Louie - Season 1 Edit

A guy with.... A guy with kids?

A lot of people who think they're good people...

A man needs that.

Actually, I do. That's how that room works. I have a right to talk.

Actually, no, it wasn't. You were talking all night.

All right, come here.

All right, everyone on the bus and quiet down, okay?

All right, excuse me. How you doing? You look good, girl. My man, my man.

All right, good night.

All right, I get it. It sucks going out with me.

All right, kids, let's go. All right.

All right, listen up, eyes on me.

Always just gets me a little Sorry.

Am I ? Am I one of the ? I'll see you out there.

Am I ? Can I just ask you a question? Am I one of the ? Am I one of the ****?

And he goes, I'd have to just remove his whole snout...

And he personally called and wanted you to have this part.

And he said, Because your body gets full...

And he sounded exactly like you? Where is he?

And he, like, made his way home, and then he scratched on the door...

And here's the thing. The whole premise of my life is evil.

And I asked the vet I made the mistake of asking the vet:

And I could save hundreds of people from dying of starvation with that money...

And I don't know how you can think you're a good person...

And I feel like you just made me say that.

And I love them. Jesus, are you crying right now?

And I remember I'm holding the dog...

And I usually go for lunch and recess.

And I was like, What's that like? He goes, It's just a big pile of dead dogs.

And I was like, Why eat slower?

And I'm raising them, okay?

And it would break their hearts if they knew how much ice cream I keep in the house.

And it's just weird to tell someone that when you first meet them.

And it's not for them. I never give them ice cream.

And it's not her fault, she's outnumbered, 300 kids to one.

And it's your job to put up with it or learn how to deal with it at least.

And meanwhile, I'm in my car, boom, boom, pow, like, having a great time...

And my dog dies. And then I left him there because

And so the squirrel and the dog waited for the bus.

And so they waited for the bus and then an old woman came along...

And so, like, as an American...

And that's all they ever got to do.

And the dog's like, Are you shitting me right now?

And the guy goes, Just bring him over. I'm not doing anything. I'll kill him now.

And then they just die.

And then we realize we just gotta do it again.

And they And the glue is vicious...

And they can't do it, they can't open it.

And they just waited and they waited for the bus.

And they waited and waited. The bus must've been delayed...

And we'll You'll He can only eat with a straw...

And you gotta learn how to reenter society.

And you took that 15 minutes, the one Just picture this.

And you two switch seats. What are you doing?

And your mother's a whore.

And, oh, I would like a plastic bag because I have a lot of garbage.

And, uh....

And, you know, I appreciate everything you've done for me.

Another day Another day

Anybody? Oh, my God. I could like I could sue you.

Anyway, holy shit.

Anyway, I'm not.... I'm not gonna do that again.

Are the girls asleep?

Are we gonna hit that?

Are we gonna take 20 kids and walk through Harlem, look for a subway station?

Are you ?

Are you crying? No. Hi.

Are you gonna take that part in The Godfather?

Are you seriously crying because I'm not gonna sing?

Are you, um...? Are you in the Army or...?

Aww.

Be with somebody who's gonna care for you.

Because I just hate it, standing there in fake clothes and acting.

Because I'm in here.

Because it's depressing. It's just sad.

Because most people would never do that. Most people are polite...

Because she can't make any more **** with her ****.

Because you are a liar. Can I talk? Can I talk?

Because you're a **** and your mother is one and she had one.

Birds are like paintbrushes that make colors in the sky.

Boy, was that a shitty, Shitty night

But all the same

But I have two children, and that's the only thing I'm comfortable with in life anymore.

But this, you don't even have to read for it.

But try and respect other people's work.

But we're in Harlem.

But why don't you just ? You're lying to me.

But, uh....

But....

Can I ask you a question? Go ahead.

Can I do five minutes? Yeah.

Can I just tell you something? Yeah, sure.

Can I spend the night? Jesus.

Can you give me directions to where you are from the West Side Highway?

Can't you just, like, move on?

Carry me. If I carry you, you won't get stronger.

Chick with big boobs and we, you know, made out.

Christ, who's in there?

Come on, man. Damn.

Come on, now.

