All in the Family - Season 1 Edit

A 'lectrical engineer ! Yeah !

A brunch. It figures. She's readin' Cosmopolitan again.

A certain Mrs. rhoda greenspan...

A guy who wears glasses is a four eyes. A guy who is a fag is a queer.

A little dent ? And you were making a federal case out of it.

A minute or so ago...

A pipsqueak like you, you have the nerve to insult the commander in chief

A real pip.

A second choice all American a man, and I mean a real man,

A station wagon filled with nuns.

A station wagon filled with nuns.

A what ? A brunch.

Aaah !

About everything.

According to our records,

According to them, you were coming out of the parking lot when it happened.

Actually, it was set up that way originally,

Actually, something interesting did happen today.

After they paid for the lawyer, they had $3,200 left over.

Afterwards, did you jiggle ?

Against black people ? Mr. bunker ?

Against black people.

Against who ?

Ah, well, I hear them. We got a couple of hebes workin' down at the building.

Ahh yeah. Maybe she could at that.

Ain't they still pickin' handkerchiefs out of their sleeve, huh ?

Ain't they still standin' around,

All his pinko stuff, well, that's all right.

All I did was the same thing.

All I'm sayin' is, don't blame me !

All right, all right

All right, all right, all right !

All right, all right, Edith. You're gettin' me all wet.

All right, all right. Come on, will youse.

All right, all right. Leave it there, huh ? Cosmopolitan.

All right, Archie, enough's enough. Just give me the letter.

All right, Edith, I'm going over to kelcy's bar,

All right, Edith, leave it there.

All right, Edith.

All right, it's bad enough you gotta make fun of me.

All right, let's see.

All right, Lionel, all right. You don't have to give me their "dun and broadstreets."

All right, now, here it is. Now, keep quiet. [ Tv: Crowd cheering ]

All right, now, Michael, promise me something.

All right, that's your "submissive" society.

All right, wise guy, so I'm dependable.

All right, you two. That's enough of that. Michael, I need you.

All right. "Harris and whipple.

All right. All right. I'm a polack.

All right. For now we'll just turn down the sound. Why ?

All right. Go ! [ Chuckling ]

All right. What do you got ? Yeah.

All set, Archie.

All that sociology and studyin' that welfare stuff, I don't call that no hard work.

All the things we've been talking about

Along the following lines

Alongside of you, he's like a green kid.

Alvin haymond's 88 yard run back, and I missed it. It's your fault !

America means it's his God given right, and anything else is un American.

America means it's up to him.

And all I'm saying, Barney, there's a time and a place for everything.

And all the other minorities their just and hard earned share of the American dream.

And ask your son in law to sit up like a human being.

And cookin' and marketing.

And could you help me set the table too ? Roger will be here in a few minutes.

And don't give me that look. You didn't think it was so hot neither.

And even if he wasn't and I said if what difference would that make ?

And everybody behind him. Yeah, they was all movin', Edith !

And flowers. I've just never seen such

And for another thing

And get that ridiculous hat off your head !

And God forbid I'm in there shaving.

And have two stores ? [ Edith ] Oh, my goodness !

And he always says the same thing.

And he doesn't know about any of this.

And he don't bring in none of his friends.

And he's an intellectual and he wears glasses, you make him out a queer.

And he's doin' a good job of it too.

And he's got a bumper sticker on his car that says,

And I been to church more than 4 times in 22 years too.

And I don't care what color he is.

And I heard your wife, my flesh and blood, repeat it.

And I know that tribe.

And I mean leanin'. [ Chuckling ]

And I mean plowed. Wham !

And I mean the all time all timers.

And in your president's opinion,

And it was one minute after 4:00.

And mom likes just about any kind of flowers. Will a dollar be enough ?

And my father, Mr. bunker. Mr. bunker.

And next week they should do 1,500, easy.

And no matter who it is, we ain't home, huh ?

And one minute later, after the picture was snapped,

And our embossed stationery with the initials intertwined at the top,

And people who contribute to society.

And pull that skirt down.

And right after you snapped the picture, he was moving again.

And she says well spoils the flavor.

And that's 200 better than the week before.

And the bleedin' hearts and weepin' nellies like youse two.

And the first time you see her, she's leanin' over the counter.

And the Japanese are a race of midgets,

And the whiplash in our neck is quite severe.

And then he wouldn't sign the letter. I wouldn't have neither.

And then the next minute, after the picture has been snapped,

And we don't need any strange little birdies flyin' in and out of it.

And where they're going,

And you know what you can do with your Jack lemmon.

And you know what you can do with your John Wayne. What about John Wayne ?

And you pick up the chair, and ta da.

And you polacks are meatheads

And you saved this, huh ?

And you write what I dictate.

And, Gloria, you get up and straighten out some of the pictures on the walls.

And, oh, Roger, have some fancy cashews

And, uh, archery.

And, well, the office has had clients out this way before.

Any chair. Okay. All right, I'll get another chair

Any gourmet will tell you, the only way to eat meat is rare.

Any man deserves my respect, he's gonna get it regardless of his color.

Any one of those guys has got more brains in his little finger...

Anything for sandwiches ? You can't get anything more natural than baloney.

Anyway, daddy, why can't you watch Jack lemmon with us ?

Anyway, you gotta go see this Wanda. I'm gonna go see it.

Archery ? Yeah, it's good for the arms and the shoulders.

Archie !

Archie bunker is...

Archie, an accident ? Daddy, are you all right ?

Archie, I brought you some juice.

Archie, I'm makin' a joke. Can't you take a joke ?

Archie, look. You might as well face it. You're all alone in this.

Archie, maybe you can bring back a pitcher of kelcy's tap.

Archie, say you're sorry.

Archie, the sister is collecting for the underprivileged children.

Archie, this is "Mr. Whitney fitzroy I v."

Archie, this is Mr...

Archie, we don't have no writing paper like that.

Archie, you're always watching football.

Archie. Mmm ?

Are you all right ? Can I get you anything more ?

Are you kiddin' ?

Are you serious ? Certainly. All right, go.

Are you, uh, comfortable, Mr. bunker ?

Aren't the colors vibrant ? And you know, they smelled heavenly.

Aren't you gonna be late meeting Steve and the guys at the tavern ?

As a matter of fact, it was your rather eloquent appeal to my secretary...

As long as we're together."

At approximately 6:30 in the evening.

At rabinowitz et al,

Aw, come on, Steve.

Aw, come on. I mean

Aw, go on, will ya, meathead.

Ballpoint pens ? I can't write to the president with ballpoint pens.

Because guys like you are unwilling to give the black man, the Mexican American...

Because I got nothin' to beef about.

Because I wanna say something.

Because if the drinking water in Washington, D.C. is becomin' unsafe,

Because in a meeting people sit down together and exchange ideas.

Because sometimes strangers is best.

Because there's a black guy that works down at the building with me,

Because we got poverty. Real poverty. You know why we got that ?

Before you say anything, let me warn you.

Besides, he don't, uh, camp it up, you know ?

Besides, I ain't sittin' still for no preacher tellin' me...

Besides, I only played two seasons.

Bobsleddin'. There's a manly sport.

Boy or girl ? A boy.

Boy, the strength hey, do me a favor.

Bring me some bicarbonate of soda, will ya.

Bring us over a beer here, will ya, Edith.

But even if you are, it doesn't change things between you and me.

But he could prance and flit all over this room with it.

But he didn't ask for it.

But he thinks that you're a

But I ain't ******* !

But I could tell you something that could shock you pretty good.

But I didn't curse the reverend from right in the front pew.

But I didn't know we had atheists !

But I don't mind, though.

But it tastes like instant, huh ?

But that's where it ends.

But then we realized the area that you live in and your name,

But then, he wouldn't get her anything, and it'll make mom's day.

But they advertise in the times instead of the news.

But this Wanda thing has got what they call...

But when they goes besmearin' when they go besmearin' the name of a great linebacker,

But who had the good taste to pick it out ?

But you didn't mean to call me Emily post. Oh, jeez.

But you wouldn't happen to be one of them, would you ?

But you're forgetting one thing. You didn't have to hustle with black skin.

But, uh, m m Mr. bunker no, no, no ! Get away from me, you !

By the way, did you fix the tv ? Sure did, Mr. bunker.

By the way, that's a nice suit you got on.

Bye, Lionel. See ya, Lionel.

Can they move ! It's in their blood.

Can't I rely on you to do nothin' right ? The man that mails, jiggles !

Can't we at least sit down like rational people and discuss this ?

Cannot stand up. Can't get up.

Care for an olive ? Uh huh.

Certain things are no different now than they ever were.

Certainly I jiggled

Certainly, start at the beginning.

Chair in place, head on the wall.

Cheaper than a repairman, believe me.

Cohen just go on readin'. Go on, go on.

Cohen and Ginsberg "

Cohen and Ginsberg. What ?

Come here, Lionel.

Come here.

Come on, come on. One time. Forget it.

Come on, daddy ! Oh, no !

Come on, daddy.

Come on, Edith. Who are they from ?

Come on, mom. I'll help you with dinner.

Come on. The last pickup is 4:30. We'll be late.

Come on. This is it. The knockout.

Come on. You don't believe me ? It's a fact. Look it up.

Come to think of it, what are you doin' here ?

Come to think of it, when your father was visiting last year, wasn't his name Davey

Confirms that our upper and lower back are in spasm...

Couple of years. Now, you're a man of the world.

Cut that out, Edith !

Daddy, I'd like you to meet my friend, Jerry woodner.

Daddy, mom, could you settle down ? Now, let's just eat.

Daddy, there isn't a major city in this country..

Daddy, will you please stop it.

Daddy, you stop that. Roger's not a strange little birdie.

David and Sarah two names right out of the Bible.

Dear Mr. president,

Dear Mr. president,

Dear Mr. president, your honor, sir,

Di yo yo

Did either of youse two jiggle ?

