gosh! Yeah.

Oh, my... Saving.

Oh, no, I ate

Oh, no. Okay.

Oh, okay, fine. First one...

Oh, okay. Sure! Okay.

Oh, really? In Alabama.

Oh, really? What? They want you to pick an artist

Oh, right. Then you get that...

Oh, scary. Oh, my God.

Oh, Secretary Doyle, he's so gullible. Yeah.

Oh, she's kissing it. Well, that's why we moisturize.

Oh, shit, hold on one sec. Jane? Yeah?

Oh, thank you very much, Richard. Absolutely.

Oh, thank you, Mike. Ma'am, do you think that Mike

Oh, thank you. Yes, your stay in the insane asylum,

Oh, thank you. You know, go ahead and order a dessert.

Oh, thank you... Friend.

Oh, that Chinese one? Sure.

Oh, that's fantastic! Oh, Gary,

Oh, that's good. Yeah.

Oh, that's nice. Look, just sit back,

Oh, that's so nice of you. I voted for you.

Oh, the president! Yes.

Oh, there he is! Judge is home. Hey, honey.

Oh, tuck in. I got shotgun.

Oh, wow! Mm hmm.

Oh, yeah, I'm cool with that. Danny?

Oh, yeah! This feels good.

Oh, yeah. High school years.

Oh, yeah. Good. Yeah.

Oh, you know what? Real quick... A lot of research.

Oh, you must be Amy. This is... yes.

Oh! Ah, President Meyers.

Oh! I'm sorry, did you just say

Oh! So, it's very, very high up.

Oh! You mean masturbate?

Oh. Do we know anybody with a plane

Oh. Hmm?

Oh. I have a new life, I have a new wife.

Oh. Mm hmm.

oh. Oh, Christ.

Oh. Selina, look who I found.

Oh. Some things never change, huh?

Oh. Sorry to interrupt.

Oh. That's beautiful.

Oh. That's the spirit.

Oh. When I came to,

Oh. You know, there's Daw Miya Khaing.

Oh. Hey. Hey, hey.

Oh... Lord. Makes me wanna eat cereal.

Okay, all right. Never mind. Just... I really don't care.

Okay, fine, you're hired. Oh, congratulations!

Okay, it's a lady. Oh.

Okay, let's just go this way. Yes.

Okay, look. Is there something...

Okay, ma'am. Oh, sorry. What are you doing?

Okay, Mike, get up. So, how'd it go?

Okay, that's not a word, Marjorie. That's disgusting!

Okay, vote no. Vote yes.

Okay, watch out. The dog, the dog. Oh, shit.

Okay? All right, Selina.

Okay? That's what I said.

Okay? We are behind you no matter what, Lee.

Okay? Go! Yep.

Okay. All right.

Okay. And I have to find out,

Okay. But it's top secret.

Okay. God damn him!

Okay. Hey, Mom, everyone.

Okay. I hope that you will wish me well.

Okay. Madam President,

Okay. Not my mom.

Okay. Okay, okay.

Okay. Right?

Okay. See? Told you.

Okay. Stop!

Okay. Thank you, ma'am.

Okay. That's also a felony.

Okay. The final invitation list went out,

Okay. Um...

Okay. Voters hate that.

Okay. We'll fuck again tonight at 7:30

Okay. Write that down.

Okay. Yeah.

Okay. You know, there's an old Chippewa saying,

Okay. ( babbling ) Just wanna know what happened.

On a couch. Ma'am, we have a best seller!

On it. Too late. Okey dokey

One less, more for the rest, right? Okay.

One, two, three... "Soul Cages."

Oof, wish I could join him there. Oh.

Oof. Oh, God.

Oof. We don't have to talk about this stuff

Oof. You gotta be kidding.

Ooh, I am so excited that he's excited. Yes.

Ooh, it's kind of messy. Oh, I'm way ahead of you.

Ooh, that's a good idea. Give the good ol' boy a good ol' time?

Ooh. What is this?

Oop, I did a selfie. I don't know what this is.