Come on, we going to a club, we going out? What's up?

Come on. I gotta take a big dump out here.

Come on. Where are we going?

Comedian.

Could somebody please stop These shitty, shitty nights

Countdown to sorrow with a puppy.

Cut, cut. Uh Cut it.

Daddy, can we go out to breakfast?

Daddy, my shoes don't fit anymore.

Daddy, this story is boring.

Daddy, this story is so boring that it's keeping me awake.

Daddy, where are we going? I'm taking you to your mom's house.

Daddy, where are we?

Daddy. Hey.

Did you just call me a C word? No, I called you a ****.

Do it like this, when Just say it.

Do something.

Do you ? How do you get ? Do you take the train here or ?

Do you have an anger problem? That wasn't me. That was somebody else.

Do you have any idea where we're going?

Do you have kids? What kind of a person are you?

Do you like your life?

Do you realize what you're teaching them?

Do you wanna sit for a minute? Sure.

Do you want to teach them that a good man just has nobody?

Does anybody have AIDS who ?

Does that mean nothing to you? You almost got everybody hurt.

Don't move, man. Give us the cash. Give us the cash.

Don't wear that shirt.

Drop it!

Every day, I make them die with my car.

Everybody gets to go home in their own limousine.

Everybody knows it's fake. Put the gun away, man.

Everybody tells you if you're on stage, you should also try to be in movies.

Everybody that works in the hospital that you were born at...

Excuse me? No, my

First of all, what a douche bag your body is...

For crying out loud, how are you? I'm okay.

Forget that. I don't want that soup anyway, it's too expensive.

Gandhi would be like, Shut up!

Get in the car, get in the car. Go, go, go, get in the car.

Get out of here. Shit.

Get up there, you idiot. We're gonna get huge if you don't tell him.

Give me a chance. If you're not gonna lie.

Go ahead and take your big dump. There you go.

Go ahead. Oh, my God.

Good morning, Daddy.

Good morning? It's 4:00 in the morning. Why are you guys...? Why are you awake?

Good night. Good night. Good night.

Good, good. I just don't want you to be alone.

Got a crowd in there? Pfft. Crowd's like 12 drunks.

Gotta do it again. Still got a tumor on his snout.

Gotta take him back.

Guys can get really weird about it.

Have you seen them or ? What do you mean?

He just walked There was thunder and lightning.

He loved you. You were his favorite client.

He was so happy he got that for you.

He's a boy. His name is Jack. He's 6 years old.

He's dead. Well Uh Oh. Oh.

He's like, Hey, asshole, what are you doing? My asshole's like:

Hello, is this the Bronx ? Is this the Bronx Botanical Garden?

Hello, yes?

Hello.

Help.

Here we go.

Hey, do you have cakey, doughnuty treat things?

Hey, do you have cakey, doughnuty treat things?

Hey, go to the Bronx.

Hey, guys. Oh, what's up, C.K.?

Hey, hey, hey, where are you going?

Hey, hi. Hey.

Hey, I'm really sorry about how it's going.

Hey, Joan, I'm sorry.

Hey, Karen.

Hey, Karen. Ahem. I got nowhere to go.

Hey, Laurie.

Hey, Laurie. Hey, you here to see Simon?

Hey, look, everyone, we're all gonna cry soon.

Hey, look. Some **** coming out of some ****.

Hey, man, can I hang out with you tonight?

Hey, man, what do you have to do to be a bus driver, nothing?

Hey, man. That woman was a nightmare in there.

Hey, man. What's up, bro?

Hey, maybe something nice will happen. You just don't

Hey, Simon. I got you a part in The Godfather.

Hey, so, what's the plan? I don't know.

Hey, Susan. Hey.

Hey, tit, what's up? Hanging out, what you doing?

Hey, uh, ahem....

Hey, what's up, ladies? How y'all doing? So where we going tonight?

Hey! What's up, dude? All right, what's up?

Hey. Hey, this is pretty great. We get to go on a trip, huh?

Hey. Hey.

Hey. Karen, wake up. Hi.

Hi, Daddy. Hey, honey.

Hi, hi, hi. Hey, Simon.

Hi, how you doing?