Did she, Archie ? Did your mother go to high school ?

Did you hear that, Edith ? You know who they're bringing around here for lunch ?

Did you jiggle ? What ?

Did you know that, Edith, that we had a pair of atheists under this roof ?

Dingbat.

Discuss pollution and ecology on channel 13.

Discuss. Why with you has always everything gotta be like a meetin' ?

Do they tell you, at the bottom of the pages, how to bury your husband ?

Do you believe him ?

Do you do any bobsleddin' over there ?

Do you know what he means, ma ? No.

Do you think it's from the accident ? Maybe you got a whiplash.

Do you think that Mr. Nixon would let tricia drink it ?

Does he use words like that very often ? Now and then.

Don't be silly. I loved it. It was like reliving the whole experience.

Don't give me that.

Don't he talk good, Edith ? Huh ?

Don't hurt yourself, dad. That's a trick chair !

Don't make him out no specialist.

Don't touch nothin' !

Don't worry. They went for a long walk.

Dye. Give me somethin' to take the taste out of my mouth.

Edith ! Yeah ?

Edith, come over here. I need some help. I'm searching for a word.

Edith, give the sister a generous contribution.

Edith, give the sister a generous contribution.

Edith, help me to the chair, will ya.

Edith, I can't write to the President of the United States unless I'm gonna do it right.

Edith, I said stifle yourself.

Edith, I told you I mean, Sunday is a day of peace and rest.

Edith, I told you to stifle yourself !

Edith, just a minute. Before you do, come over here.

Edith, just a minute. Before you do, come over here.

Edith, our personal stationery.

Edith, please.

Edith, stay the hell out of this !

Edith, stifle yourself. The language he used.

Edith, this is gonna be good. You know that ?

Edith, uh, get me our embossed personal stationery.

Edith, what do you think we oughta do ?

Edith, will you stifle. Archie, we're all hungry.

Edith.

Eight years ago he was a civilian,

England is a fag country.

Every American ought to write to his president.

Every guy and his brother's on welfare, which is the same as pickin' my pocket.

Every Saturday. God forbid one week you do it on a Friday.

Every time the church has a charity drive,

Every time you sit down in one of them things, the mystery's over.

Everybody knows they go around in a mob.

Exactly.

Except last week, remember ? Mike and Gloria went out to dinner.

Except thank you, sweetheart.

Exceptin' the best."

Excuse me, will you, Mike. Hey, Steve !

Excuse me, young lady. You just happen to be sitting here.

Exhausting, incredible experience !

Fabulous ! Mike, it was the most super trip.

Feinstein. Feinstein. Feinberg.

Fifteen bucks. Guaranteed to last me a lifetime.

Fighting is not my cup of tea, sir.

First draft.

For heaven's sake, that was 22 years ago.

For instance, uh, did he hunt ?

For me ? Oh, my goodness !

For me, no. The Duke, yeah.

For ten bucks, some of these doctors'll tell you anything you want to hear.

For the St. januarius underprivileged children's hospital.

For their own anniversary ?

For today, for their 22nd anniversary,

For you, it's like buildin' the pyramids.

Forget it. It's "irrevelant."

Forty years I been eatin' it, and I'm as good shape today as the day I was born.

Four years before I even begin to make a living. It seems like forever.

From now on I wanna know what's in everything I buy.

From the same house.

Garbage is not exactly what I had in mind. Come here.

Gee, I wonder who it's from.

Gee, mom. Would you tell him it's normal ?

Gee, that's a good idea.

Germane. Aw, listen, Emily post.

Get a load of this. My son in law and his pal tinkerbell.

Get after 'im.

Get him a rabinowitz.

Get off it, huh, guy ? Arch.

Get out of the way, Edith.

Get outta here ! Have it your own way, arch.

Get your feet off that furniture !

Gimme the chair !

Girls with skirts up to here, guys with hair down to there.

Give me over the ketchup there.

Give me some with a pinch of milk on top.

Give me that letter ! It's my letter ! Oh, no !

Give me the letter ! You're not gettin' this. No, no !

Gloria ! Hey, Mike, hi.

Gloria and Mike, they've made us a brunch.

Gloria, I found these with the groceries.

Gloria, I hurried back.

Gloria, this was a delicious lunch. Oh, thank you, Roger.

Gloria, we have been living with your folks since we're married.

Gloria, you married the laziest white man I ever seen.

Gloria's boilin' one of Mike's shirts.

Go ahead, Edith. Now, answer the girl.

Go ahead. Come on. You're nuts. All right.

Go on, answer the bell. Let me in there.

Go on, Mr. rabinowitz. Help yourself to some wine. That's Morgan David.

God could punish you for that.

Good afternoon. Oh, good afternoon, sister.

Good thing I wasn't drivin' one of them foreign jobs.

Good to see you again, kid. Here, sit down.

Good. And I wanna watch football highlights on channel 2.

Good. Let's go mail 'em. Oh, no, you don't.

Good. You can take out the garbage.

Got more brains in his little finger...

Great. You know something, arch ?

Guts, guns the things that separate the sexes, you know what I mean ?

Half a sermon was plenty.

Hardly admissible.

He actually thinks because they're ******* they're smarter, shrewder.

He already lost one.

He always eats better when he's upset.

He certainly did. [ Doorbell rings ]

He didn't do anything. Get over here and watch me.

He got that from his forefathers when he was runnin' through the jungle.

He handles accidents. Peter gurney ? No, no, no.

He helps himself to coffee, then he turns the handle around the other way.

He is married to my only daughter.

He likes to hear me say, "I'm gon' be a 'lectrical engineer."

He never heard me.

He only comes in for a drink once in a while on his way home.

He said all I wanted to hear.

He was selling peace stickers there in piccadilly circus.

He'd lay down his life for the Duke.

He'll be here any minute. You want people to think you live in a pig's eye ?

He's a pansy. I don't know.

He's always late, except after coffee in the morning.

He's at church. Good.

He's friendly enough. Really ?

He's gonna take the present, get some fresh cut flowers and deliver them together,

He's got no brains, no ambition.

He's got you there, Archie. Yeah, at the discount house.

He's just as good as me.

He's makin' out like I don't like the hebes.

He's off the ground again.

He's right, arch. Huh ?

He's right.

He's searching for a word.

He's the best there is when it comes to blood.

He's their friend, Archie. Listen, Edith.

Hear that ? The tree of learnin'.

Heh ?

Help us, will ya. Go to work.

Here are the hors d'oeuvres. Oh.

Here it comes ! Bang ! Pow ! [ Shouting ]

Here we are. We have orange juice in here, then go in there for brunch.

Here you are, Lionel. Have everything cleaned and pressed, okay ?

Here you go, guys. Thanks. Uh, let me ask you somethin' there.

Here you go. Three steps back. Right.

Here, I got a good idea. You come over here. Come here.

Here. Here's your rice pudding.

Here. I found an old box of crunchies.

Here. I made us some little hot toddies.

Here's the old standby. Big Ben.

Here's your bicarb. Oh, yeah.

Hey, Archie, you never finished the story about the accident.

Hey, do you have to always be doin' that ?

Hey, don't leave, Mr. rabinowitz.

Hey, Edith, let me have some beer in here.

Hey, Edith, where's supper, huh ?

Hey, kelcy, let me have a pitcherful there, will ya.

Hey, Lionel. Come on in. How's it goin' ?

Hey, Mike, uh, come here a minute, will ya. What ?

Hey, Mike. Hey, you guys. How ya doin' ?

Hey, mom, when's daddy coming home ?

Hey, Mr. rabinowitz, where you goin' ?

Hey, put them glasses over here. I wanna go with you once more.

Hey, rog. Hi, Mr. bunker.

Hey, see you. Yeah.

Hey, speakin' about imports,

Hey, Steve. Kelcy, I gotta go.

Hey, uh, where's your father in law ?

Hey, wanna watch the fights, Mike ? No, thanks.

Hey, you know what they got on at 3:00, channel 9 ?

Hey, you. Get away from that tv set.

Hey.

Hey. Didn't make it.

Hi, Lionel. Hi, folks.

Hi, sister. I bet you was wonderin' what I was doing at the table.

Hi. I'm back. It's about time.

Him and me used to be close buddies.

His camera store is just down the street here.

His own mother wasn't a ******* lawyer.

His pal Roger is as queer as a four dollar bill, and he knows it.

Hiya, Lionel. How you doin', everybody ?

Hiya, Lionel. You want some rice puddin' ?

Hold it ! Hold it !

How am I gonna tell 'em we ain't home if I'm standin' there talkin' to 'em ?

How come you got this guy Whitney fitzroy the fourth workin' for ya ?

How could you be dying ? You ain't seen a doctor yet.

How else do I get to become an electrical engineer ?

How long you know this, uh, this kid Roger that was in with Mike ?

How long you known me ? Ten, twelve years ? Yeah

How much more do you expect me to do with you lickin' and bangin' over there ?

How they make products with harmful things in 'em.

How's it goin', Mike ? Hey, Lionel.

Huh ? Very semitic gesture.

I

I no, uh

I accept that it's fresh perked !

I agree with him that they're smarter and shrewder,

I agree with that.

I ain't seen an anniversary gift from you since the first year.

I ain't the brightest guy in the world.

I always like to think about everybody standin' there in them.

I am not *******. Yes, sir, Mr. bunker.

I am, well, you might say the token gentile.

I appreciate your extraordinary faith...

I assume, since this is the Archie bunker residence, that you are the bunker family.

I been aware of that for some time.

I been everywhere where the grass grows green.

I can even set my watch by how long it takes you to belch after a bicarb.

I can mail my letter today, it'll get to Washington by Monday.

I can only hope that your confidence in me is well founded.

I can take I know. You can take a joke with the best of them.

I can't believe it. Look, my hands are shaking.

I can't hardly believe it.

I couldn't do that. Men can't do that. Isn't that wild ?

I demand to know the contents of that letter. It's between Nixon and me.

