Community (2009) - Season 3 Edit

A 4'10", 105 pound bucket of piss and zit cream.

A baby. I wasn't expecting this.

A big orange splotch on your perfect record?

A billion dollar website that helps people have sex.

A Breaking Bad type of thing going?

A buy.

A buy.

A campus already in mourning is pushed into chaos.

A civil war has broken out in Ethiopia.

A combination biathlon singing competition,

A cool ranch lunatic.

A coward's strategy.

A disgraced former lawyer

A fantastic kickboxing vampire movie.

A fellow student with something.

A few of us went to lunch

A fundamentally symbolic organization

A genocidal dictator in Laos

A government that knows its place,

A Greendale human being...

A guy got stabbed outside my building

A guy like Alan isn't above making trouble for you

A guy like Alan isn't above making trouble for you

A ha! Crazy? Paranoid? Impotent?

A half decent ivory buffer

A head to head model U.N. Battle Royale,

A health care administration student,

A hero doesn't call himself a hero.

A hero gets called a hero because of what he does.

A high school dropout and amateur photographer

A hook thing where his hand should be.

A human white sale.

A hurt finger, and erectile dysfunction,

A life of secrets you'll be unable to share with outsiders.

A little more anticlimactic

A logical, effective, common sense move, Annie Kim.

A long time.

A loose bolt flew off a Ferris wheel

A loving wife and mother who would prove to be

A magician never reveals his secrets, my friend.

A magician never reveals, right?

A magician never reveals, right?

A man who for all we know

A man who has brought security, harmony,

A man's got to have a code.

A man's gotta have a code.

A man's only as good as his word,

A Margarita, in fact, and it's served in a glass

A mean, nasty bully.

A month ago so that you'd keep tonight open on your calendar.

A new day has dawn at Greendale Community College.

A nom de corn dog?

A passing grade?

A person in need.

A person that wishes, deep down,

A photograph of you will be taken

A pinky swear?

A place that's just for you to...

A plan that looked like it failed,

A plumber?

A portuguese sailor that discovered Greendale

A raft held together by

A real big time celebrity wants to be in my commercial.

A real big time celebrity wants to be in my commercial.

A real carnival?

A righteous wind blows!

A script supervisor is the person

A sexy Patty Hearst costume.

A siesta salad and an iced tea.

A single blade of grass.

A sociopathic dorito.

A softly lobbed, hypoallergenic sealy select

A song for the señor, señor?

A speedboat! Two waterpiks.

A spell you cast on another person to make them forgive you?

A square inch of leeway.

A test. Not a penis.

A trans dimensional gateway here.

A valuable side effect of military service.

A vision in hyper color and hammer pants.

A waterpik!

A web of conspiracy that goes

A Year in Paris.

Aaahh!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah! Okay, I'm out.

Aahhh ha ha ha!

Ababed wasn't there, so whose memory is this?

Abed doesn't exist, young lady.

Abed doesn't need reality.

Abed doesn't need to be here. We need to be there.

Abed has a new favorite tv show, Jeff.

Abed hurt Troy's feelings by being a robot.

Abed insists on pillows,

Abed is a magical, elf like man

Abed knows everything,

Abed may have figured out a way we can still win.

Abed Nadir,

Abed Nadir, psychiatric patient 1373,

Abed Nadir.

Abed promised he'd show me how the Dreamatorium works.

Abed renames his fort Pillowtown

Abed sees no choice but to unleash his doomsday device.

Abed was the volleyball?

Abed won't go to any kind of doctor on his own.

Abed, are you sure about this?

Abed, did you know that Cougar Town

Abed, don't do anything drastic.

Abed, don't you think today's

Abed, get back to your station.

Abed, help me stop the bleeding!

Abed, how much stuff do you have here

Abed, I

Abed, I just had an odd thought.

Abed, I'm so sorry.

Abed, I'm trying to eat.