Or at the institution... At the spa. I was at the spa.

Or should I say... Stop, no.

or some other game changing icon! Aw, yes.

Our interview. Checkers, bitch. Are you fucking kidding me?!

Perfect. Oh, she was born with no legs.

Perfect. Oh, she was born with no legs.

Personal stories? Absolutely.

Please hold for Secretary Doyle. God damn it.

Please, I beg you. Oh, my God, right.

Plus sized what? Homunculus.

President Meyer! Hello. Hey!

President Meyer. Oh.

President Meyer's office. Ooh.

President Montez is in town addressing the UN.

President Stuart Hughes... Mm hmm.

Pretty please? Well, when you say it like that.

Print is dead. You wanna buy some gum?

Professor Parrot, yes. Jane, are you sure? This is huge.

Quartie, I'm a country girl. Uh huh.

R Y A N. Zero dollars and one cent.

Really? And once, I hit a deer,

Really? But I will take the zoo animal segment.

Really? But I will take the zoo animal segment.

Really? Kind of.

Really? Mm hmm.

Really? Sure!

Really? That's interesting.

Really? Yeah.

Really? Yep.

Recorded. Madam Clerk,

Red pepper strips? No, no, no, no, no.

Richard. Oh. Hi, Gary.

Right? Copy.

Right? It's cha ching, cha ching.

right? Right.

Right. May I introduce to you

Right. Oh, my.

Right. Right.

Right. You know?

Right. You're a girl, I'm a boy.

Roger. Madam President,

Saving, not savings. You set your watch the wrong way.

Say bye bye. It doesn't have to say goodbye.

Secretary Doyle? Please hold for Secretary Doyle.

See you around never, Ben... Cafferty.

Selina. Well, uh...

Seriously? I am all in on Jonah Ryan,

Seriously? I'm so sorry, Dan.

Seriously? That feels like child abuse.

She doesn't like Mom. What?

She got up on top... Did you bring the diary?

She has such wonderful hair. Oh, luxurious.

She's an Uzbek free speech advocate. Fine.

She's Asian. Sure.

She's got a whole face. How do you take the battery out?

Sherman Tanz. Oh.

Sherman! Madam Pardoner.

Shh, I know. Shh. But unfortunately,

Sir, I'm so sorry. My senior staff... Never apologize.

Sir, of course. Okay, good.

So I'm gonna need plenty of... Of Purell.

so it's great for vaginal orgasms. Okay, Minna.

So much better. Yeah. Do you actually understand that?

So much younger? No, Muslim.

So, do we have a deal? There is one more thing.

So, here we are! My boyhood home. What?!

So, I just heard back from Quartie. Right, and?

So, is it a boy, is it a girl? Oh, right.

So, let's just stick with the ma'am. Ma'am.

So, they had it both ways? Like Gary's dad.

So? Sublime.

So... You know, Dr. Diane thinks

Sorry I missed that! I loved that, too.

Sorry. It's called a deck.

Spa. The spa. Right.

Speaking of, Dad, Mom... Gary.

Start asking questions! Oh.

Stevie! Stevie, Stevie. What's up?

Stewart's the new Bobby. Oh!

Stop it! You still love me now.

Stop it. Do you ever get into a lather about the bald truth...

Stop it. Clean this shit up. Okay.

Such a shame. What's happening right now?

Sure enough, when I came to... Me, too.

Sure, darling. Well, I...

Sure! Oh.

Sure! You have a rockin' body.

Sure. Okay.

Take your tie off. What? Like, right now?

Tell 'em why, Will. I'm fortunate to be odious

Thank you so much. Madloba.

Thank you very much. Oh, my!

Thank you, Congressman. You're welcome.

Thank you, Danny. Now, wouldn't you concede

Thank you, ma'am. NuvaRing is gonna dig this a lot.

Thank you. Madam President,

Thank you. Mr. Egan?

Thank you. No, we're not gonna have any Sprite.

Thank you. Okay.

Thank you. Provocative stuff there

Thank you. Richard: Ma'am, me again.