I didn't have no million people marchin' and protestin' to get me my job.

I didn't have to hustle with one arm and one leg neither. So what ?

I didn't hear the substance, but the tone tells me to set this down easy,

I didn't jiggle. I thought you jiggled, daddy.

I didn't know you was *******.

I didn't think you was gonna wind up in college learnin' how to be a subversive.

I didn't write about a rash.

I don't care what you call it. It's still arguing.

I don't have to learn it from no millionaire actor who's got nothin' better to do...

I don't know where he gets these brainstorms,

I don't like it medium. I like it well.

I don't read the articles. Just the bottom of the pages.

I don't see the difference. That's 'cause you're a dingbat.

I don't think she even went to high school.

I don't think that's an answer.

I don't think there's one thing about us you agree with.

I don't wanna hear about the articles !

I don't want no more arguments.

I gave at the office

I got no problem with peanuts.

I got two more, but one's yellow with stripes, the other's purple with checks.

I gotta get back to work.

I gotta say, "my husband don't have any old clothes." So ?

I guess that we can get right down to business.

I heard of all them guys.

I heard you. But it's fresh perked.

I hope the kids are out

I just came from there. It's right out front. It's just a little dent.

I just don't think it's right, Archie.

I just got back from Europe, and I wanted you to know I got some beautiful shots.

I just wouldn't want my place...

I knew you'd cop out, daddy.

I know I promised, but I gotta say this.

I know something that'd shock you, daddy. I bet you can't do this thing.

I know the real article when I see one, Mr. rabinowitz.

I know this. Their whole society is based on a kind of a "fagdom."

I know what Dr. feinberg said.

I know what's bothering you.

I know you real good. Good, good.

I know, but bachelors are they're always actin' kinda private.

I know, but channel 13 is rerunning that special on pollution with Jack lemmon.

I know, but she was inside,

I like to think about who they are...

I love that beginning.

I love those combinations. Hey, hey ! Take it easy there !

I made up a name like roundtree cumberbatch ? Yeah. Yeah.

I make a livin'.

I mean probably I did.

I mean to say the president, after all, is only a man.

I mean, absolutely nothin'. Not till the wedding night.

I mean, look at you look at come on, will ya, you big clown, you !

I mean, not only could he lift that chair,

I mean, some of them, they ain't nothin' but sheer "pornograbby."

I mean, they must have things like skiin' there, and bobsleddin'.

I mean, you bachelors, you got 'em comin' and goin' like runnin' water, huh ?

I meant, are you comfortable in your chair ?

I missed it. The play of the week.

I musta been going forward. Not according to our witnesses.

I need real ink. Whatever happened to my waterman ?

I never said a guy who wears glasses is a queer.

I never said your black beauties was lazy.

I only hope Mr. Nixon reads 'em that way.

I put ? Small dent ?

I put a pinch of milk on top.

I read that in a fortune cookie once.

I remember.

I said it was different, that's all,

I stopped in the gents' room the other day.

I suppose the black man has had the same opportunity in this country as you.

I suppose, uh I suppose you're wondering why Mr. sol rabinowitz didn't come.

I think it was the words

I think it's beautiful that Michael wants to help the underprivileged.

I think it's important that we learn about our polluted environment.

I think it's just wonderful. It's like a whole new life opened up for 'em.

I think Mr. Nixon is gonna love this.

I think we oughta eat.

I think we'd better go jiggle

I thought I was in the wrong toilet.

I thought it was a Roman number. [ Chuckles ]

I thought it was gonna be for a year while you learned a trade or somethin'.

I thought maybe he was a little, uh

I thought we'd give 'em all our business.

I thought you said a guy couldn't do that ! I'm never gonna trust youse two again !

I thought you said she plowed right into you wham !

I told munson I'd get him an estimate on his cab... Three, four, five, six,

I told ya, I work with a couple of ****.

I understand you used his cab today and put a small dent in it.

I used to have an Uncle who'd put an olive on every finger of his hand.

I used to know a whole flock of them in the old neighborhood.

I wanna ask your opinion on somethin'.

I wanna know what you meant by "what God ?" It's nothin', Archie.

I wanna tell you somethin' about yourself.

I want everything ready for when the folks get back from church.

I want to ask you some things. Sure.

I want to take a look at this enchantin' young person.

I want us to watch Jack lemmon and a group of famous scientists...

I was gonna say good evening. Oh, skip it, will ya. Skip it.

I was just givin' you a chance to work up an appetite.

I was just makin' my rounds, pickin' up the cleaning.

I was writin' a letter to the president of the United States...

I wasn't. Now, if you'll

I'd be pushin' up the daisies now.

I'll bet it's a hallmark.

I'll bring you a can.

I'll come Thursday and look at it. Good to see you.

I'll get it.

I'll tell you somethin', wise guy.

I'll tell you something else, wise guy.

I'll tell you something else, wise guy.

I'll tell you the cause of it these sob sisters like your reverend feltcher...

I'll tell you what I'll do I think I'll come over here and sit right next to Mr. bunker.

I'll tell you where this guy is sensitive, Lionel right in his tuckus.

I'm glad you weren't hurt. What do you mean, "what a tribe" ?

I'm glad you're here, Lionel.

I'm gonna do the whole thing. Go ahead.

I'm gonna try using one.

I'm not gonna quarrel with ya, Archie

I'm not gonna stay in this house another minute to see my husband insulted like that !

I'm not gonna throw away nine years of friendship over a little thing like that.

I'm not knockin' it. I think you're a marvel.

I'm not prejudiced.

I'm not sure.

I'm Polish. I'm proud of it.

I'm sick and tired of your Polish jokes.

I'm Solomon rabinowitz, representing the injured party, Mr. bunker.

I'm starving. What time's himself comin' home ?

I'm studying six hours, I'm in class six hours. Going to college is hard work.

I'm tellin' you, Archie, them kids don't leave this house...

I'm the attorney for Mrs. greenspan. Well, come in.

I'm too nervous. It's to the president.

I've been making rice pudding for 22 years,

I've got too much on my mind

I've heard you say it a hundred times, Archie the government works for me.

I've learned to expect nothin' but aggravation from you anyhow.

If "black beauties" is kosher with them, it's kosher with me.

If a man can't do it, I would imagine your friend Roger bell can.

If anybody mails these, it's gonna be me. Why don't we both go ?

If he wants to unpollute somethin',

If I can't be good, I'll be careful.

If I need any help, Michael can do it.

If it's freedom from me you're inferrin' there,

If she can do it, there's a trick to it, and I ain't interested.

If she leaves here, she'll be dead inside a year.

If that ain't underprivileged, I don't know what is.

If they think you own a plumbing company.

If they're good lawyers, for all I care they could be chinks.

If we get three and a half books, I can buy that bathroom scale.

If you correct me one more time okay, okay.

If you don't like what I do, what do you bring me there for ?

If you hurt your back.

If you wanna joke about it, all right, but come on.

If you wasn't livin' off of me without a pot to peel a potato in.

If you're gonna answer your questions as well as ask them, what do you need us for ?

If you're talkin' about a black man, would you call him that, huh ?

If your spicks and your spades want their rightful share of the American dream,

Imagine, two letters to the president...

In a way, we were just talking about you.

In all that time, did I ever mention a woman ?

In fact, it was an absolutely stunning,

In many countries england, for instance there is a law...

In my day, we was able to keep certain things...

In the ability of an older and sometimes faltering counselor at law.

In the proper "suspective."

Incredible. It's amazing. I can't believe

Irrelevant. Whatever.

Is a flower ?

Is anybody talkin' to you ?

Is he is he ma.

Is he kidding ?

Is he straight ? Oh, no

Is in the constitution and in the declaration of independence.

Is that all ? Don't you wanna know who it's from ?

Is that correct ?

Is that what Mike thinks of Roger ?

Is that what you said to him in that letter ? Give me that.

Is what makes your kids' shoes cost so much.

Isn't that sweet, Michael ? She feels it in her heart.

It ain't German to the conversation.

It all comes to the same thing,

It looks like a long, long siege ahead.

It must be lastin' somebody else's lifetime. We got ballpoint pens.

It must've been a different nun. You do look alike.

It seals it in, that's what it does.

It starts, of course, with a highly proper...

It was a gift from that no neck cousin of yours works for w.T. Grant.

It was all about what's good with America. It was all about John Wayne.

It was at the bottom of a page.

It was rougher, it was tougher. It was real guts football, huh ?

It was Sarah. Yeah, my mother's name was Sarah. So what ?

It was sweet of you to come over today and share your trip with us.

It won't do him no harm, neither.

It'd go good with their lunch.

It'll help wash down the pills.

It'll wharf your whole personality.

It's it's it ain't only him.

It's a dumb gag. Where did you get it ?

It's a ten minute walk. We got time to spare. Not now, Michael.

It's a yiddish word. It means

It's all your fault ! You nearly burnt the hand off me !

It's as if she was a hamburger.

It's been a gay, gay lark together."

It's clam dip. Clam dip ?

It's classy. It's different. It's quiet. Where'd you get it ?

It's different, isn't it ? An anniversary brunch.

It's fresh perked, though. Okay, it's fresh perked, but it tastes like instant.

It's his whole generation. Kelcy, bring us a couple of beers over here.

It's inherited

It's just their systems is geared a little slower than the rest of us, that's all.

It's like Gloria said. I wrote about a lot of things

It's nicer than when he called 'em "coons."

It's not a trick. It's not a trick.

It's not like you wrote the thing. No, I didn't write it.

It's one little thing more. It's not gonna hurt.

It's only a block. We'll all go.

It's the meat. It's not done enough.

It's the same chair and the same wall. One, two, three.

It's the wrong image, arch.

It's tough enough writin' a letter to the top man in the whole free world,

It's wonderful to be involved.

Jack dempsey, Joe Louis, rocky marciano all of 'em.