Hi. Hey.

Honestly, I think you should be ashamed of yourself. I really do.

Honey, shut your mouth right now.

How a bad night

How can you be so goddamn irresponsible when you're transporting children?

How dare you?

How do we get there?

How do you know you're not the next Tom Cruise?

How do you not know this? How?

How you doing? Good. Thank you for

How you doing? How's it going?

However many years ago you were born.

Hurry up, man, shoot him.

I I My God, you did not just say that.

I brought home us crying in a few years.

I came to you because I'm a comedian.

I did nothing tonight, and you were just gross and insulting.

I didn't Cut.

I didn't I meant that, um....

I didn't know it was fancy. Oh, no, no, no. Uh....

I didn't mean that.

I didn't mean to keep you up. No, I'm glad.

I didn't realize I was

I didn't....

I do, but, you know, I gotta say, it's really hard to get to know somebody

I don't care.

I don't cry like a little bitch because I can't open my milk.

I don't have anywhere to go, but I'll try.

I don't know anybody whose father died that I was to tell them.

I don't know, man.

I don't know.

I don't know. Why don't you go sit down somewhere?

I don't know. Yeah.

I don't like French toast. Well, sorry, that's what we're having.

I don't really have anywhere to go.

I don't understand. Please explain it to me.

I forgot to say it was your father. Yeah.

I get why somebody would be weird about it.

I go to my daughter's school to volunteer sometimes.

I got divorced about a year ago and it's kind of

I got nothing, man. What was that?

I got you a part. Heh, heh.

I had a few ideas.

I hate the Village. I hate it.

I have a kid.

I have all night, so.... Yeah? Okay.

I have to go to the bathroom. Oh, I do too.

I have to imagine your father's dead?

I have two little girls. Aww.

I just I deal with the stress better than they do.

I just am. I know I'm a good person...

I just don't like acting. I'm not good at it and I don't like it.

I just don't think I can take this on right now.

I just wanna stop their ceaseless joy for life...

I just.... I mean, I'd like to, you know, do this again.

I kind of forgot that I called you.

I know how to take care of a couple of kids.

I know it's not nice to say both those things in one sentence...

I know that if you smile at somebody and they smile back...

I know too much about life to have any optimism...

I know you think it's cute, but it's not. It's really It's a rotten thing to do.

I know, and I got you a part in it.

I know, I know. Thank you very much. Thanks a lot, babe.

I know, right? Okay, also, Mikey, you sit

I like you.

I live three blocks from here. I don't need this shit.

I love my kids, but at the end of the day, I got nothing left...

I mean, it was arranged. I didn't sneak out and leave my dog. We had no money.

I mean, that has just gotta be the dumbest...

I mean, what do you have, how old?

I mean, why are you being such a baby? Okay, look, let me ask you a question.

I remember I had a dog when I was a kid...

I said I'm coming.

I said unlike you.

I said yes!

I sang already for a half an hour, girls.

I thought it was all ****.

I thought it was the way I said your father's dead.

I use them for garbage and all that sort of

I volunteer not because I'm a good person but because you have to...

I wait till they're asleep...

I want the joy and challenge of ******* parenthood to end...

I want the joy and challenge of ******* parenthood to end...

I want to sleep. I just wanna stop them, I want it to stop.

I was home when the vet called and said:

I was like, Okay, well, should we make an appointment for a few weeks from ?

I was on a plane the other day and people on the plane

I will kill a bird in front of you.

I'll be just a minute, sorry.

I'll pay for this. I already ate half of it.

I'm 41 and I'm single.

I'm 42, I'm really good at masturbating.

I'm a father, all right? That's what matters to me.

I'm a man.

I'm a very nice person.

I'm actually 42. Yeah, I'm old.

I'm actually paid to talk in there and to say stuff and people laugh.

I'm divorced. I got two children. It's hard to start again after a marriage.

I'm glad you stunk.

I'm going out. Bye

I'm going to tell them that we're full.

I'm gonna do all my business elsewhere. I'm going to the big supermarket.

I'm gonna focus on that and raising my children.

I'm hungry.

I'm joking.

I'm just curious.

I'm like the best masturbator on the planet Earth.