Thanks. Well, we should get going.

That came out wrong. Yeah, way wrong, right?

That can't be right. 79 grand.

That doesn't come out. As a girl, she was forced to undergo

That guy knows how to party. Then Tuesday,

that I can ever do... okay, there we go. Actually,

That is a great idea. I know, I know.

That is not about you. You don't think I have balls?

That was amazing. Yeah.

That was the fucking point, Sherman. I'll talk to you soon.

that we're pregnant! Oh, fuck!

That went really well. Ma'am, Sherman Tanz called.

That, too. Mm hmm.

That's a big ballpark. Mm hmm

That's a classy move. Yeah, I'll get his number.

That's a lovely top. Oh, thanks, Dan.

That's a real snatch 22. Yeah.

That's crazy? Can I say something?

That's fine with me. Let's get to work, Mike.

That's from her father. Yeah.

That's great. Yeah.

That's how we make our money. Processing fees.

That's my Shawnee. Yeah.

That's nice. I did come all this way.

That's not a word. "And we agreed that it was okay

That's not how it works. Oh!

That's right, I said 20th. ( Buddy chuckles )

That's very kind of you to say, ma'am. Shut the fuck up.

That's what she needs. Hmm.

That's why you should adopt, Amy. I'm not adopting.

The 'coyotay' always howls... You know what?

The Capitol Hills. Hey!

The fuck is that? Wow! Okay.

The girl will be different. Jesus, Kent.

The president wishes to express... You know what?

The White House. Mm.

Them? It's her.

Then let's jump into the Middle East. Okay.

Then shut the fuck up. Uh huh.

There has been one death. Oh, okay

There was an advance? Quiet, quiet.

There's just one little thing. Sure.

There's so much I wanna say to you, Mama. Well, we just won't say it.

There's your answer. Carry on.

they just wanna do it. Oh, yeah.

They volunteered, right? Yeah, yeah.

Third vote. Nay.

This country doesn't deserve you. I know it.

This goes inside your jacket. Oh.

This is disinformation! Yeah!

This is insane, isn't it? I know! It's fucking absurd!

This is Sheikh Muhammed Hamid. Sheikh Hamid,

This is so inappropriate. Excuse us.

This is Splett. Hey, buddy.

To the Jeffersons. Ugh.

Tom! Hi! Madam President

Totally forgot. I need a monument to Selina Meyer.

Totally! Well, then let's go celebrate!

Ugh, fine. Okay, thanks, babe.

Ugh. Oh, Nyaring!

Ugh. What?

Uh huh, yeah. And lookit here.

Uh huh. And here.

Uh huh. Hey, Gary, can I sleep on your couch?

Uh huh. I mean, that was real artistry.

Uh huh. So, that went well

Uh, bad desk! No, come on!

Uh, Kent. Will.

Uh, no. Figure it out.

Um, Gary? Hmm?

Um, so... Yes?

Um... Now, now, now, now, now.

Un fucking believable. Yep.

Unless... no, that's crazy. Damn it, I'm roaming.

Very "New South." Yes.

Very exciting stuff. What fun!

Very good, very good. Okay, okay. Good, good.

Very powerful. You gotta try one of these.

Vodka. Okay, sure, fine. Vodka.

Vote number two is up. Oh.

Wait till she crosses her legs. Sure, okay.

Wait, so you need something from me? Oh, no, it understands.

Wait, what? Yeah, probably wrecked their careers, too.

Wait, who? My oldest daughter.

We are fucking! Like, a lot.

We are, in fact, lovers. What?

We aren't even fucking! Oh, how dare you?

We can just give them to Gary. Aw, thank you.

We can just put it with the recycling. That is my bed.

We have a six year old. Oh, mazel tov.

We have no water here. Okay.

We love you, Selina! Oh, I love... ugh.

We must celebrate, huh? How about that? Yeah!

We must never forget AIDS. Certainly not.

We need to all just chill out and... Uh, Montez is on TV.

We need to get you to a hospital. You wanna knock me up, Doc?