Abed, it's 4:30 in the morning,

Abed, it's cardboard tubes and a funnel.

Abed, look.

Abed, maybe this can be your new favorite show.

Abed, she's a program.

Abed, Shirley just had a nervous breakdown

Abed, so maudlin.

Abed, there are no other timelines.

Abed, Vinnie, can we have a minute to talk about this?

Abed, wait!

Abed, wasn't Santa Claus himself

Abed, we hate the glee club.

Abed, we have to do this right

Abed, we would be happy to help you out.

Abed, we're sorry. We haven't been supporting you,

Abed, what did I tell you?

Abed, what happened?

Abed, what the hell are you doing?

Abed, where have you been?

Abed, you don't ask someone a question like that.

Abed, you look gleeful.

Abed, you're a computer.

Abed, your leg! What'd they do?

Abed!

Abed!

Abed!

Abed! Abed!

Abed! Abed!

Abed! Professor

Abed! Walk it off!

Abed?

Abed?

Abed?

Abed?

Abed?

Abed?

Abed?

Abed? Never heard of him.

Abed.

Abed.

Abed.

Abed.

Abed.

Abed.

Abed...

Abed's been filtered out because nobody needs him.

Abed's not dangerous.

Abed's pillow fort is the only thing standing in our way.

About a dead chick to hurt you like you hurt me.

About all the girls you dominate

About Ben Sherman's winter collection.

About himself or to himself.

About holiday tradition.

About movie titles that sound like names for poops.

About stabbing in the... Sundance!

About this really serious thing that's happened?

About what's going on, but I can talk to myself.

Acceptance that this place...

Accidentally while trying to get a picture of the light

According to my system, Annie's gonna be with Shirley.

According to some script.

According to your complexion,

Accusational opposition disorder.

Action

Actually it's a two drink minimum.

Actually, boys, I have a little surprise for you.

Actually, I don't feel

Actually, I might end up taking this to some festivals.

Actually, I'm on the wait list

Actually, maybe I do.

Actually, maybe Subway taking human form could be its undoing.

Actually, no, because technically I'm only a week old.

Actually, that sounds delicious.

Actually, uh, after discussing with my father,

Add a few extra teeth.

Add to that a cut on the hand

Adiós amores.

Adiós, Sapito.

Adiós, Sapito.

Adiós, Sapito.

Adiós, Sapito.

Adjusting to being expelled from Greendale.

After "Britta was right", everything you said

After all the politics and procedure, in the end,

After all, you did provide 100% of the financing.

After conducting a full investigation,

After learning about Star Burns' death,

After speaking to the wronged parties, I've decided to...

After the unfortunate events of the Star Burns wake riot

After you.

After your lives had fractured.

Again, none taken.

Again.

Again.

Against romantic entanglements

Agreed.

Ah ga ga ga ga.

Ah, Dean, what do you want me to say, huh?

Ah, do you feel that, Britta?

Ah, eh, remember what we talked about?

Ah, forget it. Let's just keep moving.

Ah, good evening, senator.

Ah, I see you've chosen teamwork.

Ah, I was so sad when Pierce said

Ah, Jeffrey!

Ah, now I feel like I have to head back out there.

Ah, okay, okay.

Ah, thank you, Megan.

Ah, the duali Dean of man.

Ah, there we are.

Ah, welcome back, Jeffrey. How was your...

Ah, what happened, Todd?

Ah, yeah, Abed.

Ah, yes, this fantastical community college

Ah!

Ah!

Ah!

Ah!

Ah! Call me Craig.

Ah! I know.

Ah! I'm dead

Ah! That was great.

Ah.

Ah.

Ah.

Ah.

Ah.

Ah. Oh.

Ah. So do I.

Ahem.

Ahh!

Ahh! Oh, one more recess.

Ahh.

Ahh.

Ahh.

Ahhhhhh...

Aim for his butt. It's his only weakness.

Air conditioning and plumbing.