Jeez, I can't even say it to you, Steve.

Jeez, you know, I never figured you for no bow and arrow.

*******.

Jump over that and read the new stuff !

Just because I called the turn on your friend Roger bell ?

Just because I called the turn on your friend Roger bell ?

Just don't blow in it. It'll go right through.

Just imagine.

Just let me see if I can walk all alone. Look out.

Just like he inherited inflation and integration and pollution.

Just neighborhoods, families.

Just this once, can't you share a little ? Huh ?

Just to make it more romantic.

Just watch me. Now go on to the door.

Keep the hands up. That a boy. Feint, jab.

Kelcy, are you trying to tell me that Steve is

Ketchup on eggs ? Daddy, really.

Know what I mean ? Huh ?

Know what they used to call him ? Uh uh.

Kowalcyzk. No, that don't sound good.

Lace hankies. Look, Gloria.

Last week's cleaning all ready. Gee, thanks.

Leanin' on them skinny umbrellas like this here ?

Leave me alone. I'm watchin' the fights here.

Let 'em get out there and hustle for it just like I done.

Let her open her gift first.

Let him unpollute the movies all them nudies.

Let me get even. One more time. Get it up there.

Let me get started. You go over there and finish pastin' your tradin' stamps.

Let me help you. Wait till you see what I got here.

Let me take your coat. Thank you very much.

Let me tell you somethin', wise guy

Let me tell you, Sonny boy, the same thought crosses my mind at least once a day.

Let me tell youse two somethin'.

Let me try you once with the arm. Have another beer.

Let's not start any of that again, huh ?

Let's see here.

Let's take a look at those pictures. Let me see what you got.

Like Roy Wilkins, uh, Whitney young, uh, James Baldwin.

Like us ? I think we'd better eat now.

Lionel ? Why ? He's fixing the portable tv for dad.

Lionel's folks have opened up a cleaning store on northern boulevard.

Listen to this guy, Edith.

Listen to this guy. You only played two seasons.

Listen, Archie, you make one more crack about Roger

Listen, don't be a scared of this guy.

Listen, get me the yellow pages.

Listen, guys, all I'm sayin' is the right to strike...

Listen, if he wants to help the underprivileged, let him start with himself.

Listen, little girl, you just go on and mind your own beeswax.

Listen, Mr. big liberal, you brought up their religion, not me.

Listen, she hit me hard.

Listen, that's the trouble with this country today.

Listen. This ain't england.

Lochman, shapiro and stone "

Lochman, shapiro and stone.

Look at that expression !

Look at that. See the way he uses his hands when he argues ?

Look at this stationery. "Hercules plumbing" ?

Look at your shoulders and all that.

Look in the paper. They do it all the time Nixon this, Nixon that.

Look, Archie.

Look, I don't wanna make no world war III out of this.

Look, it's 4:00.

Maybe it'll get to the president faster...

Maybe people don't, but I do, and I ain't no yid.

Maybe takin' a speck out of her eye.

Maybe the sister could help you !

Maybe things wouldn't grow there.

Maybe you'll believe the Duke himself. What ?

Meeting adjourned.

Michael

Michael !

Michael ! [ Giggling ]

Michael, could you please help me ? The can opener's stuck.

Michael, didn't you tell him about Jack lemmon ? Get away from that dial.

Mike still buggin' you ? Oh, well, I tell ya,

Mind my own business and steal slowly out of the room.

Mmm. Beats eating 'em out of jars.

Mom

Mom !

Mom ! Oh, Archie, leave him alone.

Mom, make him stop talking like that.

More. He's had more.

Most of the time they're at the soft drink machine or the can.

Mother, we're moving out of here.

Mr. bunker, believe me,

Mr. fitzroy of rabinowitz, rabinowitz and rabinowitz ?

Mr. Nixon didn't get us into Vietnam, he inherited it,

Mr. Wayne, is it true that any one of those guys...

My card. Thank you.

My cousin from the hospital said so.

My head against the wall. I lift up the chair. Right.

My heart nearly turned over in me.

My insides is on fire.

My, my. How fancy. [ Chuckles ]

Myself, something tells me any second now.

Nah. Not from a little dent.

Name of Solomon rabinowitz.

Next to Mr. bunker.

Nice seein' you too, Roger. Oh, my pleasure, Mr. bunker.

Nice to see you. Arch, I'll flip you for the beers.

Nice to see you. How was the trip ? Nice to see you.

No arguments, okay ? Who's arguing ?

No fighting with daddy, okay ?

No hello ? Even they said hello.

No matter what they tell ya, most of what you give 'em,

No, actually I was well, in case you was wonderin' what I was doin'

No, Edith, just pick up some of the papers around here.

No, his Uncle got it for him.

No, I hear it at the door.

No, I I I mean, the pelvic construction is such that

No, it ain't, 'cause I'm gonna take my dessert over here in my chair.

No, it's fresh perked. Well, it tastes like instant.

No, no ! I've listened to this guy around here for ten months !

No, no, no, they couldn't hurt me. What happened ?

No, no, no. It's not a joke. Gloria, show him.

No, no, that's wrong. That's wrong, that's wrong.

No, no, the knockout's in the tenth round. This is the tenth round.

No, no, wait a second. It's you. Me ?

No, not in my experience.

No, not now, Michael. Why not ?

No, not now. I don't have any time.

No, start at the middle and read out sideways.

No, thanks. I've already eaten.

No. But what's he doing about it ?

No. Will you get me the yellow pages !

Nobody eats nothin' around here until we get this thing straight.

Nobody goin' back and forth.

Nobody talk talk

Nobody's here to bother you.

None of your two platoon stuff and all that, huh ?

Not my kids' shoes. Why not ?

Not today, mom. Today you sit.

Not you too. Of course he is. Why ?

Nothin' more than half a buck.

Nothing you're gonna show me or tell me is gonna shock me. Remember that.

Now I'm gonna tell you something. Michael.

Now let me make one thing perfectly clear.

Now let me tell you somethin'.

Now, according to our witnesses

Now, daddy, this set is always tuned to what you want to watch.

Now, daddy, you stop twisting things around like that.

Now, do you recall in what direction you were traveling ?

Now, get away from my set.

Now, guess what's gonna happen.

Now, hold it, hold it. Come here a minute. Come here.

Now, let me hear your idea again. Okay.

Now, Lionel, you could say, by throwin' you these little jobs,

Now, listen to me, Lionel. I'm gonna give you this once more, and that's all.

Now, listen, between you and me,

Now, Mr. bunker,

Now, please try and show a little class, huh ?

Now, Sonny boy, you made a certain referential remark there...

Now, that's enough,

Now, that's where I got you, Mr. liberal.

Now, wait a minute. Hold your horses, everybody.

Now, you don't want

Now, you must know that this kid is kind of a la di da, right ?

Now, you sit down there...

Now, you've seen Roger sashaying around here with his la di da talk.

Nowadays you can't bet on nothin'.

Nutritionally, that cereal zilch.

Nuts to you. You don't believe me ?

Nyah !

Of course, Mr. religion here wasn't seein' eye to eye with the sermon.

Of this particular constituency.

Oh !

Oh ! It's for our anniversary.

Oh ! Oh, my !

Oh, another meetin'. Gee.

Oh, Archie,

Oh, Archie, don't talk like that.

Oh, Archie, I I just don't know what to say.

Oh, Archie, I just don't know what to say.

Oh, Archie, oh, I don't know.

Oh, Archie, that's terrible.

Oh, Archie, you go first. Here

Oh, Archie.

Oh, beautiful ! Oh, gee. Boy, what an arm !

Oh, couple of years, ever since he started to come in the shop.

Oh, cut that out.

Oh, daddy, he didn't do it on purpose.

Oh, daddy, leave him alone.

Oh, daddy, stop it. I think it's very today.

Oh, dear, I I I don't know. Mom

Oh, Edith, please, will ya !

Oh, fighting's not his cup of tea. That's that then, huh ?

Oh, forget about what Mike thinks. I can't even tell you what he thinks.

Oh, how do you do ?

Oh, how do you do ? Hello.

Oh, I ain't had a present for ten years !

Oh, I do thank you, Archie dear.

Oh, I don't know, arch. It was a long time ago.

Oh, I like snapshots.

Oh, I see.

Oh, I think my husband gave at the office.

Oh, I thought I'd hang around and hear about...

Oh, I'm sorry. What have you got down so far ?

Oh, jeez ! Mom, he's so prejudiced.

Oh, jeez.

Oh, Michael !

Oh, mom, Roger brought us some snapshots from his trip to Europe.

Oh, mom. That was just her carriage. You couldn't even see her.

Oh, my when I think of what that dopey son in law of mine said

Oh, my glory.

Oh, my, wasn't that a lucky break for Lionel's folks ?

Oh, my, you can almost hear it chime.

Oh, my. Archie, ain't this nice ?

Oh, no, daddy. Not that again.

Oh, no, Lionel. I don't wanna ever get involved in no lawsuits.

Oh, no, no. You don't get this letter to mail till I'm ready to mail mine.

Oh, no, not today, Steve. Your money ain't no good around here.

Oh, no, that was yesterday.

Oh, now we hear from the Polish corner.

Oh, now, daddy, don't start in with

Oh, please don't draw me no "diaphragms," huh ?

Oh, thank you. They're from s.S. Pierce.

Oh, that that's lousy.

Oh, that's gorgeous.

Oh, the air mail stamps. They're for Michael. Oh, good.

Oh, there's a verse inside.

Oh, these liberals, they're supposed to be so sensitive, you know.

Oh, this dingbat's gonna start argument number one over here.

Oh, we're gonna have a floor show, huh ?

Oh, we're not alone. Lionel's upstairs.

Oh, we're shakin' 'em up. Okay.

Oh, well, if it means that much to you, swell.

Oh, what a dingbat.

Oh, what beautiful flowers !

Oh, when is he gonna land ?

Oh, yeah, come on. Just try for a second.