I'm nice and I'm warm, and I know that I'm not being that right now...

I'm not better at it.

I'm not going to that club.

I'm not gonna sing a song. Just go to sleep. I'm tired.

I'm not singing.

I'm not very good at dating. Really? I think you're doing great.

I'm not wearing any clothing at all. Do you understand?

I'm putting darker kids in the window seats

I'm really sorry.

I'm sorry I needed a minute. Sorry, it just got weird out here.

I'm sorry if I'm not the Fonz all over the place.

I'm sorry, what did ? That wasn't good either?

I'm sorry?

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. No, cut. It's okay.

I'm too tired to walk. I know, but it's good for you.

I'm trying to be an actor.

I'm trying to put you to sleep, that's why it's boring.

I'm white, my kids are white...

I've been married for 10 years.

If I stub my toe, I know it immediately, and that's twice the distance.

If there's anywhere else you wanna go, I'm totally

If you buy a puppy, you're bringing it to your family, saying:

If you don't give a shit about yourself...

Infected vagina? Yeah.

Instead of, like, exclaiming it, just say it. Go ahead.

Is sit on the floor And get real high

Is that seriously how you're gonna say it? What?

Is that what you wanted to tell me? No.

Is that what's happening?

Is your father dead? Let's try again.

It doesn't matter that she's Jamaican, but it totally does...

It is. It is. You know why?

It just feels stupid.

It may not be a better one But it's another day

It may not be a good one Yeah

It takes 20 minutes before you know that you've already been full for 20 minutes.

It was crazy. Uh Partied and got drunk.

It was funny, unlike me. Yes. Yes, I did.

It was great. So thank you.

It's Why am I trying to impress you?

It's a big world, man.

It's a bummer?

It's getting there. It's getting there.

It's great.

It's hard to come back from that. But I am sorry. I don't I didn't

It's hard to really look at somebody and go:

It's hilarious...

It's huge.

It's important that they sleep, otherwise they're just pieces of shit the next day.

It's kind of weird, and I hope you don't mind that I haven't told you yet, it's just

It's like a restaurant. It's a disgusting amount of ice cream.

It's like being free, but on the other end of a long prison term.

It's like saying, I'm gonna be a cartoon dog with a jetpack.

It's mine.

It's my little brother's, man. It's a toy.

It's none of my business, but I can't just sit here and watch you waiting to die.

It's not fun to be single at 41. I was married for 10 years.

It's not quite that bad, but I definitely.... Here's the thing.

It's okay, you don't have to be sorry, just don't do it anymore.

It's okay. It's okay. It's okay. What is that?

It's okay. Take it easy, okay? I'm fine, I'm fine.

It's okay. Thanks.

It's really good food here. I'm sure it is.

It's too subtle an idea, a design, for a 7 year old to peel back the paper...

It's totally my fault...

It's true, everything that makes you happy is going to end at some point...

Jeremy and Maria, you switch seats too.

Jesus.

Jesus.

John and Lisa, switch seats.

Just Look, let's just start from scratch, okay?

Just find a seat near the front, okay? I'll be on in a minute. Hi, kids.

Just go. Okay, all right.

Just have fun.

Just shut your goddamn mouth!

Just take the West Side Highway and I'll find out.

Just tell me about your kids.

Just think about that for a second. Why was it just you?

Karen, hi. Hi.

Ladies, this is Louie C.K. He's gonna be hanging out with us tonight.

Last week, this can of soup was a dollar thirty, now you're asking $2.

Let me pay you like you've been here for a couple hours.

Let's go, let's go. Come on.

Let's go.

Let's go. Okay.

Let's just go, please, like, get out the door.

Let's try again.

Letting you live was medical malpractice.

Like one of those miraculous dogs you read about in Reader's Digest.

Like this?

Like, just bring him over now. Why wait? I'm not busy.

Like, let's get out here, okay? Okay, yeah.

Lilly, 9 years old, and Jane is 4.

Lisa, listen. You know, when you don't

Listen, I, uh

Listen, man, I know that I'm older and I don't really run at your speed and....

Listen, Simon Yeah, yeah, I know you.

Listen, Simon You're doing it!