Air Conditioning Repair School.

Air conditioning repair will be your life.

Airplane bathroom...

Alan, come on.

All aboard the human being railway!

All because I can't handle the thought

All because you don't know how to run a school.

All black people are in prison!

All carnage.

All day, every night.

All day, I've been

All difficult things are better, like carrying a disease

All due respect, sir, I have zero respect for you.

All hail Chang!

All hail, sir eats alone.

All he does is follow people around.

All Henry Ford said was, "I need a ride."

All I have to do is wake up every three hours and go...

All in favor?

All in favor?

All liquids and gels must be in sealed bottles

All men have to kill their fathers

All of this behavior started after you were expelled?

All right, all right.

All right, back to cramming?

All right, bitches!

All right, fine, I had to come up with something.

All right, fine.

All right, five more minutes

All right, guys,

All right, I promise.

All right, I think I figured out the viewing order

All right, I'm sick and tired

All right, impersonators,

All right, let's go.

All right, let's rehearse this mamajama.

All right, let's smoke 'em and choke 'em.

All right, listen.

All right, look, I'm sorry for your loss.

All right, people, scene six is up first.

All right, well uh, I gotta go.

All right, Winger, hands on the grips.

All right, yep.

All right! The White crystal!

All right.

All right.

All right.

All right. Who did a butt?

All right...One toilet.

All Saint's day...

All seven of you will share a microscope,

All that wasted time going to my car

All the good christians got raptured up to heaven,

All the good people are gone!

All the more reason to confess.

All the way to the top of Arizona.

All this talk of going down...

All those people got into swing dance music

All units converge on the south library hallway.

All we had was dumb reality before we met that man.

All you have is the word of this Mr. Star Burns,

All your fake sweetness and religion

All your friends are here.

All: Resolved.

All... Right.

Almost there, although you should probably run in place

Also Todd was there.

Also, I can't afford to live anywhere else.

Also, I had the lights rigged to flicker

Also, I'm a gay rights advocate.

Also, Troy sc****d me when we were fork jousting last week

Also, you're *******!

Although it is understandable,

Always have an exit strategy.

Am I missing anything?

Am I the only person enraged by the fact

Amanda Johnson.

Amen! What's your name, friend?

Amen.

Amen.

America proposes a U.N. peacekeeping force of

An "A."

An appendage, on a body, with a head,

An Asian Annie.

An awesome blanket fort.

An elite worldwide family dating back

An entire yard long.

An escaped convict from the asylum has escaped,

An espresso machine?!

An Irish and a Jew walk into a Chinese laundry...

An uncompromising tactical mastermind feared by all

An whole episode's worth of Inspector Spacetime

And and it's not funny at all. It's scary.

And and then we just have to record

And 15 years later, here you are.

And a Christian Bale autograph,

And a copy of the novel Push autographed by Sapphire?

And a DJ to hire...

And a lizard... Your Majesty.

And a one, a two, a Chang, Chang, Chang four.

And a watermelon Margarita.

And Abed, there are no other timelines.

And Abed's not the crazy one for obsessing about it.

And above all, a human being.

And action, and move.

And action.

And action.

And action.

And action.

And affection levels, you can gain access

And all because Jeff rolled a one.

And all evidence of my misdeeds.

And all thanks to horsebot 3000.

And all the guns and wives you can afford to buy.

And all they'll have are their words and their fears

And all this time we assumed our yam was targeted,

And along the way, we learned to make ourselves comfortable.

And am now a man and student named... Subway.

And an aerosol mist of blood all over the skanky concubine.

And an avatar will be made from your likeness.

And an unencumbered Troy will turn to his destiny...

And an unknown, weak Willed miscegenist...

And another thing I hate about Die Hard,

And apparently there's a guinness world record

And as long as we all believe that,

And as you'll see, with a few adjustments, I can make

And aside from its programmers,

And assuming that this group is,

And be a different race.