Oh, yeah, I heard of that.

Oh, yes. Mrs. bunker. So nice to see you again. How do you do, Roger ?

Oh, you look wonderful, mom ! Perfectly natural.

Oh, you're still here, are you, Roger ?

Oh. Archie. [ Giggles ]

Oh. Oh.

Okay, all right, let's get to the point.

Okay, but if you ever feel the need, we found just the man.

Okay, Lionel, here's the present and the card.

Okay, ma. One, two, three.

Okay, uh, "Evans and monahan. Franklin and Powell.

Okay. Okay. Sit down, then, huh ?

Okay. Thank you.

Okay. Thanks, folks. I'll have it back by Tuesday.

One of the first guys to throw a little work your way

One shot ! Ahh ! Gotcha !

One, two, three. Put the chair there. Right.

One... great... American

Ooh, Edith ! Ohh ! Oh, Archie !

Open it now, mom. Yeah, go ahead, ma.

Or are you gonna tell me that Mr. Nixon invented pollution ?

Or tricky dicky.

Or what ? Well, never mind.

Oww ! Jeez !

Pansies, fairies and sissies.

Peg bracken ? Ain't that the dame who don't even like to cook ?

Peg bracken says it spoils the flavor.

People ? Your mother in law and me is people.

Perfect quiet.

Pick it up. [ Laughing ]

Pick up the chair. Can't stand up.

Pleased to meet ya.

Pleased to meet you. Let me take your coat.

Plowed into the back of my cab.

Plows into the back of my cab.

Poland, the land that gave us such rare and delicate dishes as

Pollution is a fact of life, and it's not just America. It's worldwide.

Pollution, race relations, the war in Vietnam.

Posin' as a body and Fender expert ?

Prejudiced ? Yeah.

President Nixon. What's wrong with plain "Nixon" ?

Probably cost an arm and a leg. Nine, ten,

Probably cost an arm and a leg. Nine, ten,

Probably made in a ******* bakery.

Probably. Dingbat !

Probably. What do you mean, "probably" ?

Put the chair in.

Rabinowitz, rabinowitz

Rabinowitz, rabinowitz and rabinowitz "

Rabinowitz.

Read 'em with a little feeling, huh ? Go ahead.

Read the card.

Read them same words over again.

Really a pleasure.

Really somethin', huh ? Oh, this Wanda's got a built on her.

Remember that.

Remember, even Jesus was a Jew.

Right about in there ? Yeah.

Right after the picture is snapped.

Right, and he's in the wrong job.

Right, arch. I mean, they got no regard.

Roger showed it to us. Oh, Roger showed it to you.

Roger, why don't you sit down, make yourself comfortable, and I'll get the hors d'oeuvres.

Roger. Roger, the fairy ?

Roger. Sweetie pie Roger !

S.S. Pierce ! That's my favorite kind of cashew.

Same thing, right ? Three steps back from the wall.

Say hello to my friend, Steve, and say hello to some of the boys.

Say, I was just over to Mr. munson's.

Say, Mr. bunker, I've been thinking about you all week.

See ya, Lionel. Bye, Lionel.

Set's good as new, Gloria.

Seven, if you want to include the time we was married in church.

She can really act

She can't be cleanin' an apartment...

She plows into the back of my cab,

She's an expert on table manners, wedding invitations, things like that.

She's waited ten years. Another minute ain't gonna kill her.

Show the kids how it pulls you out of a slump.

Shut up, meathead.

Since before you was born, little girl.

Sing out, sweet land, it was called, and it was beautiful

Sir

Sir [ Two bangs ]

Sister Catherine, sister Jeremy, sister Rosemary "

Sittin' there royal like.

Six minutes later, to the second, watch out.

Smoked salmon ? I only get tuna fish for my lunch.

So ?

So are you.

So don't let it concern ya, huh ?

So help me, there was a guy in there with a ponytail.

So I stopped off at the health food store and got some natural foods.

So I'm grateful for the half a sermon we sat through.

So is excitement to riot.

So just stifle your comments and write what I tell ya.

So let's hear it again. What did you mean by "what God ?"

So long, everybody. [ Gloria, Mike ] Bye, Lionel.

So talk real nice to mom, okay ?

So they bought this franchise. And they're doin' real well too, Mr. bunker.

So what's new on campus with all you angry, white social democrats ?

So what's the matter with "black beauties" ?

So you're admitting that the black man is handicapped. Oh, no, no more than me.

So, I've been tellin' them that for 15 years.

So, just this once, could we have a meal without an argument ? Michael ?

So, you're Mr. fitzroy. Yes.

Some more of the enchanting things he done over there.

Some of your best song lyrics come right off them cards ! All right !

Some people don't look natural with fancy things.

Some redeemin' "socialness."

Sometimes I got my doubts about you too, Buster brown.

Sometimes two and three times a week,

Somewhere between the brain and the nervous system.

Stay away from me. Don't touch me, nobody.

Stifle yourself !

Stifle yourself, Edith.

Stifle, Edith. That's no way to talk to your father in law either.

Sure I can't help you, dear ?

Sure, babe. That's enough landmarks of economic thought for one afternoon.

Sure. What's for lunch ?

Take keepin' company, for instance.

Talking about a man of the cloth that way.

Than John Wayne's got in his whole body.

Than sit on his duff dreamin' up causes.

Than you've got in your whole body ?

Thank you, but we're only gonna be a minute.

Thanks again. Bye. Uh, see ya, rog.

Thanks.

That a boy. Move it ! Yeah ! Come on !

That a way ! Move that body !

That accident you had you want the name of the lawyer who helped my folks ?

That big football player...

That don't answer the question. Who's the big cheese you're havin' here for lunch ?

That don't happen every day. We'd better get going. Let's go.

That I was helpin' you get some money so you could go to college and become

That I'm to blame for all this breakdown in law and order that's goin' on.

That induced me to canard at all.

That rash you got from the dye, Michael ? That decided me.

That says whatever two consenting adults do in private is their own business.

That some of your coloreds don't have funny names ? Oh, yeah, sure they do.

That was so beauti ohh.

That was so thrilling.

That way, the president reads mine first, he'll be able to stomach yours.

That's a good idea. I got almost enough to fill another book.

That's all there is. It's just that men can't do it.

That's all you care about, Archie, is what you got and how you can keep it.

That's beautiful, Michael. Beautiful.

That's Clarence v. Marshall, ma'am.

That's it !

That's it ? That's it.

That's me. [ Giggling ]

That's my return address on there.

That's no way to talk on the sabbath, Mike.

That's not only cruel, daddy, that's an outright lie.

That's ridic I just wanna learn a little bit about society so I can help people.

That's right, Archie, and I wasn't gonna say it, but it's true.

That's right, daddy.

That's right.

That's right. I said, "the government works for me." Not you, meathead.

That's right. Michael wrote the president.

That's right. That's what the reverend feltcher was sayin'.

That's right. The in crowd never has a whole meal in one room anymore.

That's Roger. Now, daddy, please be good.

That's swell. Good boy. Here, put that in your pocket.

That's the company I used to work for before we was married.

That's the thing. Yeah, but I straightened up.

That's the way it is with a word like "probably." Right ?

That's the word. Thank you, sister.

That's their business, but in this house we show the proper respect.

That's what they're fillin' 'em up with in the schools nowadays.

That's what you like to watch a bunch of jerks tearin' the country down.

That's what you wrote. I know, but you read it so rotten !

That's where I spent most of my time.

That's where it ends.

That's where they give you the same "pornograb,"

That's Whitney fitzroy the fourth.

The "I am the token gentile" bit.

The anniversary party's over. Why don't youse all get busy and clean up the mess.

The best lens you ever sold me. Next time you're in the shop,

The British are a bunch of pansies.

The bunker family physician, Dr. ferguson,

The card kinda got to you, huh ?

The changing of the guard at Buckingham Palace. Oh, my !

The chosen people. What do I gotta do, draw you a picture ?

The clothes ? Well, that's all right.

The crisis in the cities. He must've had a hundred stars with him.

The Duke's special was all about America, and I mean the real America.

The dye in it was giving him a rash.

The first one's the cornball of all time.

The giants and the rams.

The government works for taxpayers and breadwinners...

The hands were moving again,

The house goy !

The Irish are boozers, the Mexicans are bandits

The last time he wrote a letter was to the phone company.

The last time I seen him liftin' a hand around here, he was testin' his deodorant.

The law says them mitts of yours are lethal weapons.

The letter

The letter is between a citizen and his government.

The letter is not gonna incite anyone to riot.

The mailbox. You put the letters in.

The old lady's waitin' for me. Okay, we'll see ya.

The picture I like the best was the one of the queen passing by.

The pollution of our air, the pollution of our water,

The president of the United States.

The rabinowitzes and I, we share the same letterhead and the same office,

The reader's digest says you should put a pillow under your legs...

The table's all set, with the good glasses and all.

The tree of learning bears the noblest fruit.

The truth's in the eye of the beholder anyway. I'll see ya later, pal.

The war in Vietnam ? You'd better let me see that letter. No, no.

The war in Vietnam. Sing out, sweet land

The way us housewives have no protection from foods without nutrition,

The word is wrong ! Why did you write it down ? [ Doorbell rings ]

The workin's of nature won't wait for no deadbeat who takes all morning to shave.

Their wide open sex any time of the night or day for no reason at all ?

Them eggs over there is startin' to "foment."

Them people are always in a hurry, trying to get to a sale or somethin' to save four cents.

Them thieves at the body shop. 11, 12,

Then it must have been all about our racial problems.

Then she opens up her yap as though it was me that hit her.

Then why'd you tell me the thing about the

Then you can mail your letter and let me mail mine.

Then you might as well shut the doors of this country and hang out a sign:

Then you put the chair in front of you.

There ! You see that, wise guy ? [ Laughs ]

There ain't a store in the country that wouldn't take you back.