We should be in the Meatpacking District. I know.

We'll be right back. And we're clear. Great.

We're going with Smith. Ellen. Have you guys seen Ellen?

We're so glad you're here. Aw.

We're still doing that? Yeah!

Wear something tight. Huh?

Well, dinner is served. Great!

Well, I was, Minna. Right.

Well, obviously... Denise! I'd cut it.

Well, okay, okay. Goodbye. I look forward to it. See you later.

Well, please. Your integrity.

Well, sure, let... all right. Come, come, come, yes, yes, yeah.

Well, that's goodbye. Yeah.

Well, that's not true at all. And only case of schizophrenia,

Well, the president... Don't interrupt me, boy!

Well, there are other sources. Rots of ruck with that.

Well, they cause diarrhea in hogs. Oh, well...

Well, you got my vote. Why would I need your fucking vote?

Well... He has the soul of a poet.

Well... I did the classy thing.

Well... Maybe.

What a character. I gotta... I'm gonna get out of here.

What about Omaha? They won't give us a private jet.

What about your plus one? I work for you, I don't date you.

What are those, chips? Why is there Coke Zero behind us?

What are you doing? I'm calling Jonah.

What are you doing? I'm hungry.

What are you telling me? I think you had a small heart attack.

What are you voting on? These vultures wanna raise the price

What chair? The fucking chair in that painting

What delivery? Mom, I saw your big interview.

What did you think of her speech? Ugh.

What do you like? Don't know.

What do you say, champ? No, I'm good.

What do you want me to say? I want you to talk dirty.

What in the holy fuck was that, Mike? I'm so sorry, ma'am

What is happening? What is happening?

What is it? Animal testing.

What is it? Your bidet is splashy

What is she like? Oh, I love her.

What is this crystal? I know!

What is this music, ma'am? It's Brazilian music.

What is this snapping? as allegations of sexual misconduct

What is this? This is just temporary.

What just happened? You're in charge of the library.

What size are you? Me? Large.

What time? Memoir time

What was that? That was...

What, are you on the rag? Calm down, sir.

What? all the cash.

What? And to present her with these flowers.

What? And to present her with these flowers.

What? But it wasn't just Barbara,

What? Gary.

What? Give me that fork.

What? How did the stable get wrecked?

What? I don't know who Montez picked,

What? I'm going back to motherfucking Sudan.

What? It won't be a library, ma'am.

What? It'll be my first human birth, so.

What? It's because we are close as sisters.

What? Just... this is the first time

What? Mm hmm

What? Ms. Tanz.

What? Never mind.

What? Potty mouth, potty mouth, Roger.

What? The money's out there.

What? They said they haven't agreed

What? This Helen thing is exploding.

What? Yep, good idea.

What? How do you know that? You... you said it was at the Congressional Ball.

What? I'm on the short list! Peek a boo, peek a boo!

What? What? What gives? Up, up.

What? What's Andrew's fee? ( door opens )

What? Who is that? Selina!

What?! Yeah, we had a real moment.

What?! You do! Admit it.

What's a polyp? I just had to tell somebody.

What's going on with the speeches? Let's see.

What's going on? Selina, I'm sorry,

What's good about it? I...

What's happening? Oh, my God

What's the big fucking deal about it? Big fucking deal?

What's the difference? $5 million.

What's this? My back.

Whatever. Oh, shit, Daylight Savings Time is today?

when she was a much younger woman. You did?

Whenever I drink coffee, usually... I do not need details!

Where are my manners? Does he work out?

Where have you been? Why?

Where were we? First sentence.

Where you going? Hey, where you going? Excuse me.

while he goes fucking... I know, I know.

Who are all these people? Your guests!

Who could that be at this hour? It's only 7:00.

who is just leaving. Oh, what are you doing?

Who is that woman? I can find out.

Who was in charge of that? Andrew.

who was my predecessor here at the White House.

Who, sadly, was assassinated. Mm.

Who? My daughter.

Who's with me? Yeah! Yeah!

Whoa! No!