And be from a different high school.

And be the most normal people in the world.

And Bebad became the little dipper.

And Bebad, his emotionally unavailable unicorn.

And before that, I was just the teenager

And before you all go putting Todd down last,

And beg you for a seat in biology.

And begins constructing Blanketsburg

And being fitted for a beard of bees.

And Britta, you're not the worst.

And by the time I finish this sentence,

And call blackmail "a day at the mall with Craig."

And calling me amoral because I'm atheistic

And can I just say,

And carb laden pastries,

And certainly,

And comprehensive.

And create a few memories.

And cut.

And dancing like idiots wait.

And deal with this Todd problem once and for all.

And did I miss the firemen?

And died a happy, pansexual imp.

And Diversity Fire Circle?

And do you know what "it" is?

And don't act like it's not about me specifically

And don't be afraid to play with the...

And don't bother coming back.

And don't bother this year.

And don't forget, when you die,

And don't give it back until Monday!

And drag you here in the middle of the night?

And each time, you introduced yourself to me.

And eating cheesy popcorn.

And embrace the fact that sharing the sad ones

And empty gestures.

And even a half accurate Chang in over 7,000 unique situations.

And eventually, this caterpillar

And everyone look across the table

And everything I know about my friends is stored here.

And everything is riding on this, and I'm out of tape

And explain the we were all experiencing

And explore them.

And fell out of a window at the Anne Frank house.

And felt really, really, really bad.

And film a documentary instead of helping.

And focus on how unacceptable today was.

And for God's sakes, slap some life on those dead lips.

And for your information, this is a totorola.

And for your service to this country.

And for your valor, you were awarded a bronze star.

And forces their desiccated husks

And forever changed the lives of those involved.

And former member of the Soviet Union.

And get me a granola bar!

And get you the treatment you need.

And give us all your expensive Brandy and hubcaps.

And God bless your testimony.

And Greendale listened to those dreams...

And grody q tips of war's emotional toll.

And handcuff me to the radiator

And has a whistle.

And have no one to turn to but Jesus.

And have now arrived

And having a special room for it

And having a special room for it

And he chainsawed them to bits!

And he inhaled a lethal dose of freon.

And he inhaled a lethal dose of freon.

And he left!

And he stayed out long enough to make them believe

And he was dressed as the Joker for Halloween motive.

And he will call me

And he's eating out of my hands.

And he's incredibly ashamed of that fact."

And he's made all of our lives better than reality.

And he's mental and he's on the loose and stuff.

And help her rebuild her life.

And here he is a few seconds later

And here he is with another cupcake.

And here's what I got so far...

And his dumb baby!

And his naive, obedient lapdog.

And his socially dysfunctional best friend

And his status as keymaster has been revoked.

And how fiscal will the quarterly earnings be?

And how I'm no fun.

And I am gonna finally take my Insulin shot!

And I am more your father's son than you ever were,

And I am the devil.

And I ask Garrett to please fix the microphone on my laptop.

And I brought extras, because I know how Richie

And I can skip lunch if you want Oh. That.

And I can't believe you guys are all bears fans.

And I can't keep patting you on the head

And I could bring some of my brownies

And I did not push Troy and Britta together

And I didn't want her to fail, so I threw off the grading curve

And I do.

And I don't care about this stupid assignment.

And I don't have to stay here, 'cause you're not cops.

And I don't know a lot of things everyone else knows.

And I don't know a lot of things everyone else knows.

And I don't know what I'd do without you guys.

And I don't remember being invited to your wedding,

And I don't see what choice I have.

And I don't send another bill.

And I don't think I could grow to like you.

And I don't think it's healing right.

And I don't want to be one of those people.

And I found nothing, so I had a drink.

And I get to dress like a judge.

And I get two credits.

And I gotta tell you, Todd. Couldn't find a thing.

And I guess someone should sing Ave Maria.

And I had a lot of Mountain Dew that day!