Listen, Simon, I appreciate You're not saying no to this.

Listen, sit down, because I got incredible news.

Listen, you have a kid. That's great.

Live comedy, check it out.

Long time no see. I know, I just haven't been around.

Look at what I brought home.

Look, can you do me a favor?

Look, I....

Look, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Look, just Sir, go to Sir, can you just go uptown, okay?

Look, Karen, thank you, but I'm okay. I got the girls and I'm fine.

Look, maybe you don't like acting, that's not my business.

Look, uh....

Look, you're gonna show me, so just go ahead and do it.

Look, you're gonna show me, so just go ahead and do it.

Look, you're the one that said get on the West Side Highway.

Louie, Louie, Louie, Lou ah

Louie, Louie, Louie, Lou ah

Louie, Louie, Louie, Lou ah

Louie, Louie, Louie, Lou ah

Louie, Louie, Louie, Lou ah

Louie, Louie, Louie, Lou ah

Louie, Louie, Louie, Louie

Louie, Louie, Louie, Louie

Louie, Louie, Louie, Louie

Louie, Louie, Louie, Louie

Louie, Louie, Louie, Louie

Louie, Louie, Louie, Louie

Louie, Louie, Louie, Louie

Louie, Louie, Louie, Louie

Louie, Louie, Louie, Louie

Louie, Louie, Louie, Louie

Louie, Louie, Louie, Louie

Louie, Louie, Louie, Louie

Louie, Louie, Louie, Louie

Louie, Louie, Louie, Louie

Louie, Louie, Louie, Louie

Louie, Louie, you're gonna cry

Louie, Louie, you're gonna cry

Louie, Louie, you're gonna cry

Louie, Louie, you're gonna die

Louie, Louie, you're gonna die

Louie, Louie, you're gonna die

Man, I know the doorman. We get in real quick.

Man, you had a shot up till you did that last thing.

Matthew Broderick, who is starring and directing in this...

Maybe once a week, sometimes once a month.

Meet someone, you know?

Mine ain't real either.

Mmm. Oh, thank God.

Mommy doesn't make us French toast.

My daughter goes to a public school.

My God.

My life is really evil, like I

My mother's dead. Your mother's dead?

Never mind. Thanks anyway.

Nick's right. You gotta be like that.

No auditions, no acting.

No problem. Do you know where we're going yet?

No, I can't. I really can't...

No, I think We'll go again. We'll go again.

No, I'm gonna go if you can.

No, let's just go again. We'll go again. Okay.

No, listen, I'm sorry. I'm really

No, no, no. Come back, come back.

No, no, no. He It was a long time ago, he died.

No, no, no. It's okay, it's okay.

No, sing a song. I'm not gonna sing.

No, sing.

No, that's why I wanna tell you what I'm going to tell you.

No, well, look. Look, you're telling me that my father is dead.

No.

No. Okay.

Nobody cares about Mike. Okay, whatever, it was funny.

Nobody cares about your friend Mike. Okay.

Not really single, just alone.

Not really.

Now the night is over Bring back the sky

Now, I'm not saying that I'm gonna carve my name on a beam and hang myself.

Of course you have to buy a lot.

Oh, cut.

Oh, don't say that. No, it's okay, I'm just not good at it.

Oh, hi, hi. Nice to meet you.

Oh, how come? I don't know, I'm not a good actor.

Oh, I didn't know because you only used the first three letters.

Oh, I'm sorry. I was just talking to the door.

Oh, Jesus.

Oh, Jesus.

Oh, let me All right.

Oh, Louie.

Oh, man, we got a flat. I gotta pull over.

Oh, my God, get over yourself.

Oh, my God, you get out of here. Shit.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Seriously?

Oh, my God. That was great.

Oh, okay, sorry.

Oh, shit, that's right.

Oh, shit, that's right.

Oh, shit.

Oh, shit.

Oh, shit.

Oh, thanks.

Oh, there's somebody in there.

Oh, well, excuse me.

Oh, yeah, well, I don't go out for the acting much anymore.

Oh, yeah, yeah. I saw you on one of those late night shows. You're really funny.

Okay, can you please stop smiling the exact same way...