There is an old, old rule of law, Mr. bunker.

There it is, gone.

There they go hey! Hey ! Hey ! Look at that spook run !

There was a guy, roundtree cumberbatch,

There you are, Mr. bunker. You oughta be proud you're *******.

There's 10,000 names here. I'll skip around. It'll be faster.

There's a 105 that's great for portraits.

There's a card there, mom. Open it.

There's a commercial on here. It'd just take a second.

There's just no fighting this prejudice.

There's no doubt about it.

There's no hope for him. No hope at all.

There's nothing to be ashamed of, being *******. But I ain't ******* !

There's only one thing I wanna grab.

There's somebody at the door.

There's somethin' I wanna ask you, Lionel.

There's too many handouts.

There's, like, ten pages of lawyers here.

These are for you, Mrs. bunker, a present from an admirer.

These people have a way of seein' right through ya, so remember: Class.

They buy golden candlesticks with it.

They buy golden candlesticks with it.

They could open up a whole chain of stores.

They coulda heard her all the way to Tel Aviv.

They don't get out of church till 11:30.

They don't get too close to you. You know what I mean.

They got a special on there. Great fights of the century.

They got no respect for the old institutions. What institutions, Archie ?

They got plenty of your roundtree cumberbatches too.

They got some damn good writers writin' for them cards. Come on.

They got specialists for all these things.

They named 'em after Pullman cars and railroad stations.

They said "hi." But you said nothin'.

They say it dates back to before the turn of the century.

They say there's no nutritional value in that cereal, daddy.

They take from one another. One kid looks crummier than the next.

They was the ones that had the surprise.

They'd have counted you out already if you'd been in the accident I was just in.

They'll be downstairs. Let them yell "surprise !"

They're all off and movin' again.

They're all the same, them people.

They're from you, Archie.

This accident took place on, uh, Saturday the 14th...

This citizen writes, and I quote:

This is sealed. It's private and personal between the president and me.

This just might be the best letter that was ever wrote to a president.

This letter gets mailed from this house over my dead body.

This may be the fourth time in 22 years you've been to church with me,

This may take a wee while.

This special with Jack lemmon leave me alone about that.

This special, it's important to Michael and me.

This terrific letter was written by Mr. Archie bunker,

This was a most enchanting young person.

This, uh, kid you come in with.

Those are for company, and besides, they only cost a few cents more.

Those are the most beautiful hankies. That's real lace.

Three steps back, right ? Right. One, two, three.

To become no, uh, hangout.

To fill him in on how the people of this neighborhood are thinkin' and feelin'.

To write to the president of the United States about your rash ?

Tomorrow, maybe the next day. Seven, eight,

Tonight I want to read you a letter I've just received from a private citizen.

Try.

Twenty two seconds, exactly.

Twenty two seconds, exactly.

Two beautiful lace hankies.

Two letters to the president from one house.

Two seconds away from freedom.

Uh oh ! Oh.

Uh, "w.B. Adams. Adams and brenner. Burton and fitzallen.

Uh, Archie, never mind. Why don't you go and have a nice afternoon.

Uh, as one of your faithful constitutionals,

Uh, beggin' your pardon, Mr. bunker,

Uh, David and Sarah. Two ******* names.

Uh, he was just leaving, daddy.

Uh, his vehicle was, uh, headed north, I believe.

Uh, I know where it's at.

Uh, I was just wondering, Mr. bunker, what's with the ******* word ?

Uh, I'm Solomon

Uh, Mike, uh, could I speak with you for

Uh, Polish sausage is very good.

Uh, read it back to me again.

Uh, uh, come on in, sister. Step right in.

Uh, we are in great pain, Mr. Marshall.

Uh, we don't solicit aid in commercial institutions.

Uh, we often say, Mr. bunker,

Uh, well, no, sir. There isn't too much of that in London, I'm afraid.

Uh, wh what was that you said about, uh... whiplash ?

Uh, where ?

Uh, yeah. Come on, rog. Let's go.

Uh, yes. However, I'm happy that I had the opportunity to say good bye to you again, sir.

Um, it's almost 7:00, daddy. You're late.

Um, pardon me, Roger. You know my mother.

Unless of course you want to sit here and watch the fights with me.

Until Mike can provide for her proper.

Up in Harlem. No !

Up there in his ivory shower.

Used to be the daylight hours was reserved for the respectable things of life.

Very *******.

Very much indeed. [ Chuckles ]

Very, very funny.

Vincent.

Wages go up, prices go up. Right away, inflation.

Wait a minute, meathead. You said that, not me.

Wait a minute.

Wait a minute. Don't be in such a hurry. Let me tell you somethin'.

Wait a minute. You're writin' to the president about that ?

Wait a second.

Wait, daddy. Mom hasn't opened her gift yet.

Washington ? Are you writing to Washington ?

Watch, daddy. Take three steps back from the wall.

Watch. I'll do it again. Look. Just pick it up and then stand up.

We all know Roger, and we all know he's straight.

We are not arguin'. We're discussin'.

We could call Helen gurney's brother Peter.

We don't get the house alone much.

We don't want no more part of england, and for your information,

We got nothin' for lunch but crackers here ? Gloria went to the market.

We have to be downstairs to yell "surprise !"

We just don't see any evidence of God, that's all.

We never I nev I mean, there was nothin'

We never buy bottles.

We never played the bears.

We run a decent home here,

We thought that you'd be, um, you know, more comfortable with... one of your own.

We threw england out of here a long time ago.

We watched John Wayne's tv special with you. That was different.

We were discussing one of your favorite hang ups your anti ******* bias.

We were just gonna go sit down over there. Yeah, I'll bet.

We'll all watch him fly out.

We'll see a lawyer first. He'll tell us what doctor to go to.

We're collecting money...

We're having what we always have around here a discussion.

Well ? You actually believe that junk ?

Well well.

Well, anyway, Lionel, uh, I would say that you know me pretty good.

Well, for one thing, he thinks that friend of his, Roger, is straight.

Well, have some.

Well, how are you feeling, Mr. bunker ?

Well, how do you do, Mr. bunker ?

Well, I always did all my life, but I don't know.

Well, I can't eat no more of this. What's the matter, daddy ?

Well, I do need him !

Well, I eat better when he's not upset.

Well, I hate a smart aleck kid,

Well, I knew we had a couple of pinkos in this house,

Well, I think I'll go lay down and watch a little tv.

Well, I was backin' up. Now, what difference could that make ?

Well, I work out every day, jog two Miles every morning,

Well, if that's the punch of a fruit

Well, if they're gonna pick my pocket, they ain't gonna do it in my suit.

Well, if you were backing up, you were going the wrong way in a one way alley.

Well, in his own words, when he's g d ready.

Well, John Wayne is what's good with America. Is what's good with America.

Well, let me ask you this, Washington, D.C. bein' one of your major cities

Well, let me see. It really hurts, huh ? Yeah.

Well, listen, wise guy,

Well, maybe if we could just eat a little somethin'

Well, maybe it's six times.

Well, more than you.

Well, Mr. fitzroy, why don't you come and sit right here...

Well, no, thank you, sir. I don't care much for pugilism.

Well, now, don't get me wrong. I don't mind Steve.

Well, people don't use ******* words just like that, do they, Mike ?

Well, pretty near.

Well, probably you did could also mean probably you didn't.

Well, tell us about Europe there, Roger.

Well, that's what they say.

Well, that's where I got both of youse.

Well, that's where this meeting ends here and now !

Well, the story is, very simply, that...

Well, the way him and Steve there were so buddy buddy,

Well, there was this pushy dame. You know the kind a yenta.

Well, uh...

Well, we got ballpoint pens.

Well, what can you do with children these days ? That's the way it is.

Well, what did he do ?

Well, what's done is done. One, two,

Well, who's for more eggs ?

Well, you know, like sports, sportsmanship there.

Well, you'd care about it, too, Sonny boy, if you had anything,

What Archie, we're talking about a greeting card.

What ?

What ?

What ? Certainly

What ? What you read.

What a film ! Madon' !

What a pain in the back !

What a tribe.

What about Fred kowalcyzk, my brother in law ? He's a lawyer.

What anti ******* bias ?

What are we gonna do ?

What are you doin', Edith ?

What are you gettin' so excited about ? It's a greeting card.

What are you lookin' at ?

What are you nervous about ?

What are you running away from me ? Come here.

What are you sharpening a pencil for ?

What are you ta gimme the chair ! No. Go ahead.

What are you talkin' about ? In my day

What difference does it make how long ago it was, huh ?

What difference does that make ? You're a bachelor.

What do we got, rice puddin' ?

What do you call 'em "black beauties" for ?

What do you call all this ?

What do you got here ?

What do you got there ? Nothin'.

What do you know about it, you dumb polack ?

What do you mean ? I wrote a whole introduction.

What do you mean, "they're all the same, them people ?" What people ?

What do you mean, "what a tribe" ? Forget it, Michael.

What do you mean, you don't know ? I'm not an expert on flowers.

What do you think he's gonna do when he finds out ? He'll have a fit.

What do you think they're gonna call him ? Olive fingers ?

What do you want from me ? I don't have time to do anything.

What does Mike think, arch ? Ah, Mike. Jeez.

What else you tryin' to prove ? Nothin'.

What has their religion got to do with it ? That's what we wanna know.

What he wants to know is if you think he's prejudiced.

What I mean is, how do you keep yourself in such great shape ?

What is all this garbage ?

What is all this, anyway ? Whattaya got here ? Is that whipped cream ?

What is this ? Some kind of practical joke.

What is this here ? "S.S. Pierce fancy cashews" ?

What kind of sports action they got over there this time of the year ?

What sermon ? That was socialist propaganda, pure and simple.

What the hell are you talkin' about ?

What the hell is it nowadays ? Will you tell me ?

What was that ? Did you hear him ? Did you hear her ?

What was that remark, Sonny ? We'd better eat now.

What was the third name ?