And I had the deepest conversation of my life.

And I have the right to challenge him...

And I have to assume that's what hurt you.

And I hear they make a specialty drink

And I hope you die alone.

And I just want to... thank you for your note

And I keep coming back to one thought.

And I kind of attacked you guys with a fire axe.

And I know it doesn't make up for what happened,

And I know that which is unknown.

And I know this is gonna sound nuts,

And I know you think you can think your way out of this

And I know you think you can think your way out of this

And I know your daddy ain't around,

And I know, because I was only allowed in the library

And I looked in my heart,

And I lost an arm.

And I lost my pants to a pair of nines.

And I must feed.

And I need to stay with you this weekend.

And I need your help All of you.

And I needed answers like a fish needs a bicycle A lot.

And I never got a chance to thank you.

And I pray they don't ask me

And I put the most popular with the least popular.

And I respect that.

And I saw the prison uniform!

And I see some high value faces here.

And I shut her down.

And I staged a break in to cover it up

And I suggest you get into it.

And I thought about what Annie said,

And I told him he should be ashamed of himself.

And I told you guys you didn't have to dress up.

And I uncancelled it.

And I was in charge of casting.

And I was really giving it to this kid

And I was so happy when you said that it was back on.

And I will die protecting his vision.

And I will enter whatever I want.

And I will regret it.

And I will roll my eyes at both of you

And I won't allow it in my commercial.

And I won't be able to hang out with you guys anymore,

And I won't leave it till I have the one I don't have.

And I won't spoil the ending, but let me tell you,

And I would've got rid

And I'd be friends with Stevie Nicks.

And I'd like to come back.

And I'd like to know why in hell he's being harassed.

And I'd lower all the shower knobs.

And I'd put tail holes in the bathrobes,

And I'll give you a ride over there.

And I'll make love to you.

And I'll never bring it up again.

And I'll show you "whazup."

And I'm a pinecone?

And I'm getting tired of saying this to people,

And I'm gonna launch these little babies

And I'm here today to review Let's Potato Chips.

And I'm inviting you to join us.

And I'm Leonard,

And I'm not eating the food until

And I'm not staying here because I hate whoever you are.

And I'm only on episode six.

And I'm so sorry what I've done to it.

And I'm sorry what I've done to the ice cream machine.

And I'm sure you all can make it,

And I'm the Dean of the entire school.

And I'm your administrator!

And I've got a feeling I won't make the cut.

And I've never said these words

And if I don't pass this final, it was for nothing.

And if it entertains you guys,

And if that's not my job, what is?

And if the room's a rockin' please come a knockin'

And if we can teach a guy like Jeff to do it,

And if you do, we don't want them believing you.

And if you don't like it, you can fire me.

And if you need to talk to someone about that,

And if you should ever need me,

And if you're watching this, it means I'm dead.

And imbedded in his skull,

And implying that is reverse bullying.

And in my class, it will be.

And in return, Greendale has warped me

And in the end another dirtbag walks?

And inaccessible, and maybe too dark.

And into AC school housing,

And it all revolves around you as a group.

And it almost always ends in murder suicide.

And it destroys everything it touches!

And it has nothing to do with his father.

And it is the first of five stages of grief

And it looks like he broke it.

And it turns out...

And it was a marvel comic in 1973.

And it was certainly unfair of me to take them out on Kim.

And it was fun...

And it's all thanks to you, Mr. Rad.

And it's going to continue to be a good time.

And it's gonna be so fun!

And it's time to get real?

And Jeff is with Todd.

And Jeff will forever remain a conniving son of a bitch.

And joined the carnival.

And just because we're awesome

And just for extra fun, they change the code every day,

And just for us.

And just stop hating ourselves.

And just to clarify, if you see this lying out,

And just...

And keeps careful notes to prevent logical inconsistencies.

And lay down with someone special."