Okay, he's finishing up a conference call.

Okay, here's what we're gonna do. Uh....

Okay, how do you get there?

Okay, I'm really sorry. It's okay, don't say you're sorry.

Okay, let's go again. We'll go again. Okay? I'm sorry.

Okay, okay. It's okay.

Okay, that's not even funny. It's not?

Okay, we're back. Awesome.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay. I'll see you later, okay?

Okay. Jesus.

Okay. Okay, thank you.

Or you'll date for a long time, she'll have sex with your friend...

Or you'll get married and it won't work out.

Or you'll meet the perfect person, who you love infinitely...

Pardon me. Get by you. Sorry about that.

People come to shows and talk, that's what they do.

Pig, pig, pig, pig.

Pig.

Pig.

Pig.

Please give me another day

Please just get out of here and try to get laid.

Please, go ahead.

Please. Just go to sleep.

Please. No, you have to get to sleep.

Pretend my father's dead.

Put it in a bottle. I don't know why we're doing it. It's torture.

Putting the kids to bed is torture.

Really, 6 years old? Yeah.

Really?

Really? We just got you those. I know.

Really? Yeah.

Remember that, you redheaded nobody piece of shit.

Right. I never did that before.

Say it Say it Instead of at me, say it to yourself this time.

See the bad nights

Seriously.

Seriously.

She wasn't aggressive at first, but she's getting encouraged and it's building.

She will not stop. The whole night she's been yelling stuff?

She'd probably pay for the drink too.

Shh. It's supposed to be boring.

Shit.

Shit. She was about to feel bad.

Simon You're doing it!

Simon, look, I

Simon?

Simon?

Simon?

Sing a song, Daddy.

Sing.

Sir, do you know that it's illegal to take a bus on this road?

Sir, it's illegal to take a bus on that highway.

So do I. I'd love to see you again. Yeah.

So great. Thanks, here you go. And sorry that I'm late.

So I bring the dog to the vet.

So I just thought I could use the night out. It's funny, I just forgot.

So I think you should just kill him. That's what I recommend.

So it's like they just give you your old suit back...

So listen, I have something that I think I should tell you.

So my job as a volunteer is to stand there, near my daughter so I can be with her...

So pack it all up. Give me a lot of plastic bags.

So that's why it's hard to start dating, you know?

So they can't do it, so they raise their hand, and I do it for them.

So where you wanna go?

So you have kids, right?

So you must be a bad person. No, I'm not.

So you wanna hang out with the brothers so you can get some pussy, huh?

So, Matthew, this is Louie C. K. Hi.

So, what, kindergarten, first grade? First grade.

So....

Some help you were. Lousy cop.

Somebody bought the rights again and they're making another Godfather...

Sorry, come on

Sorry, I

Sorry.

Sorry.

Sorry.

Tell me about your kids.

Thank you.

Thanks again, it's really You look really nice.

Thanks for helping me today. No problem.

Thanks. Thank you.

Thanks. Yeah.

That Wow.

That could put their dick in her face and get her started on that?

That don't work You can't sit back

That happened to Mike the other day.

That is weird.

That night, and I remember it was raining...

That was totally uncalled for.

That wasn't good, right? No.

That's a good one.

That's a great age.

That's a malignant tumor. He's gotta go. I was like, Can we fix it?

That's exactly what happened. Thank you very much.

That's good. All right, awesome, come on.

That's horrible, that's offensive.

That's how my asshole talks.

That's kind of why I was saying we should go to the Village.

That's nice, because you're telling me in the middle of the date.

That's okay.

That's okay. So, what is it, are you nervous?

That's pretty good.

That's really evil.

That's really neg.

That's really weird, because, you know, you wouldn't even exist...

That's right, it's mine.

That's right.

That's right. You're right. That's what happened.

That's such a great time.

That's the best case scenario, is that you're gonna lose your best friend...

That's the hardest thing in the world to do. They don't wanna sleep.

That's what A good person wouldn't do that.

That's what happens.

That's what I do.

That's what I'm gonna do.

That's when they really need grown ups, is for lunch...

That's who I am. I'm a real man.

That's why it's....

That's why you say, Your father's dead.