Why can't you write like that? I'm the first to admit

Why do I always wait so long to pee? Oh, my God.

Why do shoes cost so much money?! He wasn't so perfect!

Why would you say you wouldn't? Because I wouldn't!

Why, because I'm *******? Excuse me?

Why, Tom? Why did you do that? Come on, Selina.

Why? Come on. No. Plus, we're in Gary's house

Why? What? He's one of those real good ol' boys

with tassels on my sagging tits! Mm.

would I be compromising my... Reputation.

Wow, look at you! What a touching tribute, Nyaring.

Wow! Madam President.

Wow! See this desk? Mm hmm.

Wow. And as an almost Jew,

Wow. Hey, Purple Mountain's Majesty,

Yahtzee. I mean, they're both crooks.

Yeah, but, I mean... Who cares?

Yeah, but, I mean... Who cares?

Yeah, but... I have to tell the world.

Yeah, I guess so. Actually, no.

Yeah, I'll go. No, no, no, I'll go.

Yeah, I'm not gonna do that. Shh.

Yeah, Jane, they made me. Sexually inappropriate?!

Yeah, let's get rid of it. Oh.

Yeah, she really is. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, that was a good edit. Right?

Yeah, that would be good. And for the vetting...

Yeah, that's true. You know what?

Yeah, we just cried a lot. But we're stronger for it.

Yeah, what's...? Hi, Mr. Egan.

Yeah, yeah. They need political cover.

Yeah, yeah. We have run out of bourbon,

Yeah, you can't do that. Really? Why can't we?

Yeah, you're gonna die. Yeah. The board is ready for you.

Yeah! Wait, you weren't invited?

Yeah! Well, all right!

Yeah? ...and they all said no.

Yeah? Lee, just sublime.

Yeah? Mm hmm.

Yeah. ...and

Yeah. ...the Judiciary Committee

Yeah. Cutting aid to Israel!

Yeah. Domestic terrorism.

Yeah. Gary, I'm so sorry.

Yeah. Just forget that for right now, okay?

Yeah. Look at you.

Yeah. Ma'am, Tanz at 2:00.

Yeah. Oh, my goodness, you're so funny!

Yeah. Party on.

Yeah. Really good edit.

Yeah. So, we got the results back

Yeah. We should have lunch now that you're back.

Yeah. Well, I'm not gonna tell him you said that,

Yeah. Yeah? Good, good.

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. You finally fucked me.

Yeah. Hey. Mm hmm. Hi.

Yeah. Shake? He's an ambassador.

Yeah. You know, like a snob. You've gotta be kidding me.

Yep. Catherine, honey,

Yes, hi. Is it okay with you

Yes, it is. Mm hmm.

Yes, ma'am. And tell them I'll stand at a glass podium

Yes, ma'am. My back is just killing me, too.

Yes, ma'am. Yeah, yeah, thank you.

Yes, ma'am. Yeah.

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. No. Mm mm.

Yes! Oh, can I join?

Yes! Right.

Yes? and it turns out that people are

Yes? Oh, boy.

Yes? Ron Addis, Head of Cardiology

Yes? You should really lie down.

Yes. ...you can talk about it...

Yes. And that, therefore,

Yes. Ooh. Ah.

Yes. So..

Yes. Something like ending government waste.

Yes. Oh! Greg Morehouse is here for our meeting.

You all right? Dominoes.

You are the fucking devil! Jesus Christ, he's crazy!

You are the worst. Oh.

You are! Okay, you know what?

You better lock up your chopper. Oh.

You can do that. I mean, that book would fly off the shelves.

You don't just forget English. Mm mm.

You go ahead. We'll be right behind you.

You got shotgun, all right. Okay, here I come.

You got that right. Be as red.

You have gotta be kidding me. You're welcome.

You have plenty to live for, too. I do?

You kept Gary's crib. It's not Gary's.

You knew that, right? Dad... Daddy sold Chicklet?

You know, I can help you back there. No, no, no.

You know, I can help you back there. No, no, no.