And lead the Greendale team to the national model U.N.,

And left unattended,

And let the hall move around you.

And let them decide your grades.

And let's use that first breath

And letting you destroy me.

And Lorenzo Lamas in together?

And make it as nice as this one.

And making me sleep on a pile of laundry?

And many children rely on me to educate them.

And maybe at the peace summit we can discuss the possibility

And maybe it's time to let somebody else take the lead?

And maybe you'll give that more weight since I'm "white".

And me.

And meet Kofi Annan, Boutros Boutros Ghali, and Will.I.Am.

And millions of photographers like her,

And most importantly, while he's fighting for greed,

And most likely trying to cobble together

And motive and bring me a suspect.

And my answers seemed to amuse

And my camera follows the fire, not the smoke.

And my former colleague

And my name engraved in Hebrew.

And my plan is to blow up the world!

And natural ♪ vibrato. ♪

And neither does war."

And neither is Pierce,

And never get anything done?

And no chairs with backrests, and if you take it off,

And no sweating or bending at the elbows,

And not "grandma died" scary.

And not in a hot way.

And nothing else...

And nothing would happen.

And now he throws himself a birthday party?

And now I'm going to darken it.

And now it's time for your reward, brother.

And now it's too late.

And now it's your turn. Brainstorm.

And now our pop music mash up!

And now she's locked up in Syria.

And now the bald man is awake.

And now you can register by fax.

And now you find your softness?

And now, look at me!

And now... he's catching fire too.

And odd dot to connect.

And offer my apologies for my conduct.

And old a con here is tugging at that teat.

And one day, something grew from it.

And one of them must have slipped me a Mickey.

And party as hearty as my morality clause allows.

And pillow packers out there

And play Inspector Spacetime.

And please have mercy on him.

And put down our weapons?

And read!

And reclaim our proper lives

And Reggie is...

And replaced him with a deanel ganger.

And resources from every nation,

And returned the child to his mother.

And Sandra bullock.

And Sarah McLachlan CDs?

And see what everyone really thinks of each other.

And seems aggressively asexual.

And send it to my ten year old self.

And she gets to put it on her résumé.

And she had just found out

And she is so codependent!

And she only had three lines.

And she put me on this amazing anti anxiety pill.

And she ripped into his torso,

And she's not evil.

And Shirley was her partner, so...

And sign a log.

And sitting here facing me now,

And so as a group, do you always indulge Abed

And so is Abed.

And so needlessly violent.

And sold the space to subway, the sandwich place.

And sold them to Subway.

And some people are going to try to take advantage of that gift.

And something a parade magazine called Schwimmer fatigue.

And something about maybe hydrangeas?

And sometimes there are tunnels between those worlds.

And speaking of gold mines,

And spit out degrees because that's what deans do.

And Star Burns puts Todd in the classroom at 8:10.

And start thinking about what's good for someone else.

And started seeing a new shrink.

And stayed there for hours.

And still call it a pillow fort.

And still only managed to be the second craziest man in the room.

And stole them...

And success to what is fast becoming

And such a bad speller.

And suppose you wanted to get to him.

And sure, this group has sprouted some legs,

And take those off!

And tell me if he called?

And tell me you don't feel something.

And tell you we ought to be hot stepping it out

And ten times your best will be so bad,

And that that statue of me out there,

And that iPods aren't going away,

And that is not one of them.

And that somebody has to be you, right?

And that's "whazup."

And that's coming from Batman.

And that's how we do that.

And that's how we do that.

And that's when I realized I had to forgive them.

And that's when it hit me.

And that's why it's so important

And the air conditioning repair annex won't admit

And the apartment of perpetual virginity.

And the architect of this modern day miracle?

And the cherry on top on this total lack of sundae...

And the come back, but for some reason,

And the cost of your throne.

And the deadliest weapon of them all...

And the diabolical little b usybody

And the eggheads that make a big deal out of it.

And the first nice thing he says, and you're over him?