What were you doin' at munson's ?

What you meant to call me was, say, Mr. funk or Mr. wagnall, the dictionary people.

What, are we gettin' too classy for peanuts ? Edith !

What'd you do to the chair ? I didn't do anything to the chair.

What'd you make here, instant coffee ?

What's that ? Get out of my way, will ya. I'm missin' somethin' here

What's the difference ? Look at the size of you.

What's the matter ? Get away from me, you meathead !

What's the matter ? What happened ? Archie.

What's the matter with that ? "White man you ever met."

What's the matter with you ? Nothin'.

What's the matter, you sorehead ?

What's this ? What kind of fish is that ? Smoked salmon.

Whatever you say, arch. Come over and sit down with me.

When I want to learn anything about pollution,

When you first started doin' odd jobs around the neighborhood,

When you was playin' pro ball, I mean, the game was different then.

When you're talkin' about the Duke,

When your mother in law and me was going together, it was two whole years

When your own mother came to visit.

Where I get my flowers, this represents a buck profit.

Where should I start, at the beginning ?

Where the drinking water isn't below safe standards.

Where you goin' ? Where you goin', you guys ?

Where'd he get the money to open up a cleanin' store ? From the accident.

Where's my crunchy cereal with the animal cutouts on the box ?

Which has got nothin' to do with the ****.

Who now happens to be commander in chief of the United States.

Who said he wasn't smart ?

Who you havin' here ? The Duke of windsor ? What difference would it make ?

Who's attackin' a whole race ?

Who's talkin' about pugilism ? I asked you to watch the fights.

Whoever it is, you're not gonna like him. You don't like anything about us.

Whoopee.

Why ? Is he still givin' you a hard time ? I'm used to him by now.

Why are you cookin' garments ?

Why are you watching that anyway ?

Why did I ask ?

Why didn't you jiggle, meathead ? You put the letters in the box !

Why do you wanna pick on 'em when you just had such a nice surprise ?

Why don't you boil him instead ?

Why don't you clean your fingernails ?

Why don't you just open up a window.

Why fight it ? The world's changing.

Why not ? We're all to blame for not paying attention to the cause of it.

Why not somebody you know ? Why a stranger ?

Why, Dr. feinstein says she's anemic

Why, that's the most ridiculous thing I ever heard.

Why'd they call him Vincent ? That was his name.

Will you shut up and straighten out around here !

Will you stay out of this. So long as you don't argue.

Will you stifle !

Will you stifle yourself.

Will you stifle, you silly dingbat !

Will you stop lickin' and bangin' over there ?

With your 24 inch tvs and your four slice toasters and ice makin' refrigerators.

Witnesses ? You said nothing to me about witnesses, Mr. bunker.

Women can do it, and men can't.

Won't you sit down, Mr. Marshall.

Would you be kind enough to ask Mr. John Wayne the question ?

Would you cut it out, huh ?

Would you let me tell you what I was doin' over there at the table ?

Would you say the drinking water there is becomin' unsafe ? Yeah.

Would, uh, you excuse us, please, huh ? Oh, sure. Sure.

Wouldn't you ? Oh, yes, sir, I got a bead on you, all right.

Wow. Oh, wouldn't you know it.

Writin' to the president ? About what ?

Wrong ! What ?

Yeah ? Yeah ? She's a waitress, see ?

Yeah, because it's tearin' the country down.

Yeah, but only on his mother's side.

Yeah, but only on his mother's side.

Yeah, but she's an expert.

Yeah, but when you was playin' against bronko nagurski no, no, no, no, no.

Yeah, but you gotta admit, some of them foreign films, they go too far, you know.

Yeah, but your American workers goin' on strike...

Yeah, come on over.

Yeah, go on.

Yeah, how are ya ?

Yeah, how are ya ? Uh, one hand's enough.

Yeah, I figured we would.

Yeah, I think I know what you mean. Yeah.

Yeah, ma, Roger and I'll pick it up later.

Yeah, now stra straighten up ! I can't straighten up !

Yeah, or al jolson.

Yeah, sit down, daddy. Come on.

Yeah, Steve is right. It's what you call your upward "spinal."

Yeah, that's right, you, the property owner,

Yeah, what about a doctor, daddy ?

Yeah, yeah, I know what you mean.

Yeah, yeah, I know, I know. It's been a charmin' interlude.

Yeah, yeah, talkin' about prejudice.

Yeah, you can say that again.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah. And even then

Yeah. Five minutes more, we woulda got it remote from the bedroom.

Yeah. How do they sound to you ?

Yeah. It feels good being a citizen.

Yeah. Okay. Put the chair there.

Yeah. One, two, three.

Yeah. Yeah. Head against the wall.

Yes ! Beautiful words.

Yes, but he was traveling South.

Yes, but I'm referring to a station wagon filled with nuns.

Yes, I am ! Good.

Yes, sir, Mr. bunker.

Yes, uh, "sister Maria yolanda,

Yes, well, I'm sure you know the feelings...

Yes.

Yes. My card.

You ain't just talkin' about an actor.

You and that reverend bleedin' heart feltcher...

You are a person of very little quality.

You are defective.

You are sick, you know that ? You need help !

You are talkin' with your hands.

You are. You just said I was the laziest white man you ever met.

You bend over, put your head against the wall,

You can take your Jack lemmons, your Paul newmans and your marlo brandons,

You can't answer that, can you ? [ Chuckles ]

You can't beat a station wagon filled with nuns."

You can't tell an American when he can go on strike if he wants to.

You didn't make this much fuss last year...

You didn't make your usual speech about the milk on top.

You didn't straighten up ! I know

You don't have to go to movies to see your wandas, huh, Steve ?

You don't have to make it worse by attacking a whole race.

You don't have to worry. They ain't goin' nowhere.

You don't know what it is.

You don't like "president Nixon," call him "Mr. Nixon."

You don't trust anybody that's different from you, until you need him.

You don't wanna get uptight about it, Mr. bunker.

You go back to where you came from and send me a Jew !

You gonna write to the president ?

You got a fuse blown in your head...

You got a very wharfed sense of humor.

You got no appreciation for some of your finer things.

You gotta watch out for that "rigid idness."

You guys gotta go see that Swedish picture that just opened downtown.

You had enough time to write the whole congress

You had to pick out the present for him to give to your mother, I had to get the card,

You hear that ?

You just made it up.

You just talk, that's all. I'll tell you what I'll do

You just write what I tell ya.

You keep your pants on, hotshot.

You knew that all the time ? I made it medium just this once.

You know ? Through thorns and thickets, barefooted, with a tiger on his butt.

You know ? What ?

You know everything about the black man, boy.

You know he moonlights with Mr. munson's taxicab on Saturdays.

You know his latest kick ? Askin' me what I'm gonna be when I get to college.

You know how many people never even played one season ? Most

You know I watch football highlights every week at this time.

You know Roger doesn't hunt. I don't believe in it either.

You know something, Archie, just because a guy is sensitive...

You know we always do a big shopping every Saturday morning.

You know what I think we oughta do ? What do you think ?

You know what I'm gonna do ?

You know why we got a breakdown in law and order in this country, Archie ?

You know, a wedding present.

You know, for when I'm with my people.

You know, frozen like ?

You know, kind of on the q.T.,

You know, last week they grossed over $1,000.

You know, see how I look with it.

You know, where the article was finished and they still had some space.

You know, with the initials intertwined on the top.

You know, you're right, Archie. You're right.

You left wing, radical, liberal, meatheaded polack !

You made it up to put down a black man. What are you tellin' me ?

You made rice puddin', and what happened ?

You mean he's right about his friend Roger.

You mean with a bow and arrow ? Yeah.

You mean, your old man ain't the janitor at the hempstead apts. No more ?

You must have a screw loose.

You nailin' me ? Yeah, that's right.

You need God. So forget it.

You never knew anybody by that name.

You oughta know. You married one.

You pay $6.00 an hour for labor. 13, 14, 15, 16,

You put 'em all together, they ain't fit to hold the Duke's coat.

You resent our attitudes, our politics, even the clothes we wear

You save everything else. You certainly must have saved that.

You saw I couldn't do it. It's just women are built different.

You saw what happened to Michael from that shirt. [ Laughs ] He got a rash

You see, mom ? It's winding up in an argument after all.

You see, the **** tend to be emotional.

You see, you don't understand your basic simplistics.

You should have such a constitution.

You sure are. You're a polack joke.

You thought you knew him, you thought you knew me.

You told me that a man can't do it.

You try it, Jerry.

You two shoulda heard him.

You wanna know who could lift that chair, Archie ?

You wanna put me on, put me on, but don't tell me that you

You was callin' him that eight years ago.

You, keep away from me.

You, Michael stivic, meathead, you have the nerve...

You, of all people, should know that I ain't *******.

You'll have absolute silence.

You'll notice I ain't got no bars on that front door.

You'll see, and no grabbing any samples.

You're a you're a mensch.

You're a dingbat.

You're a liar

You're a pip, you know that, Edith ? You're a regular edna St. Louis millay.

You're a pip. You know that ?

You're a pip. You know that ? A real pip

You're a regular one man family.

You're early

You're gonna wanna bust him wide open when I tell you this.

You're gonna watch football highlights on channel 2

You're in luck. He has a sense of humor.

You're insultin' president Nixon from my return address ?

You're married 22 years today, daddy.

You're nuts, Archie. I was a ballplayer, not a fighter.

You're pollutin' my environment.

You're such a contributor, why don't you write a letter to the president ?

You're talkin' about the spirit that made America great.

You're tampering with the United States mail, daddy. That's a federal offense.

You're the one who said I could stay here while I was in school.

You're upset because I was nailing you on that law and order thing.

Your biggest problems always burn themselves down to the human factor.

Your cousin from the hospital empties bedpans.

Your friend Steve.

Your honor,

Your honor,

Your honor, sir."