You know, I think we have to... We do. I'm sorry very much.

You know, maybe I should go. Kristal, it's fine.

You know, Mom... What?

You know, to me, you're, like, white. Okay.

you know, when you hear it out loud. Mm mm.

You know? Okay, yes.

You know... Oh. Really?

You look terrific. Minna. Mm.

You missed that white one right down there. Yep, got it.

You remember her. She's the former... Hold on.

You remembered. Yeah. You're only 40?

You see any arrests? Okay, okay, okay. Jesus.

You should. Yeah.

You startled me. What are you doing...

You suck! Bye, now.

You understand that? I do.

You wanna see them? Sir.

You wanna work for that guy? I really do.

You want a drink? Absolutely.

You want me to bump Sammy Hagar? Make them 1A and 1B.

You were 22? No, I was 15 in 1983.

You were great, ma'am. Thank you, Richard.

You were passed out? Yeah.

You were wonderful today. Oh, thank you.

You're fired. Tough break, buddy.

You're late. Okay.

You're the boss. Okay. Yes.

You're the producer of the show, man! I didn't ask for this, okay?

You're two hours late. No, that's impossible.

You're welcome. and when I had my relapse

you've been hiding under a rock. Uh, it's Jonah Ryan.

you've been hiding under a rock. Uh, it's Jonah Ryan.

your after care, your medications. Okay.

Your choice. Fine.

Your dad's a judge? Oh, no! No.

Your Hallowes impression. It's spot on

.. sitting in the house

...no library!

...then I take the F to the 6, and then I do a quick jaunt,

..and the recent revelations of widespread abuse

'Cause he grew up and moved to DC.

'cause he tried to pull her wig off.

'cause he's building an infinity pool.

'cause his secretary came banging on the door at, like, 2:00 AM.

'Cause I don't know the alarm code to get back into my house.

'cause I don't wanna go.

'cause I was toying with the notion of...

'Cause I'm getting 14 hours of sleep a night.

'Cause I'm just... I'm framing out your dress right now.

'Cause I've heard she's a complete gash and a half.

'Cause it was magical."

'cause maybe we'll rent it for my birthday.

'Cause that's what he does, see?

'cause there practically isn't one

'cause they feel kind of cramped

'cause think of the position that that would put me in.

'cause this is like Dewey blows Truman here.

'cause those ecotards love that shit.

'cause we are going to drag this state into the 20th century.

'cause, you know, he was also a part termer.

'Himbo' Egan Dan ies affair with NewsMILF, McCabe."

"bring history to life" presidential library.

"CBS This Morning with Danny Egan" family.

"Granite State Represented by Twinless Tower,"

"I Can't Believe It's Not Menopause."

"If that speech was a horse, it'd be a unicorn."

"Jane McCabe's boy toy steps out with beefy blonde."

"Life on the Streets, Tears in the Gutter."

"look at the size of my dick,"

"Magical!"

"Mom, if I wanted to eat this, I would've eaten it an hour ago."

"Not the best fit" the piece or "not the best fit" you and me?

"Oh, my God, he's holding my hand."

"phallus quo."

"Selina Meyer didn't just shatter the glass ceiling,

"Spider Man: Turn Off the Dark."

"Thank you for all your nothing."

"The other day, I found my daughter, Ellen,

"Tonight's gonna be really great!"

"Uproar over a photo that shows former President Selina Meyer

"Vanity Fair?" Mike, how did we not know about this?

"Wethinks Danny Boy Toy doth protest too much.

"You gotta keep your friends close

( bleep ) chair.

( chatter )

( chuckles )

( coughing ) I was out of the country.

( dice rattling )

( door opens )

( door slams )

( exhales )

( jingle plays )

( knocking )

( laughing )

( laughs ) That's hilarious.

( mocking ) No, I don't wanna...

( Music playing )

( Music playing )

( phone buzzes )

( sighs ) What? What is your fee?

10:00 AM. Was an hour ago.

40. ...40.

40th? The crystal came in today

60 million Georgian Lari. Mm.