The doctor said she's got a pretty angry infection, ahem...

The kind of night Where you wish

The one 15 minutes that they would've had that they would have enjoyed...

The one who looked like the Fox News anchor?

The ones who'll see The bad nights till the end

The only good part of their lives is the 15 minutes that they get to be on stage.

The only good part of their lives is the 15 minutes that they get to be on stage.

The other night, I was like, They're asleep. Then I hear, Daddy?

The parade of stupid **** you were a float in.

The same way, just declare, saying it.

Their days are shit.

Then he goes off, I'm not going yet, and goes down to my asshole.

Then why were you the only one participating?

There are people who are starving in the world, and I drive an Infiniti.

There are people who just starve to death. That's all they ever did.

There is nobody better at that than me, so I'm gonna continue to excel at that.

There was a time When all we'd do

There we go. Oh, God.

There's an Israeli couple making out in the back.

There's just nobody there.

There's nothing else really around here.

There's people who are born and they go, Oh, I'm hungry.

These guys, comedians, me, these guys don't have a life.

They can't do it...

They don't give you guys real guns?

They don't have many friends, they don't have families. They have this.

They give you about $8 and drop you off at the bus station.

They have 300 kids eating...

They have no interest in going to sleep.

They won't fall asleep. They say all sorts of cool stuff at night...

They're my girls.

This My Just my dad died.

This is all they have.

This is my home.

This is not a no. I told them you're doing it.

This is really funny because I have something to tell you too.

This is supposed to be a business with set prices.

This isn't funny, but I had an idea that you'd be good at it.

Those are the three.

Those guys know how to get laid.

To be an actor, the odds are so low that

Totally. Good.

Turn to day

Turns to day

Uh You were right, I really needed to get out.

Uh huh. All right, kids, new field trip.

Uh, Harlem.

Uh, I don't know, I just I thought we'd just wing it.

Uh, okay, kids, here's what's going on. We have a flat tire.

Uh....

Usually, they need help opening a milk, because they can't open their milks.

Violet? Violet?

Wanna do some time?

Was that real? Did you believe it? Yeah, that was good.

Wasn't your first And it wasn't your worst

Watch how they go after these chicks. It's unbelievable.

We are going to get off the bus...

We don't have to do that. I don't care. It's fine.

We gonna find you something. All right.

We got you. Thank you.

We have, like, reunions for the funeral.

We put it in this envelope...

We'll go again. Okay.

We're going to the Bronx Botanical Gardens.

We're gonna move on and we'll come back and shoot your scene.

We're moving, we're moving! This is fun.

Well You're not.

Well, how do you tell somebody something like that?

Well, I guess I thought you....

Well, I mean, look, really, I'm telling you now...

Well, I was participating. I'm allowed to participate.

Well, I, uh I have two kids.

Well, I'll get you some this week or Mom will get you some this weekend.

Well, I'm not gonna be long.

Well, if you understand, please don't be yelling in the hallway.

Well, if you understand, please don't be yelling in the hallway.

Well, listen, I, uh.... I guess....

Well, my Ha, ha. My friend, that happened to him too.

Well, no, my friend Mike Hey, nobody cares about your friend Mike.

Well, please keep it down out here, because I'm not wearing any clothing...

Well, the little one, she's 4, and she's pretty crazy.

Well, then tell me. Do you always have to interrupt me?

Well, why do you care?

Well, you may have to call them back. No.

Well....

Well.... Oh.

Went to the doctor today. It turns out she's got an infected vagina.

What are you doing?

What are you gonna do with my dog? He said, He just goes in a mass grave.

What are you wearing? Where are we going?

What are you? Who are you? What's your contribution?

What happened to the parade?

What is this message doing that it's ? It, like, stops at my tit:

What is this, a cab? We're The Bronx Botanical Gardens.

What is your plan here? I don't know.

What parade?

What the hell is that?

What then?

What was funny? Unlike you. Ha, ha.

What you doing?

What, do you make it up as you go along?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What?

What? Violet?

What? Can you please just die of AIDS?

What? Do you know where we're going yet?

What? Hi, could you stop talking?

What? It's really negative.

What? Just go.