Your mother'll love it, but your father, he doesn't care about anniversaries.

Your waterman ?

Your witness.

Your witnesses ?

Youse people really believe in education, don't youse ?

Zilch, huh ? Have you any idea the famous athletes and coaches that were brung up on that ?

11:10 on a Sunday mornin', Edith.

17, 18, 19, 20, 21 what are you doin' ?

And how did you serve it ? Without the milk on top.

And the house goy. Oh. He didn't say that too.

And what do you mean, running like that is in his blood ? Well, it is.

Ask your question already. Keep your drawers on.

Come on ! You don't believe me, look it up.

Don't believe what you read in them articles. It wasn't in an article.

God ? What God ? Yeah, what God ?

I never knew you were so soft and sentimental. You don't know much anyhow.

It's not a trick chair ! If it ain't a trick chair, any other chair will work.

Look at those big hats. These are the gardens at coventry.

Mail 'em together. No, mine has to go into the mailbox before yours.

My bowels are regular oh, Archie !

my father's name was David. Right. And what was your mother's name ?

Oh, London, huh ? London, england, huh ? Yes.

Pound his back, Mike. Keep away from me, meathead. Keep away from me.

The kids, the kids. You know. Oh, yes, the little children in the playground.

What ? I'm just thinkin'. Will you read on !

What ? That's right. They just did a study.

What cleanin' ? Didn't we tell ya ?

What do you mean ? It got to your mother in law. No, no, it got to you too.

When was that ? When mom and dad got rear ended by the bus.

Yeah, he brought it back from england. Boy, I bet he can do it.

Yeah, you. Implying that the blacks are even lazier.

Michael can't do it. Show him, Michael. Yeah, watch this. Here you go.

You say that for him ? Give the people what they want.

'Cause I was correcting you on words. You see the difference there ?

'Cause I'm here to tell ya, he ain't exactly a friend to the ******* people.

'Cause we buy jap shoes.

"and I know so long as we all work together,

"and life for us is sunny weather,

"And special regards...

"And when, my dear, we're old and gray,

"Anyway, my regards to your vice, Mr. agnew.

"As one of your faithful constitutionals "

"black is beautiful."

"But life with us has just begun.

"But like Duke Wayne would say,

"Clarence the fifth Marshall."

"Closed. Owner gone nuts."

"Cost a few cents more

"Daddy, really" has been eatin' ketchup on eggs...

"Dear Mr. president, your honor, sir."

"Dear Mr. president, your honor, sir."

"Dear Mr. president, your honor, sir."

"Decimated liver "

"Give it to me with a little pinch of milk on top."

"Give me some with a pinch of milk on top." [ Giggles ]

"I personally don't agree with all the 'confregration' on the college campuses...

"I v" is the Roman numeral four. Oh, I see.

"In a court of law,

"Johnson and Smith. McDonald and shelby.

"Or them ecology nuts...

"Organic eggs" ?

"Roger bell," huh ? "Roger bell" ?

"Shall not diminish from the earth

"this nation under God...

"Through all the years I've been with you,

"Tiger's milk." What's that ?

"To Mrs. Nixon and tricia,

"Together." Ohh.

"we came up off the mat before when the goin' was tough,

"we'll look back on our lives and say,

"we've had our ups and downs, 'tis true.

"We've yet to have all of our fun.

"what God ?" You said.

"Wheat germ oil."

"who I know you wouldn't let drink no water..

"Who only see disaster in this great country of ours.

[ All shouting ]

[ announcer ] All in the family was recorded on tape before a live audience.

[ announcer ] All in the family was recorded on tape before a live audience.

[ announcer ] All in the family was recorded on tape before a live audience.

[ announcer ] All in the family was recorded on tape before a live audience.

[ Announcer ] From television city in Hollywood.

[ Announcer ] From television city in Hollywood.

[ Announcer ] From television city in Hollywood.

[ Announcer ] From television city in Hollywood.

[ Applause ] ♪ [ Piano: Processional ]

[ Archie ] ♪ boy, the way Glenn Miller played ♪

[ Archie ] ♪ boy, the way Glenn Miller played ♪

[ Archie ] ♪ boy, the way Glenn Miller played ♪

[ Archie ] ♪ boy, the way Glenn Miller played ♪

[ Archie ] ♪ didn't need no welfare state ♪

[ Archie ] ♪ didn't need no welfare state ♪

[ Archie ] ♪ didn't need no welfare state ♪

[ Archie ] ♪ didn't need no welfare state ♪

[ Archie ] ♪ girls were girls and men were men ♪

[ Archie ] ♪ girls were girls and men were men ♪

[ Archie ] ♪ girls were girls and men were men ♪

[ Archie ] ♪ girls were girls and men were men ♪

[ Archie ] ♪ guys like us we had it made ♪

[ Archie ] ♪ guys like us we had it made ♪

[ Archie ] ♪ guys like us we had it made ♪

[ Archie ] ♪ guys like us we had it made ♪

[ Archie ] ♪ guys like us we had it made ♪

[ Archie, Edith ] ♪ gee, our old lasalle ran great ♪

[ Archie, Edith ] ♪ gee, our old lasalle ran great ♪

[ Archie, Edith ] ♪ gee, our old lasalle ran great ♪

[ Archie, Edith ] ♪ gee, our old lasalle ran great ♪

[ Archie, Edith ] ♪ mister, we could use a man ♪

[ Archie, Edith ] ♪ mister, we could use a man ♪

[ Archie, Edith ] ♪ mister, we could use a man ♪

[ Archie, Edith ] ♪ mister, we could use a man ♪

[ Archie, Edith ] ♪ those were the days ♪

[ Archie, Edith ] ♪ those were the days ♪

[ Archie, Edith ] ♪ those were the days ♪

[ Archie, Edith ] ♪ those were the days ♪

[ bang ]

[ Bang ] Oh, you're breakin' up my whole concentration !

[ Barney ] Hit him in the belly !

[ Burps ]

[ Burps ]

[ Chortles ]

[ Chortling ]

[ Chortling ] You see what I mean ?

[ Chuckles ]

[ Chuckles ]

[ Chuckling ] Hey, kelcy. Put a head on this, will ya ?

[ Coughing ]

[ Door opens ] You finish your letter yet, daddy ?

[ Doorbell ringing ]

[ Doorbell rings ]

[ Doorbell rings ]

[ Doorbell rings ]

[ Doorbell rings ] There he is. I'll go.

[ Edith ] ♪ everybody pulled his weight ♪

[ Edith ] ♪ everybody pulled his weight ♪

[ Edith ] ♪ everybody pulled his weight ♪

[ Edith ] ♪ songs that made the hit parade ♪

[ Edith ] ♪ songs that made the hit parade ♪

[ Edith ] ♪ songs that made the hit parade ♪

[ Edith ] ♪ songs that made the hit parade ♪

[ Edith ] ♪ everybody pulled his weight ♪

[ Edith ] What do you want, bottle or can ?

[ Giggles ] Hi !

[ Giggling ] Do it again. I don't believe that.

[ Giggling ] Gloria.

[ Gloria ] Hiya, daddy. [ Mike ] Hi, arch.

[ Gloria ] I'll get the present.

[ Groans ]

[ Groans ] Oh. Oh, gee, Edith.

[ Imitating James cagney ] You want it ? You got it, baby.

[ Imitating John Wayne ] I'm afraid so, ma'am.

[ Kelcy ] Thanks for stoppin' by. That was some fight, huh ?

[ Laughing ] The point still is,

[ Man ] Ladies and gentlemen, from the east room of the white house,

[ Man chuckles ] [ Edith ] Come in.

[ Mike ] His father says they're doin' so well, they may open another store.

[ Moans ]

[ Mocking ] "That's right, daddy."

[ Mocking ] "What's he doing about it ?"

[ Shouts ] Oh, gee !

[ Sighs ] I beg him not to do...

[ Sighs ] Maybe he knows a good skin man.

[ Sighs ] Mom, anything interesting happen to you today ?

[ Sighs ] Oh, boy.

[ Steve ] Good shot ! Get those hands up !

[ Steve ] Good. How did the zoom lens work out ? Fantastic.

[ Steve ] Hit him with a left ! Move that left !

[ Steve ] Oh, yeah ? Wanda: How I became a woman.

[ Together ] ♪ happy anniversary to you happy anniversary to you ♪

[ together ] ♪ those were the days ♪

[ together ] ♪ those were the days ♪

[ together ] ♪ those were the days ♪

[ Tv announcer: Indistinct ]

[ Tv: Applause ]

[ Tv: President Nixon ] My fellow Americans,

[ With feeling ] "Dear Mr. president "

[ With feeling ] "Dear Mr. president,

♪ [ Continues ]

♪ [ Mike humming ]

♪ [ Resumes, finishes ]

♪ [ Stops ]

♪ and you knew where you were then ♪

♪ and you knew where you were then ♪

♪ and you knew where you were then ♪

♪ and you knew where you were then ♪

♪ Boy, the way Glenn Miller played ♪

♪ Boy, the way Glenn Miller played ♪

♪ Boy, the way Glenn Miller played ♪

♪ Boy, the way Glenn Miller played ♪

♪ da da ♪

♪ Da da ♪

♪ guys like us we had it made ♪

♪ guys like us we had it made ♪

♪ guys like us we had it made ♪

♪ happy anniversary dear mom and dad ♪ ♪ dear mom and daddy ♪

♪ happy anniversary to you ♪

♪ like Herbert hoover again ♪

♪ like Herbert hoover again ♪

♪ like Herbert hoover again ♪

♪ like Herbert hoover again ♪

♪ songs that made the hit parade ♪

♪ songs that made the hit parade ♪

♪ songs that made the hit parade ♪

♪ those were the days ♪

♪ those were the days ♪

♪ those were the days ♪

♪ those were the days ♪

♪Those were the days♪

$3,200. My !

♪ guys like us we had it made ♪

♪ songs that made the hit parade ♪